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Don’t try to grab students with serious snoozefest
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
I teach at a small community/technical college. I wanted to start a film series, so I polled my fellow faculty members and asked them this question: What films do you believe your students should see before they leave college?
The 10 films receiving the most votes, and thus becoming the first film series, were: “The Mission,” “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?,” “Schindler’s List,” “Duck Soup,” “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life,” “Rear Window,” “Twelve Angry Men,” “Saving Private Ryan,” “The Wizard of Oz” and “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”
I launched the film series. The students stayed away in droves. I had to cancel mid-way through.
I’d like to try again. And so I turn to you.
Why do you think these films were snakebitten? What would you suggest for a film series at a small, two-year college?
PATRICK SPRADLIN, Brainerd, Minn.
Dear Ya, Sure, Ya Betcha,
Why do you think Hollywood turns out mountains of pure cinematic drivel?
It is because, quite simply, it is the kind of material that will lure in young minds.
What you have here is a failure to communicate.
Perhaps you trusted that college students were interested in learning something new.
Think of it this way. You, a fine young college student, finally ask the school’s most beautiful coed for a date. You say, “Hey, let’s go see a long movie about 18th-century Jesuits hacking their way through the jungles of South America.”
And you are then shocked when she says she simply must stay in her dorm room that night to wash her hair?
If you are going to book something as dense as “The Mission,” at least be prepared to put up signs that read “FILM SERIES. FREE BEER.”
I might suggest that you try not only to educate your otherwise occupied students but to imagine what might be their personal interests and work from that to attain a crowd.
Here are 10 films to consider …and why:
“Hard Candy” (2005). Before she made “Juno,” Ellen Page performed admirably in a hard-hitting revenge drama involving a pedophile (Patrick Wilson). It’s tough as nails and can spark a lively post-screening discussion.
“Monster’s Ball” (2001). Not because it’s an important and interesting movie (which it is) but because you will market it by playing up the facts that the late Heath Ledger co-stars and that it’s directed by Marc Forster, whose latest film is the upcoming James Bond thriller “Quantum of Solace.”
“Eraserhead” (1977). College is the time of life to watch David Lynch. And this is the definitive Lynchian mind-blower.
“Napoleon Dynamite” (2004). Don’t forget to hold a “Tina, come get some ham!” eating contest.
“The Descent” (2006). Who cares that it’s only two years old. It’s a fine horror film. Take a hint from William Castle’s playbook. Require moviegoers to chain one leg to a chair and make promotional signs that read, “So much scarier than ‘Saw’ you will cut your foot off to get out alive!”
“Go” (1999). The marketing plan: “See Katie Holmes before she was abducted!”
“The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (2001), “Two Towers” (2002) and The Return of the King” (2003). Be smart. Show the extended versions. Do it in a marathon. Anybody who makes it all the way through all three films gets an “A” in the college course of their choice.
“Suicide Club” (2002). Every festival needs a foreign film. This cult favorite from Japan begins with 54 giggling teenage schoolgirls jumping in unison toward a speeding subway train. Blood, gore and smart filmmaking ensue.
You can thank me later.
ALAN
Dear Mr. Smithee,
When I was 7 or 8 years old — a wee one, as it were — I went to a movie with friends and a parent that caused me to go rushing out of the theater in tears. It would have been 1958 or ‘59 and the bit that drove me bonkers was a riot in a Chinese prison. Lots of hacking with swords and the like.
I know it’s not much to go on, but I trust in your all-knowingness.
BARRY McCORMICK, Powder Springs
Dear Once Wee,
I have six words for you: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness.”
ALAN
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Do you watch movies online?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Most people I know often talk about what’s in their Netflix queue. Which means they’re mailed a movie on a disc and after watching it they mail it back.
Jaman.com appears to be a lot easier. Join and you can watch a lot of movies online for free or rent them for $1.99 and watch them online. (The free films — like the vampire classic “Nosferatu” — usually come with ads).
Netflix’s library is huge. Jaman’s is still kind of itty bitty. Most popular movies on Jaman.com right now are “The Bank Job,” “The Eye,” “Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman,” “Killing Zoe” and “Witless Protection.”
Among other films available: “Requiem for a Dream,” “Grease” and “Reservoir Dogs.” And there are Bollywood movies, too.
Do you watch movies online?
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Jonas Brother graduates high school … in Atlanta!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Joe Jonas of the ubiquitous Jonas Brothers got a special treat during the group’s Atlanta concert this week. He graduated from high school! With a cap, a gown and a tribute from his tutor.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Watch and enjoy.
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An answer to the unanswerable? I’m your man
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
I thoroughly enjoy your column and wondered if you had ever had a question you couldn’t answer?
