Misadventures in Atlanta

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 8:11 AM | Link to this

Good Morning everyone! Happy hump day

By anonymousella

July 2, 2008 8:17 AM | Link to this

define “grow up.” i mean i don’t live with my parents. i think before i act and i plan for the future. i think that makes me an adult. no need to drag a man and a child into it. :-).

that said, i’m motherhood-averse, marriage-averse, and kind of ambivalent about relationships in general. so yes, that behavior shines through in how i act in relationships. might have cost me the last one, even.

By QC

July 2, 2008 8:33 AM | Link to this

Morning!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

Trade it??? Why does there have to be a trade? Why not an inclusion? Happiness, personal fulfillment, marriage and kids can all co-exist despite popular belief.

Contentment is like the ocean, it has no end. An assessment based on individual mindsets however never fully obtainable. Nor should it be. When we cease desire we cease to live.

There is growth in marriage. Why do people think life’s journey ends at marriage? It just provides another a co-pilot to help man the helm and plot the course.

Yeah, yeah I am on some whole other spiritual life substance today that has me lifted high above the course of the mundane.

And Good Morning.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Okay Wisey you know this is a chick topic right?

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future?

Use to but not anymore..why freak out about something I have absolutely no control over what so ever?

Does it ever affect how you handle relationships?

Nope, well not anymore. It is what it is..and I am who I am. He is who he is.

Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up?

Yes, because we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves..at 30 I was suppose to be here..at 40 I am suppose to be here..shoulda coulda woulda and didn’t oh well.

Do you think we fail at being content, as the song says?

Yes, and I am sure For Real is going to bang me upside the head for this..but the one thing I appreciate about Tolle is the quote..”There is nothing in our past that can affect our present moment.”

The past can not harm the present and living constantly in the past or worrying about the future is going to keep your present moment extremely stagnant..so that each moment will become frightening. Including loving and developing a relationship with someone..because you are always waiting for that mysterious other shoe to drop.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

I’m mid 20’s and meet many females talking about their Maturnal Clocks etc etc. Really do think the ladies panic more about the future (to be married, kids, etc) than us guys.

Also, I think in the South it seems like there are more social pressures towards it. For whatever reason. Just something I noticed.

Live for the Moment People!

By abc

July 2, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

That song sounds like The Loser’s Manifesto. Expand your musical horizons, try instrumental music, perhaps?

If the men you meet continue to be Mr. Wrong after Mr. Wrong, start looking elsewhere. Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Now, I can’t point to my own life as an example of non-stop marital bliss, but getting married doesn’t have to equate to being miserable. The right one for everyone is out there somewhere.

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy Live for the Moment People! Very irresponsible IMO.

Afro-dite You got my attention. Don’t stop now!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

we have had this argument so many times abc, your musical taste is not superior to anybody else’s, LOL. Leave me alone!!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah, the future…

Fabricated

Uncertainties

Toward

Unimpeded

Real

Existence

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future?

No. My friends and I have all just turned 30 and it’s funny how it affects us in different ways. I was so excited. I think if I wasn’t doing what I wanted with my life, I would be freaked. Other than expecting to be married @ 30, everything else in my life has fallen right into place.

I love being an adult. I know it can suck sometimes but I love being able to control my own destiny and having nothing holding me back right now.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

CrystalBean living for today is irresponsible!? Come On… you should plan for the future, but live for the present. I meet so many people so consumed with what is coming up etc they miss the moments that matter. Prepare for the Future, live for each day

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

I am a chick, so ALL topics are chick topics, LOL. The men are welcome to answer all questions but I can’t inject anymore testosterone in my topics than I already have :)

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

One other thing…your life is what YOU make of it. A lot of people need to change their attitude when navigating the challenges of life. Bad things are gonna happen, no need to add a bad attitude on top of it.

By abc

July 2, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

Diva, you embrace music that tells you that you fail at everything and feel alienated by the era in which you live, and consider that musically tasteful? Come on… you’d be better off with instrumentals. The music itself will speak to you, you don’t need a lyric. Lyrics these days are nothing more than extremely poor poetry.

Listen to some nice Copland, Mussorgskey or Tchaikovsky for the 4th of July. Shoot, it’ll be hard to not listen to 1812 Overture, anyway! Turn the radio off, put in a CD. Stop downloading mp3 tripe.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this

Morning All! I am cramming trying to get this post in before my class starts

I dont stress about the future anymore. I used to freak out about my future before I got married and had a kid but now that both of those have taken place, I live for the here and now. Like Kym said, why stress yourself. And whereas some females were worried about doing certain things by a certain age (marriage, kids, etc), my concern was more about would I be ready for those events to take place.

I’ll try to pop in, only here for half a day.

Rell if you pop in, hit me on the email.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning! Good comments Afro.

Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future? Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up?

I’m already good and grown, responsibility out of the ying yang for a single person. My growth has come in ways internal to me and so it’s been slower, not external like through marriage and children, those things really grow you up fast. I look at the 35 that my sister is versus the 35 that one of my good friends is and they look so different, mainly because my sister is married with kids and her different responsibilities grew her up in a different way. I wonder if I will grow to meet my challenges in that way when I have different responsibilites staring at me.

A few times a year, I think about myself pregnant or with a baby. I’ve stopped the uncontrollable laughter at the thought, but it all still seems a little far away and hazy. I know that I want at least one child, but the thought of all that responsibility for another person’s life scares me and amazes me at the same time. That’s the only part of my future that I really freak out about.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Wise I was kind of thinking the same thing. I’m newer to this Blog but majority are chick topics (because you are a chick I get that). I just figured it was general dating topics…male & female.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers! The weekend is almost here, Baby!!

