AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2006 > September > 12 > Entry
Dangerous Dating
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We hear the sad reports and read the disturbing statistics every week it seems: Woman or man killed by girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, husband, or fiancée’. The tragic stories even sometimes hit close to home. A friend of mine lost her best friend recently at the hands of someone she knew and trusted. She was engaged to marry the man that took her life. As I thought about this woman and her life and tragic death, I couldn’t help but wonder how many women or men are right now involved with someone who could one day try to harm them. I worry about people who are happily in like, love or lust who have clouded judgment that prevents them from seeing warning signals.
Tragedies like this begin to serve as cautionary tales for single men and women everywhere. You really need to know who you are dating. In the past, I have dated guys who started out as “extremely affectionate and attentive” but they eventually became possessive, jealous, and controlling. Back then, I was attracted to the type of guy that was a bit smug, arrogant, and confident. This landed me smack dab in the middle of a relationship that I didn’t want or like because of how emotionally unsafe I felt with him, not to mention physically.
Perhaps there was a fine line between cocky and confident that I misjudged. When I was younger, I don’t think I knew the difference. So I had to learn the hard way. Now I take note of key things: How does he handle stressful situations? How does he handle his temper? Does he say hurtful things in a heated argument? How does he respond when he can’t reach me? The answers to these type questions could provide clues into a guy or girl’s character.
Guys, can you offer ladies any insight on what types of male behaviors could be red flags? Ladies, could you give the men a few tips on the difference between normal women, who can be unstable creatures (not like crazy, belong in an asylum), and the women that could possibly be too fixated on them and the relationship?
How can we safeguard ourselves from dating potentially dangerous people on the dating scene?
Permalink | Comments (353) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Comments
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 08:30 AM | Link to this
Morning
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 08:35 AM | Link to this
Morning all!
I have been very fortunate to never have experience with this type of man. And my girlfriends & family members have been equally lucky.
I guess I’ll sit back and check everyone elses comments on this and learn a thing or two from the guys.
As far as advice for the men… never trust a big butt and a smile.
By 3rdwheelflunkie
September 12, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone! It’s Tuesday….. I think the best way to safeguard yourself is to just stop dating and join a nunnery convent and give your life to God, or you can watch the tv show Cheaters and take some good notes, or you can do a background check on the person and use google.com It’s scary to date out there…. I think some women are so desperate these days for love that they are willing to put up with psycho men. It’s like a bad lifetime movie. I do know some pyscho girls too… but I will go into that later….
By JustMe
September 12, 2006 08:42 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Wise and All
Ladies, could you give the men a few tips on the difference between normal women, who can be unstable creatures (not like crazy, belong in an asylum), and the women that could possibly be too fixated on them and the relationship?
Guys, if you meet a woman who dragging you to the bed to make a baby or to the alter to get married and she barely knows your name, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Also, if you just start dating a woman and she claims to have her own birth control and does not want you to suit up before diving in……… wear 2 suits instead of 1. A good way to gauge a woman emotional stability is to ask her about past relationships and how/why they ended. Aske her about sibling rivalries and family relationships and find out how many real friends she has.
By Napoleon Patrol
September 12, 2006 08:48 AM | Link to this
Guys, can you offer ladies any insight on what types of male behaviors could be red flags?
Any man, no matter how tall or short that shows signs of Napoleon syndrome.
If spotted early, you will save yourself from a drama fill relationship. Remember God Bless, but not you.
Thank you,
NP
By Raqi
September 12, 2006 08:49 AM | Link to this
I think surefire signs for both men and women would be someone that’s Too clingy, have constant mood swings, extremely possessive and dominant.
By kevmoor2005
September 12, 2006 09:04 AM | Link to this
A couple of years ago I had worked with a very nice attractive, smart female coworker whose husband was constantly in and out of the PEN. When he was out he treated to kill her many times if she didn’t take him back or do as he wanted her to do. It was very disturbing because I used to ask her many times why doesn’t she just leave town. Well he eventually did take her life in front of their two kids. The point I’m trying to make is if someone threatens to kill you more than one, please take it serious and move as far a way as you possible can. Chances are they WILL.
By danielle
September 12, 2006 09:19 AM | Link to this
Ladies, could you give the men a few tips on the difference between normal women, who can be unstable creatures (not like crazy, belong in an asylum), and the women that could possibly be too fixated on them and the relationship?
Any woman that feels that her whole world revolves around her SO is too fixated on him;
Any woman that needs to know where her SO is at all times is too fixated on him;
Any woman that can not keep girlfriends because she spends all her time worrying about her SO is too fixated on him;
Any woman that throws tantrums, has a bad temper, makes violent threats, carry out violent threats and withholds children/sex is not emotionally stable for any relationship.
Now a normal woman is mature enough to handle any situation that arises with dignity and grace, she’s self-maintained(meaning she a life of her own) and self-respecting. She’ll never allow a man to change who she is unless he’s progressive and the change is for the better.
By Tall'n'Handsome
September 12, 2006 09:20 AM | Link to this
As far as advice for the men… never trust a big butt and a smile.
