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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > May > 06 > Entry
5 Signs He’s Not Interested
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have a guest blogger today, the infamous Fly Guy of Fly Guy Chronicles! You may have noticed that he joined in yesterday. Today, he gives the ladies helpful signs when a man’s not interested.
Guys, feel free to respond to his list, do you agree with them? Have you ever shown this kind of behavior? Do you think you could provide more signs? Ladies, read over the list and offer feedback. If some of this behavior sounds familiar. How did you handle it? What signs do you have for the men? How can a guy know when a woman is not interested?
The writing had been on the wall for quite some time now. You just refused to read it. Why? Because as far as you were concerned, you had found the man of your dreams, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to change that. There was however, one slight problem … The feeling wasn’t mutual.
If only you would have paid attention to my “Top 5 Signs That He’s Not Interested” … perhaps this could have all been avoided.
- He never calls first.
Do me a favor and check how many times you’ve called him over the past two weeks. Once you’ve written that number down, compare it to the number of times he’s called you during that same period.
Big difference?
Listen, when you’re the one that calls first … every single time … what he’s actually showing you is that he’s about as interested in you as Naomi Campbell is in attending anger management classes.
- He never attempts to make any plans with you.
Another indicator that he’s not interested in you can be found in how aggressively he tries to make plans with you. Does he immediately come to the table with the “who, what, when, where, and why” of a romantic night out? Or does he talk about seeing you in terms that are about as vague as Al Sharpton’s job description? (After all these years, I still don’t know what he does.)
Side Bar: Late night calls asking you to “come over and watch this movie with me,” don’t exactly equate to him making legitimate plans.
- He constantly cancels the date at the last minute.
You look beautiful tonight. In fact, you always do on date night. But shortly before it’s time for you to meet, the phone rings. It’s him on the other end, beginning the same conversation you’ve heard many times before …
“Hey I’m sorry, but my job is making me work late again. My boss always seems to find a way to keep us apart.”
Fly Guy Translation: “I really don’t feel like going out with you tonight. Plus, I forgot the game was about to come on, so I had to weigh my options. Let’s see: spending money on you … watching the game … spending money on you … watching the game. I think we both know who won that battle.”
- He becomes a master magician (now you see me, now you don’t.)
In the beginning, the two of you would speak several times a day … kind of like Kevin Federline and The Unemployment Office. And just when you thought something positive was about to happen, he up and disappeared … kind of like Kevin Federline and The Unemployment Office.
In fact, you were THIS close to giving up on him; then conveniently, he reappeared. Of course, he apologized and gave his word that it would never happen again. But it did, and the cycle continued … kind of like Kevin Federline and … well you get the point.
- He begins to point out your differences.
A rather obvious sign that he’s not interested is when he starts pointing out your differences … no matter how random or how insignificant they may be. Maybe you like to argue and he doesn’t. Perhaps you’re a Democrat and he’s a Republican. Or maybe you like fried fish but he prefers baked … Doritos to his Sun Chips … Colgate to his Crest … Connect Four to his Battleship … Should I go on?
Here’s the bottom line. By highlighting your differences, what he’s really trying to say is this: “We aren’t made for each other.”
The Fly Conclusion: So now that you know the truth, what’s next? Will you continue to hold out hope that he will one day change his mind and make you the love of his life? Or will you gracefully walk away, and avoid being labeled as the “crazy chick that just doesn’t get it.”
I pray you choose the latter.
Permalink | Comments (384) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Comments
By Angie
May 6, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this
this is the reason why Beautiful is here!
By bigswats
May 6, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this
good morning all
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All
Cheese Grits and salmon patties for all….and some super jaw pinching sweet kool aid
Fly Guy One and only final question…At least for this hr.
WHY DO GUYS HAVE TO PLAY THESE LITTLE BOY GAMES? MAN UP and state the TRUTH!! That’s what develops crazy chicks….the mixed SIGNALS that is being sent out!!!
Oh yeah Fly Guy, I guess you must be a professional at these games as well? Since you know the TOP 5 signs?
Blow is now getting her ammo ready. Go back into the attic to be prepared for today…It’s about to get UGLY!
Wise Diva I hope you schooled him on how CRAZY this BLOG is and gets! lmao!!
By DreamsMaterialize
May 6, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this
Morning I don’t think chicks have a problem seeing the “SIGNS”. I think they have a problem reconciling those signs with other behaviors that might indicate hope. It’s the mixed messages. I’ve been guilty of this before. Haven’t we all been at some point?
By Kym
May 6, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
I would think that these “points” would apply even in the case of women. And I wouldn’t say it is just a “He is not interested in you” but a I am not interested in you.
For example..if I am no longer interested in a guy I stop all contact and communication..I literally drop off the face of his earth. Not because he has done anything but because well there is no point in talking to you if we have nothing to talk about.
The pointing out differences is universal in a sign that a breakup is coming or a change is needed because this same ole routine is wearing thin.
But in the interest of well keeping this topic interesting I can say the one I am most familiar with is the magician. I know a guy just like that..now you see him now you don’t. Jack in the Box is what I call him.(Well a broken Jack-in-the-Box) Crank the handle he may pop out or not-depends)
By SlimOne
May 6, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this
Slim moseying on in all willy nilly
Morning good folks. Had a blast at Kanye West concert, Velvet Room afterparty, and Celebrating Cinco De Mayo….woo hooo hooo. After all that I had to come to work. Bah humbug!
