By Raqi

October 2, 2006 08:39 AM | Link to this

Morning.

Nothing is guaranteed but when you go into something looking for it to fail, you heighten the chances of it doing so. With an attitude like that you really don’t put much effort in trying to make it work.

By Two time loser on death row! (not Storm)

October 2, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this

Good morning, my blog sistas and bruthas! Sup GP, Gavi, Lah, QC, Demi, Musing, BK, DCP’s Sauces and T an’nem! Everyone, have an awesome day! I’m just hollern, but before I go - Life is a gamble, however, you can improve your odds and make it more an investment by taking your time, recognizing where it is you fall short, doing some research and trusting your ‘gut’. I’ll try to get back to see what jumps off later… Oh, yeah and GO FALCONS! …although I did have to call a therapist behind that interception at the 2 yardline where the Cards ran it all the way back for a touchdown… I called a therapist immediately while at the game, but she didn’t answer (prolly at the game, too), so I had another beer instead.

By Prince Charming

October 2, 2006 08:56 AM | Link to this

That was a tacky toast made by that guy. Sounds like he had some bitterness and too much to drink. The relationship/marriage odds don’t scare me. It is what it is. You just have to take your chances in love and romance. Nothing is guaranteed.

I think sometimes marriages don’t work because people grow apart and no longer want the same things. Also women have more options now so they do not have to stay in bad relationships/marriages if they chose not to. People do not believe in “till death do us part” or “for better or worse” anymore, they just believe in “until the better gets too bad”

I think everyone believes that they will marry only once and at least that is their hope. We all go into a new relationship believing that this is the one that will last so we all definitely go into marriage the same way.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 09:02 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone

The odds doesn’t scare me…risks doesn’t scary me, but it makes me take extra precaution and do additional research. Once I am satisfied with the data collected…it lowers the risk factor;thusly, increasing my confidence.

I look at the failed marriages that I know and hear about and the question I ask myself oftentimes…is why did they get married in the first place? The writing appeared on the wall from the beginning….I know there are no guarantees in life and things just happen….but I view that as a weak excuse to break a vow that you made with God! So I’ll have to be very determined to make it work and pray that my partner feels the same way.

I hope for the best with failing not an option…

By NCgirlfromATL

October 2, 2006 09:08 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bloggers!! I hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Personally, I think most people have the attitude that relationships are disposable. “If this one doesn’t work out, then there will be another one around the corner.” I wasn’t raised that way. In fact, my parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this month. Being a divorce attorney, I have seen it all. And it does make me scared that I won’t ever get married. But, then again, I’d rather not get married to someone who considers this relationship to be the “starter” one. There is way more at stake than just your financial investment. If we spent more time getting to know each other…REALLY getting to know each other, then maybe we wouldn’t make so many bonehead mistakes once the relationship got serious.

One of my friends made a really good observation about relationships: She said if you are in a relationship where, everytime you are together you end up having sex, then perhaps your relationship is based on the wrong foundation. Don’t get me wrong, sex is very important. But, if that’s all you’ve got, then (to me) it’s not enough to make me jump the broom.

By Chink

October 2, 2006 09:09 AM | Link to this

Mornin

Last night my cousin called and said he had some bad news and it was concerning his marriage.

They had a beautiful marriage and they were young, about 22 and married for probably 2 - 3 yrs.

She is 7 months pregnant. I immediatelyt thought the baby wasn’t his …I called him no answer called my other cousin come to find out he has another baby on the way and she’s 5 mnths pregnant.

This guy used to give me advice on the one, I thought he was different. I shed some tears last night because in that second I lost all hope and I can only imagine the pain this is putting his wife through…been there done that but wasn’t married though……

Why is love so hard to do it should be the easiest thing in the world but we make it so difficult.

Sad Chink

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

Hey y’all. REAL TACKY TOAST! Goodness. I would’ve had to take him in the back alley and rough him up after that toast.

Me personally, I don’t think about odds at all. Just live life one day at a time and enjoy it. That’s just like driving everyday, looking at the statistics of being in an auto accident! Who wants to live life paranoid! I sure don’t.

I’ve been married once. Didn’t work out but I’m looking forward to the second and FINAL time!

BTW - I was bored late last night and watched the 1st hour of The Wedding Crashers. Hilarious!!!! I mean, as a bride and groom, how do you not know that you DON’T know the two guys who are making a toast at your wedding! Ha!

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this

Dark but I view that as a weak excuse to break a vow that you made with God!

Oh, I wanted to comment on your statement. While I agree with you on this, I would add to MAKE SURE IT WAS GOD that put two together. In my case, God was no where to be found when I made those vows because He was like, “Naw shawty, I ain’t having nothing to do with this mess!” So oftentimes, people put stuff together and then have the nerve to ask Him AFTER the fact to bless it and it’s doomed from the start.

By QC

October 2, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this

Morning

Have a great day bloggers!

Storm girl what am i going to do with you lol :)

I’m not afraid of the risks nor odds concerning married cause my God is in control….

By QC

October 2, 2006 09:23 AM | Link to this

Preach 4th Preach!!!

By abc

October 2, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this

I’m twice divorced, my second marriage lasted over 20 years. People grow apart, that’s true: one or both will take the other for granted, become willful enough to disregard the other’s interest, the petty arguments that are never resolved stack up, interest in each other wanes. That’s life. The notion of marrying for love is a fairly recent development in America, only the last 70 or so years have been that way. With few exceptions, American ways of life aren’t conducive to romance being that sustainable, or maybe it’s just human nature. I really think that most who manage to stay marriage are just plain stubborn and tough in their determination not to divorce.

Just the same, no guts no glory, you have to play to win!

By Regina

October 2, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

Men are the ones who should be really afraid of marriage. They are the ones who lose more in a divorce and are pushed out of their children’s lives. Most women actually gain from a divorce, so marriage isn’t as scary a venture. Even if a man marries with a pre-nup, they can be overturned as the woman can state she was pressured because she knew the marriage wouldn’t take place if she didn’t sign. I think judges, divorce laws, child support laws, and child custody laws shouldn’t favor either gender. If one party can’t walk away with most of the assets and the children, it may make them think twice about getting married and if they do marry, working out trivial issues before thinking about divorce.

Many men are in a “marriage strike” anyway. What is their advantage of getting married? Most of the Atlanta women are so promiscuous, they make it hard for women who aren’t.

By Michelle

October 2, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

Marriage is not a “sacred institution” it’s a legal arrangement, and sooner or later, all legal arrangements come to an end. Just because two people are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean they can’t break up eventually.

By Thick

October 2, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blogmates

Man, I’m ill that I missed Freaky Friday, but I’ll share mine at another time.

Go Falcons

First, forget the odds, you gotta want to invest the time and energy, build history together, good and bad history. It want be easy, nothing is, but if you stick with it, the relationship is bound to get better.

4th Wedding Crashers is so funny!

By gavi1126

October 2, 2006 09:44 AM | Link to this

Gud AM Sup Storm, GyrlPwr, Lah, Fyre, QC, Demi, 3rd, Blue.. Guys, Ladies, Laney!!!

Whatever that dude said was not good.. its always a must to have a positive attitude.. maybe he was just jealous!!

By Sexione

October 2, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

‘Morning All!!! GO FALCONS!!!

I’ve been with two in my lifetime (so far) that I thought I could see myself married to. Upon further investigation, I realized that it would have been a HUGE mistake, so I’m glad I dodged the “the big D”. Not worried, though, ‘cause I know what God has for me, is for me!!! And it will be a blessing in my life. Until then, I’m just chillin!!!

By Dj'ing Demi

October 2, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this

Well Dayum Mas’, are you and Ms.Wise battling for the most depressing Monday topic of 2006?

Morning Storm’n’Darybuty

Well said Aun T 4th now playing some old skool MJ

Dancing…I wanna dance all niigghhttt…Dayum that!!!…Don’t stop getty-getty…don’t stop getty-getty…pop tha p Doo doo Brown…I wanna Rock…I wanna rock…Go-go…Go-go…Go-go…oh no oh no…Bytch better have my money…what…Bytch better have my money…oh no oh no…Yeaaahhaa Boyyyyie…for Sean J ‘n’ Blue…I like big BUTT and I ain’t gon lie…oh no he didn’t!!!…Baby Got Back…Dj cutting and mixing…I like the car…the car the goes BOOOM…What the!!??!??!!…Come on Ba-by shake dem Daisy…Look at the girls with the Daisy Duke on..HUH?..Come on Ba-by shake dem Daisy…nonononononoooo…Let me ride that Donkey-donkay…crowd is now sweating and out-of-control*…

now doing the Kris-Cross and Jumping off stage

By NoNonsense

October 2, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

No expert just a little experience.

When the two individuals want to be together they will be. I am witnessing a relationship that is making it pass infidelity, I know of a relationship that made it pass abuse and I have seen relationships dissolved for the same reasons. When both parties in the relationship are willing to make the necessary behavior changes then there is a better chance of a long term relationship. You have to come to terms with what is actually going on, decide if it’s worth getting through and act accordingly. I don’t feel anyone should be deterred from trying to have a relationship from what they see others do. There are a lot of things that we do succeed at in life beyond the fact that others we know that tried it failed.

A one sided relationship will always be doomed and that’s the factor in a very large percent of failed relationships. From my experience, both people have to want it before it can work.

Abc Instead of stubborn and determined not to divorce why couldn’t it be stubborn and determined to stay together. Every couple that is together is not always together. I feel that there is a difference. The will to not divorce can put you in an unhappy strenuous predicament. But the determination to stay together is a will to do whatever it takes to make it a happy relationship.

By abc

October 2, 2006 09:56 AM | Link to this

@Michelle, glib much?

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

abc I really think that most who manage to stay marriage are just plain stubborn and tough in their determination not to divorce.

That’s some truth right there!!

By ssj

October 2, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

The Word of God says, that a house divided cannot stand. Any marraige with Jesus as the foundation has a 100% chance of succeeding. :)

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Howdy All,

Said while cruising in chuck wagon style

I think that when you approach a situation with negative thoughts, you’ll get negative results…That doesn’t mean that you get positive results everytime with positive thoughts, but the odds are better…LOL…I plan on rid’in till I die, ME and SO hope to tie the knot later next year…So I’m going into this thing very optimistic, but without the rose colored glasses…LOL

By ssj

October 2, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

The Word of God says, that a house divided cannot stand. Any marraige with Jesus as the foundation has a 100% chance of succeeding. :)

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Demi You get the Monday Murder the Lyrics awards! Cause you shole know you jacked some words up boy! hahahahahaha!!!!

By QC

October 2, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this

Demi you’re in a good mooday today..

don’t stop getty getty it, lol

Gyrl Power have a fantastic Monday

don’t stop getty getty it

By reality check

October 2, 2006 10:01 AM | Link to this

It isn’t just the odds of divorce that should be frightening. The emotional and financial devastation that occurs when a divorce occurs is one of the worst experiences life has to offer.

I facilitate a divorce support group at my church. It is very well attended by intelligent, successful, nice people. Without exception they are traumatized in a way that will take them half a decade to recover. That is the minimum time required in my experience.

Some people literally do not survive the process.

I won’t remarry. Being single has many advantages, and being married has too many risks to make it worthwhile for me again.

By Two time loser on death row!

October 2, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

Dayum Demi! You came in here blazn dis mornin, didn’tcha? I want summa what you havin. I’m hurtn. Up until 3am… for 3 days… I’se tired! Help! And I didn’t even get any… how sad… Needless to say, I have a HOT date with the Sandman dis evenin! Oh, it’s gone be ON!

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

LOL..LMAOooo…demi Man you have got to be the first person to ever “DJ scratch” over the blog…LOL…Dayummmm..hahahahahahaha

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

4th You’re absolutely right!

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

What’s Up Ery’body?!

Against all odds… I’m a gambla. No risks, no gains.

Statement of Recovery: It was wayyy to hot to be out drinking beer and tailgating yesterday. I need some water.

Regina I like the way you laid that out. Sad reality, but true.

By Dj'ing Demi

October 2, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

heyyyy Gavi’n’QC’n’NC

Regina It’s not that bad, but it is what it is…Marriage takes work…How much work are you willing to put in, determines your return/outcome…

By NCgirlfromATL

October 2, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this

Most women actually gain from a divorce, so marriage isn’t as scary a venture. Regina let me assure you that women do not “gain” in divorces. Although I do not practice in GA, I imagine that GA’s laws are like most of the other 50 states in that gender bias has been eliminated in family law cases. The reason it still appears the men do not get a fair shake in custody is b/c a lot of the time you’re dealing w/ a stay-at-home mom, and a working dad situation. So, the court is looking at who the primary caregiver is in that situation, not the gender. If dad didn’t work and mom did, the situation is usually reversed.

Even if a man marries with a pre-nup, they can be overturned as the woman can state she was pressured because she knew the marriage wouldn’t take place if she didn’t sign. Actually, you are wrong. In most states, the caselaw makes this reason the most difficult way to overturn a prenup. If this was a reasonable basis for overturning a contract (which is what a prenup is), then no contract would ever stand.

I think judges, divorce laws, child support laws, and child custody laws shouldn’t favor either gender. If one party can’t walk away with most of the assets and the children, it may make them think twice about getting married and if they do marry, working out trivial issues before thinking about divorce. Actually, at least in NC, the law does exactly this. I think a lot people have a very *Hollywood view of divorce. Trust me, it ain’t like what you see on television. For the most part, no one is “taking him to the cleaners.” In fact, in my local domestic Bar, 90-95% of all domestic cases actually settle out of court.

By SeanJohnson

October 2, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog…the toast was inappropiate..maybe he had one too many before the toast.. on topic: Half of my child hood friends married early and divorced early…and being that i witnessed it first hand…I am not real optimistic about getting married…I had two different discussions this weekend about marriage..my barber and some older cats after the game…and both discussions were similiar to Regina’s and Michelle’s comments. Marriage doenst benefit men these days…the older cats were like the four things most important…women stop doing…which is cooking, cleaning,keeping their self up and having sx. I know females may think that thats sexist…but if a woman doesnt do those things..what does a man need her for?

