Misadventures in Atlanta

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 8:22 AM | Link to this

Good Mornin Beautiful PPL

This topic is right on time. I am in that situation now. Well courting…not dating. He could only be a good friend to me. But he is such a WET NOODLE. He is too technically, tries to be different. Don’t get me wrong be you but don’t TRY to be different. You either or are you are not. I am a silly person by nature and he is a stiffler. I love to laugh and he does not know how to relax. He is such a stiffler he can ONLY relax if he has a drink and even then he is not relaxed. An alcholic stiffler!! The worst! He is smart…but he is so SMART he is dumb. He is geek and does not have COMMON sense…and is very SELFISH. He is the complete opposite of me and I do NOT understand why he likes me because we are totally different. He is not on my level at ALL. He needs to get some personality, loosen up and learn how to laugh and enjoy life. I am a firecracker who loves a good time….I like to laugh and laugh.

Ok…sorry I went off on a tangent but this it at home for me!

I will be back later with a little bit more of my rant!

By SlimOne

May 21, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

Happy Hippety Hump Yo Co-worker Day

Closed-mindedness is definitely a turn off to me….will chime back in once this thang heats up like it did yesterday.

Truth I got my gophers out to hit up the Px today, so I’m anxious to see how far my $$ goes on the liquor list.

Off-topic—>Memorial Weekend Kroger has 10 2-liter coke products for $10 with your KrogerPlus card. Walmart has 4/12pk cans of Pepsi prods for $10. I racked up last night for my b-day.

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this

I really can’t deal with people who aren’t like me and maybe I need to change that up but I truly attract people similar to me or my father…When I meet someone out the box it really doens’t go anywhere bc I can’t relate and don’t have the drive to do so….That may come more with growth who knows…but for the moment I attract similar people I guess cause it is comfort zone…J Oh Good Morning!!

By Kym

May 21, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Wisey I would ask what things are you talking about sharing with your partner? I mean we all want to have something in common with our partner but surely you don’t expect to meet some who likes everything you like…I mean surface level things like taste in books and music are not deal breakers with me. I mean I fell in love with a dude who loves rap music, video games and cartoons, while I like cartoons I can’t say the ones he are into hold my attention long..but then there is me who watches old black and white tv shows(Perry Mason),listens to jazz music and will read about and watch the history channel for hours. This is why couples need seperate spaces and then neutral common ground. IMO.

I dont know about this one..I am getting to the point that it is not the surface level stuff that gets to me I love what is below all of that.

I guess the things that would be a dealbreaker is if he didnt like to wash his body or clothes I like the smell of a man but to a point. The other thing would be if he smoked weed or cigarettes.

I may lurk on this one and wait for the blog to shift

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

sike

wise thanks! i don’t have to really post anything. you said it for me. yes, i’m picky too. in reality, i can be someone’s SO or wife. i choose to pick who i believe is good for me. working on now being good for him. cheers

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

lmao@ Kym smoke weed or cigs

Dang..He can take a took within reason. Every blue moon….just to relax. But he does not need to be an addict of weed or cigs. It’s a turn off when you need weed, cigs or alcohol to function. That is a complete turn off!! But every once in a while you can take a took and sip a lil sumthin sumthin…I know I will take a sip…and puff a drag when I am trying to get right. But I DO NOT need weed or cigs….to maintain BLOW.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

i meant to say:

in reality, i can be someone’s SO or wife right now, but i choose to pick who i believe is good for me.

i’ve read that that is backwards, men are suppose to choose. well, that’s fine and dandy, but i will make sure he fits me.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. It looks like it will be another beautiful day in Atlanta.

Have you ever dated someone and shared nothing in common? What made it work?

Can’t say that I have. I think a prevailing thought on here is that you attract what you are, so the guys I date have a lot in common with me. I don’t see how it will work if we were complete opposites.

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Morning folks.

On topic: If you don’t share some compatibility then you have to work hard, and you know folks don’t like working hard. A few things in common and a few of your own interests and we’re in good shape.

Kym I do the same thing. History channel for hours, reading, but I hate black and white movies. I’m all for the “have your own room thing” too.

Slim me and sis are going tomorrow morning. I’m excited. LOL Tell me how it works out for you.

Blow if you dislike the guy so much why even deal with him? Just tell him. The dating pool must be real shallow for you.

By Bit-O-Honey

May 21, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks and do the Humpty Hump, so Blow dude sounds like he’s not even friend material, much less dating material. What exactly do you like about this guy, if anything?

Through my dating experiences I have learned to accept people for who they are. You either like that or you do. With me, what you see is what you get. I don’t really do pretenses or facades, why bother? I’m not going to keep up the masquerade anyway. I look for a complementary personality in a dating relationship. It’s important that we have some things in common, but I’m not looking for a male clone of myself. So realistically, I know there are things that I’ll like and he may not. That’s cool and I can deal with that.

