By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this

FINALLY We’re up and running now.

Personally, I couldn’t see myself getting engaged to anyone in only a mere 3 weeks. Me and my cousin had this conversation just the other day. She is 30 with one child. She said if she did meet someone seriously that she would no want to take another 3 to 4 years just dating. She states she’d be able to tell if they were marriage-compatible in about 6-8 months…But 3 weeks?!!! Oh Hellz naw.

As far as too long. My ex-SO and i were together off and on for about 7 years. I can say I wouldn’t waste that much time again. We often talked about getting married but we also started dating at 21 which we both felt was too young. As we got older I wondered what the hold up was especially after saying he felt i would always be the one.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

Good Topic Bella.

How long do you think it takes before you really know someone’s personality?

You never truly completely know a person until you live with them, deal with them in close quarters day in and day out, share you space with them, lie down with them every night, get with them every morning. Most of us don’t even completely know ourselves but we tend to learn who we are when confronted with different matters. The same goes for a mate.

is there a maximum amount of time you should date someone before you cut them loose?

I think if you are married minded 2-3 years is enough time to know if the relationship is headed where you would like it to. But if you are just enjoying a committed relationship with someone then you can go years and never get married and be as content as ever.

By JJ

May 1, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this

3 weeks????Are you kidding? I didn’t really know my ex until we got through the divorce, and we were together 7 years.

But I have heard of people meeting quick and marrying, and staying married for years. Danny Bonaduce married his wife the day after their first (blind) date, and they made it 17 years (now in a divorce).

No, I wouldn’t marry someone only knowing them for 3 weeks. Their true self has not come out yet.

By QC

May 1, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this

Birthday count down…31 days…and party time!

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

Bella I had a conversation dealing with this very topic on Saturday w/a friend. He is married and was telling me his rationale for taking the dive…And we agreed. There comes a point where you decide “OK, I’ve dated this girl long enough. Do I want to marry her or am I going to move on?”

If you want to see where the future will take you, then you marry…If not you kick rocks.

By T-Mango

May 1, 2007 10:18 AM | Link to this

Hola all…

Three weeks?? Unless I belonged to a culture where marriages were arranged… or I was dying…there is no way that I’d get engaged that soon. I wouldn’t even do it if I was expecting. I don’t think three weeks is not long enough to know someone or make a life decision such as marriage. I think you need to be seriously dating 8-12 months before you decide to jump the broom. Even by then, you still won’t know everthing about the person. But, enough to know about their lifestyle, habits, family/friends, etc. to know if you can make it for the long haul.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this

I believe as you get older, the span of dating decreases because through experience, you know what you don’t want.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Sup Blog…said while walking in the flea market blog..

@ Raqi…thats sooo WEAK..and i have heard that so many times from females…why not just admit that she is bi or lezbo and or got turned out by another female rather than blame men. If you are sensitve and emotional there are men that are the same way and can fulfill those needs. Getting hurt by the opposite sx is normal and will happen…for a female to think that if she dates women she wont get hurt…emotionally or PHYSICALLY she is sadly mistaken…women are masters of emotional games….lesbians are insecure men haters…and they are constantly getting physical with there women…beause of the insecurity of not having a penis..and the fear of her lady wanting and or going back to a real one…sorry ladies..plastic dotn beat the real thing..but u already knew that..

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 10:21 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bella and All

I have talked about what marriage might be like and maybe even speculated inside myself after a few weeks, but getting engaged is entirely different. I hate to break it to your friend, but for the bulk of the first year of a relationship, people still have their ‘game face’ or their ‘presentation persona’ out there. In three weeks, a person hasn’t experienced PMS, seen the other in good and bad situations, or really knows anything about the true person underneath. You might know your physical compatibility, but you do not know the person you are going to be living with when you are not embracing.

I’ve been semi-engaged once after 8 months (puppy love coming out of high school), engaged and married (2 years dating before engagement), and in two LTR’s that I thought would probably end in marriage (neither a proposal but some talk, one for two years, and one that is currently at almost 9 months). In ALL of them, I was still discovering new things, GOOD and BAD, right up to the end.

My point is that all SO’s are capable of totally surprising you no matter how well you think you know them. It is better to get as many of those ‘surprises’ out of the way as possible before committing totally.

By Jokester

May 1, 2007 10:25 AM | Link to this

A blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign on the box says: “Sex Frogs! Only $50 each! Comes with complete instructions.” The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody is watching her. Certain that she is not being watched, she whispers to the man behind the counter, “I’ll take one of the sex frogs!” As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, “Just follow the instructions.” The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what the instructions tell her:

She quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens. The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have any problems, please call the store.” So our blonde heroine calls the pet shop. The man says, “I’ll be right over.” Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions, but the damned frog just sits there!” The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly, “Look, I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 10:28 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!!

Had computer issues this am, but I’m up and running now (again)……going back to read the topic hehehehe

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

I personally feel three weeks isn’t enough, I do wish them the best…

Hey QC, Slim, Raqi, and Bella!!!!

now hunting for some spare change to eat…I am think of selling my boss’s 8125 on EBAY for quick cash…I knew I should have stop at the ATM!!

By cool breeze

May 1, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

“It doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine.”

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 10:31 AM | Link to this

SeanJ I agree with you in the respect that women-on-women relationships can be very volatile. I know because I hear a lot of stories from my best friend who is a lesbian. Women are very jealous & emotional creatures. It can be very exciting and comforting for a straight women getting into the gay lifestyle especially after a break-up with a guy, or string of break-ups.

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 1, 2007 10:32 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I believe it is quite possible to meet, marry, and stay that way after a short period of time..I know of several people who made it work and are still making it work.

Do you have (or did you have…) a theoretical minimum on how long you need to date someone before you marry him?

No I dont have a minimum…because I agree with Musing when you know-you know.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 10:35 AM | Link to this

I too have heard of people meeting and getting married almost immediately and it working for them for many years. I couldn’t see myself doing that, however. You need to date at least a year or two just to get past the newness. But after maybe 5/6 years (shorter for some), you should know whether you want to marry or not.

By Bella

May 1, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

Good morning, everyone! I’m totally with you guys—I think it takes much longer to really learn who someone is. But what do you think about the people who get married that quickly and then stay married for the rest of their lives. Do you think it’s dumb luck?

PS Let’s keep the dirty jokes to a minimum today, shall we?

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 10:38 AM | Link to this

My parents married 8 months after meeting and stayed married for 42 years. During the time when my mom was sick she talked about their relationship and how they “grew” together meaning that they learned more about themselves and each other through their experiences.

I think you should be together at least long enough to know the basics before marrying but like I said earlier you don’t know somebody until you have lived with them. The man and I were together almost 4 years before marrying and we are forever learning something new about each other.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 10:40 AM | Link to this

SeanJohn I sent WiseDiva an email asking her to possibly present that issue on another day. So let’s hold off on discussing it in hopes that she will. Please and Thank you.

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

Jokester That frog bit was crazy…LOLOLOLOLOL

Kym You are indeed right and I also have to co-sign cool breeze.

Musing steals feather pen from Mo..

