By Raqi

March 28, 2007 8:12 AM | Link to this

Good to see you back WiseDiva. Glad you had a nice time on your vacation.

On topic, by now everyone probably already know “the rest of the story” for me on this so I will decline to comment.

But really I just wanted to welcome you back.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 8:17 AM | Link to this

Welcome back WD

I am always intrigued at how or why a man would want multiple relationships and serial dating. I suspect it is the “thrill of the conquest”, a ‘numbers’ game or some other childish play. Apparently it is important to some men to have as many notches on their headboard as they can so they can BS with their boys. With the exception of this blog, my relationships are personal and about the only lying I do in my life is pretending to nosy males in my office that I never do anything beyond hold hands…(old country adage, “never tell who you f&^k, how you fight, and when you bluff at poker”…I follow it religiously).

In any event, it is expensive and difficult to juggle. I know that just from the few times that I have had two ‘pre-relationships’ slightly overlapping, it was a pain to manage them both.

I guess I am just simple, but one woman at a time is confusing enough for me. Welcome back WD, missed ya.

By SlimOne

March 28, 2007 8:21 AM | Link to this

Welcome Back WD I must say that not having a topic the last two days taught me that people do need some type of structure because we ran amuck up in this camp.

Slim greeting Wise while trying to kick a pair of left behind Grannies under the table

On-Topic Is this an epidemic on the dating scene? Are single people using lies to get laid? Telling lies to get laid is nothing new, it’s been done for ages. As far as it being an epidemic, I just think our society is so saturated with more more more quantity quantity quantity variety variety variety that it makes it hard to feel you can only have just one. It’s sort of like the Lays Potato Chip Commercial…“Can’t Eat Just One”

Have you ever been in a situation where you found out the person you were dating was seriously seeing someone else too? How did you handle it? Yes I’ve been in a situation where I found out a guy I was dating was actually very married. His wife somehow found my number and called me. The crazy thing was i had even spent time with their son which is kind of shady to do when you’re still freaking married. Well the next time he called me he acted as if nothing happened and said ‘Hey, what’s up?’ and my reply was maybe you should be calling your wife to see what’s up with your wife. He was speechless. After I told him she called me and busted up his little sharade, I told him not to ever call me again. Case Closed.

Do you think there is there a surefire way to tell that the person you want to date is really single? I really don’t think there is a surefire way because there are so many different types of relationships. For instance some couples may very well be married but may work in different cities but travel back home periodically during the month. So in that case it could be hard to tell. Of course, certain things can help to determine if someone is possibly single such as if you’ve met and been around their family and friends, if you’ve spent a few nights over at their crib, if they have no problem answering the phone around you, allow you to be at their crib when they aren’t there, consistent behavior….etc just to name a few.

Are you juggling relationships or dates lately? Where do you find the time? No, i’m not juggling relationships because I am honestly single. However, I do have different guy friends that i may hang out with from time to time.

Sorry Musing, I guess I should’ve split this post up, OH Well

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 8:28 AM | Link to this

welcome back diva i know that your trip was awesome! glad to hear that you had a great time.:)

it’s funny that you brought up this scenerio b/c a similar thing happened to me two nights back. i was getting my food to go at a restaurant when a guy sparked up a convo w/me and asked if i would join him and his friend for to dine in (actually, he was sitting w/someone i knew). well, the guy i knew gets up shortly after i sat down and leaves me and buddy there. of course, i took a glance at his hand and noticed a ring. i was knee deep in my food at that point so i figured i’d eat my dinner, have pleasant generic conversation and move on…lol. so, as i close the conversation after the meal, this fool asks me for my number. i looked at him like he was from mars saying “you’re married.” he seemed completely unfazed. it just blew my mind how these married guys are still marketing themselves as single. i immediately made me feel sorry for his wife.

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 8:31 AM | Link to this

Welcome back Wd….I will will be the first to say we missed you

I dont get it about dating …its weird

By Chink

March 28, 2007 8:59 AM | Link to this

Hello Everyone ….I know your trip had to be so exciting Wise…

Anyway I always have a great story on this ..when I first moved to Atl and I was looking for a job …found myself at a church (in southwest ATL pretty prosperous too…well the highest on the Org Chart were very well paid) it was for a admin type of position (pre degrees). Anyway I found myself talking to this guy (who was there to interview as well) we happened to be prior military and stuff “I saw he had a ring on”. Well the interview was almost up for me and he goes to the bathroom and comes back out and asks me for my number …now the ring has mysteriously disappeared. I said I saw your ring he is like what I am not married and I said let me see your finger and there is the dent from his ring. After that he was like I was I just wear it out of habit ..lie after lie was thrown at me …all the excuses in the book …The point is we was in CHURCH and he had no shame in his ridiculous GAME….

That really made me sad for a while about men ..period.

Oh well…

By purplepassion

March 28, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

Good morning All. Welcome back The Ever Wise Diva!

Here’s a little something to start your morning off:

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn’t know what to call her, so we named her “Pussycat.”

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don’t see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband ‘El-Cheap-O’, and my husband calls the vet ‘El-Charge-O’ They love to hate each other and constantly ‘snipe’ at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, “Your wife’s p*** doesn’t stink any more and it’ s finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she’s pregnant. god only knows who the father is!” Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even

By T-Mango

March 28, 2007 9:08 AM | Link to this

Good morning all and welcome back Wise Diva.

Been a minute since I blogged. On topic: Historically, I never have been the type to juggle people. I’ve always been a 1:1 type of person in dating. I don’t think that will change. In my mind I am too old (33) to be a player. Don’t wanna be a player no more… I did that in my 20’s.

Updates: Since the “Meet The Parents” blog I have put myself back in the Atlanta dating marketplace. My SO at the time did not meet the parents that weekend as originally planned! He broke out in a fit of rage this weekend in my home over something small. That showed me that I needed to keep it movin’. Can’t deal with someone with pent up anger, violent tendencies, and is disrespectful. Goodbye Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Now returning to my seat next to the rest of my single friends at blog bar. May I have a Gin & juice please?

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 9:12 AM | Link to this

On topic…sort of

I have run into a few women that were not totally candid about their relationship ‘status’. I knew one lady that was involved heavily in the singles ministry of a major church, and was frequently host to parties, functions, etc. for several years. She had an extraordinary house in a certain affluent town North of ATL and I used to wonder if she just ‘divorced well’. When I dug into it, I discovered that she had been married to a Delta pilot who moved out to be with his mistress, stayed married for financial reasons, and she just continued driving her Porsche, living in his nice house, and acted single. Eventually the singles ministry found out the true story and ‘suggested’ she wait until she was legally clear. As luck (or bad luck) would have it, he got killed in a small plane accident leaving no insurance to cover anything, and last I heard the Porsche was up for sale.

I have dated a couple of women who “conveniently” forgot to mention that their divorce was not quite final. The reasons were usually different for a woman than a man in my “humble opinion”. Usually with a woman, it is a matter of the divorce being nasty and drawn out sometimes for years, and they just got tired of staying home…not just out to score.

By BrownEyes

March 28, 2007 9:13 AM | Link to this

YES! YES! YES! I have a horor story to share. I met a guy about 5 years ago and for whatever reason we did not click then. I ran into him again November 2005 and we clicked. We dated what I thought to be exclusively for about 4 months and then I started noticing a slight change in behavior and availability. I asked him if he was seeing someone and he stated no. From that point I continued to date him but began to handle him with a long handle spoon. I stopped investing as much time and feelings into it becuase I just felt like he was cheating. Well, I had minor surgery in Sept. 2006 and he was at my bedside the entire time. Brining me breakfast in the morning and tucking me in by phone call at night. Well, Oct. 9, 2006 he was sitting on the edge of my bed feeding me breakfast and all was good. I went back to work about a week later and then we were able to start going out again. My best girlfriend ran into a mutual friend of he and I and she was then informed that he got married on Oct. 7, 2006. I later realized that he was on his way to his honeymoon the morning that he was sitting in my bed feeding me breakfast. I was DEVASTATED. Not because I had lost him, but because the entire time he was wining and dining me, buying me gifts and being a sweetie, he was going to cake tastings and tuxedo fittings. I sent him a text the same day I found out he was married simply stating “you are married so do not ever contact me again!” I received several calls and text messages, all went unanwered by me. I have NO intentions of ever speaking to this two timing slim again in life. I am still very angry, so angry that I feel like typing his name right now but I have too much class for that.

So, long story short, I don’t put anything past anyone - male or female.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 9:15 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Welcome Back Wisey, glad you took pictures.

Yes I have dated knowingly and unknowingly married men before..old news. What I have learned is that it is a trial and error thing for the men who do have affairs..if they try it with you and it doesnt work doesnt mean there is not some woman out there who is not willing to date him. I own that T-shirt and the matching sweatpants An not to leave women out but I was recently talking with a guy friend who dated for a time only married women, for pretty much the reason I dated married men.

Lurker if you are well lurking I was recently sharing your tier system theory with some guys and gals and each admitted to having the tier system rotation, but they have what I called a double standard. If a man does it he is just a player, if a woman does it she is just keeping her options open.

By Tazzee

March 28, 2007 9:16 AM | Link to this

Molo Sisi Wise Diva! You are a geek, you know how to spell stuff and whatnot, LOL

Have you ever been in a situation where you found out the person you were dating was seriously seeing someone else too? How did you handle it? Most on here know the story of how I met a man through speed dating and later found out he was married. We had broken up by the time I found out but we still communicated. That wasn’t a fun time for me.

Personally, I assume any guy I meet is seeing someone. No one (except me, LOL) is truly single - everyone has someone in the wings. With that in mind I always proceed with caution and give a guy enough time to handle his other business before I even consider an exclusive relationship with him.

Happy Wednesday folks!

By QC

March 28, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

Welcome Home WD i’m glad you had a lot of fun on your trip; we had fun while you were away too and yes Bella & Laney did a good job filling in for you….this is a good hump day topic i’m *single as a $1 bill but the relationships i’ve had in the past were not juggled…well back in the day while going through my playa days of there were a few…but it’s all good…have a great day bloggers i’m sure you all are sneaking, coughing, & blowing your nose like me

i’ll be in lurkesville at “cafe blog” chilling, take care everyone

By Tazzee

March 28, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this

purplepassion that was hilarious! Please tell me you made that up - I know your hubby was embarrassed!

BrownEyes your story is sad and I realy feel sorry for that guy’s wife.

By Mo

March 28, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL, and welcome back WD!!

I was just having a discussion about this same topic recently. Its funny how so many people just look at the instituion of marriage as a challenge of sorts, yeah I’m married but I’ll see if I can still get him/her.. To me its scary that you can tell someone you are married (or they be married) and it’s like “whatever!”

Browneyes that’s some deep ish..

WD glad you enjoyed your trip! We missed you!

By QC

March 28, 2007 9:36 AM | Link to this

GA.man you’ve been MIA glad to see you back…..

By BrownEyes

March 28, 2007 9:37 AM | Link to this

Tazzee Yes, I feel sorry for her too. I can’t help but wonder if she knows anything about me or if I was the only one. I am certain he is still playing that husband role and dating on the side. Sad sad sad!!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 9:39 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Everyone and Welcome Back Wise

My brother told me when I was a young girl (a little G) that the moment a man approaches you he is already cheating. He says every man always has someone. I believe that to be true…

In Atlanta I think most men are lying about their status…whether married or in a committed relationship. I think it’s truly sad and mainly done to stroke their ego….they have to know that they still have it!

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 9:40 AM | Link to this

Qc court court court and more court..i am sure Nc can relate to it….by the way i got to rag her about her Tarheels and my Gators…lolololol sorry Nc i had to do it

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

Browneyes And you wonder how someone so lowdown can be so considerate….

By QC

March 28, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this

Brown Eyes that is so sad, i’m sure he has “another female” by now and playing the same old game; and his wife is in the dark about his mess;

good like to you girl i’m sure your Prince will come along soon

when he does let me know if he has a brother :)

By Laney

March 28, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

welcome back Wise Diva! We missed you!!! (Me especially, haha.)

Are there signs you can use to tell if someone is being dishonest from the get-go, or do you just have to live and learn? I’ve definitely gotten burned by this — luckily never a married guy, but a guy who was in a relationship that he, uh, neglected to mention.

By Peachezz

March 28, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning, i’m glad to see the blog operating on course now, welcome back Wise Diva

GA.man you know LingLing has been MIA also, were you 2 in court together???? lololololol

Brown Eyes that is some messed up &^%$#@! and it’s a shame men/women carry on like that on “daily basis”

By NCgirlfromATL

March 28, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this

Welcome back Wise Diva!! Sounds like you had a great time on your trip!

I have court this afternoon, so I’ll share my experience quickly (lol!!)this morning.