Or in your case A 6’2 brother and a smile
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this
If a man is always calling you and bugging you, showing up @ your job, hell just blowing your phone & cell up, always asking you when can he see you, etc; get rid of him or do like i do criminal background check
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 09:27 AM | Link to this
OH GOD!!! What a topic. I thank God that I’ve never been in relationships like this. I do have a young lady that is one of my “little sisters” from church that is definitely (or was, depending on what day of the week it is) in a very unhealthy relationship. She thrives for attention (good or bad unfortunately). So he has hit her, threatened to do stuff to her, forces or strongly coerces her to do CRAZY stuff “in the name of love”, etc. He HATES me because he knows that I challenge her to think for herself and slap her into reality but I don’t seem to be making a dent. Things will change temporarily and she’ll get out of the relationship and months later, she’ll slip and say, “oh yeah, I went with Mr Man last night and….” Then she’ll realize that she just told on herself. I feel helpless. I mean, I try to be there for her but it’s gotten to a point where she knows she can’t talk to me about him anymore because it’s like I’M DONE!!! YOU DON’T WANT TO LISTEN so all I can do is just pray for her. I mean, this fool would have her doing the UNTHINKABLE, things demoralizing herself, etc, he’ll cheat on her, etc and she’ll still come back for more. And she’s just in her early 20’s.
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this
It’s scary to date out there…. I think some women are so desperate these days for love that they are willing to put up with psycho men
Coming from 3rd…good morning sweetie
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 09:31 AM | Link to this
Hot Sauce I’ll have to piggy back what you said. Any man OR woman that is calling you every 30 minutes to know what you’re doing, who you’re talking to, where you’re going, etc., etc. is a RED FLAG!!! RUN! Unfortunately, a lot of ‘needy’ women will go into a relationship like this, thinking, “wow, he really cares about me or is really into me”. NOT. And don’t let that same woman ask him where he is or what he’s doing! Oh, that will be World War III!!
I’ve been fortunately to have actually had time to know any past SOs for significant amounts of times BEFORE dating them. Seeing them amongst friends, church folks, family, etc. So don’t let love BLIND you to the obvious. Now my ex-husband?? THAT was another story! But fortunately, it wasn’t an abusive or controlling relationship. Just one that should’ve have never happened.
By Darkbuty
September 12, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone!
Personally, I think anyone is capable of anything under the right pressure and stress. People can snap and in a moment of extreme delusion do something they may regret! Given that…
Some signs that would identify those who are more prone to that behavior:
By D Dub of the ATL
September 12, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this
Great topic Wise Diva
I don’t really have any ground-breaking advice to hand out, but I will refer to two of my ex-girlfriends, which always said that I was unemotional, or considered me very cold towards them especially when we broke up.
I have always been a very even-tempered person - it takes a lot to get me angry… I was named “Mello-Yello” when I joined my fraternity because I always remained, calm, cool, and collected regardless of the circumstances.
How does that translate into my personal life? I think Crimson said it best weeks ago - try to find your compliment. Having said that, people need to realize that if your life is full of drama, and if you don’t handle your temper well yourself, then chances are you are going to attract someone that suffers from the same affliction.
Get yourself in order first - mind, body and soul… then your compliment will find you and fit just like a glove
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 09:40 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
Ladies, If a Man “collects” handguns it could be a sign…LOL
If a Man just shows up at a place where you didn’t tell him you would be and says “Ohhh, how did I know you would be here???”…it could be a sign
Also, if a Man ever says “Get yo’azz in the dayum car”…that could be a sign
By 3rdwheelflunkie
September 12, 2006 09:44 AM | Link to this
good morning Demi What’s shakkin??
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this
Straight drop kicking Aun T 4th’s office door and removing the Caps Lock button from key board…Now George Jefferson dancing my short a$$ from her office…Moving on up, to Southside, finally got a price of the piiiiiieeeee!
By 3rdwheelflunkie
September 12, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this
Danielle I know a woman like that and men FLOCK to her….. My friends and I think she is pyshco but guys love it. She gets these guys to propose marriage to her in a month and we shake our heads and wonder why? So some guys like for a woman to be pyscho, needy, and stalkish.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 09:51 AM | Link to this
Thanks 4th
Great points ^5 DarkB & DDub
I always tell my men friends if you ever raise your hand at me you better be waving at somebody behind me If anyone ever has a “domestic violence dispute” and don’t press charges, don’t worry cause the state will pick it up automatically.
By Thick
September 12, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this
Characteristics I have found in lady’s that are poisonous: Women that behave this way are always wanting something but never trying to aquire what they are talking about. She is not able to do anything on her own, she needs you to be involved in every aspect of her life and truly does not have a social life or friends that she spends time with. She is in a hurry to start a family, but has no skill at all on how to take care of a home, she has not yet had a apartment or home of her own, and consequently is a lazy housekeeper. A lady who does not have a good relationship with her own family and actually spends more time if not all her time at your parents house. Women who are always telling their man that they are not happy, as if the man is a clown or something who is merely suppose to be entertaining. A lady who seems always feel as though she needs your undivided attention, you know calls you all the time, always trying to move in with you, and create this pre-marital atmosphere.
Most of all watch not to marry a lady who does not have any personal financial responsibiltiy of her own, these women tend to not appreciate a man who is financially responsible and truly end up secretly resenting him because they feel he is never doing enough for them.
By Thick
September 12, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Everyone
Have a Great Day
By abc
September 12, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this
Kind of an odd topic… you think you can tell that someone’s going to become murderous by their reactions to normal stress? I would think that the percentage of postal people is so small that to try and apply that kind of logic to normal dating is kind of paranoid. Or, maybe I’ve just been lucky to never bump into that level of psycho.
