Misadventures in Atlanta

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

Dating does not equal meeting children at all…Date and enjoy and leave family and kids out of it…

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 8:36 AM | Link to this

Morning, all. :-)

Being the non-custodial parent of two, for purposes of dating it’s almost as if I don’t have children because I live alone and visit with them only on certain weekends and holidays.

On the surface, a woman with children isn’t really a show-stopper for me. In fact, more often than not, it can be a bridge to building a great relationship becuase of that particular commonailty. I’ve dated only three (3) women in the 10 years I’ve been divorced and two of them have had children. However, there is an age threshhold that comes into play for me as it relates to women with “young” children (i.e. infants, toddlers, etc.) because I’ve “been there” and “done that” already. Again, it wouldn’t necessarily mean “do not pass go” but, depending on the woman, I would have to give serious consideration to the prospects of dating her long-term.

I would be hesitant to introduce my children to someone I was dating, unless and until we were exclusive and headed toward marriage. The last thing I want my children to think is that their father’s personal life is like that of a revolving door, with women coming in and out all the time.

By Dan

February 20, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Good morning,

While not having children (just practicing making them), I have dated single mothers before.

Sometimes meeting the kids are as simple as coming to pick her up and the kids are all over the house (like kids do) and it’s a brief introduction.

For me, it one got serious only once. And while I’d rather not go into it, let me just say that leaving that little boy behind broke my heart.

That’s all from me for a while, have a good discussion.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Dating does not equal meeting children at all…Date and enjoy and leave family and kids out of it…

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

Dating does not equal meeting children at all…Date and enjoy and leave family and kids out of it…

By Rell

February 20, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

@lady j….cosign…that post alones deads the rest…i see a topic change coming…lol

By Raqi

February 20, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

I wish more guys would give single mothers a fighting chance. Some tend to react as if kids are a plague of some sort. Like if the date or marry a woman with a kid their manhood is going to shrivel up and fall off.

Single mothers are still live breathing warm blooded women in need of love and companionship just like any other unattached woman.

Having kids means you have to be a little more creative in date scheduling and may call from some last minute unexpected changes in plans, but they don’t make the mother less of a quality date. We still know how to have fun. Well that is “knew” for me.

But please guys don’t skimp on the single mothers.

Now the baby mamas…that’s a whole different subject there.

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

I don’t have any rugrats….so I don’t want a dude to have em.

No let me stop…Kids are a blessing from God. I do not have any kids…yet. But I will date a guy who has one child. I honestly prefer none…because of the simply fact I don’t’ have any. I would want our first experience together be OUR first child. But if God decides to bring a man with my life with child and he is doing the right things by me…….Well “Kids meet ya other MAMIE”. But real talk, the max for me is 1….2 and 3…that is too much for me. At my age now..it’s hard to met men without kids. Although lately I have met some dudes though that haven’t. But fact still reminds…it’s quite common to meet a men with kids…especially after you pass the 25 mark.

By 2CPTG©

February 20, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

yep, Lady J, that’s about it…..hell, it takes longer than normal just to really get to know me - so we’re talking eons ‘fo you meet my shorties…..then, when you meet ‘em, baby-girl gon’ take over from there - Ain’t that right Auntie……

By Nurse - QC

February 20, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Morning I’ve dated several men with kids..it’s aight, and i’ve been introduce to their kids too soon, on several occassions did’nt feel very comfortable but i handled it very well of course…have a great day Bloggers, Darrell, Easter Bunny, Demi…e’rrybody…yep, i’ve had cup of energy this morning…half of the office is out sick…i went around spraying my green apple breeze scent Lysol yes i did..i was like keep coughing cause i’mma keep spraying towards the sick/shut in ..lol, i can’t afford to get sick honey…i gots too much to do! anyway….i’ll HOLLA - PEACE

By Teresa

February 20, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

touchy subject…

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Breakfast: Hot pancakes and sausage for everyone! Juice and water for all.

LadyJ please say that in the mic again!!!

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 20, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Hey Everybody!!

Lady J I am co-signing your post. I plan to really lurk on this topic and see what folks have to say. I dont have a time period set b4 someone meets my kid but you can best believe it will be a while.

By melo

February 20, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

I don’t have any rugrats….so I don’t want a dude to have em i feel u,its annoying when u trying to sex and the rugrat is holding on to mummy’s breast for milk!!

By Willie Dynamite

February 20, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

In my past experiencs Single Mothers (not Baby mama) were more level headed and mature. I didn’t shy away from it but at the same time I didn’t want to be thrust into a kids life all of a sudden.

I had a kid before I was married and the present wifey didn’t meet My Son until we had been together for almost 6mos.

By Rell

February 20, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

@RAQI..i feel you, single mothers have feelings too..where here is a list of why men shun or simply abuse the situation with single mothers/baby mamma

1.) She is clingy or has a damage self-esteem

2.) Sex with single mothers come quick/easy

3.) Usually looking for fill-in or replacement (NEW DADDY)

4.) Baby Daddy drama

5.) Multiply kids by different men, screams of poor decision making

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

Hey Mo!