By Sweet Tea

October 2, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

Morning, Storm you’re shout outs always get me going; up for 3 days and you did’nt get none!! Demi come up in here as the Blog Master DJ DemiD you rapping like you’ve had some on that stuff in our evidence room (it’s been back there for a while) i think you found it

Hey Musing what’s up Baby?? Have a nice day bloggerees!!!

By Two time loser on deathrow! (not Storm)

October 2, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

Are you guys having a big wedding, Musing? Honeymoon?

By abc

October 2, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

@NoNonsense, I agree there’s a difference between being stubbornly determined to stay together and determined not to divorce, but the former is lost once grown apart with interest in each other waned, so I stick with what I said.

@Reality Check, regarding not ‘surviving the process’… what’s that all about? In all things, one picks themself up, brushes off their trousers and carries on. Divorce is no different.

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

NoNone I’m feeling that….It’s all in how you approach the bad times! Some days you would think my grandparents hate each other…But, at the end of the day…They sit down and break bread together…LOL…Those two ain’t going no where!

By danielle

October 2, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

I wholeheartedly believe in the institution of marriage. It is an arrangement put in place by God and the only way it will work is if we follow the guidelines outlined in the bible for a successful marriage.

A marriage can last if God remains in it, both are committed to stick in good and bad times, there is love, honesty, respect, trust, loyalty and open communication. It takes work (a lot of work) to keep it exciting, fresh and new, but the rewards are priceless.

It takes two to marry and one to divorce. Find the right one with whom you can depend on to have the same level of dedication and commitment to contribute towards a happy and successful marriage.

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this

It is very well attended by intelligent, successful, nice people. Without exception they are traumatized in a way that will take them half a decade to recover.

This is worth rereading a few times.

Two Time Wrong handle slim, you threw down a few bad bets. But you gotta play to win, so keep ya chin up…

By abc

October 2, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this

They settle out of court because the man tries to avoid giving a lawyer $20K minimum of his already depleting resources by just agreeing to what the ex-wife wants. I’m no lawyer, but I’m recently divorced, and no matter your view of the NC Bar, that just isn’t the way it plays out.

By Dj'ing Demi

October 2, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

4th I am guitly…*sad part, I have the lyrics right in front of me. I just said to the A-T-L wit it!

QC went on two positive date this weekend…none stop fun

MusingLee I hope you can hit the blog up with some 70’s mix

I have a HOT date with the Sandman dis evenin! Oh, it’s gone be ON

And Sexy Storm BE CAREFUL!!! The Sandman from Marvel comic could increase and decrease his SIZE at will…you be laying there thinking: He wasn’t that BIG a minute ago!! Now looking down WTF!!!???

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone, oh that toast was way off track somebody should’ve hit him upside his head with a brick! Hey Storm you are too funny - Hello Musing let us know where you’re registered so we can get you a “real nice gift” you know you’ve gotta come see us before you get “hitched” aight!

By Two time loser on deathrow! (not Storm)

October 2, 2006 10:26 AM | Link to this

Just owning my shyt, BK. Not really a loser, like you said, now I’m playing to win.

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:26 AM | Link to this

TwoTime We don’t want a huge one…Well I don’t…She says she doesn’t, but “don’t beleive the hype….Yeeaaa Boyyyyy” (said in my Flava Flav voice)….We are considering a small ceremony and a larger reception…I’ll just say we don’t know yet!

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

SeanJ women stop doing…which is cooking, cleaning,keeping their self up and having sx. I know females may think that thats sexist…but if a woman doesnt do those things..what does a man need her for?

If you married solely for those reasons…then you have a point.

But what about raising kids under the same loving household? Or the fact that even if it’s not a homemade meal she’s making sure that there’s food on the table. What about for companionship? What about building a future and foundation together? Do any of these items factor in???

By Jake

October 2, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this

@Regina With few exceptions, American ways of life aren’t conducive to romance being that sustainable, or maybe it’s just human nature.

I must say that these are words that I never thought I would hear from a lady, but its the truth. The expectations that are placed on relationships are in many cases ridiculous. No matter how beautiful someone is, there will come a moment in which that person no longer excites you in the way they once did. Familiarity breeds Contempt, at some point the cute midday call to see what your doing becomes, WHAT DO YOU WANT? I’M FUGGING TRY TO WORK HERE. It no ones fault, its just Human Nature.

In order to maintain and sustain relationship, married or otherwise; One must occassionally step back and really discuss with Self what that person means to you and where they fit into your life. (THIS IS TO BE DONE PRE-ARGUMENT OR MAJOR DISAGREEMENT)

As a bachelor in this city, 30yrs old, no kids, homeowner. I feel like a lotto ticket when I talk to some women. There are ladies looking to score and you gotta be careful who and where you lay. I’m looking for a helpmate not someone to snatch crumbs from my table. The odds can be beat, but when shooting dice be prepared to crap out.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

Demi Just messing with you dog! Your mix was still hot though!

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:32 AM | Link to this

Hey QC Now waving vigourously

What’s Pop’in to the Sauces & T

Pulling out old school record player and throwing on the P-funk….Singing

“We want the FUnk…Gotta have that FUnk…”

Danngggg, is that demi dressed up like Star Child????

By Dj'ing Demi

October 2, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this

MusingLee what time next year?

By Storm

October 2, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

No, Sweet Tea, didn’t get none. I’m on a different road at the moment. I’m helping a friend on his spiritual journey and I’m hoping some of it rubs off on me. However, my job basically is c##blocking, but it’s hard to be supportive when you really wanna get down wit the person you supporting. LMAO! *can’t believe I’m saying this next thing… I’m celebate. did i say that?? must be the lack of sleep making me INSANE! I’m learning and growing as I go.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

October 2, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this

I was divorced after a long marriage, and most of the people in my circles are in the same boat. The odds for second marriages are even slimmer, some 65%+ of second marriages end in divorce and over 80% of third marriages, if I remember the statistics. After having said that, it is a shame that some singles and divorcees go into a relationship with a ’doomed from the beginning’ attitude. Marriage has many highs and lows. The highs of having children you love more than anything…the lows of becoming total strangers to each other.

I think people that go through divorce are really hesitant about putting their hand in that flame again. Some people get through divorce relatively unscathed, but most of us remember vividly the many days of feeling like our guts were ripped out…and don’t want another ‘t-shirt’.

I can’t say that I will remarry although I have been with a few I thought I wanted to. Why not? Fear…some. Hope…some. Caution…a lot. In Atlanta, sex is easy, friendship much harder, finding your best friend, only lover you need or want, and soul mate, very very hard.

By Jake

October 2, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

SeanJ women stop doing…which is cooking, cleaning,keeping their self up and having sx. I know females may think that thats sexist…but if a woman doesnt do those things..what does a man need her for?

Where do I put my signature?

By Storm

October 2, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Those small ceremonies always bloom into bigger ones, Musing!hahahahaha! Have you decided on a location for the wedding and reception? This guy I met at the game yesterday said his girlfriend’s brother got married in Nappa Valley, at a cliff! now wondering if there might have been some symbolism in that…

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Demi dressed up like Star Child lol :)

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

Demi dressed up like Star Child lol :)

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

Demi dressed up like Star Child lol :)

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

demi It will probably be sometime in the late summer or early fall.

By Chink

October 2, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Jake

You are right about that “Familiarity breeds Contempt” ..So sad but true.

Is there unconditional love anymore?

Everything has conditions now, everyone has something that is marketable. When do we start being real and not a commodity?

What’s up with this !

By Raqi

October 2, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

A lot of relationships go awry because they were based on an impulse buy. Before entering into a committed relationship you should count up the cost. Be friends first, partners second and lovers last. Consider those not so loving days. Make a conscious decision of whether this is the right situation or person for you. Consider those days that you will have to go to your separate corners and start anew. Don’t be in love with the fact of being in a relationship, but rather be in love with the individual with all of their flaws. There is a way to beat the odds.

I get a good laugh everytime I read this husband/wife marriage/divorce advantage/disadvantage crap. In most cases it’s usually the man that initiates and proposes but it’s all to his disadvantage??!! What?

By Storm

October 2, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Those small ceremonies always bloom into bigger ones, Musing!hahahahaha! Have you decided on a location for the wedding and reception? This guy I met at the game yesterday said his girlfriend’s brother got married in Nappa Valley, at a cliff! now wondering if there might have been some symbolism in that…

By Jewel

October 2, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

My perspective may be different than most. I am aware of the statistics, but what I fear more than failing is never trying. Each day, I choose to live my life with no regrets. If I, or my partner has the attitude of failure that is exactly what will happen. It is unfortunate that most people do not commit for the long haul, but rather as Prince put it “until the better gets too bad.” What were they committed to in the first place? I think people lose at marriage because they had the wrong expectations, priorities and motives. If both of you are committed to the commitment and decide that divorce is not an option, you can make it. That may be idealistic thinking to some, but I will believe this until the day I die.

Ladies, please keep the men in check while I am traveling this week. I’ll be the lady at the airport trying to board the plane with 3.5 oz of lotion in a Publix plastic bag! LOL!

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

Storm No, haven’t decided on the location yet…Hellz, If left up to me I’d go down to the courthouse, sit my’black’azz in line and pick up the papers…LOL…and we’ve talk about doing that, then just having a reception party…But, I think she wants a scenic wedding…LOL

Wondering if Delta will let me have the wedding on the wing of an inflight plane…Get married and jump my’azz off

By KC

October 2, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

ABC I agree w/ you 100%. People do grown apart and change over time. I have been married 14 years (2nd marriage) and about to leave my husband. I don’t know him anymore. I don’t know if we have both changed or what but we just don’t connect. I love him but love does not bring happiness I will never marry again!!!!!

By reality check

October 2, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

abc, to answer your question, last week the ex husband of one of the members of the group I facilitate was so despondent he hung himself.

One of the things I have to be most vigilant about is looking for signs of someone who is suicidal. It happens more frequently than you might think.

You might think you can just get up, dust yourself off and move on, but I can tell you there are situations where decent people lose all hope and survival is not assured.

By Mac

October 2, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Well, I hear all the same crap I’ve been hearing for years. A srtong relationship starts with compatibility.

If one can get enough wisdom to understand that all of the insignficant stuff that we hold with high regard changes, divorce rates will drop.

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this

Bless your heart Storm it’ll get better for you, my girlfriend has been celibate for the past 3 yrs she said she get hot flashes along with flashbacks from the last man she was with and is tempted to call him she always blocks her number & hang up after he answers.

By Super Fly's Demi

October 2, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

There are ladies looking to score and you gotta be careful who and where you lay.

Well said Mr.Jake now pouring warm motor oil on Musin’s ‘fo…Look everbody, it’s the Jerri Curls!!!

Hey Hot Sauce

I am Super Fly!!!

F/K wit it!!!

By Kamille

October 2, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this

That tacky toast did sound a little bitter and jealous to me. I think that a great deal of the reason why relationships fail is because people enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. They enter in based off of emotions. When a relationship is in it’s beginning stages it’s tingly and a fantasy. But then reality sets in and the fairy tale disappears, that’s when the issues start. People try to hold onto the fairy tale and it can’t be done. That’s why people jump from relationship to relationship. They are in search of that fairy tale feeling. Like the singer Maxwell says, “Love is not a fairy tale and a melody.” I am not saying emotions are bad, they enhance the relationship, but you have to be smart. Love ignores a lot of obvious signs that your brain is picking up on.

I am not afraid of marriage. I am just going to enter in with my head. My marriage will be like a business partnership. Can we work well enough together to acheive an overall life objective? It’s an investment in the future. Marriage is not just about love and feelings. You have to get married with a purpose and an objective that mutually benefits both parties involved in the relationship. There can be romance and everything, but don’t let the emotions cloud your judgement. You hve to be careful where you invest your heart. If you get married based off of feelings, then the relationship won’t last long because feelings change.

By Chink

October 2, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Raqi

You are right they are the one who initiates…..

By Super Fly's Demi

October 2, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

Hellz, If left up to me I’d go down to the courthouse, sit my’black’azz in line and pick up the papers

Naw dude…Neva get married at place that ends marriages on the regula…

By myopinion

October 2, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

I don’t think people place value on marriage anymore. I think people feel oh well if this doesn’t work out I will just log on and find another mate and so on and so forth. People look at marriage like you are dating. You need to do some research and find out what marriage really is and what it means, it doesn’t mean wedding, it means a lifetime committment to someone. Good and Bad! I believe you know when you are marrying someone you know he/she is not right for you to marry, maybe date but not marry and that is where the mistakes begin so you are doomed from the beginning.

By Techbabe

October 2, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

I have been married for 4 years and with my spouse for 7. I know 4 years is not a long time, but compared to all the folks we know who got married around the same time we did, we are one of the only ones still married. What I have seen is that people don’t realize that you have to be committed to the ‘US’ of marraige and not the ‘I’. I say that to say that people do not realize that you are no longer an ‘individual’ when it comes to marraige. If you can’t sacrifice ‘self’ for the greater good of marriage then you are not married to the right person and you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Obviously things happen and situations arise that warrent divorce. But when you’re filing divorce papers 18 -24 months into the marriage, there was something definately wrong prior to the wedding ceremony.

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this

Hey ya’ll. Hope everyone had a great weekend. Ok, so the toast did deserve an “Oh no he didn’t.” But it was the truth. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. That is scary for someone like me who would like to be happily married some day.

There was this article in “O” magazine once that spoke of a couple who were recently married but they decided to maintain different residents. She lived in her home with her two girls from a previous marraige and he lived in his home by his dayum self. He would spend the night with her 2-3 days a week but that was it!

My question was why even get married? Oh, yea, to keep from burning.