ABC - Love your post, especially about doing the same things but expecting a different result. Someone pointed this out to me about a year ago and it’s in the top 10 of the best advice I’ve gotten over my lifetime.

Amred - Loved yours too! I do think folks freak when they are not even close to accomplishing the things they want by a certain age. Both my parents are gone, but if I was still dependent on someone and had not obtained certain career goals by this age, I probably would be freaking, but that is not the case. Yes girl, I love being GROWN!

As for the marriage & family stuff, all that will fall in place when & how God sees it for me. I stopped (well, never really started) feeling the pressure from others to do “certain things by a certain age” a long time ago! Everyone should try it - it makes life grand!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

I think this topic works for the guys. How many sitcoms do we watch where a guy is all freaked out because he’s getting married or turning 40? Many guys can feel pressure that comes with being head of a household.

Last night I sent Beau a text just letting him know I was thinking about him. He responded back and asked me why. So I ran down 5 or 6 things that I liked about him and he was like “wow.” I jokingly sent him a text back telling him not to freak out. The next step is not me camping out under his bedroom window. LOL

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy Thanks for clearing that up. Next time say what needs to be said up front. Don’t leave me guessing. Ok. Wink.

I’m being the best person I can be. I make mistakes everyday, but their mine. My manifesto would include keeping it movin’ and knocking the goals out one by one. A husband and bambinos are excluded from my list, because I have left that part of my life up to Him. At this point, a family isn’t needed for some to have a fulfilling life. That might not be his plan for me ——-> and you!

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

I think it is time to draft a single girl manifesto to remind me about my personal goals, intentions and principles. What do you think you would put in your own manifesto?

A couple of my friends have used a “visualization” technique to remind them of their personal goals, intentions and principals.

For example, one of my good friends always wanted to own a home on Martha’s Vineyard. So she put a picture of the Vineyard on her bathroom mirror and in her office. She was constantly staring at her “goal” everyday and it impacted her attitude and decisions when she was itching to buy the newest pair of Jimmy Choos.

A year later, she closed on her Vineyard house.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Afro- Liked your post too, very positive outlook!

By The Melo

July 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up? responsibility,expectations and obligations actually make u grow up.I had them when i was in college and used to help my parents pay for my siblings school fees.As i started working, i wld help out other members of the extended family who were not as blessed as i am.That growth helped me transition into relationships and navigating marriage. A selfish mind,i must say, will make u want to avoid responsibility and relationships that last because all you are worried about is your happiness and not the happiness of those around you or you with.We all do have some measure of control over what happens in our lives,not everything,but some. Go to school,maintain healthy friends and dating relaionships,choose them wisely and judiciously and save money and start early doing that for your retirement.That somewhat guarantees you a better life than the other guy who thinks life is what it is,you have no control over what happens to you. The only thing guaranteed in lyfe is death, success or failure can be managed whether in business or personal relationships and you can mitigate against failure or failure’s impact by making good decisions.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Chrystal…you are such a General, keep telling me what to do!

By az

July 2, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Great - so now all you have to do is decide what makes you happy and fulfilled!

“Husband and children are still in the optional category”, “I won’t trade it in to have a marriage and children”… sounds like you’re not ready for husband and children… like they might be kind of a “bummer” or cramp your style. There might come a time when you think having a husband and children will add to your overall “happiness and personal fulfillment.” Not fair to them to carry the pressure of constantly being responsible and maintaining your personal happiness and fulfillment. I would suggest holding off on husband and kids until you can find a way to include them as part of your overall happiness and fulfillment while still maintaining your integrity as wife and mother.

you know… just my 2 cents

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

kimmie Speaking of the good advice, a few years ago, I realized what I consider to be the piece of advice that gets me through a lot of the uncertain times: Everybody is where they are supposed to be at any given moment. That works if you believe in God (or any other Higher Power), because you know that there is a purpose and a reason for things that we may not understand. It takes so much pressure off of a person to know that things actually ARE how they should be at the time. We don’t have the capacity to see the huge picture and how all of the cogs and sprockets work together.

So when I have felt like I could have been doing more, I fall back and realize that maybe what I’m doing now is preparing me in some way to do that “more” later, and more successfully.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@Atlguy, yeah, I mean my perspective is from my experiences, so I stopped “apologizing’ about that long ago. I try to write universally but if someone is SO gender-focused that they can’t appreciate a topic from the author’s viewpoint, then I really can’t do much about that anymore. I’m here and I’m a girl, DEAL. LOL.

I love the male feedback we have though, so I am working to include male voices and topic suggestions, and that’s all I can do.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 2, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

TI No matter what sums it up.. Life can change direction, even when you ain’t planned it All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible Even when winning illogical, losing is still far from optional

Thats how I look at it.. I have been knocked to my knees on more than I care to mention but as long as I keep trying to get up I consider myself a success. Times that I thought it wasnt even worth it to get out of bed but I knew I had to cause its just not in me to lay down and give up.. The future is coming no matter what so embrace it, look forward to it and everything will be all right..

