AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > February > 04 > Entry
Have you seen this person?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Yesterday a group of friends and I went out for lunch, catching up on each other’s weeks and what was still to come the following week. This was a coed group of people, some of whom know each other well and some of whom are new in our social circle.
One of my girlfriends suddenly asked, as if it had just popped into her head, “Where’s Christie?”
“Christie is dating Jordan,” someone announced, which really translates as “Christie has chosen to spend seven out of seven days a week with her boyfriend and has literally forgotten about the rest of the world she used to live in. She’s planning hip-attachment surgery as soon as she and Jordan can raise the money to do so.”
Sigh. It’s the disappearing act some people pull when they start dating. What’s so unfortunate about it is that Jordan is actually a part of our group. It’s not as if he’s some guy she just recently met who has to go through the awkwardness of meeting us! He’s already in!
Naturally, if you go from single to being in a relationship, some of your priorities are going to shift. Maybe your Saturday nights have been reassigned to your new beau. And maybe one of your weeknights, too. But there are five other nights (plus weekends!) in your schedule! Is a couple hours a week too much to ask for friends who have been there for you?
And it’s not just women who act this way. My friend James and his girlfriend (also both within our social circle) have fallen off the face of the earth since they became exclusive almost three months ago. No phone calls, no showing up for our regular nights, etc. Just one appearance last week for the first time in months.
Do you have friends who disappear once they start seriously dating someone? Have you ever been this person? When did you realize that a healthy dating relationship can also balance with healthy friendships?
How do you cope with friends who are MIA because of their dating choices? Do you welcome them back when they break up and realize the error of their ways? Or do you rationalize that you’re not going to waste time on someone who’s not putting effort into a friendship?
Permalink | Comments (188) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By melo
February 4, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this
I am new Yorker this week!! Go GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
Happy Monday All, I’m bummed about my Pats. I didn’t win my office square game either. But had fun at the Super Bowl parties I attended.
Well, my theory on serious relationships is that this person could potentially be the one you bear children with and spend the rest of your life with. If that happens that person will be the most important person in your life and should therefore be a priority.
You should definitely find balance, because if it doesn’t work out with said person, you’re gonna need your friends to help you thru it. Nothing worse than trying to get back out there and have no one return your calls. LOL
By Lady J
February 4, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
Go Giants!!! Superbowl ROCKED last night!
By SlimOne
February 4, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
Good Morning
I guess everyone is drifting in late due to the Superbowl. As far as the topic goes, I guess it’s more understandable for a new couple to do a disappearing act for a few weeks. I mean, it’s all new and your endorphins are flowing so naturally you want to keep riding that wave (no pun intended) while the getting is good. However, that does wind down and things resort back to a normalcy. It may not be exactly how it was before the singledom. I still think each part of the couple should hang out with their friends alone, collectively, and also spend time together.
Yes, I’ve had friends that did this and I myself have also been that person. I welcome my friends back, but not w/o cracking a few jokes about being back in society. lol The only time I would have an issue is if they never did come back around. Then to me, I would have to assume our said ‘friendship’ wasn’t that at all but merely something to do in the meantime of finding a man.
By Dan
February 4, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
All I can say ‘bout the game is…it was a good one.
And fortunately, my penchance for picking underdogs…well let’s just say, I can wait to file my taxes and still get some bills paid!
HA!
But, I must say, Bill Belicheck is a Dizzick! With one second left, having lost the SuperBowl, you leave your team on the field and sprint to the locker room? What?
Did anyone else notice that they were itching to rip Moss for that very thing…..? Yet Belicheck leaves, and no one says a word….
By Lady J
February 4, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
Go Giants!!! Superbowl ROCKED last night!
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this
Slim - The blog didn’t open til about 9:15 this morning. I guess Bella’s drifting in late. LOL
By Lady J
February 4, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
Go Giants!!! Superbowl ROCKED last night!
By Beautiful
February 4, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
JustMe holla when you get in!
By Dan
February 4, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
All I can say ‘bout the game is…it was a good one.
And fortunately, my penchance for picking underdogs…well let’s just say, I can wait to file my taxes and still get some bills paid!
HA!
But, I must say, Bill Belicheck is a Dizzick! With one second left, having lost the SuperBowl, you leave your team on the field and sprint to the locker room? What?
Did anyone else notice that they were itching to rip Moss for that very thing…..? Yet Belicheck leaves, and no one says a word….
By SlimOne
February 4, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
Dan To me the game got a little stale on the 2nd and 3rd quarter. The 4th was definitely got more exciting.
By The Truth
February 4, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
Dan, they’re ripping Bellichick right now on Mike and Mike for leaving. That superbowl sucked so bad. A commercial between every 2 plays, the giants winning and now I’ve got to wait for the OAKLAND RAIDERS to start their championship season later this year.
Time is limited. When you meet someone new they consume some of that time. Plus, alot of times people are looking for reasons to stop being a regular in groups, especially as you get older. While you should always keep your friends at some point hanging out with them EVERYDAY grows old. You have to keep expanding your circle to stay fresh. Try new hobbies, meet new people. Grow, expand.
