AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > May > 15 > Entry
Sizing up the competition
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have to admit that my closest girlfriends are beautiful women. And I mean, tongue-hanging-on-the-floor-beautiful. I don’t know why, but it’s always seemed to be that way, ever since I can remember.
And I’ve been lucky, because none of them have ever been catty enough to fight with me over a guy. In fact, I can only remember one instance in which my friend and I sort of liked the same guy for a bit, and the situation was quickly remedied — or maybe we both instantaneously matured a few years, I can’t remember! But the issue was resolved with little bloodshed.
Even though I’m sure we’d like to all think that we’re older and mature enough not to have all-out catfights anymore, that element of competition can still be subtly prevalent on the dating scene. Or not-so-subtle: check out The Bachelor!
Do you have beautiful or charming friends who command attention from strangers when you’re out? Have you ever thought twice about taking a handsome/beautiful friend out on the town or to a social engagement with you?
How do you tend to “compete” when you want to draw someone’s attention away?
Ladies, what’s the best thing a man could do in order for you to give him a second glance, especially if he was competing with someone who was more charming or attractive?
Men, have you ever had multiple women compete for your attention? What did the winner do to win you over?
Permalink | Comments (231) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Comments
By SlimOne
May 15, 2008 8:17 AM | Link to this
Morning All
Do you have beautiful or charming friends who command attention from strangers when you’re out?….Even though my friends are beautiful chicks, they are all pretty laid back. I don’t tend to hang around attention seekers.
Have you ever thought twice about taking a handsome/beautiful friend out on the town or to a social engagement with you?….Nope, if i did then that would mean I was the one with the problem—>low self-esteem or something thinking i couldn’t be noticed while standing in their shadow.
Ladies, what’s the best thing a man could do in order for you to give him a second glance, especially if he was competing with someone who was more charming or attractive?…be theirselve, not try to hard, and definitely have a sense of humor and/or personality. Being overly aggressive or trying too hard is a turn off
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this
morning QC! i hope you had a blessed filled day yesterday. i thought about you last night.
on topic i’m not the jealous type. i don’t hate, i uplift my beautiful/pretty/attractive friends.
Men, have you ever had multiple women compete for your attention? What did the winner do to win you over? this is all i’m interested in today.
By 6'1 & Luvin it (Partying like a porn*)
May 15, 2008 8:22 AM | Link to this
Hola, chicos & chicas
By Lady J
May 15, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this
this is a funny and interesting topic today…i think i will remain silent…lol…have a great day!:)
By Bit-O-Honey
May 15, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this
Top of the morning bloggers I too, have a wonderful core group of attractive and dynamic girlfriends. In fact, we’re all pretty fly (this includes me too) and we all offer something different and unique to our sphere of friendship. I don’t feel the need to compete because rarely are we drawn to the same type of men.
The best thing a man could do for me to give him a second glance is be confident and step his game up by approaching confidently with something lighthearted to say, smile attached. There is absolutely nothing in this world like a well-spoken, intellectually stimulating, physically attractive man with a good fit going….Geez, he wins in my book everytime!
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this
BOH hello! did you watch ANTM last night?
By M.
May 15, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
Good day blog. I am aware that competition exists but I am a humble guy. I am outgoing anyway so it does not matter to me if I have a friend with me who get’s all the ladies. That is great because actually its motivation for me to get in the game also, not just sit back and watch
Have you ever thought twice about taking a handsome/beautiful friend out on the town or to a social engagement with you?
I have never really thought twice about this, but I just play my game and just let it come to me. If he is getting more action than me, that is fine to. Also, I have to make an effort, i.e. put myself in the position to succeed…Work out, make sure I look good, smell good, and have a chance!
By Bit-O-Honey
May 15, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
Beautiful hey girl, no I didn’t see ANTM I was in the gym trying to maintain my sexy LOL. Is it over? Who won?
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
BOH the thick chick! i was right. lol. boi i’m good. have a good day gurl!
M i appreciate a guy like you, very confident.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
Yes back in the day there were times when during a girls’ night out a fine looking fellow would find his way into our midst. But I always figured it like this, a man is going to choose who a man wants to choose. So who ever got the attention or whatever was the pick of the night. It is what it is.
I would love to say that I have never in my life tried to out flirt a friend to get the guy, but I would lying by doing so. Now I have never been catty in my efforts to get him, like I said in the end the hunter chooses its prey.
One thing I learned early on, like I have stated many times here, not every man wants a “me”. No matter how stunning I know that I am, or how fabulous I have become, I am not every man’s delight.
By M.
May 15, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this
@Beautiful
Thanks! Dont get me wrong….I still get a little nervous, lol
By abc
May 15, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
When faced with women competing for my attention, I tend to pick the best pole dancer, but the one with most free drinks can give the best dancer a run for her money.
When faced with other competition from men and the woman doesn’t choose me, I tend to prolong the process of choosing from among the women competing for me. That way, the one that didn’t choose me can wish she was one of the throng following me around.
Now, GTFOH. Yall really think about things like that? Tell me you were just stuck for a blog topic!
By DasV
May 15, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
good morning good ppl been a minute i know
i love going out wit family or friends that are more ‘attractive’ than me… or, how you say, have better game. im allergic to those that are easily amused. i like the quiet guy in the corner who is observing the going-ons with amusement. i find those that arent distracted by whats shiny have better conversation too.
no hate on my part. they serving a purpose.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone!
abc, your suit should be arriving at your desk somewhere around 10:45!
