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Hollywood’s biggest fools
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Maybe it’s April 1, but this is no joke.
Hollywood is bursting with fools — people so full of themselves they couldn’t find and see reality clearly if you drew them a map.
I know. I watch these people 24/7. It’s my job. I’m paid to be a witness to vanity, self-deception and the sheer unwillingness to connect with the consumer.
The fools in Hollywood are countless. Here are a few that I’ve seen bubble to the surface:
— Cuba Gooding Jr. There’s no question the man has talent. In “Jerry Maguire,” he didn’t just steal every scene he was in, he ran over Tom Cruise. Cuba turned Tom into roadkill. But Mr. Gooding Jr. also has no sense of his own media image and an inability to properly manage his own celebrity. He’s a diva. He consistently mistreats the press. In other words: Will Smith will get every major role Cuba Gooding Jr. wants and thinks he deserves. Cuba should learn to be likeable offscreen.
— Paul Haggis (“In the Valley of Elah”), Gavin Hood (“Rendition”) and Robert Redford (“Lions for Lambs”). As we sit and watch Kimberly Peirce’s “Stop-Loss” flounder at the box office, we wonder how long it will take for Hollywood to realize that the American public not only is depressed over the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, but simply does not want to see left-leaning diatribes that try to make us feel worse. Here’s a clue to Hollywood: the war-on-terrorism film that the public liked was Jamie Foxx’s kick-some-butt “The Kingdom.” Please re-watch “Air Force One” and figure it all out.
— M. Knight Shyamalamadingdong. Yes, I saw “The Sixth Sense.” I loved it. It was wonderful. It fooled me. But try to fool me twice, thrice, ad nauseum, shame on you. We all saw the secrets of “Unbreakable,” “Signs,” “The Village” and especially “Lady in the Water” coming. Shyamalan needs a new gimmick. Now.
— Kevin Costner. Do I really have to spell this one out? One of Hollywood’s top stars starts to believe his own celebrity and, thus, begins a long, slow slide into unfathomable junk like “Rumour Has It” (an embarrassing sequel to “The Graduate”) and “Mr. Brooks” (a serial killer with a heart of gold? Give me a break).
— Lindsay Lohan. Sure, we all know her name. We’ve all watched the train wreck. A young woman with talent goes off the deep end and wrecks her career. Now she’s stuck making tripe like “I Know Who Killed Me,” in which she plays a disfigured stripper. Her next planned film: “Dare to Love Me.” The title may well speak for itself.
Do you disagree with my choices? Care to add a few of your own favorite Hollywood fools to the list?
Permalink | Comments (7) | Post your comment | Categories: Alan Smithee
Comments
By Chandler
April 1, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this
Speaking of Tom Cruise…What a yutz. I liked him in “Interview with a Vampire,” but other than that he is just kind of mediocre. Then to start espousing Scientology…sheesh
By steve walsh
April 1, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
I agree with what Mr. Smithee is saying, but I own a Ren and Stimpy cartoon in which a character states, “just say everything sucks, and you’re never wrong”. In fact, due to my advanced age, I live my life with that as a credo. thanks be to Smithee…
By sperry
April 1, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
Don’t forget Cruise in Magnolia, his only other redeeming role. He is indeed a yutz. But he was great in that.
By Sven the Blog Catalyst
April 1, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this
I’ll add an obvious choice — Meg Ryan. Once America’s sweetheart, her career literally fell off the cliff after her divorce. Have you seen her in her latest roles? Her once perky face and mannerisms just look … downright creepy. Then, to add insult to injury, she came up with THE brilliant idea for resurrecting her carer — she took off her clothes on-screen! And no one even cared or came to watch … how sad.
By NE Fan 4 Life
April 1, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
I saw Cuba this weekend in American Gangsters. Good role, but was surprised he was not a bigger part of the movie. I don’t want to say he has the Oscar curse, but he has not done a thing worth seeing since Jerry Maguire. He needs to take a harder look at the roles he accepts and perhaps get a better manager.
By Rocky
April 1, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this
I wouldn’t stop there.
By Shell
April 2, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this
Nice to see that someone who deals with the film world for a living shares my opinion, sorta, of Costner. The man has a filmmaker’s vision and makes great films - I mean well-told, well-photographed, etc. - he just can’t act worth a d@mn. Too bad he won’t stay behind the camera.