AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > February > 26 > Entry
It’s the little things
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A couple of guys I have dated admitted that they checked me out way before I even realized it. A few tell me they have noticed how I carry myself in public, the type of foods I eat, my exercise habits, the type of drinks I order, and even my movie and book selections. Even when a guy inquires about what is in my ipod, he is checking me out!
I tease my buddy Panama all the time about noticing the most random things about women. He will observe a particular quirky trait and deduct all sorts of things about her. He insisted that he knows the type of woman that would mesh well with him. He doesn’t think he could be with a girl that doesn’t smile easily, share his love of real hip-hop music, or would take issue with his many female friends. I told him he is dangerously close to becoming Seinfeld - ruling women out over ridiculously small things - but to him these little things matter a lot because it all relates to compatibility.
So ladies, men pay attention to more than we think they do. They may not have rigid checklists like some women are notorious for, but they definitely want someone that complements them too. They really notice a woman’s community involvement, interest in the world around her, and a lot of the times the nature of her work.
What can you really tell about a person from the little things?
I think men and women both are attracted to people who share common things but some single people consider some things the standard requirements to be met first before they dig deeper.
Guys do you think you would rule out a woman based on a few observations?
Ladies, what seemingly small things do you think could actually matter a lot later on?
What shouldn’t matter because it’s not important in terms of a long-term relationship?
How do we avoid sweating the small stuff in dating?
Is it really compatibility we seek or do we want a clone?
Permalink | Comments (268) | Categories: Dating
Comments
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By Krystal
February 26, 2007 8:29 AM | Link to this
Bald guys get a bad wrap, hair is not that important for guys. I would rather have a sweet bald guy then a jerk with a head full of hair!
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this
Good Morning good people…..well, in my lil humble opinion, it all depends on maturity and what you’re seeking….if you’re in your roaring 20’s, then methinks you’re not even too sure as to what you waqnt, because you’re still figuring yourself out, but once you reach, say 30’s, as Jay-Z said, you mature and grow up…so in my grown up years, yeah, the small stuff can get a gal disqualified….like….I’m a guy, why do my nails look better than yours? ….ummm, if you’re over 30 you should have a greater command of the english language, not just the common slang…umm, you don’t have to be fastidiously neat and clean, but if you invite me over, please clean up…but yes, we do look and pay attention to the small stuff, I do, at least.
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 8:55 AM | Link to this
Good Mornig All
I am always intrigued by people, male and female, who have a giant laundry list of things they ‘want/don’t want’ in a potential SO. People have the right to seek whatever they want (by the way, that is the right to SEEK whatever they want, not necessarily GET it…there is a major difference). I think half of the fun is unveiling the other person (literally and figuratively), a layer at a time, with no goals, just curiosity.
In a negative way, I used to notice the giant laundry list that new divorcees have…of everything they REFUSE to have in a new person, when they could be much better served changing themselves. People should spend more time inventorying themselves rather than others, but I guess no one asked my opinion on that.
So, do I check women out, absolutely, but not for ‘redflags’, but for neat little quirks or things I find interesting or intriguing.
By "Longtime Lurker"
February 26, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this
@Wise Lurker and others
I have always sat back and people watched, but I really watch women, esp. ones I am interested in for about 15-30 minutes, before I make a move!
I do this, because I always felt that it is important to see a person in their natural state, before you see their presentation state.
Reason is, it is important to see the little things they do,when they don’t feel that they are being watched, such as how they treat other men that might be trying to holla, how they carry them selves, their body language,etc.
The small details mean a lot with alot of men, esp. men with any type of class!
I would guess in a typical evening, more than 30 percent of people fail to meet a great mate, because of the little things that they “don’t do” or their body language.
I have passed on many females, because of observation.
By QC
February 26, 2007 9:05 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers
Have a great day all
hey 2CPTG how ya been? good 2 read u
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 9:15 AM | Link to this
LL
Great post and very true.
At parties, I do the same thing, watch and observe a lot. It is fascinating how you can watch a lady who seems so confident, so secure, but when she thinks no one is looking, she lowers her guard and you see the insecurity in her eyes and face…then she puts the ‘mask’ back on when other walk up. By the way, this is not necessarily a good or bad thing to me, just an observation. What I tend to look for is attractiveness, coupled with honesty, not a “presentation” as LL has so aptly framed it. As I have said before, to me vulnerability and transparency are turnons…someone else can deal with the “Superwomen”, I don’t have the patience.
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this
Goodmorning Everybody!!
I, too, am an observer. I’m not usually looking for a list of don’ts, but moreso the things I find attractive (like a certain confidence-not to the point of arrogance, chivalry, respect for others-young and old, use of language-or the lack thereof). And yes, men do pay attention (to more than just T & A, more than some women think).
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this
Good Morning.
Things that matter:
Common courtesy
Punctuality
Hygiene
Temperance
By Confused
February 26, 2007 9:20 AM | Link to this
@Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts) Wel said…Great Points….Morning All, QC HOLLA @ me via email…
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 9:25 AM | Link to this
Ladies, what seemingly small things do you think could actually matter a lot later on?
