Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2006 > August
August 2006
Can a film be any more fun?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s been a semi-lame summer at the movies, you know? A lot of “Superman Returns” played like a chick flick, with some flying scenes thrown in every now and then to keep us guys awake. Plus it went on for what felt like six hours — kinda like the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel. “X-Men: The Last Stand” killed off way too many of its mutant heroes. And I’ve still got half a migraine from having to sit through “Lady in the Water.”
But here’s the good news! The summer winds down with one of the best movies of the year. You know I’m talking about “Snakes on a Plane.”
Yeah, there’s been Internet buzz on this baby for what seems like years. But for once the movie itself lives up to all the hype — at least, if you love movies that give you exactly what you want. You know, like people screaming, blood flying, a hot chick getting naked in an airplane bathroom, and Samuel L. Jackson getting totally [irate] and cussing his [posterior] off.
Sam plays an FBI agent that takes this surfer dude named Sean (Nathan Phillips) into protective custody after Sean accidentally sees a Hawaiian crime lord kill some guy with a baseball bat. Just before his head gets pulped like a melon, that guy yells, “[Fornicate] you, Eddie Kim.” And that’s real helpful, because otherwise Sean would never know the killer’s full name. Then his life wouldn’t be in danger from that very same Eddie Kim, and there wouldn’t be a single [darned] snake smuggled on that [darned] plane, much less the gazillion or so [extremely darned] snakes that end up on it.
That’s because Sam and Sean are flying to L.A. for Sean to testify against Eddie Kim. And while the security guards are checking to make sure nobody has lip gloss or a Gatorade in their carry-on bags, they totally miss a ton or so of slithery, fanged, venomous fun hidden by Eddie Kim’s goons down in the cargo hold.
And to make sure the little monsters are worked up into a killer frenzy, they’re dosed with a chemical that turns them into “snakes on crack.” When they get loose among the passengers, the plane turns into a boa buffet in the sky.
So who’s on the menu? A fat lady drinking from a flask. Two little boys flying on their own. A super-nervous man and his new wife. And this snobby old guy who you hope is gonna be killed in an extremely gross and super-satisfying way.
There’s also a rich blonde with a little yappy dog in her purse that finds out she’s been bumped from first class to coach and says, “Is it safe there?”
The blonde says it, I mean. Not the dog. The dog just yaps. And, of COURSE, it’s not safe in coach, because there wouldn’t be a movie if it was. (Oh, and you hope the little yappy dog will die in an extremely gross and super-satisfying way, just like the snobby old guy.)
There’s also a passenger who’s a rap star named Three G’s, famous for his hit song “Booty Go Thump,” which I am sad to report is not included on the official movie soundtrack.
Anyway, the plane goes up, the snakes get out, and hell breaks loose in just the ways you want. A snake bites somebody’s eye socket. A snake bites some guy’s [manhood] while he’s taking a whizz in the bathroom. A snake bites the mile-high-club couple in another bathroom. A snake climbs down somebody’s throat and up somebody’s dress and through the plane’s wires and circuit boards, shorting things out and making it look like the plane is about to go down “faster than a Thai hooker,” as the pilot puts it. And that, my friends, is fast …
All the way through the movie Sam Jackson is taking charge and smacking snake heads against the overhead compartment. And everybody’s waiting for him to finally yell, “I have had it with these mother-[fornicating] snakes on this mother-[fornicating] plane!” And when he does, it’s like Christmas and winning the World Series and getting to third base with your girlfriend all at the same time.
When I saw the movie, there was a bunch of friends way in the front, and they laughed and clapped and went “Sssssssssss” all through the movie.
And near the end, this guy sitting at the back of the theater all of a sudden yells, “Shut the [fornication] up!!!”
No, for real, he really did. Like he thought he was watching, you know, some sort of arty movie with subtitles or something. Not a movie like “Snakes on a Plane” that tells you everything you need to know about it just in its title — am I right?
Some films give you bangs for your buck
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Stylish,
Every time I see your sexy column picture, I can’t help being reminded of Riff Raff’s hairstyle at the end of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Does the “D.Q. curl” ring a bell?
Which makes me wonder, in your opinion, which movies had the greatest impact on hair fashion?
