By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 8:16 AM | Link to this

good morning blogsters!! shout outs to foots, qc, mo, demi, musing, sj, slimone, sexione, mochatreat, forreal

i’m happy being a woman, thanks.:) never thought about or entertained the idea of being a man. as far as unfair assumptions go…who cares??? a person who unfairly assumes and continues to do so w/out seeking factual info isn’t for me anyway. you know what they say about the word “assume”…it starts w/”a*” and has “u” in the middle, lol.

By Sexione

January 31, 2007 8:30 AM | Link to this

‘Morning kinder, everybody on the way…

Wise I’ll bet that was an interesting year for that woman, don’t know if I could endure that for a whole year, or even a day, lol!!

I have to say, I’m with kinder, who cares about assumptions, if anyones vision is that blurred, I wouldn’t want them in my space anyway…and that goes both ways!

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

Do you ever think that men make unfair assumptions about you? How do you handle it? Do you think women make unfair assumptions about you? Does it bother you? Do you ever call anyone on it?

I really think this “cuts both ways”. If you read this blog long enough, the people are honest enough in this nice ‘anonymous’ environment to express their ‘general’ feelings about the opposite gender (and for the record, I am as guilty as most. I can be just as big a ‘dyck’ as anyone). It does not take an Einstein to realize tht most of us start out with preconceived beliefs, and then it is up to the other party to prove them wrong. Truthfully we would all like to believe that we assess every one we come in contact with, not just date, on their own merits…but we all have developed belief systems that result in conscious or unconscious stereotyping.

In my current relationship, my initial thoughts were that since she was devoutly religious, a first grade teacher, and seemed on the first date or two not to be too exciting, she would be, frankly, a little dull. As it turned out, I liked her enough to keep seeing her and realized that she is the most passionate person I have ever met, continues to surprise me in ways that I won’t reveal here but are so out of character with what I had envisioned. Frankly, almost every day, she throws me a curve ball I did not see coming at all. Now I just relax and wait anxiously for the next surprise.

My point is that if I had followed my ore-established beliefs, I would never have gotten to know this incredible person.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this

General comment

I can spell, but my typing in these little boxes sucks (can I say that?) so I apologize for all past and future typos (as in the last post).

By MochaTreat

January 31, 2007 9:01 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Kinder, Sexione, Slim, Foots, QC, Randy, Demi, Mo, Musing, Sean J!!

^5 to Kinder and Sexione…I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am a WOMAN for life!! LOL

By G

January 31, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

Women have absolutely no idea. The “dating game” starts early for men. Just simple conversation or the approach is a big deal to us. It’s almost a chore, b/c women will just sit there and wait for a game of 20 questions. Ask the right ones, then proceed to the next task. Most of us do not have a natural gift of gab, so that is why you may sometimes get rough or “canned” conversation. However, that shouldn’t diminish the intent.

I think that dates and/or potentials would work better if women spent more time asking questions. Flip the script and see how he’s living. Be more engaging, whether you’re interested or not. It will go a long way.

By Jake

January 31, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Earlybirds:

I think the journalist got to see a piece of our daily. The realizations are pretty accurate.

Now everyone excuse me while I tilt my neck so the man can get his foot back in place…LOL

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 9:11 AM | Link to this

Morning kinberb, Mocha, erry’body

I’ll be in lurkesville today, have a great “hump day bloggers”

By MusingLee

January 31, 2007 9:15 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Do you think women make unfair assumptions about you? Does it bother you? Do you ever call anyone on it?

I think everyone has a preconcieved idea of who they think someone is…If you really want to know if what you think is true you should get to know them.

I’m gonna be busy again today…I’ll check back when I can.

By kir

January 31, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

hey bloggers! buenos dias. thought i would step in and comment today. hope everyone’s week is going well. great topic wise diva.

i don’t know about living undercover as a man for a year, but i am always interested in how the male mind works since it seems to work so differently from my own. i don’t have a full blood brother so it’s hard for me to even imagine what a man with my same genes would have been like.

G i think you make a great point, one that i need to follow. i am all about conversation but for some reason when i first meet a guy i lay back a little and try to let him carry the convo, knowing that i have all these questions and conversation starters in my head. a girlfriend of mine was getting on me about that with one guy in particular. she was like umm…you are not doing what you would normally do. she was right. when i loosened up and stepped my convo game up, it helped my connection with him.

By Tater

January 31, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

Guys, what do you think of the journalist’s realizations about being a man? I believe that they are right on target since she spent a year doing research. My own experience, women talk entirely too much about the “men” in their lives where guys spend time talking about sports or other types of activities.

Are there other things about your dating life that women don’t realize, but should know? I’m the absolutely last person to as about dating life :-), but I will say that women need to realize that we have thoughts and feelings (don’t be a tater hater on this one guys) and it hurts us just as much as you when things go south.

Do you think women make unfair assumptions about you? Does it bother you? Do you ever call anyone on it? Yes, but it goes both ways. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I think you build up an immunity to it after a point. I have not called anyone on it, I’m the type to keep it in, which I know is not good either.

By binford

January 31, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

In most cases, men are the pursuers and the women are the persued - that’s the way the game works more often than not. I know as a man, it takes every bit of gumption I have to walk up to a girl and talk to her (not to mention the numerous times I’ve chickened out). Occasionally, women-friends have said they don’t get hit on and I have to laugh, because all a woman has to do to get “hit” on is look at a guy in a bar (or wherever) and he’ll come up - it’s SO simple.

Not easy being male doesn’t even take in to consideration that I can drop $80 on a date, maybe a couple of dates a week to try to make a good impression, just to not even get a call back.

Examples like these can tend to wear us fellas down. With that said, I think both sexes would perhaps gain an appreciation by walking in their shoes for a bit. Heck, I don’t know what its like to be bloated!

A parting shot on rejection: Men live with it on a daily basis, whether it be asking for a date or sex, watch sports or hang with the boys. Reject a woman for sex JUST ONCE, and you shatter her psyche and hear about for the rest of your natural life (even after you stopped dating). Men just shrug the “no’s” off and keep on truckin!

By Pharress_Beuller

January 31, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Morning BLOG Fam,

Hmmmm, interesting topic Wise. I’m wondering how the ladies will respond to this one. I do think the journalist obsevations were on point, but still didn’t cover all (I’ll have to read to see if she did) the issues we face and the phases of those issues.

I do think it goes both ways, though…I have many female friends and I know it’s hard for women…I know, but I think it’s a great lesson to be learned by women that men don’t have it easy either. This goes back to the notion of understanding what the each gender goes through.

I’m sure throughout the day there will be opposing arguments of which gender has it worse and to some extent there needs to be, but I think we should both look at them objectivly and for what they are. As they say…let the games begin. Check with y’all later.

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this

Preach *SexiOne ^5 *

By BlackIce

January 31, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

Hey Diva!! Miss you lots! Hey strangers, new to me newbies.

Love being a woman. Wouldn’t change a thing…well almost nothing!

Have a great day

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

hey kir :)

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this

It’s men who frequently suffer rejection…:?????

If you want to endure less rejection, play in your own league. Stop approaching the obvious triple A players when you only have minor league skills. As I stated yesterday people need to recognize. I am not saying that you should think less of yourself because everyone is fabulous in their own way. Yes, I am fabulous and stunning and classy chic. However, I wouldn’t go shopping in the steak aisle with bologna money in my pockets. Capiesh? Good.

Now stepping off of that rant…If I could become a guy for one day I would elect myself into the presidential office, be man enough to admit I screwed up and do something to actually fix the problem.

Now stepping down further…I wish every guy could walk in a woman’s shoes for one day and then they would understand that we are creatures of logic. They would see why it has to make sense to us first before it becomes an actual consideration of our minds. They would understand that we are survivors by nature and not just worrywarts and our thought process is always ahead of that actual moment because we have to feel secure stepping into the next era of the day. They will know what it feels like to have to prove your worth rather than having it just labeled on you because you are a man then you must be qualified. They will know that while the man is dreaming the female mind is scheming. Not for devious expectancy but for day to day maneuvering.

I could on with this but I will be here all day.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

@Binford

Reject a woman for sex JUST ONCE, and you shatter her psyche and hear about for the rest of your natural life (even after you stopped dating).

No kidding. If you do not ‘rise to the occasion’ you run the risk of having your masculinity questioned. I’ve had to “Batter Up” a number of times when I did not even know the woman’s middle name (hellz sometimes her first name even), because I did not want her to think I was gay or something. Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty much always enjoyable, just not necessarily the timing I would have preferred…and there is that pressure of attaining the ‘Big O’ for the women…can’t leave without that, or at least I never could.

Men have it tough…more than you ‘fems’ might realize. LOL.

By Merry

January 31, 2007 9:34 AM | Link to this

I would LOVE to be a man. The world is their urinal, they don’t have periods, don’t have to have the babies, NEVER have to worry about balancing career and family, make more money and work less, auto mechanics are honest with them, they have everything done for them by the women in their lives, etc…..

By kir

January 31, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

hey qc! how’s your tuesday going?

to answer this question: Do you ever think that men make unfair assumptions about you? How do you handle it? i think one assumption men make about me is that i’m a good girl and i won’t accept less than perfect out of a man. the good girl part is true, but i’m not expecting some dude out of a movie. i’ve got issues just like anybody and i’m not looking for a specific “type” of guy. i like a man who has good character whether he grew up hood, in church, or in the suburbs, but most of the time it takes a guy getting to know me for awhile before he knows that’s true about me. i sometimes wish i could make an announcement and let them know upfront. :D

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

TO ALL OF YOU LADIES

Read “For Women Only…The secret inner lives of men” by Shaunti Feldhahn and you will finally start ‘getting it’. It is right on target about how men really think, especially about women.

And Merry, don’t wish you were a man, it isn’t as easy as you think. We are at least as scared inside as you are most of the time.

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 9:41 AM | Link to this

@Merry you have a distorted perception of manhood.

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 9:44 AM | Link to this

Guys, what do you think of the journalist’s realizations about being a man? Being a man minus the testosterone that primarily gives you your sex drive is like driving a car that needs a oil change, tune up, starter, water pump, and altenator…you just ain’t gonna very far. But I’ll give her points for being able to pull a chic looking like a fem boy.