I think that once you get past the initial attraction stage, you have to start looking for things that matter most to you. I’m with RandyT, when I hear the laundry list of things, it cracks me up. Every one of us has some kind of disqualifying trait if someone were to look hard enough, maybe four or five of them. But real compatibility TO ME lies in shared values and similar goals.
If you’re looking for someone who gets their nails done every week, that’s very specific, but you can find that. If you’re looking for someone who takes generally good care of themselves, that’s more vague, but widens your pool greatly.
Now that I’m older, I guess that what I try to do is find out what really matters to me—-big, global things, like does he know God, does he have gainful employment, what does he value, what does he want from life, how is his character, what is his relationship like with him family, does he drink excessively, etc. Even if he doesn’t like my favorite type of music or has different taste in food, if he is a good person in the ways that matter to me, then he gets a shot. He might teach me something or introduce me to something I never would have thought of before. The differences are what make things exciting anyway.
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 9:26 AM | Link to this
Oh and Good morning everybody!! Hope everyone had a great weekend!
By GA.man
February 26, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this
Good Morning all
I guess i do watch but i don’t have a list of things i llok for..i just want to see how she reacts and goes about doing her thang…
you do see the real person when they don’t know you are watching
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this
Yeah what Sexione said. :-)
By Chocolate Peach
February 26, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers,
Interesting topic…. I’m w/Randy. I use to try & dig & unfold all the likes & dislikes but right now I’m in a realtionship where I dont care to find these things out. I’m just unfolding these things as we go & I must say it’s much more pleasing!!!
In my recent days, my main thing W/men were your kids. If you had any & if so what siginificant roles do you play in their life. # 1……..
Then, the cleaness, bad habits like gambling, smoking or drinking, your speech & how well you behave in public.
@LL..I like that “PRESENTATION STATE”
It’s funny cause a guy I dated months back noticed in all of 2 months that I was “DEMANDING” He said he picked that up by the way I kept my house. & I will say I keep it VERY, VERY oragnize. But it amazed me that he noticed cause I never did.
By MochaTreat
February 26, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this
Good morning QC, Randy, Raqi, Sexione, Justme, Kinder, Musing, Demi, Slim, GAman and crew
^5 Raqi @ Sexione I too am an observer!
By MochaTreat
February 26, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this
Goodmorning Foots Glad you could join us today! I hope you are feeling better. Yes, I had a great weekend. Thanks for asking!
By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert
February 26, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
I agree with 2CPTG with age comes change and with change comes more or less intolerance on the small things depending on the person. I know that as I age I have less tolerance for certain behaviors and more tolerance for others than I did say 5 or 6 years ago. I am a big observer of people in general, I don’t judge on what a guy does, we all have habits and quirks, so if he sucks his teeth or bites his nails I am not likely to rule him out, but I always listening to what a guy has to say. If he is 30-45 and still has yet to grasp the English language..problem.
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this
(Blurry Eyed) Foots Morning Girl! Mail call
By MochaTreat
February 26, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this
I have a meeting…I’ll check in later!
By chullato
February 26, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this
Good Morning,
In general, I prefered to see the trees for the forest (or forest for the trees), the overall picture. Everyone potential woman/man is going to have at least one trait, behavior, mannerism, etc. that does not agree with their suitor. When I was in the process of getting to know someone, I expected for them to do things that I would not necessarily care for. As I do things they would not care for. Those small things make us individuals, who have had different experiences. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, if you can live with those things.
However, I do have a few things that I cannot overlook. One is hygeine. There is no reason, ever, that hygeine should be with an issue with an adult, ever. The second is tolerance of others. If you cannnot accept people not like you, where would I possibley stand? The final thing is (a bit superficial), have to have a decent pair of shoes. I blame this one on my grandmother. I remember being five years old scrubbing my shoelaces, because I could not go outside to play if I had dirty shoelaces!
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this
hey QC…..only way you’re truly going to see someone in their natural state, is to see them at home! LL, I agree, you gotta people watch to catch ‘em off guard, so to speak…..but even with that, you gotta have a keen eye….some folks been practicing their act for so long, they’ve even convinced themselves of their mess……..this chic was proclaiming how religious and spiritual she was and all that….chic didn’t even know what denomination her church was, nor what it meant!
By binford
February 26, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this
Very good topic today Diva
I’ve mentioned before that, in a manner of speaking, I have tested women on a date. While that has a negative connotation, it has a very practical application.
For example: If I am looking for someone who can be a co-pilot in our relationship who goes with the flow, it isn’t a bad idea to see how they react (or what plans pop up) when there is nothing on the itinerary for the evening. To see how they react is priceless. Because ultimately I know if they can’t make plans, or have to have every single thing planned, I know they aren’t for me.
That is just one example; there are many other examples like that that determine compatibility (shout out to the e-harmony guy for compatibility!).
I myself don’t want a clone though I am clear on a lot of my wants/needs, and for sure, what I don’t want. The list is not iron clad, but etched in my mind after years of dating experience.
So women -take note- us men are more observant than you think. Sometimes we play possum just to see what you’ll do (as I’m sure the ladies do to us guys). Men these days pay a lot more attention to detail!
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 9:46 AM | Link to this
2CPTG this chic was proclaiming how religious and spiritual she was and all that….chic didn’t even know what denomination her church was, nor what it meant! Now that is funny!
