Green Flags!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When things are going really well with a new person, you almost have to fight off the nagging cynicism and doubts! It’s sad that we actually are so used to dating drama and disappointments that when things are actually good, we question it.
I think it’s good to stay positive and enjoy the person’s company. Focusing on the positive, instead of the negative, can make a big difference in your attitude. Why not savor the good stuff in the beginning?
We have all discussed red flags in dating, the stuff that makes you run for the hills. Today. let’s talk about the GREEN flags. The things that make you think, I see, I like, I want to know more! What are unique green flags that you personally consider a great sign of compatibility?
A Green flag for me: when the guy seems well-rounded. He likes all kinds of music, he reads frequently, and he is really into technology. I could go on all day, but what do you think are green flags for you? What are things you see in the person you are dating that makes you excited about the possibilities?
Do you think it’s harder to spot green flags then red flags?
Happy Friday!
Permalink | Comments (302) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Dating: The Blind Taste Test
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I think it’s safe to say that about 90% of my dating misadventures are because I blindly trusted men that I shouldn’t have. I spent too much time with men I knew nothing about. Like many single people, it can be difficult to date character and personality instead of looks and chemistry. It’s not impossible, but it can be tricky.
I think that many “successful” daters will tell you that an important thing to do is pre-screening. When you don’t properly vet a potential candidate, you may find yourself next to someone with little substance - sorry, I know I have been watching too much political coverage!
When it comes to actually screening for character, scruples, morals, and values, a lot of us relax our standards, so to speak. We make excuses because they’re hot. We overlook behavior because the sex is great. Then when it all backfires on us, we are surprised.
Dating should not be like a blind taste test but sometimes it can feel that way! What are good ways to assess the character of a person you are dating? How do you pre-screen before you really let someone into your life?
Guys, do you ever ask yourself what qualities you really value in women? The stuff that goes beyond the physical, I mean. Do you invest significant effort and time in exploring things with women who possess what you truly value?
Ladies, the guys that you connect with intimately, do they reflect the type of men that you admire? Do you find yourself allowing the men of character a good shot, even if they don’t look like Brad Pitt or have Jay-Z’s money?
Permalink | Comments (199) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
No time for nice
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Yesterday, we talked about women taking the initiative to approach or ask a guy out. There were some pretty strong opinions for both sides of the argument. One thing that would certainly make it easier is when women actually seem approachable. The nice girls who are smiling and seem happy attract men but for how long?
We hear all the time that nice guys finish last, but does this ring true for women? It’s interesting how when I am nice to guys, they take my kindness for weakness. Then I have to show the feisty side when I am challenged. When this happens, why does this often turn the guy on more?
I don’t like acting like a witch, but I always find it interesting how I learn a lot about a guy when I do. Does the not so nice side seem to appeal more than the nice?
Do you think that when you date someone new, you go through a phase where you are seeing what kind of boundaries the person has?
Is it true that nice girls finish last? How do men interpret a nice girl’s behavior? Do they test her to see how nice she really is?
Ladies, do you find that being nice on the dating scene works best for you? Do you think being harsh with men is a defense tool to protect yourself? When do you use this tool? Does it work for you?
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Checkmate
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dating, like a game of chess, sometimes requires strategy, finesse, and a touch of precision. You generally want to be clear about who to make a move on and when to make that move. When I have approached men, I have noticed that some are surprised, and some are genuinely flattered. I can’t remember a time when a guy was turned off , so I wonder why women don’t approach men more?
Is it upsetting the natural order of things to ask a guy out? When a woman does a “cold approach” on a man, does he believe she is acting out of desperation?
Guys, do you like being approached first? Can you recall a time when a woman asked you out and you were turned off? What is the smoothest approach a woman has done on you? IF you notice a really beautiful woman in Atlanta, which would you prefer: her approach you or vice versa? Which one brings the bigger thrill: chase or getting caught?
Ladies, what is your history with asking men out? Has it worked for you or backfired on you? Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of being the initiator? If you have ever asked a guy out, what was the most creative or unique way you pulled it off?
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Analyze This
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am no dating expert (I know, you’re shocked!), but one way I have managed to reduce a little romantic angst: put the dating microscope away. How many men have I placed under the man microscope? Sadly, too many.
The urge to analyze is driven by the need to know: How do they feel about me? Where is this going? Men and women can sometimes try to decipher each other in hopes of protecting themselves from mistakes. The problem with that? It.Does.Not.Work. Sure you can speculate a lot, but how well has that really worked for you so far?
I can remember a time when I would: recruit my girls to do full out recon on a potential mate, call post-date meetings and debrief about the date, and spend hours and hours waiting by the phone.
Can I tell you that I refer to those years the clueless era of my dating career? Talk about an exercise in futility! So to you, beloved Misadventures in Atlanta readers, a wise tip: stop trying to read men/women, pin point someone’s intentions, over analyze.
All you have to do is simply pay attention and take your time. That’s right, time reveals all - excuse me for sounding like an 80s song, but it’s true!
Personally, I don’t think any woman on the planet can say that analyzing her man, trying to read his mind, has actually resulted in a healthy, happy relationship with mutual respect. It ticks the guy off to be scrutinized so unnecessarily. They don’t like it and you (ok we!) are bad at it.
Guys, can you remember a time when you felt that the person you were dating were overyanalyzing you? What did they do or say? How could you tell? Do you think they did this because you were sending mixed messages? Or do you think this is typical female behavior? Do you have any advice for women to avoid this behavior?
Ladies, do you suffer from the man under the microscope syndrome? Is it hard for you to stop over-analyzing the men you date? Have you ever dated someone who seemed to over-analyze you? What did you do?
Permalink | Comments (156) | Post your comment | Categories: He Said/She Said
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