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Girlfriend Trainer
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Some single men are reluctant about seeking out relationships because they have bad memories of past experiences. Perhaps they were involved with women who used and abused them (not in a good way), which left them feeling apprehensive about investing time, effort, and even money into a potential romance.
To be honest, I don’t blame them for this. Men are expected to give a lot in a relationship, especially in the beginning. If they find a woman who is totally worth the risk, it’s great when things work out. That’s when it’s time for the woman in their lives to step up and show appreciation for her man.
It may surprise you how much women are clueless about being in a relationship with a man. If they are used to being doted on and put on a pedestal, chances are she will not know how to reciprocate that.
Guys, if you were to open a Girlfriend School, what type of classes would you teach? Imagine the ways you would want to be catered to, treated, or shown appreciation - what would you want your woman to know?
Ladies, when you are dating someone new, do you show the man that you would appreciate him? How do you do this and when? Forget about wifey material, do you think you are good girlfriend material?
Let’s keep it light and fun, and more importantly informative!
Thanks to reader, Dreams Materialize for this topic idea
Permalink | Comments (340) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By Angie
May 7, 2008 8:14 AM | Link to this
for real your 5:09 yesterday … great post!
kp you gonna visit today?
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this
“It may surprise you how much women are clueless about being in a relationship with a man.”
Nope. Doesn’t surprise me at all. LOL!
By QC
May 7, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this
Happy Hump Day have a great day bloggers, lurkers!
By kinderbabe
May 7, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this
good morning!
the best way for me to show someone that i am a good mate is by being myself. i try my best to show that i am someone who is reliable, friendly, intelligent, sensual, down to earth and humorous. that’s the right type of girlfriend for someone.:)
By SlimOne
May 7, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this
Good morning Blogsville
I can’t wait to hear from the men today.
Dreams Keep sending in those great topic ideas.
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this
yep figured it would get real quite up in this piece…..lol
By Angie
May 7, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this
bigd i see you being funny this morning! lol.
Men are expected to give a lot in a relationship, especially in the beginning
again, who are these women you guys are dating? yes, imma keep asking this until you get a clue!
By SlimOne
May 7, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this
kb I think you just described me. Thanks for doing all the leg work. lol
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 7, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this
Angie
Just wait. You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. LOL!
By Lady J
May 7, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this
Morning good ppl!!! 12 more days!!! I will be lurking for a sec…
By Raqi
May 7, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this
Imma try to step outside of wifey mode and make this comment. Although sometimes I feel men are just as complex as women, however truth be told they are just simple creatures.
Men just want to be respected, desired supported and commended.
From my experience a man wants a woman that wants him. A woman that has her own life. A woman that doesn’t talk crap to them. A woman that supports them in their endeavors. A well kept woman.
Now I will sit back and see how far off I am.
By kinderbabe
May 7, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this
slimone you’re welcome. glad i could help..lol.
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All
Pancakes and Aunt Jemima Syrup and some SIMPLY Orange Juice and sausage…and Smoothies
Wow….I figured this was coming. Great Topic WD this is going to be a blazer!!
Iamlegend We are not quiet…It’s just a topic for the Men today..I am going to wait in see what they have to say.
Do I know how to treat a worthy guy. Of course…As Truth say (Although it burns me up to quote him) If you are doing your JOB…it forces everyone else to do theirs. I show him I appreciate him by Respecting him, allowing for him to be who he is. Letting him into my world and really getting a dose of who I am shows that I appreciate him. Hot meals, favorite movie and small trinkets…maybe his favorite beer will start showing up, His favorite flavor of blunts…Tip at the end of the dates. These things I would do once I feel appreciate so I will return the favor. To let him know I do value and respect him. Also allowing him to be him and respect his space with RESPECTS to myself. The biggest thing for me would to show him I truly RESPECT him. That says alot!!
By The Truth
May 7, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this
Good mornig good people.
No school needed. The chicks that have dated me get off easy. I’m not hard to please at all. Cook a little, be pleasant and give me some azz. Then just let me be. Even the azz thing becomes less important as I get older. Just call and say something sexy and I’ll count that as an encounter. LOL I’m not the type that needs to be pampered. We’ll take care of each other without alot of effort.
Kinder I love your post. I’m fed exxing you a 3 carat ring and note asking you to be my wife. Check yes or no. GM
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
Morning folks Raqi you are dead on (as usual). I think we all want the same things from our significant other, we just sometimes go about signaling that differently.
For example, men want to be complimented just as much as women on appearance. I figured that out quick b/c my guy’s body is banging and no other woman will ever praise him for it more than I.
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
May 7, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
Mornin errbody!! Happy Hump Day!
Kinderbabe and Lady J I am s jealous of you guys right now!! LOL I know you all have a nice break coming up. But thanks in advance for the break in traffic!! :0)
I will admit, I could use some work in the girlfriend department. I have a habit of doing for other what I would want done for me. Problem with that is my SO may not like or want those same things or may not regard them the same. That make sense? Now I like to see my SO aka ‘boyfriend’ happy though so I am not totally clueless. I just need some fine tweaking!! LOL I will sit back and take notes.
wassup Dreams and I am Legend! Dont count the crickets yet I am Legend! :0)
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this
Angie You have been funny the last few days. Lol!
again, who are these women you guys are dating? yes, imma keep asking this until you get a clue!
