Misadventures in Atlanta

By Demi

July 17, 2008 8:23 AM | Link to this

Nikki ain’t nothing safe about “Camp Crystal Lake”…SHUSH…run!!! Wise is coming up out of the lake!!!

Great topic WD

Wise is now dragging Demi to his watery grave.

By Sunshine

July 17, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

I married in my early 20s because I was madly in love…needless to say it didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons, but now that I’m 30, if I marry again finances will most definitely be a factor. I want and expect a potential mate to come to the table with at least as much as I have. With age comes experience, knowledge, and wisdom. With these things come the realization that financial stability makes life a hell of alot easier!

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

WOW?!?!?!

A marriage void of love, intimacy and emotional support on purpose would probably be an open marriage. It takes a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a LOT to live with, sleep beside and share a life with someone every single day. And all the money in the world couldn’t make me live with such proximity with someone I don’t love. Ask abc what happens when there is no love in the marriage. He talks about it regularly.

I would imagine to have an arrangement like that the whole traditional sense of marriage would have to be done away with.

I guess it could work if the two maintain as agreeing business partners.

I wonder what the rules to such a marriage would be. Separate living quarters? Sex with outside individuals? No sex with each other period? No husband/wife roles? No accountability other than the agreed upon financial contributions?

I am interested to see what people will say are the benefits of such.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

I only recently started thinking about marriage and kids…and all that.

It was only after I heard the benefits of the 2 income household that I was sold on the idea.

As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway?

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

Demi stop trying to run Nikki off.

Good morning gang…

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Come on weekend!!!

Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money”?

Why no, actually, I have never I know say this. But then again, my crew contains newlyweds and never-marrieds.

Raqi, thank you for your post on this perspective.

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Being Financially stable is important. I mean they say Money (or lack there of)is #1 reason for divorce. If I have great credit and marry someone with bad credit, that will affect us no doubt in a negative way. Or even if you start having kids or whatever, nice to have money behind you.

But, End of the Day … money gets you by. There is always a way to make it happen. Always said “I’d rather be poor and have the woman of my dreams THAN to be rich and with someone I can’t stand”

Money will allow you to be comfortable, but the struggle in many ways can really enhance a relationship because you appreciate eachother and the small things more.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this

Raqi when marriage was created love had nothing to do with it so really we’d be going back to the traditional marriage.

After you get over the googoo feelings the question you should ask about a potential mate is would I start a business with that person. Ultimately that’s what you’re going to do. She or he may be fine going in the door but you’ll get to a point where you can’t stand the sight of them when those bills and bad decisions start kicking in.

Love is overrated. Give me a cool chick with mutual respect and similar goals and it’s a wrap. Oh yeah, it would help if she were against marriage, kids, and hopefully she’ll be bi-sexual.

Dan As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway? Well said and true.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

why can’t marriage and relationships be a business arrangement?

I actually see nothing wrong with that, if both parties know up front that is what they are getting into.

I have one ex, the one I was actually friends with after we broke up, tell me that he would certainly marry as a business move. In our field, marriage is a bonus and he knew it would help his climbing of the corporate ladder.

He got married last summer, I believe it was for love however, he did pick a girl with all the right credentials. He was engaged to a girl before his wife, who had tons of connections on Capital Hill, for some reason he they didn’t go thru with it though.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Morning I think I’m with Raqi on this one…but I’ve never been married so I guess my opinion is just based on my idea about marriage as opposed to experience.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

We’ve all seen that 1800 freecreditreport.com (a hustle by the way) commercial where dude marries the woman of his dream, only to find out she got bad credit…

I mean I’m all for love and romance and the whole “story book romance”, but in the end you’re going to be with this person for a while, quite possibly the rest of your life, and if you all aren’t financially or mentally compatible, all the love and “equally yoked” yada in the world won’t help when them bills come due….

Trust me on that one

By Poppa Grande

July 17, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Good Morning…

Wise

*…Let’s say you are in a relationship only to get your mutual needs met. There is no emotional support, no real intimacy, and no real effort in maintaining a love affair. *

First, I have a question…

Why do you assume that there is no emotional support in a benefits arrangement? IMO both parties have something to lose/gain in this type of relationship as well. Emotions will be tied into that. If you see the traders on the NYSE floor. You can see all kinds of emotions there. Just wondering…..

I am married. We married for love. Although, I have a little stash from my NFL days, I am no ways loaded. I hung in there mostly for that NFL pension really.

Being rich isn’t necessarily as important finding a financially responsible and stable partner. You can lose rich with in a bad weekend in Vegas or by acquiring a bad drug habit.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

as i said yesterday, marriage is not on my agenda. but, if i was to entertain/indulge in it the business perspective would be my main angle, to reap the benefits of the union.

but chick would have to be giving up the draws, there would have to be some levels of compatiblity and respect to make it a peaceful home.

i’m with Truthwhen the loving, warm fuzzy feelings are gone, a business arrangement/partnership is what it becomes essentially.

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

From the comments already submitted I had to go back and read the entry. And I am correct in my interpretation of what she wrote.