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
There was one woman who thought I was in competition with her for my husband’s affections but she was so wrong. Every time we just happened upon the same social event, her evil eyed let it be known that she thought I had a thing for her man. I didn’t. I even told her I didn’t want her man. I had one of my own. Yes he and I would embrace each other if we ran into each other and several months had passed. But we were friends from way back. But other than that…nay.
I did run into her a couple of years ago. For some reason she was working at Macy’s. Maybe a part-time gig or something. But, uh…I may have told yall this already…but as she was tallying up my purchases she asked about him. She had not been too long moved back to Atlanta. She asked when was the last time I saw him. Because she was such a hateful witch every time I saw her prior to that incident my answer to her was the last time I saw him was that morning when I got out of bed. Actually it was the truth, but knew that statement would ruffle her feathers. She thought I was kidding. She said, girl you crazy. I purposely pulled out my credit card that had my married name and paid for my items. The expression on her face was priceless. You know the, “oh bytch” glare. And my response was a “that’s right heifer” smirk.
It was all funny because what she assumed was now true in her mind, although she was so wrong.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
LOL abc. When I read certain topics I either go with the flow, even if it means talking about something that happened 10 years ago or I wait until someone makes a comment I feel compelled to speak on.
Like I said yesterday, I have a closet of experiences. I tell some of it hoping to give good advice and I tell some just for amusement.
All in all it makes the days go by a little bit faster.
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
raqi evil ppl have the worst lives and that’s exactly what she get! nothing good comes from being caddy and having a hateful heart. jealousy is a disease.
sexy i was thinkin’ the same thing.
By Jo
May 15, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Not an issue at all. My friends happen to be not the “conventionally pretty” type. I’ve noticed that a lot of the “dime pieces” are shallow, self-centered and disloyal, plus I cannot stand being around anyone, male OR female, who is conceited & always bragging about how great they look. To me, that is a turn-off & makes the person seem very unnattractive. Often a beatiful outside hides (& not all that well) an ugly soul. My friends are all beautiful on the inside where it counts and we always have each others’ backs.
By abc
May 15, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
What suit? It’s a nice day for gabardine.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this
Good Day all!!!
I like to habg out with attractive women so there is no cattiness. But I HAD one friend who was always trying to make a competition with me over a guy…even so far as to start changing her style to immulate mine. That is when I knew it was time to kick that trick to the curb. There is only ONE Staceye. Often immitated..never duplicated! LOL I mean, even her personality and mannerisms were changing to be more like mine. I felt like Lil Kim, ” get your own sh*t..why you riding mine?” LOL This Operation Mini-Me has happen to me 3 times and I had to cut them loose. They even started to flirt with guys that I dated or were clearly interested in me. I do not do that to my friends..so I expect the same respect in return! It’s why I do not hang out with too many women. I prefer male friends…but it’s hard to get ones that are not trying to get the panties! Its a double egded sword!
Beautiful I see you are back to your old moniker! Yeah, I watched ANTM..I was so happy that Whitney won. Fatima got on my nerves..and she needed a cheeseburger! Her face was beautiful..but that was it! Whitney reminds me of Anna Nicole. She worked the crap out of that runway!
Raqi One thing I learned early on, like I have stated many times here, not every man wants a “me”. No matter how stunning I know that I am, or how fabulous I have become, I am not every man’s delight I agree. Some guys like short and thin..I am neother..some like them fat, dark, light, etc…so I take it as that is his preference..but also his loss! LOL
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
And another thing abc I am not one of those “I came out of the womb perfect and have remained so all of my life”. I made many dating and relationship blunders. Heck if I don’t be careful I may make one or two now.
Instead of sneering at the topics and moderators, I in fact chuckle at the perfect people. You know the ones who have always been the perfect mate. The ones who have always gotten the guy/girl. The ones who stop traffic on every corner because they are just out of this world gorgeous. The ones that were born knowing all the right things to do in a relationship. I find it amusing. These topics speak more true to life, even when folks don’t want to believe they are or have been on the wrong track. Whether it was ten years ago, yesterday or will be tomorrow. We all live and learn.
By Page1908
May 15, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Staceye and Beautiful I saw that Whitney won, she did work that runway lol.
Bella Ok, I’m cheesy like you because I love The Bachelor! LOL. Dis you see it the other night when Shayne won?! You know the next Bachelorett starts next week and it’s DeAnna from last season! This is gonna be good lol.
DasV Hey girl waving
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
staceye i feel beautiful today. my employer just gave me a envelope which included the gas money to get me home. wow. i knew whitney was going to get it. my reason is because tyra needed a thick chick winner. i think whitney is very pretty.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
LOL Staceye. You are right. My sister in all her evil ways taught me that when I was a teenager. Even identical twins have different personalities and one will be chosen over the other by somebody.
Am I the only person goofing off today?
By DasV
May 15, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this
PAGE waving back hey sista! i thought whitney worked that runway a bit too much…. but what i know?! nada dayum thang… cause she won. LOL i really thought i saw her stomping and bopping down the aisle… but that other chick was just pee-tah-fool… so they had no choice.
By abc
May 15, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
Hey, I don’t sneer at the moderators. I might poke fun at them, but I don’t sneer. I’d imagine that they can take it. Folks don’t hold back from giving me serious BS about touchy subjects, and I don’t have any compunction about stating my opinions. They’re just opinions, nobody’s going to be passing my opinions into law or anything like that.
