AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2007 > March > 02 > Entry
Fears for tears
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I had been dating Kyle for about four months when he asked a strange question over dinner. He said, “Why haven’t I seen you cry?” I thought it was strange because not only did it seem like a random thing to ask, but he seemed bewildered about it.
“Why would I cry?”, I asked him, wondering if this was some sort of jedi mind trick question guys sometimes like to pull. Is he trying to find out if I am emotionally unstable?
He continued, “Well, I don’t know, why do women usually cry? For attention, to get what you want, to make me cave in, you know how ya’ll women do”. Now I am thinking, ok, is he serious or is he being facetious?
So he kept talking, “I know a lot of women that like to screw with your mind. It’s like they know when they are losing power so they turn on the waterworks. All they have to do is bring on the tears and the man pretty much does whatever he has to do to make it stop.”
I just told him, as a woman, I reserve the right to cry whenever I want to. However, as a general rule, I am of the “never let them see you sweat” generation of women when it comes to crying in front of a guy. If he isn’t my long-time boyfriend or husband, there is no need to be all vulnerable and weepy - but that’s just me. I am a big fan of feeling emotionally safe with a person but that usually takes a while, way more than four months, anyway.
After a little probing, I found out that Kyle had dated a drama queen before, so he was an “expert” on women who were emotional blackmailers. Her weapon of choice? Tears!
Have you ever cried in front of someone you are dating?
Guys, have you ever dated a woman who used tears to get her way?
Why do guys get so freaked out when their woman cries or reacts emotionally?
Ladies, are women really masters of emotional blackmail? Do you think we intentionally drive guys over the edge with crying and emotion? How would you react if a man you were dating cried in front of you?
Do men ever use the crying game with women?
Permalink | Comments (223) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 8:12 AM | Link to this
Happy Friday Folks
Have you ever cried in front of someone you are dating? Um, not someone that I was just casually dating. As Wise stated, I will cry in the dark before I am able to trust a guy with my feelings like that.
Ladies, are women really masters of emotional blackmail? Do you think we intentionally drive guys over the edge with crying and emotion? How would you react if a man you were dating cried in front of you? Not to be funny, but yes woman are able to use emotions as a bargaining tool so-to-speak. I’m not saying that I’ve necessarily done that but I have known chicks to intentionally drive guys over the edge. As far as seeing my SO cry in front of me, I’ve experienced that but not from a guy I was simply dating. It would really depend on the reason he was crying to determine what my reaction would be. If buddy is crying because of a tragedy then I would do my best to console him. BUT, if buddy starts crying simply because the restaurant carries Heinz 57 instead of A1, then Houston we have a problem.
By kinderbabe
March 2, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this
good morning everyone. hey slimone. i can’t remember a time in the recent past that i’ve thrown a hissy fit, cried and generally acted a fool to get my way. maybe when i was 18…lol…but we’re grown now. i would like to think that i am a much better communicator and don’t need to resort to such juvenile tactics. there’s a big difference in generally being hurt and expressing that emotion and using emotions to be manipulative. the latter i think is just wrong coming from a man or woman.
By G
March 2, 2007 8:37 AM | Link to this
Typically, most of the women I’ve been involved with are hard arses, or pretend to be. One broke down on me, but there was nothing I could do. It was weird b/c I’d never seen her break down. That was the first and last time I witnessed it.
By NCgirlfromATL
March 2, 2007 8:42 AM | Link to this
Morning all,
Thought I’d check in before I take off for the Women’s ACC baskeball tournament! Aaaah, March Madness! I’m in heaven!
Anyway, I tend to only cry out of frustration (i.e., I have a problem that I can’t figure out how to solve.) Otherwise, if I’m mad at a man, he knows it. If I want him to do something, I don’t beat around the bush. I’m pretty much “straight, no chaser” when it comes to my emotions. No need for emotional blackmail. I dated a guy for a while who was fascinated by the fact that I wasn’t the type to monkey on him when I was p!ssed. I called it my “Eddie Murphy” reaction. If you’ve seen “Raw” (or maybe it was “Delirious”…I can’t remember) there was a part where Eddie talks about having made his woman mad, and she didn’t go nuts. She just told him to go sleep. Very calmly. Scared the crap out of him. Muuuuhahahahaha!!!
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 8:43 AM | Link to this
TGIF!!!!!!!!!!
…but we’re grown now. And hopefully most of us act like it!!! I’m with you Wise….never let ‘em see you sweat….crying over something other than the death of a family member (or something serious like that)….not gonna happen!
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this
now that I am back among the land of the hearings…
GODDAAAAYUM Y’ALL WORLD IS NOISY!!!!
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 8:45 AM | Link to this
Hey Kinder
G what was the reason she broke down?
By QC
March 2, 2007 8:49 AM | Link to this
Happy Friday Bloggers
i’ll be in lurkesville serving up coffee & muffins
have a great day all
By MochaTreat
March 2, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this
Good morning Slim, Kinder, Sexione, Foots, Musing, Demi, GAman, Randy, Raqi, QC, Mo, SeanJ and crew
TGIF!!! This has been one of those weeks…but I am glad the work week is almost over!!