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this
D Dub You sound like my SO. He is the most calm, cool and collected guy I’ve EVER met in my life. NOTHING unravels or frazzles him (except me!! ha!) He has calmed me down a WHOLE lot because I know I have challenges in handling my reactions/emotions, etc and my attitude, upsetness is easily shown and he’s the type of person that his car could blow up right in front of him and I’m screaming and hollering like OH MY GOD!!! And he stands there and says, “it’s okay. We’re still living and a car can be replaced. Just God setting us up.” It’s almost unreal but he’s ALWAYS been like that. It’s a GIFT! So I’m working on my end and have come a long way!
By Thick
September 12, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this
LOL @MusingL, all are definitely signals of a problem. haha
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
Demi You funny. Sorry. I’m just very passionately expressive. You know….want you to feel what I’m feeling. And the caps, bold and italics are the only options to express passion on the blog. Now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!! hahahaha! (unless you’re bringing me food!)
By danielle
September 12, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
3rd Initially, they think it’s cool that she’s so into them until she’s smothered them to death and has become a fatal attraction on the loose.
Be very clear in your mind of what you’re looking for in a person because the quality that attracts you the most can become the same quality that kills you later.
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this
Lady 4th 15% of the women need/want that type of loving…why? I have no idea…
By SeanJohnson
September 12, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this
I think Darkbuty made a good point….under the heavy stress and pressure anyone is capable of snapping…A childhood friend I grew up with..walked to school with daily snapped and killed both his son’s mothers, his supervisor then committed suicide..Dude was laid back and quiet..never though he would go out like that.. Things I look for and avoid are needy women..Women that have previously been in abusive relationships…Women who are men haters and challenge men..Women who are jealous and possessive..Women who just pop up at your door. Things I do or dont do to protect myself…If its any signs of a crazy ex..we cant kick it…If come to visit..I come strapped…I dont play with females feelings or tell them I love them…If you have kids..I dont comment about their behavior or discipline them….
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this
Demi because they didn’t get it from a father. So they don’t know what healthy love/affection from a man is. So any attention from a man becomes what “normal” is to them unfortunately because no one gave them ‘filters’ while growing up to know what’s acceptable and unacceptable. Sad. Girls want to feel special to their daddies and when daddy ain’t around, the first man that gives them compliments and sometime becomes their teacher of what “special” is to feel like, no matter how wrong or warped his version of “special” is.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this
Hey Demi & Musing
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this
Ladies if your Man leaves you at the Burger King cause “You took too long”..that could be a sign
If your Man comes to your job to yell at you for any reason…that could be a sign
If your Man has forced you to tattoo his name above your “cooch”…that could be a sign
Ohh, you’re gonna put my name on it…WTH you means NO!…&Itch didn’t I tell you?!?!?
By melo
September 12, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this
Wise Diva, the regulars have been slow in responding.Could that be a sign of who they are, what they know, their like/dislike for the topic or is it just a busy day for a lot of them?
I wonder, wonder!!!
If i see a lady/girl with a tatoo on a breast or neck, i am always suspicious of their mental capacity. Just me!
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this
Hey Hot Sauce
Hello out there QC
By Cee
September 12, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this
I’m a firm believer if you go looking for trouble you will find trouble. We all have been blessed with an internal voice that tells us when something just ain’t right. We know when we meet someone who is tempermental or short fused yet we throw on the blind fold and stay involved.
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this
What up good peeps?!
Stay Safe Tips:
Ery’body: Stop hooking up with people because you see them as your potential “come up”.
Females: (Big one right here yoll ===>) Let people know that you have brothers/sisters/cousins that don’t mind kickin’ some azz for their family!
Females: Never tolerate anybody putting their hands on you in a violent manner. And if it happens, even if you can’t beat the dude, never show fear. If it’s going down let’s get it on. (All that play-fighting is bullshyt BTW; fools are just feeling you out to see how far they can go)
Dudes: Let it be known to any dude dealing with ladies in the family, that shyt gon’ get ugly if your peeps roll in with their face bruised up.
Ery’body: Have/demand respect for self.
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this
Well…I’ve ran into at least two crazy females over the years.
Crazy #1- Would sit outside of my house for hours and blow my phone up while I was looking at her through the window. She also tried to follow me on several occassion….end up leaving her azz on the side of the road (she was out of gas), my azz went to Nashville. If you gon try to follow me..betta make sure you a full tank cause my truck has a reserve tank.
Crazy azz heffa #2, put my picture on a flyer and posted it up er’where. Said I was a playa. She put them on my neighbors cars, the board at Kroger, on my office doors. Then her azz wanted to know if could talk…H3LL Nawh…we can talk about what kinda charges Imma file on yo azz.
I must say that I saw signs…but did not take them seriously. But since then…yo azz even look like you having some crazy azz thoughts…I’m out. If you are overly emotional…I’m out…to clingly, wanna suck up all of my time…I’m out.
By QC - Too Much Work 4 a Tuesday
September 12, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this
Hey Musing, Demi, Gyrl Power, Errbody
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
September 12, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this
Honestly, I think Musing is hitting it really well. There are way too many women that somehow seem to think that they can change a possessive, angry man…that they will be the one that wins the prize by teaching him that ‘love and affection’ will make him see the light. It just does not happen that way. That is why ‘Musing’ is hitting it on the head. Every little angry comment, every time he needs to push someone around to feel more ‘manly’ is bringing the lady one step closer to being the final victim.
Live long enough and you WILL see this kind of thing and it is just as common in all socio-economic areas (read about ‘Barton Corbin’ if you don’t believe that).
Bottom line is this, if he is angry and shows it, run as fast as you can or sooner or later you will be the one that is ‘blooded’. It is what it is.