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
hunh?…….
ummm, hey Raqi….so you were sayin, you wanted to talk about?
By Jamocamecrazy
May 15, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
Good Morning, All!!! (…one more day to go!!!)
@ Raqi: Absolutely loved your 10:32 post…I have to concur w/ you on that one…and yes it is very amusing (just by simply observing).
Definitely, at some point in time: “We all live and learn.” Some folks do not mature (mentally), until they are in their 50’s or so…and even still their are plenty of “adult-children” in their “golden years”…WOW…kinda sad.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
Ut oh! abc, Raqi got to you before your suit could arrive. Please don A.S.A.P. (LOL).
By Shaun
May 15, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
Yes, pretty friends are competetion. I met a girl and she was really into me, but I did not think she was cute enough, so I did not date her. I then met her friend/co worker and she was drop dead georgous! I married her. I must admit, my wife is very attractive, and I relish every minute of it.
By Sunshine
May 15, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
Curse yall for spoiling the end of ANTM!!!!! I planned on watching it on TIVO tonight:(
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Beautiful God smiled on you today!
Page Whitney took great pictures too!
By The Truth
May 15, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
On topic: If you think you have competition you’ve lost already. Everybodies product is totally unique. When you concentrate on someone else strenghts you take away from your own.
Ok, why do “the christians” keep coming to my door? I don’t want to have my soul saved. I want to be in hell with all the other sinners that have walked the earth. It’ll be a reunion. LOL From now on I’m opening the door with my dogs off leash and barking.
ABC you’ve been real uptight the last 2 days. Anything you want to tell us about ol girl? It can be a headache sometime. We’re here for you. LOL Just when I started appreciating your sense of humor you turn into the scrooge again.
Ok bloggers, everyone wake it up. (The Truth now walking around slapping the shyt out of everyone sleeping on this obviously stimulating topic.)
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
Shaun Hey I’m not mad at ya son! LOL
Sunshine you are having a a dream…you do not really know who is going to win ANTM…. Did that help? LOL
Truth don’t worry boo…you will have your own wing in hell! You will land in style on the express jet in first class wearing gasoline knickers! LOL
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this
I truly, truly believe this …If you think you have competition you’ve lost already. Everybodies product is totally unique. ^5
By Sunshine
May 15, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
Coming from the other end of the spectrum, I can say that the few very close female friends I have are wonderful, intelligent, and attractive ladies. However, I’ve been out with them and had drinks sent over to the table (to me) or had men come over and try to hit on me only. That is a very weird and uncomfortable situation to be in.
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
sunshine sorry for spoiling it for ya. and i agree that the situation you described is very uncomfortable. but if you rec’d ^5 like i did, then you know you have good friends supporting you.
truth your name fits you handsomely.
By Sunshine
May 15, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
Sunshine you are having a a dream…you do not really know who is going to win ANTM…. Did that help? LOL
Thanks Staceye:) LOL
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
In my 10 years of active dating there were times that I was the one sought out and there were times that I was the one over looked. It is what it is.
Hey 2CPTG. Ummm let’s see…you know I can always come up with something.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
Sunshine don’t feel weird..soak it in girl! My girls back home always say how much they miss me because I always get them free stuff such as drinks or free meals! LOL I’m just friendly so I strike conversations with strangers, even if I am not interested in them just because it’s fun!
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
You know, if you feel you’re in competition w/someone then there’s a degree of low self-esteem. True, competition is welcomed in the sports area, in landing that contract, etc. There are too many men and women to be cutthroat! My friends are attractive, intelligent, etc. When out not everyone is going to be “hit upon.” It’s just that simple.
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this
…auuhh…
Good morning everyone!
I see Beautiful has redebut, :) looks good on you.
By The Truth
May 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
What is ANTM and why is it on when the playoff’s are going on? LOL
Staceye maybe you and Ared can be my roomie’s downstairs. We’ll set up a pole and charge for drinks. Lord knows everyone needs something cold in the that firish hellhole. We’ll be rich. LOL (And yes, your mean azz is going too if I go. I’m telling them to search you for knives) LMAO
We should all be glad we mature later in life. Species that mature early die early too.
By Jo
May 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
If I was out somewhere & some dude passes up a ‘dime piece” & hit on me, generally it just took a brief conversation to determine he was a real bottom-feeder that was disrespectful & just wanted to hit it & quit it. There are men who deliberately hit on the chick who has the least pretty face because they (often wrongly) assume that she is desperate & will drop the panties right away. Not necessarily so.
By Melissa
May 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
This topic reminds of a friend I had, she was actually my sister’s godsister. We were about the same size at the time (early 20s), but she was built differently from me in all the right ways. She was extremely beautiful. We would go out and the men would literally be tripping over themselves to get to her. And shoot, I’m no slouch myself! But I mostly took it in stride, as long as they took the time to speak politely to me too, then they could have at her. The rudest ones would interrupt us then act like I was invisible.
But I loved to go places with her. She knew where all of the spots were and she always brought the guys like flies to honey.
My friends now are all attractive, but in different ways. I have never felt like I was in competition with any of them, because we are attracted to different types of men. Besides, the only competition I’ll ever have is against myself, to become an ever-evolving, even better Foots. Competition for affection can kick rocks.
