By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 08:34 AM | Link to this

I don’t believe in dating married men, seperated or not you are still married. I had to cut off a lot of my guy friends after they became married out of respect for myself & their wives. If you follow the command ” do unto others as u want others to do unto u” you will not have the problem of deciding what u should or shouldn’t do. i once was a magnet to married guys and i must say the temptation was heavy but i reminded myself that God would give me my own man if i would be patient and wait on him. Words to the wise ” men can stiff out vunlerable women” so be careful

By Name changed

October 10, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this

The ones I seem to find are the ones who will spend lots of time with me, let me in their homes, call me too and from whereever they are going. The drawback? I am never going to the social events they are attending with “friends.” If it is mutual friends, then we both might be there, but we cannot talk or someone might know we are dating…..So my question, which is worse the Married Bachelors or the Bachelors afraid to let people know they enjoy someone? (Obviously they both have issues)

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 08:36 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Unpopular topic—hmmm but I guess I have had my share of “dating and or fooling around” with married or committed men so here are my responses:

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal?

Dont know why others did/do it, but I did it for two reasons:the thrill of the chase and because to be honest it was rather easy, and I was not in committment frame of mind so it was easy to deal with someone who attached and I could just borrow for a little while and send home.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

HMMMMM tough one cause I have married friends and we dont hang out just talk for advice and general convo, limit contact and compromising situations yes, avoid completely nope.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people?

Personally now I dont really deal with the married looking folks..in the words of B.B.King ..”the thrill is gone.” An to be honest I have a theory that the people married and looking are just too comfortable and cowardly to leave their mates and it is about search for new diggity that keeps them sane.

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?

Nope, because legally separated or just moved out means that you are still in that I could leave at anytime, I think anyone fresh out of relationships married or otherwise need a cooling off period to get back in touch with themselves and focus on getting themselves together.

By Foots

October 10, 2006 08:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. This should be interesting today!!

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

Building or maintaining? I don’t have an issue being friends with a man who is married if there are no ulterior motives, it’s just that I don’t see how we can BUILD a close friendship when his wife should be his confidante. Maintaining an existing friendship is different and takes patience and understanding that the wife is the main priority; basically, I know my place. Presently, I have a couple of married male friends and one in a serious relationship moving towards marriage. I talk to them often, but our friendships were previously established years before the wives came into the picture. And the wives know, respect and trust me, although we are not friends ourselves, and I respect them also. There are a few male married platonic friends that I have lost touch with after the wedding, but that is certainly to be expected.

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?

No. Married is married, separated is married, not living together is married. I had an experience with this a year ago. I found out that a man that I had been dating for two months was married, although he had been separated for a year and living in a different state than his wife. He did not tell me, I found out from him sister, who told me of their status and living situation. When I confronted him, he told me that he was in the process of getting his divorce started (?) and didn’t want to tell me because he knew that I wouldn’t still want to date him if I knew. I proved him right.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 09:01 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks. I has been a while since I have been on here. But since there isnt must to do at the new gig today. I figured I would drop in and say hello. So, Hello!

On topic-I used to be a magnet for married men. Had one tell me on our 3 date that he was married but it wasnt a problem. Becasue he has the situation under control. Dude told me as long as his home was taken care of anything I wanted was mine. Had to tell him, I didnt get down like that. Besides the relationship karma is something I try to avoid as much as possible.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks. I has been a while since I have been on here. But since there isnt must to do at the new gig today. I figured I would drop in and say hello. So, Hello!

On topic-I used to be a magnet for married men. Had one tell me on our 3 date that he was married but it wasnt a problem. Becasue he has the situation under control. Dude told me as long as his home was taken care of anything I wanted was mine. Had to tell him, I didnt get down like that. Besides the relationship karma is something I try to avoid as much as possible.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 09:12 AM | Link to this

I only married woman I will sleep with is at a “Swingers Party”. I know her husband and he knows me…Now he knows how well I can put it down on his wife…

Now outside of that…Hell no!! I love my sexy married sistas, but I am not going to disrepect him behind his back…But if buddy wanna have a party…HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEEEE

MORNING ALL

By Sidelines

October 10, 2006 09:15 AM | Link to this

GMorning Everyone, WD this is a very interesting topic and a good one…

Disclaimer, I am in no way judging anyone, it is not my place…this is just my opinion

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal?…IMO and witnessing relationships of people I’ve known over the years, some people seek out relationships of this type because in they’re mind there are no committment, they would rather have a relationship with someone whose married because there are “no strings attached”. It’s unfortunate because the excuses no matter what, never made any sense. I used to get into arguements with my best friend many years ago, because this was all she wanted and seeked out were relationships with married men. In her mind, obviously the “little woman” at home obviously wasn’t handling things at home and who was she (best friend) to turn down the company of a man who wanted to spend his time and money on her. But, in the end, I was always the one sitting there picking up the pieces when the husband decided he no longer wanted to maintain his mistress and wanted to “work things out” at home. She has since grown over the years and have changed her way of thinking. It was definitely her life’s lesson she needed to learn on her own.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?…IMO, I don’t think that people need to necessarily avoid friendships with married people, but simply know your limits and should always be cognizant of the fact that someone is married.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people?…DEFINITELY

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out?…been there done that and as RandyT put it, got a closet full of tshirts to prove it (well, maybe not a closet full) but, I’ve been in this situation on two occasions, the first I was young and didn’t know any better, the second occasion, was playing counselor and ended up with the person announcing they’re undying love for me, made the attempt to walk away and subsequently did not. And, both ended in my getting the short end of the stick, will never ever do it again! Lesson learned…, people coming out of relationships need ALOT of time to heal.

Me personally, as I’ve mentioned above, it’s simply not in my makeup to involve myself with people who are married. I’ve even lost friendships because of it, because as they put it, I don’t have an “open mind”…but so be it, I have my own personal walk (spiritual) and morals that I like to live by and getting into a relationship intentionally with someone’s husband is not the answer. Beside, I was the “little woman” at some point in my life and I was definitely handling mine at home, but it failed nonetheless. I’d like to expound more on this, but have to go to work…will be back later.

Sorry for the long post! I know BK will have something to say about it…lol!

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 09:16 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Sitting back indian stlye and handing out more rope….hoping the blog Women have just enough to hang themselves with…..BK,runnin, demi,Candid,Jake,2 Boys we gonna have a good old fashioned “calling out party” today….LOLOLOLOL

By ImAPeach404

October 10, 2006 09:20 AM | Link to this

Don’t we all have our “I only attract X type person”?

mine would be dudes w/ out a car.

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates?

I feel as though as long as the wife knows about me, has met me and is comfortable with the situation, there should be no problem with it. It is inevitable that single & married will interact on a daily basis (i.e - work) and not form friendships. I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband having single female friends b/c I would know them and I would trust my husband. If something happens between the two of them… that will be his guilty conscious, not mine

MORNIN’

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? I think married people seek out single people because a lot of times the attention and attraction is not as intense at home as it once was. Not only can the sx be routine but the relationship itself. I think when you are married the chase and the thrill of being courted fades…in some cases. Men and women both need a certain about of attention and if they arent getting it at home its only a matter or time before they look eslewhere..especially when people are running up in their face daily. When you look at it ..its SOOO many reasons y married people cheat.

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 09:29 AM | Link to this

Morning, I don’t date married men; never have - never will - i don’t care what he may be going through i will not give him my shoulder to cry on single people seek out married people cause that’s what they want to do; it’s just as plain as 2+2=4 they just do it, like Nike! Have a great day all Musing did you miss us yesterday? they had us in a “blocked seminar” on yesterday we could’nt do anything, they served us lunch, we could’nt log on, and we were miserable, but the seminar was great. I did go back and read a little from yesterday..abc, your “orange juice joke was funny

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 09:32 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone

This is indeed a good topic and although I have NEVER cheated with a married man or anyone for that matter, I have been accused of disrespecting their wives. I am often the friend that the married man tell his secrets to because we were really cool before they got married (always platonic) and we valued the friendship afterwards. One friend lies to his wife so we can meet for dinner occassionally. I will go to his job for lunch. I personally don’t see anything wrong because we’d NEVER cross the line…I’m not even physically attracted to the guy. I’m friends with the wife and will call the home and talk with her and hang out with her. Sometimes he just wants a female friend to talk and vent and we’ve been friends for years.

Another married friend of mine avoids even the appearance of evil. If we go to lunch he invites his wife and kids. I’m perfectly cool with that. I’ll follow whatever lead.

Another friend of mine who lives with his girl and kids. We still go to lunch and his girl has learned to accept me and the fact that I’m not going anywhere. We’ve had the drama of her showing up at my house. It was funny because one time she showed up and knocked on the door. I told my friend to open it because it was late. Low and behold…it was his girl! She left and came back after he had gone and questioned me. I thought she was cool with our relationship…we had double dated and everything. She knew that I wasn’t attracted to him, but she admitted to being jealous of our relationship. We worked together, went to the gym together, played racquetball, ate lunch, drove to work together sometimes. I guess that was a little too close for comfort. We’re cordial now to one another.

By G

October 10, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this

I’m a magnet for married women. If there’s a room full of married women, somehow I gravitate to them all. Usually in a public setting, married/committed women are the most sociable. Single women are the least sociable. Committed women will sit at the bar and flirt all night. I hate it. Good for her….bad for me at the end of the night. Most that I meet just want to flirt for the sport of it. The “sport of it” is a waste of time for me.

I have plenty of married buddies. We go out. They get more attention than the single guys in the crew. Some women just love married men. I find they are honest about their status, and more women seem to be more responsive. I’ll leave it at that to avoid any violations from the MLB.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

Morning folk. Tuesdays aren’t that much better than Mondays.

Hmmmmm……this could get real interesting.

I’ve never messed around with a married woman. I’ve done some serious flirting and put myself in a few compromising situations but never crossed that line. When I was married, I only took my ring off at the gym to play ball. Even back then, you didn’t have to take your ring off to get some play, there is usually some female out and about willing to let you in even with you ring on.

I don’t understand at all why some single people seek out married people. Maybe it’s because I have so little tolerance for drama. And the drama potential for that situation is off the radar.

I don’t think single people should avoid friendships with married people but I think that it should be a friendship with both parties. Why would I build a friendship with a married woman and not know her husband? What would be the underlining intentions of that friendship?

Whether believe in karma, the golden rule, you reap what you sow, or whatever it is you believe in, everything comes full circle in life.

Dating someone legally separated or just moved out, can’t do it. Holla at me in 18 months or so when you have your head together. That’s just too new and people need time to deal, vent, be angry, and heal. Again, too much drama from jump.

Time to sit back, lurk, and pull cards just as Musing stated…LOL.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 09:38 AM | Link to this

This topic is making me feel bad now…when I think about the emails that me and the first married friend exchange I know that his wife would cringe!!! We joke around ALOT…inappropriately! But I promise nothing would ever happen!!

SeanDiddyJustin You’ll look for whatever excuse to have multiple partners….!!

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

I’ve been in the military and since I got out I worked for several companies where I traveled a lot for business and one thing that was blatant among too many of the marrieds, mostly men and a some women, were the on-the-road bachelors/bachelorettes. Grant usually didn’t go too far, but it was enough to make me wonder: what was the point of getting married in the first place?

By abc

October 10, 2006 09:45 AM | Link to this

It’s rare to meet a woman who can think of a man as anything but her romantic conquest or someone else’s. I have a couple of female friends that are actually really good friends, one married, one single. They both figure I’d hit it if they made it available, but they’re both wrong. I knew them when I was married; we developed platonic friendships; it’s just going to stay that way, that’s all.

Do married women hit on me, yes, but I’m not going down that road. I don’t want her drama, and I SURE don’t want her old man’s drama WHEN he finds out. Do single women hit on married men, yes — I think they like no-strings sex, and married guys are great for that. Married guys are better at keeping it a secret, too.

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 09:48 AM | Link to this

I have attracted several married men in my day. However, I would never seek out a married man. I wouldn’t want it done to me so I wouldn’t do it, I don’t care how fine, paid, or charming he is. Even building friendships with indivisuals who are married can be dangerous, sometimes you just can’t help who’s attracted to you or who you become attracted to. Moved out? Seperated? No thanks, he maybe over the relationship, doesn’t mean she is and I’m too dogon cute to be fighting somebody’s wife….

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

LOL @ LahLah…I’m too dogon cute to be fighting somebody’s wife……hahahahaha…Go head girl!

Back to taking notes and comparing them with the MLB records and videolog

By SlimOne

October 10, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

I have had married guys flirt with me and I’ve also had married guys want to take the flirting to another level. I’m not a homewrecker and don’t get turned on by the thrill of messing with someone else’s man, knowingly.

When I was in college, young and a lil’ clueless, I fell into the trap of dealing with a guy I worked with that claimed he was recently divorced and even had his own place. He’d even bring his son over on occasion. But when I got that infamous call from his wife, I was totally turned off. From that day forward I had no urge to want to deal with him. He even called me after that. He said, “Hey, what’s up with you?’. My response was, Why don’t you call your wife and ask her what’s up? Needless to say that was the end of that.

Even in dealing with single guys, if I find out they have a SO, I no longer want to deal with them either. I tell my friends all the time…I want to be the ONLY one, not #1. Because if i’m #1, then that means there’s a #2, a #3 etc can i get two snaps and a twish?, Hello

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

@Musing and Runnin and any other holy rollers lurking around

Please dont start throwing stones until some of you sweep around your own front doors, because while you may not have fooled around with a married woman you dang sure have messed with someone else woman, girlfriend etc.. So now if we are going to call it out lets call it all out.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this

The very things I find attractive in a happily/successfully married man are the same ones I would find unattractive in one would hit on me.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

i want to share this with all the female bloggers: a while back there were two supervisors ( male & female) that work with me that were very attractive to one another; however the male was married. Anyway they became very good friends. the female even became real good friends with his wife to the point the male supervisor and his wife would bring her to work. well the two supervior started to date and become sexual active. Which spell trifling and i see it alot her in the corporate office i work in. Females will become your best friend while sleeping with your husband at the same time.