I was working at a company in Research Triangle Park when I first got out of undergrad. What we did was videoconferencing for all of the schools in the NC University system, so I worked at night a lot, running classes for several of the universities. I was usually there by myself, with the exception of 1 or 2 guys from the data department who were at the other side of the building (it was a smallish building). Each night, around 6:30, one of the rent-a-cops, aka Top Flight Security (of the World, Craig! Of the World!) would come through and make the 2 or 3 of us in the building sign in for the night. There was an older man, who was really cool, and always made me call him when I left, so he could step out and make sure I got to my car ok. But, on some nights there was a younger guy…we’ll call him Day-Day (lol!). Day-Day would come through and tell me about his fiancee and getting married, and other business I didn’t really want to hear. But, I’m a nice person, and didn’t just blow him off rudely. Found out later that I should have. After a couple of weeks of him telling me all of his business, he corners me in a room with only 1 exit, and he’s blocking it (he was a BIG dude), to ask me to “hook up” with him. Yes, he was asking me to sleep with him. Besides being completely shocked, since there was absolutely NO chemistry between us, and I had no interest in him, I politely told him no. He was persistent. I reminded him that he’d told me he was engaged. His response was, “my woman knows the deal…until we’re married, I can do what I need to do.” I almost choked trying not to laugh. He was moving into the very small control booth I’d been sitting in, and I was only blocked by a chair. Of course, I’m getting quite nervous now, b/c he’s a lot bigger than me, and I’m alone at that end of the building. God was looking out for me, b/c just at that time, one of the data guys that I was friends with came through and caught the deer in headlights look on my face. Day-Day left as soon as he saw Ray come through. From that night on, I had someone stay w/ me at least until ole boy had done his rounds.

By QC

March 28, 2007 9:49 AM | Link to this

*Brown Eyes, that should’ve read>>>>>>”good luck” to you

going to get some caffeine

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

Browneyes And you wonder how someone so lowdown can be so considerate….

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 9:55 AM | Link to this

Welcome Diva and Goodmorning Everybody!!!

I am to the point that I despise dating…too many games, too many lies, and I don’t have the time or desire to play! So I fully exercise my weeding out process immediately.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog..Welcome Back WD..

I think single and attached people both tell lies to get laid…I know men catch a lot of flack for being the biggest culprits of lying to get laid..but i run across women who lie too…The women lie to appear to be a higher tier quality female than what they think a man would consider them. I was never the lie to get the panties type..but more than like one who dont disclose all the info type. Once i matured to an extent..i found out honesty is really the best policy..and if a female wants to sleep with you just be up front..9/10 its not going to change her mind. You never know. she want the same thing u want.

By purplepassion

March 28, 2007 10:02 AM | Link to this

LOL Tazzee That was a joke sent to me via email.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 10:07 AM | Link to this

To All

I guess I have a question. Although I do not doubt the sincerity of the ladies on the Blog, I am completely in the dark about how one could have a ‘many month’ relationship with someone and not know (or at least suspect enough to call “Cheaters”) that someone is not a liar and a cheat and is married and playing you? I’m not trying to be mean, and maybe I have a more sophistocated BS radar than most, but I would think that there would have to be signs from the beginning. I can see meeting someone in a bar and hooking up and not figuring out until too late, but how do you not see things a week, or a month, or two months later?

I’m naive, how can people lead double lives as thoroughly and as convincingly as they apparently have in the stories on this blog? Enquiring minds want to know.

By NCgirlfromATL

March 28, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

GaMan Been waiting all week for that. Yeah Yeah Yeah…Go Bruins! LOL!

Randyt I think the truth is that it’s a little bit of naivete and a little bit of men becoming more sophisticated with their lies. And as women, we are constantly hearing from men, “I’m grown! Don’t ask me where I’m going and who I’m with. I don’t owe you any explanations!” So, in some ridiculous effort to respect your wishes, we stop asking the questions we need to ask, making it a lot easier for men to get away with double lives. Can’t win for losing. I also think I have a pretty good BS meter, but even I have been surprised by the lies I’ve been told and fallen for. Of course, somethings are obvious, and we need to stop turning a blind eye to them just so we can stay in a relationship.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Tazzee I assume any guy I meet is seeing someone You sound like me. I don’t believe that crap either…..99.9% have somebody, somewhere…even if it’s just a buttahead. I am truly single, no somebody on the side, no maitenance man, NOTHING!!! Not many people (men or women) can honestly say that. So I just stay clear of all the bullish!

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this

Peachazz Ling ling is locked up in Dekalb county jail for eating all the food at Ryans…they charged her not paying for two for her big azzz….i tried to get her bond but the lawyers for Ryans fought hard and she was denied

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone! Welcome back Wise Diva!

Hello Raqi I hope you and your family are doing well today.

On topic I have not experienced a married man who blatantly (with ring on) flirted with me. Most women can notice everything about a man’s physical appearance in 0 to 6 seconds. I see a ring, he receives the polite, please don’t think I am interested smile. I have already shared the story of the idiot I met online a few years ago. We had exchanged emails for a few days, when he writes, “Before we go any further and begin talking on the phone, I recently found out I am still married.” He gave some limp explanation of how a few years prior he thought the divorce was filed blah, blah, blah. My reply was, “well, you can get a divorce in 30 days or less. Contact me when you are single.” DELETE I guess he expected me to wait. I usually have two questions when I meet a man: (1) Are you married?; and (2) Are you on the down-low? Of course their answer to both questions is no. However, I proceed with my standard: Well, if you are (either), it is not my place to judge you. But I do not want to be a part of the drama. There are plenty of women out here who want to date a married man (or want to be kept in the down-low dark). I am not the one. Then, me and my big, black eyes will intently watch their reaction.

Lying to get laid. Why do people still play such games? Is it really necessary on the current dating scene? I do not think so. Men and women who lie to get what they want are immature and insecure, in my humble opinion.

Have a Powerful, Productive, Prosperous and Positive Day!!!

By Tazzee

March 28, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

Randyt In my case, the guy was separated. He and his wife weren’t living together or anything. Because I have a life of my own, we didn’t see each other every day and I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t very ‘clingy’ or anything like that. The first few months of our relationship were great. I went on two vacations to the Caribbean during that time and back then you didn’t get cell phone reception so each time I didn’t speak to him for days. He started acting real shady around month 6 and thats when I broke up with him. Found out later it was during that time that he was preparing to get back with his wife for another try. It was while he was back with her that he started calling again and she called me one day - that’s how I found out.

I had met dude’s family and everything. As a matter of fact, his neice and I are still close, she’s like a little sister to me. We never discuss my relationship with her uncle, but sometimes I wonder why she never told me he was married or what he was telling her while we were dating. But she was 18 at the time, so I don’t hold her part of the deception (if any) against her. The rest of his family, the grown folks, I put them in the shady category with him - even his mama.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Randyt I often wonder the same thing. I think most times women know, but choose to act like they don’t (men too). I’m sure in my younger days I overlooked some things that were right in my face…maybe b/c I truly didn’t care at that point, was doing the same thing, or was just allowing him to do for me what I needed done and didn’t care about the rest. But now, I fall for nothing. If he’s suspect I’m gonna call him on it. If he disappears, then fine, but I personally refuse to let anything suspect slide at this point in my life. If you act suspicious, 9/10 you are!!!

By Girlfriend

March 28, 2007 10:22 AM | Link to this

The scariest ‘players’ are those that disguise themselves as ‘the good guys’. You know the type, wholesome, good catholic boy. I found one of those once and thought he was great. UNTIL I found out I was the ‘other woman’. He had a steady girlfriend the whole time were seeing each other. Looking back there were LOTS of signs but I, of course, chose to ignore them. Y’all fellow girlfriends out there, DON’T IGNORE THE SIGNS AND RED FLAGS. They are there. Trust me !!!! There is hope, however. I am now happily married and much the wiser for having known the ‘good catholic boy’.

By abc

March 28, 2007 10:23 AM | Link to this

I’ve encountered cheaters of both genders, either guys telling me about it, or women doing it with me/to me. IMHO, rat them out. Or, if you don’t care, forget about it. But don’t overthink it, if you ponder it much, just rat them out.

I don’t have much use for such behavior, myself. Even when openly dating multiple women, it was just too much hassle to keep up with. Thank God for my baby.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 10:24 AM | Link to this

Hindsight is 20/20!!!!!

By Girlfriend

March 28, 2007 10:26 AM | Link to this

The scariest ‘players’ are those that disguise themselves as ‘the good guys’. You know the type, wholesome, good catholic boy. I found one of those once and thought he was great. UNTIL I found out I was the ‘other woman’. He had a steady girlfriend the whole time were seeing each other. Looking back there were LOTS of signs but I, of course, chose to ignore them. Y’all fellow girlfriends out there, DON’T IGNORE THE SIGNS AND RED FLAGS. They are there. Trust me !!!! There is hope, however. I am now happily married and much the wiser for having known the ‘good catholic boy’.

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 10:27 AM | Link to this

NC no it goes..Go Gators..Go Gators..

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Heeey Chink and Brown Eyes

…his wife is in the dark about his mess

QC she knows…She choose to ignore his behavior, out of hope he’ll change one day.

We humans love shady individuals

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

randyt I agree with you and several statements from others about how a women may know…I know everytime I’ve busted a guy lying I think I could name the time/date/hour he lied. I caught an EX of mine cheating because we were on the phone arond 8pm and he said he was going to hang out with his boys and that he’ll talk to me tomorrow. Wait A Minute he ALWAYS called me when he was out with his boys or when he was in the car driving home….it never failed….so I knew something was up that night that he would be stupid enough to announce it at 8pm. If he hadn’t said anything and just called the next day I would have been like…oh, did you guys have fun last night? I would have chalked it up to him being too drunk or something….

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 10:33 AM | Link to this

Randy In my case the man’s wife worked different shifts and he lied about quite a few things even his own job status. So his availability was never a question. When I found out it hurt but I realized that like NC stated we can be a bit naive in our approach to dating..Igiving a person the benefit of the doubt or the I am giving you just enough rope to hang yourself with factor.

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

I see alot of Male bashing going on here..for every story you ladies are telling there are two shady women playing the same games..trying to get thier rent or mortage paid…maybe even trying to get the ultimate hook up the baby…so lets make sure..we keep this fair ok

By Wise Diva

March 28, 2007 10:34 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the warm welcomes everyone! Aww, I missed ya’ll crazies, too! LOL

Someone just emailed a few tips, great suggestions for single people who want to be sure their date is actually free to date:

How to know for sure he or she is really single:

• Slow down, take your time and check things out objectively.
• Separate fantasy from reality and trust your instinct
• Always remember, if you play the game in any form, you become the game.
• Look beneath the surface. The truth lives there
• The signs will be there from the beginning you just have to choose to recognize them as such.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

Okay WD, time to wake up for a moment

You are a ‘de facto’ student of the human psyche, why do YOU think a lot of women fall for the BS artist (read CHEATER)? Is it naivete, inexperience, or just choosing to ignore the obvious?

By Peachezz

March 28, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this

lololol @ GA.man

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 10:36 AM | Link to this

Good Moring Wise (Welcome Back) and All

On topic: Have you ever been in a situation where you found out the person you were dating was seriously seeing someone else too? How did you handle it?

Yes. Y’all have heard snippets of this before….. he lives in Augusta, I wasn’t down with the idea of a LDR when we met, he promised to visit regularly and he did, a few months down the line I’m really liking this guy, so I decide I better spend a day or so in Augusta to see how buddy is living on his own. He wanted to move to Atlanta to take our relationship to the next level……. Long story short, I never went because it was never a good weekend for him……. YFR. He called me 5 times yesterday…… I was home in bed alone, but told him I had company (he asked; I lied), that did not move him in the least, 99% of my answers we NO, No, and He!! No, but he swears he’s calling me back, he’s coming to the “A” this weekend. Talk about taking a lie to your grave……..

Do you think there is there a surefire way to tell that the person you want to date is really single?

I don’t think there is a surefire way. Men/women can tell lies that will have God scratching his head. When someone wants to manipulate a person to get what they want, they usually stop at nothing.

JustMe’s famous line……… People can make their mouths say anything

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

@ Ga Mayne…i was just thinking the same thing…like men are the only ones to lie..And we all know women are the original author of lying…Plenty of dudes taking care of kids that are not theirs and dont even know it..Just because women are better liars and cheaters than men doenst mean yall dont get busted..

By Sweet Tea

March 28, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

Hold on GA.man you i still work here at Dekalb County ain’t nobody locked up name LingLing lolol!

How’s everyone doing, long time no blog. where is Musing & Demi i’ll try to check back later i’ve been lurking for a looooooooong time and had to chime in since GA.man mentioned DCP

By Chase

March 28, 2007 10:42 AM | Link to this

Hello all: I was told about this blog by a friend so if you guys don’t mind, I’m going to jump in. I find the subject to be quite interesting.

What’s really going on with married men and their brazeness?! I just had to blow someone off recently for this same thing. I’m just offended that someone made an attempt on me. I can only speak from a woman’s perspective so men, please don’t get offended that I didn’t mention women cheating. It is beyond me the lengths men will travel for the almight drawers. No regard for the institution of marriage. Real women don’t have to play to know there’s a game in tow. Guess I’m still ticked!

By Sweet Tea

March 28, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

Women are playing the double standard card also it’s not just the Men

By QC

March 28, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

Welcome Chase

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 10:46 AM | Link to this

GA Man That does work both ways, I agree.

I have heard everything from we are together for the kids to I can’t afford to divorce right now, to this is not a wedding band, I just wear it on this finger……

somebody please pass me my screws, my head is about to fall off

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 10:48 AM | Link to this

Yes, women cheat…but get busted…I don’t know about that one LOL!

By For Real

March 28, 2007 10:50 AM | Link to this

Welcome back Wise D

I don’t think it is a bad thing to date more than one person at a time, so long as you tell everyone up front that you are not the only person that I am seeing. Like GA.Man says “tell the truth” because a woman will not believe you either way so why lie???