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
May 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Hey Everybody! Hope ya’ll are doing well!
I wanted to pop in and say hello, will comeback later after I clear some of this stuff off my desk
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Until this topic, it never occurred to me that I’d never considered the extent to which my female friends have or haven’t been physically attractive. I tend to associate with people based on their character and the degree to which we are like-minded about certain things in life. I never factor in how a person looks on the outside, and I would hope the same “formula” is applied by others as it relates to me, because I’m just an average-looking brutha myself.
It’s the same for me regarding this blog. I tend to interact best with people who demonstrate a certain maturity and intelligence in their conversation, and when those attributes are displayed it doesn’t really matter whether or not we agree, because it’s all about respectful, thought-provoking dialogue. That’s primarily why I come here in the first place. I’m intrigued by the human nature aspect and how that nature manifests itself in different ways.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Jo What you are failing to realize is not all dime pieces look alike. Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles could all be considered a dime…by some one…but not every one. A guy will choose the one that he finds attractive to him. His personal taste.
By Foots
May 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Oh shoot, forgot to change my moniker back from posting on another board. Gotta stay consistent, so I’m back to Foots…
Ladies, what’s the best thing a man could do in order for you to give him a second glance, especially if he was competing with someone who was more charming or attractive?
I don’t make men compete for my attention. Either they have it or they don’t. I know how to multi-task very well, so if I’m actually not around, you can freely assume I don’t like you and move on.
But to answer the question, a good sense of humor, good conversation, and a fun personality are the trump cards. All things being equal, the man who I enjoy being around and who has real joy in his spirit is the one I’d rather spend my time with.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this
Truth
I may be mistaken, but I think ‘ANTM’ stands for Anatomically Neutral Teasing Mechanism. In other words, it’s just a fancy name for pole dancing. LOL!
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
bigd stop frontin’! lol. you addicted just like the rest of us. nice to read you today.
cee what’s cookin’? i have a lunch date today. was going to turn it down, but why not.
Wouldn’t it be great to enter into a relationship without being so thirsty for love that you cannot trust your own discernment? When you are not so thirsty for love, you can make better decisions.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Truth kiss my azz! LOL I am not mean! I just have a low tolerance for BS! LMAO
Jo so is that what they mean when they say, “your friend seemed more approachable?”
Foots You are pretty girl! What are you talking about?
By Lucy
May 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Welcome to my world… I know this sounds really bad but hey, at least I’m being honest. I only have one good friend since I have moved to Atlanta and she’s very pretty. Now I love myself and I know I have lots to offer.. I’m smart, cute, funny, laid back, a wonderful all-around person. However, whenever I am out with this friend, I gets no love! I damn near become invisible. Guys fawn over here and never even look my way. Most times I ignore it and just try to have a good time. Other times, I get to the point where I’d rather go out alone or not at all because, well, it’s kinda depressing. So this is my dilemma, hang out alone or hang out with my pretty friend and get ignored. Since we have both moved here she has meet plenty of guys and I’ve met one. I have remedied this situation by doing more solo activities and trying not to think about it too much.
By SeanJohnson3000
May 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Sup blog…when ever i had a few women wanting to get my attention…i always chose the one that was more quiet and relationship material. they seem to always be of more substance. Dont get me wrong..if they both are putting it out there…then they both are gonna get the business…
By jeff
May 15, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this
I want to meet your pretty friends! Call me at 770-xxx-xxxx.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
Beautiful when I entered into my present relationship I was not thirsty for love. In fact I wanted nothing to do with the word or emotion. I just needed a friend to hold me. LOL
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
lol @ Truth, it’s the truth. It’s Playoffs time babe.
I’m sure we’d like to all think that we’re older and mature enough not to have all-out catfights anymore, that element of competition can still be subtly prevalent on the dating scene.
Bella that was a mouthful…
one would think…levels of wisdom, maturity and respect should improve the older we become.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
Beautiful
If you only knew. I’ll drop ya’ll like a hot rock. LOL! Besides, somebody needs to be the voice of logic and reason on here. LOL!
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
G’mornin, Cee…..ummmm, I’m eliminating competition …..is your name still in the hat?
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
bigd i’m yearning for the day i let this blog go. but MIA will always be apart of my life, a reference, a outlet. i truly believe that this was a blessing that i stumbled across. the good out weighs the bad. he knew i was looking for answers.
raqi not looking works every time.
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
The only time that I have ever had two guys vying for my affection to where it would matter to me, I didn’t even know about it. And I have no desire to even ask my husband what was said in the exchange of words between he and the other guy.
I think my husband is an undercover bully.
By Foots
May 15, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
Staceye Thanks. But if you think I’m pretty, you ain’t seen nothing til you’ve seen her. I looked like Celie standing next to Shug Avery… LOL! I wonder where she is now… I might have to look her up and see how she’s doing.
By Page1908
May 15, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
LOL @ Staceye and Truth. Truth, Staceye is not mean, she’s actually really sweet:) wink lol
By Jamoca's A.S.S. is crazy
May 15, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
@ Truth: “We should all be glad we mature later in life. Species that mature early die early too.” Whenever time allows (though it is quite early for the change of subject)….if you would enlighten me on your theory or rather “perspective” based on your previous (11:24 post), not necessarily for validation but curiosity as to how you came up with this particular conclusion….hmm (as she gives Truth “cow eyes”)….but hey, as with any other subject, “I’m open” for it. It amazes me how (it seems) most “full fledged” adults expect so much from our youth (esp these days), but so little from ourselves as we constantly give ourselves passes on even the most serious situations….”I’oun” know – may be some of us just like to “raise a few eyebrows” every now and then.