By Eleanor

October 10, 2006 09:56 AM | Link to this

I AM currently dating a married man.

I don’t want him to leave his wife or for her to leave him. Truthfully, I just want company. I don’t currently have a single boyfriend, but once I do, I am DONE with this married man. He is a Mr. Right NOW instead of my Mr. Right.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

‘Morning All!!

I’ve been approached by many married guys, some are very upfront about it, some try to hide it. I’ve never been interested in dating a married man, guess I don’t like 2nd hand property (I know we’re all second, third, fourth hand property, but I mean all at the same time). I’ve never liked the idea of being anything but 1st in command. LOL!!!! IMHO, if you’ve made that commitment before God, either you stick to it, or you get out of it (legally).

By alvin

October 10, 2006 09:58 AM | Link to this

If a said friend has to lie to his wife just to hang with you…Most likely he is cheating or his wife is a jealous type. Both which is unhealthly.

Now this: Another married friend of mine avoids even the appearance of evil. If we go to lunch he invites his wife and kids. I’m perfectly cool with that. I’ll follow whatever lead.

…is the sign of a real man!!!!

I guess that was a little too close for comfort

Sexy Lady, you are just waiting for a chance to slip up, huh?

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Kym, why are you always baiting folks, LOL. How do you know about Musing and Runnin’s private business? You guys are going to have to stop those offblog discussions, people will be put on blast all randomly! GEEZ, LOL.

Ok, If single people don’t want commitments, shouldn’t it be easy to find other single people that are in the same place? Especially dudes!?

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:02 AM | Link to this

Now making note of one hit dog hollering….Check….LOL

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

Eleanor, do you have any platonic male friends? They are great for male companionship, and you may not feel as lonely. I hope you don’t get caught up in that married dude.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this

@ dimples there is a definition for your type and it is call homewrecker. If u know that going out with your married males and males that have SO makes their wife and or girlfriend feel someway and u continued to do it says alot about your character. Get your own man and quit entertaining others people man.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

The two married men that I know who cheat told one lady the classic excuse…I’m unhappy at home and I’m leaving my wife….that was 2yrs ago and they’re still in the same house.

The other married man just says that I’m in love with this girl as well as my wife. And Misunderstood you’re right…the wife knows the girl and everything…

By Sweet Tea

October 10, 2006 10:08 AM | Link to this

Hello all; Musing hey sweetie pie!

Married Men nah! don’t want one, don’t need one cause it’s wrong they know it, you know it and Karma is a biotch

Have a wonderful day all

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:10 AM | Link to this

G you are incorrect. It should’ve read:

Usually in a public setting, married/committed women are VERY *sociable.

You are walking a very thin line, violating Sec. 405 ch.3 title “How to Use the Ring of Power!!”, ain’t cool.

By D

October 10, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

You are no better than the other women who sleep with married men. If you are having private phone conversations with a married man and his wife doesn’t know about it, then what makes you any different. When you are having these conversations with these married men, can you call their house or are these conversations held on his cell phone or at the office? Don’t complain about the type of men you meet when you are not making the situation of married men cheating any better. If you know that these men are attracted to you then why even put yourself in that situation. How about “trying to convey that you are not a homewrecker” by not giving or recieving a married mans phone number. If not you are exactly the type of woman you are talking about. My husband has female friends, they call our house and I know them, they also call his cell phone, no problem there either, That’s a friend.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Now we’re cooking with gas!!!

Dating/Sexing a married person is WAAYYY too much drama. The hiding, sneaking, lying and deleting messages…and yes, WHEN the husband/wife finds out, YOU BEST WATCH YOUR BACK!!

The things that make a happily/successfully married man attractive quickly fades when he is “on the prowl”!!

And the two faced azz people that will sleep with your mate and smile in your face, and eat at your house, and come to your parties, and pretend to be your friend just make me want to hurl. I know this is very common for women, I’m pretty sure there are brothas out there doing it too!!!

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

It’s on now.

Kym No one said anything directly to you but I see you looking for a fight so I’m game…LOL. No one is quoting scripture today…..not yet anyway, dang. Just putting our opinions out there.

I have cheated in the past so no I’m not perfect and never claimed to be. I have my own set of double standards too, hey they are mine and I have every right to have them. For me, a person is really still single until they tie the knot and sign that marriage certificate. To me, leaving a boyfriend is a h3ll of a lot easier and less complicated than leaving a husband. So don’t get mad at me because you chose to put your business out there and people may have an opinion about it, even though no one has commented to you or about you. So I’ll play the role of holy roller, throwing boulders today just for you boo!…;-)

And I won both of my fantasy league games this weekend!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:14 AM | Link to this

Musing you cant check me as hit if I already gave my story not once but twice on this topic.

WiseD

I am not putting anyone on blast, I dont anything about either one except what they type here, I just think that before anyone starts tossing stones at other people, they may want to check their ownselves. To here half the folks on here tell it they rolled out of the womb pure as snow and equal to Jesus. No faults, flaws or imperfections.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

Hey Y’all! I have a good male friend who is married. We were good friends in law school, and dated for about 2 months. We talk on a regular basis, but I actually haven’t seen him since I graduated from law school (6 yrs ago). He lives about 2 hrs from me. His wife knows me, but I wouldn’t say we are friends. We are friendly, and I am pretty sure she knows I don’t want her old crusty man! lol! He knows my secrets, but he is good about not telling me his. I think we both make a conscious effort to maintain the boundaries. And at the end of each phone call, I make him tell his wife (while I’m on the phone) that I said HEY! She’s a great wife to him, and frankly, I’m impressed that she has managed to put w/ him all these years! He is truly like a brother to me, and he treates me like a sister.

Now, I have made the mistake of being in a relationship w/ a man who had just separated from his wife. When we first met, I wasn’t interested in him AT ALL. In fact, it was his friend I was trying to get him to hook me up with. One day he told me he was divorcing his wife (completely out of the blue as far as I was concerned, cuz I wasn’t all up in his koolaid like dat), and from that day on, he put the full court press on me. His flirting became very obvious, and his intentions were clear. It was a complete surprise to me, b/c I wasn’t checking for him like that, and certainly didn’t think he was checking for me. After about a month of the constant attention, I broke down and joined in the game. Big Mistake! What I forgot was that he’d been married for a while, and now that he and the wife had separated, he was running around like a freed slave tappin’ everything in sight. Unfortunately, I got my heart crushed in the process. Despite his constant attention and affection, I made the mistake of believing he really wanted to be with me.

No more newly separated men for me. You’ve gotta get that “I’s free!” out of your system first. Then, we can talk.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:15 AM | Link to this

lovelyliz I know, I know, let’s ASKBLUE!!!

Dear Ask Blu

what was/is the point of getting married in the first place, if you’re gonna cheat?

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

Good Morning, My name is Raqi and I not only dated a married man for 1-1/2 years but lived with him for 6 months.

Why do married men seek out single women? Because they want their cake and they want you to feed it to them. In other words they are greedy selfish manipulating azzholes who will lie and cheat to get what they want.

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this

@ slimone I with you on that

@elenor when you get your SO or husband someone will do you the same exact way.

Now i see why man cheat so much because we got a lot of women who don’t know their worth so they sleep with every tom, dick & harry just for a moment of pleasure. whatever happen to self-control

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this

@Runnin I am not looking for a fight hell most days I agree with you. What I dont think is cute is to decide that the women of the blog are the ones to pick on when men of the blog morals are just as stinky. An trust me the scriptures are coming they have just researching the right bible verses to quote. No if we are going to call folks out lets call them all out. It is like men folks are afraid to toss boulders at anyone with a penis for fear of what losing at seat at the square table.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Don’t you hate it when you are on the road for business and your on-the-road bachelor/bachelorette coworkers ask you to cover for them?

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 10:22 AM | Link to this

Kym, I think you are a tad sensitive - which is understandable, but just because people have an opinion doesn’t mean they feel as if they are beyond reproach.

and D, who was your commented directed to?

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

MsUnderValued @ dimples there is a definition for your type and it is call homewrecker

That’s cool. Your opinion of me is of no value!!

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

wow, i can see this topic is gonna be a little heated…folks ain’t exactly feeling comfortable w/their ish…lol

anyway, i do have one platonic male friend who is married. the friendship has been successful b/c we were never involved romantically and have always been JUST friends. i know his wife and she is cool w/us being friends b/c she knows that i am respectful of her and her marriage. i make sure that when i invite my friend to an event, i invite the BOTH of them. very rarely, do the two of us go anywhere or do anything completely alone. it just causes too much speculation. i feel that’s only appropriate and causes less drama.

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hey everyone. I alway have married men trying to test the waters but never indulged. Well, let me take that back. A VERY dear friend of mine, someone I probably would’ve married if we lived in the same state, I did slip up with. We had been knowing eachother since we were teens. He was a big fat kid but was sweet and MAD musically talented! Anyway, we then didn’t see eachother for about six or seven years. So we ran into eachother at a function in the ATL and WOOOOOOOOOO!! Can the saints say FINE, FINE, FINE!!! My God! So after the event, I went back to his hotel (OK, get your minds out of the gutter. He was here with his family - mom, dad, sisters) So I went back to their hotel to hang out with the family, and he and I spent time in the lobby just catching up. So we were reminiscing about our teens days and he confessed that he always had a secret crush on me! OH MY! (oh, might I add, he wasn’t married yet) So we spend the next several days together while he was in the A and the love was just THERE!!! He’d come back to town the same time every year after that and there was just always a connection. We always talked on the phone, emailed, etc. OK, so then he wound up getting married. I met his wife and all because we were all like family, and then our contact subsided (this was like in the late 90s). He called me in like 2001 and said he was coming to town and really wanted to see me and of course I wanted to see him. Well………..pinned up curiosities took over and wow! But we never did anything after that time because although we loved one another, we were not going to make this a habit because we also respected each other (I know yall looking at me sideways) but for real and I know that he really loved his wife and this was just a pinned up chemistry happening.

It’s interesting because we still have this connection as friends. When I’m really going thru something, he miraculously calls me and says, “I’m feeling something is wrong” and vice versa!!!! Crazy! He’s met my SO and they hit it off sooo well because they are both in the gospel music industry. So that was my dealings with a married man.

As for the question about friendships with married folks. I think there should be a line drawn. I don’t think it’s healthy for married folks to always be hanging out with their single friends because that’s just not wise. I’m not married but as y’all know, am very committed to my SO and I still apply ‘married’ principles to my decisions. Like I don’t think it’s wise to be going to lunch with another man (ESPECIALLY when you know he’s attracted to you). The only way I’d do that is if it’s someone that is good friends with my SO AND I would make him aware of it BEFOREHAND out of respect. Because you NEVER know who knows you and might see you and even if innocently, mention it to your SO and I just don’t want no unnecessary issues. I know I would have an issue if I heard that he went out with some other chick and I didn’t know about it. Not that we have trust issues, but it’s about respect and using wisdom. I always try to put myself on the other side and see how I would feel if he did it to me and that keeps me from making bad decisions with it comes to other males. WISDOM IS KEY!!! PICK YOUR BATTLES LADIES!

By Chink

October 10, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

Mornin,

I don’t want to date a married man. Is it just me but a guy NEVER told me he was married that approached me ..most of the time they say they have a girl but they arent happy or some sobb story.

Most guys deny that they are married with me ..unless I feel strongly that they are married and leave them alone.

By the way I have had a change of heart. Not looking for marriage no more. Spoke with my mom she accepts my decision so now I don’t have this ridiculous pressure! Just planning on having long relationships if I do get married it will be a business decision ……

I have married male friends usually I keep them distant ..because they try to flirt with me and I do not entertain such things with them ….and if I feel they trying to get at me I get Very Distant…usually they are from work or school…they was a time when I began to feel attracted to one of them ….good thing he was caucasian…lol

Hope all is well

By Sweet Tea

October 10, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

Preach Sexione Preach

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

Raqu-I am curious about how you can say that when you knowingly moved in with a married man. Wouldnt that make you a selfish, manipulating azzholes as well? At least in his wife’s eyes. Not baiting just curious.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Married guys are better at keeping it a secret, too.

ABC, soooooo when I’m married, will I become better at keeping secret? Shyt don’t sound right

Musin look in last’s month records…

Kym aka Southern Girl Knowly no I will get with a women who has a SO…at the party, heck yeah!!!

Females will become your best friend while sleeping with your husband at the same time.

Yep, yep…

He is a Mr. Right NOW instead of my Mr. Right.

Eleanor that ain’t cool, but do you…

And Heeeey Sexione

By Prince Charming

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

I AM LEAVING RIGHT NOW TO GO ON VACATION FOR A WEEK. SORRY I MISSED THIS ONE, IT IS A GOOD ONE! HOLD IT DOWN AND I WILL BLOG AGAIN NEXT WEDNESDAY! HAVE A GOOD WEEK!

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Now leaning back on brown leather couch rubbing pet stone like a small kitten

Kym I am indeed shocked!

Now pretending to throw stone

“Ah” (raising and lowering stone)

“Ahhhhh” (raising and lowering stone)

“Ahhhhhhhhh” (raising and lowering stone)

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

Wise I made my comment because the natural inclination is to pick at women on the blog..now granted some say some stuff that makes you wonder what the hell? But on this subject I dont think the stones should be thrown at the women heck if anything there should be a greater dialogue between the sexes considering it takes two to tango.