Have you ever cried in front of someone you are dating? yes, but it wasn’t so I could get my way…nor was it any kind of emotional blackmail.
How would you react if a man you were dating cried in front of you? My ex BF cried in front of me…I just held him and rocked him until he finished…afterwards I put it on him and then we talked about this situation. (He had just spoken to his mother for the first time in 16 years). It was avery emotional moment for him.
By Mo
March 2, 2007 8:54 AM | Link to this
It Friday, Its Friday, its the end of the week, the last day…..I’m gonna get my sleep on, I’m gonna get my hair-do on and I’m gonna get my church on all weekend long!!
Hey Errbody! Hope everyone’s Friday is going well.
on topic I’m like you WD, my motto never let’em see you sweat so there are even some relatives who have never seen me cry. I keep my feelings to myself alot, protecting me. I believe to this day that my current SO is the only one who has ever seen me cry (in a relationship).
By Pen
March 2, 2007 8:56 AM | Link to this
I have never used tears to manipulate anyone. I have cried in front of them before, but not to get my way.
age 43
By Chocolate Peach
March 2, 2007 8:57 AM | Link to this
TGIF Bloggers,
Wow..deep topic. I myself have really NEVER been big on emotions of the sort especially when it comes to men or dating. Funerals are usually wear I let my waterguard down & it has to be someone really close for me to even attend.
Yes, some women love to play that “Waterfall” game with men. Personally I think it’s sad & a bunch of crap but hey, to each it’s own. Most men tell me I dont show enough emotion but hey just like WDiva stated I too come from the same generation of women that don’t really display such emotions.
Men, have to cry, they need to cry. Otherwise it’s unhuman (if that’s a word) however I NEVER….wanna see my dude cry unless it’s DEFINITELY needed. A death of a love one perhaps but nothing else is quite excusable for my man to be crying. Especially not in front of me. Be private.
N the voice of Ced the Ntertainer.. “I wish that nicca would”
Now my 2nd oldest sister that’s all her dayum husband do is cry & it makes me sick to my stomach. It shows a ridiculous amount of weakness if you ask me. I mean 1 or maybe 2 episodes in a 4 yr term but that’s about it. I would hate to see my man cry over or about something that’s definitely not well worth me pulling his h”O” card for…………
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
Mocha wow, he was lucky to have you with him during that time which would bring a tear to anyone’s eyes. Just curious, does he and his mom talk regularly now?
By SeanJohnson
March 2, 2007 9:06 AM | Link to this
SupBlog….TGIF…I have never cried in front of a female or over a female…I tend to keep emotions inside…As far as women are concerned…its pretty normal for them to cry…since yall are very emotional creatures..My mom shoulda been an actress and she ruined it for other women i run into…she could go from fussing at me to crying ..so i am used to tears.and unless its something major..i will look at it as an emotional ploy..so unless you cry blood…i will hold you and kiss your cheek but after a few minutes..i will tap you on the butt and tell you to suck it up…
By Justin
March 2, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this
Women use crocodile tears to get out of traffic tickets, to get more child support and marital property in a divorce settlement, to keep you from leaving them…Women basically use tears to get their way.
It is emotional blackmail when a woman uses tears to gain an edge in a relationship. It makes me all the more eager to get away from her. Now, if the tears are for a legitimate reason such as the loss of a loved one or a real crisis, that is a totally different reason.
As far as most men, and I state “men”, if a woman ever saw us cry, it was either due to the loss of a parent or a close friend.
By MusingLee
March 2, 2007 9:14 AM | Link to this
Morn’in All,
Of course Women are the Masters of emotional blackmail…You girls learn from a very early age how to manipulate…It’s actually been scientifically proven.
Now waiting on the blog bullets to fly…….vest and helmet latched up tight
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
Speaking of crying…….unfortunately, there will be a lot of crying (families) for all of the fatalities on Atlantas’ roads this morning. It has been a dreadful Friday morning for many. I am truly thankful for my safe travels and everyone elses. Many condolences for the affected families. pouring out a lil Henn for the lives lost
By cy
March 2, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
yea, i have cried in front of a boyfriend…at a funeral. i think these women are out there that do use emotions for blackmail but i also think their is an equal share of men that think that because they see this on t.v. that it is the norm.
here is one for you guys… if she uses the tears and it is not justified maybe she has insecurirties that you are just not ready for. be honest and call her bluff. if you guys can not communicate than it is hardly worth it.
as to the guy dating the “wise diva” and others that think the same….you aparently have some scars from the past. we are not all that way. congrats on asking. means that you are one step closer to being what all women want…a guy that will tell you when something is awry…when we have to guess it makes thing worse.
By QC
March 2, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
Hey Mocha, Demi, Musing, BK, GA.man, confused, Tiff, Page, Storm, erry’body
it’s friday, it’s friday, it’s the end of the week and the “last day”; i’m gone get my shopping, take Momma to go get her hair done on, get my watching some movies on, get my church, get me some rest on, alllll weekend long
By Linguist
March 2, 2007 9:19 AM | Link to this
Mornin’ E’rybody! Happy Friday…
I’m leaving to get coffee and then off to a meeting. This topic will give me a reason to pontificate this question during the meeting. I’ll post when I get back.