By Page1908

February 20, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

The older you get, the more likely it is to meet someone who has kids already. Plus, with so many people having kids either from being married, or not being married, chances are there are going to be kids around somewhere.

I actually don’t have a preference regarding dating men with or without kids. What it actually comes down to is not the kids, per se, but what the dude’s limitations (if any) are because of the kids.

I have come across a few dudes who had kids and didn’t prefer to date me because I don’t. They felt that because I didn’t have kids, I would be very “needy” and would want to spend a lot of time with them, which they wouldn’t be able to do. It’s not a big deal, I completely understand. It’s funny when I hear these kind of assumptions because I’m not that way at all. I’m an only child, so spending time alone is nice to me, and I sometimes prefer it.

By SexyCool

February 20, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

okay, rell…show your softer side…list some (serious) positives about single mothers…

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Off-topic: Is it fate? So the guy I dismissed a few weeks back because he used text messages as primary means of communication was at my church on Sunday. Out of all the churches in Atlanta. He saw me but I didn’t see him. But that’s wild.

Also, kudos to the state of Georgia for processing my refund in less than a week. Go GA! LOL

On-topic - It’s easier for women in the dating world on this topic because usually the guy doesn’t have primary custody. However, I don’t have kids, and I’d prefer the guy I date not have any. That being said, I’ve dated a couple of guys who had kids and it was a non-issue as we never got far enough in the process for me to meet the child. However, when I tried on-line dating, I rejected all interested parties with kids. I feel the point of having a pool of men to pick at my leisure is to go after ones that meet most of my desired requirements.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

By the way Bella, I LOVE this: “I told him that she was either the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with or she wasn’t — and if he didn’t want to marry her and help her raise her daughter, someone else would. It was simply up to him decide.”

That was great advice and I’m so glad your friend followed it and is happy.

By Dan

February 20, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

That last point was it Rell.

You got kids plural..by different dudes…again plural…how does that make me think about you.

I mean fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3,4 , 5 times and…..

By Beautiful - YeaI'mSensitiveSoWhat!!!

February 20, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

no guy that i date meets my boys, sorry. there MUST be a commitment between us. it would break their hearts if i decided not to see you again. since i’ve been in ATL, my sons have not had the opportunity to see anyone.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Darell - You spoke about being wary of single moms with young kids because you’ve “been there, done that.”

Does this mean that if you get married again, having kids with your new wife is out of the question?

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Morning All

I don’t involve my son in my dating life until later in a relationship. In my last relationship, my SO and I dated for about 7 to 8 months before I introduced my son to him.

As a single mom, I’ve not encountered problems meeting guys. I think men tend to feel more re-assured that I am “a good woman” because I take care of myself, my child, and home. I can be wrong, but that is the impression I get.

On the other hand, I have no problem with dating a single dad or a guy with children. After spending time with the individual you realize whether or not he is a dependable and dedicated parent to his children (which is expected, but still impresses me).

By Rell

February 20, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

@SEXYCOOL….dayum sis was the list that bad?. Actually the list was not my personal POV..a single mother to me is still a women not a seperate species…lol. But to some of the men out here….and trust i hear the stories er day….they will use and abuse these women as if they dont really count….so yes i was posting that list for some of the ladies to stick in there mind at the motivation as to why a single man that has alot going for him will cling so hard to you and your children without really knowing you…there is a reason, majority of the time it is tied to SEX or he gets the satification of saving someone..or lets say feel like he is upgrading you…it is a dirty game out there and when you throw the emotions of raising a family on your own…well the game get serious…and where the mother is playing chess providing and trying to become a wife….she will run into a boy/man that is thinking part of that list

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

Darrell, I don’t know why I keep leaving that extra “r” off of your name. My apologies.

By Rell

February 20, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

@SEXYCOOL….dayum sis was the list that bad?. Actually the list was not my personal POV..a single mother to me is still a women not a seperate species…lol. But to some of the men out here….and trust i hear the stories er day….they will use and abuse these women as if they dont really count….so yes i was posting that list for some of the ladies to stick in there mind at the motivation as to why a single man that has alot going for him will cling so hard to you and your children without really knowing you…there is a reason, majority of the time it is tied to SEX or he gets the satification of saving someone..or lets say feel like he is upgrading you…it is a dirty game out there and when you throw the emotions of raising a family on your own…well the game get serious…and where the mother is playing chess providing and trying to become a wife….she will run into a boy/man that is thinking part of that list

By Mo (now known as Moeisha)

February 20, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Hey Cemeeli!!

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Dan/Rell Though I completely understand the point you’re making about women who have multiple children by multiple men, I would respectfully argue that although one could definitely categorize those as being poor decisions (at that time), I wouldn’t necessarily take that to mean the woman’s character isn’t better now.

Case in point, there’s one woman I know who particularly fits that description, but who has realized her mistakes and is determined not to repeat them. She’s very intelligent, works during the day and goes to school pursuing a degree in accounting. I have the utmost respect and admiration for her and what she’s now doing for herself and her children.

I guess all I’m saying is that while I understand how a woman such as you described might cause you to raise an eyebrow or two, I wouldn’t completely write her off without considering the person as a whole.