My unconventional deal-breakers are: - close-minded people, absolutely stuck in their ways, doing things the same way b/c thats they way they’ve always done it. -excessive use of profanity. This is a BIGGIE for me, b/c it tells me your vocabulary is extremely limited. - has no appreciation for the arts. This includes, theatre, music, poetry, reading, writing, art work, etc. - no swag. In this day and age, I feel everybody should have something fly going for themselves, this does not necessarily mean being dimed out in designer duds. - has a list of things they don’t: do/like. I guess this ties into being closed minded, however, if you haven’t experienced much, but also aren’t willing to try it, we won’t make it. - immensely loves to travel. I am a travel enthusist and am all over the place, sometimes at a moments notice. My guys has to love to travel. -lacks spontaneity. This is CRUCIAL b/c I love the element of surprise and I don’t think ever facet of life should be planned out to exactness. Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and do things just because it feels right.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

wise i have stopped dating guys because their too young, their bedroom skills are way too kinky, they were shallow, thinks everyone is a stalker (i had to pay the price for the mistakes of other women), wanted me to take care of him, was very secretive about his life, etc. no thanks!

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

Truth so true why are we so lazy to making a relationship happen and get comfortable so quick with mainstream??? Good point sir!

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Truth & Bit O honey It was a experiment….To see what would happen if I dated out of my normal circle of guys would it be any different. Thanks to you guys on here…on others..I tried to see what would become of dating a different breed. I have learned…so I will not be doing this again. Oh yeah we are friends…strictly…No hanky panky..Not at all!

By NoNonsense

May 21, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Hey Wisey, it’s been a while since I stumbled in here. My hubby and I were total opposites at the beginning. I think we were each others challenge and both set out to break the other. We are really in tune now we can finish each other’s thoughts. 14 years and 5 kids into it we are as thick as the day we met. It is good to see you are still hanging in here and I wish you all the best.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

lady j good morning! nice to read ya. the only work we should be doing in a relationship is keeping it going. if you meet someone who blow described and you know from jump that you two are way off, then you’ll end of regretting wasting two years of your life.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

If you don’t share some compatibility then you have to work hard

But Truth, I don’t see why you’d want to date someone you don’t share some compatibility with. Help me understand from your POV.

By pisces 08

May 21, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Morning All. I saw a “real” Amazon Red this morning… the diff? about 10 to 15 pounds, both are very beautiful, uh…. attractive. sorry. Anyway, compatibility is a must, a common outlook on life. Have a great day!

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah a deal breaker with me.. Would be too many kids…Also I have to agree with you about the music…I mean you do not have to be LIKE me..But I do want you to be open to alot of things. Don’t just be stickler…Be approach able and not like you undies are stuck in a wedge in your crack. Loosen the FLUCK up!! I hate stifflers!!

By 6'1 & Luvin it (Partying like a porn*)

May 21, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Good People Happy Hump Day brb

By Rell

May 21, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

sup to the players…..and a church hug to all my bust it babies

@slim..so when are the evites going out for the parrtay

@kym…history channel i got you…all day long…that i me..so much so my wife is like pls no history channel today..i also like the discovery channel..i cant get enough of man vs wild..that dude is crazy..he truly is a bear…lol..i dont like the court shows…and reading..i have boxes of books…lol..

@truth…i think after this weekend i am going to donate my liver to science…lol

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Beautiful I mean he is a real stiffler…serious. Alot of times when I am on here talk smack..I am just shooting the breeze. It’s all in fun. I am a fun loving. carefree, optimistic person. I can not have a technical, stiffler, no converstation having sponge bob squarepants around me. I mean yall don’t know how MUCH this topic hit it on the nail.

I only tried to open my options a little bit more and look what I got…a big STICK IN THE MUD..Back to my old turn ons.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Aw..pisces, what a nice thing to say. Thanks! So I guess you’ll still love me if I gain 10-15 pounds? ;-)

By the way, check your email.

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah another huge turn off is NOT KNOWING how to drive. You are a man for crying out laughed…Know how to DRIVE. That is mandatory dealing with me. Sorry again everyone but again, this TOPIC is right on time!!

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Good morning peeps! KP has entered the building. I’m going to lurk on this topic for a while so I can get some work done.

By Kym

May 21, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Rell see that is why there should be a space for you and a space for her. You watch history channel she can watch lifetime. I also love HGTV but I am sure no man wants to sit there watching Deserving Design or Design on a Dime with me go to your “batcave”

Most homes in America have at least two televisions.

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

you are soo right Beautiful and good morning but we have to give a lil effort but can’t ignore red flags!!!

