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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > July > 27 > Entry
Single Guy: Red Light, Green Light
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I don’t understand you women.
You want bad boys who will treat you nice. You want macho guys who are sensitive (“Here’s some flowers…biatch…”). And, you forget to pick up the dry cleaning, but somehow remember the names of every character from All My Children.
And, then you love to muddle our already fragile male psyche with your Mixed Signals.
Take “Kim,” the 28-year-old I.T. Specialist who sauntered up to me at a party several months ago. She gave me her name, her phone number, and her undivided attention at the party, and then we enjoyed a great movie-date the following weekend. Green light.
But, not so fast! When I called for the second date, Kim hesitated like Michael Jackson walking past a Boy Scouts meeting. Kim didn’t want to get together again unless we both brought mutual friends with us. Huh? Are we on a date, or assembling a negotiations team for the North Korean missile crisis? Red light.
I threw away Kim’s number but several weeks later, at another party, Kim shows up, goes to the cash bar, and buys me a beer (!) She wants to know if I’m doing anything this weekend. Huh? That’s a flashing orange light, at a railroad crossing, with my Honda Civic stuck in front of a speeding CSX train.
What possesses you women to give a green light one moment, and then a red light the next? Are you disciples of “The Rules,” the book which espouses deception as the cornerstone of relationships? Are you really not sure? Do your decisions simply ebb and flow, like That Special Time Of The Month?
Men, how can we deal with this? Do guys give mixed signals like this too?
Oh, Kim, if you’re reading this, call me back about this weekend!
-The Single Guy-
Permalink | Comments (311) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Comments
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 08:18 AM | Link to this
Good morning Single Guy, nice to read you. (“Here’s some flowers…biatch…”) * Hilarious!!* The signals you are receiving aren’t mixed. They really are simple and you have to see things as they really are. Behavior like that from anyone lets you know that they are dating other people, keeping their options open and not so into you until it fits for them. Sounds like a person that has an active social calendar and gets with you when the feeling hits them, no worries, its what people do when they aren’t exclusive. Don’t wonder, don’t question it, see it for what it is and make sure you are doing you. It can be difficult to do that I know..I know…trust.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 08:23 AM | Link to this
Red Light, Green Light - i played that game when i was a child Men & Women give mixed signals all the time.
By superwoman69
July 27, 2006 08:38 AM | Link to this
Obviously Kim may have gotten mixed signals from you when she thought to bring a friend for your 2nd date. You may have come on too strong and expected too much too soon, sounds like her effort to buy you a beer meant she was trying to make nice with you. Just because a woman behaves in a matter not pleasing to you, does not mean she has her monthly, which is a over used cope out by intimidated men. She has a career and probably her own life and may want to take things slowly and could mean she still may be interested, but looking for a man with quality. The male ego is so huge, maybe this is why logical reasoning (common sense)is blocked.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 08:38 AM | Link to this
Are we on a date, or assembling a negotiations team for the North Korean missile crisis
Funny-funny, *but I thought games are for kids?
By JML74
July 27, 2006 08:58 AM | Link to this
Sounds like Kim has an active social calendar and doesn’t neccessarliy “wait by the phone” for the 2nd date….brothas have to understand too, we women have active lives and careers and living here in ATL, it’s easy to be and about….She’s having a good time and exploring her options….she could very well be dating other folks, personally that’s not necessarily a crime if she’s not available when you called for the 2nd date. Single Guy, sorry boo, but oh girl is just doing her thang…..brothas do it all the time….dont think you should have written her off that quick…she asked you out, right? Apparently there’s still some mutual interest between the both of you.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 08:58 AM | Link to this
Hi Demi how are you this morning?
By G
July 27, 2006 09:00 AM | Link to this
Finally, SG is back with a hot one. Happens all the time on these hot ATL streets. What Jazz eluded to sounds about right. She’s probably a busy girl on the dating scene. That’s typical for the A and B list (tier 1 and 2) women.
On that group thing, sounded like a setup for one or two of her “C-list” friends that need help to find a date. It happens. Either old girl has other options, or it’s the old bait and hook. She’s the bait; hooks you for a “friendly” outing; reels you to shore to some hungry pirates.
So you saw her again at a party, and she got you a beer? Take it for what it is, and keep the expectations short. It’s not all about you fitting in her schedule, but what about your schedule? If you have better things to do, you may want to fit her in the “left-over” spot.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 09:01 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone
I don’t intentionally give mix signals, but I’ve been told that I do. Anyone who has ever told me that have been my male friends. I like hanging, talking, and socializing with my male friends but I’ve been told that I’m very “touchy/feely” so sometimes they may get the wrong impression. But to answer your question Single Guy…she’s just not that into YOU! A woman who knows what she wants and is going after it will only give one signal…COME AND GET IT!!
By Thick
July 27, 2006 09:05 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone
I hate to say it Single Guy but Jazzyone’s right, she dating more than one person. Having multiples does give variety but sometimes it can be hard for her to balance them all, I guess. Poor thing, by listening to you explain the situation her pimpin was way off. You choose, play when you want to play and if you don’t want to play, say no I don’t want to come out and play this weekend.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 09:08 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone
I don’t intentionally give mix signals, but I’ve been told that I do. Anyone who has ever told me that have been my male friends. I like hanging, talking, and socializing with my male friends but I’ve been told that I’m very “touchy/feely” so sometimes they may get the wrong impression. But to answer your question Single Guy…she’s just not that into YOU! A woman who knows what she wants and is going after it will only give one signal…COME AND GET IT!!
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:10 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
Said while kicking down office door and jumping behind desk like Rambo dodging a grenade blast
Single Guy Sounds like this Kym pulled the emergency break on your advances…That “Lets bring mutual friends” thing is what happens when she needs to slow down the date….You may have been coming on really strong OR more than likely she’s come on hard with guys before and she needed to call in a friend to slow her down, so she wouldn’t make the same mistakes again….She still has interest in you for asking you out, but I would tell her no, and change the day so you don’t seem desperate for her attention (even if you are).
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this
screw that… the Neville Brothers said it best…
if you want something to play with, then go and find yourself a toy
To stick with the traffic analogy, I’m not one to travel surface streets if I don’t have to… you get better gas mileage on the highway since you don’t have to stop and go all the time… put your cards on the table - let that person know that you like them, but they aren’t the only one… if they can’t deal with it, then you don’t need to date them.
singing
telllll it like it isssssssssssssssss…
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 09:13 AM | Link to this
S.Guy how old are you?
now donning new Juggernaut power suit. Now running through down Atlanta.
Nothing can STOP the Juggernaut!! AJC Police, Fuvk wit it!!!
By Psycho Belle
July 27, 2006 09:14 AM | Link to this
So what did you tell her when you turned her down (or did you turn her down?) for the second date?
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 09:15 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Good Peeps
Single Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! I’m glad to see that you went on down to the gym and signed out your nutzack - bringing some real man issues. We already know the WHY but let’s see who’s woman enough to sip from the Truth Cup. LOL
I’m gonna sit back for a minute and let the ladies kick up some dust before I throw in my two pennies.
**Off the cuff: Man you know that they’re gonna kill you for being a civic-dude. LMAO
Hey Jazzy Long time no read.
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:15 AM | Link to this
darkbuty COME AND GET IT??? Hahahaha….Where should I pick IT up…Will you bring it out to the street curb and put it in the back seat like Sears does??? Hahahahahaha
Single Guy I will give you props today…Good topic without the corny intro…Tasteful…..Musing Likes!
By Danielle
July 27, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this
SG Take it easy, it’s only a 2nd date. Initially she may just be having a great time getting to know you. I think you’re trying to hit a home run too early. Enjoy the association and see where things go.
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this
demi take that dayum suit off…You messing up the morning traffic tearing ishhh up! hahahahahaaa
How about you run through my office first, so I can take next week off? LOL
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 09:25 AM | Link to this
Victoria’s Secret, I’m doing great! How about yourself?
Yelling: JUGGERNAUT!! as I smash into the AJC building. See them run!
By mickiedee
July 27, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
Single Guy, If Kim had not introduced herself to you would you have talked to her at the first party? A woman who is that aggressive is going to have a full schedule cause best believe you are not the only guy she has picked up this year.
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
Now opening “Musings Ballz Warehouse”….
“Men bloggers come and get your ballz back….If that Woman has your ballz come get a new pair….If you have small ballz, trade them in for a larger pair….Speak your mind without giving a Dayummmm…..It’s worked for our latest customer single guy it can work for you”
(Woman Singing)……We got Ballssss, We got Bigggggg Balllllzzzzzzzzz
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
i would lose the number…and even if she called i wouldnt answer..mixed signals are part of a womans make up…they expect us to read their mind and know what they are thinking but men are direct approach creatures.
@ dark beauty…she wants and is going after it will only give one signal…COME AND GET IT…not always the case..it depends on what type of relationship the woman wants for you somtimes…example…yall will give up the good rather quick at times..but if you are feeling and dude and want something long term..you will play that good girl role and try to hold out on it to protect the image.
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
Hey Blue…what it do!?
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this
G I hear you mayne.
Dub You’re singing that classic joint ain’t you bruh?
Psycho So what did you tell her when you turned her down (or did you turn her down?) for the second date?
Don’t answer that Single, my spider sense is tingling.
By Foots
July 27, 2006 09:30 AM | Link to this
Good morning all. Single Guy, it may not even be that she’s dating other people. It may be that she discovered that she likes you as a friend and would like to establish a friendship, but wants to keep you from getting too close to her because she’s not ready for a relationship. Because people naturally get attached when they spend a lot of time together one on one, she may be trying to limit that type of time she spends with you to keep it from turning into “something else”.
If it’s something like that, it’s not a mixed signal, just a signal that friendship is what’s on her mind. Like dark said, she’s just not that into you, not in the romantic way. Just a possibility to put out there…
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 09:31 AM | Link to this
Morning SG and All
G may have been the closest to what I was thinking about this scenario. I saw it like this.
Date 1 went weel enough for both parties to consider a second date. At the time SG called for a 2nd date, the lady may have been entertaining a female friend from out of town, or someone on a w/e visit and rather than turn you down completely, she suggested that y’all 2x date so that she could spend time with you as well as her w/e house guest. She may or may not be dating in multiples, but she obviously like you enough to try to comprimise without saying No I have better things to do. Then she followed up with a “We’re still buddies right?” beer no less.
When a person actually does have a “life” which from what I read, so many of you men say is essential she have her own “Thang” going on too. you never know what is actually “going on” at the time you proposed getting together at a particular day/time.
Are you disciples of “The Rules,” YES SG I do follow some of The Rules
By Sedrick
July 27, 2006 09:34 AM | Link to this
SG the best thing to do is let your intentions be known and adapt to how she throws curves at ya. That’s if you really want to get to know her. I’ve found that sometimes it takes women a minute to realize a good guy when he comes at them so have a little patience, do what you do and be you.
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone…
@ Single Guy- from the way that you’ve written this blog I can already see why you’re single… referring to women as “you women” treads on the same line of referring to blacks as “you people”.. it’s insulting to box and generalize all women in the same group..
not everyone wants a “bad boy” that ish is tired and played and I will not put my life in jeopardy because some “macho” guy is trying to shoot some thrills out my way…
the young simple minded women that you encounter play games because you allow them to… did you accept the beer from Kim?
If you did then you’re a willing participant to her game…
if you didn’t then she knows not to try that ish with another man….
As I said last week a person is only going to do to you what you allow them to do… “Kim” already sees herself as having the upper hand as evident by her not calling you for weeks then assuming that you’d want to go back out with her after that… what happened on the first date?
If a person gives you a green light one moment and a red light the next….then why try to push that envelope? Why not leave it alone and move on to the next person.. we’re too old to accept these asinine excuses and games from one another… as long as we willingly participate in the game…there will always be a game to be played…
throw away your game pieces and get rid of the game board and let it be known that you’re serious..that your time is precious and you’re no longer willing to be a pawn on someone else’s chess board..
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this
SeanJ they expect us to read their mind and know what they are thinking but men are direct approach creatures.
Broham! Can you say that again please?!
Jazzy Ain’t nothing. Another day at the salt mine.
By Sedrick
July 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this
SG the best thing to do is let your intentions be known and adapt to how she throws curves at ya. That’s if you really want to get to know her. I’ve found that sometimes it takes women a minute to realize a good guy when he comes at them so have a little patience, do what you do and be you.