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
I’ve said it two or three times before on the blog, and I’m saying it again….A Woman with a junky’azz car will get the “walk on by” from me.
Musing walks new chick to her car
Girl: Musing when you gonna call me?
Musing glances into the back seat, the passenger seat, and the back window, and the front window
Musing: Look, I’ll call you….But don’t you eva..Eva, neva, eva, eva,eva, neva, eva, come around here anymore….Now if you come by here, I ain’t calling you.
Girl: K!
By Jake
February 26, 2007 9:53 AM | Link to this
What up Blog:
I can’t say i have a list or anything set in stone, but we need to have some common interests. Usaully discovered early on in the “ritual”. I am truly attracted to women who are unaware of themselves. The ones who are attractive well beyond the surface.
As for ruling them out. If I can hear so over the music, conversation, or whatever, your off the list. I can’t stand a woman who has a big mouth, anybody with a look at me personality is a turn off.
Hey Sexione, how are you today?
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 9:54 AM | Link to this
Hey Mocha and SlimOne. Checking mail now…
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this
Jake
I am truly attracted to women who are unaware of themselves.
Interesting comment and observation. I like that a lot.
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this
Whitebread told me that he watched me for a long time as I went in and out of the bank every week. Even made a point to go every Wednesday because he knew I would be there. He says he noticed my walk first and he paid attention to my stance while waiting in line. Then he watched how I folded my arms, how I used my middle finger to push my hair back behind my ears. He noticed how I always spoke to the person that was already standing in line when I walked up and how I was always very pleasant with the tellers. He even figured out what my favorite color is from what I wore.
He claims that I smiled at him one day and that’s when he decided to make his move. But I don’t remember ever smiling at HIM…I am just generally a courteous person. Looking back now his people (“Raqi”) watching makes it feel like he was stalking me. LOL
By Teddy
February 26, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this
I too and very obsrvant of a woman before I say a word to her. I love it when a woman is sexy when she really aint trying to be.
By chullato
February 26, 2007 10:03 AM | Link to this
Raqi, no question about it. That was stalking. (Now enduring flashbacks from a previously repressed memory)
By QC
February 26, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Hey Mocha
Sexie1 i’ll get that info to you before the end of the day……..
By Tater
February 26, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Morning Everyone! RandyT you are right on when you said: I used to notice the giant laundry list that new divorcees have…of everything they REFUSE to have in a new person, when they could be much better served changing themselves.
The mirror is always your truth teller. It’s recognizing the faults that you have so you can accept faults in others that makes relationships and life a lot easier. Nobody is perfect, we just have to learn acceptance. For those women out there who demand a,b,c,d,e,f,g, in a relationship, I wish you the best of luck but it won’t be me…
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this
Raqi Yep, that’s stalking alright. LOLOLOLOL
Now going to the Smoothie King only on Tuesdays between 10 and 10:08am to see the chick at the bank walk by the teller glass at 10:05am on the dot.
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this
Y’all, I got a lil time to kill today, so I’mma break bread today….
Raqi….not sure how many of the new bloggers recall your situation, but I do….as it pertains to WhiteBread, sometimes “people watching” is another name for stalking ones prey….’cause if I recall correctly, buddy did just that to you!!! stalked you til he figured out your ways and demeanor, then pounced in for the kill…and left evidence to boot….if a guy/girl tells you he/she has been watching you for awhile, ask that fool for how long….
By GA.man
February 26, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this
Anyone that has a list of things or rules will find themselves looking from the outside….i mean i know we all have a short list of normal stuff..most guys and gals can look at this and be OK with it
but some have this mountain of a list and you have to be a prof. athlete to climb them…
i have a female friend with such a list and she wonders why she can’t find someone…we all tell her takes some things off of her list…hellz she is moving toward the almost 40 age group and wants a man without kids..lolol I don’t know
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 10:13 AM | Link to this
Jake I’m fine, sweetie, thanks for asking. How are you today?
This one simple question (How are you?) is a good example of how something so small and simple really does mean a lot. You would be surprised at how many people never think to ask this question, esp. waayyyyy down the road into a relationship.
2CPTG That is funny….ironically, if ole girl was truly religious and spiritual, she wouldn’t have to say it, it would be obvious by her actions and deeds. people are a trip!!
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this
QC thanks gurl!!!
Yes, there is a thin line between watching and stalking lol
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All, I’m with Dr. Kym about the low tolerance for certain behavior. I know this is petty, but i can’t deal with a man shorter than i am. If you are less than 6 ft. you get nothing from me. I met this wonderful guy, but i have a problem with is height, my best girlfriends tell me i have short complex….we’ll they are right. i do. I can’t seem to get pass his height, other than this there’s no problem with him.
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 10:19 AM | Link to this
The little things may be the big things but Im turned off by men who don’t have good credit or credit that can be fixed with little effort, one who’s material possesions are in his mothers name, a man that can’t keep a job and not be responsible one who complains abotu Ssssshhhhyt everytime you talk to him, and has drama….yep turned off….
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this
bold Now you know you’re gonna need a blog vest for that one. lol But seriously, how tall are you? And just for the record, how tall (or short, hehehe) is he?