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Science are you gonna come in here and breakdown “Dating…with children”? please

WillieD one of my married and new mommmy girlfriend, mentioned how NOW she understands the level headed and mature stance i had the last 8 years. She finally got it! So yea i guess we are.

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

@ Rell….she has no idea…lol

By BennyB

February 20, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Off topic Guys, I want to comment on yesterday stomach-butterflies related posts. This is will be long and deep for some……….

Have you seen how thrilled a baby get when daddy comes home from work and play with her? On her first daycare journey: she’ll likely cry all day but when her parents show up to pick her up, she will be excited to even forgot what happened all day. As she grows up; her parents play less and less with her, she get less attention from them and start to seek attention from exterior. She becomes friend with cousins and makes friends at church. Weekends become exciting because it is time to see friends or perhaps time to get desired attention and excitement. She learns to negotiate to spend nights at friend’s house and get heart broken when the parents refuse to honor her requests. Sooner or later she learns to be patient and to anticipate the excitation for next weekend gathering. At school age, she will have practiced enough and learned what excite her, what trigger the same childhood feelings of excitements in her and she will look for that feeling in all places, all times at any cost. Have you heard that women like men who resemble or behave like their fathers? The truth is that they just want to recreate those childhood feelings, that excitement. The reality is that longing for childhood feelings is insecurity, is refusing to grow up, refusing to learn about the self, refusing to become an adult.

Insecure women will worship a man who stands up to them just like their parents did but as soon as a man sweeten a little (become a wimp) they will lose all interest and wonder where all that passion went. Those women are immature; they don’t have any idea about how one can control his own feelings. Honestly, women like this are not the kind to settle down with (unless you want to play daddy), they are the kind to experience with. Soon or later, those women will find out that you are not their parents, cheat on you or just lose interest in you.

The west is becoming notorious to raise insecure women like this. The proof is that people like Mystery are getting very rich just by teaching men how to sleep with this kind of women by tapping on their known insecurities. The sad thing is that this type of woman don’t believe (denial) that the same feeling they are looking for can be created just by playing with their mind and trigger their childhood feelings (Mystery method). This is a win now-lose later situation for men because while they will mate with many girls than their grand parents dreamed of, it will be very hard to find one secure undamaged woman to settle with.

On men side, this same phenomenon explains how nice guys are created. They think that women will respond to their niceness as their mothers responded when they obeyed their rules. They get excited just to see a woman of their dreams just like they did when their mother picked them up from daycare decades before. Just like stomach-butterflies seeking women, nice guys don’t want to think, they are only interested in re-creating childhood feelings. The sad news for them is that once you learn about the self; know what make you tick and re-program your mind, stomach-butterflies disappears for good.

Love start by the self. Is anyone had butterflies before just to be him/her self? Then you should have butterflies all the time because you are what you are no matter what. Guys USE YOUR BRAIN, USE YOUR MIND (that why god give it to you), Love is not a feeling, Love is not passion, love is not excitement. Love implies commitments and the exercise of wisdom; I’ll describe it as a PURE CALM DELIGHT.

By SexyCool

February 20, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

rell…the list wasn’t that bad…i just know that some seem to think that you have only negative views of woman when i know better…you are a big fan of all sensible woman who have themselves together…

i just read your post and saw the attacks coming…LOL

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

@Rell,

*they will use and abuse these women as if they dont really count….the motivation as to why a single man that has alot going for him will cling so hard to you *

This can be a true statement…age and life experiences would dictate whether a guy would behave like this. A young man who is playing the field and not ready for a family would have this mindset.

I’ve really not experience this type of negativity becuase of being a single mom. First off, most guys are very shocked when I tell them I have a teenage son…most responses are you don’t look old enough, you don’t look like someone that has a child, etc. It seems to be a non-issue.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Amazon “Darell - You spoke about being wary of single moms with young kids because you’ve “been there, done that.” Does this mean that if you get married again, having kids with your new wife is out of the question?”

In a word, yes, having more children (biologically) is out of the question for me. (By the way, ARed, no problem about the ‘r’. People either leave that or an ‘l’ out all the time.) :-)

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Rell …interesting…

…majority of the time it is tied to SEX or he gets the satification of saving someone…

By SexyLeggs

February 20, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

**If you have children, how soon do you introduce them to whomever you’re dating? First date? Two weeks? Two months? Not until you’re exclusive? At least until you’re exclusive and at least over a year (depending on if you’re going through a divorce). There are a lot of variable factors that should be considered when introducing a love interest to your child(ren). The age of the child, the maturity level of the child and the emotional state of the child after divorce.

By 2CPTG©

February 20, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Truth be told, I prefer ladies with kids…(no more than 2)..

somma y’all single ladies don’t understand the challenges of parent hood, and thus, at times can be quite selfish….

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

somma y’all single ladies don’t understand the challenges of parent hood, and thus, at times can be quite selfish…

As a single lady with no kids I say AMEN! I’m completely basking in this “selfish” time for me. I’ll have plenty of time to be a wife and mother when that time comes. My mother has been taking care of everyone before herself for the past 31 years. She’s always encouraged me to enjoy these “selfish” years the best I can because once they’re gone, they’re gone! I won’t even get a puppy. Too much responsibility. LOL

By Rell

February 20, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

@bennyb….ya know i was just speaking on that same thing yesterday…i cosign your post..i see you are knee deep in the PUA scene…lol

@cemelli….interesting…how so

By Mocha Latte'

February 20, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Rell I think your list is just fine

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Have you guys heard about this….I know Truth mentioned this last week, but I did not believe it was true.

