Misadventures in Atlanta

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 08:34 AM | Link to this

I don’t believe in dating married men, seperated or not you are still married. I had to cut off a lot of my guy friends after they became married out of respect for myself & their wives. If you follow the command ” do unto others as u want others to do unto u” you will not have the problem of deciding what u should or shouldn’t do. i once was a magnet to married guys and i must say the temptation was heavy but i reminded myself that God would give me my own man if i would be patient and wait on him. Words to the wise ” men can stiff out vunlerable women” so be careful

By Name changed

October 10, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this

The ones I seem to find are the ones who will spend lots of time with me, let me in their homes, call me too and from whereever they are going. The drawback? I am never going to the social events they are attending with “friends.” If it is mutual friends, then we both might be there, but we cannot talk or someone might know we are dating…..So my question, which is worse the Married Bachelors or the Bachelors afraid to let people know they enjoy someone? (Obviously they both have issues)

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Unpopular topic—hmmm but I guess I have had my share of “dating and or fooling around” with married or committed men so here are my responses:

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal?

Dont know why others did/do it, but I did it for two reasons:the thrill of the chase and because to be honest it was rather easy, and I was not in committment frame of mind so it was easy to deal with someone who attached and I could just borrow for a little while and send home.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

HMMMMM tough one cause I have married friends and we dont hang out just talk for advice and general convo, limit contact and compromising situations yes, avoid completely nope.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people?

Personally now I dont really deal with the married looking folks..in the words of B.B.King ..”the thrill is gone.” An to be honest I have a theory that the people married and looking are just too comfortable and cowardly to leave their mates and it is about search for new diggity that keeps them sane.

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?

Nope, because legally separated or just moved out means that you are still in that I could leave at anytime, I think anyone fresh out of relationships married or otherwise need a cooling off period to get back in touch with themselves and focus on getting themselves together.

By Foots

October 10, 2006 08:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. This should be interesting today!!

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

Building or maintaining? I don’t have an issue being friends with a man who is married if there are no ulterior motives, it’s just that I don’t see how we can BUILD a close friendship when his wife should be his confidante. Maintaining an existing friendship is different and takes patience and understanding that the wife is the main priority; basically, I know my place. Presently, I have a couple of married male friends and one in a serious relationship moving towards marriage. I talk to them often, but our friendships were previously established years before the wives came into the picture. And the wives know, respect and trust me, although we are not friends ourselves, and I respect them also. There are a few male married platonic friends that I have lost touch with after the wedding, but that is certainly to be expected.

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?

No. Married is married, separated is married, not living together is married. I had an experience with this a year ago. I found out that a man that I had been dating for two months was married, although he had been separated for a year and living in a different state than his wife. He did not tell me, I found out from him sister, who told me of their status and living situation. When I confronted him, he told me that he was in the process of getting his divorce started (?) and didn’t want to tell me because he knew that I wouldn’t still want to date him if I knew. I proved him right.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 09:01 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks. I has been a while since I have been on here. But since there isnt must to do at the new gig today. I figured I would drop in and say hello. So, Hello!

On topic-I used to be a magnet for married men. Had one tell me on our 3 date that he was married but it wasnt a problem. Becasue he has the situation under control. Dude told me as long as his home was taken care of anything I wanted was mine. Had to tell him, I didnt get down like that. Besides the relationship karma is something I try to avoid as much as possible.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks. I has been a while since I have been on here. But since there isnt must to do at the new gig today. I figured I would drop in and say hello. So, Hello!

On topic-I used to be a magnet for married men. Had one tell me on our 3 date that he was married but it wasnt a problem. Becasue he has the situation under control. Dude told me as long as his home was taken care of anything I wanted was mine. Had to tell him, I didnt get down like that. Besides the relationship karma is something I try to avoid as much as possible.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

I only married woman I will sleep with is at a “Swingers Party”. I know her husband and he knows me…Now he knows how well I can put it down on his wife…

Now outside of that…Hell no!! I love my sexy married sistas, but I am not going to disrepect him behind his back…But if buddy wanna have a party…HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEEEE

MORNING ALL

By Sidelines

October 10, 2006 09:15 AM | Link to this

GMorning Everyone, WD this is a very interesting topic and a good one…

Disclaimer, I am in no way judging anyone, it is not my place…this is just my opinion

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal?…IMO and witnessing relationships of people I’ve known over the years, some people seek out relationships of this type because in they’re mind there are no committment, they would rather have a relationship with someone whose married because there are “no strings attached”. It’s unfortunate because the excuses no matter what, never made any sense. I used to get into arguements with my best friend many years ago, because this was all she wanted and seeked out were relationships with married men. In her mind, obviously the “little woman” at home obviously wasn’t handling things at home and who was she (best friend) to turn down the company of a man who wanted to spend his time and money on her. But, in the end, I was always the one sitting there picking up the pieces when the husband decided he no longer wanted to maintain his mistress and wanted to “work things out” at home. She has since grown over the years and have changed her way of thinking. It was definitely her life’s lesson she needed to learn on her own.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?…IMO, I don’t think that people need to necessarily avoid friendships with married people, but simply know your limits and should always be cognizant of the fact that someone is married.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people?…DEFINITELY

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?…been there done that and as RandyT put it, got a closet full of tshirts to prove it (well, maybe not a closet full) but, I’ve been in this situation on two occasions, the first I was young and didn’t know any better, the second occasion, was playing counselor and ended up with the person announcing they’re undying love for me, made the attempt to walk away and subsequently did not. And, both ended in my getting the short end of the stick, will never ever do it again! Lesson learned…, people coming out of relationships need ALOT of time to heal.