By Foots

May 21, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

The majority of the people that I’ve dated, I’ve had at least some basic things in common with. Those men have been mostly left-brained, fairly ambitious, lovers of travel and trying new things, folks that are just doing something with their lives. I remember once when I dated a sensitive artist type in my early 20s. Nothing in common at all with him, and it didn’t last long. The only reason why it lasted as long as it did was because he brought a 2-Liter to bed, instead of a Sippy Cup.

With my Match.com experience, I have a very good idea of who I would be compatible with on an “interests” level. You can also get a feel for their personalities through reading how they present themselves. Out of all of the folks I met in my 6 months there, not surprisingly, I had MANY things in common with the people I corresponded with.

By Bit-O-Honey

May 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

KP I’m finally checking out your blogspot today. I’ve been sleeping on you..LOL

By SlimOne

May 21, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Rell They were already sent out May 1st. But i mailed yours via Pony Express Telegram service. You should be getting it in about 2 months.

By Rell

May 21, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

@kym…we have three tv’s….but ummm for some reason i have to go to sleep with the history channel on..that is what she means…LMAO..wierd like that..when i go to sleep the history channel is on….last night i went to sleep with the UNIVERSE on…the end of our universe was the focus…lol…i am trying to break the habit..but i have been doing it for years..because i will wake up say around 3 or 4 and start watching until the sun comes up or until 6 then it is sportscenter or cnn…..lol

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

lady j yes i agree. sit back in the cut and just watch. some red flags we can deal with or work with. but i imagine very little.

foots you internet date also. i really enjoy it. i have had great results too. have you tried e-harmony yet. i will once i get settled.

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

@Bit-O-Honey I need to check it out too…The brotha may have something to say…lol

By Lurker

May 21, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Was reading the rest of the comments from yesterday’s entries.

Beautiful take notes.

Here’s what the ladies are trying to relay. Classic faux pas, my mistaken, knew it as the words departed my mouth. Couple of days ago, encountered a hot dude, wicked motorcycle, chatted a while, the flow is good, he’s says take my number. Me, put it on him, said no you take mine wanna see just how interested you are. Vibing still. He takes my number then dialed my phone and says “lock it in” puts it back in my court. Kill joy? Why did I end the conversation with “I don’t give it up easily.” Not certain what happened in that moment. Oxygen cut off from the brain for a sec maybe? Not a thing I commonly do. Grant it, I think that way but tend to make it known in ways unspoken. I felt the entire conversation come to a skreeching halt. Damn damn damn!!!

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

BOH what’s up? kp’s blog is very informative. he sheds light on things that you wouldn’t ordinarily think about. he’s not really trying to save-a-ho, just helping you think more about your life as a single person, your life with your SO, how to make your marriage better, etc. good read. he also helps you with your to do list (something to refer to and work on every day). enjoy the journey!

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

lurker hello. my comments yesterday were about me and other ppl’s story rolled into one. i don’t need any relationship expert advice from you or anyone on here. i got this!

By abc

May 21, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

It has less to do with having things in common and more to do with things that one simply can’t tolerate.

If one likes antique shopping, museums, plays and art shows and the other likes to build things and work on cars, they can certainly pursue their own interests without the other and be fine with each other. But if one drinks heavily and one is a teetotaler, if one is Christian and one is Atheist, if one embraces groups of people and the other is a total loner, then there are compatibility issues.

By Binford2K8

May 21, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

A relationship is like two circles that overlap. There is a part of the circles that don’t touch but a good part that does.

In my thinking - if I don’t have a good amount of overlap with someone I will not be fulfilled regardless of how open minded I am. But I also want parts that don’t overlap so I experience things I would not on my own.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Bit-o-honey, thanks for hitting my spot. Hopefully, you found something interesting.

Lady-J, I promise the information I share won’t hurt you :). You many not totally agree with my thoughts, but I’m getting used to it. MIA has really opened-up my eyes to how unique my thoughts are :)

Beautiful, thanks for the shout out!

abc, you made a good point!

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

But I also want parts that don’t overlap so I experience things I would not on my own.

excellent point! i discussed this with a guy once. i told him that it would be great for him to bring something diff to the table. and vise versa.

By SlimOne

May 21, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

KP Bit-o-honey, thanks for hitting my spot. Hopefully, you found something interesting I’m appalled. lol I’m not sure you should be using that type of verbage..I sentence you to 56346 Hell Cherry’s.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 21, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Blow Me You know I love to act goofy and have fun..so I feel you on the person who has zilch sense of humor! That is a dealbreaker. I need someone as silly as I am.