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this
No doubt Musing and chullato. LOL But I tell you after he got my attention I couldn’t help but notice how scrumptious that man looked…even though I was playing hard to get. He could hang a suit like nobody’s business. And the way he peered over the top of his shades when I caught a glance at him…oh man OH MAN…LOL. (I wonder what my husband’s doing?)
That azz hole was a lion on the prowl.
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this
Im with you sexione, when I start dating a man and everytime I speak to him or encounter him he has issues, drama,or something bad is always happening to him..im turned off, either he has bad karma, ain’t living his life right or his comeback is round…he doesn’t have time to ask me how I’m doing cause hes so stuck in his SHHHYYYTT…ughh..can you say TURNED OFF!!!!
2CPTG baybeh…whats up!!!…muah
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this
Jazzy….is that you, Boo? what’s up Ma? what you know ‘bout that 750 FICO!!!!
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Uhh Ohhh, did bold just pull out the measuring tape? hahahahahaha
Where’s demi?
By Tazzee
February 26, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
Morning folks!
I am also an observer. I watch how a man treats other people, from the waitstaff to his co-workers, etc. I also look at how a man drives - if he’s riding folks bumpers, changing lanes and stuff like that. Then again, I know this one guy that immediately gets in the fast lane and then drives the speed limit or 2-3 miles below.
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
Baybeh its me yep…looks like we both came out to play t’day ya!..I know lots about that score luv..trust it ;-))
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this
B & B
Height is an issue, spoken or unspoken for almost all ‘taller’ woman. I don’t even approach a woman who is taller than me anymore, and not for my sake, but for theirs. I dated a female attorney for awhile that was 5’ 11” (I’m 5’ 9”), nice lady, but I finally voluntarily moved into the FZ. Height was never an issue with me (got dumped by a midget once, now that was an embarassment I have to admit), but height is almost always an issue with women.
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this
2CPTG you are correct. Find out how long. After we finally got together and he told how he had been spying me out, at the time I thought it to be cute and amorous but that fool was a hunter.
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
Tazzee I’ve seen you drive….I believe I was behind you in traffic. Were you the lady driving 40mph while putting on makeup, using the Bluetooth, and eating hot wings last Friday? LOLOLOLOL
I am not kidding I saw a lady eating hot wings and doing all that other ishh last week….She was swerving like a m/f…Licking her fingers and ishh too. Hahahahahaha…dayummm
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this
hey Tazz….yeah Jazzy, I know you know….
By bold&beautiful
February 26, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this
@Sexione - Hey girl, you are so right about that vest. I am 5’6” but i only wear 3 to 4 inch heels and he’s about 5’7”, now you do the math. I invited him to a party that a girlfriend of mine had. One of the guys at the party started teasing me about him. Saying….why is that short dude all up on you? My girlfriend wanted me to take a picture with him, she says go stand by him, i told her i will sit and he can stand. I was so embarrassed…i know that’s bad, but that’s the way i feel.
By Teddy
February 26, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this
@ Tazzee “I know this one guy that immediately gets in the fast lane and then drives the speed limit or 2-3 miles below.”
Hilarious! How have you been?
By For Real
February 26, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this
What up Blog Fam!!! Sexione, Slim, Kinder, Raqi, GA.Man, RandyT, QC
I to notice the small things about women. The eyes, head, shoulders, arms, hands and stance gives me the insight into her true self. Those things never lie and if they are able to control them it will not be for an extended period of time.
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this
@Musing, Yes i did. @Randyt, thanks i really needed to hear that. I was beginning too believe i was a bad person for feeling that away. I asked my bestfriend if she would date a guy shorter than she? She told me yes, if he treated her right. Mind you, her current boyfriend is atleast 6 ft.
By QC
February 26, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this
I just me Brian Jordan of the Atlanta Braves, he’s dressed soooo nice :)
hey Musing, Demi, Raqi, erry’body
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
Hey Tazzee!!!!!!!!!!!
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
B & B, so….riddle me this, why even put yourself in that situation…you knew dude was short prior to even going to the party, right? did you expect him to grow a few on the way there? That was a self inflicted wound…but that is your preference, when dealing with dudes….
Can I put a twist on the topic question, if you know you have a hang-up about something, why do it?
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this
bold Okaaayyy, I am cracking up at that!! why is that short dude all up on you? LMAO!!!!! I’ve had a similar problem in the past with trying to date someone younger than me. Although I look young, he looked much younger. One day we went to the store, and some dude actually asked me why I was with that baby boi…..I laughed like hell on the inside….didn’t help that his immaturity eventually showed that he was too young for me.
Musing WTF??? Talk about multitasking….in a bad way!!!!
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this
Hey QC.
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this
Sexione The whole time I’m thinking, “those must be some dayumm good wings to risk injure and death over”…LOLOLOLOL
And I know she had to have wing sauce all over the steering wheel…Ewwwwww
By abc
February 26, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this
I’m pretty open minded… I found last summer that I can’t get along with really country girls, and I’m not attracted to women that aren’t in shape; TV addiction would bug me, lack of cultural and arts awareness is probably a problem.
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this
2Can I think people do it hoping the person will grow on them is some way or the other. Or it could be an attempt to overcome those hang ups via time spent. Maybe?
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this
Hey QC.