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this
Also, if a Man ever says “Get yo’azz in the dayum car”…that could be a sign
Oooohhhh! That sound soooo Pimpish! *said in my Mr. brown(from meet the browns) voice.
3rd another beautiful day…Ya hear!
By danielle
September 12, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this
Just a side note When I went to the MJB concert a couple of weeks ago, she was telling the audience about how she’s had to get over some very traumatic events in her life, mainly relationships with men.
She was also on Intimate Portrait and you got to see where it all started. Her father set a bad example before her by the way he treated her mother (abusive), his abandonment and subsequently anger, disappointment and low self-esteem.
She’s been messed up for a long time, but it good to see her determination to not allow her past to continue to hold her back from becoming a better woman.
It shows that in a lot of cases family environment/upbringing and even rejection by a parent can play a major role in the way women and men respond to love/affection/attention and how they view themselves.
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this
Musing You are STUPID!!!! hahaha!!! What’s the issue with Burger King? Can any other restaurant be substituted? Hee hee!
Blue MAN, you had me over here laughing like a darn hyena!!!
Girl Oh, so you think you just gonna hit me like that?
Guy Damn right b@tch! I run ish up in here!!
Girl Oh, so you think it’s just gonna go down like that and that’s it?
Guy Yeah b@tch! Now get out my face!
Girl as she goes to the back room Pookie! RayRay! ManMan! Shanequiofia! This fool done hit me over here! We at 523 Jackson Pkwy. How long it’s gonna take yall to get here?….alright, see ya in a few.
Guy B@tch! Fix me a chicken potpie!
Girl OK baby, give me about five minutes…..
five minutes later, as the screeching of tires are heard outside with the clattering of house speakers in the back of an old Impala, vibrating the whole car and neighborhood.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! BAM! BAM! BAM! OPEN UP THE G.D. DOOR N@GGA!!!
Pooky What up sucka! So you like to box and hit girls, huh?
*Then they commence to whooping his a@@@ hollering HOODY HOO!!!!
**MORAL: Don’t @#$! with Shantay cause her family don’t PLAY!!!
By abc
September 12, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this
…then again I did have to constantly remind ex-GF that hitting was not allowed and would result in my prompt permanent exit… and she did keep a loaded glock on her all the time. Psycho beeyotch.
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this
SeanJ If its any signs of a crazy ex..we cant kick it
You ain’t bullshyttin. Can’t jeopardize my freedom because you wanted to kick it with Broad-beatin-Billy and now can’t get him to stop coming around. Not you Billy LOL
Candid Crazy azz heffa #2 didn’t post those signs up in Dekalb did she, ‘cause if so, I might’ve been laughing at ‘em while sitting at a light some years back.
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this
Candidly Now YOU got me over here laughing like a wild hyena! Are you serious!!!!! Baby I just wanted to talk and I had to do something to get your attention!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
By Bre'
September 12, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this
D Dub great point.
I can’t weight in to much. I’ve never dealt with a crazy dude that I can recall. I grew up around alot of unstable people I can spot signs a million miles away. Then I start running the other direction. I know a sista that lives in BK she is a model for like urban clothing lines. Beautiful sista, great personality, everything. But she attracts crazy dudes and we have taken her into of womans circle and tried to help her over the years. However its her choice in the end to keep going back to these abusive relationships. So at the end of the day all we can do is leave it up to the highest power to watch over her.
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this
@Tall… Or in your case A 6’2 brother and a smile
So, if you say you’re 6’2… that probably means your 6’0. I always remember to subtract those 2 inches off whatever a guy says his heigh is :-)
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this
@Tall… Or in your case A 6’2 brother and a smile
So, if you say you’re 6’2… that probably means your 6’0. I always remember to subtract those 2 inches off whatever a guy says his heigh is :-)
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 10:38 AM | Link to this
If your Man ever says “&ITCH Please…Pwsssst(air bursting from lips sound)….that could be a sign If your Man ever hits you and then says “Baby I’m sorry, but you know you made me do it…talking all crazy and stuff, that ishh just riles me up and I have to quiet yo’azz down”
If you Man ever grabs your pet cat and threatens to “Throw his’azz out this dayum window” and then throws your cat out the window…that is a sign
By crimson esq.
September 12, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this
good morning everyone
if you see someone 3-4 times a week and they complain that you aren’t spending enough time together then you’re dealing with a needy individual..
If someone dies or is ill in your fam.. and your SO complains about the fact that you aren’t spending time with them then let them go…
If someone expects you to remove your friends of yrs (of the opposite sex) out of your lives then they have issues with envy, jealousy and control…
Men.. if a woman won’t offer to pay or won’t set up some romantic events for the two of you then 9 out of 10 not only is she a gold digger.. but she lacks true interest in you…
If a woman constantly gives her “I’m an independent woman” speech to you.. then trust that you will have issues in the future if you don’t already
If a woman complains about how her dad messed up her life.. and or how all of her exes were horrible men then it’s obvious that she has man issues..
If a woman tells you she loves you in a month and throws a fit if you don’t respond in kind… then she has emotional issues..
Women. .if a man won’t hold the door open for you then he lacks respect.. and chivalry…
If a guy constantly picks an argument on some trivial ish… (like where to go for lunch for example) then I think it’s a red flag for potential emotional abuse..
If a man curses around u like he would with his boys… again he lacks respect…
If you’re involved for 5 yrs with marriage on your mind.. and the man doesn’t propose.. then you need to evaluate the relationship..