She is talking about a marriage based solely on financial benefits void of love. Not making sure there is financial stability in the marriage. Heck anyone over 30 should make sure of that no matter how in love you are.

But she said:

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

It will be interesting to see how my sister’s marriage works out. She is terrible with money and only recently got her checking account back. Her credit is in the toilet. I don’t think her fiance has any clue how bad her finances are. I believe he knows she’s broke, but I don’t think he knows how bad her finances are.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

I’m with Raqi. I too have said if I marry he will have to have more $$ than me. However, I couldn’t just marry for $$. I need the intimacy, the love, the desire to drum up exciting sexual experiences. If I don’t have any feelings for you I can’t do that, so I’m with Raqi. Dan, I’m with you as well that many marriages wind up that way. Again, if I were to marry I would do my damndest to make sure it doesn’t turn into an exclusive business arrangement. At the end of any day, knowing you have funds makes life easier. I’ve struggled w/a partner far too long to rest solely on emotions…sorry, that ship has sailed!

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

im surprised its even an option…how many financial marriages do u know of,out there Diva?

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

AAAHHHH Yes…. the everlasting talk of marrying for the duckets.

Morning ev1

To be completely honest there was definitely a time when I was contemplating taking the easy way out, divorce SO and go marry for $$$. I just would have… not proud, mind u, it is what it was… business failed lost a LOT of loot BUT

I married for LOVE and, on this day and for ever more wouldn’t trade it for nathan!!! ;-)

I agree Ared I believe that the marriage for $$$ could work as well. As long as all parties know what that means to each other.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Like you said Raqi

Marriage, strictly for love is a concern for the young, as they tend to be prone to impulsive behavior.

Noone’s disagreeing with what you’re saying I’m attempting to say that more than people care to admit, the financial concern are more relevant than most people would care to admit.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

uhh yeah, I can see how this was confusing, LOL. Let’s see if I can clarify.

Marrying someone you aren’t in love with (or like with) because they fulfill some time of need, whether it be sex, money, sheer adoration of you, or career advancement.

Does that make a little more sense? Sorry, I was on sinus meds when I wrote it! :(

By M.

July 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

@Wise Diva

They mentioned something to the effect this morning on Good Morning America that with the economic times, the divorce rate is going thru the roof because so many married couples married for money. For example, if a wall street guy gets huge performance bonuses, but now they have stopped many women are leaving.

If people marry for money, I think they should also be allowed to be in an open relationshhip. You get your financial needs met, but what if Im not interested in your from a physical aspect? I think if this is the arrangement, the other person should be able to do what they want as long as the obligation is met. Look at Alex Rodriguez…

I think Nick Cannon is with Mariah Carey for the money…He spent $1 Million of her money by the 2nd week of marriage….

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

Amazon yeah thats tough. I mean your sister not having a ton of disposable cash is one thing, but being in debt or having collections after you … is something the fiance will need to be aware of eventually.

When I meet someone, the package is they are educated, fun, attractive, caring, stable, and killer personality.

No one wants to get married and take on someone’s 30K debt right off the bat. Just causes initial stress. But, the feelings HAVE to be there or its just an arrangement where you go with the motions…

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

i’m with Truthwhen the loving, warm fuzzy feelings are gone, a business arrangement/partnership** NO,thats when pple divorce coz they cant stand waking up seeing that person they dislike, in the same bed/house.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

Dan As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway?

Not for me buddy! No way no how. I/we plan to be ackin like to teenagers mad in love wit our ole wrinkled azzes on a beach somewhere tryin to find a place to do it ;-)

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

I hung in there mostly for that NFL pension really.

PG, now I have heard that many a time! I knew this one guy that got cut right at some cut deadline and he needed that season to get his pension.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Melo im surprised its even an option…how many financial marriages do u know of,out there Diva? all of them that work over a long period of time.

Fellas, in a womans vocabulary there’s one word that trumps love. They’ve named it security. We call it money. The more of it you have the more of them you can have. It’s a simple equation. In general conversation, like this, they speak of love but if we weren’t here they’d be talking about where are the rich men at. Thats why they say prostitution is the oldest profession. These chicks have been doing it forever. LOL

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

What up yoll…

Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money”?

Ared Why no, actually, I have never I know say this. But then again, my crew contains newlyweds and never-marrieds.

We’re on the same side of the fence on this one. (can you believe that LOL). When I read that I was like, what kind of people is she hanging out with? With the exception of TV, I have never heard anybody actually say that. I’m with Raqi on that, “WOW!”

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

SamIam you make really good points. Yesturday you mentioned singlemothers and divorcees alike are easy to simp. Do you think singlemothers should make it a point that their next partner should be as keen on the idea to marry for business? Just askin’…i mean to reap the benefits of the “union” you know?

By S&P

July 17, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

I have a lot of student loan debt and I a facing bankruptcy b/c I’m completely insolvent. Is this something that should be shared in the early getting-to-knows of a relationship?

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Morning Leggy Pooh, and Lady Red {:p}

By abc

July 17, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool.