If not, I may be the first to stump you.
I am looking for someone who can tell me the episode of Cirque du Soleil in which the man does the balancing act where he uses a stool and climbs up them one by one.
I have asked anyone and everyone and no one knows the answer.
JAMES CARROLL, Tucker
Dear You Get Served,
I am not anyone! I am not an animal! I am a human being!
If there is a question I couldn’t answer, it’s never been put to print. Yours included, my friend.
I certainly recall the early days of Cirque du Soleil’s visits to the fair Atlanta. I don’t know where your tickets landed you, but at one such performance to which I took my once-wee son, Cecil B., our seats were situated next to R.E.M bassist Mike Mills.
With certainty, I believe you meant to employ the word “chairs” instead of referring to stools, which would make the balancing performer Vassily Demenchoukova. The “episode” would be “Nouvelle Experience.”
Vous etes tres bienvenue.
ALAN
P.S. You get a lineup of “Tropic Thunder” bobbleheads.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
What do you consider the best and worst all-time movie accents?
Two very believable ones that come to my mind are Renee Zellweger in “Bridget Jones’s Diary” and Albert Finney in “Big Fish.” Their performances are all the more remarkable because Zellweger is a Texas native pulling off a fine English dialect and Finney is from England, accomplishing an impeccable Southern drawl.
On the other hand, as much as I tried to accept Jodie Foster’s character in “Silence of the Lambs,” her West Virginia affectation left a lot to be desired. I could never shake the notion I was watching an actor acting.
PAUL RIDLEY, Minneapolis
Dear Let’s Put Him in a Pot,
I could listen all day to Helen Mirren uttering guttural English of yore in “Excalibur.”
Cate Blanchett as Kate Hepburn in “The Aviator” was, I thought, excruciating.
I know what I like: Viggo Mortensen and Vincent Cassel in “Eastern Promises.” (What was so unusual was watching Cassel, an extremely French-looking guy playing a Russian-sounding character). Also, Meryl Streep in “Sophie’s Choice” and “Out of Africa.”
I know what was horrid: Kevin Costner in “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.”
ALAN
P.S. You get shirts for “Juno” and “Prince Caspian.”
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Has there ever been a film made in “real time”? In other words, a film that only portrays a 90-minute or two-hour time span?
ED BOSTICK, Cartersville
Dear Clockwatcher,
Two hours? How about sitting longer than that.
Andy Warhol’s 1963 silent wonder “Sleep” consists of John Giorno napping for more than five hours.
But you are looking for something with a plot. I would suggest Mike Figgis’ “Timecode” (2000). For more than 90 minutes, four cameras, each in a single take, follow four separate storylines that eventually converge. The screen is divided into four quadrants.
A better film is Aleksandr Sokurov’s “Russian Ark” (2002), which, for more than 90 minutes and in a single take, explores 33 rooms in the Russian State Hermitage Museum and 300 years of history while involving some 2,000 cast members.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Lucky You” shirt and a “Almost Famous” room key.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
After you print an apology for omitting “A Fish Called Wanda” from your (recently reprinted 2006) comedies list, I will resume my readership. Admittedly, I’m still stuck on the quandary — how will I know?
SANDY SCHUMAN, West Palm Beach, Fla.
Dear In Need of Advice,
Do not hold your breath.
ALAN
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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Who has not yet seen the Batman?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
By now, everybody’s seen “The Dark Knight.” Right?
After all, this week the Batman film surpassed “Star Wars” as the No. 2 box office film of all time in North America. (“Dark Knight” has taken in more than $473 million so far; “Star Wars” earned more than $460 million).
But, no. Last night, two guys near me at the bar in Wisteria talked about making plans to finally see “The Dark Knight.”
They also hadn’t seen “Tropic Thunder” or “Pineapple Express.”
How long does it take you to see the big movies? Do you always go on the first weekend … or to late-night opening screenings? Or do you wait for the DVD?
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Dakota Fanning’s dance with the ‘devil music’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
What has happened to Georgia’s little girl?
Former Conyers resident Dakota Fanning (she turned 14 this year) used to star in big-screen versions of children’s classics (like “Charlotte’s Web”) or feel-good horse movies (like “Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story”).
Sept. 19 will now bring the debut in metro Atlanta and a few other markets of her latest and quite controversial drama “Hounddog,” in which the young actress’ character, a precocious Southern girl and Elvis Presley fanatic, is raped.
The film’s distributor — Empire Film Group — is expecting a rating of PG-13, which underscores the fact that the bulk of the sexual assault is suggested and not actually shown.