By bold&beautiful
February 26, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this
@2CPTG - You are absolutely right. I agree with you about the hangups. But, not making up any excuses, i couldn’t remember how tall or short he was. We met once and talked on the phone all the other times. One reason i invited him to the party was too shed light on the matter. I honestly thought i could handle it….but, i can’t. The sad thing about it he really likes me, and he can’t understand why i’m not returning the feelings. I tell him, i like you, i just have some hangups. Now, that’s the truth!
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this
Howdy For Real
By kinderbabe
February 26, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this
good morning.:) hey forreal, mochatreat, GAman, sexione, slimone, musing, abc, everybody on the blog
little things i notice right away in conversation is how the guy speaks about family and family relations. if the ex-wife or momma is brought up in the first convo, there are definitely issues..lol. lack of eye contact is also a biggie. if you can’t look me in the eye, i can’t talk to you.
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this
Musing That is stupidly hilarious!!! I hate to see people doing ish in the car and swerving all over the place! I’ve had several people swerving all in my lane these past few days, only to look up and see their dumb azzes on the phone - and I’m not talking about handsfree, I mean with the phone to their ear!! I need a special sign that says, “Hang up the dayum phone!!” lol
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this
B & B, well, now you have to take your honesty a step further, and let buddy know…just don’t string him along…. unless, y’all got some other grown folks thangs going on, and he’s a viable asset…
Raqi, you said, “I think people do it hoping the person will grow on them is some way or the other. Or it could be an attempt to overcome those hang ups via time spent. Maybe?”…..nah boo, you can’t change grown folks…..I’ve always said, compatibility= how much, for how long….how much can you deal with, and how long? some of those non-compromising things….like height, for some folks…you simply can’t change…keep it honest, and keep it movin’….
By Dreamer 3K
February 26, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this
I certainly don’t want a clone, for my faults are too numerous to name. However, compatibility is crucial in a relationship and very often “little things,” are much more than little things. They are symbolic of much larger things.
I want a woman with a degree of intelligence, ambition, civic responsibility, wit and to a lesser extent, a nice azz. Okay, I’m lying, a nice azz is really important.
If at any point in a conversation, she uses the words, or non-words, “irregardless,” or “conversate,” she’s got to go. A woman who uses those non-words probably doesn’t possess the major qualities I want.
However, irregardless of her word usage, if she has a really really nice azz, we can conversate all day or preferably all night. A brother may have standards, but he’s no fool.
By Chocolate Peach
February 26, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this
@BB I feel ya!!! I PREFER 6ft plus but hey, I’ve been known to take a 5-7 or even a 5-8 but nothing shorter.
I’d rather date a short dude more so than a wheelchair dude.
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 11:23 AM | Link to this
LOLOL @ Sexi getting mad.
By QC
February 26, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
Hey For Real
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this
While we are on the subject of who we approach, I tend to avoid athlete types, marathon runners, etc., for exactly the same reason I do not typically approach really tall women (by the way, none of these are hard and fast rules, just general guidelines). Why waste my time and someone els’s if I am not what they need or want? As Clint Eastwood said in one of the “Dirty Harry” movies…”a man’s got to recognize his limitations”. It still leaves plenty to choose from.
By Raqi
February 26, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this
So if it’s not to “give it a chance”, what else could it be? True you can’t change grown people. So for what other reason is there? Could it be just to have some one to go out with at that time? Hell I don’t know. You would think people would be honest with themselves and the other person, but as we continue to read….
By Jake
February 26, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
RandyT
Just to elaborate on the “Unaware” statement. Let’s say evrything is cool for her, a regular day.
On a regular day she smiles because she’s a nice woman, she speaks to everyone and brightens their day, confident in herself, always says what needs to be said, but does it respectfully. When you ask about her, men say, she’s cool as hell and down to earth, other women compliment her too…you know how they knock each other, so this makes her really special..LOL She take compliments at face value and don’t perceive them as a dude running a game; and with all this going on, she was just being herself.
B&B If its the height thing, don’t tell’em, he’ll really upset if he knows the only reason you can’t do it is the height, probably got a complex already.
Now that everybody’s here: hey Mocha Choco, Kinder,Slim,QC,Foots, Raqi, Tazzee, all the lovlie.
Head Nods MLB
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
Of course we all have hangups, we’re human. Sometimes we try to challenge ourselves to see if the hangups are valid….or just superficial. I know now that a man who is shorter than me will not work for me….mostly because of the Napolean Complex that comes with it. Also, a man who’s younger than me probably won’t have much in common with me - unless he’s very mature for his age. I will not tolerate a man who has no discretion for children (meaning you can’t say and do anything in a childs’ presence). And a big hellz no for me is a man with several cut buddies (if he’s hitting all of his so called friends, I’m turned off)!
By abc
February 26, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
Dreamer 3K… ‘irregardless’ is not a word… hahahaha
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 11:40 AM | Link to this
@2CPTG - Again, you are right. I need to tell him why i’m not interested. But, how do you tell someone they are too short(especially a man), without hurting their male ego? And no, there’s nothing else going on. I don’t think i can do that either. @Chocolate Peach - How did you do it? How were you able to overlook their height? I have tried, and it’s not working for me.
By Tazzee
February 26, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this
Musing wasn’t me, LOL.
