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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > January
January 2007
Not easy being male
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Sometimes single men and women make so many assumptions about each other. We think we have dated just about every type of man or woman out there. Then we let our experiences teach us what we need to know about the opposite sex. Of course, we definitely want to learn from all those dating misadventures, but shouldn’t we draw a line somewhere? How can we navigate the dating scene without stereotyping and assuming things about people we date?
I remember reading about a female journalist who posed as a male for an entire year, then wrote a book about her experiences. She infiltrated the male world to learn what it was like to be a man. When it came to dating, she actually learned a lot about being a man on the dating scene.
It’s men who frequently suffer rejection - and the supposedly emotionally in-tune women are extraordinarily self-absorbed. Ouch, extraordinarily self-absorbed? I wonder if she ran into the “high maintenance” type?
Women are responsible for some of the hostility they encounter while playing the dating game. Now, I have to cop to this one. I certainly lived in Hostile-ville after break-ups before. This is when you have to pull yourself off the market to regroup!
She also sat through a couple of boring dates with women: “I listened to them talk literally for hours about the most minute, mind-numbing details of their personal lives. Listening to them was like undergoing a slow frontal lobotomy”. Ok, I have to admit that one cracked me up! I can soo become The Rambler around guys that make me swoon. Yea, I’m guilty as charged!
Guys, what do you think of the journalist’s realizations about being a man?
Are there other things about your dating life that women don’t realize, but should know?
Do you think women make unfair assumptions about you? Does it bother you? Do you ever call anyone on it?
Ladies, if you could become a guy for a day, what type of guy would you be? Why? If men were to walk a mile in your heels, what female myths would get dispelled?
Do you ever think that men make unfair assumptions about you? How do you handle it?
Permalink | Comments (217) | Categories: Dating
Jerk Magnet
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We all want to make great first impressions but if we aren’t careful, we could end up attracting the person we aren’t really compatible with. Do you ever feel like you are a jerk magnet? Maybe you should explore what kind of bait is on your “dating hook” or maybe you have jerk tendencies of your own which attracts other jerks!
I have always said that you need a sense of humor to date in Atlanta. So as a social dating experiment and for a few laughs I tried a little attraction dating game. Recently, I went out as myself: dressed like I always did, spoke like I usually do, and flirted with the usual suspects. I go for the well-dressed, slightly geeky, clean-cut guys. I had a great time, I was relaxed, and I managed to meet Eric from Kennesaw. We had loads of stuff in common, exchanged numbers, and we agreed to check out the Louvre exhibit together. Well, I agreed, he said he would be willing to go - we both said it couldn’t interfere with sports watching.
Then the time came for my alter ego to mingle. She was really edgy, sarcastic, a bit of a show off, and quite direct with guys (I am nothing like that, really!). I tried to meet a variety of men, as much as I could. I wanted to see how I would be perceived by different types. I think I held guy’s attention for a brief time, but no real interest sparked (which could mean I am a bad actress) with the first couple of gents.
So, I found myself chatting up Roc, who actually knew my friend Allen from undergrad. He seemed to be curious about what I was about, and before long we had that lingering eye contact going. Roc reminded me of an ex-boyfriend, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. He cut me off a lot, loved to argue, and was kind of creepily suggestive at times. He gave me his number and pseudo-invited me to a Superbowl party. He is probably a cool guy, but not likely the type I would romantically hit it off with. He probably would want me to jump through a lot of hoops because women have spoiled him by doing all the pursuing.
So what did I learn about attraction? Sometimes, we welcome the wrong types into our lives. I used to attract a lot of jerks until I realized that I was being a jerk with my “I am woman, hear me roar” routine. Sure, I am fiercly independent and self-sufficient, but always trying to prove that, made me seem like an insecure person. Guys can totally sense that and spot it at a mile away. NO suprise that they would stop calling when they tired of it.