Ku Klux Klan Endorses Obama February 7th, 2008 by James R. Crowe

KENTUCKY - USA - Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards has stated that, “anything is better than Hillary Clinton.”

White Christian Supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan has endorsed Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States of America.

Speaking from his Kentucky office in Dawson Springs, the Imperial Wizard exclaimed that anything or anyone is better than having that “crazy a* #*tch” as President.

This is the first time in Klan history that any member of the KKK has ever publicly supported an African American candidate for the presidency. KKK lodges all over America have been gathering and holding rallies supporting the black presidential candidate.

Grand Turk Cletus Monroe has also been very vocal about the election and has donated thousands of dollars to Obama’s election fund.

“The boy’s gonna do it. My Klan group has donated up to $250,000 to the Obama fund. Anything is better than Hillary Clinton. Hell I’ll even adopt a black kid from Africa before I vote for Hillary.”

“A few years back we were lynching negroes. Now we’re gonna vote for one to be president of the US of motherfu**ing A, damn it! Anyone or anything is better than Hillary Clinton - anything!!”

Placards for Barack Obama have been put up around the Klan’s Headquarters and the KKK have announced a television ad campaign to support the African American candidate.

By pisces08

February 20, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Morning All…. I’m getting my lurk on.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

SexyLeggs - Very good point about the emotion state of the child. There is only one divorce in my family, and my cousins were really hit hard. My aunt went out and got into a serious relationship soon after and it really messed her kids up. That relationship was really detrimental for her family.

The MOMania blog had a “stepmother” topic a few weeks ago and let me just tell you the stories have scarred me for life. There were way more “don’t do it!” stories than any positives.

By sky

February 20, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning..I dont have any but I have been in a couple of relationships where the guy did & I eventually broke it off because I knew I would never be first…sad but true….luckily the guy Im involved with now has a teenager 18…so thats a little better… but small kids are a nono….I know Im not the only one that feel this way either.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

IslandGirl “The boy’s gonna do it.”

They still managed to slip “boy” in there. I guess some things never change. :-/

By 2CPTG©

February 20, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

and A Red, that’s not a knock on y’all at all. Y’all have every right to be selfish; BUT, if you get with a dude with kids, ya gon’ hafta compromise…’specially if dude is heavily involved in his kids’ lives;

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Island Girl No it’s not true. You actually listen to Truth wow! lol…

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/kkk.asp

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

sky - I say once you and your husband have kids of your own, you’ll never put him first so I’d say give a guy with a younger kid a chance anyway since eventually he’ll be insignificant. LOL.

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Rell hold your guns ddarlin’…interesting in a good way.

It provoked me to think about…

• grown @ unsecure men seeking single moms to get the goods. And the other species of that kind that’s looking to SAVE a single mom is simply sad too. for me the only man that can save Cee owns everything…. gthoh.

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

@Blow…the artilce was forwarded to me, that is why I asked if anyone else heard about it. Don’t dog Truth out like that.

By The Truth

February 20, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

On topic: “and if he didn’t want to marry her and help her raise her daughter, someone else would. It was simply up to him decide. (They are now happily married and have a second daughter!)”

Is that not the stupidest shyt ever printed on ajc? Is that a threat or promise?

Lets get back to reality:

Pro: Women with children are definetly more grounded and realistic becuase they’re forced to be. They understand their situation and appreciate what a man can bring to them, for the most part.

Con: A woman with kids never really wants you for you. Her strongest desire is to provide for her children. You are just a means to getting that done. Not saying she won’t love you but you go into the game a 2nd stringer. In most cases there is also a father somewhere that wants to pop his head in and thats a problem. I don’t fugg dudes and I don’t discuss my decisions with some cat because his child lives in my home. So in the end he’s not welcome to visit and he can pick up the child at the curb. Also, whatever I do in my home is not open for discussion so if ol girl cant get with that program its a wrap. Finally, and this is cruel, but no matter what happens that child will never be mine. I wasnt there when it went down and no matter what I do that child can be taken away without a second thought from the mom. (one of my boys raised a little boy since he was 6 mos and the boys mom left and forbid him from seeing the boy)

Conclusion: There are more than enough single women out there without kids for me to seriously consider marrying a woman with kids. Also, when I have kids I want for me and my wife to sit around and read books and learn about the process and be excited vs some chick saying “this is my third, I got this, chill out”. Also, if I have to make compromises I want it to be for my blood, not some other dude.

Finally, the last gf I had was a prime candidate for wifey material but she had a son I disliked(I hate bad azz kids). I couldn’t see living with someone I disliked just to be with someone I liked.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

2CPTG - I didn’t take it as a knock at all. That’s why I said “Amen.” It’s a given that once you are responsible for other people (spouse, kids) that you will become less selfish, unless you’re just a bad person. I don’t know any good parent or spouse that can say they’ve become MORE selfish since they’ve gotten married or had a kid.

