By ThirdWheelMovingOn

October 24, 2006 08:30 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!!!! This is my last week at the gates of the down below. I am so thrilled!

By ThirdWheelMovingOn

October 24, 2006 08:42 AM | Link to this

I like this topic. The Bert Show use to do a segment like this… Call your ex boyfriends and see what went wrong in the relationship. I feel like that girl in the movie though. Everyone else and their mama can get engaged sometimes more than once and it’s just not fair! I can’t wait to hear everyone’s answers!

By QC

October 24, 2006 09:08 AM | Link to this

Morning

3rd don’t forget about us :)

By G

October 24, 2006 09:08 AM | Link to this

Just my experience that 30something HOT singles, are very much on the picky side and set in their ways. I thought it was a female thing, but guys can be just the same. It always seems to be just one thing to kill the deal for proposal. When actually it’s not them, but us using yet another excuse not to get hitched.

Yeah, I’ve been told by 3 women why they wouldn’t marry me. Two of the three were said the same. Tell ya about it later.

By Suga&Spice

October 24, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks

Good Topic Diva. I actually make it an appoint to ask or try to find out where I errored (if any) in a relationship. I am human and every once in a while I screw up, but one thing about me, I dont want to continue to make the same errors over and over. To me that is nothing short of insanity.

One response I often got was that I was intimidating and too strong willed. (this came from platonic male freinds and former SO) The statement ‘You just have a way about you that is intense and intimidating’ kept coming up. My theory was since I never went around singing Destiny’s Child, “Independent Women” and didnt quote from the ‘Stong Black Woman Handbook’ then these people must be crazy.

That all began to change when my girlfriends would meet a guy I was dating(whom I thought was a nice quality guy) and say to me ‘Girl you are going to eat him alive.’ Long story short, they kinda sat down and gave me a mirror, I saw that I could be vicious at times and it made me think. But most importantly I got some scripture on humility. So I am working on it. I am a hell of a lot better than I was 2 years ago.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Said while ice skating into work pimp style

Hey QC & 3rd!

By abc

October 24, 2006 09:21 AM | Link to this

My telling her why I wouldn’t propose is what finally broke us up. Self absorption and narcissistic rage, fighting all the time — I could count on at least one a week — problems with gambling and drinking, a lot of unemployed loser friends that had the effect of rubbing off on her, and very effective denial about all of that. She had her better qualities too, and I miss those, but all that other stuff was more than a deal breaker. When I told her about it, she lost it. She’s still in denial about it, I’m sure.

By ThirdWheelMovingOn

October 24, 2006 09:22 AM | Link to this

Hey QC I won’t forget about yall!! As soon as I get settled in I will be back!!!

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 09:30 AM | Link to this

Said in my Sexy Twister voice:You see baby girl, while you are cute,sexy,intelligent, and a career woman…

Said like Steve Harvey:

Yo Mama is toooo Dayum ugly to be my mother-in-law!!!! I want a mother-in-law soooo fine, I dream of hitting it eeevery day!!! While I am tapping into you, I am thinking of her!!!

Good Morining All

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog…

Well said G.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 09:41 AM | Link to this

Suga&Spice Maybe you were dealing with what Wise calls, “Weak Men”!

While I love me a strong willed take no ish from no one type of sister…they often tear you down instead of lifting you up

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 09:42 AM | Link to this

Ladies, have you ever considered finding out from your former flames why you two never worked out?

I ALWAYS want know, but I can never get an answer. I’ve only gotten an answer from two guys i’ve dated and they were both very generic responses… along the lines of “Oh, nothings wrong with you. I’m just not looking to get serious right now” and “I want us to be really good friends and know each other in & out before we get into a relationship” (that was about 9 months in). If the relationship im in right now doesn’t work out, I can almost guarantee it will be my fault and i’ll know the reason why - I don’t believe ANYTHING that comes out of a mans mouth. Thats my baggage and I know it, but, I don’t know how to change that.

Do we still have a burning desire to get the reasons why? If not or if so, is that a good thing or bad thing?

Yes, I do because what if there is something about me, that I can change, that would allow me to be a better mate? How would I never know what I need to work on if it’s never pointed out to me? I’ve been through enough to realize that I’m not perfect and I am sure there are things I can change about myself, but I just need a little guidence.

When you’ve been single for a long time, you learn how to make yourself happy and do what you want when you please. When you decide to create a union with another person, you have to learn how to NOT be so selfish. That can be the cause of a lot of problems in the beginnings of a relationship that can cause an early demise.

By QC

October 24, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

Hello Musing i bet you look nice in your “ice skating outfit”

Hello Demi

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 09:46 AM | Link to this

Link to a trailer about a movie/documentary about why so many black women are still single.

(I wanted to post this yesterday, but It didn’t fit the topic)

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 09:47 AM | Link to this

Heeeeyyyy QC & 3rd

Musin Pimp’n on ice, huh?

By NCgirlfromATL

October 24, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this

Good morning fellow bloggers handing Musings a hot cup-a-joe as he pimp walks off the ice

I ended a relationship earlier this year, and the fall out from the break was him calling me crazy. (Keep in mind, this was after I’d busted him with evidence that he’d been messing around with several other women…) I was so angry/upset/disappointed/heartbroken that I took that word crazy to heart. I’ve had relationships end before, and it wasn’t always a peaceful parting of the ways. But, even after the dust settled, I ended up being friends w/ the ex. This time around, he took it upon himself to cuss me out for having the gall to think that our relationship was exactly what he wanted me to believe it was! How dare I have feelings for him! lol! Anyway, in my moment of despair, I called my ex and asked him if he thought I was crazy when we were together. Ironies of ironies…I also caught the ex on a date with another woman…I must be a cheaters magnet…anyway…He emphatically told me that I was not crazy. He and another friend I dated in law school really came thru and assured me that his extracurricular activities didn’t make me the crazy one. Naive, perhaps, but not crazy. It took me a while to come back from that. I deal with real crazy everday, and it scared me to death to think that I might be as irrational or unreasonable as one of my clients and not even be aware of it.

I realize that I am the type who connects with a guy very quickly, or we are just friends. There’s not much middle ground with me. My friends seem to think that it’s like a light switch, and I can turn that part of my personality off and be a cold beyotch until a guy has proven himself worthy. But, after all these years, it’s a part of me. I’m not saying that I fall head over heels in love right away. That’s not the case. But, if I like a guy, he knows it. So, to answer the blog question, I believe I’ve never been proposed to b/c my feelings for someone may be overwhelming and too much for him to handle. Does that make me crazy?

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this

If the relationship im in right now doesn’t work out, I can almost guarantee it will be my fault and i’ll know the reason why - I don’t believe ANYTHING that comes out of a mans mouth. Thats my baggage and I know it, but, I don’t know how to change that.

ImAPeach404 uuummmmmm…still bitter with some said man in your past or your father? It’s one of the two…

By Nikita

October 24, 2006 09:57 AM | Link to this

I didn’t propose ‘cause we were fairly culturally incompatible. And I don’t mean socioeconomically or racially — I mean we valued very different things. When I realized that those things weren’t going to change, we broke up.

I actually continue to feel bad about my late high school/early college boyfriend. He was sweet, kind, cute, lovable, and would go to the ends of the earth for me. But he also had horrible self-esteem, was somewhat limited in his ability to trust, totally non-adventurous, and couldn’t seem to manage college at any level. Ultimately we had to go our separate ways.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Just my experience that 30something HOT singles, are very much on the picky side and set in their ways

Good point G, I’m nowhere near as picky as when I was younger, but set in my ways… yes.

abc, you have been married twice, right? Are you even interested in getting married again or would a “stedman & oprah” be acceptable for you??

By Jake

October 24, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

There are always reasons not to propose. Like the one that just walked past my office is super thick. Anyways, G’s right, most cats avoid until somethin happens to open their eyes and see what’s really good for them. Unfortunately, the eye-opener usaully involves the seperation of you and Ms. Good Thang, then you keep dating looking for the next best thing, but the good ones only come so often.

Ladies, a lot of times it isn’t you, its us. You know, our minds are like little motels. Until there is a lady to fill all the rooms up there, the Neon Vacancy Light stays on….hell, even when the light is off, we might have a cot in the back.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

why so many black women are still single.

Most sisters are holding out for the “Golden man”…Most brothers are holding out for the “Golden Cat”…but what happens when the “Golden Cat” came with an ugly head???!!!!

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 10:03 AM | Link to this

ImAPeach404 uuummmmmm…still bitter with some said man in your past or your father? It’s one of the two…

Demi, your statement is sort of correct… but it should read more like this: uuummmmmm…still bitter with ALL said man in your past.

I have NEVER, in my whole entire life of dating had a guy who didn’t lie to me. I mean, not even ONE. So yea… its one of the two.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:09 AM | Link to this

Does that make me crazy?

Hella ya…For posting that loooong A$$ post!!!!

On the real you get nothing but love here NC!!!!

By Anita

October 24, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

a better question would be “why ask why”? Why would you torture yourself over why another person would or would not want you? Life is difficult enough being a female; worrying about hair loss, breast cancer, vericose veins, weight loss, fertility, and income stability. Why add to it the whims of a person that probably doesn’t like themselves enough to like anyone else long term. Besides, if you are a female that provides all the ‘benefits’ of marriage w/out the ring..then don’t ask why. Ask why should he?

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 10:11 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone!

Welcome Nikita, I knew a great guy who had self-esteem issues, it really made it tough to date him. I didn’t know how to express to him what a great person he was.

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Greetings this morning to all….

P404 you could not have said it better. When you’ve been single for a long time, you learn how to make yourself happy and do what you want when you please. When you decide to create a union with another person, you have to learn how to NOT be so selfish. That can be the cause of a lot of problems in the beginnings of a relationship that can cause an early demise.

I’m just hoping I can let go of the selfish ways.

On topic though, thank heavens I’m still cool with my ex’s those I’ve asked let me know there issue with me. I’m too self sufficent; when I’m mad I can be very evil; its either my way or the high way.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

I can turn that part of my personality off and be a cold beyotch until a guy has proven himself worthy.

My old type…one of those hit it and leave it types of girls

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 10:12 AM | Link to this

Peach404 trailer about a movie/documentary about why so many black women are still single.

Slim… Black women that play their position don’t have this problem.

now sending in Blue’s Stunt Double…

By Jake

October 24, 2006 10:13 AM | Link to this

NC and the rest of the Ovulators I feel you on wanting to know what you could change, but don’t try to fix yourself. One thing that I have learned is that whoever you are, is who you’ll be. Hopefully the collective you will find someone who can deal with you. No one ever really changes, you may try to curb your behaviors, but change occurs unknowingly.

The best thing you can do is be yourself and let somebody love or leave…

By NCgirlfromATL

October 24, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this

Hella ya…For posting that loooong A$$ post!!!!

That was kinda long, huh? My bad, y’all!

By LaniT

October 24, 2006 10:17 AM | Link to this

NC I all the way feel you. I asked one or two cats that I dated within the last year what happened and one of them was honest and told me that he felt that I cared too much too soon and that when I arranged the dates I put more effort into them than he felt that I should have. He also said that for him that was a sign that a woman is just trying to get you hooked so she can change down the line. However, I was informed of this AFTER he got dogged out by the chick he dated after me. Go figure.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

**Jake gets the “Keep It Real” post of the day for the following:

Ladies, a lot of times it isn’t you, its us. You know, our minds are like little motels. Until there is a lady to fill all the rooms up there, the Neon Vacancy Light stays on….hell, even when the light is off, we might have a cot in the back.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

Now peeling away the silver full body ice pimp suit with royal purple accents and pimp cap….Stepping off of the ice and grabbing the cup of coffee from my new fine-fine, Good-D-Booth office manager NCgirl….Cause LahLah tried to stab the “Pimp Daddy”…

I’ve only dated one other Woman whom I considered marrying…I had just finished college and had the intent of asking her to marry me…I returned back to my home in Georgia and she jumped ship…..She was a stripper and I was too inexperienced in knowing how to deal with her instability of thought. That Woman taught me most of er’thing I know about Women. She gave me a 2yr degree in Womenology. Things didn’t work out for us, but I credit my success with Women to her honesty in giving me feedback to want she wanted and felt other Women want.

Cause Ice Pimp’in ain’t easy

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:20 AM | Link to this

ImAPeach404 I’ve been hurt…Hell cut*…by many women, but I learned not to let my past determine my future.

I bet if you work on you more, your dating life would be off the chaino!!!

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 10:21 AM | Link to this

good morning everyone interesting topic… when I was in undergrad I contacted a couple of my exes to see what their perspective was on things.. the general consensus was not being ready for what I had to offer… code for not being ready or willing to commit to something long standing.. preferring to “play the field” so to speak.. and that was fine as I appreciated the honesty.. and still remain close friends with the majority of my exes (save 2)

I think that if a person does not know “why” their relationship did not work out then nine out of ten they aren’t being fully honest with themselves… there must have been some blinders on somewhere… while it’s true that we may not see all of the signs when the relationship is failing.. it is during that quiet time..those moments of introspection that things should be perfectly clear… things that you really couldn’t tolerate but allowed to happen become more obvious than when you were actually in that situation…

I do think that closure is important..as things left unsaid usually plague those that fell deep into the relationship… and I think that it’s only fair that if you’re the one that’s ending the relationship.. and it isn’t amicable then you have a personal responsibility to let the person that you’re breaking up with know why you’re moving forward with your life without them…

I had a bitter truth shared after my first long term relationship.. while the pill was hard to swallow.. I knew that ultimately there were some things that I needed to change within self.. and my ex is one of my closet male friends… people need to know how others see them and if it’s a great difference from who they think they are then they need to do some self evaluation…

As for proposals… I’ve had one that I refused.. and I have no regrets about that refusal at all…

By abc

October 24, 2006 10:23 AM | Link to this

404, I’m not real fired up about the notion of marrying again, no… I’m especially adverse to the notion of living with young kids, and most eligible women in my age range have young kids. I’m undecided about the live-in situation too, for biblical reasons. I have doubts as to whether I’m very marriageable after being divorced twice. But, with the right woman, in the right situation, I could get married again.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 10:24 AM | Link to this

Interesting points Anita, there are a lot of people who aren’t self-aware, but I am a believer in having personal growth come with each experience. You just have to be willing to pay attention to your bad patterns and habits, even if that is just choosing people who are clearly incompatible to you.

By SeanJohnson

October 24, 2006 10:27 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog…

why i didnt purpose??? simple..i wasnt ready..no need to fool myself or live a lie.she felt because we were together for a minute that it was the next step…friends in her ear..gave me an ultimatum.

By G

October 24, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this

Peach404 wrote: When you’ve been single for a long time, you learn how to make yourself happy and do what you want when you please. When you decide to create a union with another person, you have to learn how to NOT be so selfish.

This is so true, even to the point of making yourself “undatable”. One of my biggest problems is prioritizing my SO. Because of being single most of the time, is easy to become complacent in the lifestyle. Therefore, when someone new comes in, it’s hard to let go of the selfish ways and place them at or near the top of the list. For me, it’s always been something or someone ahead of a SO or potential SO. That’s enough to set anyone back in the dating game, yet alone being in a position to propose.

Being in a relationship again to be in a position to propose, seems like some “pie in the sky” idea. BTW…..I’m in my late 30’s and I’ve never proposed to anyone. Came close, but no.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 10:29 AM | Link to this

a better question would be “why ask why”? Why would you torture yourself over why another person would or would not want you

Anita its very easy to be self centered at times when you’ve been single off & on for a while. After you’ve tried over and over, and what you’re doing isn’t working, the common denominator is YOU. Its not about torture, its about accepting constructive criticism. If you don’t feel what was said applies to you, then don’t follow through.

I’m just hoping I can let go of the selfish ways.

I feel you Bre.

BK… so, whats my position?

By anita

October 24, 2006 10:31 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva,

you are absolutely correct..paying attention to your OWN habits/selections is the growth area to be concerned with; but never placing ‘blame’ or accepting responsibility for someone elses whimsical responses that could or could not be valid. If men want something that is perfect..let them get Stedford Wives. But God created us in HIS image which means we are wonderfully and perfectly made.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 10:36 AM | Link to this

Morning All…

@Wise Lurker Great,Great,Great topic!

I can speak on this subject til eternity! I have dated a lot of ladies over the years, from the most successful to the bartender or skripper at the club.

Honestly, I have had the most fun with the skippers and the bartenders at the club!

The reason I think the random broads get proposed to more often is that they are kewl to hang out with, in most cases exciting in bed and have no hang-ups!

Most of the blue suit type women are all about their career, the house,etc. and put their men’s needs last!

Men desire attention just as much as women do and often with the corporate types, esp. the six figure power rangers,they man will come somewhere in 4th or 5th place. Many men do not want to come in 4th place! With a random broad, many men will find a fine one, with no hang-ups and he will be number one with him for eternity! Look at all of major sports figures and entertainers,the majority of their wives are not lawyers,doctors, etc. they are random broads that take care of their men!

Ladies, you know the drill, how many dudes y’all dated that were hella successful and you fell somewhere in 4th or 5th place, well that is what men go through as well, dating a woman that has no balance! Career up,romance down!

You gotta be able to have a balance in relationships and many cannot do this!

I have said it before and I will say it again, having degrees and great jobs and all is fine to a man, but those things will not make him marry you faster. In our eyes, you fall right in the sam mix as the random broads!

If I walk into a room mixed with random broads and highly successful women, y’all all look the same! What will make you stand out is how you carry yourself,character and most of all the fun factor!

In most cases, you don’t see all of that initially, so you just go with what looks the best.

Ladies need to understand that you all control the dating game, but we control marriage! We control when it happens or if it happens at all! Men are a lot smarter now than in the past, when it comes to settling down.

We have learned from past mistakes (in most cases)so we have more reservations about getting married now, than we have had in the past. We have found that sometimes it is easier to “have lifetime options” than to commit to one.

By QC

October 24, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

Have you ever had anyone to break up with you cause they said:

You’re too good for me

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:40 AM | Link to this

Nikita I wish I could allow some of these folk to live my life for 3min…Low self-esteem, I’ll teach you how to take cuts, shake it off, and walk right back into a den full of enemies like nothing happen… I do it all the time in CHURCH!!!

By EB

October 24, 2006 10:41 AM | Link to this

Two words - False Advertising. Girls I’ve known often claim to have the same interests I do or be as active / outdoorsy as I am, but as time passes they do those things less and less and I end up going either alone or with other friends. Where I invariably am introduced to someone other girl and the cycle repeats.

To echo Jake - Be yourself. Don’t claim to enjoy football, white water rafting etc if you don’t. The other person does and mostly likely will want to continue enjoying those activities and this will only cause strife later.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 10:42 AM | Link to this

This is what happens when you employ too much book sense and no common sense. May I suggest that perhaps the blog is applying too much analytical deductive reasoning and not enough simple reasoning here; because it really is simple - people (especially single late 20 - late 40 somethings) are selfish AND untrusting. So all of that asking ex’s is pointless. Until two people come together on those terms, fahgittaboudit.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 10:43 AM | Link to this

Have you ever had anyone to break up with you cause they said:

You’re too good for me

QC No lie this hurts more than getting cheated on…Why? I have no idea

By NCgirlfromATL

October 24, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

Well, after that long azz post, I didn’t really finish the story. lol!

One thing that I have learned is that whoever you are, is who you’ll be. You are absolutely right Jake, and that is what I learned from that experience. My friends didn’t seem to get that I can’t be someone I’m not. When a man has my heart, he has the whole thing, not just bits and pieces.

Oh, and he came back several months later, and is trying to work his charms on me once again. Fool me once, I’ll give you those points. But, I won’t be a fool a second time around. Dems is my points!

By Jake

October 24, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

SeanJ
simple..i wasnt ready..no need to fool myself or live a lie.she felt because we were together for a minute that it was the next step…friends in her ear..gave me an ultimatum

Where do I put my signature?

Ladies, Why do you listen to the “Peanut Gallery” and blow up your own relationship?

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 10:47 AM | Link to this

anita.. it doesn’t mean that we’re perfect..if we were perfectly made we wouldn’t be flawed if that were the case.. and we’d be equal to God.. but I’m not going to get into a religious battle this morning…i just feel that point of clarification needs to be made…

like others have said.. if your exes are all saying the same thing about you then the common denominator is you… I’m always open to criticism.. ultimately it is up to you as to how you’re going to take it… however to always discredit someone because they’re telling you something about yourself that you do not like..doesn’t mean that their depiction of you is inaccurate….

By QC

October 24, 2006 10:48 AM | Link to this

Yes Demi it does hurt more than getting cheated on, and i’ve had that happen to me 3 times

By Suga&Spice

October 24, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

Demi-some of them were Weak but sometimes I was just a B!t@h. Point Blank.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

Peach404 My man LL fell into the spot like right on time. Reread his post. Then after you reread it again… do a search on the archives and find where SeanJ explains that regardless of what a woman does in life she’ll be judged by her duties as a wife and mother.

So my point is, personal and financial success is great and to be commended, but when you get to the crib… know your role - partner and helpmate NOT head of.

By Thick

October 24, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning,

I have found out why a particular guy and I did not work out. This was early on, although he was honest I don’t think he wanted to hurt my feelings. I stop thinking that it was always him, maybe it could be me, something I’m doing wrong. Truthfully what he said helped me alot. Oh yes, I am one of those sisters who will have some drinks over a breakup, and discuss it with my girlfriend. LOL I really joke about it once I’m a little tipsy, the alcohol has a way of putting everything in a not-so-serious perspective for me. hahaha, LOL

I still like to know why, but it does not really bother me if the reason is negative anymore because as I grow older I have begun to accept who I am and love myself. In time I truly believe that I will meet a guy who likes and wants what I have to offer.

By Chink

October 24, 2006 10:50 AM | Link to this

Mornin

Most of the relationships that I have had ended with closure …I really don’t want to talk to my exes and they probably don’t want to talk to me ….I might of been a heartbreaker…

Anyway unless the guy is very important to me I treasure their opinion and most have called me a good woman. I do have an idea on what perfect for me is and I have not felt the I hope he proposes feeling …:( oh well

By the way as I have said before Men are not the only one with options You are Not IRREPLACEABLE….Woman do not fall for this ookey doke of you have to do this and that ..Be yourself and someone will Love You in due time unless you have serious issues find God or a Psychiatrist.

By D Dub of the ATL Version 3.0

October 24, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

Good morning all

This looks like another flavor of one of my favorite movies, High Fidelity. Closure is important in any and everything you do… you can’t move into that new house without closing… your car probably won’t get fixed until you settle with the insurance company… if you don’t you’re going to be riding around with a nasty scrape on the side of your car.

If I were to be interviewed by any of my ex’s from farther back than 2003, my answer would simply be, I wasn’t ready. There probably was something else there that made me want to end things, but ultimately I know that I was not interested in marriage, and consequently I wasn’t askin.

By ATLChoc Peach

October 24, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

Morning all, I’m in my late 20’s & I’ve already had 3 proposals of which I all turned down…… I am very much so set in my ways & I value those some good some needs working on however I realize i’m in no way shape or form ready for such a commitment. I take marriage VERY, VERY serious & there was no way I was going to marry either of em util I came clean with myself & can really say I can be with this 1 man forever. NO!! When I get that “feeling” for lack of a better word that I’m ready to settle down & have 1 man whom I will share forever with then I will accept that proposal until then guys STOP!!! asking I’m tired of being the bad guy cause I said NO!! Dont ask I wont have to. my reasons for not accpeting either 3 proposals I WASN’T ready mentally, physically or emotionally & all 3 were really great guys. I’m a HOTT!! single late twenties lady & I’m very much so picky & stuck in my ways. Wink….have a bless one

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

Jake I did that once, listened to my girls about my man. In my defense, I was barely 20. Truthfully, I would have gotten bored with him quickly and would have ended it anyway. But she did help it along. Even though I know in my heart that the relationship wouldn’t have lasted, I still kick myself (not too hard though) because he was a sweet, genuine person and both of his brothers got drafted by the NFL. LOL!!! He’s married now with two beautiful boys and we’re still cool friends.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 10:53 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Cool topic. I have had two proposals of marriage that I mention last week. In the case of the most recent I doubt I will ever know what happen, and as they say time heals all wounds, so the undying need to know why it ended like it ended is no longer there.

I have gotten “feedback” from previous guys I have dated to ask why it didnt work. An somethings they said were shocking others not so surprising, one guy flat out told me I wasnt needy enough. Which could be true, I have this saying I do for myself. I dont sing I am independant but I do put up a barrier of I can handle this, if it is my issue or problem I will fix it or deal with the consequences.

I agree with Jake on the you cant change you can modify your can recongize and gain self awareness. The key is to focus on the faults you know are not pleasing even to yourself and fine tune those and then find or wait for the one who is willing to work with you.

By SlimOne

October 24, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this

Most of the time I’ve received the same old generic answer that it was them and not me. However, my most recent ex off & on for the last 6 years just told me the other day that he isn’t ready to be the man I need him to be BUT he doesn’t want to be cut out of my life. After 6 years of this back and forth, you’re now telling me you can’t handle it??? WTF! Matter of fact this is what he said:

I don’t want you out of my life but I can’t give you what you want now. Where do we go from here? Do you not want anything to do with me now cause I’m not ready to give 100% that you want? Thats something I’m not sure if I could do.

trying to put visine in my eyes since I’m running low on tears

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this

Longtime Lurker…you had the most fun with strippers? ohh, I am going to leave that one alone, sigh

Hi EB, I see you have had experiences with the chameleon women, they change and alter their personalities to fit the guy’s wants, and likes. Bless your heart, I have seen that happen a lot. Waste of time!

By Suga&Spice

October 24, 2006 10:55 AM | Link to this

Demi-and that took a long time for me to come to that conclusion

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

@Crimson Lurker esq. I think we should start giving our exes an exit questionaire, when we break up with them, that might put some things in perspective!

Hell, when you leave any job, they do that ish! We get questionaires in the mail, telephone, etc., so why not do it in relationships?

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

@ jake to answer your question.. no one is in the relationship but the man and the woman.. so any outside sources have no affect on how I deal with my relationship.. in fact .. I keep my relationships private.. last thing that I need or desire is to chat it up on the phone or in person with my girls.. no matter how much we care for one another..in my opinion.. one thing will always remain.. there will always be that one friend that has something to say because things aren’t on the up and up in her relationship…

aside from that.. I think it’s disrespectful to discuss relationship issues with anyone other than the person that you’re having the issue with… but perhaps that’s just me… and I’m fine with that…

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 10:56 AM | Link to this

I can remember LL warning women about being “random broads” to some dude, and exhorting us to become one of the higher tier women, Tier 3 was the goal to be achieved, I think. He even gave examples of his own Tier 3 women, 3 of them, that were on his speed dial. But now we get lessons on why the “random broads” get the men while the Tier 3 women sit home.

So…are you saying that men want Tier 3 women with Random Broad qualities???

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this

jake you had some nice analogies and comments. i especially liked the part about not trying to overanalyze and change yourself. there’s definitely someone out there who can appreciate you for being you.

if the woman isn’t crazy and that’s why the man hasn’t proposed…lol, a lot of times it’s the fact that he’s not ready to get married. it’s that simple. men know when they get involved with or meet a woman who will have certain standard they have to adhere to. if they’re not trying to do all that, then they keep a safe distance so it doesn’t get “too serious.” a lot of folks aren’t ready to step up and put real “work” into a relationship

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

Demi/QC You’re too good for me

QC No lie this hurts more than getting cheated on…Why? I have no idea

That’s because you WERE getting cheated on AND lied to… straight to your face. They were letting themselves off of the hook by uplifting you.

By anita

October 24, 2006 11:00 AM | Link to this

Imapeach..

if that is the way you want to view things then that is certainly up to you. Good luck. Self examination is good. Fooling yourself about your choices and motives it not healthy and typically we know what we are doing wrong and why. But constructive criticism is subjective. No two people are alike and if there are people out here fighting to date men like Flava Flav and New York..surely there is nothing wrong with me. Its about waiting for someone that accepts me for me and ME liking who I am at the time. But by all means..if you feel in your 30’s and 40’s you require coaching and developing on someone you have lived with for that many years..go ahead. I just don’t buy into that trend of thought. And yes, I have been married before..6 1/2 years. I was not a Stedford wife then, and I don’t plan to be the next time I get married. I was created in the image God designed me to be, and I am happy with that. Selfish implies ‘everything has to be my way’. Self acceptance is not selfish. As women we accept fat men, short men, litte men (and you know what I mean), low income men, can’t-get-right men, bad-boys, and baby daddy drama. Its time we make sure we accept ourselves in the process as well since NONE of us are perfect.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 11:02 AM | Link to this

Suga&Spice So now you are Suga&Spice&Everything nice, LOL…I am glad you change for the better…you had me thinking of an old lady with 1,000 cats

QC, For real, me feel damn near worthless…and I can’t explain how…Now that I understand my worth, not all women deserve me nor what I have to offer…this is one way to look at it

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this

Good Morning.

Very thought provoking topic WiseDiva. There’s really nothing I can input on this one because I married the only 2 guys that I ever cared enough for to marry. If the man had not proposed I would imagine he reason would have been because my heart was unreachable. But fact is my heart was not unreachable although I tried to keep it under lock and key. It’s when I felt someone touching it that I withdrew. Now I would assume most of the guys that I dated would say we never went beyond a 2nd or 3rd date because I was introverted. I was well aware of how I was and I would be surprised if a guy ever gave me a different reason.

By QC

October 24, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

True true BK trust, i got over it and moved on…

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

SlimOne That kind of thing is so painful. Are you okay?

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Demi, most ppl have been hurt at one time in their life, but what im saying is that because I have never once experienced a truely honest guy, its damn near impossible to trust dudes. Until you give me reason to trust, I don’t. How many times must you repeat your past before you learn from it?

My current guy… when he tells me he’s going to church tonight at 7… i just have to believe him. I don’t do a drive by of the church or ask him 5 million question to make sure. But… in the back of my mind im like “This kneegrow is lying. Nobody goes to church as much as he does”. I think it, but I don’t act on it.

but I credit my success with Women to her honesty in giving me feedback to want she wanted and felt other Women want.

I told you women benefit from another womans hard work!

Thanks for the response abc

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Dub Closure…? I can see that you ‘r in touch with your feminine side there Joe. I got closure the very minute that I realised that I wasn’t gonna be hittin’ it no mo’. I didn’t have to call back after 3 months talking about, “Baby what happened? How could I have made it work?” Hellll naaaahhhhhh….

By Chink

October 24, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this

Awww Slimone

I am sorry to hear that ….one thing I would suggest is removing the focus on him and back to you and finding out what u want out of life and what will make you find enjoyment ….being friends is ok as long as you are able to be friends without rehashing the relationship over and over…

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

QC Now I’ved had that a few times….One I meet a few months ago was flat out like you are out of my league and I’m not ready for that. To me that equates being spineless. I need just like every other woman. It almost seems woman are being penalized for being successful or true to who they are. Because in the end we are just who we are. LL I see some light in your post. There should be balance in all you do. Its sometimes easier said than done…from day one your pushed to be focused on one thing at a time. But I’m living proof it is possible with if you want it.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 11:06 AM | Link to this

That’s because you WERE getting cheated on AND lied to… straight to your face.

At lease I can return the favorite…I am still a sick dude

They were letting themselves off of the hook by uplifting you.

Ain’t shyt uplifting about this Statement!!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this

@Blue Point well made! I am going to flip the script on myself for a sec., to prove a point!

Back in the day, when I had no education,loot, nothing, I still had broads because I was fun to hang out with and I showed them a good time!

Fast forward now, the only thing that has changed is that the quality factor in the chicks I date now improved and I got more options.

More chicks will be a bit more patient with my ignant azz, because of the security factor (i.e. education, E.P. Earning P otential), but they still want a dude that is fun and can show them a good time!

If I was a boring S.O.B. none of the other things wouldn’t matter, chicks would prolly hang around, but they would definitely have some other dudes in they rotation!

So,really it boils down to one thing FUN Women and Men want to be with someone who is fun, so that is all that really matters!

By Chink

October 24, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

^5 Anita

I like that…

By Thick

October 24, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this

You know what have a good time, that’s all you can say. Many men and women are not marrying or accepting proposals these days because I think they are actually afraid of not being able to carry out a succesful marriage.

Foots you are about to get this guy started on that Tier 1, 2, 3, chick stuff again, ohh gosh, but really I see guys in the “A” with many of a “supposedly” Tier 3 or even 4 chick. I often wonder why?

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

U are correct Blue I’ve never thought about it that way…at the time I didn’t know my worth either…you live and learn

By Tazzee

October 24, 2006 11:12 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

I have to echo Anita - why ask why? If you are happy with yourself, then like Jake said, don’t change. Hang in there until you find someone that fits with you. Now if you are miserable, then you need to do a lot of self inspection. The thing is, we all know what our issues are if we are truthful with ourselves. But if you are still living in denial, it doesn’t matter what your ex will tell you because you will attribute it to being his/her issue.

As I stated before, I had one ex come back and tell me what I suspected all along. However, in the end I realize that I’m more happy single with who I am than I would have been with him while trying to change certain attributes so he could stay with me.

At this point in my life, I’ve changed all I’m going to change and I’m content with me. So now you can either love me for me or leave me alone.

By Jewel

October 24, 2006 11:13 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

A few years ago, a close friend gave me a refrigerator magnet as a gift during church. It was a skeleton in a red dress, sitting on a bench with the words “waiting for the perfect man in Georgia.” I cracked up! Why give this to me during a church service? She is never judgmental, but has direct, sometimes funny ways of getting her point across. That “gift” was a result of a conversation she and I had a few weeks prior. During this time, I was not actively seeking or desiring a man in my life, not to mention a proposal. But if one came along, he had a definite script to follow. I look back at that script now and know it was developed from my own hardness and determination not to get hurt again. My friend and her husband have been married for nearly 30 years. They have withstood the good, the bad and the ugly—together. Nobody’s perfect, that is, without flaws. But hopefully perfect as mature and wise.

I believe constructive criticism is a good thing. But ladies, beware. Sometimes men will point out your flaws in an attempt to cover their own. They fear change and facing the reality of themselves, so they shine the light on you. The nature of most women is to please. But if you find yourself jumping through too many hoops, it is time to move on.

How important is closure in our modern day dating scene? I have issues with many of the thought processes of the modern dating scene. Looking at the noncommittal attitudes of men and women; the “show me yours first” approach; counting the material assets and disregarding character; the rotations…why is closure necessary in this type of scene?

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this

Jake The best thing you can do is be yourself and let somebody love or leave…

I invite everyone to go back and read Jake’s initial post. I was just trying to explain this to a female last night when she asked the Big Money Woman’s Question - “What are you looking for in a woman?”

At this point, I was like, “I just kind of roll with it and make determinations as I go,” which really meant, “I ain’t telling you, so that you can taylor make yourself up to be what you think I want, and then the Real You shows up way down the line.”

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:15 AM | Link to this

@Foots You got it backwards…

Tier 1 - Marriage material. Tier 2 - Marriage material, with a little bit of work or a chick you definitely want to keep in your rotation. Potential to go up or down in the tiers.

Tier 3 - She can come off the bench and can help the team win. She is not marriage material, but she is fun to hang out with.The random broad!

Tier 4 - Bootie Call,that chick that will run a errand or two for ya, that chick you call when you take a sick day or take off from work.The random broad!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

Hey D Dub, good to read you, how was your birthday? or are you still celebrating?

By SeanJohnson

October 24, 2006 11:16 AM | Link to this

@ Anita…i understand what u mean about excepting and loving yourself an finding someone who will love and except you for who are.. But do you think self acceptance is always right? Do you think one can grow….EVER?

By QC

October 24, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

Bre Now that is so true, but i am who i am. I’m not going to stop treating my male friends a “certain way” just because a few men “who can’t appreciate a good woman when they have one in their lives”. Because their loss will be another man’s gain

Demi now i had to laugh about your statement but it’s true also

ain’t shyt uplifting about that statement

By LaniT

October 24, 2006 11:21 AM | Link to this

I’ve been in a relationship where I thought everything was perfect (we made it a point to have fun EVERY time we were together). We never argued and complimented each other in areas where we fell short but he broke up with me and told me he was marrying someone else because in spite of how well we got along she had the right image that I didn’t have at the time (right car, right apartment, right wardrobe, etc.) The fact that I was working on it while maintaining the crazy, sexy, cool that was always me meant nothing at the time cause he wanted Mrs. Right Now though he admits that life isn’t quite as fun as it could have been he’s able to portray his “Huxtable” image.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:22 AM | Link to this

@Wise Lurker Don’t knock the hustle! With a lil bit of work, I think we can give you some skills..”Got Pole”

By SlimOne

October 24, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Foots Ummm, I know I will eventually be okay but right now i’m just trying to get by.

Chink We’ve done the space thing/friends thing many times before. I think it’s just a scratched cd at this point. My feelings are too invested to just be friends now. I’m moving to another part of town this weekend so that will help a little. Right now we’re only 8 miles apart.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Anita, Peach, Crimson I can see all of your points. I want to be with someone who can accept me with my all of my faults (but I’ll call them Personality Traits). But I also want to learn more about myself so that I can change the things that I can change. There are some things that you shouldn’t try to change that are just a part of who you are. But we all can improve on something in our behaviors. And if a man can tell me specifically what that is, and I see it to be a problem also, then I’m grateful for the opportunity to become a better me.

Now, I’ve had some folks find fault with stupid stuff I do, like one dude got irritated because I like to eat pickle slices apart from my burger. When they start coming up with picky little stuff like that, time to get out. And come to think of it, I’ve broken it off with folks cause they got on my nerves with all that dayum breathing. In and out…inhale, exhale. Drove me crazy. Guess it was time for me to get out too. LOL!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Chink Ummm… I thought we were on a new gig this week… and wouldn’t get to blog too much? You ain’t got fired already have you?

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 11:24 AM | Link to this

LL Okay, so you want Tier 1 women with “Random Broad” qualities?

By melo

October 24, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

“Longtime Lurker, thats real what u said. But the question to be asked is “what is a woman with a career to do?”

Also marry a random guy? Or are men selfish or what.

By SingleinATL

October 24, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

I hear the comment over and over again that guys are ‘not ready to get married’… so question to the guys… what makes you ready??? Is it age? Net worth? Getting ‘it’ all out of your system?

Just curious…

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 11:25 AM | Link to this

BK, I agree with you 100% about being a partner & helpmate. The man is the head of the household and it is my duty to accept his role and assist. No argument there.

But, the issue is finding a man who is worthy and equiped to handle this role. These days, a lot of men are ill prepared for this role. A lot of men are not men, they are still boys playing a role of the pimp and the player. I see it on here and in my life all the time. Guys are too intrested in trying to live a life that is not that of a responsible man. Only wanting sex, being disrespectful to woman, fathering children and not taking care of the responisbility, not knowing how to manage money, don’t know the first thing about credit or how to buy a house, living off of one woman until she gets tired and then moving on to the next, they have no direction or drive, they are too worried about the next piece of a$$ to try and work on the woman who is trying hard to be down, trying not to look like a simp so they don’t believe in the dating process.

These type of guys are everywhere and I run into them - not all in one guy, but different characterisics here and there - and you all expect us to put our faith in men like this and let them run our household????

I realize there are a lot of good men out there who do not fall any of the categories, but the hard part is finding and more importantly recognizing him. Please believe, once I find the man who is capable of managing his role as a MAN, I will quickly fall into place.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

Ladies need to understand that you all control the dating game, but we control marriage! We control when it happens or if it happens at all!

LL, men control dating & relationships too… women control sex. If a man doesn’tt want to be in a relationship with a woman, that is something she has NO control of. Men decide if & when a relationship starts, just like when control when & if there is sex.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

LL Mayne you be killing me with the Tiering of the Broads LMAO These blog chicks should take an honest look at that breakdown.

By Jake

October 24, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this

BK That’s because you WERE getting cheated on AND lied to… straight to your face. They were letting themselves off of the hook by uplifting you.

Pretty much sums it up doesn’t it…

Dudes…the Dudedettes are gathering lots of info today…dropped a couple myself..I think I closed for today..LOL

Now picking up MLB code index..Sec6.427=Knowledge Drop=two drop maximun, said member must return to “Man Podium” immediately after knowledge drop.

See you guys when you get back…LOL

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 11:30 AM | Link to this

LMAO @ LL’s Tiers of duty…LOLOLOLOL

Now creating “the Random Broad” sticker…..

“Just put this on your car window and stick this on your handbag so that Men, know you are the Random Broad!”

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 11:31 AM | Link to this

Regarding closure, when the door is closed on a relationship its closed for me. However that does not mean its not open to evaluation, self evaluation. If every person on this blog is really true to themselves and know who they are you know what your pros and cons are. Now it might hurt to look that deep and true but its a fact. Before any of my ex’s told me there issue with me there was something within self that knew the factor but I was in denial of that so I could not see it.

Its hard to be raw with people when you meet them up front. You will always get part representative. What matters is in the end do you stick with the person.

LL Life is not always about fun. You said it earlier you need balance. And to be with someone longterm yes the good times should roll but there will always be some bad times.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this

@Foots Yup! (Flashlight out lookin in the daytime). I got a few I am working with now, including Wise Lurker and Crimson Lurker esq., so we will see what shapes up in 2010, when I am ready to settle down…LOL.

Imma send a few to pole class, so lemme know if you are down!

By SlimOne

October 24, 2006 11:35 AM | Link to this

Sorry in advance but needed to get this out…just a little something I wrote about our 6 years…this is metaphoric so NO i wasn’t locked up:

I did my time 6 years in the hole. Future looking different now that I’m out on parole

Feeling kind of scared since I’m giving up that drug Unsuccessful attempts to mold a man from a petty thug

I was jumped in; I believe the year was 1999 The game appealed to me then but boy was I blind

Promises of protection and love that would never end But the huge price of it all I really didn’t comprehend

The games, lies, and chicks took precedence over me Even when caught red-handed he never admitted he was guilty

“Leave and do your own thing,” came from everyone else. But I was so lost in love and hope that I lost sense of myself.

So strong I appeared to be but actually was nowhere near it. Finally got a little bit of courage and decided to split.

But the drug had a hold of me like a hypnotic trance. Somehow distorted my reality & I gave it chance after chance.

Short-lived was the idea that things would finally be right. Desperation and pain led to praying and God showed me the light.

“If something is ministering death to you, don’t do it any longer For all these trials and tribulations you’ve experienced will only make you stronger”

“Trust in me, the Lord and do good so shall you dwell in the land” For I know not my future but I have faith that God has a glorious plan.

By Honey

October 24, 2006 11:36 AM | Link to this

Question-I know this guy thats over 30, lives at home & no job, smokes weed all day & have the nerve to talk about having a wife….All I can do is laugh….is this common among black men to want a woman to take care of them & they not bring anything to the table…Its really sad….His mom is one of the sweetest person I know but her son——SORRY…

By Chink

October 24, 2006 11:37 AM | Link to this

BK no I gave my notice yesterday just waiting to see how many vacation days I can use…But I will be gone soon….

By SeanJohnson

October 24, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this

@ Blue…now when have you ever seen a female give a honest breakdown of self? i often wonder…i know the majority of them are off in the church..but do they really confess their sins…and does that include the ones they take to the grave the things they say they will never admit to doing.

By D Dub of the ATL Version 3.0

October 24, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this

Kolla… it all depends on your point of view - pre-2003, the three-strike rule was in full effect - I try to call you, or attempt to hookup for a date three times, if you’re not with the program, your number got deleted from the phone. That’s all the closure I needed, because basically, I wasn’t looking for much out of the relationship.

Post-2003, my goals, aspirations, and focus have changed. If a woman gets my attention now, best believe you’re getting my full undivided attention. I’m not wasting time, energy, and money on every piece of tail that walks in front of me anymore. I’m not spending my money on that strawberry lemonade from the cheesecake factory for just any chick anymore. Not burning my anytime minutes. Not burning the premium gas to drive to Decatur.

So suffice it to say, if I make an effort at a relationship now and things don’t work out - I want to know what’s up so I don’t make the same mistake again.

…or maybe I’m just in touch with my feminine side… apparently it’s working - can’t knock the hustle.

Diva Thanks for the shout - I’ve been laying low… the first few days of decade 3 have been good, and if someone wants to celebrate, I’m always game!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this

You assume I can’t work a pole already, but my husband only needs to know those skills. FYI, you can have a retractable pole installed in your bedroom, you know so mom and pops don’t have to see it when they visit.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this

404 If a guy is too honest you’ll call him gay in a heart beat, LOL

With new buddy, hopefully his actions match his words…

By Blue (not Blue_Kolla)

October 24, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this

Off topic: according to IMDB.com, Jazsmin Lewis “… was a vocalist and Bass player for such acts as Goerge Clinton and Roger Troutman and Zapp. But not, she says, Cameo.

Jazsmin Lewis was the Coors Light spokesmodel for 2001-2002.” Very talented.

On topic: I’ve already proposed to my SO, but there were some things she was doing that were deal-breakers (not paying bills on time, not helping around the house, not taking care of her health, etc.). The bottom line was, she was not ready to be a wife and mother. We had a LONG talk about all of that two weeks ago; now, she is a completely different person. I love her that much more for it.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 11:43 AM | Link to this

LL Too late. Already in one.

Musing The “Random Broad” sticker might be cool. After all, that’s who LL implies that the men are looking for nowadays. But I can hear the future conversation now… Dude: “What are you talking about, you got goals?!? You told me that your only goal in life was to support me before that trip down the aisle, but now you got DREAMS?!? And you’re not really the receptionist, you’re the owner???? What kind of ish is that? You lied to me girl!! Dayum that “Random Broad” sticker!!!”

By Blue

October 24, 2006 11:46 AM | Link to this

Slim One - well said.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:47 AM | Link to this

@melo Nah babe, I aint knockin a career woman at all, hell, I luv em and date em and I am about 98 percent sure I will marry one, if I get married! Most cats feel the same!

The thing I have experienced as well as my dudes talk about is that there is no balance with most of the “suit types”

They rarely know how to balance their relationships,work and social life. In most cases it is…

In that order! Most dues want a ride or die chick that is down for the struggle! A chick that can handle her biz, but at the same time is a chick that will ride for her man and enhance his overall persona!

Since dudes are visual creatures at heart and are physical and are aggressive by nature, we look for women that are visually appealing,can hang with the fellas and be cool,with no hang-ups and most all be smart!

As a true woman, you gotta know how to turn it on and off when needed and not have it stuck in control mode all the time, be needy all the time, be selfish all the time. There is a time and place for everything!

Give that man what he wants and he will give you what you want in about 90 percent of the time…be smart!

By Jewel

October 24, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

Foots LOL! You broke up with a man for breathing?! Honey. We need to talk. I can’t do this anymore. You breathe too much! LOL!

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

One I meet a few months ago was flat out like you are out of my league and I’m not ready for that.

Now walking thru the dark with a flashlight…in search of women out of my league…

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

@ melo .. I know the question was directed at Lurker.. however women with careers just need to learn to balance.. yes career is important.. especially if you’ve spent yrs in college learning about the craft and you’re finally putting your dreams and goals into practice.. but what is all of that without someone to share it with ultimately?

No man is an island.. and being alone shouldn’t be anyone’s ultimate goal.. at the same time if you know that you do not have time to commit to a relationship then don’t.. when you are ready.. willing and capable then do so.. until then.. there’s nothing wrong with focusing on career…

Your job doesn’t have to take a backseat in order for a relationship to be successful.. but you have to realize that you can’t work a 40 hour work week.. spend the weekends in the office..doing all kinds of community events in the name of career by yourself .. and then expect your significant other to sit at home waiting for you to get back… that isn’t fair to him (or her).. try leaving your job in the office after hours… spend some time doing the things that you enjoyed doing before this career came your way… that’s one way to find the perfect balance..

One thing that I noticed about myself after my career started taking off is that my social life took a 100% backseat… which wasn’t fair to me… I stopped doing the things that I simply enjoyed doing.. and completely exhausted myself during the week making it where I simply didn’t want to do anything else.. so I had to sit back and just start enjoying life again… and now I know how to balance the two…but until you learn how to do that on your own.. it will be impossible to make it work with a relationship…

By here's my story

October 24, 2006 11:49 AM | Link to this

I ended an engagement for the following reason: my intended had a substance problem and was not able to be emotionally available. With my just having started in a support program for substance dependency, my life depended upon emotional honesty and a substance-free environment. Real nice guy, but just not for me.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 11:50 AM | Link to this

ROTFL @ FOOTS!! ok that was hilarious, hahahahaha! whew

Many great comments so far, I am fascinated by all the perspectives, keep it coming please!

By Blue

October 24, 2006 11:51 AM | Link to this

Wise - this didn’t make it into my first post: Great topic! Pulled me out of Lurkerville.

Speaking of Lurkerville: Hey Sweet Tee!

Has anyone heard from Mia lately? How’s she doing at the NYT?

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this

@Musing LMAO..The Random Broad sticker for broads that don’t have a clue..LOL!

Stick this on your back windshield, for easy identification..LOL!

@ImAPeach404 Dudes don’t control ish about dating! We out here bad!!! Cat’s rolling dice erry day with they money and time, hoping for an opportunity to come up!

Y’all know how it is going to play out from the start, its up to a dude to talk himself out of the game…Less said is best said fellas, take note!

Flavor Flav gave cat’s around the world a crash course on gamin, I hope some of these lightfoots took notes!

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 11:56 AM | Link to this

LOLOL @ Foots Just for that post you are getting the first “Random Broad” sticker…hahahahahaha

Now placing Random Broad stickers on sale inside of the New and Improved Good D Booth

By Storm

October 24, 2006 11:58 AM | Link to this

Good morning bloggers! Sup QC, Demi, Musing, Sauces, Tea. Musing/Demi yall aint got no sense!

I actually called some exes on different occasions, as I was doing some soul-searching and you never see yourself the way others see you. However, I wasn’t calling to ask why they didn’t propose, just asked what they thought I needed to work on. The first one said I was perfect just as I am. yeah, right The other one I asked specific questions - name 3 things you like about me, 3 things you don’t like and something good about my character. He said he likes that I’m real, that I say what I mean and I don’t beat around the bush. He couldn’t come up with any dislikes. As for my character, he said I was of my word, that if I said I was going to do something, I did it. Gee, I sound so wonderful! I should have me Mr. Right by now, huh? LMAO

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

d dub …or maybe I’m just in touch with my feminine side… apparently it’s working - can’t knock the hustle.

lol…

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

Peach404 But, the issue is finding a man who is worthy and equiped to handle this role. These days, a lot of men are ill prepared for this role.

I can’t even argue with you on that one, because I am constantly baffled by the stories that women tell on this here blog.

But let me offer this, as women, yoll start training dudes and your sons to be men… because these cats didn’t wake up at 30 years old with a dyck and no brains. Somebody, probably his mother and sisters groomed him into the manchild that he is.

Cats like me that had a strong Pops don’t have that problem.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

Anita, there are things about my personality that will never change. If every guy I ever dated said “You are too sarcastic, you should change that” I would be doomed to be alone. But if my last 4 ex’s told me that the tub is always dirty or cooking one day out the week isn’t going to cut it in a marriage… those things can be adjusted to be a better mate. There is a difference between changing who you are, and making adjustments for a relationship. Thats all I’m saying.

But thats why I love this blog… different opinions and different points of view. It’s always so interesting.

LL I consider myself a fun person and I need another fun person in my life. The last dude I talked to was a straight up dumba$$ lier, but we had soooooooo much fun!

By LaniT

October 24, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this

@ Slimone WOW!!! That was awesome. Thanks so much for sharing.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this

Thanks MR.BLUE!! Are you married yet? Hope things are good with you.

Mia is faring well, she had foot surgery that was kind of tough on her post-op, but I think she is doing fine now. She is doing her thing in NY!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:01 PM | Link to this

oh, Blue, she left NYT, I think she is at Sports Illustrated now.

By Storm

October 24, 2006 12:02 PM | Link to this

Congratulations, CHINK!!

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 12:03 PM | Link to this

imAPeach404 or sometimes women as well as men allow the special someone to slip thru their grip. Only to burn thru 20 bad seeds and once again allowing the good seed to be toss out with the bad seeds…life at its worst

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this

@Foots You already in pole class??? Well dayum, congrats girl! (Being sarcastic of course).

By melo

October 24, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

LL, melo is a straight, happily married dude!!

By Royal Chic

October 24, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

Morning greetings…

I have always wondered what is attractive about a man/woman that comes “perfectly” packaged and ready to marry…..seriously the beauty of entering a union with another person is the growth that takes place between the man and woman…I believe that’s what makes a marriage an adventure…a journey worth traveling….if it comes too easy ….what will you have to look forward to….

As for getting feedback from exes and friends, I believe this is needed for self evaluation, but your motivation for making personal changes should never be to please the next man…it should be about becoming a better person….

I agree with Anita as well….we are not cookie cutter images of Stepford Wives and any man that I accept a proposal from will understand that I am a work in progress and so is he…..the unrealistic expectations that men and women have of each other leavs room for much disappointment….

By D Dub of the ATL Version 3.0

October 24, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

Diva I have to tell you thanks for bringing me out of lurker status as well… it’s good to be back.

Crim… what can I say? I might need to take that Lurker off the end of your name and put a Dub there too ;)

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Mayne, the only reason that so many women are in Church is because Eddy and Creflo said that they can get that Lex and $250,000 out in Acworth, IF they come and put a little something in the plate… weekly. Nevermind how to be a good woman. And the fact is that they are still out here sucking and fugging just as much d* as any other female. That’s trippin.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:06 PM | Link to this

@ImAPeach404 Sounds like you in good shape then! When its your time, you will be rewarded. In the meantime, keep improving!

By QC

October 24, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

What’s up Storm

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 12:11 PM | Link to this

Musing Can I set up my GoodBullet Booth across from your Good D Booth? Chicks are going to need something to fall back on after their men find out they are really Tier 1 women in disguise, so they’ll have these things flying off the shelves! And I’ll need the cash now, now that it’s out that I’m the owner of the GoodBullet Booth, not the receptionist. LOL!!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:12 PM | Link to this

Blue No female anywhere can teach her son to be a man!

How the hell a female gonna teach a boy to be a man?? Impossible, becase she never been no man nor lived the experiences of a man!

Best thing she can do is let that boy spend as much time around positive males as possible, including responsible fathers!

Start young and he will have a good foundation to fall back on!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this

Storm Gee, I sound so wonderful! I should have me Mr. Right by now, huh?

Now I figure that I’m just as guilty as the next man/woman when I sit back an wonder, “Have I dismissed Miss Right (for me) because maybe she didn’t have the right shape or hair or height or whatever…? Hmmmm.

By Peachezz

October 24, 2006 12:13 PM | Link to this

Musing you “can not” have one booth without the other!!!

Now setting up the Good H Booth right next to the Good D Booth; let’s see how fast Musing can get here!

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

Good to have you back D-Dub

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:14 PM | Link to this

@Melo Oh ish! A few of y’all got me guessin on here!

By SlimOne

October 24, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

LaniT I appreciate the feedback. Writing carries a less sentence than a felony does. LOL! first laugh of the day

By Mr. Blue (as said by Wise)

October 24, 2006 12:17 PM | Link to this

Wise - we decided to wait until next April to get married. Better weather. Yes, things are good with me, thank you very much! I hope to visit the ATL soon.

Mia left the Times already? What happened? SI is probably a good gig, but the Times is it! Tell her the blog said hello.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:18 PM | Link to this

LL No female anywhere can teach her son to be a man!

I know that. But they can at least tell a dude/manchild what is not manly. Because since they are raising a lot of the dudes in manless homes, they’ve got to come up with some kind of plan, because what’s happening ain’t working. They just raising the next woman’s headache and passing on some clownboi to the next unsuspecting female. That’s all I’m saying. Feel me?

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:19 PM | Link to this

the only reason that so many women are in Church is because Eddy and Creflo said that they can get that Lex and $250,000 out in Acworth, IF they come and put a little something in the plate… weekly

wooow, so I take it from this statement that you actually have personally met women like this? Or are you just dropping one of your gems for kicks and giggles, again?

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this

@Bre

LL Life is not always about fun

Yes it is! My motto is work smart, play smarter! Meaning, keep the bull ish to a minimum,turn the low moments into high moments and kick it til they send me in my box through the fire!

Life is what you make it and you cannot take lifes low points in a non-fun way. Learn from them,laugh at them and keep it movin….

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 12:22 PM | Link to this

WD Is Mia living in Manhattan? Wise I thought you were coming up some time soon.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

Wise Like you ain’t know…

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:24 PM | Link to this

@Blue Gotcha dawg! I agree!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:28 PM | Link to this

Bre, no, she’s in Harlem. My mom had surgery, so I postponed my NY trip. I guess I will go after my S. Africa trip sometime.

By Storm

October 24, 2006 12:30 PM | Link to this

BK, you can ask Lah about that. I’m as open as the ocean when it comes to Mr. Right. She was laughing at me this morning because I’ve gone from a puppy to a much older gentleman from summer until now… and I think I may have met Mr. Right, actually. We’ll see.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 12:34 PM | Link to this

On a serious note for a minute…

In reading many of you, I see that you have careers,homes,assets,kids,investments,etc.

How many of you have wills and living wills in place, so if something tragic happened, your family would know how to handle your estate?

I just thought about this and wanted to put it out there for you all to do like this week or next! It is a fairly easy process and very inexpensive. Most of the info can be downloaded on-line.

Do it now and save your familiy and kids the heart ache of trying to decide your estate later!

Back to your regularly scheduled program…

By Thick

October 24, 2006 12:35 PM | Link to this

All of this gem droppin, I tell ya, you gotta take BS with a grain of salt. Some of us are tired and I am just tickled pink, hahahaha, LOL

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 12:37 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva I hope your mother is doing well. I don’t know the nature of her surgery, neither do I need to know, but she is in my prayers.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 12:39 PM | Link to this

Now striking a deal to secure the ownership of both the “Good Bullet Booth” and the “Good H Booth” with Foots & Peachezz….And becoming the Supreme Pimp….Also starting a Broad School to help Random Broads ascend to the next Tier using the LL methods of study!

By Storm

October 24, 2006 12:40 PM | Link to this

Excellent public service announcement, LL!

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

Harlem is in Manhattan just uptown. Well I hope your mom has a speedy recovery. My friend just got back she loved it. I have a pretty detailed info from one of my friends from HKK that went. The email is not in good English but you can get the gist of if; if you want some info on S.Africa and tours.

LL* I realize no matter what I say you will feel the way you do. However when you are going thru the low times and hard times you can’t always laugh. You might when you get on the other side. Its always good to have someone beside you that can help you see the lighter side of the issue. And I am one for sure that lives life to the fullest and I have a darn good time doing it. But its not all roses…but then again you know how roses…really smell.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:42 PM | Link to this

Single Moms A female raising a son is like taking a Chemistry class with no Lab. Although you don’t have the equipment to really boil water and make steam, at least arm you kid with knowledge of…

And I say that to say, don’t give some 15 y/o youngin’ dominion over the crib. Just like giving George Wubya a nuke, you’ve just armed your shorty with the power sword that he has no knowledge of or discipline to wield. And what real man wants to come in and have to kick your shorty’s azz and deal with you, just to get respect in the crib.

That’s why a lot of dudes don’t date Women with Kids.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:44 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Musing starting a Broad School to help Random Broads ascend to the next Tier using the LL methods of study!

By Thick

October 24, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this

Have a ball in S. Africa Wise Diva, I here it’s beautiful. And I hope your Mom get better.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 12:45 PM | Link to this

LL You know ever so often you bring this arguement out of your trick bag. About women cant raise their son’s to be men. But who better to teach a young man how to be respectful to women than his mother. You lead by example, children learn by example. If they see their mother with lazy Rambros(random brothers) then guess what they will become..A random brother (Rambro) but if they instill in their son good values and give them a positive examples to follow then guess what you get a positive young man with good values. That statement borders on some of the jacked up statements you see some single women making when they are running around on the prowl for a man any man to be their kids father because they want someone anyone to just be around.

By Bre'

October 24, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this

LL after being a survior of 9/11 I have my stuff in order. All the way down to how I want my service. I recommend everyone put there papers in order. You just never know.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this

Thick… get back in ya square.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 12:46 PM | Link to this

In my Ron Isley voice singing….

“La, La, La, Laaaaaaaaaaa”

As I strutt through the newly constucted School For Broads….Wearing my purple cape, with velvet white pimp suit, taco meat freshly “activated” into a jerri…on the way to teach the “Pimp-jitsu” class for females to learn to proper way to protect her pimp….Singing….

“It’s about to be a showwwwwdownnnnnn, I’m about to lay your bodyyyyy downnnnn”

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:49 PM | Link to this

Storm I’ve gone from a puppy to a much older gentleman from summer until now

That’s funny because I’ve been pulling the older broads myself lately. LOL I don’t know what that’s about…

By KRoss

October 24, 2006 12:50 PM | Link to this

Instestering topic, I have only been married once and I’m currenty married to her. It’s this Ghetto Fabolous culture that we have going withing your Black America 40 and under. I hear brothers all the time “these women with careers and good money get on my nerves”. For some strange reason, this is not a problem for white man or asian men. The main thing is that there no incentive to get married in our community. We are so sexually active it’s ridicoulous. Why would want marry a women that your are already sleeping with and live with? You already get what most dudes want in marriage anyway, alot of them already got kids. Just don’t make no sense. Sex also create soul ties, people are in bondage with people on a spiritual level, dudes and chicks tied to people they broke up with three years ago! Effecting they’re current relationship. First we need to change our cultures, especially brothas, we are out of pocket, the way we do them. But sistas need to own up to there part of deal also. I’m tired of hearing this “play your position” or “take care of man” nonsense, I’m grown man, my wife is grown woman, we help each other out, we take care of our “children”. The key to any relationship is this selfleshness and communication. I’m Christian, I think God is at the heart of both of those values. Marriage is the key to our society, married have better sex and more money, they leave legacies also. That’s why sista’s and brothas need to look to serve one another, not for our self intresets, we’ll turn this thing around.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:50 PM | Link to this

Thanks Raqi! - it was for her carpal tunnels, but being that she is a nurse, she made the WORST patient EVER, LOL. My dad was like ummm, come give me a break, she is driving me nuts! haha, bless his heart.

By G

October 24, 2006 12:53 PM | Link to this

BK, I feel ya on that 12:42 post.

By 82DAWG

October 24, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

You thinks its tough to be a single mom and get dates? Try being a single dad!!! Even the single moms are reluctant to date a single dad. I am 46, make $88k/yr own my own house in Alpharetta, no credit card debt, no alimony/child support, etc. I do have an 11 year old son who is blond haired and blue eyed, well behaved and cute as a button. Haven’t had a real date in years. I am just “such a nice guy”, though. BTW, ladies, NEVER tell that to a guy. If you don’t want to date them, just tell ‘em.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:56 PM | Link to this

wow, Bre, any info you can pass on would be greatly appreciated, thanks chica!

@Thick, thanks honey, she’s a tough cookie! Oh and I am super excited about this trip. My new passport pic is the hotness, LOL.

By Thick

October 24, 2006 12:58 PM | Link to this

When you talkin BS that’s exactly what you need to be told. And some the mess you say Blue is BS. smilin at’cha! haha, LOL

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

Wise Kickin’ it to ya motherland ha? Betta stay out of the Sudan is all I can tell you. I wish you a safe return.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

ohhh my goodness, KRoss thank you for that comment. THANK YOU

By Suga&Spice

October 24, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

KRoss-Thanks!

By Storm

October 24, 2006 01:01 PM | Link to this

Well, BK, you just never know where Ms.Right will be found. As I told Lah awhile back, I don’t know what the love of my life looks like, I have no blueprint for that and I’m not going to miss out because of that. My southern gentleman is, to this point in my life, the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if we don’t end up together, I will have benefitted, anyway. He’s challenged me in ways no one else has and he’s taught me what I should expect and deserve from a man.

By Thick

October 24, 2006 01:03 PM | Link to this

Good points KRoss! Welcome

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this

But let me offer this, as women, yoll start training dudes and your sons to be men…

BK you’ve mentioned the number 1 reason im glad I have a son. I try to raise him to be a gentleman. We’ve talked before about how our sons are so considerate and sweet, and I only hope and pay that carries over to adulthood. I often tell my son to talk to me about different issues and situations that go on with these little girls. I want him to feel comfortable talking now, because when he gets older and these situations tend to have more effect on him, I want him to always feel safe talking to me and remembering what i’ve said in the past.

I don’t know if I can teach him how to be a man, but I can give him guidence from a womans pov and show him how being disrespectful can hurt a person for a long time.

By Storm

October 24, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

^5 KROSS!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

Thick And some the mess you say Blue is BS.

The only thing that I’ve said today that can remotely be considered BS was when I said Thick get back in ya square. Marinate on that one…

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

aww, 82Dawg, I hear you!, I think single moms and dads miss each other a lot because of their daily responsibilities. If they could squeeze in some eye flirting while you are at the softball games, Chuck E Cheese parties, or miniature golf, you MAY connect eyes with someone interesting. Stay alert! LOL

By Sinsa MusingLee

October 24, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this

Placing bandana around afro, dressed in a black and orange karate suit, 6degree black belt, wearing white karate shoes with the big toe out…

“Ladies line up, cause I’m about to rock your body and show you some proven techniques to stop the haters…Er’body sing”

“Ya, Ya…Ya, Ya….Karate, protecting your body…That’s right Loddy doddy”

By anita

October 24, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

No, I don’t have a problem with ‘growth’. But that again requires, self-exam. A thousand people can tell you the same thing over and over but until you are willing to change something about yourself..it won’t happen; or if you do (like weight loss, drinking, smoking) it is only temporary. I simply don’t buy into giving a man a recipe for ‘how to get along with me’. Another woman might meet him and not be irritated by the same things that worked my last nerve. I have met men (several) who admitted that they were STRONGLY attracted to the same type of woman; but that type of woman usually always ended up breaking up with them. The woman was ALWAYS mirrored what he ‘wanted to be in the future’ but not who they were right now. Relationships mean accepting people for who they are at the time you meet them while understanding there is a work-in-progress and that in time, like everthing else…somethings will change: sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. Maturity changes all of our priorities in terms what/who we want in a mate. But the ‘core’ of who we are basically stays the same.

I take people at face value. I like them and know that like me, they have growth areas. Its up to them to decide what those area’s are and which ones to work on if they interfere in our relationship. I am not the ‘measuring stick’ for anyone’s life nor do I want to be. God has a purpose for them where they are and who am I to change that.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 01:14 PM | Link to this

Well said KRoss. Thanks

By Thick

October 24, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

Blue All of this gem droppins, I tell ya, you gotta take BS with a grain of salt. Now that’s what I’m marinating on. giggles, LOL

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

KRoss, you reminded me of this article I read about men vs. males. (We all know they are 2 different things as displayed on this blog every day - just as there are women vs. females)

Man: does not carry a grudge; looks to better himself; he invests in his success; gives to his community; is measured by his character; is a protector of women in general and committed to one woman in particular; his word is his bond; A Real man is a leader that thinks with his big head, Uses his intellect and emotions to make decisions

Male: looks for ways to get even; complains that he has to stay where he is; takes from his community; is measured by his sex drive; views a woman as an object of pleasure, and isn’t committed to anything!; has no word, he will tell you what you want to hear; is a follower; thinks with his little head; makes emotional decisions

Now after reading THAT, check out the list that AskMen.com compiled as a Man’s Man.

Interesting, don’t you think?

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

Peach404 keep up the good work with your son, but unfortunately there will be things about himself and his body that he will not tell you. I have tried to raise my sons having an open relationship allowing them to talk to me about any and everything but there were and are somethings that he won’t tell. I even tried to forewarn him about things but it only worked to a certain degree. I am glad that my husband is in our lives for them. My oldest talks to him now more than he talks to me but that is good.

By Regina

October 24, 2006 01:18 PM | Link to this

Ladies, you should listen to “Longtime Lurker”. He is correct is stating what kind of woman most men want. Take it from someone who has had many proposals.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 01:23 PM | Link to this

@Bre I hear ya loud and clear! I have made it no secret of my lows in the past! I have definitely been thru it and I understand. When life hits you on the chin, you gotta learn to duck and come back swingin! I also commend you on handlin your biz, but it seems like it took 9/11 for bring it to the forefront.

I wanted to put it out there to these folks, while it is still coming up like roses!

@Kym I have tremendous respect for single mothers! I see what they go through on a daily basis and have assisted a few of them, with their young males emotionally and financially! I have mentored young men for six years!

While I do feel that single mothers can help their young men in many ways,many times they hurt their young men more!

Many of the issues single women deal with in dating today,comes from single mothers who raised their young men with feminist ideals, instead of having their young men around responsible men and fathers!

Now, I am not faulting a woman for wanting to teach her son how to treat a woman with respect, etc. because my mom did the same thing with me and as a result, I have very good relations with females today, but on the flip side, I had a very strong dad present, with strong views on raising a male child and I now have a balance that many men who were raised without fathers or positive male role models don’t have!

Because this is no longer the norm in today’s society, it is important to get your young men in sports,church activities,YMCA,Boy Scouts,etc. to be around other positive males or use a positive male in either the fathers family or your family to be a good male role model.

Mothers naturally use emotion and female ideals, when their young men get into a situation(s), fathers use “tough love” and real lessons!

There is a difference!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 01:23 PM | Link to this

ok, one day, I will get that linking thing down: http://www.accessatlanta.com/entertainment/content/shared-gen/ap/Movies/People_Clooney.html

By QC

October 24, 2006 01:31 PM | Link to this

^5 KRoss

By Hot Sauce

October 24, 2006 01:34 PM | Link to this

Musing you’re gonna need a license to run those booths & protection, so secure that with Me or Sweet Tea; we’re leaving DCP and going to work for the Feds starting January 07

yyyyyyyyyyiiiiiippppppeeeeeeeee

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

Raqi, thanks. My son is only 11 now, and I suspect when he gets older, he may not be as open now. At the time I don’t have a husband or a male figure in the home. I do hope that to change within the next few years, but I’m so protective of him, I’m really cautious to introduce him to any man. Lord will, everything will fall into place and work out accordingly.

By Sweet Tea

October 24, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

Musing Just think now you’ll be able to have protection outside your house :0

lunch time

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

@82DAWG I am with you bruh! That is the problem in our society, many females would rather deal with the dude that is not handlin his biz, but looks like he is worth a million bucks vs. the dude that is truly taking care of home!

It is something wrong with them and not you! I say chalk up the random broads as a liabilty vs. an asset and keep it movin. Eventually, your queen will find you and offer you the world!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 01:37 PM | Link to this

Storm He’s challenged me in ways no one else has and he’s taught me what I should expect and deserve from a man.

Looks like you’ve got this thing half-way licked then.

Peach404 I commend you on your efforts.

By QC

October 24, 2006 01:38 PM | Link to this

Have a nice evening y’all QC out!!!!

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 01:39 PM | Link to this

Great, just what we needed….HotSauce and SweetT as the Hot and Sexy Feds!!!!LOLOLOL…Congrats!…I think..hehehehehe

By Jewel

October 24, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this

Take it from someone who has had many proposals. This statement makes me wonder, Does the quantity of proposals diminish the value in the purpose? I mean, if we are to take LL’s advice (Personally I did not read his posts today, or most days. I always finish reading War and Peace before I finish scrolling past his posts…Figured it was the same old rhetoric from a man who does not want to be married.) to increase our odds of receiving a marriage proposal, are we being what men want without being true to ourselves? Is the proposal the ultimate goal?

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this

LL many females would rather deal with the dude that is not handlin his biz, but looks like he is worth a million bucks vs. the dude that is truly taking care of home!

You’re rollin’ seb’ns today ain’cha champ?! You might want to lay low with that set though. You’ve already shook Kym and Wise off and ain’t nobody else gon’ want to fade you. LOL

Same scenario last week - dude coming over tearing up the poosey but can’t be called on by ol’ girl when her car breaks down. Chicks kill me…

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this

Longtime I may not can tell my sons what it feels like to be a man, but I can sure tell them what it takes to run a household, take care of a family, hold down a job, make ends meet, have good credit, and be accountable, all the things that a man is suppose to do. No I can’t tell him how to run game on a woman which is all y’all seem to think matters but I can tell him how to recognize it when a woman is running game on him. I may not be able teach him about maintaining a 5 finger trick rotation but I can teach him how to recognize that woman who will be down for him.

By abc

October 24, 2006 02:03 PM | Link to this

82Dawg, I’m about your age and a single dad with kids at home, and if I participate in online personals I get more dates than I can keep. Give it a try, if you don’t get a lot of dates, something’s wrong.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

@Jewel (She prolly won’t read this post either, but that is her loss, not mine, ya boy is kewl!)

This is thing, even if you don’t agree with what I am saying or any other man on this blog says, you have to realize that we are single men on the scene, that have been there done that!

We can give you a real perspective from not only courtside,but actually playing in the game, because we know what “all” men want, because we are men!

Most of the dudes on this blog, esp. me have real life experiences and experiences to learn from.

We are not asking you or expecting you to agree with our comments, but I bet you that there are other females on here, that read our posts, may not agree, but leave their offices or homes everyday, after reading us smarter than they were eight hours earlier!

It’s your choice, continue to be on the defensive,in the dark and not learn or get free advice from cats that are still on the grind and wonder why no dude is asking you to marry him or get the insight you need to get yourself in a position to be proposed to!

Life is a game, including getting to the alter,if that is your choice.

You can gain valuable insight from all of the dudes on this blog for free, it’s your choice, pick and choose what you need and roll with it or get left by the waste side!

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

jewel good points regarding proposals…is that the ultimate goal? for me having satisfying relationships is the ultimate goal. if it leads to marriage great! someone proposing is not a validation of my worth. if i’m not proposed to, it doesn’t mean that i’m not wanted. a lot of folks propose/marry someone that they know is gonna deal w/their ish. it’s all about acceptance. for example, i know about this female that is involved w/a dude she’s been dating for a year. she’s committed to him but he isn’t committed to her. is the ultimate goal here of marriage really healthy?? she thinks she’s holding out proving her loyalty while he searches around to see if he can do better. PUHLEEZE!!!! if that’s the dues one has to pay for a proposal, i’ll gladly pass and keep my self esteem in tact.

despite the so called “knowledge” that the gentleman are kicking around today, having a man that looks good but is good for little or nothing is not an option for everyone. i wouldn’t take a man that “looks” good that isn’t responsible…hell that’s part of the reason i’m single now. looking good to me but not being good for me does NOT fly!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 02:08 PM | Link to this

There is no reason for me to disagree with LL Blue, I don’t know what you are referring to. LL is not where I am, so I take his comments with a grain a salt, as I do most of the random dudes who have plenty to say about what women have to do and get mute when it comes to discussing what men should work on. I already know what time it is, though…sometimes looking at the man in the mirror can be frightening.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 02:12 PM | Link to this

Raqi It looks like you are covering good ground with your sons. ^5 to you.

LL What specifically would you add to her list that would help a boy become “a man” and a productive citizen?

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

@Raqi Long Sigh I think I speak for the majority of the men on here in saying that this blog is for entertainment mostly and if you can get some edumacation out of our words, then great!

For the record, I quit running game on women over 6 years ago. I matured and and I am brutally honest with any female I meet, like I am with y’all!

I think most of the cats on here handle their biz the same way! The job is stressful enough, so our outlet is this blog!

Don’t read so deep into things! Have fun, get what you can get out of our discussions and do you!

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

wise diva i like that in you gurl…lol. took it back to michael j (man in the mirror)

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 02:14 PM | Link to this

82Dawg U need to go and relax at “Shooters Alley”…and get your head right son!!!

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 02:15 PM | Link to this

Wise random dudes who have plenty to say about what women have to do and get mute when it comes to discussing what men should work on

Is THAT why no dude had anything to say about the knowledge that KRoss dropped??? LOL!!!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 02:17 PM | Link to this

haha! kinderbabe, you KNOW that song is stuck in my head now, right? LOL

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 02:21 PM | Link to this

Now dumping box of “Random Broad” Stickers after getting complaints from Men about misleading Women disguising themselves just to get the ring!

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

What specifically would you add to her list that would help a boy become “a man” and a productive citizen?

Don’t be so overprotective of your sons and break his ego daily…or you will find yourself unable to really talk to him

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 02:23 PM | Link to this

Yeah WTF ever Longtime. When you got a cheering audience you declare what you speak to be Bible, but when someone show you where you are dead wrong you claim to be only speaking from the shallow end. Whatever.

Looks like you caught me on a good damn day.

By Thick

October 24, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

I have had two proposals but I knew I was not ready. I want begin to discuss what I did not like in the guys who proposed, let’s just say we were both not whole people. It is so easy for folks to comment on what others need to improve upon, but if you are not a whole person (meaning happy and comfortable with yourself) then proposing or even trying to build a relationship is a waste of time. No matter how you view the other individual you attract what you are and if you are lacking in yourself when you look in the mirror, it’s time to check yo business.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

Raqi I may not can tell… <=== I know you ain’t mean that did you?

LMAO @ LL (She prolly won’t read this post either, but that is her loss, not mine, ya boy is kewl!)

Jewel You know you were wrong for that. But I guess even the rarest jewel can get dull from time to time… ha?

LL No need to take all of them hits, put your stunt double in dude.

… meanwhile, back at ACME Stuntman’s Academy… yeah Dora… this is Blue… Send Johnny Hardnose over to fill in for our boy LL over at the AJC Blog… Tell him to use his super-sonic speed and get over there with the quickness…

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

@Foots I stated your those things in my earlier posts.

By One day at a time

October 24, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

8@Single moms* Ladies, I think the fellas may have a point. My mom raised 4 boys and 1 girl on her own. Of course she taught us all how to be responsible, respectful adults but she also taught me how to survive in a world where I may be single (I would have to take care of myself and do for myself).

My brothers, on the other hand, SAW a woman doing it all and MAY [notice I said may, not true of every male child] expect women they date/marry to do it all. They may be less inclined to assume the role of headship since they did not see it in action.

I recently told my cousin to teach her son how to survive.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this

that dude doesn’t have any kids! Maaan, listen to another perspective LL, good grief, dude!, LOL

beaming with pride at my co-jazzy mouth diva, Raqi

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 02:29 PM | Link to this

LL I am confused you grew up in two parent house with a strong daddy figure correct? So what pray tell is your excuse for all the so call hustling you did back in the day?

I mean you did say you were from Bankhead and claim to know the mean streets of Atlanta(I grew up here so when I think Bankhead I think Mozley Park, Bankhead Courts, Bankhead Fish etc..)

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 02:32 PM | Link to this

Is THAT why no dude had anything to say about the knowledge that KRoss dropped??? LOL!!!

Foot I have no belief in what KRoss just said, sooooooo LL is on POINT!!!

By 82DAWG

October 24, 2006 02:33 PM | Link to this

LOL, I am afraid to ask what “Shooters Alley” is! Thanks for the advice, all, I enjoyed it. Big night tonight, I get to help my son with a Science project. It will be a good time!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Raqi getting p**. Interesting… Look… I can have somebody come over and get that dust up out of the crib if you need me to work that for you. I think it’s affecting your temper. LOL

Foots Tell your bad azz kids to put on a fuggin’ belt and take off them white teez. That’s what I’m gon’ add to the list. How ‘bout dat?!

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this

yeah wise diva…you should make that today’s blog theme song…lol

By UT96

October 24, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

NCgirlfromATL, it abolutely does not make you crazy. You know how you feel and what you want which makes you decisive- a rarity,IMO, for a female. There should be more women out there like you.

Go Vols

By Thick

October 24, 2006 02:36 PM | Link to this

Oh, Foots that 2:10 post, true,true,true. Man in the Mirror hehe, funny.

I really believe that yes women got issues, including myself, but some men are not ready. Anything that looks like marriage makes them run. And the relationships with no strings attached are just free rides.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 02:38 PM | Link to this

Dragging the LL stunt double into the room, wearing my 50 Gucci shirt and black jeans….Singing

“Hate it or Love it, the underdog’s on top….And I’m gone shine Homie until my heart stops…Go head and MV me I’m blog’s MVP, and I ain’t going nowhere so you can get to know me!!!”

Tossing the stunt double to his death at the hands of Wise and Raqi.

By abc

October 24, 2006 02:39 PM | Link to this

There’s nothing of value that a man can teach his son that a woman can’t teach as well. The deal is, the son needs to see an example of a man being a man, and feel a connection to that man, so that he wants to emulate the behavior AS a man.

Single moms, what do you want your sons to grow up to be like? Find a man like that.

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 02:40 PM | Link to this

lol @ wise you’re on point today…

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 02:44 PM | Link to this

@Kym I was a knucklehead, that grew up in the hood! I did what the other kids did. My dad talked to me all the time,scolded me,etc. but I was a strong willed scorpio, that thought he knew it all and did what I wanted to do!

After I almost went to jail,for a long time,on a dope charge,I had a mentor that helped me go strait. He was a dude that always believed in me and I trusted him. I thought my dad was old fashioned and was out of the loop.

It was a long process between my dad and my mentor to eventually get it together with me and I did not set foot into a college until I was about 21 or 22. I took the entrance exam for tech and damn near scored a perfect score and they paid for my undergrad.

I learned alot from the streets, which helped me in the corporate world and also helped me become successful. This is why I give back, because I have been there and done that! I may not be right all the time, but I can definitely give you some “Real Talk” to learn from.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

Yoll are killing me!! Dayum near every female chimed in to put a nickel in K Ross’s* cup, when all he said is that most of you women are hoez for giving up da p*ssy and reserving said benefits for a man of purpose.

And that the Church population needs to attend service for the purpose of worshiping The Lord versus trying to being worthy of the come-up.

So… the way I read it, he attempts to lay blame with the brothers but in effect is only ripping the mask off the ugly head of the sisters.

Yoll don’t really want to keep it real…

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 02:50 PM | Link to this

i think that one of the things that gets me laughing about this blog is when men think that they’re speaking for all men… everyone’s different.. what works for one.. or a group of men may not hold true for others..

it’s like being the only black (or one of a few) in a setting…u aren’t the black representative.. no matter how much white folks or people of other ethnicities may make you feel that you are…

i remember one of my exes telling me how all men were and I laughed at him seeing that neither my father..my brothers.. male friends or other exes were anything as he described…

and while some may call the sensitivity of some men soft or feminine it is only in that softness that a man will truly understand woman…

instead of incessantly sitting back and discussing how different we are from one another we truly need to accept the fact that there are more similarities than differences… and that’s real…

sensitivity..understanding..and compassion towards a woman’s point of view does not make a man gay or soft…

but it seems that some of you men on this blog are quick to throw out “man laws” and “manly advice”… yet.. you aren’t willing to listen to what women have to say.. everything that comes out of a woman’s keystroke seems to be wrong from your point of views..

some of you guys need to listen just as much as you feel we need to “take heed” to what you’re saying…

By SeanJohnson

October 24, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this

@ BK…lol..yeah i caught that…that was some real Bill Cosby shyt..right there..i bet dude is a deacon in church.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 02:54 PM | Link to this

…I bet you that there are other females on here, that read our posts, may not agree, but leave their offices or homes everyday, after reading us smarter than they were eight hours earlier!

LL are you for real???

Is THAT why no dude had anything to say about the knowledge that KRoss dropped??? LOL!!!

Dag Foots you beat me to it!!!! I noticed the same thing…

By Jewel

October 24, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this

Kinderbabe That’s sad for your friend. Hopefully she will wake up and realize it’s not her, it’s him. I wonder how many men point out a woman’s flaws and considers what he does/does not do to contribute? This “man” that your friend is involved with, does he realize that if he were truly looking for a real relationship, he would not disrespect her feelings? He would “man up” and tell her that he doesn’t want a relationship with her and that there is nothing she can do to change his mind? He’s looking for something better? What makes him think he is the best*? I laugh at the arrogance of some men!

sometimes looking at the man in the mirror can be frightening. AMEN WISE DIVA!

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this

@Blue Preech! That is why no dude responded!

In the famous words of Jeezy….There is a message in my words, but you have decode it

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

Demi Exactly.

Blue Good addition. From what LL says, what truly helped him was a mentor outside of the home. In BBBS, there is a huge need for Big Brothers to mentor these young dudes. From his example, it shows how even kids in two-parent families, not just single-mom households, can be assisted by the care of a male mentor.

By SeanJohnson

October 24, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

@ KROSS…comment wasnt directed at you …i actually read the wrong comment…

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

So LL you can admit that even though you had daddy at home you still some how manage to grow up in that two parent home knowing right from wrong, yet you ran the streets and didnt listen. So who do you blame for your ways..mom, dad or both? I mean if you tend to preach that my son and other young men who grow up like him in single parent homes are doom to failure then shouldnt you say that your parents or since we are focusing on Dad for the time being also failed you at that particular time in your life?

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this

That’s true abc but how many women are going to be fortunate enough to find that man for her son to see. For 12 years there was no man in my house. Yeah there was Mason who was around a lot and Brian who I called on for advise. Even my father and brothers helped but there was no man living there. I couldn’t just let them fall off the way side because of the absence of that male figure. I agree that it’s nice for them to see a man in action, but when that’s not feasible we have to do the best we can to get them as close as possible what a responsible is man.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 02:58 PM | Link to this

LL As one battered warrior to another, I understand the frustration that you deal with on the regula on this blog… as you continuously attempt to demonstrate positive points to the feminine population (‘cause we dudes get it and understand), only to be resisted at every turn by those with empty skulls. It’s almost a sin to waste your efforts on the ears of the deaf, dumb, and foolish. (No offense Brother Demi)

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

Actually Blue_K I believe Kross’ comments are directed a BOTH men & women. We are BOTH guilty of many things in regards to the failure & breakdown of relationships in the black community. The Question is, HOW do we fix it?

LL trust me I feel you in having everything handed to you & still being a knucklehead. It’s easier than it looks.

By Candidly Speaking

October 24, 2006 03:04 PM | Link to this

BK & SJ

Mayne, just sitting back lurking…I knew someone was gonna pull the “switch-a-roo,” just didn’t know who.

You know I’m LMAO right now…they go along wit anythang…that sound half way decent…and wonda why they ain’t married yet? ROFLMAO!!!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 03:05 PM | Link to this

Peach/Foots Did yoll just read my translation, while yoll cosigning?! Betta go read it again, or learn how to comprehend.

By abc

October 24, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

Raqi, grandfathers and uncles would suffice as a male role model in the absence of a stepfather, IMHO. They might be even better if they’re good examples, the same blood coursing through their veins would indicate that such an outcome would be hereditary.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 03:07 PM | Link to this

I’m so sincere here… I find that a lot of people on here give off an immature vibe. I wonder how old some of you are and I wonder if your post are supposed to be for comedic value, if you truely mean the stuff you say, or is this your “blog character”?

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 03:08 PM | Link to this

BlueK do me a favor. Since you are, as you put it, hanging onto Longtimes nut sack, please respond to Kym’s 2:56 comment to Longtime. Please answer that question.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 03:13 PM | Link to this

@Raqi

Girl give me my blade back I was looking for it today. Nevermind keep it I am stocked with a few spares.

Wise I would like a sharpening blade for Xmas.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

Kym The foundation was always there with my dad, but I was not ready nor truly heard what he was saying! It took me almost loosing my freedom to wake up.

What I was saying in simple terms was the fact that I had a male buit foundation, where many men don’t, so a lot of what my pops said in the earlier years came into play later in life!

I talk one on one with him at least once a week til this day and he still helps me with guiding my career,life and relations with women. My mom also plays a critical role as well.

I am blessed to have both parents and I realize this as many others don’t have that option.

The difference is now that I listen, where in the past I did not!

Foots Is 1000 percent right, you need a male mentor outside the home, because many kids feel that their parents are out of touch! I often hear this with my group of kids (mostly male) that I work with on a daily basis!

I try to share my experiences with them and make them understand that parents often know what is best and truly got your back, not your so called friends. When I got in trouble(which was often)nobody bailed me out, but my folks!

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Raqi…LOLOLOL

Now taking a seat in the stands of the Coliseum…As the battle to the death continues

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

Wise What I find very interesting about today’s discussion is that when we first start out we seem apt to listen to what the other sex has to offer in regards to the topic. BUT as the day moves on…

Foots I also agree that our young people benefit from interactions with others NOT just their parental units lol (believe me this term applies in more cases than we admit). I still believe that it takes a Village & this me against the world mentality that a lot of parents have means that they isolate their children from those things that would benefit them most. WE have instilled fears in our children that id it were not for US they would not posess. WE give our children attitude, disdain for community activities & society ails, & we instill this it’s all about YOU & what makes YOU happy attitude. So we block our children & their spirits from the knowledge & power that the village has to offer. But we have to ask ourselves are we REALLY protecting THEM, or are we guarding our OWN hearts & spirits against this imaginary darkness we have allowed ourselves to create? I said yesterday that past behaviour is often indicative of future results. Yes we over analyze & overthink EVERYTHING. Again I ask, HOW DO WE FIX IT?

By Thick

October 24, 2006 03:14 PM | Link to this

Thank you FyreStarter those comments were directed to both men and women. Nothing wrong with everyone having a point of view. LOL, How do we fix it? Question may be just a little too much for these Einstein’s on this blog!

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

good question peach.. i remember most people were trying to make it seem like they were much older than I am…

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 03:18 PM | Link to this

Fyre and Crimson It definitely speaks to the arrogance of some men to read what KRoss contributed and still only see what he said about women. No dude agrees with what he said about changing the ways things are, starting with the men. They don’t agree with what he said about being overly sexually active, when just yesterday, men were co-signing the post about a man’s main goal is to get into some panties. They don’t feel pride in how their sistas have lifted themselves up, gotten their educations and can support themselves, they ONLY see how they lose out in the bargain, when a woman has something in their lives other than them. But what they CAN come away with is how women are wrong AGAIN, what women need to learn, what women are missing.

Did you comprehend THAT?

By Chink

October 24, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

Hey Storm …Sorry so late …had a nice lunch ..thanks

Wise I like that man vs male description.

404 I was beginning to think the same thing 3:07 Post….

Another battle of the sexes I see …

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

Now throwing a pair of hooped earrings, a crowbar, and a bag of nachos into the blog ring….Lets see who can kill whom and with what!

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this

True abc, I don’t disagree with you at all. But what I am saying is when those men are not available or active in a boys life, his mother has the whole responsibility resting on her shoulders to make a man out of that boy. Kids learn more at home than they learn any where else. That’s all I am saying.

Funny thing this dicussion came up today because I wrote an entry at my blogspot about Parental Control and how much it affects our kids just a couple of days ago.

By DadMania

October 24, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this

No proposal for pregnancy on purpose. Why make a bad decision for something that was not planned (at least on my part)?

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 03:22 PM | Link to this

One day at a time SAW a woman doing it all and MAY expect women they date/marry to do it all.

I had to realize, my mom did it all because she had no choice…But it shouldn’t have been that way

I told some girl last night, my mom work two jobs and caught 3 or 5 buses, hell is your problem!!!

LOL

By Jewel

October 24, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this

Crimson sensitivity..understanding..and compassion towards a woman’s point of view does not make a man gay or soft… Fortunately, I get this with my SO. Even if he does not always agree, he makes an attempt to understand me. And that makes me more willing to reciprocate the same to him.

and wonda why they ain’t married yet? Candid How long have you been married? What was the deciding factor for you to propose to your wife?

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 03:27 PM | Link to this

Foots Your comments speaks volumes (hopefully loud enough for these knuckleheads to here AND LISTEN)!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 03:27 PM | Link to this

LL But your words earlier and those of your “sack rider” (as Raqi so delightfully put it) Blue has been that mothers particularly single mother can not raise young men to be men and therefore we are doom to failure with our sons unless we hitch ourselves to the star of any passing wagon with a penis so that we can save him from our womanly ways.

Yet you had two parents who performed the same functions I do everyday(you see I pour a helluva lot of concrete at my house with my son) and yet you manage to stray off the straight and narrow path.

So I have to assume then if I am going to fail my son because I havent hitch a wagon yet. Your parents failed you back then even with their hitch wagon.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

Fyre Zoom out and get this bird’s eye view on this situation in the community.

Crim DISCLAIMER ===> I’m speaking averages here, not individual cases.

What we have here is a chicken/egg coming first situation. It’s man’s ultimate responsibility but ain’t shyt getting done before a woman does it. A man doesn’t start on his fugged up ways when he hits 20 or 25. That starts in elementary or middle school when he realizes that the dude that has IT has the chicks. And the IT is usually the Jordans, Kleins, Diesels blah blah. Usually the single parent households will be a little behing economically so their IT may be a little short. So this guy learns that you can do a little dirt for the quick and easy come-up and be competitive. Now the little school chicks are digging that. Mom is too busy at work to regulate and pop ain’t around to regulate.

Now fast forward to HS Graduation. Dudes have been spending the last 6 years impressing chicks with his skill at handlin’ bizniss versus excelling in the classroom. Problem is these same chicks are on their way off to college and these same dudes and s** now. They’ve been outgrown. And the separation continuously widens right up until now when were in our 30’s. These are the same dude that yoll females have grown up with, but now they aren’t worthy of your time and don’t know how to be men.

My suggestion is that you REALLY teach your daughters that an attractive dude is one that excels at learning and being kind… and not one that rides 24’s with butterfly doh’s. ‘Cause believe that… if a dude is getting play for being good in school, that’s what he and every other swinging richard up in there is gon’ do.

So ladies yoll bed is made, get on in and give up da draws… but you can make it better for us as a whole in the coming generations.

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

lol that’s my Demi! Too funny & TOO TRUE!!!

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

Musing I’m calling for the Nachos. A sista needs a snack and these sunflower seeds ain’t cutting it.

By Sidelines

October 24, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this

BK, 2:48pst and crimson, 2:50pst…^5! lol…

crimson, girl preach…long time no read!!!

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 03:30 PM | Link to this

foots you can hear a pin drop…

& fyre like I said in my last post.. we fix it by accepting the fact that there are more similarities than differences…

discuss that..embark on those similarities.. and learn how to co-exist with one another…

I for one am tired of this us against them mentality that’s displayed on this board…

people are acting like there’s some sort of fraternal order/secret society based on sex/genitalia

it’s like elementary school..girls on one side boys on the other..but the difference is that we’re grown…or supposed to be…

By Apple Bottom

October 24, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

I hate for a man to use a “pregnancy” excuse to marry a woman, that’s the wrong thing to do especially if he’s not really “into her” geesh!!!!

By Thick

October 24, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

Now what could be so bad about giving credit to what KRoss said, and it being true. Such comments are extremely helpful and are full of good advice.

I totally agree that both parents are needed and eventhough I did not have both parents. Growing up in that position I can truly understand now what a father’s role is and what I missed.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 03:36 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla, think about it, Jake, SeanJ, and Dushawn, post some shock thing, but still get praises!! LOL

Dayum near every female chimed in to put a nickel in K Ross’s cup, when all he said is that most of you women are hoez for giving up da pssy and reserving said benefits for a man of purpose.

That’s what I read as well …

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 03:37 PM | Link to this

“There goes one!”

As Foots reaches for the Nachos…BK bops her in the head with the crowbar!

LOLOLOLOL

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 03:38 PM | Link to this

Raqi I may be premature but I’m giving you Lady status, and so, will grant you a pass. Now to answer Kym’s question about what happened to LL, it is simple - there is no one outcome for every situation. What we speak on when debating whole or larg groups of people, are averages and statistics; and statistics show that children that come from single-parent households headed by women have a far lesser success rate in life when measured by education and E.P. Now like those stats or not, it is what it is…

By Jake

October 24, 2006 03:38 PM | Link to this

Blue Kolla Where can I sign at?

I just got back and I peeped Kross. Not knocking dude at all, but none of ladies really read the post. The only thing they saw was this:

I’m tired of hearing this “play your position” or “take care of man” nonsense

Kross more than likely has a wonderful woman at home who “plays her position” naturally showing respect for her man therefore the team is progressing.

KRoss We are enlightening the Ladies who have a hard time with that concept. As for it not being a problem in the White and Asian community. These communities are not a product of a nation in which their men have been persecuted and incacerated at a rate that is alarming, therfore they are often sharing mutual success. Many of our sistas have been forced to be very strong, which often times complicates a relationship with a strong man, as her hardened experiences make it hard for her submit. She respects him, but has a history of independence of her own which clashes when it is time to define roles. Basically, we try to remind these ladies to fall back in terms of being the boss in a relationship a “real man”. Your coporate lives make it a must that the ladies be strong in character and conviction, but when you get home allow the King to Rule his Castle as you assist. It how it was meant to be, Eve came from Adam’s rib, not vice versa.

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 03:41 PM | Link to this

What I am saying..Is that is NOT just BOTH parents that are needed. It’s also Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, GodParents, Family friends, “Aunt” Thomas lol. So many people that have SO many different points of view & such a vast amount of knowledge & insight to share with our children.

Crimson I agree with you that alot of it is US AGAINST THEM. BUT I do feel that somtimes we need the support of our fellow men & women to even ba able to DEAL with all this BS that we throw at each other.

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 03:46 PM | Link to this

• Eve came from Adam’s rib, not vice versa.*

Well, you have to have a rough draft before you turn in your final…

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 03:48 PM | Link to this

hey sidelines how’s it going?

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 03:49 PM | Link to this

They don’t feel pride in how their sistas have lifted themselves up, gotten their educations and can support themselves

Foot please, we praise y’all minds daily…Like: Dayum you fix me a good sandwich!!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

Kym Where did anybody say that you were bound to fail?! Nowhere, take a reading class.

Crim What is your point about being accomodating to a womans point of view? I missed that. You taking up for Dub or Kross?

Thick There’s nothing about what KRoss said. It’s just that the women only read the following two lines:

these women with careers and good money get on my nerves”

and

I’m tired of hearing this “play your position” or “take care of man” nonsense,

Personally I don’t give a dayum either way… you can make all of the money you like and be the boss where ever you like… but if I’m your man, then you’re gon’ play your role as partner and helpmate… not head of household… because when the catastrophe comes and all that money that we worked so hard for is stuck in the ATM and somebody’s gotta be out front surviving for the family it’s gon’ be me!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 03:53 PM | Link to this

Well if we are going to talk stats! then children from two parent households have a strong chance of shooting up schools, and if we look at the stats from the “Lost children of “Rockdale County” those same two parent households have a greater chance of producing a whole county with the highest rate of syhpllis(sp) in the country. Most serial killers grew up in two parent families..according to the stats.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 03:56 PM | Link to this

Musing Man, I’m out the ring. Some dudes in here can’t see that a coin has two sides. They seem to only see what they chase on the regular, TAILS.

Who wants the rest of these nachos? LOL!

By melo

October 24, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this

So I have to assume then if I am going to fail my son because I havent hitch a wagon yet. Your parents failed you back then even with their hitch wagon

LL* you aren’t going to win the argument because Kym and some of these ladies are stuck on their point! But for those ladies who care to listen, **LL isnt saying ladies cant raise boys, just expose them to male role models if you can, its beneficial to them. There are always exceptions to every rule, so why get hard up on LL’s truth?Thats a male perspective i share and I urge the ladies with grown up boys to share their experiences here too, so the young, angry mothers here can get some useful info.

By NCgirlfromATL

October 24, 2006 03:57 PM | Link to this

UT96 NCgirlfromATL, it abolutely does not make you crazy. You know how you feel and what you want which makes you decisive- a rarity,IMO, for a female. There should be more women out there like you. Muchos gracias!

climbing up into the stands, distracting Musings with a bag of M&Ms, grabbing a hand full of nachos and calming BK and his crowbar with a shot of the ‘Vo Gold. Now Foots, catch me up!

By ImAPeach404

October 24, 2006 03:58 PM | Link to this

Well, since KRoss hasn’t been back, and we all seem to view this post a little differently, I’ll tell you what i’ve gathered here. I invite the guys to do the same should you accept the challenge.

It’s this Ghetto Fabolous culture that we have going withing your Black America 40 and under

True

• The main thing is that there no incentive to get married in our community.*

Double true

• We are so sexually active it’s ridicoulous.Why would want marry a women that your are already sleeping with and live with? You already get what most dudes want in marriage anyway*

True of all races, I believe, but I can accept my position in this statement. I am guilt of sex before marriage… I’m even guilty of sex before relationship!

First we need to change our cultures, especially brothas, we are out of pocket, the way we do them.

I’m not a man, so this statement wasn’t for me, however, I do agree.

But sistas need to own up to there part of deal also. I’m tired of hearing this

We are ALL responsible in our dealings with each other as black people and as human beings. I try to hold up my end of the bargain/relationship in all that do.

I’m grown man, my wife is grown woman, we help each other out,

Key words here: we help each other out

The key to any relationship is this selfleshness and communication. I’m Christian, I think God is at the heart of both of those values

What can you find wrong with that statement???

Marriage is the key to our society, married have better sex and more money, they leave legacies also

Not necessarily what I would say, but thats why everyone has opinions.

That’s why sista’s and brothas need to look to serve one another, not for our self intresets, we’ll turn this thing around.

Agreed….

There is a different between interpretation & comprehension, BK.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

Kym is pulling out murderous statistics!! LOL!

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 03:59 PM | Link to this

demi stick to your day job.. that ish ain’t funny…

By Apple Bottom

October 24, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this

Musing you’re silly but, ah can you throw some ” 10 pc lemon pepper wings” in the ring with ranch dressing & peach tea please..thanks Boo ;)

BK lol, telling Kym to “take a reading class”

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this

Kym You have made your assesments, so Imma leave it at that (right or wrong).

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this

All I want to know is….Where in the hellz are these random stats coming from?!?!?!?!?!…LOLOLOLOL….Those are worser than the “Random Broads” and “Ranbros”….Hehehehehehehe

35% of cheaters, ate school lunch 64% of the time the teacher called a pop quiz. Plus 24% of all white socks sold in the US are worn by killers who wear flip flops 85% of the time on Saturday mornings.

Hahahahahahaha

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this

Kym ….and that’s why I’m going to refrain from directing any comments your way, because you just want to be difficult; instead of good honest dialogue. You need to save that for the mean azz lady on the phone, not me.

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 04:07 PM | Link to this

@Melo Thanks man, I am so tired of putting on the boxing gloves with these females, that I just waved the white flag on that last one!

Amazing to me that real bruh’s (meaning the dudes on this blog)give knowledge and we spend over half the day defending our experiences…amazing!

By Deljah

October 24, 2006 04:08 PM | Link to this

Haven’t read all the posts….just dipping in….with an update:o)

My “say anything” guy (see the archives) did propose just over a week ago. I said yes, and it’s going down in 5 months! We’re very happy and excited. Sometimes things do work out. :o)

By "Longtime Lurker"

October 24, 2006 04:09 PM | Link to this

MusingLee LOL…

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 04:10 PM | Link to this

Blue sorry I guess I am practice assumption because one could assume from LL comments at 12:12 that if a woman cant teach a man to be a man then he is doom to failure. One would assume from his comment on foundation that a woman would be lacking the knowledge in order to assist her son on establishing a solid foundation. So that would assume she would fail at that task.

By Apple Bottom

October 24, 2006 04:11 PM | Link to this

I’ll take the rest of the nachos as long as they don’t have “hot peppers” on them

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 04:16 PM | Link to this

NC* Thanks for the *VO Gold. Why am I eating nachos with that cheesestick sauce? LOL

Peach404 There is a different between interpretation & comprehension, BK.

Aight… Kym… I apologize.

Foots Some dudes in here can’t see that a coin has two sides. They seem to only see what they chase on the regular, TAILS.

Awww… see that ain’t fair.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:16 PM | Link to this

crimson esq. you are hot today why ma? What dude p!ss this 5’10 sister off?

By Sidelines

October 24, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

crimson, I’ve been lurking but the convo today was quite interesting and I thought alot of folks had some intereting points of view today, glad to see your back….

musing, you are crazy…..lol!

By Thick

October 24, 2006 04:17 PM | Link to this

Blue Only WHAT YOU BELIEVE would make you convinced that that’s all women read. So not true.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 04:18 PM | Link to this

That’s fantastic Deljah! ALL the best to you!

Crimson Esq, you really make awesome points, the finger pointing is SOO pointless, we are never going to agree on some things, so why not place energy in exploring what we DO all want, love, acceptance, patience, tolerance, understanding, and stability. We want the same thing - REPEAT 5 TIMES!!

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 04:21 PM | Link to this

going totally against Crim

Demi mayne, that shyt was more than funny… LOL

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 04:21 PM | Link to this

Peep this. When The man and I met with contractor to go over his price, he had added in for a new tub, but since the tub that I had was a fairly new corner garden unit we decided to reuse it. Save some money. I told him, Keep the tub, before we signed the contract. When they started tearing out the old bathroom I told him again, Keep the tub. Why did the boy just call me and say that my tub got busted and is in the trash roll-off outside? I guess now we get a new tub for FREE. I told them I was going to abandon that house while the work is being done and they are making sure I do just that.

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

NCGirl Gurl…it’s been rough in here… Can I have some of those M&Ms?

By abc

October 24, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

Don’t yall think this is a rather stupid and generalized debate? People will differ in their approach and relative success on an individual basis, regardless of gender or race. Personally, my ex-wife couldn’t do a decent job of raising any kids, in spite of being a school teacher. She did fine when they were little, but parenting teens? Forget it… that’s my job. True for everyone? I doubt it.

Frankly, I consider job #1 in parenting teens is to impress upon them their impending adulthood, and the necessity for them work toward being self-sufficient, should the old man gravy train get hit by a truck or otherwise keel over. I put it across to them in pretty much exactly those terms. It ain’t rocket science.

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 24, 2006 04:22 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Everyone!!

Haven’t had time to read many posts…but it seems like it’s thick in here…

By THE INFAMOUS DK

October 24, 2006 04:24 PM | Link to this

I’ll say it for whoever.. A woman cant teach a boy how to be a man..

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

…one could assume from LL comments at 12:12 that if a woman cant teach a man to be a man then he is doom to failure

Blue also corrected LL on that one as well…

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 04:26 PM | Link to this

Wearing the blog gas mask and sounding like Darth Vader as I toss in a canister of Hater-Asleep and watching the blog trouble makers fall into a slumber…

Wise I rounded them all up what do you want done with them??? But, I have plans for this one! (Said while pointing to a sleeping Apple Bottom!)

By Apple Bottom

October 24, 2006 04:29 PM | Link to this

Aight i’m gone for the day, my girlfriend gave me this website for nice LV bags so check it out if you can

www.CheapLVBags.com

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 04:30 PM | Link to this

Wise I do think for the most part that MOST of us want those things for ourselves. BUT we have to work TOGETHER in achieving them & this its all about me mentalitiy that we have these days DOES NOT LEND ITSELF to helping solve the problem! In fact all we are doing is making the situations worse & our minds are nowhere in the state the comprehend the importance of POSITIVE relationships for the betterment of ALL RACES. Our Parents have been married, divorced, legally seperated. H3LL most of us can’t even get with the MARRIED part in order to be legally seperated or divroced? I’m sorry but ALOT of that is just ME ME ME ME…And nothing else.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 04:30 PM | Link to this

A boy can’t teach a boy how to be a man either.

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this

blue my first post got lost.. but I said something to the extent of this… I am not defending anyone.. as a grown man can handle his own… I did not read kross’ post as I was preoccupied at the time… I have noticed on more than one occasion however that you have made a snide comment or two about ddub being in touch with his feminine side because he didn’t conform to the consensus of the ajc black man caucus….

demi you know.. I absolutely love when you and others make assumptions about my moods.. trust if a man p** me off I wouldn’t take it off on some faceless men on a blog…your little jokey joke was tactless and was far from humorous.. and seeing that I am blogging on here.. I do have a right to voice my opinion on your tastelessness.. is that something that you’d say to your girl? But I appreciate your concern.. all is well on the home front.. and no man has gotten under my skin.. and seeing that my 5’10 stature wasn’t a part of this conversation… is there a problem with the fact that you have to look up when you type to me? If there is..then I can pull out a stack of law books for you to stand up on.. or rather I can hand you a footstool so that you can look me in the eye…

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

Melo I am far from angry but because I am a single mom( a fact I will never be ashamed of) when someone assumes that because I am single I cant possible know what I am doing in raising my son. reference LL’s 12:12 post again if he was implying something else then would it be natural to use different wording.

By MusingLee

October 24, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

Now thinking like BK and saying….

The only thing a Woman can teach a boy about being a Man is how to “Bang the Skins”!!!!

LOLOLOLOLOL

By abc

October 24, 2006 04:34 PM | Link to this

A woman will try teach a boy to be a man based on her perception of what a man is. Women’s perceptions in that regard can get pretty fanciful, but by and large, the content of the lesson is the same as a man would deliver. A man can better demonstrate to a boy what being a man is by simply being one, and the lesson is much more transparent and probably more easily learned, but that’s not to say that a woman can’t teach a boy how to be a man.

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 04:35 PM | Link to this

My personal favorite though: IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD

By Apple Bottom

October 24, 2006 04:36 PM | Link to this

Musing you’ve got plans for me, aight i’ve got plans for you (wink wink)

By NCgirlfromATL

October 24, 2006 04:39 PM | Link to this

BK I can’t help you with the Cheesewiz. I’m a salsa girl. But, I do have some nice, fresh lemons for your tequila.

Passing the specially purchased Godiva chocolates to my girl Foots for holding it down today.

We want the same thing - REPEAT 5 TIMES!! Wise pass the pen…aw h3ll, just sign it for me!

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 04:40 PM | Link to this

Wise you took the words out of my mouth…

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:40 PM | Link to this

Thanks Blue

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 04:41 PM | Link to this

Thank You WiseDiva. I was trying to back away from this discussion but the men folk won’t let it die.

A boy cannot teach a boy either. Now that is Bible.

Good night. I am out.

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 04:41 PM | Link to this

Well alright crimson Well alright

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 04:43 PM | Link to this

Oh yes I sort of forgot to address the ACTUALY topic lol. For the record the last 2 serious relationships that I was in BOTH men proposed, I accepted both times & then after lengthy reflection decided that neither was the one for me. I told them that they were good men, just not the good men I needed in my life. I have asked my significant others before if there was anything that I could have done to make myself a better partner & was told that the only issue I had (I have heard this today before too) was not being NEEDY enough. I can admit to that. I wasn’t raised to be needy (as you all already know I had a STRONG -h3ll still do- Father in my life). Sometimes that can come back to haunt us as women more than we realize. I hear more men tell me all the time you got all these things going for you, WHAT DO YOU NEED A MAN FOR? It’s saddening yet now surprising how many men think this way.

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:44 PM | Link to this

IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD

So,so true…I for one will NOT help raise someone elses child

I am of the new gen, cycle has just been broken…

By Deep Dimples formerly aka Darkbuty

October 24, 2006 04:45 PM | Link to this

Dang abc That was really good.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 04:47 PM | Link to this

Crim I have noticed on more than one occasion however that you have made a snide comment or two about ddub being in touch with his feminine side because he didn’t conform to the consensus of the ajc black man caucus

So very untrue. I say that because Dub seems to comment from a position dominated by feminine loyalty and/or blog friendships. I’ve always been against the grain and the Bull in the Ring so to speak. My position is oftentimes unpopular and very independent.

By Thick

October 24, 2006 04:48 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva FyreStarter was trying to say the same thing and I totally agree. If we did not need all of the input from both parents, aunts, uncles and others the family unit would not be at all.

Peace Out Blog Family, today was good. I’ll talk to ya tommorrow.

By Lah Lah

October 24, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

If it takes a village to raise a child which one of you is giving me money to buy my boys new coats this evening????

I’m just playing. It does take a village. Lord, knows I couldn’t possibly do it all by myself.

Hope you all are doing well today.

By Raqi

October 24, 2006 04:51 PM | Link to this

Funny thing though, I don’t see the courts being bombarded by fathers trying to get in to gain custody of their boys so that they can take them and raise them to be men.

Gone for real this time.

By Blue_Kolla

October 24, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this

NC That’s what I’m saying, I had the salsa sauce that goes on the cheesesticks.

Demi Ain’t a thang but a chickenwang…

Fyre You know I’m looking at you sideways for that last post right?!

Kym Truce?

Yoll be cool out here…

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this

is there a problem with the fact that you have to look up when you type to me?

crimson esq. my EX was 5’10, it felt good look up at her…my way of staying Great Lady what’s wrong

Women are tooooo dayum defensive!!!

By Kym aka Southern Girl

October 24, 2006 04:52 PM | Link to this

Well alright Wise Well alright

By Foots (aka SugarFoots)

October 24, 2006 04:53 PM | Link to this

NCGirl Thanks girl, these are good!! Helps me get my energy level back up…some of these Ranbros done wore me out today!! LOL!!!

By LA

October 24, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this

Move over Oprah, Kym’s taking over. I agree with you Kym. You are a stong woman and you stand your ground. Society is always putting single mothers down. Where the heck is the fathers?? Aren’t they responsible for raising their son’s/daughters too?

There should be a new law in place to make the fathers who don’t take visit their children pay 5 times more in child support.

By kinderbabe

October 24, 2006 04:55 PM | Link to this

jewel i know that i’m way late on this…lol. but to respond to your post about my friend…girlfriend does have to realize that it’s not her. and you’re right. if buddy was really looking for a relationship he wouldn’t trample on someone’s heart in the process. she has to realize that she’s worth having someone that really wants her. he picked the right one though…someone who’s self esteem is in the toilet. b/c a woman who thought she had even a little something going on wouldn’t stand for it!

By Wise Diva

October 24, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

Everyone, thanks for a truly enlightening, passionate discussion. I really appreciate the different perspectives.

DIVA OUT

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

We want the same thing - REPEAT 5 TIMES!!

What hot sex on the platter?

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

how is it untrue if it’s something that you’ve said?

ddub is in tune with his feminine side

u said that today.. and you’ve said it at least on one prior topic…

to me you’re making assumptions that there’s female loyalty/blog friendships..instead of just asking the brotha if that’s how he feels… how he was raised… what he says could simply be at the core of how he feels.. just as the ajc black man caucus tends to believe what they type as well..

i seldom if ever actually question what a person believes rather than want to open their eyes to other views as well..unless they’re just so jaded by their pasts that their vision is skewed as to what is and what they perceive things to truly be… a person only has their word to offer.. why re-create a view if it isn’t something that you truly believe and practice?

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 04:56 PM | Link to this

I think we have had some interesting dialouge today even if the catter-calling got mixed up somewhere in the middle there. Just wish we had IN PERSON forums like this where we could openl dicuss these things AND just maybe take more away from the dialouge than we contributed.

Today was good, Tomorrow though not promised should be great!

By Jake

October 24, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

abc Iwas with you until the end. A Woman can not teach boy how to be a man. A women can deliver the right messages and ive a boy her perspective, but she can only do so much.

Anybody ever heard of NATURE vs.NURTURE. Awoman can try to nurture her son into doing what she perceive what a man is or should be. Awoman is not a man, she never be able to naturally teach her son anything.

Simple Example: A women can not teach a boy about the Unspoken Rules that men have. No Lady on this blog knows what I am talkin about, but every dude does. Furthermore, no one sat us down to talk about it, but we learned from being around other men and having male experiences, I think thats more what LL and some others have been trying to get at. There are certain things that you learn through the natural bond you have with your father or a strong male figure that a woman can NEVER teach you because SHE DOES NOT KNOW.

By FyreStarrter™ (yeah I know it's been awile...)

October 24, 2006 05:00 PM | Link to this

Blue I am sure you will explain to me why tomorrow luv lol. I didn’t say they were good choices just ones that I mad at the time. We ALL make mistakes sweetheart. It’s what you do with the lesson you learned AFTERWARDS that’s important.

By crimson esq.

October 24, 2006 05:03 PM | Link to this

defensive? what am i defending exactly? it’s just a statement of fact dear demi.. 5’10 had nothing to do with this conversation… you assumed i was irritated because i called you on the foolishness? that’s unfortunate seeing that you said you spent many yrs building up your esteem… since you’re confident.. you should be confident enough and assertive enough to spot that i am not annoyed or jaded… i just called you on your bs… it simply wasn’t funny… not everyone can be a comedian… i didn’t realize my critique of your standup routine would make you so defensive…kneels down to give demi a hug to boost his esteem back up

night everyone…

By Lil Demi

October 24, 2006 05:37 PM | Link to this

Where the heck is the fathers?? Aren’t they responsible for raising their son’s/daughters too?

LA even better question, WTH made these women lay up with these sorry dudes and blame us for the problem?

There should be a new law in place to make the fathers who don’t take visit their children pay 5 times more in child support.

Nahhh, just take the money and keep it moving…sorry dude DO NOT make good fathers

kneels down to give demi a hug to boost his esteem back up

crimson esq there is no need for that…A standing hug will do, followed by a little twist!…Oh the real, I am Bs’n on a daily basics, it is rare for you to call me on it…that’s KYM & Wise job…

Funny thing though, I don’t see the courts being bombarded by fathers trying to get in to gain custody of their boys so that they can take them and raise them to be men.

The Judge is going to look at you and say,”Nikka please!!!”…now pay $1200 a month

I hear more men tell me all the time you got all these things going for you, WHAT DO YOU NEED A MAN FOR? It’s saddening yet now surprising how many men think this way.

FyreStarrter™ on the flip side brothers such as LL or Myself, ain’t looking to get married…Thinking: In college I was a little piece of s, now 5 years later…I AM The Sh?…Lil Demi is through playing the field, but I’m not marrying anytime soon!!*

Night All