By Mo
March 2, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this
Musing How can you say women learn emotional Blackmail? I want to know what is this learned behavior that I obviously missed out on.
Mo shooting blog bullets at Musing for calling her an Emotional Blackmail Master.
By QC
March 2, 2007 9:21 AM | Link to this
Musing, you are sooooo right
By Confused
March 2, 2007 9:29 AM | Link to this
Happy Friday!!!! Hello ALL!!! Hey QC…any luck on that item?
I am emotional but not in a blackmail way…I just read on MSN it is healthy to have conflict express it process it and move on! I have cried with some I have dated and for the most part they have embraced me…I think it ran away one but oh well it was it done to get my way or point!!!
By cy
March 2, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this
btw, justin
here is one just for you. when i was 16. i was riding with a close friend. we got caught speeding. she was turning on the waterworks, not to get out of the ticket but she was really scared. of course, i had to be the one with her…the one who gets the giggles when i am nervous. yea, you guessed it by the time the cop got to the window we were in tears laughing….the kind of laughing that is impossible to stop, ribs kill you, and if anyone asks what is so funny….well, it only gets funnier. so, not every woman can or has done the waterworks to get out of a ticket.
By G
March 2, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this
Slim Not to go into detail, but it wasn’t a blackmail issue. It was just a decision I made, that prioritized my career over our relationship.
By C tha 1
March 2, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this
Are women really masters at emotional blackmail? Of course, any man should know that!
As a man it takess some discernment to truly understand what is bringing a woman to tears. Basically, you gotta understand the real tears from the fake ones. Why? Because any man that gives a damn doesn’t want to see a woman cry, at the same time a dude doesn’t want to be manipulated either.
For example, lately I’ve been pursuing this girl at my job, let’s call her Coca Cola Classic. In short, we flirt with eachother alot, but she is dating another dude. On one occassion she seemed to obviously be concerned with something else other than work. I asked her what was wrong, and Niagra Falls came gushing down.
Call me a sucker, but I gotta soft spot a chocolate girl who can turn red from crying. She tells me she thinks he man is cheating but can’t prove it. I give her some conseling cause I just give damn right. Right.
She continues to stay with dude while all the while confessing to me of how she wants to get with me but wants to be a good girlfriend. Months later the same situation happens again, except she trys to toughen up around me and not let the tears flow as hard.
She stays with ole dude and I quit pursuit. Eventually, she leaves for another job and just last week she calls me, but the conversation was short. She asked what was wrong, but I was honestly busy at the time. I refuse to be duped into being a male girlfriend … I think she got the message.
By MochaTreat
March 2, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this
Slim I haven’t spoken to him in over 2 years…but the last time I did talk to him they were talking about once a month. He found out that he has 2 sister and 2 brothers that he has never met.
By Lynette
March 2, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this
Just because a guy makes me cry does not mean he will see me cry.
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this
Good Morning.
I ain’t gonna lie I did “cry” to get my way with Whitebread and he fell for it every time. I was 25 so that says a lot. However…I honestly believe that he was well aware of my pretense but just played along for whatever reason.
I have cried before in front of the man but it wasn’t a ploy to win him over but because I was truly upset. He offered to do what he could to try and make it better, but you know…
Funny thing is I have come to learn within these past nearly 5 years that my stating “You know what Mason, whatever” moves him more than me trying to get to him via crying. I don’t use to “get” him and never plan to use it, but I have noticed that he can’t stand that.
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 9:42 AM | Link to this
I ain’t gonna front, I Dayumed near cried at the end of Pursuit of Happiness…My homegirl wanted to slap my a$$, LOL
By Confused
March 2, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
My typing is horrible…Was saying I think I ran away one but for the most part I am not crying to get my way or point across…Now will be lurcking the rest of the day!!!
I feel it takes more than tears to manipulate in this day and time…
By Awwwwwww...Dayum
March 2, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this
Awwwwwww…Dayum!!! C tha 1, that crying a$$, weak a$$…Ms. Coca Cola Classic worked at your job too???!!!!
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this
Good morning Everyone!
Once in my last relationship I attempted to invoke tears…I really wanted to win! No compromise, just have my way. He gave me that don’t even think about it, I will not cave in to the tears look. I cancelled the tantrum and we continued the discussion like adults. He actually gained more respect from me by standing his ground. We were not casually dating, but in a committed LTR. I have never cried in front of someone I was casually dating.
How would you react if a man you were dating cried in front of you? I would double slap his weak behind and tell him to take it like a man!!! LOL! Seriously, it would depend on the reason he is crying. If he is crying because a loved one has died or a situation with his children, etc, I would fully support his need to express himself emotionally. A man who is not afraid to show his weaknesses is a strong man, in my humble opinion.
