AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > May > 23 > Entry
What I’ll Never Do For Love Again
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When you first meet Mr. or Ms. Right (or Right Now) , you can become really smitten with them. So smitten, that you find yourself doing things you never even considered before! I remember when I was robbing the cradle to date Frat Boy, (please, no jokes!), I found myself acting like a young school girl. It was like I was reliving my college days through him. I had a ball, but reality soon checked. It was all fun and games until my grown up responsibilities reminded me that I wasn’t some carefree college girl anymore. Hanging out late during the week when I had an early meeting with district managers was not exactly a “wise” move. I drank a lot of coffee dating that Frat Boy!!
Then there was the brief time when I dated a personal trainer. I absolutely HATE excercising but when I was caught up in the haze of that hot dude, I clearly became Jane Fonda!! I wanted us to have something in common, and I forced myself into “his world”. You should have seen me, working out and smiling! Whatever!! A sad attempt to impress him, instead of just being myself. Imagine how long it lasted….yea exactly, about as long as it took for my Nikes to get dusty! He was really nice about it and said that I didn’t have to be a gym rat to date him, but things eventually fizzled out. Probably not the best idea to do a bait and switch dating move like this. He did teach me to find fun, interesting physical activities that I would actually stick to, so that was a great by-product of our time together.
Now when you are dating someone new and they are showing you totally new, cool (and hopefully legal) things, it CAN be a great thing. You just have to draw the line at compromising yourself and pretending to be something that you aren’t. I think there should also be a balance. When you are both open to learning more about each other’s interests, it makes for a spicier dating experience. Variety is the spice of life, no?
As I have matured, I surely have racked up a few things of “what I’ll never do for love again”, but I want to hear the lessons you guys have learned first! In your dating history, have you ever thought, “I did it once, but never again!”, when it comes to impressing someone new?
You know what they say, “never say never”. Is this always the case?
Can we really ever say for sure, “that is so not happening again, no way, not me!!
Right! Famous last words, huh?
Permalink | Comments (348) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Comments
By QC
May 23, 2006 08:19 AM | Link to this
Morning Excellent topic i’ll comment later too much going on in the office right now…Have a great day everyone
By Nubianteacher
May 23, 2006 08:41 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone…I’m not a usual blogger, I like to read what everyone has to say…and you guys are hilarious!! Anyway..I had to comment on today’s topic…I’ve always been an individual, but yes, you CAN get caught up with a new person and try to “mesh”…I found myself dating a minister once, and I know DARN WELL I had no business doing that…I was about to burst with lust! He was soooo fine…but I had to act like I was so into the church and a “goody-two-shoes”…not that I am not a Christian, but I can admit that I am still of the “world” and I needed to “release”!! :) Now that I look back on those days with him, I literally laugh out loud! Yes, it happens to the best of us…I’m a testimony to that!
By Janae
May 23, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this
Good Morning, Everyone.
By Tray
May 23, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this
good morning everyone! sometimes you have to jump to see if you can fly. QC you have a FAB day!
By Nubianteacher
May 23, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone…I’m not a usual blogger, I like to read what everyone has to say…and you guys are hilarious!! Anyway..I had to comment on today’s topic…I’ve always been an individual, but yes, you CAN get caught up with a new person and try to “mesh”…I found myself dating a minister once, and I know DARN WELL I had no business doing that…I was about to burst with lust! He was soooo fine…but I had to act like I was so into the church and a “goody-two-shoes”…not that I am not a Christian, but I can admit that I am still of the “world” and I needed to “release”!! :) Now that I look back on those days with him, I literally laugh out loud! Yes, it happens to the best of us…I’m a testimony to that!
By E
May 23, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this
I will never again Attempt to be the KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR! Not my job to try and save the damsel in distress, (bill problems, kid issues, self esteem hangups, etc.) Just be who I am, which I feel is enough.
By Krystal
May 23, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this
Great topic!
I will never ever pretend to enjoy Nascar! I only have myself to blame for the hours I spent following those blasted cars around a track for hours!
By Renee
May 23, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this
Good Morning everyone.
I’m not compromising who I am for love. I’m not dying for love. I’m not sacrificing my childs happiness for my own selfish love.
Other than that, I can’t dictate what I will or won’t do.
By QC
May 23, 2006 08:47 AM | Link to this
Welcome Numbianteacher
Tray you have a FAB day also!
Morning Janae
By JustMe
May 23, 2006 08:57 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Bloggers,
Foutunately for me I am overly adventurous. I have tried lots of different things dating and there’s nothing that killed me or bored me to death, so I’d probably do any of them again. My only hell to da naw, I ain’t gonna try in bungy jumping. Brutha can be fine as all out doors, and I won’t even think about it!
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 09:01 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everybody!! What’s up Miss QC
By MB
May 23, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this
I like to see the person that I am dealing with happy. So I make it my business to listen very closely when he starts to talk about his dreams or things he likes/wants. I have always believed that in a relationship you do what is needed to keep it as happy and loving as possible. That thought while ideal is what gets me into trouble and gets my kindness mistaken for weakness more often then not. I had an ex who wanted to play pro baseball he had been out of college for almost 10 years but claimed he was very good at one time. I know nothing about baseball and really didnt care about it. However I used my connections to find him an agent that was more then willing to sit down and talk with him to see what he could do. The ex never followed through with the meeting with the agent. I like most women love to shop. If I am involed with a man when I shop for me he automatically gets something also. One time and one time only (and I hate to admit it lol) I actually cut a brothas toe nails. Its things like these and many more that I have done for men that I was just dating. I am not going to say that I wont go out of my way to make my man happy anymore becuse I actually enjoy that. I will just say that the next man I go out of my way for will be my future husband not just someone I’m dating.