By Ken

July 17, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I think Wise Diva misinterprets the saying “The first time I married for love, the next time will be for money.”

Just because you marry for money, doesn’t mean your relationship is devoid of emotion. People naturally become attached to each other after intimacy, especially if kids are involved. There are levels to love. It may not be the ideal perfect person for you, but the money can make up for that.

Overall, this is a false dichotomy. You can have both love and money. You just have to be flexible about who you’re willing to love.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I’m sorry you could take the classes, put a pole in every room, diet until I can see your spine when you breathe, but when them bills come due and the money ain’t there, love don’t mean much.

@WD to your point, love is a self state of affairs, you’re with someone that in some way makes you either need (something) them or makes you want to give something (to/for) them, so why not extrapilate that to money, sex, or security….a logical progression I might add.

@M The sad part is (funny to me actually) is that now, selling the house to “split the assets” has become who pays the bank back (cause the house ain’t worth what you paid for it!).

I’m not cynical about marriage or love, just realistic, emotions take you so far and then the business of life has to be a priority.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

I have two examples that have tanked. Both women married for $$.

1st couple Met in college, his fam had loot, he went to Brown. She loved him, but he was an azzhole and now recovering alcoholic. Two kids later, house paid for, lexuses paid for (by his daddy cause his azz couldn’t keep a job) she wants out cause he’s still an ahole and she found tru love

2nd couple Chick w/o much loot meets white man that adores her and adorns her wit gifts/loot/vacay the whole 9. Well… after a few years.. she stopped head bobbin, said she got tired of the pink thing. Well i don’t know why/how she thought that he was gon get it colored…

Both situations it’s like well what you think was gon happen, DUH

By Poppa Grande

July 17, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

I knew this one guy that got cut right at some cut deadline and he needed that season to get his pension.

Well, that sux.

I was mainly a practice squad player, but I did indeed get a paycheck.

By DeCori

July 17, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

A broke person came up with this question.. LoL..Getting married for money is never a good idea because when the economy starts taking people’s money that marriage is over. Anybody who marries for money should just be a prostitute, but don’t insult a religious union of husband and wife.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

@Truth

Right on, semantics be a mofo

BTW why does every “ladies anthem” have something to do with what she gets out of the program?

@S&P That’s somethig you say on the first date. “Hi, my name is….and I’m broke.” Now if he Capt’n Save ‘em or you’re particularly attractive, the dude may stay, but you owe him the choice to decide.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

ok you guys only have discussions with people who are your close personal friends? LOL( Well, I love meeting new people, so maybe it’s just me)

I have heard this from random strangers, at dinner parties, at wine tastings, on the airplane, etc, and at least one personal friend of mine has said it. I am sure some of them said it in jest, perhaps they meant it. At any rate, yeah, I hear it all the time.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla no need for the translator now, k.

With the exception of TV, I have never heard anybody actually say that.

Uh-hunh…see your boy Sam on marrying or not for the benefits of the union. read up

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

He spent $1 Million of her money by the 2nd week of marriage can i have a link to ur source on that story…..? They’ve named it security i do not argue with u that a lot of women want security,but we(men) tend to underplay our own rational thinkings and reasons for choosing a mate.When i was dating,i was going for the chic with no educa,no job,unemployed and with no long term propects of a successful career.If i saw one like that,i immediately bypassed and focused on those in the category i wanted..then, i went on to explore the possibility of a relatiosnhip. So the issue of security u highlight aplies to both men and wmen,we just seem to dwell on wmen’s desires more coz 1) they are more vocal about it,men are laid back 2) men generally do not share those issues with other males/fam etc..our decisions are in our subconcience. But i do not believe someone is simply going to decide have kids with sme wman he dont love simply coz he wants her to have his kids and look after them while he works and brings back home all the bacon.Or that a woman will put up with sme azzhole simply coz he got money.That wnt last,i can tell u.It may happen,but when there is no luv,the misery is hard to endure for a long time.

By PurpleOne

July 17, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

I’m with you mqew…I just reconnected within the last month with my high school sweetheart and we split on the way to college but were on the same campus and have lived within 5 miles of each other for over 20 years and now we’ve come full circle after creating families and now finally realizing we can’t fight it any longer, not sex but actual adoration, mutual respect, never step out of line and have both watched the other grow up and mature to be the people we wanted to be with back all of our lives but were just too young (and of course he got scared) and just tried to make the best of life and find someone halfway decent and created families…well, now we realize how unequally yoked we were to our past partners and have always yearned for the other and we are talking about 30 years so that love thang, when you know your soulmate and see them at the grocery store, mall, blockbuster, concerts, etc., for the last 20+ years, and you get butterflies and your heart pounds and you both have to keep a straight face, it is ‘for real’ and now that we have our careers on track and all of that, now comes the real deal love and we will be business partners as well as lovers and at 45, both of us, if you are healthy, please believe that we both have it jumping off like we are 15 again! We are like our teenage years right now and plan to keep it that way until they put dirt on our faces. It is unreal…no one is in need of any medication to aid in anything and we both work out and are healthy as heck. We are doing it for love! AND it is NEVER too late!