“Hounddog” was completed when Fanning was 12 and debuted at Sundance in 2007. Several critics immediately pounced on the film.
Salon.com’s Andrew O’Hehir wrote bluntly, “I’m astonished that anyone would try to pass this movie off as artistically or socially meaningful.” Variety’s Todd McCarthy called it “an indigestible gumbo of Southern Gothic ingredients seasoned with snake oil, biblical hash and thoroughly unpalatable spice.”
Set in the 1950s, the film is steeped in the poor, rural commonalities of torn wallpaper, ratty hair, crickets, cicadas and rain pounding on a tin roof.
Fanning sings parts of several songs, including “Hound Dog,” “Heartbreak Hotel” and “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”
Her co-stars comprise a list of formidable names, including multiple Oscar nominee Piper Laurie as her grandmother (she spouts lines like “Stop that devil music!”), David Morse as her father (his character is struck by lightning and, in at least one later scene, staggers around in the nude), and Atlanta actor Afemo Omilami as her protector (his advice: “There’s more to fill up that emptiness than Elvis.”).
One bit of caution: the film is replete with snakes. They crawl all over Fanning, symbolizing her character’s choked spirit.
Will you go see “Hounddog”?
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Alan Ball’s next film: Sex, lies and the American landscape
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Since leaving the family home in Marietta in the late 1970s, writer-director Alan Ball has won an Oscar for “American Beauty” and an Emmy for “Six Feet Under.”
Ball is poised to hog the small and big screen again soon.
Early next month will bring the debut of his HBO series, “True Blood,” about a mind-reading barmaid (Oscar winner Anna Paquin) and the emergence of vampires.
Also in September comes the big-screen “Towelhead,” a devastating look at modern suburban life through the eyes of a 13-year-old Arab-American girl.
Moviegoers should fasten their seatbelts. Based on Alicia Erian’s biting novel, “Towelhead” is a bumpy, nervy ride, diving deep into sexual awakening, verbal and physical abuse and overt racism in the days of the first Gulf War.
Set mostly in suburban Houston, “Towelhead’s” challenging drama is immersed in patriotic flagpoles, pink wallpaper, frilly pillows and stacks of porn mags.
The film debuts in limited release on Sept. 12. It is expected to arrive in metro Atlanta on Sept. 19. Here’s what moviegoers will likely be talking about:
The sex. Thirteen-year-old Jasira (Summer Bishil) has dreams of frolicking with Playboy bunnies, discovers orgasms and remains constantly and innocently confused about moral choices, especially since nearly every adult around her is psychologically needy, emotionally challenged or an outright sexual predator. The sex in the film is rarely graphic, but it packs emotional wallops.
The girl. Jasira is played by 20-year-old Summer Bishil, a mixed race actress who in October will co-star with Harrison Ford, Sean Penn and Ashley Judd in the immigration drama “Crossing Over.”
The co-stars. Maria Bello portrays Jasira’s overtly needy mother (think Annette Bening in “American Beauty”). Aaron Eckhart is Jasira’s predatory neighbor. Peter Macdissi (“Six Feet Under”) is her father, who displays deep anger issues. Oscar nominee Toni Collette plays a pregnant neighbor and one of the film’s few positive adult role models.
The abuse. It comes in waves of hateful or controlling words, physical punishment (Jasira’s father sometimes slaps her face or spits on her) and sexual abuse.
Strangely, the day “Towelhead” arrives in metro Atlanta also marks the expected debut of Dakota Fanning’s “Hounddog,” the controversial drama involving the sexual abuse of a 12-year-old Elvis Presley fan.
Will you go see “Towelhead”?
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There’s a good reason why it’s called a ‘trailer’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Can you tell me when and why previews became trailers?
This really doesn’t make any sense to me. A preview means to see before, to show or view in advance. This is a perfectly good and descriptive word for the short looks at upcoming films.
A trailer is a non-automotive vehicle usually pulled behind something.
This word makes no sense in describing the short “preview” of an upcoming film.
This makes me crazy!!!
BETTY WINN, Watkinsville
Dear Make Some Lemonade,
You know what makes me crazy?
How some theaters don’t turn down the houselights during trailers. And how some moviegoers incessantly blab about their putrid troubles all during the trailers.
And how I don’t like to watch trailers anyway because I want to enter the opening of a film like a newborn to the world.
But there is method to Hollywood’s unmistakable madness.
That is that, in days of yore, your precious preview was a postview.
Scenes of upcoming films were screened after a full movie had played. That’s where the tag “trailer” emerged. The first trailer apparently appeared in November 1913.
It didn’t take Hollywood geniuses long to discover that audiences would get up and leave once the movie was done. So no one was really watching their trailers.