Do you think women make unfair assumptions about you? Does it bother you? Do you ever call anyone on it? Of course women make unfair assumptions, all men are not dogs…at least we aren’t the same breed. I’ve been catagorized before and I don’t like being placed in any type of box. But as a man you can’t let anything affect you…not rejection, not failure, not sickness, or anything … if you gotta die you gotta die hard or else people will think you’re weak, and no woman wants a weak man. Normally you walk around not showing your scars, but if you are truly battle tested the scars of experience can get you through many hurtles. Having a period (no pun intended)to let your emotions get the best of you is a luxury not afforded to men. We gotta keep it in a bottle so to speak. Probably the only outlets we have where we get an emotional release are sports and perhaps church.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…KinderG..MochaT..

To go a step further..The journalist should have posed as a black man to see what we go through and have to deal with while dating..We have to be psychologist/psychiatrist do date at times. We have to repair broken hearts that have been trampled by ex’s or the lack of never having a male or father figure in their lives ….restore faith that there are good men out there some wont know what a good man is if he standing right in from of them…on top of passing a long list of requirements and back ground check to even be considered a potential.you ask the typical black female what they want in a man and u will get…6ft plus..corporate “suit” job ..with a “lil” bit of thug in him..nice hair and smile..9nches driving a benz or a bimmer..home owner with zero to 1 kids with no drama.

By NCgirlfromATL

January 31, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Ok, I’m going to step out there and say this on behalf of the women who are going to take a beating today: I don’t recall us ever saying that men have it easy. In general, I believe that it’s tough all over, but our experiences are different. The reason why it’s such a hot topic of discussion is our inability to see things from the perspective of the other sex.

Yes, men suffer rejection just like women. In fact, I would imagine that it happens more often than we women think. They just react to it differently than we do.

Yes, (the irony of this post!) women talk too much! LOL! But at the same time, men often don’t talk enough. In general, I think people are uncomfortable with silence, particularly when we are trying to get to know each other. So men, if you aren’t talking to us, we think you’re not interested in us. And we fill the silence hoping to find something you are interested in talking about.

And yes, some of us have purchased homes in Sidity-ville. High-maintenance, uppity, bousgie, whatever you want to call it. Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with having standards. But, when you treat men like they are beneath you (and not in a good way), then you get what you give.

A friend sent me this text message the other day: Never look down on someone, unless they are giving you (the oral gratification word that I won’t post here to keep things PG-13!)

By SlimOne

January 31, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL…sexione,Musing,Demi,Mocha,Mo,SJ,ForReal,Foots,Randy

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

They would learn the difference between daily up keep and high maintenance. They will learn what it actually takes to keep our bodies soft and smooth and stop nagging us about taking too much time getting ready. They will learn why certain shoes do not go with certain outfits, LOL. They will learn why our mind has to be totally in sync with our body before we can get to the cloud they are trying to take us to. They will learn that making love is mental and emotional and not just physical.

Randy Just because the bat made contact doesn’t mean it scored. A skilled player if need be can round the bases and get home without ever swinging the bat.

By jeremy

January 31, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

Raqi,

I pretty much wet myself when I read the most inaccurate statement of our time: “I wish every guy could walk in a woman’s shoes for one day and then they would understand that we are creatures of logic.”

Ummmmm, I don’t know what algorithm women run on, but I highly suspect it is not the most logical one. It’s not logical to wear heals that tear up your legs, makeup that clogs pores and butt floss and the countless other things like random crying and emotional outbursts.

Men are logical, as all we want is beer and sex and sports. Logically, we’ll be feeding at the trough forever if we get those things.

And your presidential quip may not work if Hillary gets in office; as it will be shown no matter who is in office that the same crap happens.

And lastly, if you feel the need to promote your own stature and demote others, you’re not in the show - just minor league ball. Just keepin it real.

By kir

January 31, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this

randyt i read that one and it definitely shed some light for me. esp. the part when it talked about how if men had to choose between respect and love, they would rather have respect. whereas women would always choose love. that one still sticks with me.

By Nic

January 31, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. As other women on here have said, I have no interest in being a guy. I love being a woman!!! Most men make typical assumptions about me because I’m a redbone with long hair and I carry myself a certain way — I don’t walk around with a goofy grin on my face inviting every miscellaneous Negro to approach me. It never fails — once a guy has gotten up the guts to do so and chats with me for a while, he finds that yes, I am smart and sophisticated… and as silly as they come. However, I can understand how I intially come off as stuck up, snobbish, etc. Am I still on topic?

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 10:00 AM | Link to this

It’s amazing to me that people (SeanJohn) still think that blacks have it tougher in dating than all other races. If that was true being that I have suffered heartache and heartbreak while dating and lost all faith in men at one time, then that 25% of me that is black (not african-american but French) dominates all the other. I think not. Love is a battlefield for all women alike. No heart or emotion heals differently because of your race.

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 10:01 AM | Link to this

My “hump day” is going well kir somebody keeps putting work on my desk, lol how’s your day going?

hey BK, Musing, Demi, Page

By cool breeze

January 31, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

I don’t think the women that are self-absorbed are only the high-maintenance ones. I think generally women are that way from my experiences. It’s all about them and us (guys) fulfilling their emotional needs and need for attention. Like she wrote, women have no idea how much it takes for guys to go up and talk to a women we don’t know and find. Women don’t understand how fragile our male egos really are and for them at times to give an attitude or be rude for no reason (other than what some OTHER DUDE has may have done to you) is not good. One things women don’t understand is that us guys aren’t out here looking for FRIENDS but looking for girlfriends and wives. It’s a misconception all men are dogs. Women make unfair assumptions about us all the time (because they like their baggage and keep hold of their pass hurts) and I HATE it when women ask me if I’m gay (just to make sure). Contray to popular relief all men aren’t gay, bi or on the down low. Don’t assume I am going to hurt you, don’t assume I’m like the last dude you dated, don’t assume I want to talk about the same things you do, don’t assume I care about talking about what you and your girlfriends talk about, don’t assume what you think is romantic is what I think is romantic. Yes it bothers me when women make assumptions about me. I have called them on it a couple times and then they realized what they were doing.

By NCgirlfromATL

January 31, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this

Jeremy I was going to agree with your post until you basically dumbed down the entire male species with your “all we need is beer, sex and sports” statement.

That had to have violated some code of ManLaw about appearing to be smarter than you actually are. Fellaz, send him to some refresher courses, please! LOL!

By T-Mango

January 31, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

Good morning all.

I love being a woman. But, I have entertained the thought of being a man a few times. I did this mainly because I wondered what it felt like not to have my emotions serve as a driving force in my existence. Males and females are designed differently and we operate in the world differently.

I told my mother what I thought my life as a man would be like and all she did was shake her head. So, I think God knew what he was doing when he made me female instead of male.

If T-Mango was a man what type of man would she be?…

As a man, I think that I would be a “pretty boy” with a little thug and alot of hustle in him. A guy with a mysterious side…an alter ego, but likes alot of attention. At some point in my male life, I’d probably would’ve been a stripper as a means to feed my alter ego. I would be the kind of man that you could take from the spades table to the boardroom table and everywhere in between. As a writer, I’d probably attract alot of women that way because they’d get to see a fine azz brotha wear his heart on his sleeve with his poetry. In the summertime, all you would see is chisled abs, and my shirt off as I ride on the back of my motorcycle with minimal protective gear(so you’d be able to see all my tattoos and brands). Most importantly, I’d be good with my hands in and outside of the bedroom. Since I’d love the single life, I probably wouldn’t get married until my 40’s, but only after I’ve had the same woman “ridin’ wit me’ for 5-10 years…

That’s why I’m better as a female…

Have a great day bloggers!

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

And there we have it. A rebuttal based strictly on the material and physical. I rest my case.

By abc

January 31, 2007 10:08 AM | Link to this

I read an article about that journalist a month or so ago. According to her, the most striking thing about men is that they can’t give voice to their fears and insecurities, something she couldn’t imagine for herself.

While I thought her observations and interpretations were pretty accurate, what was striking to me is that she evidently didn’t absorb much of what she learned in a way she could apply to herself. That is to say, she remained with a typically biased, effed up chick’s attitude about the whole thing. Men have simply learned to deal and live with it.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this

Hi Kir

if men had to choose between respect and love, they would rather have respect. whereas women would always choose love

I can’t tell you just how VERY accurate that statement is. The whole book was pretty much right on target, at least for me, but that one ‘revelation’ was the most significant by far.

Hey Raqi I’m sure your baseball analogy is correct, but understand that we men are constantly learning, unlearning, and relearning, when it comes to women. LOL.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Truthfully All

All of the claims and assumptions voiced here, male and female, are correct SOMETIMES. Somehow we have to get past all of our past hurts, experiences, biases, etc., and look at each day, and each experience, and each date as a totally new ‘canvas’ with a clean page. In a perfect world, this is how we would do it.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

@ Raqi…unlike the fairly tale world u see …i deal with the real..that article about a week ago..that stated over 70 percent of women are living alone with out spouses…it was dealing with black females..look around you…the majority of the blog are single females. For the record…i work in an office where its majority of black females…I had to and have to daily earn/take my respect ..where as a white male walks through and he has a clean slate and respect is given…no mean muggs..no atitudes… …ReRead your post and Tango’s…you have society where u have young black men that are risking their lives and freedom or even going to college not doing their best to appeal to females liking men with a “lil thug” in him..where a white dude just ahve to grow a lil five oclock shadow and where urban clothes and street cred is given..

By AwwwDayum....

January 31, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

Merry That was funny, and pretty accurate…

I would love for a man to do this same experiment…..if only there were a way to throw in menstrual cycles (and ALL that goes along with it), female-endured discrimination, and single MOTHERhood (without child support, physical or financial). That would be PRICELESS!!!!

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. Do men make assumptions about women and vis-à-vis? Most definitely. Assumptions are made about me all the time simply because I have long legs, slim and always walk with my head held high. I’m smart, silly, sexy and cute, but the assumptions and comments I get regularly are what can be done with my legs. Men and women both should try to get to know one another first without all the sexual innuendos. Physical attraction is what first made contact possible, now, let’s deal with the mental to keep it flowing.

By RUChinaDoll

January 31, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

As a newly single girl who moved to the city six months ago, I don’t even know how this dating thing goes. And heaven forbid it be in a bar. I’m lost. If I’m not really talkative, it’s not because I’m self-absorbed, it’s because I don’t know what to say! So I’d rather be aloof than Kathy Catterbox who bores you to tears by talking too much.