By mqew

July 17, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

S&P I have a lot of student loan debt and I a facing bankruptcy b/c I’m completely insolvent. Is this something that should be shared in the early getting-to-knows of a relationship?

NO It’s none of his business until you two get serious…

By Lollipop

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

NEWS FLASH

Women marry for security, that is in the form of finances and protection. Sex is inevitable, it has to be great and frequent.

I dated a dude that I really, really liked. He wasn’t loaded, didn’t even own a house but he was cool people and fun. Come to find out the dyck is small and garbage and I just had to bounce. Could he have provided financial security for me? Maybe, but the sex was whack which would have been a free pass to cheat on that a*.

Lets me real her folks. Sex and money have always gone hand and hand. If mandingo is beating your back out but don’t have s** then you’re still looking for the man that can provide a sense of comfort for you. If you have both security and great sex, you are one of a select few.

By mytwocents

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Good Day. Have heard it from those who do claim to be religious and believe in the sanctity of marriage. I like to flirt with this idea…to no avail. I can’t even make myself try to date that way so how could I ever permanently mate that way? Heavy sigh as I cling to my naiveté.

Those who could I guess just have to agree on terms: which needs can be met & how often, procreation, escape clause if one falls in love… Should be good listening.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

oh well, Ken, I am fully aware that you can have both, I was just wanting to explore a relationship where you don’t WANT both. Would it make it just as appealing? Could you see the benefit in it?

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

abc Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool.

Now that’s getting to the point.

Cee You don’t know how much I’m over here thanking you for the clarity on that 9:27. …no codebook needed :)

Sam I see ya champ. LOL

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

WiseDiva people say that stuff all the time because its a quick fix. If you look at all angles of marrying JUST for money, it would 9 times out of 10 suck. I mean drama all the time, not getting along, its terrible! People have the Grass is Greener on the Other Side mentality. They love what they don’t have. But, if you married just for Money, imagine the excellent ear plugs you could buy so you don’t have to hear your significant other!!! What a Life! Haha

By Deeva4Life

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Having been one that married in my early 20’s and now divorced, I can honestly say finances were the least of our issues. Actually our financial position was great for two young people, but there were so many other things missing (hindsight is 20/20). However, when the time comes for me to re-marry it will be for love…not money. I’m a firm believer that when two people work together they can have whatever they want. But to be with a man simply because he has money has never been of interest to me. Peace of mind is truly invaluable and I’ll struggle alone anyday before I commit to a man just for the money.

As far as a business arrangement, after a number of years, isn’t that what it becomes anyway? if you allow it to become that. It’s all about choices…yeah life happens but it’s how your respond that determines what it becomes. Running a household does consist of handling business but when it becomes devoid of love, respect, etc. and is simply a business arrangement it would be a problem for me.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

@Ken

Like the discussion yesterday, you can never truly know anyone’s motivation. Everybody that you meet has an alterior motive. To believe that you can meet a woman (or man for the ladies) you can never truly know this person’s intention, you can only assess the information that they give you.

So while you may marry for one reason, hers may be something entirely different, even the polar opposite.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

mqew hi dear. So 1st person is saying i’ll take love and forget this crazy mess. 2nd friend just couldn’t see herself w/p and looked around and said hummm “can’t do dis mess”.

both sad situations.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

i meant to say i wasnt going for the chi

By SlimDiva

July 17, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

I have a male friend who is about to get married for the money. His fiancee makes three times more than him. I asked why he was marrying her and he stated because she stood by him during his hardest moments and he’s been able to get a lot accomplished financially because of her.

Why is she providing for him? Ladies are we that desperate for a man that we will buy his affection?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva times have changed. Sugar Mommas please stand up!

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

i think Diva is talking of celebrity pple,like ur Kimoras and the like,not simpletons like us.I see NFL/NBA etc wmen doing this type of thing,but i also think that those type of wmen are in their own league.If u have the sense to be a groupie,following those players from city to city for the purpose of getting hit in some random way,then its quite a possiblity if he decides to marry u,not much thoght is going into that decision.Those wmen are emotionally unbalanced,w******* and prostitutes at best,and i dont think Diva is putting blog women and men in that same despicable category.

By M.

July 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

@Melo

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24938691/

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

mytwo sometimes it is the ones hat “claim” to be religious and believe in the sanctity of marriage are the ones that will take the business marriage route. What a motive! sad no need to reply there You made a good point tho.

Blue shadd up!

By Dan

July 17, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Yes, Sugar Mama’s say yeah!!!

Wave your hand in the air like you just don’t care!!!

Pay for my oil change and I’ll take you there!!!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Abc Marriage primarily for finance and position makes you a ho, and the man a fool. Then what does marrying for love make you? We are humans, our feelings change on a single incident. Banking your future on how you feel today is just as stupid. My solution: Don’t get married. Shack up with a cool chick with loot. Btw, just because you didn’t marry for money doesn’t mean your exes didn’t.

