Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 8:31 AM | Link to this

First of all Happy SuckAzz morning to everybody.

On-topic Folks keep coming back for various reasons

Just reason off the top of the dome, not necessarily those from SlimOne’s life

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 8, 2008 8:33 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Don’t you think that while we each have our own personalities, dating habits are fairly common among us?

Yep, I think they are..no matter how hard we try most of us are pretty much set in our ways with regards to the type of person we are attracted to(looks, personality,etc..)and the type of activities we like to engage in on a date.(This includes when we will have sex with said person)

What keeps you coming back for more with the wrong person? Is it just hot sex? A feeling you’ve “won” something each time you get them back? Or an addiction to drama?

Wrong person..Hot sex, great conversation and more hot sex. Never about I have won something or drama. Even dating married guys drama was not in the equation.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Why? All of the above.

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone.

Welcome to day 2, Blanca. I hope you don’t actually feel the bloggers treated you like trash. I do think we could have given you a warmer welcome. Just know that the frustrations aren’t really with you, so don’t take it personally. You’ll be fine.

Thanks for reading the responses yesterday and making a tailor made blog for today!

By the way, if you have a “real” job at the AJC, like all of us bloggers do (except Truth, lol), please focus on that. But you are getting paid to be here, and we aren’t (lol) so don’t forget us! Even Diva has her days, but she’ll at least peek in and let us know she’s swamped. You did the same yesterday, so thanks. Hope your assignment went well.

Gosh, we are some demanding folks. LOL. Sounds like my relationships. LMAO.

By QC

July 8, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

Morning…welcome to the blog Blanca

Have a great day everyone!

QC got the “sleep-idis”

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 8, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

Morning Everyone!

SlimOne Having a rough morning chica?? LOL I had to laugh at the first line of your post.

Hopefully I’ll be able to lurk more today since this training class should be coming to an end. Emphasis on should be.

Be back later

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

What keeps you coming back for more with the wrong person?

Nothing. Not at this age. The last yo-yo relationship I had was my HS sweetheart. And at the time I thought he was the “right” one at just the “wrong” time. I’ve learned since then and listen to my “warning system.” If there is more wrong than right, why go back? No sex is that good. Peace of mind is more important (at least for me).

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

Mo You know me…even in my down moments I still aim to make somebody else smile or laugh..while i silently cry inside. lol I’m just a little frustrated this morning but as all things, It’ll pass.

Now where is my muthasuckin raisin toast w/skrawberry jelly?!!!

By Blow Me is Back Bytches

July 8, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

Good Morning ALL

Ared Come on we are ANIMALS on here!!! Give the poor child a break before you give her all these strict rules…. Get your claws out of her back….Sheesh!!

Oh yeah Blanca WELCOME back to the jungle!! Most of us on here are a bunch of hungry barracudas!!! Hold ya own and you will be ok!!

Absolutely…It’s the good sex that keeps you together. And I’ll be a bit honest….and a slight addition to drama. Every relationship needs to have some drama to stay strong and thriving. Drama is good. lol!

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

SlimOne - If you are having a bad day, I hope it gets better. As always, you keep your head up!

Does Baldwin Hills start tonight? I just got into this show. I think it’s an accurate portrayal of the bougie L.A. girls!

By QC

July 8, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Yep ARed..Baldwin Hills starts tonight..there was a Marathon of Season 1 on over the weekend, i’m looking forward to the new season

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

No sex it that good

Well really yeah it is. Most of us just mature and learn to suppress that burning desire for the sake of practicality.

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

ARed Preciate it chica! I’m sure the topic will change into something that’ll lift my spirit.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

I hope you don’t actually feel the bloggers treated you like trash.

Now, Blanca, if you EVER feel this way, and I mean EVER, all you have to do is check out Terence Moore’s blog. That should make you feel MUCH better. Nobody will ever attack you quite so personally over here. They absolutely HATE him, but post anyway just to make sure he knows that they absolutely HATE him. Be glad you have us.

what keeps you coming back for more with the wrong person?

With one of the men I’ve had multiple relationships with, it was familiarity and laziness. We knew each other well, loved each other in many ways, and didn’t actually want to get to know anybody else, so we ended up back together. We usually got back together whenever whatever else we had going on didn’t work out. We had three separate relationships over four years.

The other man, well, it was EVERYTHING about him that kept me coming back. I was gone from the moment I laid eyes on him. Sometimes, a person just does it for you, from their smell, to their build, to their smile, to the sound of their voice. He was the most attractive man I had ever seen. After me and the first dude broke up the first time, we were friends on and off for two years (during which time I had another ride on the rollercoaster with the dude above), then attempted a relationship which never got off the ground (after which I got back with dude from above), then we finally got our stuff together a year later. We weren’t right for each other, but neither of us could stay away from the other until we were together for real and saw what our relationship would really be like. That helped me finally get this dude off my mind. When we (all) broke up, I wasn’t exactly cured, but at least I could move on from the both of them. It’s been three years since I got off the train at my last stop.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Slim here’s a Magic Dew for you. Hopefully that will help lift your spirits.