So many singles in Atlanta put their energy into posing, playing games, and pretending to be someone they aren’t (um, which I am guilty of now!). Reality dating means you stop trying too hard, work on being yourself, and just hope for the best. In the words of the profound Popeye, “I am what I am”
Have you been attracting the wrong types? Do you think that you attract what you are?
How can single people fine tune our “dating bait” to improve compatibility of potential dates?
Is it really that hard being yourself or are we just afraid of being rejected being our regular selves?
How do you stand out on the dating scene without all the posing and jerk behavior?
Permalink | Comments (151) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Before I Get Married
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There has been a lot of buzz about the recent statistics on women not living with spouses. Last week, Laney asked if matrimony was still on your list of things to do. Today, let’s discuss what’s on your list of things you want to do before matrimony.
There could be any number of reasons why single people are not married yet. I have often heard men rattle off a list of things they really want to do before settling down - from buying a house, to earning more money. Some men have a preconceived idea about what a husband should have in order to be a good provider. It seems that women also have just as many, if not more, goals they want to accomplish too. They think that a married woman’s life is not her own, and the challenge in juggling all the responsibilities would mean a lot of sacrifices. Before they take that on, they want to live it up, travel, and perhaps do something outrageous.
Do you think it is important to do certain things before you marry?
Have you dated someone who told you they were putting marriage off until they accomplished something?
Do you have things you want to do before you get married?
Why do you think it is something you can’t do after marriage?
Permalink | Comments (271) | Categories: Marriage
Dream dates
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s been a long week, and a busy one. On top of that, we’ve tackled a lot of serious topics here.
So I thought this would be a good opportunity to focus on something a little bit more fun.
Today’s question to all of you: What is the absolute best date you’ve ever been on?
I want stories here, people. Spill!
For me..hmm. I think I’m going to have to choose a date very early on in my relationship with one of my exes, the one I refer to as Mr. Big. I knew I was in for something special when he told me to come dressed casually, but bring something nice along as well. I came to his house, and he had pink roses for me, with a card that said “I know you love pink.” We went for a drive around the city where he lived (not where I lived) and he showed me some of his favorite places. We headed back to his place, changed, and went to a lovely neighborhood restaurant. Conversation was fabulous. And then, we capped the evening with a killer, very snark-filled, playful game of Scrabble. It may sound dorky, but it was perfect for us.
What made it special for me? The traditional romantic touches (roses, getting dressed up, dinner) plus the very “us” touches (Scrabble!) The different activities, mixing it up. There’s a reason that the stupid, cheesy shows like “Blind Date” send their folks to two or three wildly different activities - it lets you get to know sides of the other person. Lots to talk about. Lots and lots of chemistry.
When it comes to choosing your best date, this can be answered in a lot of ways, I realized. So you can tell me as well: What makes a date memorable to you? Is it the setting? The person?
What would be your perfect date in the future, if you could go anywhere, do anything, with anyone?
Permalink | Comments (237) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Green-eyed monster
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The other night, I went to a really great movie at a film festival. Called “Ira & Abby,” it was a sweet, funny little romantic comedy that I hope eventually makes it to the mainstream movie theaters in Atlanta so y’all can all go see it.
One of the main themes in the movie is something we talked about earlier this week — has marriage lost its relevance and importance? But another big theme is even juicier: Jealousy.
In the film, Ira is constantly obsessed with the fact that his personable, quirky significant other manages to charm the pants off everyone she meets — including an armed robber! — and that, as he points out again and again, “she has SUCH a way with people.” He becomes jealous of her exes, with whom she still has a friendly relationship, and eventually, jealous of every man he sees her with.
I’ll admit it — I used to be a jealous girlfriend. Mostly when I was young, and insecure. But I found the perfect cure, at least for me: I was in a long(ish)-term, completely nonexclusive relationship, where we were completely open with each other about dating other people and even talked about our other dates. There is literally no way to live with that situation if you have even an ounce of jealous blood in your body, so I learned my limits right quick.