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Suga Mamas. Now I have Beyonce’s song in my head! damn, that was so good, I’m going to buy you a shortset

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By melo

July 17, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva he may have grown to luv her coz of her seemingly kind, generous and luving behaviour,but she may be with him for a diff purpose and masking the real reason all along…time will tell.

By DeCori

July 17, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

SlimDiva why does the woman have to be desperate to do something for her man? Do you know how much a guy has to do before a woman claims him as her man!?! (Especially in Atlanta) Your male friend shouldn’t marry her only for money, but it sounds like they’ve weather the storm and just want to make it official.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Hey there SAMIAM.

SlimDiva = NOPE!

I’m happy for you PurpleOne. I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

And thats why we treat ya’ll the way we do because we know ya’ll are after the dollars.. No matter how you phrase it..

It amazes me because most men get married because he loves the woman but low and behold she was marrying because of security.. The truth finally comes out…

Now let me be frank..

I only dress and rest… Women are purely entertainment..

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

WiseD I don’t doubt that it happens. I truly believe that if my friend Lacy ever marries it will be for other benefits. She is incapable of love. The only way I can see that arrangement working is both parties will have to be in agreement and in it for the same reasons.

A man willing to come out of pocket for some regular aloof nookie would be better off getting a girl to call. I will go so far as to say some women will be willing, and then go spend his money and her time with the one she actually loves. Or at least gives good love.

By SlimOne

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

I’ve heard a few folks say that if they ever marry again, it will be for $$$.

Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life. I’ve always thought 2 heads are better than one, just so long as there is a brain in each one and a drive to do it. I’ve never seeked out a relationship based on material things. But the way life of dating has been and the way men are opting NOT to do the marriage thing, only thing left to do is try to struggle to achieve a success solely on my own. Call me cwazy I guess.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Good morning bloggers! Marrying for money is a recipe for disaster. Money can be here today and gone tomorrow based on business decisions, economic environments and/or emergencies of life. There are a lot of people who marry for financial reasons and end up in divorce court. Things money cannot buy you: 1) Love - The glue that is supposed to keep people together 2) Peace - Inner repose and quietness during times of adversity 3) Patience - The ability to show restraint even during times of provocation 4) Kindness - Benevolent towards the your spouse and the things he/she values 5) Goodness - Extending your hand to your spouse even after they’ve wronged you 6) Faithfulness - The ability to remain trustworthy through the thick and the thin of a relationship 7) Gentleness - Considerate of your spouse 8) Self-control - The ability to not allow your flesh to drive your decisions

Think about all of the wealthy marriages that are ending. Money cannot buy happiness or love. However, TRUE love can get you through adversity and trying times.

(KP sitting back waiting for the onslaught to be fired at him :))

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

Melo

my folks been married for 42 years…my folks met in Nashville. my dad was at Meharry and my mom at TSU. mom knew she wanted to marry to Doc, b4 she even finished HS, so she planned accordingly. she did not want to struggle financially like she saw her parents struggle and they lived and died in poverty. so she picked dad out, got him, married him and they been “making it do what it do” eva since.

my moms say she and pops have mutual respect, friendship, trust, and a wonderful marriage. dad says, she’s the best thing that eva happened to him. she kept him focused and caused him to soar in the medical field.

a marriage financial benefits, yes. a partnership, yes. this example worked out for the best.

intimacy, yes===> cause they got me and siblings.

the model couple, yes they lead/teach marriage seminars locally and nationally.

By M.

July 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

@ATL Guy

LOL, also will the Cougars please stand up!!!

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

M thanks,see my 9.54.We(simpletons) cant live our lives by hollywood standards,coz marriage in hollywood dnt mean the same to us.I hope thats not the premise/standard for this discussion,that wld be above my paygrade.

By Blue Kolla

July 17, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Slim Call me naive or whatever but my vision of marriage is to be with someone i care about and see US both working towards a common goal to make $$$ together for a basis of our legacy/family/household/life.

That’s how I thought it was supposed to be too. Oh well…

Cee Blue shadd up!

See…?! And, since Maury just went off, and dude ain’t the father, I’m going to get some breakfast. LOL

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

@ The melo, well, no I wasn’t only talking of celebs, and why would anyone think that the blog entry is putting someone here in that category? It’s just a discussion, not an indictment on anyone. If they feel convicted, well, that’s not on me, LOL

I am not just talking about finances either. I know a girl that married a guy only because he put her on a pedestal, she really got off on that, and she felt that was all she needed/wanted in a marriage. Needless to say, when he put her off the pedestal, things came undone.

By THE INFAMOUS DK

July 17, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Look if you get married you better make sure all the ingredients are there because if not it wont work.. No matter if youre marrying for money or love.. The main ingrdients better be there.. Love and respect have to be there because if not you’ll do anything to someone you dont love.. You’ll also do anything to someone you dont respect.. these ingredients keep you in check so to speak.. Money comes and goes.. But true love is everlasting.. Capitalism has infiltrated our relationships..

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Purple I feel ya… have fun!!! This shyt is real it aint fa play play. To find the one might feel unreal but again I feel ya…. but it taint ;-) Do da dam thang!!