By Angie
May 6, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this
dreams it’s denial babe. we’ve all been knee deep in it. oh, gm.
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this
Angie Dead on point…Yes it is denial. That love thing is deadly…It will have you questioning what you already KNOW is right. It’s a tricky game…I just hate to get caught in the downside of it.
By Wise Diva
May 6, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this
Good morning!! Is anyone hung over from too much tequila consumption? ha ha!
That’s what develops crazy chicks, that’s so wrong to blame men for women’s crazy behavior, LOL
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Don Dada)=Playin both sides
May 6, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this
Blow Appreciate cha! That really hit the spot. Wise You always come with the good topics. Fly Guy What it do? Good morning everyone! brb
By Angie
May 6, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this
blow i’m guilty of the he’ll come around thang. and letting him come and go as he pleases. i don’t care anymore how good the d is, now he better look for my 5 signs.
By The Truth
May 6, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this
Good morning folks.
Blow this food tastes like hamburger grease. Yuck Also, it’s not a game. Some guys just need time to realize how truly undesirable you are.
On topic: Women dont recognize the signs because they’re taught that every guy wants to get with them. Their simply shocked when a guy could give a fugg. LOL
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this
Morning, all. :-)
Not much to contribute on this topic, but I’ll be lurking in the background to see how everything flows.
By Teresa
May 6, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Morn all
By Raqi
May 6, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this
No. 1 – Jackson
No. 2 – What is that guy’s name????
No. 3 – Reese
No. 4 – Philip
No. 5 – N/A
LOL Hindsight is a bonker. After you have been around for a while these signals come racing at you with flashing red lights and flags.
By DreamsMaterialize
May 6, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this
Truth funny as hell, but true.
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
Truth That is so far from the Truth….And anyway..why you gotta come in here talking all that smack!?!? Seriously? It’s a fine morning and I am trying to enjoy it without all of your stinky remarks. Let’s play fair today. And I do not think EVERY woman thinks every MAN wants her. Different strokes for Different folks.. That goes back to my comment friday. Any woman would be dumb to think EVERY guy is on her jock.
Wise Diva I am not blaming I am saying…Dont play games! Be straight up…If you told the crazy chick WHAT time it really was it be better for you. Alot of women’s annoying behavior can be avoided IF guys would stop lying and not play games. Look at all those 5 signs… let’s be real….IT’S BULL$HIT. It’s LACK of communication…and avoidng the big PINK elephant that is in the room. Let’s get to the bottom of it. It’s 6 freakin words…
THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK
Angie There you go Angie….Tell him to look for the 5. Yeah it is what it is. When your emotional take control..especially as women..You are not even yourself anymore.
6’1 What it do Girlie!??!
By He's Just Not Into You
May 6, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
Haven’t you read the book….”He’s just not into you”? Well, you need to. It is my bible for dating. If he shows any signs of backing off, you be the first one to back off.
The book says “if he is really into you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you”. If he doesn’t, let him go. Nothing you can do or say will make a difference.
And sometimes backing off will make him interested in you again. Ha! Like you would take him back.
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
@diva..yea i peeped this list yesterday on the site…i am guilty of all 5 signs and lost the chicks to go along with it…what was funny to me is the female list…hilarious
By Angie
May 6, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this
blow do we have a choice? no. this is the reason why women are tryin’ to be all hard like men. men don’t give a fluck. and we shouldn’t either. if you call a man and leave a message and he doesn’t call back, delete his number from your cell immediately. i don’t want to act this way. but i’m tired of my heart being ripped!
By "Longtime Lurker"
May 6, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
What up folks???
Chiming in…
I would agree with the above list, but would add…
If dude seems preoccupied when you call often ( i.e. checking e-mails, long periods of silence on the phone or the classic “lemme call u back” ) he may not be interested.
If you do a walk by more than two times and dude does not look up in your direction or signal for you to come over, he may not be interested in ya!
If dude has never come by your house in a two to three month period, he may not be interested!
If dude does not have your number programed in his phone and only uses the “missed call” log to remember your number, he may not be interested.
If you never hear from dude on the weekends and your messages go strait to VM during this time, dude may not be interested.
If more than 3 days goes by and you don’t hear from dude, take that as a sign that he is not interested.
If dude accidentally returns your “missed call” and says “who’s this?” He may not be interested.
If you e-mail dude and he never reply’s back or says he is busy with work….you know the drill!
These are just a few of my jewels and food for thought…
By shell
May 6, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
I have a man-w******* and I do all those things to him. Funny, he probably thinks he’s pulling one over on me. But he’s not the type of guy any woman in her right mind would build a future with. Basically he’s a play thing. He’s sexy and young, but he’s not the man of my dreams. I think we both mutually feel the same, so I don’t think it’s a big deal.
By Jewel
May 6, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this
Good morning Everyone!
Just dropping in for a second…I agree with Kym that these signs are also applicable to real women, usually after she has plainly told the man that she is not interested.
What signs do you have for the men? I respectfully say, “I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.” Personally, I make it a point to say this early enough to avoid any misconceptions that I led him on. Tricks and games are for kids. I have neither the time nor the energy to “drop hints.” Why keep the man (or woman) on life support? Just pull the cord already! LOL! One mistake men have constantly made with me is not believing that I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. Now, the male ego’s discomfort with rejection might render him deaf and dumb, and he may continue to contact me. That is his problem. Fortunately, I have not had any extreme (READ: restraining order) cases. I have tried to master the art of diplomacy, which means letting others to have your way.