By SlimOne
May 15, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this
Question for all How do you all feel about dating a person that has a ‘special needs’ child? I have a co-worker who has a son that will never be able to live out on his own. I’m not exactly sure what condition he has but i think his mentality is that of a younger child…he’s probably 15yrs or so. I often hear her talking about her life of dating..and more recently a guy she was seeing voiced a complaint about her son always being an issue…that he is put over everything…always has to do XYZ concerning him. I was sort of floored by the guy saying it in that manner. So i’m curious. I know many of you are not into dating folks with kids, let alone a person with a SNC(special needs child)…
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
Beautiful
The reason you find it difficult to detach yourself from this blog is because you have a heart. I don’t. LOL!
By The Truth
May 15, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
Staceye kiss my azz! Ok.
Ladies, it could all come down to personal preference. A guy could see 3 chicks and go for the one that ISN’T wearing make-up or has one long azz eyebrow. You just never know. In life you MAY have 5 people that really love you. Don’t get mad or focus on the millions that don’t. That’ll make you miserable.
BTW, the person that loves you will do so because you are who you are. You won’t have competition so quit thinking you do.
Any of the honest fellas will tell you that they don’t just fall in love with the prettiest girl. They fall in love with the prettiest spirit, in their eyes. If she happens to be packing some D’s and fuggs like a porn star that just a bonus. Also, if you’re selling your stunning good looks you’re marketing a diminishing asset. If you’re in you’re 30’s you’ve already starting to see things go south. It’ll only get worse. The pole may help but nature will have its way with you in the end. Still you have other assets you can market.
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
*”And I have no desire to even ask my husband what was said in the exchange of words between he and the other guy.
I think my husband is an undercover bully.”*
Nah, I bet Mase was simply handlin his business….I’on even know dude, and he sounds cool as hell…give him daps from me, Raqi…plus, he gotta deal wit yo azz…and I know you feisty as hell; but like I said in my superlatives, prolly got that thy-ow too!
By mamalongleggs
May 15, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
Hello Everyone…
I don’t have too many female friends, the two that I do have are some beautiful sistah’s inside and out, no competion there. Although I do have some pretty female acquinatences, it’s not their looks, it’s their attitude that stands out and gives off ugly vibes. I do have a supa fine fine male friend and he gets no love from the brothas, they call him pretty boy in front of the ladies, which he detest with a passion.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
Darrell, please expect your suit to arrive at your desk about 12:11.
By Jo
May 15, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
Racqui, I know what you’re saying, the examples you gave, though, are glamourous celebs, a lot of guys will find each of them appealing. My problem is, being Caucasion, the men of my race have these stupid rigid standards of how a woman is “supposed” to look. If you ask any of them, they will automatically agree there are some women that are considered universally unattractive. And if you’ve been told all your life by well-meaning (???) “friends” that you need facial plastic surgery so that you’ll look acceptable, you know there’s a problem. Stacey, in some cases, yes, but as I pointed out before, that’s also a euphemism for “Your friend is really ugly but I’m just interested in one thing; think she’ll put out?” Lucy, I definately say go out alone because it’s disempowering to be in any situation where you’re treated rudely & made to feel bad about yourself. Darrell, you are NOT ‘average’; in fact, you’re quite enlightened!
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
my country cousins hate going out with me….them the type ‘o cats who feel jeans are appropriate for every occasion…and I hate jeans!
By Kym
May 15, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
Good Afternoon All,
No comment on the topic..I can’t think of a time when I ever really even thought about how my friends look and who was hitting on who. I dont know maybe because I was a bit of a late bloomer and most of my friends have been around since 7th grade..we grew up together..and had misadventures together..anyway thats a whole other Oprah. Let me know when I can hijack the topic again.
By Jo
May 15, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
Racqui, I know what you’re saying, the examples you gave, though, are glamourous celebs, a lot of guys will find each of them appealing. My problem is, being Caucasion, the men of my race have these stupid rigid standards of how a woman is “supposed” to look. If you ask any of them, they will automatically agree there are some women that are considered universally unattractive. And if you’ve been told all your life by well-meaning (???) “friends” that you need facial plastic surgery so that you’ll look acceptable, you know there’s a problem. Stacey, in some cases, yes, but as I pointed out before, that’s also a euphemism for “Your friend is really ugly but I’m just interested in one thing; think she’ll put out?” Lucy, I definately say go out alone because it’s disempowering to be in any situation where you’re treated rudely & made to feel bad about yourself. Darrell, you are NOT ‘average’; in fact, you’re quite enlightened!
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
hi page!
truth If you’re in you’re 30’s you’ve already starting to see things go south. It’ll only get worse. do you know that my co-workers for the longest time thought i was 29ish yrs. old. lol. i hugged every last one of them. i’ll be 40 on June 22nd. that will be the first day of the rest of my life, or something like that. i do where a lot of pony tails though.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
Slim
Per your 12:01, needless to say it would take a special person to deal with a scenario involving a special needs child.