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

lemme try this again………

By SexyLeggs

July 8, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

Good morning.

Those that keep coming back for more w/the wrong person are called Diehards. I’ve always marveled at those women that treat the men like crap usually gets the man and marries them. Well, I really only have 3 instances I can count.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Amazon No sex is that good.

Shoot, I have to agree with Raqi on that one! LOL!! But the funny thing is, the two people who I ended up with more than once, it was never about the sex. Take that back…. It was never about the act of sex. With the dude that just did it for me, I was highly attracted to him sexually. But all he had to do was walk in the room, we didn’t have to do a thing, every hair on my body would stand on end. Like he had a magnet. I don’t know if I have the mental and physical energy to feel like that about somebody again. Too draining. Literally.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Some relationships you have to break from cold turkey. You can’t wean yourself from them because you find you can’t let go (Foots). You have to turn and walk away not looking back for fear of turning into a pillar of salt. Been there done that.

One of my friends dated the same guy on and off for years because they tried the let’s be friends breakup but it never worked. They always ended up back in each other’s bed. When she ended the friendship the relations ended.

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Slim….I hear some’n in ya posts, you a’ight lil mama?

What you wanna talk about?

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Dang Foots, that didn’t sound like a train, that sounded more like a tornado…all over the place. lol Glad you made it out alive.

Raqi I might need to drink a bottled water before i tackle that Dew…I just had a full cup of coffee. So i’m a little on the jittery side since when i get upset i don’t eat…and no I’m trying to rub my cup o’ joe in your face. lol

SexyL I think what you said in your post is what inspired to making of Why Men Marry Bytches.

Foots With the dude that just did it for me, I was highly attracted to him sexually. But all he had to do was walk in the room, we didn’t have to do a thing, every hair on my body would stand on end. Like he had a magnet Gurrrrl, I’v definitely experienced that before. He was like Kryptonite or something i tell ya. I used to call him Batman….yeah, don’t ask lol

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Foots I was like that about Whitebread but it was purely the sex. He would be the furthest thing from my mind but would show up at the house and it was like BAM. Sometimes it took every ounce of inner strength to suppress that feeling. And even more to not let him know he could have had me right then and there. Some days we would standing in my house talking about our son and I would be thinking if this man take one step closer to me I will burst into flames.

I used to talk to my mother about this. She would bluntly tell me ‘you need a man’, but discreetly and motherly tell me I need to occupy my time more. Heck I had two kids who knew I had idle time that was being wasted. But I clearly got the gist of what she was saying and finally got control over my thing for whitebread.

By DasV

July 8, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

good morning

LOL@ ‘this weeks blogs are foreplay’… thats cute hello, Blanca.

maybe its just me, but i would much rather let you in on what i do to stay away from what i know isnt good for me…. and i would much rather learn some new ‘coping’ skills from what you tell me you do to deal..

I dont call at 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning… that includes no texting, no emails, no myspace updates, no diary entries (because invariably im so impressed with what ive written i want to call and share).. no nothing and

i dont take your calls, but since i cant block your number without shelling out money, i change your ringtone to the most annoying on my phone (when i hear it im reminded you are not for me, even your ringtone is annoying)and

i checkout a book on tape and listen to it on the way to and from work and lil kim, mary j and goapele and lizz wright stay on ipod rotation at work

netflix instant watch is my best friend at night and its zen music, water, and a loaded prayer first thing in the morning

basically i look to purge myself of you… cause whateva is pulling me to what aint good for me has to be evil. the trenches full with good battling evil. always.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

Raqi Oh, me and the first guy are still friends. The relationship (and the relations) ended when we figured out that we would not work as a couple. We both had basically what the other was looking for in a person, but for some reason, we just rubbed each other the wrong way. I think we thought we’d get married, but then decided that it would a disaster from “I do”, so it was over. From the day we broke up nearly four years ago, we have never gone there, not even a kiss. Most of that time we’ve both been single, but we didn’t feel even a tug back in that direction. When it’s over for me, it’s a wrap.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

July 8, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

This is my birthday week Slim and it is starting off at a rather annoying pace. So I know the feeling..you know you could just take a min go to your car(if you drove in and just scream…really loud..that and crying normally help release frustration..well that and hot sweat sex as well. So there I gave you three options.

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Well really yeah it is. Most of us just mature and learn to suppress that burning desire for the sake of practicality.

Raqi - I can get with this. I ammend my response!

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Slim Not to mention that he gave me the most visually stimulating sight in my whole life. That man came over one day in some jeans, not baggy, not tight, just right for his build. That was the the day that I found out he didn’t always wear underwear. There were jeans, then….SKIN! I was transfixed. LOL!