Haven’t you noticed that men do not want the WOMEN who are right for them. They want the second class citizens and women who needs them. An needy woman will get a man quicker than you and I. They see that you can take care of yourself just fine AND that you do not need him. But that is their PERCEPTION and not the truth. I do feel like MEN and WOMEN need each other. It’s the way God intended. But until then Blow still has to be able to function and move about her life whether if he is there or not. One Monkey DOES not stop this show…I was born with a BOSS hog drive. I can not wait and twindle my thumbs and check my watch til he comes…But when he does we both need to know how to merge into each others lane.
By abc
May 7, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this
Telling The Truth 101 would be a prerequisite for Keeping No Secrets and all other coursework. They’re pass/fail. If you can pass those two, the rest is crip.
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
@blow…favorite type of blung..LMAO..now that is rich..whats up my lil bust it baby..lol
@truth..ummm ya dawg tysun was going to rib buddy arm off yesterday..i was like dayum if that dog hits you its pieces friend that all they going to find
@slimone/kinderbabe….you ladies are the protype
now to get a lil messy with it..men require certain levels of behavior from women based on there LOOKS..if a man has a bust it baby he could care less how she treats him..long as the poo see keeps coming…if he dating an average chick he expects the freak in the sheets lady in the streets vibe…feel me…now when he gets that dime piece he expects her to come knowing she dealing with a real dude and conduct herself without instruction
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this
Classes I would offer if I were starting a Girlfriend School:
MR101. The Lost Art of Mind Reading
SIG101. Signals Are For Railroad Crossings, Not Relationships
LIS101. Listening Skills for Dummies
POW101. The Power of “Thank You”
TRA101. Lost In Translation: How To Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
PRO101. Pronoun Poison: The Dangers of I, Me, My and Mine
SPA101. 2008 A “Space” Odyssey: How To Leave Your Man Alone
Darrell now leaving to pick up blog asbestos suit from the dry cleaners…
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
Blow I think men have come to terms that women don’t necessarily need them, but they need to know that we want them. Just like I need to know that I am desired by my man he needs to feel that too.
I believe we shoot ourselves in the foot all too often by garnishing our Independent Woman cape and crusading around like it’s all good, and we’re totally satisfied with our careers, finances and friends alone. While that may be true for a minority of women, that’s not true for the majority.
I was that woman, I proudly slapped my memembership card out at any given notice, but I still deeply desired the companionship of a man and now that I have that, everythang is really everythang.
By Lady J
May 7, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
Hey Mo and KB!!! Yeah but you know I won’t be breaking for about a wk and summer school bound for me!!! It is all about the money right now and I am not trying to work in Macy’s shoe dept although I don’t have a prob doing it if push comes to shoove! Enjoy your lighter commute!
By Angie
May 7, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
blow thanks and you are right! a new partner in my life is a compliment, not a need.
By SexyCool
May 7, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
hey, wise….waving…
By Teresa
May 7, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
Morning room, what up BLOW!
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
May 7, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
Lady J when you guys are out, my commute is a lil shorter and with gas being high, I will take that.
I am not the bust it baby, LMAO!
Bit-o-Honey I think men have come to terms that women don’t necessarily need them, but they need to know that we want them. Just like I need to know that I am desired by my man he needs to feel that too I am co-signing this
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
I believe we shoot ourselves in the foot all too often by garnishing our Independent Woman cape and crusading around like it’s all good, and we’re totally satisfied with our careers, finances and friends alone. While that may be true for a minority of women, that’s not true for the majority.
^^^yep that sums it up
By Angie
May 7, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
Ladies, when you are dating someone new, do you show the man that you would appreciate him?
it’s hard to put into words. action is the key! i’ll come back when i can explain what i mean.
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
Are we ‘sposed to make this topic fun, or serious, ‘fore I even comment?
By SexyLeggs
May 7, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
Good morning to all!
Forget about a girlfriend school. There’s more a need for a “boyfriend school.” Why, men are more clueless than us women…yep I said it and I meant it!!!
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this
I know if I was teaching a class last night, Black Girl woulda been the victim of corporal punishment!!!
Get in the “cut,” I’mma learn you not to sass me!
By Raqi
May 7, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
BlowM I disagree with your perception. I think most men want a woman that wants them more so than need them in the terms that you speak of. The no man wants a woman who can carry her own stance is starting to get old and has been proven to be untrue time and time again.
2CPTG Make it amusingly serious.
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Dayuumit Man)
May 7, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
Buenos dias chica’s & chico’s!
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Morning all! Another chilly day in San Diego.
Ladies, when you are dating someone new, do you show the man that you would appreciate him? How do you do this and when?
Well, first of all, I don’t go into dating someone new with baggage from my last relationship and walls up. No need to punish a guy for sins of previous ones.