Why do guys get so freaked out when their woman cries or reacts emotionally? I think it is because most men do not know how to deal with their own emotions. Men are problem solvers and think they must do something if a woman cries. If they do not know what to do, they will either give her what she wants or run in the opposite direction.
Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!
By Museq
March 2, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this
YES! Females are usually the emotional manipulators however, a good woman doesn’t have to resort to such nonsense and a real man won’t put up with it. In most cases, an emotion like crying shouldn’t get displayed (by either party) until a degree of comfort and trust is established between the two.
By MusingLee
March 2, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this
Musing now ducks Mo’s shots like the Matrix
Mo girls learn how to form cliques earlier in life than boys do. Usually around age 4-5 they know how to banish unwanted girls from the group as well. They also learn to fear banishment from groups, and go with the crowd out of fear of being excommunicated.
Hey QC.
Now going to office meeting wearing full blog riot gear
And I did shed a tear, but not cry during Hotel Rwanda.
By Confused
March 2, 2007 9:58 AM | Link to this
@Jewel great post!!!!
By SusieHomeMaker
March 2, 2007 9:59 AM | Link to this
Justin, Get OVER IT already!! The divorce is final! MOVE ON!! Sheesh!! You, in your own way, cry all over these AJC blogs ever day, (“Women are cruel, women are evil, my woman done did me wrong, woe is ME!!!!”) — Just Let It Go!!!
Here’s a song dedicated to you, (An Oldie but Goodie)
Tears Of A Clown
Now if there’s a smile on my face It’s only there trying to fool the public; But when it comes down to fooling you, Now honey that’s quite a different subject
But don’t let my glad expression Give you the wrong impression ‘Cause really I’m sad, Oh I’m sadder than sad
Well I’m hurt and I want you so bad Like a clown I appear to be glad ooh yeah
Tears of a clown, when there’s no one around.
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Wise I knew when I read the topic that this would turn into a woman bashing!!!! I know that was not your intention, but awwwwww daaayyuuuummm!!!! Whateva………
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this
SeanJohnson My granny had a way of talking…all proper and nice like…That left you nearly in tears and Dayum near begging for a whooping.
Granny all proper and nice like You know what you did was wrong, you are old enough to know better.*
Demi Yes Granny…Demi now beats himself with his own cherry tree branch
By Wise Diva
March 2, 2007 10:10 AM | Link to this
aww, man.. Sexione, LOL you are right! BUT, us fabulous women won’t take it personally, we know it’s not our steelo to manipulate men!
smiling
oh, and when a man or woman says, “if you loved me…you would insert incredibly selfish request…that is just wrong, and yes guys that includes asking for “special attention” and freaky acts!
By Confused
March 2, 2007 10:11 AM | Link to this
Right on SusieHomeMaker I to 2nd your post!!!! But on the flip side everyone heals in their on time and season and way!!! I did say I was lurking today but anyway…
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.
“Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?” he replied. “And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison.”
Baffled, she said, “Yes, I remember. So?”
“I would have gotten out today.”
By Mo
March 2, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
Musing Lets go a step further. How about those that are Daddy’s Girls? Wouldnt they learn (some of them anyway) that all they have to do is have a tanrum or cry and Daddy will make it all better? Go ahead men and take credit for helping women become great emotional blackmailers! Now I do agree with your last post to a certain degree. Mo now reloading Blog gun for Musing.
In the words (laugh) of my girl SlimOne MUAH-HAHAHAHAHAH!!
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this
There were women waiting in a doctor’s office. They started talking and one women said, “I’m going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I’m going to have another girl.”
One of the other ladies said, “I’m going to have a boy, I was on the top.”
The last lady started to cry. The two other ladies asked, “Why are you crying?” She replied, “I’m going to have puppies!!!”
By Tazzee
March 2, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this
Morning all!
I am a very emotional person but I don’t use tears to manipulate. I have in the past, but wow - its been some years since I’ve done that.
It takes a lot for me to cry in front of a man because of something related to us but I will shed tears at a movie in a heartbeat.
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this
an emotion like crying shouldn’t get displayed (by either party) until a degree of comfort and trust is established between the two. I agree 100% Musing.
Hello Confused How have you been? Think it’s time to change your moniker?
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this
And you know what I always say WiseDiva, If YOU loved ME you wouldn’t ask me to do it when you know I don’t want to.
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this
Sexione It’s not even lunch time and you’re pulling them out already. LOLOLOL!
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this
Oh yes, Wise, we real women know that we do not have the copyright on manipulation!! Some women may cry to get what they want, but some men do many other things to attempt to get what they want……and lets not talk about @itching and moaning…..we won’t even go there! hehehehehe
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this
Slim I couldn’t resist. It’s FRIIIDDAAAYYYYY!!!!
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” said the doctor, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.”
“Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is cockeyed.”
By Confused
March 2, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Hey Jewel, I was thinking about that but what to? I use bubbles a lot but I think I am one on the younger women on this blog maybe to juvenile…I know anyone can give some ideas though…Thanks again for bringing that out!!!:)
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 10:30 AM | Link to this
Okay Sexione You got me started…This is dedicated to the men bloggers who will bash the women today…
Why are men like diapers?