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Oh Slim no prob. I had me a nice big serving of mocha magic this morning so I am jitters, stress and anxiety free.

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Some relationships you have to break from cold turkey. You can’t wean yourself from them because you find you can’t let go (Foots). You have to turn and walk away not looking back for fear of turning into a pillar of salt. Been there done that.

I agree with Raqi on this too. I didn’t understand the beauty of cold turkey til it was done on me. And boy did it throw me! And at the end of the day, I was the only one calling and trying to get closure and I was the one looking silly.

One of the best love lessons I’ve ever gotten.

That could be a good blog topic: “The love lessons that made you change your dating game.”

By The Quiet One

July 8, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

DasV Strong choice of wording: basically i look to purge myself of you. Good vs Evil the eternal struggle.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

we just rubbed each other the wrong way

Maybe you should have tried a different position. LOL Just Kidding.

Kym and Slim I am now mentally channeling some of this good vibes energy over to you two. I hope your day gets better.

By kimmie

July 8, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Morning All

Foots - That was the right link to the website, thanks a lot! It wanted you to sign up and enter all of your pertinent info and even download a photo if you wanted. I didn’t feel like signing up then, but I will later when I have some time to think about what I want to put on there.

On Topic - I had a relationship I kept going back to, like the 1st one in Foots post. That was the Air Force dude. When we were together it was all good and we were great friends as well as romantic partners. But he would always hold back because he said he didn’t want to get close due to possibly being sent away(his excuse). He was stationed here for quite a while and has a home here where his mother lives with one of his 2 daughters. I just kept trying to make something work that wasn’t meant to be. I sat and thought about a lot of things he was saying and doing. I used to think he was a good father, but compared to other men I know, he really wasn’t. He would come to town with the guise of seeing his child, meaning he could not spend much time with me. His own mother finally hipped me to the fact that he really was not seeing his child at all, but hanging out with the boys and drinking. I went to visit him up in DC for a long weekend. He drank a full large shaker of apple martinis EVERY night by himself, not to mention beers here & there. I just started seeing a lot I didn’t like, the sex was just okay, so I walked away cold turkey. He still tries to call me now, but I never answer.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Raqi Your mom said something entirely different from my mom. We were in different situations though. My mama was like “Girl, you better enjoy that feeling.” She told me that she wished she could have that feeling for a minute. She knew that feelings like that don’t come around often, nor should they. We were both single and we were bf/gf at the time. I just had a higher attraction to him than I ever had to anybody.

I’m actually kinda glad that I have had that feeling, so I know what all-consuming feels like. When it’s right, really right, it’s not quite that intense. It’s like the flame is burning, but it doesn’t consume you. I have a more comfortable heat now, and I like that feeling much better.

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

2C I think i’m good for now. Preciate ya asking tho…not ready to discuss. ;-D

Kym I think I’ve already gotten some items marked off you list today. lol Only thing left today is probably go to the gym after work, or have me some GOOSE when i get to the house.

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

I understand that purging statement. Sometimes you just need to trim the fat out of your life. I need to learn Foots coping skills. :)

By DasV

July 8, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Quiet i say “of you” but we know the truth: im trynna rid myself of whateva he is feeding in me…. someone said it earlier. suppression for practicality’s sake

By pisces 08

July 8, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Morning All. Welcome Blanca…

By kimmie

July 8, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

On Topic - By the way, the straw that broke the camel’s back, the thing that made it easy for me to walk away - I discovered the man stole from me - half my hard drive from my Dell home computer! I can deal with a lot of things, but theft is not one of them, especially in my own home. I let him know I knew and dropped him like a bad habit. He didn’t even look the same to me after that!

By DasV

July 8, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

DeadPool LOL. so the saying now is what? —> if you need to trim the fat, get out the kitchen to purge.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Foots that’s the thing. Her statement ‘you need a man’ was her acknowledging the feelings were legitimate and needed to be dealt with with a man. But her more logical statement was to help me refrain from getting myself further into a fix with the wrong man. He was the wrong man.

But yes the engulfed captivated feeling is one every one should experience at least once in their life time.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Deadpool You don’t want my coping skills. It basically involves keeping it moving once I see stuff I don’t like, plus a day or two of Chuck E. Cheese pizza, the Smurfs and some cotton candy if I was really in love. :-)

That’s DasV with all of the coping wisdom.

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

It’s always good vs. evil, huh DasV? Why cain’t it be y’all just ain’t compatible….and y’all ignored the red flags?

If I rekindle an old flame, it ain’t cause the devil made me do it….y’all give that cat too much power….“resist [him] and he will flee from you”

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Never heard that one but i’ll remember it. Doubt if I’ll use it though too wordy for me.