Me personally, as I’ve mentioned above, it’s simply not in my makeup to involve myself with people who are married. I’ve even lost friendships because of it, because as they put it, I don’t have an “open mind”…but so be it, I have my own personal walk (spiritual) and morals that I like to live by and getting into a relationship intentionally with someone’s husband is not the answer. Beside, I was the “little woman” at some point in my life and I was definitely handling mine at home, but it failed nonetheless. I’d like to expound more on this, but have to go to work…will be back later.

Sorry for the long post! I know BK will have something to say about it…lol!

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Sitting back indian stlye and handing out more rope….hoping the blog Women have just enough to hang themselves with…..BK,runnin, demi,Candid,Jake,2 Boys we gonna have a good old fashioned “calling out party” today….LOLOLOLOL

By ImAPeach404

October 10, 2006 09:20 AM | Link to this

Don’t we all have our “I only attract X type person”?

mine would be dudes w/ out a car.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

I feel as though as long as the wife knows about me, has met me and is comfortable with the situation, there should be no problem with it. It is inevitable that single & married will interact on a daily basis (i.e - work) and not form friendships. I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband having single female friends b/c I would know them and I would trust my husband. If something happens between the two of them… that will be his guilty conscious, not mine

MORNIN’

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? I think married people seek out single people because a lot of times the attention and attraction is not as intense at home as it once was. Not only can the sx be routine but the relationship itself. I think when you are married the chase and the thrill of being courted fades…in some cases. Men and women both need a certain about of attention and if they arent getting it at home its only a matter or time before they look eslewhere..especially when people are running up in their face daily. When you look at it ..its SOOO many reasons y married people cheat.

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

Morning, I don’t date married men; never have - never will - i don’t care what he may be going through i will not give him my shoulder to cry on single people seek out married people cause that’s what they want to do; it’s just as plain as 2+2=4 they just do it, like Nike! Have a great day all Musing did you miss us yesterday? they had us in a “blocked seminar” on yesterday we could’nt do anything, they served us lunch, we could’nt log on, and we were miserable, but the seminar was great. I did go back and read a little from yesterday..abc, your “orange juice joke was funny

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone

This is indeed a good topic and although I have NEVER cheated with a married man or anyone for that matter, I have been accused of disrespecting their wives. I am often the friend that the married man tell his secrets to because we were really cool before they got married (always platonic) and we valued the friendship afterwards. One friend lies to his wife so we can meet for dinner occassionally. I will go to his job for lunch. I personally don’t see anything wrong because we’d NEVER cross the line…I’m not even physically attracted to the guy. I’m friends with the wife and will call the home and talk with her and hang out with her. Sometimes he just wants a female friend to talk and vent and we’ve been friends for years.

Another married friend of mine avoids even the appearance of evil. If we go to lunch he invites his wife and kids. I’m perfectly cool with that. I’ll follow whatever lead.

Another friend of mine who lives with his girl and kids. We still go to lunch and his girl has learned to accept me and the fact that I’m not going anywhere. We’ve had the drama of her showing up at my house. It was funny because one time she showed up and knocked on the door. I told my friend to open it because it was late. Low and behold…it was his girl! She left and came back after he had gone and questioned me. I thought she was cool with our relationship…we had double dated and everything. She knew that I wasn’t attracted to him, but she admitted to being jealous of our relationship. We worked together, went to the gym together, played racquetball, ate lunch, drove to work together sometimes. I guess that was a little too close for comfort. We’re cordial now to one another.

By G

October 10, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this

I’m a magnet for married women. If there’s a room full of married women, somehow I gravitate to them all. Usually in a public setting, married/committed women are the most sociable. Single women are the least sociable. Committed women will sit at the bar and flirt all night. I hate it. Good for her….bad for me at the end of the night. Most that I meet just want to flirt for the sport of it. The “sport of it” is a waste of time for me.

I have plenty of married buddies. We go out. They get more attention than the single guys in the crew. Some women just love married men. I find they are honest about their status, and more women seem to be more responsive. I’ll leave it at that to avoid any violations from the MLB.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

Morning folk. Tuesdays aren’t that much better than Mondays.

Hmmmmm……this could get real interesting.

I’ve never messed around with a married woman. I’ve done some serious flirting and put myself in a few compromising situations but never crossed that line. When I was married, I only took my ring off at the gym to play ball. Even back then, you didn’t have to take your ring off to get some play, there is usually some female out and about willing to let you in even with you ring on.

I don’t understand at all why some single people seek out married people. Maybe it’s because I have so little tolerance for drama. And the drama potential for that situation is off the radar.

I don’t think single people should avoid friendships with married people but I think that it should be a friendship with both parties. Why would I build a friendship with a married woman and not know her husband? What would be the underlining intentions of that friendship?

Whether believe in karma, the golden rule, you reap what you sow, or whatever it is you believe in, everything comes full circle in life.

Dating someone legally separated or just moved out, can’t do it. Holla at me in 18 months or so when you have your head together. That’s just too new and people need time to deal, vent, be angry, and heal. Again, too much drama from jump.

Time to sit back, lurk, and pull cards just as Musing stated…LOL.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

This topic is making me feel bad now…when I think about the emails that me and the first married friend exchange I know that his wife would cringe!!! We joke around ALOT…inappropriately! But I promise nothing would ever happen!!