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this
Good Day, ( bowing down asian style ) RunninA, QC, 3rd, MusingL, DemiG, WD I’m in early today..
Once i pretended to like dogs, when in reality i’m afraid & am digusted with the licking and all. Eventually i just couldn’t stand it anymore, and just went the “lets be friends route”, this other time i dyed my hair and everything to look like this chick on tv cause homeboy thought i resembled her.. Just pathetic u know.. Well so nothing drastic on my part where i pretended to be somebody or something i’m not.. But i’m one of those who would say “NEVER SAY NEVER”!!
I can’t wait to see experiences U guys had/have to share!
By QC
May 23, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this
I can totally agree with E it’s just in my case it was the other way around, i was always the one giving 151 o/o in the relationship, but you can’t change tiger stripes to chettah spots (or whatever) i’ve learned from my mistakes and have just been my sweet, loveable self. I can’t fake it trying to like something just because my mate does, no mam i can’t do that…cause if i don’t like it trust it will show on my face. But i still give what i need to in getting to know someone and possibly pursuing that person for something more than friendship. That’s when all the instigating comes to play. lol!
By QC
May 23, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this
Morning 3rd, Gavi, Mista, Page, Dg?, Musing, Van, Fyre, Thick, Jackie, Kim, LahLah, db, abc, 2,BlueKollar, LL, Easter Bunny, Great Pumkin, Christmas Trees, Blue Skies
Newbies, Lurkers, Closet Bloggers
My Husband (hey Boo)
Cape Crusader’s Cape Holding Boo
By distantALsavga
May 23, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this
morning everyone have been lurking and enjoying the blog.(chillin)
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 09:18 AM | Link to this
Gavi what’s up girl??
By Tray
May 23, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this
yeah but sometimes those moments of pretending to like something you find out that you really did, or in fact you don’t. but you learned something about yourself.
yeah I’m talking in circles, it’s one of those days that basically I hate everything, one, etc, so going to lurk and learn
thanks QC on the wishes..
By anonymousella
May 23, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this
i’ll never take the time to get to know someone if the spark ain’t there from minute 1. hopefully i won’t ever have to go through the dating process again. but if i do, bump all that “don’t judge a book…” mess…LOL. every good, long-term relationship i have ever had — friendship, employer, romantic — has been instant. and all of that “getting to know you stuff” has just been a waste of my time.
By Wookin' Pnub
May 23, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
I will never love a man more than I love myself again! I put ME FIRST. I was in a very loooong relationship where my whole existence was this man. I didn’t go out with my friends, I supported him financially, in the beginning of the relationship, which was dumb on my part. I lost my identity because I ate, slept and breathed this person. I let everything about myself fall to the wayside.
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 09:28 AM | Link to this
Hai Girl..(3rd) ..I bet u can’t wait to hit the beach!!
By Wookin' Pnub
May 23, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this
I will never love a man more than I love myself again! I put ME FIRST. I was in a very loooong relationship where my whole existence was this man. I didn’t go out with my friends, I supported him financially, in the beginning of the relationship, which was dumb on my part. I lost my identity because I ate, slept and breathed this person. I let everything about myself fall to the wayside.
By QC
May 23, 2006 09:31 AM | Link to this
Morning Jazzy
By DuShawn
May 23, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
Good Morninig
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone! Hey Gavi how could you NOT like dogs lol??? Gyrl we need a psychoanalysts JUST for you lol.
@3rd-Hey Chica!
@Page GYRL WE DID IT!!! That game was AWESOME!!! GO SUNS!!!
To ALL LURKERS & NEWCOMERS: A Heartfelt Welcome to You! WE appreciate you joining & sincerely hope that you will stay & participate on a regular basis.
By Robin
May 23, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this
Okay - I once dated this guy who LOVED watching television. I don’t even have cable, ok?? SO, that was BORIIIIINGGGGGGGG to say the least.
Then I dated this geek who was into all this sci-fi stuff, including the big geek fest thingy that is called dragoncon or some such. He was also into gaming. Weird to say the least. And BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG.
Give me a music man any day of the week over the dull sci-fi geek boys. GAH!
By Ms.Elusive
May 23, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this
Morning all,
Diva - Great topic!
high fives JustMe - Girl I second that comment about the bungee jumping!
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this
Morning people. This should be absolutely hilarious today so I’m just gonna sit back and enjoy!…LMAO.
gavi I looked up this link just for you in case you ever consider pulling that Single White Female stunt again…LMAO. http://www.atlantatherapist.com
By tim
May 23, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this
I can’t deal with the women with kids anymore. My last 3 girlfriends all had kids and I tried to play “stepdaddy” but it is just not me.Because no matter how hard I try I cannot get into cartoons,Disney channel,Raven,and Chuck E cheese. Not to metion If me I have to deal with finding a babysitter if we want to go out. I have no kids so if i date a woman with kids and i want to go out on a tuesday night with her it can’t happen,because she got to help kids with homework,pick them up from practice or daycare.Also you have to deal with “baby daddy” drama.