I consider myself pretty well cured. I even let my last boyfriend go to a wedding with his ex without raising a peep. But I suppose it’s hard to know for sure if some other guy could stir up my jealous instincts again.
Do you consider yourself a jealous person in relationships? If so, have you worked to try to change it?
What things trigger your jealousy?
Have you ever dated someone jealous? What horror stories do you have?
Permalink | Comments (166) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
How to marry a prince (apparently)
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One of the perks of working at a newspaper tends to be all the free books that we get. It’s nothing like the free gourmet meals served at the Google cafeteria, but hey, I’ll take whatever giveaways I can get.
Last week, some kind soul who knows that I’m always looking for dating-related ideas dropped off one of these giveaway books on my desk. It’s called “How to get a Rich Man — The Princess Principles.”
Nope, I’m not kidding. And it only goes downhill from the title. Some of the oh-so-helpful tips include:
“Always plan your vacation where rich men hang out. What better place to meet guys than in a casual environment where they are only concentrating on having fun?” The author mentions the following “ideal locations” — Palm Beach, the Hamptons, Beverly Hills, San Francisco, Chicago, Manhattan, Houston, Dallas, Boston, Scottsdale and Seattle.
Attend yacht auctions, art and antique sales, polo matches and charity fundraisers. These are a good place, the author says, to find rich men with “domestic interests” who you can take home.
Spot a genuinely rich guy by paying attention to his credit cards, shoes, watch, sunglasses and jeans.
And my favorite… “Being a successful woman can actually be detrimental to some men. Men love feminine women. When you are together, you must remember to bring out all the feminine qualities that you may normally hold back. Things to do that will help you remember that you are feminine: Always try to wear a dress that is pretty and looks good. It could even be a pastel color or have some frills. Wear a light perfume or baby powder. Add feminine accessories like earrings or jewelry. Practice speaking softly and be sure to smile a lot. Avoid dominating the conversation or being argumentative.”
As I’m sure you’ve gathered, I find all this to be utter nonsense. What happened to, uh, just being yourself? And dating someone because you (gasp) like him? But I know there are women out there who do follow these type of tips.
What makes women want to date a rich man? Is it just because of the material comforts that come with it, or is there more to it than that? (Status, power, etc?)
Would you change your personality, behavior, habits or the events you attend just to meet a certain kind of mate? Do you know others who do this?
Ladies, if you do want to find a rich man, is this how you’d go about it?
Men, do you ever find that women are more interested in your money than your personality?
Do men ever seek rich women in this way?
Permalink | Comments (184) | Categories: Relationships
One and done
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Another entry from the “I’ll never understand men” files…
If you did a survey of women in their 20s (and, I suspect, beyond), I’d be willing to guarantee that a great majority of them would have more or less this exact same experience: Girl meets boy. Girl dates boy for a while. Not too long. Somewhere, say, in the “couple of weeks” to “couple of months” region. Girl sleeps with boy. Once, maybe twice if she’s lucky. But probably just once. Girl never hears from boy again. Or, if she’s lucky, gets the “I just don’t think this is working out” talk.
Truly, I find this baffling. I know the conventional wisdom on this matter, as handed out by mothers throughout the ages: The boy has gotten what he wants, and so now he’s ready to move on.
But, to me, this makes no sense. Now that he’s figured out he can get laid, why not stick around and get more of this action?
Maybe in a handful of these cases, the sex just wasn’t so great. But most likely, that wasn’t the problem.
So what gives?
Men, let’s be honest here. Have you ever done this? What was your thought process? Why sleep with a girl once and then move on? Is it true — did you “get what you wanted”? And why not stick around for more?
Women, be honest as well … have you had this experience? Would you rather have slept with a guy once, or not at all if it’s not going to last?
How can women spot men who are planning to be “one and done”?
Permalink | Comments (239) | Categories: Dating
Is matrimony madness?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A study published last week in The New York Times had some pretty interesting news for those of us braving the dating scene with marriage in mind.