By “special” person, I mean specially gifted - both spiritually and practically. Spiritually, the person would have to be endowed with the gift of mercy and practically with the love language of ‘acts of service’, because they would need to feel a sense of “calling” in meeting that child’s needs and people with that love language are innately very patient as well.
I’m not particularly gifted with either mercy nor service, to be honest with you, so I’m not about to pretend that I’d be willing to dive headfirst into such a situation, so there’s no need to cue up the superhero music for me. However, if I felt called to involve myself with a woman who has a special needs child, I’d have to trust that the Lord would enable me to bear whatever challenges that particular relationship might present.
After all, God is either sovereign or He isn’t, and in a special needs situation I’d have to make up my mind pretty quick as to what I believe about that.
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
i have a lunch date today. was going to turn it down, but why not?
Enjoy yourself girlie.
I’ll continue to glean over here in my woods. <—- that one was for you DasV, Hey lady I see you’re in here.
To topic: I can’t say that i compete or i’m even noticing the difference if say me and my girls just happen to be out somewhere together. *(They are some sweet and good looking women. I am the darkest of most, well no all of my g-friends. While out @ a social event I have gotten “lost in the trees” b/c 2-3 of my friends are taller than I, one is 5’10 the other 5’11 i think…anyway i’m shorter and less vocal and younger. Most times if they’re talking about the older college days, again, i am lost as well. Those years were not my same time. I don’t feel the need to be more assertive when hanging around, i just stay in my place. Now, be it lil Sis Cee or the quiet shorter gal that had found herself busy over somewhere in never never land, either way i’m cool. All the action and going on, makes me dissy.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this
SlimOne, first and foremost he was out of line to come the way he did. If you’re dating someone w/a SNC, words like “that he is put over everything…always has to do XYZ concerning him” is a sure fire sign to be booted right out the door and deleted from my phone. If you can’t deal, then don’t. The child should always come first. What is needed is a strong man mentally, emotionally and wrapped w/unconditional love to wrap both child and mother in his arms!
By Dan
May 15, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
Got some time for lunch,
Thought I’d check in and say “Hi!”…
that, and DAN HATES LAMES!!!
BTW: Ladies for your edification
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=9458&TrackingID=516165&BannerID=541888&menuid=6>1=26000
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
is 40 really what’s happening? I hear alotta folks say life begins at 40, is that so? Gotta few more years…..
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
Jo “Darrell, you are NOT ‘average’; in fact, you’re quite enlightened!”
Will you marry me? ;-)
By Jo
May 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
Racqui, I know what you’re saying, the examples you gave, though, are glamourous celebs, a lot of guys will find each of them appealing. My problem is, being Caucasion, the men of my race have these stupid rigid standards of how a woman is “supposed” to look. If you ask any of them, they will automatically agree there are some women that are considered universally unattractive. And if you’ve been told all your life by well-meaning (???) “friends” that you need facial plastic surgery so that you’ll look acceptable, you know there’s a problem. Stacey, in some cases, yes, but as I pointed out before, that’s also a euphemism for “Your friend is really ugly but I’m just interested in one thing; think she’ll put out?” Lucy, I definately say go out alone because it’s disempowering to be in any situation where you’re treated rudely & made to feel bad about yourself. Darrell, you are NOT ‘average’; in fact, you’re quite enlightened!
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
Lucy Ouch girl. that is a tough situation! But look at it like this…she is taking potential trash off your hands! She may be doing you a favor! LOL
Page Shhh woman! You revealing all my secrets! LOL Oh I see how ya’ll treat the Non-Greek! LMAO That is why I am gonna roll up in your picnic by myself and chanting me phi Me! LOL
Slim I prefer a man with no kids. He has to be really special for me to get seriously involved with him. Now one with special needs. No can do. You will always be on the back burner and any plans you make will have to be made that child forever! No thanks. If it sounds mean..oh well, LOL. That is just for my instance.
Jo I feel you. That makes me feel great. That friend that I kicked to the curb…dudes always tell me that after the fact! LOL
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
* 2CPTG©*, it’s a true statement…
By Dan
May 15, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
Ha! Dimishing returns!!! Ha
The rest of the post is sooo true.
Ladies, a compliment on your beauty or booty is one thing. But when a man chooses to spend his free time with you and hang with you like a homeboy, that should say more than words ever could.
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly (in spirit) is to the bone…..
—Richard Pryor
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
Jo I have dated Caucasian men….I have never heard of the universal look. What is it? If people tell you that oyu need plastic surgery tell them to kiss your azz!
By Tazzee
May 15, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
Morning Folks!
I have to admit that back in the day there were times when one friend and I would go out and choose not to invite our other ‘dime-piece’ friends - but as someone said that was due to my low self esteem.
Now that’s not the case. I’ve learned that there will always be someone ‘er’ than me (prettier, taller, shorter, thinner, bigger) so no need to dwell on that.
Darrell I love your 12:15.
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this
2C…boi, if i could see your thoat (yea i said thoat not throat) right now. OH.
Kym…i have been crackin up @ you lately. You drinking V8?
Stac noooooo, noooo don’t do it. You know what happen the last time you told someone to lay one on the well endowed round. Lol…having fun.
By The Truth
May 15, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this
Jamo it’s evident in nature. I can’t think of another species that takes 20 years to mature. Maybe someone can chime in with examples. dogs, cats, horses, fish, they all HAVE to mature faster, it’s a matter of survival. We are pretty much helpless for the first 5-8 years and still not capable of fending for ourselves for many years after that. We develope slower but we last alot longer too. Any bioligists want to step in with a few word?