By DuShawn
May 23, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this
I think women are more likely to conform their behavior and interest than men. The posts that I have read thus far reinforce this theory. Personally, I have never pretended to be interested in a subject to impress a woman nor have I changed my style for their benefit. However, I am guilty of trying to save a few women that really needed help.
By Ms.Elusive
May 23, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this
My ex liked to watch AdultSwim on the Cartoon Network. Yu gi oh and some other crap. I thought it was kinda cute… in touch with his youth and all that jazz. I was so bad that I’d convinced myself that I enjoyed them too, but am I watching them now? Nope. So… it was definately just for him. lol
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 09:44 AM | Link to this
@ anonymousella - I think, the point is that what crazy stuff would u do, after the spark is there!! In other words, just because u like the person so much, what r the crazy things u would do to be with him/her.
@ Fyre - lol..One traumatic experience while i was a lil girl changed my opinion on dogs..i don’t mind lil dogs ( chiuaua etc)..but other then that..noo..Also this guy has a Great Dane..who weighs more then me..lol..
By Kym
May 23, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All, Hmmmm I thought a minute before responding to this. I have done somethings in the name of love. But never changed who I am for it. I guess the only thing I could think of was giving a interest in military lingo when dating the “Soldier from Hell” but otherwise I am pretty much my own person. It doesnt mean I am not open to new stuff. But, changing my belief system to appease some dude. NAWWWWWW!!!!!
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 09:49 AM | Link to this
@ RunninA - Hai Boo.. lol.. Thanks, but no thanks..( Single white Fem = not me).. r u gettin me confused with somebody else??
By G
May 23, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
Never again will I be Dr. Phil in the relationship. Ms. Baglady will have to drop her bags at the next stop.
By QC
May 23, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
Morning Runnin, Musing, G
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this
gavi What’s up baby girl. You gotta remember that movie to get that one. In the movie, ol girl died her her and took on the appearance and personality of her roommate to get at her man. Your dying hair story reminded me of that mess…lol.
By G
May 23, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this
Never again will I be Dr. Phil in the relationship. Ms. Baglady will have to drop her bags at the next stop.
I once dated this girl who had a history of bad relationships. She was so used to guys cheating, fighting, and whatever, that she thought our relationship was begining to get boring. I knew she was bringing emotional/psychological baggage, but I thought I was patient enough to outlast, and talk it out. Boy was I wrong. I have run out of time for Ms. Baglady.
By Ms.Elusive
May 23, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this
high fives Kym - same here girl.. if there is one thing I can say, it’s I’m my own person… hate it or love it. Sometimes I wonder if I am too inflexible. I’m open to try new things but if I don’t like them, I am pretty comfortable saying so. If guys don’t like it, OH WELL. shrugs
Now, my mom on the other hand could really speak to this. I tease her all the time, because she’s back on the dating scene and you can always tell what kind of guy she is dating because of how she’s currently acting and what activities she’s into. She is the ultimate chamelion. She starts to dress like them, talk like them… it’s pretty bad. My mom is the consummate buppie. I have plenty of memories of having my grammer corrected, so imagine my surprise when she starts dating Mr. Thuglife and the words “das my nigga” came from her lips. I was like.. “Err? Who are you and where did you put my mom?” lmao
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
@G LOL OMG you had the baglady huh my bad boo!
@Gavi GYRL it’s the little ones who fight the dirtiest lol you have to watch out for them more! Check out the therapy link runnin sent lol!
Back to the Topic at hand. I think probably the one time I really changed who I was for a guy was this man that I met within the last year who has a COMPLETELY different religion than I do. I tried to at least embrace our differences & tried to learn about his religion & what may have attracted him to it—& for a while there I could sort of understand why it called him until— THE CHICKENS were supposed to be allowed in the house! THAT DID IT! So I have made a solemn vow that from now on my man must GOD FEARING, GOD LOVING, & CHICKEN IN THE HOUSE HATING!! OH THE TRAUMA!! Hey runnin I think I need that link!!! LOL
By Thick
May 23, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone, I hope you all are having a Fabulastic Day!
Yes, I have dated a guy with some characteristics taht I will never, and I mean never date again. He was like a baby, did not like to share, he only wanted to see me he wanted too, and would be totally upset if I went out without him, I just got really tired of this immature behavior.
He was not a big communicator, he felt like somehow he did not have to do anything in a relationship, and if things did not go his way he pouted, yes, had through a tantrum, and poked out his lip. I go really tired of his chickenhead behavior and just told him to let it go, I’m busy.
I will never tolerate this kind of behavior but there are other things that I can accept now that I am more mature.
Hey Musing, MissQC, Fyer, Jewel, Jazzy, DuShawn, Third, BlueKollar, QDogTeach, Page, LL, Gavi, Lah Lah, Jackie, Jenae
By Kenya
May 23, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this
I will not prematurely compromise my goals/dreams for love and settle on a lifestyle where I am ordinary. I love my children (2) more than life but I will never again have a child just because of love. Love fades and the responsibility and needs of children last a lifetime.
By chink
May 23, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All
Oh I have done alot for love …child out of wedlock-wont do again, cook dinner every night-wont do again, open up entirely - wont do again…ok maybe but it will take a while for that.