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 10:41 AM | Link to this

lmsao @ Jokester

On the same-sex side topic, I have to agree, it is not guaranteed or proven that one will not be hurt physically or emotionally. Quite often, being with the same sex (not that I know or wish to personally) can cause more drama than being with the opposite sex……..can you imagine you both PMSing (or having egomania) at the same time?

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 10:43 AM | Link to this

Morning Demi.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 10:44 AM | Link to this

@ Slim…are u speaking from experience?

By Interesting

May 1, 2007 10:47 AM | Link to this

Bella I find it interesting that you would comment on the semi-dirty joke that is posted today, but never said anything yesterday to the people that were constantly posting and referring to us like garden tools and s!uts. Interesting…..

By Biff

May 1, 2007 10:51 AM | Link to this

Dude must be loaded and ugly and your friend hot. That’s the only reason this is happening unless she’s as crazy as some of the broads posting here.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this

SeanJ I think you’re on a mission to see if i have bi-tendencies. You must be interested in girls that like girls?

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 11:05 AM | Link to this

Sorry Raqi, I’ll hold off on that one too.

Heeyyy QC, my fellow Taurean!! Who else is a fellow bull……19 more days to go. I’m thinking of taking a day (or two) trip that weekend. I’m ready too!!!!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 11:06 AM | Link to this

Morning ALL!!

Musing THANK YOU As I steal my pen back!! I see we are getting started early this AM!! LOL

SJ I was just about to hit up the Blog Flea Market, did you see anything? Just trying to kill some time..

On topic I have heard of people getting married quickly, especially in our grandparents time. I couldnt do it personally but to each his own.

By Bella

May 1, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

Hey, Interesting! —>Some people were out of line yesterday as well. I don’t want anyone to have to be booted off or their posts deleted! So that’s why the preemptive warning today…

Everyone—>Do you guys think some of these quick marrriages that have survived so long worked b/c they started when it was less acceptable to get a divorce?

By SmileyC

May 1, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

I personally don’t think three weeks is long enough to know if you would want to marry someone. However, a co-worker of mines was telling me a few months ago how he asked his wife to marry him after their second date and they have been happily married now for 42 years. So, I would say to each it’s own!

Personally, once I start a relationship with someone. It takes me at least two months to know if I am really feeling a guy to know if I want to continue our relationship or not. If I don’t feel like it’s going to go anywhere I end it. I was engaged before to my ex-SO after we had been together a little over three years off and on. Once we moved in with one another after we were engaged, we saw another side of one another and things changed and he didn’t think he was ready to be married. So, I ended our relationship because of how he felt and his actions towards certain things when we lived together and now we are just friends. I am with someone else at the moment and he believes after three years of having a relationship with someone that he would be willing to get married. I believe that you should be with someone for 1 ˝ - 2 ˝ yrs before you get married and I also believe you should live with a person before you get married to know if you can stand living with them.

By kinderbabe

May 1, 2007 11:14 AM | Link to this

good morning everyone!:)

i think it’s cool that bella’s friend thinks she’s found the one after three weeks. i’m not advocating that everyone make that decision…lol but if it works for them, so be it.:) i am a believer in “the one.”

i watched a pbs special several years back about couples who had been married 50 years or more. the one commonality they had was that they didn’t date for long periods of time, nor did they have the conveniences that new millenium relationships have (shacking up, spending the night over each other’s houses, etc.). one gentlemen mentioned that he knew after the first date that he would marry his wife…and dating at that time had a whole different meaning, it was actual courting, not dinner and movie and by the way “can i hit” night…lol. i guess my old-fashioned side is coming out…

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 1, 2007 11:17 AM | Link to this

…. now giving daps to all his blogbruhs outthere. bigups to Musing.

Ok, Bella, about your concern over the dirty jokes. You do know what page you’re on, right???

By NCgirlfromATL

May 1, 2007 11:21 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

My cousin and her husband met, and were married in 6 months. They just celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary. I do think if people spend quality time together, and make a concerted effort to get to know each other, and not just have sex all the time, the length of time isn’t as important. The problem is that most relationships float on physical attraction for the 1st 4-5 months, and when that gets old, and you actually have to have something more to do with each other than each other, relationships fall apart.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Bella I think that could be the case and also it could be because these type marriages came along when people were willing to tough it out rather than call it quits so soon. I think we really read too much into things these, hence most of the discussions we see on here. Back in the day when more people were meeting and marrying younger and faster they were looking for a life partner and not a business partner.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Bella I do believe that divorce being a taboo back then had a lot to do with the long marriages we see today. We also have to factor in, that during that time, most women stayed in the home while the men went out to work. So women tended to put up more with infidelities and whatnot..not to mention it might’ve been harder to find evidence of cheating. In today’s world, women are less apt to put up with cheating being that they aren’t totally reliant on the SO for financial support and it’s much easier to catch someone cheating with all the current technology. It’s just a much different time now.

By NCgirlfromATL

May 1, 2007 11:22 AM | Link to this

Heeeeeeeeey Blatino! You work out the cell phone thing with your girl?

By QC

May 1, 2007 11:24 AM | Link to this

Hey Sexie1 i’m sure someone else blogging/lurking is also born under our powerful sign I think Tazzeee is also a Taurus

hey kinderbabe

Slim1 I would love to go on a vacation, i wanna go somewhere so bad i’ll go to Macon* i’ll be off for a whole week

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 11:28 AM | Link to this

Regarding the topic…in todays time..it happens more than you think..coworker married a dude with in a year..but from her actions its not working..i think our grand parents lived in a time where you just didnt leave if things went wrong u stayed and made it work even if u were not happy all the time..so if i was born back then i would…these days too much involve to just up and elope with a chic..gotta do your homework first

@ Slim..i like girls period…i was just asking though..since your BF friend does too..and i know how they are..

@ Mo..just some shades…do u actually go to flea markets?

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Blatino Man, I have to represent for the brothas looking for/found the longterm squeeze..LOLOLOLOL

By Island Girl

May 1, 2007 11:29 AM | Link to this

Morning all Hope eveyone is doing well. Great topic Bella

SJ, leave Slim alone.

I don’t thing three weeks is enough time for me, but it may work for others. I have seen that happen. It really comes down to the two souls involved.

One former co-worker dated her present husband for two weeks! They have been together for over ten years now. I think that is crazy, but what works for one does not work for others.

I pesonally prefer to take things slow…that means at minimum a year.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

SlimOne I agree wholeheartedly with you 11:22am post. *Co-signing with my feather pen that I snatched back from Musing *.

Hey Kinderbabe!!

By kinderbabe

May 1, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this

hey qc :)

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this

SJ I go to Flea Markets for shades and oils, maybe a mix cd or two!! LOL!! Just wondering if the Blog Flea Market had some decent buys!! LOL

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

I worked with a guy from India who knew his bride less than 72 hours before they were married. They were happily married and she was beautiful. His marriage was arranged by his parents but he did confide in me that he did have right of refusal. They will stay married I am sure for two reasons, 1) their culture demands it, and 2) they genuinely seem to care for and respect each other…and work at it.

I wonder sometimes if our culture has lost much because when our grandparents/great grandparents were married, it was EXPECTED that you would stay together…and thus you put in the work necessary to keep it together. I think we have lost the EXPECTATION that we are supposed to work on it…and just HOPE it will work out rather than MAKE it work out.