SUE PASCALI, Loganville
Dear Follicularly Challenged,
Often, when I look in my mirror, I think not so much of the space-suited Riff Raff’s humongous curl but more of the dependable, sturdy and arching locks of the Lollipop Guild.
I believe, sweet Sue, that your real question is: which came first, “Edward Scissorhands” or A Flock of Seagulls?
The answer, obviously, is Flock, whose lead singer played organ about as well as his hair was coifed.
Now I could enthrall you with all sorts of fascinating facts. Like, if you happen to think that movie stars these days are maligned for too many freebies, product endorsements and such, consider this pertinent quote from Mabel Normand in the November 1920 issue of the women’s magazine the Delineator: “I never knew that a shampoo could be so delightful until I used Watkins Mulsified Cocoanut Oil Shampoo.”
Believe me, I’m sure it was more delightful than heaven.
I could go on and on about Shirley Temple curls and Jean Harlow peroxide blond locks.
And how Hairrific.com boldly points out that Veronica Lake’s sultry long hair over a single eye caused problems among similarly coifed female factory workers who got their hair stuck in gears and contraptions. That is, until “Gone With the Wind” became ever more pervasive and featured Scarlett O’Hara with her hair pulled back and in a net (hair experts called it a snood). Voila, a solution that helped time march on.
I could mention how Jane Fonda’s straight-shag ‘do in “Klute” was just about perfect (I did mention it to her once, and she agreed how it really informed her portrayal).
I could wax on about Audrey Hepburn and Greta Garbo and Clara Bow’s page boy and Kim Basinger’s Breck Girl sleekness.
But I don’t want to.
I want to talk about hair moments that matter not so much because of trends and fawning moviegoers, but because they made the movie.
Like, obviously, “Bride of Frankenstein.” Talk about preceding the beehive.
And the pre-Cosmo Kramer “Eraserhead” and its wall-socket-shocked hair eruption.
And, of course, the aforementioned “Edward Scissorhands,” the Beatles in “A Hard Day’s Night,” Princess Leia’s ear buns in “Star Wars,” and Julie Christie, especially in “Darling” but really in every movie she’s ever made.
But you want to know who really made the top of the noggin something memorable?
That would be Yul Brynner in “The King and I.”
ALAN
P.S. You get a “The Devil Wears Prada” coffee tumbler and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
The release of movies like “United 93â€? and “World Trade Centerâ€? has people upset because it is too soon after the actual events. Yet during World War II, movies like “Wake Island” and “Back to Bataan” were released within a year or two. I’ve heard that of all the war movies produced during that period, only “The Fighting Sullivans” was withheld until the war was over.
Is our country just becoming more sensitive? If so, how long should one wait before making a film based on a tragic event?
STEVE PRIBISH, Dayton, Ohio
Dear Early Bird,
That would be a great theory about “The Fighting Sullivans,” which was about five brothers who died in the Pacific and was also the movie that in part inspired “Saving Private Ryan.”
But, uh, Steve-O, “Sullivans” debuted on Feb. 3, 1944, four months before D-Day. The victory in Europe was declared official on May 8, 1945, and the victory in the Pacific was declared on Aug. 15, 1945.
“Wake Island” debuted in 1942. “Back to Bataan” opened May 31, 1945 - after the war ended in Europe, but before it did in Asia.
But you are right that the point about the Sept. 11 movies is that many people believe it is too soon for Hollywood to depict that horrible day.
I know if I lost a loved one in the attacks, I wouldn’t be headed toward a theater.
And I certainly can’t speak for the feelings of others, but I do suspect that some of the hesitancy is based on two factors: 1) Sept. 11 happened practically in front of our eyes and on American soil. That makes it harder for many to deal with. 2) People don’t like to feel pain, and images about that day certainly bring back the anguish.
I remember watching news shows in the week after Sept. 11 and crying every single night.
I cried watching “United 93” and “World Trade Center,” too.
But I also think you learn from pain, that you are better able to put events into perspective.
And that, most of all, we need to remember.
ALAN
P.S. You get an “Accepted” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
Permalink | | Categories: Alan Smithee
Spike Lee’s Katrina
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The first segment of Spike Lee’s “When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts,” aired on HBO Monday night, with Part Two to follow Tuesday. (All four segments will be rebroadcast 8 p.m-midnight Aug. 29.) Moviemaker Spike Lee says the retelling of the story is just the beginning of the healing process. His rage and despair is evident. Says Lee; “… people did not have to die. I think it’s very important that we realize that it was not a natural disaster. It was a man-made disaster.”