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this
Angie “if you call a man and leave a message and he doesn’t call back, delete his number from your cell immediately.”
Okay, so on the “and he doesn’t call back” part, does a brutha at least have a grace period? After all, dude might have been in a car accident or something and you want to “immediately” delete his number?! Cold-blooded LOL!
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this
if he is really into you, he will move heaven and earth to be with you”. If he doesn’t, let him go. Nothing you can do or say will make a difference.
^^^^False…a man will not move heaven and earth…a man will court you according to his experience and belief..those books doom relationships….i think SOME AND MEAN SOME women expect a magician instead of man..they want a show or something to brag about to there friends…..
By Ava
May 6, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
Long time reader but first time commenting here.
I need some advice cos the guy I’m seeing doesn’t fall under that list, but still leaves me wondering where I stand:
He’s the one who instigated the “what are we?” conversation, and he’s the one who asked if we could be exclusive. Either one of us will call the other & we’re pretty much on the same page with that one. He’s the one who makes plans for “date night”.
He’s a great guy, my friends love him. My family live overseas so they haven’t met him.
Yet there are days where he’ll just fall off the face of the earth and not call me or return my calls. I’m not blowing up his phone - matter of fact I hate talking on the phone so I avoid it as much as possible. When he finally resurfaces he’s very vague, putting most of the blame on work.
Before anyone acts, I’ve been to his place and there’s no sign of a woman living there.
Do I take the good with the bad and know he’ll vanish? Or do I assume he’s up to something and walk away now?
By QC
May 6, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
Morning, have a great day all!
By Cemeeli
May 6, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
Good morning…it’s poppin’ in here already?
FlyGuy I quoted you on yesturday about a woman would know when a guy has “that” good energy. Now you come with 5 signs that all are 1 same sign = game. But you alright with me for schooling.
why are all points numbered 1? Lol…this is gonna be good.
Good topic.
By lovelyliz
May 6, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
Read He’s Just Not That In To You
Men have been know to be into convenient sex, but if you are labeled as such, that’s the most ou will ever be.
People who are into each other actually put forth effort.
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this
Angie REAL talk I am with you. I don’t have time for entertain the foolishness…Really. Yes as you get EXPERIENCE these signs become apparent. I have seen 35 yr olds with no EXPERIENCE or Game…so it’s not about age. It’s about your experience and more importantly DID you learn from it?
By "Longtime Lurker"
May 6, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
@Wise Lurker On your 8:46, How bout It took me 2 hours to get served, eat and get a picture of lousy Margarita’s yesterday, at my local Mexican joint. I made it out just in time to see Flavor of Love!
On the subject of Flavor of Love,that Flav is something,I tell ya! I was so sad to see seezins leave, with her fine azzzzz! Thing 2 is back!
That show is like watching a train wreck, you cannot look away and it is highly addictive!
By Teresa
May 6, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
He also will start to point out your faults (Perceived)or not.
By mytwocents
May 6, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
Thank you, Dreams, the first step is ADMITTING the problem! And just for giggles I’ma go there w/ the semantics… Behaviors that might indicate hope…Might? MIGHT??? Dude, stray comments/actions keep hope alive more than Jesse. You know if you give her (not me, but her) the toy from ya Happy Meal, it means let’s work things out AND raise a family. LOL Enjoy the new gig.
Truth I have to ask once again, Who are these women!?!
Have a sunshiney day y’all!
By lovelyliz
May 6, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
Read He’s Just Not That In To You
Men have been know to be into convenient sex, but if you are labeled as such, that’s the most you will ever be.
People who are into each other actually put forth effort.
By SeanJohnson3000
May 6, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog… still kinda tipsy from last nite…took me a hang over day..woulda stared at the monitor all day anyway…Sup Slim thugga, Kym, Truth, Blown, 6’1 but really 5’5 in real life and Darrell from Bel Air..I have a few signs …will add them in a minute.
By Angie
May 6, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
bigd ummmm. give me a break! lol. i ain’t fallin’ for the okie doke. if he’s into me, i would get a call with 24 hrs. don’t start with me this morn. lol. or if you want to, bring it!
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
Ava
Don’t assume anything. Just go by why what you know or don’t know as fact. After all, dude just might be telling you the truth. Assumptions are nothing but trouble. If you haven’t already done so, approach him directly with the “why the intermittent disappearing act?” question and go from there. Perception is not always reality. Don’t let what you “sense” is happening cloud your objectivity in this situation.
By abc
May 6, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this
I don’t know about ‘5 signs’ and all that. I suppose that some of those may be such indications, and some may not. There are no doubt plenty more.
I think it’d be better if the man would simply tell her she’s not the one for him and end it, that she might go find the man who would consider her to be the one. Otherwise, she’s just being taken advantage of. Don’t be a heel; cut her loose if you’re not interested.
By Cemeeli
May 6, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
Mo Imma need j-ranchers, kettle corn, peach faygo, and sea salts for this one, please. :-)
mytwocents don’t come in here with the half post? Put the stilts on!!!
2C you know the drill.