Second, I let him know I’m not into him for his money or what he can “provide” for me. I’m dating you because of you you ARE, your character and your drive. The only problem is there are a lot of guys out there who think you need to impress you with material things, or need to “test” you to see where your head is and other nonsense. I’m not a girl who’s into any of that.
By kinderbabe
May 7, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
truth thanks, i’ll keep my eye out on the mail…lol.
mo girl, it goes by so fast. trust me, it has limited perks being off for the summer. besides, i’ll be finishing my capstone through june.:(
ladyj we’re almost there, girl! 12 more days!
legend thanks for the compliment.:)
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this
Darrell Wow! I recant what I said yesterday. You do have balls. Well GUYS That’s one for your team….You guys still need to catch up!!
BLOG GUYS- -20
Blog Beautiful BOdiacious Ladies-100,000
At any rate you guys are still in the negative!! ha ha ha!
By M.
May 7, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
Angie
*Men are expected to give a lot in a relationship, especially in the beginning
again, who are these women you guys are dating?*
This is probably about a good 98% of the women in Atlanta maybe the country.
I think the most important class would be How to not waste time if you really arent interested, Run N Gun: How not to chase off a good man, and Let your guard down and give them a chance
By kinderbabe
May 7, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
bit-o-honey great comment about independent women. i find that when people profess not to need something, those are the ones who need it the most.:) that “i don’t need a man” stuff is played.
By KP
May 7, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
Sup ya’ll! I had to get some work done, but have re-entered to enjoy today’s conversation. I promise not to be as loud today :)
By The Truth
May 7, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
ABC you’ve commented a few times about chicks lying. That chick wasn’t trying to hurt you with a lie. She was helping herself. Most women don’t lie to a greater degree than a guy does. I dated a chick that lied everytime she opened her mouth. Really, you just discount them and go on. Still it doesn’t make me gunshy or sensitive to that trait. It’s just what SHE did. No other woman has lied like that and I don’t expect them to. Some people are just liars but they’re rare, unless someones azz is on the line and then it’s a crap shoot. LOL
IG I cut up that pineapple last night and the strawberries too. I have a big azz fruit bowl I’ll be eating off of all day. Delicious.
Legend thanks. Ol boy brings the heat. He’s a fighter to so the more you tussle the rougher it gets. I’m going to try and get some stuff of him transporting (guarding a guy while he’s walking with his hands up) a guy. It’s nice.
By Ava
May 7, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this
I got sucked in!
Had a long chat with my guy last night and got the answers I was looking for.
And on to today’s topic; it’s important to indulge as well as be indulged. Relationships are a 2 way street, it’s not always about the woman. And it’s not going to take any effort if you’re into the guy.
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Raqi I think you misunderstood me. I was saying in terms…I am independent by force. Plus my father taught me how to be self sufficient so if a man is not around I would be able to do it. I would love to be the southern country damsel in distress. But sometimes life does not deal you that hand until you are ready for it. I would love to ask him…”Hey babe, what do you think?” That’s why I like older guys. I love to have a wise older guy to be my rock. But enough of me babbling on…yeah I am not waving my “INDEPENDENT” flag proudly…but it is what it is….I want to wave my “WHITE” one to signify I want to get out the GAME. Cause this game is gettin UGLY!! Real Ugly. lol!
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
@ared….do you have my chips and steak or burrito yet….lol
By KP
May 7, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
Here would be some classes I would like to see in girlfriend school
100 - How to Effectively Communicate with Men 200 - The Value of Personal Space in Relationships 300 - Relationship Problem Solving 400 - Place Your Focus Beyond the Wedding Day
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Legend - Yeah, I got it. It’s sitting in my hotel room getting old and stale. :-)
By QC
May 7, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
2cptg…somebody sent me an email and i thought about you, hit me up MissQC@gmail.com so i can share it with you
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Kinderbabe “i find that when people profess not to need something, those are the ones who need it the most. :).”
^5!
By Wise Diva
May 7, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
heey Ms. Sexy Cool, :) waving
Darrell and abc, very interesting courses there, hmmm.
By Angie
May 7, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Place Your Focus Beyond the Wedding Day
no you didn’t go there!!! lol.
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
Ared What’s good mama? Yeah I agree..don’t test me to see if I am a GOLD digger or not. That is the stupidest test. That’s the first test most guys try to run. To see if you are there just for what they have.I can provide for myself. I want you but I do not need you to get the things I want and need out of life. As for as materilistic things go. I was fly when you met me…that will REMAIN the same. That was embedded into me as a child.
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
QC….duly noted.
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
Ava
Inquiring minds wanna know - what approach did you take with dude? Was it the “benefit of the doubt” approach (as I suggested) or was it the more “suspicious/accusatory” approach (as others advised)? The details of the conversation are none of my business, but I am curious what approach you used seeing as how you “got the answers you were looking for”.
By IslandGirl
May 7, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
Morning Everyone
Darrell I like your course titles. lol Those are definite some to the issues we hear guys complain about all the time.
Refer to Raqi and Kinderbabe earlier posts for some of the characters of an ideal girlfriend.
I will be lurking and taking notes.