They are always on my a— and full of sh!t - thank goodness they’re disposable!
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
You know even though I am “grown” enough not to try to manipulate the man or a man for that matter, I can’t deny that I don’t still pout sometimes when things don’t go my way. I can’t even deny that the thought to “withhold” does not come to mind sometimes when it just didn’t go my way, however, I am beyond, most of the time, giving in to childish behavior. But I can’t deny that I am not totally free from the thought of it.
Thinking something is one thing but acting on it is something totally different.
By Confused Now Lady J
March 2, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this
OK I have one Lady J!!!!:) Peace
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this
A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, but the man was always after his wife to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.” She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.”
He replied, “But they stunt your growth.” She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, “So, what’s your excuse?”
By MusingLee
March 2, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this
Go ahead men and take credit for helping women become great emotional blackmailers!
Mo that’s like blaming ice cream makers for making ice cream so delicious you can’t stop eating it and then you get fat….LOLOLOLOLOL
Hellz if you eat too much you’re making yourself big. Don’t blame the dude that gave you the two scoops you ordered….A dad is gonna want to care for his little girl. If you cry, he’s gonna jump to fix it…It’s manipulation once girls learn this and start crying WOLF.
By abc
March 2, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this
Chick starts crying, I get other chicks to come in and deal with it. I don’t like to handle crying women, whether it’s a disingenuous device to get her way, or genuinely too emotional to think or react in any way but to break down.
By Cinderella
March 2, 2007 10:39 AM | Link to this
Sure, I’ve cried in front of my ex but not to manipulate. It was either because I was so angry that I would cry in frustration or hurt by a situation. In the ten years we were married I saw him cry once. And it was because I told him I wanted a divorce. His tears kinda freaked me out and they convinced me to stay with him….for another week.
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this
Uh, that last post…the double negative…Hell yall know what I mean. LOL
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this
Hellz if you eat too much you’re making yourself big. Don’t blame the dude that gave you the two scoops But Musing, what about the man who sued—and won—the fast food chain because he couldn’t stop eating burgers?
ABC RE your 10:34 post. Why is that your response?
LADY J I like that! Now, expect to be treated like a lady rather than a confused woman! LOL!
By Mo
March 2, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this
@ Musing A dad is gonna want to care for his little girl. If you cry, he’s gonna jump to fix it…It’s manipulation once girls learn this and start crying WOLF. Dont hate the player, hate the game!! LOL
Seriously I think its foolish for women who use crying as manipulation. GROW UP. There are times and places for emotional displays but when they become a norm then you have issues!
@ Sexione you are too funny! The jokes are too much!
@ Lady J formerly Confused nice name
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 10:49 AM | Link to this
I know that is right Jewel!!! I feel soooo much better!!!! Thanks again!:)
By crimson esq.
March 2, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this
morning everyone
I’ve never been able nor have I desired to “cry on command” so crying isn’t something that happens often for me at all.. I have cried in front of men before as it was a natural response to whatever was going on at that time…no need to bottle up emotion or feel emotionally vulnerable over a few tears here and there… withholding emotion and true feelings on a matter can lead to health problems in the future…
as far as those gut wrenching ugly cries… i’m good unless someone i’m close to dies…
I don’t use tears or withhold intimacy to “emotionally blackmail” anyone..it’s childish and the bottom line is that if you truly care for someone then you aren’t going to act like you’re no longer interested just to get what you want…
there was a guy that shed some tears in front of me in the past.. I didn’t find anything wrong with it because to me it showed that he didn’t buy into the whole real men don’t cry let me thump my chest and show you how strong i am… mentality that so many men choose to do for whatever reason… and to me it didn’t make him any less than someone who would choose not to express their emotions…
I haven’t experienced anyone using the ‘crying game’ with me.. but I did go through a situation where someone pretended to be in a certain mindset in order to gain my attention after we broke up…
By Anyone
March 2, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this
I think crying if fine for either partner as long as it’s justified…However, women that turn on the water works for selfish reasons such as getting out of a ticket or getting their boyfriends, husbands to cave in to their demands gives the rest of us women a bad rep. I’m 25 and have NEVER used tears to get my way. I was raised by very strong, self-reliant women who don’t sit around waiting for others to take care of us.
My husband has always loved that I don’t use the “If you don’t know why I’m mad then I’m not telling you…” garbage. If I’m upset, you know it b/c I communicate (Not by yelling, it doesn’t work) so it doesn’t happen again.
Not to say that I’m an emotionless cyborg, I cry…just not to manipulate
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this
Pre-Nuptial Agreements
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.
“I’ll only marry you under three conditions.”
“Anything, anything,” said the ambassador.
“First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement.”
Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, “Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!”
The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.
“Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France.”
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, “Yes, yes, I build, I build!”
The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
“Finally,” she said. “I’ll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis.”
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, “Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!”
By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert
March 2, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
I dont mind if a guy cries infront of me with good reason, lost of love one..etc. But if he is just whinning and showing his tail..because he wants his way..then he is going to be standing there by himself.