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Ok here’s some good Future Advice. I definitely have a plan and goals for everything. A co-worker had to tell me sometimes in life you have to take a risk or leap of faith. If you plan for the exact plan for your future, you are destined to fail. Things unexpected happen, but if you have a goal at the end of the tunnel…thats what you shoot for. No one but Miss Cleo can predict how things will play out perfectly…sometimes just have to take a leap of faith heading in the direction of your overall goal

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

My biggest concern for the future is security. Even with Mason in the picture my concerns have not changed. Yeah he makes me feel safe, secure, protected and all that but because the slightest turn of events can throw life into a tailspin I can’t help but to dwell mostly on the things that will ensure I have a sheltered future. With or, God forbid without Mase.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

What do you think you would put in your own manifesto?

I’m a natural planner, and people who plan a lot like to be in control. I’ve had to fall back a little in that, so that I can enjoy the moments that come everyday and learn to look at the trees sometimes, even when the forest is all around me.

By ChrystalBean

July 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

az I agree, but TODAY she has options. Women are making that decision everyday ——-> to not marry or have children. I think it’s wonderful that there is no pressure on her. She sounds satisfied and happy to me.

Saying you want to be married by a certain age is wrong wrong wrong. Most people see it as a big disappointment or failure in their life and then they rush to find the WRONG MAN!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

@az, i should have explained that part of the post more. This particular guy had a problem with me being so “active” and involved in different things. I tried to tell him that I have no problems with changing my schedule and making time for a boyfriend, and ultimately a family. However, when I found myself constantly defending my lifestyle to him, it bothered me. I may blog about it in more detail later but i hope that clarifies things a bit. I actually agree with everything you said.

By The Truth

July 2, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

The secret to life is enjoying today. Tomorrow will be what it is but today is the moment you should capture. Do what you absolutely love to do and do it alot.

My future doesn’t freak me out because, based on my past, it will be everything I want it to be.

ABC good point on the music. They don’t get it though. Their ideas on love and marriage come from music and movies and they wonder why they’re unhappy.

Afro-Dite nice post. Next time let me know before you do that so I can light some candles and put on my tye dyed t-shirt.

Ared guys get freaked out in the movies. In real life most cats just roll with it no matter what it is. It’s usually not that big a deal. The women in your life to blow up the importance of everything.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

LOL. I had no idea that was Raqi. Good morning.

kimmie - Thanks for the shout out. Your post was very good too.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

”…she put a picture of the Vineyard on her bathroom mirror…”

AmazonRed I can definitely relate to that. We are working toward an early retirement and building a home by the lake, (I hope, I hope, I hope), and we have the plan drawings for our future home on the wall. It gives us something to look forward to and continuously work toward. Seeing that every day makes me think twice about making a frivolous purchase. Well most of the time.

That’s not the reason we put it there but all the same it helps.

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Truth I bet you wouldn’t have said that if I had posted under Raqi. LOL

I thought the “Afro” was a nice added bonus to Aphrodite. It adds a little soul.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

Maybe I’m missing something…..I don’t need a manifesto to remind me of my “my personal goals, intentions and principles.” As far as the future is concerned, every seed that I sow today, is in hopes of reaping the rewards later….how that correlates into dating?….I guess we both gotta get in where we fit in;

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

In real life most cats just roll with it no matter what it is. It’s usually not that big a deal.

Truth - “Most cats” can get freaked out from time to time. Even if it’s in the privacy of their own mind. You can see this in relationships which is why some start sabatoging them or employ that “hurt you before I get hurt” mentality. Sometimes you don’t even know that you’re doing it.

But I do see your point.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

WISE I know you love my Male perspective!

European Views on this… my Uncle who lives in Europe called me when I graduated from University a couple years ago. He asks me “So are you going to travel the World, live it up!?” I told him, “no Uncle, I’m going to work right after Unversity” He told me I have my entire life to work. Enjoy life while I’m young! This is a European view vs an American view.

To be honest, he has a point & I have a point. Often times people will work work work then look back and say I wish I saw things, lived it up. My European family measure happiness with people, events, etc … where here in America we measure it on Money or Job or something. Its a different measure of Success. Interesting though…

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Atlguy, I certainly do, keep it coming! :)

oh I forgot to say: Happy Birthday Sister! I love you!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

AmazonRed LOL. Two of my friends and I are thinking about starting a blog titled “Shafts Cherub’s” co-authored by Dye-ana, Tar-a and your’s truly Afro-dite. The soulful side of the goddesses Diana, Tara and Aphrodite. So I used it today.

But AtlGuy who wants to work their entire life. Work while you are young to build a stable future for yourself and then live it up and die happy. And that European view you have differs much from what my grandmother talked about.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Not to be all preachy..(well maybe a little) but this topic reminded me of this verse..Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.. you all know the rest. The keyword in that whole verse is not faith..but NOW I am not trying to get into a big debate about religion but I think if you are going to call yourself a believer then instead of saying I have faith that the future will work out..how about having some Now faith in what is going on right now..in your life and relationships.

waiting on all the church people to flock to the podium

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Wise I think it is time to draft a single girl manifesto to remind me about my personal goals, intentions and principles.

Go right ahead. If I recall, that was the same mindset of The Unabomber; publishing a manifesto. SMH

Some of yoll make living life way too complicated. Maybe it’s the self-inflicted stress, and not the grease-fried chicken or the bacon grease in the greens, that’s blowing yoll’s hearts up?

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Don’t get me wrong…people in Europe work hard. My Uncle out there has a great job & is very driven. But, enjoy life while you can. Nothing is for certain. Build for a stable future yes…but take a chance and see things when you’re young also because nothing says you will make it to 50. I’m not saying be irresponsible, but do it before you have family, different priorities, etc

Question is … do you Work to Live or Live to Work

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Kym - Let the church say AMEN!