You learn to adapt and when my time comes, I will, whether it’s my kids or kids he brings into the relationship. Until then, I will sleep til 10 am, stay out late and go where the wind takes me. LOL

By DreamsMaterialize

February 20, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Children should have minimal or NO exposure to your dating life.

Moms got divorced when I was 4 and re-married when I was fourteen, and in the 10 years in between I can’t remember any guys ever coming around. If Moms was out there doing her thing, we never knew it. The only guy I met was the one she married and consider my dad to this day.

By Blue_Kolla

February 20, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Mornin’ Peeps

Since I live in reality and want my kid to know reality, setting time periods for me is out the window. I’m going to determine your merit and make the decision on when/if you get to meet The Prince, not just because we’re dating.

Lady J Dating does not equal meeting children at all…Date and enjoy and leave family and kids out of it…

I don’t have a problem with that at all. That’s probably better for me. But be advised that as long as we’re just dating and funnin’, that’s all that you’ll be to me is just a fun date, with some “sport fuggin” (<=== gotta cite Jazzy for that one) thrown in.

Bennie Just come on down and turn yourself in. There’s a warrant with your name on it being typed up right now.

Ben..nie..B Of..fen..ce:.. Lo..ng..Azz..Post.

Cee I thought about you yesterday on the train ride home, so this is just for you… If yo’ tracked up weave looks worse than your own hair, just say fahgitit and get’chu a wig.

By SlimOne

February 20, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Hi All

Um, I don’t have any kids and I prefer to date men without kids.

BennyB I have blog ADD so if i can find my meds, I’ll think about trying to read that long azz post. lol

Dan-E boy What’s up amigo?

By Rell

February 20, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

@cemelli..respect

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

JOKE:

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair … Kill her!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. There was screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them.

By Wow

February 20, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

NOT TRUE….Ku Klux Klan Endorses Obama CHECK OUT THE LINK

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/kkk.asp

By Dan

February 20, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

The D ain’t looking to save nobody, talk to Jesus about that…

As far as your comment Darrell, I’m talking on a different timeline, it’s not just the intial bad decisions with the men that produced the children. I go further with mine to the regret the feel at losing significant portions of their lives. These women, in some cases, have missed substantive portions of their lives (and time they could have used to better/find themselves) taking care of someone else.

I refer to ARed’s story about her friend yesterday. Perhaps had she not acted on impulse so long ago, she would not be staring at the problem that she herself created. In that she never took the time to be alone, get to know herself, what have you. She jumped into a relationship she nigh prepared for and the consequences of those actions are baring out now.

Same thing with “some” single mothers, whether they blame themselves or are irrationally upset with the father, makes no never mind. The fact is that admitted openly or not, there is a sense of loss that bubbles inside of them. That loss will be express, and I personally don’t wish to be within miles of babe, or have any responibilities with/for/to her when she blows.

Because blow she will.

By Auntie

February 20, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

2can The truth you know this Uncle 2…LMAOFF!

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Island Girl Uh Sweetheart, it’s a joke…please fall back. Oh yeah make it a great day!

By SlimOne

February 20, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Hi All

Um, I don’t have any kids and I prefer to date men without kids.

BennyB I have blog ADD so if i can find my meds, I’ll think about trying to read that long azz post. lol

Dan-E boy What’s up amigo?

By Page1908

February 20, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Truth that was nice.

By Joy Monique

February 20, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

On topic, I usually lurk, but I’ll give my 2 cents today. As a 34 year old woman, my preference has been to date men, who like me, don’t have any children. I’ve come to realize the most men will have children, the older we become, especially if a man is divorced, widowed, or a single parent. In my opinion, it’s good practice to meet the children after a period of time once you know you’ll be in a long term relationship. I’ve become more open to the fact that my ideal mate will have fathered children and I have been willing to accept that fact. That’s a decision he’ll need to make, as a parent, when he’s ready for me to meet his child or children.

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Hey Blue! ;)

said while tuckin’ my own hair behind the ear’ Lol.

Well it’s the truth…If yo’ tracked up weave looks worse than your own hair, just say fahgitit and get’chu a wig.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Dan - You’re a little off base with your conclusion of my friend, but it’s okay. Bottom line, and to your point, she did need to take time to live a little more before marriage. However, her decision to marry was not an impulsive one.

By Staceye

February 20, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Blow Me I swear we are related! LOL I feel the same way. Except I usually pull a Jackie Joyner Kersy and run away from the dude with the kid(s). I don’t want to deal with the mama, nor do I wish to have to plan our outings or trips based on kids. Now I’m a big kid who still loves Disney World. If a guy told me he wouldnt take me there because of his kids getting mad he would be getting the shifty treatment! LOL

somma y’all single ladies don’t understand the challenges of parent hood, and thus, at times can be quite selfish… I think selfish is when people have children without thinking of all the stuff that comes with them. They are still trying to go out and party or shop like all they have is them..or make stuppid decisions, never taking in the effects of their actions on the life of the kid(s). I know I like to shop, travel and get up and go when I am ready. I like knowing after bills and tithes..my money is mine and I never have to decide on getting new boots for me or new clothes for the kid! If that makes me selfish..oh well then…put an “S” on my chest and I will wear it proudly! Not to mention the look and interest a guy would give when they find out I have No kids..almost like my stock price goes up 30 points! My guy friends that have no kids say they do date women with kids on a serious level because they are not trying to be daddy to some other dude’s kid. Not to mention just as I feel, I have the right to be selective because I have none so…

By SeanJohnson3000

February 20, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

…regarding the post..i prefer to date single mothers..nothing like seeing a female handling her biz and responsibilities.. it can indicate how mature the female is and her mind set depending how good of a parent she is….now i have ran across a few single mothers that dont like to date men with a kid (s)..for selfish reasons.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Hey Joy Monique Welcome!