By Raqi
February 4, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
IMO there is nothing ill about wanting to spend time away from the multitude to get to know your new interest. I have done it and I have friends that have done it. For most people, at least those that I know and associate with, there are only a few days that you set aside for socializing because you actually have an productive life (career, family, etc.) that you have to devote your time to. Does not it only make sense to use those free days to get to know the new someone? If they turn out to be a keeper then you intermingle the old and the new.
My friend Lacy has the same annoyance that you have Bella. She always makes a big deal when one of us pulls away from the “group” to spend time with our S/O. Hell I am married. I am supposed to spend time with my husband and climbing into bed with him every night is not counted in lieu of quality time spent.
Friends should understand.
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
Seemed to me that the clocked ticked to zero and then reset. Everyone was on the field celebrating and shaking hands. The next thing you know they’re making folks go back to the sideline. I have my Patriot blinders on, but I don’t think it was intentional. The Giant fans at the Super Bowl party I was at were already bumping and grinding when the DJ had to turn the music off to get back to the game and the final second. LOL
By Demi
February 4, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
Morning All…I miss the game and now I have Li’Demi’s cold…I will blog tomorrow…Good Nite
By dyoung
February 4, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
In my experience, it seems like women take this much more personal than men do. A typical guy who severely decreases time with the fellas because of a relationship will probably experience some good-natured ribbing, including (but not limited to) insults containing some variation of the term “whipped”, but his relationship status with the rest of the group won’t change. Women, on the other hand, seem to take this as a personal affront, and might even feel the need to dead the relationship entirely. Again, this is just my own opinion, and I guess it has to do with the difference dynamics permeating male and female relationships
By Dan
February 4, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
On topic:
Yes, your friends don’t come around like they used to when they are in relationships, neither do you.
Especially, when it’s so new that everything she does is cute, your heart is aflutter, and all you want to do at the end of a day, is talk to her.
There’s nothing wrong with that, I like that time. I even like the time right after it…when it’s “why do you call me all the time, dizzam it! I need air!” Or my favorite, “What happened to the phone calls and text messages, you’re getting distant, Dan. What’s up?”
Not that you try to, but in every relationship (romantic/friendly) you walk a fine line between being around and being a nuisance. I know people that do not know the difference. And I try not to be one of them.
Sorry about the long post, but..dizzam that. I ain’t!
Take that, take that!
By Dan
February 4, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
On topic:
Yes, your friends don’t come around like they used to when they are in relationships, neither do you.
Especially, when it’s so new that everything she does is cute, your heart is aflutter, and all you want to do at the end of a day, is talk to her.
There’s nothing wrong with that, I like that time. I even like the time right after it…when it’s “why do you call me all the time, dizzam it! I need air!” Or my favorite, “What happened to the phone calls and text messages, you’re getting distant, Dan. What’s up?”
Not that you try to, but in every relationship (romantic/friendly) you walk a fine line between being around and being a nuisance. I know people that do not know the difference. And I try not to be one of them.
Sorry about the long post, but..dizzam that. I ain’t!
Take that, take that!
By QC
February 4, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
QC won big money on the game!!!
have a great day all, Demi i hope you feel better..you don’t need to be flying around in this weather with a cold, lol.
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
Good Morning ALL!!
DYOUNG…I agree
I agree. Women have a real bad habit of doing this. Men usually maintain their social life. While some women make sure their life REVOLVES around a man.
It’s said…but it becomes their EVERYTHING and only thing. It’s like they share the same set of lungs. Not to mention it’s very unhealthy and you lose a sense of self. You are no longer the same person you were…you stop doing things you use to do. But at the same time I feel…these women NEVER did have a good sense of self. So she had issues before she came to the table. Now everything he likes/does are all now favorites for YOU. A good man can be a great addition to you. But he does not VALIDATE you. There is a healthy BALANCE!!!
By Mo (now known as Moeisha)
February 4, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
Morning All!! I was enduring a serious sinus headache but I did watch that game, I thought it was cool, loved the commercials too! :0)
On topic: I have been that person to disappear before. I think it happens subconsciously but after the ‘newness’ of your relationship wears off people tend to resurface. I dont think its a big deal really.
By Raqi
February 4, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
Okay so when did spending time with a new interest stop being a social life.
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone. I thought I was permanently locked out. Hey guys, even I watched the entire game by myself. It was a good game. I had my music on with the game in the background. Half time SUCKED!
Hope you feel better Demi.
By Dan
February 4, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
@Blow Me
Good morning,
I can completely understand where you are coming from, yet I have a problem with your conclusion.
To assume that because men and women are spending a lot of time together, seperate and apart from some of the other people in their lives, does not mean, that one loses a sense of self.
No doubt it happens, but there are at least two things in play that someone on the outside of that relationship may not see.
1) The realationship could be one where each party, while together, helps bring out the individual. That is, a supportive, nuturing relationship with no judgement. Only affirmations and affectations, and agreements to disagree with respect to each others opinions. That sometimes helps less confident people “find their own voice” when they feel supported in doing so.
2) And who’s to say that the woman or man is not spending time with other couples as opposed to being “all in love, in a world of their own”. Couples go out with other couples. So if you’re single, sometimes you might just be SOL…
NBF Just saying
By BINFORD2K8
February 4, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
There’s nothing with decreasing friend time; just a problem with eliminating it.
If I had a dime for every time a friend went off the deep end with a woman and then found his way to the flock after - I’d have enough cash for a *Super Bowl * ticket!