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy, I concur with your philosophy on happiness and “working”…..I do think we got it backwards over here….most folks cain’t “chill” til they’re about 60+….hell, what can you do at 60, ‘cept wait to die? Shiiid, live while you can!

By Atl Lady

July 2, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

AtlGuy I understand your Uncle’s point, but it is also well known that most European countries give more time off for their employees to enjoy their life. I don’t know too many twenty-somethings that have that kind of money to travel. I have a friend that moved to England several years ago and he has six weeks of vacation a year. Plus there’s the close proximity of other countries.

By Binford2k

July 2, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

It is common to get introspective when another milestone comes to pass - I’ve done it recently as well.

But besides my dating situation, I have a very, very good life. On a daily basis I do things I love and then a few times a year I go on vacation. My married friends and co-workers always ask what I am up to because they (with their families) don’t get to do as much!

There is no “growing up”! I think a great attribute is not to be jaded and to approach things in a simpler matter. Sure I am wondering what I should do about my 401k and how to keep healthy and yada yada yada. But, when I can enjoy simple things as they are - life is so much easier. People who laugh a lot enjoy life more.

Enjoy what you can anytime you can, but keep one eye on the future.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Kym….say it again, sister!…that “Now” philosophy is why I don’t believe in a damn “income tax” check! I want my money upon completion of services rendered, whether that be at work, or wherever….I need mine now! of course that means gettin’ your tax liability to zero….

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

LOL @ unabomber, geez, I don’t think it’s that serious, Blue Kolla. I like to enjoy life to its fullest, I feel happy in life now. at the same time, I also would like to figure out a few things in terms of what will bring me more joy and personal satisfaction. Life is what you make it, that’s my point too. Some folks have it all figured out, some folks need time to do it, some like to put it down in a journal. TO me, it doesn’t make anyone stressed or less stressed. Just how you choose to go about your journey. I won’t knock anybody else’s methods to do so (unless they are blowing stuff up like the unabomber or something, LOL)

By BennyB

July 2, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Before I depart, I want to explain why young women love bad boys and why they changes their dating approach as they age using evolutional psychology theory.

Women seek the best of both worlds in dating. They want a good gene provider to produce healthy offspring that will last longer and help to reach genetic immortality. Genetic immortality will not be achieved if a woman doesn’t have a kind and hearted good material provider to protect a woman and her children. A perfect solution for women is to seek a man who can provide good genes and also be a kind and hearted good material provider, however, this kind of man is rare and only few very attractive women can successfully land a man that fill both roles. The classic modern women fantasy is to find that rogue guy with good gene and transform him into a good hearted provider.

Through the years, women have evolved and adapted. They have learned a way to achieve genetic immortality and keep a hearted provider and protector. The only twist is that the gene provider and the hearted provider don’t have to be the same man. When a woman is fertile / ovulating (between 8th and 14th day after their PMS) they are more likely to seek men that have good gene. Women in relationship with men that they perceive as just provider are more likely to cheat or see their lovers during this period. This explains why 10% of us have a different biological father other than our dad. Women tend to be romantic with guys perceived as just material provider when they are not ovulating and have not chance of getting pregnant. When they are with men that they perceive as good gene provider, women increase their sexual drive, become very aggressive and dress provocatively when they reach the ovulation period. Women are ten times more likely to reach climax when they are with men that they perceive as good gene providers.

Young fertile women unconsciously see bad boys as good gene providers. A young woman will fall in love with a man she sees as good gene provider. If she marry him and have children, she will do anything to change him into a good material and moral provider. If he doesn’t change she will leave him for a soft romantic material and moral provider. This is why 70% of all divorces originate from women. When women past the conceiving age or they are not interested in having children anymore, their mental state shifts. They are no longer looking for a good gene provider; all they want is a hearted good material provider and protector to help them raise healthy children from a good gene provider. Those women don’t want bad boy in their life anymore (because they don’t need their gene anymore) and are more likely to be interested in romance and courtship to give a meaning to their lives.

In sum, the best indicator that a woman is into a guy is that she can’t get enough of him when she is in her ovulating period. If a woman is interested in you just as a moral and material provider, she will let you romance her and be with her when the chances of her getting pregnant are minimal. When her ovulation is on corner, she will pull away and hit the street to look for a good gene provider or just fantasize about it. Remember that women conscious is aware of searching for a good hearted provider quality in a man; however, searching for a good gene provider is unconscious and more powerful. This is the reason women can’t understand why they are drawn to bad and abusing male.

Guys, the so called love is just a mental trick to reach genetic immortality. What kind of provider do you want to be (gene or material)? The payoff will always be sex from a woman but investments are very distinct

By TyBoogie

July 2, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone…its been a minute since I have been here…its so great to be back. Anyhow…my future never freaked me out because I felt as long as I continued making more positive steps than negative I would be alright. I agree women to tend stress way more about the future than men do.

WISE DIVA Hey how ya been?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

But AtlGuy who wants to work their entire life. Work while you are young to build a stable future for yourself and then live it up and die happy.

Afro - The only thing is…tomorrow is not promised. I am so excited for you and your goals, but what happens if you die before you get there?

I’m a plan for the future girl, so I hope I live long enough to see all my dreams come true. However, I have to stop for a moment and smell the roses while I still have time. I don’t have a lot of money, but I do value my TIME. And I’m intent on preserving my work life balance. If I’m never a CEO because of it, so be it.

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

ATL Guy & 2C - I think most would love to be able to “chill” while they are young enough to really enjoy it. The thing is LIFE & MONEY & RESPONSIBILITY sometimes get in the way. For example, most don’t have the option financially to travel the world for a year after finishing college. You may have student loans to start paying back or you have other siblings behind you that still have to finish school like I did. Now I will say, when opportunities present themselves too many of us allow fear or lack of faith to stop us from taking a chance. I had an opportunity while in grad school to go to England as sort of an exchange student for a month. I was working my way thru grad school by working as a res sales agent at Delta. My tired boss I had told me if I left I would have to give my job up. I was afraid I would not be able to get another one and would get behind on my bills and since I would have to quit, I would not be able to get unemployment. So I bypassed on the trip. I look back now and should have gone on and taken the chance. My parents would have backed me, but I was so fiercly independent plus my younger brother was in med school. But I have no regrets and if I want to I can go to England. But now I want to go to Italy more!:) I do believe that most of us don’t “stop and smell the roses” enough while we can and enjoy more of the smaller things in life. Simply enjoying a nice meal or a concert is a stretch for a lot of people, even before the bad economy. Life’s too short, people!

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

OMG hey TyBoogie! how is Fitchick and the baby boy!

By Atl Lady

July 2, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

BennyB Where are you going? One day I’m going to read your dissertation, but not right now.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

BennyB I bet you’re really fun at a party. LOL!! So for women who don’t ovulate because they are on The Pill, can you write another novel to modify the premises you’ve put forth in your first edition?

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Some of yoll make living life way too complicated. Maybe it’s the self-inflicted stress, and not the grease-fried chicken or the bacon grease in the greens, that’s blowing yoll’s hearts up?

BK - Kind of a strong response for someone against making things complicated. Unabomber? Really? LOL

Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes on the prize, whatever you deem it to be. Just don’t get tunnel vision with it. You’ll miss the enjoyment of the journey on your way to the destination.

By My Goodness

July 2, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

Morning blog What ever happened to do what YOU can and allow GOD TO DO THE REST! Some of us have picked up too many burdens and allowed them to weigh us down when it wasnt your fight to begin with. GOD could send everyone on this blog what they thought they needed and YOU all would still question it!

By BINFORD2K

July 2, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

BennyB

You haven’t cited your sources! Where’s the bibliography.

My hope is that even though I would see your point as being a reasonable assertion, that women are not only ruled by hormones.

Then again, I have seen many examples of the BennyB Theory

By Foots

July 2, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

kimmie For example, most don’t have the option financially to travel the world for a year after finishing college.

Of course, I was thinking this as I was reading his comment. I graduated college in May 1999 and in June 1999, I had bills to pay. And really, I was happy to do it because it meant I was completely on my own. Like you, I was able to travel a few years down the road (after paying off some debt that I accumulated because I moved here with no money and a lot of faith), but it wasn’t an option to take a year off and find myself. I already knew where I was: in debt.

One of the things I would like to do for my children, is give them the money I’ve saved for their college educations if they receive scholarships like I did. Then they will have the choice to travel, use it to start their lives, put a nice down payment on a home, or whatever they want (with parental guidance to help them decide what’s best). We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

“What ever happened to do what YOU can and allow GOD TO DO THE REST!”

cause he also said, “faith without works is dead”!

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Wise I like to enjoy life to its fullest, I feel happy in life now. at the same time, I also would like to figure out a few things in terms of what will bring me more joy and personal satisfaction.

You won’t really figure that out until you’ve gained, accomplished, and had… and then lost it all. Then you’ll see that all’at star-gazing and shooting at the moon really ain’t that important. You’ll find yourself concentrating more on the intangibles.

And speaking of which, BennieB, change your name to Manifesto. Good Lawd…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Good day all…I am in until lunch and then I go home to NY to act up! LOL

Wise girl how did you know I have Peter Pan syndrome? LOL I mean my childhood nickname was Tinkerbell. But that was because I was always wearing my ballet costumes whenever I could. I like the whole being a fairy/pixie thing. So the name stuck with me, except I’m called Tink for short. Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up That is me…I think having a child/family would make me feel like my life is over and I am old and I’m supposed to morph into soccer mom. That my enjoyment of traveling, shopping and just being free would be sucked out of me and my new enjoyment is supposed to be watching kids play. Snore…So not my thing I hear people say all the time “I can’t do that or wear that because I am a mom”. I am such a free spirit and I do not want anything in my life to hinder that. Not tht I gave a rat’s azz what people say and think of me…but how come when you become a mom, now all of a sudden you have to go “Old lady”? I as a childfree woman I would not do/wear anything to embarass myself. So why should I change simply because I get married or have a child? I think the whole husband and kid thing is not for me. I love being who I am and I make no apologies for it. I have told family members who try to change me that if they don’t like something about me…stay away from me! Simple! Life is too short to be lived by the standards of others. If a wife is what you want to be…good for you. But not every woman is dying to get hitched and pop out brats! That does not make her a bad person…just one who knows and goes for what she wants instead of caving to what others think and expect of her.

ATL Guy I agree with you…live for the moment…the next one is not promised. Carpe Diem!

Melo you d*mn right I worry about my happiness…who else is going to worry about it for me? No one! I am happy to see others happy..but I will not sacrfice that of my own for it. I used to be that way and I was miserable. I was always worried about everyone else and never myself until I found myself depressed and felt utterly helpless. Then I snapped out of it. Being single is a great free feeling. No responsibility for anyone but me. If I want to move to another state every 5 years…I have no husband or kid to consider…I just do it! I like the fact that when I want to do something, I am not looking for a sitter or worried that hubby may have a problem with me going. Ahhh…freedom! Great thing…why give it up for the ankle shackle?

By BINFORD2K

July 2, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Benny’s manifesto would NOT apply to the Hulk Hogan saga. That Linda woman is almost about 50 dating a 19 year old - that’s just crazy stuff right there!

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

Foots- We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have. - One of the best things I’ve read on this blog! This is the way my parents thought and the way I think. Leave a real legacy for your children or if you don’t have any, nieces&nephews or a child you mentor! And it really needs to be more of this mindset in the AA community!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

2CPTG Regarding your 10:50, that’s the same thing.

I remember taking tests in school, doing the prep work and studying beforehand, and getting to class and saying “God, I’ve done what I can do. Meet me the rest of the way”. One time, I was really specific. In one of my toughest grad classes, I knew exactly how many questions I could miss on the final to get an A out of the class. I told Him that I could miss 12 questions and still get the A I worked so hard for (guess He already knew that), and I said that I could get the rest right by my own knowledge if he met me that far. I missed exactly 12.

By abc

July 2, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

I don’t think “happiness and fulfillment” are the result of job, income, or even more broadly, lifestyle.

Happiness and fulfillment come from an appreciation of being alive, no matter your circumstances. Having and having not are valid and valuable aspects of life, one should not allow their happiness and fulfillment to depend on that. Rather, happiness and fulfillment are spiritual aspects of one’s life.

If you’re happy and fulfilled being single, chances are you’ll be happy and fulfilled as a couple. Likewise, and even more so, if you’re unhappy and unfulfilled being single, that’ll persist if you marry. Happiness and fulfillment don’t rely upon such status.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Then you’ll see that all’at star-gazing and shooting at the moon really ain’t that important. You’ll find yourself concentrating more on the intangibles wow, good point, and thanks Confuscious! LOL

By Utopia

July 2, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

My perspective is to just roll with it. I sure I’m of the majority that started out with a list of things to be done/had/accomplished. There are a few things I would like to have accomplished by now and more than likely won’t and some things accomplished, although never intended. Back-pedaling for the things passed or that didn’t happen in my opinion is futile. I’m of the mindset that the roads in life were paved and well traveled long before we arrived and choices we make sets the wheels in motion for the one we’ll travel. Relationships being inclusive. If you’re closeminded or stuck on what coulda shoulda woulda been, you’ll miss out on other chances and opportunities. I wouldn’t say be done with your dreams but make some adjustments. For me some of the unexpected were necessary filters, allowing me to not waste time on things next to impossible and sort of cast a better view of what’s attainable. Landing somewhere between perfection and nonexistent.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 2, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Kym and 2C, I see ya’ll preparing for your initial sermons. Keep preaching!

By Afro-dite (The Goddess of Love)

July 2, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

2CPTG I disagree. When you are young it is easier to juggle work and fun so you take that time to work mostly to build for you retirement days while still having a certain amount of fun. That way you won’t be caught having to work door duty at Walmart at the age of 67 because you do not have a savings or retirement funds, and that social security check ain’t hitting on nothing. Work and save and then enjoy.

So many people don’t think about how they are going to make it after the age of 60 until that time stares them in the face. I don’t want to be hitting nobody’s clock at 60 so I prepare now. I truly believe I will enjoy seeing the international world at 60 the same as if I were 30.

AmazonRed But what if you do and you haven’t prepared yourself?

By Bre"

July 2, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

I’ve always been a fly by the seat type of person….So planning a future or making a list I never worried about in life. I let life take me where it should. I dropped out of college after a year because I wanted to travel and see the world. I figured why read about when I could be about. Now things were not always easy, but I had very few bumps when I did not plan that is for sure. People would call me a gypsy…I would just get up and go wherever, never a care in the world….I had zero clue about NYC when I came here, but something moved me to be here so I went. Now that I’m older I try to be a bit more responsible. I have neices, nephews, and others that depend on me. I don’t just go with the wind however if it pushes me hard enough I have to really take a look at it. The one and only focus I have is to never be poor or without a roof over my head. Money has never been my first motivation or my joy in life. What has is the ability to be free/blissfully happy to do as I please.

Even now after buying up a few things, and having a guy..all in the family and friends circle everyone wants to know what’s next. I’m like whatever happens, that quickly stopped the inquiry on marriage and kids. If I get prego I will handle it, if ol boy hits his head and is like lets go to the courthouse…then I deal as it comes. If he walks out or I walk away I will deal with it like everything else life has thrown my way….simply handle it.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Staceye …but how come when you become a mom, now all of a sudden you have to go “Old lady”?

You ain’t gotta go old lady, but dayum… some of yoll dropping shorty off at school looking like you on your way to pull a shift at the strip club - back tats out, G-string showing, t!tties poppin’ out the shirt. :-| And I’m like, hold up… my lil youngin’ is too little to be seeing all’at. But then you (<=== understood you, not you) wonder why they don’t respect grown-ups.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Foots…..yeah, I guess you could say they were the same….with the example you used….maybe I read her post wrong….cause you do have to take some measures into your own hands…..

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

KP - been preparin’ my whole life, bruh….I know I got a callin’, but like my folks been tellin me, I’m hardheaded; so I’mma take a spiritual beatin’ ‘fore I receive the “fullness thereof.”

Raqi -“I truly believe I will enjoy seeing the international world at 60 the same as if I were 30.” gal, stop playin…..

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 2, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Foots Speaking as a parent I think the idea is great to want to leave a legacy for your children. Yes I want to “help” my son pay for his college education and provided guidance as necessary.

But I also want my son to suffer a little bit. I know that sounds strange because the idea is to make our children not have to go through what we had to go through. Some of the phrases I decided to retire this year is “When I was a kid we did.. and Alot of the stuff that goes on didn’t happen when I was a kid..and my favorite..the world is so different when I was younger. Well duh of course it is..because people are different, life situations are different and the world keeps spining. I can’t plan for my son not to suffer or go through all the things I did..because frankly it is his life to plan..what if college is not what he wants? Right now he wants to be an inventor..but he is 12. He also wanted to be superman, spiderman, and a fireman.

But at 21 for all I know he could decide to climb Everest or join the Peace Corp. All I ask is that he does what will bring him joy peace and happiness.

I know abc says music can be tripe..but two of my favorite mother to son type songs is “If I could by Regina Belle” “If I could I would try to shield your innocence from time..but the part of life I gave you isn’t mine..I’ll watch you grow..so I can let you go.”

and “I hope you Dance by Lee Ann Womack..

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, Never settle for the path of least resistance Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’, Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’, Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider, Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance….I hope you dance.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

2CPTG Agreed. I’m all about faith, but I know that in my life, He has really made it happen after I’ve completed my share of the work.

LOL @ Blue covering up his son’s eyes at the school drop off. I feel you though. I’m just 31, but seriously, the older I get, the more I believe that the younger clothes need to be left to the younger women. I’m at the age where you learn that you can be sexy while leaving something to the imagination. In my opinion, 15-year old boys need to be addressing me as “Ma’am” instead of “Hey Shorty!”. How I present myself determines which title I get.

By Wise Diva

July 2, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

wow, so is that what the urban soccer mom looks like nowadays? LOL

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

But what if you do and you haven’t prepared yourself?

Afro - I say prepare, but be flexible on the time table so that you can enjoy life on the way.

I might have an opportunity to go to Japan in a couple of weeks, and I just might go. Some of the trip will be put on a credit card that I will have to pay down. If I end up adding a couple months of extra payments to my Visa bill in exchange for a trip of a lifetime, sounds worth it to me. But if I get caught up in having to be debt free by X, then I’m gonna miss out on some good opportunities.

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Foots We need to think in terms of leaving something for our children, so that they can have the options that we didn’t have.

Now that’s where I am. I look at it like a baton relay race. When kids from other cultures (White, Indian, Asian) get the stick, there already up to speed - college paid for, first car out of the way, down payment on the starter crib on lock, bread in the bank, etc. But when we come around the corner with the stick, our AA kids are still sitting on the track tying up shoes and sh!t.

By ATL Guy

July 2, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

AFRO who says you can’t still be spontaneous and do awesome things before 60!? I mean work for sure and definitely save. But, don’t wait till you’re 60 to do everything you’ve wanted to do. I mean you could have artificial knees or hip and can’t walk around so easy at that point, who knows. Planning is so important. I’m a Planner. But, I’m also spontaneous. I worked out of Denver for 2 weeks and made the most of the opportunity because I really wanted to go Snowboarding. It was Great!

Life is a Journey not a Destination … be smart about it and enjoy the ride!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Kym I am totally co-signing your 11:16 post, from one parent raising a son to another. I couldnt have expressed it any better. I dont want my son to suffer either but I know that he will be a better man if he does suffer some. Its called life and it comes with some disappointments, struggles, etc.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Blue…speakin’ of track, did you see ‘ol boy, Tyson Gay, run the 100m in the Olympic Trials?? a wind aided 9.68!!!! mayne, bruh’s gon’ be flyin soon! 9.68….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

bre wow..you are a Sag…a gypsy. Me too. I love to move around. I like the newness of things. I get bored easily. I travel and there are so many places that I want to see…I need to remain free. I feel you. I have kids in my family…so why have my own. In that rare time I get a maternal yearnign…I babysit and that takes it away! LOL Or when I go int a store and hear a crying brat…that is my birth control.I can’t stant whiney kids. I wanna yell, “shut the F up”! I have ZERO patience and ZERO tolerance. Now when I see a good quiet child…oh I just love them and want to play with them and hold them…but that is rare. I have a friend here is daughter is like that. I love her to pieces. I’d probably have the kid from hell! LOL

Blue I feel you that no one should come to a school looking Pole Ready. But some women go from hot to not after becoming a mom.

2C I feel you…I would not want to be one of those folks who start to enjoy life and see the world at 60. Heck at that age I want to be able to say all the places I have seen and things I have done. My grandparents always said once grappy retired they travel. Yeah..he retired sick with Parkinson’s and colon cancer and died before any of those dreams were complete. Its been 8 years and granny is still talking about what they were “gonna” do. I told her he is not coming back and she needs to make some windowed friends and they should travel. But she sits and mopes…not going to be me. I am trying to enjoy my life now because no one knows what the future holds. Or if there is one.

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Amazon Congrats on your Japan trip!! Now you get to see the toilets, such a variety! Stay away from the “traditional” ones, i.e. the holes in the floor. We don’t have that kind of aim.