Hey QC! {{{{O}}}} {{{{O}}}} i see you.
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
Tricks and games are for kids. I have neither the time nor the energy to “drop hints.” Why keep the man (or woman) on life support? Just pull the cord already!
Jewel This is the TRUTH…all the other $hit can kick rocks. Stop playin!
By SexyLeggs
May 6, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone. This is gonna be good good good!
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
Angie
You’re crackin’ me up! LOL! :-)
By Raqi
May 6, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
Female List:
She never returns your calls
Your dates end with a church hug…every time
You don’t have her number. She only calls you
Will always get back to you concerning date nights. Got to check her schedule first for something more important.
Always agrees to or calls you at the last minute to go out. Something else fell thru and you are Plan C.
By M.
May 6, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this
I think that He constantly cancels the date at the last minute. Can go both ways. I think everyone has dated that person who acts like they are so busy and in demand….
FYI
Me and Jose Cuervo are no longer friends after last night….I want a divorce…
By QC
May 6, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
Hey Cee-me-me
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this
Darrell Please…I have read your post and NOW is the time to let you know. You are living in a dream world. Seriously..Wake up. It’s like you sniff roses all day. All I want to know is…when I’m I invited. I want to go to LA LA land too. Reality is a Bytch!!
By kinderbabe
May 6, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this
good morning all! hope you had a happy cinco de mayo.:)
lovelyliz i too read that book several years back after the author was on oprah. the book is quite insightful and let me know that there are SO many things about men that are the same regardless of race. definitely was a good read. every woman should have it.
By Sunshine
May 6, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
if you call a man and leave a message and he doesn’t call back, delete his number from your cell immediately.
^5 @ Angie with this one. There are waaaay too many men out there to deal with the foolishness of one!!!
And this also goes for emails!
By BriteEyez
May 6, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
Good Morning all
I have a scenario that I would like the men on the blog to offer their input on.
As I have stated on here before, until recently I had not been in the dating world for many, many years so I’m a little rusty on the “signs” atleast in terms of a new relationship.
Ok, here’s the story. I met this guy, I think he’s pretty nice and his initial conversation and body language indicated to me that he was feeling me too. We went out and had a very nice evening talking and getting to know each other. We don’t do the phone thing but we do email each other. Lately, if I don’t initiate the contact I don’t hear from him. He does respond immediately and we exchange pleasantries. Then, before ending our email conversations he will ask, “what’s up for the weekend?” If I have something going on I will tell him what and when but I’m always him know that I’m open to getting with him at some point during the weekend. At that point he becomes very ambiguous and is never in a position to make any plans. It’s always, well I might have to work. Or, it’s too early in the week for me to make any plans. Which always leaves me wondering why he is always asking me what’s up for the weekend. Up to this point the weekends have come and gone and I have yet to hear from him.
Is this a clear indicator that he is not interested or could there be something else in play here?
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Raqi Look I am fluckin p** at your post! @ 9:41am…Omgosh why do I do that. Stop tellin our BUZINESS..PLEASE! LMAO!
*Female List:
She never returns your calls
Your dates end with a church hug…every time
You don’t have her number. She only calls you
Will always get back to you concerning date nights. Got to check her schedule first for something more important.
Always agrees to or calls you at the last minute to go out. Something else fell thru and you are Plan C.*
I am so mad at this RAQI lmao!! You are stupid!! Why do I do this…ALL of them. Church hug with the pat! Don’t you dare look at my lips! lmao!
By abc
May 6, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Ava, non-disclosure == another woman or women. Count on it. Next time he doesn’t answer messages, leave one that tells him you know he’s with another woman, and see how fast he calls back.
By shell
May 6, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
Female list: 6. If you ask her to call and she doesn’t remember your number. She doesn’t want to keep track it. If a woman really likes you, she’s knows it by heart. And you always have to call her.
If she tells you, ‘I’m into my career or school right now’.
If you tell her how hard it is to meet a good woman and she tells you, ‘you’ll find one, keep looking’. Best believe you’re just a booty call
By Wise Diva
May 6, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
LOL @ church hug
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
Sorry, Blow. Guess you’ll just have to do you then, huh? I’m not say Ava shouldn’t do the math, but there’s a huge difference between putting 2 and 2 together and using variables (i.e. 2 + x = y) to figure out what’s going on (if anything.) I’d rather deal with the facts of the situation as opposed to going by what I “feel” is happening. If that’s dreaming, then, so be it.
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
@ll…so thing 2 is back..he should pick her anyway…that is his perfect match there…seezins…she is fine..in that ghetto fab way…lol…black..now she can get it twice on sundays!!!!
By Binford2K8
May 6, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Raqi The Church hugs ARE bad news! LOL
By Bit-O-Honey
May 6, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Morning folks I think we all know when someone’s interested or not. We just sometimes blindly hope that our “great personalities” and other awesome things we feel make us a hot commodity will win them over. Been there and done that. If you’re not interested the sooner you say so the better. I try not to make rash decisions b/c I can sometimes be shallow and miss out on a great person based on things that could be easily changed over time (i.e fashion oversights)
By Teresa
May 6, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
If you make a date with her, then a better prospect comes along and she cancels to go with him. I know TRIFE! I have done this several times
By dw
May 6, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this
Sounds like the guy being described is not only uninterested but he sounds married. Ladies sometimes married men need to know “if they still got it”, and they will exchange numbers with another woman and see how far they can go with it. Once they figure they still have what it takes to make a woman interested then they MOST of them decide not to pursue it any further, that is when he starts showing you the signs that are listed above. It’s an ego thing, we do that sometimes just to dust off the old pick up skills.