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this

On this same sex topic subject…

I had a friend who at the time I didn’t know was gay. He telling me about this person who was messing with his emotions…The way he was explaining the situation, I quickly assume he was speaking about a woman; he was dating at that time. While I was slipping on my henny, I started to notice how b-ishy like he was acting…now I am thinking in my head, don’t tell me…Then he said, “Chris slap me and told me to leave him alone. Alvin, I don’t know what to do!”…I’ve never seen a man cry over another man, who is not his brother or a close cousin, a day in my life.

I was 22 at the time…I quickly drowned a double shot of henny straight, place my .9mm in my hand (he was a big dude, y’all know I am small) and left his crying a$$ in Virginia. I spent the next 9 and 1/2 hours driving back to Atlanta beating myself up for not paying attention to the faint signs he was giving out in the past two years.

As I am typing this, I now realize why I have no close male friends

By Jake

May 1, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this

Quick Marriages:

Okay I’ll post this and get ready for the backlash, but what is the rush? Let me explain, women have a tendency to begin to fantasize at about the 2 year mark. I do think that is a good while, but really insignificant on the big scale. MARRIAGE is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, so 2years aint shyt, I think there are herds of good relationships destroyed by the pressure to marry. I personally will be glad to get to the alter if I meet the right one, but I will be taking my sweet time. Now that I am a little older, I could see it happening quickly, but I say give me a good 3 to 5yrs/leaning toward 5. A good five will tell you if it will really prosper, or if it would have been 2yrs dating, marry for 2 and 1/2, divorce. What is 5yrs on a 50 year commitment. My wife will love me for me, the wedding will just be the show for what WE have established, a real time-tested relationship. It won’t be “her wedding day”, it will be ours. I ain’t givin my name away that easy…lol

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 11:38 AM | Link to this

Musing singing in his KC & Sunshine Band voice

Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,

What might be right for you, may not be right for some.

A man is born, he’s a man of means. Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans

But they got, Dif-rent Strokes. It takes, Dif-rent Strokes It takes Dif-rent Strokes to move the world.

What Chu’talk’in bout Bella

By BlatinoBrutha - back from hiatus

May 1, 2007 11:39 AM | Link to this

Whatup, NC!!!!

I’ll just say the issue is dormant for now. It’s one of them things ya’ll never really give up on. Ya’ll are gonna get to the cellie one way or another. Just keeping it locked up for now, to remove temptation.

Oh, and @MUSING, right there whitcha, bruh. Squeezes are a royal pain in the @$$, but we love’em anyway.

By DuShawn

May 1, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

“The problem is that most relationships float on physical attraction for the 1st 4-5 months, and when that gets old, and you actually have to have something more to do with each other than each other, relationships fall apart.” Well put. Sometimes it could be several years before a couple comes to that realization. NCGirl We are starting to have similar views on too many topics. I’m beginning to notice a disturbing trend.

By kinderbabe

May 1, 2007 11:42 AM | Link to this

randy great points. sometimes options can be a blessing and a curse. b/c we have so many “options” now, a lot of us don’t see marriage as a lifelong commitment but instead view it as something to “try out” for the time being. back in the days, people stayed together b/c that’s what folks did. of course, it had it’s high points and low points. overall, i think the pros outweighed the cons.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 11:43 AM | Link to this

@ Irie Girl…dont tell me who to mess with …Slim can take care of her self..

@Mo..i hate the fact that they raid all the good bootleg movie spots…i sure miss getting dvd’s for $3…cant find a consistant movie spot these days..

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this

Blatino my brother my brother, how is life!!

By QC

May 1, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

Hey Demi

By Ladylike

May 1, 2007 11:45 AM | Link to this

I don’t think I could become engaged after threes weeks. No theoretical time for dating before engagement, take it one day at a time. I would only date a guy steadily for three years or less it depends on how the relationship.

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 11:47 AM | Link to this

I do think it is quite possible to meet and marry in a short period of time three weeks well that wouldn’t be for me, but a few months yes.
I won’t date you for years though witout an offer of marriage after about two years you MUST put something down on it like a ring! Size 7 1/2 princess cut baybeh or I keeps it moving.
I prefer not to be worn out by someone who has no intentions of making a more serious commitment after many months..no time for small talk and chit chat at that point. If you don’t want to lock it down? step to the side and get out the way..you are blocking my other blessings at that point!

By Peachezz

May 1, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

Biff, go kick rocks

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

QC I’ll be 30 next year and if i’m in the States, I really want to go and do Vegas. This year i’m not going to do too much because in July I’ll be in Jamaica…still unsure of what I’ll do though, low-key or not. My birthday falls on Friday this year and I’m taking me a four day weekend. Any suggestions?

SeanJ honestly I went through a period of experimentation but that life isn’t for me because I enjoy men on so many more levels than that. My bff use to date men and i happen to be the one she came out to first, even though i kind of figured she was before she even realized it herself. I had to explain to her that we were friends and I wasn’t the one for her to try to be with. I valued her as a friend too much.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 11:51 AM | Link to this

@ Demi…lmao…dude..u had a Leroy in your camp…just think..all of those slaps on the azz dude prolly did while playing ball….he meant it.lol.just phckn wit you…just goes to show you…you NEVER know a person until you know em…thats why i quiz females so much on their sxual past.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

Randy I don’t think it was so much of being “expected” to stay together but moreso of wanting to stay together. It’s like the attitude of ‘I have too much to choose from rather than stay here’ was not so common back then.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 11:53 AM | Link to this

SJ on the DVDs, you are so right!! I am having that same dilemma. Stop hatin on those of us getting our hook up on!! LOL

By Peachezz

May 1, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this

My co-worker married her husband after only knowing him for 2 weeks and they’ve been married now for almost

10 years

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 12:01 PM | Link to this

jazzyone Hey you!!!

I see the Taurus sisters are up in full force today, do y’all thang mammas and “Shakewhayomammagaveya…”

*Musin hit the chorus for “shake your thang” for us.

By Island Girl

May 1, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Jake, I could easily agree with your 11:36 post, but I used to be one of those people getting caught up in “long term” relationships. Over time, I had two long relationships. When I think back on them, the only reason I stuck around was because I was not ready for commitment and the relationship was comfortable.

It really was a selfish mindset because I had no intentions of marrying either of them.

Life is funny because when the thought of marriage never crossed my mind, I was proposed too twice in the past.

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Come on babyyyyy, kick those Daisysssss

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

SJ LOL…I agree, you have to take the time out and get to know the person, whether it’s a male or female…Hard to believe I use to look up to that dude.

By Linguist

May 1, 2007 12:16 PM | Link to this

Hey Blog Fam waving to Slim, MO, Raqi, Kinder, NC, and the ladies!! Haven’t had a chance to read much just yet… I’ve got a new employee starting today and I guess I need to lead by example!! I’ll speed blog later… Keep it nice folks!..’specially you SJ! :)

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Taureans RULE!!!! what up ya’!