If I were a guy for a day, I’d be a man’s man hanging out at the bar so I can learn how to interact on your level. I have loads of guy friends, but as for guys I’m interested in, I’m a lost cause.

By jeremy

January 31, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

NC, the reality is - not many men are going to bash the statement because its pretty much true. They might not openly admit it, but they agree.

Raqi, you rested your case prematurely. Unless I am mistaken, most of the stores in any mall carry material items that cater to women. If women were less materialistic than the man that wouldn’t be the case now would it? I saw a diamond commercial and it didn’t say “show him you really care”, it said, “show her you really care” - why is that?

And oddly enough, if you took sex out of the equation, men wouldn’t marry women. It’s a dirty secret that men want sex, we curse God for it every day. No man goes and picks up the tampons or maxis for his woman if he doesn’t get sex.

If you acknowledge the motivation behind things, it makes it easier to deal with. The notion of pure romance is a facade and only available in novels . All other dudes want sex and sports AND beer.

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this

It seems to me alot of the women on this blog think it is relatively easy being a man. But dealing with a woman is not the easiest thing to do. Look at the divorce rates. Of course it goes both ways, but for a man actually conforming our normal manliness to where you can tolerate us sort of comprimises us. That’s why we say: Women…you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.

It’s women who go around saying they don’t want or need a man. At least we don’t fool ourselves thinking we don’t need you.

By abc

January 31, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

I agree with Jeremy, the notion that women are creatures of logic is completely wrong. Women are primarily creatures of emotional reaction and intuition, facts be damned.

By Mo

January 31, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

*Morning All: Kinderbabe, Randyt, Slimone, Sexione, SJ, Raqi, NCGirl, MochaT, Musing and errbody else droppin in!! I agree with the other ladies, love being a woman (minus the monthly headache)! Wouldnt trade to be a man for nothing! I dont see how ole girl did it either, a whole year posing as a man?! She is good….

By jeremy

January 31, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

….and just to clarify, those three things are a baseline and not all men want. Provide the baseline and we can move toward more romantic ventures and highly involved and evovled cognitive functions.

By The Boss

January 31, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

do you hip hoppers ever work?

god bless AA

By lisa

January 31, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

hmmm… “Men are logical as all we want is beer and sex and sports.” That does not make a man logical. It makes him a monkey. Yes, I am guilty of making my assumptions of men. Don’t sleep with a man on a first date and you never hear from him again. Sleep with a man on the first date and never hear from them again. Ok, which is it guys? I have yet to meet a man who respects women they date. That includes male pals of mine.

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

Ladies, being a man for a day has nothing to do with not wanting to be a lady - Nobody digs being a girl more than a diva like me!

I just think we tend to blame the fellas and if we understood that they go through a special set of issues that we don’t, maybe we could gain a little insight on what WE do that complicates things for them - and guys certainly could realize the same thing!

My friend Panama just read today’s topic and he said this to me:

I don’t think women like hearing that men do have it tough sometimes too, because you all spend so much time thinking that men are everything thats wrong with relationships, seriously think about that for a second, how many women do you know cop to being the reason a relationship has tanked? Clearly men aren’t perfect but relationships are two way streets, and for some reason men catch all the flak

you know he has a point. Thing is, I didn’t intend to spark a gender war - I thought it would really be interesting to explore the “walk a mile in my shoes” topic.

I have already seen some really thought provoking comments so far.

By abc

January 31, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

I’m not normally the grammar police in spite of the laughable stuff people type in here all the time, but sexylegs, you mean vice-versa, not vis-à-vis. The latter means eye-to-eye, facing and object, a date at a social affair, a person of equal rank, a carriage where the occupants face each other.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

SeanJohn If you had looked into the depth of that article you would see that that 70% included women with husbands that were in the military, women whose husband’s work require them to be away more than at home, women with husbands that are deceased (how could they be included who knows), women who are living with a man that is not there spouse. It did not say 70% of women are single it just merely stated living without their spouse which was totally misleading.

And to say that young men are trying to appeal to women who like thugs…why not try appealing to the woman who doesn’t. Not every black woman want a thug by her side despite popular belief.

By RUChinaDoll

January 31, 2007 10:45 AM | Link to this

jeremy how many times have you walked up to a girl wearing no makeup, a t-shirt and baggy jeans, flipflops with dirty feet, and asked her out on a date?

now, how many times have you gone up (or at least wanted to) a girl with her hair done up, makeup, a cute dress, shaved, tanned, with heels on?

and you wonder why we kill ourselves to look good?

By Sexione

January 31, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

I am soooooo hoping for a snow storm…okay maybe not a storm, but at least enough snow (sleet, ice, whatever) to stay home for a day!! We haven’t had a good snow day in a while……lol

By cool breeze

January 31, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

A good example of why 70% of black women have no spouse…..

By Raqi “If you want to endure less rejection, play in your own league. Stop approaching the obvious triple A players when you only have minor league skills. As I stated yesterday people need to recognize. I am not saying that you should think less of yourself because everyone is fabulous in their own way. Yes, I am fabulous and stunning and classy chic. However, I wouldn’t go shopping in the steak aisle with bologna money in my pockets. Capiesh? Good.”

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

sj to add to your statement, in my profession as a teacher, it’s the opposite. what i mean is, men are given MUCH respect and no attitude. at my school there are predominately women teachers (like most schools) the male teachers are given a lot less slack and attitude than any female teacher i know. i am not complaining about it. i am just acknowledging that in different professions there is different treatment. it is unfair to make a blanket statement about how men/women are treated and behave on the job. there are various factor that contribute to how much respect is given. in my instance, men are treated better b/c most of the principals are women and would dare not treat a man the way they would treat a women. yes, it’s a respect factor. and they don’t have to fight for it. it’s automatic in most cases. now, i haven’t mean-mugged any of the brothas in the buildings. however, if someone other woman has, it’s probably b/c she knows he’s gonna get away w/some ish that she can’t…lol.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

What’s up everyone? I have to go back and read the comments…

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

abc you are correct, I was thinking vice-versa but typed vis-a-vis…I type this so often it was automatic. When I read it after posting, I could only said OH WELL.

By Sexione

January 31, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

Wise I didn’t intend to spark a gender war You can’t be serious?? Okay, I know you are, but did you honestly NOT see it coming? Dang near every topic, dang near, leads to just that (and I know you nor Laney do it intentionally). I’m waiting for a topic that doesn’t…..it seems like its been a lloooonnng time. But I digress..

By cool breeze

January 31, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

By Merry

I would LOVE to be a man. The world is their urinal, they don’t have periods, don’t have to have the babies, NEVER have to worry about balancing career and family, make more money and work less, auto mechanics are honest with them, they have everything done for them by the women in their lives, etc…..

BOO “FREAKIN” HOO……..Guys do alot and wear many different hats and (unlike women) don’t b*** and moan about it. We do what has to be done.Why cause we’re guys and that’s what we do? What frustrates guys is women are so damn critical and always keeping score they don’t appreciate what we are doing or think what we are doing so musch less valuable than whay they are doing. That’s one reaon it’s hard for me to date because I had a mother who did alot and NEVER compalianed about it. She worked 8 hours a day and NEVER came home and said i just worked 8 hours ya’ll 6 kids need to find your own dinner. My momz is the epitomy of what a woman should be and what LOVE should be. Love isn’t complaining about doing something for someone that you “supposedly” love. Momz also said she didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do so if you don’t want to do any work don’t have any kids or a husband and if you don’t want to work and have a career to have to worry about balancing things then DON’T. Don’t get these things and then b*** and moan about having them.

By Tater

January 31, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

RandyT Somehow we have to get past all of our past hurts, experiences, biases, etc., and look at each day, and each experience, and each date as a totally new ‘canvas’ with a clean page. In a perfect world, this is how we would do it. Man, wouldn’t that be nice…

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this

diva i must have skimmed over a lot of the comments…didn’t realize a gender war was in progress. i thought it was just another day on the blog…lol. there is a fine line though between acknowledging the differences and playing the “blame game.” that scenario is never good. at the end of the day there will be somethings understood by both parties, and other things that aren’t. it all boils down to, do you want to right or do you want to be happy??

By jeremy

January 31, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

RUChinaDoll

I’m too OCD to have dirty feet and believe in dressing nice so I wouldn’t do that ;P

A woman that presents herself well is a wonderful thing. I never did understand the heels thing, and am of the opinion that women walk awkwardly and with bad posture in heels. A little makeup now and again is ok as well (not a lot and not all the time). Just never thought a lot the stuff women try to do to make themselves “look better” actually make them look better - just fake.

By SexyLeggs

January 31, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Cool Breeze I’m over here clapping.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 It seems to me alot of the women on this blog think it is relatively easy being a man.

Well, I just read several posts from men that said “dudes want sex, sports and beer” and it got co-signed by other men. If that is not the case, set it straight.

By jeremy

January 31, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

RUChinaDoll

I’m too OCD to have dirty feet and believe in dressing nice so I wouldn’t do that ;P

A woman that presents herself well is a wonderful thing. I never did understand the heels thing, and am of the opinion that women walk awkwardly and with bad posture in heels. A little makeup now and again is ok as well (not a lot and not all the time). Just never thought a lot the stuff women try to do to make themselves “look better” actually make them look better - just fake.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

@ Kindeer..just was telling u how it is here and how the women interact..but i have a homeboy who is a teacher and that in that profession black males are embraced. so i feel you comment..

@ Raqi..you have a son and so do i..and i think we both should teach our sons to be themselves and not compromised who they are to appeal to any particular woman’s taste.

By lisa

January 31, 2007 11:03 AM | Link to this

Hey Cool Breeze, she never complained because she was your MOTHER. Do you really think she is going to Bi* to her kids???! Lord have mercy. You been set up to find a mommy type of girl to take care of your every need. Good luck with that.

By AwwwDayum...

January 31, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

coolbreeze Guys do alot and wear many different hats and (unlike women) don’t b and moan about it.* WTF????Obviously you haven’t read some of the comments today (including you own) or on previous days so we’ll just overlook that ish you’re spewing….my bad, **itching and moaning about!!! Puuhhleeaaaze….

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Hey WiseD how is it going? Topics like this will always turn into gender wars because there seems to always be someone waiting in the wings awaiting the opportunity to attack.

Maybe the topic will change slightly and all this tension will be released. LOL

abc I still disagree. Something has to make sense to me before I can accept it. That’s me. That’s who I am. I don’t plan to change for anyone no matter how much they assume I should be different.