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Slim I didn’t laugh because i was feeling that ‘suck butt’ the other day…Solution: crank dat…n’ ‘Count It All Joy’!

mytwo Maybe some time has been spent, what you say? morning greetings

Mo when you get back i have S&V kettle chips, popcorn, sour patch kids, hot tamales, N&L’s, a color full of Pepsi’s, Mr. Pipp, Sunkist, Peach Nehi, scrawberry Fayo, grape Fanta and water. you’ve been trainig so much lately you’ll need a lil glucose pick me up…:)

DasV…sigh…Hey up to ya!

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Foots Yeah this dude was very visually stimulating. Hell, everything about him was stimulating, from his smell to his laugh. Folks with that type of chemistry are dangerous. MUAH HA HA HA (laughing like Count Dracula)

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 8, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Welcome Back Blanca! Nice to see you weren’t completely disgusted with us…YET! LOL

On Topic Well simply put…I’m a a Masochist! Some of us are glutton for punishment. We go for the wrong ones because it gives us a thrill for a while and then we burn out! I think I have gotten to my burn out point. Which is why I have given up on dating. When I feel that urge to get back out there…I do something like cut and color my hair, get a tattoo, a piercing. I think I do these things as a reminder not to do something I was contemplating. So each time I look at it…I can say no. I’m strange..what can I say? Hey…so does having red hair now completely take away from my Gothness? Yeah, being a Goth-Glam since I was a teenager is also another method. I amp up the Gothness as a reminder not to date. I’va had exex call me Morticia! It’s quite funny.

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

Keeping moving sounds good but 2 days of Chuck e cheese and smurfs and candy might not be for me. Normally I try to take a day or 10 try to reestablish my connection with the universe and find my center. Just dont have time for that now. I need a quick fix until i can find something more permanent. mmmmmmmm beer. :)

By DasV

July 8, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

TOUCAN not compatible. could be it. but i doubt it. we know in the first minute, if you can bed us in the first hour if we can put up witcha. and the ‘ignoring red flags’ thing just aint happenin’. i dont even know how to spell ‘desperetion’. :)

and you right. most credit the originator with more than what they should. but he is at the root…. got us thinking its ok to settle.

DeadONE LOL. wordy. cute. thats the go-to ammunition when a man attempts to engage a woman obviously more intelligent than himself. LOL

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

DasV i’m not gonna ‘sit and sup’ without saying something to you sis. i know i’ve been reading you different, you can say what you want…

Cast your cares upon him, for he cares for you. He who resist and stay stedfast in faith,…know that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethern…

Be sober be viligant and resist the devour!

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

@ DasV - vigilant…(spl)

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Deadpool Don’t underestimate the power of the Smurfs!! LOL!

Seriously, what my mother told me that helped me start my Keep It Moving crusade is that “If this relationship was what you thought you should have and God (or the Universe for you) said ‘No, that’s not it’, just imagine what He has for you that IS right for you right around the corner.” That helped me leave the past behind and focused me on doing what I needed to do in the present to prepare for my blessing in the future. So I give myself a few days to grieve whatever (the person, the possibilities of the relationship, the fun, the sex, etc), then I get up, play “She’s a Bad Mama Jama” and life goes on from there.

My mama gave me the real coping skills, sometimes I have to supplement that with cotton candy and my favorite things to get me over the first few days. After that, I’m good.

Most dudes, I just be like “Oh well, I’ll holla” and I burn tracks like Road Runner. No coping needed for some of them. LOL!

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

DasV Suppression is one of life’s greatest lessons to be learned. IMO humans by nature are pleasure seekers. And consist of different desires for us all. We learn over the years to suppress those feeling because if you don’t it will control you. Heck we all have to suppress the desire to pull up this site sometimes.

Staceye your comment supports what my mother was telling me during those trying times. Redirecting that energy to take away its force. Find something else to do. Both of you are right.

By The Quiet One

July 8, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

Thats what I was implying DasV That maybe it’s not good vs evil.

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

DasV….I’m really not following you…..

By The Quiet One

July 8, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Thats what I was implying DasV That maybe it’s not good vs evil.

By DasV

July 8, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

CeeMee doggonit gurl, i thought i was playin the part of ‘church lady’. if i aint she, who am i?? LOL

i feel you. sobriety is something maybe you may want to discuss with DeadPool. let’em know peter meant ‘be sober’ in a different way. :)

By The Melo

July 8, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Wld u ladies be inspired if u heard from other women about how they closed the deal.The discussion today..listening to ur trials and tribus,my god,there is carnage out there.Maybe we should hire TD Jakes to come talk to u ladies and help u out with ur perpetual failures…… I need a quick fix until i can find something more permanent. mmmmmmmm beer. :)…So each time I look at it…I can say no. I’m strange..what can I say? *…I don’t know if I have the mental and physical energy to feel like that about somebody again. * i sense a feeling of hopelessness,did somebody die,feels like a funeral today?

