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Monday, November 26, 2007
‘Curvy Widow’ @ Alliance Theatre
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
THEATER REVIEW. Grade: D
In Bobby Goldman’s “Curvy Widow,” Cybill Shepherd is so immaculately coiffed that it looks like every one of her lovely blonde curls has its own personal stylist. (Come to think of it, perhaps it does.)
The point is, the 57-year-old former beauty queen and world- famous film star looks fantastic.
If only she could wield as much control over the text of this one-woman show as she does those golden locks.
The problem with Goldman’s rambling, 90-minute one act on Internet dating, which had its world premiere Sunday night at the Alliance Theatre, is that it has so darn many words, and Shepherd can’t get them out of mouth without flubbing them.
Perhaps it was opening night jitters. But in my six years of reviewing theater for this newspaper, I have never seen a performance as embarrassing and painful to watch as this.
Shepherd’s unfortunate performance brings to mind Julia Roberts’ unhappy Broadway debut last year, and an infamous stock production of “The Women” in which former glamour queen Gloria Swanson kept forgetting her lines.
Bashing film stars who dare to trod the boards has become the contemporary world’s answer to gladiator sports. It’s the easy way out, and I’m not interested in going there. All that said, you’d have to be a sadist to take pleasure in “Curvy Widow.”
Though Shepherd tried to recover from her first lapse by turning up the megawatt smile and ditzy charm, she also drew attention to her panic by snapping out of character.
All this made me wonder if a better actress could redeem Goldman’s autobiographical play. Maybe someone who could give the words natural inflection, instead of sounding as if she were reading from a teleprompter.
Like her character, Goldman married a man more than 20 years her senior and became a widow in her mid-’50s. She also ran a successful business and had trouble finding love because men found her to be so smart, quirky and intimidating.
Dating 65 guys in four months is laden with comic potential. It’s also a well-trod storytelling device that’s provided the grist for everything from Helen Gurley Brown’s “Sex and the Single Girl” to Theresa Rebeck’s “Bad Dates.”
In having her character hopscotch from homes in New York and Vero Beach, Fla., and trade her pink Chanel for black Armani, Goldman strings together a bunch of zingy one liners (“Maybe golf removes the penis”) but offers precious little insight on the themes of modern love and self-reliance.
And neither director Scott Schwartz (Broadway’s “Golda’s Balcony”) nor his New York-based creative team can smooth out the rough spots with their technological gimmickry. Though David C. Woolard’s set and costumes are elegant, Sten Severson and Mark Bennett’s sound design is tired and predictable, and Michael Clark’s projections provide the nifty trick of zipping us from one scene to the next - yet often to garish effect.
It should be pointed out that though the Alliance provided a home for this show and helped its commercial producers get it up and running, it’s not a part of the theater’s regular season.
“Curvy Widow” is a vanity project which proves that if you throw enough money at something, you can get it produced. For the right price, you can also get a big name star. But if she can’t say the words, why bother?
THE 411: Through Dec. 16. $50-$75. Alliance Theatre, Hertz Stage, Woodruff Arts Center, 1280 Peachtree St., Midtown. 404-733-5000, www.alliancetheatre.org.
BOTTOM LINE: Shepherd is hopelessly lost in this mediocre play.