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 12:20 PM | Link to this

Cotton candy, sweetie to go, let see that tootsie rollllll

By LorDemi

May 1, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this

…me <—

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

Well you Sang’it BOI~~~~as I toot that bootie up….tee hee…

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 12:28 PM | Link to this

You better stop before this Bella person gets us!..although Iown’know who she is…

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

what’s up Ling.

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

May 1, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

I has to agree wit Biff. Ain’t no way dis could happen unless it was a ugly rich dude and a hot gold diggin ho.

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

The Blog Bar must be open since ya’ll got it open like that!! Mo joinin the crowd droppin it like its hot! And its only lunchtime!!

Thanks Musing & Demi!! LOL

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 12:36 PM | Link to this

Aww Rufus..poor thing..ha ha we are still going to drop it like its hot and ignore you..come on Mo….

By QC

May 1, 2007 12:37 PM | Link to this

^5 Jazzyone! Taureans are whats up

Slim1 that would be the perfect trip, my coworker just came back from the Virgin Island she participated in the carnival, so now we’re talking about doing an office trip by the end of this year….

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 12:41 PM | Link to this

Hey QC!

By melo

May 1, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this

Dude must be loaded and ugly and your friend hot-Biff When u ugly, every woman is hot.

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

May 1, 2007 12:52 PM | Link to this

Jazzy, why you gone try to keep a brutha down?

By Ralph Mouth

May 1, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this

Is there anyone here who can translate Rufus’s jibber-jabber? I don’t understand Swahili.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 1:06 PM | Link to this

Who all as a Bday this month and next?

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

Talk about Oops

Dear Karma Cleanser:

I spent the night at my on-again-off-again girlfriend’s apartment.

I thought she might be seeing someone else and I confirmed it that morning when I went to brush my teeth and saw that there was a second toothbrush in her holder. I took it and brushed my @ss and nu(t)s.

When she woke up, she came back into the bedroom brushing her teeth with the same toothbrush – telling me how great it was and she was taking a break from her electric brush!

From Clean mouth

By will c

May 1, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

I think 3 weeks is too soon to commit to an engagement. Your friend should relax and enjoy the relationship. Let it progress naturally to a point where engagement and marriage is possible.

Personally, I need a year of serious dating before talking about marriage. During this time, I can evaluate if this woman is right for me. Co-habitating is always a good option because you will learn a lot about a person in a short time. I call it speed dating.

Rich Guys Trophy Wife Hot Girls http://www.richguystrophywife.com

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 1:13 PM | Link to this

SeanJ I do…June 1st are you planning on buying us all gifts or something?

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this

Craziness…

Couple Killed In Murder Suicide

A man in the midst of a divorce killed his wife and then himself in Hall County Monday, authorities said.

Deputies found the bodies of the two people inside a house on Jessie Cricle shortly before 5 p.m.

Their names were not released

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 1:16 PM | Link to this

Slim Awwwww….dayum that’s nasty!!!

SJ MMEEEEE!!! 19 more days!! I think a spa weekend is in order!!

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this

SLim you go tme rolling over here…

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

For everybody that likes to buy bootleg (me included!)lol….

Animal Awesomeness: In April, two Labrador retrievers (Lucky and Flo) sniffed out another shipment of pirated DVDs (worth about $435,000) in a building in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. It was at least the second such bust since mid-March, when the U.S. Motion Picture Association of America loaned the dogs to Malaysian authorities because they can detect the polycarbonate and unique chemicals in the discs. So successful are Lucky and Flo that an unspecified crime gang has reportedly put out a contract on them.

By jazzyone

May 1, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this

Slim ohmahgah..cracked me up!!!!!!My B’day was 4/27…

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 1:30 PM | Link to this

Okay, this goes waayy beyond issues…

People With Issues: Army drill Sgt. Edmundo Estrada, 35, was arraigned in January in Hampton, Va., on charges of indecent assault, on a complaint by a young subordinate who said Estrada prescribed a confidence-building regimen in which the two men role-played from a pornographic movie, with the trainee dressing as a Superman character and Estrada performing sexual acts on him. According to the arrest affidavit, when Estrada “torture[d]” the trainee, the man was to respond by “moaning.” (Another trainee accused Estrada of trying to photograph his squad bare-chested, claiming he needed to document their physical growth.)

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

Bella I just thought about something. Your friend has agreed to marry her guy after only knowing him for three weeks. But how long are they going to be engaged? Some people believe in long engagements. They can get to know each other during that time.

I was only engaged for 10 days before I got married but had been in the relationship for nearly 4 years.

Did she indicate that she will be marrying him soon or has just agreed to marrying him later on? That changes everything.

By Leroy Smiths

May 1, 2007 1:34 PM | Link to this

Sheet what kind of fool would wants to get married anyways? Especially after 3 weeks! Lawd! Man I ain’ts never getting married. I have too much fun ballin ho’s in the ATL. I tell my peeps all the time that ole Leroy will always be running the ho’s around Moreland. I just hope Laquita shows back up at the Quik Mart. I miss that ho.

By Wise Diva

May 1, 2007 1:36 PM | Link to this

Great Topic BELLA, I wish I had time to join in more, but..I just wanted to say that, my inner romantic wants to believe that I would “just know” and be alright with a quick dating to engagement, but my cynical side tells me that all that glitters is not gold, so tread lightly. I don’t want to end up in divorce court, singing Tamia’s “There’s a stranger in my bed” (do you guys remember that song?). Anyway, I am super extra cautious with these life changing decisions and stuff (maybe too much?) but I just don’t want to live with regret. So Carpe Diem..for others, me? not so much!

By Interesting

May 1, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this

See, this is what I was talking about earlier Bella. How much does it take to be banned? Mind you (and I know you weren’t here) these idiots have been doing this for a while now!!!!

By Lady Dark w/Dimples

May 1, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Everyone

nothing different to add…

By Jokester

May 1, 2007 1:45 PM | Link to this

Husband’s Great Gift

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

@ Slim & Sxeone..NO…not buying yall gifts…just getting a head count…I was actually thinking yesterday what i should do for mine..

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this

SJ Yeah i’m clueless too on what I want to do. I really don’t want to do the traditional group of friends out to eat. Yeah i want to eat but i want to do something more exciting than that. Last year it was Dave-n-Busters. I wouldn’t mind getting a group of folks to go paint balling or drunk putt-putt…something interactive that’s going to involve friends, food, drinks, fun and lots of laughs.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

lol @ Jokester

SJ when is yours?

By NCgirlfromATL

May 1, 2007 1:53 PM | Link to this

DuShawn LOL! Well, I don’t know what to tell you…great minds, perhaps? LOL!

SJ My birthday was this past Sunday. Taureans rule!

Slim That was just nasty! LMAO!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 1:56 PM | Link to this

Hello All,

If it takes you 4 years to get thru college,9mos to make a baby, 4 -6 mos to build a house, what makes you think you can build a great marriage, without doing the ground work and getting to know who your mate really is!

And we wonder why we have a over 50% divorce rate…geeez,wake up and smell the coffee folk!

By Atl Lady

May 1, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

Hello Good People Darn Jake. Is it like that? In my humble opinion, crap or get off the pot. You pretty much know who you are dealing with after the first year. Love is a wonderful chance we all take daily. If you love her like you say, what’s the hold up? True, real love is longlasting, but who’s to say you’ll be together 50 years? There is death and disease that can cut that time in half. Not trying to be a pessimist but that is the truth. What I hate is the relationships that never make it to the altar and they’ve been together 15, 20, 25 years or more. Had kids together and lived together all that time, but then one of them dies and the children are deprived of the priviledges.