By SexyCool

July 8, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

blanca…much better…nice to know that you write in real time…that is refreshing…

as to the topic…what has kept me coming back in the past were the possibilities of a thang (love jones)…

what pushed me to move on…was that eventually the romanticism of a possibility became the realism of never to be realized potential…

By AmazonRed

July 8, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

“If this relationship was what you thought you should have and God (or the Universe for you) said ‘No, that’s not it’, just imagine what He has for you that IS right for you right around the corner.”

Amen Foots. I subscribe to this theory too. A lot of women don’t want to start over and they don’t want to be alone. But they are also preventing themselves from finding a really great relationship too.

I love the beauty of beginnings!

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

I’m sure she is very intelligent, i was just saying I wouldnt hold that one in my repartee. But as soon as I see one i could use more frequently I’ll steal it. :)

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

We’re just getting to know eachother; consider this week’s blogs foreplay.

Blanca, what you trying to say? I was kinda offended at first.

‘bout close as ‘some of us’ will come to physical stimulation.

By DasV

July 8, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

TOUCAN walk with me a bit wheneva someone is faced with needing to end a relationship, its never for what the other person is or aint doing. its because what the other person does or doesnt do plays on what ‘bad’ you have. instead of accentuating the positive, the augmenting the negative. so really its not them, its you. we are inherently ‘bad’ and thats is bec of what the evil one introduced… so ultimatley it is his fault. and some can legitimately take that as an easy out: the devil made me do it.

Raqi snaps for your post. i totally agree. that is why my hiatus has been so good for me… i entered into it with the goal of learning self-control … on every level, even with this blog :) it riddles me when ppl question it, because ppl do it all the time…. at lent, at rhamadan, taking dhutanga, etc.

By For Real

July 8, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam! How are you doing Blanca?

The reason I keep coming back is bc Sex Fairy keeps leaving $20 under her pillow after each session.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

melo If you knew the type of feeling I was talking about, you would know what I mean. I cannot sustain an intense passion for somebody like that, nobody can for long because it drains you. It’s wonderful to have felt that a few times in my life, but I don’t have to have that particular feeling to be in love. To me, the passion in real love is more subtle and sustainable. That passion is diluted with the other things that make the relationship great. That’s what I prefer.

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

I really cant touch on what Peter was talking about cause i rarely drink and when i do its not a coping mechanism. Normally its stupidity. :)

By DasV

July 8, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Quiet or its both. either you fight the fight yourself, or God will end it for you.

By Blanca

July 8, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

DasV Your tip for getting over someone made me laugh outloud - assigning them an annoying ringer as a reminder? And here I’ve been defiantly deleting people from my cellphone, which works pretty well unless you know their number by heart.

What song do you use the most? I should think of one for my ex-boyfriend…anyone know of a song to describe an anal-retentive, overly critical yuppie?

Blanca

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

DasV :) i know it’s a blog i’m just coming out of my habitat a lil…j/s. This stuff is real! I am not going to eat peanuts and continue to board the plane if my flightbuddy missing her destination stamp. Dayum that! Get on this jet, gurl.

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Question

“If this relationship was what you thought you should have and God (or the Universe for you) said ‘No, that’s not it’, just imagine what He has for you that IS right for you right around the corner.” Do ya’ll think we make up shyt like this to say just to make ourselves feel better or do ya’ll actually believe this?

By Deadpool

July 8, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

and i thought “Will you marry me?” was what was supposed to be said when you want to engage a woman.

By IslandGirl

July 8, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

Happy 2nd Day to you Blanca

Real…it is too early to start. lol!!!!

ON TOPIC:

The men I’ve dated and managed to remain friends with have said one thing about me they “hate is my ability to shut down and walk away. With that being said, I’ve only stepped back once into a dead relationship and the main reason was the SEX. The sex was off the chain good! I had to wean myself off of that good stuff and get my act together.

I’ve been on dating sabbatical since April (not a very long time), but it feels great.

By The Quiet One

July 8, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

When you say God do you mean Jesus God, Allah God, that Joe Smith dude from Mormonism? When I say God I mean a higher dimension of infinite intelligence. Some call the universe.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Slim I absolutely believe it. And it’s true. You may have to go through more to get there, but you have to keep moving forward to whatever waits for you ahead. The way my mother framed it for me is that we don’t really have a choice about moving forward. Either you move or you die. She had to be mean with me for me to finally understand that wallowing in something in my past wasn’t going to help me. The only thing that would help me is to focus on my present and look forward to my future.

And she was 100% correct. If you believe that what is for you, really is for you, it doesn’t matter how many times you hear NO, because you know that as long as you keep living, one day you’ll hear YES. But you have to keep it moving to get there.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Slim I personally think those statements are feel good mechanisms. I don’t think God gives a horse’s hoof if we find meaningful intimate relationships. His only concern is that our relationships don’t interfere with our service to him. While he has laws to govern those relationships (marriage) he don’t necessary make them happen for you.

