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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > July
July 2008
I Have You To Thank
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
You know how you can reflect on your past dating experiences and suddenly realize you actually survived that person? I was listening to my latest musical crush: Gavin DeGraw swoon His song I Have You To Thank made me really appreciate my dating past.
It has not all been sunshine and rainbows, let me tell you. There have been moments when I felt heartbreak that made me truly wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING? I know you have all been there, right?
Here’s the thing: If I did not go through all those good and bad times, I would not have the best parts of me, flaws and all. I was left with so many gifts of personal growth, reality checks, and lessons. I am thankful to a few good men (and a couple of douchebags) for all of it.
Who do you have to thank for your dating lessons? What personality changes did you undergo after dealing with a particular person? Did you become more patient and understanding?
Although the knuckleheads annoy us, they still teach us a little bit more about ourselves. What tough lesson did you learn after dealing with the jerks?
Have you ever dated someone that called you out (in a good way) and taught you a better way to handle things?
Permalink | Comments (200) | Post your comment | Categories: Matters of the Heart
Lead me not
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I was hanging out at Twain’s recently, which is always a good time. You usually get to meet really interesting people, and this last time was no different. I struck up a conversation with a very good looking guy, “James” who bore a striking resemblance to James McCAvoy.
After an hour of small talk, James shared a little secret with me. He was a mate decoy, meaning he was planning to meet somebody’s wife, flirt with her, and proposition her to see what she would do. Apparently, his intended target was a no show, but he was trying to wait around to see if she would show up. I didn’t get to interrogate James like I wanted to because my date showed up and was giving me the side eye because I was huddled up with a hottie.
I really wanted to know who hired James and why. Was the husband trying to determine if his wife simply flirted with other men? Did he want to see if she would cheat on him if given the opportunity? If she decided to accept James’ indecent proposal, wouldn’t that be considered entrapment?
To wit: An interesting article in Science News about a new study: “Psychologists determined men tend to look at their partners in a more negative light after meeting a single, attractive woman. On the other hand, women are likelier to work to strengthen their current relationships after meeting an available, attractive man.” What do you think of this study? Do you agree with the results?
Would you ever send your mate/date a decoy to see how they handle flirting when you aren’t around? If you were married, do you think fidelity and trust can be tested in this way?
Would you consider being a decoy date for hire? What would you do if you found out your date did this as a side gig?
Permalink | Comments (183) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Bedroom Politics
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Earlier this month, a reporter asked Senator McCain questions that obviously caught him off guard: Is it fair that some insurance companies cover the erectile dysfunction medication but not birth control? During the long, awkward pause that followed, (poor guy!) I actually began to think more about sexual politics.
In her book, Sexual Politics, Kate Millett said that sex “is set so deeply within the larger context of human affairs that it serves as a charged microcosm of the variety of attitudes and values to which culture subscribes” Do you think this is true?
I believe the culture of dating in Atlanta has a unique set of sexual politics that impact our dating scene. Our dating habits, in some ways, reflect a “variety of attitudes and values.” From Atlanta being called the “stripper capital of the south” by some, to Atlanta’s female mayor, I think some men have a different perception of a woman’s role is. Not only in the bedroom, but in politics, and positions of power. What does this all mean? I have several theories, but I will see what you, think first!
When it comes to bedroom politics, how does power come into play? How do you think sex and power relate in the context of a relationship? What about a marriage?
As a single person dating in Atlanta, what are the biggest challenges you face with the opposite sex in terms of conflicts in power and sex?
Bonus: Feel free to tackle the insurance companies and viagra vs. birth control question!
Permalink | Comments (228) | Post your comment | Categories: Current Events
Dating in Atlanta: It’s not black or white
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I always find it so amusing when one of our new readers confuse one of my blog entries for one written by my co-writing partner’s in crime. I always think that this goes to show how we share many of the same dating (mis) adventures. Despite the difference in age, race and bad choices in dating, we really do mirror each other a lot.
Admittedly, there is a unique set of dating challenges that I don’t share with them and vice versa. Personally, I believe that no race or gender has the single’s market cornered on difficulties in dating. It’s complicated and complex for all of us, in many different ways.