I am with Randyt it is just totally puzzling to me how smart women fall for the same lies they have heard before. What’s make even worst is alot women will fall for a guy whose “game” is so weak.

Ga.Man Gtown is going to get your Gaitors in the final.

By NCgirlfromATL

March 28, 2007 10:52 AM | Link to this

GaMan Naaah…wrong shade of blue, and corresponding color. As we say when playing Clemson…ORANGE IS UGLY! LOLOL!

But, you and SJ make a good point. There are many shady women out there lying to get bills paid, and creeping on their men. It’s not just a male thing. And like SJ said, women might be better liars, but we’re getting busted too. Dr. Kym said something interesting though, about giving someone enough rope to hang themselves. Blog question: How do most of you enter relationships on the trust factor? Do you trust first, until someone gives you reason not to trust them, or does the person start at zero, and work their way to whatever you consider complete trust? Does anyone ever completely trust their SO?

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this

@ DarkDimples….Yes, women cheat…but get busted…I don’t know about that one LOL…………………..Where have you been??? Every week on the news u hear about a female that is killed my her boyfriend in Atlanta..so um…women do get busted….and it can be deadly..

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 10:54 AM | Link to this

RandyT Women know instinctively. Usually, we choose to ignore our instinct. Let me personalize it: I chose to ignore my instinct in my last relationship. When you have invested time and emotions into a relationship, you automatically become aware of a person’s pattern. You are conscious of your interaction with him, how he responds to you. I knew it was unusual for him not to answer his phone when I called him late on two occasions. He knew I was traveling and should have expected to hear from me if for no other reason than to ensure I was safe. I ignored my instinct when I returned and he was emotionally distant, even though we had not seen each other for nearly three weeks. My wake-up call (literally) was when his fling called me. Oh, and an update. When I finally allowed myself to talk to him, I asked if he had sex with her. He said, “I do not have to answer that.” I said, “There’s my ‘yes’.” Shaking my head.

I think the expectation is that no one is faithful in the current dating culture. “Everybody’s doing it” is an assumption. So, the liars and cheaters really do not think of themselves as such. Exposing them is futile. They have a counter lie prepared.

By For Real

March 28, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

oh and enough of this naive ish. yall azz was being selfish not naive or as the song goes

I don’t care about the other girls just be good to me Now that’s the truth.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

For the ladies: Go Lady Tar Heel!!! I actually like one of their famous player…A cute little som’n-som’n!!

For my fellas: Go Gators!!! dem Florida boys be rep’n the south!!

By Mo

March 28, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

JustMe I have heard those lines too, we are together for the kids to I can’t afford to divorce right now, to this is not a wedding band, I just wear it on this finger and my thought is, if you want a divorce go through h3ll and high water to get it!! B/C if you come at me with anything else I shooting you to fingers in the air!! PEEEEAAAACE!!!!

By For Real

March 28, 2007 10:55 AM | Link to this

oh and enough of this naive ish. yall azz was being selfish not naive or as the song goes

I don’t care about the other girls just be good to me Now that’s the truth.

By Mo

March 28, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Sorry about the typo, should have read two fingers in the air..peace out! LOL *Mo trying to multitask, one too many screens up!

By Michael

March 28, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

Welcome back Wise.

Im 24 and on the dating scene here. Im upfront because I have nothing to hide. The truth is everybody is being deceptive in one way or another. . Like SEAN JOHNSON said “The women lie to appear to be a higher tier quality female than what they think a man would consider them”. Ive been getting the ones that are trying to turn their lives around. Like a few weeks back, went on a date with a cool girl, then we went to another live jazz place that she suggested, then of course her ex “magically” walks in and she’s ducking and dodging him. Everyone should just be straight up.

Brown eyes said it best.. I don’t put anything past anyone - male or female.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 10:59 AM | Link to this

Sweet Tea Heeeeeeey sista!!! How are you and the ladies at DCP?

By Michael

March 28, 2007 11:00 AM | Link to this

Welcome back Wise.

Im 24 and on the dating scene here. Im upfront because I have nothing to hide. The truth is everybody is being deceptive in one way or another. . Like SEAN JOHNSON said “The women lie to appear to be a higher tier quality female than what they think a man would consider them”. Ive been getting the ones that are trying to turn their lives around. Like a few weeks back, went on a date with a cool girl, then we went to another live jazz place that she suggested, then of course her ex “magically” walks in and she’s ducking and dodging him. Everyone should just be straight up.

Brown eyes said it best.. I don’t put anything past anyone - male or female.

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 11:01 AM | Link to this

For Real Naďve is a kindler, gentler way of calling yourself an idiot. LOL!

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

I have a ring, clearly not a wedding band, that I wear on my left hand. I find it interesting that I get hit on by single and married women when I’m wearing it. When I don’t wear it, nothing.

By Michael

March 28, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

PS,

Like females who continue to go out on dates with a guy they arent remotely interested in. Don’t waste anyone’s time.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:04 AM | Link to this

For Real Dating multiple people is one thing, but when one person believes it had gone past the dating phase to an exclusive relationship, that is something different.

NC Atl

This is JustMe, I trust 1000% until you give me a reason not to trust you or to question your trust worthiness. When I have to start questioning my beleif in things you say, then I am in stage 1 of departing. I don’t feel like anyone has a reason to lie to me, but if they think they have to then oh well, I guess they will lie.

SJ I don’t know that all of those women were cheating. I think some them wanted out and the guy flipped his lid and did some h0e azz ish…….
thats what I call a b!tchazzni99a

By chase

March 28, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

Thanks OC! A man that cheats is capable of only crooking the nookie. Man up and go for what you want, be up front, state your intentions, give the woman the opportunity to slam the door in your face. Be a man about yours and straightly say I just want to do me by doing you, you know hit it and quit it. Kill the facade. I can at least respect your upfrontness (not honesty). Okay, off the soapbox now. Sorry, still feeling a bit offended. Such nonsense.

By Jake

March 28, 2007 11:07 AM | Link to this

What up Blog:

I missed the freestyle blogging, didn’t see it until late yesterday.

On topic:

The dating scene is filled with potholes, so stop driving so fast. I think some people just get caught up in the new thing they have found and lose their mind. Then of course if you haven’t been gettin it and all of a sudden Mr. Pipe Layer is there on a regular basis, some of you ladies conviently overlook things. Every dude on here has probably dealt with a woman who knew he was involved and didn’t care, or you could say anything to her and she’d roll with it, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.

Personally, I always tell the truth to avoid false expectations. I think honesty is paramount, I was raised right so I do not ever try to trick any lady, besides…it ain’t necessary.

As SeanJ stated earlier,

i found out honesty is really the best policy..and if a female wants to sleep with you just be up front..9/10 its not going to change her mind. You never know. she want the same thing u want.

Where can I sign? (I really wanted to put that at back there, but I know the Grammer Police is on the blog…LOL)

By Michael

March 28, 2007 11:08 AM | Link to this

PS,

Like females who continue to go out on dates with a guy they arent remotely interested in. Don’t waste anyone’s time.

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

GaMan, SeanJ, and any other man who feels they are being bashed YES! Women cheat. But, the ladies on this blog are posting from their experiences with men. I hear often that men have the same experience as women. And, I respect that and believe it si true. Care to share specific stories?

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 11:10 AM | Link to this

hey sj, GAman, justme how are y’all?

as far as the trust factor is concerned, i start out giving 100% and deduct accordingly.

oh and hey demi:)

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 11:12 AM | Link to this

I heard a corollary many years ago of “Murphy’s Law” that stated that “Everyone Lies, But It Does Not Matter Because No One Is Listening”. It seems that the blog today to some degree confirms both, or at least for some.

“Everyone lies to get laid”, okay I guess that proves premise #1, and “we choose to ignore…”, I guess that proves premise #2.

That is scary.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

@ JustMe….i dont think all are cheating..but most are/we…What women got to understand is…some men love waay harder than women and get crazy emotional..so its best when u break up..BREAK UP..no ties…dont still sleep with him on occasion just because it was good…dont except dinners..or money…and when they find out another dudes is hitting the azz..they flip..you will be surprise of how many women will invite you to their place when their man is not there..especially if its her spot.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

For Real In my own defense, I should have known when we have a convo that ended up with him saying something like……. I would never tell you if there was someone else. When I asked why he said that, his response ws because you already told me you would leave me……

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

For Real Since I dont lump all of the guys in the same catagory dont assume all women are selfish and know a man is married. When I choose to date married men it is because they told me upfront they were married and I choose to develop a relationship with them. In the case where I mention being naive I took this person at his word that he was who he said he was and that his lifestyle was what he made it out to be..He said he was single, no kids, good job, same interest that I had etc. He turned out to be married, one kid, no job and his only interest was in finding someone to and I quote…”Easy my mind from the mess I am currently in”

By For Real

March 28, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

Jewel that’s funny…. how about it’s an easy way to deflect blame.

NC I give everyone the benefit of doubt but I listen very, very closely to everything you say. I am a very good at sizing people up. So I stay away from liars, crazies and the married.

JustMe I hear you but you know once a woman has made up her mind that you should be with her exclusively. There is nothing a man can say that will make her change her mind.

How does that scary azz song go.. In my mind…

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

NCGirl I’m neutral in the beginning. I don’t trust you neither am I looking to catch you. In the beginning, I really want to know if you’re lying about marital status, job, girlfriend….I don’t really care if you’re dating someone else….it’ll work itself out if we decide to be exclusive….but I don’t have sex with anyone that I’m not exclusive with. I think Jake said it best….slow down…that message couldn’t be reiterated enough!

SeanDiddy They’re killing us because we’re leaving…not getting busted! When it’s on the news it’s always because we want out and these knuckle heads have a different ending in mind

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this

SJ I dont think the 19 year old girl that was strangled, dismembered, and cooked on the grill in Houston, TX was playing a game with her 27 year old ex-boyfriend..she was home on spring break and told him it was over. He just didnt like the idea she was moving on.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Kinder - How are ya? :-)

SJ So when a man love hard, it’s ok to go ballistic on a woman, but when a woman loves hard and she acts out of frusteration, she is a psychobeyotch, no?

I’m not saying women don’t do some idiotic things, some women do, but not all. I guess it just depends on the caliber of woman you are dealing with.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

@ KB…wassup…hey..i skipped first grade in elementary…if i come back..can i be in your class?

By Wise Diva

March 28, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Randyt, that’s easy, desperation, wanting to believe every sweet thing a guy tells us. We hope they are being truthful, but a lot of women don’t want to set a slow pace in dating. They want romance, STAT. Love now (or sex now) and ask questions later. I totally went through that phase! Now I like to consider dating guys like an archeological dig. I dig them, then find I check for authenticity. yea, it is time consuming, but for the most part it is FUN, and drama free, which is what I want and need in my life!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

Question: Those who trust 100%initially…why? Shouldn’t trust be earned? I mean…does that mean you’ll give him money off the back or is your trust qualified…which really isn’t trust at all…

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:25 AM | Link to this

For Real How does that scary azz song go.. In my mind… NOW READ THIS

They’re killing us because we’re leaving…not getting busted! When it’s on the news it’s always because we want out and these knuckle heads have a different ending in mind Thanks LDD

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

at WD Good answer.

To all, and where is Justin…off topic

There is an article on the AJC website about a guy who wants to stop paying alimony because his ex-wife had a sex change operation. His ex’s attorneys say that gender change has nothing to do with the original agreement. So now the guy is paying alimony to another man. Now that must really “bite”.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 11:27 AM | Link to this

wow dr.kym i was reading that story earlier this week. what a tragedy. like you said, a lot of times folks won’t take “no” for an answer. they’ve made up in their mind that they will continue to have access to your life no matter what. in this unfortunate case, this guy decided that if he couldn’t have her no one would.

by no means is what happened to the young lady her fault. i can’t help but think though why is it that some women and men can be attracted to someone who has very possessive traits. i don’t need somebody to want me that bad.

By Jake

March 28, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

Jewel

I believe the experiences are relative, but I don’t know if any dude will fall for the multiple month relationship, and she’s married or committed scenario. It won’t happen because once we stamp that “kitty”, we tend to become territorial, so a dude would pick-up on that other person if the chick is aloof, that’s not how ladies act in new relationships and we know this.

Honestly, I can’t say that I have any specific knowledge of any chick straying on me, but I do have the it didn’t take long after we split(bout 2 months) for her jump back out there chick…LOL

By For Real

March 28, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

JustMe Ok I know you didn’t mean that to be funny but dayum.. How did you fall that obvious one???

Dr.Kym Now, you said you chose to date married men but you want me to believe that this particular married, unemployed father some how got past your common sense?? Come on now take responsibility…

LadyDark What about the woman in TX that ran her husband over in car several times with his daughter in the car because he was cheating but she forgot to mention that she was cheating long before he was??? Women can trip out and get away with it. Now that’s scary.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

GA.man, not male bashing, just ladies speaking from their own experiences…Most have admitted to ignoring tall telling signs.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 11:32 AM | Link to this

Broke Back Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it’s a gay bar. “What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.”

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?”

The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a beer.”

The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, ‘Just Do It.’ that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’”

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?” The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” the fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!’”