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Truth…I can respect what you’re saying. The issue of discplining a child that is not yours, dealing with the other parent, and having rude azz kids are some of the biggest challenges of having an integrated family.

BennyB…cosign on your post

Blow…it all good….I got your joke…no worries sis.

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Hey, Cemeeli, just wanted you to know that I was flipping channels yesterday and came cross this cooking show on Fit TV where some dude was making something using soy flour. (Of course, I changed the channel.) :-)

By Page1908

February 20, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

LOL Blow Me @ fall back! lmfao..ctfu

LOL @ Dan

By Blue_Kolla

February 20, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

And even though I have a kid, it’s probably better to not get too involved with a woman with kids until they are grown and gone. Step-Poppin’ is the hardest, most thankless job in the world. So Truth, I’m feeling you all day on your post.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Hey Joy Monique Welcome!

By Wow

February 20, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Now that we are over the KKK…..Good morning all! Passing out bongs and incenses to all! lol lmao

On topic I don’t have kids so I don’t know the protocol on introducing kids…. As for me dating a guy with ONE kid cool….

By Jazzyone

February 20, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

I Tend to date men with children as it takes the preassure off me. Ive met the kids before we ended up in the exclusive lane, didn’t mind it, the reasoning has always been the positivity influence to a child or young adult, not necessarily as his woman but as a woman period…I tend to bond very very well with kids when I was younger and now.

If myself and that guy don’t make it I have and still am in touch with some of the kids as a mentor or someone they can talk to or follow their thought to reason if their parents p** them off or what have you.

I live it never complained about it and what led me to become a mentor at metrocasa,org to helo the kids….Kids need unconditional love and support and direction not drama..if their parents are drama i tend to back off anyway and we don’t even get to the kids part int he ‘lationship…

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Hey Joy Monique Welcome!

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

BK, as dating for the last 3 yrs I have come to learn it is not exclusive which means to me kids are not apart which me i wouldn’t ask my date to pick up lil lady from grandma’s or cook dinner for her or read a book to her…It is what it is and not what is is not I J does not twist the two..since I am not looking for an exclusive relationship or a husband I am dating and doing J without lil lady or mom dukes in my business…J

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

BK, as dating for the last 3 yrs I have come to learn it is not exclusive which means to me kids are not apart which me i wouldn’t ask my date to pick up lil lady from grandma’s or cook dinner for her or read a book to her…It is what it is and not what is is not I J does not twist the two..since I am not looking for an exclusive relationship or a husband I am dating and doing J without lil lady or mom dukes in my business…J

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

STACEYE Hey what’s up? Yo a* has been M.I.A lately. lol! I will wear that S too!

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

putting on my blog vest - Isn’t part of one’s “responsibilities” is to make sure you don’t get pregnant outside of marriage? For most of the folks I know that are single moms (the ones who’ve never married) being irresponsible is what got them in the situation in the first place. So yes, it’s good that once you find yourself in the situation, you handle it accordingly.

However, I would venture to say that like many women, like me, who own their own house, their own car and pay their bills are just as responsible as the women who do the same, yet do it with a kid.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

BK, as dating for the last 3 yrs I have come to learn it is not exclusive which means to me kids are not apart which me i wouldn’t ask my date to pick up lil lady from grandma’s or cook dinner for her or read a book to her…It is what it is and not what is is not I J does not twist the two..since I am not looking for an exclusive relationship or a husband I am dating and doing J without lil lady or mom dukes in my business…J

By SlimOne

February 20, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

I honestly think it appears to be easier for women with kids to get dates than it is for a totally single chick. Not sure why though. I have all too often seen chicks with 2 or more kids still getting a slew of dates. I don’t know if the men are just sharking off her section 8 & food stamps, just like feeling needed, or just plain like them enough to stick with her and the ready made family.

By 2CPTG©

February 20, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Staceye….you took my quote entirely out of context….yeah it’s selfish to have kids and you can’t even feed your damn self, but I was talking about it from a dating standpoint - single women with no kids dating a guy with kids….

But I wish you much luck, Ms Lady…..

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Truth - That’s some real talk right there.

I’m mad you said they can “pick the child up at the curb.” You stink. LOL

By kimmie

February 20, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

I actually prefer to date guys with kids. At my age, most men I meet have them anyway. I am getting older and I don’t want a guy to be upset that he missed out if I can’t have any. Also, I get to observe the maturity level. I’ve met a few that loved their kids, but never made the time for them (before you ask, there was no baby mama keeping them from the kids either). Kids need more than a check every month. I truly love kids and they seem to love me. You would think my nieces & nephews & goddaughter belonged to me at times. The man I am seeing now is a widow, so he does it all. There is nothing sexier to me than seeing him play with his kids.