Hey Teddy - all is well, was looking at some pictures of my last ATL party this weekend and started missing folks. Its true about that guy with the driving though - and his driving has proven to be a good representation of how he is in life. Very straight and narrow, unwilling to try new things, etc.
Wassup 2CPTG and Jazzy!
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
Sexi….your girl, B & B did just that; she challenged herself to go out with buddy knowing her hang-ups..and as she stated, her hang-up was validated that evening….I never said there was a problem with preferences….hell, I have my own….Raqi, you mentioned “give it a chance,” or, trying it out for size…same thing….that’s what I meant when I said we do that in our younger days…when you get older, you would think you know precisely what you want, because you’ve kissed enough toads and tried on enough stuff to know that don’t look right on you!
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this
Off to a meeting, be back soon!!
By Demi
February 26, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this
bold & beautiful but you are only 5’6 or 5’5…
Good Afternoon All
By Mo
February 26, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this
Hey ALL!! Kinderbabe, Sexione, SlimOne, Jake, Randyt, ChocoPeach, Musing, and everyone else! Interesting topic!
@Dreamer 3K I’m with abc, irregardless is not a word!! LOL
Dont have a list of things that I want/dont want but like others, there are some things I prefer, i.e. a man taller than me. At 5’0 I am not trying to date anybody shorter!! LOL!
By Demi
February 26, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
Heeeeeeeeey jazzyone!!!
By kinderbabe
February 26, 2007 11:50 AM | Link to this
hey jake
By Demi
February 26, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this
Sexione I thought I told you, only date men 26 - 31 and not 25 on down…LOL
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this
@Dem…..yea, but i wear 3 to 4 inch heels all the time. When i take my heels off we are maybe the same height. The only time i do not wear heels, is when i’m working out. It’s a complex of mine, i know. It really bothers me. And just as 2CPTG said, i owe it too him to let him know, i just don’t know how to go by doing it without hurting his feelings. I really want to be honest with him.
By GA.man
February 26, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
@BoldIf his height bothers you now it will bother you later..just tell him in a nice way…yes he will take a hit from hearing the truth..but he can recover the longer you keep him on the hook the worst it will be for him..just tell him
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
bold & beautiful I follow this rule about telling somebody why I can’t date them: If it’s something they could change or improve upon for the next woman, I’ll be more likely to tell him the truth. If it’s something he can’t do a thing about, like his height, I don’t say anything or devise an alternate explanation.
Maybe that’s wrong, but I just think about what I’d want someone to tell me. Telling me that I’m disqualified for something I can’t change would probably bother me.
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
B & B!!! gal, you won’t be the first female to tell buddy he’s short!!!! He knows this already…..shhhiiiiidddddd, just be blunt; tell him, “look, I like you and everything, it’s just that when we go out, we don’t see eye to eye on things…it’s like one of us is standing head and shoulders above the other….with the operative word being standing“……by then, he’ll know where you’re going with it, and he’ll be the one to bring it up, which is your segue into your true feelings…..
By Dreamer 3K
February 26, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
Of course “irregardless,” and “conversate,” are not words. That’s why whenever I hear them, I cringe and were I in the market for a mate, I’d immediately exclude anyone who uses either of the two.
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
Hey Mo. Dang, at 5 feet you are about waist height…You’re gonna make some Man very happy. hehehehehehe
By Demi
February 26, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
bold & beautiful Just be honest with the cat…Nothing worst than a woman straight up David CopperFielding on your a$$!!!
LOL
*Be like, F/K…where she go!!
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this
(Blurry Eyed) Foots As hurtful as it may be, I’d want someone to tell me the reason why they felt they couldn’t or didn’t want to date me. How else do you know what could use improvement? Sometimes it takes that set of eyes from the outside looking in.
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
bold But then again, do you HAVE to tell him anything? It’s your right to choose to date anybody for any reason. And if you choose not to date him because it’s Monday and you don’t like dating folks on Monday, then that’s your right too.
I guess that the question is: Do you really owe someone an explanation, esp if the parting is because of personal preference? Can you just say, “I can’t date you for personal reasons” and leave it at that? Or would that just open up 6 million more questions from the dumped?
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this
@GA man & Foots - Thanks, i will take your advice in consideration.
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this
Hey Demi..okay bold if you have to think and argue with yourself about the size of the guy then hes not for you. He isn’t a science project, his hieght is something he can’t change. Just let him know oyu aren’t interested and that you can be friends you don’t have to break him down by saying its his stature. Let it go and keep moving.
By Dreamer 3K
February 26, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this
Of course “irregardless,” and “conversate,” are not words. That’s why whenever I hear them, I cringe and were I in the market for a mate, I’d immediately exclude anyone who uses either of the two.
By Demi
February 26, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this
To be honest, when a woman says dude has to be 6ft+, I automatically think she 5’6 or shorter…LOL
Hey, you like what you like…So it’s all to the good
By Demi
February 26, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this
Jake/BB cutie from last week…I told me straight up over the phone the next day…Sex was the bomb, BUT…You are too short to be my man…Had a Brother sitting’n’feeling like…Awwwwwwwww…Dayum!!!!*
Oh well, life goes on…
By Justin
February 26, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this
A guy can observe and find out if a woman is self-absorbed and out for what she can get from a man.