He is geek and does not have COMMON sense now I mentioned this a few months back and some said that made now sense! Hmmmm…

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

Ared I was saying if you don’t have things in common you will always work hard to connect. It makes the job much harder.

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Ha Ha I can post and you can’t. LMAO

By Poppa Grande

May 21, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

Truth Who did you payoff? lol

By Wise Diva

May 21, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Thanks for your patience everyone!!

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva - Thanks for having IT put up the disclaimer. It was helpful and appreciated.

Truth - Your above quote mentioned compatibility specifically, which is why I asked for more clarification. Thanks for clearing it up.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

wise no problem. our computer system went down yesterday for about an hour. sh** happens!

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

MIA has really opened-up my eyes to how unique my thoughts are :)

KP - Great observation. This blog does give you insight to how other people are. I tend to only hang with certain types of people with chartain character.

I notice that on this blog, if you’re battling between naughty and nice, a good number of folks are going to encourage you to go to the dark side. LOL. Doesn’t happen to me in real life.

By Wise Diva

May 21, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

oh, I did that AmazonRed, LOL one of the few tricks I can do :)

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Aye! Well thank you WiseDiva! And can you make sure Bella knows these tricks as well? LOL

By Kym

May 21, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

And were back folks..

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Kym since you like A New Earth, do you believe in god?

Poppa I have friends in low places. LOL

Ared I don’t think folks try to guide others to the negative. It’s just life is for living. Sometimes the only way to know if you like something or not is to try it. My .02

By mytwocents

May 21, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

Is there something unconventional about disliking golden colored teeth or wishing he’d have read a book since Huckleberry Finn waaay back when? Yeah? Well I’m S.O.L.

KP’s blog is… interesting and may provoke thought — Got me thinkin bout if “cuz the Bible said so” is a good reason for women not to approach men and more recently pondering whether I’ve been designed for marriage or just a spinsterhood ‘ministry’ w/ the perks of channeling my energies elsewhere. Won’t know till the mysterious male open-selection process ends.

Just wondering, Beauty, do you temper all the advice/lists/dos & don’ts found there & elsewhere with what’s already inside of your head, your heart? You’ve referenced materials which tell you what to do in dating and relationships, copied lists you’ll now live by, but what are you telling you to do? Women are often accused of over-thinking, but we also under-think. We’ll disregard our natural, organic instincts to follow a How To Guide from the Nov ‘06 issue of Essence or say, the May 30th entry of someone’s blog… Glad you didn’t take the rest of the week off.

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

LOL I pulled up the blog at 1:30 and saw the last comment was at 11am. I wondered what happened to everyone.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Truth - If if was up to some of you (guys in particular), us women would slinging azz in all directions (if we aren’t already, lol).

No one is saying to deprive yourself. But everything you want to do in life is not always the best thing for you.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed, thanks for your observation.

SlimOne, I am not immune from using creative blog talk :). I adapt to my environment.

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 2:31 PM | Link to this

IMO a certain level of like elements must exist to create the core of the relationship. And those vital elements would be things such as work ethics, spirituality, consideration, and financial stability. From there we must share some common leisure interest that provide for us actually liking to be with and around each other. And last but certainly not least our level of desired intimacy must coincide.

Aside from the obvious drug, alcohol and sexual addictions, deal breakers for me would be laziness, indifference, withdrawn and irresponsibleness.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 21, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Testing testing..is this thing on…..

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

Of the few meaningful relationships that I have been in, I feel my time with the Nature Guy was the most wasted. I tolerated a lot until I just had to get out. He was really a nice man, but our common interests and level of oomph just did not agree.

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

Ared some of the joys of life can be had outside of the bedroom. As a matter of fact, most are. I think like sex most things are a matter of attitude. If a person is fearful of everything or everything new their life is limited and boring. Every once in awhile you have to shake it up. If you do that enough it becomes its own mindset. I’m always looking for new things to do that I can enjoy not only today but in the future. Sometimes you just have to roll the dice.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

mytwocents i’m very interested in how men think and why they are the way they are. i agree with you, i am over thinking things. i’m not dating now, so it’s easy to say what i’m going to do when i do begin dating again. all of this info will probably be thrown out of the window when i meet him, because he will be no where in the material or books i’ve come across. but what i do know is that things will be different. i’ll understand where he’s coming from and i’m pretty sure he’ll appreciate that.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

some of the joys of life can be had outside of the bedroom. As a matter of fact, most are.

Um..duh. But this is a dating blog.

Anywho, I don’t disagree with that point, so we’re venturing off into left feel. I’m sure KP got what I was trying to say. And my opinion remains unchanged. :-)

By For Real

May 21, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

Wise I don’t think you are a snob but you are irrational in some of your thoughts. How can you claim to have an open mind then turn around and close it for the various reason you gave. Oh and I have someone for you to meet. Last Word meet Wise yall have sooo much in common.