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
Morning all. It is 7 am in San Diego but I’m blogging! LOL
I’ve never had a guy do all 5 signs at one time. I mean, it’s not THAT hard to determine if he’s not feeling you. I did date one guy, who did not call often. One day, I just stopped calling him and that was our final convo. Yikes. Things became much clearer after that. (I have read “He’s just not that into you” and it made a big difference in my life as well.
That’s why now I really do look at effort. I’m not so desperate for companionship that I will spend time chasing a guy who doesn’t want me. There are so many guys out there. That’s why if you are lazy and only text me, or you say you’re going to call back in an hour and don’t, or if you always have an excuse why you can’t do why you’re supposed to do, you’re cut. No looking back.
By Jewel
May 6, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Hello Kym I finally read Walter Mosley’s “Blonde Faith”…I am so disappointed with the ending!
By Wise Diva
May 6, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Blow, your 9:44 post, could you expound a LITTLE,geez saying he is living in la la land, and not saying WHY you think that, is kind of pointless, LOL. Let’s get a real discussion going! I am beginning to think you just like clowning people on the blog
By IslandGirl
May 6, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Morning everyone
I don’t understand why you have to state the obvious to some folks. There is a fine line between desperation and loneliness. If a person shows no interest in you, why keep pursuing the person to the point of harassment. Some folks will prey on your need for companionship and make themselves convenient to satisfy their needs. We have said it many times on this blog that a person will do as much as you allow them to do.
I have a situation with this guy at work. I made the sorry azz mistake and accepted a dinner date with this dude (which was last summer). Since then he harasses me to go out with him again. I’ve told this guy I appreciated the dinner date, but I am not interested in dating him. I’m inclined to buy a stun gun for his azz.
By Angie
May 6, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Men have been know to be into convenient sex, but if you are labeled as such, that’s the most ou will ever be.
ain’t that the truth. i was that convenient booty.
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
@ava..maybe that is his ME time and does not feel you are ready to hear the truth yet….some men dont like being the bad guy…so dont take it personal..use those times to fill up your social calendar…have a life..dont worry about his every move!!
@raqi..church hugs…lol..thats why i dont hug..dayum all that..contact leads to other things…and with me there are no church hugs..i will grip you tight….lol..
By Page1908
May 6, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
LOL OMG @ church uh ctfu. Is that the same as the one-armed hug to the side?!! lmao
now looking around to see who to give a church hug to lmao.
By Deeva4Life
May 6, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
Brite Eyez I realize you were soliciting comments from the male bloggers, but as a female who’s experienced the same thing, trust me that behavior means he doesn’t want to commit to making plans with you because he may receive a better “offer” during the week and when the weekend arrives he’s found something else better to do. Now should he have no other options and is sitting around bored, he MAY reach out to you…but as you stated that never happens. He immediately responds to your contact because he likes you as a person, but you’re not high on the list of cuffing or progressing beyond a casual “hello, how are you”.
My advice, treat him the same way. Stop contacting him…let him contact you. If he doesn’t, then you know what time it is. However, if he does, just take it for what it is…a date. No more, no less. A man that’s truly interested will put it out there. If you’re an option to him, then make him an option to you.
By font1
May 6, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
May 6, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
Morning Ya’ll! Dont have much to say on this one that probably hasnt already been posted. I will hold up the corner, slightly attitudy cause I couldnt celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
Cemeeli Imma need j-ranchers, kettle corn, peach faygo, and sea salts for this one, please. :-) I gotcha chica! Mo now unloading her bags with all above listed goodies plus some jalapeno cheddar cheetos, pepsi and some poppycock.
By abc
May 6, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
Brite, he’s stringing you along in case other women he’s interested in don’t work out.
Is it just me, or do these kinds of things seem obvious?
By Cemeeli
May 6, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
sup Page i give a church hug…shoot if i give the ‘feel the goods’ hug that obviously makes him the qualifier right?
By SexyLeggs
May 6, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
BriteEyez, is it possible that he may be intimidated by you? Only operating on the variables you’ve given, I’d say he’s hedging his bets to see how long he can dangle you. Why because you say weekends go by and no word from him yet you stay in contact via email. He’s only being polite by asking what’s up for the weekend. He may not really care. Keep doing YOU!
By Teresa
May 6, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Hey Blow, didn;t one of these signs happened to a certain individual we know, like yesterday or something? Do you think this person knows that they are side meat!
By flabredtxraised
May 6, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this
Morning blog, Its been a minute! Maybe your over analyzing the relationship or the situation. It’s different if you have been dating for a minute and all of this starts to occur. In Atlanta the female to male ratio is enormous and women think they can continue to play checkers while other women are playing chess! Step your game up ladies!
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Kym - I’m loving your 8:37 and I fully agree.
Disappering acts are what’s hot in the streets!