I recently witnessed a girlfriend go through a speedy relationship that lead into marriage around the sixth month. Needless to say they had a lot of problems early in their marriage. They worked it out. I’m for working it out when it gets rough.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 2:03 PM | Link to this

@ Slim…i want to do something ive never done before…but maybe i will just ride down to savannah that weekend play it safe..who knows..

@ Sxeone..6/9..

@NCATLIEN..happy belated bday…taureans are cool…most of the men in my fam bulls

By Bella

May 1, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

Hi, Raqi!

My friend is getting married in late July, and I think the engagement was decided in late March. So even with the engagement time included, it’s still pretty fast!

By Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown

May 1, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this

Leroy,

Sounds like you better go in dat quickmart and steal you some newports and bull. Dat’s da only way you gone git Laquita to go wit you behind dat dumpster again.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 2:13 PM | Link to this

AtlLady Good point re: the kids. You’re with a man/woman for 25 yrs, thru the good and the bad, he/she dies and you nor the kids can collect a dime! Of course, it’s not about money, before that topic jumps off! I couldn’t see myself with someone for that long (esp. after having kids together) without more of a commitment. NOT!!

By Ralph Mouth

May 1, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

I’ve had enough. I just don’t see how you people put up with this on your blog. I just don’t speak jive.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

Sean J 6/9 huh? You’re probably a Super-Gemini then….super as in super freaky. I’m not mad at cha. I haven’t been to Savannah in years.

By BeGone

May 1, 2007 2:21 PM | Link to this

Ralph Mouth Then BE GONE!!!!!!

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 2:22 PM | Link to this

Ralph Mouth we just adhere to the policy of ignore. Hear no evil, Speak no evil, See no evil

By Mochalatte Peach with Extra Cream

May 1, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Blog: I know I’m late and probably not on the current topic of convo since this morning. But I do have a story to share about someone who waited for 13 years for the father of her children to marry her. She got married in 2003. She’d been dating this guy since she was younger. Got pregnant moved in with him and then got pregnant again. And waited until the last child was about 6 years old to get married. They are still married and are in love. The only issue I forsee is that just recently she was diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer. I hope everything will stay just that way for them. But the point is that she waited 13 years for her “man” to marry her! Now I’m not sure I’m going to hang around and wait for the father of my oldest son to marry me (he is now 10 years old), but I say more power to someone who could.

By Leroy Smiths

May 1, 2007 2:28 PM | Link to this

Sheet Rufus, I knows you right. The problem with robbing the sto to get some Bull and Newports is that the damn pigs are looking for my a*. I got’s to lay low for awhile and not rob no sto’es. My boy Lamont says he seen her at the Marta station over on Ashby. That ho better not be cheating on me or I will go Ike Turner on her a*.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 2:29 PM | Link to this

SJ & Slim Yeeaaahh, 69 was THE best year!! my birth year….I know it’s your birthday SJ

Mouth If you don’t like what is being discussed, feel free to leave and never come back!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

Second part to my rant…

I think the problem with today’s society is that everyone wants everything quick and as a result,we are making bad choices and decisions, based on wants instead of needs.

The difference in our parent’s and us is that our parent’s planned and took their time,we don’t plan and take our time!

Instant gratification is all we want!

By Linguist

May 1, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

I’ve had a chance to read some of the posts and thought I’d weigh in on the topic.. While I don’t have any girlfriends that dated and got married in a short period of time - I do have a male cousin, who after 4 proposals to 4 different women, is finally walking down the aisle - after knowing this last one for a few months before proposing. They are now living together and are getting married in July. While I don’t know much about their relationship, I tend to lean to the conservative side and believe they haven’t known each other long enough to really make that commitment. I think- believe it or not- that it’s him that wants to get married…

By Jake

May 1, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

Atl Lady

It ain’t that bad…lol, but I think the time issue gets in the way sometimes. Some women get the itch, and blow the hold deal.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 2:39 PM | Link to this

LL I agree about the instant gratification!! It has become the norm. But on the parents waiting and planning…..I don’t know how old you are, but in my parents day & time, there wasn’t a whole lot of planning or waiting. Heck, a lot of those were shotgun weddings. They just weren’t as quick to walk away when the going got tough.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 2:42 PM | Link to this

Hey Ling

I hate to say it, but I think your male friend may be a touch “needy”. It sounds like he is more in love with ‘marriage’ than with a person. That can and will cause problems, but I wish him well. I just know (have a t-shirt from after my marriage actually) that when one goes into a relationship “needy” he/she will try to MAKE things happen, rather than LET things happen. The needy person then tends to take small bumps in the road personally, and reacts in the wrong way. Needy is not good.

By Atl Lady

May 1, 2007 2:44 PM | Link to this

@Jake I understand. You also have to understand that she likes the way you scratch her itches. She wants it forever and ever. That’s why she has to drop those hints. Give you the signal so to speak.

By Sexione

May 1, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this

I’m outta here, everyone have a great evening. I’m off to hopefully not get caught in a mess of traffic…..Russell Simmons is visiting my daughters school promoting his new book, “Do You”. Be good……

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 2:47 PM | Link to this

Bella So that would be about 4 months total. That is fairly quick. Did she know him prior to dating him? Were they introduced by a trusted friend?

I still say that you don’t know a person until you live with them so it could very well work.

Before I got married I figured I knew enough about my husband that I needed to know to make a level headed decision to live the rest of my life with him, but it was things that I didn’t even consider, the learn to live with things, that has caught me by surprise. Like:

Outside of the obvious financial matters, you have to like the person that you are choosing to live with. Now does anyone how much time it takes to find out if you will like the “person”. No. The person reveals their inner self daily.

By Ms. jones

May 1, 2007 2:52 PM | Link to this

OK, I got one for ya’ll.

I met a guy up in Washington DC about three years ago. We have a long distance relationship, and see each other about once/twice a month. I am not seeing anyone down here, and I don’t believe he is seeing anyone up there. He is 12 years older than I am, and has an established career up in DC. I have been with my company here in the Atl for 15 years. He comes down here for a long weekend, I do up there for a long weekend, once a month.

He wants us to move up to DC, and I don’t know if I want to pull my child out of the school district she has been in all her life (she is in 10th Grade now). Nor do I want to move that far away from our family. He says he loves me, and loves my child, but has not asked me to marry him, we have not even discussed marriage. Everytime I go up to visit, we end up looking at houses.

Question: Should I move up to DC without any kind of committment? And, if there is a committment (an engagement ring on my finger) should I still go?

OR do I wait until we start talking marriage?

By Ralph Mouth

May 1, 2007 2:53 PM | Link to this

Sexione,

I’m not talking about the topic of discussion. I’m talking about these 2 characters, Leroy and Rufus. I’m new here, and maybe they’re considered part of the group here. But their posts are giving me a headache.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 3:02 PM | Link to this

Ms.Jones is marriage what you want? If so then tell him. If not then I do not see a problem if he is who you want to be with and he is able to provide for you and your child while you find suitable employment.