My experience has been that men always try to act a certain way for me to get me. They try to impress me with all this stuff that they think a woman of my caliber would like when actually I am very easy to please (the little things) but difficult in the sense I am not going to tell you what to do to get to me.
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this
Sup QC. Dallas pulled it out but the Clippers couldn’t hang.
LOL @FyreStarrter and THE CHICKENS were supposed to be allowed in the house!
Ladies: The use of the link I posted earlier is free for you all today. I am getting paid by the number of referrals and lawd knows there is plenty of business to be had here in the A…LMAO.
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this
@Thick Good Morning Gyrl!! Yes it is QUITE obvious that Nut Job had to go gyrl. If there is anything I cannot stand, it is a spoiled rotten whiny man lol.
By Thick
May 23, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this
*Welcome Nubianteacher, we are glad to have you here
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
Sup Thick! @ Fyre - the only reason i like the lil once is because if they act up, i can just atleast kick em, or something.. ( good thesis ). Now i can’t do that with the big ones, can i?? Since u guys ( Runnin as well ) are teasing me..this is what had happen.. i had two Doberman dogs chase after me, and thank god the owner came in time..but the trauma had already gotten to me.. Hence the dislike of big dogs came in teh picture.
Once,i actually did go online and tried to know bout Cars, models, year..blah blah..so that i could impress Mr.Suave with my knowledge about cars..lol..
By Kym
May 23, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
@Ms. Exclusive. I dont think it is a case of inflexiblity. Just a matter of knowing what you like and dont like. Heck I will try anything once. But, I am not going to make it apart of the very fabric of my being if I dont like it just so I can impress some guy. If I met a nice gentleman and he said lets go jogging. I have no problem saying you jog, I will walk, and we will meet at the Dairy Queen.
By MB
May 23, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
G The guy that I set up with the agent had alot of drama like that with women also. I ended up breaking up with him and he went back to the woman that stabbed him and beat his son and actually married her (they are divorced now but geez thats too much drama). The night I broke up with him his closing words were, “You were the best girlfriend I ever had.” After him I realized that there are some people who get treated so poorly in relationships they begin to think thats all they deserve. In addition they also begin to believe that drama in a relationship is normal. When in fact CHAOS IS NOT NORMAL.. So when they do meet a person who is peaceful and likes them for who they are with no other motives they usually treat that person like crap. Its really sad but it happens all the time. So all the decent person can do is remove themself from the relationship.
By ObliviousOne
May 23, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this
I don’t mind trying new things and doing what the object of my affection would like to do. But the ball drops when that person is unyielding in doing the things that I would enjoy or have an interest in.
By chink
May 23, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this
Oh yeah no more guys who use (once a week) or addicted to alcohol, drugs- yes I consider weed a drug, or anything that equals risky behavior.
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 10:19 AM | Link to this
To turn it around the other way - All of the guys i seem to date, do seem to bend in to my likes to their likes.. But i don’t mind that.. A guy who really doesn’t gym regularly starts doing so , is a great thing. Also if he starts to eat healthy, try to do the stuff i like, which he normally wouldn’t do otherwise..I do not mind that a bit ;)
By QC
May 23, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
Ok Gavi it’s after 10am and the real Cape Crusader nor Musing has not! checked in….i’m getting worried, what do you think?????? Before we left on yesterday they both were flying around the ATL so what’s up with that? it’s not like them both to be missing, Runnin where ya boys at?
By Mel S
May 23, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this
One thing I’ll never do again is settle. I married someone who I thought I could mold into what I wanted. I thought no one would ever accept me for my faults like he did, so I took the opportunity while it was there. I married for convenience, not love. Finally, we realized it wasn’t what we wanted, so we went our seperate ways. Never again will I settle for less than what I want. My expectations are much higher now and I will not accept someone who is not on my social or close to my intelligence level. If I have to explain everything, or spell check everything they do, it’s not worth it to me. Granted, my ex-husband and I were best friends, but that’s it. I will NEVER settle for a man that does not satisfy me sexually. Sorry to be blunt, but it’s true. If he leaves me wanting more, or is not willing to try or even attempt to be a lover as well as companion, what’s the point? Yes guys, there are women out there with voracious appetites…it’s just hard to find the guys looking for relationships that are the same, not just looking for a piece.
By Mel S
May 23, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this
One thing I’ll never do again is settle. I married someone who I thought I could mold into what I wanted. I thought no one would ever accept me for my faults like he did, so I took the opportunity while it was there. I married for convenience, not love. Finally, we realized it wasn’t what we wanted, so we went our seperate ways. Never again will I settle for less than what I want. My expectations are much higher now and I will not accept someone who is not on my social or close to my intelligence level. If I have to explain everything, or spell check everything they do, it’s not worth it to me. Granted, my ex-husband and I were best friends, but that’s it. I will NEVER settle for a man that does not satisfy me sexually. Sorry to be blunt, but it’s true. If he leaves me wanting more, or is not willing to try or even attempt to be a lover as well as companion, what’s the point? Yes guys, there are women out there with voracious appetites…it’s just hard to find the guys looking for relationships that are the same, not just looking for a piece.
By Thick
May 23, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this
I also dated a guy that wanted me to change the way I dressed. He seemed real Holy, but in a strange and demanding kind of way, I had to break it off with him also. I could just me arguing with about one of my tops and a fitting pair of jeans. If I can accept him for who he is I want him to accept me.