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this
4 You are too silly…LMAO @ the five minutes later, as the screeching of tires are heard outside with the clattering of house speakers in the back of an old Impala, vibrating the whole car and neighborhood.…
Guy: Ahhhh, Dayum…that sounds like Pooky and Dem…
Now jumping out of 2nd story window to safty…LOL
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this
Or, maybe I’ve just been lucky to never bump into that level of psycho
And this is coming from ABC man…in my 9 year old Jackson 5 voice…A-B-C…quick spin…1-2-3…
Hotsauce yes, the state will pick those charges up…faster than you can say hotsauce on Popeye’s chicken…you be like, WTF!!!???
By Raqi
September 12, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this
Another thing, do not press the issue. If you and your SO are having a disagreement and one state that they would rather deal with it later, Don’t press it. Don’t demand that they address it NOW. NOW just may cost you your life. Whether it’s one hour or one day, give them the space they need to be able to have a calm, level headed discussion. A perfectly normal person can be pushed beyond their limit.
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this
Musing If you Man ever grabs your pet cat and threatens to “Throw his’azz out this dayum window” and then throws your cat out the window…that is a sign
Reminds me of the scene from “Why Do Fools Fall In Love” when Lorenze had Vivica’s dog hanging out the window, then the dog bites him and he drops him! LOL!
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 10:45 AM | Link to this
LongHaul My pops drilled into my sister, “Never let anybody put their hands in your face!” And I got checks to bet that say that any dude, I don’t care how big, that puts his hands on her is gon’ have a serious way to go, long before I get there. And when I gets on the scene, I’m falling through with Louisville Sluggers, cold steel, Timbos, and a nice brassy set of knuckles.
By Kym-Honorary Cheetah Girl
September 12, 2006 10:46 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
Very Dark Topic…
Ladies, calling you anything but the name your mother gave you is not cute…or a sign of affection, hitting you, play fighting, or any other name you want to call it is not a sign of love or affection. It is a sign that there is something seriously wrong with the man. Now there are other what I call “undercover signs” that there could be something wrong..he is sweet and nice infront of people, but alone he is distant and unaffectionate..this is a sign of someone who is just not quite right.
Men folks…if she is following you, tracking your moves, and threatens to die if you leave..it is not cute or affectionate..she is NUTS!! If she is pushing to hard to be apart of your world..bring the kids around you after date number 2, then there is something wrong.
Now to just be real we live in a world with people who have psychopathic behavior. They wear an outside mask, go to church, on the deacon board, scout leaders, all around outstanding citizens of the world. But below the surface..they are nutty as hell…coming to mind is the BTK killer who functioned for 30 years yet was a killer.
Single Mamas and Daddies!- Pedophiles do not wear badges, they pray on people with children to get close to the kids. While most pedophiles are men, women are out there.
Yes our world is scary..but you cant live in fear of running into Joe nut job or Jane nutso..you just have to be cautious.
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this
I’ve never been the possesive type, prolly just the opposite. I’ll trust you 100% til you give me reason not too. I don’t have to talk you all day er’day. I don’t wanna know what you are doing er’minute of the day. Go out spend time wit you friends and family, have some “ME” time.
I’m real low maintenance. My carefree dating style seems to frustrate a lot of females. And since I own my own business….I’m always working, trying to make that paper…networking…checking up on my shiid…making sure they running my shiid right, making sure nobody’s stealing outta the cookie jar.
So dating is not always my #1 priority. So I tell’em hold baby girl…Imma get to you. Some get wit it, some don’t. Such is life.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this
Demi you are soooo right; i don’t like hot sauce on my popeye chicken, now church’s yes
Candid, see when females start the “hanging/following you around stalking you done put that “thang on em” too good
remember people Ga has a “stalking law”
By D Dub of the ATL
September 12, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this
If a woman complains about how her dad messed up her life.. and or how all of her exes were horrible men then it’s obvious that she has man issues..
Crimson why did it take me 2 years to figure that one out??
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this
Musing You inspire the fictional writer in all of us dude!
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this
@ Thick
I believe that what you said was more inline with characteristics to look for when you are choosing a mate… however, you have brought up some good points. I feel these traits are important in men as well, and I’ve often wondered if im being too picky when it comes to men who don’t have bank accounts. Like, that really bothers me. How in the world are you over the age of 21 and do not have a bank acct? Its a huge turn off
Quote of the day: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
-k
By DuShawn
September 12, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this
Good Morning all, I have dated two women that have turned out to be mentally unstable. The signals were apparent from the beginning. One woman cried on our first date. We were discussing our childhoods and she told me how hers was traumatic and abusive. I ignored the warnings of the big head and decided to listen to the other head and slept with her anyway. Big mistake! The second chick was just trying too hard to get with me. We worked in the same building and she was friends with some of the girls on my staff. She would often invite me to lunch and I would decline. I finally accepted one of her invitations. The conversation drifted to the topic of sex. She started talking dirty, describing the freaky things she would do. My stupid azz couldn’t resist and slept with her. Both of those situations turned out real ugly.
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 10:57 AM | Link to this
Candid I’m real low maintenance. My carefree dating style seems to frustrate a lot of females.
Yeah dude, I hear “nonchalant” a lot myself. Hmmm… So is it me just chillin’ or females showing signs of being dangerous?