KP MIA has really opened-up my eyes to how unique my thoughts are

Define unique. I think the reason you see some opposition here is that you think you are the only one with a story worth telling. You also make the mistake of believing that you are the only one that has been on a search to better yourself. And the biggest mistake you make is that you believe that you posse more knowledge on God, relationships, and ones purpose in life. Oh and I know it was late but I want to know if you are having relations with your SO and do you feel it’s okay bc you are building towards a long lasting covenant?

2E’s I’ll be over there tonight to play Strip Jokes with you. Remember the rules: If the joke ain’t funny you have to strip.

In my DarkVader voice.. Ared I want to be your baby daddy!!!

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

KP your blog rocks Frat!!! Keep that good stuff coming!!! I will support it!

By Kym

May 21, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this

Truth I do believe in God just not in the sense that religion has made he/she out to be. I cant allow myself to believe for the sake of arguement lets say “The Source” who has unconditional love for his/her creation and at the same time upholding all of the hatred in the world in his/her name. The bible if as it is written has been used to promote more hate in this world than love..which in the end is the “true” goal of the source. I stopped believing in hell(after death) and believe in hell(here and now) I can’t imagine a place worse than our world as it is now..where it is okay to kill a woman in some places because she wishes to learn, or harm innocent babies for sexual pleasure, or where a man can be hung or shot or far worse simply because he doesnt hold the same religious belief. So yes I believe in God but a God of love and peace who gave his nutjob creation wayyy to much freewill and is waiting with unconditional love until the morons he created figure it out.

Truth u know I ought to kick you because now all the religious zealots are going to come out

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

KP your blog rocks Frat!!! Keep that good stuff coming!!! I will support it!

By SexyLeggs

May 21, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

If we have NOTHING in common, then there isn’t a match. There must be some level of compatibility. No, I do not want to date someone exactly as myself with the same likes and dislikes. I don’t necessarily want to be “on the same page” all the time. Let’s liven things up shake up the box. That’s what I want!

By Lady J

May 21, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

KP your blog rocks Frat!!! Keep that good stuff coming!!! I will support it!

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Lady J - Frat? Are you a SG Rho?

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

melo are you around?? I got a funny for you.

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

mytwocents Glad you didn’t take the rest of the week off.

that’s very nice of you to say. i’m not going to put anyone on blast, but i receive e-mails and text msg from bloggers who give me support. and i love them for that. thx guys!

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

lady j he’ll have a talk show on soon. i doubt if i’ll call in.

By anonymousella

May 21, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

so um.. like i was about to say before the blog broke …

for me, the common thing is tied to class — which is a big shaper of your views, experience, lifestyle, and values, IMO. i just want someone to whom i don’t have to explain (most) stuff.*

that’s really hard to find when my upbringing, education, income, occupation, religious beliefs, and interests puts me squarely at odds with most black men and my blackness puts me at odds with non-black men. i hate being The Great Negro Explainer to my white friends. and i hate being The Great Bougie Explainer to black people who aren’t middle class.

that’s not to say i won’t date out of my class (who am i kidding? yes it does) or out of my race, or even that middle-class black men are a guaranteed match. but similarity of background smooths out a lot of stuff. it really does.

By SlimOne

May 21, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

KP I am not immune from using creative blog talk :). I adapt to my environment

Well I have a few friends down at the Trapeze that needs a spiritual intervention. Said while picturing how KP will adapt to that environment…MUAH HA HA HA - evil laugh

By mytwocents

May 21, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Beautiful Thx for the reply. I’m THRILLED that you’re prepared to toss it all in the wind. I really hope you mean it, girl! Feeling your way thru has gotta be much more fun. And the men here do offer good food for thought - in between the misogony & stuff. It’s entertaining to read them, put yourself in somma their scenarios and chuckle at the disastrous possibilities. :)

By SeanJohnson3000

May 21, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

@ 4real…good post very well said…not knocking dude..put folks gotta realize …we may cut the fool on here but you have some peeps on here that have read and researched things…and are NOT sheep

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

mytwocents IMO, the men on this blog is ruining it for the men out there. that goes for the authors (tell all books) too. i (we) know more than we should. it’s a great feeling to be one step ahead though. seriously, truth should be paid for the words he put on here.

By mytwocents

May 21, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

Well no one can agree w/ everyone all the time, Beauty. And I just think if you let Blog adversity wear you down, then, real life trials will have you playin in traffic on a busy day.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

I guess I should have gone the underground route and put this comment under a name other than mine as to not incite a blog war…

But I’m just wondering if Angie’s lips are tired from all the azz kissing she’s done today. LOL

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 21, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

For Real You are a nut! LOL

*anonymousella The Great Negro explainer….LMAO! Now that one is a new one!