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella’s on his right who just happens to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?” The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job One.” “Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?” The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY…..’Like a Rock!’” And gives him a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer.”

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look and asks, “Why Secret?”

The cowboy says, “Because it’s ‘STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

sj of course you could come back and be in my class.:) being that you missed the “kinder” experience, additional tutoring will be necessary. spring break is next week…lol.

everything’s cool justme just pushing few these last few days before spring break. woo hoo!!

ladydarkw/dimples i trust 100% initially b/c i’m an optimist. i prefer to see the good inside first. now lending money and such, that’s just crazy…lol. trust does not overtake wisdom. you can trust someone and exercise wisdom at the same time. when someone does something shady, that gives me a reason not to trust them and i deduct points from there.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Like females who continue to go out on dates with a guy they arent remotely interested in. Don’t waste anyone’s time.

And guys don’t…We do it all the time Mike…think I’ll just tap into this until something better comes along.

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Morn’in All,

Been busy actually working…..

Hey QC…..Did I see Sweet T in here earlier???? LOLOLOL

You Ladies have some crazy stories about shady married dudes….Please tell us more.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

For Real You’re right…But I do believe she’s spending time in jail for that one….She was stupid enought to have his daughter in the car right? But the one who got away that I saw show cased on the show Snapped was the black girl who went to Spelman who lived in Savannah. She shot and killed her boyfriend because he was cheating. Now, she got off because of something that the hospital did wrong which ultimately led to his death…but she didn’t do anytime for being the one who put him in the hospital!

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 11:37 AM | Link to this

Ohhhh, Hey Wise glad you are back and had a great trip.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

For Real Sorry where did you read lack of responsibiltiy? I said I take people and that includes all people male or female at their word, yes I can sense bullcrap..but there was nothing in his behavior to indicate a problem. He answered his phone when I called (and we stayed up many nights talking until the wee hours), he came to take me out at different times on the weekend,(I worked a job and went to school fulltime) no specific time to meet him or specific place(not on this side of town thing) and he wore no wedding band of any kind and there was no tan mark. So it was not until his “conscience” kicked in that he admitted he was married.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

@ JustMe and Kym….i am not saying in all cases..u do have some crazy dudes..that dont want to let go…but overall…TRUST me…those men flipped because the women get caught playing games…WOMEN tend to like to cheat/sleep with people close to you..when trina said..”sleep with 5 or 6 best friends”…some women get off on that…and like to sleep to close to home and because they are slicker at it..think they can get away with it…but crap out..

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

LDD I trust because it allows me to keep my glass is half full outlook on life and people in general. I found myself at a place in my life where I questioned everything and everyone, I had little or no faith in people and life. I did not like being in this place. So i decided to take everyone at their word until they prove that their word in not their bond. If a man is not a man of his word, then he is not the man for JustMe. Another reason is that I try very hard not to tell even the slighest little white lie. Now I’m not saying that I don’t lie. I did it yesterday, but that is an extreme case of denial on dude’s part and I am willing to do/say just about anything to make him PO’d at me enough to quit calling/give up. BTW - Y’all the Blog Advice did not work - LOL

By QC

March 28, 2007 11:41 AM | Link to this

GO GATORS, GO GATORS, GOOOO GATORS

By black coffee

March 28, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

This is what I have learned in my 33 years. Men lie, men cheat. So do women. That is a given….things are much easier once you realize that is all unnecessary drama. If you actually have game, you don’t have to lie. To tell a lie to get the booty is totally disrespectful to the game. I have been divorced a few years, so I am not looking for anything too serious. I am very straight up….I see usually 2,3, maybe 4 guys at a time. This is not difficult if you are honest. Sorry, I already have plans for Saturday….I am open for brunch Sunday, or late Friday, etc.

I see absolutely no reason to lie. The last one that said “you are going to have to stop seeing other people” was quickly put into place. I see no reason to limit my options at this point.

Now I am deffinatley only sleeping with one man on the team…my franchise player…but they all know there are others, and that even to spare your feelings I am not going to lie, and one lie from you and you are cut, PERIOD!!

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

JustMe speaking of b!tchazzni99as. I was at the lamest swingers party this past weekend…Like, how you’re going to get all p!ss off because buddy was hitting your wife…Weren’t you just hitting his’s…He just maded yours sing more…*

By Jake

March 28, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

LMAO@For Real

but you want me to believe that this particular married, unemployed father some how got past your common sense?? Come on now take responsibility…

Call’em how you see’em bruh…HAHAHAHA

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

QC That’s about all the Gator talk I’m gonna have from you…hahahahaha

Dushawn You have any stories about cheating wives that you’d like to share???? Man you always got a story.

By Alvin

March 28, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

KB, so Demi is a after thought now, huh?

Cool I may have demi to fly to your school and sing a few tuneless tune…All just for your enjoyment!

By Chullato

March 28, 2007 11:52 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

There are a lot of good conversations on today’s topic.

On the issue of being naive, I found that people who were cheated on thought it was their fault that their SO stepped out on them. Their rationale was ‘I’m a good girl/boyfriend, why would they do that?’ But what they failed to realize is that cheating is about the cheater not the cheated.

On the 100% trust issue, in my experience trust is not about the other person, but the one doing the trusting. The people who have trusted the least were the least trustworthy.

By SlimOne

March 28, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

LawDema…What!! um….lamest Swingers party? LOLOLOL How can a swingers party be lame?

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

WHOAAA!!! This topic is all over the place! Such great and not so great comments. I don’t know where to jump in! LOL! I feel like I am a little girl again waiting for the perfect moment to jump in the double-dutch game! LOL!

Kym What is your motivation for getting involved with a married man?

Answer to the trust factor I initially give a man the benefit of the doubt. A benefit is not earned. It is freely extended by the other party. I respect him as a human being and do not expect him to lie. For my own sanity, I refuse to anticipate dishonesty. He earns the full benefit of my trust with time and consistency.

By jraw

March 28, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

@jewel

I don’t think a married man will find out their wife is cheating unless she is head over heels for the other guy IMO and gets sloppy. It is easier for a married women to cheat because a lot of guys don’t care if a woman is married or not. My best friend is seeing two married women right now. One came over to his house this morning before going to work. That’s foul and I keep telling him to stop but he is grown enough to know better.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 11:57 AM | Link to this

For Real It was during the time he was still trying to convince me that a LDR was doable, and I told him that I am a 1 man woman and that I expected my man to be my man and only my man or something along those lines Let him tell it from the very beginning he was single and still is single…. he just has a crazy baby mama…….WTFE!

SJ You always find a way to blame the woman even if the dude gets caught redhanded with a smoking glock and blood stains on his clothes……. SHE must have done something to make him act out……. WTFE! Men should learn to step away from the coochie if they can not keep it well pleased!

By QC

March 28, 2007 12:01 PM | Link to this

Hey JustMe

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 12:01 PM | Link to this

Musing No wild stories about this topic. However, regretfully, I have slept with several wives. That’s probably why I have a natural distrust of the species. I have witnessed them do some deceitful things. I have never had one to be untruthful about their marital status. We both knew what it was from the rip.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

black coffee Go ahead little mamma and do yo thang!!! LOL

QC thanks for the assist…Go Gator!!

said while donning deep blue full body suit, loud orange trunk, cape, and Mr. Brown (from meet the browns) heelie…KB, I am coming for yoooooouuuuu… CLASH Awwwwww…Dayum, I’ve forgotten how to fly

Musing, Think Imma need a 5 min clash course on the “Art of Flying”.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 12:04 PM | Link to this

Hey LawdDema did I spell that right - LOL How is a swinger gonna get mad period, no matter who’s doing who? Isn’t that what swinging is all about?

Jewel LOL @ the double dutch. That’s how I think about dating….. meeting a guy is like getting ready to jump in….. you kinda rock back and forth to get the rhythm before you jump all the way in.

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

Police show up after being called by the neighbors at 2am

Dude: WTH is going on here

Police: Please step awayyyy from the coochie…..Back up Sir!

Dude: I’m just standi…….

Police:…He’s going for his wang!!!!

Dude is shot with riot bullets by 15 cops

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this

Jewel When I did date married guys it was for two reason. One I didnt want the whole commitment thing. I wanted someone to go out with have fun, have sex, with and then they can go home. No commitment, no attachment, done. Two it was the thrill of it. I knew they were attached because they told me so, not all married men lie about their status. During that time frame of my life dating a bored married guy was better than a ride at Six Flags.

By Dreamer 3K

March 28, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this

Call me Jack Nicholson today, but pardon me if I inject some cold uncompromising truth here. I hope you can handle it.

Everybody cheats, or is susceptible to cheating. Everybody!. Not because we are dogs. Just the opposite, because we are human. And by definition, as humans, we are flawed.

It would be great, if once we met our “soul mate,” everyone else would cease being attractive, interesting, compassionate and every other quality we seek in a mate. But that’s just not the way life works, unless we live in isolation.

I love my wife. I know she loves me too. It is not my preference to cheat on her, neither is it hers to cheat on me, but it would be unrealistic for me to believe that under no circumstances would she would cheat.

No matter how much you love someone, it’s like the moon, the degree to which we love waxes and wanes. If any one of us is caught at the right, or wrong time, unfortunately, cheating is possible.

Just because we’ve found our “soul mate,” that doesn’t mean we’ve found our “sole mate.”

Let the hate begin.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Slim that one dude killed the moment…He heard his wife in the room singing and lost his cool…The other buddy’s wife renamed him, “Sir Li’Dyck”…once he and his wife left.

Other than him, the party was still fun.

Alvin, yo mamma!!!

Demi now flies alwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaay

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 12:13 PM | Link to this

Well dang!!! Go away for a minute and all poo-poo breaks loose. Catching up was darned near impossible. I see we’re close to a man vs. woman bashing session. The men think the women are bashing because all we can talk about is our experiences with men. Yet, the men in turn start talking about how ALL women lie and cheat (which we know is bullish)…but we understand that all the men can talk about is their experiences with women. Ahhhhh….the great divide…will it ever go away?!

Heeeyyyyy Jake Yes, the grammar police is here!! lol And she has a bag full of hugs and kisses for you!!

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 12:15 PM | Link to this

SeanJ TRUST me…those men flipped because the women get caught playing games I disagree 100%. The game was being played in his mind. Women are led by their emotions. But, men erase that two-letter word from their vocabulary: N-O. Most men refuse to believe that when a woman says no…she really means N-O.

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

@Dreamer I totally agree. Well said.

By NCgirlfromATL

March 28, 2007 12:23 PM | Link to this

Dreamer 3k While I agree with you that everyone has the propensity to cheat, I don’t agree that everyone cheats. It is human nature to find yourself attracted to others, even while being committed to another. However, I’ve said it before, it is a choice. You can choose to remain faithful to your mate, or not. If you choose to cheat, then you are choosing to suffer whatever the consequences of that action my occur.

QC, LawDema, GaMan The only thing Gators are good for are shoes! LMAO!! Go Lady Tar Heels! LawDema, you talking about Ivory Latta?

DuShawn That’s interesting what you said. You’ve been with many wives, knowing full well that they were married, but you say your are distrustful of women in general. That seems ironic to me, b/c you were engaging in shady behavior, just like them. Do you consider yourself a trust worthy person (then and now)? I’m not throwing flames, just wondering how you think women perceive you and other men who have done engaged in similar behavior. I’m really not trying to start an argument, I’m really just curious.

I’ll check back when I get back from court.

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

Dreamer 3K I agree that everyone is susceptible to cheating, but it is a choice. That’s what makes human different. We have the capacity to choose. We aren’t simply driven by hormonal responses, even though some act as though they are. We have the capacity to choose at every instance whether or not we’re going to respect the sanctity of marriage. Some choose wisely, some do not. Generally, cheating ends badly. In some cases, it ends tragically. You would think people would make better choices. It makes no difference if attached people are upfront about their status. It all comes down to how their partner is going to respond.

By Linguist

March 28, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

Hey E’rybody and Welcome back Wise Diva!!!*

pssst…Wise Diva…ohhhhh, some of us were really bad while you were gone.. hooking up at the blog bbq, talking nasty.. ‘specailly Slim!!..Of course, Ling was on really, really good behavior!

On Topic Boy this brings back memories! I was “dating” this guy during the “black period” when b/f - now hubby- and I had broken up. At the mans insistence, I went to his house one early evening. He asked me to go into the den where he got down on his knee and said “I think I’m in love with you”. I was blown away needless to say. I mean I liked him and all, but not to that degree. He then grabbed my hand and said something like “but I need to tell you something.. my ex is here and I need to tell her that I’m in love with you”… wth ??????????????

You know how you have one of those “out of body” experiences? Like -is he sh$%#ttin’ me??? He left the room, when to “talk” to the ex and next thing I know I hear her screaming about how could he do this to her.. we had something together, etc…

With all the grace & respect for the situation that I could muster, I walked out to livingroom, said to both of them “I hope you guys can work this out”, walked to the front door and got in my car.

I was really sad when I got home, b/c this was a new experience for me. Had I been played? was I the “other woman” and didn’t know it? I was also sad b/c I genuinely felt sorry for her… she sounded like a wounded wilderbeast when she cried!

off topic I won’t be posting anymore today as it is my son’s 10th birthday !!!! I’ve got a ton of things to do.. He wants Yams, greens, mac & cheese AND steak for dinner! and in lieu of a cake he wants me to make a sweet potato pie! B/C that’s my baby, you know I’m gonna do it!! I love that little boy with all of my heart :) chat with you all later!!