By Dan

July 8, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

@Slim

I think so. It always sounds like a coping mechanism to involve God in your relationships. I mean, doesn’t He have more to do?

There is a space for coping with regard to failed relationships, but ultimately, whether Fate, Allah, or God has to do with your, my individual happiness is relatively small.

That statement always reeks of a lack of personal responsibility as opposed to actual Faith.

By SexyLeggs

July 8, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

You guys have some interesting posts today. I can’t comment because I’ve been gone too long to go back to anyone from yesteryear. Hell, if I did I would only realize that they are a bunch of old farts.

Now, thanks to a fellow blogger who I will reveal at the end of the day (if I’m lucky to get back here), I have my ending post (hee hee hee)!!

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

ForReal hey dude.

speaking of…

Where is Church Lady anyway?

By SeanJohnson3000

July 8, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

@ Slim….i think so…so many women sing that same song and dance and end up being solo….it kinda does contradict what we learn….you should treat relationships like every other thing in life..be aggressive and ambitious..if you want a job…a car or a house…you GO get it…its not like its gonna knock on the door without you putting in work…

@ foots…you have been posting a lot lately…i have been enjoying reading the comments….you are a rational female….except for that comment that slim asked about.

By IslandGirl

July 8, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Foots I agree with you. It really all comes down to spiritual growth to gain that understanding. Just like the belief- through God anything is possible.

By The Melo

July 8, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

Foots hw long had u known this guy and did that feeling persist throughout ur courtship? I am thinking i may have been smitten like that be4,but only becoz the relationship waz just starting and new but as i got more acquainted with the person,that urge and intense excitement fizzled out,even tho i may still have been intensely in luv with the person. I may be reading u wrong but my advice wld be, if u feel u loving smebody, u cant help but be excited about him/her.The feelings do change with time as u mature into the relationship.U mustn’t feel guilty at all(im not suggesting that about u,but anybody reading) about feeling so intensely in luv because luv and relationships is a contact sport as Truth is font of saying.The only thing u can do when in luv is be who u are and let the other person be themselves as well.No feelings of luv are equal.So pple are more expressive,others are not.I remeber my sister in law telling me that my wife wld not stop talking about me when they were just the 2 of them hanging out.I did not knw that about my wife,but thats on her.Conversely,iam not like that, a total opposite, even tho i do luv her but i do not verbalize hw i feel to other pple like that. So dont hold back on the bug,if it affflicts u,let the other party knw because that in turn may help how he channels his energy and 4 u married minded ones,that may be the hint he needs to propose…….

By The Melo

July 8, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Some pple are more expressive correction,or,erection,if u like…….

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

July 8, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli Please hand me some S&V chips and pepsi! I will be back for some candy. As much as I love to conduct training classes, I love when its over!

Raqi I agree with your quit cold turkey ideal. That has always worked best for me b/c I just dont believe in hanging on. If we are done, we are done. Now as far as coping: good music, family & friends, prayer. A little reading and journaling dsnt hurt either

By DasV

July 8, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Dead One …. according to the blog I am always trynna rush things anyway… so yea. that fits. :)

Blanca it always feels good to make someone laugh.. thanks for letting me know. neva assign a song to someone, that is traditionally done at the wedding reception and for good reason. instead find songs that will lift you from the mire that comes with having to end a habitually good, but bad for you relationship….. my first choice: i pray, nadine sutherland. apropo lyrics “i pray to Jah, but him didnt listen, cause he was watching ova me, when mine eyes just could not see…. “

i know you gonna have to search for that one so thats all for now. :)

Dan come’on man. ppl bring IAM (thats one you forgot Quiet) into which team wins the superbowl, the world series and even more absurdly a war.

it really is not a far stretch to bring him into our personal lives esp if we trynna up our level of meeting his standards.

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

DasV sorry i did not define what you asked. Here’s what you can share w/ Deadpool

To be sober; my relevation in what i mentioned earlier is of having a strong godly life (mention by Foots), growth, and producing the fruits there of. If a person cannot govern himself, if he cannot master his passions, he will certainly not have a good relationship with his brethern/fellowman or God. His life will likely be marked by major excesses.

Shoot i am one that is always praying and hoping for God to show me how to self-master according to my convictions/mishaps/trials and valley experiences…like i said; by the grace (his grace) that is given to me.

i’m not…i wont…

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

“Do ya’ll think we make up shyt like this to say just to make ourselves feel better or do ya’ll actually believe this?”

See, I love this question….cause it’s twofold, if ya ask me….cause in order for you to “believe” it’s gon make you feel better, like somebody said, you have to acknowledge a source of infinite intelligence…metaphysical science…..like Foots said, you gotta keep moving…but the reality of that is, you cain’t help but keep moving in a universe that revolves….so, in addition to your physical movements, you’ll experience mental movements as well…..what y’all just called, Forward Mobility!