Btw, good morning sweetie.
Kym dam reading “A New Earth”. The audio is the bomb. I’m half through with it and will be finshed in a few days.
He talks alot about ego and how if you try to recognize ego thats more ego. Alot of times I’m confused but my ego won’t allow me to acknowledge that. Maybe by the end of the book I’ll know how to handle my ego.
Slim there are 2 types of women to run away from very fast. 1) A woman that wants a ceremony more than a man 2) The woman that asks you to walk in the door and take a backseat to her children. Special or not.
Sexy the child doesn’t come first. We’ve been running that experiment and look at the miserable results we’ve got. “We” are the unit and the child follows us.
Dan oh shyt. I’m in trouble. I love to travel, hike(do it everyday), would love to catch an opera and don’t mind shopping for clothes (though not as much as I used to). What does that say about me? I’m with him on the relationship seminar shyt though. LOL
2C that could be attributed to the mathematical equation that states for every year of life you give one less fugg about what other people think. By 40 the numbers are so swayed that you could truely give a dam what anybody says.
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
…i want some pancakes…
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
May 15, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli OMG…you are so rigth! Thanks for looking out for a sista’s assets! LOL
By SlimOne
May 15, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this
Darrell It definitely would take a special person to step into responsibility. Regular folk have a hard enough time with dating and i guess I never thought about how hard it would be having a SNC. It definitely would be hard because initially there is not tie with you and the new person you’re dating. So naturally I wouldn’t feel that magnetism towards wanting to jump into that type of deal head first.
SexyL I was atonished at his comments to her about it. Maybe it was said out of frustration of the situation or something who knows. I felt bad for her because it had to of hurt her heart. No matter what he is still her child, flesh and blood, etc. She recently tried online dating but i dont think that’s been working out for her either. I feel sort of bad for her because I know she needs that release, just as any other parent does.
2E’s I too prefer childless men. I was just like dayum though when i heard her talking about it. It’s probably taboo for a parent of a SNC to verbalize their frustrations and irritation of having to deal every single day with it.
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
sexy the child doesn’t come first. We’ve been running that experiment and look at the miserable results we’ve got. “We” are the unit and the child follows us. unfortunately, he’s right. God, father, mother, child.
God allows different people to come into your life to accomplish his purposes. Your friends are ultimately the ones who will help you become all that God wants you to be.
By DasV
May 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
aint nothin like blog family… wassup CEEcee?? you know i loves that gleaning theory.
Demi how you gone text me bout the blog and you aint even up in this camp?? LOL
By Jo
May 15, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this
(Sorry about the multiple posts earlier..Computer ish!) Aw, Darrell, where were you when I was single & looking?? Stacey, the “universal” look, according to Caucasian men, is thin body, long straight hair (preferrably blonde) & “pretty” face (delicate features, tiny nose, very white teeth) Well, one particular chick I’d gone to highschool with had told me I “needed” plastic surgery in order to lead a “normal” life. I now know where she was coming from. Funny, she had a long, misshapen face with a real high forehead, like something out of Star Trek & her skin was covered with terrible acne (I won’t go into details but I could not eat pizza while looking at her.) She used to lord it over me because she was in high school & already engaged. The guy was a sickly little mama’s boy & ended up beating the ^%^^ out of her & yes, when she used to insult me, I spared NO words in pointing out HER flaws, both physical & otherwise. I guess putting others down made her feel better about herself, which is sad
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this
“that could be attributed to the mathematical equation that states for every year of life you give one less fugg about what other people think. By 40 the numbers are so swayed that you could truely give a dam what anybody says.”
damn sho got a good point, cause I’m not even there yet, and boy, looka here….think I give a damn now??? Givin a damn what the next person thinks will get you caught up, fvcked up, and broke!!! sometimes, all of ‘em……
By Binford2K8
May 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
On Topic
What I’ve noticed is that a few people I hang out with have “the thing”
“The Thing” is a cosmic mix of looks and general vibe that attracts women (AND PEOPLE IN GENERAL) like a magnet.
It in all honesty it is discouraging. I don’t try to compete but it’s hard when this guy puts in no effort and women flock to him while it seems I can do little right. Objectively, I know he is no better than me per say as a person - but apparently he is better at being attractive.
People like him (and I have family members with the same trait) don’t worry about going up to people as they know people will come to them in almost every situation.
I say if they could bottle it and sell it - I’d but a few bottles.
MOJO the new fragrence by Binford
By Kym
May 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli—I blame all my behavior now on Oprah and Echart Tolle. LMAO
Truth —The section on ego will cause you to not only recoginze ego in yourself but in others. But the focus is to become more aware of ego and the Pain-body(if you have gotten that far) and with the awareness comes the awakening. Once you start the awakening no matter how small there is no going back.
One of the many things Mr. Tolle said that I am still working on figuring out is the phrase..Life is the dancer and you are the dance. I have to go back to the webcast and hear his response to that one.
Cemeeli/Truth Let me know when you two get to the Pain-body story about the two monks walking. One of my most powerful Aha moment
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this
“aint nothin like blog family… wassup CEEcee?? you know i loves that gleaning theory.”
‘sup Venus…you handy wit a rake? LOLOLOLOl….been aiight?