SeanDiddyJustin You’ll look for whatever excuse to have multiple partners….!!

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

I’ve been in the military and since I got out I worked for several companies where I traveled a lot for business and one thing that was blatant among too many of the marrieds, mostly men and a some women, were the on-the-road bachelors/bachelorettes. Grant usually didn’t go too far, but it was enough to make me wonder: what was the point of getting married in the first place?

By abc

October 10, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

It’s rare to meet a woman who can think of a man as anything but her romantic conquest or someone else’s. I have a couple of female friends that are actually really good friends, one married, one single. They both figure I’d hit it if they made it available, but they’re both wrong. I knew them when I was married; we developed platonic friendships; it’s just going to stay that way, that’s all.

Do married women hit on me, yes, but I’m not going down that road. I don’t want her drama, and I SURE don’t want her old man’s drama WHEN he finds out. Do single women hit on married men, yes — I think they like no-strings sex, and married guys are great for that. Married guys are better at keeping it a secret, too.

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

I have attracted several married men in my day. However, I would never seek out a married man. I wouldn’t want it done to me so I wouldn’t do it, I don’t care how fine, paid, or charming he is. Even building friendships with indivisuals who are married can be dangerous, sometimes you just can’t help who’s attracted to you or who you become attracted to. Moved out? Seperated? No thanks, he maybe over the relationship, doesn’t mean she is and I’m too dogon cute to be fighting somebody’s wife….

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

LOL @ LahLah…I’m too dogon cute to be fighting somebody’s wife……hahahahaha…Go head girl!

Back to taking notes and comparing them with the MLB records and videolog

By SlimOne

October 10, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

I have had married guys flirt with me and I’ve also had married guys want to take the flirting to another level. I’m not a homewrecker and don’t get turned on by the thrill of messing with someone else’s man, knowingly.

When I was in college, young and a lil’ clueless, I fell into the trap of dealing with a guy I worked with that claimed he was recently divorced and even had his own place. He’d even bring his son over on occasion. But when I got that infamous call from his wife, I was totally turned off. From that day forward I had no urge to want to deal with him. He even called me after that. He said, “Hey, what’s up with you?’. My response was, Why don’t you call your wife and ask her what’s up? Needless to say that was the end of that.

Even in dealing with single guys, if I find out they have a SO, I no longer want to deal with them either. I tell my friends all the time…I want to be the ONLY one, not #1. Because if i’m #1, then that means there’s a #2, a #3 etc can i get two snaps and a twish?, Hello

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

@Musing and Runnin and any other holy rollers lurking around

Please dont start throwing stones until some of you sweep around your own front doors, because while you may not have fooled around with a married woman you dang sure have messed with someone else woman, girlfriend etc.. So now if we are going to call it out lets call it all out.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

The very things I find attractive in a happily/successfully married man are the same ones I would find unattractive in one would hit on me.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

i want to share this with all the female bloggers: a while back there were two supervisors ( male & female) that work with me that were very attractive to one another; however the male was married. Anyway they became very good friends. the female even became real good friends with his wife to the point the male supervisor and his wife would bring her to work. well the two supervior started to date and become sexual active. Which spell trifling and i see it alot her in the corporate office i work in. Females will become your best friend while sleeping with your husband at the same time.

By Eleanor

October 10, 2006 09:56 AM | Link to this

I AM currently dating a married man.

I don’t want him to leave his wife or for her to leave him. Truthfully, I just want company. I don’t currently have a single boyfriend, but once I do, I am DONE with this married man. He is a Mr. Right NOW instead of my Mr. Right.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

‘Morning All!!

I’ve been approached by many married guys, some are very upfront about it, some try to hide it. I’ve never been interested in dating a married man, guess I don’t like 2nd hand property (I know we’re all second, third, fourth hand property, but I mean all at the same time). I’ve never liked the idea of being anything but 1st in command. LOL!!!! IMHO, if you’ve made that commitment before God, either you stick to it, or you get out of it (legally).

By alvin

October 10, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

If a said friend has to lie to his wife just to hang with you…Most likely he is cheating or his wife is a jealous type. Both which is unhealthly.

Now this: Another married friend of mine avoids even the appearance of evil. If we go to lunch he invites his wife and kids. I’m perfectly cool with that. I’ll follow whatever lead.

…is the sign of a real man!!!!

I guess that was a little too close for comfort

Sexy Lady, you are just waiting for a chance to slip up, huh?

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Kym, why are you always baiting folks, LOL. How do you know about Musing and Runnin’s private business? You guys are going to have to stop those offblog discussions, people will be put on blast all randomly! GEEZ, LOL.

Ok, If single people don’t want commitments, shouldn’t it be easy to find other single people that are in the same place? Especially dudes!?

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this

Now making note of one hit dog hollering….Check….LOL

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

Eleanor, do you have any platonic male friends? They are great for male companionship, and you may not feel as lonely. I hope you don’t get caught up in that married dude.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

@ dimples there is a definition for your type and it is call homewrecker. If u know that going out with your married males and males that have SO makes their wife and or girlfriend feel someway and u continued to do it says alot about your character. Get your own man and quit entertaining others people man.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

The two married men that I know who cheat told one lady the classic excuse…I’m unhappy at home and I’m leaving my wife….that was 2yrs ago and they’re still in the same house.

The other married man just says that I’m in love with this girl as well as my wife. And Misunderstood you’re right…the wife knows the girl and everything…

By Sweet Tea

October 10, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

Hello all; Musing hey sweetie pie!

Married Men nah! don’t want one, don’t need one cause it’s wrong they know it, you know it and Karma is a biotch

Have a wonderful day all

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

G you are incorrect. It should’ve read:

Usually in a public setting, married/committed women are VERY *sociable.

You are walking a very thin line, violating Sec. 405 ch.3 title “How to Use the Ring of Power!!”, ain’t cool.

By D

October 10, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

You are no better than the other women who sleep with married men. If you are having private phone conversations with a married man and his wife doesn’t know about it, then what makes you any different. When you are having these conversations with these married men, can you call their house or are these conversations held on his cell phone or at the office? Don’t complain about the type of men you meet when you are not making the situation of married men cheating any better. If you know that these men are attracted to you then why even put yourself in that situation. How about “trying to convey that you are not a homewrecker” by not giving or recieving a married mans phone number. If not you are exactly the type of woman you are talking about. My husband has female friends, they call our house and I know them, they also call his cell phone, no problem there either, That’s a friend.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Now we’re cooking with gas!!!

Dating/Sexing a married person is WAAYYY too much drama. The hiding, sneaking, lying and deleting messages…and yes, WHEN the husband/wife finds out, YOU BEST WATCH YOUR BACK!!

The things that make a happily/successfully married man attractive quickly fades when he is “on the prowl”!!

And the two faced azz people that will sleep with your mate and smile in your face, and eat at your house, and come to your parties, and pretend to be your friend just make me want to hurl. I know this is very common for women, I’m pretty sure there are brothas out there doing it too!!!

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

It’s on now.

Kym No one said anything directly to you but I see you looking for a fight so I’m game…LOL. No one is quoting scripture today…..not yet anyway, dang. Just putting our opinions out there.

I have cheated in the past so no I’m not perfect and never claimed to be. I have my own set of double standards too, hey they are mine and I have every right to have them. For me, a person is really still single until they tie the knot and sign that marriage certificate. To me, leaving a boyfriend is a h3ll of a lot easier and less complicated than leaving a husband. So don’t get mad at me because you chose to put your business out there and people may have an opinion about it, even though no one has commented to you or about you. So I’ll play the role of holy roller, throwing boulders today just for you boo!…;-)

And I won both of my fantasy league games this weekend!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

Musing you cant check me as hit if I already gave my story not once but twice on this topic.

WiseD

I am not putting anyone on blast, I dont anything about either one except what they type here, I just think that before anyone starts tossing stones at other people, they may want to check their ownselves. To here half the folks on here tell it they rolled out of the womb pure as snow and equal to Jesus. No faults, flaws or imperfections.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

Hey Y’all! I have a good male friend who is married. We were good friends in law school, and dated for about 2 months. We talk on a regular basis, but I actually haven’t seen him since I graduated from law school (6 yrs ago). He lives about 2 hrs from me. His wife knows me, but I wouldn’t say we are friends. We are friendly, and I am pretty sure she knows I don’t want her old crusty man! lol! He knows my secrets, but he is good about not telling me his. I think we both make a conscious effort to maintain the boundaries. And at the end of each phone call, I make him tell his wife (while I’m on the phone) that I said HEY! She’s a great wife to him, and frankly, I’m impressed that she has managed to put w/ him all these years! He is truly like a brother to me, and he treates me like a sister.

Now, I have made the mistake of being in a relationship w/ a man who had just separated from his wife. When we first met, I wasn’t interested in him AT ALL. In fact, it was his friend I was trying to get him to hook me up with. One day he told me he was divorcing his wife (completely out of the blue as far as I was concerned, cuz I wasn’t all up in his koolaid like dat), and from that day on, he put the full court press on me. His flirting became very obvious, and his intentions were clear. It was a complete surprise to me, b/c I wasn’t checking for him like that, and certainly didn’t think he was checking for me. After about a month of the constant attention, I broke down and joined in the game. Big Mistake! What I forgot was that he’d been married for a while, and now that he and the wife had separated, he was running around like a freed slave tappin’ everything in sight. Unfortunately, I got my heart crushed in the process. Despite his constant attention and affection, I made the mistake of believing he really wanted to be with me.

No more newly separated men for me. You’ve gotta get that “I’s free!” out of your system first. Then, we can talk.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

lovelyliz I know, I know, let’s ASKBLUE!!!

Dear Ask Blu

what was/is the point of getting married in the first place, if you’re gonna cheat?

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

Good Morning, My name is Raqi and I not only dated a married man for 1-1/2 years but lived with him for 6 months.

Why do married men seek out single women? Because they want their cake and they want you to feed it to them. In other words they are greedy selfish manipulating azzholes who will lie and cheat to get what they want.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this

@ slimone I with you on that

@elenor when you get your SO or husband someone will do you the same exact way.

Now i see why man cheat so much because we got a lot of women who don’t know their worth so they sleep with every tom, dick & harry just for a moment of pleasure. whatever happen to self-control

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this

@Runnin I am not looking for a fight hell most days I agree with you. What I dont think is cute is to decide that the women of the blog are the ones to pick on when men of the blog morals are just as stinky. An trust me the scriptures are coming they have just researching the right bible verses to quote. No if we are going to call folks out lets call them all out. It is like men folks are afraid to toss boulders at anyone with a penis for fear of what losing at seat at the square table.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Don’t you hate it when you are on the road for business and your on-the-road bachelor/bachelorette coworkers ask you to cover for them?

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Kym, I think you are a tad sensitive - which is understandable, but just because people have an opinion doesn’t mean they feel as if they are beyond reproach.

and D, who was your commented directed to?

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

MsUnderValued @ dimples there is a definition for your type and it is call homewrecker

That’s cool. Your opinion of me is of no value!!

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

wow, i can see this topic is gonna be a little heated…folks ain’t exactly feeling comfortable w/their ish…lol

anyway, i do have one platonic male friend who is married. the friendship has been successful b/c we were never involved romantically and have always been JUST friends. i know his wife and she is cool w/us being friends b/c she knows that i am respectful of her and her marriage. i make sure that when i invite my friend to an event, i invite the BOTH of them. very rarely, do the two of us go anywhere or do anything completely alone. it just causes too much speculation. i feel that’s only appropriate and causes less drama.

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hey everyone. I alway have married men trying to test the waters but never indulged. Well, let me take that back. A VERY dear friend of mine, someone I probably would’ve married if we lived in the same state, I did slip up with. We had been knowing eachother since we were teens. He was a big fat kid but was sweet and MAD musically talented! Anyway, we then didn’t see eachother for about six or seven years. So we ran into eachother at a function in the ATL and WOOOOOOOOOO!! Can the saints say FINE, FINE, FINE!!! My God! So after the event, I went back to his hotel (OK, get your minds out of the gutter. He was here with his family - mom, dad, sisters) So I went back to their hotel to hang out with the family, and he and I spent time in the lobby just catching up. So we were reminiscing about our teens days and he confessed that he always had a secret crush on me! OH MY! (oh, might I add, he wasn’t married yet) So we spend the next several days together while he was in the A and the love was just THERE!!! He’d come back to town the same time every year after that and there was just always a connection. We always talked on the phone, emailed, etc. OK, so then he wound up getting married. I met his wife and all because we were all like family, and then our contact subsided (this was like in the late 90s). He called me in like 2001 and said he was coming to town and really wanted to see me and of course I wanted to see him. Well………..pinned up curiosities took over and wow! But we never did anything after that time because although we loved one another, we were not going to make this a habit because we also respected each other (I know yall looking at me sideways) but for real and I know that he really loved his wife and this was just a pinned up chemistry happening.

It’s interesting because we still have this connection as friends. When I’m really going thru something, he miraculously calls me and says, “I’m feeling something is wrong” and vice versa!!!! Crazy! He’s met my SO and they hit it off sooo well because they are both in the gospel music industry. So that was my dealings with a married man.

As for the question about friendships with married folks. I think there should be a line drawn. I don’t think it’s healthy for married folks to always be hanging out with their single friends because that’s just not wise. I’m not married but as y’all know, am very committed to my SO and I still apply ‘married’ principles to my decisions. Like I don’t think it’s wise to be going to lunch with another man (ESPECIALLY when you know he’s attracted to you). The only way I’d do that is if it’s someone that is good friends with my SO AND I would make him aware of it BEFOREHAND out of respect. Because you NEVER know who knows you and might see you and even if innocently, mention it to your SO and I just don’t want no unnecessary issues. I know I would have an issue if I heard that he went out with some other chick and I didn’t know about it. Not that we have trust issues, but it’s about respect and using wisdom. I always try to put myself on the other side and see how I would feel if he did it to me and that keeps me from making bad decisions with it comes to other males. WISDOM IS KEY!!! PICK YOUR BATTLES LADIES!

By Chink

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Mornin,

I don’t want to date a married man. Is it just me but a guy NEVER told me he was married that approached me ..most of the time they say they have a girl but they arent happy or some sobb story.

Most guys deny that they are married with me ..unless I feel strongly that they are married and leave them alone.

By the way I have had a change of heart. Not looking for marriage no more. Spoke with my mom she accepts my decision so now I don’t have this ridiculous pressure! Just planning on having long relationships if I do get married it will be a business decision ……

I have married male friends usually I keep them distant ..because they try to flirt with me and I do not entertain such things with them ….and if I feel they trying to get at me I get Very Distant…usually they are from work or school…they was a time when I began to feel attracted to one of them ….good thing he was caucasian…lol

Hope all is well

By Sweet Tea

October 10, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

Preach Sexione Preach

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

Raqu-I am curious about how you can say that when you knowingly moved in with a married man. Wouldnt that make you a selfish, manipulating azzholes as well? At least in his wife’s eyes. Not baiting just curious.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Married guys are better at keeping it a secret, too.

ABC, soooooo when I’m married, will I become better at keeping secret? Shyt don’t sound right

Musin look in last’s month records…

Kym aka Southern Girl Knowly no I will get with a women who has a SO…at the party, heck yeah!!!

Females will become your best friend while sleeping with your husband at the same time.

Yep, yep…

He is a Mr. Right NOW instead of my Mr. Right.

Eleanor that ain’t cool, but do you…

And Heeeey Sexione

By Prince Charming

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

I AM LEAVING RIGHT NOW TO GO ON VACATION FOR A WEEK. SORRY I MISSED THIS ONE, IT IS A GOOD ONE! HOLD IT DOWN AND I WILL BLOG AGAIN NEXT WEDNESDAY! HAVE A GOOD WEEK!

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Now leaning back on brown leather couch rubbing pet stone like a small kitten

Kym I am indeed shocked!

Now pretending to throw stone

“Ah” (raising and lowering stone)

“Ahhhhh” (raising and lowering stone)

“Ahhhhhhhhh” (raising and lowering stone)

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

Wise I made my comment because the natural inclination is to pick at women on the blog..now granted some say some stuff that makes you wonder what the hell? But on this subject I dont think the stones should be thrown at the women heck if anything there should be a greater dialogue between the sexes considering it takes two to tango.

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

Kym You know, I just think your statement (or warning) was very unnecessary. Yes, many of us are avid Bible believing and living folks BUT WE AIN’T perfect and I for one, am not ashamed to talk about the many stupid and bad decisions that went against everything I believed. And I’m sure, I’ll make another stupid decision before I die too. So ain’t nobody throwing stones at nobody and I wouldn’t expect anyone to either. We all believe what we believe spiritually but like someone earlier said, we’re not above reproach. So don’t pick fights when there were none to be started.

An trust me the scriptures are coming they have just researching the right bible verses to quote

Just unnecessary…..And I am NOT trying to start anything with you. But as you and everyone else does, I’m giving my opinion about the statement you publicly made.

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 10:35 AM | Link to this

Blog confession…When i was younger..i hit two married chicks..they were both a lil older..so it was a learning experience…i spent years looking over my shoulders..not because of the husbands ..because according to them they werent in the picture nor sleeping with them…But karma..Thats something i regret doing….u live and you learn…too mnay single women to do that…But i had a converation with one of my boys..he is married ..and have been for like 4 years..we use to hang and chase females together…he told me SOOOO many women approach him now…and if he new it was going to be like this ..he would have bought a wedding band when he was single and we was chasing girls together. go figure

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

Now i see why men cheat so much because we got a lot of women who don’t know their worth so they sleep with every tom, dick & harry just for a moment of pleasure. whatever happen to self-control

Amen…said while firing blog AK at divorce court

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

@ dimples

that my point what u are enteraining is of no value. ( homewrecker)It’s not my opinon of u but my opinion of what u are doing.

@ kym

men couldn’t cheat if women wouldn’t knowingly accept the offer. Bibilcal speaking the book of proverbs warn men about that kind of woman because women are a man weakness and some of us know that and we used it to our advantage.

By SlimOne

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

TO ALL

Anyone else believe we’re moving into a world similar to Gene Simmons’(dude from KISS) philosophy of being HAPPILY UNMARRIED?

He’s been with his lady over 20 something years. He says that marriage is an institution and who can help but go crazy in one!!

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

Personally and honestly, I feel like it’s up to the hubby to manage his home and his wife. I’m not going to walk away from a good friendship because of an insecure wife….but I will respect my married friend if he says we can’t be friends anymore. I respect my friend who invites his wife…but I respect all my friends anyway….

Dang, it’s some sensitive folks out there today….smile

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

No, Suga&Spyce I didn’t know he was married until I told him I was pregnant. Hind sight is 20/20, but I got got in a major way. There were things that I should have seen but I allowed myself to be blinded by the “good life” that he was offering. I asked him over and over why did he do it. I got every excuse in the book but the real answer. He was selfish.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

4theLongHaul ummmm…..Dayum…a true love lost?

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

Well said 4

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

@4th I make my opinion and I stand with it same as you. Again I am not picking a fight but this topic has come up more than enough times and each time someone pulls out their leather bible and thumps others over the head, if you are not going to do it then good for you. So in my opinion it was necessary to make that statement given pass times we have this discussion.

As for Barney not that I feel the need to address some trailer trashed married to his 1st cousin, but if you feel I am whore then please check the textbook definition and reference the picture of your mother there.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Raqi-ok, guess that makes a little more sense than.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Kym Let’s be real about the blog, it’s almost grade school like in a way. The men sit on one side of the cafeteria, scratching our ballz, agreeing with each other and the women on the other side chewing on bubble gum and playing with their weave…LOL. It is what it is because we think differently. Men are just as guilty for the cheating as women are but it takes two to cheat so you can’t place more blame on one than the other. Example: read Raqi’s 10:18 post which says men are azzholes…lol.

So you’re not gonna change anyone or their opinion on here. So I’m just gonna have fun with it, clown folks, and pull cards as I see fit.

Now sending demi over to your job in a lime green pimp suit, brown gators, and a box of magnums, singing Keith Sweat’s “there you go telling me no again”.….LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

(Disclaimer)These answers don’t necessarily represent my thoughts, but the answers are soooo easy.

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal? Answer You mean you’ll let me hit. I don’t have to take you out. I don’t need to call you everyday. I can have all the kitty pie without the work. Where do you want to meet at? NO BRAINER

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates? Answer NO. If the said married person does not respect their own relationship enough introduce you to the mate it is not your fault, however, that should be SIGN that the Marriage is in trouble. Decide whether the friendship important enough for you to deal with the moment when you become the target of hatred because of said married persons deceit.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people? Answer KARMA SMARMA, There is no such thing as a Homewrecker, Foundation must already have cracks. In this situation, maintain a very clear picture of what “IT” IS. DO NOT INVEST ANYTHING OTHER THAN SWEAT, THIS IS A BAD STOCK, COMPANY WILL EVENTUALLY GO BELLY UP!!

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out? ANSWER

NO. This is worst possible scenario becuase the person is in Limbo. YOU DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT IN THIS ONE, person may feel a need to return at anytime. Look Closely Is that a Bungee Cord is attached to them ankles.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everybody

Thanks Wise Diva, this has soooo been my subject lately!

Yes, I have felt like the magnet for married men, and I’ve even been questioned/accused by one or two married women of having something going on with their husbands. I felt kinda bad for setting them straight about their beloved husbands but I did not appreciate the accusations. True men do take their rings off often and they are always out with the single guys parading as if they are single themselves. I have recently begun to build new friendships with girlfriends and and guys who are single. Trying to be friends with some married men and women has just presented problems lately. So sick of it, sigh

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

This topic takes us back to the cliched question….”Can Men and Women just be friends?”….Well can we?

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

Kym Alright ma’am. I guess I’d say let’s just deal with it IF and WHEN that happens but not trying to incite something beforehand. But I hear ya girl!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

@Runnin I am not in the mood for any singing midget telegrams today.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

LMMFAO @ Musing….I got tears in my eyes after reading that nonsense you just posted to Kym about throwing stones!

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Even though I don’t get out much as I used too, I never, never, never accept an invitation fron a married man.

What goes around comes around, you know?!?!?!

Karma is a real b*tch when it comes back to bite you.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this

Oh, I do not deal with the “we legally separated”, and “I have my own place and she, the kids live in another house, but we still married”. All of these types still have entirely too much bad karma for me. Relationships like this is like setting a timer to an explosion in your own back yard. I Can’t Even Do It!

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

Correction runnin (LOL) my comment was a personal attack on one whitebread and any other married man who lies about his marital status to hook a woman and goes through the trouble of putting her up in a house, providing everything she and her child could possibly need and want from money, to the best clothes and anything else you could imagine. Yeah I should have noticed the signs but hell that was over 11 years ago.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

I truly believe that if more men/women would not tolerate this behavior, it wouldn’t happen (or at least not be so common).

Perfect example:

Now this guy wasn’t married, but was engaged (I later found out). He was a previous mate that I hadn’t talked to in about a year. We get back in touch, friendly talking on the phone, kinda trying to see where each other was in life at that point. I asked him, “so who’s the special lady in your life?”, he responds, “I’m doing me right now, I can’t even see special trying to get my ish together…no one special”. Okay cool, we continue to talk and eventually plan to meet for a date. Now all the while I’m not believing him for several reasons, but lets just say, woman’s intuition. We go out, dancing, drinking, had a decent time except for the fact that he was trying to talk his way up on going home with me after the date. I was not about to allow that to happen for the reason mentioned above. Long story short, he leaves his cell phone in my car after I dropped him off to his car, I take it back to his friends house where I met up with him the previous night (yep, that woman’s intuition), and later that evening, his number comes up on my phone, incoming call, I answer and guess who? Yes!!! his girl/fiancee’/baby mama is on the other end wanting to know why I called her man last night (i’d called to let him know that I made it home…didn’t know his phone was in my car til the next morning). At first I was shocked, and after the shock wore off, I decided the womanly thing to do would be to tell this woman what she wanted to know….THE TRUTH, which apparently this dude didn’t have a clue about!! I told her the whole story, and nope, I didn’t juice it up to make him look worse, I told her the TRUTH (everything down to him trying to go home with me, to the fact that I had no intention of sleeping with him whether I had known about her or “felt” there was someone in his life or not). Point is, put these folks on display, hold them accountable for their actions!!! Maybe this mess will cease to exist, or at least become a rarity.

Sorry for such a long post, but I had to tell that story. Blog Question???

Was I wrong for putting dude out there, or was that exactly what he deserved???

By Chief Crazyhorse

October 10, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

Kym call em’ out sistah girl….oops well said.oh my.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

I have been on both ends of the pendulum. As a single person, I would never entertain the thought of continuing a friendship with a male after he has married. It’s a matter of respect for him, his wife and myself.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Is The Hand That Rules The World

Any woman that allows another woman to have a measure of control over her man, child, or household is opening herself up to problems.

By TRR

October 10, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Oh boy!!! Some married men are just DISGUSTING, with a capital D.

I’ve had several married men hit on me, Mainly married men. I’m not interested.

I’ve had to file sexual harassment against my former married boss who happens to be an ordained minister.

I became friends with him (as far as I was concerned). In his mind, he thought it was more.

(Short versiOn) One day he sprung it on me that he was attracted to me, and that he had to have me, tried to kiss me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Of course this was in his office. I was his secretary.

Why can’t married men accept that all single women are NOT DESPERATE?

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

Tip for the married women or the ones that will get married for all the women who complained about it being too much work going to bed with your hair done not wearing a scarf ..etc….when men go over the side piece spot…her hair isnt in a scarf and she is ususally wearing something sxy…

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

Sexi No you were not wrong and if any female is going to be so bold as to call another female and ask her about HER man…then she better be ready to hear the TRUTH!!

But you can’t handle the truth!!

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

SeanBADBOYJ Thanks for that tip Whatever!!

By G

October 10, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Alvin…my bad.

Just b/c people are married/committed, doesn’t mean you stop becoming attracted to other people. However, crossing the line means putting yourself in a position to do wrong. The act itself is merely the end result.

Some of us men can just be flat out wrong, by taking off the ring and just lie. Or, we tell the truth about being married, and try to “hook-up” anyway. There’s another level, but I’m already in trouble with MLB.

Women think they’re slick. They at least have an incling of our intentions from jump street. However, they play the game of……”He’s just being friendly”; “We just cool like that, b/c he’s married”; or the infamous…”Let me see how close I can get to the line”. Before you know it, you end up playing yourself. Now you’re in a situation.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 11:04 AM | Link to this

Now Raqi, you know by now I was just using your comment to cut up. Don’t take me seriously…lol.

Kym You playing that hard role but I know you broke a smile over there…lol.

LOL @ Jake.

So bottom line on this topic: some people are willing to settle and tolerate more mess and drama than others, some want to have their cake and it it too, and some people will always choose to take the easy way out rather than man up.

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

Tip for the married man going to the side piece spot

if she doesn’t bother protecting her hair/body, imagine what else she isn’t taking care of?

it’s a fantasy dude, of course the grass is going to look greener. She has more free time to worry about her hair because she doesn’t have a husband to deal with every day, LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

Sexione

You were not wrong, but dayummm. He should have just told you the truth. Then you would have had a chance to decide whether you wanted to be his LUSTBUDDY.

Isn’t that a better approach so that no one is confused about what is going on?

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

DeepDimples Hey sis! I co-sign your 11am post. Women, don’t play yourselves. If YOUR man is cheating on YOU, check HIM!! Not the other woman. He’s the one connected to you, not her and you just make yourselves look stupid! He p** off at you because you went through his phone and a slick nucka will even try to flip it! I’ve seen many a woman get the script flipped on them in these cases and next thing you know, SHE’S apologizing to her cheating man and then sticking with him. JUST CRAZY!!!!

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Hey Alvin, how r u today?

Kym@Runnin……now that was funny!!!

SeanJ….so what you’re saying is if women want to keep their men/husbands at home, we should never wear a scarf? just asking….

By Egg, Grits w/no butter

October 10, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

I’ve been reading this blog for a while and i’ve noticed everytime a very good topic like this one is posted, why is it that Kym always gets jumped on? But you bloggers keep me lauging :)

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

@Kym… i think the men on the blog call women out on here because we for the most part we try to be honest and keep it real..not all women but some on here have an image they like to potray like their shyt dont stink or they dont do certain things..It could be that we as men are considered dogs my women so we can get away with doing dirt and not look as bad…because its expected..while some on yall women still would want to wear white on your wedding day when you have a dried up stain on your gown that isnt icing from the cake…if you know what i mean..lmao

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

i’m confused by all these comments…it doesn’t matter what the terms are, fooling around on your spouse or s.o. is just wrong!! it doesn’t matter if the person is upfront or not. who the hell cares?? it’s just straight up slimmy and asking for mess and trouble on both parties parts. people should just simply think…do unto others. i know that we have had lapses in judgement in the past. it’s part of the growing process. but now that we hopefully all have a little more sense…lol, it’s time to make better decisions.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

SJ Dang, I was gonna give you props for your “Tip for the married women” post but then Diva posted her rebuttal and she killed it. The fantasy is dead now…LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

@G There’s another level, but I’m already in trouble with MLB

You are correct SIR, calling emergency meeting as we speak to discuss the way you are carrying on…Silence is Golden…LOL

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

SJ, so you’re a BadBoy now ;)

By alvin

October 10, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

SeanJ prior to being gunned down I kept two wedding rings (white-gold and gold), I was an addict and in need of more women at the time.

MsUnderstood I will confess, pretty legs and thighs, were my undoing at the time.

Who is Barney?

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

Although there is nothing that would ever warrant cheating, I will somewhat agree with you SeanJ (not the exact issue but the general thought). Don’t give your spouse or SO a reason to go out looking. Some people don’t need a reason but for those who feel like they have one it could probably be easily compromised. All issues should be addressed and negotiations made. People do dumb crap just out of spite. But like I said there is no justifiable reason to cheat.

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

Wise that was funny.

My granny always used to say, the grass may look greener on the other side but you best believe the dog syht’s over there too

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

^5 Dark….most can’t handle the truth, although I have to give girl her props, she wasn’t hearing none of that ish he was trying to say in the background, she actually appreciated the conversation we had, and THANKED ME before we hung up.

Jake….yes, that would have been a better approach. I guess because he knew me pretty well, he knew that I would have kept it strictly platonic if I knew the real deal.

Thought for the men…..the attractiveness that women see in you can quickly be reversed when you LIE, CHEAT and PERPETRATE A FRAUD!!!!

By brown eyes

October 10, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

@alvin, eleanor, and NYCgirlfrom atl

alvin- you sound like the dirty roaches we were blogging about last week, swingers i asked someone about swingers, are u sure u don’t swing both ways

eleanor- I’m going to pray for u, I think your self esteem is low

nycgirlfromatl- you were in law school, girl get a clue, go back to nyc with that, u making atl divas look bad

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

SJ Tip for the married women or the ones that will get married for all the women who complained about it being too much work going to bed with your hair done not wearing a scarf ..etc….when men go over the side piece spot…her hair isnt in a scarf and she is ususally wearing something sxy… Surely you’re not saying that it’s the married woman’s fault that her man is creepin’? Because, that would imply that it is solely the married woman’s responsibility to keep her man at home, and absolve the man of any responsibility for honoring his marriage vows. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do that…right?

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

@ Sexione…what i am saying is women…and men both get complacent at times..I notice that when some of the men on here drop jewels to yall women on what men like and want.. some women still dismissed it as BS info..what you dont do another female will and vice versa…so while some of yall going to bed looking like you should be on a bottle of syrup….your dude is cross town geting with a body tap wanna be.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

^5 Wise’s 11:07 post…ain’t it the truth!!!

^5 4th’s 11:11 post. Check the one who’s attached to you……and oh, did this chick do just that!!! She made it clear that she just wanted someone to tell her the truth (obviously, he would not). And then she proceeded to call him out and even told me some things that I wish I had known before I dated him the previous year…..now that’s a real focused woman!!!

By SlimOne

Oc