It appears that for the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one — 51 percent. For black women, the number is even higher — 70 percent of black women don’t live with a spouse. Hispanic women are right at the 51 percent national average mark.
The article goes on to speculate that many women, especially younger women, are more independent than their mothers, grandmothers, and other women in generations before them and are less set on the idea of finding a husband to “make their life complete.”
Women out there, do you think this is true? Is finding a husband still a priority for you, or do you date for other reasons? If so, what are the reasons? Company? Learning about yourself through experiences? Getting someone to pick up the check? Sex?
Men — do you find that most women you date are marriage-minded? Does the stereotype still hold true that women want to get married and men want nothing less?
As you have gotten older, has marriage become more or less important to you as a goal?
How do you adjust your dating style if you are looking for a spouse?
Permalink | Comments (269) | Categories: Marriage
Oh, Grow Up!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I am haunted by a movie that wasn’t even a horror film. In fact, at first glance, the movie actually appeared to be a total chick flick. You know, the ones with the traditional romantic format: boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. Well, actually The Last Kiss slightly follows this formula, but that movie is no chick flick! It is, however honest (brutally) about the harsh realities of love and the myth of perfect relationships.
The film explores many types of love relationships: young love, long-lasting love, betrayed love, fed-up love, lost love. A guy questions if he is really ready to be with his woman forever - she would be the last person he kissed, touched, had a fling with. I think I would have similar inner panic about settling down, which kind of spooked me a little. It seems as if there would be so many adjustments merging two lives together. How does one cope with that uncertainty?
Is it normal to have “cold feet” emotions and anxiety about the responsibility that comes with love, marriage, or long-lasting commitment?
If you are fighting tooth and nail not to grow up and settle down to the coupled life, does this mean you are in a perpetual state of adolescence?
Do you think single people are prolonging the single life because we aren’t adult enough to handle the responsibilities of being accountable to someone else?
If you are married, how did you cope with the doubts, cold feet, and anxiety before you tied the knot, committed, or moved in with your significant other?
Permalink | Comments (282) | Categories: Marriage
Dating Someone Shady?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Most of us have experienced the push and pull of dating. Two people meet, they start to explore things, and before long, the majority of your free time is spent together. Then one of you gets spooked and starts to pull away. Or maybe they decide they have a stronger connection with someone else.
Sometimes, single people like to keep their options open as much as possible. If there isn’t a serious relationship, then many feel it’s open season. That is when the ever so lovely shady behavior rears its head. How can you tell if someone you are dating is shady? Since I have both pushed and pulled guys around (and vice versa) let me share a few signs!
Inconsistent behavior. Sweet consistency, that is what the ladies love. When guys are reliable, consistent, and upfront about things, especially in the beginning he pretty much gets taken seriously a lot faster. If a guy has a string of inconsistent behavior, women tend to question the reason behind it. Blame it on our intuition or call it paranoia, but a lot of the times, we have good reason to be worried. Ladies, also pull the “evasive” behavior when they are weighing their options with other guys. So guys, if your girl becomes vague, dodges questions that she usually had no problems answering before, then it’s possible she is being shady for a reason.
When will I see you again? Suddenly not available on the weekends, can often signal the prime time date hours are being spent with someone else. New interests usually require weekend committment, so you may want to question how many weekend nights are actually spent with the fellas or the girls.
My name is not Susan! Constantly bringing up names of other people they are dating. It’s tacky, childish, and quite unnecessary. If someone tries to play mind games like this, they probably aren’t the best candidate for a honest, meaningful relationship. If your guy or girl is pulling this stunt, run for the hills and tell them to grow up.
How do you handle the push and pull in dating? Does it seem as if single people are apprehensive about putting all their eggs in one basket, so to speak?
What do you think constitutes as shady dating behavior? How do you handle it when this happens?
Do you think single people act shady because they have lost interest or is it perhaps par for the course in dating?