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

@ Dreamer..thats a real comment…and very realistic…and thats how i few relationships..we are HUMAN….its in us to do certain things…no matter how much people want to deny or throw rocks and hid their hands..

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 12:33 PM | Link to this

Thanks for responding Kym. I asked because I was shocked. you just tossed them aside like a used dinner napkin. LOL!

Okay. Is Alvin/LordDemi/Demi now LawDema…What!! LOL!

Hello Jraw Interesting perspective. My ex-SO has a friend who cheated on his wife as much as he breathed. However, he divorced her when she cheated on him one time. And, not because she cheated. He said he could have handled it if she had not admitted she was in love with the other man.

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

Is it me or when women cheat 1st we are looked at as dead wrong and the worse vs a man? Just curious on thoughts…I will continue to lurk…Oh hello to all!!!

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this

One more thing…While we all are sinners why is it also that most men have a hard time forgiving if the woman cheated 1st vs most women being able to forgive and moving on? Now lurking for real!!!! Peace

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 12:39 PM | Link to this

Dreamer 3K and DuShawn Is that perspective a shield of protection just in case your wives decide to step out?

By spaceman109

March 28, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this

well, i am single. soooo….how do i prove my singleness to a prospective date since there apparently is such extreme skepticism among women about whether men who approach them are single?

suggestions, anyone?

i am also appalled by men who are married but when they meet someone who they think is hot, they say they are single. this really messes things up so much for those of us who are straight up about being single.

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 12:55 PM | Link to this

Spaceman109 I agree with you. Atlanta dating pool is hard enough. We have married people passing themselves off as single. We have attached people passing themselves off as single. How does one who’s dating no one, creeping with no one , booty call-less, etc. prove that they are really single? I tell women that I’m single and it’s like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don’t let one of my women friends come up and say hello. Then, they’re trying to figure out what’s going on with my friend and I.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 12:57 PM | Link to this

Jewel no not like that at all. I have dated a total of 4 married men..one unknowingly and 3 knowingly. One a ex-boyfriend who I truly cared about and still do. The other two were just really nice guys who I enjoyed spending time with. I never had a wife to call me or hunt me down and I never tried to bust anyone..remember it was about the thrill. I wasnt dating someone to pay a bill or buy me stuff it was just the thrill of the chase so to speak.

SJ and Dushawn I agree we the fairer sex are capable of great things…terrible in some cases but great An I have done my fair share. I think I mention many blogs ago a story of sending a fake email to a old flame because his wife was intercepting his emails and trying to gain information on the nature of our relationship(which there was none he lived 2 states away and was just saying hello) but she pretending to be him…so I sent her(pretending to be him) a email of two kids that I “insinuated” might be his and said something like the twins miss their daddy. Not one of my most shining moments I know But I was more devilish during that time frame.

By Christine

March 28, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this

OH my God, I was dating a man for a year. He told me he had broken off his engagment but he forgot to tell his fiance.
He lived 60 miles from me but the fiance worked in the same town where I live and my family is a staple. The fiance and my paths crossed by accident and she enlighted me about her fiance and my boyfriend, the same man.
My boyfriend had come to me and starting talking about children and made furture plans for us. I think in his mind he was going to ride the ride as long as he could. I confronted him and threw him out.
I never told the fiance. I feel so bad for her. She wasted years on this man who really didn’t even love her. If he had he would have married her by now and never came into my life. I only wasted a year but I learned alot. Sidenote: he also lives in his ex-wife’s home with her.
Too much baggage and lying for one person but appears to be working for him.

By Michael

March 28, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

@LawDema…What!!

Youre exactly right. The idea that no one should waste anyone’s time, money, energy. Both sides need to be upfront.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 1:01 PM | Link to this

come on now lawdema don’t give me a hard time…lol. you are not an afterthought. i was just typing so fast and wanted to make sure i got everything in.:)

By SlimOne

March 28, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this

Ooohhh Ling trying to throw me under the bus while saving yourself…You she-devil you. lol

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this

JustMe I agree…From what I understand, he begged her to participate. Not the other way around.

By Jake

March 28, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

Sexione Where cn I get them hugs and kisses at?…LOL

Dreamer, well stated sir.

demi yu are a wild boy, I can’t knock the lifestyle, but I just could not see myself swinging, I have two siblings, but I never liked sharing anything that I thought was special.

Now I am as freaky as they come, but I think I would have to draw a line for myself.

Jake vs. Jake’s Self

Jake: I’m thinking I should ask her if she would go swinging.

Self: Man, what the fugg are you on now?

Jake: Swinging,You know, I fugg somebody else and she fuggs somebody else?

Self: What makes you think thats a good idea.

Jake: Just wanna try some new shyt

Self: So we are gonna let somebody fugg our girl on purpose, so we can get some other “puddy” at the same time?

Jake: I guess so

Self: You are an Azzwhole. You make us sick, greedy muthafugger, we are really starting to make me wonder.

Jake: What?..huh

Self: What have we been smokin, thats crazy man. Now we’ve ate some puddy, put food on it, ran a few choo-choo’s in college, did it in some strange places, but this is ridiculous? I ain’t wit it… freaky fugger you?

Jake: Yea, you are right man, that is kinda freaky, even for us.

Self: I know I’m right dumb azz, now lets just stick to “regular sex”. Fugg that wild ish, that is too much you dayumm Sicko!!

Jake: Thanks Self, I needed that talk.

Self: Your welcome!!!

By Christine

March 28, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

OH my God, I was dating a man for a year. He told me he had broken off his engagment but he forgot to tell his fiance.
He lived 60 miles from me but the fiance worked in the same town where I live and my family is a staple. The fiance and my paths crossed by accident and she enlighted me about her fiance and my boyfriend, the same man.
My boyfriend had come to me and starting talking about children and made furture plans for us. I think in his mind he was going to ride the ride as long as he could. I confronted him and threw him out.
I never told the fiance. I feel so bad for her. She wasted years on this man who really didn’t even love her. If he had he would have married her by now and never came into my life. I only wasted a year but I learned alot. Sidenote: he also lives in his ex-wife’s home with her.
Too much baggage and lying for one person but appears to be working for him.

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this

Spaceman 109 & Got That There is a difference between skepticism and being paranoid. Sounds like the women you encounter are the latter.

LOL! Jake Now, you know what they say about asking yourself a question and answering that question…..

By You know you're wrong

March 28, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this

“During that time frame of my life dating a bored married guy was better than a ride at Six Flags”

You don’t seem to be ashamed or apologetic about your whorish past behavior. I feel that any woman who purposely sleeps with a man she knows is married is a slut without morals. Granted, the married man is just as wrong…

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

These stories are off da chain!!!

Jake Meet me at the spot at 7pm…..and wear something sexy!! lol

By QC

March 28, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Musing i like the tar heels also…what’s up Jake

hey kinderbabe

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 1:19 PM | Link to this

Jewel, all I’m saying is that there is a problem when you have people who should be home taking care of their own relationship out and about screwing it up for the truly single. If they don’t want what they already have, then they should be mature enough to end their current relationship before shopping for a new one.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this

Spaceman If you are really single and the object of your affection is doubtful of that fact, you can do any of the following…….

tell her she can call you anytime between 12AM and 11:59PM, have her at your place regularly, prove to her through your actions that there is no one else in the picture, answer you phone(s) when it rings no matter who it is, and keep a pair of her what-nots at your place and make sure they are visible at all times (she might freak out, but she’ll open 1 eye at least)

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this

i’m feeling your comment got that makes sense to me…

hey qc how are ya?

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 1:25 PM | Link to this

Jake …….and you talked about me and my 3rd person posts - LOL

Got That? ^5….. Close one door before you open the next door!

By You know you're wrong

March 28, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

“During that time frame of my life dating a bored married guy was better than a ride at Six Flags”

Kym, you don’t seem to be very apologetic about you whorish past behavior. Any woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man is a slut with no morals, pure and simple. Granted the married man is just as wrong…

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

Kym I was just shocked because you and I generally agree on topics. It is not behavior that I condone. I have never hid my views of infidelity. I understand what you are saying, however. That was the choice you made for that particular time in your life.

By Jake

March 28, 2007 1:28 PM | Link to this

Jewel

What do they say?

Sexione wear somethin sexy?…as long as you think dry cleaned dress shirts (not a button down), pressed slacks, and shined shoes are sexy.

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

Stop hating…Go Gators..Go Gators…..Go tarheels..oops they out gone home..lol go Gators Go Gators

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 1:29 PM | Link to this

@ Jake @ Demi…i am not a swinger either…but i know a few….and i think they are all around us..me and a female coworker was talking trash about the games that were played this pass weekend…and i was talking trash on how my gators and hoyas where gonna whoop some azz…and she was like..” you gotta bring some to get some”..knowing thats a swinger phrase..i thought to myself..damn..either she swings or she listens to too much Michael Baisden

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

Got That I got that. LOL! My comment was to your statement: I tell women that I’m single and it’s like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don’t let one of my women friends come up and say hello. Then, they’re trying to figure out what’s going on with my friend and I That is paranoia, in my humble opinion.

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

GotThat Only if life was that simple.

Cheating hurts everybody…those involved and their families. And I don’t condone cheating in any way, form, or fashion and it is something that I hope I never have to deal in my marriage.

But for some it is just not that simple. Whether we understand it or not.

By QC

March 28, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

I’m good kinderbabe

why isn’t Atlanta only “boost” up security when there’s an event going on here; don’t they know we still security 24/7/365….y’all ever caught the train before 7am and had to listen to someone talking/sanging loud after they’ve been out dranking all night? this one man was singing all of Jeffrey Osborne’s songs…lololololol

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

thanks sj i know not to use that phrase in convo…lol. don’t anyone to get the wrong idea. wow, that’s a trip!

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Raqi, life is really that simple. People complicate it by doing things with no consideration of how their actions affect others.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

Sounds good Jake…it’s not so much what you wear, it’s how you wear it!!

I find it funny how when most folks are out cheating, they think they’ve taken care of home, so their SO/husband/wife wouldn’t dare go out and cheat on them. Truth be told, quite often this is not true….there’s a lot of get-back cheating going on out there!! what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander!!

By mickiedee

March 28, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

I picked up a book on emotional unavailability recently and thumbed through and it said that people who feel entitled to dual (or multiple) relationships are actually emotional unavailable to anybody.

By jraw

March 28, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

@ladyj One more thing…While we all are sinners why is it also that most men have a hard time forgiving if the woman cheated 1st vs most women being able to forgive and moving on?

For most men it is an ego thing, Men know that women have more of an emotional tie to having sex than a man does. Most of the time when a woman has sex with a man is because she likes him on some level and if it is an affair then ole boy is definitely doing something right because she is going back for more and honestly Most guys can’t handle that. No man wants to think about or picture another man sexing his wife better than he does.

By Just Me

March 28, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

I am female and also guilty of maintaining multiple relationships. I don’t do it for the thrill of the conquest. I love different things about the different men. If I need someone that listens I can go to this one. If I need sex, I can go to this one, If I need a movie buddy or a pool partner to go to Midtown and so on and so forth. They don’t know about each other, there is no commitment issues so should they have to find out about each other? I love them all and I love something about each one. I would never hurt them and all is well that ends well.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 1:46 PM | Link to this

SJ I tend to use lots of phrases….that one too at some point…and I’m not a swinger, never have been a swinger, and have no interest in ever being a swinger (I refuse to share)….so don’t jump the gun too quick. I know you didn’t, just sayin……

Got that I agree, life is that simple, people just make it hard by being ignorant and greedy!!!

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 1:51 PM | Link to this

Jake

Sometimes the only way one can have an intelligent conversation is to talk to himself…but when you get in a disagreement with yourself, one of you is hosed!!

By abc

March 28, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

ladyj and jraw, I don’t think it’s true that women forgive infidelity more readily than men. They approach the subject from different perspectives, but forgiveness is quite rare in any event.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

JewelIn the words of a old wise auntie…“We all have our walk.” But I was younger and for me this was as close a walk on the wild side as I was going to get. Dreamer3K said it earlier we are human and we do evolve and change as the tide rolls in and out.

You know you wrong Sorry Lent season is not yet over..I will address all ignorant comments as necessary after April 8th.

By SexyLeggs

March 28, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon everybody. Welcome home WD. Glad you had a great time.

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this

Okay, gotthat.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this

@KB…its too late…i already formed my idea about you…lol

By For Real

March 28, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this

Ah see JustMe now what if one of those dudes believe that the relationship is exclusive because you Love them all???? See, that’s what I mean about women not wanting to take responsibility for there actions. Here is another example: a couple of years back a lady sets a forrest fire in Cali and 3 firefighters die in the blaze you know her reason for setting the fire??? Yep, her boyfriend dumped her causing her to set the fire. No accountibility.

Hey Kinder

Slim you ok under that bus???

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this

Has anyone else noticed that so many married men are not wearing their wedding bands?

I asked one guy that I work with why he doesn’t wear his and he told me “because I don’t like to wear rings.” Wha?

Is there any man out there that wants to explain?

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 1:59 PM | Link to this

Kym if the wife would have called you and asked you about the affair would you have lied and covered for the man or would you have told his wife the truth?