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:34 AM | Link to this

Kym You know, I just think your statement (or warning) was very unnecessary. Yes, many of us are avid Bible believing and living folks BUT WE AIN’T perfect and I for one, am not ashamed to talk about the many stupid and bad decisions that went against everything I believed. And I’m sure, I’ll make another stupid decision before I die too. So ain’t nobody throwing stones at nobody and I wouldn’t expect anyone to either. We all believe what we believe spiritually but like someone earlier said, we’re not above reproach. So don’t pick fights when there were none to be started.

An trust me the scriptures are coming they have just researching the right bible verses to quote

Just unnecessary…..And I am NOT trying to start anything with you. But as you and everyone else does, I’m giving my opinion about the statement you publicly made.

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 10:35 AM | Link to this

Blog confession…When i was younger..i hit two married chicks..they were both a lil older..so it was a learning experience…i spent years looking over my shoulders..not because of the husbands ..because according to them they werent in the picture nor sleeping with them…But karma..Thats something i regret doing….u live and you learn…too mnay single women to do that…But i had a converation with one of my boys..he is married ..and have been for like 4 years..we use to hang and chase females together…he told me SOOOO many women approach him now…and if he new it was going to be like this ..he would have bought a wedding band when he was single and we was chasing girls together. go figure

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

Now i see why men cheat so much because we got a lot of women who don’t know their worth so they sleep with every tom, dick & harry just for a moment of pleasure. whatever happen to self-control

Amen…said while firing blog AK at divorce court

By MsUnderstood

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

@ dimples

that my point what u are enteraining is of no value. ( homewrecker)It’s not my opinon of u but my opinion of what u are doing.

@ kym

men couldn’t cheat if women wouldn’t knowingly accept the offer. Bibilcal speaking the book of proverbs warn men about that kind of woman because women are a man weakness and some of us know that and we used it to our advantage.

By SlimOne

October 10, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

TO ALL

Anyone else believe we’re moving into a world similar to Gene Simmons’(dude from KISS) philosophy of being HAPPILY UNMARRIED?

He’s been with his lady over 20 something years. He says that marriage is an institution and who can help but go crazy in one!!

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

Personally and honestly, I feel like it’s up to the hubby to manage his home and his wife. I’m not going to walk away from a good friendship because of an insecure wife….but I will respect my married friend if he says we can’t be friends anymore. I respect my friend who invites his wife…but I respect all my friends anyway….

Dang, it’s some sensitive folks out there today….smile

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

No, Suga&Spyce I didn’t know he was married until I told him I was pregnant. Hind sight is 20/20, but I got got in a major way. There were things that I should have seen but I allowed myself to be blinded by the “good life” that he was offering. I asked him over and over why did he do it. I got every excuse in the book but the real answer. He was selfish.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

4theLongHaul ummmm…..Dayum…a true love lost?

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

Well said 4

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

@4th I make my opinion and I stand with it same as you. Again I am not picking a fight but this topic has come up more than enough times and each time someone pulls out their leather bible and thumps others over the head, if you are not going to do it then good for you. So in my opinion it was necessary to make that statement given pass times we have this discussion.

As for Barney not that I feel the need to address some trailer trashed married to his 1st cousin, but if you feel I am whore then please check the textbook definition and reference the picture of your mother there.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Raqi-ok, guess that makes a little more sense than.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Kym Let’s be real about the blog, it’s almost grade school like in a way. The men sit on one side of the cafeteria, scratching our ballz, agreeing with each other and the women on the other side chewing on bubble gum and playing with their weave…LOL. It is what it is because we think differently. Men are just as guilty for the cheating as women are but it takes two to cheat so you can’t place more blame on one than the other. Example: read Raqi’s 10:18 post which says men are azzholes…lol.

So you’re not gonna change anyone or their opinion on here. So I’m just gonna have fun with it, clown folks, and pull cards as I see fit.

Now sending demi over to your job in a lime green pimp suit, brown gators, and a box of magnums, singing Keith Sweat’s “there you go telling me no again”.….LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

(Disclaimer)These answers don’t necessarily represent my thoughts, but the answers are soooo easy.

Why do you think some single people seek out men and women who are married? What is the appeal? Answer You mean you’ll let me hit. I don’t have to take you out. I don’t need to call you everyday. I can have all the kitty pie without the work. Where do you want to meet at? NO BRAINER

Should single people avoid building friendships with married people out of respect for their mates? Answer NO. If the said married person does not respect their own relationship enough introduce you to the mate it is not your fault, however, that should be SIGN that the Marriage is in trouble. Decide whether the friendship important enough for you to deal with the moment when you become the target of hatred because of said married persons deceit.

Should single people avoid relationship karma by steering clear of the married, (but still looking) “single” people? Answer KARMA SMARMA, There is no such thing as a Homewrecker, Foundation must already have cracks. In this situation, maintain a very clear picture of what “IT” IS. DO NOT INVEST ANYTHING OTHER THAN SWEAT, THIS IS A BAD STOCK, COMPANY WILL EVENTUALLY GO BELLY UP!!

Would you date someone who is legally separated or who just moved out? ANSWER

NO. This is worst possible scenario becuase the person is in Limbo. YOU DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT IN THIS ONE, person may feel a need to return at anytime. Look Closely Is that a Bungee Cord is attached to them ankles.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everybody

Thanks Wise Diva, this has soooo been my subject lately!

Yes, I have felt like the magnet for married men, and I’ve even been questioned/accused by one or two married women of having something going on with their husbands. I felt kinda bad for setting them straight about their beloved husbands but I did not appreciate the accusations. True men do take their rings off often and they are always out with the single guys parading as if they are single themselves. I have recently begun to build new friendships with girlfriends and and guys who are single. Trying to be friends with some married men and women has just presented problems lately. So sick of it, sigh

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

This topic takes us back to the cliched question….”Can Men and Women just be friends?”….Well can we?

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

Kym Alright ma’am. I guess I’d say let’s just deal with it IF and WHEN that happens but not trying to incite something beforehand. But I hear ya girl!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

@Runnin I am not in the mood for any singing midget telegrams today.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

LMMFAO @ Musing….I got tears in my eyes after reading that nonsense you just posted to Kym about throwing stones!

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 10:52 AM | Link to this

Even though I don’t get out much as I used too, I never, never, never accept an invitation fron a married man.

What goes around comes around, you know?!?!?!

Karma is a real b*tch when it comes back to bite you.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this

Oh, I do not deal with the “we legally separated”, and “I have my own place and she, the kids live in another house, but we still married”. All of these types still have entirely too much bad karma for me. Relationships like this is like setting a timer to an explosion in your own back yard. I Can’t Even Do It!

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

Correction runnin (LOL) my comment was a personal attack on one whitebread and any other married man who lies about his marital status to hook a woman and goes through the trouble of putting her up in a house, providing everything she and her child could possibly need and want from money, to the best clothes and anything else you could imagine. Yeah I should have noticed the signs but hell that was over 11 years ago.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

I truly believe that if more men/women would not tolerate this behavior, it wouldn’t happen (or at least not be so common).

Perfect example:

Now this guy wasn’t married, but was engaged (I later found out). He was a previous mate that I hadn’t talked to in about a year. We get back in touch, friendly talking on the phone, kinda trying to see where each other was in life at that point. I asked him, “so who’s the special lady in your life?”, he responds, “I’m doing me right now, I can’t even see special trying to get my ish together…no one special”. Okay cool, we continue to talk and eventually plan to meet for a date. Now all the while I’m not believing him for several reasons, but lets just say, woman’s intuition. We go out, dancing, drinking, had a decent time except for the fact that he was trying to talk his way up on going home with me after the date. I was not about to allow that to happen for the reason mentioned above. Long story short, he leaves his cell phone in my car after I dropped him off to his car, I take it back to his friends house where I met up with him the previous night (yep, that woman’s intuition), and later that evening, his number comes up on my phone, incoming call, I answer and guess who? Yes!!! his girl/fiancee’/baby mama is on the other end wanting to know why I called her man last night (i’d called to let him know that I made it home…didn’t know his phone was in my car til the next morning). At first I was shocked, and after the shock wore off, I decided the womanly thing to do would be to tell this woman what she wanted to know….THE TRUTH, which apparently this dude didn’t have a clue about!! I told her the whole story, and nope, I didn’t juice it up to make him look worse, I told her the TRUTH (everything down to him trying to go home with me, to the fact that I had no intention of sleeping with him whether I had known about her or “felt” there was someone in his life or not). Point is, put these folks on display, hold them accountable for their actions!!! Maybe this mess will cease to exist, or at least become a rarity.

Sorry for such a long post, but I had to tell that story. Blog Question???

Was I wrong for putting dude out there, or was that exactly what he deserved???

By Chief Crazyhorse

October 10, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

Kym call em’ out sistah girl….oops well said.oh my.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

I have been on both ends of the pendulum. As a single person, I would never entertain the thought of continuing a friendship with a male after he has married. It’s a matter of respect for him, his wife and myself.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Is The Hand That Rules The World

Any woman that allows another woman to have a measure of control over her man, child, or household is opening herself up to problems.

By TRR

October 10, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Oh boy!!! Some married men are just DISGUSTING, with a capital D.

I’ve had several married men hit on me, Mainly married men. I’m not interested.

I’ve had to file sexual harassment against my former married boss who happens to be an ordained minister.

I became friends with him (as far as I was concerned). In his mind, he thought it was more.

(Short versiOn) One day he sprung it on me that he was attracted to me, and that he had to have me, tried to kiss me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. Of course this was in his office. I was his secretary.

Why can’t married men accept that all single women are NOT DESPERATE?

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

Tip for the married women or the ones that will get married for all the women who complained about it being too much work going to bed with your hair done not wearing a scarf ..etc….when men go over the side piece spot…her hair isnt in a scarf and she is ususally wearing something sxy…

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

Sexi No you were not wrong and if any female is going to be so bold as to call another female and ask her about HER man…then she better be ready to hear the TRUTH!!

But you can’t handle the truth!!

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

SeanBADBOYJ Thanks for that tip Whatever!!

By G

October 10, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Alvin…my bad.

Just b/c people are married/committed, doesn’t mean you stop becoming attracted to other people. However, crossing the line means putting yourself in a position to do wrong. The act itself is merely the end result.

Some of us men can just be flat out wrong, by taking off the ring and just lie. Or, we tell the truth about being married, and try to “hook-up” anyway. There’s another level, but I’m already in trouble with MLB.

Women think they’re slick. They at least have an incling of our intentions from jump street. However, they play the game of……”He’s just being friendly”; “We just cool like that, b/c he’s married”; or the infamous…”Let me see how close I can get to the line”. Before you know it, you end up playing yourself. Now you’re in a situation.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 11:04 AM | Link to this

Now Raqi, you know by now I was just using your comment to cut up. Don’t take me seriously…lol.

Kym You playing that hard role but I know you broke a smile over there…lol.

LOL @ Jake.

So bottom line on this topic: some people are willing to settle and tolerate more mess and drama than others, some want to have their cake and it it too, and some people will always choose to take the easy way out rather than man up.

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

Tip for the married man going to the side piece spot

if she doesn’t bother protecting her hair/body, imagine what else she isn’t taking care of?

it’s a fantasy dude, of course the grass is going to look greener. She has more free time to worry about her hair because she doesn’t have a husband to deal with every day, LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

Sexione

You were not wrong, but dayummm. He should have just told you the truth. Then you would have had a chance to decide whether you wanted to be his LUSTBUDDY.

Isn’t that a better approach so that no one is confused about what is going on?

By 4theLongHaul

October 10, 2006 11:11 AM | Link to this

DeepDimples Hey sis! I co-sign your 11am post. Women, don’t play yourselves. If YOUR man is cheating on YOU, check HIM!! Not the other woman. He’s the one connected to you, not her and you just make yourselves look stupid! He p** off at you because you went through his phone and a slick nucka will even try to flip it! I’ve seen many a woman get the script flipped on them in these cases and next thing you know, SHE’S apologizing to her cheating man and then sticking with him. JUST CRAZY!!!!

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Hey Alvin, how r u today?

Kym@Runnin……now that was funny!!!

SeanJ….so what you’re saying is if women want to keep their men/husbands at home, we should never wear a scarf? just asking….

By Egg, Grits w/no butter

October 10, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

I’ve been reading this blog for a while and i’ve noticed everytime a very good topic like this one is posted, why is it that Kym always gets jumped on? But you bloggers keep me lauging :)

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

@Kym… i think the men on the blog call women out on here because we for the most part we try to be honest and keep it real..not all women but some on here have an image they like to potray like their shyt dont stink or they dont do certain things..It could be that we as men are considered dogs my women so we can get away with doing dirt and not look as bad…because its expected..while some on yall women still would want to wear white on your wedding day when you have a dried up stain on your gown that isnt icing from the cake…if you know what i mean..lmao

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

i’m confused by all these comments…it doesn’t matter what the terms are, fooling around on your spouse or s.o. is just wrong!! it doesn’t matter if the person is upfront or not. who the hell cares?? it’s just straight up slimmy and asking for mess and trouble on both parties parts. people should just simply think…do unto others. i know that we have had lapses in judgement in the past. it’s part of the growing process. but now that we hopefully all have a little more sense…lol, it’s time to make better decisions.

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

SJ Dang, I was gonna give you props for your “Tip for the married women” post but then Diva posted her rebuttal and she killed it. The fantasy is dead now…LOL.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

@G There’s another level, but I’m already in trouble with MLB

You are correct SIR, calling emergency meeting as we speak to discuss the way you are carrying on…Silence is Golden…LOL

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 11:17 AM | Link to this

SJ, so you’re a BadBoy now ;)

By alvin

October 10, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

SeanJ prior to being gunned down I kept two wedding rings (white-gold and gold), I was an addict and in need of more women at the time.

MsUnderstood I will confess, pretty legs and thighs, were my undoing at the time.

Who is Barney?