Hey Truth
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
Kinderbabe, this is off-subject, but are you at Keller? I noticed you reference Capstone and that’s all too familiar to me.
By Ptah180
May 7, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Truthfully. Women have no idea of how much they send confusing and contradictory messages to Men.One reason why men don’t listen to their women is that they are scared as hell that if they do, they’ll start talking the way women do.
LOL. And that’s the truth..
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
@ared..dayum….all a brother wants is some alalbertos number 5…lol….you in dago brings back memories….45 park was my intro into the cali gang culture…yea i stayed long enough to see the biggest somana with ponytails and red barretts to know..that umm rell you out of your element….mission beach..sipping 40oz and cruisin…good times…all the clubs the gas lamp..horton….alalbertos…lol
By For Real
May 7, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
What up Blog fam!
No classes needed just do the following:
Truthful
Accountability
Rational Thinking
Control your emotions
Listen
Match my efforts
If I can’t, you can’t:
buy yourself something to look good for me
buy yourself something sexy for me
consider sex as a gift
make a gift with my own wittle hands
make me dinner for my bday but expect to out for dinner on your bday
buy you an iron or mop for Mother’s Day
consider a gift from my kids as a gift from you
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this
KP lmao! Wow…. Do you guys really think women don’t know how to communicate with women? Like how so? I keep hearing this…I want to know why?
By Ava
May 7, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
Darrell
He actually brought the topic up. He said that he sensed there was something eating at me a little and did I want to talk about it. So that’s how it started. And it definitely feels good to have that out in the open.
Turns out he thought the same about me, hence the whole “are we exclusive?” conversation he started last week. Who knew?!
By For Real
May 7, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
Ared & Blow What’s the difference?
A man testing to see if you are GOLD digger or not.
A woman holding out on a dude for some set period of time.
Oh and I left one other thing out of my list:
By Angie
May 7, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
blow my non-communication with my ex led to our demise. :-(
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
Wow….
ATTENTION GUYS You GUYS really think…Women think IRRATIONAL? All women? Including your: Mom, sister, aunts, gf, friend?
I don’t understand……
How so? I need some answers to this.
By Ava
May 7, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
Darrell
He actually brought the topic up. He said that he sensed there was something eating at me a little and did I want to talk about it. So that’s how it started. And it definitely feels good to have that out in the open.
Turns out he thought the same about me, hence the whole “are we exclusive?” conversation he started last week. Who knew?!
By IslandGirl
May 7, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
Truth I agree with you about the lying thing. I have a good friend that don’t know what it means to tell the truth. You will meet people like that in life, but you have to keep it moving. If a person hurts you with lies and you’ve come to realize this fault, then it is on you to make a decision…leave or stick around.
Real I was with you half way down your list until I got to “consider sex as a gift”. wtf If that is the case, I will keep my regular dates with my bullet and a martini.
By KP
May 7, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
Blow Me, I believe most women THINK they know how to communicate with men, but many don’t. I think many women have great hearing skills, but terrible listening skills. Hearing means they are processing what is going into their ears, but listening implies that you understand what’s being processed :).
I also want to plug another fact for you to ponder. Just because a guy is silent while you are asking him questions DOES NOT provide creative licensing for you to make-up your own conclusion :).
By Binford2K8
May 7, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
Darrell Your 9:20 post says it all. You get a hallelujah amen from B2K.
Women don’t think men like romantic attention, but I would say most do - but it has to be geared to a man. For example, a lot of women like roses and a romantic dinner while men may like tickets to the game and some beers.
It is important. Because the more effort the women puts out, the more it shows. Seems simple, but there has been a few females that really didn’t get that.
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
For Real - The difference is the “test” part. I don’t “hold out” on dude for kicks. I hold out until I feel I KNOW and can trust a person. It’s not a test and it’s not a silly game. It’s actually taking time to get to know the person you’ll be sharing your body with.
If you want to determine if you’re with a gold digger, no need to resort to some stupid test. If you take time to get to know her as well, you won’t need to play games.
So there is the difference and it’s a shame you had to ask such a question. ;-)
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
ummmm, Angie…..we know you sensitive and all, but when did you realize shyt was your fault? And what brought you to that conclusion?
Then, why didn’t you fix it?
By kinderbabe
May 7, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
thanks darrell and IG:)
bit-o-honey i am finishing up at georgia state. it’s tough but i’m getting it done. can’t wait til it’s over! did you do a capstone at keller?
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
Diva
“Darrell and abc, very interesting courses there, hmmm.”
Trust me. There’s a logic behind each and every one of them. By the way, I’m especially feelin’ the course suggested by M on “Let Your Guard Down and Give Them a Chance…”. There are too many women today who make “good” men go through the effort of either trying to break through walls they’ve built up or hanging around while they decide take them apart brick-by-brick, and this is in spite of the fact that it wasn’t us who contributed to the walls being built in the first place!
When it comes to relationships, I don’t know of anything more frustrating than that! :-/
By Tazzee
May 7, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
Morning folks!
So Darrell and KP what would be taught in these courses? The course titles are cool, but if you want the women of the blogosphere to gain some knowledge you have to tell us what you mean.