By Demi
February 26, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this
Foots you are 28 going on 29 right?
By bold & beautiful
February 26, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this
@2CPTG - You are stoooopid!!!!
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this
nah, Foots, you don’t owe anyone anything, but wouldn’t it be courteous to let dude know?
“all things must be done in decency, and in order”
By Jake
February 26, 2007 12:24 PM | Link to this
Excuse me Foots while I piggy back that comment. That’s why I said earlier that B&B shouldn’t tell him its his height. Find another way out, he will probably know its the height issue, but hearing it loud and clear won’t help, I promise you. B&B, Tell ‘em his breath smell like lil men with shyt on their boots are dancing on his tongue, but not the height thing. That will lead to unecessary conversation about how superficial you are and bunch ish you won’t want to hear. You can’t make yourself be cool with dating a midget.
By Chocolate Peach
February 26, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this
@BB…I overlooked the height b/c the guy was soooooo nice. He was on pointe, other than the height issue we were good!!
I also STOP!! wearing my heels. Errr Body that knows me know I luv my heels would even sleep in em. But I ditched them while dating him.
I did end up w/a entire rack of shoes w/out heels..LOL…so that was a good thing! And again after dealing with that wheel chair dude that played me I’ll take a short a guy anyday.
@abc, in ref to Dreamer 3K. I was wondering the same thing. I kept looking @ the post/Word ‘IRREGARDLESS” I was about to check myself.
Hey Jake & Mo, Hope you all weekend was good
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
SlimOne One of the things I’ve learned that helped me to “keep it moving” was to learn which questions to ask and when to stop asking questions. If I say to dude, “So, why didn’t things work out between us?” and he honestly answers, “cause your azz wasn’t big enough” that’s not helpful to me. Basically, if I can judge from the situation if ANY answer he gives won’t satisfy me, I won’t even ask the question. I just take it that he wasn’t the one and keep it moving. When I was younger, I used to have those “WHY AND CRY” sessions trying to find out all the reasons. Until I thought to myself “Hey!! For whatever reason, he doesn’t want me. What does it matter why? That should be enough info right there.”
But yeah, if dude is volunteering helpful information, like I need to clean out my ears or he doesn’t appreciate my sarcasm or something, then I’ll accept it. Personally, I just don’t like disclosing the real reasons, because you just run the risk of running into folks who will swear that they can change this or that if you give them something concrete to aim at or of giving them a complex if it’s something they can’t change.
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
say it again, Jazzy!!!!! (winkin) mess ‘round some of them lil cats will have you re-thinking your position; tom’bout, how can I be Mrs. Lil Nikka!
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this
Jake You silly!!
demi I’ll be 30 on Thursday.
By (Blurry Eyed) Foots
February 26, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this
Telling me that I’m disqualified for something I can’t change would probably bother me.
But then again, telling me I’m disqualified for something I CAN change, but even if I changed it, you STILL wouldn’t want me would bother me even worse!! That’s why I don’t even ask anymore!!
By QC
February 26, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this
What up Jake
By Dave
February 26, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this
I like normal girls with a sense of humor and are generally laid back.
I do not like a few things: - selfish, princesses, judgemental, gossip, critical. Women who do not have a girlfriend are a big red flag. They must be able to communicate with women. I can tell when a woman is not being genuine so faking who you are is obvious.
Oh and felonies. I have dated a couple women with felonies in the past, and while its not unforgivable, she is unemployable and I need a partnership not a dependent.
By QC
February 26, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this
It’s so good to read you again 2
By Chocolate Peach
February 26, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this
@BB As much as I lobby the idea of keeping it real, dont lie & etc.
I’m w/Jake on this one!! Then he’s gonna be bitter & Cupid knows we dont need MORE bitter napolean complex men……..
I am 5-5 but that is NOT the reason I luv tall men. Tall men gimme a sense of security for some reason or another. Krazyyyyyyyyy
By SexyLeggs
February 26, 2007 12:42 PM | Link to this
Good afternoon everybody
By abc
February 26, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this
You know, that bothered me about dating last summer… some of them wanted to know WHY I wasn’t asking them out again. Perhaps it’s my own clumsiness in being too nice to them on first dates, leading them to think I was more into them than I was. I really hated that part, it made me feel awful. Nobody wants to tell someone why they’re not interested.
I didn’t tell any of them why, not even the illegal immigrant that used someone else’s picture and had someone else make the phone calls… talk about a surprise on the first date! Online personals, whew. What a lot of liars!
By Jake
February 26, 2007 1:08 PM | Link to this
Choco I am 5-5 but that is NOT the reason I luv tall men. Tall men gimme a sense of security for some reason or another. Krazyyyyyyyyy
You’re not crazy, its the fairy tale stuff of looking up to gaze in our eyes, the pick you up hugs that let your feet dangle, plus you can put that foot stool in closet and say “baby can you reach that for me”…LOL
Now going down court doing the “Harlem Shake”, P. Diddy style after scoring two points for 6 foot and above squad…LOL—-Demi, its on ya’ll…HEHEHE
By Chocolate Peach
February 26, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this
@abc, OMG!!! Are U serious? Illegal immigrants knowing how to pose as someone else. LOL!!