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 11:20 AM | Link to this

Although there is nothing that would ever warrant cheating, I will somewhat agree with you SeanJ (not the exact issue but the general thought). Don’t give your spouse or SO a reason to go out looking. Some people don’t need a reason but for those who feel like they have one it could probably be easily compromised. All issues should be addressed and negotiations made. People do dumb crap just out of spite. But like I said there is no justifiable reason to cheat.

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

Wise that was funny.

My granny always used to say, the grass may look greener on the other side but you best believe the dog syht’s over there too

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

^5 Dark….most can’t handle the truth, although I have to give girl her props, she wasn’t hearing none of that ish he was trying to say in the background, she actually appreciated the conversation we had, and THANKED ME before we hung up.

Jake….yes, that would have been a better approach. I guess because he knew me pretty well, he knew that I would have kept it strictly platonic if I knew the real deal.

Thought for the men…..the attractiveness that women see in you can quickly be reversed when you LIE, CHEAT and PERPETRATE A FRAUD!!!!

By brown eyes

October 10, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

@alvin, eleanor, and NYCgirlfrom atl

alvin- you sound like the dirty roaches we were blogging about last week, swingers i asked someone about swingers, are u sure u don’t swing both ways

eleanor- I’m going to pray for u, I think your self esteem is low

nycgirlfromatl- you were in law school, girl get a clue, go back to nyc with that, u making atl divas look bad

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

SJ Tip for the married women or the ones that will get married for all the women who complained about it being too much work going to bed with your hair done not wearing a scarf ..etc….when men go over the side piece spot…her hair isnt in a scarf and she is ususally wearing something sxy… Surely you’re not saying that it’s the married woman’s fault that her man is creepin’? Because, that would imply that it is solely the married woman’s responsibility to keep her man at home, and absolve the man of any responsibility for honoring his marriage vows. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do that…right?

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

@ Sexione…what i am saying is women…and men both get complacent at times..I notice that when some of the men on here drop jewels to yall women on what men like and want.. some women still dismissed it as BS info..what you dont do another female will and vice versa…so while some of yall going to bed looking like you should be on a bottle of syrup….your dude is cross town geting with a body tap wanna be.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

^5 Wise’s 11:07 post…ain’t it the truth!!!

^5 4th’s 11:11 post. Check the one who’s attached to you……and oh, did this chick do just that!!! She made it clear that she just wanted someone to tell her the truth (obviously, he would not). And then she proceeded to call him out and even told me some things that I wish I had known before I dated him the previous year…..now that’s a real focused woman!!!

By SlimOne

October 10, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

4theLongHaul Well most women go to the other woman because the guy is going to lie, lie, deny, deny until you darn near have to lay out the used rubbers on the table. Most times you’ll get more truth from them than you will the guy. I’ve called the other woman before and have had a woman call me too. However, I have never cussed the other chick out because the common denominator between us is HIM. I can’t assume that she knew about me and vice versa. HE on the other hand knows everything. So after I arm myself with an arsenal of information provided by her, & when the INTENSIVE INTERROGATION begins the evidence eventually hopefully leads to a confession….which leads to his sentencing of life without parole…he doesn’t pass Go and he doesn’t collect $200!

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this

SeanJ…..I hear ya, appreciate the nuggets (of knowledge) and you are right…..it does go both ways. I’ve already posted a book, so I digress, but I will say this……men, keep your stamina up (as well as other things), your guts tight and your toenails cut!!!! LOL

By Chink

October 10, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this

SJ

Woman cheat too…that other guy might be helping her pay the bills, giving it to her just right…We All have Options! So really those comments are irrelevant because if a head wrap makes you cheat than “He just aint that into me”…..point blank

What it boils down to is compromise ….trust…..respect …

Please believe someone is better/more exciting than u too ….

By Thick

October 10, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this

You know what, I don’t argue with a guy who I know is married, when I found out the guy was married “I told him he was married and to stop playing”. Her and I never needed to talk, I knew he was married and told him to move on wiht his misery.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this

Sexione Life is good in the “A”, but in Miami, there is gonna be one ugly funeral. The Ex-wife will get no love from us…

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 11:44 AM | Link to this

@ Winn Dixie…you would say that..but whats wrong with a fantasy? some of yall should try fulfilling some…

She has more free time to worry about her hair because she doesn’t have a husband to deal with every day…..well i rather be with a woman that worry how her hair looks for me than worry how her hair looks for you/her friends

@ HotSauce…aint thats how yall like em?

By Chink

October 10, 2006 11:45 AM | Link to this

Lah Lah

I believe Bre said once “the grass aint always greener..sometimes it aint even grass”

By Barney

October 10, 2006 11:46 AM | Link to this

If you schtup married men Kym, you are a whore.

No one said life was fair.

You are reponsible for your actions.

By Newkid

October 10, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

Dang! There’s a lot of stones being thrown around this morning. Seems like almost everybody is getting hit!

Let me say my 2 cents and get out before I get hit. All I got to say is, RESPECT is the key element that is lacking in a cheating situation. Have I cheated? Nope. Have I been tempted? Yes. But I remember about RESPECT. Respect for self, respect for him, respect for others’ relationships.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

@Runnin I am not in the mood for any singing midget telegrams today.

Are you gonna be forever bitter…Kym?

By Jake

October 10, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

Sexione Thought for the men…..the attractiveness that women see in you can quickly be reversed when you LIE, CHEAT and PERPETRATE A FRAUD!!!!

My thoughts exactly, Why lie? If I ever was going to cheat, it would be someone who accepts the situation, and stills wants to compete in the LUST OLYMPICS because it will strictly be Games and Events at a Venue that is Secure with Freak Flags Flying, and when it is time for Closing Ceromonies, it is over…Those who are willing to eat the forbidden fruit, are just willing.

@kinderbabe You are right, it doesn’t matter, it is wrong, but it happens. YOU CHEAT ON YOUR TAXES DON”T YOU…Same rules.

You can lie a little bit, but if you over do it…Ya AZZ is gettin Audited.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

Alvin…..Miami is like my second home. I’m a native ATLian, but I spent many summers and what not growing up in Carol City. Dang, please tell me the ex was not involved? That’s some jacked up mess there!!!!!!

By Professor MusingLee

October 10, 2006 11:54 AM | Link to this

Wearing long white lab coat and 1 inch thick protective glasses…Sitting at work table holding chemical solution above bunsen burner…

“EUREKA!!!!I have perfected a pheromone that will keep the married guys protected from single Women…It causes the single Woman to perceive the married Male as broke, driving a Civic with missing driver door, and small “wanged”!!! Thus, causing her to go the opposite direction”

*side effects may include loss of appetite, increased anxiety, and momentarily small “wangedness” *

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

SJ I prefer a mixture of the good/bad boy and i’m sure you have that covered! ;)

Hello Alvin

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

Musing lmao!!!!!!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this

@Alvin who said I was bitter..Pinnochio?

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

brown eyes I have no needs to swing both way ma…IF I DID, I WOULD TELL THIS BLOG AND MY MAMA AND NOT GIVE A FLYING F/K WHO ELSE KNOWS!!!

I’VE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LYING AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO START NOW

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A SWINGING PARTY IS STUPID OR ONLY FROM WHAT YOU HEAR?

YES SOME OF THE HUSBANDS COULD BE GAY(NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE), EVEN I CAN’T DO ANYONE @ZZHOLES. SO STOP BEING ONE

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

brown eyes I have no needs to swing both way ma…IF I DID, I WOULD TELL THIS BLOG AND MY MAMA AND NOT GIVE A FLYING F/K WHO ELSE KNOWS!!!

I’VE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LYING AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO START NOW

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A SWINGING PARTY IS STUPID OR ONLY FROM WHAT YOU HEAR?

YES SOME OF THE HUSBANDS COULD BE GAY(NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE), EVEN I CAN’T DO ANYONE @ZZHOLES. SO STOP BEING ONE

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this

brown eyes I have no needs to swing both way ma…IF I DID, I WOULD TELL THIS BLOG AND MY MAMA AND NOT GIVE A FLYING F/K WHO ELSE KNOWS!!!

I’VE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT LYING AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO START NOW

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A SWINGING PARTY IS STUPID OR ONLY FROM WHAT YOU HEAR?

YES SOME OF THE HUSBANDS COULD BE GAY(NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE), EVEN I CAN’T DO ANYONE @ZZHOLES. SO STOP BEING ONE

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

jake i’m not perfect by any means but…i DON’T cheat on my taxes. i may do some other ish but that ain’t it…lol

By Tazzee

October 10, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

Wow - interesting topic. I have shared my experiences with married men on the blog before so I won’t clog space sharing again.

As it relates to a woman calling the other woman, all I can say is based on some of the conversations I’ve had she’s not going to leave him anyway. In one message I received from a fiance, she said she wanted to know the nature of our relationship so she could decide if she should let me have him. Well this guy and I had flirted, but nothing further so I called her back to let her know that we were just friends and she didn’t have anything to worry about. She took this opportunity to vent to me about how he is treating her and she said ‘I guess if he hasn’t married me in 7 years, he probably won’t’ I didn’t respond to that comment, simply told her that she needs to do what’s best for her. In the end, she stayed with dude (as far as I know).

My thing is, if you haven’t decided to leave him because he doesn’t take you out anymore, didn’t even call to wish you Happy Valentine’s Day and spends more times with his friends (male and female) than with you - why would you decide to break up with him just because he’s flirting with me?

See, when the woman calls the other woman, she already doesn’t trust her man and if she hasn’t broken up with him already - nothing you say is going to cause her to stay or leave. The relationship is already doomed due to the lack of trust.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

Musing…..funny, funny!!!

By Lah Lah

October 10, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

Sean John/HotSauce Get a room!!!

Musing you are two kinds of crazy. But I’ll take a gallon of that formula.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:07 PM | Link to this

oops…my baaaddd

heyyyy Hot Sauce

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

October 10, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

I have never crossed this line, though I flew close to the flame several times when my marriage was tanking. For me, it was not a serious ethical issue (now it would be), but a matter of reality…if I screwed up, I lost my kids. That was not a price I was willing to pay.

A few years into my singleness, I became aware of a really attractive tennis partner of a former lover of mine, whose husband just stopped ‘performing’ and left her unfulfilled. She eventually started looking outside of the house for fulfilment, but only on business trips, etc. I sort of hinted for my ex lover to hook me up (or maybe a…well I best not go there here). Fortunately or unfortunately that idea got shot down quick. But here is the point, and not one I am proud of, there is an excitement, an allure, a rush if you will, for a man to, for lack of a better term, raid his neighbor’s cookie jar, so to speak. It is that competitive instinct in a man that wants to best another guy. Not good, but often real. I know for me, the allurement was that she was attractive AND MARRIED, not that she was just attractive. Sex was easy to find, this would have been a rush. It was stupid, and never happened, but a fantasy that was best left alone.

Fortunately most men are smart enough to not go there…but I would guess that the idea is there often in the backs of many men’s minds.

By Qsgirl

October 10, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

Oh my. You guys have been cracking me up! Especially the “regulars”. Cheating will be around longer than any of us will live to see an end to it. It seems the more someone is “taken”, the more appealing they are. These women showing up and calling other women already know what they have at home. They’re not going anywhere, they just want to have something else to hold over that man’s head. I know of a woman that has been with the same cheating azz man for almost 20yrs. She knows, she’s called, she’s caught him and she’s still there. Why? Because she’s comfortable and he knows what he can get away with…ANYTHING! He has her set up and a 500k plus house, driving a new car every 2 yrs and wearing top labels from under to outerwear. This is an open shut case, that cheating is alive, and kicking major booty!!!! People don’t need reasons to cheat. It’s done because that’s what they want to do. It’s all about what you are willing to deal with. Remember, none of us are immune to dealing with some form of bullshyt.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 12:18 PM | Link to this

LADIES…Announcement

SeanJ dropped the jewel of the day so far…I figured, how bout I make sure this gets read again..

I notice that when some of the men on here drop jewels to yall women on what men like and want.. some women still dismissed it as BS info..what you dont do another female will and vice versa…

Straight up…somebody let the MLB shield down everyday and ya’ll miss it… Real talk, every dude ain’t a dog,cheater, schemer like some of you think, But damn near every dude once was…and its like riding a bike. Keep up that nagging, actin nasty, not sexin the way you know how, I ain’t cooking tonight, treat me like a lady…but why should I stroke your ego behavior…AND HE IS GOING TO GO GET SOME OF THAT…baby you hungry, I’ll rub your back, come and get it daddy… from one of the many Ladies who just wish there was good dude around!! FIX YOUR FACE, I’M BEING HONEST.

Now stepping back fom mic, as smoke clears and curtain falls as crowd looks on in astonishment…The Silence if Deafening…LOL

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:20 PM | Link to this

Sexione if not the ex-wife knows who kill him…Imma stay cool and collect…With pookie, bay-bay, Lil wan-wan and a few other Overtown cats

What part of Mia did you enjoy the most?

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

lol @ LahLah

Alvin what’s wrong with you and why are you shouting?

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:28 PM | Link to this

Jake what woman in hell or heave will that posting?…I can the ladies pulling B.S. cards out right now…But the card reader keeps rejecting, ERROR MESSAGE: What he is saying is true!

By alvin

October 10, 2006 12:32 PM | Link to this

Hot Sauce at wanna be holy brown eyes 11:22 posting…

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Jake standing tall on the man podium!

Tazzee & ladies why do some women call the other women to go off instead of checking their man? And then they stay with him…..

Barney It’s obvious that you are the poster child for why not everyone should be allowed to have children and why some adults should be neutered so spare us your wit and intelligence and go play in traffic on a busy highway!!

By gman

October 10, 2006 12:35 PM | Link to this

Man, where do I begin?