Permalink | Comments (337) | Categories: Dating
Judging by the wrong cover
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s not right, but apparently it’s common practice. Now, it’s the latest dating game: The “Is he gay, straight, or taken” game, that is. According to the good folks at Lifetime Television for Women, it’s the dating game women already play.
The premise of the show is that three guys challenge the female contestant to “read” their behavior to determine their status. Through a series of questions and conversations, the woman is to pick a guy who she feels is straight and available. If she chooses correctly, she wins a trip for her and the guy, if she is wrong, the gay or taken guy wins the trip instead.
The premise of the show may or may not have any deep social message, but it’s interesting to see how the show considers the so-called mystery of single men’s behavior and/or image. It seems to me that stereotypes come into play about men and masculinity here.
Is this a dilemma that single women really face in dating?
Guys, have you noticed women deciphering your behavior, image, or mannerisms to determine your eligibility status?
Do you face challenges as single men when it comes to perception? Do you ever worry if your image is perceived differently than what you want to project?
Ladies, is it true that we try to determine a guy’s status in this way? Do you outright ask a guy if he is gay, straight, or taken? Do you think men use similar techniques to find out if you are gay, single, or taken?
Isn’t it slightly mean and unfair to stereotype dates and scrutinize everything about them so harshly? All of us are unique individuals that don’t always fit into neat little boxes. I wonder what men judge about me when they first meet me?
How do you think you are perceived on the dating scene? Is image really everything?
Permalink | Comments (332) | Categories: Pop Culture
Oh, The Possibilities
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The early stages of dating someone new are filled with potential. The excitement, anticipation, and intensity of admiration can be downright intoxicating. I always enjoy that part of dating because it represents the time when you are happy about the possibilities. While you can hope that things will continue on the road to commitment, sometimes couples slowly start to discover things about each other that completely destroy their compatibility.
How long into a relationship does it take you to discover that someone is not right for you?
How can we learn to tell the difference between a few red flags and the promising signs when dating someone new?
Women seem to hang on longer, even when they aren’t really pleased with how things are going. We overlook the red flags and focus on the promising signs because we are so hopeful. How long will men date someone before he realizes she is possibly The One or NOT The One?
Are single women becoming more realistic when it comes to dating someone with limited potential? Are we choosing to bail on relationships when they don’t hold the best possibilties?
Permalink | Comments (332) | Categories: Dating
Let the games begin
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I know many of you out there are big sports fans. (And may I take this opportunity for a shameless mention of the No. 1 men’s basketball team in the country, my very own Tar Heels?)
Well, what happens when the competitive games enter into your relationship setting?
I had a longstanding rivalry with one of my exes over… well, just about everything. I’d score points for having a better undergraduate GPA than he did. He’d come back and remind me that he’d done better on his SATs. I’d sweetly point out his bad grammar, and he wouldn’t let me off the hook easily when I was unable to accurately calculate a 15 percent tip. And forget it when our schools played in basketball; the trash-talking was legion. It was all in good fun, really, and allowed us to keep a nice parity. The only problem, for me, was that I never could beat him in Scrabble.
It seems to me that most people like to feel a competitive edge over their partners in at least some arena. Hey, a little friendly rivalry keeps the relationship fresh, right?
But when it becomes a problem is when someone becomes a “sore loser.” My high school boyfriend always needed to prove to me that he was smarter than me and, to that end, never could stop reminding me that he went to a “better” university than I did (a debatable point if you ask me, but I digress.) At that point, the competition stopped being fun and turned into mean-spirited.
Do you have any competitions with your significant other? What are they? How do you think they matter to your relationship?
Do you ever feel like your partner’s competitive nature is a problem?
Can anyone ever “win” in a relationship competition?
Permalink | Comments (146) | Categories: Dating
When it rains, it pours…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Lately, I’ve been a slightly fickle girl, crushing left and right, depending on what opportunities come in front of me. Most of it has been ups and downs with the same (small) handful of gentlemen, guys I’ve known for a while and have been maintaining an interest in, with intensity varying depending on how well they’re behaving and what my mood is at the current moment.