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

SeanJ3000 i’m appreciating you for saying that.

I have said before but i’ll reiterate:

• A lot of us single mothers are not looking for a guy to SAVE, be-daddy or babysit our kid or us for that matter. We are wanting a mate for the same principles as single women.

I thank God for a child that does not long for lst love and validity outside of our pod.

By Dan

February 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@Slim

Well having babies does change the profile of a woman’s body in significant ways.

By Blue_Kolla

February 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Jazzy Ive met the kids before we ended up in the exclusive lane, didn’t mind it, the reasoning has always been the positivity influence to a child or young adult, not necessarily as his woman but as a woman period…

Upper level maturity right there. ^^^

J since I am not looking for an exclusive relationship or a husband I am dating and doing J without lil lady or mom dukes in my business…

That’s exactly what I said. We’re in total agreement here.

By Jazzyone

February 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

I beg to differ slim, Im single and no children. most of th men i date tell me they prefer to date a woman without the kids or the drama, effects or what have you that comes with them…I didn’t say it they do say it…Im not saying sally plus three isn’t getting dates…but me minus three are getting her dates and my own…LMAOFF…no hate to the motha’s our there..just stating my expreience.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Great Post Cemeeli!!:)

By Rell

February 20, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

@bk

Step-Poppin’ is the hardest, most thankless job in the world

word!!!!

By The Truth

February 20, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Slim I watched that Millionaire dating show last night with an open mind and her service has a place for some of those cats. In pursuit of loot some of those guys were social hang nails. They didn’t have a clue.Still I question a woman that can’t get a guy she’s been dating 3 year to marry her on giving advice on marriage. That bruh Xander was a total waste. All he said was “you are so beautiful all day.” I felt bad for ol girl.

BK being a step dad is a thankless job. If shyt goes right its the moms doing. If shyt goes south its the evil step dad.

We’re not even going to bring up the older daughter/son making problems and doing inappropriate shyt. Then when you tear their azz out the frame you gotta take a charge. Sorry, I don’t need that kind of frustration.

“somma y’all single ladies don’t understand the challenges of parent hood, and thus, at times can be quite selfish… I think selfish is when people have children without thinking of all the stuff that comes with them.”

Isn’t that saying a mouthful.

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Great Post Cemeeli!!:)

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Got you BK!

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Got you BK!

By Lady J

February 20, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Got you BK!

By Blow Me a.k.a Bomb 1st

February 20, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Ared I think your comment is a bit much and judgemental. If you are not a virgin you are ALWAYS at risk for having a child. Maybe it was not your turn. I don’t have kids.But I know Nothing is 100% proof. If you call having protect, birth sex responsible then you are wrong. Nothing is 100%.

I am willing to step out there and say you are NOT a virgin AND probably was not married when you decided to have sex. So what you are saying is irrevelant…You were just blessed for your life to not have kids. And another woman was blessed in her life to have a bundle of joy.

Irresponsible is 3 kids later and not married and looking up wondering why?????!?!?

By SlimOne

February 20, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Dan Well having babies does change the profile of a woman’s body in significant ways. So basically I need to pop out some twins so i can gain some azz-n-itties and a side of hips?

Jazz I’m not saying that single chicks aren’t getting dates, nor am I saying I don’t get any either…but it’s just an observation of mine. Been seeing this a lot lately. Matter of fact, the more recent was a chick with 5 kids! I’m not sure if it was 3 different baby daddy’s or 4 but WOW! is all i could say when I heard another dude (didn’t father any of the kids) had proposed to her.

By IslandGirl

February 20, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Cameeli.. I CO-SIGN…..how true..

By Cemeeli

February 20, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Darrell! IF’N U R GNG THR ABT MY AFFAIR W/SOY I’MA CHOP YO NECK! K?

trying to take a stab at the Soy on the sly

I see you.

(((((o))))) (((((o))))).

By BINFORD2K

February 20, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

On topic At this point in my life, I do not want to date a woman with children. But I do realize the longer the game goes I may have to revise that plan. But here is my reasoning.

1) The child is the woman’s #1 priority (as it should be), and the man will walk in the door playing second fiddle. I don’t want to walk in the door knowing I am second fiddle no matter what I do. I see enough men treated that way AFTER they created a baby.

2) Resource grab. Face it, it is hard paying for something you didn’t create. Plenty of guys are generous and kind - but I frankly can’t see me doing this.

3) Building a foundation. My logic is that you build a foundation and relationship and THEN have children. If they have them already it will always be about the child first.

4) This is gonna sound heinously wrong, but when a woman has a kid, it’s like she was marked by another man. Yea, I know most everyone has multiple sex partners before they get married. But a child is the most obvious sign of that and a turnoff for some.

My vision always was to meet a girl, date for a while and then marry. Travel for a few years and then start a family - it’s really hard to let that go. But it is 2008.

By Dan

February 20, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

@Slim

Naw, I’m pretty sure you’re fine as is.