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

Sexione, I was serious because it was not the intent. It’s perfectly fine to not agree with another perspective (male or female), but hearing it shouldn’t be that difficult. I can’t speak for Laney, but for me, the blog forum is partly to get insight about what we go through. IF it was all blissful and perfect on the dating scene, it would be called adventures in dating - Then again, sometimes people just enjoy debate and controversy to keep it “live”

Hey, maybe we can pledge to make the month of February all about love!

By Foots

January 31, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

abc * agree with Jeremy, the notion that women are creatures of logic is completely wrong. Women are primarily creatures of emotional reaction and intuition, facts be damned*

No statement like this can be entirely true or entirely false, because it is so individualized. But biologically, the neural connections between the right and left hemispheres in the female brain are more well-developed than in the male brain, which leads researchers to believe that women have increased “whole-brain” thinking capability and multi-tasking skills. Women think with both logic AND emotion, scientifically speaking.

By Alabama

January 31, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

I think both sexes have diffculties in their own right but it sure would be easier to understand men if the they had a blog circle over there head so you can see what they are thinking(interested or not, shut up or talk and the ooh so famous what is she talking about?)

If I had to choose who had it the worse, I think I would choose men. It has to be diffcult being told as you grew from childhood into manhood to not show your emotions, be strong show no weakness and hold the world up at all cost.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

Question What does “a little thug in him” actually mean?

By Just a Thought

January 31, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this

Emerging from Lurksville with my Kevlar vest Normally I just sit back and read the blog without commenting, but I feel compelled to speak up on this one today. I’m going to go out on a limb and say, even as a woman, I’m going to have to side with the guys. Men, no matter what their race, although there are still unfortunately injustices that seem to plague specific races, have it tough. I believe women have it tough too. The point that I’m getting at is that we could debate all day as to who has it the hardest, but we’re missing the point. Both genders face their share of adversities and we face them in different ways. Typically women have more of an “ok” from society to be emotional about adversities. Men however are often told from childhood that it’s not ok to cry or be so emotionally expressive. So in a relationship, I feel like it’s my duty to be there for my man, to let him know that he doesn’t have to be “tough” for me…I already know that as a man, he’s “tough.” I guess I’m just putting it out there to think about; I don’t think that it was by some chance that God (I know some of you don’t want to talk about God, but oh well) created both man and woman. It’s because we need each other in different ways. So arguing about who has it easier makes no sense to me. We’ve all got issues, but that’s what makes life interesting. That’s just a thought. ;-)

By JustMe

January 31, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this

Ladies, if you could become a guy for a day, what type of guy would you be? Why? If men were to walk a mile in your heels, what female myths would get dispelled?

I recently began a new relationship and decided to be clear and honest with my intentions for the first time in life. This has afforded me the opportunity to understand myself more and own up to some of the mistakes made in the past. In doing so I had to be honest with myself. I would not want to switch genders for any reason. Before I thought men where strange and confused. I have since decided men are quite simple. Women, we live so far in the future that we have trouble assessing what is happening right before our eyes. Then we get mad and blame everyone else for our failed relationships. I think if men traded places with us they would leave the situation being more confused and very amused at our antics.

By brownstallion 76

January 31, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Good Morning 2 All T Mango Girl I must say you are TOO Much, and how long have you been thinking about that.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Wise Hey, maybe we can pledge to make the month of February all about love!

Now, you know we can’t do that, cause the love topic will turn to marriage…then divorce…then custody arrangements….then child support laws. Justin will come back and all HELLZ will break loose!!!! LOLOLOL!!

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

gotcha sj i know what your saying about the office environment though. it is totally different. y’all aren’t treated as kings like around here…lol. maybe you should become a teacher like your friend…lol.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

Men can’t cry?

Aw dayum, I tear up at roller derby and wrestling matches even. LOL.

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

In regards to the dating process, most would agree that it’s much easier for women. You’re born with a commodity that all men desire. So you basically sit back and evaluate potential candidates. It’s always less pressure on the interviewer than the applicant. Granted, men will never know the pain of child birth and menstrual cycles, but women will never understand the innate pressure that is a part of being a man. It’s instilled in male children from birth and intensifies through adulthood. *You got to be tough, you can’t show emotion, you have to handle every situation, you have to provide for and protect your family, you have to be the man *. When men fall short of these expectations, their pride, ego, and self respect are severely damaged. When I hear stories about fathers that walked out on their wife and kids without saying a word, I know why. In most instances, the pressure of manhood was too much to bear, so they choose to be cowards. Additionally, if you’re a black man in America, you have to incorporate stereotypes and prejudice in the equation, the pressure is even more intense. Ladies don’t underestimate the pressure that comes along with the penis.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this

@ JustaAThought…good post..

@ Footz..theses days…its just in they way u dress…basically women want someone who “appears” to be one by appearance..not actions..

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

very well said Just a thought. Thanks for chiming in.

It’s NOT about who has it worse, it’s about NOT being oblivious to what someone else may go through.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

SeanJohn That is my number one priority for both of my sons. No doubt about it. Glad we can agree here.

Now I will be pulling songs from the song track of my life noting my favorite stanza:

1. Right to Be Wrong - By Joss Stone

You’re entitled to your opinion

But it’s really my decision

I can’t turn back I’m on a mission

If you care don’t you dare blur my vision

Let me be all that I can be

Don’t smother me with negativity

Whatever’s out there waiting for me

I’m going to faced it willingly

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

@ KinderG..i seriously thought about it…i do enough teaching women how to act anyway…might as well get paid for it..lol…just joking ladies..i think..

By Chocolate Peach

January 31, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

There are so many answers to the question what y’all do for us And so many reasons for the word why we love on y’all For instance how you just take us and lift us up Give us chance after chance and we still find a way to F things up And sometimes y’all go and blame yourself for the things we do Cause you love us so much our lies become the truth Y’all try so so hard to make things work Finding a way to smile just to keep from showing your hurting.

It’s your mind versus your heart versus your soul versus your body Versus our b****** and our ego and our pride That’s why I love the word woman (oh I love, I love) Y’all are so tough y’all put up with so much That’s why I love the word woman (oh I love, I love) And y’all so full of trust and besides y’all know us That’s why I love the word woman Time and time again y’all let us back in And I love y’all so much I gotta spell it out W-O-M-A-N that’s what it’s all about, yeah

Sometimes I think that we’re the reason why y’all be stressing out and smoking cigarettes, mmm yes I do And sometimes I think we’re the reasons y’all be snapping off on your kids and having fits, somebody feel me Ladies when it’s that time of the month and y’all really don’t feel like being bothered And sometimes we take y’all hearts for granted I know y’all gotta ask y’all selves sometimes why do I even put up with it.

Fellas just swallow your pride for a minute and grab your lady by the hand and sing Baby I’m sorry for the drama that I caused you Y’all are the backbone of every family this much is true I recognize being a woman the things y’all go through And I appreciate every single one of you Baby I promise from this day I will show respect I promise to love y’all yeah With all of my might yeah I’ll even burn a candlelight Because we are here cause y’all paid a price And that’s why I love.

THE HEART OF A WOMAN…………. I wouldnt have it no other way!! Although I love my men & they’re in the struggle just as much as we are.

I lOVE U MEN despite all your foolishness, sacrifices & Drama!!

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

Just A Thought It’s because we need each other in different ways.

A statement of utter truth. Now I am going to lunch.

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

@Foots

Read Dushawn’s 11:19 post. ^5 dude.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

my question is why does someone have to have it better or worse? why does one gender have to have it easier and one harder?? i don’t believe these statements. i’m just putting it out there as the perception of most. yes, men do things to p** me off…lol. but do i think they have it easier?? NO do i think they have it harder?? NO do i think women have it easier?NO or harder?NO. that type of ish can’t be compared b/c men and women aren’t the same. intangible things are very hard to measure and compare. how can you compare how hard or easy someone’s life is?? that type of comparison usually stems from assumptions (as diva originally stated). everything is not always as it looks, feels, smells, sounds and tastes (in some instances…lol). there is no better or worse w/women and men. it’s just different.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

@sj see i come in peace and here you go startin stuff, lol. you ain’t up to nothin’ good…lol.

By deeluv

January 31, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Thank U Chocolate Peach, it means da world to hear a woman express this

By abc

January 31, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

Raqi, I’d venture to say that by and large, things will ‘make sense’ to women because they just ‘feel right’, independent of any rationale or a straight-line logical path. Chicks just aren’t like that.

Foots, the notions you purport re: more delevoped neural connections are speculative and not proven. It’s suspected that women have more neural across the corpus callosum, which connects the brains hemispheres, but even that doesn’t indicate that women are better able to make better use of information processed by those hemispheres, or have any greater insight or bigger perspective. Most recent speculation along those lines cites differences in the amygdala, in the way that that memories and emotional experiences are organized. Men’s brains are, on average, 20% larger than women’s brains.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

@ KinderG…no good but so good..but on a lighter note…why are female teachers and nurses so damn frky?

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone!

Men and women make unfair assumptions that most often stem from past experiences. I mentioned earlier in the week a man who, after five minutes of conversation told me that I was moody. He thought he was retracting, though he was actually shoving his foot further down his mouth, by saying he says that to all the women he meets—-just to see their reaction. How do I handle unfair assumptions? This example was easy. Too easy. I simply responded diplomatically and told him to have a nice day.

Prior to my last relationship, I came to this self-realization: I did not see myself damaging a man—I always felt the man damaged me. I could not connect my behavior as offensive, but rather self-protection and self-preservation. Realizing that I was not perfect (Boy, that was a hard blow! LOL!), I attempted to see things from the man’s perspective. Even when I do not agree, I make a conscious effort to understand. There was a segment on The Today Show this morning about another blog favorite: Can Men and Women Be Friends? The male expert gave a concise explanation about what a man thinks about a platonic relationship with a woman he finds attractive: subconsciously, he will desire her sexually. He also added that does not mean he will act on that desire. But it is there. His female counterpart could not get past his “men and women can’t be ‘just friends’” statement. I truly believe that so much time, energy and hormones are lost when both are unyielding to their own beliefs and refuse to consider the other side. Consideration does not mean you loose self. It means you gain a wider perspective; you are open to acceptance of others; and, it truly is not all about you.