Ceemee 1st chica asked for the divorce, his azz is mean as he11. One thing I cant do is an azzhole! I don’t know how she did it for this long. the oldest is six.. 2nd chica Dude asked for the divorce, he’s like how ima provide for you both chica’s no job and you ain’t providin for me? he gotta point

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I mean “luscious lips”. I have to come up with a new name. I can see a bad typo occurring with a name like that!

Don’t get this wrong, a lot of women marry for love. A lot marry simply for money (and those probably don’t last). A foundation built solely on money will surely burn. Love is like oatmeal, it sticks to your ribs (ok, that was corny) but you know what I mean. I truly need both.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

@KP

No onslaught, but everything on your list…each individual should have all of those qualities, well before marriage.

No one can give you peace, love (of self), patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or by definition selfcontrol.

For whatever reason one would get married (money, love) you’re marrying an idiot if you coming looking to fill an empty bag, whether financial or emotional.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Sexyleggs Both is nice, but as long as he ain’t trife like it should be okay, No?

By abc

July 17, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Truth, while the flightiness you describe doesn’t describe me — I’m just not like that, it takes an awful lot to change my mind about such things — I’ve certainly seen that attribute in women. They can decide the grass is greener and be out of there for some pretty trivial stuff. It’s not hard to let them go on those accounts.

My exes didn’t marry me for money, I didn’t have that much back then. Currently, if I didn’t make a good living, I’d be judged as being less than a man — not to say that I have to have all that much to make her happy, but materialism goes hand-in-hand with a woman’s yearning for security: financial security, emotional security, knowing the man can be trusted as security, physical security, everything is about security. She’d be horrified to hear that from me, she’d argue vehemently (and probably pretty effectively) against the point, but she is a materialistic girl.

Nothing is ideal; reciprocation is always uneven, whether emotional, financial, romantic, practical, whatever. And, I don’t even want financial reciprocation. A man that is attracted because of a woman’s money is, indeed, not really a man, just a beeyotch in pants.

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

SAMIAM do u think ur mom wld have married ur dad if he was an azzhole and drunk from jump,or she wld have targetted another doc to explore a relationship with……just based on ur own knwledge of own mom?

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

KP first off for every money based marriage that fails 100 (random number) love based marriages fail. The difference is wealthy marraiges are broadcast whereas joe blow just goes back to his hut alone and broke. Of course you’d support marriage because the church profits from it. Thing is I never see you at the divorce hearings, you mostly leave that to the attornies. Who wants to be sandwiched between a pastor and a lawyer?

Really your church doesn’t believe in marriage either or they would realize with a 50% failure rate somethings not working. They sell that shyt like they sold time out of purgatory, to anybody that’d buy it.

Finally, do you know what true love is? Have you experienced it? I didn’t think so. Just some more mumbo jumbo.

And that list is for passive pudsies.

Other than that how are you my friend? LMAO

By Soulfinger

July 17, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to move in together even after only dating for 6 months because we saw the finacial benefits. While our relationship is based off of love, our living arrangement is purely economical. I think it works as many of you have said already if both parties fully understand what they are getting in to.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

One thing I cant do is an azzhole!

mqew you know i’m like i say. Birds of a feather flock 2getha. Lol. No seriously i don’t see how folks do it. I have to be free…i have the type of heart and spirit that flourish in a real relationship. come on ppl!

DK the Infamous. Hey up.

Sam great story about your parents.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Cutie Cee

hey li’mama. to be honesty with you, a single mother will have a harder time pulling off this type of sceneio. why you ask? cause as a dude, all we gone see from jump street is all of the responsiblity/mouths/clothes, etc. we takin on. and from there we watching you real close, cuz we trynna figure out if you looking for “captain save us” or “child support supplementation.”

now if you coming with yo finances tight and right, we probably gon try to work with you unless you got some bad a** kidz. but if shawty slim come by with out the baggage and she is financially in order, i’m might have to dip for the lighter load.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

@abc

Then call me Danetta….

‘cuase if I don’t have to work no more, I won’t.

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

It’s just a discussion, not an indictment on anyone from where i stand and just so we can have that discusion,yeah its an indictment.Cause most conventional marriages are not framed that way…then again,i may be wrong.Divorces do occur even in those marriages based on mostly luv,coz a lot things hapen in the marriage and either party become something else that they were not in the courtship phase or worse.But in my life time i do not hear of any such marrieags based solely on the money/ business arangement and even if we hear of 1 or 2,the consequences are always disastrous.Even the so-called and now popular(on tv) pre-nup is not a feature u hear of in the average joe’s marriage.I bet even if u Diva suddenly met ur long lost high school sweetie and rekindled that lost luv,there is no pre-nup there to talk of coz u are both pple of average means.So a money marriage is really prompted,from a wman’s persptive,by ultra greedy ambitions,which invariably cause pple to indict the person’s character.