What I was talking about was the physical and psychological changes in a woman. Take the 5 kid babe. Dude at her, might be thinking jump-off. I know I would. Think about 5 kids, unless all by one guy. She’s a giver.

By Staceye

February 20, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Dan I have seen the single mom that you speak of. She had had never got to do anything that young adults get to do and then she a had a kid now she gets mad when she can’t go out or never have any money to shop. But she still does then gets mad at the dead beat baby daddy when her lights get cut off. Granted I told her, yes he is trife…but you know this, so its YOUR fault that you try to live like a non-parent and get bit in the azz for it. But she gets on the phone and curses him out…like that is going to change anything. If you want to still have YOUR life…don’t have kids! Plain and simple. Its your decision whether to bring them into the world or not. If you are a single woman and find out your are pregnant you have 3 choices, abortion, adoption, have it and don’t b!tch about it. If a guy tells you he doesn’t want it the moment you tell him…you already know that type of father you will have. The final decision is yours!

Blow Me I was off on Mondy for President’s day but I was out sick with a stomach virus yesterday. You know you are sick when you just curl up on the floor by the toilet because the floor is cool and you don’t have far to go whne you have to lose your guts! visual is NOT pretty! LOL

By mytwocents

February 20, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Someone my age may be a dad or even the younguns who think I’m their age have those odds - no prob I’ve always wanted to adopt. Now if dude’s willing to put the tot(s) on hold for a chick RED LIGHT. If she’d allow or worse expects it - STOP sign.

Regarding multiple babies w/ multiple donors - let’s not forget this makes women do a double take as well. In a Timespan of 5 secs: My first thought is this muhhfuh is too damn fertile, quickly followed by Oh AND he likes to raw dawg all willy nilly (why do so many have overlapping ages!?!) —> This cat could accidentally leave me with a lot more than a kid…

By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)

February 20, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

LOL! @ Rell “step-poppin’” ROFL!!!

By Dan

February 20, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Plus which, it’s tax season!

Can you imagine the kinda refund she got with all them kids. Shiiiiiiddd, I might be going out to lunch to find me a single mother! lol/bnr

By Page1908

February 20, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Slim I can give you some of my hips and t**! LOL lawd please relieve me.

By SlimOne

February 20, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Truth I actually had ever intention on watching it last night but I guess that Tylenol Cold got the best of me. I think i got past the opening credits. But I was talking to a friend about that show. Having millions sho doesn’t make you a social butterfly. I can see a lot of those cats being the nerds of yesteryear…now trying to be cool even though they do have millions.

So what happened witht he black dude’s date? Did he end up fugging the chick or something?

By kimmie

February 20, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Slim - That’s been my observation too! It seems like all of the ladies I know with kids have either gotten rings in no time flat or have dates out the ying-yang! Good for them though, I’m not mad at them. A few guys have run the line that my stock value is higher because I don’t have kids, but that never translated into any extra action on their part to pursue me. Either way, we all have a right to decide what we can deal with, or not.

By The Truth

February 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Ared whats the problem with that? We’ll never have one of those situations where me and ol boy sit at the table and discuss whats gonna go down. I’ll tell the dude straight out he’s not allowed in my house and anyone who lets him in is getting booted the fug out. As I said i don’t date dudes and don’t consider them in my thought process. If the baby’s mom wants to listen to ol boy then she should go back and be with him. My .02 Oh yeah, I’m hella co-signing your 1037. Now thats the whole truth.

Some of y’all are shooting from the hip on this one. I thought it was gonna be a politically correct blog day with e1 saying that little “Chucky” is welcome in my house but you folks are keeping it real.

Joy i keep re-reading your post. I guess it just doesn’t sit well with me. I mean why settle for a cat with kids if thats not what you really want? Like someone said earlier most people will have children at a certain age and while thats true I’m not dating most people, i’m looking for the one and I know she’s out there and doesn’t have kids. My .02

I say go for what you want in life because it costs the same as 2nd best.

By Jazzyone

February 20, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Slim Not hating that and applause to them both for creating a union to take care of them dayum kids..thats totally auesome!

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Blow - You’re right, you are always at risk. But I’ll tell you this. The girls I know who have gotten pregnant have got that way because they got “caught up in the moment.” The condom didn’t break, the pill didn’t fail. They missed a pill, or stopped taking it all together and didnt’ use a condom.

Yes, I know condoms break and pills fail, but in reality, the chance is very low if you use them correctly.

As for me, no I am not a virgin, but I do go above and beyond the call of duty to make sure I don’t get pregnant when I decide to have sex. That means being on the pill and using a condom. There are the times I’ve made it all the way to work and turn around and go back when I’ve forgotten to take a pill. There is the time I was a broke college student paying $50 a month for birth control and wasn’t even sleeping with anyone. The times I chose not to have sex, even though I was on the pill AND using a condom because it was the “fertile” time if all other methods fail.

Yes, I’ve chosen to not have kids at this time but I’ve also made the choice to do whatever it takes to stack the odds in my favor as well. So if it comes off as “a bit much” so be it. One thing I’m NOT is irresponsible, tho.

By AmazonRed

February 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this