Sizing up the competition
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have to admit that my closest girlfriends are beautiful women. And I mean, tongue-hanging-on-the-floor-beautiful. I don’t know why, but it’s always seemed to be that way, ever since I can remember.
And I’ve been lucky, because none of them have ever been catty enough to fight with me over a guy. In fact, I can only remember one instance in which my friend and I sort of liked the same guy for a bit, and the situation was quickly remedied — or maybe we both instantaneously matured a few years, I can’t remember! But the issue was resolved with little bloodshed.
Even though I’m sure we’d like to all think that we’re older and mature enough not to have all-out catfights anymore, that element of competition can still be subtly prevalent on the dating scene. Or not-so-subtle: check out The Bachelor!
Do you have beautiful or charming friends who command attention from strangers when you’re out? Have you ever thought twice about taking a handsome/beautiful friend out on the town or to a social engagement with you?
How do you tend to “compete” when you want to draw someone’s attention away?
Ladies, what’s the best thing a man could do in order for you to give him a second glance, especially if he was competing with someone who was more charming or attractive?
Men, have you ever had multiple women compete for your attention? What did the winner do to win you over?
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Six degrees of dating
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When I was in college, I was hanging out at a student ministry for awhile where there was a ton of dating going on. A ton. There was so much dating going on that the students there had their own “6 degrees of dating,” by which they could connect everyone in the group to each other via whom they’d dated. Upon hearing this, I vowed to NEVER date anybody in this group because I didn’t want to be caught up in this crazy flow chart.
But it was already too late. I’d dated someone in high school who’d dated one of the girls there. I was already connected!
Although my professional life is much less, um, weird, I’ve found that networking through friends (not dating every single one of them!) is one of the best ways to meet potential dates. I meet more people through friends who are already interested in what I love and many times share my outlook on life. I mean, if someone is showing up with my friends to a Braves game, I already know he 1) likes sports 2) gets along with my friends. It makes the whole getting-to-know-you phase a little less interrogational.
Do you find your dating pool is better when you meet people randomly or when you meet dates through trusted friends? Do you find it easier to ascertain someone’s character upfront when you meet them via someone else? What are other benefits from dating people you meet through your friends?
On the other hand, there can be pitfalls that come with dating your friend’s friends — private information that you wouldn’t normally want to reveal early in dating can travel through the grapevine. Or what happens if things don’t work out? Could it strain your original friendship?
In your experience, which circumstance seems to produce better results?
Permalink | Comments (381) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
When his best friend is Jose…Cuervo
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One night I met a guy, who was a friend of a friend, as a group of us were going out to a bar together. He was refreshingly conversational and had graduated from my alma mater, which gave us loads to talk about as my friend skipped off with her boyfriend. There was definitely some flirting going on, and I found myself wondering why I hadn’t met him before.
But as the night wore on, his eloquent conversation skills and charm were dwarfed by his need to drink…and drink…and drink. By the end of the night, this guy was sloshed, boring, and no longer the articulate, intelligent man I had met only a few hours earlier.
Now, it would have been one thing if I had been matching this guy, drink for drink, on my way to becoming an uninhibited wreck. But I only had one drink that night and gave no indication that this was going to be a group hammering.
The impression I got from him was not that this was an isolated event, but rather the way he conducted himself every time he went to a bar. It was unfortunate, because up until then this guy had a lot of potential, but who wants to date an alcoholic? Especially if you know this information up front, and that you would never be able to take him anywhere alcohol was served.
Have you ever imbibed a little too much while on a date or when you first met someone? What were the consequences of your choices? Do you ever feel like your first impression on someone was tainted by a poor, isolated decision you made when you met them?
Have you ever gone out with or met someone who got drunk on your first encounter (without your participation)? What about someone who became a completely different person when they drank? How did you handle it? For those of you who have been in relationships with alcoholics, your expert testimony is valuable today!
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Eliminating intimidation
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Today, I’m inviting the blog men to enlighten us about a word I’m beginning to hear thrown around more and more. Several times I’ve met women, often pretty and successful, who seem to have a difficult time landing dates. And I’ve heard men say back to them that they’re just probably too intimidating.
What?
Is the “intimidation” factor real? Have you ever met someone who was actually so beautiful, talented and successful that you thought, “she’s amazing. I’m just too intimidated to ask her out.”
I can’t imagine why you’d ever let something amazing — be it a woman, man, dessert or financial opportunity — go simply because it’s so wonderful that you’re too scared to do anything. Let’s get this out in the open right now. Is intimidating really a synonym for undesirable?
Women, although I’ve never heard you say this word, I wonder if any of you have ever felt this way. Ever let an amazing man pass though or walk out of your life without making your feelings known, simply because you were “intimidated?”
Permalink | Comments (243) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
80-20 Rule in Dating?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Over lunch recently, BFFs: Grandeur Girl and Princess C. asked me about a recent date. When I said that there wasn’t a real connection, as far as I could tell, they asked me why. I admitted that it was probably me.
Full disclosure: I was not really excited about going out with him. When I first met him at a friend’s birthday dinner, I could have sworn I felt a spark. However, in the conversations leading up to our date, the sparks went M.I.A. No pun intended, really.
Then I had a horrifying thought: Was I becoming the bitter and jaded single chick? Oh, you know who she is, don’t you? She nitpicks and complains about every single thing about men, ruling them out for no good reason. Did I just up and relocate to Bitter City unknowingly?! Man diet ring any bells?
In his book, Your Girlfriends Only Know So Much, Atlanta’s own, Finesse Mitchell talked about the 80-20 rule. Mr. Mitchell, the oh so fine comic, says that if a guy is not 100% of what you want, but has 80% of what’s most important, you don’t toss him out all willy nilly over the 20%!
What are your thoughts about the 80-20 dating rule? If you met someone that embodied 80% of the important traits, could you make it work in a relationship?
Let’s also consider this: some women have a bad habit of dating men based on potential (read: her idea of potential for him). To wit: my friend Panama muses: “It’s like a man is every woman’s potential playdough. Add just the right amount of TLC, throw in a little common sense, help him mature and then wham.. he could go from Morris Chestnut in Boyz In The Hood to Morris Chestnut in The Best Man”
From your experiences do you think singles break the 80/20 rule a lot? Conversely, are you guilty of dating someone’s potential instead of accepting them as they are?
Happy Mother’s Day to all our Misadventures in Atlanta Mothers!
TGIF!
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Latest comments
Beautiful If you only knew. I’ll drop ya’ll like a hot rock. LOL! Besides, somebody needs to be the voice of logic and reason on here. LOL!... read the full comment by Darrell (www.blackthen.com) | Comment on Sizing up the competition Read Sizing up the competition
lol @ Truth, it’s the truth. It’s Playoffs time babe. I’m sure we’d like to all think that we’re older and mature enough not to have all-out catfights anymore, that element of competition can still be subtly prevalent... read the full comment by Cemeeli | Comment on Sizing up the competition Read Sizing up the competition
Beautiful when I entered into my present relationship I was not thirsty for love. In fact I wanted nothing to do with the word or emotion. I just needed a friend to hold me. LOL... read the full comment by Raqi | Comment on Sizing up the competition Read Sizing up the competition
I want to meet your pretty friends! Call me at 770-xxx-xxxx.... read the full comment by jeff | Comment on Sizing up the competition Read Sizing up the competition