I am a emotional woman-I believe in better out than in. But I havent cried to get my way since middle/high school. I have cried in the presence of men but it was either due to the lost of the relationship, or the lost of a love one. If I am upset he will know it and now that I am older I have learn the art of agreeing to disagree…Which translates into FFU mode and I move forward.
Example
Me: “Can you help me put this entertainment center together?”
Guy: “Why did you buy that thing it has too many pieces.”
Me: “Here are the instructions and here is the Gorilla Glue so can you help me or not?”
Guy: “I have to go__.”(insert any place but here putting this damn thang together)
Me: “The quicker we put it together the quicker we can both go_.”(anywhere but here putting this damn thang together.)
Guy: “Naw I will help you later.”(out the door)
Me: “I swear and be damn!” FFU mode sets in…laying out all the pieces and reading the instruction book “Now watch when I get it all put together he will come back to tell me how the instruction book was all wrong and Joint B and A are backwards.”
By Awwwwwww...Dayum
March 2, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this
Awwwwwww…Dayum!!! Sexione, if you are going to be Awwwwwww…Dayuming me, at lease get Awwwwwww…Dayum’s name right!!
I hate to say it but, Ms.Coke bottle I knew, has problems
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this
Cinderella my ex cried also when I told him I was moving out and going back to Alabama. I think as time got closer for me to leave he started liking the idea more and more.
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this
THanks Mo….A sis had to think on my feet quick!!!!:)
By abc
March 2, 2007 10:58 AM | Link to this
Jewel, I’ve experienced women crying at work, I get other women to deal with them because I don’t want to get involved in anything personal with women at work. It’s too volatile a scenario, and chicks in the workplace are too fond of placing knives in backs. There’s no need for any personal interaction with ANYONE at work, and so I especially apply that to chicks.
If the crying woman is a friend or SO, I know there’s no comfort I can offer other than rationale, unless I want to cave in to a disingenuous ploy, or sink to their blubbering level. I’ll bring her a nice glass of ice water or something stronger and wait it out. If another woman is around to deal with it, I’ll certainly enlist their aid, because chances are they might understand what brought it all on.
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
Confused How about Enlightened or ConfusedNoMore?
Jewel I agree…and how about men that are always blaming a womans negative behavior on the absence of her father (although I don’t completely agree with that mess either)? You can blame him for one thing and not the other? Come on now!!
By Never Again
March 2, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this
I dated a guy who on a road trip told me a story about how he was cheating on me sleeping with other women (even naming names), while I was driving him to meet my family. When he realized I was upset but refused to cry, he seemed a bit dissapointed. Then he tried to make the story even worse, but I still would not cry. As we neared our distination he told me it was all a joke (it was April Fools Day). I of course laughed and we had a good vaction, but he continued to comment on how I would not cry.
I found out months later, everything he said was true. He was testing me to see how I would take his unfaithfulness and to see if I would trip out if I ever found out the truth.
When we broke up I was devastated by all that he had done and said to me but I would NEVER let him see or even think I was crying over him. In some sick way, I think he got kicks out of thinking women were crying over him.
Moral of the Story…. Never let a man see you cry. It makes them think they have all the power over you and your happiness.
By cool breeze
March 2, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this
Pretty bad all these women don’t understand the difference bewteen being tough and being a strong woman and seems they are fighting their natural tendencies because of fear. “don’t let them see you sweat”, and so on. Acting tough. I have cried in front of a girl because she hurt me so bad and with all the stuff I did for he she always complained and found something wrong and it was one day it just came out. When I see a man cry for whatever reason I get a little misty myself. To me if a man is crying he is REALLY hurt. Women have cried in front of me. I stopped asking as much why they’er crying. Women just do sometimes for no reason. If they tied emotional blackmail with me they wouldn’t get too far.
Guys freak out when women get emotional because we don’t really know how to deal with that. We guys fix things and sometimes all that stuff and crying is not easily fixed and we don’t know what to do and us guys are simple creatures and generally happy so crying for no reason or other emotional issues we have a hard time dealing with.
By Jake
March 2, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this
What up good people:
Women are the masters of manipulation, its something learned very early, hellz, its probably intrinsic.
Yes, i have dated one of them blackmailing types, it used to work back in the day. You never want to see your lady crying, its something about it that makes you lose it. You could be mad as hell, then she pulls the tears and a nicka goes into “rescue mode” almost immediately. It works until you catch on, then its dayumn them tears, we gonna finish this ish…LOL
Since LorDemi said this,I ain’t gonna front, I Dayumed near cried at the end of Pursuit of Happiness…
Blog confession:
Last time I had an emotional outburst was after Katrina. I was taking some clothing to a displaced family, and it was 20 folks at this (3 bedroom)house, from Great Granny to a newborn. I unloaded the boxes, chatted for a minute, and left the house. Start drivin, and lost it, boo-hooing like a baby, now that ish was sad.