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Ava “Turns out he thought the same about me, hence the whole “are we exclusive?” conversation he started last week. Who knew?!”
Exactly! Which further proves my point about the dangers of making assumptions and letting what you “think” or “feel” is happening become reality for you. Thanks for the response and I’m glad you guys were able to clear the air. ;-)
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
FOR REAL WOMP WOMP WOMP!
Men are driven to instantly want sex…That is initial. Most guys would and have slept with anything. If he can get it he’s out. The two analogies are similiar. But different.
It’s more obvious when the woman is a GOLD digger…She always have her hands out and never wants to give.
This is not an contradiciton….
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
KP - Welcome back. I liked your blog. Is there an actual chat feature of the blog? It’s kind of hard to have back and forth dialogue in the comments section.
Also, what did you major in at Ohio State? And where did you get the title of “relationship expert?” Are you currently in a relationship?
I found a lot of thought provoking questions on your blog but was just curious to know more about your background.
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Dayuumit Man)
May 7, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Doing the holy dance down the aisle, shouting, & tugging on my tight azz pencil skirt that keeps riding up because my hips so dayuum wide, bending down and fanning Bootiful who fainted while sister Blow stepped from the podium. Jumping up & down shouting preach brother at Deacon Darrell & Deacon 4real Truthy stop watching my butt bounce and yes Rell I do have on underwear.
By abc
May 7, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Truth, all chicks lie and keep secrets. It’s a way of life for them, they’re raised to be that way. They believe they’re resolvers of conflict, and lying and keeping secrets is most often how they do it. Additionally, they’ll consider a lot of things none of your business; other than that, they’ll just lie for advantage.
In general, the only real reason to lie is to gain advantage. Chicks want to have the advantage.
Do I hold a grudge against women on account of it? No, I don’t think so. Do I assume that women lie and keep secrets from me all the time? Yes, of course. I just don’t care that they do, mostly, as long as it doesn’t result in direct losses, emotionally, financially, materially or otherwise.
Some men will lie too, until they realize that they suck at it and will just get caught all the time. Then they give it up.
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
The MOMania blog has a good topic today.
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
Kinderbabe yes, I finished Keller in 2005.
KP I don’t agree that most women have terrible listening skills. I think a lot of men suffer from unable-to-effectively-articulate-myself syndrome. The same way men don’t want to be expected to mind read, neither do women.
By Lady J
May 7, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this
it does ared and I need to check it out…I really want to prepare for that subject in time..
By KP
May 7, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
100 - How to Effectively Communicate with Men: Each man has a different and unique way of communicating his thoughts and feelings. There is no one size fits all way of communicating. Just because Rollo would only respond when you yelled at him, don’t assume that this is the case for Ricky. Ricky may require a supportive dialog before opening-up to you.
200 - The Value of Personal Space in Relationships: Affection is awesome and needed in relationships. However, you may not receive an abundance of it during the NBA playoffs, Super Bowl, World Series or any other ‘thing’ that your man enjoys.
Also, not all men desire to have you clutched around his arm while walking through the grocery store :)
300 - Relationship Problem Solving: Not all issues have an immediate solution. Don’t become frustrated when there is not a ‘right now’ answer to an issue your relationship may be experiencing.
400 - Place Your Focus Beyond the Wedding Day: Don’t get so caught-up in the sprint to the altar that you forget about the marathon of the relationship. The biological clock, society and peer pressure influences a woman’s desire to cross the threshold of marital bliss. However, many are finding that after the wedding ring has been admired, the bouquets have been tossed and the publicity of your coordinated wedding colors have faded away, YOU have to deal with the person you confessed to love in front of God, family, friends, etc.
Don’t marry a man based on your current impression of him. Take a true in depth look at him and assess whether you can see yourself with him sitting in a park at 75 years of age.
It’s easy to love someone for years 1-5, but the goal is to love someone until death do you part!
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
all chicks lie and keep secrets. It’s a way of life for them, they’re raised to be that way. They believe they’re resolvers of conflict, and lying and keeping secrets is most often how they do it.
I guess because my past is so vanilla that it’s hard for me to believe this. However, I do have girlfriends who do claim they are “taking stuff to the grave.” It’s just really gives me the heebie jeebies to see this in print and think us women are raised to lie. Blech.
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
Tazzee “So Darrell…what would be taught in these courses?”
I’ll post these one at time so as to not run the risk of getting a blog citation. LOL!
“The Lost Art of Mind Reading” - The title is a little tongue-in-cheek, but I’m dead serious with this one because too many women still think men are supposed to “sense” what the hell they’re thinking. Did you get that? What they’re THINKING! I mean, how is that even possible? So, this class would be to debunk altogether the notion that a man can read a woman’s mind and that they actually need to SAY what it is they’re thinking.
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
6’1 So right
Truthy stop watching my butt bounce and yes Rell I do have on underwear
By IslandGirl
May 7, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
abc That is a very sour comment to make. I guess it is true to say all men are raised to be cheaters aka dogs.
Based on your generalizations and tone regarding this issue it is hard to doubt you hold a grudge. You come off as being hurt.