Did you see the first segment on Monday? What is your reaction?
Ssssnakes!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Now here’s a movie that will make you perch your feet on the seat. How do you do in creepy movies like this? Will you go see the movie? Have you already?
Either way, tell us your best fear-of-snakes story.
Permalink | Comments (5) | Categories: Talk about movies
I’ve seen spam that’s scarier than these guys
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Red duct tape must be way expensive. After they bought the stuff, it looks like the people that made “Pulse” didn’t have the budget left for anything else with any color. Except for that red duct tape, the movie is all gray and blue and black, like something stuck in a basement since the Beatles broke up.
Now I bet you’re wondering, Why red duct tape? Take a number, my friend. All I know is, the kids in this movie come down with a bad case of crazy and tape up their windows and doors to keep out the ghosts. You know, the ones that are coming at them out of their computers and cellphones.
No, for real.
It’s funny because this is a remake of a movie from Japan — you know, electronics capital of the world? When everybody dumps their computers and the heroine throws her cellphone away, I don’t know if it’s supposed to be, like, a Big Political Statement, or if it’s just as dumb as it looked.
Here’s the plot (I think). This college kid Josh (Jonathan Tucker) hacks into a computer and sets off a virus that lets The Dead come into our world and start sucking the life out of folks. At least, I THINK they’re The Dead. They look like a bald, gray-skinned biker gang.
One of these bald dudes sucks Josh’s soul out of his head, and Josh kills himself, and his girlfriend Mattie (Kristen Bell) gets all sad and stuff. (You’d think her black raccoon eye makeup was her way of mourning, except she’s wearing it even before he snuffs himself.)
Then her and her roommate Isabell (singer Christina Milian, with backup provided by her lovely breasts) and their friends Stone (Rick Gonzalez) and Tim (Samm Levine) turn on their computers, and a Web page comes up that says, “Would You Like to Meet a Ghost?” And they’re all, “You bet!” (Now, in the real world, most people I know would go, “Um, no thanks — but if you’re tight with Jennifer Garner, hook a brother up.”)
Anyway, these doofuses (doofi?) click Yes. And their screens fill up with grainy Web cam pics of these slacker kids that look like they’re auditioning for “Who Wants to Be America’s Next Emo Star?” They’re ghosts. I think. Only, not bald. Yet. Or something. Maybe it made more sense when there were subtitles.
Then this pretty boy named Dexter(!) shows up, played by the guy who was Boone in “Lost.” [Editor’s note: Ian Somerhalder.] It’s like he’s saying, “See, everybody — my sister Shannon isn’t the only actor that got killed off on ‘Lost,’ then made a crappy horror-movie remake.” [Editor’s note: “Lost” actress Maggie Grace starred in the 2005 film “The Fog.”]
Anyway, these kids just wander around their gray, trash-filled cinder-block apartments where there’s no furniture or lamps. Then they get attacked by a Dead Bald Biker, and their skin turns black like they wallowed in Mattie’s mascara. Then they get sucked away through the wall, leaving a nasty stain. Or they blow up in a cloud of ashes that gets all in the carpet. It’s like a porn movie made for professional house cleaners. But for anybody else, it’s not real exciting.
You want exciting? Go see “The Descent.” Six ladies! Dozens of blind albino cannibals! More fun than you can count!
“Pulse” is low on fun. The kids just mope around waiting to get soul-sucked. In one scene, a drunk played by Wormtongue from “Lord of the Rings” [Editor’s note: Brad Dourif] tells the kids, “It’s the end of the world.” And you go, OK, fine — SO GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!
Mattie and Dexter finally track down the owner of the computer Josh hacked. He’s a bad actor holed up in a red-taped room where he smokes and sweats and practices his bad acting. He says he did an experiment discovering frequencies nobody knew about. And he tuned into the station of the Bald Dead Biker Gang. Even after he “explains” it all, it doesn’t make a lick of sense.
Before it grinds down to a super-lame ending, there IS a decent car crash. But I liked it better when they did it on “Alias.” That TV show was just as confusing as “Pulse,” but it had Jennifer Garner vacuum-packed in rubber miniskirts.