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

• have heard this from random strangers, at dinner parties, at wine tastings, on the airplane, etc, and at least one personal friend of mine has said it. I am sure some of them said it in jest, perhaps they meant it. At any rate, yeah, I hear it all the time.*

WiseDiva - I still haven’t. And I’m from Los Angeles. LOL

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

mqew are you asking me if he’s a good person, loves me and I love him, is not a trifling butthole and we are both financially providing to the household will that be ok? Yes, cuz then we can build even more together if and only if we are on the same page! I will no longer be on one page and his page is curled in the corners.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Sam

Check out the playa! Glad to see the game hasn’t been lost on the younger generation.

BTW that last post was ROT and perfectly stated.

By Raqi

July 17, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

“…he stated because she stood by him during his hardest moments…”

SlimD was her standing by him only financially. Or did she provide the emotion support that he needed to make it through the hard times in addition to finances.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Dan, I totally agree with you. The bottom line is two broken people cannot come together and build a harmonious marriage. Both need to be whole prior to joining in holy matrimony.

Truth, I knew you’d be the opposition to my statement, but wanted to give you the opportunity to respond. I think you need to confirm that random number you through out :). You are right about my support of marriage. I support marriage 100% for those who are prepared and ready to go the distance. If you are in like, lust or simply infatuated, I say hold off until you can truly assess the character of the person you are considering. Otherwise, once the good sex, love letters and sweet compliments taper off, you are left dealing with the core of the person.

The church is struggling in the area of marriage support as I have admitted to you before. One of the problems is couples don’t like to admit a problem until it’s almost too late to address. It’s hard for the church to provide support when the husband and wife come into the church smiling from ear to ear, but go home and argue until the sun comes up. The church isn’t at fault for that!

Do I know what true love is? Yes, but this is the wrong forum for my soapbox address.

Other than that I’m doing well…over here writing a blog entry on the dating dilemma of men! Go pick on someone else today…lol.

By mqew

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Soulfinger Shackin up playing house does not a marraige make. PLEASE believe!

Nothing is ideal; reciprocation is always uneven, whether emotional, financial, romantic, practical, whatever… A man that is attracted because of a woman’s money is, indeed, not really a man, just a beeyotch in pants. ABC - I like all that!

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Melo

knowing my mom’s “no-nonsense” stylo, had he had any of those characteristics she would have passed on my pops. VI real.

to some my mom could be described as a “gold-digger” and maybe she was/is. but she also had plan “B”. She got her creditials in order too just in case she had to make it happen by herself and still maintains that mentality. she got her stash($$) on the side, her connections, she say “you neva know when a man might decided to upgrade.” and her main goal is maintain the lifestyle she has grown accustomed too.

By Jason

July 17, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

I’m not sure which creature’s more pathetic: the woman who marries solely for money and convinces herself she’s not a w******* or the man she marries whose wealth has deluded him into believing a pretty woman, nay, any woman, could actually find him attractive (e.g., Melania and The Donald).

By Wise Diva

July 17, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

oh right, let’ say that it is prompted by a woman’s perspective (we are, after all the root of all evil, LOL) the men pay up gladly to have the trophy wives. There are no victims in that, do you agree?

By ATL Guy

July 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

My Friends invited me to this event thing with open bar for 2 hours so of course I was like hell yes! Went to it with some friends. Aparently this thing was a single to mingle party. They were all like 30’s and up … I guess trying to get back in the Love game. Before I hit the bar…I had 3 Cougars talkin me up. I was so over these older women trying to dress all stylin and it wasn’t cool! My hot chick friend showed up and knew why I like girls around my age.

The whole facade about Cougars being hot etc etc…just went out the window for me that night!

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

ABC if chicks want to be equal and they’ve been getting with men forever for money then turnabout is fair play. It’s a free for all out there and may the best man/woman win.

Personally I’m going to bump off Steadman and try to fill that vacancy. Talk shyt if you’d like but me O and Gail are gonna be layed up living la vida loca. LOL

By abc

July 17, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Truth, as far as marriage and the church goes, divorce rates are significantly higher for Christians than for atheists and agnostics, and higher yet for Jews. It’s a surprising statistic, to me — but then, I hear all the time about how the church is a hotbed of adultery and other immorality. Folks are cheating with their church brothers and sisters all the time, apparently. Pretty weird.

I saw a book the other day, “I’m fine with God — it’s Christians I Can’t Stand”. I’m kind of like that.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Hot topic today! I’ll have to catch up on the posts.

I was reading a book last night that stated that we expect so much from relationships now, both sexes than we did in the past. In the past, women married for security and men married for sex/to have someone to nuture and raise his children. That was the ultimate business arrangement. Emotional needs and needs of affiliation were taken care of by family and friends, I guess.

Then once the women started being able to provide for themselves and the couple moved farther away from family, women started looking towards their man to provide the emotional connection. That introduced a new expectation of men, to be intimate and be a best friend. All he used to have to do was bring home a paycheck. And it introduced a new expectation of women, to be a decision maker and a breadwinner. All she used to have to do was have a clean house, clean kids, have dinner ready, and lay down occasionally. We’ve messed this thing up.

Would a benefits only arrangement be appealing to you?