By Ava
May 7, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Darrell
It just goes to show that I can’t compare what happened in past relationships to what’s going on now. Easier said than done though.
Maybe it’s more a female trait than a male trait, but I do tend to let my emotional side smother my rational side.
I need to take people at face value and not jump to conclusions. It was a good conversation, and I’m all the better for it.
By SeanJohonson3000
May 7, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…@ Blown…your statement about men isnt always true…as men get older we get selective…any sign that a female is crazy or has tendacies to flip…and i wont touch her.
@ For Real…cosigning your post
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
“Do I hold a grudge against women on account of it? No, I don’t think so. Do I assume that women lie and keep secrets from me all the time? Yes, of course. I just don’t care that they do, mostly, as long as it doesn’t result in direct losses, emotionally, financially, materially or otherwise.”
abc, coming from someone else, yeah, I could see that, but from you, it seems kinda contradictory; If you say one lies to gain an advantage, but you’re cool with it, so long as it doesn’t cause you to incur any losses. Either you’re saying, “what I don’t know won’t hurt,” or, “I’m cool ‘cause lying is a part of a woman’s make-up, and it is, what it is”…..but it sounds like you settlin’, cuz……or sayin’ fvck it, I cain’t live without ‘em, so I’ll accept the lying…..
By SeanJohonson3000
May 7, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
Sup Blog…@ Blown…your statement about men isnt always true…as men get older we get selective…any sign that a female is crazy or has tendacies to flip…and i wont touch her.
@ For Real…cosigning your post
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
Tazzee
“Signals Are For Railroad Crossings, Not Relationships”
This class is similar to, yet different from, the “Mind Reading” class in that it’s targeted toward the woman who understands that men can’t read minds, but, who hasn’t yet fully developed the kind of communication skills necessary to get her message across to her man. This class is for the woman who’s at the the “Signal-Giver” stage along the Mind-Reader > Signal-Giver > Word-User communication flow, and has yet to graduate to the next level, which is where a man needs her to be if the communication is to be effective.
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2008/news/080519/bahama_cover300x400.jpg
Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey’s wedding photo above.
“We really do feel we are soulmates,” Carey tells PEOPLE, “I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me.”
Any takers on how long this one will last? LOL
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
abc you do read like a man scorned. It’s never smart or productive to make generalizations based on what you’ve experienced with a few.
bitter is the new salty
By KP
May 7, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
AmazonRed, Thanks for the feedback on my blog. Here are the answers to your questions:
Is there an actual chat feature of the blog? Not yet…but working on it.
What did you major in at Ohio State? Industrial and Systems Engineering.
Where did you get the title of “relationship expert?” I have been an evaluator, counselor and encourager of relationships since 2001. I’ve done workshops, panel discussions and radio interviews on relationships.
Are you currently in a relationship? Yes…I am currently involved in a committed relationship.
By abc
May 7, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this
IG, Men aren’t dogs, chicks cheat just as much, they just cover their tracks better — by lying and keeping secrets. I don’t hold a grudge against women in general, nor women I’ve known. Forgiveness is, in part, an act of acknowledging that one can’t change the past to make it any better; and in realizing that a person’s characteristics don’t merit your own resentment, which only hurts yourself in the long run. That doesn’t mean that I don’t realize the female propensity for prevarication.
2CPTG, now, I don’t know exactly about which I’m lied to at the time, but as long as it doesn’t affect me directly, I don’t care. Most of the time, if it affects me directly, it’s not about anything important (ergo, the lying was pointless anyway, but you can’t convince chicks of that). Chicks lie and keep secrets. That’s about all there is to it.
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
Man, I musta got ahold of some of that San Diego State…….
Darrell…..you got more answers than google…but is ya takin ya own medicine? Why are you single, dawg? nah, I’mma ask ya bodyguard…..
QC, why is yo brother single? what do women say about bruh, that they won’t keep him around? Real Talk, why ain’t he got a lady…
By M.
May 7, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
@Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
We should have a seminar for sure…I just hate getting caught in the mix of what her last boyfriend did….I dont have anything to do with him and he dosent have anything to do with me
By Raqi
May 7, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
Darrell you all tell us we talk too much when we try to express ourselves but then you say we expect you all to read our minds. Which is it? Do you want to hear us tell you what we are thinking or…..
By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON
May 7, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
SJ3000 They say the craziest women have the best cupcake. Once you batter the cake…you are in a trance. And sometimes you true way of gauging things goes out the window. or even the waist to azz ratio can get you blinded. You guys are physical creatures….that trait ALONE can get you caught it up. Women are more emotional creatures we fall in love with the way he makes us feel.
By Angie
May 7, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
2c hi sweetie! i miss chatting with you. when i found out about his secret life, that’s when i realized that our communication wasn’t where it’s suppose to be. i couldn’t fix it. after my complete investigation (i wasn’t going to leave him over ONE chick), i couldn’t stay. he had cheated with about 30 women over the 8 year period. also, i believe that that relationship prepared me for the one i so desire.
i know y’all gettin’ tired of this TIRED story. 1ol.
saying thank you is a biggee in a relationship. try it!