What so many fail to realize is: a little absence makes the heart grow fonder. The longing part is a good thing and over-saturation ruins things. If a couple gets marries, they’ll know the latter and how. Why rush it?
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
February 4, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
Morning, all. :-)
And for all you Patriots fans and bandwagoners, I’ve got just two words for you: DAVID TYREE. Damn, that catch looked beautiful on my HD. LOL!
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
Raqi…I don’t think that’s an issue. But it wavers a fine line between…healthy and unhealthy….EVERYTHING you do should not be breathed, eat or $hitted through this one person. Feeling like this ONE person is your life line…is/should be a SCREAMING alarm for an UNHEALTHY relationship. Knowing and respecting that this person needs to have space to do other things in their life they enjoy…is a HEALTHY relationship. There should be 2 SETS of lives that come together in one relationship….
By Rell
February 4, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
@Blowed….cosign.
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
Dan Apparently, you are not following along.. SOME is the keyword to most and all of my post.
Just because you are trying to defend yourself on being whipped. I see it as being UNHEALTHY??!??!? I don’t care what you say. I am only speaking to the fact PAST the newness stage.
Relationship DOES not equal a damn CULT. It is only healthy to have different outlets SOCIALLY in a relationship.
OH YEAH NBF!! LOL!
By dyoung
February 4, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
@BLOW ME
i think you might have misunderstood my first post. what i was trying to convey was the fact that with a typical group of guys, a guy could be in a relationship and basically fall off the face of the earth for months, years even, but if and when he decides to rejoin the group, he’ll typically be received with open arms. on the other hand, if a women did the same thing with her group of girls, after like a two months they would be ready to cut her out for good.
again, i’m speaking in general terms here, and this is just based on things i’ve seen
By melo
February 4, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
cosign with Raqi The spinsters or the ones with no SO are the ones who whine.When u have a new flame, its only proper that u spend more quality time with them and less with ur friends.U are exploring a potential serious relationship and u want to give it everything u got in case it becomes more serious.Sounds logical to me. Friends spoil relationships for other friends in a majority of cases,anyway! Hey SexyC Is that u canoodling with ur SO on the pics.Sorry i could not pass thru, but our Superbowl party was off da chain, with a mixture of nice ladies and gents.SexxyL, i should have invited u had i known it was just going to be u.I got a hangover,drank too much gin. Happy Monday all.
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
Yes…..You are right…DYOUNG..I guess I was tapping on the other side of it. But I can agree as well….Guys would have open arms and the girls would be a bit SALTY. Sometimes…but later we do accept them back in. But you do have a point.
By Dan
February 4, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Ah, Blow Me, the tactics of an unskilled debator….
Like I said, I don’t disagree with your assessments, just the conclusion. I, like most here, would agree that it takes two whole people to make a relationship work. My point is that sometimes, people don’t come into a relationship whole. Sometimes they need to rely on the strength of their partner. And sometimes, that helps them find their own strength.
In saying that, I wasn’t referring to myself as the “less than whole person”. In most of my relationships, I tend to be the dominant personality, whether by coincidence or design.
And if you knew why they call me Dan, whipped, would never be a characteristic applied to me. At least in the passive tense, if you catch my meaning….
And I’ll be 30 in a few weeks, so I’ve given up blog fighting, and most other rancorous activity…I have neither time, nor paitence, to suffer fools (not referring to you or anyone else, general statement).
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Yes…..You are right…DYOUNG..I guess I was tapping on the other side of it. But I can agree as well….Guys would have open arms and the Women would be a bit SALTY. Sometimes…but later we do accept them back in!! lol! But you do have a point.
By Raqi
February 4, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
Why does every situation has to be taken to the extreme?
Who said any thing about this person being one’s everything? I didn’t get that from Bella’s entry.
I feel that it is absolutely normal to spend time with a new interest away from others. You are getting to know this person. Every new person should not be invited into your circle of friends upon meeting. You get to know them first.
And like I said when did spending time with a new person not qualify as having a social life. Socializing is what you are doing. It just may be with someone that you don’t normally do it with.
And besides isn’t one just as bad as the other. Friends that get upset because you are not spending time with them? Who needs to get a life in that situation?
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
Mornin Sucka’s! -Directed at all Pats fans… how did they lose??? Brady 48 pass attempts, Moss only 5 catches and Maroney only 14 carries!!! = Loss of the century.
On Topic: This is always comical to see. Folks gettin so caught up in each other. The funny part is that I’ve got a few homeboys like this; sit up under shorty 24/7 and the crazy thing they argue more than Most! Like how can she be mad at him if he came home 2hrs late? This dude is a ghost, all he does is sit up under her and she still has reason to scream on him… this is why I’m single. My logic would not allow me to listen to that type of stuff, if we’re 2gether all day every day why are you questioning me about the only 2hrs we were not 2gether? Let me Live!
By Beautiful
February 4, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
i c u 900! seems to me that you are meeting the wrong females. :)
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
Melo, I call gin “horny juice”. I haven’t come across a man that can handle gin but insists on drinking it (LOL).