Other than that…Men Don’t Cry…LOL
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this
Awwwwwww…Dayum Actually I wasn’t borrowing your name, just the expression….but next time I’ll try to spell it just right! lol…Awwwwwww…Dayum
Never let a man see you cry. It makes them think they have all the power over you and your happiness. Guurrrlll, you ain’t neva lied!!! That’s why women so often have the F^CK IT!!! attitude. Thanks, men.
By Cinderella
March 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this
@SlimOne regarding your ex….I bet it wasn’t so much as he was starting to like the idea than he just said F IT he wasnt gonna show he cared anymore.
Someone crying around me whether man or woman makes me slightly uncomfortable….which I admit is hypocritical of me cause I cry when I watch silly azz movies.
By crimson esq.
March 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this
@ Never Again
that was just that one guy..doesn’t mean that every man is going to hold your emotions over your head… but seriously.. if someone even jokes like that with you? you need to know that something is up….
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 11:11 AM | Link to this
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
By no bs allowed.
March 2, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this
laughter at the start of this stops any further attempt.
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this
abc Are you saying that you just being there has never worked as a means of comfort to any of the women that you have dated? Sometimes it’s not what you can say or do to make it better that’s important, cause sometimes there are no words or acts that can, but just being there means a lot sometimes.
By Jake
March 2, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this
Slim
So you are from “Bama”, just not the Gump. I knew there had to a connection after yesterday’s comment..LOL
By Cinderella
March 2, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
dang Never Again…that’s pretty messed up. You’re right though, I think it hurts people more when you act like you don’t care.
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this
Thanks Sexione…Those names were great too…Lady J came and did the trick!!! I am Phenomenal Lady J
By kinderbabe
March 2, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this
you all and these jokes are too much…lol
By mark
March 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this
C tha 1, it’s great that you don’t want to me a male girlfriend.
By abc
March 2, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this
Raqi, just being there? So one just sits and waits? I guess I don’t understand how one could be so overcome that they just sit and weep. Someone said earlier they think men avoid weeping women because they can’t deal with their own emotions, but to me it’s more a matter of simply not being so emotionally driven.
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 11:20 AM | Link to this
I know there’s no comfort I can offer other than rationale, unless I want to cave in to a disingenuous ploy, or sink to their blubbering level. Thanks ABC I wanted you to prove I was right in my earlier post…see how easy that was? I did not manipulate. I did not use my tears! LOL! Really, you do not need to have a solution for every problem. Sometimes, we just want you to listen and understand. Contrary to popular belief, tears will not leave you defenseless and out of control.
I agree. The workplace is a different animal. Rumors will label the two of you a couple.
By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert
March 2, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this
Before the female bashing gets into full swing. My sister sent me this email awhile ago….
THINGS A WOMAN SHOULD NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR. 1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Always do what you really want.
Never apologize for using proper English.
Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.
Never apologize for being successful.
Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
Never apologize for being frugal.
Don’t apologize for being a single mom.
Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.
Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship.
Never apologize for keeping the ring even if wedding bells won’t chime.
Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate.
Never apologize for saying NO.
Never apologize for wearing a weave. You bought it so it’s yours.
Never apologize for ordering dessert. Or more than one dessert.
Never apologize for dating outside your race.
Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
Never apologize for your taste in clothes.
Never apologize for changing your mind.
20.Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
21.Never apologize for being you!
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this
Never Again I read your post thinking, is there any way she could have driven off the cliff, causing no damage to herself or the car? But leave him looking like that man in “Tales From the Hood” who abused his son? You know the one where the little boy drew a picture of the man and crumpled the paper?
By SexyLeggs
March 2, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Good Happy Friday everyone I don’t believe in emotional blackmail. I am not a crier! I am emotional at movies and over sentimental things, but dating is not a time for a man to see me cry. I’m with most on this blog = I’d rather not let you see me sweat and save my crying for when I’m alone at night. Demi how are you doing? WiseDiva strange that your boyfriend would wonder why he hasn’t seen you cry after dating 4 months. That’s such a short period of time. Personally, I’m glad he hasn’t seen you cry. Our backbones are much stronger than yesteryear’s model of women.
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this
Cinderella He is definitely a different breed of guys. He still cared and on many occasions came down to visit me. I think he started liking the idea of me not being too close and not too far (only and hour and a half away) I think his initial crying spell was the fear that I was walking out of his life indefinitely and to this day he says it’ll never happen. And I love to cry laughing at funny movies. The last time that happened to me was when I watched Wedding Crashers on the part where they are sitting around the table eating dinner and that chick was rubbing the hellz out outta Vince Vaughn’s wang and made him…’bust’!!!!
Jake yeah i’m originally from Tuskegee but I’ve been living in Georgia since the 3rd grade. So I was basically raised here.
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this
Guys freak out when women get emotional because we don’t really know how to deal with that. We guys fix things and sometimes all that stuff and crying is not easily fixed and we don’t know what to do and us guys are simple creatures and generally happy so crying for no reason or other emotional issues we have a hard time dealing with. Thanks Cool Breeze You also proved my point.