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

I want to know if you are having relations with your SO and do you feel it’s okay

ForR that’s what I wanted to ask him today.

By Kym

May 21, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Beautiful Thank goodness that is just your opinion because I wouldnt dare let the words of some nameless, faceless dude, tell me how to love the man in my life. I may take the tips and say hmmm but to say these guys opinions are ruining it.

You know what blog disregard these comments - I realize my error-lost cause if every I read one.

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

SJ and that’s fine if you “choose” not to be sheep. Find what works for you. I haven’t gotten from any of KP’s comments that he’s downing anybody’s choice to believe, follow, recite, what they choose. It’s amazing to me how people are so quick to dismiss something that doesn’t fit into their customized box; that goes for so called Bible Thumpers too. But I don’t feel that is KP’s platform. Everyday people come on here and “share” what THEY consider to be knowledge. If you can get with it, cool; if not, kick rocks. But to single people out for their opinions or insight is absolutely amazing to me. Especially since this is a blog meant for sharing (go figure).

It takes all kinds to make the world go round

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

mytwocents wear you down this blog doesn’t wear me down. lol. at 4:30 i leave it behind along with my job.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Kym - I feel you. Nothing said on here is particular profound dating wise, if you know the basic tenents of the dating game. But glad some people are acquiring loads of knowledge. LOL We’re only as strong as our weakest link.

By pisces 08

May 21, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

…um, not exactly. More like 5:00 or 5:15…. lol

By Foots

May 21, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

anonymousella but similarity of background smooths out a lot of stuff

My mom is a big fan of that train of thought. There is definitely something to be said for dating someone who was raised in the same basic type of environment and who has your general value system, among other things. I’ve tried it every which way from Sunday, and all of my best relationships came with people from a like background. So Moms really does know a thing or two…

By Alecia

May 21, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

I can’t tolerate smokers or guys who drinks everyday. Smoking is the biggest turnoff though. Nothing like cigarette breath and the lingering smell of smoke in clothes.

By Alecia

May 21, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

I can’t tolerate smokers or guys who drink everyday. Smoking is the biggest turnoff though. Nothing like cigarette breath and the lingering smell of smoke in clothes.

By DreamsMaterialize

May 21, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

Hey Everyone Had to sneak in and holla at everyone.

On-topic: I don’t think it’s as much about compatibility as it is about what you feel makes you complete. My grandmother was a devout catholic, and my grandfather didn’t even believe in religion. My grandmother was mild-mannered and reserved, but the wild and courageous personality of my grandfather was what attracted her. Conversely, my grandfather was attracted to the stable and calming personality of my grandmother. They were married 53 years. I too tend to be attracted to women with qualities that are very different from my own. I’m very analytical, but I tend to be drawn to more artsy types. Am I the only one drawn to my opposite? Maybe it’s the libra in me that seeks balance.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

For real, my SO and I have opted to refrain from sexual relations. I don’t condone it even if we were/are headed for a full-time covenant relationship also known as marriage. It’s difficult (very doggone difficult), but allows our focus to remain on our character/synergy/personality versus intimacy/lust. Just our choice, but i’m sure someone will find some ‘condescending’ translation from my bible-thumping position :).

By SeanJohnson3000

May 21, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

@ Deeva….i see you are defending KP as if it was Long Paper or Dollar Dollar Bill Yall…and i am not attacking him at all….. but 4 real’s post was true…like i said i am not a sheep…so chill out lil buddy before i make a coat out of you

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

tips, something that makes you say hmmmm, that’s exactly what they are. :-)

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Wow!! I NEED MY DRUGS DIVA!! Thanks for gettin me my fix….

By Kym

May 21, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

Well KP I have a question you mention previously that you have ministering for the last 4 years since 2004 so does that mean you have been celibate for the last 4 years. Do you and the SO have chaperone dates so as to fight off temptation? By the way in peeping your blog entry for May 1st you mentioned that you were single..but today is the 21st so when did this long term committment happen?

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

anonymousella - I wanted to let your post marinate a bit, but I agree with your thinking. Do you really have trouble meeting middle class men though? I think there is a very good network of black professional men and women in Atlanta.

KP - I’m proud of you and your SO. I’m attempting to go this route. It would make the journey much easier if the guy was on board with this notion upfront! LOL

pisces - Don’t get me started. LOL. Who is she fooling?

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By Kym

May 21, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

KP By the way I have been to Elizabeth Baptist Church with your right Rev Craig Oliver..he has some good messages at times wasnt really feeling the mass baptism that I witnessed though.