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Tazzee
“Listening Skills for Dummies
No offense intended by the title as it’s just a play on words from those yellow and black books we see in the stores.
This purpose of this class would be to attempt, at least, to get women to understand that they don’t get a free pass when it comes to the listening aspect of communication. Oh, yes, ladies, communication involves listening as well as talking, but too many of you think you’re exempt from this.
When a woman says to a man “I need to talk with you.” that’s exactly what she means - she needs to talk - but that’s the wrong attitude to have. Women need to understand that there’s another dimension to communication besides telling a man what’s on your mind, and that is listening to what he has to say in response. By “listening”, I don’t mean in the sense of “enduring” what he has to say so you can immediately fire back at him. I’m talking about expressing genuine concern for and interest in his point of view, regardless of whether or not he agrees with you.
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Thanks KP. Looking forward to reading more on your topics. I haven’t gone thru the whole site yet, but I hope to see a topic on your thoughts about being celibate until marriage…even if you’re not a virgin. LOL.
By KP
May 7, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
Bit-O-Honey, I agree with you (kind of). I only want to offer up this to you. Just because a woman wants to talk doesn’t mean that a man is ready to talk. Communication is a two-way street…so lets make sure two people are mutually interested in participating in the dialog. I’ve seen situations where a man just gets home from work and gets bombarded with questions from his wife or girlfriend. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk, but can he at least take off his shoes, catch his breath and get settled-in…DANG!
By abc
May 7, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
Bit-o-Honey, the ‘man scorned’ thing doesn’t apply to me, if it really applies to anyone. That’s a term for chicks, i.e. ‘woman scorned’.
I just have very low expectations of women, based on my own experiences. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them for who and what they are. I don’t project unrealistic ideals upon them, that they could never live up to.
So far, I have the impression that not too many would pass the Truth and Secrets courses. Yall don’t even acknowledge that it’s an area requiring remedial attention!
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
aiiight, Angie….if his cheating is your fault, then I wanna holla at you!
That means I can blow a few stacks over the weekend and blame it on you, cause yeen say nuttin…….bet!
By Angie
May 7, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk, but can he at least take off his shoes, catch his breath and get settled-in…DANG!
we hear you bruh!
By SeanJohonson3000
May 7, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
@ Blown….if thats true….do you think the same hold well as far as men are concerned?
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
abc, you’d make a good pimp!…..
No feelings whatsoever; yeen with that square love, hunh, cuz……
By AmazonRed
May 7, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this
I just have very low expectations of women, based on my own experiences.
Well abc, how much accountability do you take from your own bad experiences? Are you still attracted to and date the same type of women you had these experiences with? Or did you take a good look at your own bad judgement and change your outlook or the types of women you date?
By mytwocents
May 7, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
Umm… am I gonna get detention cuz I’m late for class? Oh well- least my uniform’s pressed.
Blow You were channeling Mary yesterday & still are. She was sick w/ it last nite, sang thru tears for a min. Spoke on GOLDDIGGER label…basically wondered how this can be when we
steadily making deposits into them, increasing their value often @ the cost of our own self worth. Yeah, let em mess w/ that for a sec. 6’1 Meth blazed thru and you came to mind, chica.
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
The Power of “Thank You”
The objective of this class would simply be to encourage women to not take a good man for granted, because a lot of ya’ll do. The truth is that oftentimes when I guy demonstrates a consistent effort to treat you the way you want to be treated, you come to see it as an expectation as opposed to something he does of his own volition, which leads to underappreciation or outright unappreciation on your part.
Too many women say “Hell, ain’t that what he’s supposed to do if I’m his woman?” Well, maybe so, but trust me, the ultimate goal is to ensure he continues doing what he’s doing, right? If so, then the best way to ensure that is to tell him “thank you” every now and then. Simple, yes, but very effective as well in keeping that relationship tight. No one wants to feel that they’re being taken for granted, and for a man, that’s also a respect thing.
By IslandGirl
May 7, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
abc I get what you’re saying but!…. I just take issue with your idea that women in general have the “propensity for prevarication”. One of the most honest people I know on this earth is my mother. I remeber growing up my mother would warn us to never get in trouble with the law because if you expected her to go down to the station to lie on your behalf….a new day will meet you in jail.
I lament your pass ventures with women but you have a very tainted view. It is sad that you seem to not like women, but you’re willing to be with them. jmo
By Angie
May 7, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
2c in my past posts, i’ve stated it was 50% my fault. i should have paid more attention to him. gave him more lovin’, etc. get it! don’t start with me. imma have to give you a blog spankin’ and black girl can join in if she like.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 7, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
Good Day all….
Bit-O-Honey * think men have come to terms that women don’t necessarily need them, but they need to know that we want them. Just like I need to know that I am desired by my man he needs to feel that too* Girl you hit that one right on the head!