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 2:00 PM | Link to this

NCgirlfromATL YES YES YES, I am a Lady Tar Heel fan because of Ivory!!!…She’s sooooo my type at the moment

Gators also make good belts for whooping y’all a*******es!!!!

Jewel You should know by now…I am som’n special…now please get off my short yellow bus

Lady J because we’re alway calling your p’dussy our p’dussy…Once p’dussa is tag, it’s no longer yours…Now live with it!! LOL

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

Has anyone else noticed that so many married men are not wearing their wedding bands?

I asked one guy that I work with why he doesn’t wear his and he told me “because I don’t like to wear rings.” Wha?

Is there any man out there that wants to explain?

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

As I have said before here, sex in the ‘A’ is EASY. It isn’t much harder, and not a whole lot more expensive, than getting milk and bread at Kroger…if that is what you want. If your goal is to hit as much as possible, then why even get involved in a relationship, why not just NEVER get emotionally involved and hit only on all of the available TRULY singles out there. That way not as many people get hurt.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 2:07 PM | Link to this

Realitycheck That’s because they don’t want the tan line around their finger if they go out hunting and have to remove it. I, too, have had a man approach me wearing a wedding band, and when I looked again, poof, it was gone. I was like WTF, I KNOW I saw a wedding ring on your finger….of course he lied, and I dismissed him immediately. I don’t know about anyone else’s feeling on this, but if dude doesn’t want to wear a ring, he doesn’t want to be my husband!!! And no, I’m not saying this will prevent him from cheating…of course not!

Blog question for all….

Would you want to marry someone that refused to wear their wedding ring? (Now of course you may not find this out until the deed is done) Would that be a reason to end the marriage?

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

abc it’s not so much that women forgive more readily, you’re right…it’s just that we are taught indirectly that our men will never be our own. that’s largely due to the tolerance that women have shown traditionally for such behavior. all of those sayings that the women around us growing up said..”let a man be a man…let sleeping dogs lie…” and all that other foolishness. it just translates into “men are going to cheat…don’t ask, don’t tell.” this is what we, as women, have been prepared for. men on the other hand have not been told as boys directly or indirectly that there is a 90% chance that their woman will grow up to sleep w/any and everyone she wants. it would not be acceptable. men don’t tolerate that type of ish. i wish that the women of our society would do the same.

By C tha 1

March 28, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

*JustMe I’m going to assume the men you’re maintaining these multiple relationships w/ under the assumption that one day they will have to the goodies. Of course this does not include the man already getting the goods. Just wondering.

By Boomer

March 28, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

I’m not gonna lie. I’m married, but haven’t gotten laid in seven years (been married eight). And, I don’t care if you believe me or not, I haven’t strayed. If I decide to start looking for something other than Ms. Fist, then I won’t lie then, either. Sometimes I get close to doing that, but like I vowed, for better or worse.

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

@LawDema…What!! That is not right men got oth dussy(sp) all the time and when women do it we have to be Scarlet!!!!lololololol I had to read your post five times to get!!!1lololol I laughed out loud!!!!

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

Some people just don’t like jewelry. My oldest brother won’t even wear a watch. He has been married almost 20 years and has never had a wedding band.

Wearing a wedding band will not stop anyone from cheating nor will it stop anyone from being approached for the sake of hooking up.

There is a lady that works here that was approached by a newer fellow employee and when she told him she was married he asked ‘what does that have to do with me’. Some people just don’t give a darn.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 2:13 PM | Link to this

@SJ that’s cold….lol. i gotta hearwhat this “assumption” is….

@sexione, i wouldn’t marry someone who wouldn’t wear a ring. that’s a bit too much. i don’t think that the realization would start after the marriage. you know that type of fool when you get him. men that do that ish are slick as oil…lol. they’ve been doing that sideways ish during the dating stage.

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 2:14 PM | Link to this

Sexione

Would you want to marry someone that refused to wear their wedding ring? (Now of course you may not find this out until the deed is done) Would that be a reason to end the marriage?

Nope. did not take mine off for 20+ years, and only took it off when we were separated and I noticed that she took her’s off…so I took mine off and threw it at her.

Marriage is a commitment to fidelity the last I looked it up…”if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime”. Stay single and don’t reproduce if possible.

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

@LawDema…What!! That is not right men got oth dussy(sp) all the time and when women do it we have to be Scarlet!!!!lololololol I had to read your post five times to get!!!1lololol I laughed out loud!!!!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

Sexi I would not want to marry a man that does not wear a wedding band…probably couldn’t understand the rationale behind it so our marriage would suffer. He’d have to have a darn good reason or profession that would make me be alright with this…

I saw a married man from my church at OSS one month. He was dancing and talking to this female. I looked to see if he was wearing his ring and he wasn’t. At the end of the night I saw him putting the young ladies number in her phone.

We then had a women’s fellowship and the discussion about the husbands wearing their rings came up….she was talking about how her husband never takes his ring off…SeanJ will be happy to know that I didn’t breathe a word.

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 2:18 PM | Link to this

Hey kinderbabeHow are you?…Can you break your last post down one more time for me…I don’t understand what you are saying

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

So you all assume that any one who doesn’t wear a ring is doing it so that they can step out if the opportunity presents itself. Is that what you think?

By Thorne

March 28, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

WATCH OUT FOR ALLEN WALKER FROM ALPHARETTA THAT OWNS A MOVING COMPANY. MARRIED AND HAS 3-4 GIRLFRIENDS ON THE SIDE. I LEARNED THE HARD WAY.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

Boomer It’s believable…..everyone does NOT cheat!!! Good for you….stay strong!!!

LadyD Good for you for keeping quiet…..I’ll bet you were biting your tongue though..lol

By Thorne

March 28, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

WATCH OUT FOR ALLEN WALKER FROM ALPHARETTA THAT OWNS A MOVING COMPANY. MARRIED AND HAS 3-4 GIRLFRIENDS ON THE SIDE. I LEARNED THE HARD WAY.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

Wearing a wedding ring isn’t a female-repellent or vice versa…but it is a public profession that you have made that commitment. How people respond to that is up to them…..

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Do you all not realize how many married men out there are laying up with their mistress with their wedding rings on? Do you all not know that some women only date married men? If the commitment to you and the marriage is not in his heart already, putting a ring around his finger sure ain’t going to put it there.

By Entrepreneur MusingLee

March 28, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Musing enters wearing a Billy D. Williams suit and holding a glass of 1982 vintage Colt 45

Do you get tired of removing that wedding band fellas??? Well, I’ve got the perfect item for you…

The Inviso-band….This wedding band actually vanishes when coochie gets near…Letting you stay single as long as coochie is in your presence.

Testimonial

Dude: I used the inviso-band and got two chicks to give up the “cocopuffs”.

Get your band todayyyyyyy!

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 2:23 PM | Link to this

Sexione To answer your blog question……. It would only be acceptable to JustMe if hubby did hard labor or work in an environment that could cause the loss of or damage to the ring. Otherwise hubby need to be sportin that ring!

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 2:24 PM | Link to this

Raqi I don’t think that everyone that doesn’t wear a ring does not for that purpose……..majority, yes….all, no!

Thorne Way to go gurl, put his azz on blast!! If more women did this, the game would be run a lot less!! Or at least those not interested in playing would not get caught up as easily!!!

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

NCgirl “you say you are distrustful of women in general. That seems ironic to me, b/c you were engaging in shady behavior, just like them.” I don’t consider my having sex with a married woman as shady behavior. I was forthright from the beginning. I didn’t break any commitments to others or dishonor any vows. Additionally, I never pursued the wife of another. I was merely receptive to their advances. Granted, it’s adultery nonetheless and it is morally and religiously unethical, but no one I loved could’ve have been hurt form my behavior. Now, being in her man’s company, shaking his hand and smiling in his face………that was shady. ”Do you consider yourself a trust worthy person (then and now)?” Absolutely, I strive each day to be a more honorable man. I make every effort to treat others fairly and to do the right thing. However, the process is an evolving one. I’m still a slimy, nasty, manipulative muggfugga if I don’t care about you. But If I love and respect you, I’ll try my best not to betray your trust. Jewel ”Is that perspective a shield of protection just in case your wives decide to step out?” Not at all, I’m just a realist. I don’t need a shield of protection, but she will need an order of protection if I ever found out. Seriously, One of the reasons I chose the woman I did is because I felt she would be the least likely to be unfaithful. I’m a very secure man. I don’t investigate her whereabouts or search her emails or monitor her cell phone usage. If she wanted to cheat undetected, she could easily do so. I definitely would be surprised if she has been unfaithful, but I think I would be more surprised if she hasn’t.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

C tha 1 I am not that Just Me wanna be that posted about her multiple relationships.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

Sexi Like you wouldn’t believe….

By SlimOne

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

For Real I was okay until it backed up and ran over me again.

Demi dude probably was banking on her not feeling comfortable to actually go thru with letting someone s3x her up. I have this guy friend that recently told me about some swinger club here. Yeah they are all amongst us, even work in the school systems.

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

@ KB…dont worry they are all nice assumptions..well most of them…some are naughty..

@ DarkDimples….she maybe have flip the script on you and accused you of wanting her husband..By the way…what is OSS?

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

Thorne If I’m not mistaken, we had a chick post last year about the same dude…..LOLOLOLOLOLOL

By jraw

March 28, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

@Reality Check

To make a long story short, I don’t wear my wedding ring because it was destroyed in an accident(It actually save my finger!) My wife told me that she was going to by me another ring because I was going to get just go and buy an ordinary band. She insisted and now fast forward 4 years later no ring. She said that she knew I was faithful and that a ring alone would not keep me that way. Sometimes I do feel awkward explaining why I don’t wear my wedding band to people I just met or if a single woman approaches me expressing interest in jraw. I guess it is time to take matters in to my own hands and just buy the ring myself.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

LadyD Why would I cover for the man? If she is calling me it is to confirm her assumptions. I always find amazement when people seek out the “other” woman/man as if he/she is the root of all their ills. The guys I dated… I didnt hunt them down or seek them out deliberately they all asked me out.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this

Entrepreneur Musing you are craaaazzyyyy!!! LMSAO

Joke…

INFIDELITY

The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out: “I want everyone who has been heing and sheing to stand up!”

Half of his congregation stood up.

He then shouted out: “I want everyone who has been heing and heing to stand up!”

A couple of men stood up.

He then shouted out: “I want everyone who has been sheing and sheing to stand up!”

Several women stood up.

The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnny.

The minister shouted out: “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin?

Little Johnny, stand up….. I guess you are the only one here who isn’t preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say!”

Little Johnny replied: “Reverend, you ain’t said nothing about meing and meing!”

By GA.man

March 28, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this

Dannnnnnnggggg Thorne…lololololololol

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

Thorne Thanks for the Public Service Announcement….Now checking my roll-a-deck for an Allen Walker…..

By abc

March 28, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

I agree kinderbabe, totally whack. I expect 100% that my woman won’t stray, and she can rely on that for me, no matter our ability to do so — we won’t.

By spaceman109

March 28, 2007 2:31 PM | Link to this

justme thanks for that suggestion :) i will try that approach next time i run across a woman who doesn’t SMOKE!!! and who actually admits she is not attached.

seems some women would rather have their heads cut off by some islamic jihadist screaming allahu akbar than to ever admit to such a thing. o well. i’ll not hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

By Chullato

March 28, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this

Thorne is starting a Don’tDateHim blog

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 2:35 PM | Link to this

Just Me Please post under a different name. Thank you kindly!

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

RealityCheck a better question IMO would be “What if your spouse all of sudden just stopped wearing their wedding band for no apparent reason whatsoever?” That would be cause for concern. But to not wear one from the beginning I don’t think is that big of a deal.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:36 PM | Link to this

SeanJ Old Skool Saturdays..

Kym I have girlfriends who will lie for the men….Steve Harvey mentioned on the radio one day how this woman was apart of the game that when the husband would tell his wife that he’s going to the grocery store…the mistress would already have the groceries so to cut down on time…

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this

I Know Allen Walker….and he DOESN’T have a wife and 4 girlfriends on the side…he has 4 girlfriends and a wife on the side..lol..@ thorne..u are wrong for that…lol

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 2:40 PM | Link to this

SeanJ* you are too silly!!

he has 4 girlfriends and a wife on the side LOL!

By Awwwww....dayum

March 28, 2007 2:41 PM | Link to this

Awwwww….dayum Raqi this question seemed to hit a little close to home for you….hope all is well!

Sexi stated that it would in no way prevent someone (male or female) from cheating. I think it’s a matter of respect for the union…..and if you just don’t like jewelry, then wear a thin gold/silver/platinum band.

By Boxing Promoter MusingLee

March 28, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

I say we hold a JustMe fight to the death…..

JustMe vs. Just Me…..

In this corner standing 6ft tall wearing a red thong and nipple caps…JustMeeeeeeeeee…..and in this corner standing 5ft 3inchs wearing the white granny drawls and black wife beater shirt…Just Meeeeeeee

Musing coming to center ring

Now lets have a clean fight…keep all baby oil out of the eyes and feel free to use the “toys” placed throughout the ring…and only one lady on the pole at a time…………LETS GET IT ON!!!!