By Kenya
May 23, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this
@ Chink you sound like me…They try to uphold my lifestyle and contribute to the way I carry me when its the little things I really adore but I don’t want to say when, how, how much or how little
2 children by this man out of wedlock, the cooking, cleaning, etc. Never ever again (with my eyes open)
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this
@ QC - Musin was busy smashing folks around..must be tired. I did look out of my window..not suspecious flying object! Sigh!! CapeC must be getting ready or something??
By chink
May 23, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this
@ Gavi
Dont worry I feel ya I am afraid of dogs too. In NY there used to be this horse looking dog that jumped over the fence and run after everyone walking down the street.
Also I was almost attacked by one ..once that happens its hard to release the fear. I have a sonar device with me when I go to the park sometimes because I hate dogs that come/run to me ..just leave me alone!!!!
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this
@Gavi oh my poor Gavi, you were at the bad end of 2 very good dogs lol. Just try & remember that it’s the owner NOT the dog. And for the record YES I am a dog lover, all breeds all sizes, BUT I do understand you being traumatized by that experience.
@runnin oh h3ll no the dayum Chickens do NOT BELONG in my loft! UNH UNH!!
@Chink GYRL the illegal drugs (yes dudes this DOES include weed) are so easy to try & get past because we say well it’s only once a week, or being around me he will quit soon enough. When not even deep down inside but right there on the surface we KNOW it is NOT true. They will NOT give that monkey up lol.
@MB you know what I have been in that scenario once myself, the guy I was dating lead a very Spartan lifestyle as a result of all the relationship trauma he had endured & for a while I adapted until I realized I just couldn’t deal with all that negativity & lack of ambition. It was like he felt because he had had a really bad life growing up that his life was just supposed to stay that way & never move forward. sigh
By chink
May 23, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this
@Kenya I hear ya and I aint mad at ya….understand completely
My motto is now if you dont like it you can go….my capacity for love is minuscule..I am almost afraid that I can’t love sometimes
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this
@ Chink - Thank U!! See,i knew i was normal..and that its ok to be afraid of dogs!! lol @ horse looking dog. That’s how my friend’s dog looks. i can ride him, seriously!!
By "Longtime Lurker"
May 23, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
Man, I think there is a lot bull crap going on up in here this mornin! Folks talking bout what they won’t do for love, man puleese! The right person cross your path like a black cat, yo azz gonna be doing crazy ish again.
Dudes will be makin them trips to CVS for monthly’s, for their broads and chicks will be looking at their dudes like he’s the next great super hero or something.
Errybody been a sucker for love once or twice, some half a dozen.
Nothin wrong with that ish, just keep things in perspective and keep it movin…
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
@Thick-GYRL I wish a man would lol. I think I tried to date a MUCH older guy a few years back & he tried to comment on my manner of dressing stating that he felt it was inappropriate to show any kind of clevage or wear short skirts. Gyrl I almost went exorcist on him! Let that be a lesson to people-If you meet someone & there is something about him or her you DON’T like with within the 1st 2 weeks NEWSFLASH!! It is not going to change! They may stem their behaviour temporarily but it will NOT change. Take 10 deep breaths & keep it moving!
By sJeaSexyCool
May 23, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this
i will never again believe that you can’t help who you fall in love with…
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this
QC Don’t fret, The Instigators are doing some covert missions and then some recruiting. Then, I think demigod said he has a wet t-shirt contest to judge at noon…lol.
Ladies Ya’ll are making me sad so in the spirit of the moment, I’m going to kick off some slow jam dedications. To start it off, now playing “Reasons”, by Earth, Wind, and Fire.
By Thick
May 23, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this
Chink, I like that 10:09 post, cook every night! How want me to come to your house and cook every night, he must be dismissed. Meet me half way, take me out to dinner sometime, order dinner in, the Olive Garden has pick-up, men just don’t know!
By sJeaSexyCool
May 23, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this
i will never again believe that you can’t help who you fall in love with…
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this
@Ms.Exclusive- I do think that as women sometimes we go to extremes. Either we tend to over commit & do everything to try & make a relationship work or we state empathically that we will NOT do anything to try & make a relationship work & that our partner has to do everything (alot of that has to do with past relationships in all earnest though). Trouble is if we are doing either of those it’s NOT really a relationship is it? You saying you might be inflexible, maybe you are a tad but the first step towards working on that is to do just what you did & acknowledge it. Because if you feel you are inflexible chances are your current or past SO’s felt the same.
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this
@sJeaSexyCool-I think you really can’t help whom you fall in love with BUT I think you can help whom you will choose to let take advantage of that love though. sigh
By MB
May 23, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this
FyreStarrter I know thats right girl. But you know it doesnt even take a week or two anymore. Luckily the majority of my stupid moves where men were concerned were committed in my twenties. After self evaluation I discovered that something in me told me immediately that I should not be dealing with certain people and I ignored that little voice. Now I pay very close attention to that little whisper that comes to me when I first meet a man. Doubt means dont and if you dont listen to that whisper it usually becomes a scream and drama is usually fight at your back door by that time.
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this
The next selection is dedicated to chink & Thick, since neither one of them are cooking every night, or fetching their man’s slippers ever again…LMAO.