SExyleggs Forget about a girlfriend school. There’s more a need for a “boyfriend school.” Why, men are more clueless than us women whoo girl hallelujah! LOL
Blow me Men are driven to instantly want sex girl ain’t that the truth! They will jump quickly to get azz from you..but if you mention a relationship they act as if you just asked them to castrate themselves! WTF? Sex has major conquences that could occur such as death or baby. But they don’t even give those a first thought. But something as simple as a relationship (not marriage) but a committed relationship, and you are speaking blasphemy! Go figure!
Question/statement: It’s funny, I was talking to a friend and I was telling him that I think I am becoming more and more detached from human emotion. It used to be hard to break away from people even after the wronged me…now you p1ss me off one time and I am through with you..and I have no remorse or desire to go back or reconnect. I used to get upset and blow up if someone hurt me..now I just blow it off and dare you to come my way again. I feel like I am detatching from friends and family at the same time. It’s like if an emotion comes up I can feel it supress itself..does that make sense? UGH! I enjoy being alone more than I do being around people…that is so not like me. What the heck is up?
By Bit-O-Honey
May 7, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
KP agreed that communication is a two-way street. However, when communicating there is an expectation that you can at least express what you perceive your needs to be and/or those that are being neglected.
abc there are mos def men scorned, I know I couple of them. No, I didn’t have anything to do with it. The term itself simply attempts to describe those still harboring grudges and ill-will against persons who are no longer apart of their immediate lives.
The very fact that you have low expectations of women says a lot about you. You can almost certainly count on never being disappointed in that area. I think your mantra is more the result of disappointment (i.e no expectations, no disappointments) Goodluck with that philosophy.
By Tazzee
May 7, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
Darrell
This class is similar to, yet different from, the “Mind Reading” class in that it’s targeted toward the woman who understands that men can’t read minds, but, who hasn’t yet fully developed the kind of communication skills necessary to get her message across to her man. This class is for the woman who’s at the the “Signal-Giver” stage along the Mind-Reader > Signal-Giver > Word-User communication flow, and has yet to graduate to the next level, which is where a man needs her to be if the communication is to be effective.
Huh???
That course makes no sense to me, LOL but I guess a ‘signal-giver’ will understand…
Your description for the listening skills class is much better.
By Lurker
May 7, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
ABC - * just have very low expectations of women, based on my own experiences. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them for who and what they are. I don’t project unrealistic ideals upon them, that they could never live up to.*
A bit harsh, don’t you think?
By Lurker
May 7, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
ABC - * just have very low expectations of women, based on my own experiences. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them for who and what they are. I don’t project unrealistic ideals upon them, that they could never live up to.*
A bit harsh, don’t you think?
By Ms. Elusive
May 7, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
Good morning all,
I haven’t been here in awhile. I see I picked a good day to check in.
LMAO at the Pauper those courses are too funny
So far I don’t see anything too complicated. Keep it coming guys. :)
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Dayuumit Man)
May 7, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
Awwwww!2cents How sweet!
By QC
May 7, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
2cptg That’s a good question…my brother is a great Man & knows how to treat a woman, i’m not sure if they’re intimidated by him Or they’re use to being treated bad by other men, they’re not use to having a “Real Man” open doors for them, take them to nice places, or just treat them the they’re suppose to be treated. The lucky lady who wins my brothers heart will be like finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow He’s good looking, smart, great sense of humor, great cook, great father, great provider & great friend. HE’S A GOOD CATCH
By Tazzee
May 7, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
Of all the courses offered, this is the one I definitely need to take
300 - Relationship Problem Solving: Not all issues have an immediate solution. Don’t become frustrated when there is not a ‘right now’ answer to an issue your relationship may be experiencing.
But I’m an impatient person anyway - it’s not just with relationships. It’s just more difficult while in relationships because I know what’s happening on my end to resolve the issue, but it would be nice to have status updates from the guy, LOL.
By I am Legend
May 7, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
why is american women so hung up on sex…or attach the value of the relationship based on sex..ya know if when you have it….still dont understand that..i would love for a study to show the percentage of folks that waited to have sex until marriage verus the ones that did not…which union was strong and which one lasted longer…
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 7, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
Angie i wasn’t going to leave him over ONE chick Please tell me you were kidding when you said this!!!
By 2CPTG©
May 7, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
that’s what I’m sayin’ Angie, you take ownership for shyt….and that’s why I want you on my team!
Come back and enroll in my school of thought, and I guaran-damn-tee, you’ll receive a top notch education with a curriculum that has no equal!
By Darrell (a.k.a. The Pauper)
May 7, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
Lost In Translation
It’s been my experience that women oftentimes speak in code. What I mean is they make the mistake of using the same words with their man that they would if talking with one of their girlfriends, and a lot of ya’ll don’t know when or how to switch that off.
When it comes to communication, men are more ‘concret’, whereas, women are more ‘colorful’. The application is that men want to be talked to in basic “meat and potatoes” terms, so when you’re upset or angry about something, instead of wearing the gas-face all day hoping he’ll read the signals, tell him straight out that you’re pi$$ed off at him and why. Don’t expect him to come to you and ask why you’re so “quiet” or “distant” because, to be honest, he’s probably enjoying the space, not even connecting to what’s bothering you.
By Angie
May 7, 2008 11:58 AM |