Anyway, I just feel that ANYTIME you bring two adults together to live under the same roof (for the rest of thier lives) it ain’t gonna be pretty all the time. Feelings change, people change.

Even though a healthy, happy, loving marriage is what I’ve always wanted I can be honest with myself and say I’m not sure at this point in my life, I have what it takes to sustain that type marraige.

In other words, I’m not ready for what I want. If other people were to realize that before walking down the isle, the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high.

I’ll settle for a long term boyfriend for right now.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 11:14 AM | Link to this

I’m a witness about people growing apart. My parents divorced after 26 years of marriage and it was the best thing for them(and us chillen!) They were 17 when they married and times were different. My mom got pregnant with my brother (her FIRST time having sex) and then was pregnant with me a year later. So less than a month to my birth, they got married. They were kids. My dad was a hard working hustler, always out there working to provide for us. So he really wasn’t the ‘daddy’ type, therefore making room for us and my mom to do all the bonding, which he resented. He resented the relationship we had with my mom and was always resentful that he had to go without ‘to provide for his kids’. We (me, my brother and sister) were constantly reminded that because of us, he couldn’t do the things his friends did financially, etc. Just crazy!!! We were made to feel guilty when we got jobs and could buy nice stuff for ourselves. So when my baby sister hit 20, my mom was like THIS IS CRAZY!!! We were raised under strict church that didn’t ‘allow’ divorces. Therefore, most couples in my home church were miserably married ‘for the sake of Christ’. Fortunately, we moved to Atlanta and were away from our “home church’s bondage” and after we were all grown, my mom did what was best for all of us…and filed for divorce. Us kids were sooooo happy that she finally got the guts to do it. My parents have since re-married (reallly quickly, within a year for my mom and two years later for my dad) and they are happy and we couldn’t be happier for them! They just grew apart and were two totally different people with different goals, etc.

By abc

October 2, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this

@reality check, it doesn’t seem to me that divorce alone, in and of itself, could prompt suicide; I would think that depression or other mental illness would have to pre-exist for a divorce to prompt such a tragedy.

My condolences.

By reality check

October 2, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

NCgirlinAtl, Prenup agreements are enforceable in Georgi in a way they cannot be overturned if some legal conditions are met.

However, even if the prenup is enforceable, under Georgia law it does not apply to alimony, child support, or division of marital assets.

In short, a prenup in Georgia can only protect assets that existed before the marriage. It can benefit some people who have significant assets before marriage but in the majority of cases a prenup is worthless.

By abc

October 2, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

@4thelong, I was just discussing that kind of scenario with my current fierce interest last night. We thought it ironic but almost universal that after all the trials and trevails of raising kids and all the baggage that accumulates between parents in the process of that, by the time the kids are grown and gone, and they’re situated to once again simply be able to enjoy each other, they’re so sick of each other that they divorce. It’s a common scenario.

By frommyeyez0nly

October 2, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

I have been weary of marriage from the get go……watching my own parents marriage dissolve kinda set the tone for relationships I have now. I look at so many more attributes and qualities before I decide I even want to talk to someone then most of my friends/family, there is no way I am going to walk into anything blind. Not to mention, I have went to the brink of marriage and figured out that it wasn’t a good idea for both parties. 5 years of life’s lessons learned but it’s taken almost half that time to get back to where I feel “normal” about a relationship.
I question the institution of marriage all the time. I wonder if I should find someone who is willing to not marry but stay a committed couple until one of the two outcomes occur. Then at the same time, that is so unrealistic b/c no man or woman is going to agree to a life long relationship without marriage. I chose to just spend my life enjoying it, if someone comes into it that isn’t going anywhere…kool but I am not holding my breath. Southern twenty something women aren’t up to the challenge, rather none have shown the interest in having a serious committed relationship that is based on communication, honesty and integrity.

Oxygen mask anyone???

By Super Fly's Demi

October 2, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this

4th I tried to tell my newly wed friend, not to have any kids the first 2-3 years…now he is filing for divorce…will start paying support for 2 kids next month

By reality check

October 2, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this

You are quite right, abc, depression and/or anxiety disorder is usually involved. There are several types of depression. One is neurotic depression. Neurotic depression occurs without an external stimulus. It is unrelated to anything that is happening. It just occurs.

People can also get depressed and anxious from circumstances. If am armed robber suddenly appeared in your home at night you would probably be quite anxious. That wouldn’t be irrational or inappropriate.

Sometimes otherwise normal people get so depressed over their loss and the ugliness fostered by lawyers they lose all hope and become suicidal.

By Jake

October 2, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this

@Chink Is there unconditional love anymore?

The answer is a resounding “NO”. Unconditional love is a theory of the past. Relationhips now have extraordinary obstacles.
SEXIST THOUGHT OF THE DAY- In the past women would allow themselves to be courted by a man. A man’s gestures were meaniful and the offer to provide for a woman was noble and right.

Flash Forward- Man-“Can I take you to dinner” Woman- Why should I go to dinner with you, what you think I can’t take care of myself, i don’t need no man to do s** for me Man- “But, I” Woman- That’s ya’ll problem, you always got your eyes on somebody’s Butt. Nasty Azz Man. I don’t like men, I think I want a girlfriend

Back to the topic: Everything has to be questioned nowadays because one false move can get you fugged up.

Example: A chick I know fell for this cat, they lovey dovey, evrything seems okay. three months in, dude steals her identity, runs up thrity g’s in her name. She thought he cared. This shid could happen to anybody.

By Laney

October 2, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this

Randy, thanks for the perspective!

I think one of my favorite things about weddings is the hopefulness. The bride and groom are so in love and so convinced they will be together forever. Maybe if we just held onto that feeling throughout our relationships, they would last!

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this

abc Yeah. It’s interesting because growing up, I could never understand how in the world people could be married 20+ years and divorce!! But now, I totally understand how that happens. Many stay together for the sake of children, religion, social pressures, etc. Now, as strong as I am in my faith and believe in the holy covenant of marriage, I still believe that no one deserves to live life in misery. Now on the flipside, I’m not advocating divorce or saying it should be used as an easy way out, but in some cases……. I was raised to believe (and still do) that God didn’t create the covenant of marriage to be broken and when it is, it is deemed as sin. But as someone stated some time ago, thank God for the blood and the FORGIVENESS of sin! (but again, don’t use that as an excuse to practice sin or keep getting married and divorcing either!)

By new_name

October 2, 2006 11:47 AM | Link to this

I was married one year. Divorced the next.

If you have never been married you would never understand how it can bring you to a point of dispair.

*After World War II and womans lib.. *women in the workplace is all fine and dandy but I think it has caused destruction to the family unit.

No longer is the man respected and looked up to biblicly as the Head of the family. (i can hear the women now well he is this and that..well y you said yes??) Women are trying to be equal and know nothing about submitting to a man’s leadership.

The men now adays I feel should marry for money like women.

The toast this person made at the wedding was reality.

Before you get married everyone is ohh congratulations.. when is the date…

after your married people drop the show and start acting like you have entered a secret society of unhappy people.

Luckily I escaped with my houses, money, and mind (most of it) in tact.

With the laws being as they are I would recommend a pre-nup.

Until we got married my X and I never argued. The day we got married and she got the MRS title she started telling me what bothered her.

What was her explanation of waiting so long. She felt if she would have addressed the things on her mind before marriage I would not have married her. She is probably right. Be careful.

By NoNonsense

October 2, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

I think couples grow apart when one completely excludes the other from their daily life. They no longer share mutual interest. Every individual should have their thing they like to do separately, but when you share nothing more than an address then you are on a downward spiral to the breaking point. My hubby has his friends that he gets together with and they do what they do and I the same. But we have those things that keep us connected like mutual leisure activities, friends, and interests. Notice I did not say our kids. If once you step outside of the confines of your bedroom and there is nothing that you share then you have grown apart. Always be weary when your significant other is seeking other interest that don’t include you in anyway and is becoming less involved with those interest that you once shared.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

October 2, 2006 11:53 AM | Link to this

Good day

Marriage for me will never happen again.. I will meet someone who doesnt want to be married.. I read somewhere that men lose way too much in a divorce and it’s true.. I am living proof.. I dont know about the women having more options here in Atlanta or if they make out better cause if its in you, you can rebuild and come out of the ashes stronger and more determined than ever.. One of my motivating factors in life is to never ever let one of my EX’s see me doing bad, i wont give them the satifaction.. So no Babe you wont see me camped out under I-20.. Lost a house already had others, lost a car already others, pockets are straighter now than when I was married. The only regret I have is I’m not in the home with my Son, but I realize that there is only one Dad, so no Psuedo will ever be able to replace the real thing.. Support Wildlife Stay Single. Oh yeah and joint custody is a must if you are a divorced male with a child, dont be cheap pay those lawyer fees and get a female attorney..

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this

LOL…Jake you wrong for that…hahahahaha…I know a Woman that had the same thing happen to her…She went out with ole dude for about a month or two…Then she starts noticing that her Credit Cards got extra charges on them…Dude been paying off his cell phone bill and buying office supplies online and ishh…Then she gets a phone call anonymously that his name, fly’azz car, and house ain’t even his… real…Hahahahahah…Dayummmmmm…The name is made up, car is his brothers, and house is his friends while out’of town….Man, dude would have taken her to the cleaners if she didn’t get that call, and credit card statement…Ya gots to protect yourself at all times!!!

By dreamer2K

October 2, 2006 11:55 AM | Link to this

Staying together does not mean a marriage is successful. Happily staying together does. I’ve been married for 10+ years and hope to be married many more. Not for the sake of being married, but because my wife and I make each other happy.

I believe strongly in divorce. As far as I know, we each only have one life. Don’t waste it in a miserable love-less marriage. I’ve seen too many people, especially women, believe they have to “hang in there,” year after year. Sometimes those years turn into decades.

Divorce does not mean you’re a failure. Divorce may mean you’re a success. I don’t care what your friends say. I don’t care what you believe your God says.

Friends, you can get more if need be. God, you can get another if need be. The years you’ve wasted, they are gone forever, forever ever.

By NoNonsense

October 2, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

Laney do you know I had to learn that love was not a feeling. It scared me to death the first I didn’t “feel” love for my husband. All the giddiness that I felt at one time in the beginning was not there, but I didn’t yet realize that it wasn’t lost. It was just not upfront and centered at the time. But in 12 years I have fallen in love again with me husband at least 100 times.

By 3rdwheelflunkie

October 2, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

Happy Monday Yall!

I would love to get married one day but I don’t think it’s going to happen. People are not taking marriage very seriously and sometimes I wonder if it’s a joke. Sometimes people would rather live together, buy a house and a car rather than get married! Then you have some people who have to get married 4 or 5 times before they even turn 30. That sort of thing does something to a person’s ego.Who wants to date someone who has already been married 3 or more times…. Not me. And don’t even bring kids into the equation. I am having a hard time finding a guy who is not gay and has like 2 or 3 baby mamas…. I’m going to Cat shelter today so start picking up my 90 cats…… :o)

By THE INFAMOUS DK

October 2, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

New Name Dont they change when they get papers.. Ha!! They know they own you so now you get to see the real person and not the ambassador.. Then on top of that she wanted to change me into the dude she wanted me to be instead of accepting who I was..

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this

new_name I have to address your statement: After World War II and womans lib.. *women in the workplace is all fine and dandy but I think it has caused destruction to the family unit

While I partially agree with this statement, let us also keep things in context. Because of the war, women had NO CHOICE BUT to go to work because their men were away fighting. Right? So don’t think she just decided she was gonna leave her kids for someone else to watch them because she just wanted to be equal with men.

I am one who does still believe in the order God ordained for us; God-Family-Ministry. I believe that a man is and should be the head of the family unit. AND just because a woman works and/or make more money than him doesn’t negate his headship. So don’t dump all women into this thought pattern. There are still women out here, like myself, that wants her man to be the man/head and will respect him as such. And part of that respect is HIM also respecting HER as his partner, and therefore giving her a voice as well and not lording over her because he ‘the head’.

So let’s keep it all in perspective is all I ask sir.

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this

Morning folk, strolling in on CPT!!

Demi you are a dayumn fool with the old skool booty mix….lol.

Regina You ain’t never lied about how men can lose out in a divorce!!

On topic Nothing to fear but fear itself. Ish happens and we all take chances in life. I just try to take the chances that have the best opportunity to work out in my favor. My divorce was cool until my ex-wife tried to use the kids against me. We get along better now but it’s taken 6 long years. But as new_name has posted, divorce can be very ugly and can leave people really jaded about relationships and even thinking about ever getting married again. But time heals all wounds.

Off topic Downtown was sick on Friday with that MBA conference, black people were looking good, especially the black women who were looking oh so beautiful!!!

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

I have the key to married, here it goes!!!

Men Marry you an uggggggly Woman….That way she won’t want nobody but you…LOLOLOL

Women If you a hot look’in chick….Marry you a capital (U)gly man…That way he want wanna go nowhere without you…And if you are an ugggggggly Woman, refer to the Men’s step, cause they will be looking for you now.

Now hiding under desk with sharp letter opener and preparing for the backlash from the ugly Women whos feelings were hurt

By THE INFAMOUS DK

October 2, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

Oh yeah and for all you Party People who have never been married giving marital advice.. You cant.. It sounds good but until you go through it you really cant speak on it.. I looks easy from the outside but on the inside its a whole notha sport all together..

By Super Fly's Demi

October 2, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

Oh yeah and joint custody is a must if you are a divorced male with a child, dont be cheap pay those lawyer fees and get a female attorney..

True that!!!

By Regina

October 2, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

NCgirlfromATL, abc is correct in saying that the reason cases are settled out of court is that the courts will make the man pay his and her legal costs if he doesn’t settle.

About the children…even when both parents have careers in Georgia, the woman most likely gets custody. Even if it is proven the father is the better parent, she will still get custody unless the child is 14 and decides to live with their father.