The problem: When more than one of them behaves adorably at once. Then what do I do?
I have always been a one-guy kind of gal.
But if you haven’t gotten to the point when it’s time to commit officially, you might as well keep your eyes open, right?
Well, sure…if you have the energy for it. Sometimes, I don’t know that I do.
Is it possible to genuinely have feelings for two (or more) people at once? Can you ever have “equal” feelings for more than one person, or do you always deep-down prefer just one?
At what point do you have to say “Only one for me”, and when is it okay to continue pursuing interest in multiple people?
When words go bad
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Recently, a list was released of the words that should be banned for 2007.
The list does include some that have to do with relationships. Both are the cutesy kind that make you want to attack anyone in a relationship who might use them. There’s “We’re pregnant,” which, as my witty and brilliant friend Jordan says, makes him want to want to forcibly hand out birth control to anyone who utters it or might ever utter it. And there’s the portmanteau combined-name relationships — you know, like Bennifer, Brangelina, etc.
Please, tell me none of you ever refer to yourselves that way!
Anyway, it got me thinking about what phrases I think should be banned in and around relationships. My No. 1 offender, for sure: “I only…” There should be no “only” when it comes to relationships — “I only date black women,” “I only date men with college degrees,” “I only want someone who makes more money than me.” Leave yourself open to possibilities — the exception to the rule may surprise you. It usually does for me.
Others: “You complete me.” Gag. You should be a complete person by yourself before attempting to be in a relationship, thank you very much Jerry Maguire. Perhaps “You complement me”…may not have the same ring to it, but it’s a lot healthier.
“If you really loved me, you’d…” This one needs no explanation, clearly. Love is not a test.
“The wife” or “the husband” or “the boyfriend.” As in “Yes, I’d like to go, but the wife doesn’t want to.” Not an object. Come on now.
“I hate all men” or “I hate all women.” I’m super guilty of this one myself. But I realized how bad it made me feel when I heard my ex — after a different relationship went bad — say “All women are evil.” Really? Just that one was, right?
What other words and phrases would you ban? Why? How can we create a healthier language of relationships?
What things does your significant other say that you never want to hear again?
Permalink | Comments (215) | Categories: Mix & Mingle
What might have been
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was having kind of a cute conversation with one of my friends the other day about what would have happened if we had ended up marrying the first guy we had ever dated. Consensus: disaster.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore my first boyfriend. I still have major respect for him. We dated for a longggg time (high school into college), and he was — is — a great guy. That being said, I would be miserable if I was still with him. He was very serious all the time. And I would have been serious all the time if I had stayed with him and never gotten to explore my lighter, more fun side.
I had a similar thought process over the weekend when I had dinner with my most recent serious ex, Starving Artist, and his family. I really hit it off well with his mom, and she basically let me know that she would love to spend more time with me and that she was sorry things hadn’t worked out between me and her son.
While I am at peace with the way things went, it definitely got me thinking about what might have been. How would it have been had I met her in different circumstances? Or…gasp…had she ended up being my mother-in-law a while down the road?
So my challenge to y’all today: How would your lives be different had a relationship turned out differently? What if you had stayed with/married your first love? What if “the one who got away” hadn’t gotten away? Where do you think you would be?
Or what if a relationship that DID work out for you hadn’t?
Permalink | Comments (161) | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Oh, we’re just flirting
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Hi, my name is Laney, and I’m a flirt.
Confession is good for the soul, right?
It didn’t used to be that way. But I’ve refined my tricks over the years, and I can’t help but use them sometimes. I love the feeling of smiling at a guy and having him smile back. Exchanging that typical semi-witty banter that falls into a fun pattern. Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, the flirting game can be enjoyable in itself.