Now playing, “Ask of you”, by Raphael Saadiq
By QC
May 23, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this
Runnin, ok DG would be a judge at something like that ;) i’ll check back later…
By chink
May 23, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this
@ Thick
I know he wanted a maid not a wife.
@ runnin
Ya’ll have it so easy, men are not really expected to do much but a woman we have to be beautiful all the time, in shape, cook, clean, be a nun, but a freak with you though, raise the kids, and basically be a super hero. While a man can get fat, sloppy, loose his hair, wear old worn out clothes, only be a father sometimes, be promiscuis, fart, burp, and everything else and its AOK.
DOUBLE STANDARD not trying to man bash but oh well
I wish I could fall in love for the first time again …oh well
By Renee
May 23, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
Never fall in love with your heart. Use your mind then your heart, and you will never go wrong.
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this
@ RunninA - yeah..oh gotcha.. haven’t seen the movie.. Why r u not helping DemiG out at the judging thing?
Do you guys think that a person can control falling in love?? I mean, if you know that the other person is not necessarily u’re type or can’t give you everything..can u make u’re self not like the person?? I think, u can!! I only say this, after i read Long Lurker’s comment on ppl doing crazy things when in love!
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this
@MB See I like that phrase “Doubt Means Don’t” sigh so True…SO TRUE… Most of us unfortunately chose to wait until the drama is at the door before we see the forest for the trees.. sigh
@runnin-I am loving you & your song selection today! Raphael Saadiq is the man!
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this
Gavi I don’t know… I keep reading these horror stories on the travel AJC blog about Panama City and now I am getting nervous. I don’t want to get kidnapped or left for dead. I do want to party and lay on the beach… But yes, I am doing a mental countdown to the beach…. 3 more days to go…. WHOPEE!!!
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this
@Chink-Breathe Gyrl Breathe—-I am right here with you lol. But I to say that any man that “can get fat, sloppy, loose his hair, wear old worn out clothes, only be a father sometimes, be promiscuis, fart, burp, and everything else” will be out the dayum door before you can finish the can & the get lol. So as you get older I think we have all learned what we will & will NOT put up with. You know we have to be superheroes but as women that is just whom we were made to be. GOD understood that from the jump lol.
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this
* What’s up Fyre* I am jamming to my XM radio this morning…. Playing Chaka Khan I feel for you… LOL
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this
chink Okkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy. Now that you got that little vent and male bash off of your chest I’ll give you a second dedication since you want to fall in love for the first time again.
Now playing, “One in a million”, by Aaliyah
By sJeaSexyCool
May 23, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this
chink…i PROMISE you that the man that you described would not get a second look from me or any of the women i know…and if that madness started happening after we were together…it is mandatory that it be addressed…
but it’s cool…i read it with the humor with which i am certain it was intended…cause you’re right…it’s always the fattest, sloppiest ones that want a dimepiece…
By Thick
May 23, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this
I cannot see myself going these routes again, especially the cooking and my clothes. I like wearing what I want, it’s not slutty, so my thinking is, get a grip on yourself.
Oh yeah, let’s not forget the guy who needed me to call him or who called me every 45 minutes to find out where I was and what I was doing. The single life got me, I don’t know how to report in like a good girl!
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this
What’s up Jazzy? Trying to play catch up on here…
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this
@Miss QC I TOO am very worried about Demi-it’s so not like him to not have flown into the office by now. We MUST keep an ever vigilant watch for him. LOL
By Thirdwheelflunkie
May 23, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this
@Kym 10:16 AM Comment LOLOL I tell people that all the time… they ask me to go running I tell them I will met them at Ms.Winners…
oh yeah really glad the blog is working now….!!
By melo
May 23, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this
‘The right person cross your path like a black cat, yo azz gonna be doing crazy ish again.’-Longtime Lurker
I second that. Most(gals) who say that have been burnt in their previous relationships and have not found anything yet or are still too bitter to date. Love softens the heart and u wont know untill u in love. If u get burnt, chill, relax and take a breath but keep it moving. Life is too precious to hold on too past bad experiences. Lov is good!
By Wookin' Pnub
May 23, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this
I also will not date divorced men with kids. Too much baggage, in my experience. Mostly committment phobes. I may date a divorced man no kids, but when I see the red flags I will run, run wookin’ run!
By Kym
May 23, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this
@Gavi Yes dear it is quite possible to run like the dickens from a person even if you do love them. That saying there is a thin line between love and hate is quite true. Unless you are the type that says I will adapt or he will change once he is with me. My friend has a saying you finish how you start. If he or she starts off being a crappy lover, or a liar, or a cheat, nine ways to sunday that is pretty much them just being themselves. For example”Soldier from Hell” was a bad communicator from begining to end he sucked. In the end, he didnt change he just kept doing what it was in his makeup to do. (not return calls, etc..) It is about what you are willing to deal with. An once you realize you cant deal with that behavior, you push on. An hopefully dont look for another homie-lover-friend with the same behavior. Have any of you seen the Fruit-Cake Lady on Leno? She has a saying you cant change a person just look forward to them getting worst.
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this
@ Renee - i luv what u said..that one liner was off the chain girl
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this
gavi I have to stay here and dj and get my referrals, plus demi can handle that..lol. And this selection is for you and your ability to control who you fall in love with.