I personally will never cohabit again without marriage, but that’s just me. I have a friend who lives with her guy and they are doing fine. In fact they are getting married this year…finally. LOL.

You are the only one that knows what’s best for you.

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 3:03 PM | Link to this

@ Slim..get ya mind out of the gutter..super gemini though…dual personalities at times though…69 is actually the symbol for a gemini..NOT one of your fav postions..lol

@ Ms Jones…like LL said mentioned…you are jumping the gun…you have your child to think about and its not fair to her for you to uproot and move on her highschool years..plus..you have 15yrs with a company and u dont want to throw that away on a “possible” book..spades talk..lol…wait until your daughter graduates and move out of the house..then get your adult situation on..but i wouldnt advise moving until u are marrried..not engaged..married..and even then..rent your atl house..dont sell it.

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:05 PM | Link to this

@Sexione Oh, best believe they planned,they had too!

Dollars were not as available as they are now and most couples built what they had together.They also stuck it out regardless!

Divorce was not an option to many, so they made it happen! My uncle told me once, I learned to love my wife and now I appreciate her!

He got married, because he knocked his ole lady up, when he was 20, now they been married 50 years and they are happy!

Again, divorce was not an option and they even both worked for the post office 30 years!

They planned the life that they are living now 45 years ago!

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 1, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

I had to go find this story but again as I said earlier sometimes you just know….

Man proposes after four minutes

Wales-A single father-of-two proposed to an American woman he met on the internet four minutes after flying 4,000 miles to see her for the first time.

Carl Dockings, 36, from Newport, south Wales, popped the question to Danielle at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport after the pair met playing cards on the internet.

The 26-year-old said “yes” and the couple were married four months later.

The pair are now settled in his home city with their daughter Isabel, who was born on New Year’s Day.

Council worker Mr Dockings explained how the couple met while playing the card game gin online. He said: “I’d always liked cards and was filling in the evening. I went on there and bumped into Danielle playing in a card game and we hit it off straight away.

“I was inundated with work and the computer was where I went to relax and wind down and that’s where I found Danielle. “We got on so well. We just seemed to know what the other was thinking.

“Danielle’s the most loving, caring person I’ve ever met and that came through straight away.”

Mr Dockings said the pair had fallen in love before even exchanging pictures, but that sending a photograph was still a “nerve-wracking” experience.

He said: “We finally agreed to swap photos and Danielle sent one over first - after seeing the photo of her I was terrified of sending the photo of myself.”

When Mr Docking flew to Chicago to meet his bride-to-be, who is from nearby Wisconsin, he did not waste time before popping the question.

Mr Docking, who also has children aged six and nine, said: “I gave her a cuddle and a kiss and told her how happy I was being there.

“We walked for a couple of minutes to the train station at Chicago airport and I thought ‘I’ve got to have this woman for life’ and that’s when I popped the question and I went down and proposed to her.” Mrs Docking said the proposal was not a complete surprise after the pair had got to know each other through months of online messaging.

She said: “I had a feeling he would [propose] - we’d talked about it.

“We were chatting and emailing and playing cards for about 10 months.

“It was good conversation - there was never any awkward silence. He was really funny and we seemed to click right away.

“I was able to pick up on how loving and caring he was because we would talk about our day to day lives and he would talk about how he was with his kids.

“I fell in love with his personality and the kind of person he was.”

By abc

May 1, 2007 3:08 PM | Link to this

Ms Jones, you should expect a marriage commitment to uproot and move to a different state.

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:09 PM | Link to this

@SeanJohnson PREECH!! Again, folks need to stop thinkin bout self and put the kids first!

By Biff

May 1, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

The problem I’m seeing here is that many female posters must be accustomed to metrosexual type dudes who have no stones. A dude with stones would say no way when some chick he just met wants a ring. Many of the female posters here go on and on with this and that and say nothing but the impression that they want to wear the pants in the family. That doesn’t work.

I would suggest that those chicks start looking for some real men, not just some chump they feel comfortable being around because he might be gay, etc.

And Ralph your posts are racist because Leroy and Rufus talk funny, so do many other posters here.

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:17 PM | Link to this

@Ms. jones I just went back and read you post!

Is you crazy!!!!!!!!!

Look here,rule #1, don’t move fo the dude, especially if he ain’t presented you with no rock!

Second,let your kid finish high school (HERE).

Third,how you considering marriage and you have not been proposed too???

Fourth,if dude is established,he can move here! You got the most to loose in this chess game,wise up!

Fifth,dude sound like a sucker! He has strung you out for 3 years and go you looking at houses you neva gonna live in???? WTF!

Real men know when you are the one and they certainly don’t go about business like dude is doing!

Finally, I think you setting yourself up foor fail-ya with this dude!

By Jake

May 1, 2007 3:18 PM | Link to this

Atl Lady

Believe or not, a woman doesn’t have to hint, a dude is fully aware..its that outside pressure (friends and family asking when he gonna marry you?) that women internalize and all of sudden, bam, ultimatums and the like.

Good thing gone bad just that fast.

By Ms. Jones

May 1, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this

Thanks all. I have pretty much decided not to move at this time, but wanted to hear from disinterested third parties. I can’t uproot my kid from the only home and family she has ever known. Her father ran away about 10 years ago, so I’m not worried about taking her away from her father or his side of the family.

I like the advice about my kid graduating, then moving myself up to DC. But I am having a very hard time just thinking about being that far away from my family, and only being able to see them a couple of times a year, and the kid will be in college here in Georgia (I hope)……..

I guess we will see what the future holds. I get lonely alot, with him so far away, and I feel guilty if I go out with someone down here, even if it is just for fun…….

By Ralph Mouth

May 1, 2007 3:21 PM | Link to this

Biff,

Are you answering my question earlier? It sounds like you’re saying you do, in fact, speak Swahili. That’s good. Maybe you can translate.

By Island Girl

May 1, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones, Don’t do it. I don’t understand why folks commit to buy houses, cars, cats and dogs and not even consider the commitment of marriage first.

I can go on and on, but if your gut tells you to wait…please wait. Look past the emotions and look at the reality of the situation..your daughter and a non-commited relationship (he has not asked you to marry him..right?).

By NCgirlfromATL

May 1, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

Thanks SJ!

By SmileyC

May 1, 2007 3:23 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon

Ms. Jones I am going to have to agree with SeanJ…you should wait until your child is at least finish with high school before you make some major life changing decisions like that. Think about your child, it is hard trying to fit in with people…and you don’t want her to have that stress on her, her last 2 yrs of school…it could affect her grades, behaivor, etc…

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 3:24 PM | Link to this

Jake why does marriage have to mean a good thing gone bad? Why couldn’t it just as well be a good thing made better or even great for that matter? Just answer me why.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this

Jake

Your 11:36 post makes me wonder. When I was in my twenties, there was almost like a gravitational pull (socially, etc.) toward marriage and family. Now that I am many years past that and considering ‘marriage round 2’. I wonder what exactly will push me over the edge to make the marriage committment. Sex is not an issue (it happens anyway). I don’t have to get married to get laid, sex is easy and frankly ‘making love’ is easy (not one and the same to me). Children are not an issue (at my age, my family and most ladie’s families are complete). Cooking and housekeeping (not an issue, I can cook and clean for myself)… So what would push me over the edge?

