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‘Queen’ reminds y’all that royals aren’t so noble
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This is LaDonna Potter, and I am writing about the heart-breaking Movie “The Queen.” I can hardly write this because the tears are still streaming like two sobbing Water-Falls down my quivering cheeks!!!
Now I know that it has been in Theaters for, like, ever, but it took me this long to steal up my Nerves and go and see “The Queen.” Because well do I recall that fateful Saturday night - tho technically I guess it was Sunday morning - when I was awoke by the phone ringing at my Bedside. And it was my Mother, sounding so upset I figured my ex-Step-Father had made her “walk into a door” again, which is how she always explained her black eyes away, but who did she think she was kidding?
But no, it was even worse than that!!!
And lo, how I wish I had never took that phone call, because it changed my life - all of our lives - for forever!!!
It was about Princess Diana, and she was dead, and the World for me went black, and it has only been, on the good days, a gray place for me ever since. (Except for maybe when my boyfriend Guillermo cooks me his Chicken with Mole Sauce - yum! : - )
“The Queen” starts off where it is the election of the new Prime Minister, who is like our President. And it is Tony Blair (Michael Sheen). He has just been in office a little while when … Lord, it is hard for me to even write this, and I could hardly even look at the Movie Screen when it happened. But Diana is killed in that car crash in Paris.
The Movie uses all these old video shots of Diana from when she was alive that had me boo-hooing so bad, I would not have blamed them if they had flung me out of the Movie Theater. But the movie is called “The Queen,” and that is because it is about the queen. Helen Mirren plays Queen Elizabeth II, who did not even bother to come down from Scotland for almost a whole week after Diana died. She was too busy driving her Jeep around Scotland and having tea and walking around the countryside getting all tore up about some big deer that some hunters killed.
A deer!!!!!
She is not the worst, though. Because her awful, awful son Prince Charles (Alex Jennings) is there, too - with those poor little boys that have just lost their mother. Back in London, everybody is getting WAY upset because all these Royal half-wits won’t even bother to come down and say that they are upset Di died.
Prince Charles goes,”“Why do they hate us?” And the Queen goes, “Not US dear,” and she might as well say, “Look in a mirror, Charlie.” And I wanted to yell out, “Snap!” Except that I was crying too hard.
Prince Charles is such a coward, he even starts talking to Tony Blair (that’s the London president, remember?). And Charles is all, “I support you, Tony, and I want to be king, and the people hate my Mother now, but if anybody wants to shoot a Royal, they should aim at my Mom.” (He never actually says all that, but his maneuvering is disgraceful, and he deserves to be married to an ugly horse-face woman like Camilla.)
Anyway, it all turns out OK. I even wound up liking the Queen once she got over herself and came to London and admitted that the death of Diana was almost like losing Jesus. (She never actually says that, but you know she knows that is the truth.) But I just don’t understand what the big deal was, where she’s so tore up about some DEER getting shot, just when the People’s Princess had her Light exterminated (sp?) from the world.
I am glad I saw the movie, but it brought back so many memories. Because of COURSE when I hung up the phone on my Mama that fateful summer night in 1997, I could not - COULD NOT - even think of going back to sleep.
So I got out of bed and fixed myself up and went to the only place I knew that was still open that time of night. For comfort, you know? And maybe a Sex On The Beach. And I hate to admit, but it was a Strip Club.
Tha’’s when I saw a man I’d never seen before. He was real cute, and not too drunk, for 4 in the a.m. And he treated me like a lady. He told me his name was Jordy, but most people called him Ray. I was crying a lot, and he was real sympathetic and told me he loved Princess Di, too. And he didn’t try to remove my undergarments until we were in his car.
Lord, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Maybe I was hoping to balance out the horrible thing that had happened. I guess maybe I figured he would be MY knight in shining armour, like Charles never was for Diana. But I guess one thing we know from the Charles and Diana wedding way back in the day is that faerie tale romances usually don’t work out in the end - am I right (ha ha)?
‘THE QUEEN
Naked breasts: NO!!!!!
Dirty words: It’s England! No! Duh!
Best line: “A bunch of freeloading, emotionally retarded nutters.” - Thatss what Tony Blair’s wife calls the Royal Family, and she is right!
The rest: Directed by Stephen Frears. Rated PG-13 for brief strong language. At metro theaters. 1 hour, 37 minutes.
Jordy “Ray” Purlky Jr., who has a LOT in common with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Bigfoot, brings his B-movie perspective to all kinds of flicks every Friday in Movies & More. E-mail your questions or comments to jpurlky@ajc.com. Please include your name and phone number.
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