By kinderbabe
February 4, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
good morning, all.:) i’m sure this has been said already but…there’s nothing wrong w/an incubation period for a new couple. it’s healthy and necessary. no use of everybody being all up in it, especially in the beginning. it’s a good thing to spend a lot of time together and get a feel for each other before presenting the relationship to friends. the dynamics of frienships always change when one acquires a mate. that’s just the way it is. most of my girls are married and i never get into it w/them about them not spending time w/me like they used to. things have changed. a true frienship grows with circumstances.
By kinderbabe
February 4, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this
good morning, all.:) i’m sure this has been said already but…there’s nothing wrong w/an incubation period for a new couple. it’s healthy and necessary. no use of everybody being all up in it, especially in the beginning. it’s a good thing to spend a lot of time together and get a feel for each other before presenting the relationship to friends. the dynamics of frienships always change when one acquires a mate. that’s just the way it is. most of my girls are married and i never get into it w/them about them not spending time w/me like they used to. things have changed. a true frienship grows with circumstances.
By Lulu
February 4, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
“Friends” that complain about their friend spending all their free time with a new love is petty and pure jealousy. Knowing good and well they would be the first one to disappear if someone came along to monopolize their time! If they are truly “Friends” they would be understanding and HAPPY for their friend to have found someone special.
By abc
February 4, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this
My first impression is that this is a rather juvenile topic, as in “don’t you still see each other in 3rd period every day”, but hey. I guess that’s not necessarily so.
I can’t imagine that guys take much issue with a woman who had professional and volunteering obligations and opportunities, a circle of friends to maintain, etc. Now, I’m well familiar with arch-conservative Christian (read: Southern Baptist, don’t get me started please) male attitudes that require and yes, enforce subservience, and that certainly cost a woman most or all independence, but all you have to do to avoid that is avoid Southern Baptists. At least, don’t marry one.
Otherwise, it seems to me that the ones who assert the female independence requirements are all females — the same ones that assert that relationships exert the opposite influence to too much of a degree. It doesn’t swing both ways — guys who become scarce will get a considerable negative reaction.
I mean, what would be the problem? If she’s out hitting up other men, or having other interests that negate her interest in you all that much, what have you really lost when the loss comes to light?
By melo
February 4, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
SexxyL, thats my drink of choice although i do it socially.Cant stand beer.And i get the extra kick when i take a sip or 2.Thankfully, there were plenty of nice& cute hunting females to flirt with at the party!
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
I think it’s a natural process to spend alot of time with a new love interest. No, you shouldn’t forsake your friends entirely, justh have to find the right balance. There’s a learning curve to a new relationship and old friends shouldn’t factor in it in the very beginning, if at all!
By kinderbabe
February 4, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
sorry about the double post.:)
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Dan and Raqi
We have 2 different stance on this subject which is fine. I think ppl get caught up in their emotions…and can’t see the trees from the forest. lmao!
Dan I get what you are saying…
And I quote:
EVERYTHING you do should not be breathed, eat or $hitted through this one person.
I can see why ALOT of relationships are FAILING now! smh
Ragi I don’t think anyone is taking it to the extreme….You need to re-read bELLA’S post as well. We are talking about PAST the newness stage. You’re entire relationship should not consist on CONSTANTLY being the person shadow the whole entire relationship. That’s the stance I am taking. CLINGNESS is annoying on both sides. BREATHING room periodically is healthy. You life lines should not be tied to your SO…
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t stop doing things that you enjoyed doing. Prior to the relationship. Talking to you mom….(yeah I know it happens lol) Having drinks occasionally with your friends. Keep you IDENTITY while you are enjoying the relationship…Again…Relationship does not equal CULT!!!!
By Rell
February 4, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
@900….sitting under shorty 24/7..is called cupcakin…it would seem that he is not use to female attention…dudes that have this behavior always give the power or the direction over to the women….to get out of this zone, ya boy has to establish a pattern of outside interest….or provide some direction for the relationship outside of the bedroom..feel me….but again i agree with you…YOU GET IT HOW YOU LIVE
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
dyoung - Good post. Welcome. I think you are right on. I think the reason some women take it as a personal affront is because that behavior is a blow to the “sisterhood.” Men say the mantra “bros before h0es” but some women are the ones that really believe that adage. In theory, your girls are gonna be there after that bro leaves you dusted and disgusted. That’s why I stress balance tho. We lost one girlfriend to a guy who she was with for 10 years! However, they ended up breaking up. Too much time had passed us by when she was trying to kick it all hard again!
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
Beautiful -mornin to ya!
Perhaps I do have a talent for scouting the worst chics out there. But I’ve been involved with a a few very nice easy going types in the past who are not at all like the g.f’s of my homie’s. But even they would have me thinkin like: dam when is the last time I’ve been home? We may chill 2-3 days straight and soon as I get back home, my phone rings and she’s like: when you commin over? I just sit there with the blank… Now there was not much arguing and they always respected my homeboys nights out/ fight parties/ watchin games… but when I would say: “I just left from over there… I got some things to do.” they would come back w/: you aint doing shyt! Which they were right most of the time, but man it felt good to just chill alone to hear myself think.
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
lmao @ cupcakin….
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
lmao @ cupcakin….
By Rell
February 4, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this
@ABC….Good Game in that post…i cosign that all the way mayne!!!
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this
I agree AMAZONRED……a balance…But I see ALOT of ppl believe in dominating time..and being obsessive with a person. Things will change but DON’T lose yourself in the relationship. That is the BOTTOMLINE!