Something rubs me the wrong way about any preacher to above getting in the water with the sinners he is trying to save

By For Real

May 21, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Anon that’s really hard to find when my upbringing, education, income, occupation, religious beliefs, and interests puts me squarely at odds with most black men

That is really deep but what if everyone walked out of the house with that notion? Then what?

3Stacks I agree with you and the sheep thing. God gaves all of us a brain and a discerning nature but it’s up the you to use it. But his response to the opposition KP receives on the blog suggest like most other pastors that he doesn’t speak to men bc he doesn’t like to be questioned or challenged and women usually offer the least resistance as evidenced by the number of blog females that question him.

2E’s You are a nut is not funny. STRIP!!!

Raqi Well keep your shoes on and have seat next me. We wait together. Here have a cert.

D4L I haven’t read any post to where anyone thinks that KP is downing somebody and I don’t think anyone is dismissing what he is saying. But wha KP and the other biblethumpers have to realize is that God made each of us to live the life He planned and that life will not be like your, mines or theirs. Now, D4L is that Jamaican??

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By SexyLeggs

May 21, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Kym, if he’s not married, then he’s single. Isn’t that how those titles work??

KP, if I’m correct and you were basically a “dog” back in the day, going celibate must have been a hard decision to make. I applaud you!

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By lovelyliz

May 21, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Guns. I just don’t do guns and don’t care to be around them.

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

SJ I’m not “defending” anybody…KP and anybody else on this blog is capable of taking up for themselves. It was a simple observation. You made your comment and I made mine…the end.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

Kym, I have recently entered into the commitment with my SO. As a result, I need to update my myspace and blog pages indicating my relationship status. However, until someone is married, they are single. You can be boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, etc., but there are two relationship statuses…married and unmarried. And yes…I’ve taken a vow of celibacy :). Thanks for the reminder!

AmazonRed, it’s a difficult journey, but helps maintain balance.

I don’t want to derail the topic for today.

On topic - Everyone needs to establish their own list of non-negotiables and negotiables. If your non-negotiables include money, power, job type and looks, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Focus on things that essential for long-term fulfillment and not short-term happiness.

By imjustduckie

May 21, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Guys that wear fanny packs!!
sorry - can not handle this at all… (yes - before I get slammed, I know it’s me. whatever - she asked)

By mytwocents

May 21, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

Dreams I agree to a certain extent. Rather, in certain areas I’d want a balance and in others I want a closer (but not exact) match.

By Blow Me a.k.a MOST HATED ON

May 21, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

DEEVA Please one times is ENOUGH! This blog is really fragile today…take it easy!! I have a few more minutes to get my fix.

By SeanJohnson3000

May 21, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

@ 4 real…bruh thats what i am saying…people are sheep…BIG sheep..and a sheep is one of the dumbest animals…willing to be LED anywhere..and like you say…women are less resistant..when it comes to preachers and the government. I am not here to discredit KP but i just challenge folks to read and research things for themselves…i DONT like preaching or singing…i am all about knowledge and the truth.. too many close minded folks CONDITIONED.

By DreamsMaterialize

May 21, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

anonymousella Funny thing is that I tend to be “squarely at odds” with many of the people who would be classified as my socioeconomic equals. My parents started out broker than broke, but would now be considered upper middle class. That economic transition often gives me a perspective that other in my “class” do not have.

By SeanJohnson3000

May 21, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

@ 4 real…bruh thats what i am saying…people are sheep…BIG sheep..and a sheep is one of the dumbest animals…willing to be LED anywhere..and like you say…women are less resistant..when it comes to preachers and the government. I am not here to discredit KP but i just challenge folks to read and research things for themselves…i DONT like preaching or singing…i am all about knowledge and the truth.. too many close minded folks CONDITIONED.

By Kym

May 21, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

In his blog he made it seem as if he was beating the chicks off with a stick and he wanted them to know he was working on himself. That was 20days ago. Today he is in a long term committment. Frankly I don’t right care I just know I smell snake oil..and feel the breeze of a Rev Ike praycloth in the air..and so I questioned it.

I am of the mind set of the fellows on this one..Some ministers tend to “prey on women” as oppose to doing the hard work of actually working with men. And looking their brothers in the eye and saying dude you wrong. Like For Real and SJ said because they know they will be met with resistance soooo they take “the road most traveled” and give the excuse of well the men won’t listen.
That excuse is weak as water and is not worth the energy put forth to utter it. If you are truly about building a kingdom then the keyword in that should be “king” that means you start with the leader or future leaders and you have to be up to the challenge. It is easy to minster to single women and preach about relationships but “duh” are not the single women going to have to meet single men?..What is the point of picking and choosing your audience from the ones who frankly are overloaded with helpful hints. Why not set your sites on the massive amount of future young men in need of guidance? That is where you are most needed.