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 2:43 PM | Link to this

Thorne You need to post his phone # you know men use fake names. Now checking for any Allen’s in my contacts……

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

LadyD It was never that deep(buying groceries) not!!!… and lying not!! Each of the guys I dated had their stuff together so that was not necessary maybe because they were old pros at the game. We went out, had a few laughs, scratch, sniff, and home they would go. I do know of women who became the girlfriend and wanted all the girlfriend perks. I didnt want that I just wanted to live on the “wild side”.

By dmahogany

March 28, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

There is a site called www.dontdatehimgirl.com. You can do a search on there and see if your potential cheater is on there. There is some interesting stuff on there. They are coming out with a dontdateherguy.com site in the near future.

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 2:48 PM | Link to this

Aw I just find it interesting that people still assume that if their spouse is wearing a wedding band that will prevent them from cheating or even being approached.

Now normally I have skipped right on pass you comment because….

But anyway, like I said the ring does not make you faithful. I have never seen my husband without his ring since we have been married, but I am not so naive to believe that it is what keeps him faithful.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 2:51 PM | Link to this

hey ladyj i know that i am late but which post were you referring to that you didn’t get. i meant to respond earlier.:)

By Wise Diva

March 28, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

THORNE, I just about fell out of my chair laughing!! Talk about putting someone on BLAST!! ha ha ha!!

oh my!! umm AJC assumes no liability or responsibility for any drawers that are not procured by Allen from this day forward ROTFL!!!

hilarious!

@Linguist, you sure sounded way too innocent in that post. You behaved huh? Diva starts checking archived comments

Hey Musinglee, LOL @ your business savvy! ha!

Kym, I am proud of you for sticking with that LENT! LOL @ you counting down to APRIL 18!

woo! ok I am awake now guys, thanks! LOL

By QC

March 28, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Hey Awwwwww Dayuum how ya doing?

By SlimOne

March 28, 2007 2:56 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Boxing Promoter MusingLee looking like Don King with a purple granny panty tie around his neck.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this

hmmmmmmmmm that’s the 2nd post I sent that did not make it…

By tina

March 28, 2007 2:59 PM | Link to this

How do you know though if your SO is cheating? I mean, I trust my SO. At times I’ve doubted him, however most of the reason is I was hurt in my last relationship. I just can’t seem to get past what my ex did to me. So if my SO does something automatically I think he’s lying or cheating. It could or couldn’t be the case. Also he normally tells me where he’s going sometimes he’ll just say I’ll be back. Why is that? I’ve questioned him several times about this, and he says I don’t have to tell you my every move, just b/c I don’t tell you my every move means I’m cheating on you. So I don’t know if he’s genuinely being honest or playing a game. I don’t want to accus ehim if he’s really being honest.

By Awwwww....dayum

March 28, 2007 3:01 PM | Link to this

Heeyy QC I’m just chillin! I just had to pop in to add my .03 cents. Nobody here has stated that they thought the wearing of a ring would stop or prevent anybody from cheating. That’s just ridiculous and completely unrealistic. Seems to be a touchy subjest though.

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Regarding wedding rings I don’t have mine on now. I left it in the shower this morning. I often accidentally forget to wear it. I prefer to have it on. When men wear wedding rings it lets women know that a least one woman wants you. You must not be a total azz hole. I also wanted to speak on guys with wedding rings approaching single women. I have heard many ladies on the blog express their disdain for this behavior. I have been that guy on occasion. If I’m alone at a bar and I see a group of beautiful woman laughing and having fun, I have no problem approaching them and introducing myself. I’m extremely confident. Shyt, I want to hang out, laugh and have fun too. I never try to conceal the fact that I’m married. Even if I’m not wearing my ring, I’ll let them know at the first available opportunity. In defense of all married brothas that honorably engage it this behavior, we just want to enjoy your company, look at your beauty for a while and have some conversation. I may want to know your opinion of Barack Obama or other pertinent issues of the day. What’s the latest book you read or if you know a good jazz club. FYI, Every married man that approaches you is not trying to get in your panties. Now, if he asks for or accepts your phone number, it’s no longer innocent.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Tina Nah, he’s not cheating based on that alone…he’s trying to exert some independence…he’s fighting the inevitable…when he’ll have to report his every move after marriage!

A man who is cheating will likely come up with a lie as to where he’s going…he’s not trying to fan the smoke!

By For Real

March 28, 2007 3:03 PM | Link to this

For Real now checking his list of Alias while call ticket master for VIP seating for the JustMe vs Just Me shakedown.

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

Slim Not the purple granny panty escot!!!! Boxing Promoter MusingLee is setting a new fashion trend…..LMSAO

By spaceman109

March 28, 2007 3:04 PM | Link to this

@tina you said you just can’t seem to get past what your ex did to you.

that is people’s exhibit a on how dire behavior by one man messes things up so badly for those who come after.

and some wonder why it is so tough for good men to find anyone…..sigh

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 2:09 PM

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

Tina You need to get a grip. If you didn’t think there was something special about this guy he would not be your SO. If you really believe NOT think he is cheating then you need to walk on faith and leave. Otherwise you are creating unnecessary drama in your relationship and he will eventually cheat if you keep accusing him.

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 2:09 PM

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

Tina, don’t bring baggage from a previous relationship into a new one, unless you really want to screw it up. Have you considered that he just might be being honest with you? However, you might find it useful to sit down with him and honestly tell him what you’re thinking and why. Open and honest communication is all you have. Then, if actions don’t align with what is being said, then you’ll know.

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 3:13 PM | Link to this

tina If your guy hasn’t given you cause not to trust him, then be confident in that….90% of the time I tell my SO where I’m going the other 10% I don’t…As a Man, we want to feel empowered, and telling our SO er’thing we do gets old…Sometimes I may simply be walking around BestBuy when she calls, but I’ll say “I’m just hanging out…I’ll be home in a lil’bit”….LOLOLOLOL….I love that she wants to know where I am, but that doesn’t mean I have to break down and give her the GPS coordinates er’dang time….I’m A Man!

By For Real

March 28, 2007 3:14 PM | Link to this

Tina do you know DuShawn????

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 3:15 PM | Link to this

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I received some thoughtful. The other responses have me saying this: Duh, I know that a ring doesn’t automatically mean fidelity, but my philosophy is simply this:

If my husband wants ME to wear one (for whatever reason), HE has to wear one (for whatever reason).

The notion of wearing a wedding band didn’t just come from thin air. The exchange of rings (just like the exchange of vows) has a purpose. I assumed we all knew that, but some of the responses don’t seem to indicate such.

I respect a ring on a man’s hand, and I’ll expect any other dignified woman to do the same if she’d run into my husband (and of course, vice versa for men).

Goodness, what is this society coming to?

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 3:17 PM | Link to this

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I received some thoughtful comments. The other responses have me saying this: Duh, I know that a ring doesn’t automatically mean fidelity, but my philosophy is simply this:

If my husband wants ME to wear one (for whatever reason), HE has to wear one (for whatever reason).

The notion of wearing a wedding band didn’t just come from thin air. The exchange of rings (just like the exchange of vows) has a purpose. I assumed we all knew that, but some of the responses don’t seem to indicate such.

I respect a ring on a man’s hand, and I’ll expect any other dignified woman to do the same if she’d run into my husband (and of course, vice versa for men).

Goodness, what is this society coming to?

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I received some thoughtful. The other responses have me saying this: Duh, I know that a ring doesn’t automatically mean fidelity, but my philosophy is simply this:

If my husband wants ME to wear one (for whatever reason), HE has to wear one (for whatever reason).

The notion of wearing a wedding band didn’t just come from thin air. The exchange of rings (just like the exchange of vows) has a purpose. I assumed we all knew that, but some of the responses don’t seem to indicate such.

I respect a ring on a man’s hand, and I’ll expect any other dignified woman to do the same if she’d run into my husband (and of course, vice versa for men).

Goodness, what is this society coming to?

By Raqi

March 28, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this

Now Dushawn if Barack Obama approached for me for a discreet encounter it will take all the will power I have and then some to collect myself and walk away from that. Oh baby.

Now that I got that out of my system…WiseDiva it is great to see you back and I hope we get to hear more about your trip. I hope it was all that you had imagined and better.

I’m out. Everyone have a good evening.

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I received some thoughtful comments. The other responses have me saying this: Duh, I know that a ring doesn’t automatically mean fidelity, but my philosophy is simply this:

If my husband wants ME to wear one (for whatever reason), HE has to wear one (for whatever reason).

The notion of wearing a wedding band didn’t just come from thin air. The exchange of rings (just like the exchange of vows) has a purpose. I assumed we all knew that, but some of the responses don’t seem to indicate such.

I respect a ring on a man’s hand, and I’ll expect any other dignified woman to do the same if she’d run into my husband (and of course, vice versa for men).

Goodness, what is this society coming to?

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

RC We got your post……….. several times. Thanks!

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

Dayum Jake, your “Self” ain’t no joke…But I made a promise to myself as a child…A promise I will not break…So I’ll just simply try and live a pretty wild legal most of the time lyfe.

By Thorne

March 28, 2007 3:26 PM | Link to this

Alan Walker owns Alliance Moving Service in Stone Mountain. I made it a point to forget his numbers.

By Dreamer 3K

March 28, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this

My wife and I have been together for nearly 15 years. Which makes me about the most uninteresting man she knows. Not because I’m dull or boring, but because there is little else new she can learn about me.

To an impartial outside observer, my life has been and still is a whirlwind. I’ve lived a public life, appeared on national and local TV and radio, owned a business, and travelled extensively. But after so many years, to her, it’s all ho-hum. Whereas once I piqued her interests with my seemingly wild dreams and ambitions, now it’s “been there done that.”

If she were to meet another guy, by default he would be more interesting. Not because he’s more exciting per se, but because he’s different. His stories and experiences would be different than my stories and experiences.

He may pique her interest in a way I once did. How many times can you see your favorite movie and still find it as compelling? How many times can you eat your favorite food and still find it as tasty? How many times can you hear the same joke and still find it as funny.

Perhaps Eddie Murphy had it right in Delirious. We may all start out like fancy Ritz Crackers. But we may all end up like plain old Saltines.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this

Dreamer If she was to find someone new, he would have a lot to measure up against. Yes he might be all shiny and new like a ne w nickel, but the real question would be how would he weather thru the storms.

Most women I know who have had a good man by their side for several years still peak over at the grass on the other side of the fence, but none of them would dare cross over just to see if it’s really as green as it looks. They have invested too much time and too many years into the yard they have been sowing for years.

By tina

March 28, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

No I don’t know Dushawn? Why?

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 3:36 PM | Link to this

Jake They, not me, say you are crazy!

Kym I guess next time I have a question, I will whisper it in your ear…

DuShawn Okay.

Way to go gurl, put his azz on blast!! If more women did this, the game would be run a lot less!! Sexione Not necessarily. A cheater will regroup and approach from another angle. They thrive on the game and just how quickly they can think on their feet.

By Got that?

March 28, 2007 3:37 PM | Link to this

Dreamer 3K, have you ever considered that you have allowed yourself to settle into a rut that makes you “the most uninteresting man she knows?” What you’ve done is what most people do after marriage, they rest on their laurels thinking that their partner will never stray. You have to do things to keep the relationship alive and interesting. If you don’t, they’ll either leave you or cheat on you. It’s like you said, there’s always someone more interesting. If you want to keep what you have, you better do what it takes to be more interesting than the competition.

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

Reality Check “The exchange of rings (just like the exchange of vows) has a purpose.” The exchange of rings during a wedding ceremony is merely “a symbol of your commitment to one another”. If you don’t honor your commitment, that symbol is nothing more than a piece of jewelry. I have seen wives wear beautiful wedding rings while their hands were wrapped around my diznic. However, I can remember when I was single and saw a woman with one of those “backdafugupandleavemealone” rings (cost 20 stacks or better) I had to respect that. I would say to myself, “your man is stronger than me. You look better with him.”

By Bre'

March 28, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

I have one off the side of my neck comment. If we presume that many(again many) married, hitched, committed etc typed minded people are cheating and/or having some type of extra relationship on the side. Is it possible that maybe just maybe we are not really meant to be with one person? Yes there is someone for everyone that wants to be with just one. Maybe society has it backwards? Would it be happier people if everyone was just up front about everything. A man/woman says lets get married(legal reasons or maybe even true companionship)but with the understanding that every once in awhile it might be another person in there life?

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:40 PM | Link to this

Dreamer If she was to find someone new, he would have a lot to measure up against. Yes he might be all shiny and new like a ne w nickel, but the real question would be how would he weather thru the storms.

Most women I know who have had a good man by their side for several years still peak over at the grass on the other side of the fence, but none of them would dare cross over just to see if it’s really as green as it looks. They have invested too much time and too many years into the yard they have been sowing for years.

By Bre'

March 28, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

I have one off the side of my neck comment. If we presume that many(again many) married, hitched, committed etc typed minded people are cheating and/or having some type of extra relationship on the side. Is it possible that maybe just maybe we are not really meant to be with one person? Yes there is someone for everyone that wants to be with just one. Maybe society has it backwards? Would it be happier people if everyone was just up front about everything. A man/woman says lets get married(legal reasons or maybe even true companionship)but with the understanding that every once in awhile it might be another person in there life?

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 3:42 PM | Link to this

Jewel Your question was fine and nothing I havent shared with the blog the last time this topic reared it’s head. I do agree with you about the blasting a cheater…if you tell the world a person cheats it doesnt make them any less intriguing to someone else.