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this
Sometimes you have to cry to keep from killing
By Never Again
March 2, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this
Thanks to all of you who have said my story was jacked up. I never shared that story with anyone. I guess because I should have taken Jewel’s advice and tried to crash the car without hurting myself. :-)
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
@Dr Kym…Great Post!!!
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this
Lady J sounds much sexier…
hey crimson esq.
QC, I am amaze at some of the negative things my co-workers been saying behind my back…revenge is in order
By Mo
March 2, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this
@ Dr Kym I received that as well, great email!
By Awwwwwwwwww...Dayum
March 2, 2007 11:48 AM | Link to this
Awwwwwwwwww…Dayum, Never Again you were slooooooow!!!
Sexione lay off the jokes…I am trying to work for a living, not laugh, LOL
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 11:54 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggs Hey you!! I am preparing to cut down a few folks, who don’t realize I am back among the hearing now.
By MsUnderstood aka MsU
March 2, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this
I have cried over two guys in my past; of course not in their presence i was in my get-on and get-over it stage. I tend to cry when someone else cry, when i am over excited, and or mad as h3$$ and when someone give their life to Christ.
As for me I think men was taught not to cry ( cause it shows lack up manhood some would say) however i believe that is why some men are so confused and nonchalant about how to express themselves (thinking they would be consider weak) Men it’s ok to cry; show your feelings sometime.
I’m not gonna cry to have my way ( which is manupiation)
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.”
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 12:00 PM | Link to this
@LorDemi Thanks!!!
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this
To me if a man is crying he is REALLY hurt or beyond healing.
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this
Kym I liked that!!
Awwwwwwwwww…Dayum Sorry, okay, no I’m not. Laughter is healthy…plus, I’m skrait crazy for fun and having a good time!!!
Demi Get ‘em!!! That should be hilarious considering they don’t have a clue that you know the truth!!
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 12:05 PM | Link to this
@SlimOne you said a mouth full there!!!
By SexyLeggs
March 2, 2007 12:07 PM | Link to this
LadyJ formerly Confused very nice name. When you first arrived to this blog you were sad and not much smile in your words (if you know what I mean). Glad to see that you are moving on, analyzing what needs to be analyzed and throwing away all the unnecessary BS….
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
THe jokes are getting me through the day!!!
By Raqi
March 2, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
Last year the man told me that he and his friend Jimmy were going to go sky diving and I just like froze in a state of awe. He was just going on and on about this upcoming adventure and I guess he noticed I didn’t give a verbal response. He turned and saw the expression of my face and was like “What? What ‘Raqi’?” I said “if you die, I will kill you.” He laughed and said if I die? I stated again if you die I will kill you. We went back and forth debating the dangers, safety and precautions of the whole thing and I said again IF YOU DIE I WILL KILL YOU. He then told me I was acting crazy. But I stated one last time “if you die I will kill you, Mason”. I didn’t cry to show my heartfelt concern but I believe the look in my eyes and the tone of my voice did it all for me. Now I know the statement I was making isn’t physically possible but it got the point across because he didn’t do it. Either that or he finally realized that I was saying that I wasn’t trying to bury another husband.
I don’t know why that just came back to my mind but it did. But anyhoo…
Yeah, abc just being there. But I guess it really is a “girl-friend” thing because sometimes when some of us women are going thru things having our “girls” there to go thru it with us means a lot. I guess we just carry that over into our relationships. Maybe?
Out.
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
Aren’t you the guy from the villiage people?
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop. No donut.
You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.
Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
I pay your salary
So uh, you on the take or what?
Gee officer, that’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.
What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
By Lady J
March 2, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this
@SexyLeggs….Thanks so much for that positive obsevation…Life Does Go On
By Jewel
March 2, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this
Now here’s a REAL reason to cry…
Everyone in tears on ‘American Idol’
By LorDemi
March 2, 2007 12:22 PM | Link to this
Sexione you should have seen the look on some of their faces…They’ve forgotten how professional I can be at times…Awwwwwwww…Dayum, one of them is coming over now to redeem himself.
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this
To get married you need a wedding license, right?
So, what do lesbians need? A licker license
And what about gay men? A poker license
By CP
March 2, 2007 12:32 PM | Link to this
Women are champions of emotional blackmail. My woman cries, gets angry, won’t talk, all of that to keep me guessing what the hell is going on. Most women I know are like the girls in Players Club, “Use what you got to get what you want.” What women got is a lock on this emotion crap and they use it to get what they want, which is to keep a man guessing and off balance!
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 12:35 PM | Link to this
Jesus and Satan are having a conversation…
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
By Mo
March 2, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this
@ Sexione I am STILL laughing on that last one!!! Poker License & Licker License!!! LMAO!!
@ LorDemi Let’em have it! That’s what they get for being triflin’!
By SlimOne
March 2, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this
The Blog Bar Is now Open and Fully Stocked
Current drink of the hour is Bacardi 151 & Coke and Grey Goose & Pineapple Juice
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this
Slim Grey Goose and juice please!!!!
By Sexione
March 2, 2007 1:05 PM | Link to this
Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery. “