By Laney
July 27, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this
aww, mickiedee, always nice to see you in here!
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this
Hey Blue…what it do!?
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this
SeanJ I think you’re the first one to get the gist behind my name!! Kudos!!
Come and Get it didn’t imply sex only…what I was trying to convey is that a girl who wants you will make it easy for you to get close to her…meaning she won’t give you all these mix signals…just one…GREEN LIGHT!
But you are right when you mention that we will hold out, but not only to protect the image…but to protect the heart as well. We want to make sure that there are no HIT and RUNs reported at this intersection!!
By BrownEyes
July 27, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All - one more day until Friday!!!
I think that we all play by certain “rules of dating” but I also think that we all have our own set of rules that no one else is privy to. My best friend tells me all the time that there are the rules and then there are the “Angel Rules”. These are my own personal standards that are very strict based on what I like and dislike.
I could clearly be giving a guy the green light until he violates a rule and then it goes yellow or red depending on the violation….smile……
I think that as we get to know people the light changes constantly based on newly acquired knowledge. I can meet a guy and in the first conversation really be feeling him - but then again he is usually on his best behavior. If after we go out I begin to notice things like (being late, not opening doors, cursing too much, treating others poorly, talking negatively about the people in his inner circle, etc) I will give him a yellow light. Now I will communicate my annoiances with his behavior but if he shows no interest in changing then he gets the red light!
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this
Musin, negro please! You have no idea of who I battle for this suit…
blue, Holy shyt on Satan! You have ‘spider sense’ now?
Juggernaut!! as I smash thru downtown’s traffic Y’all are late now!!!
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 09:42 AM | Link to this
Musing It’s worked for our latest customer single guy it can work for you”
You gots to be proud of your boy though! He did good on this one. LOL
Sedrick co-signing your 9:34 post.
Yeah that’s my music.
By THE INFAMOUS DK
July 27, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this
Good Morning
SingleGuy The problem is you have no game.. Point blank.. Come on down to my wholesale spot and I will sell you some..
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
throw away your game pieces and get rid of the game board and let it be known that you’re serious..that your time is precious and you’re no longer willing to be a pawn on someone else’s chess board…
even Jordan had to give up playing the game eventually.
hands crimson the “Keepin it Real” Award
By SuperTim
July 27, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
So AngDawPac has been retired to make way for SUPERTIM!! Single Guy, I am concerned about you buddy. I think we got two things going here. First is that you seem to really get more upset about this stuff than is warranted and you are lashing out. Not everything has to do with that time of the month. Sometimes, women are not quite comfortable with someone that they went out with, but are still intrigued and want to slow it down and let it progress at a slower pace. And sometimes they want to get the opinion of their friends on a guy. And sometimes they are just weird.
And by the way, “the RULES” should be banned in this society. That book, along with He’s Just not that Into You should be constitutionally outlawed. They are the reason that games are played with the skill that they are now. Women deftly manuever around a man with the skills offered in these books. It is unfair - women are already, like, 326% smarter than us; why do they also get the benefit of the books?! I just wish that people would be honest and let someone know how they feel - a la this fake conversation I have just made up:
Guy at a bar - Hi, I am GAAB, and I think you are attractive. Would you like to talk to me for a little while over a drink? That way we could get an accurate sampling and decide whether we would like to possibly pursue dinner and the opportunity to get to know each other more.
Girl at a bar - Hi GAAB, my name is GAAB too!! I would love to talk to you over a drink - or - No thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I am not interested in people who have teeth growing out of their cheeks.
GAAB - Ok - I understand completely, my mom doesn’t talk to me any more either. Thanks for being honest.
GAAB - You are welcome, and here is a card for a plastic surgeon to get that cheek-thing looked at. Good luck!!
By SuperTim
July 27, 2006 09:50 AM | Link to this
Lord Demi I did not know who you were!! You are the Juggernaut!! I am going to hit you with my pimp cane.
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
Wearing SeerSucker Suit and barbershop hat…Standing outside of Ball Warehouse yelling
“Come and get your Ballzz…Big ones, Small ones, even Short and Tall ones…….Ballz for you, Ballz for me, even Balls for little he…Mini Ballz, Fat Ballz, Fill up your Sack Ballzzz”
By Cee
July 27, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
Single Guy I smell male ego burning on the backburner.LOL You are upset cuz homegirl dissed you, if you weren’t you wouldn’t had trashed her phone number so fast. Why are you still crying over something that was nothing? You only went out once. Count 1, one thing you fail to mention, did Kim at anytime say that she wanted an exclusive relationship or a relationship with you? It’s time to give up the sippy cup.
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this
Dark We want to make sure that there are no HIT and RUNs reported at this intersection!!
That was nice. You know I love some colorful speech.
Demi You have ‘spider sense’ now?
We all have them. The problem is listening to them…
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this
LOL @ SuperTim…Hehehehe
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
Musing check your spelling on the Kim thing-Kim common spelling Kym-unique one of a kind.
Single I agree with the rest of the folks..if she is giving you mixed signals she is not into you and is keeping options open, and surveying all the players. You have to decide if you want to play or take your balls and go home. As for that Rules book, I never read it and dont care to follow the suggestion of some hack women who are one g short of the gold digger type. Make your own rules, know what works for you. An then do it.
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this
Rules?? Thats intresting they just started dating, and the drama starts, why not just see it for what it is and do you?? Throwin’ shade, making judgements, hating, being nasty to someone you just started dating, well no wonder some people get labelled as crazy right off the rip. It really isn’t that serious and doesn’t have to be a game it is what it is and you reaction and actions are whats important. Gee wiz.
By Foots
July 27, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this
I think that Brown Eyes made a good point, as we get to know people the light changes constantly based on newly acquired knowledge.
I completely believe that. That explains why, women as well as men, can start off hot and then run cold. They learned over the course of a date or two that something was missing that would enable a romantic involvement (like real INTEREST, but I digress). Some people throw away the whole person after learning that, hence the “disappearing act”. Some people can still see the value in that other person, hence the “friend zone”. Not everything has to be about game…
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this
Ok, I have been holdin back but THE INFAMOUS DK Just pulled rank!
Single Lightfoot, sorry cuzin, but ya playing ya self with these random broads! If I lost you anywhere in my convo today, go back to yesterday and look up the definition(s).
You’s dealin with random broads and you’s a lightfoot!
I don’t get mixed signals from the chicks I deal with, because they are women not random broads and they no what they want. There is a dif!
It’s like this, ask about three random broads that you work with, live around, etc. would you date me and what do you see, when you see me and that will give you a clue!
Also, you might want to change your landscape up where you meeting these broads.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this
I’m doing well Demi thanks, i see you have another type of suit now; okay - Musing thanks for starting up early this morning i need a good laugh to take me into the afternoon.
Morning All
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this
SuperTim LOL too funny Musing YOu are off the chain early today!
By LahLah
July 27, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
Hey ya’ll
What possesses you women to give a green light one moment, and then a red light the next?
Hey Single Guy!!!!!
How do you know you ever got the green light?. You meet someone, hypothetically of course the conversation is good, and you decide to go out. She laughs at your jokes, there’s great dialogue, she’s smiling, she seems happy, she gives you a nice warm, “Christian Hug and tells you she had a great time and promises to call you later on in the week.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got the green light does it?
Maybe you weren’t really her type but she had nothing else better to do that evening and decided to make the best of it. Maybe she’s just a nice person and not one to give attitude and be rude. Maybe she thinks you’re cool and fun to be around but knows that you really aren’t her type.
I admit it can be hard to detect, which is why if you ask a woman out on a second date and you get the, “only if we go with a group of people,” you can be pretty darn sure that although it seemed like it, you never had the green light.
Does that make sense?
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 10:05 AM | Link to this
@SG - You are the man, you control your destiny, don’t allow her to dictate, if you are feeling her and she is resisting then DON’T persue. She was not feeling you at first, then she told a girlfriend about you and they decided to have her girl check you out, that’s what this is all about. She ordered you a beer so she could hold on to your interest until her girlfriend can fill you out, if her gf gets the same vibe she does, then, bye bye birdddddie…..
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this
I just want to know why everybody is clowning Single. He only asked why the ladies give mixed signals, not, “What should he do about it?”
By Laney
July 27, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this
oh, SuperTim, if only all boys were as honest as you… bats eyelashes
seriously, though, it would save us some trouble. but I wonder — how many people in here would hate it, because they really enjoy the game? how about it - do y’all THRIVE on these mixed signals and trying to figure these silly guys/girls out?
By THE INFAMOUS DK
July 27, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this
SG Ya’ll only went out once.. When she asked if you wanted to do the group thing, you should have declined and told her that you didnt want to meet all of her friends yet.. Man you cant take this dating thing personal, its just a trial run to see if she is relationship potential.. Just hang out and have fun, push the envelope and speak to any woman you like at the moment. This will bring your numbers up so you can always have the options optioning.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this
S.G. dont listen to the women there crazy…
JUGGERNAUT!!! as I Jugger smack SuperTim*
now on my way to fuvk wit Henry County Police
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this
Fella’s From 1 Date, y’all have read a female from top to bottom round the back and sideways too. I think y’all are the ones making waaaaaayyyyy to much out of it (1 Date)! Y’all send mixed signals too!
She must have her own life But never turn me down for a date
She must have her own set of friends but be available when I’m avaiable**
She has to be a Tier 1 or 2 lady But when I call she must drop Tier 1 or 2 life of her own to deal with me
Y’all can’t have it all ways and then your own way too. It’s like an oxymoron. Be this way and that way, but when I call don’t be busy - GTFOH
By runninatl
July 27, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this
Morning people (strolling in like it’s 8am).
Why are ya’ll giving single guy such a hard time? He’s just putting it out there. I have to agree with Jazzy and others on this one, ol girl is doing her thing and she has you on the rotation as a get in where you fit in call up. So you can either play that position and see her when you see her or you can step your game up and show her you are for real. Set yourself apart from the other dudes trying to put their bid in. Scratch the movie date and high school plans, get clean, let her get all dolled up and take her someplace nice and different. An evening out that is going to have her bragging to her best girlfriends about how nice it was, and it doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and different. If she doesn’t change her MO after that then delete the number and keep it moving. Or if she’s really fine then just put her in the only call after midnight category and see if you can come up that way…LOL.
crimson Relax boo, **single guy’s terminology is kindergarten level compared others….lol.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
It’s obvious Single Guy is frustrated, goes with the Dating Scene. Single Guy you realy should not be upset by this. You need to figure out if you are just dating or seeking a lasting relationship, either or, make that clear to the person you are going out with. I think if you were more specific as to what you wanted out of the relationship you would see this as a minor set back.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are not as easy going as you preceived yourself. Kim on the other hand sounds as if she willing to go at her own pace without feeling pressured. Call it Game, Pimpin, The Rules either way GO KIM!
By MusingLee
July 27, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
I don’t read minds….By the end of the date when the Woman is all over me…”That’s the Green Light”….And green lights lead straight to “Blue Lights in the Basement”….Yeahhhhhhhh
I think people give mixed signals to find out just how many hoops they can get you to jump through…To test your limits, scope you out!
*Now installing flashy sign outside of Ball Warehouse that reads “Balls for All…even You”
By mickiedee
July 27, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this
Thanks Laney! I read every day but don’t get the chance to post often.
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this
Laney you hit it on the head… deep down inside there are people out there that play games on purpose. Some do it because they were played in the past and see it as retribution, others because they are still stuck on some high school ish.
If you can’t be completely (and sometimes painfully) honest with the person you’re dating, then you’re nothing but a hypocrite if you expect them to be completely honest with you.
Blue_Kolla you’re right. Leave Single alone. This is a great topic, and I am sure that we have all experienced and /or given off the mixed signals before, so give the man his props for bringing it up.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
Laney JustMe Personally, I prefer a straight shooter. My motto is str8 up no chaser. If I’m not the 1 and we are not the 2, letta sister know so I can move on to the next brutha.
Now truth be told, and I will tell it……. NO ONE men or women likes an overly easy catch. It puts you in the frame of mind that if it was “that easy” for me, no telling where else it’s been. I don’t mean to say resit with all your heart, but if you just giving away the goods to all who inquire within, The goods may not be that good!
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this
@JustMe - I agree with your 10:13 am post. Men want their cake and to eat it too. They want to be the ones who calls the shots, nooooo….there is such a thing as compromise, men need to learn how to do that. @SG - One thing to remember if you start out strong, dishing it, you must continue on throughout. DON’T START IT, IF YOU CAN’T FINISH THE WAY YOU STARTED!! That’s one of the quickest way to get rid of a woman.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this
Musing, oh my goodness you are a nut!
Demi why Henry County Police? you should start with City of Atlanta trust me i can sneak you in the back door, shhhhh
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this
@THE INFAMOUS DK In reading this cat for a minute, I don’t think he is going to be able to turn the corner anytime soon, without a makeover! I can smell game a mile away and this cat aint got none!
This cat needs to learn that dating is a contact sport and if he does not have his chin strap tight and his pads on, he is going to end up on the side lines, with the cheerleaders and not get any playin time.
I say MAN UP and quit cryin bout some random broad that may be interested in using him as a backup reserve, but not a starter!
That chick is weighing her options, like she should. If he was “that dude” she would have gave him an extension or a contract!
This cat needs to get his act together and quit getting his panties in a bunch every time a broad don’t pick him up in the first two rounds. He aint presenting his self as a top draft pick, he lookin like a free agent at the moment.
By Cee
July 27, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this
I don’t see where this is mixed signals. They met, she gave SG her number they went to the movies once and a week later called for a second date but decline unless her friend came along. Weeks later they end up at another party Kim buys SG guy a beer to smooth things over since their second date was a bust and only asked him what was his plans for the weekend how is that giving mixed signals? Is there anything else to go on other than these 3 senios? what happened between the first movie date and when he called for the second date? Now if Kim refused some of his calls or dismissed him in passing, sometimes speaking being touchy/feely here and there now that’s giving mixed signals.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this
SG we enjoyed a great movie-date the following weekend. Green light.
Lemme see…….
Movie date, means the convo was limited to the drive to the theater, waiting in the refreshments line, during the previews and possibly opening credits, and on the ride home. Where excatly did you say you got that light from? Did you all even chat for more than 1 hour? Sounds like you had already picked out the church and the ring before the first date.
love to muddle our already fragile male psyche This may be personal observation about yourself in general - I’m just sayin’
By THE INFAMOUS DK
July 27, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this
Man ya’ll keep talking about make your intentions known.. Puleeeze! This guy dont know this chick and i dont ever make my intentions known.. If its good then it will be good I dont have to talk to you and tell you “Hey on this date I want you to be my lady” You might as well write her a note and ask her if she wants to be his girfriend check yes or no.. I dont know down the line somewhere we discuss the logistics of a relationship but for the most part I use my instincts to tell me whats going on.. Its a lost art but we do still have instincts and they actually work if you pay attention to them..
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this
Bold DON’T START IT, IF YOU CAN’T FINISH THE WAY YOU STARTED!!
You know what? That is some real talk right there. But not necessarily for the reason that you state. Why try to blow a chicks mind straight out the gate with all that extra?
By LahLah
July 27, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this
thick hay girl
Now that’s some advise I need to take in.
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this
I’m with you Cee, its not that serious, I could see if they were exclusive and established boundaries etc, but it’s just dating, and they just started. It isn’t marriage!!! I don’t think SG is any less of a man for posting a topic for the DATING BLOG. Personally I’m not into the games If I want you I will let you know I’m interested if the feeling isn’t mutual or reciprocated I moved on, doesn’t make me or that person less, it just isn’t what it isn’t you know. I think people tend to make things more difficult than they are when it comes to dating. If it doesn’t work or doesn’t fit keep it moving.
The dynamics of the relationship and his posting would be viewed different if they were exclusive, but they aren’t.
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this
@ JustMe - I feel you on making things an easy catch, but another part of the signal that needs to be transmitted is what your goal is in the potential relationship. Are the goods the only thing that we bring to the table? Is the aim to get a good rabbit-dance in, or a long term relationship…
That may be a bit much for first-date conversation, but certainly in the case of SG, asking for a group date on the second-go-round isn’t appropriate… like someone said, he’s getting setup for the complete brush-off (if that’s the case, why accept the 2nd date at all), or the good old bait-n-switch with one of the desperate friends in the clique.
I don’t want to play any games that don’t require a referee.
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
LOL @DK You might as well write her a note and ask her if she wants to be his girfriend check yes or no..
Maybe there should be a dating survey sheet passed out at the end of all dates, and or booty calls.
Would you say that this date was excellent, great, average, fair or poor? Please explain your answer.
Would you say this booty call was excellent, great, average, fair, or you would like gas money for the time wasted on the drive over here? Explain your answer.
Would like a second date? Check yes or no.
Would you like a second booty call? Check yes or no.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this
think people give mixed signals to find out just how many hoops they can get you to jump through…To test your limits, scope you out!
As long as your time & money isn’t being wasted, throw the bytch into hit zone or stay your a$$ in F.Z.! Just fuvk it and leave it
JUGGERNAUT!!! as I run thru Grady Dayum that nurse was fine…*
By Marie
July 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this
Maybe you should have tried communicating with her. When she told you that she wanted to bring friends along, you might have asked her if she was hesitant about dating you. You shouldn’t say something like “Obviously you aren’t certain that you want to date me, since you want to bring your friends along.” Just let her believe that you are being considerate by saying something like “I get the feeling that you are reluctant to date me, since you want to bring your friends along. If that is the way you feel, please let me know and I will understand.” When she bought you a beer, you might have mentioned to her that you were getting mixed signals and that you weren’t interested in playing games. Communication is the only way anyone ever makes a relationship work and it is a great way to start a relationship. Most women appreciate men who communicate without being defensive.
By runninatl
July 27, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this
DK I’m feeling your posts today son. You barely know this female but if you want to get to know her then you have to put in some work. The meeting out with friends was a definite setup but that happens on both ends so get past that. Heck, I know when I’ve had a dimepiece on my arm that I’ve brought her out for the fellas to see…lol. You can’t take it personally, you haven’t even invested anything or any real time in yet so you have no reason to take it personally. You don’t have to make your intentions known because it’s too dayumn early to even know what your true intentions are. Just have fun with it and see what happens. Eventually, you’ll get a vibe that will tell you to move forward or keep it moving.
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this
LOL @ Kym’s survey… are you going to have Gallup conduct the survey for you?
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this
LL may be interested in using him as a backup reserve, but not a starter! All this knowledge from 1 MOVIE Date
don’t pick him up in the first two rounds They never made it past Round 1 SG You might be vicious
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this
JustMe Movie date,… Where excatly did you say you got that light from?
You’re on point there slim. No movies too early on.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this
What’s up Lah Lah
When you decide to be present and accounted for on the dating scene, without honesty, you run your own risk. So anger will not balance the playing field. hahaha, I had to laugh at myself that time.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
D Dub Ture Dat! But again, this was the first date. Now granted there could have been some interaction between them prior to the movie date, but SG just don’t strike me and the Hit and Quit it type guy. Maybe more like the I’m lucky if I can even sit next to it type guy.
I see the Group date request differently….. Maybe she didn’t want to blow him off at all. but a slight compromise was required for the date to be a go. If she wasn’t diggin him at all, do you think she would have spend her $$ on a beer? I think NOT!! I think that was a hey what happened? You never called me back, but I’m still interested in getting to know you investment she was making.
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this
@JustMe I have said it before, about 95 percent of chicks out there know when they first lay eyes on a dude if..
A. They gonna give him some (unless he talks his self out of it).
B. If they are interested in him at all.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this
Marie TYVM for expressing that little know truth so eloquently!
By DuShawn
July 27, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
@Jazzyone Your 10:38 post pretty much summarizes the entire blogs opinion of todays topic. Including my own. So, now what will we discuss for the next six hours?
By Blatino Brutha
July 27, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this
Alright, I’m jumpin’ right out da frying pan and into this fire.(recently divorced, experienced real “adult” dating for the first time)
Amen, Amen, Amen, SG.
Yo, you need A) tell shorty you can’t make that night and reschedule, and see what she says, or B) Kick her little sheisty A$$ to the curb. She sounds like a total control freak, and even if ya’ll were to really hit it off, it would only get worse.
And to all the ladies out there talkin ‘bout “friendship”, memo to YOU: We got enuff frenz!!! They’re called dudes, and a few ladies in the mix just for a quick females’ opinion or a dinner date. We ain’t out at the club looking for no more Friends!!!
By Foots
July 27, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this
@LL Re 10:58 post: I have to agree with you there but that’s upon first meeting (that might go for guys too, but I can’t speak to that directly). But scenarios 1 and 2 can change very quickly. Just looking at a dude can spark physical interest, but when he opens his mouth (and there are no teeth in it), he can, as you say, “talk his way out of it”. I’ve met dudes that I was really interested in from the rip, then a few days later, found that he had no conversational skills or was just boring as h@ll…
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this
@DDub I was thinking it could be setup by Harris Poll, in web format. Then you can email the result to the date or booty call and they will know if it was a must or a bust.
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this
@BK - I’m just saying, ya’ll telling him to man up, hey, what if he did man up, can he continue to be the man? No woman wants a man who can’t finish what he started. Maybe he was too soft or maybe she realized that he was a waste of her time, she has the right to change her mind, after all you men do it all the time.
By G
July 27, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this
Thinking about this further……….since she wanted to invite a buddy, maybe she had “other” intentions. Keep in mind this IS the A, and relations can get a bit creative. If you’re into that sort of thing, it would’ve been beneficial to accept the invite just to find out.
Time and money is valuable. It’s too valuable to waste on a chick you’re not sure about. Whatever vibe she sends you’re not cool with, save yourself time and money that can be used for someone else. Too many women in the A to worry about just one wildcard.
By BigB
July 27, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this
Hate to break it to you ladies, but anytime you have an agenda and don’t tell the guy = Mixed signals. It shouldnt be up to the guy to be Mr. Detective. If the woman wants to date multiple guys then say “hey I’m not looking to get serious right now, I wanna/am dating multiple guys.” That is much easier to take for guys than thinking she digs you and then finding out the hard way through the grapevine.
Women think you’re being nice and “letting him down easy” when that’s all but true.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this
LL (This should neot be taken as an admission or a denial - this is a mixed signal) There might be, could be, and kinda-sorta porbably is some truth to that rumor - LOL So if there is maybe a slight possibility that there is some truth to it, and date 1 actually happened, then B. If they are interested in him at all. would have been the chosen thought. Following me? She was interested, but upon call for 2nd date, she was involved with another friend.
Y’all do know women and friends are capable of paying for the own food and entertainment???
Maybe her girl was having a bad day and she needed to get out and have a laugh to keep from crying….. SG called and Kim thought….. Hey, I can get her out of the house for a while and still get to spend some time with SG. Unless he was planning on making it a BC date, the friend should have been a none issue unless….. (say it ain’t so) he dosen’t have any male friends either!?!?!? hmmmm
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this
@ LL ….thats what i am saying…females know. is just a matter of time of when they are gonna give up the nappy dug out.
@ Single Dude…your approach is WRONG…from what i know of you on the blog..your best option for chicks is to back door them….you gotta be the friend..the non judgemental cat the she confides in…the dude she can tell her problems to when her main dude walks over her…and when she is vulnerable…pounce on that azz….that approach will work for you…I will bill you later potna..lol
By Poop
July 27, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this
this blog is just a brilliantly deviant psychological research project for the study of projection. i would like to personally thank all of you for participating as it is enlightening and amusing all at once.
By Single Guy
July 27, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this
Thanks for the comments, everybody!
Hey Longtime Lurker——I feel ya, brother. Women are supposed to know within 10 seconds of meeting a guy whether they want to “hit it” with him.
Isn’t that right, ladies?
As for Kim, she is OLD news now. Just like many of y’all said, if she’s interested, she’d show it and not give “mixed” signals. And, if the mixed signals are just part of a game, I don’t have the time or patience for games.
I’ve actually got a NEW prospect now, which I’ll tell you about in my NEXT blog (just to keep you hanging on the edge of your seat!!!!)
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this
DuShawn Wise, Laney and/or SG gone have ya head for that comment…… no matter how true it is - LOL
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this
JustMe and Marie.. we can end this conversation by just saying, communicate.
JustMe I’m going to adjust my opinion slightly now… you’re right, there is some interest since she bought the beer (either that or drunks love company of other drunks)… and the 2nd date is just a lack of communication.. or delivery if you will…
By runninatl
July 27, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this
Kym I like the date/booty call survey idea but there would also have to be a confidentiality agreement because we all know that some women can’t hold water!….LMAO.
By Cee
July 27, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this
@Jaxxyone I sounds like SG can’t handle a little rejection of any kind.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this
BigB It was only 1 date (A Movie Date) is it required that we decide immediately, or can we have a lil time to get to know y’all before we cast all other men aside? - Just askin’
SG Good Luck!!! Maybe you should do some internet research on the female psyche brfore your next date, be a little less vicious, and give her a chance to determine if there is any intellectual stimulation in the mix before you write her off as a game player. We may know if we are physically attracted to guys (eye candy), but for most women (unless we are preying that night), we require more that physical attraction to make serious decision about a guy.
By Cee
July 27, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this
@Jazzyone - It sounds like SG can’t handle a little rejection of any kind.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this
DDub I will buy a guy a sympathetic drink….you know..no hard feelings type of drink. The buying of the drink means absolutely nothing. I’ve bought dinners for guys because I feel bad and don’t want them to think that I’m using them….If I believe that they can be a good friend, but I have no romantic interest in them then I will treat them to dinner. I want to even the score so that they don’t have in the back of their head that I owe them something or that I took advantage of the situation.
I had a guy that I knew was interested in me…help me with my car. I then took him to dinner to show that I appreciate him leaving his house and coming all the way to help me. I knew that he did that only because he liked me…I played up on that, but I also treated for dinner…thinking we’re even.
There was another guy that I liked watching the football games with and so he would treat me occassionally if we went to Fox Grill to watch the games. In return, I would treat him just to keep things honest.
The girl Kim was just doing the same thing….sympathy drink!
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this
D Dub I’ll give you a Dap on that!
Please refer to Dushawn’s 11:05 AM Post So, now what will we discuss for the next six hours? - LOL
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this
One more thing SG
Do you, not this bs (“Here’s some flowers…biatch…”). you got from someone else!
By Blatino Brutha
July 27, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this
Ok, so i have a question that ties in today with yesterday. Need the fellas and ladies’ help.
Let’s say a girl tells you “hey, we’re going to such club, why don’t you roll”, and it’s the second time she’s asked you.
But when you get there, she only shows a passing interest in talking to you, spending most of the time with her little clik, mostly on the younger side, and chillin with her other dude frenz at the club.
Now, I’m cool, cuz I get my game on too, with good success that night, but at first you’re uncomfortable as to how much working of other girls you do while she’s there, till you just say F** it.
So, if you don’t wanna bring Sand to the Beach, why invite the Sand???
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this
here here D dub… communication is KEY
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this
Blatino You’re not on her radar at all so it wasn’t bringing sand to the beach…you were one of the girls!! I invite some of my male friends to hang out with me and the girls ALL the time….because they’re kool like that!
It’s just not that deep! You know when someone is intetersted in you or not…if you don’t…the answer is NO!
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this
JustMe I’ve been accused of being a topic destroyer already, so I’m going to step back and see where the wind takes us…
By Foots
July 27, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this
Blatino It might be that she thinks of you as her friend and wants you to tag along with some other friends to a cool spot. Am I thinking too simplistically?
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this
…the dude she can tell her problems to when her main dude walks over her…and when she is vulnerable…pounce on that azz….
Stick it to her, while she’s down huh?
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this
Blatino Meet the Friend Zone - Friend Zone meet Blatino.
You might not be her sand!
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 11:46 AM | Link to this
Run game in close proximitey of so many others and its a given your game will be uncoverred for all to see… and look at it this way it makes u attractive to those seeking to run into a brick wall. While others coast along the scenic route enjoying the view of clear, clean air with no worries..
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 11:47 AM | Link to this
serious question.. do any of you just date one person at a time? I’ve never been able to date more than one person as I feel that doesn’t give you the opportunity to really get to know one individual..when you split time between two or three (or four) people not only are you comparing and contrasting..but you’re holding back as you’re sharing different parts of yourself with other individuals…
let’s say you’re dating three different guys- or girls..
one’s into politics.. one’s into hip hop..and one’s into cultural events (museums/performing arts)…
wouldn’t you find yourself only sharing certain parts of you instead of the total package that you can show to one individual?
By NCgirlfromATL
July 27, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
THANK YOU SINGLE GUY!! This is a phenomenon that drives me batty!! I try my very best to be as straightforward with a people as I can. Either I like you or I don’t. I’m not the beat around the bush type, which is apparently just as troublesome as the mixed-signals thing you’re talking about (since some people seem not to be able to handle honesty, for some unknown reason.) I don’t know why people do this?!? Is it insecurity? An inability to be articulate? Bad breath? I don’t get it! I spent a couple of months (yes, call me boo-boo the fool!) in a relationship that was fraught w/ mixed signals. Spending all of your time together. Finishing each other’s sentences. Taking trips together. There for each other in good times and bad. And let’s not get started on the sex. All of this only to find out that he really only wanted to be friends. Huh?!?
I hate to have my time wasted. Be clear or get out. I gots no time for decoding the encrypted text.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
@Runinn Some Men can’t hold the glass that holds water, you’ve got a lot me Men who run there mouths just like women.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this
Blatino that was a no brainer
NEXT Please see DUshawn’s 11:05 AM Post……
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this
@JustMe That ish you just wrote is waay too complicated to even digest, so Imma keep it simple!
If the broad want ya, you will know. If not, don’t take it personal and keep it movin! Same goes for the females!
To the fellas, you have to remember this…
Your presentation, including clothes,shoes,nails,hair,teeth must be in order at all times!
Your convo has to be on-point at all times. Don’t ask a broad where she is from, it don’t matter! Don’t tell a broad that she is fine or she looks really good, she takes that as you only want to screw her!
Have some dayum swager bout ya self man!
Women want you to listen to them so ask open ended questions that will get them to talk about themselves!
Example:
LL: Hi, I am LL and you are?
Soon to be Victim: Hi LL, I am Kathy.
LL: Humm, Kathy, tell me about yourself.
Soon to be Victim: What do you want to know (playing with her straw in her glass and smiling)(Fellas, this is a sign she is interested,take note.)
LL: I don’t know, maybe some basic stuff about you like your interests,likes dislikes.
Soon to be Victim: Well LL, I like Jazz, I work alot,I am a homebody and I live alone.
That statement says that she is a freak and “down for the struggle” and If I don’t say something stupid in the next five minutes, it’s on!
Going into safe mode, I would reply…humm, sounds like we have a lot in common, what is your schedule looking like this weekend or next week?
Soon to be Victim: I am open (smiling).
LL: I respect a woman’s privacy, so I want to give you my number(LL hands off a business card).
Note to fellas,that move just earned you 25 points and if she is interested, she will call..cased closed! Never ask for a broads number, if you made the first move! You have to make her go after the bait and be different from all these other cats out here!
Soon to be Victim: She looks at the card, thinks to herself hummm and replys…Ok, LL I will give you a call!
LL: It was a pleasure meeting you Kathy!
Soon to be Victim: It was nice meeting you as well LL.
LL: Either leaves the building or moves to another part of the building. I never talk to more than two females in the same building. Females watch you, after you have made an impression on them. You don’t want to F*ck yourself up by looking like a player!
These females are used to the same ole’, so you gotta switch it up and make them want to tell they girl friends bout ya!
Quit seeking quick hits and recruit for a solid team and most of all be smart!
By DuShawn
July 27, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this
Blatino The young lady that invited you to the club considers you to be just a friend. (I won’t dog you and call you one of the girls like darkbuty did..lol). Use that to your advantage. She obviously enjoys your company, so you must be doing something right. Scope out the other females in her click. See if there is any interest. If not, you always look better entering a spot with a group of beautiful women than with a bunch of dudes. You will at least appear to have some game.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this
just to keep you hanging on the edge of your seat!!!!
Or falling a sleep…
www.mediatakeout.com
runnin/musin check the site out
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this
afternoon folks….
cain’t even relate to the topic today…..
By Thick
July 27, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this
Blatino she may just wanted to invite you out to have a good time, and at the same time observe how you handle yourself when out among friends.
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this
afternoon folks….
cain’t even relate to the topic today…..
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this
Crim serious question.. do any of you just date one person at a time?
I do. But I’ve been thinking that I may switch up next time I’m in the field…. solo dating is good, but like everything else in life, it has pros and cons.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this
Crimson I’ve always only dated one person at a time….my friends jokingly saying that I view each date as a science project. I’ve never been one to play games….don’t even want to. I have been told on numerous occassions that isn’t the best approach, but that’s when you have to find what works for you. If I find someone I like…..it’s a wrap until he screws it up. Plus, I’m always trying to build something with the person that I like…
I don’t have to worry about turning my phone off, being afraid to answer it, etc….just not up for the drama!!
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this
@ crimson I only date one Man at a time, i’d be kookoo for coco puffs if i tried to date more than one man, i just could not do it
I’m single as a $1 bill
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
@ crimson I only date one Man at a time, i’d be kookoo for coco puffs if i tried to date more than one man, i just could not do it
I’m single as a $1 bill
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
@ crimson I only date one Man at a time, i’d be kookoo for coco puffs if i tried to date more than one man, i just could not do it
I’m single as a $1 bill
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this
what’s up with this “broad” ish? can we at least be more respectful when we’re referring to women here? i realize that no one else has mentioned it..but it’s really unnerving to me …
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this
Crim serious question.. do any of you just date one person at a time?
I do. But I’ve been thinking that I may switch up next time I’m in the field…. solo dating is good, but like everything else in life, it has pros and cons.
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this
@Runnin that survey made me think about another short film they had at the festival. It was called Consent. A athlete and his groupie are about to do the do he tells her hold up let me get protection and pulls out the Consent form. He tells her to sign and then his lawyer knocks on the door and ask her if she has in any questions. Then her lawyer comes in and say dont sign a damn thang..the lawyers work the deal, she will spend the night, but not get breakfast, she gets 50% of the internet sex tape rights, etc… It was too funny. She signs the agreement but then before they can do the do His wife and her lawyer knock on the door and serve Mr. Superstar papers.
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this
crimson esq Please refer to yesterday’s blog. I defined the difference in Random Broads and Women!
By Foots
July 27, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this
@crimson I can’t seriously date more than one guy at a time. I may meet more than one person within a few weeks time. At that point, I get to know some basics and figure out which person I’d want to spend time with. That would become the guy that I date and continue to get to know.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this
Well Crimson I have dated three guys at once, this requires alot of balance and trying to include threes guys into my busy lifestyle is a workout in itself. Now I like dating one guy at a time but I found it to be easier on my schedule. Other than that I really get know who I am going out with, and it makes it easier to be friends and respectful afterwards if nothing developes.
Oh yeah and about the broad references, took that argument up too, I don’t think there is any hope!
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this
@LL - I like your style….you are a baaaad boy. Teach, brother, teach!!!
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this
IT’S JUGGERNAUT! as I run thru the AJC blog
BROADS now see demi run
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this
crim We (a lady) mentioned it previously…. it fell on deaf ears!
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 12:18 PM | Link to this
LL Just giving you my point of view….I love it when a man compliments me….and as long as he is not looking me up and down when he does it…I’m not thinking that he wants to sleep with me…not because of the compliment. I think you should ask where you are from because that will spark alot of discussion as well. If you ask me about my interests…on the first meeting…I’m going to be alittle taken back because I don’t think I want to share all that with you right now. I think that should be reserved for a phone conversation or first date.
I agree that you should be different…but not too invasive too soon…it might come off that way. Tell me something that you noticed about me…and not the obvious! That will get you some points….For example: You noticed the way I hold my drink says what about me? (insert light joke)…The way that I smile says what to you?…Then ask me some open ended questions after you’ve broke the ice…
By Foots
July 27, 2006 12:19 PM | Link to this
LL Yes, but in your convo post, it looked like “broad” and “woman” was interchangeable. But hey, I call most male species “dudes”, I don’t know if that is disrespectful or not…
By Page1908
July 27, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this
Good Afternoon All!
OK, are we still on topic? LOL
By runninatl
July 27, 2006 12:28 PM | Link to this
Demi That website is a trip!
Kym This film festival sounds like it was fun, I’m mad I missed it.
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this
@darkbuty You make things way too complicated!
Initial greetings should be light hearted, but give you enough info to determine if you want to persue the person past the initial convo.
Where you are from initially does not matter! Compliments initially don’t matter. Those will be more appreciated, after we have established some type of chemistry.
What matters initially is if I even like you, do you like me, do we have something in common, so I am going to open up the floor, so you you can tell me what I want to hear!
Remember, you have to have something in common (first), like the person (second), and want to get to know the other person more(third).
You are not trying to date them at this point, you are simply interviewing them for the possiblity of a long term position!
Friends first, Relationship second and in that order!
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this
Page1908 nope…
V.S. Henry County love stopping me in Black on black…
By Blatino Brutha
July 27, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this
Good points, all, and I did use it to my advantage.
BTW, I know of the Friend Zone well, and have inhabited it often and am cool with it for all of the above stated reasons. The only reason I ask about this particular one is that there have been other occasions with this person where I wasn’t in FZ.
Also, of course I tried talking to some of her friends, but the one I talked to the most started asking me what i thought of the one that invited me, so it wasn’t a good time to hollah at her just yet.
Either way, it’s all good. I know pretty much where I stand, and it only helps me. I roll with four hot girls and it raises your stock. All in all it was a very productive night.
By Foots
July 27, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this
To co-sign on what dark said, when a dude says “tell me about yourself”, I have the question mark on my face. I like signs of interest, but an interview?? No.
I love little jokes, it’s great if a man can make you laugh (without being corny) when you first meet him. Also, normal conversation, like you aren’t just now meeting. Like this:
(guy comes up) Dude: Hey, lady. How are you doing this evening? Me: Good. How are you? Dude: Really good, thanks. (good song is playing) Man, I remember when this song came out. It was and I was . I had so much fun that year!! Me: Wow! I remember that… I was doing __ myself. That’s funny. What were you doing that was so much fun that year??
Now I’m interested and asking him questions, and we’re getting to know each other in the process. If the conversation is good, then both parties will want to continue. LL is right though, you gotta make sure that everything else is in order before you step to women.
Page Not really… LOL
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this
Page THe topic has change and needs to change again - LOL
<()> <()>
Looking for the 3 PTB
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 12:37 PM | Link to this
@ Crimson…dating more than one person at at time is the norm….The question for the females you should have asked is..do they sleep with more than one person at a time…Watch most of them put on the choir robes or usher uniforms.
By Page1908
July 27, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this
LOL Foots @ “dude” scenario
LOL JustMe girl, you gonna get in trouble again! looking around
Ok, I agree with Foots in that if a dude can really make me laugh, then that is a great way to break the ice. Sometimes dudes use really tired pick up lines and I am sure most women have heard them all…lol So, when a dude actually decides to drop the pick up lines and be himself, it’s very refreshing.
I know one dude who has a major chip on his shoulder and I can’t stand it! It’s like if his boss gave him a hard time at work, then everyone around him will have to pay the price. He NEVER laughs, is always soooo serious and overall he is just too uptight, which is the exact opposite of my personality.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this
LL I’m giving you feedback from a female’s perspective….there is some value in what I’m saying. Not that compliments matter or where you from matter…but it breaks the ice. It relaxes the situation. I’m from the Nasty Nati….if someone approaches me from Cincinnati….I’ll instantly feel as though I have a connection…laRosa’s pizza, skyline chili, etc…I might walk away from a conversation not thinking whether I like you or not….but just enjoyed the conversation.
I was at an alumni gathering and a gentleman and myself started talking. Well, he mentioned the company that he worked for…it was a company that my company does business with. I wasn’t interested in him, but the next day I thought he had such a charming personality that I asked my BF if I could invite him to a gathering we were having to introduce him (single guy) to some of my girlfriends….it was all good….
I’m Just Sayin It’s just feedback….from a female’s perspective…hint, hint…
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this
SeanJ why are you trying to start something….you know women only sleep with their boyfriends so if they only date one guy at a time…of course they’re only sleeping with one guy at a time!! LOL
ducking and putting on armour
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this
SeanJ To me they are 1 in the same……. If I’m sleeping with you, there aren’t going to be any other datee’s.
Page It was XXXXX who sedit, it wuddn’t JustMe. I may have been cosigning a post thought from say 11:05 AM - LOL
he had such a charming personality Wasn’t it a guy up in here who said that sometimes they just want to dance, or just chat over a drink……. not necessarily get the digits et al??? Charming can accomplish this.
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 12:56 PM | Link to this
If I’m not exclusive with someone I date multiples, no I do not sleep with more than man, not my style, but out of those I’m dating if we go to the exclusiveity box, oh Imma’ hit it garunteed.
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 12:58 PM | Link to this
@SJ - You’re trying your best to get something started up in here. Why don’t you answer your own question? Whether how many women are you sleeping with? We’re waiting…….
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this
@darkbuty I respect your feedback, but you keep forgeting I am around females all day long, where do you think I am getting my thoughts from..personal experience, my secretary,female friends,etc.
So, as I respect your thoughts on certain things, age,demographics,cultural backgrounds,etc. play a “huge” factor in dating and what people want to hear initially.
What works for a thirty something female, may not work for a 40 something female. You have to keep that in mind. I typically date older, so the convo is going to be atad bit more grown folk than some of the approaches I read on here.
I am not saying anything is wrong with the approaches I read on here, but as a person who has constant contact with meeting females on a daily basis, to do business with and in a personal setting, trust me that I am evaluating my approach and the approach of other men.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 01:00 PM | Link to this
Okay darkbuty that’s a good one, hahahaha, I have to keep that in mind. LOL
Assumptions are a Muthafugga SJ, you will neva know, and you should not assume, and she should neva tell.
By the professional
July 27, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this
All jokes aside. How old are the people on this board?! The level of maturity and intelligence on this board is a f’n joke. Everybody on here is on that wannabee playa shyt. This is not a f’n tv show, this is the real world and some of the stuff i read on here makes the women look like whores and the men like women. Newsflash, stop trying to be cool and get your monkey a*s mind right.
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this
lol @ SJ… that same question can be posed to men… personally I’m not sleeping with anyone that I’m not involved in a committed relationship with…and best believe tests results will be on file before we take it there…forget the pick up lines..give me good conversation and share similar interests and values then we can see where it leads…
game is wack..just be true to who you are..if you find yourself changing self to fit the desires of the one that you’re pursuing.. 9 out of 10 s/he’s not the one for you…
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this
LL that’s fair… and you’re absolutely right about the age, demographics, cultural, etc play a HUGE part in dating…but you won’t know those things upon initial approach. But I know you got game…doctor/lawyer/VP/President at your disposal….I know you got your basis covered….
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 01:09 PM | Link to this
Professional Why don’t You start by answering the same questions you posed!
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 01:09 PM | Link to this
Laughing at the professional…..Hilarious…Throwin’ shade when there are 100 other blogs he/she could be reading….
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 01:13 PM | Link to this
I am not trying to get anything started..I am sorry. If offended any of the nice ladies of the blog i apologize…but a hit dog WILL holla..lol
@ Darkbuty…i know a female or two from the Nasty Nati..i know how yall get down..just playing..you are overall some cool female…and the ones i know like sports alot…whats up with that?
@ the Bold and the Beautiful…i am celebate..
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 01:13 PM | Link to this
Crimson, quit lyin, you know that law clerk hittin it, after hours…y’all got that Marcia Clark/Chris Darden thing going on…….j/k….LOL! I like you readin you, lil mama…..keep spittin that fiyah, like Dylan!!!
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 01:17 PM | Link to this
Here’s another question if we’re done with the topic of the day:
Does it matter to you if your significant other had a very colorful sexual past? Would you care to know how many people they’ve been with and all the crazy things they did? Would that affect your views on them as a person of interest/SO?
By Page1908
July 27, 2006 01:17 PM | Link to this
LOL @ Un-professional It never ceases to amaze me that people post comments like that, yet it is obvious that they are reading the blog. how dumb is that!
Jazzy sup:)
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 01:20 PM | Link to this
@darkbuty It is not about game or doctor/lawyer/VP/President at your disposal.
I am am real people and I keep it 100 all the time 24/7.
You attract what you are, so if I attract women that are like minded, what does that say about me and my character?
but you won’t know those things upon initial approach.
Yes you will! My chances of meeting a Random Broad at the High Musuem of Art or some cultural event is lower than being at Vision on a Friday night!
Your hangouts dictate your outcome in meeting someone of substance and culture does play a huge role!
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 01:21 PM | Link to this
Crimson I must say that nowadays, age and priorities have changed my view… back in the day, gas was cheap, it was easy to meet a woman that lived in Gwinnett, Alpharetta, Cobb, Decatur, Jonesboro, Austell, and live in the SWATS and none of them know about the other… plus is was sort of cool to have your “hip-hop head”, your “museum-wine-and-cheese” chick, the “jazzybelle”, etc. because you could almost immerse yourself in different activities depending on the person, and when you were tired of doing that, you got to change the woman out too…
The problem is finding someone that you can vibe with on multiple levels, and won’t turn their nose up at you when you’re doing something or listening to something that the other person doesn’t like… if you find that, there’s no reason to be dating more than one person, if you can justify the practice at all. The past 5 years or so, I’ve been referred to as the serial monogamist, so that will tell you pretty much how I’ve been rollin…
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 01:24 PM | Link to this
I’m 32, sbf, no kids, homeowner, great job & >>>>gone to lunch ^j^
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 01:25 PM | Link to this
SeanJ It’s not a whole lot of positive things to do in Cincinnati for the black community so you grow up going to the high school football and basketball games. I love football so much that I got a job in high school to work at the stadium to watch the Bengals play….now I finally got season tickets to the Falcons!!
But I can hang with alot dudes on the football history….Our entire household were huge sports fan…
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 01:25 PM | Link to this
2can..funny..but never that..
@ darkbty.. honestly I’d like to know…I feel that a person’s sexual history says a lot about how they value intimacy..how they value themselves..and how they value their bodies…
if you’re at the point where you’re using your fingers..toes..and you’ve run out of body parts to come with then..
you aren’t for me lol
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this
Dark I ask and try like h3ll not to judge, but…. if my S/O has been accustomed to “favors” provide that I am not willing to provide, then I definitely want to know. We could be at a stopping point - IMO
Also being that in the “A” there are a lot of brothers who like the ying and the yang, I ALWAYS ask early on in the still getting to know each other stage if they have ever had “it” with another dude! - Definitely a stopping point!
Page That is REALLY DUMB!!
By Ms. Newark
July 27, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this
Afternoon All
Can’t relate to topic. Hope you all have a great day.
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this
For all the lawyers on the blog. Any tips for LSAT testing. If so could you send me a sidebar with any information thank you in advance.
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 01:30 PM | Link to this
serial monogamist I can dig it…I believe that there are women and men out there that are into all of the things that you mentioned..people have to be able to mix things up..no need to be 1 dimensional
By Thick
July 27, 2006 01:32 PM | Link to this
LL I do agree with you and whole heartedly understand what you are saying here:
“Your hangouts dictate your outcome in meeting someone of substance and culture does play a huge role!”
People don’t realize that where & what you give your energy to will dictate what you have & who you will spend your life with.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 01:33 PM | Link to this
D Dub The problem is finding someone that you can vibe with on multiple levels, This is so true. A lady friend of mines like to pose the question……. “Why should I put that much pressure on one guy?!”
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 01:34 PM | Link to this
Crimson Dwayne Wayne told Ron, “the longer the list, the higher the risk!”
By Randyt
July 27, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this
Just got in and have not read the answers but my question regarding “mixed signals” is IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND. I think I just broke it off with a lady that set the bar for ‘mixed signals’. She would be as ‘with me’ as you could possibly imagine (and I have been around the block a bunch in last few years, so have a long roster to compare to). I have mentioned her before and will not dredge it up, but this lady has an incredible career waiting for her at the Duncan YoYo company!!!! She could make CEO in a few months, I guarantee it.
By No Secret
July 27, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this
VICTORIA’S SECRET you seem real familiar are you friends with QC?
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this
kym
purchase the Logic Games Bible by Powerscore http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/097212960X/104-7751619-7800762?v=glance&n=283155.. you may be able to find the book used at a discount book store for a lower prices…if you have the time and the money take a Testmasters course…do NOT take Kaplan as I hear it’s a rip off and the score typically isn’t improved…
if you cannot afford or have the time to take a course obtain some old LSAT exams (official prep tests) and study/practice on your own.. try your best to time yourself as you would be timed for the actual exam…
By Justwondering
July 27, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this
Why do people post no kids like having kids is a problem. Is that suppose to make anyone more marketable? I have three kids(yes they have the same father, I am a woman) and I have never had a problem getting and/ or keeping a man.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this
LL Your comment reminded me of this quote - Well Said!
“You will draw to yourself that which you most persistently think about.” - Anon
For the closed minded I say…… People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something that one finds. IT is something that one creates.” - Thomas Szasz
Ms. Newark Afternoon 2U2
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this
I ALWAYS ask early on in the still getting to know each other stage if they have ever had “it” with another dude! - Definitely a stopping point!
And the same nasty dude will say No and still tap into another dude a$$, all while kissing up to you…
that shyt aint right
By D Dub of the ATL
July 27, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this
“Why should I put that much pressure on one guy?!”
JustMe unless you’re trying to just have a standing spades partner and a rabbit-dance, why wouldn’t you put that pressure on him? A long term relationship demands it.
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this
LL I didn’t mean game in a negative sense….just meant that I believe that you can handle your own based on your posts. I agree, who you attract says alot about who you are…. that’s why I playfully say that you have game and I know that your bases are covered…because of the women you attract
I agree with what you said about where you meet people as well plays a huge part in the success of meeting someone of substance…we’re together on that as well.
I don’t think we disagree on anything…the only statement that I wanted to provide feedback on was the tell me your interests upon the initial approach….it would be just a little invasive at that point IMO. And you just might meet me at the HIGH since I have a membership there! smile There’s no textbook answer for the right approach…and everyone will have their opinions about the best way to approach them…even within the same age/demographics/cultural category
sidenote Is anyone going to the India Arie concert this Saturday? I can’t wait…
By rrticulate1
July 27, 2006 01:52 PM | Link to this
Also, why is it not cool for guys not to call girls back, but ok for girls to blow off guys?? Since we’re told that guys like to play games, girls who are simply not interested expects us to “take a hint”. Is that not the same as game-playing??
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
wondering….that’s what I’m saying….
No Secret, the Fraud Patrol has already been notified…..they said they’ve been conducting a year long investigation into this, and when they hand down the indictments, heads are gonna roll…..I’m just sayin…hunh, Page.
By G
July 27, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
@Justwondering Yes, kids do make a difference to some people. The more kids you have, the more complex your package. Notice I’m not judging good or bad, to each his own. I have no children, and it is a strong preference a potential has none. If we really hit it off, one is acceptable. There is a definite difference of lifestyle, availability, and marketability between those with children or not.
By THE INFAMOUS DK
July 27, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
I dont understand.. This dating thing aint that hard.. Stop wookin pa nub, and it will find you. Often times since I dont do relationships I get the darndest propositions because I dont have that look of desperation in my eyes.. I go with the flow and where ever the wind blow thats where i go.. I look at all the women I meet as potential plutonic friends cause you never know how it may go down and women keep five or six single friends that I can take off their hands..
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this
Why do people post no kids like having kids is a problem. Is that suppose to make anyone more marketable?
Yes…if the child is not your then run!
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 01:55 PM | Link to this
The sexual past is a big thing to get over. I agree wholeheartedly with what crimson said about the intimacy…but the fact of the matter is that a young man in his 20s isn’t looking for intimacy. And JustMe you’re right….what is he going to expect from me if he’s done some R Kelly type ish??!! It’s something that I struggle with because you don’t want to hold them hostage to their past, but if they were that active…can they really settle down?
By rrticulate1
July 27, 2006 01:56 PM | Link to this
Also, why is it not cool for guys not to call girls back, but ok for girls to blow off guys?? Since we’re told that guys like to play games, girls who are simply not interested expects us to “take a hint”. Is that not the same as game-playing??
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this
DemiAin’t that some nasty ish!!!
D Dub That her (my friend’s)opinion, she is not the 1 guy type gurl.
Now being an excellent Spades patnah will get u a few bonus points with me. I keep a spare can of “Whoop azz” right next to the Aviator’s and Bicycles!
Dark & LL ….it would be just a little invasive at that point IMO.read…… there are some fools (stalkers) in this world, can’t put too much info out up front!*
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 02:00 PM | Link to this
@darkbuty
the only statement that I wanted to provide feedback on was the tell me your interests upon the initial approach….it would be just a little invasive at that point IMO.
I think this is where most people fumble the ball, before they reach the goal line!
As you get older (and I think the old heads can relate), the less time you want to waste with folks that don’t fit your agenda.
If I am at a party or social gathering, I am there to have fun(first), (second) network and prospect!
If I am meeting you for the first time, I don’t want to waste my time with you, if you have no substance, so our initial convo is not an interrogation, but a question answer period.
People who are about business appreciate and understand the significance of asking questions initially and pre-qualifing potential friends, mates or associates. You cannot let just anyone in your camp!
Why sit and talk to someone about nothing? Everyone’s time is valuable, you never get that time lost ish back!
Everytime you meet someone, you are in an interview, they are checking you out, you are checking them out, so what’s the problem with asking questions, especially the ones that pertain to your interests?
By darkbuty
July 27, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this
Wondering I don’t think it’s good or bad but for some it’s a preference. My current BF has a son and we have to go through hell and back dealing with his son’s mother. If you’re not careful, that can put an additional strain on the relationship….some people opt not to deal with it.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 02:04 PM | Link to this
rrticulate1
girls who are simply not interested expects us to “take a hint
Called “Woman in control.”
Is that not the same as game-playing
No, called “a Man being an a*******hole”
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 02:06 PM | Link to this
@Crimson thanks for the info, I have the old tests from LSAC and I signed up for the LSAC Itemwise online testing, it is a help as well.
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this
@ Darkbuty…..you may have a point about a man in his 20’s not looking for intimacy..but you can also say the same about females 30-45…during our 20’s we are trying to soar our wild oates…while at the same time the females are trying to position themselves to get married by 30. But so they say ..females 30-45 are reaching their peak..i say they are just getting out of being embarrassed of letting the freak out.
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 02:12 PM | Link to this
@JustMe Females kill me with that stalker ish! If you meet a stalker, it’s yo fault! You picked the location, you did not ask enough questions, you decided to be generous and give out all your personal info too soon and show him where you live and you did not use some common dayumn sense. All points back to you!
When that cat started questioning you about where you been an all, you should have cut it off then! Stalker folks choose their victims, based on a weakness in you!
Now if one slides through the cracks, then we will give your account a credit, but 9 outta 10 times, it’s yo fault!
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this
@ darkbty regardless of what you may feel is the fact of the matter there are some men that value intimacy as much as women do…. one should not have to settle and chalk it up to a man growing up simply because he’s had many partners and has now “seen the light”..
I’m sorry but the fact of the matter is that a woman with a bunch of sex partners is a hoe..a man with a bunch of sex partners is getting experience and just being a man…
I don’t believe in the double standards and I see it for what it is …if we’re being promiscuous then we need to prepare ourselves for whatever consequences that may bring…
if you’re looking for that woman that’s on top of her game… has had less than 5 sex partners…is part of your support system… meets your standards etc etc.. you truly may miss out because of those college days that have come and gone…
no need to hop in the bed with everyone that we date…I take care of myself and value my body.. I expect no less out of my man… I don’t settle for less that what I desire just because I may have some lonely evenings…
By Laney
July 27, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this
Kym, I took the LSAT in college when I thought I was going to be a lawyer - ha. Anyway, I’d underscore that practice tests over and over are the best thing. I never took a class and I did just fine ;) I also would focus most on the logic games section, because it’s the most unfamiliar to most people.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this
rrticulate1 I have an unspoken standing rule that seems to work for me. If I call my S/O 2+ times and I don’t get a return call (death and serious accidents w/be forgiven)no matter the reason……. I won’t talk to him until he calls me.
The reason for this “game” as I’m sure some guys will call it is simple….. early on in our dating, he mentioned “stragglers” and ex’s and how he just did not answer or return their calls. Men don’t have a tendency to tell you when they are switching up, they’re like Nike - they Just Do It!.
By Victoria's Secret
July 27, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this
No Secret no i’m not friends with QC i work with “TurkeyonWheatBread”
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this
LL You’ve got a hot bat this week don’t ya champ?
JustMe Your slip is showing slim.
By DuShawn
July 27, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this
“Your hangouts dictate your outcome in meeting someone of substance” Last Friday a potnah of mine from the crib was in the ATL and wanted to go have a drink. I didn’t really feel like hanging out, so I took him to the neighborhood watering hole (Dudley’s on Evans Mill). I told him, this is a hood spot and a lot of the women there are past their prime. We fall in the spot and have a few drinks. My dawg says to me “DuShawn, where are all those ATL GA peaches I heard about? Every female in here has booty do. (Their stomach sticks out more than their booty do.)
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this
LL You don’t have to know an idiot very well for him to try some dumb ish. Heck you don’t really have to know them at all. Somtimes just rejecting a person is enough to send them into a spazzed out mode.
Now before you try to rip me a new one, I agree with what you were saying to a degree. But at the same time, I’m not about to give a new acquaintance a lot of personal information about me. With the Internet, Google and other privacy ivasions methods available to the general public, I say keep the banter light and fun. No need to divulge information that is best served on a NTKB. That’s all I was saying. I agree good convo is a must, but there are limits to what I will discuss with a stranger (unless I’m 5 shots into the night - LOL)
By Foots
July 27, 2006 02:25 PM | Link to this
@LL I think that if one approach works for you and the people you associate with, that’s the one you should go with. No one, at any age, likes to “waste time” with another person. Sometimes I know all I need to know without asking a single question, just from ice-breaking conversation; sometimes I have to conduct a full on-site interview. Meeting someone is defintely a go-with the flow situation.
Anyway, it’s good that dark and the other ladies have given some examples of a great approach from a female perspective. Always nice to hear from women themselves about what women want.
dark I would like to know if he’s done anything ultra wild. I can be h@ll myself, but some acts are too tough to follow.
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 02:28 PM | Link to this
@crimson and darkbty I maybe missing something but are you saying that if a man is sleeping with everything not nail down then he is ok just being a man, but if a woman is sleeping with mulitple partners she is a whore, just because she is a woman? A whore is a whore, if it has a dyck or a hoochie coochie. Why are men exempt from this definition?
By Thick
July 27, 2006 02:28 PM | Link to this
Instead trying to get the full sexual history in one conversation, or over a particular period of time; pratice not having sex for a while and before U do, get tested. Six months later get tested again, if the relationship is new or old you can both be comfortable in knowing.
And trust me I have had some lonely times because some people don’t want to get tested. When you don’t want to go and get tested I don’t need your history, your actions tell me that you are unsure of your own status. Dang, made me think about Common, hahahah
By Cee
July 27, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this
@ Wondering - Just like G and Darkbuty said that’s their preference. It has nothing to do with you or your kids. Some people may have had a bad experience dating someone who has kids. No more baby mamma drama eva for me again. That’s why I opt to date guys with no children or much older child(ren). So please don’t take it too personal.
By THE INFAMOUS DK
July 27, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this
The only time your child makes a difference to me if they are bad. I hate a bad a$$ kid because I believe a child is just that and I dont tolerate disrespect from a grown man and I wont be taking it from some pint sized future inmate or stripper because I like their Mom..
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this
Question for the ladies: How can a dude make you feel intimidated?
By Foots
July 27, 2006 02:31 PM | Link to this
you meet a stalker, it’s yo fault! You picked the location, you did not ask enough questions, you decided to be generous and give out all your personal info too soon and show him where you live and you did not use some common dayumn sense. All points back to you!
That’s funny, especially considering that we got into the conversation yesterday about guys not being able to have a mature breakup conversation with some women because of their “stalker” and “ride by the house at 2am” tendencies. Guys, it’s all your fault you picked stalker chicks!! LOL
By SeanJohnson
July 27, 2006 02:32 PM | Link to this
@ DuShawn…you better duck ..lol…females are sensitive about the kangaroo pouch.lol
By Foots
July 27, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this
LOL at DuShawn and “booty do”!!!
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this
Popped in 2 say:
Con-tra-dict-ions, Con-tra-dict-ions
Most of the “chickheads/blockheads” (thanks LL for those terms), on this blog are posting here er’day yakking bout “I’m not sure bout he/she feel bout me” (ie. mixed signals), “why he/she treat me like dat” but today, you know the difference between red (GTFOOMF), yellow (just wanna hit it) and green (Tier 1 or 2). Laughable!!!! Comedy at it’s best.
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this
Kym
I’m saying that’s the double standard that exists…
a hoe is a hoe in my opinion regardless of whether they’re man or woman…
hellllll no it’s not okay for that to be the case… at least not in my eyes
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this
You’ll make a nikka head hurt!!!!
By Thick
July 27, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this
I know you serious, but that’s funny. LOL “pint size future inmate or stripper”
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this
Yeah that booty doo is outta control, but dudes have belly do..His belly sticks out further than his Dyk does.
Lord Never met a guy that intimidated me.
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 02:45 PM | Link to this
Well Candid the door is open….
By crimson esq.
July 27, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this
Thick: nothing wrong with being celibate… I certainly believe more issues arise when a person hops in the bed so quickly..
LD: I don’t get intimidated…
By Foots
July 27, 2006 02:47 PM | Link to this
@Demi I don’t remember feeling intimidated by a man because of his social stature. If I meet a man who could be considered intimidating in that way, I’m proud of him and I’m like “Gone brotha! Make it do what it do!” And I can appreciate that he is pursuing his vision for his life and giving his woman something to support and get behind.
Have I ever felt a little out of my league before? Yes, but that was because of the image I built of him, not of who he really was. After we dated for a while, I saw that he was a just regular person (but maybe a little bi-polar). LOL!
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 02:49 PM | Link to this
Kym are you saying that if a man is sleeping with everything not nail down then he is ok just being a man, but if a woman is sleeping with mulitple partners she is a whore
That the impression that I got out of that.
DK I hate a bad a$$ kid
Let me remix that hus - I hates a bad azz, mutha fukkin kidd.
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 02:49 PM | Link to this
If you single and yo kids is under age 13 yo azz need 2 be at home, not in the club or wallowin’ round in anybody’s bed. Raise yo kids first.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 02:49 PM | Link to this
Thick What about Common? Do tell!
LOL Foots That 2X standard is runnin rampant up in here.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this
JustMe, my home girl is 6’3 and she brought it up while at we’re at lunch, be couldn’t explain to me why…
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this
Demi… I’m thinking….. hmmm… good question…….Jeopardy Music streaming thru my mind……. still thinking……. I think I am more likely to feel threatened by his actions than intimidated by a lifestyle. Material possessions do not equate to self worth to me. You can have it (any material possession) today and it can be gone tomorrow.
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this
I can humbly and honestly say, to be a lil nikka, I’m blessed down there.
“I’m MC Fye D, and I gotta be tough…….”
By Foots
July 27, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this
Candidly Sometimes it’s clearer to see what’s going on when it’s not your situation. Plus, if SG is asking about why women do something, women can give good insight into it. Likewise, when I have a serious question about why a man did something, I ask a man.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this
Kym How did they miss this part of your post? A whore is a whore, if it has a dyck or a hoochie coochie. Why are men exempt from this definition?
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this
SeanJ you better duck ..lol…females are sensitive about the kangaroo pouch.lol
But see, telling them that they have a bad azz youngin is the precursor to “I’m out.” LOL
Foots Guys, it’s all your fault you picked stalker chicks!!
I can’t get with that one.
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this
@All on the blog - How do you get rid of someone who will not take no for an answer? You’ve done everthing you know to do, explained why you don’t want to deal with them on that level, avoided them, ignored their calls, you just want to be platonic friends. Help!!!!
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this
I haven’t met a chick, broad or lady (there is a difference) that could not resist “my magic stick,” but that does not mean that I wave my wand at err’ pair of legs I see.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 03:02 PM | Link to this
Foots, I was told the same while living in the homeless shelter. I’m not a mean mugger, nor do I walk with an attitude. I am Just getting tired of people staying that shyt to me…often worse than being called deaf’n’dumb (fighting word for me, so now y’all how to really get at me, lol)…she got me thinking
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this
Foots, I was told the same while living in the homeless shelter. I’m not a mean mugger, nor do I walk with an attitude. I am Just getting tired of people staying that shyt to me…often worse than being called deaf’n’dumb (fighting word for me, so now y’all how to really get at me, lol)…she got me thinking
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this
Foots, I was told the same while living in the homeless shelter. I’m not a mean mugger, nor do I walk with an attitude. I am Just getting tired of people staying that shyt to me…often worse than being called deaf’n’dumb (fighting word for me, so now y’all how to really get at me, lol)…she got me thinking
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 03:03 PM | Link to this
@All on the blog - How do you get rid of someone who will not take no for an answer? You’ve done everthing you know to do, explained why you don’t want to deal with them on that level, avoided them, ignored their calls, you just want to be platonic friends. Help!!!!
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 03:04 PM | Link to this
@All on the blog - How do you get rid of someone who will not take no for an answer? You’ve done everthing you know to do, explained why you don’t want to deal with them on that level, avoided them, ignored their calls, you just want to be platonic friends. Help!!!!
By Foots
July 27, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this
@BK Oh, just read LL’s 2:12 post. Just passing along the info he gave to women. Seems like the information flows to all.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this
Demi gotta big ole gurl Ohh Yeah!
Maybe she did not have as much experience is certain arenas as he did? I guess that depends on the woman.
By DuShawn
July 27, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this
I wish a female would try to stalk me. I would show her how to be a stalker. She would be parked in front of my crib waiting for me to come home, meanwhile I’m parked in front of her shyt waiting for her. You never want to play crazy with a real fool.
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this
Foots, I was told the same while living in the homeless shelter. I’m not a mean mugger, nor do I walk with an attitude. I am Just getting tired of people staying that shyt to me…often worse than being called deaf’n’dumb (fighting word for me, so now y’all how to really get at me, lol)…she got me thinking
Kym you are soooooo right!!! A whore is a whore…period
A women sexual history really shouldn’t matter…provided that her sugar walls are tight and diseases free
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this
B & B Guessing you are a female….
Tell him you’ve gotten a RO against him and that if he calls or comes onto your property all you have to do is call the po-po’s and hiz azz is going to the clink!
Guys……. this will probably work with a crazy female too!
Maybe if the convo was leaning towards promescuity and she has only been around the block 2-3 times that could do it. What exactly did you say to her?
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this
Bold How do you get rid of someone who will not take no for an answer?
It’s a shame that it’s come to this, but I lets a chick know early on wayyy before shyt gets started that I don’t mind calling in the cops. Then down the road they’ll think long and hard about getting funky. And if they do forget, I’m ready to freshen them up a little bit with a one-time warning. Then I’m following through…
By Foots
July 27, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this
Demi You might have to ask her to see what she means by intimidating, cause it could mean so many things. Dude once told me I was intimidating because I could speak intelligently about my career and current job. WTF! Who had he been dating?!?
B&B I don’t think you can be friends with that person. True friends respect you, and from what you already know, this person doesn’t listen to a dayum thing you got to say, or else they would have respected your wishes.
By Foots
July 27, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this
You never want to play crazy with a real fool. Now that’s the truth!!
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this
DuShawn Dayum - LOL Crazy is as crazy does.
B&B I just got rid of an ex from last summer (I think) He kept calling, always wanting to come over, willing to wash the truck, cut the yard, fix the trim. So finally a few weeks ago on a Saturday afternoon, he caught at the right time. I told him sure come on over and bring plenty of c0nd0ms too….. he was like what? We stopped using those a long time ago, I was like yep but errrrrbody gotta use them now. FOr some reason, him thinking I was kicking a lot of guys down made him stop calling. I wish I had thought of that a long time ago. I even went so far as to have my current SO answer the phone when he kept calling….. he told my SO he was my cousin!
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 03:18 PM | Link to this
Dushawn
Man, you right. Girl tried 2 stalk me, following me and shiid. Man, her azz ended up on the side of the road out of gas. Had her following me to the Tennessee line. Dummy forgot, my truck had a reserve tank. I kept rolling.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this
Foots I’ve been called intimidating for being able to have a nice house a nice ride and raise my son solo…….. I asked the same thing you did…… WTF type females were you dating before? This can start to turn a flag the slightest shade of red!
By Blue_Kolla
July 27, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this
Foots I did read it and it was a good breakdown of the dude stalking some chick. As far as I know, most chicks with these crazy azz BF’s have been living on the edge anyway. Then want to break off after dudes been clowning for 2+ years. Now when a chick dawns her stalk/fukkanikkaup suit, it’s usually out of the blue - no warning for that.
By SlimOne
July 27, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this
Hi all, I’m just coming out of Lurkesville because I’m one that’s tired of the game playing. I met what appeared to be a nice guy. He told me from the beginning that it was hard for him to keep a gf because he has his own business and is always very busy. I can understand that and don’t expect to talk on the phone everday or anything like that but not hearing from you in over a week is a little excessive. However, whenever we do hang out, he always tells me how much he likes me, how he hasn’t been this attentive with other women, blah blah blah. But lately, the time span between calls grows. I called and left a vm on his cell but he texted me back THE NEXT day saying, hey i got your message. What’s up with ya? OKAY? But he swears up and down that he is such a genuine and good guy that has been upfront this whole time. I think it’s time to start making cuts. I told him from the get go, i wasnt into playing games. I even gave him a get out free card by texting him to say, Hey please just be upfront with me if you are no longer interested. Did i get a response?…..Nope
By SlimOne
July 27, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this
Hi all, I’m just coming out of Lurkesville because I’m one that’s tired of the game playing. I met what appeared to be a nice guy. He told me from the beginning that it was hard for him to keep a gf because he has his own business and is always very busy. I can understand that and don’t expect to talk on the phone everday or anything like that but not hearing from you in over a week is a little excessive. However, whenever we do hang out, he always tells me how much he likes me, how he hasn’t been this attentive with other women, blah blah blah. But lately, the time span between calls grows. I called and left a vm on his cell but he texted me back THE NEXT day saying, hey i got your message. What’s up with ya? OKAY? But he swears up and down that he is such a genuine and good guy that has been upfront this whole time. I think it’s time to start making cuts. I told him from the get go, i wasnt into playing games. I even gave him a get out free card by texting him to say, Hey please just be upfront with me if you are no longer interested. Did i get a response?…..Nope
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this
Candid That’s funny……. so I ask WTF kind of female were you dating Teir 1,2,3, or 4?
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this
@Foots - I agree with the respect. I even tried to turn him on to other women, he says he’s not interested. I’ll look out my office and there he is standing there staring with this smile on his face. At first i was flattered because i thought he just wanted someone to hang with at times, but now, i know what his true agenda is. I don’t want to cause him any problems with his employment(jobs are scarce), but man, whew!!! I just wish he except my decision. It’s like he’s trying to wear me down or something.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this
Slim I said this earlier today…….
*early on in our dating, he mentioned “stragglers” and ex’s and how he just did not answer or return their calls. Men don’t have a tendency to tell you when they are switching up, they’re like Nike - they Just Do It!. *
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 03:32 PM | Link to this
@SlimOne A piece of advise to ya..
Cat got you on the roster, but you are not in his starting lineup! Right now you are on reserves.
Follow you gut in a sichiation like this!
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this
JustMe, she’s sexy as hell too; (built lika 5’6 semi-thick mami) we’re just friend and Imma keeping it that way…
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:34 PM | Link to this
Slim another thing…….. A guy I dated and cohabitated with a few years ago was fond of texting his chic on the side…. Waiting till the next day he must have been really busy…
By Candidly Speaking
July 27, 2006 03:34 PM | Link to this
JustMe
She acted like she was a “premium” (Tier 1)chicks but had ghetto tendencies. Upon discovery, I had to let her go, but the “magic stick” caused her to get her “head sprung.” And she morphed into “Pycho Biaitch.”
By Jazzyone
July 27, 2006 03:35 PM | Link to this
Tell em’ you have AIDS…He’ll run like the hills
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 03:36 PM | Link to this
“Did i get a response?…..Nope”
yes, you did……silence is golden! if you call, and he texts you back (albeit, the next day)……c’mon, slim…
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 03:38 PM | Link to this
SlimOne I am sorry but didnt you say he told you up front that he could keep a gf because of work. An didnt you say I understand. Now something is not geling with me on this because it appears the gentleman was up front with you honest and to the point. You however read something or heard something else. Did you to have an agreement as to how much you would talk or when, is he your SO or a guy you are just trying to get to know. I know how this drama plays out and if you are wanting him to perform at the standard at wish you have become accustomed to then forget because you are about to come up short everytime. He is not playing games, he was honest, you think because he says I like you and I want to cater to you that it translates into I will call you all the time. He may very well be interested in you but if he doesnt have time to develop it then you cant fault him for that because he told you from jump.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 03:39 PM | Link to this
JustMe
When speaking of Common (the rapper) I was thinking about the commercial that he has done regarding getting tested. He talks about knowing your status.