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 I was just sitting hear thinking about the way I’m raising my son. He will be three years old this Friday. Last night he was crying and whining about something. Instead of nurturing the boy, I playfully punched him in the chest and told him to Man Up. I’m unconsciously instilling the pressure in him already.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this

sj frky??? i don’t know what you’re talking about??? i plead the fifth!! lol

By NCgirlfromATL

January 31, 2007 11:55 AM | Link to this

So you basically sit back and evaluate potential candidates.

DuShawn, DuShawn, DuShawn If it were only that simple! LMAO! If all we had to do was sit back and say “Next! like some Toni Braxton video, do you really think we’d complain so much about how hard it was to find that “good man?” Truth is, it is really no more easy for a woman to put herself out there to be rejected than it is for a man to do the same. Your insecurity is that the woman you approach will give you the gas face, and tell you your breath smells like hot garbage. Our insecurity is that no one will approach.

As far as logic is concerned, I believe logic is in the eye of the beholder. You can’t say what makes sense for someone else, anymore than you can say whether or not someone else’s emotions are correct for any given situation. They are what they are. The logic is what it is for that person. May not make sense to you, but then again, it doesn’t always have to! I think the difference is that women tend to take the long way around getting to the same point as a man (kinda like this post again!) LOL!

By Condused

January 31, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

Jewel that was well said!!!!!

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Sean, most women are freaky, we just ain’t advertising the fact. Are you saying that you are a “freak magnet”?

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 12:06 PM | Link to this

@Dushawn,

That’s good what you’re doing for your son. Most of the men on here say that all men want is “sex, sports, and beer” and I totally agree with that. You have to through food in there for good measure though. But all of these things are simple luxuries to be enjoyed for enduring the pressure of manhood. And eventhough they are all luxuries it is not given to the weak. But rather they are priviledges earned to the ones strong enough and smart enough to endure the daily pressures and expectations of manhood. In a perfect world, or as close to perfect as we can find, a woman can provide some of most if not all of these things. That’s partially the point of Mannin’ Up and handling your business.

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this

Our insecurity is that no one will approach That’s some real insight into the female psyche.

By Chocolate Peach

January 31, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this

@ deeluv, “I got U” LOL…..

I’m not in this men & women debate to prove a pointe of who’s better & so forth.

We both (sexes) have it hard either way, we both loose & gain, we ALL….want to be love.

And I honestly dont think one is better or have it harder than the other however MEN….will go thru & they carry a LOT…on their shoulders that we women dont have a clue about. And as for women we go……thru so much to undsertand & make things right for our men so we both carry huge burdens….so let’s use these struggles & come together, Let’s work it out, make things happen!!

In all my dating I have discovered something unique & different about each guy & I will tell U I wouldnt really wanna walk in their shoes.

They’re diffrent but simple. They dont require as much as we women think. Their pretty basic. Sports, Sex & Food…..LOL, We (women)spend so much time trying to change em, or making em something they’re not it gets difficult. I love being a woman & once again I love…..MEN, All men!!!

Anybody that knows me will tell you my brothers, & I have 2 they’re my WORLD!! Men are Xtravagant in their own way’s & I Luv it……….

but the world could not revolve if it wasn’t for us WOMEN……..

I’m out!!! Peace up A town down

By cool breeze

January 31, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

I am not looking to marry my mother (that would be nasty) BUT someone I am going to marry SHOULD HAVE some motherly qualities. Also, I am not going to apologize for momz treating me special. Not only because she’s my mom but because she LOVES me as a person. Should I not want another women to treat me special also or is the only thing a “modern” woman can offer me since she won’t make me a sandwich, wash my draws or pick me up some M&m’s from the store is sex? If that’s the case what does that make “modern women”. I would like to think much more than freaks but mayb not.

I do tell guys no woman will love you like your mother. True but sad in some ways.

By abc

January 31, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this

I, for one, take issue with the ‘sex, sports and beer’ thing. I’m not that simple-minded. Sex, stimulating conversation, interesting companionship, some wine (okay, I’ll go for a Negra Modelo or Newcastle, occasional Guinness). I need intellectual stimulation. I want someone to be interested in investigating new things that interest me. Sports (except playing myself) doesn’t interest me AT ALL. I find that most pro sports fans are unable to even run their lard asses around.

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this

Raqi Loved that 9:25 post! Hopefully the men will zero in on that last paragraph with understanding.

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

I guess not…ABC, Jeremy Yes, women are emotional creatures. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. God made us that way…we are delicate, sensitive, and intuitive. A few of the necessary traits for raising children and interacting with our other half. We use logic: Logically, it makes more sense to do__ That is because we have considered all aspects of the situation. We are not afraid to explore our feelings. Generally, men are also emotional creatures who dismiss their emotions when contradicted by logic.

Sexione Atlanta does not have real “snow” days. LOL! Guess I need to buy some bread and milk…

By Foots

January 31, 2007 12:41 PM | Link to this

abc Bigger does not mean better or more intelligent. It does have a relation to the fact that on average, males are larger than females. It’s all relative.

The point was that you cannot make a blanket assumption that women do not use logic in thought, as well as emotion. If your experiences with women point to that, find other women.

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 12:43 PM | Link to this

…and, a man sticks to logic because it excuses him from dealing with how he feels. In my humble opinion.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this

And big props to you abc, RandyT, and DuShawn for not falling for the “men are simple-minded creatures” propaganda. I like to think that men are complex, spiritual, and mentally intriguing.

By abc

January 31, 2007 12:48 PM | Link to this

Men stick more to logic because they’re less likely to be simply kidding themselves based on supposed intuition, emotions, or wishful thinking, which are all hallmarks of what governs female behavior. It’s a concious choice, but it’s a natural choice for men to make, based on our biology.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 12:50 PM | Link to this

@ Wise Diva….i thnk so..that and a crazy female magnet like i said the other day…by the way..no knocking Laney…but your topics are always on point.

By JustMe

January 31, 2007 12:58 PM | Link to this

When a woman thinks she’s in love there is no logic to be found. We spend too much time fantasizing. And not enough time paying attention. I have a lot of female friends that tell me stories of meeting a guy and then they start asking me how the guy feels or thinks about them. I think how in the h* would I know. And I’ve learn if you say anything to them logically you are a “hater” or jealous.

By abc

January 31, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this

One cannot positively say that brain size is not directly relational to intelligence, especially in determining spatial differences.

“What is very clear is that there is a correlation between brain size and intelligence, particularly verbal ability,” said Sandra Witelson, noting that verbal ability encompasses comprehension of complex sentences, understanding verbal logical information and verbal memory.

That’s from a study conducted in 2005 by a School of Medicine in Canada, McMaster University.

“All the way back in 1974 Van Valen pointed out that if brain size and intelligence were truely functionally related, then the correlations between IQ (an imperfect measure of “intelligence”) and head dimensions (an imperfect measure of brain size) would necessarily be attenuated.
The fact that the MRI derived correlations are approximately double the average derived from external cranial dimensions is strong support for this view.”

That’s from a professor in the Dept. of Anthropology at Berkeley.

“For all age and sex groups, it is clear that brain volume is positively correlated with intelligence.”

That’s from a study performed at VCU.

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

Agreed ABC. A woman might be misled if she makes a decision based solely on her emotions. But, what does a man do when everything defies logic? Question for the Men: Is it true that men will deny their emotions for fear of loosing control?

By DadMania

January 31, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

As a single dad it’s not just what I look for anymore in a woman. I have to be sure the women I date are special enough to handle both me and my child.

If they are too self centered then they won’t be around long enough for me to care about them.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this

JustMe When a woman thinks she’s in love there is no logic to be found.

I know women like that, but most women I know over-analyze, using every little fact she can find to draw some type of conclusion from it. Maybe it’s misplaced logic, but it IS logic.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this

Foots

And big props to you abc, RandyT, and DuShawn for not falling for the “men are simple-minded creatures” propaganda.

Thanks for the compliment. Men are more complex than they are given credit for. Said as I turn to my SO and say “hey baby, when you finish the dishes, put on that t-shirt and fine panties I like, bring me a beer and the sports page, and come rub my neck for a few minutes”.

Just Kidding!!!

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

See ABC There you go…weighing the blog down with scientific statements to support your logical claims…

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:15 PM | Link to this

abc You can find articles stating anything you want. Case in point: “There are at least two reasons why measures such as brain weight or cranial capacity are not easily interpretable indices of intelligence, even though small observed differences may be statistically valid. First is the obvious difficulty of defining and accurately measuring intelligence among animals, particularly among humans with different educational and cultural backgrounds. Second is the functional diversity and connectional complexity of the brain. ”
—http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/bv.fcgi?rid=neurosci.box.1833

Keep in mind that your brain/cranial size argument is one of the same argument “they” used to say that different races are smarter than others. Don’t buy into it.

By abc

January 31, 2007 1:17 PM | Link to this

Jewel hahaha… you bet… I’d say you chicks should be asking guys about their hat size instead of the size of their, ahem. Well! :-)

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

@ Foots & Jewel….i read a long article..cant remember the specs..but it actually broke down how women actually think more logically than men…and it made since..and it statd its the reason women are more emotional and indecisive because they have to analyse each possible scenario and how it would affect them…where as men are more straight line…and process and act on information faster…something to think about…

By For Real

January 31, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this

@Jewel Answer to your question Depends on what emotion is about to be released.

Foots Logic cannot be misplace. Logic has to stand like truth if it is to be labelled logic.

Ladies Questions:

By Jewel

January 31, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this

On my way to the track…when I return, I expect to see the men boo hooing with a hand full of Kleenex..the women grabbing the men, administering two slaps and screaming, “Man Up!” “But it ain’t easy! It ain’t easy!” LOL!

By aggressively witty

January 31, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this

^always been told I had a big head…heheheeh, now its a good thing

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

Perfect Example:

The Man and I were at lunch and when I was coming back from powdering my nose the waiter had come to clear the table. When I walked up to the table he was asking if he should take my glass and The Man said yeah it’s about half gone. But I said no it’s still half full. The waiter then said with a grin I guess it depends on who is looking at it. We all laughed about it but that example was right on time. After having discussed some things here I find myself noticing instances that normally wouldn’t matter.

People are different and see things differently.

By For Real

January 31, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

The definition of Intelligence is not what you know but your ability to learn.

The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expect a different result from the same actions.

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

LOL @ agg witt, I could use so many jokes on you right now, but I am too swamped, LOL

Hey Raqi! Things are going pretty good for me, can’t complain :)

@SeanJ - thanks, I try!