Guys, you have to watch your wives when they go out on an “all-girl night”. That’s what they call it, girls going out to have fun. What they really do is try to see if they can still get a guy to flirt with them. I’d be at home drinking and watching TV while my wife is out with the womenz. The stories I hear! I never realized that these nice, kinda prissy girls turned into “The Flirt-skirts” when the men were away. I mean, a casual flirt with the waiter is one thing, but making a meat sandwich on the dance floor ( where the two married women are the bread and the man is the meat…and the women make it a thin sandwhich???) That takes it to another level…

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 12:35 PM | Link to this

Alvin…..deep breaths, relax-relate-release, woosah(like in Badboys, II)!! It’s gonna be alright, justice will be served, one way or another!!! It’s funny because that was from a very young age (like 8 or 9) til my teens, appr. 20+ yrs ago, and I really wasn’t that impressed. I remember when police wouldn’t go to certain parts of town, and I always thought “where are the cute boys”, drugs seemed to be everywhere (hell, me oldest cousin was kingpin extraordinaire). So even though I liked it there, spent most of my time in Carol City, my favorite was probably the beach.

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 12:37 PM | Link to this

Now creating cosmetic line of lotions, sprays, and underwear with patented solution inserted

“Skeez-Off” Say hello to freedom and goodbye to Skeezers….

Want your Man to party, but not hook up with the club skeezer…get him the Skeez-off underwear and watch those skeezers vanish!!!

Skeez-off not responsible for the removal of underwear, thus causing Skeez-off to be totally ineffective

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

General Question:

Ladies, Upon getting married would you require (demand+/-?) your husband to wear a wedding band?

My answer: My husband wears one but not because I require him to, he opts to do so by his own will.

(Disclaimer: I know that wearing a wedding band or not does not prevent or encourage infidelity.) Have to put that out there. LOL

By abc

October 10, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

@Alvin, it’s not so much about getting married that makes men better able to keep such secrets.

Chicks save things for sentimental reasons, men easily avoid that. She’s going to save emails, photos, that present you gave her, and conciously or subconciously, she’ll let him find them. Chicks are certain to tell their old man sooner or later anyway, in the heat of an argument. It’ll be right next to her telling him that she faked orgasms, intended to cause maximum hurt.

Guys maintain at least a facade of plausible deniability by following the old maxim: NEVER ADMIT TO A DAYUM THING. It’s simple, she’ll spill the beans sooner or later, he’ll never fess up to anyone, unless he’s a stoopidazz.

Yo mama so stoopid she cracked her front teeth using her vibrator.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

@Runnin Speaking for Fantasy I am number one in one league. I dropped your boy Culfeather from my list and went wide receiver shopping. I picked up Randle-El(its that Steeler link) although I have no clue if the Redskins are going to show up week to week. Geez what a stinker on Sunday!

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

@Runnin because they’re so mad & angry because of what their Man did and they figured calling the “other woman” it’ll make everything allright, when in fact yes she was wrong, but so was your Man BooBoo!

saying that as i snap my fingers and go to the vending machine for a snack

By GayLOL

October 10, 2006 12:54 PM | Link to this

And, to add a twist for this blog….

The general public would be SHOCKED to find the actual number of married men (to women) that are in gay bars, are in the gym locker room making passes at men, and are at other “gay” locations trying to hook up with another man.

As a single gay man, I dated a man for a week before I found out that he had a wife with children. Of course, I dumped him quickly.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this

Runnin I don’t konw why the wives called, or why they decide to stay. But Qsgirl has a point, many of these married women are so setup financially that they will take just about anything off of their husbands. And some of these other ladies just don’t want to be without a man.

By T Zigga

October 10, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

LOL @ SeanJ and Jake thinking that we don’t see what you guys are posting. Its not that we don’t believe that men will go elsewhere - we are saying that the fact that you WILL go elsewhere just because stuff ain’t right at home, just because there’s a woman elsewhere willing, just because you can, etc. is what makes a man a dog and there is no justification to it.

Just because a lot of men are doing it don’t make it right and doesn’t mean that we are going to accept it. If you got a problem with the way a woman wears her hair in the bedroom to the point that you have to get in someone else’s bed then doggone it LEAVE! But don’t cheat and think its justified.

Y’all kill me with that ish about the women aren’t listening as if we have to say ‘Sir, yes sir, I will look great at all times, operate on 2 hours of sleep so that you will stay in my bed and not seek it elsewhere!’ Hells no because a cheat will cheat and he will find some other reason to step. If its not the hair, its the cooking, if its not the cooking its the sexing, if its not any of that - its because he was approached and he couldn’t say no much longer.

In summary - a cheating azz cheat will cheat regardless and all this MLB BullIsh you guys keep spouting to bring us under submission and try to make us into the Stepford Wives that you desire won’t stop a cheat azz cheat from cheating.

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

GayLOL have you ever heard of a gay Man cheating behind their Man with a married Woman?!?!?!?

Now that would be a helluvva situation!!!

By alvin

October 10, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this

abc Thank for the info on married lyfe…I may marry one day, I just thought of a new trick involving Ramen noddles…Hopefully I will remember half of them

to the blog: Yo mamma soooo old, God payed her to die…You are not living past 964!!!

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

Kym You had no choice because Culpepper got benched by his coach…lol. He’s lost his swagger and confidence and if he doesn’t get it back soon he might be out of the league. P. Manning and M. Harrison have bye weeks coming up so I need Chad Johnson and D. McNabb to step up big time!

Hot Sauce I hear you but it still doesn’t make sense to me.

Almost forgot, for the blog ladies:

If you have or are currently dealing with a married man to avoid commitment or because he’s just Mr. Right Now then that’s bullsht!! There are plenty of single men out there who don’t want a commitment either and are more than willing to have you as that booty call, so try another story. I think a lot of women want what they can’t have, want that challenge to conquer as well. Like when I go out and chill with the fellas versus when I go out with a date. I get all kinds of attention when I’m out with a date and I’ve even been approached when my date wasn’t around. But when I’m out solo or kicking it with the fellas, I gotta put in work.*

By GayLOL

October 10, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

MusingLee no, haven’t heard that. But, I do know of a current gay male couple where one of them was married to a woman before they met. His wife (as I was told) was very understanding through the divorce. And, the gay couple have been together now for over 9 years. They are still friends with the ex-wife.

By Royal Chic

October 10, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

Afternoon greetings….

I had a married man hit on me for the first time earlier this year…..(the only one that I know of)….I didn’t notice he was wearing a ring until we exchanged pleasantries and started vibing a bit……we were in a dark lounge and I had a cocktail or two, but once I saw his ring I immediately withdrew……I’m not interested in being an outlet or a shoulder to cry on or his refuge away from his “boring, disatisfying marriage…”…it’s an energy drainer…..

As far as cheating is concerned….I have cheated and definitely have been cheated on and after forgiving myself and the ones that have cheated (known or unbeknownst)…..I realized that cheating is a defense mechanism…it’s simply a sign of insecurity and our way of feeding into the “fairy tale” that doesn’t exist in real relationships and real marriages….when you find someone you can build a “real” partnership with….the desire…curiosity….and lust becomes highly overrated.

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 01:13 PM | Link to this

hey Royal Chic (waving)

T Zigga, drop the mic girl!!

applauding

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

@ Jake…thanks for the assist.. @ LahLah…stop starting stuff…unless u coming to the room too

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this

“many of these married women are so setup financially that they will take just about anything off of their husbands.”

So Thick, wouldn’t that make her a gold digger who has perfected her craft?….LOL.

“when you find someone you can build a “real” partnership with….the desire…curiosity….and lust becomes highly overrated.”

Royal Chic You get a blog smiley face for that post, that’s real talk. Doesn’t mean that temptation isn’t there, just that it’s not worth losing what you’ve built with your SO.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 01:19 PM | Link to this

Yes, a cheat is a cheat is a cheatin azz!!!! And if that is who/how you are, you will find a reason/excuse to do it. Just like there are some who will find an reason/excuse to accept it.

@Gay…now that is the ultimate form of “make me shoot/stab, fugg you up kind of cheating”. LOL!!! And there is a whole lot of that going on. What the hell happened to just telling your mate that you can’t do it anymore? What the hell happened to just leaving? I would rather come home and your ish was packed and gone, than to have to deal with that kind of mess!!!

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 01:24 PM | Link to this

Now picking up T-Zigga’s dropped mic and placing it back onto podium….Now starting Napoleon Dynamite dance routine……Jump, hip shimmy, hip shimmy, crazy leg action followed by “soul train” split, into a “take that”, “take that”, closing with an “air kick” with fist raised up like “power to the people”…..Curtain dropping down and lights dimming

By Royal Chic

October 10, 2006 01:26 PM | Link to this

Waving back at ya WISE….how are ya??!!

By Wasn't Me

October 10, 2006 01:27 PM | Link to this

I am by most accounts a “good man.” I love my wife. I love my children. I provide for them. There is no known deficiency at home. That said, I cheat. Not every day. Not every year even. I turn down most advances, but occasionally I dabble. The scenario is usually as follows:

I meet a physically attractive and intellectually stimulating woman, I tell her I’m married and have no interest in anything physical. Maybe we can talk/e-mail here or there, perhaps even lunch, but that’s it.

I tell her that I don’t cheat on my wife. She says that she would never cheat with a married man. We talk and develop a friendship secure in the knowledge that we are not trying to “go there.”

A few months later, we “go there.” I can’t believe it happened. She can’t believe it happened. It will never happen again. But of course, it happens again…and again…and again.

A year or so later, she wants her own “good man.” Because she’s emotionally and physically bonded with me, I become a hindrance in her finding someone. I voluntarily stop contacting her.

Sooner or later I meet another physically attractive and intellectually stimulating woman…

By Jake

October 10, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this

T Zigga

You are one smart cookie, but don’t think the factors that are presented to you do not have a lot to do with it. Yes, There is nothing better kitty, but new kitty…However, we are not the Neanderthals that you may think we are. We are all capable of sustaining a committed relationship, but we also recognize a bullskitter when we see one..you Bullskitter. At some point you and the rest of the “Ovulaters” should realize that your day to day behavior has as much to do with the phenomenon of “cheating” as me or any man being a “cheatin azz cheater”. It is precisely the attitude that you have spewed that makes it impossible for many women to recognize their own “slippage in the relationship”. I and the professors MLB LAW are trying raise your awareness…not feed you ignorance. Take a sniff….knowledge is floating in the air…get yourself some.

I will admit that there is a percentage of cats that are going chase forever and will never be a TRUE MAN to any woman, BUT A TRUE MAN will continue to be that to a woman who makes it her business to KEEP HIM SATISFIED…and vice versa.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 01:33 PM | Link to this

T-Zigga Blog <> for you on your post!! Because I’ll be damned if they don’t ignore MOST of the jewels we drop for them….but it’s all good. SeanMakingtheBandJ wants a harem of women anyway…quiet and obedient..LOL.

Oh yeah, with long flowing hair at night!

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

@ T Ziggy Marley…you cant have that negative atitutde…if you go into it with the mindset that he is gonna cheat..then he might as well…

second tip for the women…u should always drain your man..by sxing him as much as possible…puddy/including oral should be the last thing on his mind when he leaves the house..make sure if he do cheat it wasnt because he wasnt getting any at home…after marriage or a while into the relationship..some females tend to use puddy as a weapon or bargaining tool..use to get him to act right or how they want or see fit. evb if u a are mad at him dont let that stop you from having sx..this is a common mistake women make.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 01:39 PM | Link to this

Jake I agree with your post that your day to day behavior has alot to do with the strength of your relationship…that’s a jewel….tying my hair up at night to keep a man from cheating…is cubic zirconia

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 01:41 PM | Link to this

After dancing…looking down and noticing all of the dropped jewels…Arriving to the blog 3 hours later with new blog “pimp” chain and jewel encrusted fronts

Now doing jive footstep to “It Don’t Mean a Thing”.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 01:41 PM | Link to this

Jake….see Wasn’tMe’s 1:27 post…hmmmm

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 01:42 PM | Link to this

ok Jake, the ovulators thing was cute and condescending, very nice. MLB’s are beaming with pride, no doubt.

There is a song called Half Gifts that I really like by the Cocteau Twins. Part of it says, Intimacy is when we’re in the same place at the same time, Dealing honestly with how we feel, and who we really are, That’s what grown-ups do. That is mature thinking.

The thing is, the whole thing about being real women and real men ..you never want to reduce what you have to “conditional” love. If you are hot enough, attentive enough, thin enough, non-nagging enough, we MAY not stray. That is utter BS.

Men and women who know what real intimacy is about, realize that what you have will DEFINITELY be challenged, it most CERTAINLY will be tough, and it quite possibly will come undone.. BUT..being real men and real women, you are committed to doing the WORK to get through the moments that make you want to sprint to your lawyers office or to another person’s bedroom to fix the problem. The reason for that whole, forsake all others, is not hinged on staying perfect, it’s based in mutual respect and admiration.

Men and women often don’t act like grown-ups because they are in the self-preservation mode in a relationship, which in my opinion is like a cancer to the marriage - if you are constantly looking out for self, somebody is going to get hurt.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this

@Wasn’t Me

*Thanks for breakin the mic. Now beat-boxin and dodgin rotten apples. Soul claps are now one finger salutes…LOL

Do your thang homie…Now blastin Young Jeezy’s “Don’t Get Caught” and lookin for the next beauty.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 01:47 PM | Link to this

Not necessarily Runnin, some of these women are truly comfortable, they have small children and are not trying to raise them alone, or living in two separate locations.

I this same conversation among women I had a women to actually say to me: “Why should I leave him with two kids under 12, if she’s the young playboy bunny side-kick then let her hold her position. I am not leaving my husband, like all the others it will pass and that dog will come back home eventually!” Now personally I would have a problem with this, but some married women are taking a passive approach. How sad, sigh

T-Zigga girl you and Wise Diva are keeping it REAL about these excuses men are making for cheating!