By DasV

July 8, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

CEEMee i trynna board gurl…. got all these here bags. but im coming, im coming….

By DasV

July 8, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

SlimONe my props too on the question. i think we make it up… but the fact that we can/do, points to a higher entity who shows us the way as toucan so wordily [:)] noted…. dont nothing stop his show, the earth continues revolving.. and everything always works out.

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

wheneva someone is faced with needing to end a relationship, its never for what the other person is or aint doing. its because what the other person does or doesnt do plays on what ‘bad’ you have.

DasV the two highlighted is most our problem…we gotta Let go and let God…(circling back to topic)I’ve never had a problem ending relationship because with the “hold on” comes more warfare <—- and that’s something you DEFINITLEY don’t want more of. i’ll say again: Some things are not worthy the space in your mind, or infiltrate the spirit

By SlimOne

July 8, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Foots Sounds like ‘Jus living’ to me. Either you live or you die…but i guess it’s saying the same thing with different words.

Raqi I agree, that they are feel good statements…sort of like ‘comfort food’.

SJ3K Sup my mayne man! You gotta point -> its not like its gonna knock on the door without you putting in work… I find a lot of older folks that are going with that “what’s for you is for you’ but failing to realize what is expected from their end to get it. Last time I checked happiness, men, cars, houses, relationships didn’t fall out of the sky.

By abc

July 8, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

I think it’s said to make one feel better, Slimone.

I’ve no doubt that God brings people together, but that doesn’t necessairly mean that the reason for it is marriage. Moreover, free will can pretty easily put asunder what God joins together, people lose a Godly focus and are overcome by their own personal wishes.

That doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone for everyone after a failed relationship. It does mean that God isn’t the only reason a relationship can fail.

By 2CPTG©

July 8, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

“i think we make it up… but the fact that we can/do, points to a higher entity who shows us the way as toucan so wordily [:)]”

ok, well how about this for brevity sake,….”to every man is granted a measure of faith”…..so are you really makin’ it up?

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

July 8, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

*Raqi girl I have to redirect my energy. I may go nuts if I let it bottle itself inside me.

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

DasV Translation: First off you gotta be delivered from people. ‘cause guess what?…the naysayers gonna contradict all your “whatevers”…it is what it is…but continue in your faith it’s helps you self master <—-there’s that word again.

If it’s relative is contestable.

By Dan

July 8, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Here’s a scary reason for “coming back”:

Fear of being (or ending up) alone…

discuss amoungst yourselves…

By Deeva4Life

July 8, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

SeanJohnson3000 I don’t get your post…so are you saying that “as women” we shouldn’t sing that song (What’s for me is for me) because ultimately we end up alone? I look at that as, “it wasn’t FOR me” and to attain what I want I have to keep it movin…by any means necessary.

Ultimately it comes down to your belief system…what motivates you/what sustains you. If our belief systems are different then we’ll look at SlimOne’s question differently.

By Utopia

July 8, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Welcome (back) Blanca. If you didn’t bleed from yesterday, you’ll be fine. Sometimes this group…well hard nuts to crack.

By SexyLeggs

July 8, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

Here’s a scary reason for “coming back”: Fear of being (or ending up) alone… Worst reason for going back. I realize people do it, but those are some of the lonliest people around.

By Raqi

July 8, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

“it wasn’t FOR me”

That’s an easy out. Some things are perfect for us but we screw them up. At some time or the other we have to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions. Some times we just fluck up and that’s what it is. We suffer the consequences and even then we have to keep it moving.

By Dan

July 8, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

My thing is..why be afraid to end up alone…

It’s that fear that drives the circles of self destructive behavior that leads to staying in bad relationships.

When you can come to being comfortable with that end of the equation, its a lot more freeing.

By DasV

July 8, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

CEEmee im surprised it wasnt introduced sooner… but what ABC noted holds a key component to all this: freewill. everyone has the right to decide for themselves. and according to COPS some decide that relationship warfare is where its at! LOL IAM doesnt even make us love him… he definitely aint gonna demand you love someone else.

i always thought it curious that it reads: ‘what He has yoked together, let no man put asunder’ not: ‘that no man can put asunder’.

Toucan … hmmmmm. sort like: is it really free-will, if after my choice my “reward” is death?

By Blue Kolla

July 8, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

What’s up Blog…

Foots If I ain’t know better, I’d swear that I was Dude #1. Shorty and your boy Blue ran that same program. The uncanny similarities are almost a little chilling.

We were on some serious mental though. I believe that she was monitoring my phone records b/c just as soon as I would get out of something, here she’d come; and if I called her after a while, she’d say something like, “I knew you were going to call. If I think about you hard enough, you call.”