By Wamufsr
February 4, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
I’ve got no problem with a friend of mine (male or female) running off to spend time with their SO. I go on living my life doing my thing. My beef arises when that person calls me saying: “We haven’t gotten together in awhile, let’s do something.” I usually respond sure, yet when I throw a date out there, I’m always met with “I can’t because me and (insert SO’s name) are doing something that day.” Its like the friendship becomes a matter of convenience…convenience for them. My resolution for ‘08 is to evaluate all the people I associate with (personal & business) and look at what I bring to the table and what they bring to the table. Doesn’t add up, well been nice knowing you.
By Wamufsr
February 4, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
I’ve got no problem with a friend of mine (male or female) running off to spend time with their SO. I go on living my life doing my thing. My beef arises when that person calls me saying: “We haven’t gotten together in awhile, let’s do something.” I usually respond sure, yet when I throw a date out there, I’m always met with “I can’t because me and (insert SO’s name) are doing something that day.” Its like the friendship becomes a matter of convenience…convenience for them. My resolution for ‘08 is to evaluate all the people I associate with (personal & business) and look at what I bring to the table and what they bring to the table. Doesn’t add up, well been nice knowing you.
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
900k said but when I would say: “I just left from over there..I got some things to do.” they would come back w/: you aint doing shyt! Which they were right most of the time
HA HA HA. You had you some fiesty ones I see.
Blow Me - This topic is so foreign to me. I think clingy people attract other clingy people. In my situation, I enjoy my alone time and he always does too. Usually we’re the ones going…”Isn’t seeing your arse once a week ENOUGH?!” LOL
By Dan
February 4, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
@900
Cosign. Exactly.
(Disclaimer, not applicable to all men, not attributable to all women).
Sometimes, even when you’re with the one you love (I miss Luther), you need that space. It’s not that we men don’t like being around, but sometimes, hanging with the homies or just dolo is a relaxing break. Like other misunderstandings between the sexes: sometimes, my feelings have nothing to do with my feelings about you. Sometimes a random “you look nice” is just you look nice. And sometimes “I’m hanging with the fellas tonite” is just that.
Past pain can dictate future fights, we know this. But I tend to not assume that any dismissal of my advances has anything to do with me (“I don’t have a problem with self-confidence….have you seen me? — Father Harvey).
And in a lot of ways, what 900 is saying relates to what Bella’s topic is, an innate insecurity, that informs our opinion that one thing is related to another. i.e. “I haven’t spoken to you in a couple of days, you must not love me anymore.”
That statement is a Red Flag. Whether said in jest or in seriousness, the hearer of those words should run for the hills. That phrase is a sign of things to come.
By SlimOne
February 4, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
Yall are getting uptight already…
7 Types of Sex
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
he 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ‘screw you.
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. This is when you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
he 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And Last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called Social Security Sex. This when you get a little each month, but not enough to live on.
Lighten up Peeps
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
WOW….DANI see you are riding the fence this morning. Check you out! lol! Don’t know what side you want to be on!!
By Dan
February 4, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
@Slim
Please send that one to the mailbox… I bout to start a chain with it!
HA!
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
Slim - Good one. I guess one benefit to being single is that the list stops at Bedroom Sex. LOL The ones after that are scary. LOL
By Rell
February 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
This topic is so foreign to me. I think clingy people attract other clingy people. In my situation, I enjoy my alone time and he always does too. Usually we’re the ones going…”Isn’t seeing your arse once a week ENOUGH?!” LOL
cosign that post…..once week is enough until you both decide to move the relationship in a different direction
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
4-7 has me cracking up. I like the hallway sex (LOL).
By Rell
February 4, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
@slim….viddy funny….
By Raqi
February 4, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
1: ““Christie is dating Jordan,” someone announced, which really translates as “Christie has chosen to spend seven out of seven days a week with her boyfriend and has literally forgotten about the rest of the world she used to live in. She’s planning hip-attachment surgery as soon as she and Jordan can raise the money to do so.””Now if this friend has made herself invisible where is this info coming from? Who is knows that they are spending “every waking moment” together? Did you notice that she said “translates as”? Who’s doing the translating?
2: ”Sigh. It’s the disappearing act some people pull when they start dating. What’s so unfortunate about it is that Jordan is actually a part of our group. It’s not as if he’s some guy she just recently met who has to go through the awkwardness of meeting us! He’s already in!”Complaining about them chosing to be together away from the rest??? They have that right. It is obvious that they went from being friends to being more than friends and those have chosen to separate their new found relationship from they formerly had.
I have one of these complaining friends. The friend that is normally without a relationship and don’t really take serious the ones that she does venture into. The friend that feels that the friendship time together should be superior to all other. And yes she tends to find fault when that sister circle gets interrupted from time to time.
By Rell
February 4, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
@900
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mAkgmXWEjig
is this your boy right here….lol..this is work safe
By Blue_Kolla
February 4, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
…ya boy is one of 100 million happy as hayo people across the USA today. What a fitting end to the “Perfect (Cheaters’) Season” that wasn’t.
On Topic: Sounds like a lot of hating and misery-loving-company if you ask me. The person that you are fuggin’ and the kids that result from such fuggin’, are who you need to be spending the bulk of your time with.