By Royal Chic

October 10, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

Wise, well said:)

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

ALERT/ATTENTION: NOW PULLING MALE BLOGGER’S CARD!

Kym hope you are paying attention and noting this…lol.

“I meet a physically attractive and intellectually stimulating woman, I tell her I’m married and have no interest in anything physical. Maybe we can talk/e-mail here or there, perhaps even lunch, but that’s it.”

Wasn’t Me That’s some bullsht! Sorry bruh, been there, done that. If you are an involved man and you meet an attractive female and you want to talk, email, have lunch, whatever, then your ultimate intentions are to see if you can hit it, plain and simple! Now maybe telling yourself all this candy-land mess helps you sleep better at night but the bottom line is you know that approach will get you inside her head and eventually inside her coochie (pardon my french*)…LOL. And any female that falls for that just wants the man to hit it and initiate it so she won’t feel so bad as if she pursued him. Just real talk….

By JC

October 10, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

I see there is a lot of conversation going on about dealing with married people. First of all, most married men cheat because they are greedy, next there are a few who aren’t being taking care of at home. What happens when a man sits down with his wife and tells her face to face what he needs and how to give it to him, sends letters to her explaining how much he needs her and his craving for her runs deeper than the ocean. After he does everything to show her he loves, support and cater to her every needs, his request fall on deaf ears. They go to counseling, still his needs are not meet, all he wants is to be love and passion in the marriage….He is not out looking for anything, then one day Gwen shows up, and she is engaged, he walks away from Gwen, next thing you know, they have a real connection, which is unexplainable. He tells his wife, please I need you, crave you, falls on deaf ears again. Then he and Gwen have been seeing each other for one year and their relationship is real. So for all you all who say what you will not do, you have to walk down others road before you can judge.

By abc

October 10, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

You chicks have to at least admit that married women cheat just as much as married men do. Wasn’t Me’s description is a typical scenario: people allow themselves to slip up every so often, and then after the fact assuage their guilt and self image by telling themselves they’re not bad people, they’re not sexually immoral, they’re just human and made a mistake.

Avoiding all platonic contact with the opposite sex is a poor alternative. It’s simple avoidance, and it’s common knowledge that avoidance solves no problems, it just does away with the side effects.

If you figure out what the problem is with your inability to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex and remain committed to your mate, write a book about it, you’ll be a best seller.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

^5 Runnin…..for real!!!

Wise too, you speakin the truth!!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

Runnin I picked up that WR from Philly Baskett. Think I am going to give him a try this week. I have some folks on a bye too this week.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

@Wise cute and condescending is my specialty, and I feel ya. @Sexione saw it before I saw yours, talk about “handing over the ammunition to the enemy” Dayummmm.

Gotta get some lunch…I’ll holla

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 02:00 PM | Link to this

Wasn’t Me are you Just Me? I think so….LOL

By Wasn't Me

October 10, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

Bonjour mademoiselle Kym. Of course it’s all BS. You have hit the nail on the head. How astute you are. Now speaking of hitting it, I love your french accent. What you doing for lunch? Bonsoir.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 02:09 PM | Link to this

Cheating for men is about the sex and most of them will admit it.

Women try to justify their infidelities by saying things like my husband doesn’t communicate, he doesn’t meet my needs or he doesn’t make me happy.

Men are much more honest about why they do it and less likely to blame others.

By Sidelines

October 10, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

Jake/runnin/SJ…there are those of us who are taking note of the “knowledge dropping”

However,

T-Zigga, girl you and WDiva are keeping it REAL about these excuses men are making for cheating!

I’ll have to agree…

Musing, you are nuts…lol!

By ME

October 10, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

I got bit by a “single” married man. He came thru like prince charming and swept me off my feet. Found out later that…the name he told me was not his name at all and that he was in fact married. By the time I found this out, I was caught up. However, I would not knowingly date a married man. Dead end street…

By kinderbabe

October 10, 2006 02:14 PM | Link to this

everybody, for real now…you can’t have it all. yes, it would be ideal for married/involved folks to conduct themselves the same way as they did when they were single bu that’s why it’s called COMMITTED. it’s a more than a little insane to think that once you are involved seriously, you can play by the same rules. everything changes when you get w/someone special…and i don’t mean that in a bad way. what i’m saying is, you do make different decisions regarding the nature of your relationships w/the opposite sex. if a person is still power flexing…still trying to prove that they’re “the man” or “the woman” by still acting like they’re single…making new “friends”, then clearly they’re not ready to be in a relationship. when you’re in a relationship you consider the person’s feelings that you’re with. it’s just not worth the drama acquiring platonic friends while you’re with someone. it’s a part of growing up…you just can’t do every dangblang thing you want! you gotta give up some ish…it’s a part of life, growth, maturity…

By Wasn't Me

October 10, 2006 02:16 PM | Link to this

Deep Dimples, I’m not Just Me. I’m not a regular here. I do what the regulars call lurk, often though. I blogged one day last week with a different name, but I certainly don’t want to incriminate someone I’m not.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

@Wasn’tMe I think you need to direct that comment to Runnin he is the one that called your statement BS. Maybe you are one of those guys Gay was talking about.

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 02:18 PM | Link to this

lovelyliz-Lets not forget that women also cheat for is often referred to as the getback. This is done when a married woman will screw one of her man’s friends and never let it get out. Just so she can have that mental ‘1 up’ on him or so she can give him that ‘MmmHmm Mofo’ look next time he does or says something out of the way.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Now, you and I are usually simpatico…but today, you’se on some new ish! TZigga wasn’t saying that she had the mindset that if he’s going to cheat he might as well. (By the way, where do I co-sign T?) My impression was that she meant in a lot of men’s minds, any ole excuse will do! In otherwords, no matter what we do for some men, they just don’t have it in them to be faithful. All of the non-do-rag wearin’, sex everyday and everyway in the world wouldn’t be enough. It’s those men that I have problems with. And yeah, you are coming off a bit like it’s all about keeping you (not you personally, but you men) happy. Nevermind all of the men who come home at the end of the day and sit their fat, lazy azzes on the sofa with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other, while their wife who also works full-time cooks dinner, cleans the house, helps the kids with homework, and then is expected to look like some G-String Diva every night so his didn’t-lift-a-finger azz can get his rocks off. Sorry, but if you guys want us to always be diva-fied and sexy so you won’t stray, then maybe you could do something to make our lives a little less hectic so we have time to actually do those things.

All of that has probably been said today, but I thought it was worth repeating.

And SJ* I still love ya! We just don’t agree on this one.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

It’s sad, but I have in-fact seen a man at a bar & grill flirting with young ladies including myself, and the following weekend seen the same man at a family pool party with his wife. Some men do want it all, but I think men keep the secrets among themselves. I have found more women willing to accept him cheating, and be hurt and unhappy by it before they will go out and cheat on him.

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

@KYM…lmao……FUN..NEE..

By The Truth

October 10, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

There are no blanket rules that apply to EVERY situation.

When I was single, I had a married lover, he backed off when I met a single guy I wanted to date, he picked up the pieces when it ended badly. This lasted 7 yrs, til I decided I wanted a baby and proposed… to someone else.

Many folks get involved with “unavailable” people, because they lack the skills to make a LTR work! If there IS no potential for a LTR then you can’t really fail at it, it didn’t exist.

I’ve been married now for 22 yrs and spent the last 5+ yrs married to a man I see twice a yr, for one week each time. Do I “date” other people? Yeah. I’m human, I need companionship and touch. Do I take anything away from a married partner’s family? Nope, I pay my own way… ALWAYS and they get him in the evenings in a much better mood!

I see plenty of single people too and probably feel MORE guilty over them, because between work and kids and the homefront, I’m not available as often as they’d like.

So see, we “cheaters” do have hearts, concerns and guilt. But let it be noted…. I NEVER approach the man, I never instigate and I don’t do the bar scene or present myself like a hoochie.

In some cases, I truly believe that “stepping out” enables someone to STAY in their marriages till they can work through the spot, or at least stay and allow the children to grow up in a two parent home.

I’ll now don my bullet proof vest as I’m sure it’s comin’!! ;-)

By abc

October 10, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

Suga, there’s something seriously pathologically wrong with your ‘get-back’ idea. I shudder to think that some ho would misrepresent herself to that extent. That is another sub-definition of psycho beeyotch for sure.

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

Eyes shifting to one side and head shifted sideways

“Did someone say G-String Divas?!?!?”

By bruthaman

October 10, 2006 02:32 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Peeps. I’ve been lurking most of the day and have come up with a question for the group. What if marriage was truly conducted like a contract, with a fixed amount of time. For example you sign a marrigae contract for 10 years, with clauses for infidellity and spousal abuse that come with a financial penalty. You also have the option for extensions or a bonus. Would these stipulations cause people to view marriage as more than a ceremony held in a church or would this cause further damage to the institution of marriage? It seems to work for some professional athletes…when it comes time for a new contract everyone just seems to step up their game. Just a thought……..

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

LOL @ G-string Diva.. great comment! I just want to yell GROW UP!!!.. we know it’s not easy being with us, and YOU guys are NOT always a bowl of cherries either! GEEZ.

We can’t live without each other (but we do), and we can’t live with each other (but we do).

I swear the single life just seems more peaceful, LOL Chink, what did you say to your mom? I may need you to make some cue cards for my talk with grandma.

By Chink

October 10, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

This discussion today just reinforces for me why marriage is not for me…….

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

Now handing The Truth a full body armour with my “strong short hand” (Scary Movie)….

“Go on, take this!”

You are about to get blog shot at…Better put on some 50 cent and two step dat’azz outta the blog window

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Kym

Wasn’t Me Yeah, that was my post bruh. No one can see your email addy and you can switch your blog name as often as you like so handle your business and do you, but you can keep it real on here. Just saying…

“while their wife who also works full-time cooks dinner, cleans the house, helps the kids with homework, and then is expected to look like some G-String Diva every night so his didn’t-lift-a-finger azz can get his rocks off.”

NCgirlfromATL Please don’t let me find a post in the blog archives where you profess to be one of the women who is willing to do anything and everything to please her man and keep the family happy. Now it’s back to women aren’t cooking, cleaning or bringing sexy back…LOL. (just clownin)

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this

@ NCATLIEN…i feel you…you have a point..some men are like that…cant deny some dudes just will never act right..

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this

When I was in the military, I saw a lot of don’t ask behavior between the servicemembers and their spouses.

What happened on deployment, stayed on deployment and this code seemed to work for some, but it was never something I would ever do.

By The Truth

October 10, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this

Bruthaman, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head!!

Can you even IMAGINE how folks would conduct themselves as contract renewal time rolled around??? LMAO!

By abc

October 10, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this

The Truth is you’re a double psycho beeyotch, you need a good b1tchslapping… after I’m done whoopin your azz, tell yo mama she’s next!

Seriously, that’s just sad. You’ll never know what a good relationship is, and your husband may never know how misguided his affections are. I hope he’s screwing around on you just as much as you do on him, maybe you’ll get adjacent beds in the AIDS ward. Pathetic, almost depressing.

By DuShawn

October 10, 2006 02:42 PM | Link to this

Just because you a man is married does not mean he is no longer attracted to other women. I often see women that I think are physically beautiful. Occasionally, I may have a conversation with them. I don’t perceive that as flirting, I’m just making conversation not trying to start a relationship or have sex with them. Regarding, the reason why husbands cheat, the explanations are endless. I personally believe a marriage/relationship is a living organism. If you don’t nurture it, it will die and feelings will change. When you’re married and you begin to hate to come home because of the drama, arguments, and tension created by problems in the relationship. It becomes much easier to go to a mistress’ home and be greeted by lust, passion and affection. This will only exacerbate the problems at home. However, I can see how some men decide to take that route.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 10, 2006 02:44 PM | Link to this

Dang, abc…tell her how you really feel about it!!

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 02:45 PM | Link to this

Wise, I agree, the single life IS more peaceful. After many years of devotion and commitment, I’ve seen it for myself. Cheating wasn’t as big an issue (in this case) as lack of communication, making the “boys” a priority over me, holidays with everybody except me. Now I feel like the saying on one of my daughter’s tshirts….THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING BY MYSELF WAS BENG WITH YOU!!!

By Kelli

October 10, 2006 02:46 PM | Link to this

abc proves why men on this blog don’t need to be respected, WTF…to disagree with a female, she needs to get bytch slapped and called psycho?

ABC how many women have you married and left? Are you really the authority of marriage and women?

By bruthaman

October 10, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

Think about it, we make all these promises to each other at the wedding, but there’s really no penalties for breaking those promises. Yeah I know there are consequences for your actions, but really think about it. Who’s there to hold our feet to the fire?

By Wasn't Me

October 10, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

I guess I better go back to lurking. After all those years of college and law school, I can’t figure out who’s who on the blog.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 02:49 PM | Link to this

WD I swear the single life seems more peaceful

I beg to differ. When two people who truly love each other and are willing to make the sacrifices needed in a relationship to maintain a strong bond, believe me it’s worth all the blood, sweat and tears. A real man/woman would never disrespect his SO. He/She will always take that person into consideration BEFORE making any decision that could be detrimental to that relationship. And that means thinking their actions ALL THE WAY THROUGH (being far-sighted).

I’m not saying that in some cases wrong thoughts don’t creep in, but it’s how you handle those wrong thoughts that determine your level of maturity, respect, loyalty and commitment

BUT when you put two immature people together whose sole intent is to get what they can from the other, IT WILL NEVER LAST!!!! And they shouldn’t be married anyway!!!!!!!

As has been stated before, marriage when entered into under the right circumstances and with the proper attitude can last and be very happy and fulfilling for both.

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 02:50 PM | Link to this

One truth about reading the ajc MIA blog you will never cease to be amazed and entertained. LOL

By The Truth

October 10, 2006 02:50 PM | Link to this

Just a wild guess, but I’m thinking one of the “many other things” that abc’s ex did, besides emptying his wallet…. was to cheat on him.