The only motivating factor is to be with someone you really enjoy being with EVERY night, not just here and there, and one has to want someone a lot to give up the other freedoms for that. It is the old adage, “why buy the cow, if you can get the milk for free.” That is my personal qualm about Raqi’s “cohabitation’ remarks. I agree with Raqi, I would never live with someone before marrying them now. This is not because of any moral or ethical dilemma, although I try to be those. It is about ‘what motive does one have to marry if they already are living together?’

These are questions I deal with in my own life…and frankly, the answer is not that clear.

By Island Girl

May 1, 2007 3:29 PM | Link to this

LL, You have me cracking up!!!!! You’re giving good advice though… :-)

By Ms. Jones

May 1, 2007 3:30 PM | Link to this

Yea, I definately cannot pull my kid out of school. She is in 10th grade with kids she went to Kindergarten with.

Thanks for all the advice ya’ll.!!!! I definately took it to heart, and will not be looking to re-locate to DC at this point. I really love my job, and don’t want to leave……

Have a great afternoon!!!!

By Jake

May 1, 2007 3:33 PM | Link to this

Dayum LL

You my friend are a DPO- “Dream Pysser On-err”…HEHEHEHEHE

Ms. jones Don’t uproot your child without the rock. Enjoy what you got, and be patient. Best of luck.

By NCgirlfromATL

May 1, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

*Co-signing, borrowing Mo’s feather pen (I’ll be sure to give it back!) on SJ’s/LL’s post.

Don’t fall for the okey doke. He might care about you, but if he really cared, he’d make your needs and your child’s needs a priority. And giving up everything you have may seem like a romantic notion, until you’re in a city where you know no one, and you’re no farther along in the relationship than you are right now. Then, everything you gave up comes crashing down on you, and you’re left wondering why.

If he’s the one, then you won’t have to give up everything you have in order to make it work. You will both make your lives work together, instead of you giving up yours to work with his.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 3:38 PM | Link to this

SJ one of your favs?

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:43 PM | Link to this

@Ms. Jones I don’t think you are thinking rationally!

Here it is again..short bus!

You been at the gig 15 years ^5!

You have said more than once, you want to be close to your family! ^5!

You seem established! ^5!

Dude is a buster, regardless of his title or credentials!

My gut tells me you need to “float-on” do your thing and keep it movin!

You sound like you have more going for yourself,than you give yourself credit for, dude is a bussstah!

This dude got you on a 36 to eternity lease plan faking like he want to buy at the end of the lease!

Here is strait,no chaser!

By Jay

May 1, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this

Hello Everyone…..Three weeks to decide to spend the rest of your life together, someone got their boots ROCKED. I personally think three weeks is not enough for me to come to your home. I think we dont take time to get to know each other these day.

By Island Girl

May 1, 2007 3:46 PM | Link to this

LL By the way, I made it out to the “dog pound” on saturday….been a long time since I’ve seen so much purple and gold. The step show was cool.

By For Real

May 1, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!

6/14 for me and I haven’t decided yet either.

On topic: Hellz naw in 3wks???? You aint marrying a person you marrying what you feel.

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

@NCgirlfromATL That dude only out fo self!

If he really cared about her, he would not string her on and handle his biz!

Three years and he established, what he waiting on???

Here is the test,Ms. jones Ask him to relocate to you and see what he say!

Again, you got the most to loose in this situation!

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 3:49 PM | Link to this

@ Slim..i said yours…

By Dr. Kym Relationship Expert

May 1, 2007 3:51 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones I re-read your post I am not sure if this man is so much giving you the okey doke so I will play devil’s advocate for a sec.

One if he is 12 years older than you and works in DC then I would say he has a Federal job (as most people there do) which I will assume means that he as well has established ties. I can understand you waiting until your daughter goes off to college in a few years…but I am sorry at some point you have to cut the cord from her and from your own family.

Sorry but I truly believe that there is your side, his side, and the truth. If you and this guy are spending weekends together and he is saying I love you then why not asking are you talking marriage or what?

By Jake

May 1, 2007 3:52 PM | Link to this

Raqi/RandyT/everyone who thinks I am against the Holy Union

I never said marriage nor commitment was bad. I do think that often, good relationships are jepoardized by differences of time expectations. I would like to be there one day, and as I stated in the 11:36 post, it could happen quickly now that I am a little older.

Raqi In the post you are referring to I described very briefly how outsiders can influence some into the buzz, if a woman gets too giddy at that thought prematurely (see Ms. Jones), it can be detrimental to what is a great relatioship if the man feels pressured, his time table may be different.

Marriage is a wonderful thing, hope to make one day, but until then turn up that Cameo (“I’m living the single, single, single,..,..,…, life”….now looking in closet for leather pants and cherry red baseball cup…LOL)

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

@Island Girl Glad you had fun, yo boy showed out!!

Here are the pic’s

http://www.angusnile.com/taucookout2007/ http://www.angusnile.com/taucookout2007/

By For Real

May 1, 2007 3:53 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones I don’t think you should. Dude is getting up in age and is looking for Hazel to take care of him when he breaks his hip.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 3:54 PM | Link to this

SJ I know you said mine, I posed the question to you.

By Atl Lady

May 1, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

@Jake Ok you had me until you said cherry red baseball cap. lol lol lol How about the leather pants with a different accessory? How about no cap or hat at all?

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this

@ Slim…depends on the person ..i like to try them all….and decide afterwards..so it varies..

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Sorry Jake my mistake. When I skip, hope and jump over comments sometimes that happen. LOL Sorry.

By For Real

May 1, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

I just don’t believe it is possible for two people to decide they are ready to get married in 3 wks. There are just soooo many unanswered questions:

By Cassie

May 1, 2007 4:05 PM | Link to this

Gang -

A) who is copying crap out of CL’s “News of the Weird” from last week? Cause I swear I read that stuff before.

B) There is no way I would ever wait more than two years to be engaged. If at two years you don’t know what you want, SOGOTP (figure that one out). I learned this the hard way - the x hubby and I lived together and owned property (see below comments) for two years before we got married. We got engaged AFTER we bought the house…and he told me that the only reason he asked me was because he thought I was gonna dump him, not because I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me! LOL.

(of course, this is also the same dude who on first, uh, being uh together looked up at me and said “you know, if your t** were bigger no one would notice your stomach fat”) LOLOLOL

C) Bella and WD - I sooo don’t trust myself to make a sound decision in a romantic capacity. I did have someone propose to me after four weeks of dating…mind, he was drunk but he was dead serious! He was such a nice guy that I hated to say no, and now a small part of me wishes that I’d given it a chance (even though the brain says it would have never worked).

D) Like several of my fellow posters, I will never again live with anyone without a ring on my finger. Nor will I allow anyone else that isn’t blood family to live with me. All that ish gets too complicated. In fact, I think my current FWB and I are going to have issues because I really don’t want him to come over and stay with me! I’m happy to go there once or twice a week!

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 4:09 PM | Link to this

SJ I like to be nice and comfy, whichever way that is.