Now playing, “Cupid”, by 112
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this
Hey 3rd Gyrl just pray, go, & watch your back! I have never been to Panama City but I have been to Miami & Tampa more than a few times! Believe me Tampa is WORSE than Miami lol. So just Pray & Go & have fun!
@Thick yeah gyrl that is always hilrious when someone tries to indoctrinate someone else with their beliefs lol. When you tell them to GTH back the attitude they cop is PRICELESS lol! And the constant caller? Oh gyrl he had MAJOR issues-like Criminal Minds Unsub issues-be glad you are GONE from that situation! LOL
@runnin-awww bruh why did you have to go & bring up Aaliyah today??? sniff
By melo
May 23, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this
‘cannot see myself going these routes again, especially the cooking and my clothes. I like wearing what I want, it’s not slutty, so my thinking is, get a grip on yourself.’-Thick
Maybe u need advice on yr dressing, dont be too defensive.
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this
@Wookin’—JACKPOT with that 1118 post! It’s official ladies we have a new sister in arms! Gyrl after my most recent experience I try not to even date divorced men lol! One of the hottest guys I EVER dated (I mean like Tyson-the model hot) had just gone through a divorce & GOD was that an awful experience. He apologized for it later but the damage sadly was done.
By LahLah
May 23, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
Hey all you extra fabulous people!!! Wow look at all the new bloggers! That’s great. Welcome.
I will never again change my physcial appearance based on how my man thinks I should look.
I’ve had ex’s in the past who didn’t want me to wear weave or makeup. I only wear a little foundation and mascara oh and my MAC sattin finish “Photo A85” lipstick. Which is basic to me. And I keep the Milkyway Blue #4 10” sewn in. (the ladies know what I’m talking about.) That’s what I like. It enhances my beauty. But I’m not one of those people that can’t go to the gas station unless “I have my face on.” I’m flattered that my ex’s thought I was beautiful without my mascara, lipstick and dark brown mane but it’s what I like. So I’ll never again go plain faced to a nice resturant. I shouldn’t have to.
And if I want microbraids, that’s what I’m going to do. A guy actually told me once that anyone who would spend $260 on a hairstyle has life messed up. He also said women who wear microbraids are just too dang lazy to do their own hair. WTF??????
Question I’m dating a guy now, and I really like him. He always compliments me on my hair. He tells me that it’s so beautiful. When were sitting next to each other, he smells it and touches it but he still hasn’t realized it isn’t mine!! How do I tell him that the hair he’s fallen in love with comes from C&S Beauty Supply store off of Memorial Dr? it’s going to break his heart
By Sidelines
May 23, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
Hello and Mornin’ to evryone - “Nine ways to Sunday”…lol, that was cute Kym.
Back to lurksville….:)
By queeng
May 23, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this
Great topic, as a 40ish female I have had my share of things I have done out of love. I have never changed who I am to fit who the person I’m dating is, but I have compromised quite often. However, even though I’ve had several bad experiences I don’t think that there is anything I could honestly say I would never do again. I am caring by nature and I think of my man as an extention of myself. I am not into casual dating and if I enter a relationship with someone my goal is for a long-term relationship or eventually marriage. I too love the little things. I will exercise caution from now on when lending someone money. There has been several times when I have lended someone I was dating large sums of money, never to be repaid. When I look back at the situation they were losers anyhow who were performing to get what they wanted. Another thing is that I will not discuss a lot about my painful past unless I see that it is getting very serious. Even though I would never want to lie to my mate. There are certain things that they do not need to know immediately. For instance, that I was sexually abused as a child. Somehow, men always seem to think that this is an unresolved issue that will cause problems in your relationship and use this as an excuse for everything.
By MB
May 23, 2006 11:31 AM | Link to this
Wookin I totally agree about the divorced man thing. I refuse to even look at a divorced man unless hes been out of that relationship for at least 5 years. I figure it takes at least that long for him to release the bitter issues, undo all of the possible head games his ex dropped on him and get over the “I gotta sex everything in site” mentality that alot of recently divorced guy seem to have. However if he has more then 1 child none of that matters because I wont touch him with a 10 foot pole anyway. Same for recently seperated men thats just potential drama waiting to happen.
By chink
May 23, 2006 11:31 AM | Link to this
@ runnin
Thanks for the dedication
Hey gals I was basically describing a bum on the corner huh? lol alittle exaggeration on my behalf but most guys do have a least one of the those qualities (pun intended)
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this
@ Kym - I like what u’re friend said ” you finish how you start”!! I guess a person has to look for signs, then if she/he does..then dip!! I didn’t really give in to somebody at that level, but i did stop myself from liking guys who i thought weren’t at my level.
@ 3rd - Girl u’re silly..why u always have to meet at some food joint..why cna’t u meet him at the gym..
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this
@Chink-trust me gyrl we feel you! LOL
By SeanJohnson
May 23, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this
Just my two cents.. From my experience we tend to change or conform our personalities and hobbies depending on our attraction level and feelings for the person we date. If its someone we really want its easy to get wrapped up into their lives. This normally happens in the beginning when things are new..the get know each other slash impress each other stage. As time pass the real you comes out you get to see if you are compatible with that person…Me i go into things as is…naked not literally though…except me and embrace me..