So they invented the incessant “preview,” which is a trailer that is no longer shown after a full movie but before it.
ALAN
P.S. You get a DVD of the trailer for “Burn After Reading” and a healthy can of Booty Sweat commemorating “Tropic Thunder.”
Dear Mr. Smithee,
I heard a story on NPR this week about the development of some new invisibility technology, and it put me in mind of an old movie I saw once. I can’t remember the title or the plot, but I do remember a woman in an invisible bikini.
My father insists that this see-through swimwear is featured in an episode of “Scooby-Doo,” and my brother says Im totally making it up.
What say you, Oh Powerful and All-Knowing Cineaste?
EMILY-ROSE GUILLEBEAU, Athens
Dear All Seeing,
I have written about this movie before.
But I so appreciate giving respectful individuals the opportunity to properly put their family members into place that I will gladly repeat myself.
I am recalling when one Mr. Smithee, being at the time an alert wee lad, was ecstatic at the prospect of seeing the 1966 film “The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini.”
Imagine my dismay at discovering that not only was the bikini a peek-a-boo see-through, but so was the flesh of the ghostly lass that would otherwise be peeked at.
Darn that Hollywood.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Bee Movie” bag and a can of Booty Sweat commemorating “Tropic Thunder.”
THE READERS WRITE
Several astute Smithee readers took their valuable time to comment on my recent selections of some of the best screen entrances in history, especially Omar Sharif’s in “Lawrence of Arabia.”
Here are a few excerpts:
From Steven Killen of St. Paul, Minn.: A great entrance that can’t be overlooked is from “Star Wars” when Darth Vader first appears amid the smoke of blaster fire when the Imperial cruiser takes the rebel ship. The long, flowing cape, the black helmet and armor, the sound of his iron lung and, of course, the voice of James Earl Jones make it memorable.
From Marvin Potter of Delray Beach, Fla.: How do you rate Orson Welles in “The Third Man”? If not the best, it has to be among the best.
From Alice Wernimont Bodnar of St. Paul, Minn: I find, to my dismay, that I must question your response regarding the greatest screen entrances. Certainly Omar Sharif’s ranks up there, but how to explain no mention of Katharine Hepburn’s voice-from-the-heavens elevator entrance in “Suddenly Last Summer”?
My humble response: Those are all great, too. And I thought of each of them. But I didn’t include them in my list then and won’t do so now. I like mine better.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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‘Half-Blood Prince’ delayed till July 2009
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Hold onto your wizard’s hat. The next Harry Potter movie just got bumped to 2009.
Warner Bros. has officially moved “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” from Nov. 11 to July 17, 2009.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, the studio is blaming the move in part on the writers strike, which created a limited number of big releases, especially for summer 2009.
How disappointed are you that you’ll have to wait a year to see the latest Harry Potter movie?
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What’s your favorite ‘Mamma Mia!’ song?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Let me reiterate something extremely important: I DID NOT like the movie “Mamma Mia!”
If I recall correctly, the words I used to qualify the film were as follows: “I wanted to gouge my eyes out.”
But I do, I do, I do, I do, I do appreciate ABBA songs. The girls in the group were gorgeous and knockout singers.
On Wednesday, the “Mamma Mia!” soundtrack, fueled by all those great ABBA songs sung by movie stars, rose to No. 1 on the U.S. album chart.
In the film, I especially liked the songs in which Pierce Brosnan is not calling to his dead cat.
Here are the songs (in no particular order) I liked best: “I Have a Dream,” “Dancing Queen,” “SOS” (but only when Meryl Streep is singing) and “The Winner Takes It All.”
What are your favorite ABBA songs from the movie?
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Dear Alan Smithee, You obviously have the enrollees at your institution confused with persons paying tuition for the opportunity to stretch their horizons. Silly man. It’s a job- training mill — not to be confused with anything remotely... read the full comment by CommonSenseRules | Comment on Don't try to grab students with serious snoozefest Read Don't try to grab students with serious snoozefest
Lemme just say that The Dark Knight is not your typical Batman. Heath Ledger’s Joker totally obliterated all thoughts and memories of Jack Nicholson’s. TDK is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. If you don’t see it in the theater,... read the full comment by Jade the Joker | Comment on Who has not yet seen the Batman? Read Who has not yet seen the Batman?
I’ve watched a few on Netflix when I was traveling, it was ok. Not the 1st thing I do when I get back to the hotel.... read the full comment by Reiux | Comment on Do you watch movies online? Read Do you watch movies online?
deltrboc... read the full comment by pasacboa | Comment on An answer to the unanswerable? I'm your man Read An answer to the unanswerable? I'm your man