By Kym
May 6, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
* Hi Jewel* I havent read it but I heard about the ending..looks like Walter Mosley is going a different route..he has done yet another erotic book.. My bookclub is going to the National Bookclub convention here in Atlanta in August. I think Mr. Mosley is going to have alot of explaining to do then. Also I am a bit disappoint with Valerie Wilson Wesley, and thinking hard about kicking Eric Jerome Dickey in the shins(wait he is short..so more like the throat.) I dont like any of his most recent books. I finished New Earth-but will re-read it again this summer…I am always looking for new authors so keep me in the loop on any new ones.
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
Some guys just need time to realize how truly undesirable you are.
Truth - LMAO. Makes sense tho. Happens to women too.
By Angie
May 6, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
abc they are obvious. that’s the problem. we know, but ignore them. we wish for the best. there, i said it!
By Teresa
May 6, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
@BLOW didn’t one of the above signs happen to a mutual person we both know like yesterday on an important day? Do you think, they know that their just side meat? Are they failing to see the signs that the other party has another piece on the side.
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
Wise Diva Expound? I think everyone on the blog can see why. I Know Truth points this FACT out everyday. And most of ALL the guys do as well. Stick around you will see.
But yeah I don’t clown anyone..Just Truth of that’s my favorite and SJ3000….It’s really called TOUGH love. lmao!
Question: TRUTH can say one thing and it gets over looked. But me, BLOW, can come right behind him and say the SAME thing and I am the only one that gets my a$$ on the hot fire. What’s up with that?
Any hoo…. CARRY ON
By SlimOne
May 6, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
3Stacks What up my invisible friend? lol
I went to La Parilla in Fayetteville last night. If was off da chain! They closed off the parking lot, setup of a huge tent, had a dj..folks were drinking all out in the parking lot, dancing. And a party is not a party w/o the REALLY drunk dude dancing all over the place, spilling his drink on himself and others, coralling other folks to dance too. It did take a long time to get seated but the time flew by with those Patron Magaritas!!! I’m surprised it went down like that in F’ville. (a perfect end to my great weekend)
On topic Well its so funny..i think i told yall about the dude who i was interested in a while ago..but his signs didn’t show me he was really too interested in me. Then recently he supposedly confides in me about how he’s always been interested blah blah blah. So he been calling me a lot lately. However, i’ve lost my interest. So why last night he call me, i’m getting my Cinco de Mayo on, the music too loud so i tell him i gotta call him back. He gets mad tombout Dang! You ain’t neva got no time for me whatever!. Then hangs up. So i get a txt later on that night telling me he won’t be calling me anymore since I lied. I guess because I lied about calling him back. Wooooow! how the tables have turned. Men dish it but can’t take it.
By Jewel
May 6, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
Yes, I have doled out a few “church hugs” in my day. LOL!
Two questions BriteEyez: 1) Is the decision to not have phone conversation mutual? 2)How do you feel about being the one to always initiate contact?
ABC Your advice to Ava: Aren’t men offended by accusatory statements, or is his defensive response a definite “sign” that another female is in the picture?
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
i don’t want to act this way. but i’m tired of my heart being ripped!
Angie - I would advise you to read “Why Men Love Btches” or “Why Men Marry Btches.” I think you could benefit from it way more than getting advice on this blog.
It’s clear you’re an emotional/passionate person and guys see this and take advantage of it. Become a “b*tch” and your heart will not get ripped. LOL
By Angie
May 6, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
rell thing 2 is my gurl! i loved what flav did. he showed his sensitive side like y’all should. lol. i believe is true romance and that shyt right there was the bomb!
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Ared Co-sign your 9:58am..Girlie you are cool. We are gonna have to become drinking potnas. I like your style. Funny and intelligent. Silly chick!!
I have the book He’s not that into you Great read. But LADIES what do you think about The Rules…that use to be my dating bible. Do you think it works..? Not to change the topic.. WD gave us a blazer!!
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
@briteyes..he is either married or involved…the whats up thing is just so he knows that you would be open if he can get away..umm dont invest too much time with homie..he is getting served someone else. case closed
By The Truth
May 6, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
Lets face it folks. We live in a world where nothing much is valued. Not only male/female but EVERYONE is expendable. Kids, wife, parents, friends, we’ll drop anyone on a minutes notice. Some folks are hypersensitive. They’ve been dropped before and as soon as they see a sign that’s off they bolt for the door. Cowardly is what it is.
Men dont’t usually have to make a grand exit because they never commiteed much mental space in the beginning. They simply experienced something. It wasn’t that big of a thing so the fact that he didn’t call you really isn’t on his mind. You’re not bad, you’re just not a big deal.
Blow I thought you was looking for peace today. Then you go blow up Darrell. What a troll.
Page no one armed hugs for me. I want a body press hug. LOL GM
IG who are you putting the stun gun to? It’s getting dangerous in this spot. Staceye’s knives and now your stun gun. LOL GM
By KP
May 6, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
I’m a virgin to this blog, but will definitely return. Fly Guy has made some good points that women should take into consideration. Most people cannot identify these signs because they are in the middle of the situation or find themselves in denial. Get yourself a good friend who will help you see through the clouds of infatuation.
Here are some other ways to lose a man: 1. Display desperation during your first date. No man wants to feel as if you are backing him up against the wall for commitment during your first date :). 2. Give signs that you have not gotten over past relationships. No man wants to hear about your past male escapades. 3. Give him the booty too quickly. This is a great way to find yourself off of the serious girlfriend consideration list. Respect yourself and your body. Not everyone deserves to be inside of you. 4. Become too attached too quickly.