If we’re being neutral on the types of benefits involved, not just financial, everybody marries for mutual benefit. If they were not getting anything out of the deal, they wouldn’t do it. I don’t know anybody who could marry a person JUST for love. Sure, they may love each other, but we don’t marry everybody we fall in love with. We marry those who meet the other needs that are important to us, whatever those may be.

By Foots aka Giraffe

July 17, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

SAM knowing my mom’s “no-nonsense” stylo, had he had any of those characteristics she would have passed on my pops.

In reading some of your past comments about how you treat women, and now reading about your parent’s marriage and your mom’s no-nonsense style, do you think you’re the kind of man that your mother would have passed on or are you the type she would have kept around for 42 years?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

July 17, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

This conversation can go both ways…..Cee, you asked my folks the other day, when he said he measures worth in dollars and cents, to explain himself…..is clarification still needed?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People! the first time I got married it was for love, if I get married again it will be for a help mate, I help you, you help me we do the darn thing….since that’s the orginality of marrige anyway. I’m witcha Truth @ 8:52 minus that stuff about against marriage, kids and bi sexual..LOL

By AmazonRed

July 17, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

To be honest, dealing with guys that already have their own loot scare me a little. A lot of them are into “things” and women are often just another prize in their collection.

Truth be told, I’d rather build our empire together and look back on the days when beef stew was the main course for dinner! I want someone who will be there thru the lean times and the prosporous times. And I’d want my husband to know that I’d be there even if the money isn’t rolling int.

LOL, just my own little fanatasy.

By SexyLeggs

July 17, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Whew! Atl Guy, had to laugh at those cougars all on you like a fresh piece of meat. Hopefully this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but the last 2 50th b-day parties I went to, I would look around the room and wonder why these women let themselves go. Nothing stylish about their hair, clothes and especially, those old looking shoes they seem to wear. Not that I’m the finest thing out there, but most were surprised at my age. Goodness gracious, I doubt I would ever let myself go. If I did, best believe I was sick and had to be bedridden for a while!!!! Not all cougars are hungry and salivating at the mouth.

By SAMIAM

July 17, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

i’on care what you’ll say, finances play a major part in a relationship. and should be covered before joining up with anyone under the geist of holy matrimony.

love ain’t neva been a bank account/grocery sto/electric or gas company/ain’t neva financed a car/brough a house/paid no daycare, etc.

all that marrying for love, cuz i’m so consummed with a emotion, in a haze, cna’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t stop thinking bout you BS is for T.V., fairy tales and romance novels. betta wake up, shake yo’self and fiqure out how we gone the mortgage/rent wit yo jacked up credit and my 2nd bankruptcy/garnishment.

By Dan

July 17, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

@WD

A trophy wife/husband is in no way a victimless crime, ask Juanita Bynum, Star Jones, or Terry what’s her name.

Ain’t nothing wrong with a man being a trophy, hell, that why I’m in the gym so tough.

By Cemeeli

July 17, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Sam I respect you for honesty. No sweetie I’m not trying to get in the game. Trust it ain’t hittin on shhh. Just preciate a cat that can ‘plain his stance w/o sheisty intent.

By The Truth

July 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

ABC I’m not surprised. When marriages did work it was because 1) It was necessary to exist 2) The church put pressure on it’s memebers to stay together. Now there is a 3rd and 4th option. Either stay single or if you mess up clean it up, aka divorce. It’s a scam. If you need documents to be with someone you may need to be by yourself.

KP The church is struggling in the area of marriage support as I have admitted to you before. I like how you said that. LOL Struggling is an understemant. Marriage is a profit center to a church like alcohol is to a bar. Big money. They’re not struggling, they’ve realized that instead of getting folks to stay together they should let them remarry and collect those fees again.

Outside of that the chuch has NEVER addressed or corrected any of societies ills. Thats not their function. They’re there to tax people for their feelings of guilt.

How do you feel about Jesse calling Obama the N word?

By melo

July 17, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

There are no victims in that, do you agree?none,they are all losers and pple of normal rational thinking look dwn on such pple.If there are kids involved,those end up losing big time.Have u ever wondered why some pple end up killing their spouses or commiting other gruesome crimes?Its because the lives they lead are very cindirella,really unreal and the women they marry,yes they put them on a pedestal and it strokes their egos that they coght that hot chic every guy in twn wanted.And for the chic,her mind and judgement is clouded by the money,trips etc and a lot of times,her own gutter upbringing provides her with no moral compass upon which to base her dating/marriage decisions.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

July 17, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

What do you think are the risks involved in this type of arrangement? there are risks involve in everything, a marriage with all the love can end just as fast as a marriage of benefits.

By PurpleOne

July 17, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

That is key SexyLeggs and Atl Guy, people, male and female, more times than not tend to get ‘comfortable’ and I’m all for maturing and not being hung up on superficial stuff but you GOTS to keep your stuff tight, in a relationship or not. My baby is like, you are still as narrow as in high school, though I filled out in a good way :-)…I make it my business to ‘fit’ right up next to him. In otherwords, if his back was facing you, you can’t see me. And he hits the floor and keeps that stomach at bay too. Gotta do that to keep it sexy. We are truly Grown and Sexy!

By Wise Diva