Friends that really ain’t friends, Go get some business.
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this
Blog Idea - Maybe Monday’s should serve as a “weekend roundup” topics. Since this is a dating blog most of us should “be about it” instead of just “talking about it.” Mondays could serve as the adventures we had in the dating world, the people we met, the experiences we had. I think we could learn a lot from each other and how the dating world really is out there. It seems that some of y’all feel that Bella’s topics don’t always represent what is really happening out there.
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this
Slim -my goal in life is have smurf’xxx with the right lady for years & years!
Dan you made some good points in there. I haven’t spoken to you in a couple of days, you must not love me anymore - I’ve heard this many times in the past and you’re right on with it.
Rell - Cakin! That was a welcome to the south when I first heard that. Yeah man I just let them dudes suffer. i’m the guy who could care less if we dont hang much anymore. Cause hangin with them means sittin there listening to his chick talk trash all day! I made the mistake recently of watching the fight at the wrong place, right B4 Roy Jones gets in the ring she threatens to turn off the TV cause he would not give her a detailed letter stating where he was from the time he got off work on Fri @5 thru 9pm when he got home. never mind the fact she knows we all hit the weights during that time. It dont take no 4 dam hours to work out!- worst dam fight party of my life!
Red - I guess I like ‘em with a lil fight in them! with that said you got a smart azz mouth… whats poppin?
By SlimOne
February 4, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
Dan Will do. lol
By The Truth
February 4, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
Slim lmao.
By Dan
February 4, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
Like ARed-
I’ve never gotten it. I’ve always had that “buster” alarm.
Oh, we’ve talked 3X this week, no more.
“$100 ain’t tricking, if you got it”, WTF!
And is it just me…or does just about every rap song, R & B combo, say something about “the money I got, I don’t mind spending on you?” On some, “just-to-talk-to-you” type mess?!?!?
Where’d the game go? Rudy Ray Moore and Slim are rolling over in their graves…..
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
900k - They always say they want the fiesty ones with a little bit of spirit in em. Then the filter comes off and all of sudden it’s “Amazon, I don’t need to know everything you’re thinking.” LOL
By Beautiful
February 4, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
memories.
By Rell
February 4, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
@900…dayum, like i said he giving all the power to the women…they have a mother/child relationship versus man and women…feel me…and most women are taught to have those type of relationships…..feel me
By Beautiful
February 4, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
memories.
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
And is it just me…or does just about every rap song, R & B combo, say something about “the money I got, I don’t mind spending on you?” On some, “just-to-talk-to-you” type mess?!?!? -Dan whats going on in the streets and on these songs is what I call Reverse Pimpin. Ladies hear me out I’m not sayin pimpin is cool but this is much worse. This is where a man pays a woman directly or just buys her everthing she wants while with her. And in return he talks to her and treats her extra greezy! Like a dirty azz pimp talks to his pro’s. I see this more’n more in the A lately. Since she excepts his money he now feels like he can treat her and talk to her any way he likes, but that dont make you a Pimp homie!
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
Dan - The only difference is, I’m still gonna want to talk to him just about everyday. I’m more used to talking than seeing only because I did nothing but LDRs from 2000-2005. I’m just learning how to “date” regularly again. I’m trying to get better at seeing a guy more often. But I’ll still chose to go to his house so that I won’t have to make him a plate. LOL!
By Rell
February 4, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
@dan
**And is it just me…or does just about every rap song, R & B combo, say something about “the money I got, I don’t mind spending on you?” On some, “just-to-talk-to-you” type mess?!?!?
Where’d the game go? Rudy Ray Moore and Slim are rolling over in their graves…..**
I have posted this same thing before..how the music encourages MEN to simp and hand out un warrent respect to females that they dont know…and openly disrespect them….now i am not saying all females but there is a sub section out there believe or not..
By Blue_Kolla
February 4, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this
900 I made the mistake recently of watching the fight at the wrong place, right B4 Roy Jones gets in the ring she threatens to turn off the TV…
Now that’s some funny ish. But for real though, unless you’re the polar bear rug type of brother, ol’ girl is going to be nothing but trouble, probably physically.
Ol’ girl ain’t getting her way here, so in her mind she’s “gon’ do some’n”. So now it’s turning off the TV. Next it’ll be getting up in your man’s face. After that it’ll be laying hands on your man. After that it’s Battle Royale at the crib and here come the cops and Eyewitness News.
Yoll better take notes. Abuse is a progression and results from people not being able to control themselves.
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this
Red - Then the filter comes off and… I can handle it Ma, as long as you can. My thing is I know when I’m doing good so if you dont have a reason to scream on me then dont!
By Cocoa
February 4, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this
THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female…… Any part under a car’s hood. Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. Male….. Playing football without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.! Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female…. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female…… The greatest_expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
He said . . …. Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said That’s a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said …..Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She said We don’t know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? She said ….… They already have boyfriends.
He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women? She said . . Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this
900k - So you won’t cuss at me when I call your azz ‘broke?’ LOL.
By Blue_Kolla
February 4, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this
Dan/Rell This is where a man pays a woman directly or just buys her everthing she wants while with her. And in return he talks to her and treats her extra greezy! Like a dirty azz pimp talks to his pro’s. I see this more’n more in the A lately. Since she excepts his money he now feels like he can treat her and talk to her any way he likes, but that dont make you a Pimp homie!