By MB
May 23, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this
Lahlah The hair thing is not an issue. Girl Im like Regine from living single when Im not in these braids. We are women and its fun to be women wigs, braids weaves or whatever are all a part of us being individuals and expressing how we feel on any given day. The hair and make- up cannot give you anything you dont already have it can only enhance it. I just tell men if it appears to be an issue to them that I change my hair about as often as I change my mind. I have found that as long as in their opinion the braids, weave, wigs etc is attractive and sexy and undetectable they dont care.
By chink
May 23, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this
@queen
I am sorry to hear that ….I wish you the best, you deserve it
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this
LahLah Morning. This dedication is for you, your man, and your weave…lol. Looks like you have some decisions to make….lol.
Now playing, “Before I Let Go”, by Frankie Beverly and Maze
By Thick
May 23, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this
I must add these men who think they know everything and are constantly trying to tell me which way to go, what to do, how to talk. Women you know what I’m talking about, hold on I’m not finish — kneel down, stand up, bend over, don’t talk, sit there, call me, cook some dinner, go to bed, be home by ten, ultimate don’t wear that, it’s not appropriate!
Maybe u need advice on yr dressing, dont be too defensive.-melo
Get A Grip On Yourself, you are taking the v-neck top and flared gaucho jeans way too far! It is not that serious.
By Sidelines
May 23, 2006 11:46 AM | Link to this
@Lahlah, Smelling your hair??? LMAO….still laughing, lol….the next time he comments on it, just kind of slide in “you do realize that this is weave”…girrlll, if he never calls you again, then he DEFINITELY did you a favor!
Back to lurksville, again….
Oh, runnin’, are you taking requests? How about “Before I Let Go” by Maze….lol!
By LahLah
May 23, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this
Wookin Your post on divorced men is interesting. They do have serious commitment phobes after their divorce. I asked you all the question the other day about my beau who is a divorcee. He said he didn’t want to be married again in fear of being divorced again. I come across a lot of men who feel this way. It’s sad. Making me think that going forward, I won’t date guys who are newly divorced, I’m talkin in the past 5 years.
By Sidelines
May 23, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this
@runnin’, I see great minds think alike…lol! Now THAT was too coincidental!
By gavi1126
May 23, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this
@ LahLah - lol.. girl.. u made me laugh out tooo loud.. my bad.. ahheemm.. on a serious note.. I dont think, its that big of a deal.. so what he likes u’re (not) hair!! Just slip the fact in one of u’re silly convo’s like its not a big deal ( cause it isn’t )..
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this
@SeanJohnson-WOO HOO you are so right my friend! If we are truly feeling a person than our own personality, clothes, lifestyle be dayumed lol. WE will do whatever it takes to hook them lol! Sad part about it is is that most times they do not even have the capactity to appreciate all that you “done” for “them” lol.
@Melo-as a person who has been in the same situation as Thick I can honestly say it’s NOT about what you are wearing-it is about CONTROL & trying to control & manipulate that person. If they had such a problem with your manner of dress than why did they approach you or attempt to establish a relationship in the first place?
By Page1908
May 23, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this
Hey Everyone!
Walking in with my SUNS jersey on…rolling eyes busting up laughin’ at Runnin…ummm yeah…no comment dude…lol….yeah you know that game was soooo bananas!!
Hey Fyre Yeah girl, we live to fight another day…look out Dallas:) gasp
Hey Gavi, Mista, Third, QC, and Jazzy
By runninatl
May 23, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this
Sidelines Please step away from the dj booth!…lol. You late, I got this…lol. Ok, I’m going to lunch so you can take over for a sec…hehehehe.
By SexyLeggs
May 23, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this
Good morning neighbors…you guys are hysterical. I dated a wannabe stripper with a drop dead gorgeous body. I will never go that route again….he spent more time toning himself than toning me…..
By LahLah
May 23, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this
runnin thanks for the dedication. Since you got that Frankie Beverly and Maze on, play a little, “Happy Feelings!”
Happy feelings in the air.
Sidelines I think it’s sweet that he smells my hair, don’t laugh at my boo. He’s romantic like that. LOL!!!
MB Great comment. I’ve been known to pack me extra hair on vacations and weekend rendevous, “just in case.” You right, a man will have to just except it.
By MB
May 23, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this
Lahlah If all else fails just take your weave out in front of him and lay it on top of the dresser lol.
By chink
May 23, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this
^5 Thick
I hear ya LOUD and CLEAR
By Tazzee
May 23, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this
Greetings from Brussels!
I’ve never pretended to like something just for my mate. I am willing to try new things though and if I don’t like them, I let the guy know. Wait, I take that back - I have pretended like I couldn’t cook when meeting men because I didn’t want to deal with the mentality that I should be cooking for them.
By LahLah
May 23, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this
gavi sup girl. You’re right it isn’t a big deal to me but I think he has some kind of hair fettish. I told ya’ll last week that he said he was going to scratch my dandruff, wash my hair and grease my scalp. Dang, now that I think about it, he does have some kind of hair and scalp fettish.
runnin I’m requesting, Reasons by Earth Wind and Fire. Did you already play that? Hell, play it again! please and thank you
By FyreStarrter™
May 23, 2006 12:09 PM | Link to this
@ LahLah—hmm that is a seriously tough dilemma gyrl! Even I would not even have the heart to tell him! DAYUM!