Sometimes, I can’t even help it. I sent an email to a coworker the other day innocently (or so I thought) commenting that I thought he had good taste in music. This precipitated more than 20 (!) immediately and evidently flirtatious emails in return. And I don’t even know the guy! When I was telling my friends about this state of affairs, one of my male compatriots was like “Oh, please, complimenting a guy’s taste in music — of COURSE he thinks you’re flirting with him!”
Well, um, oops, in that case!
Do you enjoy flirting, or do you just view it as an unfortunate means to an end (dating or a relationship)? What are your typical flirting tricks? Would anyone ever describe you as a flirt?
What flirting characteristics do you enjoy in a member of the opposite sex?
What does flirting mean to you?
Permalink | Comments (78) | Categories: Dating
Dating on a dime
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So you survived the holidays, the parties, the gift-giving, and the road trips. Now your funds may not look so great these days. Does this mean you can’t afford to date, go out to meet new people, or do a little extreme flirting? Absolutely not. There are plenty of ways to mix and mingle, and date inexpensively; you just need a little creativity and a lot of research.
So let’s help each other out! What do single people on a budget do for fun?
What do couples who are trying to be thrifty do without breaking the bank (or bed!) in the city or the suburbs?
What are the cheap, yet charming places to hang out, grab a meal, or latte?
What “frugal” activities can two people do together that has maximum “getting to know you” potential?
If you had a $40 budget to spend on a date, what amazing date ideas do you think you could come up with?
What is the most fun you had on a date that was inexpensive?
Guys, what kind of fun activities can ladies impress you with? (Ok, aside from the horizontal tango Mr. Naughty)
Ladies, are you due to treat a guy to a nice evening? Maybe someone special has shown you a great couple of dates? Cooking goes a long way with guys, what kind of romantic night can you pull off for $40?
Guys, give us ideas on what special foods score big with you. Keep in mind, all women can’t be Emeril or Martha Stewart, (or your mother) so what are simple and sexy foods that you would really enjoy?
Here are a few resourceful links to get you out on the dating scene:
AJC’s Access Atlanta. I enjoyed the recreation page.
Citysearch: Atlanta-Dating on a budget
Atlanta Buzz: Events, Social Scene, and Parties
Happy Friday everyone and a warm welcome to our new readers and commenters!
Permalink | Comments (136) | Categories: Dating
Man-Woman Thing
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
You know there is that endless debate about whether or not women and men can truly be friends. In one of the more memorable scenes from the classic film When Harry Met Sally, Harry makes a strong argument: “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.”
Now I have a couple of wonderful male friends that I simply adore. I share personal information with them like I would my girls (well, I do try to spare them the gory female stuff). Our friendship, understandably, differs from my friendships with my sister-friends. Then again, each sister-friend bond I have has its own unique dynamics too. They aren’t identical, so I suppose the same is to be expected with my male friends.
I remember when Oprah Winfrey made a statement in an interview last year in response to rumors about her bond with her best friend Gayle:
“I understand why people think we’re gay. There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it — how can you be this close without it being sexual? How else can you explain a level of intimacy where someone always loves you, always respects you, admires you?”
So let’s have an informal, impromptu, unscientific poll about the issue. Do you think women and men can be friends?
Is it possible to be extremely close to someone of the opposite sex who “always loves you, respects, you and admires you” with no physical intimacy?
If you have a tight bond with someone of the opposite sex, have you ever addressed any attraction towards each other?
Permalink | Comments (195) | Categories: Relationships
Flunked the Road Test
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
If you ever want to find out about your date’s “total” personality, you should book a day trip or weekend getaway. For some reason, being on a trip with someone can sometimes bring out the hidden, crazy hang-ups that are lurking beneath the shiny surface of your date.
Two of my friends recently experienced this very thing, which makes me wonder how common it is. Have you ever dated someone who you thought was sweet, fun, and laidback but discovered otherwise when you traveled with them?