By Jewel

March 28, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

Tina You need to resolve the issues you still have with your ex. Your SO cannot do this for you. It is not about your current relationship. You will either attract another cheater, or allow your past to destroy a positive future.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Lady J, that was my mind set at age 22-23…I was young and very foolish.

Slim, them teachers are some freaks at the parties…Lil Demi may end up being home schooled

By Wise Diva

March 28, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

for anyone interested, Jamie Foxx is scheduled to be at Compound Friday night. (He performs at the Fox Theatre this weekend). I have an email pass if anyone wants it. Free b4 11 pm (doubt I will use it) or you can probably sign up for a pass on Compound’s website

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this

DuShawn You answered a question I have always wondered about. Does the size of a woman’s wedding ring have any effect on the would be competition. Thanks!

By tina

March 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

No I don’t know Dushawn? Why?

By Sexione

March 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

Jewel maybe, maybe not….I still think it would make it harder (or at least make them think twice) knowing their azz would be on blast once caught….eventually dang near everyone would know….it really is a small world!

Bre H3LLZZZZZ NO!!!!

Peace out peeps……….I’m going home.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

ladyj what i meant was that typically women in our society are taught to “deal with” infidelity more than men are. it’s an unspoken expectation that men will cheat b/c that’s what “men do.” men are not raised w/this expectation. a lot of women deal with cheating as long as they “don’t see it.” ignorance is bliss for some. without concrete proof, women fool themselves into thinking that it’s not a pattern or a sense of entitlement that leads men to cheat. they pass it off as “men being men” according to what we were exposed to as girls.

hope this brought some clarity.:)

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

DuShawn You answered a question I have always wondered about. Does the size of a woman’s wedding ring have any effect on the would be competition. Thanks!

Bre That sounds a lot like OPP….. U down wit OPP? Nooooo not JustMe He!! to the Naw, it’s one on one or nothing at all. If I wanted multiple lovers, I would hand pick them!

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

Wise Thanks for the reminder…….. I just printed my pass Just in Case……

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

March 28, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

We have a jumper people 1-85 North at North Druid Hills. She jumped and was injuried so if you are headed north plan to stay late.

By tina

March 28, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

No I don’t know Dushawn? Why?

By Bre'

March 28, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this

Its not my lifestyle I was simply asking. If one should want to be with multiple people then marriage is not something for that person. So why play the game if you are not going to play by the rules.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 3:56 PM | Link to this

demi you’re sounding like sj now talking about teachers being freaky…lol. i don’t know why we get that rep…

By SeanJohnson

March 28, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

@ DuShawn…i pretty much dodged dealing with married women..but i have dealt with women that were involved ..and you post about the ring made me think…how can females be more open in all aspects with you ..the man on the side that with their main dude..One thing i learned from dealing with women like that…is put shyt pass NO female…i gotta give to females..they are slick as oil..

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this

tina You know me! It’s me baby, your SO. Sweetheart, I’m not cheating. I just need some air sometimes and I don’t want to feel that I have to report to you every time I’m out. I would never do anything to hurt you or betray your trust. I luv you girl! I’ll see you when I get to the house. I need you do that special thing with your tongue for me when you get home. See ya soon sugarplum.

By chase

March 28, 2007 4:01 PM | Link to this

Dreamer3K….are you a que?

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Bre Because men/and women get scared after being the ultimate bachelor/bachelorette for 30-40 years, and they realize that they are in the perfect position to die alone; or should the ever become seriously ill, they would have no one to care for them and the prospect of ending up in a stankin nursing home with no one to visit them, and no family to visit with on the holidays is not so pretty at 55 as it was at 25. So they play the game, they just manufacture the rules as they go along….. sad but true.

By Jake

March 28, 2007 4:02 PM | Link to this

Jewel

Well Jewel, they might be right.

Demi, yea man, self’s a fool sometimes, gotta keep a watch on we.

Thorne I know being hurt is beeyotch, but airing dirty laundry that way ain’t cool..IMO

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 4:03 PM | Link to this

We are all ‘tempted’ to stray I ‘suspect’. What I ‘know’ is that infideltiy is a conscious choice…and we all pay the consequences (and yes I put myself right in the middle) of OUR choices. The problem is that usually others pay for OUR choices too. There is almost always ‘collateral damage’. It may be another lover, it might be children, it might be the spouse of our partner, etc.

So when we try to excuse our actions by trying to convince everyone, including ourselves, that we are hurting no one but ourselves…maybe it is a sign of maturity that we someday begin to look beyond the end of our reproductive organs and see who REALLY is getting hurt.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 4:07 PM | Link to this

KB I have a few teacher friends(male and female)…Just something I notice after a while.

Heeeeeey Bre’

By QC

March 28, 2007 4:08 PM | Link to this

Has anyone here ever eaten at this restaurant called: Fogo de Chao? if so let me know how it is, i’m thinking about going there with some friends on Easter….thanks!

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

Randy You always make so much sense!

By abc

March 28, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

I don’t buy the ‘not natural behavior to be monogamous’ thing. That might hold true for dogs or baboons, but humans should (and do) have more control and ability to commit than that. Adultery is a sin because it hurts people so badly.

Not sayin’ I never did, but I learned my lesson.

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 4:12 PM | Link to this

Yes, thanks,DuShawn, and that purpose, as you so wonderfully pointed out, is a symbol of a commitment.

Our society is full of symbols, and those symbols are clearly understood by most thinking people. Such as and “H” on a blue highway sign symbolizes “hospital”, a smiley face symbolizes “happiness”, a heart symbolizes “love”, the golden arches symbolize McDonald’s; the examples are countless and are readily accepted.

I just don’t get why the brain cells of so many take a dive on the issue of what a wedding band is to symbolize. Of course, it’s up to the individual to honor the meaning behind that symbol; just because someone cheats with the ring on, does not mean that the symbol has any less significance. Just as someone running a red light doesn’t mean that all of a sudden red means “go”. Nope, the red light will always be the stop light, regardless of if people choose to obey it or not.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

By tina

March 28, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Dushawn you seriously have the wrong girl. Seriously.

By Bre'

March 28, 2007 4:14 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi, I hope all is wonderful and awesome in your life. If not think positive and it will be.

By Reality Check

March 28, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

Yes, thanks,DuShawn, and that purpose, as you so wonderfully pointed out, is a symbol of a commitment.

Our society is full of symbols, and those symbols are clearly understood by most thinking people. Such as and “H” on a blue highway sign symbolizes “hospital”, a smiley face symbolizes “happiness”, a heart symbolizes “love”, the golden arches symbolize McDonald’s; the examples are countless and are readily accepted.

I just don’t get why the brain cells of so many take a dive on the issue of what a wedding band is to symbolize. Of course, it’s up to the individual to honor the meaning behind that symbol; just because someone cheats with the ring on, does not mean that the symbol has any less significance. Just as someone running a red light doesn’t mean that all of a sudden red means “go”. Nope, the red light will always be the stop light, regardless of if people choose to obey it or not.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

By 2nd Hand Information

March 28, 2007 4:16 PM | Link to this

QC You should enjoy it as long as you are not a vegetarian. I hear they bring large spits of meat right to your table as long as you have the “thingy” on a certain color. I’ve never been there myself, but I hear it’s a tad pricy but the service was excellent. try buckheadliferesturants.com. I think they are a member.

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 4:17 PM | Link to this

Not sayin’ I never did, but I learned my lesson

abc the problem is, most people don’t and choose to ignore the sign they’re hurting someone, or they just don’t care who they’re hurting as they get their’s in.

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

Tina the cat’s out of the bag now baby, we might as well come clean.

By Violet305

March 28, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

DuShawn isn’t his real name i’m sure; if you think your SO is cheating just ask them dayummmm! Why go through all the drama & sleepless nights worrying about it just ask so you can get some sleep

By For Real

March 28, 2007 4:19 PM | Link to this

QC Fogo de Chao is a Brazilian rest. the food is very good but be ready to eat and pay about $50 per person but it’s all you can eat with an excellent salad bar.

By QC

March 28, 2007 4:23 PM | Link to this

Thank you 2nd Hand Information i went to their web site it’s nice and i found out lunch is $26 before 2pm after that it’s $40.00 i’m sure we’ll enjoy it, thanks again and welcome to the blog :)

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this

QC I enjoyed Fogo de Chao..it is pricey though. There is another Brazilian restaurant with the same concept located on Powers Ferry Road calld Sal De Grossa(sp)….it will cost you about $35-40. Pretty good as well…

By QC

March 28, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Thanks For Real & LDD :)

By Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a closet FULL of T-shirts)

March 28, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Violet305

*if you think your SO is cheating just ask them *

Now for real adventure, ask with a Glock pointed at their dycus…that always gets their attention. LOL

By NoNonsense

March 28, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

I like the name however, Reality Check means coming to terms with what is actually happening rather than what one chooses to want to believe. Infidelity with and without rings is very much a reality.

By DuShawn

March 28, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

Actually, DuShawn is my real name. I speak the truth and have no need for anonymity. However, I don’t know tina. I was just being facetious.

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

ladydark did you see my answer?

By LawDema...What!!

March 28, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

Bre’ Life is good, Lil Demi and the high pollen count are kicking my behind at this time.

By JustMe

March 28, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this

Good night y’all B E Z and most of all Be Faithful!

By dreamer 3K

March 28, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

No purple and gold here. I’m a Nupe through and through.

By tina

March 28, 2007 4:35 PM | Link to this

To Violet/ Any woman that suspects her man is cheating can ask him if he’s cheating. Most of the time, he’s going to lie and say no. So, that is not the answer and it’s not simple as that. Also, I don’t loose sleep over this. It’s easier said than done to get over someone hurting you in the pass. I’m not making excuses for myself, just saying everyone responds different. Dushawn- even if that’s not your real name, i still don’t know you. I know no one on this blog. This is my first time, by the way my name isn’t tina either.- Sorry

By QC

March 28, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

night night all

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

Thanks Kinderbabe:0) What a double standard though bc women do cheat…Talk to you tomorrow…

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

kinder re: the trust issue? Yes I saw it, I just have to ponder on that. I understand where you guys are coming from…but i don’t know if I really believe it’s possible to trust someone 100 percent when you just meet them…I mean what are you trusting…their character? don’t know that yet….I don’t look to see if they’re lying….I just don’t know that I believe anything they’re telling me until a little bit of time passes and I form an opinion about the person. But I’m slow to feel emotions, build trust, etc….

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 4:51 PM | Link to this

ladydark i think b/c so much time has passed, the wires have gotten crossed…lol. my 2:09 post that you asked about was on the infidelity/wedding band issue. that’s what my post around 4 was in reference to.

but on the trust issue…i do start w/100 and deduct from there. starting w/100 doesn’t mean that you’re my best friend and i’ll do anything for you. it means that you’re cool w/me until you do something that let’s me know you’re not cool.

By MusingLee

March 28, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

Ahhh man….Randyt I was drinking some water when I read your post…and it shot through my nose….LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL…hahahahahahah

By daiquiri

March 28, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this

I just dont understand how someone could date someone KNOWING they were married- how would you feel if your SO was out there doing the same thing?

By Jawjagirl

March 28, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

I’ve kept quiet for a long time, but I have a crisis in my life that I need some advice on, and this topic relates. Years ago, I learned that my husband was having an “inappropriate” cyber relationship with another woman. He said nothing happened, it was just role playing, etc. Subsequently I decided that I could “role play,” too. He was not too happy about that, but he went along with it. Then a couple of years down the road I found out that he had a serious thing going on with another woman he had hooked up with. After his relationship with her started, our relationship took a nosedive. When the truth came out, he said he was sorry, he wouldn’t have any further contact with her without my knowledge, and he would never do that kind of thing again. In turn I agreed that I wouldn’t have a more-than-friendship relationship with any other men, either. However, since then he has had two other relationships, and I recently discovered that he has continued to carry on with the one he was serious about a year or two ago. I think she broke up with him recently, though, and since then he has been fairly nice to me. But I’m very angry, and I’m considering confronting him about it, filing for divorce, and contacting the other woman’s husband to fill him in on what has been going on. What’s your advice?

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

i apologize ladydark that post was meant for ladyj see what i mean about the crossed wires…lol

ladyj the implication was not that women don’t cheat in my post. the implication was that men have more room to cheat “out in the open.” it is my belief that women go through more to conceal their infidelity b/c they know that it’s not cool and wouldn’t be readily accepted. men are not raised to expect such behavior from their spouse or significant other.

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

kinder But that’s my sticky point…because if I trust you 100 percent then you ARE my bestfriend!!

I’m almost tempted to say we’re feeling the same thing….just not sure yet! I’m cool with you to…in the beginning…just not 100 percent trust there….jury is still in deliberations….

Blog with you guys tomorrow

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

March 28, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

jawjagirl tune in tomorrow…! Why you wait so late to post this….re-post it in the morning!

By kinderbabe

March 28, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this

gotcha ladydark lol…the jury’s still out. i understand where you’re coming from. have a great nite!

By Lady J

March 28, 2007 5:03 PM | Link to this

@kinderbabe…I know what you mean and you said it no one accepts a woman cheating period and again it is not right but who am I to change history…Thanks again!!! 2 more days then spring break!!!!