@Jake, U said it BIG Kisses 2 U……. Now wishing I had a tall man preferably DWade
By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)
February 26, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this
I use the same line that is used on me…”you are a very nice person, but I have decided I can’t continue to see you. In the last few years I have dated a lot and have come to know what I am looking for. I think you will make the right person for you a very lucky someone”. Then run like hellz before you get the follow up questions.
It is dangerous sometimes to use trite expressions and worn out excuseds however, however. This weekend the subject of ‘marrrrrrrriage’ came up with my SO. To defuse (and change the subject) I said “I don’t see a rush, why should I buy the cow if I can get the milk for free?”. She replied “is that the same as why I should not have to buy the whole pig for just a little sausage”.
Ouch ;-) Be careful when throwing trite expressions around!!!
By chullato
February 26, 2007 1:23 PM | Link to this
“is that the same as why I should not have to buy the whole pig for just a little sausage”. Funny
By Demi
February 26, 2007 1:32 PM | Link to this
and Heeeeeey Foots your 1214 post is how most 18 - 31 ladies think, which isn’t cool. Just keep it real with dudes…
Jake because of napoleon, Hitler, and Stalin, short dudes are minus 99,999,999 in points. I ain’t even going to try and play catch up!!!
Chocolate Peach, at that time, did you stop wearing heels to protect his feelings or yours?
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this
I’m back in da house!! full on Jim & Nick’s bbq, ready to laugh it off!!
I see we’re still on the short dude! Don’t hurt his feelings bold, take the higher road…..and lie to avoid hurting his feelings lol
By jazzyone
February 26, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this
HILARIOUS..LIL SNOSAGES..AWW.HIM HAD A LITTLE WEE WEE WANKA’..too dayum funny!
By Mrs. Wade
February 26, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this
Amen @ Choco Peach
D. Wade can get it. Lol
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 1:40 PM | Link to this
Randyt daaayyyyyuuuummmm I think I even cringed a little(no pun intended) when I read that.
By MusingLee
February 26, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this
Tall men gimme a sense of security for some reason or another
ChocolatePeach I’m not a short brutha, but to make you feel better…Perhaps a shorter man could sneak into an area where a taller Man may not be able to go…LOLOLOLOLOL
Ex: Under a desk, or even behind a plant.
By Gettin all mine
February 26, 2007 1:41 PM | Link to this
I work and have worked with these women with the “check lists” of do’s and don’ts for there man…..after there 2nd failed divorce you would think they would forget the list and just find someone they can be themselves with……but thereinlies the rub…..women cannot relax and be themselves…….
By Reality Check
February 26, 2007 1:42 PM | Link to this
Amazingly, short dudes always find a way to hook up with tall women. Just look at who Kimora Lee’s husband was. Watch out, you naysayers!
By Wise Diva
February 26, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this
hey everyone!
If a guy can pull off the sexy swagger like Larenz Tate (he’s what 4’11?), I would be SO smitten IRREGARDLESS of his height, (LOL @ Dreamer 3k) Larenz can get all the (fantasy) business.
I know a girl that dumped a guy because she spotted male thongs in his laundry.
By Sexione
February 26, 2007 1:44 PM | Link to this
Demi you are crraazzzzzyyy!!
Jake the pick you up hugs that let your feet dangle, plus you can put that foot stool in closet and say “baby can you reach that for me” Yep, you got it!! I’m only 5’2, but I’m in heels almost every day, so any man shorter than me would practically be a midget!
“is that the same as why I should not have to buy the whole pig for just a little sausage” I like that!!!
By SlimOne
February 26, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this
Foots I’ve done the WHY and CRY spill too and the guessing was probably worse than the actual reasons. But as I get older I’d just rather a dude be straight up.
Slim: So what’s up with you? You’ve been acting funny or distant.
Dude: Ah well I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.
Slim: yeah, I’m listening. What’s up?
Dude: Well….I’m not sure how to say this but….
Slim: will you just say it.
Dude: It’s actually not just one thing. It’s a few things. It really bothers me that you always tear a piece of gum in half instead of putting the whole dayum thing in your mouth.
Slim: WTF?
Dude: I hate the fact that you talk to your mom on a daily basis. And what urks me even more is the fact that you feel you have to take a shower every…dayum…day. I mean, that’s such a waste of water!
Slim: You must done lost your mind.
Dude: I guess it is true what they say, the truth will set you free. Whew! I feel so much better.
By For Real
February 26, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this
Dayummm Choco a dude in a wheelchair played you… Oh please give some details.
RandyT = Green Card
Wise Diva That’s funny but I guess that would be a clue to something..
Sexione You still got a little of that sauce on the corner of your mouth
By Mo
February 26, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this
@ Sexione Thanks for reppin for the short ladies!! Gots to love da five footers!! @ MusingLee dont clown da short folks! Just saw your 12:14 post!! I do what I can, knowwhutImean?!
By SeanJohnson
February 26, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this
Sup Blog…kinda late coming in on this..but i still want to put my two cents on…I notice a lot about women…i watch my prey carefully before making a kill..clean house is important..also keeping your hair combed is too….those two things tell alot…also keeping yourself up physically….and being as healthy as possible..
By 2CPTG
February 26, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this
4Real…..I wuddn’t gon’ say nuttin, bu