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this
Hi MsKym Man, you just have to be prayerful and discerning nowadays because anybody, like somebody said previously, can snap at any time given the right ingredients. But you can’t live in fear BUT trust your gut…Always best to be safe than sorry. (but not paranoid)
By C tha 1
September 12, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this
Ladies If your man has too much in common with R. Kelly (i.e., older guy who likes women way too young for him; trouble with reading and writing skills; speaks in third person alot; can sing his azz off but can’t figure out if he needs to do it at church or the strip club!?) You need to leave him. I don’t care if dude is rich.
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this
HotSauce see when females start the “hanging/following you around stalking you done put that “thang on em” too good
So let me ask you, is that to say that every woman has the potential to be a stalker? Because every woman has the potential to have that thang put on ‘em REAL good. And if so, what do you recommend, not hitting it so good. And what would those consequences, dissatisfied women?
By C tha 1
September 12, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this
Ladies If your man has too much in common with R. Kelly (i.e., older guy who likes women way too young for him; trouble with reading and writing skills; speaks in third person alot; can sing his azz off but can’t figure out if he needs to do it at church or the strip club!?) You need to leave him. I don’t care if dude is rich.
By crimson esq.
September 12, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this
@ D dub rather late than never right?
By Kym-Honorary Cheetah Girl
September 12, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this
@4th I am not been paranoid, just making honest statements. I read a NY Times article on the whole pedophile culture and they actually have jewelry and symbols to identify themselves to other pedophiles. Because I love the law, I read about the cases where alot of these nutso are looking to make pedophile some type of lifestyle.. The Man Boy or whatever their name is have been around for years So no I am not beening paranoid, just staying well read and would advise anyone else who is not to do the same.
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this
BK Nawh…Mayne it was Gwinnett. She was crazy as H3LL. Me and my boy took all the signs down…so we thought, next thang I knew she had them all on the cars at mall. Then gon start crying “I’m sorry….we just need to talk, can you forgive me?….I was just hurt and feeling ignored.” I told her…you ain’t seen ignored YET.
On my part…I was a tad bit trifling at the time, yah know young and dumb. Yeah the kat was good…but so good I wanted to stop my persuit of the ULTIMATE KAT.
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this
Demi because they didn’t get it from a father. So they don’t know what healthy love/affection from a man is.
Lady 4th sorry sis, but this is a poor exuse…there are too many fatherless women who are doing very well. Reguardless of your past, by age 22/23 you should have moved on…
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this
Men if think you see your Woman’s car outside of your house, but when you call her she says “I’m at home watching TV”…and the person in the car hangs up their cell phone the same time you do…that could be a sign
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this
Should read:
Not so good, that I would stop my pursuit of the ULTIMATE KAT!!!
Hot Sauce
You know I handles mine!!! Always leave’m wanting/begging fo mo.
By JustMe
September 12, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this
4TLH My Capricorn Brother is the same way………… Nothing rattles is chain and I mean nothing.
When my car blew up in my driveway, I was mad for about 2 minutes….. then I thought about that Allstate premium that I pay errrr month.
4TLH Your skit was toooo funny……… Hoody Hooo - ROFLMAO DAYUM!
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this
Kym Sidebar
By 3rdwheelflunkie
September 12, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
hey * ImAPeach404* I got to add on to what you said…how about a guy who is 38 years old still living with his mom and brother and his 16 year old son and works at Mcdonalds… could that be a bad sign too?? People say I am being too picky……
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this
Kym I was simply saying hi to you. The other comments weren’t directed at you. But it does make you wonder, based on the many comments here, that dang, you gotta be leary of everybody because everybody got some degree of crazy gene in their DNA, just waiting for the right situation to spark it! Lord have mercy! So I was just saying we just gotta do what the Bible said, “WATCH as well as PRAY”.
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this
BK
Yeah dude, I hear “nonchalant” a lot myself. Hmmm… So is it me just chillin’ or females showing signs of being dangerous?
I haven’t completely figured it out. I guess some women are used to dudes smothering them, falling all over them. That’s not my style. I think that they get a joy outta feeling like someone is “jocking” them. You know what they say, “Girl he gettin on my nerves, calling all the time, he’on want nothing.”
My resolve: This is me, this is my style…either you wit it or not.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 11:32 AM | Link to this
BK to answer your questions no and no comment
Candid I’m sure you leave your mark like Zorro lol
By 3rdwheelflunkie
September 12, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this
Musing I had to laugh out loud on that one….. I love when people do drive bys and they get caught and try to play it off that it’s not them…… I know your car because you got all of those dints and dings on there from your last relationship that you ran off….. pyscho…..
By Jazzyone
September 12, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this
Never Trsut a big Dyk and a smile!
By JustMe
September 12, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this
Candid and Blue Being laid back and reserved (sometimes called non-chalant) is not necessarily a bad thing, but when you are at the point that you NEVER display ANY emotion, good or bad with a woman who thinks/hopes that an emotional bond is being created, it can be taken the wrong way.
By Blue_Kolla
September 12, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this
Candid I guess some women are used to dudes smothering them, falling all over them. That’s not my style. I think that they get a joy outta feeling like someone is “jocking” them. You know what they say, “Girl he gettin on my nerves, calling all the time, he’on want nothing.”
I see you’ve been reading my book. I’m one of them, take it how it comes, brothas myself. And it dayum sure ain’t gon’ be none of that bugaboo type shyt eiva.
By Tall'n'Handsome
September 12, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this
ImAPeach404 Nuh girl, sometimes it is what it is. In my case 6’2…enjoy
By C tha 1
September 12, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this
Everybody
Keep a close eye on people who do not know how to check their competitive nature. In other words people who do not handle losing in anything well at all! Hell, I love to compete, but if I get beat in a game of golf (which I don’t/can’t play)I can’t let it drive me crazy.