There’s also a sorta-scary scene where Bald Dead Bikers pour out of a clothes dryer … until you stop and think, “A clothes dryer?!?!?”
Another thing: SPOILER ALERT!!! This movie’s like “Poseidon.” If you’re a character that’s Hispanic or Jewish or anything but blond-haired or blue-eyed, you don’t stand a ghost (hardy-har) of a chance.
Don’t even get me started on the sassy, fat, computer-stealing black lady — the one that plants her hand on her hip and goes, “I don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout no computer.”
That character’s older than the Beatles breakup. She was around when Amos and Andy were still a team — am I right?
Permalink | |
You want pretentious? Try Gwyneth, ‘Da Vinci Code’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
You are the most interesting column in the paper. I solicit your list of the most pretentious movies of all time. I offer three nominees:
“Cries and Whispers” - Pretended to have a story or deep meaning. Actually vacuous.
“Annie Hall” - Pretended to be a comedy. In fact, was merely laughless career-breaker for the formerly successful Woody Allen.
“The Thin Red Line” - Masquerades as a war movie. But is merely 30 minutes of B+ war footage surrounded by four hours of faux-“Cries and Whispers.”
JOEL McLEMORE, Duluth
Dear Right About One Thing,
Pretentiousness, thy name is surely Gwyneth Paltrow.
Have you ever seen an actress with less reason to appear so superior to the rest of us?
I can hardly bear enduring her fake accent anymore. The woman was born in Los Angeles - not London.
She bemoans Reese Witherspoon doing “stupid romantic comedies.” She barfs things like “Brits are far more intelligent and civilized than Americans.” She doesn’t call her baby carriage a baby carriage. She calls it a “pram.”
But, Joel, as for the beautiful films you so viciously assaulted with hateful words, I acknowledge that individuals have the right to believe what they want.
“The Thin Red Line,” however, is an amazing movie. And I say that with full knowledge that Sean Penn (aka Mr. Pretension) is one of its many stars.
As my good friend Francis Ford and I like to say to commemorate the film’s narration every time the subject of “Thin Red Line” comes up: “There’s evil in a raindrop.”
I also happen to love “Annie Hall.” And “Cries and Whispers,” which has more intelligence in its dialogue than most of what’s been written in Hollywood in the past 30 years.
You want to know what is real pretension?
That would be “The Da Vinci Code,” masquerading as a plausible and intricate mystery. It would be “The English Patient,” three simple words I cannot even say without instituting projectile expulsion of my last lunch.
It means “Moulin Rouge!” in all its Baz Luhrmann babble.
And Barbra Streisand in “The Prince of Tides.” (Explain, dearest Babs, how one can take the book’s supporting character, the character you happened to portray, and make her the central focus without vanity being involved.)
Pretension is “Beyond the Sea,” with a full-of-himself Kevin Spacey playing Bobby Darin to a mirror for a one-person audience - himself.
Pretension is “The Last Samurai” and “Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace” and “Memoirs of a Geisha” and “Quills” and probably “Out of Africa” and most likely “The Sting.”
It is “The Last Emperor,” and most assuredly it is “Gandhi.” It is definitely M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s “Lady in the Water” and probably Michael Mann’s “Miami Vice.”
It is “Brother Sun, Sister Moon,” “Pretty Woman” and “Endless Love.”
As for older films, I’d add “From Here to Eternity,” “Cavalcade” and, ah yes, “Gone With the Wind.”
And as for the salutation, Joel, indicating that you got one thing right - that would be your opening sentence. There’s certainly no pretension in my acknowledging that bit of truth.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Little Miss Sunshine” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Master of Movies,
As a younger teenager about to go back to school, I’m trying to fit in a few last-minute summer movies. I love older movies as well as new movies, but I’m not allowed to see anything R-rated because of my age. Can you suggest a good comedy?
REBECCA SIEGELMAN, Marietta
Dear Sweet Child,
How right your brilliant parents are to maintain caution in your life.
I’m sure they are also aware that a PG-13 comedy like “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” might also translate into trouble, especially since the young boys portrayed in the movie are presented as an affront to decency, are consistently disrespectful to their elders and are in dire need of loving but strict supervision.