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

KP - I’ve been a goody goody all my life, so it’s not a challenge when I’m not dating someone or only dating casually. However, I feel that when you move to the exclusive stage, it’s not fair to him if he doesn’t see things the same way as I do. Even if he calls himself Christian. I think if I were to meet a man who had already made the decision to be celibate, it would resolve a lot of issues. But I didn’t so…LOL

P.S. I don’t mind veering off topic today since we’ve pretty much lost momentum with the blog going down and all. LOL

By The Truth

May 21, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Sexy he wasn’t a dog. He knocked off a few chicks and had a change of heart. Big difference. If he did 50 chicks he’d be lucky. And that I doubt. Guys with a conscience can’t do it to long.

If someone has a direct line with god I’ll have a nice convo mano y mano. Other than that I’m getting some other dudes watered down version and I’d prefer to make up my own shyt than listen to something someone else made up.

SJ chicks are socialized to be team players. We’re socialized to be the star player. In the end his words will have no affect as a woman will do as her heart pleases, even if it brings on her own ruin. Don’t worry my friend, there will always be a fresh supply of booty. LOL

For Real But his response to the opposition KP receives on the blog suggest like most other pastors that he doesn’t speak to men bc he doesn’t like to be questioned or challenged and women usually offer the least resistance So true. He already said that he’s trying to corral the women in hopes of raining in the men. SMH

By Deeva4Life

May 21, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Blow I promise I only hit the post button once…LOL

For Real LOL…no not Jamaican.

By SexyLeggs

May 21, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

…That economic transition often gives me a perspective that other in my “class” do not have. WELL SAID!

By Beautiful

May 21, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Why not set your sites on the massive amount of future young men in need of guidance? That is where you are most needed.

^5. good nite folks!

By pyt

May 21, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Why is this blog so n****?

By Foots

May 21, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

KP It sounds like the blog is pointing you in the direction of developing a men’s ministry specifically to prepare the young men to be good citizens, Christians, and significant others. Is this something that you would be willing to work towards? As many say around here, once the men get right, the rest of the family (and community) will follow. We always see so much geared towards women in the church, but like Rell said yesterday, the men are ignored until Men’s Day and Father’s Day. This seems like as good of a time as any to focus more on the men; if you can get them “right”, then less broken-hearted, confused women can be the indirect result of your efforts.

By Jo

May 21, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

I have SO many deal-breakers I’m surprised I didn’t end up alone. Smokers/drinkers are a big no-no. I won’t tolerate a man who still refers to me as his “friend” even after we’ve been sexing. He has to show me affection in public & not be ashamed to introduce me to his family & friends. He cannot be dirty & smelly. He cannot sit back & expect me to support him. He cannot expect us to share EVERY interest. He cannot be a bleeding heart liberal & cause me to worry that he’s giving away our money to bums & crackheads. He has to accept a woman’s right to choose. He has to have a mind of his own. He can’t expect me to give up the kitty too soon. He can’t push his beliefs on me. He can’t be anti-Semitic. He has to at least tolerate animals. He can’t be a nasty housekeeper but if he is, he should be open to improvement. Gee is that enough??

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

May 21, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

I appreciate the intense dialog we share on this blog and that’s one of the reasons I participate. I am here to gain different perspectives on dating and relationships. It seems that others are more intrigued with my ‘title’ of minister than I am. One of the brothers (The Truth I believe) said it best yesterday and SJ3000 confirmed it today. We are all individuals who need to make our own educated decisions in life. If you are going to take a stance, be willing to accept the criticism for doing so. Most of the folks on here abide by that theory and I applaud those who don’t fall for just anything.

On topic - I haven’t seen too many non-negotiables listed by the men on this blog. Do we have any non-negotiables as it relates to the women we will entertain?

Kym, Thanks for checking us (Elizabeth) out! We are not a perfect church, but always striving to get better.

By For Real

May 21, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

KP If you like it I love it just wanted to know if you were putting “azz to practice” as my paw-paw use to say. So I guess you wouldn’t want to see this nakked picture of Haley Berry with her new mamma breastestes then….

3Stacks What’s the old saying:

An unexamined faith is a blind faith.

By Raqi

May 21, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

KP can I send you an email?

By Foots

May 21, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Jo Girl, yeah, that’s enough! Dang! Can dude at least breathe through both nostrils at the same time??? LOL!!

By SexyLeggs

May 21, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

KP, how did you find this blog???

By AmazonRed

May 21, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

It seems that others are more intrigued with my ‘title’ of minister than I am

KP - Another good observation.

Before the blog closes, how did you find MIA?

By Wise Diva

May 21, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

oh pyt, please don’t take it there, it’s not that kind of day, ok?

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba