AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > June > 27 > Entry
Back to basics
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Good morning!
Today will be my last entry on the MIA blog! I’ve enjoyed navigating the dating scene with all of you for the past year!
I find myself wondering what, if anything, I’ve learned about my dating life in the past year. And it’s this: always go back to the fundamentals. The basic things I knew to be true four years ago are still true, and it’s only when I stray away from those that I find myself unhappy with my dating situation.
FUNDAMENTAL #1: Be choosy about who you date. I found myself questioning some precautions I’d been taking in dating this year, wondering if I was being too picky about who I let into my heart. But as soon as I let my guard down, BAM! I got my heart jerked around. I need to be picky by acknowledging any red flags from the get-go, because it always ends up saving me a lot of emotional trauma later.
FUNDAMENTAL #2: Dating is easy. You call, you go out, you have a good time. Rinse and repeat. Any confusion, pain, or otherwise negative feelings associated with this process simply means they’re not into you. (Actual relationships, including marriage, are a little more complicated. But nothing should be difficult during the dating process!)
FUNDAMENTAL #3: Trust your gut. It’s a cliché, but we don’t really trust our own instincts sometimes. If you think he’s cheating, he probably is. If you think she slept with your friend, she probably did. If you think that hottie giving you the sizzle eyes is trouble, he or she probably is. This concept applies to almost every situation, yet sometimes I’m so goo-goo-eyed “in like” or in love that I forget how effective it is!
What sort of dating fundamentals would you add to this list — things you’ve known for a long time but sometimes have to remind yourself of? Possibly things your family or friends taught you a long time ago or things you learned the hard way? What basics do you always go back to after years of dating?
Happy Friday and happy dating everyone!
Permalink | Comments (310) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Comments
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this
Bella Really?!?! Well, I wish you all the best and I enjoyed reading you while you hung in here with us nutty folks.
Again I wish all the best that life has to offer.
But before I tackle the topic, what does this mean for MIA???
By SlimOne
June 27, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this
Said in my Sylvestor Stallone Rocky voice Beeellllaaa….Bellllaaaa* So what’s next for ya chica?
Much success to you in the future.
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this
hair flip to da ladies
on topic
FUNDAMENTAL #1: do you feel as if you may make a mistake and let a good one go being picky and choosy? i do! but i remain true.
FUNDAMENTAL #2: bella are you Ared? demask sista!
FUNDAMENTAL #3: this is why i’m in y’alls life. i trusted my gut. believe everything your stomach tells you!
FUNDAMENTAL #4: if you build it, HE WILL COME! get your life right. work on it everyday. that gentleman walking by will take notice.
FUNDAMENTAL #5: keep dating super simple baby! your first date should not cost you $150!!! i see you rell.
2 you got mail!
Longtime Lady Lurker i got this!
By The Truth
June 27, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this
Bella you made it exactly 365 days. Congrats. I hope your experience wasn’t to bad. This is a tough blog and just based on your age you have far less dating experience than even our youngest bloggers. You hung in there kid. LOL
Fundamentals: Always do you. Don’t alter what you are to make someone else feel comfortable. I can do me forever but the act grows old real quick.
Also, alot of things can be compensated for but stupid is a deal killer. Remember, “when you’re stupid your whole body suffers”.
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this
Heeey! Happy Friday. Bella this is surprising news! Did you get fired from MIA? (j/k, kinda).
Angie - Bella and I are not the same but we are both Sagittariuses and I think our birthdays are a day apart. And uh, isn’t it a little early there in Cali for you to be up and posting? LOL
By SexyLeggs
June 27, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this
Bella, we will miss you. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your topics and have learned quite a bit from the residents of Blogsville. I wish you the best in all your future endeavors.
I agree w/you = back to basics! Stay true to yourself. Dating shouldn’t be as complicated as depicted here, but apparently it is.
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this
ARed it is. but the house is most quiet at 5:00a. i blog or lurk, pamper myself, watch some news, make coffee, read alittle, walk chewy, check e-mails, take something out for dinner, water the garden. i love this time of the day.
By 2CPTG©
June 27, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this
Ared, I’m with you……it’s 6 in da’ morning out there…..
Bella, take her with you!
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this
What up Peeps
On Topic: Sorry Bella, it’s Friday.
(But personally, I think that this was one of your best topic weeks.)
By pisces 08
June 27, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
Good morning All. Best of luck Bella.
Hey, remember to keep the food establishments closed today!
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this
LOL Amazon I was thinking the same thing. You know I have much vitual love for my blog mates, but not so much that yall will find me pulling it up in the wee hours of the morning, on my vacation, on my day off or after hours. But then again Beautiful admitted to not having a life outside of these monitors.
Beautiful you are really not looking to good right now. Pull back a little. And I am saying this to help you.
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this
The basic things I knew to be true four years ago are still true, and it’s only when I stray away from those that I find myself unhappy with my dating situation.
Bella - I agree. Great topic week and I’m all for the above. Stay true to your principals and self! I agree with all your fundamentals too.
By pisces 08
June 27, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
@Wise Maybe it would be wise to incorporate a guest writer/freelance in the weekly blog. I suggest using one of the “proven” regulars.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this
In my relationship the main basic fundamental I continuously have to remember is…he’s just a man. LOL Just kidding…that’s the second thing. (hehehe)
But seriously the first is no one is perfect. Not him and definitely not me. We are two individuals raised in two different households with two separate personalities so conflict is inevitable.
Other Fundamentals:
Be the perfect mate that you expect of your partner
Be true to yourself
Don’t accept any wooden nickels
Never compromise your integrity for nooooo one
Last but not least, never stop having fun.
By Rell
June 27, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this
GUESS THEY ATE MY FIRST POST
godspeed bella…so when mia left she posted a pic…are you going to do the same
ummm why er body on angie?!?!?!?!….
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
raqi sweetie. when i said i don’t have a life a loooooong time ago, i was kidding. ha ha. smh. you’re on here as much as i am. please.
2 back to square one. i tried.
By PornStar* in da Building (**6'1**)
June 27, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
Good morning good people! This breakfast is dedicated to Bella This has definitely been one of your best weeks since I joined the gang. We are definitely going to miss you. I must really like you because I am sponsoring this breakfast without the help of my temp with the food stamps. BRB with the spread!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
2CPTG - Did you close that fake email account because the trap has been laid. LOL
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
6’1 Good morning good people! This breakfast is dedicated to Bella…
So where is it? Dang. …no eggs, no grits, no nuttin’. Where is Cee?
By The Melo
June 27, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
Good luck Bella in all of ur endeavors in lyfe….. Im with Truth, i smetimes thought u were a bit young for the task but i hope u learnt a lot for ur self as well. Raqi,u always give good dating advice,i wld recommed u to be the blog’s female adviser/rep to *Wise But seriously the first is no one is perfect. Not him and definitely not me. We are two individuals raised in two different households with two separate personalities so conflict is inevitable. i hope the young ones take notice of ur advise, coz from what i read here,the A is messed up dating wise…. Happy Friday…!!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this
Bella - I do also want to say that you will be missed. I liked your topics and I agreed with a lot of your ideologies. I know it’s not easy to come up with fresh and exciting topics to a group of aging cynics. So good job! I hope we get another Sagittarius moderator!
Raqi - I loved your additional fundamentals. Especially the one about having fun! Life is really too short not to have a blast everyday!
By Foots
June 27, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
Bella We will miss you. Thanks for sharing your dating experiences with us. I wish you much luck in the future. And yes, you should post a picture so we can see who we’ve been hanging out with for the past year…
Beautiful I promise I’m not instigating, and if you were with me in person, I’d just pull you to the side, but since you’re not…girl, why are you STILL sending 2C email after that browbeating you got yesterday?
By 2CPTG©
June 27, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
Actually A Red, it’s not a fake one….it’s one that I had plans of creating anyway, for other ventures involving “2CPTG©”;
By Raqi (Holding back the Bytch)
June 27, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
Beautiful why is it so hard for you to see when someone is really trying to help you? Honestly.
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
foots because i can. he hasn’t closed it yet, because he wants to hear from me. lol. j/k. no really, i asked if we could be friends and squash it. guess not.
brb.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this
on topic Raqi This is SO true: We are two individuals raised in two different households with two separate personalities so conflict is inevitable.
When I realized that my sister and I were born of the same two people, raised in the same household by the same people, and even are the same sex and we STILL can’t agree half the time, then I have to expect that me and my dude will have our “I hate you” moments too.
Several of my fundamentals are the same as yours:
I’ve learned to not ask anything of anyone that I am not willing or able to do myself, including forgiveness
I’m not perfect, so I best better deal with his “idiosyncracies”.
Criticism rarely helps, even if it’s supposed to be constructive.
If it ain’t what you want, keep it moving.
By PornStar* in da Building (**6'1**)
June 27, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
Fried fish, (whiting, talapia, & salmon) cheese grits, (yes, I will make omelets to order) scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, turkey sausage, turkey bacon, waffles, french toast, pancakes, chicken wings, fresh tropical fruit and melon, oatmeal, cream of whest, Smacks, cinnamon toast crunch, froasted flakes, blueberry & banana nut muffins, Krispy Kremes courtesy of Cee, fiji water, fresh squeeze juice, pepsi’s, mimosas. Forehead kisses to all the vertically challenged men and azz pats to all my favorite chicas! Since you are leaving Bella you get both.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
I retract my first fundamental and replace it with the following:
When a man tells you to leave him alone, whether he is your stalkee, crush, boyfriend or husband, turn you arse around and walk the fluck away.
It’s keeps life pleasant for everyone involved.
By Rell
June 27, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
aging cynics - bench you crazy…lol…
By Carrington
June 27, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers & Bloggetts -Old time Blogger here for a quick minute….wanted to send a Happy Birthday wish out to my Girl Diva -one of the Wisest of all* -Hope you have a wonderful born on day….
Shouts to my older Bloggers and Bloggetts! New Bloggers and Bloggetts -keep it going….
By Carrington
June 27, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this
Morning Bloggers & Bloggetts -Old time Blogger here for a quick minute….wanted to send a Happy Birthday wish out to my Girl Diva -one of the Wisest of all -Hope you have a wonderful born on day….
Shouts to my older Bloggers and Bloggetts! New Bloggers and Bloggetts -keep it going….
By Sass
June 27, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
Simply, I have four rules (and not just for dating!):
1-Guard your heart (not everyone is deserving). 2-Maintain your integrity (not matter how what).
3-Other distractions (hobbies).
4-Patience.
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
Goodmoring Gang!
Now givining Bella fresh cut lavender & white calla lilies and a box of Godiva’a best
Happy New Endeavors Bella!
Breakfast: special order Piedmont omelettes, hashbrowns on scattered, turkey sausage, variety of juices, pineapple coconut and mango smoothies, coffee, lftovr Krispy Kremes, milk and water.
as we conversate with Bella on this her last day as a blog mamma…Ya’ll enjoy.
On topic:
Fundemental #1: Live
Fundemental #2: Love
Fundemental #3: Laugh
Happiness is knowing God, living according to your convictions, loving beyond expectation, and striving for personal wholeness and acceptance.
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this
6’1 Fried fish, (whiting, talapia, & salmon) cheese grits, (yes, I will make omelets to order) scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, turkey sausage, turkey bacon, waffles, french toast, pancakes, chicken wings, fresh tropical fruit and melon, oatmeal, cream of whest, Smacks, cinnamon toast crunch, froasted flakes, blueberry & banana nut muffins, Krispy Kremes courtesy of Cee, fiji water, fresh squeeze juice, pepsi’s, mimosas.
That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
It’s Friday and I leave early—YES!!
On topic: It really does boil down to the basics..and that is just be yourself. If you love you..then that realness will shine through…and you will have peace with yourself no matter what comes at you.
Raqi Don’t seriously Don’t I don’t know if it is just my 2nd sight or what..but something is seriously not right with ole girl and there is no need to draw yourself into the web. Just throw up a pray and a peace sign and keep it moving. You can’t save a brother or a sister that don’t want to be saved.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
Raqi Your “Be true to yourself” fundamental made me think of something else I’ve come to realize over the years. It is very important to be true to yourself AND honest with yourself. I’ve had to learn that lesson the hard way. In the past, I’ve had my times when I thought “Oh, I won’t get caught up, this situation is okay with me for now” and I ended up getting myself hurt.
I try to help my friends now with the same situations. One was involved with a man who she wanted a relationship with, but he wanted to be friends (FWB), and she said it was fine with her. NO IT WASN’T! She wanted him. I told her to be honest with herself about what she wanted, and if it was a relationship that she wanted, he wasn’t the one for her and she should keep it moving. She hung around just long enough for her to fall in love, tell him, and be extremely hurt when he gently reminded her that he didn’t want anything serious, he just wanted to hang out. He even laughed a little. If she was honest from the get-go, she would have been spared her own hurt.
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this
Oh almost forgot!! Good Luck Bella!
By Rell
June 27, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this
Criticism rarely helps, even if it’s supposed to be constructive.
^^^^ sounds like you always right in an argument or what you say see is it…..i have one of them now…fellas BEWARE!!!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this
Up at 6 am, blogging when you don’t have anything better to do or any man to do it with. Very much different then being on here because you are also at work.
I think she posted just to get some attention. Mission accomplished. We should move on folks.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this
Beautiful no really, i asked if we could be friends and squash it.
Now, I like 2C and I generally respect him, but he actually called you some horrible things over the past few days. He may be friends with others, but he is not your friend.
You know a lot about my personality from this blog. Do you think for one second that if a man, any man, called me a dumb bish, I would be somewhere trying to be his friend? Please just leave him alone, for your own sake. This is truly said in love.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Happy Birthday WiseD
You could have told us. LOL
By SlimOne
June 27, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Question Anyone tried Ludacris’ restaurant Straits yet? I was thinking about checking it out but wanted to see how it was first.
By SexyLeggs
June 27, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
Apparently, I missed a good session yesterday since I got a few calls on yesterday’s ruckus. Must go back and read.
I can taste that delicious spread. Umm, you got Pepsi there but no Fanta. I’ll forgive you since you have Mimosas!
All the lurkers are coming out to say goodbye to you Bella. Now, that is very sweet!
By mytwocents
June 27, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
Hmmm Not even 10 and the browbeating has begun. Can the crazy @zz question askers come out early too, please? Happy Friday ;)
Bella One day we’ll stop waiting till all else fails before remindind ourselves to Keep It Simple Stoopid! Following our instincts are organic but we’ll analyze why we want or don’t wanna do something or some… Bells, it’s fabulous that you’re not gonna have to juggle so much anymore! Hope you’ll take a bit of time to frolic and be free before you add onto your to do list.
Blog I detect the Heathen level is on Code Orange today, but think bout A-Train nem and embrace the beauty of most of our people’s strength. Maybe rethink pouncing on some of our people’s perceived weaknesses. Or not…
By Bella
June 27, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
Hi, everyone!
Thanks for all your warm wishes!
I just felt it was time for me to me to move on; my job demands so much of me, and the blog deserves and needs someone who can devote more time to it!
But never fear! Wise will be introducing her new partner in crime sometime next week, I believe!
I appreciate those of you who put your heart and soul into this community. You make it a safe place for others to come and navigate the storms of dating!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this
You know a lot about my personality from this blog. Do you think for one second that if a man, any man, called me a dumb bish, I would be somewhere trying to be his friend?
Foots - You are one of the most together person on this blog. Amen sister.
Yeah WiseDiva, happy birthday! I had no clue. I hope it’s as special as you are.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
Kym just makes you shake your head.
Amazon I mean really. I even said when I am not sitting in this chair I am not on this blog. Not that I don’t love you all, but…sigh.
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
Foots That is so true. Be honest with yourself. The situation you describes reminded me of something a friend of mine(guy) went through. He was very honest with the women he dated/had sex with. I am not looking for anything but a good time and hanging out. What happens? One lady catches the fever. Now she knew the job was dangerous when she took it..but all the same when he reminded her this is just a booty call she went into the “all men and shyt mode” he was just using me. Needless to say ole girl started making “surprise inspections” at his house and place of work. Flapping her bat wings and tearing stuff up. (Car window) Once it all came to a head..he was left feeling like the bad guy..and she had a case against her. All could have been avoided if she had paid attention up front. from the jump.
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
Chuck Dryden died!?!
didn’t read that one mytwo….sigh & reading…
Hey up to you.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
6’1 No you didn’t bring Cinnamon Toast Crunch!! I used to LOVE that cereal. I have discovered Reduced Sugar Frosted Flakes now, so I can be a kid and an adult at the same time!
By 2CPTG©
June 27, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
Foots, don’t give that chile no more airtime…..jeezus!!!
But I think I know what it is……she turned 40 not too long ago right? So that means she was born in ‘68, and conceived sometime in the fall of ‘67…..she’s prolly the product of a shroom induced orgy, by a group of Flower Children, that were so prevalent out West back in those days….so I’m seein’ where the airheadedness may stem from…..
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this
Not that I don’t love you all, but…sigh
Raqi - We definitely understand sister! I notice you out there living life to the fullest.
I’m full of warm fuzzies today!
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Rell sounds like you always right in an argument or what you say see is it…..
No, I’m not. How did you get that from me saying that I’ve learned to not be so critical of other people?
Thanks Amazon!
Happy Birthday Wise!!
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Foots I would say my first marriage and this relationship are the two perfect examples of being true to oneself. These two men got to see me in my rawest form before any relationship was established. They saw the bare me. The everyday living, problem having, frazzled, bad hair day me. They knew where I was coming from and I knew where they were coming from.
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this
One lady catches the fever. Now she knew the job was dangerous when she took it..but all the same when he reminded her this is just a booty call she went into the “all men and shyt mode” he was just using me.
Foots and Kym, you ladies are on to something. A very important fundamental, especially in dating:
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Cee Pass over them hashbrowns please… and I’m going to need some ham. Thanks.
By SexyLeggs
June 27, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli, never mind. Thanks for breakfast (LOL).
Sass, loving your 4 rules!
By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)
June 27, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
Morning bloggers! I was gonna treat the blog to breakfast this morning, but I guess I’m too late today. I’ll hook it up next week :)
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this
Sorry, 2C, I wanted to help a little…
Kym I never did anything that would have caught me a case, but I can remember feeling used…until I wised up and realized that if I had listened from the beginning, I wouldn’t have gotten so involved.
Experience is the best teacher. The good thing about it is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be your own experiences, you can learn from somebody else’s.
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Raqi I know
Foots You are a rational thinking person..those who are irrational —don’t quite see it that way.
Amazon Girl you hit it lets move on.
Happy B-Day Wise!! My fellow Cancer moon-chile. Have a great one!
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
2CPTG Wait a minute now…I was born in 68 conceived in 67 also…damn let me step back and take a look at myself. LOL
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
Happy Birthday WiseDiva!
Special catered birthday lunch from Pappadeaux’s and Eat Right Carribean in honor of the other blog momma.
I think QC is working on that birthday cake for you.
…don’t open that card til later…a lil sumthin’ special for ya.
By Rell
June 27, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
@foots…is that what you meant?
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
Annnnd…another fundamental (now that the cobwebs are being shaken off the brain).
My man of the hour is blowing me away with this.
By mytwocents
June 27, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
SiXXX 1 Mi amiga, fellow NYer, sistah Aquarian, what time might I stop by for Brunch tomorrow? Please note, I’d like a different menu than the one you give The Truth. Our ideas of what makes a good spread vary greatly.
Hiya *Foots We lika-lotsa the same words, missy. And share several viewpoints. Like being honest with one’s self! Perhaps we can turn this into a Healing exercise. For instance, I am being honest with myself when I say I need to go to the track again tomorrow. (Right after I leave 6’1’s kitchen.) *Ooh, that was therapeutic. Anyone else?
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
2C I was conceived and born in between the oil crises of the 70s, when gas was really high. You think that’s why I’ve been having gastrointestinal issues lately? Is that TMI?? LOL!
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
June 27, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
**Aw Bella…take care girl. Remember…please quote all disclaimers when meeting guy. Also, if see red flags about the dude…run girl run! They are there for a reason! Best of luck. Drop in on us from time to time to see who is trying to kill each other!
Beautiful Girl..why am I picturing you with big azz curlers, a cup of coffee and a robe as you blog at the butt crack of dawn….hell, the pre-buttcrack of dawn? Go back to sleep! LOL The only I am up that early is if I never went to or I woke up to pee!
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Leggs what’s up? may as well gon get it crunk
Blue Country fried ham. here
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this
Rell Yes, when I said that criticism rarely helps, I meant that I’ve learned to stay away from criticizing my partner, even if I think it’s constructive. I focus so much more on the positive in other people than I used to. I used to hold people to standards that I wasn’t even sure I could hold myself up to. Which is not to say that I don’t have standards for other people, it’s just that I was as hard on others as I was on myself. Which is futile, because the only behaviors I can control are my own. I let go of that in favor of accepting people as they are (including me) and being more forgiving, of myself and others. That’s what I meant, long form.
By Rell
June 27, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this
Foots You are a rational thinking person..those who are irrational —don’t quite see it that way.
i see you still trying to talk slick…..i hates a sassy arse women!!!!
By SexyLeggs
June 27, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Happy B-day WiseD. Hope you have a glorious day!
Cemeelli, sometimes you have to know when to retract the claws (for lack of a better phrase right now). I started to bring the grammar police after you but thought who the hell am I to correct someone when a lot of my posts are full of typos. Therefore, I let it go.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
mytwo I need to get on my elliptical. It’s like I’m scared of it now or something.
I will also be honest about eating a whole foot-long sub at Blimpie yesterday (got it on wheat bread though). It didn’t make sense to pay $3.99 for a 6-inch sub when their 12-inch subs are just $5.00 right now. So I had to make the best financial decision I could, at the expense of my dietary requirements. sigh That did me in yesterday for calorie count. I had to eat fruit last night for dinner.
By Tazzee
June 27, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
Morning folks!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIVA Enjoy your birthday weekend, wish I was there to celebrate with you…
Bella I wish you the best, I have to agree this week was one of your best - you went out with a bang.
On Topic - I have to agree with all Bella’s fundamentals concerning dating. Also love your list Raqi
I’ll be taking notes for the rest of the day.
Oh and pisces 08 unfortunately WiseDiva doesn’t get to pick her partner in crime and since we’ve been suggesting that for a while, it appears that the ajc is not too keen on that idea.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
Foots the biggest issue with criticism in a relationship IMO is it depends on who says or feels that it is. Sometimes just an expression of concern or opinion can be felt as criticism to your partner. It’s hard line to gauge. No party of a relationship should be exempt from expressing their thoughts therefore sometimes it is up to the recipient to take it for what it is and not for how the feel. Now nagging about every darn little thing is a whole different matter.
By PornStar* in da Building (**6'1**)
June 27, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
WiseD Happy B’day Chica, you should have told us! Well since I am in such a good mood, Here is a Sweet Potato Cheesecake just for you and even though that one candle looks just like a di_k, you will actually get pleasure from sucking the cake residue off of it and on the wick is made of wax, and it has a life time warranty. Have fun with it!
By The Truth
June 27, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
Ared you calling ol boy the “man of the hour” is going to make him so. You’re sending subliminal messages to yourself that this is not permanent. If you want it act as if. Ain’t nothing wrong with giving it all you have and not winning. What’s bad is sabotaging your own progress. If you want that old rusty kneed cat with a bald spot on top, a bum knee, ADD, and erectile dysfuntion problems act and think like you do. Make a pact with yourself to not say those kinds of things. Over the long haul it’s the little things done repeatedly that bring you success. Good luck.
Wise Happy Birthday from another cancer (July 20). Today is the beginning of the best part of your life.
Tatas what’s up, you to good to eat the things I eat? LMAO Me and 6’1 like the same menu. LOL
Anyone have any tips for picking a sweet watermelon?
Footsy are you telling us you’re over there blowing up the spot? LOL I thought I smelled something funny this morning.
By LorDemi
June 27, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
Walking into work 2 hours late’n’shyt
Bella this is for you babe:
Now Walk It Out Like A Usher If You Say Real Talk I Probably Wont Trust Ya If You Wanna Go To War, The Gunz My Pleasure Even Jesus Had 12 Disiples On The Level,Trigger, Whatever Pumm pumm You Dont Want Naw Dega 3 Thou I’m Like Jury Duty Your New To This Part Of Town Ya White Tee Will To Me Looks Like A Nightgown Make Ya Mama Proud Take That Thang 2 Sizes Down Then You Look Like The Man That You Are Or Wat You Could Be I Could I Give A Damn ‘bout Your Car But Then That Would Be If It Was Considered A Classic Before The Drastic Change In Production When Cars Were Metal Instead Of Plastic Value Is Wat I’m Talkin About Take Two Of These And Walk It Out You Be The Reason They Talk It Out You Cant Be The King In The Parkin Lot— Forever Not Sayin I’m The Best But Till They Find Sumthin Better I Am Here No Fear Right Me A Letter ‘till Then I Walk It Out [ x7 ] I Westside Walk It O-O-Out [ x3 ] Then Eastside Walk It O-O-Out
By Rell
June 27, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
@foots…thanks for the breakdown
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
June 27, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
Rell hates a sassy arse woman! Oh hush up you ole fool, (courtesy of The Color Purple) you know love me and I am sassy as hell! LOL
Foots although I think Subway sandwiches suck azz…Quizno’s had the same $5 subs and they taste better. But what I do is eat half at lunch with fruit and they other half at dinner with more fruit. Breaking up the carb/bread intake..and making sure there is a workout b4 the first half and one b4 the 2nd half. Burning it all out! LOL
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
Rell See this is why knowing myself is so important. The fact that you hate a sassy arse woman has no bearing on the opinion of the love I have for myself or the love given to me. You are a nameless faceless dude on the blog..why should your opinion even matter? or to quote Tolle Is that SO?
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
sometimes you have to know when to retract the claws (for lack of a better phrase right now). I started to bring the grammar police after you but thought who the hell am I to correct someone when a lot of my posts are full of typos. Therefore, I let it go.
Leggs
…not sure what “retract claws” are about, but…it’s all gravy baby. I only grammar correct myself for entertainment purposes…usually looking at 4 screens smithsontashus…simotay-tay……hghhh…simultaneously *(did i spl that correctly? j/p…
To get the job done i have to type on several applications and get the job done so i don’t even try to get it all right Leggs.
Hey… sometimes i surprise myslef…self…lol. :)
By Foots
June 27, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
Truth LOL!! Not this morning, not yet anyway. Since I increased my fruit and vegetable intake two months ago, I have been struggling. I swear I destroyed a few exhibits at the High last Friday.
Sweet watermelon? Hmmm…. Let me call my daddy and ask him…
Raqi You’re very right. It really is all in how the other person receives what you are saying. By the time words have left your mouth and reaches their ears, words can take on a whole new meaning. I’ll remember that.
By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)
June 27, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
On Topic…
Bella, The fundamentals you outline seem to be soooo true. It will be a happy day all over the world when someone finds the magic formula for turning ordinary dates into great relationships.
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
you calling ol boy the “man of the hour” is going to make him so. You’re sending subliminal messages to yourself that this is not permanent. If you want it act as if. Ain’t nothing wrong with giving it all you have and not winning. What’s bad is sabotaging your own progress. If you want that old rusty kneed cat with a bald spot on top, a bum knee, ADD, and erectile dysfuntion problems act and think like you do. Make a pact with yourself to not say those kinds of things. Over the long haul it’s the little things done repeatedly that bring you success. Good luck.
Truth, very good point. Thanks for breaking it down like you did. I don’t do it in real life, but I do it on here. You can tell folks are rooting for folks to fail. Not always the most productive environment.
I’m so mad at your “description” of him. He’s none of those things! LOL
By 2CPTG©
June 27, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
“Anyone have any tips for picking a sweet watermelon?”
contrary to popular belief that you can “thump” one and tell if it’s good or not….look at the stem! The stem will be a healthy green, and not withered and dried…
By LorDemi
June 27, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Rell dude, nothing get my duck harder than dem sassy arse cutie…they may find their legs east’n’west’n and upside down, LOL
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
See this is why knowing myself is so important. The fact that you hate a sassy arse woman has no bearing on the opinion of the love I have for myself or the love given to me. You are a nameless faceless dude on the blog..why should your opinion even matter? or to quote Tolle Is that SO?
Kym - Zing! Great response. I love it.
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
Amazon I am not rooting for you to fail at all and I agree with Truth(who I can tell has been practicing being present-Tolle was all over that post-bro)
By SlimDiva
June 27, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this
Bella —- it’s been fun!! I wish you many blessings in all of your endeavors!!
Wise Diva —- Happy Birthday!! My b’day is July 4…I’ll be 40 something, but I STILL look as though I’m in my late 20s or early 30s…LOL!!! GOD HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME!!! And the celebration starts in 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1!! It’s time to do the dayuum thang!!!
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND PEOPLE!!!!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this
Kym - No doubt lady. I agree with him too! And I don’t think the rooting to fail thing is very characteristic of the women on here. From my perspective it pertains to the guys that think all the women with standards are really just getting played by men. I would hope at 30, 40+ years of age we’d be better at our weeding out process. LOL
By The Melo
June 27, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this
But what I do is eat half at lunch with fruit and they other half at dinner with more fruit, now i see where all that booty is coming from,not that i hate it(i luv it too death),but its packed with calories, even tho its 1/2.What happened to cooking ur own dinner girl,its just u….u need to remember, america food is supersized for the average person,who is not even average….
By Lurker
June 27, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
SlimOne I went a couple of weekends ago but after hours. Not too bad. Turned into a somewhat meat market around 9ish.
Bella although I mostly lurk, best of luck
Carrington wow, hadn’t seen that name in eons. All I remember is how the blog ladies would have caniptions (sp) on how good looking you are.
Beautiful
You really need to step back a bit. If for nothing else, for the sake of self respect. Stop trying to make a fit here. I mostly lurk because it’s not often inviting in here but that’s okay, to each his own. When you have a life, really, it’s not that serious. I dunno, it’s like you’re appearing to display “taking the high road” in spite of all that’s said and insinuated about you, coming back and posting all friendly and stuff makes you look silly and is having an adverse affect. For the sake of argument, let’s say you’re guilty of all that’s been accused and that you are a few fries short of that happy meal. Glutton for punishment, ey?When someone straight out disrespects you, give it up. I lurk enough to stay intune with the happenings and you’ve done some really simple things. Pick you face up off the floor, do damage control…stay away from where you’re not wanted. Kill the light and fluffy talk. Get off this mug at 5am. Quit listing all the great things you’re going to do for your man when you get one. The men on here ain’t impressed. Girl, take care of self, all that other crap is secondary. You sound in need of friends/counseling…not a man. You’ve subjected yourself to plenty of obvious skidmarks on your back as it is….get your footings. Lastly, when someone (from this blog) gives you sound advice, quit saying “I got this”…obviously you don’t. This is all said in love.
By Rell
June 27, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
@kym…..you want a quote how about this - BENCH I DONT GIVE A FLUCK WITH YOU THINK - Minister X
or
FLUCK IN YOUR POO SEE - Pimp C
now go to your trough and eat piggy!!!
@staceye…you not sassy lady….less i dont read you that way
@ared…i hope you win…i hope you get everything you want out of life…i hope you get married and all that…smell me….good luck with your man of the hour
@truth….dawg that was real cold game right there…..and check it i have been saying for ages that you have to always keep the basics first…remember my Michael Jordan analogy couple post back….like you said folks missed it…or maybe they just dont get it coming from me…since i got lil hippos hatin on me all day
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
good luck bella!
raqi why is it so hard for you to see when someone is really trying to help you? Honestly.
MIA does help me … and you … and him. if you really cared, you would tell me in private like the others and not join in on the band wagon of haters. but i do hear you though.
happy birthday wise!
foots he so-called took it back. and i took it face value. me telling all really bothers some ppl.
cee ^5 on your fundementals.
ared now theres rules on when i should blog. gtfoh! i do a lot of things on this computer including my finances. i’m at work now. is that ok with you? and for attention … y’all feed off my posts. i don’t hold back. i’m being real, being me. nobody asked you to calculate what time it is here. like i said before folks, skip my post if i irritate yo azz so much. now i really ain’t goin’ no where! i’m not here for real life friends. not trying to fit in girlie. a lot of you guys have met each other. i can imagine how difficult it is to refrain from posting what you really want to say. free yourself.
2 you brought my mom into this?!? shame on you! i would never talk about your deceased mother. jerk.
QC can i lick the cake bowl when you’re done? lol.
good morning staceye! lol. hair is too long to curl. curls will fall out after 30 mins. more like a wrap. no housecoat … booty shorts and a pink wife beater. watchin’ the sunrise … try it sometime. very pretty.
10:42 co-sign 100%.
hi demi!
By LorDemi
June 27, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this
@WiseD
Go, go, go, go Go, go, go shawty It’s your birthday We gon’ party like it’s yo birthday We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday And you know we don’t give a f/k It’s not your birthday! LOL
By kimmie
June 27, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this
Happy Friday Blog Fam
Bye Bella, wish you all the best!
Happy Birthday Wise, party like a rock star!
This place is crazy today, so will just be lurking from time to time.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
June 27, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Melo You gonna leeve my booty alone! It is genetic! LOL Sometimes after working out 2 times a day….the only thing I want to do is shower, eat and watch TV. I actually can cook. I just hate to. When I do, I make enough to last a few days so I do not have to do it often. I am bored by cooking. I’d rather pluck arm hairs than do it. As far as the sandwich, I don’t use mayo and I eat turkey with a little mozzarella cheese. So noone of the fat of other sandwiches. Heck I am glad I live alone..no man or child looking in my face asking me to cook. I cook when I feel like it.
By Foots
June 27, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
Truth Daddy says that if the end of the watermelon where it was attached to the vine is extremely brown, then it was ripe when they picked it. So the ones that are ripe are most likely to be sweet. Tell me if it works. He grows fields of them.
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
good luck bella!
raqi why is it so hard for you to see when someone is really trying to help you? Honestly.
MIA does help me … and you … and him. if you really cared, you would tell me in private like the others and not join in on the band wagon of haters. but i do hear you though.
happy birthday wise!
foots he so-called took it back. and i took it face value. me telling all really bothers some ppl.
cee ^5 on your fundementals.
ared now theres rules on when i should blog. gtfoh! i do a lot of things on this computer including my finances. i’m at work now. is that ok with you? and for attention … y’all feed off my posts. i don’t hold back. i’m being real, being me. nobody asked you to calculate what time it is here. like i said before folks, skip my post if i irritate yo azz so much. now i really ain’t goin’ no where! i’m not here for real life friends. not trying to fit in girlie. a lot of you guys have met each other. i can imagine how difficult it is to refrain from posting what you really want to say. free yourself.
2 you brought my mom into this?!? shame on you! i would never talk about your deceased mother. jerk.
QC can i lick the cake bowl when you’re done? lol.
good morning staceye! lol. hair is too long to curl. curls will fall out after 30 mins. more like a wrap. no housecoat … booty shorts and a pink wife beater. watchin’ the sunrise … try it sometime. very pretty.
10:42 co-sign 100%.
hi demi!
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
Wow Lurker. Great job with your 11:03. I do hope you will continue to post more, though we might get you confused with other “Lurkers.”
By mytwocents
June 27, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
Truth You know that’s an acquired taste! And since I ain’t tryna acquire, it wouldn’t sit right on my palate. But sure she wouldn’t mind if ya pull up a chair & eat up -wait, lemme re-phrase that…
Demi I knew Bella was from the SWATS! That song’s on the new Unwrapped CD. (All Collipark music)
By Kym aka Contessa of Rapturous Delights
June 27, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
Rell You know in Tolle’s book he talks about how the things we find most irrating in others are actually the things we really struggle with within ourselves..you know the ideas that others are hatin on us. Maybe that is some self-loathing you have going on?
By The Melo
June 27, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
Lurker,i was tempted to give advice too,then stopped, until i saw ur good post. I wld say to her,u need to re-establish ur credit,she got 0 credit on this blog…U broke it down real well….. (oh,am i piling on?)
By brian
June 27, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
Morning all.. Best of luck Bella.. I have read a couple of your topics, and they were on point… as for the topic of the day…
I no longer tell women,, what type of woman Im looking for.. or my type of woman when we first start dating.. It seems like she changes to fit what I like..And then months later, I meet the real person..(waste of time)
And listen to what my gut says about a person.. You know, when u start questioning her actions, why is she telling me of rip that she has alot of male friends and is that something that I can handle.. Guess that ties into the whole red flag thing also..
By Beautiful
June 27, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
good luck bella!
raqi why is it so hard for you to see when someone is really trying to help you? Honestly.
MIA does help me … and you … and him. if you really cared, you would tell me in private like the others and not join in on the band wagon of haters. but i do hear you though.
happy birthday wise!
foots he so-called took it back. and i took it face value. me telling all really bothers some ppl.
cee ^5 on your fundementals.
ared now theres rules on when i should blog. gtfoh! i do a lot of things on this computer including my finances. i’m at work now. is that ok with you? and for attention … y’all feed off my posts. i don’t hold back. i’m being real, being me. nobody asked you to calculate what time it is here. like i said before folks, skip my post if i irritate yo azz so much. now i really ain’t goin’ no where! i’m not here for real life friends. not trying to fit in girlie. a lot of you guys have met each other. i can imagine how difficult it is to refrain from posting what you really want to say. free yourself.
2 you brought my mom into this?!? shame on you! i would never talk about your deceased mother. jerk.
QC can i lick the cake bowl when you’re done? lol.
good morning staceye! lol. hair is too long to curl. curls will fall out after 30 mins. more like a wrap. no housecoat … booty shorts and a pink wife beater. watchin’ the sunrise … try it sometime. very pretty.
10:42 co-sign 100%.
hi demi!
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
Here’s one more for you Bella. When you first came up on this joint, you took a helluva beating. Now that you’re out the door, they’re passing out tissues and proposing toasts.
Let that be a lesson to you in your dealings with Black people - you’ll be fugged wiff, picked on, and dayum near disrespected until you prove yourself. But after that though, you’re in like Flynn.
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
This place is crazy today, so will just be lurking from time to time.
kimmie I’ve told you bout saying that out loud…Did you lose your jacket agian?
By AmazonRed
June 27, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
i hope you win…i hope you get everything you want out of life…i hope you get married and all that…smell me….good luck with your man of the hour
Thank you very much Rell. I appreciate the thoughts. I also wish the bloggers happiness in all they do.
Angie - Whatever lady. Most of the posters feel the same way as I do. Take it or leave it. It’s your funeral. I don’t CARE what you do with your time. I’m free to comment and will continue to do so. Take heed of Lurkers 11:03. I feel him/her 1000% and would have put it that way if I were a more tactful person. LOL. Good luck to you, really honey.
By LorDemi
June 27, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this
Beautiful sup…
Kimmie
*Y-y-y-yeah, y-y-y-yeah, y-y-y-yeah, y-y-y-yeah
T-t-t-totally dude!!!!
Party like a rock Party like a rockstar Party like a rock Party like a rockstar Party like a rock Party like a rockstar Party like a rockstar
T-t-t-totally dude!!!!*
I totally for got about that song, join was hot last year…them DJs would play the intros back…like..90-fifty times, LOL
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
Hi Lurker.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
Lurker you said it better than all of us. I hope she gets it.
Beautiful it is clear that you more than likely suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder.
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
June 27, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Whaddup Party People!! TGIF!
LorDemi I need you to hold it down over there, comin to work all buff like you ready to beat somebody down LOL
Thanks for the breakfast PornStar 6’1, even though its mostly leftovers now!
Bella You will be missed chica!
WiseD get your b-day celebration on!!
Hope errbody is doing well. Had a second to breath from training so I dropped in. Ya’ll be easy
By Lurker
June 27, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
Melo Naaah, not piling it on. Like the credit rating analogy. For the record (cause like I said before I typically move past your oversexed posts), I read a couple of your posts lately and heeey, they’ve been engaged and dimentional.
Ared Thanks. I’ve thought about that too. Maybe I’ll decide upon a permanant moniker. Just don’t post enough though to have one.
By Raqi
June 27, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Hey Tazzee I just saw ya. How’s it going in hot Houston?
By Rell
June 27, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
@KYM…i am up on that game…i dont hate me….but you do….for some reason i dont know…..funny thing is we chopped it up awhile back and had a very nice convo when a former blogger started that yahoo group…i dont forget much…buts its cool…keep reading your books to catch up with me love…trust me i am alot more complex then i show here..this is fun to me
By Foots
June 27, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Lurker What about Steel-Toed Lurker, so we don’t get you confused with other lurkers? You came in busting down the blog door with your steel-toed boots and some really good advice…
brian You know, when u start questioning her actions, why is she telling me of rip that she has alot of male friends and is that something that I can handle..
Maybe that’s not always a red flag. I see how it could be a cover up for some untoward activities on her part, but I always make sure to tell a new guy that my best friend is a guy and that I have guy friends. I am upfront about this because I don’t want him to be suspicious or intimidated by my friendships. In fact, I want him to get to know them, just like he’ll get to know my female friends and my family. It helps a little because all but one of them are married or in long-term relationships, but it goes a long way towards telling what kind of trust your partner has in you if they can accept your opposite-sex friendships.
Have you found reasons not to trust women with plenty of male friends in your experiences?
By The Truth
June 27, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
Staceye do you take in enough protein? Try upping your protein as it will help lean you out. If you’re working out as much as you day it will defintely help. 1 shake a day will feed those muscles and that will keep you leaner.
Lurker that was great information. I doubt it will be received the way it was sent.
Kym that info was pre-Tolle. When I got into real estate I joined a mentoring group that stressed controlling your own thought process and visuallizing success. It worked for me but over time I lost the mindset when I got the big head. I need to get back to the basics myself.
2C and Footsy aka The Pootster Thanks for that info. ‘ll try it today.
By Blue Kolla
June 27, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
…dayum it’s gettin’ vicious up in this joint.
By Cemeeli
June 27, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
Hi Mo…Are you the new blog momma? you’ve been missing in action alot lately.
Maybe it’s Darrell.
By The Melo
June 27, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
shame on you! i would never talk about your deceased mother. jerk. ,2C its going to rain this weekend in Atlanta,watch out for the lightning homie,u may need to go to Fl for the weekend….lol
By