Checkmate
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dating, like a game of chess, sometimes requires strategy, finesse, and a touch of precision. You generally want to be clear about who to make a move on and when to make that move. When I have approached men, I have noticed that some are surprised, and some are genuinely flattered. I can’t remember a time when a guy was turned off , so I wonder why women don’t approach men more?
Is it upsetting the natural order of things to ask a guy out? When a woman does a “cold approach” on a man, does he believe she is acting out of desperation?
Guys, do you like being approached first? Can you recall a time when a woman asked you out and you were turned off? What is the smoothest approach a woman has done on you? IF you notice a really beautiful woman in Atlanta, which would you prefer: her approach you or vice versa? Which one brings the bigger thrill: chase or getting caught?
Ladies, what is your history with asking men out? Has it worked for you or backfired on you? Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of being the initiator? If you have ever asked a guy out, what was the most creative or unique way you pulled it off?
Permalink | Comments (302) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Analyze This
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am no dating expert (I know, you’re shocked!), but one way I have managed to reduce a little romantic angst: put the dating microscope away. How many men have I placed under the man microscope? Sadly, too many.
The urge to analyze is driven by the need to know: How do they feel about me? Where is this going? Men and women can sometimes try to decipher each other in hopes of protecting themselves from mistakes. The problem with that? It.Does.Not.Work. Sure you can speculate a lot, but how well has that really worked for you so far?
I can remember a time when I would: recruit my girls to do full out recon on a potential mate, call post-date meetings and debrief about the date, and spend hours and hours waiting by the phone.
Can I tell you that I refer to those years the clueless era of my dating career? Talk about an exercise in futility! So to you, beloved Misadventures in Atlanta readers, a wise tip: stop trying to read men/women, pin point someone’s intentions, over analyze.
All you have to do is simply pay attention and take your time. That’s right, time reveals all - excuse me for sounding like an 80s song, but it’s true!
Personally, I don’t think any woman on the planet can say that analyzing her man, trying to read his mind, has actually resulted in a healthy, happy relationship with mutual respect. It ticks the guy off to be scrutinized so unnecessarily. They don’t like it and you (ok we!) are bad at it.
Guys, can you remember a time when you felt that the person you were dating were overyanalyzing you? What did they do or say? How could you tell? Do you think they did this because you were sending mixed messages? Or do you think this is typical female behavior? Do you have any advice for women to avoid this behavior?
Ladies, do you suffer from the man under the microscope syndrome? Is it hard for you to stop over-analyzing the men you date? Have you ever dated someone who seemed to over-analyze you? What did you do?
Permalink | Comments (156) | Post your comment | Categories: He Said/She Said
Seeking your parents’ qualities in your mate?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’ve all heard that many women seek men who remind them of their father. Likewise, men may want a woman who embodies characters of their mom.
In my case, sure — I want a guy who is hard-working, affable, successful and good; the basic qualities that describe Dad. I’ve also found myself judging a man by the most ridiculous things when they don’t jive with my dad’s skills. For one, when going on vacation, my dad can pack a trunk like it’s a Tetris game. Just leave your bags on the curb because he’s got it under control, and frankly, likes it that way. (I once had a guy help me load up my car by basically throwing things in a messy pile. I won’t lie - it made an impression, but not a good one. I kept seeing him anyway; it wasn’t That big of a deal.)
That said, I’m looking for someone vastly different than my Dad in other ways. I want a partner who is more curious about the world than my father, someone who maybe isn’t such a sporty “man’s man” and likes participating in philosophical debates or gardening. Still, my ideal man is like Dad where it counts most.
Do you find yourself judging your partner by your parents’ characteristics? Is it because that touch of home makes us feel better about the relationship potential? What of your parents’ qualities do you hope to find in a partner?
Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (163) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
If things are just “good,” do you keep searching for great?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s been awhile since I’ve dated a guy for more than a few months. By then, either the fella has shown his undesirable colors, we’ve gotten on eachother’s nerves or, more often than not, we just don’t have that intangible feeling of love I’m searching for.here’s the coding
I often find myself watching people who have dated for several years. I wonder if they’re together because they’re madly in love or have fallen into a pattern. Are things just “OK” between them and they stayed together because they never had a reason to break up? Or were they simply lucky?
At what point in a new relationship should you know if you want things to be long-term, or do you need to know at all? And if after a few months things are just “pleasant,” are you a fool to end it in search of red hot love?
Permalink | Comments (194) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
The wedding bell tolls…on your relationship?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A buddy called me last night worn out from three weekends of weddings. He’s in a serious relationship with a girl he’s dated for the past couple years, despite a couple breakups a year or so ago. Per usual, they faced the onslaught of tacky questions directed toward unmarried couples: “So are wedding bells in your future?”
Ugh.
Reminded me of my last serious relationship which lasted about two years. My boyfriend and I were already having trouble when we endured four weddings in one summer. We were a great “social” couple, meaning we typically had a great time at parties and made other people laugh, so I’m not surprised they asked us things like “So when’s it your turn?”
Little did they know we were hanging on by a thread. At one wedding, I was forced onto the dance floor during the bouquet toss. When the flowers came to me, I literally flung them away. Awkward.
Why is this on the brain? The fella I’m casually seeing (Manbattical? What manbattical?) has a friend getting married next month and I’m wondering if he’ll invite me. At this point, I’m OK with it either way. I think.
How many of you have found yourselves and your SO as the unmarried couple at a wedding? Have other people’s weddings put a strain on your own relationship? And how do you handle those pesky “when are you getting hitched?” questions?
Permalink | Comments (60) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Latest comments
@ARed By your very words sometimes, you show no common courtesy, let alone respect. So why would I respond with anything more than a childish kindergarten taunt?... read the full comment by Dan | Comment on Checkmate Read Checkmate
Deese Yes, Dan we are aware. All of blogland can smell em thru their screens.... read the full comment by AmazonRed | Comment on Checkmate Read Checkmate
Dan, aha. Gotcha. I agree at least somewhat; what comes to mind are those that think their behavior commands respect, but it doesn’t — but that would be more similar to what you speak of as demanding rather than commanding... read the full comment by abc | Comment on Checkmate Read Checkmate
*PoppaG with that said, why would a woman that desires marriage mirror her actions (as LL has suggested) after women that choose not to? * They still may know how to treat and keep a man. They still want some companionship. Mr. Bullet, Mr. Lucky,... read the full comment by Poppa Grande | Comment on Checkmate Read Checkmate