I know several elite lawyers and they have told me, a pre-nup can be broken.

Jake, many women in Atlanta are looking for a man to marry and “retire” them. You are a lotto ticket to them. All I can say is “Beware”. The men in my family have been through the ringer with their divorces and many of the women in my family understand the male side of divorce.

Did anyone see 20/20 last week about gender differences? Did you see the part about the effect having child has on relationships?

Reality Check, I have seen men despondent like the member of your divorce group. I am saddened about that and wish society would understand more about the effect of divorce on men. It is sad that courts take away all rights that men have and determine their future fate.

All I can say to anyone getting married, male or female, is to get the best attorney you can find and try to get a pre-nup that is hard to pick apart for pre-marital earnings/estate.

By Denise

October 2, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this

It is not the divorce rate that frightens me, it is the law! I am VERY fearful of marrying again. I am a successful businesswoman who cannot image having to give a man half of all I have worked for before I met him after two years or so of marriage. I cannot image having to sell my home and give someone half of the profits because we did not work out. I have been married before, I have a wonderful child from my marriage and at age 37, I do not feel the need to marry again.

In addition, I think that everyone should not get married. Marriage is a union of committment you enter into with your spouse and GOD. If you are not religious, why are you making a committment to a God with whom you are not familiar. I am for Civil Unions, not only for gay couples, but also for men and women who do not have a strong religious background. Maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high. Nonbelievers in Christ are making committments to an entity they do not understand.

By Demi

October 2, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

God, you can get another if need be

Holy Shyt!! Batman did you just read that???!!!

runninatl DAPPs homes…How is life?

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

runnin Man, I was hanging at a spot on Friday…and had I been single again, I would have been like a shark in a community swimming pool…Some of the chicks were looking Ohh, So Good…LOL…”Blood in the water, Blood in the water!”

By Words of Clarity

October 2, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this

Yeah Laney, the toast was very distasteful.

Let’s say I never get married, I stay single and plan my future primarily around myself, what I want, and what I want to do! Although the advantages me being single are awesome, being married to that special someone when I’m around 40+ is not a irrational thought or hope. At this moment, being single I am still building a relationship with someone. We don’t share the same checking account and not even the same home but we depend upon each to some degree.

Doing the I thing is great but the we thing will give me an opportunity build memories, share my life with someone I love and trust. The thought seems like a fairytale, but love strikes me unconditional with absolute moments of bliss just as it does in realistic situations where there is much turmoil.

Either way I still need and want companionship at times, to me it’s appropriate, good for my health, and required.

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this

The name is made up, car is his brothers, and house is his friends while out’of town

Almost any caper can be pulled off with the correct stage props.

By Jewel

October 2, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this

Question for the blog: I have not read all of the comments, so forgive me if this has already been addressed.

Do you think the odds for a successful marriage increases if the couple lives together prior to saying “I Do”“

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

Musing that was’nt very nice of you to say that!

By Regina

October 2, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

Denise and other women, I appeal to those of you who know the laws are unfair and do something about it. If the laws are fair, then you will see more people willing to get married. Denise, you probably don’t have much to worry about. In a divorce, you would probably keep what you had and get half of what he has. In divorce court, women are more favored regardless of what is on the books. It isn’t right, but the judges are very gender-biased.

By new_name

October 2, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this

Infamous DK it was like a magic trick. (no pun intended) ring goes on.. different person comes out.

4thelonghaul read what I wrote again. Your premise is wrong. I agree women had no choice but to go to war. What I am concerend with is the subsequent attitude of most women.

Women making a living and in search for equal rights lost sight of men.

You said And part of that respect is HIM also respecting HER as his partner, and therefore giving her a voice as well and not lording over her because he ‘the head’

This attitude is not submissive!!!

I do not agree with men lording over women.

I am telling you that you had a choice to say yes or no. If you choice yes.. be his helpmate and submit.

Definition of submit: . yield to the control of another * . *submit or yield to another’s wish or opinion . take: accept or undergo, often unwillingly

Women jump into marriage because thats what they want too easy. Then try to change the man.. Thats not what God ordained.

Furthermore!!!

(I know Im going to catch flak but look at it.. these are facts)

Any failure in a marriage is not the womans fault.

When Eve ate the apple God did not come to Eve and say anything. He came to ADAM.

Women for the most part naturally want to be married.

By Jewel

October 2, 2006 12:33 PM | Link to this

My answer to my question: I think marriage changes the dynamics of a relationship. Living together prior to marriage does not guarantee success.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

Jewel Well personally, I don’t believe in ‘shacking’. (not trying to offend anyone here) This is just my spiritual/religious belief.

But to answer the question though, I’ve seen plenty cases where people live together for years, have stuff in both names, have kids, etc BUT THEN SAY MARRYING WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING. What in the world!? I just don’t get that. How does a piece of paper change things in that case? Y’all already living as married people, sharing everything anyone. Will someone please help me understand that philosophy……..

It’s all a risk. Period. And I don’t think there are no perfect set of ingredients. You make the best of it and make it work if you BOTH want it to work.

By Regina

October 2, 2006 12:40 PM | Link to this

I tried to tell my newly wed friend, not to have any kids the first 2-3 years…now he is filing for divorce…will start paying support for 2 kids next month. Super Fly’s Demi, I wish your friend had waited until the new child support law goes into effect in January 2007. At least, he would have some hope of not being taken to the cleaners. It is not perfect and needs tweaking, but it is much better than the present child support guidelines in Georgia.

Also, for men who are fooled by women and think they married a certain type of woman, don’t you know women can “fake” for long periods of time to get what they want? Learn about football, pretend to understand the golf outings, etc. You have to learn how to test them to find out if they are for real…

By Words of Clarity

October 2, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

Welcome new_name,

Fearless you seem, GOOD LUCK

By Regina

October 2, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this

Women, don’t get so desperate that you will let a man take advantage of you. Make him earn your trust before you open your credit and bank account to him. The same to men…

By Sweet Tea

October 2, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this

Musing someone left a package for you out here on the shooting range right next to the target; you wanna come pick it up?

Now setting paint ball guns on automatic so when Musing shows up he get a red paint dot right in his azz for making a comment about marrying someone ugly, p.s. make sure he’s blind folded lololol!

By reality check

October 2, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this

The whole Adam and Eve thing is misunderstood. The true story is Adam said “Lord I am lonely and unfulfilled” So the Lord agreed to provide woman and told Adam this lovely person would make him happy the rest of his days.

Adams response was that it sounded wonderful and the Lord assured him it would be. Adam said “Lord what is this going to cost me?” The Lord’s answer? “Adam, this is going to cost you an arm and a leg.” So Adam said, “Lord, I hadn’t planned on spending that much. What can I get for a rib?”

By Jake

October 2, 2006 12:48 PM | Link to this

@ Any Single Ladies Waitin on SO to pop ?

Please take a moment to listen to the words that are being said today. the aftermath for a dude can be extra fugged up, so why am I saying this. Somebody lady out there is hoping for an engagement soon, gettin impatient, be cool.

THAT CAT THAT YOU WANT TO MARRY YOU, HE WILL, JUST SHUT-UP ABOUT IT, he just takin his time because if it does not work out, his future will become a LIVING HELL.

Blog Confession: I just had an uncontrollable moment of reflection to a prior scenario in past. Blog water thrown into face, snapping out of it just as you finished this.

By GaPeach

October 2, 2006 12:52 PM | Link to this

All of my friends who got married between 1996-2001 are all headed for divorce, already divorced, or want one so bad they can taste it……so right now marriage is looking very SCARY to me. I’m talking about at least 6-8 couples getting divorced…this is just scary and they all had similar issues…either money, growing apart or cheating. These days the odds are stacked against you from the beginning so you can either fight to the death or just bow out gracefully.

I don’t want to let these other peoples experiences get me down but I have to look at them and try to learn something. And hope I make a better choice for a mate or am able to communicate better in my marriage in hopes that it last forever.

By Regina

October 2, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

Pay attention fellows…to the words of Mr. Louis Jordan…

Beware Louis Jordan

Hey, fellas, yes, you, fellas, listen to me, i got something to tell you And i want you to listen to every word and govern yourselves accordingly Now, you see these girls with these fine diamonds, fine furs and fine clothes Well, they’re looking for a husband and you’re listening to a man who knows They ain’t foolin’, and if you fool around with them You’re gonna get yourself in a schoolin’ Listen, if she saves you dough, and won’t go to the show Beware If she’s easy to kiss and won’t resist Beware And if you go for a walk, and she listens while you talk She’s tryin’ to hook you And nobody’s lookin’ and she asks you to taste her cookin’ Don’t do it, don’t do it And if you go to a show and she wants to sit in the back row Bring her down front, bring her right down front If you wanna go for a snack, and she wants to sit in the booth in the back Beware And listen, if she’s used to caviar and fine silk When you go out with her she wanna a hot dog and a malted milk She’s trying to get you If you’re used to goin’ to carnegie hall, but when you take her out night clubing All she wants is one meatball You better take it easy If she grabs your hand and says, “darling, you’re such a nice man” Beware, i’m telling you (should i tell them no more?) (tell them everything) You better listen to me ‘cause i’m telling you what’s being put down You better pick up on it If her sister calls your brother, you better get further I’m telling you, you better watch it And if she’s acting kind of wild, and she says, “darling, give me a trial” Don’t you do it, don’t be weak, don’t give it to her And if she smiles in your face and just melts into place Let her melt, forget it, let her melt (should i tell them no more?) (tell them everything) Now listen, if she calls you up on the phone, and says, “darling, are you all alone?” Tell her, “no, no, i’ve got two, three women with me” Don’t pay no attention to women Stand up for your right, be a man, be a man (are you listening?) If you turn out the lights and she don’t fight That’s the end, it’s too late She’s got you hooked, you might as well stick with her (should i tell them no more?) If you get home about two and don’t know what to do You pull back the curtains, and the whole family’s looking at you Get your business straight Set the date, don’t be late Brother, beware, beware, beware Brother, you better beware

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

new_name this attitude is not submissive

Dear heart, read the Bible for yourselves. It clearly states that husbands and wives are to submit themselves to one another as well. Eph. 5:21 - “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church…Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:21-33)..

Didn’t mean to go to Sunday School on y’all, but when you reference the Bible scriptures, read ALL of it….

What husband in his right mind would not listen to the advice of his HELP MEET? That’s just wisdom dude because she looking out for his best interest and vice versa. That’s all I meant. And of course, when it’s all said and done, he will be the one held responsible by God (as in your story of Adam & Eve) for whatever the final decision is. She is there to give him wise counsel as his wife but oftentimes, MEN abuse the submission principle. It’s all about balance.

So read and interpret my statements in the context in which it was written.

By reality check

October 2, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

Jewel, the statistical answer is that living together before marriage results in a significantly higher divorce rate. Nobody really knows why, but statistically the difference is significant.

Regina, men and women both can fake it, although that is probably too pejorative. Courtship is always different than long term reality.

The best indicator for success when looking for a woman is how she perceived her father. Sooner or later there is a strong predisposition for her to view her spouse the same way.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon,

Forgive if I repeat other comments made, I am so not going back to read everything said. Here is my two dollar opinion on the topic:

I think people this means both women and men are so naturally needed for love and the affection of someone else that we jump feet first head over heels in love. We throw caution to the wind and go for broke. An we never take the time to really assess all that is involved in a relationship building.

We dont want to hear that it will be hard, or rough. That in a relationship we will one day call our prized loved one a moron or idiot and wonder if their parents were 1st cousins. We want wine, roses, and romance 24/7/365, and when the rough patches hit most folks be it marriage or committed relationship are not prepared because they are still in the land of wine and roses.

As for the prenup thing..I dont understand it period. You are marrying this person why? You are committing to be together why? If you have to have a prenup why not just shack up and save yourself the wedding cost. That way you protect your assets and you dont have to worry about her or him taking you to the cleaners.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 01:02 PM | Link to this

reality check Boy, I was about to let you have it and ask WHAT THE HECK BIBLE ARE YOU READING OF! But that was funnnny!!! hahahaha!

By Regina

October 2, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this

The best indicator for success when looking for a woman is how she perceived her father.

Yes, you are right. I was blessed to have a wonderful, strong father who was head of the house and who had a wife who submitted to him, yet was a strong woman and partner.

Many women lack a strong, male father figure and thus try to create their perfect man. They find one they think is good, raw material and try to mold him. However, the women who think that way think they are just fine the way they are…

By Bre'

October 2, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

Marriage is not for everyone and that’s the key to self. I know for a fact that I would be a good partner for someone out there. And will probably be a slamming mother however I am not marriage minded at all. The longer I’m single and the more I listen to my parents giving my other siblings words of advise regarding marriage I realize its not for me. I’m on the European Plan for marriage/relationships. More people live happily together, have kids and never get married and somehow mangage to stay together longer than those who got married. I’m totally okay with that. I’ve never been married therefore never divorced hence I can’t give advise. And I realize everything that looks rosey from the outside may not be so on the inside. Compaionship I can handle lifetime vows is a whole different thing.

By Jake

October 2, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

@new_name When Eve ate the apple God did not come to Eve and say anything. He came to ADAM.

Where do I put my signature?

I have never been married, but I must back new. If you have a husband, and together you accumalated the usauls. House, cars, etc….

Ladies, if you lose any possession, not one person will ever ask you what happened. Instead it sounds like this,

1-“You heard about Bob and Betty”, 2-“yeah, I heard Bob about to let them lose the house” 1-“Is he working?” 2-“Yeah, he was doing aight before, but his sorry azz lettin them take the house now. 1-“Poor Betty” 2-“yeah, Poor Betty”

Meanwhile, truth is Bob bustin his azz, cause Betty quit working and got Meth habit you can’t believe, but Bob’s the bad guy.

This why a woman needs to be submissive, because when the “shyt hits the fan… your azz is never on the line..its his.”

By SeanJohnson

October 2, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

@ 4thelonghaul….i like your last post…People dont understand the magnitude of that love…

By Mshoney

October 2, 2006 01:09 PM | Link to this

Hey u all…I have no desires to be married or have kids…believe it or not its not every womans dream at least not mines….of course I will be in a relationship but that will not include living together….anyone else feel this way or know of anyone who does….just curious…

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 01:11 PM | Link to this

Jake you dropped some real talk right here: “THAT CAT THAT YOU WANT TO MARRY YOU, HE WILL, JUST SHUT-UP ABOUT IT, he just takin his time because if it does not work out, his future will become a LIVING HELL.”

LOL @ DK and the women changing once they get that paper.

LMAO @ Regina’s last post!!

Demi I’m good, back at the grind. I had to suffer through the Canes squeaking out an ugly win at home and the Dolphins losing. Plus I lost in one of my fantasy leagues because I benched Clinton Portis (from The U), dayumn!

Musing Yeah, it was serious out there bruh. Went to the Lobby in Atlantic Station Friday night and they were stilettoed-up left and right!!…LOL.

Blue I know you had to take in some of the sites this weekend.

4theLongHaul I feel you on your post but here’s the thing, it’s all about how you interpret the scripture. Some people take it to extremes, some don’t take it seriously enough. So it then it goes back to being equally yoked and wanting the same thing.

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 01:12 PM | Link to this

Now making note, not to accept any packages from the Sauces & T as they may be boobie-trapped

BK Man, I even think the name was his brothers’…Dude used his own brother name…LOL…WTF

By NCgirlfromATL

October 2, 2006 01:17 PM | Link to this

reality check You basically said what I was already saying: that a prenup is a contract that is enforceable under whatever laws of whatever state. My point was, that it takes more than just, “I felt pressure to sign a document I thought was unfair, b/c he wouldn’t marry me otherwise,” to overturn it. There’s lots of caselaw on just that issue. Hell, I felt pressure to buy that last Tiffany necklace b/c otherwise, my outfit wouldn’t have been as fly as it was, but that doesn’t mean I got out of paying American Express when the bill came.

All jokes aside, I don’t (personally) think the law has anything to do with how people decide to get married. And in my state, pre-nups aren’t used as often, b/c of how separate property is treated in divorce. In other words, they are often not needed. I think people find a variety of reasons, some of them ridiculous, to get married. And, people find an even larger number of reasons to call it quits…many of them even more ridiculous! I won’t even get into the stories about the “swinger” couples who break up b/c one of the spouses “cheated.” Insane!

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 01:24 PM | Link to this

NCgirl… @ I won’t even get into the stories about the “swinger” couples who break up b/c one of the spouses “cheated.” Insane!

Now packing bags and moving to NC to be a lil’bit closer to thy…LOL

By SeanJohnson

October 2, 2006 01:25 PM | Link to this

@ Jake and NoName… @new_name When Eve ate the apple God did not come to Eve and say anything. He came to ADAM.

Most of these fake azz preachers with a congregation full of females dont break it down and tell females how things should be. They are too afraid to ruffle some feathers or step on toes. As a man things are not and shouldnt not be equal..reason being you are held accountable as the man in the end…

By JustMe a.k.a. LLL

October 2, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Laney and All

Do you think most people still have the attitude that they only will be married once? Do you personally? Yes, I only intend to marry once - God willing of course. I can’t speak for anyone other than JustMe.

Do the high odds of divorce change your attitude about marriage or dating? No, I still have faith that marriage and relationships can work if both parties are dedicated to the success of the relationship.

How can we overcome our fear that we’re working against the odds to make our relationships or marriages last? Have faith!

I’m sure this is a hot topic………. Y’all still on track - LOL but I have to return to worksville.

Be blessed!

By JustMe a.k.a. LLL

October 2, 2006 01:36 PM | Link to this

Oh yeah one more thing………….

GO FALCONS

By Stinky Sullivan

October 2, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

When you “hit it and quit it” all that foolish talk of marriage isn’t even a factor, ya dig?

But then again have you SEEN me lately?

Winks at the ladies, sS

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

October 2, 2006 01:40 PM | Link to this

Hey Runnin How is it going?

Sort of a sidebar that shows how jaded we can get. For the last six weeks or so, I have been dating a lady that is pretty much perfect. She is beautiful, passionate, low maintenance, articulate, intelligent, not a single inconsistency in anything she says…..everything I ever wanted in a woman. She seems to really like me a lot too, and having been drop kicked to the curb a few times, I am not used to that. The problem, and this is what is really weird, is that I am totally “uncomfortable being comfortable”. I have been out with so many “drama queens” (caused a bit of drama myself actually also), “runaway bride wannabes”, and women poisoned from their previous relationships, that I have a hard time dealing with peaceful, calm, “genuinely like each other” type relationships.

My question is this, how can people get so jaded that they are almost more afraid of something really good, than they are the normal misfires?

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

Bre….”Marriage is not for everyone.” Good point but that doesn’t make it any easier. There is a rather small percentage of people who think like you rather than those who want to get married. There is even a smaller percentage of females, so either way you look at it, either you’re out there trying to find the one or your out there doing your thing, looking for some cool, stress free companionship. Therefore your odds are not any better than the rest of us boo….LOL.

Just messin with ya.

By Foots

October 2, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon all.

I’m not afraid of divorce, but I konw that I’m a lot more cautious in choosing a partner because of other people’s experience with it and marriage in general. Even happily married people tell me to wait as long as I can. When I was younger, I thought I was ready for marriage, but now that I’ve had the time to learn myself and what is truly important to me and what is important for me to look for in a partner, I’m glad that I didn’t rush things.

I know several men and women who are divorced and I always ask this question: Whatever problem caused you to divorce, did you know about it beforehand? Nearly everybody I’ve asked says that they did know, but that it wasn’t that important to them at the time or they convinced themselves that it wasn’t important. Even the relationships that ended because of cheating, the person had cheated at least once before they even got married.

For the divorced people on the blog: Were the reasons you got divorced present before you got married?

By Demi

October 2, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

Regina welcome!!!

For your 1240pm post…He married an awesome woman, but both are young and climbing the corporate latter. I was responding to 4th on having kids during the early stage of marriage

The first 2-3 years should be spent as husband and wife. Not as husband, wife, and child…My dumb @ZZ opinion only!!!

By Jake

October 2, 2006 01:51 PM | Link to this

SeanJ

Most of these fake azz preachers with a congregation full of females dont break it down and tell females how things should be.

Where do I put my signature?

On top of that, Warning-next statement guranteed to cause raised eyebrows.

The a lot of the chicks going to church to stare at preacher with “lust” in they heart. So then when approached by a “regular dude=somebody other than her preacher”. You are working against this image that she has built of a man based on her preacher, so any problem that you have is so much bigger because she has a unrealistic concept of what a man is.

“I’m in Love with stripper like T-pain”, She in Love with a Preacher

Oil and water just don’t mix

By Regina

October 2, 2006 01:55 PM | Link to this

SeanJohnson, You are correct in saying some ministers don’t want to ruffle the feathers of their primarily female congregations.

A couple of years ago, during a revival, a visiting minister told a story about a member who constantly went home telling her husband, “The minister said this and the minister said that.” The minister told the women that the first man they should listen to is the man in their own household, their husband. I think it was wonderful advice.

I know many women who marry just for the sake of getting married and become disappointed by the outcome. Or, they hear their biological clock ticking and want to have a baby within the bonds of matrimony. Then, the child becomes their whole world and their husband/spouse/life partner is an outsider.

It seems in some marriages, a spouse wants to parent their spouse. They want absolute control. Therein lies a big problem…

By Regina

October 2, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this

Hi Demi, Thank you!

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 02:01 PM | Link to this

Randyt What’s man, just chillin, back on the grind. I feel your last post bruh but here’s the thing you have to realize, calm waters is the shiznit!!! There is no need for unnecessary drama in dating or in a relationship, who needs all that extra. You just haven’t dated someone in a while who didn’t bring drama so you’re not use to it. It’s kind of like this new lady at work who hasn’t used Excel in years, she was all panicked about it but it’s not that serious. Once she used it for a while and got familiar with it again she became more and more comfortable and the fear was gone. I’m sure you are with ol girl and just looking her up and down for little things to nit pick and find wrong with her so you don’t have to catch feelings and get caught up. You might have to man up on this one and take a chance. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ve had the last six weeks or so of good peace and enjoyment to reflect on and give you hope that it is possible. Sometimes that little positive experience is all that you need to get you on the right track. Men tend to live in the present so all I can say is enjoy right now and let the future take care of itself. But always, always keep your spider-sense on look out for nonsense!

“For the divorced people on the blog: Were the reasons you got divorced present before you got married?”

Foots In my situation they were but I was 21 and too wide open to recognize any of them. Looking back I want to slap the ish out of myself but no regrets, you live and you learn. So I’m cautious and diligent about everything I make a long term investment in now, from finances to women.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 02:05 PM | Link to this

Rev. Sean J As a man things are not and shouldnt not be equal..reason being you are held accountable as the man in the end…

I want to respond, but I seek understanding first….are you suggesting that men and women are NOT equal? Or when you say things are you referring to roles and responsibilities??

By abc

October 2, 2006 02:06 PM | Link to this

@Foots: Were the reasons you got divorced present before you got married?

Aspects of me that ultimately were unacceptable to them were largely what attracted them to me in the first place. Aspects of them that were unpleasant to me didn’t appear until we’d been married a few years, and became especially apparent after having a baby. In both cases I would have worked on it a lot more, but they weren’t willing to do so.

By Bre'

October 2, 2006 02:06 PM | Link to this

come here runnin have a seat…listen closely I can only say this once cutie.

Me, Bre can only speak for me. No lie how I would like a stress free relationships. But me the kid is all cool with self right now because I’m selfish. There is no point in me playing with a man’s emotions when I know I’m not willing to give up I for us. Its best for me to be alone most of the time and bring up the five finger rotation when I get bored. In the meantime its football season and the beaches of St.Martin and St.Barts are calling my name…alone. Well until I find a victim…Hmmmmmmm….

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

Foots Were the reasons you got divorced present before you got married?

Yes, yes, yes and yes. Just foolish enough to think that marriage would change them for the better. Wishful (dumb) thinking on my part…

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 02:10 PM | Link to this

And I TOTALLY cosign on runnin’s response to Foots. Y’all know my saying, “I was young, dumb and stupid”. But no regrets because it made me grow up and become more cautious and responsible in my decision making.

By Skegee (formerly SheSpeaks Formerly Skegee)

October 2, 2006 02:11 PM | Link to this

I am totally afraid of getting married again. I think can go together forever!

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 02:17 PM | Link to this

Dark Thanks for asking SeanJ that question for clarity. I meant to address/ask that earlier but forgot.

Yes SeanJ, please expound so we can respond…

By Stinky Sullivan

October 2, 2006 02:20 PM | Link to this

ATTENTION ALL FLY HONEYS…

I am out there! I will not treat you badly.

I played linebacker for a Black College and am light-skinned, good-looking and in good shape still.

sS

By Sweet Tea

October 2, 2006 02:21 PM | Link to this

Musing sweetie now you know we would “never, ever” send you a package that would blow up in your face honey-bun.

Note to self call downstairs to mail room and tell mail clerk Leroy to wrap red wire around the peppermint candy cane then tape it on the outside of Musing’s box

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 02:21 PM | Link to this

Now placing “Good D Booth” right next to NCgirl’s “Good D-vorce Booth”…battling for supremacy of blog corner

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

“There are a lot of the chicks going to church to stare at preacher with “lust” in they heart. So then when approached by a “regular dude=somebody other than her preacher” You are working against this image that she has built of a man based on her preacher, so any problem that you have is so much bigger because she has a unrealistic concept of what a man is.”

Oh boy, oh boy….Jake, you trying to get the crunk juice flowing today. I know some women on this blog are scared to touch their keyboards after that post….LMMFAO!!! Not true for all but I know you reached someone with that and that statement can be used in other scenarios as well.

Bre I’m paying attention and listening closely. You know how you are, where you are in life, and what you want so can’t knock your hustle. It’s all about self love so if you have that then you can be happy with or without a relationship. I’ve always believed you can’t be happy with anyone else until you can be happy with yourself.

By Sweet Tea

October 2, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

Musing, i’m headed for the GoodDBooth i’m coming thru the back door

By Demi

October 2, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this

Runnin Miami isn’t what it use to be…neither are their teams

Heeeyyy JustMe

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

Jake There’s no way I can deny your post about preacher-hungry/lusting women in the church. HOWEVER, let’s keep a balance here because there are equally as many ‘men of the cloth’ who pray on unexpected women in the congregation as well sir. I cannot tell you the countless disgusting stories I have with pastors (bishops included), who have made SERIOUSLY inappropriate statements AND propositions to me that I would’ve a strong leg (and witnesses) to stand on if I wanted to slap a suit against them.

There’s perversion and manipulation everywhere that doesn’t discriminate against race/sex/creed/religion. This is the world in which we live in…

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

Jake* *You are working against this image that she has built of a man based on her preacher, so any problem that you have is so much bigger because she has a unrealistic concept of what a man is. *

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

This should be interesting

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

Question: Sooooo, When a Woman wins the Miss World Pagaent?!?!?! Does that mean she has the best “Smack Sack” for at least one year or something????? For one year her punanni is rated head and shoulders above the rest of the earthly Women?!?!?!?! Really, so what…Yeah, you have big boobs and wear a crown, I get it!!!

By Pepper Sauce

October 2, 2006 02:44 PM | Link to this

Stinky how do we know you’re a real light skinned man of his word, huh?

Hello Musing Is your GoodDBooth still opened????????????

By Demi

October 2, 2006 02:44 PM | Link to this

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

This is a very disrepectful question!!!

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

October 2, 2006 02:47 PM | Link to this

4theLongHaul I 100% agree with your 2:34 post. I’ve seen countless vulnerable women in my life that were preyed upon by so called religious leaders who leveraged their positions to satisfy their own wants and desires. Too many times, these vulnerable (and a bit naive unfortunately) ladies think they can ‘trust’ these people becaue of who they are, and don’t think to run away when things begin to spin of in a wrong direction. It is an absolute truth that power can corrupt, and ministers are too often in positons where they can abuse that power. The problem with this happening in churches is that the women (or young boys in the Catholic church) think that church is “safe”. The good news is that fortunately these b*stards are in the minority and most church leaders are not wolves.

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 02:47 PM | Link to this

Demi You are right and I hope they fire Larry Coker as soon as the season ends!!

LOL @ Musing, you stupid! I didn’t know they added a good punanni competition to the Miss World pageant. Or was I thinking about the Miss Nude America pageant??

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 02:50 PM | Link to this

Pepper the booth has been closed down a few times…I’ve had to move it on several occations, thanks inpart to local laws being created to keep me out of certain parts of towns…LOL…LahLah even tried to blow it up when she didn’t get her way…hahahahahaha

By Demi

October 2, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this

HOWEVER, let’s keep a balance here because there are equally as many ‘men of the cloth’ who prey on unexpected women in the congregation as well sir.

Darkbuty most of us attend church once aweek…is this a why to view you future husband?

And 4th I am attending your blog church for now on…here is my 2 dollar offering for the Blog Building Fund

By Foots

October 2, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this

Demi What is disrespectful about the question? A preacher is a MAN, with human frailties and challenges. There was only one perfect individual that ever walked the earth. Preacher-worship gets a lot of people disillusioned when they realize that the preacher is only a man. Or did I misunderstand your question??

By Regina

October 2, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this

Deep Dimples, I know you addressed the question to Jake but I think one reason some women are attracted to a minister is power. Women like to be the partner of a powerful man or the man in charge. She will be the “First Lady of the Church” if she succeeds in marrying him.

Some women like to be on display on the arms of a rich, powerful or famous man. It is an ego booster to know out of all the women, you were the chosen one. Sort of like winning a crown or a contest…

By Dreamer2K

October 2, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this

I don’t do this blog thing very often, but here goes round 2 for me today. I haven’t checked the weather, but I may be struck by lightening when I’m done.

Colored people, get your heads out of the bible. Forget about Adam and Eve. Forget about James and Florida. Forget even about Cliff and Claire.

It doesn’t matter who bit an apple, who God scolded, or who got a rib from whom. All that matters is what the individual parties deem to be important based on their unique circumstances.

Don’t look to the bible for the marriage rules. The couple should set the rules themselves, and each party should determine how to handle the other should he/she disregard them.

Apples are pretty tasty. I like them green and red. But I don’t make present day life decisions based on who ate one.

Feel free to say amen if you wish.

By Scott

October 2, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this

the stats say over 50% of marriages end in divorce. There are other factors that make becoming divorced more probable:

financial problems- been previously divorced- family history of divorce- low intelligence- low socioeconomic status-

If you want to improve your chances, dont settle for a mate that is going to hurt your chances at a sucessful marriage.

I would be willing to bet that if you removed all of the divorces from the record books that were caused by financial problems and where there was a family history of divorce, the divorce rate would be around 25%.

any thoughts?

By Demi

October 2, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this

didn’t know they added a good punanni competition to the Miss World pageant

That’s what the Swim suit competition is for…Fat, long, short, wide, and skinny

By scott

October 2, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

One more thing…. I dont understand why somebody would marry a divorcee. They already proved that they were unable to keep their commitment. It will be a lot easier to break it the 2nd time. If society saw this as it really is, then the divorce rate would go down. Instead society tends to sugar coat it.

By new_name

October 2, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

* @ 4thlonghaul*

I stated with saying I don’t agree in men trying to LORD over women as you put it.

But to use your name.. marriage is supposed to be 4 THE LONG HAUL.

Choose who you marry carefully. Women have the choice.

If he propose don’t jump and say yes.

Once you commit you should be his Help Meat (one flesh)

If he is going astray you have GOD to rely on to pray to.. and not the Divorce lawyer to stray too.

Men SHOULD love there women like there own body… but if they don’t

I DO NOT SEE ANYWHERE THAT SAYS TO LEAVE IF YOU GO THROUGH RUFF TIMES!!

Show me that verse!!

FIND WAYS TO INSPIRE HIM.. NOT FIRE HIM

too much now adays me me me.. now now now… how about work through this some how.

By QueDogTeaching

October 2, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

Talking about marrige, I don’t currently know of any married couple that has been totally faithful from day one. And I don’t want to talk about how many Fiance’s, and wives I have had back in the day. So for me dating seems better than what I have seen from married couple. How many people can honestly say that they know a couple (modern day, not your grandparents) were both have been faithful the entire time. I know that is bad to say, but……..It is what it is. Do I want to get married one day Yes, but then reality is a beast.

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

I grew up a Yankee from a religiously conservative, fairly democratic family. My grandmother had 10 children, 30 something grandchildren and almost as many great-grandchildren. There were long engagements and only one divorce to date (the couple eloped originally). As a group, we are all very marriage/family oriented.

I move down to the Bible belt several years ago and you wouldn’t believe how many people I know who’ve been married and divorced 2, 3 and even 4 times or more. The biggest holy roller, pro-traditional everything in the family (we’re sort of related by marriage) is my age and is currently with wife #4. That’s okay, you see, because he isn’t a homosexual.

The whole hypocrisy thing I’ve been privy to these years has made me realize that it’s not the piece of paper that’s important, but the family unit. If a marriage certificate hasn’t worked for you in the past, get over it. Two strikes and you are out of the marriage game. Shack up or do whatever, but don’t bring the institution of marriage down by doing it over and over and over again.

Personally I can’t see a why getting married, having kids, getting divorced, getting remarried, blending the children together, having more kids, getting divorced, getting remarried, blending the children together, having more kids, getting divorced, getting remarried, blending the children together, having more kids, getting divorced….. is better on children than never getting married in the first place.

I’ll take Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins and their yours, mine & our family that has been together for 2 decades without the piece of paper than someone who is always on the prowl for ex-spouse # whatever.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

Demi I am totally NOT following your posts….

Regina My question to Jake was what makes a preacher ANY different than ANY other MAN….He is SIMPLY a man himself….with faults included. What unrealistic image does a preacher portray that Jake feels makes it so difficult for other men???

I don’t know what question you’re responding to

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this

Randyt ABSOLUTELY AGREE with your post. And THANK YOU for your last sentence, The good news is that fortunately these bstards are in the minority and most church leaders are not wolves.*

Unfortunately, these minorities taint the whole ‘church representation’ for many outsiders who seem to think that they represent all preachers as a whole, when they don’t.

My SO is a preacher and a great man of integrity and reputation. And there are many wonderful men of God who do what is right and have great credibility AND accountability.

By Pepper Sauce

October 2, 2006 03:01 PM | Link to this

Thanks Musing

here’s hoping the GoodDBooth will open again real real real soon

By Jake

October 2, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this

@LongHaul You are very correct, I am sure that you have been preyed(not prayed) upon by some of the cloth. the fact that this is true shows that these persons of cloth have a divine understanding of the way that they are often viewed by many, an in turn attempted to use this as there way into some lustful relationship with you. Thanks for your ADDITION TO THE STATEMENT.

@DARK

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

A preacher is simply a man, however, he also is a man who is supposedly touch by the Lord to lead souls from damnation. Read that twice…kinda romantices the whole thing huh..

In this position the preacher speaks to you from an elevated position. Looking down upon the masses, reciting the good message. Nothing wrong with this at all except that, conversely, “your man” is there evryday, dealing with the you that is coming to church for encouragement. He is normal, average, does not get to be looked upon in that “mystic way” because you dealing with his everyday bull too. Hencforth, on the one day that you see preacher man, under the lights, with the theme music behind him. He appears larger than life. Then there “your man” at home scratchin his ballz and watchin the game as he should. but they are vastly different pictures.

“But, the preacher scratch his ballz too, you just don’t have to look at it”

Hope that helps

By Cori

October 2, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this

I’m 26 year old male. I plan on getting married one time and being with that woman the rest of my life, but the women that I’ve come into contact with will not let themselves take men serious. Why is that? I ask that people give the opposite sex a clean slate. New people have nothing to do with your previous bad choices. Thats the problem.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

new_name Guess what, I agree with your last post. As I stated earlier in this blog, divorce should not be an easy option. You should try all means possible to work things out, relying on God for strength and guidance. So I don’t agree with your last post at all.

As for the inspire don’t fire - that statement works both ways sir. Men file for divorce too…..

Demi YOU crazy mayne! New members class will begin on Wednesday at noon. Your membership number is #DEM001.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

new_name Guess what, I agree with your last post. As I stated earlier in this blog, divorce should not be an easy option. You should try all means possible to work things out, relying on God for strength and guidance. So I don’t DISagree with your last post at all.

As for the inspire don’t fire - that statement works both ways sir. Men file for divorce too…..

Demi YOU crazy mayne! New members class will begin on Wednesday at noon. Your membership number is #DEM001.

By Jake

October 2, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

@LongHaul You are very correct, I am sure that you have been preyed(not prayed) upon by some of the cloth. the fact that this is true shows that these persons of cloth have a divine understanding of the way that they are often viewed by many, an in turn attempted to use this as there way into some lustful relationship with you. Thanks for your ADDITION TO THE STATEMENT.

@DARK

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

A preacher is simply a man, however, he also is a man who is supposedly touch by the Lord to lead souls from damnation. Read that twice…kinda romantices the whole thing huh..

In this position the preacher speaks to you from an elevated position. Looking down upon the masses, reciting the good message. Nothing wrong with this at all except that, conversely, “your man” is there evryday, dealing with the you that is coming to church for encouragement. He is normal, average, does not get to be looked upon in that “mystic way” because you dealing with his everyday bull too. Hencforth, on the one day that you see preacher man, under the lights, with the theme music behind him. He appears larger than life. Then there “your man” at home scratchin his ballz and watchin the game as he should. but they are vastly different pictures.

“But, the preacher scratch his ballz too, you just don’t have to look at it”

Hope that helps

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this

Church uses to be about fellowship..now it is about how many ships(women or men) the fellows(pastor, deacons can climb aboard.)

By Jake

October 2, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this

@LongHaul You are very correct, I am sure that you have been preyed(not prayed) upon by some of the cloth. the fact that this is true shows that these persons of cloth have a divine understanding of the way that they are often viewed by many, an in turn attempted to use this as there way into some lustful relationship with you. Thanks for your ADDITION TO THE STATEMENT.

@DARK

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

A preacher is simply a man, however, he also is a man who is supposedly touch by the Lord to lead souls from damnation. Read that twice…kinda romantices the whole thing huh..

In this position the preacher speaks to you from an elevated position. Looking down upon the masses, reciting the good message. Nothing wrong with this at all except that, conversely, “your man” is there evryday, dealing with the you that is coming to church for encouragement. He is normal, average, does not get to be looked upon in that “mystic way” because you dealing with his everyday bull too. Hencforth, on the one day that you see preacher man, under the lights, with the theme music behind him. He appears larger than life. Then there “your man” at home scratchin his ballz and watchin the game as he should. but they are vastly different pictures.

“But, the preacher scratch his ballz too, you just don’t have to look at it”

Hope that helps

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 03:10 PM | Link to this

Church uses to be about fellowship..now it is about how many ships(women or men) the fellows(pastor, deacons can climb aboard.)

By JustMe a.k.a. LLL

October 2, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi

Now going back to my last post to catch up…….

By JustMe a.k.a. LLL

October 2, 2006 03:11 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi

Now going back to my last post to catch up…….

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this

Church uses to be about fellowship..now it is about how many ships(women or men) the fellows(pastor, deacons can climb aboard.)

By Demi

October 2, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this

is this a way to view you future husband sorry…

Foot how about this one…women needs to be more like Mr. Cash Flow Dollars’s wife…Do that sounds right?…A very disrepectful thing to tell another woman…

By abc

October 2, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

While inference that anyone would base their own relationships on characters in TV sitcoms is absurd, inference that people of lesser intelligence and economic status are more likely to divorce is baseless, classist and tasteless; both are indicative of people delivering statements too stupid to take seriously.

By Rahsta

October 2, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

Dreamer you sound like an Athiest

why not go to the bible that’s where the truth is, and why relate your comment to “colored people” don’t you know all people of all nationalities read the bible? Well maybe not you but you should, so since you don’t blog much don’t please don’t make stupid comments like you just did okay! THANKS!

By Senator

October 2, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

Didn’t read all the blogs, but there are a lot of myths being propagated here. First, statistics show woman and children are most likely to suffer financially from a divorce and GA’s new law takes into account both parents income. Secondly, Christians view marriage as a contract and not covenant. They can be so self-righteous until the shoe is on their foot and have to decide whether to submit to God or their “feelings”. What I am most saddened by is to see to selfish grown ups make decisions with little to no regard of the impact of the children. A lot of couples get divorced over know behaviors prior to the marriage, but they thought they could “change” the person and when they couldn’t they are ready to cut and run.

By Demi

October 2, 2006 03:16 PM | Link to this

is this a way to view you future husband sorry…

Foot how about this one…women needs to be more like Mr. Cash Flow Dollars’s wife…Do that sounds right?…A very disrepectful thing to tell another woman…

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this

Sorry if this posts twice - but having technical difficulties. so no sure if my first one went through. But what I had said was….

new_name Believe it or not, I completely agree with your last post. We are on the same page. I never said that divorce should be an easy alternative to bad times. I believe it should absolutely be a last resort, where all other avenues have been exhausted. I believe marriages should last forever and yep, you guessed it, that’s where I came up with my blog name because of the 1st blog conversation I came on board to, which was talking about relationships. I believe if GOD put you two together, with Him, there’s no problem that can’t be resolved. (note the operative statement…if HE put you together).

Demi You’s a fool. Welcome to my church. New members class will start on Wednesday at noon. Well, make that 2pm. Gotta eat lunch! Your membership# is DEM001.

By Jake

October 2, 2006 03:17 PM | Link to this

I hope I am not reposting, but had some problems first time.

@LongHaul You are very correct, I am sure that you have been preyed(not prayed) upon by some of the cloth. the fact that this is true shows that these persons of cloth have a divine understanding of the way that they are often viewed by many, an in turn attempted to use this as there way into some lustful relationship with you. Thanks for your ADDITION TO THE STATEMENT.

@DARK

Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

A preacher is simply a man, however, he also is a man who is supposedly touch by the Lord to lead souls from damnation. Read that twice…kinda romantices the whole thing huh..

In this position the preacher speaks to you from an elevated position. Looking down upon the masses, reciting the good message. Nothing wrong with this at all except that, conversely, “your man” is there evryday, dealing with the you that is coming to church for encouragement. He is normal, average, does not get to be looked upon in that “mystic way” because you dealing with his everyday bull too. Hencforth, on the one day that you see preacher man, under the lights, with the theme music behind him. He appears larger than life. Then there “your man” at home scratchin his ballz and watchin the game as he should. but they are vastly different pictures.

“But, the preacher scratch his ballz too, you just don’t have to look at it”

Hope that helps

By Thick

October 2, 2006 03:18 PM | Link to this

I don’t know 4th seems like new_name is trying to spell-it-out for women.don’t mind me, I’m just instigating Now some specifics on loving your wife as your own self, and and being help meat to your husband would be good. You guys are getting into some strong talk, but your general public does not have knowledge on biblical understanding about the subject of marriage. Thanks

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 03:19 PM | Link to this

Anyone can make a mistake but I think that the three-strikes-rule should apply to divorce too.

By Cori

October 2, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this

I’m 26 year old male. I plan on getting married one time and being with that woman the rest of my life, but the women that I’ve come into contact with will not let themselves take men serious. Why is that? I ask that people give the opposite sex a clean slate. New people have nothing to do with your previous bad choices. Thats the problem.

By JustMe a.k.a. LLL

October 2, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi

Dreamer 2K Ya going to hell for that don’t look to the Bible comment….. Pray and Repent! Above all else stay away from the windows when the weather is iffy - Shame on you!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. Had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. Feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us. In the Holy Bible, Jesus says “If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven.”

By Demi

October 2, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this

Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty do you like being told to act like another woman?

I’ve dated a few ladies in the church and hearded…Bishop Long would never do that!…or…bishop Long is a man of God why don’t you act more like him!!???

Women are good for comparing their MAN to their FATHER or the next best thing they can think of…

I will compare all women to my mom…Your food taste nasty, my MOMMA food taste way better than yours or my MOMMA wash the clothes and folded them, why can’t you do the same???!!!

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 03:26 PM | Link to this

“*Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

This is a very disrespectful question*”

Demi I have to disagree with you here. I think this is part of the reason why the church has fell off and lost some credibility in recent years. Preachers are still mortal men who are susceptible to sin and temptation just like the rest of us. IMO, some people put too much faith in the preacher instead of the church and the word of God. That is how all those preachers were able to molest all those people in the Catholic Church and how preachers are taking advantage of women and other members with their trust, bodies, and finances. The Bible says beware of false prophets and I can’t think of anywhere in The Bible where Jesus says follow anyone but him. The Bible always goes back to following the word of God but we get caught up idolizing man and putting our faith in them instead of the scripture. Ok, done with my Bible thumping for the day.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this

Looks like the AJC is on the brinks again!!! All these double/triple/quadrupal posts!

Thick You’re right. Some things me and new_name are discussing may be over some folks head. So sorry to those who are lost by what we’re talking about (biblical references).

And yes Jake, I meant prey. Just typing fast. Like I said, there is perversation in all areas of life. It’s not exclusive to the church world because people aren’t just in the church world. Wherever you have people, there will be problems, period.

Kym There are plenty (majority) of churches who still function like they are supposed to - for guidance, support, fellowship, etc. So I’d ask if you’d please not generalize all churches/preachers just because there are many out there that aren’t representing as they should.

By abc

October 2, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this

The self-righteousness is getting pretty deep in here.

By Suddenly Single

October 2, 2006 03:32 PM | Link to this

I’ve got a horror story about a marriage gone bad that’s as awful as almost any you’ve heard…but I still believe in marriage. Just find a good mate (here’s a hint — forget all that “booty” stuff and go for character.) If you’re afraid of the odds, then get a dog. Anything worth having is worth taking a risk for.

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

runnin Dude they should just ask the question and get the competition over with….

Judge1: Hello how are you?

Ms. Spain: Fine, judge doing very well….Glad that you picked me in the top 10 what can I answer fo….

Judge2: Yeah, all that talk is good, but hold that up…We have a question.

Ms. Spain: Yes, anything!

Judge3: One a scale of 1-10…10 being like “Hot Fire” (Said in a Jamaican voice)…..Ahhhh, how good is you “smack sack”???

Ms. Spain: My, Ahhhh, What???

Judge1: Beatch, your “smack sack”…How good is it?

Judge2: Man, this chick dumb’as hellz…Lets get Ms. Nigeria in here…I bet she answer the question.

Ms. Spain: WAIT, Ok…I was just trip’in the “smack sack” will have you drop kick’in your grandmama…It’s an 11 above the scale

Judge3: Congrats, you’ve won the pagaent!

Singing…

“There she is Ms. Punanni Patch of the World…It’s the best of the pick this Yearrrrrrrrrrrr…Just say hello toooo her Cattttt and pet her on the Rearrrrrrrrrrrr”

By Peaches

October 2, 2006 03:36 PM | Link to this

Musing do you scratch your ballz all the time?????

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:37 PM | Link to this

Thick In a nutshell, the Bible is simply saying to love one another as you would want to be loved. If the husband is putting the wife first, then there’s nothing he won’t do for her and vice versa. So with that kind of love/reverance/respect, all things can be worked out peacefully. You would have the respect of one another, giving eachother the chance to voice opinions, viewpoints, etc and no one would be lording over or dominating one another. The wife would have confidence in her husband, knowing that he will value her ideas and opinions, etc and will then in turn make wise decisions on both of their behalf. He’ll be her ‘spiritual covering’, providing security, comfort, etc which will make her reciprocate a submissiveness towards him to cater to him, stand by his side, etc.

Now, that doesn’t mean there won’t be disagreements, differences of opinions, etc, but when it all comes down, the love each other should have for one another should allow compromise to be reached much easier because no one is being selfish.

By JustMe

October 2, 2006 03:39 PM | Link to this

Scott and New-Name and lovelyliz If a woman divorces her husband for cheating, or being abusive why should she be deemed unworthy of being marriage material. You sound so stupid! Are you married? Should a woman stay married to her husband knowing that he has another family on the other side of town? Should a man stay married to his wife if he knows that she is cheating? Should a man divorce his wife if she becomes pregnant by another man? THere are many reasons I think divorce is a plausible option for those who choose it. If we adopt the 2 or 3 strikes divorce rule, do you think there would be an increase in the number of suicides?

By Raul

October 2, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

Marriage SUX! I was married for 1yr to my partner of 5yrs. Things change as soon as you sign that piece of paper. People change… Marriage has left a bad taste in my mouth….

By Demi

October 2, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

runnin on jake statement: You are working against this image that she has built of a man based on her preacher, so any problem that you have is so much bigger because she has a unrealistic concept of what a man is.

Darkbuty question Why do you say that??? A preacher is SIMPLY a MAN… what unrealistic concept of a man does a preacher portray????

It reads like one of Sean J’s question…I know the answer, but I want to see what you say type of thingy…that’s not cool

By Regina

October 2, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this

There is a higher divorce rate in the Black community where two out of every three marriages end in divorce.

This statistic alone is depressing…

By JustMe

October 2, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

Demi I will compare all women to my mom…Your food taste nasty, my MOMMA food taste way better than yours or my MOMMA wash the clothes and folded them, why can’t you do the same???!!! We ain’t gonna make it if you gon be tellin me bout yo mama all the time. You gotta luv JustMe 4 JustMe

Musing You are insane!

By Dreamer2K

October 2, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

Rahsta, why must I be an atheist. What does it matter. Fact is, I’m not. I view myself as a very spiritual brother.

I love all people. I love you, in spite of your belief that my post was stupid. But sometimes I want to be like Spike, and yell “WAKE UP,” to the people I love.

If I cheat on my wife; if I blow our savings on lottery tickets; if I slap her around here or there; she has the capacity within herself to determine whether she should be with me. She doesn’t need the bible to tell her.

She should inspire me to provide a better home. She should inspire me be a better person. She should inspire me to stay physically fit, etc.

But if she thinks she needs to inspire me not to cheat; not to waste our money; and not to beat her, she’s a fool. And I’m a fool for marrying her.

I’m still waiting for an amen.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

@4th then I would challenge those churches to get off their collective self righteous tushys and admonish the churches who are doing that instead of sitting there saying, “Many are called but few are choosen.”

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 03:48 PM | Link to this

Peaches No, I don’t…(Said while removing hand from pants)….And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t spy on me in my cube, thank you very much! WTH kind’of question is that?!?!?! Do I scratch my ballz alot, Humph!! How dare you! (Now looking around before scratching’azz)

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

running LOVING your last post guy! Whereas yes, we should hold our spiritual leaders to a high standard, we cannot base our spiritual walk on them for they are fallible. And we’re so quick to throw them under the bus when they do make a mistake (note, I said MISTAKE, not practicing sin on a regular and fleecing the flock!) but yet when we err, we want grace/mercy/forgiveness.

We are all warring with our sinful nature daily and I believe people with great spiritual calls on their lives (preachers, ministers, evangelists) have an even greater struggle because people are watching them and more is required of them and therefore, evil spirits are even more desirous of them & presenting temptations for them to mess up, so that those who look up to them will fall too OR give up on church altogether. But although we should esteem them highly, we can’t base our whole religion/spirituality on a person because they will always let you down, even when they don’t mean to. So keep your focus on where it should be, on God and keep our spiritual leaders in prayer that they do the right things as God’s agents.

By Raqi

October 2, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

Random Thoughts from the keyboard of RAQI:

Sometimes being the only woman in the house of 3 men drives me insane.

Sometimes being the only woman in the house of 3 men is the greatest thing ever.

Some mornings I get up and go wake up my boys and think what in the world was I thinking?

Some mornings I get up and go wake up my boys and think I couldn’t ask for a better life.

Some days I look at the grandbabe and think my son is a complete moron.

Some days I look at the grandbabe and think that’s a beautiful creation.

Some evenings during my drive home I think of making dinner for my family and asked who do they think I am the maid?

Some evenings during my drive home I think of making dinner for my family and hope they enjoy it.

Some nights I lie in bed and wish for tomorrow.

Some nights I lay in bed and wish today would never end.

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

Musing

Smack Sack??? Now that’s funny. LMAO

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 2, 2006 03:53 PM | Link to this

Demi I can’t speak for any female saying you should act more like my preacher. The comparisons are unnecessary and unwarranted for they are NOT the standard and thank God for that!!…But that’s NOT my point. Read runnin’s post he said it better than I could.

By JustMe

October 2, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this

Demi Last time I checked, PReachers had to put their pants on one leg at a time just like every other man. Just because he is in a position of power does not make him better than any other man. He may be more blessed, or more highly favored as the regular worshipper like to say, but he is still a male and prone to making mistakes. Men of power rely on weak minded women to submit because thier powerful position, not because they are better men. Women……. Wake up and smell the youjustgotplayed spray. If a man will cheat on his wife, and you would still have him, you must expect that he will cheat on you too!

By Thick

October 2, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this

Hey 4th, now that’s a break down of specifics, and might I say those are good “Words of Clarity”. People need to know that stuff. We think of the bible and it’s teachings as just rules the take away our freedom when actually there room for much love, expression, and comfort.

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this

That’s beautiful Raqi

So your son had the baby? What did he have. How old is the baby now?

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Musing and the hot like fire punanni competition!

JustMe Did someone srike a nerve?…lol. Calm down, people are just voicing their opinions.

LOL @ abc always bringing the blog back down to earth.

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this

JustMe Yeah I agree, nor do I want be compare to any preacher, yo daddy, or any great men you admire…oh and how is your day going?

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this

Raqi that was beautiful….

Now doing Lean-Wit-It, Rock-Wit-It with added finger snaps…All while handing you the Maya Angelou 20th celebration Afro Wig…Enjoy

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 03:58 PM | Link to this

I’m just lurking today but Musing you got me crying over here. Boy you are two kinds of crazy.

By Scott

October 2, 2006 03:58 PM | Link to this

no name, sometime divorce is warranted. All I am saying is that when selecting a prospective husband/wife, not to consider the divorced ones. That will increase your success probability. If everybody thought that way, people would give more thought to the instituiton before entering or exiting it on a whim.

In my opinion, when a relationship ends in divorce, there is nobody 100% or 0% at fault. Maybe there was domestic violence, maybe there were other heinous acts. Maybe the woman was a cold selfish biach who pushed the mans buttons until he couldnt take it anymore.

Maybe the woman had an affair, maybe her husband was impotent. etc etc

By Peaches

October 2, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

Musing you are a nut! you got me snorkling and laughing sooo loud!

How big are your ballz

I’m under your desk trying to see but you keep kicking me

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

Kym I hear what you are saying and the frustration behind it but churches have more important things to do than fight and make right the churches who are doing wrong — like leading souls to Christ, providing help to families, communities, the needy, etc. It is not one church’s job to take a belt out and whip the churches who ain’t doing their job. That’s a waste of time and energy and not serving the purpose for which God called them into becoming a spiritual organization.

Their called to present the Gospel to those who are ready to receive it. God will deal with the crooked churches/preachers/ministries, etc. Not the church’s job to police other churches.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

October 2, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

Soul music so intense so live; Its no excuses ya’ll been so deprived; This is so exclusive and I’m so obliged; Certified super hero with no disguise; Forced to ride for Bothas that got tossed aside; And the misfortunate that lost their lives; I’ve survived I weave from side to side Know when its lies; stayin hushed and used my eyes to guide; I’m straight up thru tough times hide my pride; Grew up umongst sky high homicides; Who I am besides Homey that exposed the phonies; The one and only without the matrimony; Still on track its cocked back and; Black like toby you bastards know me No wolfpack attack for Doly; I am THE TRUTH AZ www.allhiphop.com

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this

Musing you got me in tears, oh my goodness!

By Hot Sauce

October 2, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this

Musing you got me in tears, oh my goodness!

By Peaches

October 2, 2006 04:05 PM | Link to this

Musing, do you hold your ballz & suck your thumb in your sleep?

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

Peaches See, I didn’t kick you at all…You bumped your head on my ballz!!! A little higher and you would have put an eye out.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 2, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

I always wonder Who decided that the way YOU worship is the best and only way to worship. Everyone believes.

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 04:07 PM | Link to this

Darkbuty good point I just read runnin’s post and I am going to church Sunday…Hell no!!! I am lying

JustMe while I no longer attend any church, there are some great leaders…I would whether be compared to a movie star…Then you would expect me to do wrong

By Regina

October 2, 2006 04:09 PM | Link to this

I have noticed many couples who have moved to Metro Atlanta from other places, particularly small communities, divorce shortly after they get here. The nightlife and the abundance of singles seems to have an effect on marriages.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 2, 2006 04:12 PM | Link to this

Musing (in my best great-grandma voice) come on baybee! I’ll get you some food and a glass of lemonade! Oh, and the Good D-vorce Booth provides refreshments! Because hee-yah at D-vorce City, you can look, but don’t touch, and if you break it, you bought it! (channeling Claire Huxtable). stealing all of the pens and pads from Good D-Booth so they can’t disseminate any more competitive information

Here’s irony, I’m in the middle of writing a transcript for a CLE I’m teaching next week on collaborative divorce law…the “nice” version of divorcing.

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 04:13 PM | Link to this

JustMe I said that everyone is entitled to a mistake, but 3?????

I would never doom a woman or a man in an abusive marriage to remain in that marriage. If your spouse is abusing you - run to the nearest divorce lawyer you can find!!!

It’s the divorce and remarriage and divorce and remarriage that’s the problem.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 04:19 PM | Link to this

Thick I’m glad I explained that a little better. Yep, so often, many dogmatic/off balance/impractical preachers use the Bible as a tool to say you can’t, don’t, shouldn’t, etc. when that’s not the type of life God wanted it to represent, but rather, a manuscript of guidelines and boundaries that will help ENHANCE and beautify life instead. We make it harder and more complicated than necessary. There’s a scripture in the Bible when one of the disciples referenced the Ten Commandments and asked Jesus which rule was the greatest and His answer was simple….”Love they neighbor as thyself”. Which sums it all up. If you love others like you love yourself (now…some folk don’t love themselves, and that’s another topic..) you won’t lie, steal, cheat, kill, etc.

By JamesTown Rock not MusingLee

October 2, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this

(In a raspy thick Jamaican voice while wearing a 2 foot tall knit hat and army green backpack)

Singing

“IDon’tReallyCareWhatPeopleSayay…Idon’tReallyCareWhatPeopleDoOhhh…Jam’OnBumbaclot….Hot Fire…Hot Fire…Row de Boat…Row de Boat…Dis’Dat Hot Hot Fire”

Now doing trance like dance in cubical and swaying side to side as if I just lit one up for the homies

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 04:21 PM | Link to this

The nightlife and the abundance of singles seems to have an effect on marriages.

Come on Regina, there is some truth to what you are saying…but you can blame it all on the night life…It is what it is…Their marriages were doomed from the start…

NC being a divorce lawyer…Two thumbs up…Business is good…said with arms straight up, touch down style

I always wonder Who decided that the way YOU worship is the best and only way to worship.

Good point…said while driving to Strokers for Afternoon Worship Team

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

Regina Sorry but I have to give your last post the gas face….LOL. I don’t believe a change in scenery is gonna spur someone get divorced or stay together. If it’s in you then it’s just in you. If you are truly in love with someone and vice versa then you simply won’t give into temptation because what you have means too much to you. But if it’s in your nature to cheat or get caught up in the nightlife and single scene then it’s gonna happen eventually, no matter where you live.

By Senator

October 2, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

Didn’t read all the blogs, but there are a lot of myths being propagated here. First, statistics show woman and children are most likely to suffer financially from a divorce and GA’s new law takes into account both parents income. Secondly, Christians view marriage as a contract and not covenant. They can be so self-righteous until the shoe is on their foot and have to decide whether to submit to God or their “feelings”. What I am most saddened by is to see to selfish grown ups make decisions with little to no regard of the impact of the children. A lot of couples get divorced over know behaviors prior to the marriage, but they thought they could “change” the person and when they couldn’t they are ready to cut and run.

By JustMe

October 2, 2006 04:24 PM | Link to this

Demi I expect my husband to do right, that would be part of the reason I accepted his proposal of marriage.

Regina The down side to that could be that once they re-enter the world of dating, they realize that the grass only looked greener from the other side. By then their old shoe has moved on to higher ground and they are left wondering what happened to all the hot prospects that were looming while they were married.

I think both men and women date married people for the “safeness” of the “ship” knowing that this person can only make a limited emotional investment and thereby allowing them to only invest a minute amount of their emotions as well - JustMe thinking

By Peaches

October 2, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

Musing I thought that was your ballz’s cause something scratchy rubbed up against my cheek i guess that was your rough taco meat hairs

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this

JamesTownRock Not Musing

I’m crying over here….

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this

*According to federal figures:

• Nationally, there were about 4.2 divorces for every thousand people in 1998. -The rate was 8.5 per thousand in Nevada, 6.4 in Tennessee, 6.1 in Arkansas, 6.0 in Alabama and Oklahoma. -Of southeastern states, only South Carolina’s rate of 3.8 was below the national average. -By contrast, the divorce rate is less than 3.0 in Connecticut, Massachusetts and New York.

Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significently higher than for other faith groups.

Kentucky, Mississippi and Arkansas, for example, voted overwhelmingly for constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage. But they had three of the highest divorce rates in 2003, based on figures from the Census Bureau and the National Center for Health Statistics.

And the state with the lowest divorce rate was Massachusetts, home to John Kerry, the Kennedys and same-sex marriage.

In 2003, the rate in Massachusetts was 5.7 divorces per 1,000 married people, compared with 10.8 in Kentucky, 11.1 in Mississippi and 12.7 in Arkansas.*

Now I have my own theories.

By Page1908

October 2, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

LOL @ all these random statistics being tossed around for who knows what. I sure would like to see where all of these statistics are coming from.

LOL @ all the preaching going on from people who know they sin and have done wrong to others.

LOL @ Musing’s pageant.

By abc

October 2, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

Yall could walk a mile in a divorcee’s shoes, frankly, before being so dayum judgemental. You never know when your spouse is going to release the sidecar and take a sharp left turn, leaving you coasting straightaway. People you think you know can change, and suddenly you don’t know them any longer. Watch close, it could certainly happen to you.

Multiple divorces as disqualification… what a load of BS! As if multiple divorcees don’t feel like giving up on psycho beeyotches! I declare.

By runninatl

October 2, 2006 04:33 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Demi going to church.

Musing Please find a real job because you obviously have way too much time on your hands. LMMFAO at Musing aka Sean Paul, I spilled my sweet tea!!….hahahahahaha.

By 4theLongHaul

October 2, 2006 04:33 PM | Link to this

Scott Dude, what are you smoking? Many people are divorced, having trying all that they could to save a marriage that the other party didn’t want saved for whatever selfish reason they had. So the good man/woman who fought to maintain his vows is now deemed as ‘unmarriage’ material? I PERSONALLY find that quite insulting and very immature thinking, as being a divorcee myself. So my ex-husband molests two under aged girls, lies to me about it, I stand by him, believing his story for several years while he’s in prison until the truth finally comes out, he gets TWENTY FIVE YEARS - I end my marriage - and now I should’ve be looked upon as a woman who is worthy to be married again?

Baby, I’m in a better position to love and be loved for the great woman that I am today because of my 1st marriage! I have a man that knows he’s adored by me because he loves/honors and respects me AND IS HONEST AND NOT DECEPTIVE so he’s the recipient of a grateful woman who gives him her all. What the devil does a divorcee title take away from a good woman!

By JustMe

October 2, 2006 04:34 PM | Link to this

lovelyliz I only want to do it 1 time personally, however, you never know what the reasons were behind the divorce(s). My Granny always told me….. You never know what a monkey eats till he $h!ts

Musing How I wish you were my cubeneighbor - Dayum, I’d have a great day errrrday!

Nite all and Don’t cheat on your SO! Who am I talking to you might ask?
Whoever needed to hear that. Go home and be faithful!

By JamesTown Rock not MusingLee

October 2, 2006 04:37 PM | Link to this

Returning to stage for encore

“This goes out to my girl LahLah…..@#^$&%()@!^%#$#$&$&)&^%$#^@@#&%$&%)(@$(@)$%…..Hot Fire…Hot Fire….Blaze de Hot Fire!!!! and I’m Out…Throw yo’dayum hands up!”

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 04:40 PM | Link to this

JustMe he better…just keep grits on the stove

For my fellas: Why even get married at all, if you are not going to be faithful?

Ask Blue

My Boy who is married, wants to invite a few ladies over to my house for filming…What should I tell him?

By MusingLee

October 2, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this

Entering blog wear long white coat

I’m gonna throw out some stats for that’azz…

Over half of all intersections in the United States were constructed by either 25% or 58% of happily single people who were really married for 78% of the time it took to construct the Sears tower 8% correctly….Not only that but it seems that 47% seems to be correct only when multiplied by 18 and subtracted by 94% of NBA ballers making 12% interest on their shoe contracts…but that’s only 64% of the time….Feel me!

By abc

October 2, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

@JustMe, haha, I like that one… look there, that monkey been eatin poop…

By James

October 2, 2006 04:46 PM | Link to this

I think marriage has lost its purpose and focus. It used to be a union between a man and a woman that cared for each other and wanted to make it legal/official. Now it is all about making it “her day”. The fact is that most women hit a certain age where all their friends/relatives are getting married and having babies so they get jealous and run to the gym, dress better, and turn on the charm. The next thing you know they have a guy on the hook so they can plan their “dream wedding” and spend 50K on flowers, bad food, and a dress she will only wear once. Then when all the wedding planning and event issues are out of the way these women realize they have spending limits and reality ahead of them. It is a harsh reality. I think this is what causes the problem. Men don’t change. The women do. They stop working out, pack on the pounds, wear sweats everywhere and then wonder what has changed and why he isn’t as “romantic” anymore.

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 04:47 PM | Link to this

Again, everyone is entitle to make a mistake, but 2, 3, 4 or more?

After after how many marriages does one realize that the institution is not for them?

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 04:49 PM | Link to this

Isn’t it worse, or pehaps more to the point more hypocritical, to get married for the third or fourth time after yet another divorce than it is to simply live together?

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this

MusingLee you and your useless blog stats…LOL

By Regina

October 2, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this

NCgirlfromATL, You can teach the CLE class but there a very few nice divorces. The whole industry and divorce machine is based on profit and pitting the spouses against each other. It is big business with the guardian ad litems, psychiatrists, attorneys, etc. And in the end, no one really cares about how the family court system has destroyed individuals and children.

By abc

October 2, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this

Liz, I just have to guess you’re a bit young.

Hypocritical? Go buy a dictionary. Noone enters a marriage intending to divorce.

By Lah Lah

October 2, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Musing stat’s

You are a nut!!!

Night Night yall.

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

National Center for Health Statistics at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Serives - Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm

By Cori

October 2, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

Regina!!! you are hitting the nail on the head. This city is poisoned. Black communities do suffer the most divorces and I think it is because MOST black males quality of life is not attractive to most women. Some women have a knight in shining armor expectation, and if they’ve been to school and make $100,000 anually a guy who makes the same or in some cases less may not be up to her standard.

By Thick

October 2, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

You guys are so funny in here today,

LOL @ all of you all who have given your opinion today, we will be back to the regularly scheduled program tomorrow.

Musing dem jokes is funny, hahaha.

Take some Words of Clarity where ever you find yourself in Life make the absolute best of it. If you divorce, make the best of it, if you single, heck, make the best of it! You can’t chang the past but you can enjoy the future.

Good Nite People

By Member DEM001

October 2, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

The women do. They stop working out, pack on the pounds, wear sweats everywhere and then wonder what has changed and why he isn’t as “romantic” anymore.

Sound too much like my neigbor’s dime piece wife…she blow-up lika bowling ball…Lady if your marriage is that bad leave him and night all

By lovelyliz

October 2, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this

abc that’s true, but wouldn’t you figure out by your third divorce that something wasn’t going right?

….and by hypocritical, perhaps I should have added the biggest defenders of traditional marriage, many of those who are most likely to denegrate people who live together, those who are most opposed to civil unions, are also those most likely to get divorced and to do it more often…..

By Regina

October 2, 2006 05:09 PM | Link to this

James, I have heard many of my male friends say exactly what is in your 4:46 post. Some women want to be that center of attention for just one day…it is their “Miss America” moment. However, a marriage is not a wedding…

By JustMe

October 3, 2006 08:19 AM | Link to this

Wow the blog stayed open all night like Waffle House**

<<< (#) (#) >>>

What’s really going on? Was this topic so good we are going to have Day 2 of Three D-strikes and you are out?

hmmmmmm……..