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this
LOL 2CPTG. Yeah he is The Man. And he does handle his business well. We have been together for 7 years and he has officially changed my name to “WOMAN!!”.
Woman stop it
Woman don’t walk the f. away from me
Look here Woman
Woman are you ever coming to bed?
Me Tarzan, you Woman
Woman what do you want now
‘Cause you are my Woman that’s why
Woman you better be glad I like you
Hold your horses Woman
And last but certainly not least
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this
Truth, I will forever disagree w/you on who comes first! Especially in the case of a SNC. My “mate” will be right there helping me teach this child (depending on its limitations) what can and cannot be done. Best believe my child will come before my needs and your needs. Now, the key is treating you like you’re the head of the household, giving you the respect you justly deserve if it’s so warranted and letting you know your leadership is welcomed all the while I’m taking care of my child!!!!
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this
that post at 12:54….am I the only reading a bit of hateration? Or an admission that he wished he possessed said, MOJO?
By Jamoca's A.S.S. is crazy
May 15, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this
Wassup, MamaLong!!!
@ Truth: “The woman that asks you to walk in the door and take a backseat to her children. Special or not.”
…..what else, shootin’ mamas…d@mnit mannnn (shakin’ my dayum head) LOL!!! You are truly your father’s son….Satan Diablo Lucifer Jr …in the flesh…LOL! ….keep on’ makin’ em’ proud…..WOW!
Oh and good morning back at cha, babe (sending soft kitty licks to your right and left cheek….and don’t go there, I mean the ones on ya’ face (wink)
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this
Life begins at 40 because you had all those prior years to play around and make foolish mistakes. Now it’s time to live. Now it’s time to act like you got some doggone sense. It’s time to make life work for you and you no longer for it. Life is a teacher by experience; Speculation is the entertainment of fools.
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this
question would you take your man/woman around a very attractive female/guy if you know they are a flirt? r kelly said something like if you don’t want me to get atcha gurl, don’t bring her to the club or by me.
Demi how you gone text me bout the blog and you aint even up in this camp?? LOL fun-knee.
By mqew
May 15, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
What it do good people?!!!
Happy Thursday one mo day to the w/e
On Topic- I was inclined to think as abc when I first read it like dang what are 15… Well, until I thought back and was daaayuumm.. I remember when…
I first met my SO at a house party walkin up the stairs and I knew My bf likes all black men so she was tryin to be on him. I wasn’t even worried… actually I wouldn’t even say that I considered her as competiton until years later when I realized the root of the problem they were having her as my best friend and my spouse straight not getting along AT ALL SHE probably considered me competition. Either that or she was mad I wasn’t going out with her to attract more black men Not sayin I’m all that.. okay, yes I am
Raqi -Because she was such a hateful witch every time I saw her prior ^^^ Sounds like you were right with her that day. She probably doesn’t like having women friends cause of you.
Hey Blog ladies CeeMee I didnt speak yesterday? SexyL Staceye Slim when’s the b day party, I got 4 on it
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this
to answer my own question yep! i will have the pleasure of packin’ yo shyt if i catch you disrespecting me. thanks truth.
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
Off-topic
Sorry, Bella, but I just came across this and couldn’t resist.
Jealous husband offers wife on Ebay to highest bidder
LOL!
By 2CPTG©
May 15, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this
“to answer my own question yep! i will have the pleasure of packin’ yo shyt if i catch you disrespecting me.” …………….after 40 or so times, right?
By Raqi
May 15, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this
BinF That MoJo is how you carry yourself. If women see you sitting over in a corner looking like a lonely apathetic frump then no they will not be drawn to you. But you can sit in that same corner and just have that look like you rules the day.
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
bigd i feel his pain. i threw all of my ex’s stuff in the dumpster. awww, that felt good. lol.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
Beautiful, I understand “God, father, mother, child. Despite this understanding, my child comes first. Hey, we are all wired differently. This is how I’m wired. As the child gets older we will take turns as to who comes first (LOL).
By Demi
May 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
DasV I haven’t text you since 5/12…me and li’Demi has been sick since then…and what do you mean you’re allergic to guys who are easily amuse??!!??!!
here I am sitting on slave row (looking back to check my number) W78, minding my business…LOL
By Darrell (www.blackthen.com)
May 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
Beautiful
What’s funny is that the bids for his “allegedly” adulterous wife are approaching $1M. LOL!
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this
We talked about the 7 yr old that took his grandmother’s van earlier. Have you guys heard that he beat his grandmother up and is now being mentally evaluated!
By Cemeeli
May 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this
2C/Kym/Truth you guys have posted good points about ego, really give to what a person say does or doesn’t do.
Makes me reflect my struggles/trials/valley experiences and now after the fact i look at it and remember saying: That was for ME, custom made and no one could have advised/counsel me or really go through for or with me. Must be why i can defiently relate to ppl that truly embrace how life is a token.
I need to go eat for real i’m going deep i see.
anyway…Kym…i think, i’m going to “pause” and take the book with me on vacation.
BRB
By Beautiful
May 15, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
sexy i’m with you. but do you know that when i used to fix the kids plate first he would get pyssed. to keep the peace in my future home with my SO, i will put him first.
bigd i didn’t have time for the waiting to exhale garage sale. i could have made a pretty penny too.
By SexyLeggs
May 15, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this
Re-phrase = God is always first, then my child!
By Demi
May 15, 2008 1:37 PM | Link