My trip was with a class, but it was to be paid with money I didn’t have, not all of it. So you know what I did? I wrote my family members a letter and told them about the trip and what an opportunity it would be. I asked them to sponsor me. I got one older cousin to give me $800, and my mom did $400, I think. My dad gave $400 in matching funds, since he doesn’t do anything more than what my mom does (LOL) and I took care of the rest of the $2000 plus spending money myself.

That way, I didn’t have any debt for the trip. Because it was a school trip and we had an assignment based on the companies we visited, I gave the report to my family when I completed it so that they could see what I did when I was there. Everyone was so happy to help me have that experience and I wrote thank you notes, instead of IOUs.

It might work for you too. Hit up your peeps for the cash! LOL!

By kimmie

July 2, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Blue/Kym - I feel you both on the legacy tip. And yes Kym, I believe kids don’t have a true appreciation of a “financial” legacy unless they do “suffer” a bit and not have everything handed to them, even if the parents are able. Look at how some of those spoiled celebrity kids are! A little suffering or having to really work toward something builds character and prepares you for lifes twists and turns. Money and material possessions can be lost overnight!

Remember also that legacies don’t have to be monetary. I read somewhere that one of the biggest determinants of what profession a child decides to go in is family. There are not a lot of AA in NASCAR because their parents & grandparents were not involved in it. I come from a medical family and I think we all can point to certain families where there is a dominant profession or skill. My great-grandfather on my mother’s side was a skilled carpenter and did furniture upholstery and design. Whites used to send him furniture from all over to be reupholstered. My great-grandfather inherited the skill and my uncle put together a solid wood entertainment center that would blow you away.

By AmazonRed

July 2, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Thanks Foots, I will take all that into account. The trip is coming up way too fast (August) that it might not be feasible and might butt heads with my sister’s wedding. So if SkyMiles can’t get me there, I’m not going. But I can just save them for my potential Ghana trip in 2009!

By Foots

July 2, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Blue But when we come around the corner with the stick, our AA kids are still sitting on the track tying up shoes

Exactly. My parents didn’t have anything prepared for me, though my dad did pay for a car for me for a year. But when that first car payment after graduation was due, he was looking at me with his hand out like “Where’s my money?”

I would love to give my children a head start when they get to be on their own. You’re right, plenty of us were at a disadvantage and though we turned out okay, it’s not my intent for my child to start out at a disadvantage. They won’t be living off a trust fund or anything, flying around the track, but at least they won’t be still on the track, tying up shoes. They’ll at least be standing and ready for the baton.

By Bre"

July 2, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

No I’m Pisces Stacy..I like fresh water….

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Foots LOL @ Blue covering up his son’s eyes at the school drop off.

Naah slim, I’m covering my eyes, b/c sometimes I wonder if some of these moms are like 17/18? WTF?

2 Mayne, I’ve been crazy busy with another TOP PRIORITY (bike woes :D), so I only read the headline. I hope like hayo that dude ain’t on them ‘roids. But man, that is crazy speed!!! You gotta catch those middle distance runs too. Those cats be battling for real.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

Foots Oh girl my mother is Maam…I am Miss. LOL I will correct someone with a quickness that calls me shorty or Maam. I guess because in NY we all say Miss or Mr. I expect that. We always say Maam is a southern thing.

I feel like Erin Brokovich…as long as I have one azz instead of two I will wear what I please. LOL I am very expressive in fashion. I met a woman who is a poet with a purple and black mohawk and nice style of dress and was shocked to know she is a grandmother. She is sharp as hell on her poetry. I had to tell her I liked her style. Who says you gotta go granny once becoming one.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Foots I may have to have some sponsors for my trip to Italy or Greece in 2009!! Sounds like a great idea!

Staceye my father has no patience yet he has three children. Some things come with parenting and some dont. It depends on what your lack of patience is attributed to. My father doesnt like repeating himself and he instilled that in us early! And of course you know everyone doesnt raise their children the same way. So what you see as bad children, those parents dont see a problem (or are in denial), LOL! I say all that to say, you may never feel ready for a child. I didnt when I got pregnant but maternal instinct kicked in and took over!! :0)

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 2, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Bre My bad..you sounded like a Sag. My mom is a Pisces (2/29) and she is like you in some ways.

Mo wel being celibate makes sure no kids are created by me. Not to mention that when I come off of my celibacy, I have been on the pill for 10 years and I do not believe in going out in the rain without a raincoat….again, no kids coming from this body.

By 2CPTG©

July 2, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Blue, I caught the middle distance runs, as well….I saw Angelo Taylor damn near fall out trynna run the 400, only 20 minutes after the 400 hurdles….

By Blue Kolla

July 2, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

2 I know you remember this scene…

meter #40

Announcer: It’s CL out front

meter #60 *… (whoosh)

CL: WTF was that?

Announcer: It Ben Johnson ladies and gentlemen!! It’s Ben Johnson!! To win the Men’s 100 Meters…

CL: Ben Johnson? WhoTF is Ben Johnson?!

10 minutes afte the race…

Internation Olympic Committee after call from CL: You’re right CL, he was haulin’ azz. Dayum! We’re watching the tape right now. Dayum he’s fast. LOL

CL to IOC (sniveling): Yeah I understand that, but I’m CL. Ain’t nobody blowing by me like that. He needs to be tested immediately.

IOC: We’ll check into it.

after the aftermath…