By rrticulate1
July 27, 2006 03:43 PM | Link to this
this text will be bolded How to lose someone who won’t take no for an answer??
I’d say that depends on the degree of intensity on the part of the one who needs to get a clue. If its largely phone talk, change your number. If this person knows where you live/work/shop, having a friend pose as your s/o may work.
We’re living in a time that you really have to tread very carefully in dealing with these types of situations.
Oh, one more thing: tell someone. We tend to think that its really not a big deal, so let someone know.
By "Longtime Lurker"
July 27, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this
@Candidly Speaking You gotta learn to see through them smoke screens fella and servin up every broad you meet!
There is a such thing as window shoping and being selective where you lay your head at!
Sometimes that “magic stick” will bring you un needed problems.
By olderandwiser
July 27, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this
Afternoon, y’all. Nice to see some new names here. And welcome back, Single Guy. I get that blog moderators are supposed to present topics and can utilize their own experiences or reactions as catalysts to generate discussion. Two snaps up for this one (but lose the “you women/time of the month” thing, okay?).
Have just given today’s blog a cursory read. I agree with Jazzyone’s 10:38 post and DuShawn’s later observation on this topic. Dating is only as complicated or difficult as we choose to make it. IMO keep it simple: take her/him/it one date at a time. Keep in mind that this is just one possible/real dating experience with this one person at this moment in time. Take people and their word at their face value, then weigh and judge them later using your experience and gut instinct.
IMO the best dates and long-term relationships are born from knowing what you want and expect; communicating those things simply and honestly with everyone from the beginning; respecting others’ right to their differences and opinions; and forgiving yourself and everybody else for the mistakes that are inevitably made along the way. It’s impossible to be right, do right or get it right on the first date or every time thereafter. We are all subject to change; we do it the time. Give yourself and others the room and permission for it.
Slightly off topic: Perhaps it’s my age, but I have no time or patience for “running game” as a player or a “victim” (quoting LL today). IMO the “tier” pressure rankings and traffic light similes we’ve seen and are using here are clever but shallow judgment systems. Don’t let them fool you into giving yourself the go-ahead to either use people or make snap judgments about them. You can only learn about and appreciate each person’s unique talents and qualities through time and patience – and honest dating.
Peace, y’all.
By Foots
July 27, 2006 03:48 PM | Link to this
BK Crazy “out of the blue” situations can happen for both sexes. Well, since anybody can be unstable at any time, I think that’s where LL’s advice comes in: 1. Meet them in the right place: (You picked the location) 2. Ask the right questions and in the appropriate quantity: (you did not ask enough questions) 3. Don’t give out too much personal information upon just meeting: (you decided to be generous and give out all your personal info too soon and show him where you live) 4. Use common sense: (and you did not use some common dayumn sense)
Sounds like the start of a good unisex step-by-step guide to avoid stalker ish…
By NoStress
July 27, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this
@Slim - yo I’ll giv ya the game but I’ll put it face forward though, when buddy put it to you in the beginning that “yo my business keeps me real busy and its hard to keep a gf” your response should have been “define busy and how that relates to me” - from the rest of your post we could assume until we are all blue in the face if he is gamin you - but you had a chance to make an informed decision but you assumed you could deal with busy without knowing what busy meant which leaves you blowin in the wind. So be careful of what you agree to before you know the small print of the terms of the agreement.
By NoStress
July 27, 2006 03:50 PM | Link to this
@Slim - yo I’ll giv ya the game but I’ll put it face forward though, when buddy put it to you in the beginning that “yo my business keeps me real busy and its hard to keep a gf” your response should have been “define busy and how that relates to me” - from the rest of your post we could assume until we are all blue in the face if he is gamin you - but you had a chance to make an informed decision but you assumed you could deal with busy without knowing what busy meant which leaves you blowin in the wind. So be careful of what you agree to before you know the small print of the terms of the agreement.
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 03:50 PM | Link to this
I told a male friend of mine about it, he wants to come kick his a$$.
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this
Demi I thought you wanted to climb an oak tree?
Candid I don’t want no “D” like dat - LOL WHy did you dump her?
Thick I forgot about those ads…thanks
By Remote Blogger
July 27, 2006 03:53 PM | Link to this
@foots WTF! Who had he been dating?!?
YO MAMA!!
By Foots
July 27, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this
B&B Co-signing rrticulate1… On the real, please let someone know, cause this sounds scary. And it might be a good idea to have someone walk you to your car. Anybody just hanging out at your job, standing there smiling at you, is certifiable.
By mickiedee
July 27, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this
I read this everyday and it sounds like everybody is on the roster and not a starter these days! Dang, aint anybody a starter anymore? I’m beginning to think that the guy like the one slim one is talking about treat everyone second fiddle and doesn’t really even have any starters. What does the blog think?
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 04:01 PM | Link to this
JustMe/FOOTS you both are right on the intimidation thingy…I mostly date older sisters 30-45 who are very well off or doing well in life…soooooo it is safe to stay only 10% of the women actually feel this way?
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this
B&B Back in the day that would be a good idea, but in these days and times, folks don’t fight they kill and I would hate for a friend to kill or be killed over some persistent B-ish. I was rude as h3ll to my ex for PDC to a year before he even noticed I was disrepecting him.
By Page1908
July 27, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this
LMAO @ whoever said kangaroo pouch! That is true, but like Jazzy said, dudes have bellies too.
By Once in a While
July 27, 2006 04:05 PM | Link to this
SG… Just a tip that a movie is a terrible first date and should be reserved for after you’ve gotten to know each other. Next time, do something more interactive… coffee, dinner, etc. Any time a girl (or guy) is hot and cold, you’re in a rotation situation, period. Your 2 workable choices are: a. stop seeing her or b. work out your own rotation. Who knows, the next girl you meet may blow this Kim right out of the running. And either way, you won’t be getting jerked around by a rotater.
By Thick
July 27, 2006 04:05 PM | Link to this
B&B I agree with Foots and rrticulate1, this could very well become a problem. And don’t be platonic friends anymore, this guy sounds like he is over-the-top with his assertiveness.
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this
yeah, what the Rev said…..as I throw a crumpled dollar bill, held over from the strip club last night, into the collection plate
btw, any ‘o y’all gals that like gals, ever been to this spot off Memorial called Phase One? Bwoi, them dykes even scare me!!!
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 04:07 PM | Link to this
Mickie speaking for JustMe….. there are not a lot of starters in general. Not every player is a champion, but every champion has to be a dayum good player (in the game of “REAL” life).
It’s time for me to go.. have a good night all!
By BOLD & BEAUTIFUL
July 27, 2006 04:07 PM | Link to this
@Foot - it’s getting very scary. He gets off at a different time than i do, an hour earlier, but he waits until i get off. I asked, have you tried to talk to anyone else here, answer no, why me? his answer, why not you? He says he wants what he wants, and that’s me.
By SlimOne
July 27, 2006 04:08 PM | Link to this
Kym, ummm…he started out calling me everyday. Then it moved to about 2 to 3 times a week. We would see each other at least once a week. He would always return my calls the same day unless it was late. He also told me that sometimes his phone doesn’t pickup good so just keep calling. I’m not into blowing a brothas phone up which is why I will leave a message. I told him, even though he’s busy, that i need to hear from him every few days and he said that wouldn’t be a problem. mmatter of fact, i haven’t talked to him since last Tuesday. Then one time when i was at his place he asked me if we stopped talking would it matter to me. I said, it would if I didn’t know why or if we didn’t discuss to quit dating. I asked him why he asked and his response was, he felt that it wouldn’t matter to me. He said he wants to matter to me. So again….these are all mixed signals to me. You can talk all day but if your actions don’t add up then that equals game playing.
By Once in a While
July 27, 2006 04:08 PM | Link to this
SG… Just a tip that a movie is a terrible first date and should be reserved for after you’ve gotten to know each other. Next time, do something more interactive… coffee, dinner, etc. Any time a girl (or guy) is hot and cold, you’re in a rotation situation, period. Your 2 workable choices are: a. stop seeing her or b. work out your own rotation. Who knows, the next girl you meet may blow this Kim right out of the running. And either way, you won’t be getting jerked around by a rotater.
By NoStress
July 27, 2006 04:11 PM | Link to this
@Page - what up girlie
By JustMe
July 27, 2006 04:11 PM | Link to this
Demi Just depends on the women you are choosing…… Ladies who “can” usually are not easily intimidated. Those who “can not” can be easily intimidated. Women are unique creatures and should not be lumped together and analyzed statistically.
I guess I’ll catch the last of this at home……
By SlimOne
July 27, 2006 04:14 PM | Link to this
NoStress
That does make sense to find out the ‘terms’ before assuming i understand the deal. I’ll chalk it off as a lesson learned for the future. It’s just in my nature to want to always know why something is or what caused a certain outcome but without talking to him, it’ll be another one of the worlds unsolved mysteries.
By SlimOne
July 27, 2006 04:15 PM | Link to this
NoStress
That does make sense to find out the ‘terms’ before assuming i understand the deal. I’ll chalk it off as a lesson learned for the future. It’s just in my nature to want to always know why something is or what caused a certain outcome but without talking to him, it’ll be another one of the worlds unsolved mysteries.
By Kym aka Queen of the I dont give a Dayumn
July 27, 2006 04:18 PM | Link to this
@SlimOne sounds to me like you already have your answer honey. An that mess about you dont treat him like he matters, please that is the setup before the knock down. So why bother asking you think he is on the game then tell him you are done and forget about it. Move forward.
By Remote Blogger
July 27, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this
Bold You need to call in the cops either the cops or your brothers/cousins. Male friend dude doesn’t have the proper motivation to handle this type of business. He’s on Cap’n Sav’m mode. Cops and Fam are bringing the cutman and lunches, ‘cause it’s gon be some serious head bangin goin on.
By Page1908
July 27, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this
NoStress!!!!!!! Hey baby boy!! Good to see you…I didn’t even see you come in…lol you know I am 3 hours behind and a little slow…lol sorry:)
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this
JustMe sorry sweetie I will be climbing else where…I enjoy the bond she and I share,LOL
By Remote Blogger
July 27, 2006 04:34 PM | Link to this
LOL @ 2Can as I throw a crumpled dollar bill, held over from the strip club last night, into the collection plate
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 04:36 PM | Link to this
off topic
Women are unique creatures and should not be lumped together and analyzed statistically.
I amaze me that allllllllllllll short men are lumped in the same s**t hole, lol
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this
Has anyone ever when straight to church after leaving the strip club? And the same stripper from last night, is singing in the choir and testifying…
By Reality Check
July 27, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this
SG, “Kim” is simply not into you like that. That’s all it is. She gave you a green light—— to be friends.
You can either make a turn or proceed through the intersection.
Enough said.
By DuShawn
July 27, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this
@DEMI I’m guilty of the church after strip joint sin. I was visiting one of my Bruhs. His father was the pastor. It was Easter Sunday and we hung out all night Saturday. I had just enough time to shower and change. We were late. The church was packed, so we had to sit in the front row (still smelling like Remy). I didn’t notice any strippers in the choir though.
By 2 Can Play That Game©
July 27, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this
naw quite like that, Demi, but i don’ seen plenty ‘o Deacons posted up in the cut like cain’t nobody see ‘em…then lead devotion the following morning…..
“IIIIIIIIIIIII, know I’ve been changed”
By Mick
July 27, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this
You had a great first movie date? Dude that is a contradiction in terms! You take a girl you hardly know and what do you do to get to know each other better or build attraction- you SIT TOGETHER WITHOUT TALKING IN THE DARK FOR TWO HOURS?!
By Lord Demi
July 27, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this
Dushawn/2 can LOL life is wild!!!
By Reality Check
July 27, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this
SG, “Kim” is simply not into you like that. That’s all it is. She gave you a green light—— to be friends.
You can either make a turn or proceed through the intersection.
Enough said.
By Jamie
July 28, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
Single Guy- Every time I read your entries, you manage to alienate the fairer sex. I suggest you stop being so bitter and try a more positive outlook. That whole things with flies and vinegar and honey, you know?
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