Maybe Alvin has it right, the “swingin” lifestyle eliminates the deceit and you STILL get the “strange”!

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this

The Truth handle your business but that sounds really sad.

Diva It’s all about knowing what you want and not settling for bull, whether you are single or married. Some people just settle for convenience and just continue to make excuses. But convenience almost never equates to happiness which is why people step out to fulfill that need.

By Chink

October 10, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this

Wise it was pretty easy she knows of the times …its just not the same anymore …

Shoot you can use the blog for backup!

bruthaman …marriage is better in the form of a business …I agree

By JC

October 10, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

15 billion people in this world; 7.5 billion woman, 7.5 billion men, and soem of you feel there is only one person you can be with all your life, there are others out there who will get your attention, I see a lot of people here have not traveled this world………

By abc

October 10, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this

Married twice, divorced twice, my chosen profession was the main reason why both times. Once for 4 years, once for 20, I may not be an ulitimate authority, but I know a thing or two about being married. Making excuses for serial adultery deserves strong criticism, in my opinion.

The first line was a joke, stupid.

By Wise Diva

October 10, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this

danielle, I will probably fall helplessly in love and completely forget dig marriage. I never say never, but daaang, sometimes my control freak side kicks in and I want to ensure I stay in a peaceful happy existence, unmarried. LOL

By runninatl

October 10, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

abc is dropping haymakers, scaring the lurkers back into hiding and all…LOL.

Musing make sure you hand The Truth a first aid kit and an escape route in case things get too hot…lol.

I’m done throwing stones for today, it’s been entertaining as always.

Ya’ll be easy.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

Musings G-String Divas was for you, mayne!

running ummm…ok, no need to go searching…I am one of those women. But, I won’t be a doormat for anyone. Even I have boundaries. But hells yeah, let’s bring sexy back!!

A round of sexy for everyone, on the house!

By JC

October 10, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this

No one has much to say about the woman or man who dates these married people, aren’t they part of it too? It takes two to have an affair………….

By danielle

October 10, 2006 03:12 PM | Link to this

WD

Just trying to represent for the happily married people who think cheating on a spouse whether you feel justified or not is morally wrong, disrespectful and disloyal.

If you are not being satisfied in your present relationship, GET OUT. But to stay in a relationship while cheating affects every member of that family and the scum/dross usually isn’t exposed until it’s too late.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

Bruthaman I do know of a couple of marriages in which agreements were signed and most of these couples remain married. But if divorce does occure the husband to pay the wife so much money other than regular divorce settlements, they are also included.

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

WD I don’t necessarily agree or disagree that life is more peaceful being single…but after reading some comments day after day I do believe marriage ain’t for everybody and everybody ain’t for marriage.

(If this posted twice, sorry)

By Peachezz

October 10, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

Musing, i’m opening the “GoodHBooth” at 3:30pm cause you need to relax baby!

By Thick

October 10, 2006 03:21 PM | Link to this

From a woman’s perspective adultery in marraige takes something emotionally away from a woman who is being cheated on. And it seems as though it is difficult for the woman to identify with herself becasue she has chose to settle and be passive about this cheating. If the she stays and accepts this then she is hurt and if she leaves and take the children then she’s hurt and so is everybody else. Staying single don’t sound so bad, because when no trust and honesty is the relationship everybody suffers!

By alvin

October 10, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

Maybe Alvin has it right, the “swingin” lifestyle eliminates the deceit and you STILL get the “strange”!

The Truth…Amen, but you are not allowed to sleep with said husband outside of the parties, it is about respecting said person SO….but it is hella fun and often we all go to the same place for testing a week before hand…try it out and be safe about it…*is your husband cool with you being boned out by another man in the next room? are you cool with the moaning in the next room…not coming from you?

If not, get a divorce and get your grown woman on!! THE BLOGGERS BE DAYUMED!!!!

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this

JC No one has much to say about the woman or man who dates these married people, aren’t they part of it too? It takes two to have an affair…………. You’re right. In fairness, there has been at least one person who said they didn’t know their mate was married until it was too late. But, for the most part, there are some singles who don’t have a problem dating married folks. I couldn’t do it.

I live by the motto, the way you get ‘em, is the way you’ll lose ‘em. If I got you by deceit, I’ll lose you the same way. Karma is a bee-yach!

danielle If you are not being satisfied in your present relationship, GET OUT. But to stay in a relationship while cheating affects every member of that family and the scum/dross usually isn’t exposed until it’s too late. AMEN, AMEN and AMEN!

Humiliation is unnecessary, and cheating leads to humiliation of the person you said you loved and respected.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 03:32 PM | Link to this

Thick Staying single don’t sound so bad, because when no trust and honesty is the relationship everybody suffers!

A single person still has a desire to be in a monogamous, committed relationship with someone that they care deeply about, you don’t have to be married and the effects are equally damaging.

By Raqi

October 10, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

alvin How in the heck are you going to check your mate on getting with said “swingster” outside of the party? What’s the difference? It’s okay as long as you know when it’s going down? And what if your lady gets hooked by said swingster and prefer him to you? How you gone by mad with her or him? What if your lady starts to compare you to him? How you gone feel belittled when you condoned it? Come on talk to me baby boy.

By KSU STUDENT

October 10, 2006 03:45 PM | Link to this

Please note, per my very respected paralegal professor at KSU, there is NO such thing as a legal separation in GA. In GA you are either married or not married. There is no middle ground and you can still be divorced on grounds of adultery if you move out and have not received the final divorce papers.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

alvin So, you really go to swingers clubs? Wow! I’ve had clients who were swingers early in their marriage. Then (irony of all ironies), they broke up b/c one of the parties “cheated.” Yeah, I get it that the whole swingers thing is about the consent and the safety of the swing. But, I can’t help but wonder, once the barn door is open, can you really get mad when the horses don’t come back home?

Just wonderin’

By Thick

October 10, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

I feel ya danielle, but once you get married you should be able to discuss these desires and feeling with the person you have choosen to spend your life with, rather than commit adultery. By all standards trust and honesty are important but marriage involves more than just the woman’s feelings, there are the children, and the present husband. Trust if and when a woman leaves her husband the family unit is torn, that’s significant. If my boyfriend cheats on me outside of our “monogamous” relationship shoot I just get another companion! I think I can handle dealing with my feelings better than if I had to explain to my children that daddy and I want be together anymore.

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

@ Thick..and it doesnt take anything away from a man emotionally?? I dont know whether u knew it or not..but men love harder than women..

By Chink

October 10, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

Danielle

While I kind of agree with you …but being single gives you more of a better option in leaving if the relationship fails ..being married and going through a divorce or separation seems more costly and time consuming…

By danielle

October 10, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

KSU Please note, per my very respected paralegal professor at KSU, there is NO such thing as a legal separation in GA. In GA you are either married or not married.

NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 10, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

What up Peeps?!

I’m not even gonna try to catch up on the blog…

On topic: I don’t do married babes. And that includes “seperated” babes. If you ain’t got your Gold Seal, other than for networking purposes, we’ve got nothing to talk about. I’ve broken that personal rule in the past and it costed me a lot of cash and dayum near my freedom. Never again…

Demi

?? what was/is the point of getting married in the first place, if you’re gonna cheat? ??

Some men/women do this because they think that they’re infallable and slick like that and that karma isn’t gonna come back and bite them in the azz.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

Thick it’s cheaper to keep her huh?

I am thinking on the adam and eve thingy…there is something in our nature (sin), that causes us to lust after the forbidden fruit…they had a whole garden themsheves…but, it didn’t stop them…so, how strong are we really?

By Peachezz

October 10, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this

Musing, where are you i’ve been opened for almost 45 minutes

By danielle

October 10, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this

*Thick If my boyfriend cheats on me outside of our “monogamous” relationship shoot I just get another companion! I think I can handle dealing with my feelings better than if I had to explain to my children that daddy and I want be together anymore.

I agree to some extent, but the problem is: How many people are in common-law/living together relationships where children are involved? Believe it or not there are many and when the relationship is over there is much to lose (and children to support).

By Sidelines

October 10, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

runnin, Diva It’s all about knowing what you want and not settling for bull, whether you are single or married. Some people just settle for convenience and just continue to make excuses. But convenience almost never equates to happiness which is why people step out to fulfill that need.…that’s some real talk right there, runnin!

By abc

October 10, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

danielle, having just gone through it within the past 2 years, what KSU says is true, according to the shysters that handled my divorce.

Alvin, for a biblical take on the topic, google ‘sexual purity’.

By lovelyliz

October 10, 2006 04:00 PM | Link to this

danielle

A single person still has a desire to be in a monogamous, committed relationship with someone that they care deeply about, you don’t have to be married and the effects are equally damaging.

The expectations are different. I’ve been hurt by a cheating boyfriend whom I was totally into, but that’s nothing compared to the hurt my soon-to-be-divorced sister felt when her husband was caught after search elsewhere.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this

Chink being married and going through a divorce or separation seems more costly and time consuming…

When your emotions is tied to an individual that is what is more important to you than the amount of money necessary to sever ties.

If you love someone and that love is then violated, it’s the emotion attachment and the time invested in that relationship that ends up costing more than any divorce ever could.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:04 PM | Link to this

Okay, SeanJ I am not saying that it doesn’t, I just did not want to speak for the men. Thank you for responding and making it perfectly clear that men have emotions. Question Since men love harder than women, when they cheat on said woman (wife) that they love, do they still love that woman, and is there cheating excusable because it was just a fling outside of the marriage?

alvin “it’s cheaper to keep her huh?” I have heard men make such a point. But having the opportunity to watch this play out over the years I have also learned from these men that they actually would have never left their wives. They were only have an affair, it is something they thought was acceptable in society, often times they watch there daddy do it also, still I don’t agree, but yes it happens! Oh yeah, that agreement, one is called a ketubah.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:04 PM | Link to this

abc having just gone through it within the past 2 years, what KSU says is true, according to the shysters that handled my divorce.*

Operative word Shysters. Believe me, that is so NOT TRUE!!!!!!

By Hot Sauce

October 10, 2006 04:05 PM | Link to this

SJ Some men love harder than women, not all men…

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

abc Sounds to me like you got taken to the bank.

By Sexione

October 10, 2006 04:09 PM | Link to this

A little humor to end the day…

Adam asked God, “God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?”

God replied, “So that you would love her Adam.”

Adam asked God, “God, why did you make Eve so understanding?”

God replied, “So that you would love her Adam.”

Adam asked God, “God, why did you give Eve such long, beautiful hair?”

God replied, “So that you would love her Adam.”

Adam asked God, “God, why did you make Eve so stupid?”

God replied, “That’s simple Adam, so that she would love you!”

Good Day All!!!

By abc

October 10, 2006 04:09 PM | Link to this

danielle, not according to the bar. What good is a legal separation anyway? Temporary agreements fill the void as far as custody, child support, alimony, and division of property, without a formal divorce.

Thick and Alvin, it may be cheaper to keep her, but it’s quite worth it to be rid of her! Like gettin out of jail, man!

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:13 PM | Link to this

Ya know what danielle, I can’t speak for the people who feel living together is an option. Simply because after even six months that mess starts to cost too much. Shoot, living together and making babies, you need go on and get married becasue you either are goin to keep her and the child (get married) or pay her child support. My companion will stay at his house and I will stay at my house. Now that may very well say that I am comfortable being single and/or I want as much freedom to choose to be monogamous or not. Dang I might be a Control Freak Oh well!

Married or “Common-Law” folks need to think their situation thru better!

By alvin

October 10, 2006 04:14 PM | Link to this

NCgirlfromATL I meant to ask you about it…

But, I can’t help but wonder, once the barn door is open, can you really get mad when the horses don’t come back home?

Often times, no!! If the marriage is unhealty to began with, it doesn’t matter. It will not last any how.

Another thing, I DO NOT COUNT!!! I am a very open person, if I am not saturiflying ya, let me know. If not, you have the right to leave me for someone else…

Ex and I swang together for a good little while with different couples…speak of the devil, she is texting me about a party this weekend…sorry babe uncle just past, i’m cool

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:15 PM | Link to this

Blessings come in many different ways abc, be thankful for yours!! hahaha, LOL

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:15 PM | Link to this

lov The expectations are different. I’ve been hurt by a cheating boyfriend whom I was totally into, but that’s nothing compared to the hurt my soon-to-be-divorced sister felt when her husband was caught after search elsewhere.**

I agree that the commitment in a marriage can be much deeper than bf/gf and I can’t speak for your relationship, but any long-term relationship is going to have some residual effects from a cheating SO.

I can’t even imagine that if you’ve been with someone between 5-10 years and not married, that you would not have emotional, possibly even financial ties with that person. And if that person violated your trust, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be angry and painfully sad.

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 04:16 PM | Link to this

@ Thick..men cheat for plenty of different reasons..each case may vary..keeping it real with you..another jewel being dropped most men cheat because we all like new puddy…so we can love..be in love…its just how men are programmed..thats why i think men are not designed to be with one woman..kinda like u take a lion out of the wild…he is still going to want to hunt and crave fresh blood…like Jay Z said in make the song cry..” i was just fking them girls i was gone get right back”..

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:18 PM | Link to this

abc there is NO such thing as a legal separation in GA

The issue is whether legal separations are recognized in GA. My answer once again is YES, however it may not work for you and a divorce may be what you need.

By Jake

October 10, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this

@abc I’ll play assistant pimp today, Here’s that baby powder you wanted

Truth I hope you are a damn good ducker.

@Alvin You wild as they come, dayumm that. I am not that secure that I will take my lady to get boned by somebody else….matter of fact..sounds like that is just somebody who you like screwing..SOMETIME…Do your thang, I can’t knock the hustle, but don’t fool yourself..