Of course, I can suggest some comedies to you. But I maintain you must discuss these movies with your parents first to ensure they are appropriate for your young eyes and ears.
I would offer as recent considerations: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” “Ice Age: The Meltdown,” “Over the Hedge” and “Akeelah and the Bee” (psst: I know “Akeelah” isn’t really a comedy, but it is really good).
On DVD, you could consider: “Some Like It Hot,” “The Gold Rush,” “Modern Times,” “Groundhog Day,” “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” “Big,” “Cat Ballou,” “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” and “What’s Up, Doc?”
ALAN
P.S. You get “Pirates of the Caribbean” playing cards and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Categories: Alan Smithee
What a combo: Fast women and faster cars
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Finally, they made a movie about the South and got just everything about it right.
I’m talking about the awesome “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” — and if you haven’t seen it at least once already, then you are probably one of those transplanted Northern people that live in those condo towers that are making Midtown look like Miami without a beach.
“Talladega Nights” stars Will Ferrell, and after this movie, I can finally forgive him for [defecating] on two precious hours of my life with that movie “Bewitched.” He plays Ricky Bobby, champion NASCAR driver who lives by the motto his daddy (Gary Cole) drilled into him when he was just a kid: “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
At the start of the movie, Ricky Bobby is always No. 1, thanks to his best pal and driving teammate Cal (now that’s a great name!), who always lets Ricky win. They have a routine where they pound fists and yell “Shake and Bake,” which reminded me of many fine Sunday dinners when I was a kid. Cal is played by John C. Reilly, who is good at playing best friends to the star, like he did to Marky Mark in “Boogie Nights,” only here he is about 10 times stupider and 20 times funnier.
Anyway, Ricky Bobby is such a big racing star, he gets endorsement deals for everything from Laughing Clown Malt Liquor to the official tampon of NASCAR. He’s got a great big McMansion, and every dinnertime is a feast of the world’s great bounty, including Domino’s, KFC and Taco Bell.
And did I mention his wife Carley (Leslie Bibb), who’s so trashy-hot she smokes like a Dempsey Dumpster set on fire? (But I’ll get back to that in a second.)
Ricky Bobby and her have two kids, Walker (Houston Tumlin) and Texas Ranger (Grayson Russell), two little hellions like the kind you bang your knees against the second you walk into Dave & Buster’s. Texas Ranger, the little one, tells his granddad, “I’m 10 years old, but I’ll kick your [posterior]!” And when the boys find out their other granddad makes his living selling dope, one of them goes, “How much you sellin’ that weed for, old man?”
I know, I know, it’s funny. But on the drive home, I thought it was a good time to explain to my son Cal that selling and buying weed is not cool, especially if you’re only 8, like he is. But he wasn’t listening on account of being too busy kicking the back of my seat and screaming at me to stop somewhere and buy him a Big Gulp.
Now, I gotta admit, after all the things “Talladega Nights” gets right, they do get at least one thing wrong in the movie. I mean, when it comes to Carley, they’ve got a certain kind of Southern woman down cold. Like, when Ricky goes into catatonic shock after a racing accident, she stomps into his hospital room and tells the doctor, “I want the plug pulled.” And when he stops winning all his races, she realizes it’s time to slam on the marital brakes and climb in somebody else’s car.
Now that gets a checkered flag, because, believe you me, I’ve been there.
But what I don’t believe is that a woman like this wouldn’t start to let herself go after she’s had a kid or two, and turn into a flabby couch potato with her fingers permanently stained a Doritos Spicy Nacho shade of orange. Because I have been there, too, my friends.
And though I loved most of “Talladega Nights,” I figure I should warn you that it’s not great all the way through. For one thing, it’s a Will Ferrell movie. And whether it’s a GOOD Will Ferrell movie or a BAD Will Ferrell movie, you can pretty much predict that Will Ferrell is gonna strip down to his Jockeys at some point and run around showing off his weirdo chest hair. And he does. Twice. Which is two times too much.
Oh, and then there’s Ricky Bobby’s big racing rival, this guy named Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen), who is not only French, but gay, too, and he’s married to Conan O’Brien’s old sidekick. [Editor’s note: Andy Richter.]
Jean Girard is pretty funny, and when he talks, he sounds like his mouth is full of Freedom Fries and Super Glue.
But one thing none of us should EVER have to see is him demonstrating the kind of kiss his own country invented — especially when he’s doing it to Will Ferrell — am I right?
Some movies just about make life worth living
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Film4 in Britain had a list of the 50 films to see before you die. I found myself agreeing with most all of the choices, but I wonder if Mr. Smithee feels the same, especially “Apocalypse Now” as No. 1.
GEORGE CHEN, Atlanta
Dear Bloke,
Honestly, I could have passed to that great concession counter in the sky without ever having seen Krzyzstof Kielsowski’s “Blue” (I liked “Red” more anyway). And if an able body hasn’t seen “The Shawshank Redemption” by now, my guess is they simply do not own a telly.
Most, if not all, of the movies on Film4’s list pertain to movies the channel is actually going to show. Which makes the list more a promotional item than an honest-to-Godard must-see list. We should at least be thankful there is one Godard film on the list.
I won’t argue against anybody seeing “Apocalypse Now.” While it wouldn’t be Numero Uno on my list, if I died without having seen it, I would be sad.
Here’s the channel’s full list (In order): “Apocalypse Now,” “The Apartment,” “City of God,” “Chinatown,” “Sexy Beast,” “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “North by Northwest,” “A Bout de Souffle,” “Donnie Darko,” “Manhattan,” “Alien,” “Lost in Translation,” “The Shawshank Redemption,” “Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India,” “Pulp Fiction,” “Touch of Evil,” “Walkabout,” “Black Narcissus,” “Boyz n the Hood,” “The Player,” “Come and See,” “Heavenly Creatures,” “A Night at the Opera,” “Erin Brockovich,” “Trainspotting,” “The Breakfast Club” and “Local Hero.”
Also: “Fanny and Alexander,” “Pink Flamingos,” “All About Eve,” “Scarface,” “Terminator 2,” “Blue,” “The Royal Tenenbaums,” “The Ladykillers,” “Fight Club,” “The Searchers,” “Mulholland Drive,” “The Ipcress File,” “The King of Comedy,” “Manhunter,” “Dawn of the Dead,” “Princess Mononoke,” “Raising Arizona,” “Cabaret,” “This Sporting Life,” “Brazil,” “Aguirre: The Wrath of God,” “Secrets and Lies” and “Badlands.”
I have two important words to say about this list: “Pink Flamingos”!! Get serious. I also question “This Sporting Life,” “Brazil,” “Cabaret,” “Manhunter” (a fine film, but …), “The Ipcress File,” “The Breakfast Club,” “Walkabout” and “Sexy Beast.”
As you can imagine, I have 50, too, placed in helpful tiers.
Movies if you haven’t seen you deserve to die: “Citizen Kane,” “Casablanca,” “The Wizard of Oz,” “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” “Old Yeller,” “Lawrence of Arabia,” “Star Wars,” “E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “The Graduate.”
Movies to die for: “The Godfather,” “The Godfather, Part 2,” “City of God,” “Chinatown,” “West Side Story,” “Sunset Boulevard,” “Apocalypse Now,” “To Kill a Mockingbird,” “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Days of Heaven.”
Simply killer movies: “The Silence of the Lambs,” “Alien,” “The Terminator,” “North by Northwest,” “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King,” “Psycho,” “King Kong” (the original), “Die Hard,” “The Seven Samurai” and “The Element of Crime.”
Movies if you don’t see and die you’ll be sorry: “Intolerance,” “Rashomon,” “The 400 Blows,” “The Celebration,” “Fanny and Alexander,” “All About Eve,” “Some Like It Hot,” “The Searchers,” “Goodfellas” and “La Dolce Vita.”
Simply see these: “Red River,” “The Maltese Falcon,” “Fargo,” “All the President’s Men,” “Field of Dreams,” “The Last Picture Show,” “Vertigo,” “Children of Paradise,” “Metropolis” and “Breathless” (Godard, bien sur).
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Little Miss Sunshine” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Movie Mogul,
I’m not sure what made me think of this movie, but I still haven’t figured the title. It’s driving me crazy! I think it starred John Savage and was made in the late ’70s. He considers suicide and later ends up in a bar with several “characters,” including a bartender who wanted to play basketball and later did with Golden State (I believe). There was a great/funny scene at the arena with some baddies getting tripped/pushed down the steps.
KEVIN HOUSER, Conyers
Dear Crazy,
You do realize, don’t you, that in less time than it took to write your humble, gracious missive, you could have typed “John Savage Golden State” into Google, and what would have instantly returned is the 1980 film “Inside Moves.”
But I appreciate you counting on me. It’s people like you who give me a reason to be me.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Talladega Nights” tumbler and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytme phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Categories: Alan Smithee
M is for the many mean things done to movie moms
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
What does Disney have against mothers? It’s been a long summer, and we’ve watched a lot of Disney movies. I can’t help but notice a lot of dead and missing moms. “Aladdin,” “Chicken Little,” “Ella Enchanted,” “Finding Nemo,” “The Fox and the Hound,” “Herbie: Fully Loaded,” “Snow White,” “Beauty and the Beast,” “Brother Bear,” even “National Treasure” have killed off the mom. What’s up with that?
My 6-year-old now realizes she can never be a Disney princess as long as I’m around.
DEBRA SVITIL , Alpharetta
Dear Feeling Vulnerable,
Just imagine, Mom, you are just a few short years away from the joys of knowing your princess-in-waiting will see “Carrie” (“I should have given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding”), “Psycho” (“Go tell her she’ll not be appeasing her ugly appetite with my food … or my son!”) and “Mommie Dearest” (“I should’ve known you would know where to find the boys and the booze”).
Oh, and the original “The Manchurian Candidate,” too.
There’s nothing like Angela Lansbury as the ultimate plotter, trying to entice her son to commit murder for political gain and election to the White House.
How does she instruct her offspring? Oh, yes — “I want the nominee to be dead two minutes after he begins his acceptance speech, depending on his reading time under pressure.”
There’s the thrill of “Throw Mama From the Train,” the hugs and kisses of “Terms of Endearment” and the shared moments in “Thirteen.” In the latter, what does dear daughter Tracy chant for all the world to hear? “No bra, no panties! No bra, no panties! No bra, no panties!”
Looks like life is just getting started.
But, Debra dear, why are you blaming Disney for making movies that are, at least some of them, based on tales by the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen and others?
Do you actually expect more from the House of Mouse (aka SATAN)?
Why have you left out “Bambi,” the greatest off-screen whacking in cinematic history?
I say put that DVD in pronto.
If you want to feel better, which I am sure you do, consider also watching the wonderful and oh-so-present mothers in “Swiss Family Robinson” and “Old Yeller.” The elephantine mommy in “Dumbo” is pretty darn swell, too — as long as she lasts!
But, seriously, just move on over to 20th Century Fox, and you get to observe the absolute joys of motherhood in “The Sound of Music.”
Oops, make that stepmotherhood.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Carsâ€? shirt and “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirts for you and your wee one.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
The darkness at the Lefont Plaza Theater - broken only by the wonderful summer film festival on the weekends - leaves me wondering: What would you suggest to George Lefont that he do with the theater to make it more successful?
SHEA BOUCHER, Atlanta
Dear For Love of Cinema,
For years, I’ve taken opportunity after opportunity to encourage Mr. Lefont and Turner Classic Movies to join forces and program special revivals.
Couldn’t you just see a swell film noir series at the Plaza? On successive weeks single showings of “M,” “The Third Man,” “Sunset Boulevard,” “Touch of Evil” and “Sweet Smell of Success.”
Imagine the talent that TCM could bring in for brief post-screening talks. Tony Curtis, for instance, has mountains of incredible background stories involving “Sweet Smell” and co-star Burt Lancaster.
These could coincide with Turner bringing in stars to film similar “talks” for the cable channel.
Lefont could work with film professors at Emory, Morehouse, Georgia State and other schools to book pertinent films for students that also could be enjoyed by the community.
He could work with Eyedrum to give a bigger venue to some of the wonderful experimental film programming going on there.
I still recall the High Museum of Art’s great Akira Kurosawa series (not to mention this summer’s samurai series). A similar series could work at the Plaza as easily as it does at the Woodruff Arts Center.
Or maybe just sell the Plaza.
I guess George and others realize the difficult financial restrictions involved with any or all of these ideas.
But a movie lover can dream, can’t I?
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” cap and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
Permalink | | Categories: Alan Smithee, Alan Smithee