This is a direct result of a slow economy. Hop in the WayBack Machine, and get out say around ‘98 in the A. Chicks could afford to live high post. Exit the Clinton days, bring in the Bush regime, high gas, Indian customer service reps and look where we are.
Used-to-be respectable chicks are taking all kinds of BS off dudes for the cash. Dudes ain’t putting no work in, learning and tweaking their craft. Now it’s just a simple Point of Sale transaction.
By The Truth
February 4, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this
Cocoa thats some funny shyt. You and Slim should start a twosome.
Fellas, these cats are out here acting like bytches because they were raised by women, plain and simple.
900 Please tell me you made that up because I hate to think dudes have dropped off that far. Thats why the first time a chick comes outta left field you gotta let her know there’s gonna be “ramifications and repercussions”.
BK ol boy should have maimed that chick a long time ago. She’d be happy as hell to sit down and watch tv. Like dude said in american pimp, if you tell her your gonna kill her you better beat her azz to a breath of her life or she’ll never respect you. Pimpin aint ez and apparently neither is relationships.
By Pussycat
February 4, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this
@ Melo
Aren’t you married? Just wondering. It seems you mentioned a lot of female company at your superbowl party. Did you take your wife?
By Dan
February 4, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
Now before the jocularity and sarcasm of these statements, incite a riot, let me say..
A number of men on this blog (among those of us that have commented in the negative) have grown up with certain ideals of what being a man is, what pimpin is, and what being a husband/father is.
Our challenge in life is to mesh these ideals together for the new millinieum. So that the smoothness of pimp, the calm responsibility of the father, and the general strong nature of a man, is found in ourselves.
That said, the comments here (and correct me if I’m wrong, anyone) are tinged with the idea that without the aforementioned foundation, and the true knowledge it entails, our young men (and by consequence) our young women are being lost.
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this
Red - No trippin here, cause you wont be callin me that. now you might be screamin Dam 900K you BROKE me off!… this I can handle. LoL
Truth - no made up stuff here man, I was going to go off on it the day I got back but I didnt want to put they biz out there… but what the h3ll. I knew sumtin was up when she came outta left field like 900 are you sore? instead of just commin out and saying that “oh I hear you guys are back on them weights huh?” I did not hit me right away what she was doin cuz I had no idea she was so insecure. Then she has the nerve to have her freind come out and ask: So I hear sumtin about sore, you guys been working out? Me still being dumb to the G.F interrogation thing I answer again “not really” instead of tellin them to “beat it! we got a fight commin on!” Next thing you know she goes nutz on ‘em cuz she thinks Im lying for him… crazy!
By melo
February 4, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this
Pussycat,she is not as insecure as u are.Dont owe u an explanation about my passing comments.
By Raqi
February 4, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this
Random Thoughts:
Some of the very things that we declare are not the basis of our relationship with someone, just happens to be things that make deciding to be in the relationship with that someone that much easier.
By Lurker
February 4, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
@SexyLeggs
Why does your posts always seem like you’re so lonely? I don’t have anyone either, well came out of something recently and sometimes I’m lonely but I try to shake it off and get my psyche back in check. Why put out there you watched the game alone? If you do make it a great event. You seem desperate. I believe a week or so ago, different posters were stating who they thought would be compatible as far as pairing the bloggers and at the end of the day, you posted (paraphrasing) no one paired you with anyone, guess I’m too old and then threw in the “lol.” I think you meant it. If you horny, feeling empty or 1/2 (without another), sad or whatever the case, deal with it and keep rolling. Why would someone pair you up with someone else when, according to the laws of nature, younger people are naturally suited and better for one another? Not always the case but more than likely. Not to say you can’t hook up with a young but 25 female would be more capitable with a 25 year old male than a 47 year old female. Ease up girl.
By Teresa
February 4, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this
i cant believe the patriots lost
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this
AmazonRed is blushing and clutching pearls thanks to 900k’s last statement.
By Rell
February 4, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
@Truth..the game is that bad player…hell cats fight at the bar to get the drinks….it is hilarious, and i dont know what happen or when it turned
@kolla…you are right chicks are doing that as well..i think that i spoke on that last week…how the straight chicks would turn there nose up to the strip club in the late 90’s but now they are there because that is where the single men are spending the dollars
By melo
February 4, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this
Pussycat on 2nd thoghts let me tell u the whle nine. I told wify i waz going to Sperbwl party with my boyz.She was to stay hme with the kids.And like i said, plenty azz women over there at a pvt house on west side of time.My boys has 8 rmed house.Sme gals had their boyz others were loose,unattached.So lots of rbing shlder etc.Nothing kinky. When i got hme around 11.00, wify asked me same qs like u and told her ‘yeah plenty beautifl women over there’But unlike u, she was more concerned about me making it home safely before the kids went to bed.And ofcourse she got sme, u knw she had that jealousy think going into bed. Thanks for looking out for her tho,im sure she appreciates!
By Beautiful
February 4, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this
melo your comment to P is real. we don’t want it to be that way, but … … .
By Pussycat
February 4, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this
@Melo
I was only asking. It’s a known fact from previous comments that you’re married. If you make mention of the abundance of women in company, don’t get offended if asked. Trust I’m not insecure. You made special mention when could be an indication that you mixed and mingled as well. Like I said it was a question. If you’re married, shouldn’t mixing and mingling be off limits to you?