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 11:46 AM | Link to this
Men, if your Lady meets the Women in your office and and tells them “This is mine! Now fk wit it” (said while grabbing your ballzz and clutching)….that could be a sign
By Thick
September 12, 2006 11:47 AM | Link to this
Thanks, Imapeach404
I know a lady like this perosnally and she just acts really crazy at times, crying and being emotional. I think it is due to her upbringing. The bahavior drives her man absolutely nuts. This guy has had a baby with this girl and she uses that baby to try to control him all the time. I hope men and women would just really be observant when getting involved with someone.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this
^5 Jazzy that’s one of my favorites songs Poisennnnnnnn
By QC - Too Much Work 4 a Tuesday
September 12, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this
@Ctha1 I feel you on that, i need to send you these 2 competive emails i have and they are addictive but fun
By QC - Too Much Work 4 a Tuesday
September 12, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this
Dayum Musing lmao! you sick
By Stinky Sullivan
September 12, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this
Most women have NO problem when they are with me. Because I know how to treat ‘em, if you know what I mean…I know how to take care of thier womanly needs!
Winks at the ladies, SS
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this
@Tall… Thats great! I often wonder if they make tall men anymore :)
Throwback comment I was so busy yesterday I didn’t get to post… but about the virgin thing… What if you decide you will wait for marriage to have sex, and then yall don’t even get married. Now you’ve gone 2 years w/out sex FOR NOTHIN’!!!
Back on topic
This is so distrubing to me My girl works at Charter-Peachford, and she was telling me that b/c of insurance reasons, a lot of crazy people are walking the streets. Either their insurance wouldn’t pay for them to stay in the hospital anymore, or either their insuranced lapsed, or there were no beds for them at the hospital so they let these people out on the street with a pat on the back. Watch your back out there…
-k
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
@Tall… Thats great! I often wonder if they make tall men anymore :)
Throwback comment I was so busy yesterday I didn’t get to post… but about the virgin thing… What if you decide you will wait for marriage to have sex, and then yall don’t even get married. Now you’ve gone 2 years w/out sex FOR NOTHIN’!!!
Back on topic
This is so distrubing to me My girl works at Charter-Peachford, and she was telling me that b/c of insurance reasons, a lot of crazy people are walking the streets. Either their insurance wouldn’t pay for them to stay in the hospital anymore, or either their insuranced lapsed, or there were no beds for them at the hospital so they let these people out on the street with a pat on the back. Watch your back out there…
-k
By Tee
September 12, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
Beware of the “pity man”. The one who life and everyone around has done wrong. He is always looking for sympathy and always has a sad story and is emotionally needed. I have found that there are more emotionally unstable men out here than women and those are the ones to look out for. That’s my story and I am sticking to it!
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
@Tall… Thats great! I often wonder if they make tall men anymore :)
Throwback comment I was so busy yesterday I didn’t get to post… but about the virgin thing… What if you decide you will wait for marriage to have sex, and then yall don’t even get married. Now you’ve gone 2 years w/out sex FOR NOTHIN’!!!
Back on topic
This is so distrubing to me My girl works at Charter-Peachford, and she was telling me that b/c of insurance reasons, a lot of crazy people are walking the streets. Either their insurance wouldn’t pay for them to stay in the hospital anymore, or either their insuranced lapsed, or there were no beds for them at the hospital so they let these people out on the street with a pat on the back. Watch your back out there…
-k
By ImAPeach404
September 12, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this
@Tall… Thats great! I often wonder if they make tall men anymore :)
Throwback comment I was so busy yesterday I didn’t get to post… but about the virgin thing… What if you decide you will wait for marriage to have sex, and then yall don’t even get married. Now you’ve gone 2 years w/out sex FOR NOTHIN’!!!
Back on topic
This is so distrubing to me My girl works at Charter-Peachford, and she was telling me that b/c of insurance reasons, a lot of crazy people are walking the streets. Either their insurance wouldn’t pay for them to stay in the hospital anymore, or either their insuranced lapsed, or there were no beds for them at the hospital so they let these people out on the street with a pat on the back. Watch your back out there…
-k
By Cinderella
September 12, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this
Hey All, I haven’t read all the posts so these may be repeats:
By Bre'
September 12, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this
BK You are so right, I let guys know from the jump. I have six brothers and they are country as all get out. I’m the little sister so they have to decide how to proceed. It takes one phone call and if they can’t ALL make it Boogie(childhood/neighboorhood thug) and the crew will be showing up ASAP.
By Darkbuty
September 12, 2006 12:30 PM | Link to this
Peach Throwback Comment My Ex and I waited 8yrs and didn’t get married. We met when we were 18yrs old. To say that we waited for NOTHIN would not be an accurate statement. It all depends on your objective. I was trying to keep myself pure (from a biblical sense based on my interpretation). I don’t regret it…if anything…at times I regret NOT being a virgin!
By floyd
September 12, 2006 12:31 PM | Link to this
Don’t be fat and your man won’t hit you.
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this
Bre You sound like my dad’s family. Seven boys and eight girls and SHE had the nerve to be the baby. Guys never stood a chance.
By Kym -Honorary Cheetah Girl
September 12, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this
My motto is if you hit you better kill me, or run for your life, and dont go to sleep, because I promise you there are places to bury bodies in Georgia that all the demons in hell cant find you.