By Raqi

May 1, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this

Dr.Kym I must agree with you 3:51 post. That’s why I said if marriage is what she wants then say so. Evidently waiting for him to bring it up is just not getting her where she wants to be.

I am out.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Hey Jake

I’m not saying anything about how you should do things, you seem to have your head on straight pretty much always. I am saying this is an issue that I struggle with…LL’s “36 to eternity lease plan” (that was a dayum good analogy by the way LL). I find myself doing that, and not ‘buying the cow’, LOL.

By For Real

May 1, 2007 4:20 PM | Link to this

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 4:21 PM | Link to this

@ Slim..or is this Tiffany coming out…i will make note of that

By QC

May 1, 2007 4:27 PM | Link to this

Have a great evening bloggers

By Cassie

May 1, 2007 4:28 PM | Link to this

ForReal LOL! Dude no fair! Know everyone wants to know what I’m reading!

Between those last two points, I might add…what reading material do you keep in your bathroom?

By Lynnie

May 1, 2007 4:29 PM | Link to this

I suppose it depends on the situation and people involved. I met my now fiance online and we talked via IM for several months before meeting. I found it much easier to get to know him, and vice versa, because without the physical aspect it a breeze to just sit and chat about ourselves, likes, dislikes, etc. When dating the conventional way you tend to take first impressions differently, get to know people at a different pace, and generally handle the relationship in a different manner. We were together for two years when he proposed, and both my family and his felt that was an appropriate amount of time. It’s hard to say what period of “get to know you” time is required because as I said, situations and people differ. I have found, however, that a generally good span is between 1.5 and 3 years of dating. Then again, those who marry quickly sometimes last longer than those who date many years before marrying. Chemistry changes and people grow up and apart.

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this

@Randyt Just based on what she presented to me,it was not adding up!

If I dated a chick 36 or more months (basically a lease plan/w option),I would not take no chick to look at houses,unless she had a ring on her hand! That is crazy!

Does the cart now go before the horse???

This is a classic example of how women let cat’s string them along,knowing that ish ain’t right, then if it don’t work out in they favor,we at fault…amazing!

I am still trying to figure out what the rush is to et married? She already got a kid!

I say wait two more years for two reasons,one to see if this dud, excuse me dude is on the up and up and two, to let her priority (her kid) graduate with the kids friends!

I don’t know how old she is, but if dude is 12 years older, good job, etc. three years deep with her, why he can’t at least put a ring on her hand and stay engaged two more years and then get married???

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this

SJ sometimes they overlap thunder roars, lightning fills the sky as it grows dark as night….an evil laugh is heard in the distance

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

For Real dude I am officially deeming you crazy….Slim thinking i must be crazy to, i’ll talk to you while you do #2 and i like my toilet paper over the top, not under and i might need to buy me a scrabble game with extra letters

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

LL

Your post reminded me of one of my fears. I’ve already bought one dayum big diamond and have no idea whatever happened to it…maybe I have ‘ring reluctance’, LOL.

By Cassie

May 1, 2007 4:39 PM | Link to this

Jeez, can I fix that last post? It should say “NOW everyone wants to KNOW what I’m reading”

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

May 1, 2007 4:42 PM | Link to this

I go in for a conference call and comeback to all this!! Whew!! Ya’ll will wear a sistah out!!

What’s up Blog crew!! I will holla at ya’ll tomorrow. Will have to catch up! Have a great evening!

By "Longtime Lurker"

May 1, 2007 4:43 PM | Link to this

@Randyt Check over at Park and Pawn,S. Cobb Parkway.

They may still have it on sale for $59.95..LOL!

By SeanJohnson

May 1, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

@ Slim/Tiffany…lol…just like a gemini…and that demi like imagination..thats you all the way too…u are a dreamer…SJ stops dropping bread crumbs for Slim..she is walking into the dark room willingly now…with a female friend right behind her..lol

@ 4real…lol..funny post..funny thing is..folks are sleeping on it…both post..

By GA.man

May 1, 2007 4:45 PM | Link to this

Hello all …man i have been busy as helllllzzzzz this week and last week..maybe i will catch up and blog with you guys and glas or just catch everyone tom.

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

SJ As Slim’s female friend walks into dark room behind her she closes the door in SJ’s face…”There’s nothing to see here folks’

By Jake

May 1, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

Atl Lady

Nah, the Cherry Red baseball CUP, covers the boys, pull up a picture of the group Cameo, you’ll see…lol

By abc

May 1, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

I think that to speculate that there is an ‘appropriate’ amount of time to date before marriage is akin to the notion that there is an ‘appropriate’ time a widow or widower should wait to start dating: those lengths of time constitute appearances to bystanders who should really consider it none of their business, and it is nunya. 3 weeks sounds a bit short, but hey, if you (think) you know, there you are.

By For Real

May 1, 2007 4:49 PM | Link to this

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 4:53 PM | Link to this

Dayumm LL

Wish I could buy it back for $59.95. For that price, I would forget the bad luck it brought me the last time, LOL!

By SlimOne

May 1, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

For Real I can’t even keep up. I’ve been trying to get these 100 question completed for class tonight…I’m not all here today, just in and out.

By Jake

May 1, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

LL Yea, yall had it packed out there, I fell through, there were some nice ladies on the scene.

By MusingLee

May 1, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

For Real Dude, you are clown’in…LOLOLOLOLOL

Musing Out…Night All.

By Randyt (aka "Been there, Done that, got a closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 1, 2007 4:57 PM | Link to this

Jake

Did someone confuse ‘cup’ and ‘cap’???

By Atl Lady

May 1, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this

Jake I get it now!!! Just misread the blog.

By Southern Bella

May 1, 2007 5:01 PM | Link to this

I agree with non-cohabitation. Even when you get married (as someone said earlier), it will still take virtually a lifetime to get to know someone.

We all evolve as we go through life’s experiences. You’re only fooling yourself if you think that living with someone is some sort of guarantee of what you’d be in for if you decide to marry.

As far as dating for 3 weeks, yes, that is extremely fast, and it’s certainly not for everyone. I have a friend who married after dating for 3 months, and while yes, they are still married, it was tremendously rough- going for a while. I’d want to know someone longer than that before I made such a serious commitment! It takes me long enough just to pick out a toothbrush for crying out loud!

As one gets older (as has been said), one’s thinking becomes more refined, so for most of us, we know ourselves better and are more in tune to what we need and what we can offer. There is no universal timeline for dating. We are all unique.

By Jake

May 1, 2007 5:02 PM | Link to this

night ya’ll

By For Real

May 1, 2007 5:05 PM | Link to this

Slim if you don’t have your assignment i will be forced to use the “Correction Paddle”

By Jean

May 2, 2007 9:17 AM | Link to this

Your blogs would be a lot more interesting if those who post would stick to the subject matter and stop with the little personal side remarks….boring!

By Leet

May 2, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this

I loved somebody hard for three months, then moved away. Afterwards, I loved others, but never forgot the one before, and never loved as hard.

Now, twenty (yes, 20!) years later, I will see him. We’ve talked from time to time on the phone, but haven’t met face to face. I’m nervous, but excited. Anybody ever do something like this and it work out??