By Rell
February 4, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
@sexxyleggs…..i will pair with you…lol…if ya need some attention..get at me….lol
By BLOW ME IS OFFICIALLY BLOWED & THROWED
February 4, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Melo..Wow you really explaining yourself MELO…Looks like you are use to doing it..too. lol!
By Blue_Kolla
February 4, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Red But I’ll still chose to go to his house so that I won’t have to make him a plate. LOL!
And you said that to say what?
Rell …hell cats fight at the bar to get the drinks…
Mayne, I just look and laugh. I don’t even get it.
By Dan
February 4, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this
I find a number of things wrong with this affinity for spending money..
the aforementioned pimpin violations;
the outflow of resources for no capital gain or sustainable assets;
how long before we start asking, how far will someone go, just to live a lifestyle….
By AmazonRed
February 4, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
B_K - I said that to say “I’ll still chose to go to his house so that I won’t have to make him a plate.”
By Pussycat
February 4, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this
@Blow 1:48 lololol. I had to laugh out loud with that one.
@Melo Not try to start a blog fight. Peace pipe? I was just asking.
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
WOW Lurker, I’m not lonely. I’m having a good time w/life right about now. I didn’t think I was coming across as lonely and definitely not as desperate. I’ve often posted that I get attention from a lot of men, just not the ones that want to build a relationship. I’m asked out constantly, but don’t want to go with those that are asking. I posted that I watched the game alone to let the WLBs know that I posted. They know I know nothing about football, but had it on in the background while cooking dinner and listening to music. Curious, where do you pick up lonely by doing that. I had a great Sunday. Sure, I’ve posted that I’ve been horny on 2 occasions just because I’m real and was in a crappy mood. When asked why I was in a crappy mood I responded honestly.
And for the record, as I have posted many times here, I am so so happy w/myself. I’m somewhat surprised you feel that way. Anyway, I try to come across this blog with a sense of humor. Desperate = naw baby!
By Blue_Kolla
February 4, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
LMAO @ melo’s 1:39
Alright Red Just askin… Yo P-cat, send that Peace Pipe over to Red.
QC ;)
By melo
February 4, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
that you mixed and mingled as well i dont what that means.In ur world, married pple are not supposed to move solo,they close their eyes ones the other party is not there, if there are beautiful women at a place i go, i must deny it becoz im married, i cannot talk to anyone other than my wife.Is that ur imagination of marriage lyfe? Why should a post about me attending a party where beautiful pplw were and me flirting invite a question like urs.Did i say i bedded somebody? When u talk of space in relationships, that exactly waz a typical day when i had my space.For ur info, my wife tell me all the time about guys who hit on her when im not there. Married pple dont move about with a Spaghetti junction type billboard that says MARRIED
By Rell
February 4, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
@melo…why are you explaining anything…if you go out and get you some side poo see….that should be cool if thats how you and yours get down…feel me
By melo
February 4, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
that you mixed and mingled as well i dont KNOW what that means.In ur world, married pple are not supposed to move solo,they close their eyes ones the other party is not there, if there are beautiful women at a place i go, i must deny it becoz im married, i cannot talk to anyone other than my wife.Is that ur imagination of marriage lyfe? Why should a post about me attending a party where beautiful pplw were and me flirting invite a question like urs.Did i say i bedded somebody? When u talk of space in relationships, that exactly waz a typical day when i had my space.For ur info, my wife tell me all the time about guys who hit on her when im not there. Married pple dont move about with a Spaghetti junction type billboard that says MARRIED
By DasV
February 4, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
been lurkin
DAN had to come out of lurksville and let you know that ‘yes’ i believe that a HUGE reason why things wont cycle through and evolve into something other than where we find ourselves presently is because you all (men) havent mastered the integration of being an intelluctual, charming, standup characters you should be…. the building/unit is only as strong as its foundation.
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this
I meant to say I posted about the game to let the WLBs, know that I actually watched some of a game, especially by myself because it was SuperBowl…
By melo
February 4, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this
BLOW every man explains themselves every now and then.What woman would just let their man go in and out without accounting for their whereabouts.U’all territorial animals, are u not?
By 900K aka Mr 2008
February 4, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this
AmazonRed is blushing and clutching pearls thanks to 900k’s last statement. - 900K is now standing tall in the office feeling like a man that has accomplished great things.
BlueK - man you touchin on a nerve with the crazy girl that keeps pushin it to the limit. 1st words then she start throwing timb boots @ you… man I got some war stories
By Dan
February 4, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this
That’s an unfair characterization.
There are plenty of brothers (here online and elswhere in the world) that are getting it in, best we can.
Some don’t have the fight; some lack the foundation; others still, lack the will. But dig it, it’s a two way street. If what a person accepts becomes what they expect, then consideration of those conditions are entirely self made.
NBF(and not specifically to you DasV or anyone else), but Money Mike said it best…”if you over 25 and still saying nikkaz aint s&%R$t….”
By SexyLeggs
February 4, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this
LL, I want to make sure I address most if not all of your concerns. Yes, I put (lol) behind that statement because I thought my wit and openness and honesty would have been matched to anothe