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

SeanJ and abc If you really want to question logic, can y’all explain why for a man, it makes sense to drive around in circles instead of asking for a map or directions? LOL!!!

Seriously though, does pride and ego outweigh logic for some men?
When it was mentioned earlier about how some men walk out on families due to societal pressures, it seems as though that type of decision is purely emotional, based on intangibles like ego and pride, rather than logical. I’ve seen men I know do things that make no sense at all, not even to him, to save face. I’ve seen women I know do things that make no sense at all, not even to her, and we can’t even begin to imagine why.

Both men and women are emotional and logical. We couldn’t function in society without being both.

By abc

January 31, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this

I’ve seen that one too Foots, but I’ve found many more references to positive correlations between brain size and intelligence than refutation of the same, independent of race and gender.

The thing is, so little is understood about the way the brain actually works, all that can be done is to draw conclusions based on observations. It’s a logical approach, even if it doesn’t suit a person’s emotional reaction to it, but that’s a case in point in and of itself.

By abc

January 31, 2007 1:37 PM | Link to this

I’ve heard about men who refused to ask directions, but I’ve never known anyone like that. I, for one, will immediately stop and ask for directions, as soon as it becomes apparent that I’m lost. I’ve always thought that it was a myth that men don’t like to ask directions.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

For Real Okay, then. It’s logic.

But to answer your question, I don’t think that men write those types of songs about emotional pain, though we all know they experience it. Oh wait a minute…that song by that crazy dude Eamon that cussed his girl out the whole song for cheating on him. That could be one.

Depends on your view of irreplacability. Everyone is replaceable, unless you are the last person on Earth. But since every person who ever lived or will die on this earth is different, you will never see the exact same set of qualities in another individual. So in that sense, we are all irreplacable.

By diamondsyd

January 31, 2007 1:39 PM | Link to this

This is my first post, so I don’t want to make every want to flame me. However, there are a few things that really provoked some thought.

The person that talked about playing in the “right league”. What league are you referring to, one based on what one looks like, or what type of person they are? I personally don’t care if your a 10 on the looks scale, if your not in “MY LEAGUE” as a person and individual, then I don’t want to be in your league and your obviously not in mine. If you think you can tell what “League” someone plays in without at least talking to someone without some preconceived notion in your mind, then you need to check your values somewhere, because there is something wrong.

To the guy that says that all men need are Beer, Sex and sports. That might be all you need, but don’t put all guys into that category.

Someone asked about approaching a girl with makeup on and one without makeup on. Personally, I would rather approach the one without make up. She is comfortable enough with herself to be seen in public without makeup on, how dare her. If she attracts me without it, then wow, can’t wait to see what she looks like with it on, not because she has to, feels compelled to, but because there was a reason to get dressed up.

PS. I like the blog, I think I will start reading it earlier in the day, so I don’t feel weird contributing after the fact. Good luck singles, we all need it, it is tough out there

By dyoung

January 31, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this

women will never understand the innate pressure that is a part of being a man. It’s instilled in male children from birth and intensifies through adulthood. *You got to be tough, you can’t show emotion, you have to handle every situation, you have to provide for and protect your family, you have to be the man

this is very true, and exaggerated even for black men who are supposed to be paragons of hyper-heterosexuality. it gets frustrating sometimes reading and hearing about the difficulty women have with dating and relationships, and getting blamed for most of it, despite the fact that we deal with and put up with much of the same sh-t.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

abc You tend to find what you are looking for.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

Welcome diamondsyd!!

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 1:47 PM | Link to this

hey Dyoung!

well, diamondsyd - it’s great to have you chime in today, and what a way to start off!

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

@ Foots….i dont understand how a man could do that..i know i couldnt…maybe since a man didnt carry the children he doesnt have the bond a mother would have from day one of learning she is with child..i definitely think men and women think and process information different..

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Okay abc I will concede and meet you half way. Let me rephrase my statement. If it doesn’t make sense to THIS 38yr old life experienced drug thru the fire and back RAQI then I ain’t trying to hear it. I left that based on what it feels like stage long ago. My heart got me into too much trouble and I had to start questioning my thoughts before putting them into action.

Now would you refute that logical thinking comes with age and experience for both women AND men? Before you answer that remember that I have a 17 yr old MAN at home and there is less 1% of logic coming out of that brain. Did my grandson get here through logic or was it based what the boy was “feeling” at the time? LOL

By cool breeze

January 31, 2007 1:50 PM | Link to this

I am not a beer, sex, food guy. I am a girl being able to discuss art, watch football,respectful to others and doesn’t mind doing things for me type.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Why every year there a song made that is considered “The Woman’s Anthem”? Like Beyonce’s song To the Left

forreal just for the record. not all women subscribe to that ish. i personally am not a big fan of those types of songs, especially beyonce. one minute she’s crazy in love, then hopelessly in love, next it’s deja vu, then he can go to the left, but first she wants to ring the alarm but not w/out upgrading him first….WTF???? sounds like she needs meds to me…lol. my diagnosis is bipolar/schizophrenia…lol.

By diamondsyd

January 31, 2007 1:56 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the welcome. Those comments about being in the right league came across harsher than I ment for them too. I do feel strongly about it because I feel people set physical requirements too much and should be more open to finding out who people are before dismissing them. I can’t tell you how many times, I have met someone and then the more I got to know them and was around them more, then the more attractive they became to me.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 1:56 PM | Link to this

Question Do you think that men are actually putting the pressure on each other??

Was it DuShawn that stated earlier that he recognized what he was instilling in his son by not allowing him to cry? From what I see, men can be each other’s biggest critics when it comes to not being “manly” enough and you tease and goad each other incessantly about such things. Some of you have said on here how men don’t discuss feelings about relationships with each other cause men don’t do that. In reality, you know that it probably wouldn’t be well-accepted by the men in your group if you did.

Can men ever try to lighten the burden on each other to help make things a little easier for all of you and give yourselves more freedom to express yourselves without fear of that kind of backlash from other men?

By abc

January 31, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Raqi, I agree that with age comes wisdom and a more logical/rational thought process; I’ve read that women improve 30%-50% in spatial cognition after only one experience of the event, pretty much anyone can learn pretty much anything, in my opinion. My mother is one of the most logical and deductive people I know, but she hasn’t always been that way. There are exceptions to everything. Still, by and large, I think what’s been previously stated holds true.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

Isn’t it funny when….never mind. LOL

By Foots

January 31, 2007 2:07 PM | Link to this

kinderbabe Girl, I almost choked reading that!! ROTFLMAO!!!!

By G

January 31, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

DuShawn Your comments have been on point all day. The game doesn’t change, and neither do the assumptions that come with it. The game teaches us from the beginning……..it is the man’s responsibility to take the iniative to find the woman he needs. As for the women….The game teaches you to accept/cherry pick from whatever guys had the guts or wherewithal to approach you. Based on today’s topic, that’s my assumption.

How many women are willing to take the man’s role for one night, out on the town? I’m speaking of a role reversal. So, if you see a man that intrigues you, pimp him. My “assumption” is he will give you some fairly interesting convo………..whether he’s interested or not.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

Track #2:

Till It Happens To You By: Corrine Bailey Rae

Nobody wants to know the truth

Until their hearts broken

Don’t you dare tell them

What you think to do

Till they get over

You can only learn these things from experience

When you get older

I just wish that someone would have told me

By JustMe

January 31, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this

^5 Foots on your 1:28 post. Except for in relationships I think women do not always think logically.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

foots had to give some comic relief since musing isn’t around…lol.

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

@ Foots…we cant afford to be like that….so sings of weakness…and what do u think would happen if u dated a man like that? Do you thnk he could handle that fact u have those toys? he could have a fit and cry and ask if he is man enough for u..lol

By Foots

January 31, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

JustMe But girl, neither do men.

By abc

January 31, 2007 2:25 PM | Link to this

Now, I’ve never experienced nor know of anyone else experiencing a man walking out on his wife and kids like that. I’ve witnessed women clearing out the house and disappearing with the kids, especially over to their lover’s house, on many occasions — pretty much 3rd or 4th concert tour I ever went on, that’d happen to somebody. It’s like chicks bailing on their old man while he’s overseas fighting the war. I was reminded of that watching ‘Jarhead’ the other night.

By Jake

January 31, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this

Okay, looks like everybody came to the dance today.

diamondsyd rule #1. You don’t have to cover your azz when you throw blog bullets, its part of the fun…I do it erynow n’then…LOL

On TopicAs for who has it harder, that would be a never ending conversation because whoever says it one does not have the experience of the other side…BUT, I’ll do it anyway, its tough being a MAN. There are a set of expectations that come with the penis as Dushawn stated that are hard to explain, and keep punching the lil dude so he will meet those expectations. On the surface we are fairly simple, many of us are highly intelligent; and have vast interest, but are still regular dudes. I won’t pharaphrase evrything that’s been said, but re-read Dushawn’s 11:19, and Cool Breeze 12:13 cosigning with Demi’s feathery pen.

Jewel Its not the fear of losing control, but if you succomb to the emotions, YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST CONTROL!

LMAO@abc vs. foots at the science fair.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

SeanJ I know you’re kidding, but seriously, it’s his idea to use them when we are together. Logically, he knows that he is much more than metal, wires and batteries so he doesn’t feel intimidated by the object at all. But you’re right, though. Some men would throw a hissy fit at the idea that something other than him could bring pleasure to his woman.

I’ve seen him at a couple of very vulnerable moments and frankly, it is a strong, brave man to be able to express himself to me like he has. I feel honored that he trusts me enough to do it. And I love him even more for it. He gets no pressure or judgment from me. But imagine what would happen if “his boys” heard our conversations???

I still think that men would get more flak from other men about being emotionally sensitive than from women.

By Tazzee

January 31, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

Been lurking all day but I wanted to answer For Real:

Why every year there a song made that is considered “The Woman’s Anthem”? Like Beyonce’s song To the Left There’s a Woman’s Anthem song made every year because the women make them, LOL. But you do know that Ne-yo wrote that song? At any rate, I wouldn’t call Irreplaceable a Woman’s anthem, its just a funny song to me with a nice hook. My anthem is more like ‘Lost Yo Mind’ by Beyonce, LOL. And kinderbabe don’t talk about my girl - her songs are fun. She’s just trying to address all women, so you have to look at each song individually.