KP http://chatkafe.blogspot.com
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this
Slim One That mexican joint by Ms Winners or the Kroger? I did not realize that was a hot spot like that. I might have to check that out.
By flabredtxraised
May 6, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Ladies need to recognize a playa when he steps through the door What situation is this man coming from? Women scream about COMMUNICATION but after a man says NO KIDS, GOOD JOB, AND $$$$$ IN THE BANK About 33% think he is in a hurry to get married rather than looking for the right women FIRST to get married to, EVENTUALLY. The funny thing is that women may not be you! SURPRISE!
By BriteEyez
May 6, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Deeva4life I have definitely though about that possibility. My thing is, I was not trying to make him my man. I was very clear to him about where I am. I thought he was a nice guy, I enjoyed talking to him and I thought that we could have some fun hanging out and enjoying some outings around town. Nothing more nothing less. But, like you said, there must be others higher up on his list and that’s cool.
Sexyleggs I’m not sure I get the intimidation thing. However, you could be right about the weekend thing. I probably would have taken it that way if it was not always followed up with a ,”maybe we can do something.” Then, the indecisiveness, but whatever.
abc No, the signs are not that hard to read, I would say more confusing. But I guess confusion should signify that things are not right, right?
I had already made the decision to not contact him anymore, I was just curious about what others thoughts would be after reading todays topic.
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
Girlie you are cool. We are gonna have to become drinking potnas. I like your style. Funny and intelligent. Silly chick!!
Blow - Thanks for the lovely shout out. Glad to see there’s folks out there that understand I’m just goofy with a biting wit. It’s all love.
And you still keep me chuckling on here.
By shell
May 6, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
3Stack, you’re right. Sometimes guys can’t fathom that they’re being used only for sex and nothing else. And women like myself know how to move on when they see something better. A smart women can tell can decipher the users from the real thing.
By KP
May 6, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
I’m a virgin to this blog, but will definitely return. Fly Guy has made some good points that women should take into consideration. Most people cannot identify these signs because they are in the middle of the situation or find themselves in denial. Get yourself a good friend who will help you see through the clouds of infatuation.
Here are some other ways to lose a man: 1. Display desperation during your first date. No man wants to feel as if you are backing him up against the wall for commitment during your first date :). 2. Give signs that you have not gotten over past relationships. No man wants to hear about your past male escapades. 3. Give him the booty too quickly. This is a great way to find yourself off of the serious girlfriend consideration list. Respect yourself and your body. Not everyone deserves to be inside of you. 4. Become too attached too quickly.
KP
By IslandGirl
May 6, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
Blow I read ( The Rules” and I think that book is b******. I think when it comes to dating and relationships are own personal value system has to direct us in making decisions that are best for us.
Simple things like not inviting a date over to your house during the early stages of dating, not having sex or any form of intimacy for yada yada amount of time, or not until marriage are decisions you should make based on your principles and values….jmo
By Dino
May 6, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
@Blow When Truth speaks he makes a lot of sense - but when you just pop out of lala land you speak to get attention maybe you just need a blog hug
By Wise Diva
May 6, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
LOL @ stick around, alright Blow, that’s funny, thanks I think I WILL. I am only saying, that on a blog/forum such as ours, we all speak from our perspectives. When there is an opposing one, it helps to articulate it, beyond, you are living in a fantasy land, LOL. Even when Truth stomps on folks, at least he clearly argues his point, even if it is infuriating, sometimes LOL
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
TRUTH can say one thing and it gets over looked. But me, BLOW, can come right behind him and say the SAME thing and I am the only one that gets my a$$ on the hot fire. What’s up with that?
LOL Blow - That happens to a few folks on here. Truth used to be pretty hated. I think folks grew tired or he changed his approach. LOL Maybe it was dues paying.
I think it’s the WAY things read and come across. I already know that the things I say will come off crazy. But doesn’t mean that the content is. Some folks are emotional and focus on perceived tone, others are rational focus on the meat. You can’t help how other folks will react so my advice is don’t even try. Just do you!
By abc
May 6, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
Jewel, men resent being falsely accused, but there’s only one thing that a man will be evasive about, or will not disclose to a woman: another woman. Once accused of seeing other women, men will never admit guilt. You just have to be able to tell; and, if the non-disclosure is already there, Ava should already be able to tell.
By SexyLeggs
May 6, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
SlimOne, a co-worker of mine went there last night as well and I have pictures of people dancing in the parking lot and standing on the sides…what were you wearing(LOL).
By SeanJohnson3000
May 6, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this
@ Slim Thugga…i forgot about that spot…because i woulda hit that up because the spots off old natl was TOO packed…i hit another spot near the AT@T buildings at lindberg…its like a baby atlantic station over there…i was strickly highways last nite…didnt wanna get caught in a rode block..
@ Blown….i hear that you have problems with the reception on your cable..if u need me to…i will climb on the pole and see wassup with it….THEN you will have to climb on my pole…..since the dollar is garbage…i am taking it back to the barter system babes…
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
Teresa She would not get if it he had a CLOWN suit on and making ballon animals that said go to hell. She is completely clueless!! lmao!
Truth Hey I am just trying to get like you. You bomb on DARRELL day in and day out. So get up off me wit dat! How dare you? You know you crazy right?
But I do agree with this:
They’ve been dropped before and as soon as they see a sign that’s off they bolt for the door. Cowardly is what it is.