By Jazzyone
September 12, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this
I look out for the red flags. Doesn’t take me years or even months and I’m out if the flag is thrown on the play. Not calling couzins or friends or brothers or even my Father to get atcha’ and jeopardize our happiness and freedom.
If you skipped the classes on Respect self/others and how to treat a lady I’m not the one to teach you and you will learn the hard way. Getting at me is like trying to get thru Fort Knox when Im done playing the games withcha’
My first call is to the law, my second call is to my attorney. Both take less than 2 minutes and the drama is flipped to his side of the field, as I continue to tiptoe thru the tulips.
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this
Women
If IKE Turner is yah boy’s hero…RUN
Men
If “Monster” is yah girls favorite movie…RUN
By 4theLongHaul
September 12, 2006 12:40 PM | Link to this
Kym LOL!!!!
By Page1908
September 12, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this
LOL Kym
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this
Anybody have something else to discuss??? Any lurkers out there have something to talk about, cause this topic is a wrap.
By Tee
September 12, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this
If you break up with him and he takes the hamster still in the tunnel in the cage and crashes down inside the dumpster before he makes his exit, you need to RUN!!!
By Tall'n'Handsome
September 12, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this
Jazzyone LOL…that was mean!
By GBI not MusingLee
September 12, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this
Kym this information has been logged and will be kept on file for future reference.
By QC - Too Much Work 4 a Tuesday
September 12, 2006 12:50 PM | Link to this
What’s up Page
By QC - Too Much Work 4 a Tuesday
September 12, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this
Musing, lawd have mercy…you need to take your show on the road
By Page1908
September 12, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this
LOL Musing! You gonna get in trouble!
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 12:53 PM | Link to this
Not so good, that I would stop my pursuit of the ULTIMATE KAT!!!
Does it really exist? now in pursuit of the ULTIMATE KAT
By Jazzyone
September 12, 2006 12:53 PM | Link to this
By Tall’n’Handsome September 12, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this Jazzyone LOL…that was mean! Nah not mean just to old to play games and too busy to deal with the self inflicted pain and drama.
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this
What about people who go through all this drama with someone breakup with them and turn around only to get back with that person what do you call them??????
By Candidly Speaking
September 12, 2006 12:56 PM | Link to this
Fellas
When you go to ole girls house…always peep in the kitchen…make sure no grits or grease is on the stove.
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND YOU’RE JUST GETTING IN YOU KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR AND A VOICE SWEET AND LOW SAYS “WHO IS IT?” SHE OPENS UP THE DOOR AND LETS YOU IN NEVER ONCE ASKS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN SHE SAYS “ARE YOU HUNGRY? DID YOU EAT YET? LET ME HANG UP YOUR COAT PASS ME YOUR HAT” ALL THE TIME SHE’S SMILING NEVER ONCE RAISES HER VOICE IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING YOU DON’T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE (REPEAT)
THE SWEETEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD COULD BE THE MEANEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD IF YOU MAKE HER THAT WAY YOU KEEP HURTING HER SHE’LL KEEP BEING QUIET SHE MIGHT BE HOLDING SOMETHING INSIDE THAT’LL REALLY, REALLY HURT YOU ONE DAY
I SEE HER IN THE HOSPITAL BANDAGED FROM FOOT TO HEAD IN A STATE OF SHOCK JUST THAT MUCH FROM BEING DEAD YOU COULDN’T BELIEVE THE GIRL WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, HA YOU DIDN’T THINK THE GIRL HAD THE NERVE BUT HERE YOU ARE I GUESS ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE (REPEAT)
Words to live by….LMAO
By Kym -Honorary Cheetah Girl
September 12, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this
Dear GBI not MusingLee,
Georgia has 159 counties, and over 400,000 acres of Okefenokee swamp land..gators tell no tell.
By Tazzee
September 12, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this
Afternoon folks!
This is a good topic Wise Diva and I honestly don’t have much to add because I’ve never been in a dangerous dating situation. I always look at the little things a guy does and try to see how that would be on a larger level.
I too am fairly even keeled when in relationships. But I’ve found that some guys are accustomed to dramatic women. My motto is - I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. No need for all the accompanying histrionics to get my point across.
By Page1908
September 12, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this
Hey QC!
LOL @ Peach
Another sign that a male/female may be dealing with a real wacko is how they treat animals…whether or not they abuse them. If they do, RUN!
By Tall'n'Handsome
September 12, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this
ImAPeach404 Hahaha…Yes, tall men are rare and the ladies don’t mind sharing…which is sad
By Hot Sauce
September 12, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this
Why do men call the *women’s private part - “Kat”?
By MusingLee
September 12, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this
Now doing pushups with one arm, trying to entice the lurkers to post….Women lurkers my shirt is off and I am sweating all over my muscles and I think one ballz is out….Men lurkers I am doing “pushups” on top of a lovely lady while drinking a Corona
“Lets see if that makes them post!”
By danielle
September 12, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this
Hot Sauce I call that co-dependency.
By Jazzyone
September 12, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this
Hot sauce its called living in the fog of your own reality.
By Page1908
September 12, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this
LOL Candid…awwwwww shyt that’s my jam right there! LOL
LOL Kym again!
By GBI not MusingLee
September 12, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this
Now calling “Gator Whisperer” and logging additional conversation with said suspect Kym for further analysis
By LorDemi
September 12, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this
but when you are at the point that you NEVER display ANY emotion, good or bad with a woman who thinks/hopes that an emotional bond is being created, it can be