Do you think of yourselves as irreplaceable? Not to anyone else. I’m only irreplaceable to myself - meaning I only have one life so I need to make the best of it. Can’t replace me so I might as well love me…

What would be your response to a man that express his emotions like women do? I wouldn’t like it. Personally I embrace the differences between men and women. If I want that type of expression I’ll go to my friend girls. There’s a reason we were created differently and if a dude started expressing himself like a woman I would put him in the friend zone and keep it moving.

By JustMe

January 31, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

Right again foots.

By diamondsyd

January 31, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

ABC

Most of them don’t walk out, they push them out as I have been watching happen to a close friend for about 6 months and it kills me to see it happen to someone I care about. They don’t want to be seen by their family as “the one who gave up”, its a pride thing. I truly believe that they feel if they push then the woman will leave and they will save face. It’s BS, if you don’t want her, tell her and move on.

By Jake

January 31, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this

Foots Yes men put pressure on other men to be better men, why would we let up on each other, its part of the grand scheme. In order to produce the best from someone, you challenge them. Pride is a helluva motivator, men “one up” each in many areas, its not a bad thing in most cases.

As for expressing yourself, we do, like this phrase, “get me one while your up”…lol

Seriously, we talk to each other, but its not the “i’m there if you need me girl stuff ya’ll do” its very cut and dry, and based on LOGIC.

By NCgirlfromATL

January 31, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this

abc the stories I could tell you about men walking out on their wife and kids!! It happens more often than you might think, and not always into the arms of another woman (read: but, often into the arms of another man.) Funny thing is, I have a pretty equal practice btw men and women, and more often than not, the women aren’t the ones that leave. We have this unhealthy attachment to the house. Gotta stay in the house. Gotta keep the house. Can’t let him have the house! And eventually, reason and NCGirl’s get real advice comes around and she figures out that neither of them can afford the house on their own.

G The problem with that was part of yesterday’s discussion. When a woman tries to get her mack on, it’s perceived as an insecurity, b/c she’s being all bold and somewhat jerkish. Despite all of the advances we’ve made as women, men still feel more comfortable being the pursuers.

Truth: how many men of the blog have taken seriously a woman who made all of the first moves? You didn’t think of her as a smash and grab that just made things easier for you?

By Foots

January 31, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Now don’t get me wrong, I ain’t saying that dude should cry because he broke a nail or something. Nobody does that, not even abc’s version of a light-headed, less intelligent woman. I might have to clown a dude like that myself. LOL!!

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

Has anyone ever considered the fact that if it wasn’t okay for a man to have a vulnerable emotion then God would not have equiped man with it?

Being a whiny azz bytch is one thing but having a vulnerable moment is totally natural.

In my life I have only seen 4 men cry and all for pretty much the same reason. My father and two brothers all cried at my mom’s funeral. And the man cried when my first husband died and when he thought his brother was going to die. Other than that…

By SeanJohnson

January 31, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

@ Foots…thats good your SO can open up like that to you…i am the strong silent type…the type to put the famly on my back.. no time to shed tears…because in the end i am responsible for everyone..

By For Real

January 31, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

Foots We don’t like to yall when we are having trouble in the relationship so why would I want to sit around talking or listening to another man talk about his troubles. lol Also, when men do try and talk about our feelings we get this comment by Jewel *I expect to see the men boo hooing with a hand full of Kleenex..the women grabbing the men, administering two slaps and screaming, “Man Up!” * Now you can’t have it both ways.

Kinder I agree with you about her lyrics although this one is funny as hellz (You can talk that noise that’s fine but can you walk and talk at the same time) She put him out because he cheated on her but then says she got one just like him on way. WTF, that mean he is going to cheat on her too.. I don’t get it..

By diamondsyd

January 31, 2007 2:49 PM | Link to this

Foots

Sounds like your guy spent the time to find out how to, you know, push your buttons. If a guy doesn’t understand women, much less his woman, then he should be made to feel inadequate in that sense, maybe then he would MAN up and find out what it takes to get the job done.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Track #3:

I’m Too Sexy - By Right Said Fred

I’m too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love’s going to leave me

By Foots

January 31, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

Jake why would we let up on each other?

Hey, I just thought it would help make your self-imposed load a little lighter to give each other a break sometimes. Don’t mind me…

By Mo

January 31, 2007 2:58 PM | Link to this

SJ on your last post 2:47pm, you are a man after my own heart!! the type to put the famly on my back.. no time to shed tears…because in the end i am responsible for everyone...

By Redd

January 31, 2007 3:06 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Bloggers: y’all know Neyo is the original writer of the song Beyonce sings Irreplacable aka to the left, to the left

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

Not part of my song track but the absolute sexiest sappy song performed by two men:

Over and Over Again – By Nelly and Tim McGraw

Cause it’s all in my head

I think about it over and over again

And I can’t keep picturing you with him

And it hurts so bad

By Foots

January 31, 2007 3:07 PM | Link to this

SeanJ You just described my mom and grandmother, no time to shed tears because the family is on your back and you’re responsible for everyone.

For Real That’s funny. She does say “I can have another you in a minute”. Why would she want another him? LOL!! But yeah, I see your point. The silent types are considered ultra-manly and mysterious by some women, until they get tired of the silence and always trying to figure him out… Most men I know have a pretty good balance of strength and vulnerability.

By abc

January 31, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

diamondsyd, it’s just my experience back when I was travelling I guess. No chicks want to deal with a man who’s on the road so much. They find someone else and the musician comes home to an empty house. As they say in the trade, ‘it comes with the gig’.

By Timely

January 31, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

Truth: how many men of the blog have taken seriously a woman who made all of the first moves? You didn’t think of her as a smash and grab that just made things easier for you?

Personally … the women that have taken initiative with me have ALL been rewarded with long-term relationships.

I’ve come across my share of ladies throughout my adult dating life, but have only had four serious, lasting, meaningful relationships. The ONE thing they all had in common was that they (the ladies themselves) sought first to make their intentions known to me.

In retrospect, I’ve considered why that is and the only LOGICAL reasoning for ME is that I saw in them many of the attributes that are inherent and those that I desire in a female counterpart (confidence, intelligence - to decide to come after me, you obviously deal in a great amount of intelligence ; ) - a firm stance in knowing what one wants, among others).

The ladies that I’ve had to pursue (and again, I’ve come across my fair share), I, for the most part, decide what the depth of the relationship will be (depending on a differing set of variables) and proceed.

Interesting … if I must say so myself.

By kinderbabe

January 31, 2007 3:17 PM | Link to this

*forreal i agree. like a lot of us women, she doesn’t know what she wants…lol. at least she’s in good company w/the billions of others. lol

By Roscoe

January 31, 2007 3:19 PM | Link to this

The ladies assume that because I have a lot of money that I’m going to give them some.

By Rose

January 31, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

I love that song Raqi now i’ve got it all in my head

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

NCgirl how many men of the blog have taken seriously a woman who made all of the first moves? I’ve always been flattered when a women makes the first move. Especially, if she’s fine. Even if she wasn’t all that, I respected her initiative and was always receptive. To the Ladies: If you see a guy you like at a club/bar (ask the waitress what he’s drinking) and send him a drink. To me, that move gets immediate cool points. SeanJ I truly feel your 2:47 post. If I stop getting money, the people in my house start loosing weight. I gotta grind, I got mouths to feed. People have been posting about theme songs all day. The theme song at my crib is “Don’t be surprised if she ask where da cash at…..”

By Jake

January 31, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

Foots You don’t really want to see your dawgs sensitive side, if nobody is dying, its just not acceptable…on the contrary…if a man loses his dog..its totally acceptable to drop a tear…LOL

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe you are down on dudes for crying.

I cry when Simon disses another fool on AI,

I bawl when I get a speeding ticket,

I might use up a whole towel if I come across “Ole Yeller” or “Turner and Hooch” on TV,

and if I am alone on a Saturday night, I may really wet the pillow for hours.

I am in touch with my fenminine side. LOL.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 3:35 PM | Link to this

Jake That’s my point. Can guys ever make it “acceptable”? Once in a while, at least?? You’re the only ones standing in your way…

In the words of Toni Braxton: Just let go…Let It Flow, Let It Flow, Let It Flow… LOL!!

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 3:37 PM | Link to this

abc I have seen and heard of more men leaving their wife and kids seemly because they could not hack it or didn’t want the responsibility more than I have seen or heard of women leaving their husbands.

Not that it is right, but I could somewhat grasp the idea of a woman becoming tired and bored with finding herself alone all the time and having to cope therefore straying, but a man running out on his responsibility because it is “too much” for him. Oh sissy azz sissy. He helped create those responsibility but he ain’t man enough to endure them.

I told my son he is GOING to take care of his son even if I have to do and then turn around and have his wages garnished to get my money back. And he knows I will do it. Let him try me.

By For Real

January 31, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

@NCgirlfromATL Truth: how many men of the blog have taken seriously a woman who made all of the first moves? You didn’t think of her as a smash and grab that just made things easier for you? Actually, that’s how I meet the women that I date. I am not one of those guys that have “pick-up lines” and I don’t go out looking for women. I go out to have a good time but I have been lucky I guess.

Also, for the record. As a single father, I don’t believe MEN should be in the habit of expressing their emotion when you have people depending on you to lead, provide and protect them.

By G

January 31, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this

DuShawn wrote: NCgirl how many men of the blog have taken seriously a woman who made all of the first moves? I’ve always been flattered when a women makes the first move. Especially, if she’s fine. Even if she wasn’t all that, I respected her initiative and was always receptive. To the Ladies: If you see a guy you like at a club/bar (ask the waitress what he’s drinking) and send him a drink. To me, that move gets immediate cool points.

I had to quote it just in case someone missed it, or affraid to try it. Its not just me, but all the fellas in my crew would agree.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

How in the heck did simply get typed as seemly? LOL

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

The only time you may see a dude cry is when one of his parent(s), sibling(s), or child(ren) is extremely ill or passes away.

By Tater

January 31, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

Foots Can men ever try to lighten the burden on each other to help make things a little easier for all of you and give yourselves more freedom to express yourselves without fear of that kind of backlash from other men?

This is why “I” insulate myself with people outside of my circle. If you’re one of the handful of men and women that I can discuss anything with, I can express myself freely. I am there for them when they need to discuss stuff as well. I believe its all about relationships, both men and women, when you can openly discuss things without fear of one of your circle talking to others about your situation(s). For me, there is nothing like having people you can talk to about anything!

By C tha 1

January 31, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

You can add real close friend, SO, and spouse to the list too.

By Tater

January 31, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

This is why “I” insulate myself with people outside of my circle. Typo.. Inside not outside.. Dang phones..

By aggressively witty

January 31, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

This expressing ones emotions in terms of MEN is a rather interesting subject for me because as I have grown older i have become more willing to readily express how stuff makes me feel. Lets be clear this is only in the male female relationship dynamic. I do think that much of my ability/willingness in doing this is because i was raised by just my mom with the other person in the house during my formative years being my sister. Part of emoting is allowing yourself the opportunity to cry. Not a whimper, not a single tear like the pollution indian but an outright BAWL. For me this has happened three times since I have been “grown” and only 1 of those times was when someone passed. Actually the thing that really awakened me to my “emotion” and understanding it was when I had a cry that caught me TOTALLY off guard. I watched Antoine Fisher and when dude got reunited with his dad n nem it hit me like a ton of bricks because of my lack of a relationship with my dad. Now granted I was all by myself and if anyone had come in I woulda been like “damn its dusty in here my allergies are acting up”

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Heck, I almost bawled at my own wedding…but that was because my father-in-law divorced my mother-in-law just before the wedding and left me holding the bag for the wedding costs (took me 2 1/2 years to pay that sucker off, had to even rent my brother-in-law’s tuxedo).

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Last but not least Track #4:

Count On Me – By Whitney Houston and Cece Winans

Theres a place inside of all of us

Where our faith in love begins

You should reach to find the truth in love

The answers there within, oh

I know that life can make you feel

Its much harder than it really is

But well get through it

Just dont give in

(Everybody needs somebody. No man is an island)

By Foots

January 31, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Good for you Tater. We all need that outlet.

Just thinking about it, to hear the men say that they have to be “on it” all the time, even in the serenity of their own home with their woman, does make me feel like you guys have it pretty tough. I can’t imagine having to wear a facade of strength ALL THE TIME, not being able to show emotion except when there has been a death. Y’all are basically saying that even in your primary love relationship, you can’t show a vulnerability or an emotion without thinking that your chosen woman will judge and think that you’re soft and that you’re not handling business!! That’s jacked up. Yeah, y’all do have it rough.

By NCgirlfromATL

January 31, 2007 4:08 PM | Link to this

DuShawn/G/Timely/all the otha bruthas nodding their heads in agreement

Aight den! lol! Thanks for the honest answer.

By abc

January 31, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

I gotta say, I never show much emotion, except around SO. Even then I keep a lid on it for the most part. My kids and parents are all living, but I’m sure their loss will rock me, I mean, who’s invulnerable to that; I had to put down my last dog and when I watched her take that last breath I broke down, it was a lot worse than I thought it’d be. But other than stuff like that, I’m not much on discussions of relationships or much of anything else on an emotional level, except with SO, and even then I’m the calm and rational one.

By For Real

January 31, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Foots that’s why you hear stories of men going crazy because we hold our emotions for so looong that when that wall breaks, all hell is let loose. Every single thing that has hurt us in our lives will be released and there is no way for us to stop it. Hey go check out this movie called Edmond its stars William Macy. It’s about a man who let go of his emotions.

By MusingLee

January 31, 2007 4:14 PM | Link to this

Now kicking over Raqi’s 1982 cassette player that’s playing an old Whitney cassette tape while squeaking, and sitting down my iPod with docking station bumping Omarion…….

“Dah, da, da,da,da, da, da, da….Ennnntorage”

Doing a soul spin as I open Musings Love Shack for the evening

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

Thank you aggwit. If those ducts weren’t meant to flow tears then they would not be there.

I have seen my oldest son cry like a sissy azz sissy when he couldn’t get his son to stop crying and go to sleep. LOL

He also cried last month when he was passing a kidney stone. I wanted to cry with him then. I have heard that that is one of the worst pains a man could experience.

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

@ Foots “You just described my mom and grandmother, no time to shed tears because the family is on your back and you’re responsible for everyone.” I was thinking about the twist you put on SeanJ’s statement. That’s a great testament to your foremothers. However, I’m sure that’s not a position they chose, but one that was thrust upon them. Therein lies the basic difference in matriarchal and patriarchal roles. I raise my daughters to love themselves, educate themselves, be self sufficient and that they could only truly depend on two men; God and me. I try to instill in my son similar lessons, but I will emphasize the importance of providing for and protecting his family. That’s manhood. My son will learn to provide for his family. My daughters will learn to provide for themselves. If my girls are thrust in the postition of your foremothers, they will know how to handle it, but I hope they don’t have to. My son doesn’t have a choice. He has to be the man.

By Jake

January 31, 2007 4:25 PM | Link to this

Foots I see where you are coming from, but this why it can’t happen.

We are not wired to let that happen. The thought that you are having is not the natural thought process of a man. So the is “NO” you can’t just make it acceptable.

You can’t be what you ain’t….Yep I said ain’t on purpose.

Ebonics:the real definition-A form of speech popularized by African Americans which is derived from the sounds of their native languages, more Broken African, than broken English.

By Raqi

January 31, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Musing those were the days when music made sense.

I would have listed some instrumental titles, but very few would have been able to relate.

When I get home I’m going to listen to some old Chaka Khan vinyls while I make dinner. LOL Nothing like a smooth sound to sooth my mind.

And on that note I am out. Have a good evening everyone.

Music playing in background: (New music with an old feel)

You’ve got this look i can’t describe,

You make me feel like I’m alive,

When everything else is au fait,

Without a doubt you’re on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can’t find the words to write this song,

Oh…Your love,……….. (softly fading)

By sammy miller

January 31, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Sammy Miller got a question? Is it looks or personality that a woman likes better?

By Mo

January 31, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

DuShawn I WISH that my soon-to-be-ex so could have read your last post. I have always said that there is a difference in how parents raise their sons and daughters in terms of roles later in life. My son will learn to provide for his family. My daughters will learn to provide for themselves. My father instilled in me the same qualities, he taught me to fend for myself should I have to and right now I am having to. Everyone may not agree with my first statement but being a daughter raised w/my brother I can definitely attest to the differences with us.

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Night night erry’body..be safe

By Miss QC

January 31, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Night night erry’body..be safe

By Teddy

January 31, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

“emphasize the importance of providing for and protecting his family. That’s manhood.”

I dont have any kids/family yet but I like that statement.

By Foots

January 31, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

DuShawn Your children will be very blessed in their ability to be independent. It is true that the man is the covering for his family, the one to take final responsibility. But as God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helpmeet for him.” It is really important that men remember that they do NOT have to bear their burdens alone, that a helpmeet has been provided for him.

By MusingLee

January 31, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

Unlocking side storage door and installing sign that reads

Center for Men Who Cry

Inside awaits an assortment of powertools, muscle car photos, and a neked stripper named KandyKane

By abc

January 31, 2007 4:37 PM | Link to this

Musing and crying men’s center… kinda like MLB rehab, huh… hahaha

By For Real

January 31, 2007 4:40 PM | Link to this

What it do Kandy Kane bring me a drink over too wit yo fine azz… I like your spot MusingLee The women folk will never catch on evil laugh oh I ment evil crying

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

My father died when I was 7, and my mom was the tough love type, so I cannot remember ever not fending for my self. I joke about crying, but you dayum sure didn’t do cry in the neighborhoods I grew up in. I remember my stepfather beating th eliving hellz out of me, and I was laughing my a$$ off becaue I was taller than he was and that struck me as funny.

When I was in the 7th grade, I got in a fight (one of many) in the locker room at school. We had a principal who had just gotten out of the Army and wanted to prove he was tougher than the country boys at the school and made it his mission in life to ‘paddle’ (big sucker, an inch thick, about 2 1/2 or 3 feet long or longer, with holes in it) every one who came into his office until he cried like a baby. I don’t cry in situations like that, I just get mad as hellz. He had the other guy bawling like a baby before he even hit him. When he came to me, the more he hit me, the madder I got. He just kept on swinging, and I kept on geting madder. he finally gave up about one swing away from me busting him with a telephone. The next day in gym class, someone pointed out that my butt looked like ti had shoe polish all over it. I looked in the mirror and it was solid black all over (and remember, I am the token white guy here). I dayum sure wasn’t going to let that ba$tard cause me to cry…and still wouldn’t.

So to be totally honest, yeah I cry, but dayum sure never when someone will see it.

By MusingLee

January 31, 2007 4:46 PM | Link to this

abc Well, the MLB does provide funds to the Center for Men Who Cry….Over here is something I just purchased last week.

Now escorting abc to the new lawnmower that can do 110mph

I rehabilitated a guy last week on it, and he’s currently in the ICU…It works great.

By diamondsyd

January 31, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

All this talk about men crying and stuff got me thinking. First day posting, shouldn’t say this, but I am not afraid to cry. Been known to happen, however, everyone I know will testify to this, when the @#$! hits the fan, I am the one you want standing next to you. There isn’t anything that I can’t deal with, it might get to me later after it is said and done, but I know that I can rise to the occasion to be there for anyone and everyone that needs me to be their ROCK. I think this has to do with the fact that I will not bottle it all in, therefore it doesn’t boil over when the fire is turned up. Call me a sissy, call me a wimp, whatever, I don’t care. I am secure enough to know what I am made of. Now, it has to be someone special for me to let them see this side of me, but I am not scared to shed a tear.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

January 31, 2007 4:55 PM | Link to this

I cried after my first son was born. My wife was in labor of 2 days, and I was fine during the whole thing, doing the coaching of the breathing exercises etc.,..but when it was over, I went into a chapel there by myself and came unglued.

By Wise Diva

January 31, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

I have to say I applaud the men today, your candor and honesty is much appreciated!

Ladies, thanks for providing your feedback! Hopefully we proved to the men that we aren’t totally oblivious to what they go through!

I hope to see the new commenters back!

Have a good evening everyone

By DuShawn

January 31, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

I wish I could cry. I feel more comfortable giving a speech in front of thousands than being alone with my wife talking about what’s on my heart. I got to try to work on that.

good night.

By Cori

February 1, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

I hate to stereotype, but I’m noticing a trend. Some women (meaning all the ones I usually met) I carry over baggage from previous relationships that they admit were not good relationships, but honestly need that kind of drama in their life to have something to talk about it seems. We men have to get over it quick because reject from a woman is unfortunately a part of life or else we would never approach women or get anywhere in life. I think men and women should let go of the past to enjoy the future.

By online casino

February 4, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this

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