Basically, most people cheat at some time or another, those who haven’t have a lot of respect for their mate…or the right opportunity has not presented itself. Who came up with this monagamy ish anyway, what was Her name?

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 04:23 PM | Link to this

Now riding pass the Good H Booth with SO

SO: baby, just look at all those pathetic men standing in that line trying to get into that booth…They should be ashamed of themselves.

Musing: Emmm, hmm!

SO: I wonder what it looks like on the inside. Baby, have you gone in there before, you know, before you met me!

Musing: Emmm, hmm!

SO: So how was it?!?!

Musing: Emmm, hmm!

SO now realizing Musing activated emergency lifelike driving dummy and dived out of car and into the Good H Booth line

SO: I gonna kill you Musing!

Musing: Baby, can this wait till I’m out of the booth?!?!?! (said while running through parking lot being chased by car)

By abc

October 10, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

I was told that the rationale behind ‘legal separation’ not being recognized in GA is that it’s a meaningless term. You’re STILL married; and temp agreements establish the rules and details while separated.

By R Piper

October 10, 2006 04:27 PM | Link to this

I had an affair with a woman I worked with. My wife eventually found it and we’re still married. I have apologized and will not do it again. I would say that the reason for the affair was two-fold: things at home weren’t that great and I was attracted to the other woman.

Things have been great at home ever since. Does that mean that some women need a wake up call?

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:27 PM | Link to this

Danielle I was six years deep, and don’t allow myself to go that direction anymore, it does hurt. But I put the possibility of living together and boyfriend girlfriend thank for over three years far behind me because it never has a purpose. You know, when you do these things this question oftern comes up between the two, “Where are we going with this?”. I couldn’t do it anymore.

By Jennifer

October 10, 2006 04:28 PM | Link to this

No, I don’t believe in dating or seeing married people. I am married and I would never do such a thing to my husband. As a matter of fact, this is the first relationship where I didn’t have suspicions I was being cheated on. He’s an awesome guy, so why would I ruin it? The sex cannot be that great; and definitely not worth ruining my marriage over.

I have been out with friends and Mr. Married But It’s All Good has approached me offering to buy me drinks or “whatever.” This is where I turn into a real biotch because I have no tolerance for people like that. He is completely disrespecting his wife by doing something like that and he is apparently of the mindset that I am some sort of a floozy bimbo. Of course, guys like that generally think all women are bimbos.

And as far as swinging goes, to my husband and I it is a fantasy but we both would rather talk about it than live it. ;)

By Interesting Article

October 10, 2006 04:30 PM | Link to this

…that higher IQ increases the chances a man will marry but high IQ causes an even greater decrease in the chances that a woman will marry.

Read it here

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

LOL at the Jay-Z verse ..” i was just fking them girls i was gone get right back”.. See, SeanJohnson that’s why lions are more attractive the older they get, they know how to stay at home more often and protect the household. LOL

By ImAPeach404

October 10, 2006 04:33 PM | Link to this

Did I miss anything?

By Jennifer

October 10, 2006 04:35 PM | Link to this

And, Jake, I think the person “Who came up with this monagamy ish anyway, what was Her name?” was a He, not a Her. Guys are very good at wanting to be macho and treat their women like possessions (let me just say not all guys are like this, thank goodness). Plus, even though women don’t like it when their men cheat, I think guys hate it even more when their women cheat because it is a punch to their ego. So, with that being said, I think it makes more sense to think that it was a guy who came up with monogomy.

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:36 PM | Link to this

Thick I agree with you. The best and most effective life lessons are the lessons learned. Keep your head up!!!!!!

By Foots

October 10, 2006 04:38 PM | Link to this

Think about it, we make all these promises to each other at the wedding, but there’s really no penalties for breaking those promises. Yeah I know there are consequences for your actions, but really think about it. Who’s there to hold our feet to the fire?

bruthaman I could say “courts” in this life and I could say “God” in the afterlife, but your character and integrity should hold your feet to the fire. In other words, you should hold your own feet to the fire. Who you are when someone is looking SHOULD BE the same person you are when nobody is looking. I can see that some people will excuse poor character and judgment under the guise of “I’m human” (have you EVER met a person that WASN’T human??) and “she/he drove me to it” (regardless of who’s driving, if you don’t like the ride, get the h3ll out the car). If you mess up, say you messed up and if you know you can do better, do better. Get the blame off of other people. Do the right thing for your own benefit and for the benefit of the person you chose to be with so that you’re able to look at yourself in the mirror.

By T Zigga

October 10, 2006 04:38 PM | Link to this

“another jewel being dropped most men cheat because we all like new puddy…so we can love..be in love…its just how men are programmed..”

Thanks SeanJ… - so that means even if my hair is tight every night, I’m serving it up how and when you want it and I cook your favorite meals on the regular - if you are a cheating azz cheater, you are going to cheat.

The prosecution rests your honor…

By Stinky Sullivan

October 10, 2006 04:39 PM | Link to this

Yo, ring or no ring, I’ll hit it and quit it. But then again when you’re as good-looking as I am, it comes E-Z!!!

Winks at the ladies, sS

By Monica

October 10, 2006 04:40 PM | Link to this

@ Sean: Men are condiditoned by society, their egos, and greed, to cheat. Don’t use some sappy excuse about men being animals, and therefore they mate randomly. When it comes to intellect you don’t want to be compared to an animal, do you?

On topic: Dating another married person, or dating someone else while married is a sin before God. You can try to spice up your excuse as you please, but you shouldn’t waste your time tryin to convince man, what are you going to tell God?

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 04:40 PM | Link to this

Musing Now riding pass the Good H Booth with SO You don’t have issues, you have subscriptions! lololol!! You are some kinda kuh-way-zee!

alvin Aight den. I don’t get it, but hey, you do you! I’m an only child. I can’t get down with sharing.

SJ Do you really believe men can’t be faithful? I am an eternal optimist, and I cannot believe that is true. I think it’s easy to say that men can’t be faithful, so that when they aren’t they can fall back on the disclaimer. But, truly, I think it’s a cop-out. To me, it’s just like anything else that isn’t good for you: you can make the choice to do the right thing, even if it’s difficult (which it often is), or take the easy way out and do the wrong thing.

By Blatino Brutha

October 10, 2006 04:41 PM | Link to this

Wow……………. this one’s heavy.

Let’s just say I’ve been on both sides of this issue… is there such a thing as “reverse karma?”

I was cheated on, and it largely led to the demise of my marriage, but yet the first ‘encounter’ I had after my divorce was a married woman. I wouldn’t go there again, but I’d be lyin if I didn’t say that it helped me better understand what went on in my own marriage, whether I agreed with it or not.

By alvin

October 10, 2006 04:42 PM | Link to this

Raqi

How in the heck are you going to check your mate on getting with said “swingster” outside of the party?

I don’t, she has her right to do so, I’ve been lucky so far…

And what if your lady gets hooked by said swingster and prefer him to you?

I am cool with it, there is always someone better than I…only thing I can going is my best…

What if your lady starts to compare you to him?

To be honest, if it is positive cool, negative, she has to go…As of now this never happen before…far as sex goes…my deafness is hard for they to take

How you gone feel belittled when you condoned it?

Heck I use to belittle myself to death as a child…As a CHILD

Raqi I work on myself ALONE, before I started dating…I am a very open person…what can the next person really say to hurt me as much as I hurt myself day in and day out from 9 years old until I was 20 years old?

I am who I am

By danielle

October 10, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this

Foots I agree 100%.

By Ronnie

October 10, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

I only attract fatties.

By Monica

October 10, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

@ brothaman that’s the problem with some brothas today. Afraid to step up to the plate if no one is watching, or in other words, never wanna do right unless they are gonna get praised. Ur a grown man, or at least you think, should should have the desire to hold your own feet in the fire. God forbid if you have kids, you can;t be a role model to them b/c you don’t know how to govern your own life.

By Suddenly Single

October 10, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

Call me judgmental if you want, but I can’t get past the sheer immorality of cheating. I’ve never seen an affair that didn’t inflict damage all out of proportion to the “benefits.” It is a supremely selfish act.

And if that doesn’t bother you, consider this: if the person you’re cheating with isn’t troubled by breaking such an important moral rule … then what other rules are they prepared to break?

By Suga&Spice

October 10, 2006 04:46 PM | Link to this

Sexione-good way to end the day.

have a safe commute everyone.

Smooches

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 04:47 PM | Link to this

@ T Zigga….maybe..keep it real..do/did you do all of those things?

By MusingLee

October 10, 2006 04:47 PM | Link to this

I’ve got to pour my girl T Zigga a blog glass of water on that one…LOL….She’s obviously from the School of Bonecrusher, “Ain’t neva Scared”…Hahahahahahaha

And she slamed down the blog gavel at the end…hehehehehehe

I’m out, yall have a peaceful one! Demi, get yourself out of that swingers club and back into the strip club…LOOK don’t TOUCH!!!Hahahahaha

By Peachezz

October 10, 2006 04:47 PM | Link to this

Musing, next time just “say no to drugs” and come along”

how he gone bring his SO to the booth? Why is he not going to her booth on the westside

By SeanJohnson

October 10, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

@ Monica…um…check the Koran..Bible what ever u read…men have always had more than one wife prior to a few hundred years ago….GOD prolly tell me…SJ…had you wifed them all ..u wouldnt have all these checks my your name

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 10, 2006 04:54 PM | Link to this

Boy those bible thumpers …late or not they show up.

By Thick

October 10, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this

Unfortunately there have not been many men to truly give input to this topic today, so much props to these guys who have taken a beatin from the ladies.

But lastly I gotta I agree with something I heard from another woman. “We (as women) are what many men make us, as girls we are often taught to cater and satisfy you but as we grow into women we realize that it is not always appreciated so we make our own plans and learn quickly not to trust men. So as Aretha might say if you want Do Right All Day Woman, then you gotta be a Do Right All Night Man. BTW that includes when no one is looking.

Be Blessed, Good Nite

By Eggs, Grits w/no butter

October 10, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

This was interesting, good nite

By Jake

October 10, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this

@bloggers

Since no body brought it up, I WILL, so everybody can think about it.

Does anybody ever wonder what was the cause of those murder-suicides?Answer Somebody probably cheated, we had a little fun today, but we all know cheatin ain’t cool. Be cool folks get@ya’ll tommorrow.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 10, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

TZIGGA!!

What say you, madam Foreperson?

We find the Defendant guilty, by reason of insatiability!

The Court finds the Defendant guilty by reason of insatiability, and imposes a sentence of life in prison, in an open cell, since you were all about getting the booty!

G’nite all!

By Blue (not Blue_Kolla)

October 10, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this

Well said, Danielle! I co-sign your comments are commitment and relationships.

The “Cheaters” show is enough to keep me in line - that is some wild stuff.

I think that if people had to go through what it takes to get divorced, in order to get married, the marriage commitment would be much stronger. Even a marriage license test would be good - how many folks would pass that? Driving takes a lot less effort than marriage, but the licensing procedure is much more difficult. As an engaged person, I’m seeing that it takes WAY more effort to plan the wedding that to get, and stay married. My fiancee’s brother got married at the Justice of the Peace - in and out in 90 minutes. I’m not saying that it won’t work, but can you really base a lifelong commitment on a 90 minute process? I think pre-marital counseling is a must.

Hey Sweet Tee!

By alvin

October 10, 2006 05:01 PM | Link to this

Jake/Raqi I have a heart, a BIG ONE!!

I let me be real: By the time I hit the age 20, I was half gone and mentally dead. It allow me to do the thing I did. Shot at 23 spent the last 3 three years growing and working on me

Now I go to these parties with an open and off the chain mind…Soooo if my SO want to go, we will have a blast. If not, I will stay faithful to her anyhow…I will teach her what the the basic food groups do for your body!!!

MusingLee why can’t I do both?

By TheTruth

October 10, 2006 05:03 PM | Link to this

I believe men CAN be faithful. Up until 5 yrs ago, I too was completely faithful and think I can say in all honestly that every single man I was in a long term relationship was also faithful.

There are some dogs that are just gonna hunt, period. Then there are the starvin’ ones that are just lookin’ to get fed. And then the ones that get fed at home, ears scratched, bellies rubbed and they don’t wander out of the yard.

By triple g

October 11, 2006 08:03 AM | Link to this

Don’t people cheat to feel important? they want to feel like big shots?

By Sam

October 11, 2006 08:54 AM | Link to this

I am a bachelor but I personally prefer married women…some how I feel that they spice things up more then unmarried women…and getting involved with a married women who is between 22 and 34 is hot!..lol..

By Cei

October 11, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this

Well I read some of the comments and I am a married woman so I have something to say on the subject. Sometimes I hit the single scene and might even take off my ring just for the draw of the attention. It makes an under appreciated wife feel good when a guy compliments her or makes her feel sexy. Most married couples lose that over time, you know just saying to the other “you are sexy” or basic compliments. Funny thing is I get more attention with the ring on. Men’s favorite approach at that point is “I hope that man is appreciating you” as if to leave the door open for me to say he isn’t. Maybe that’s an invite. There are men (I have a friend in particularly) who have commitment issues so a married woman is a perfect choice. Meanwhile women who actually want to protect thier marriages from unnecessary drama wishes more women would turn down our married men. Yeah I know. Don’t fall for that we are separated crap 8 times out of 10 they gonna work it out. Which leaves you hanging high and dry.

By Cei

October 11, 2006 12:10 PM | Link to this

Sorry i just read all the Eleanor comments and I won’t throw stones but Elle sweetie what is right now for you is destroying someone else’s forever. I am not saying it is you to blame cause it definitely takes two to tango but if more women(and men) would dismiss the married “but looking” maybe the divorce rate and single parent(shared custody) households would decrease. I know it seems drastic to blame that on one group of people but ya gotta start somewhere. I will pray for you cause your Karma is gonna be jacked1