Yes it is a cowardly move. It’s said that relationships are not valued anymore. So sad.
By mytwocents
May 6, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
Darrell Not intermittent absences-that’s cute how you tryna get us cursed out! He’ll be like “WTF! See, you think you better than me w/ all those fancy words, that’s why I’m ghost now!”
Beautiful Your 9Gs had me hyped! But that penny machine had other plans. Lemme hol, some… Cee Never one to follow crowd, whiskey sours last night, giddiness carrying ova. Now trying unsucessfully to remove flush from cheeks and lightheartedness from tone…
By SlimOne
May 6, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
Blow It’s over by Publix in the Fayetteville Pavillion…I’m already thinking about that spot for next year. LOL!
SexyL I had on a black Got Attitude tank top with some white jeans and flip flops. lol
By AmazonRed
May 6, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I had already made the decision to not contact him anymore, I was just curious about what others thoughts would be after reading todays topic
BriteEyez - That’s good to hear. Just ignore him. Two things will happen: Either he’ll stay gone and you can move on or he’ll come back with some tigher game. He was too cavelier and probably testing how far he can go. He can do better, he knows it and you know it.
By Wise Diva
May 6, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
oh and welcome Ava & KB! It’s really nice to see new names join in!
By shell
May 6, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
KP, that not giving the sex too quickly rarely works. I’ve known men who married women who they had sex with early in the relationship and I’ve known men to dumped women who played by the ‘rules’ and withheld sex for a period of time right after they got it. I don’t give up the booty early anyway, because I like to really know the person, doesn’t matter if I hoping for a serious relationship. Unlike women who spend the whole life looking for Mr. Right, men don’t work that way. Sometimes your just he lucky girl he runs into after he decided to put up his player card and stop riding the booty train.
By I am Legend
May 6, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
@ared…being a beyotch will get you a man that you can control…..i dont advise that beyouth role for women..that is a sucker moves and screams that you have low self esteem…again folks need to get it how they live…if angie is a softy then she needs a soft dude…ya know they can go shopping for drapes and wall sconts together..that type of dude
By Blow Me a.k.a Rookie Cookie
May 6, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
IG I agree. I think it is BOLOGNA…But on one hand it has some facts to it. Bottomline OF the book. Men are hunters and THEY need a challenge and boundaries. I do not like dudes at my crib because they see its nice and instantly want it to be a chill spot. So no my HOUSE is off limits. Don’t get comfortable potna until you ready to kick in on the bills.
Dino You mean to sit here and tell me TRUTH make sense all the time? You HAVE got to be kidding me? What POSTER are you reading…damn sho not Truth? It’s a gamble with him…sometimes he spits lucky 7’s other times he CRAPS out. LITERALLY!
By Lady J
May 6, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
what a great topic and when we women have these same ways in the start men shouldn’t take it sooo bad or shall I say lil boys who can’t have their way!!! Stand for something or fall for anything…peace
By Lady J
May 6, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
what a great topic and when we women have these same ways in the start men shouldn’t take it sooo bad or shall I say lil boys who can’t have their way!!! Stand for something or fall for anything…peace
By Jewel
May 6, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
ABC I agree. Most men will never admit guilt, even in the face of proof. As Richard Pryor once said, “Are you going to believe me, or your lying eyes??” LOL!
By BriteEyez
May 6, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Jewel
1) Is the decision to not have phone conversation mutual?
I don’t care to spend a lot of time on the phone and also he is a big text person and I don’t care for that at all! I have not known him long at all so for this initial stage I found emailing to be sufficient.
2)How do you feel about being the one to always initiate contact?
Again, with this being very new I was not really having a problem with initiating contact at this point. It was just what transpired during those conversations that left me scratching my head. Had they been productive with some follow up on his part it would have been cool.
By Angie
May 6, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
mytwocents lol. you silly. girl, that 9 is gone. shared it with fam. plus half went to my friend. she won with my quarter. lol. if i was a selfish chick, i would have flew to hawaii. yep, by my dayum self.
6’1 you ok?
By Cemeeli
May 6, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Cee Never one to follow crowd, whiskey sours last night, giddiness carrying ova.
mytwocents against the gra..grai…grain. Dang ma you sending lighthearted signal by-way a post.
Mo thx for the hook-up.
Lol @ flabredtxraised Welcome back!
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 6, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
TwoCents
LOL! @ that 10:42.
By Lady J
May 6, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
what a great topic and when we women have these same ways in the start men shouldn’t take it sooo bad or shall I say lil boys who can’t have their way!!! Stand for something or fall for anything…peace
By pisces 08
May 6, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Morning All. Not up for giving out trade secrets. I’ll lurk for now.
By SeanJohnson3000
May 6, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
@ Shell…i didnt say that today …..but thats something that i have said and men dont realize it..regarding your 10:36 post…thats why i think when it comes to game females are superior…no matter what all these feamles are saying today.
@ KP…are you KP ..from KP and Envy?…made the song Sawty swing my way?
By KP
May 6, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
Shell, my reference to not giving up the booty too quickly is simply a way to see who someone is without the cloud of lust hanging overhead. It is way easier to evaluate someone’s character when no sex is involved. Sex often prolongs the inevitable. There are many dead relationships currently in existence because the sex is da bomb. Why temporarily