No doubt that we loved each other; never even had to deal with other common problems - sex, cash, cheating or guns. Our thing was that we both had fiery egos - nobody would bend, be taken advantage of, be played, blah blah. Life between us was either Cloud 9 or Crash and Burn, very little in-between. So now we talk every so often and when we see each other it’s comfortable, but I can’t help but feel the high-voltage fence between us that we’re both very cautious about touching.

By Beautiful

July 8, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

mood today: curious. why can’t they just leave me alone already!

Blanca i see you read my e-mail last night. i don’t get it. what does he want? the booty is 2,400 miles away, so why bother? i know he has plenty of female friends. is he bored? prolly. or does he really care about me? it’s just curiosity on my end because i don’t get men at all and i can’t help the brotha. he asked questions and i answered. anyhoo …

hi staceye, QC, dasv, mytwo, sexy, slim, IG, mo

brb.

By Deeva4Life

July 8, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Raqi I agree about taking personal responsibility but I’m speaking more from a position of when you’ve tried but it wasn’t meant to be…IMO there’s nothing wrong with accepting and/or saying it wasn’t for you and releasing it so that you can find what is for you. I’m definitely not condoning either party creating a way out with out acknowledging the part they played, but there are times when it is what it is and you have to accept that and know that just because THAT didn’t work out there is a relationship that will.

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

My thing is, either you have faith or you don’t. And either you keep moving or you don’t. Both are choices. There are plenty of people who stop moving, who need Zoloft to get up in the morning and Ambien to go to sleep at night. It is not a given that YOU keep moving while the world moves around you, it is a choice. At times, I have felt like hiding in a hole and waiting for it all to go away, but that accomplishes nothing for me and leaves me feeling even more helpless. And everybody else is moving around you without a care as to what you’re going through. So I had to learn how to get up and join them, again and again, no matter what.

What helps me through is my faith that a better tomorrow is attainable. What helps someone else might be a stiff drink or counsel from friends. Whatever works for that individual is what works for them.

Slim I find a lot of older folks that are going with that “what’s for you is for you’ but failing to realize what is expected from their end to get it. Last time I checked happiness, men, cars, houses, relationships didn’t fall out of the sky.

Here’s a story: Several years ago, when I was in Engineering and wanting to get out, I made the decision to go back to school to help make me more marketable when an opportunity presented itself. While I was getting more into Finance, I asked my boss then if I could take over some of the financial responsibility for my group and so that’s what I did in the meanwhile.

I was about halfway done with school and I was too tired of my job, but enjoying my financial responsibilities. I started applying for other jobs, but I heard NO. They were not for me and I was told to keep trying, but there would be a job that would be for me, and it would be the one that I was preparing for (without even knowing that I was preparing for that one). When I saw that job opening a few weeks later, I knew it was the one. Financial analyst, a promotion, and my boss would be the very man I went to to learn about financial analysis for my group. That’s no coincidence. That job was for me, I had done my part to prepare for it, and nobody else would fill it but me.

So nothing falls out of the sky. But you have to get out of the past, prepare during the present, so that you can look forward to and be ready for the future. It may be a comfort to think this way, no doubt, it’s how I live. I just decided to have an attitude about life that keeps me moving and excited about what’s next. That Jeremiah 29:11 ain’t no joke: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.. How can you not have faith and keep moving with words like that?

By Cemeeli

July 8, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

Deeva4Life* i have to tell you i completely identify with “what is for me”. Hey it has “kept me” and is continuing to keep me from falling/failing/dumb…if i’m wrong, i just file it away and write it off.

Am i alone? i guess i am

DasV

IAM doesnt even make us love him… he definitely aint gonna demand you love someone else.

His love is waiting for us…we do not have to search it.

some decide that relationship warfare is where its at!

I laughed a bit b/c ultimatley our goals should be to set ourselves apart from heartache and bullcrap that is completely none profit to spiritual growth.

Lord help us.

…going to lunch.

Mo when i get back i’ll have somekinda snack. whhhssshhhhaaah

By Deeva4Life

July 8, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

Foots ^5…that was it in a nutshell…well for me anyway LOL

By Foots (aka Poots)

July 8, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Blue No doubt that we loved each other; never even had to deal with other common problems - sex, cash, cheating or guns.

You know what? Same deal here. Except for the guns. No other problems or people involved, it was just like oil and water with us. Shake it up and it would be fine for a while, but pretty soon, it separates. He’s a great man and he will be a good husband and father when he finds the one. It was kinda sad that with all the positives we had, it came down to personality differences. We’ll always be friends, since we’ve found that it works better that way. Plus, none of my other friends have pick-up trucks. He’s useful. LOL!

Deeva Ultimately it comes down to your belief system…what motivates you/what sustains you. If our belief systems are different then we’ll look at SlimOne’s question differently.

That’s very true.

2C ”to every man is granted a measure of faith”…..so are you really makin’ it up?

That’s a good question. To me, you can’t make it up. Either you