My friend Jay spent the Thanksgiving holiday on a romantic getaway with someone he had been dating a few weeks. As Jay recounted the misadventures of his road trip with Alison, he seemed genuinely stunned that the seemingly sweet girl behaved like a “spoiled princess from hell”. She constantly complained about the music he listened to, whined about the hotel room, and was very “distracted by text-messages”. Maybe it’s for the best that he saw this side of her early on. They haven’t spent much time together since that trip, and Jay said their recent conversations are “slightly awkward”.
Yesterday, my friend Kyra vented to me about her Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde guy. It seems as if a whole new side to her boyfriend emerged on their Vegas trip during New Years Eve. Kyra has been with Paul for a year, so she truly was floored when she saw the “strange” side of her man. Paul met up with some friends while they were in Las Vegas, then apparently morphed into a misogynist brute. Aside from being obnoxious around his “creepy friends with zero social skills”, her guy made numerous disparaging remarks about women, and was stand-offish to her. She said he was with his boys, and perhaps he was caving to “peer pressure”. Now she is concerned about that whole “birds of a feather, flock together” thing. Again, this is a “new” side she doesn’t think she would have seen if it weren’t for the Vegas trip. How different do guys behave when they are around their friends compared to when they are around their lady?
How would you have handled either of these situations? Do you have any advice for my dear friends whose dates flunked the road trip test? Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you handle it?
Did anyone endure a road test over the holidays? How did the two of you get along – bumpy ride or smooth sailing?
When do you feel comfortable traveling with someone you are dating?
How “real” are you when you are initially exploring a relationship with someone? Ladies, how long do you try to keep up the “always cute, flaw-free” facade? You know, that whole denial of having human body functions: you don’t sweat, burp, have bad breath, etc., and you always have good hair days (when he’s around!)
Guys, how long do you pretend to have a spotless crib before the truth comes out? When do you drop the Tool Time Tim act with your girl and admit that you really have a plumber, mechanic, and electrician on speed dial? Go ahead and fess up to having your mom cook for you half the time. Let’s all keep it real today!
Permalink | Comments (135) | Categories: Relationships
Reality Check, Please!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The dating game seems to be the only game that has no rules. The minute you try to establish rules, something usually changes. The next thing you know you are outside a guy or girl’s window, holding a radio over your head blasting a sappy love song. (I loved the 80s!)
There is one thing that single people seem to constantly get hung up on: dating expectations. Almost every one of us has had dating disappointments, some of which are self-imposed because of our expectations.
I will admit mine. I expect my dates to have a plan. Nothing irks me more than getting all excited to go out on a date, only to find out that the guy has ZERO plans. Now, I am all for hanging out, being informal, and just “kickin it” with guys. However, if you are asking for prime real estate of my time (weekends), and you express a desire to go on a date, you need a plan. I don’t care if you have planned NOTHING, don’t let me know you planned nothing. Be spontaneous, that’s great, but if we are sitting in front of my building for 10 minutes lobbing out random activities, you just secured your spot on Diva’s DNA call list (do not answer).
My friend Allen thinks that most women’s dating expectations are based on our personal desires (well, duh). He advised me to relax on my dating expectations and not be such a stickler for having guys “file their date plan” with me. I suppose I always thought that a guy that made no effort to plan out a date reflected how he perceived my date worthiness. Am I offbase?
Allen also said that women try to hard too adhere to all these dating expectations because we have some fantasy about how a dating relationship should progress. We argued whether this was a good or bad thing. I conceded that sometimes us girls can suck the fun out of dating when we do this. Honestly? The thing about that “let’s see what happens” approach - ladies don’t always enjoy it. Sure, we will nod our heads, smile, and pretend to be cool with it, but the reality is, it’s not a great place to be in when you want more – which brings us back to dating expectations.
So let’s shed a little light on our dating expectations.
Are they realistic? Are they silly? Perhaps some are unfair and childish?
Do you think our sense of expectations needs tweaking a bit?
How do we know when we are expecting too much?
Are you too critical of your dates? How do we get a reality check on our dating expectations?
Permalink | Comments (132) | Categories: Dating