As I was watching the CNN Special report, Black in America last week, I was contemplating a few things:
Black women/white men coupling/marriages are becoming more prevalent. Black women have long felt that dating outside their race was not an option, but there are some who are more open to it. I wondered, do white women feel societal pressure to date within their own race like I do?
Black love/relationships are subjected to a different set of issues, challenges, and obstacles than other races. For instance, I used to fear becoming too successful because I was not sure how black men perceived this. Do women of other races ever worry about making too much money, thereby making her less appealing to men of more modest means?
I wonder if gender mistrust and misunderstanding is as big of a dating problem for Blanca, as it is for me?
What do you think can be learned about dating, relationships, and marriages from races other than your own?
Did you watch the CNN Special Report? What stood out to you about relationships/dating, specifically?
Please note that we enjoy adult discussions and dialogue on the Misadventures in Atlanta blog. Please think before you post.
Permalink | Comments (307) | Categories: Current Events
So back to that online dating thing…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m back! Hope you all were nice to Beautiful as she played moderator yesterday.
When we last chatted Wednesday, Robin asked to revisit the topic of online dating, especially as some people talked about their best dates and even marriages resulting from the online hook-up.
(We’ve all done it, and I bet those of you who haven’t have at least looked!)
I’ve had good and bad experiences from my online adventures…
My only success, if we can count it, is with a guy I met four years ago through Match.com. I didn’t really feel sparks with him then, but he found me in a new city last summer and we started dating before I moved to Atlanta. My, my, my what a difference a couple years can make; our chemistry (and extra-curriculars) were sizzling! That said, neither of us wanted to do long-distance, so here I am.
I tried Match again earlier this year, stupidly thinking it would help me pre-screen my dates for compatibility. How wrong I was! The last straw was detailed in this blog about a grown man crying fetal position on my living room floor. That’s when I decided to cancel my account and return to the real world for my dating adventures.
My online disasters aside, my sister had better luck: she married the guy she met through Yahoo personals.
Do you think online dating has lost its taboo? Do you go online just to find people for a hook-up? Have you ever met someone online, just to find out he or she is married? And if online dating is in your past, what made you stop?
Permalink | Comments (271) | Categories: How We Met
Dear World: I’m single and ready to mingle
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Hey everyone, I have to be out of the office today for an assignment, so I’m letting our girl Beautiful run today’s topic as it was her idea: advertising your singledom.
We’re talking about things like letting your friends and co-workers know you’re on the market and to keep an eye out for that tall, dark handsome drink of water. Beautiful reports she even once saw a billboard in Los Angeles about a woman seeking a husband. (No word on if it worked!)
Do you advertise your single status to the world in hopes of attracting a mate? Or do you keep it personal, waiting for the right person to quietly come along?
Sorry that I’m missing out on today! Be nice to Beautiful, but I bet she can take it from the best of you…
Permalink | Comments (266) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
The best first date ever…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Alright kids, enough heartbreak and gnashing of relationship teeth for now. Blanca needs a dose of gushy pitter-patter love vibes and is taking a walk down a happy memory lane.
Why? I recently heard from an ex of mine from college. I keep in touch with very, very few ex-boyfriends (remember that Facebook blog?), but as this one is now in Iraq, I try to keep tabs on his safety.
I knew he was special on our first “date” nearly a decade ago, a casual “wanna grab coffee?” after class. That cup of hot chocolate lasted for six hours and is permanently seared in my mind. When our knees touched, I felt electricity; when he smiled, my pulse quickened, and when he dropped me home, I felt complete elation from my first magical evening with him. (As you can imagine, that turned into a lot of evenings!)
And for maybe the only time in my life, I felt butterflies, a feeling that I still get when I see him every few years.here’s the coding
That date wasn’t planned; I hadn’t combed my hair or wore a special outfit for it. But that impromptu coffee launched what I still consider my most meaningful, loving relationship. (Gee that sounds kind of sad, doesn’t it! Our break-up can be another blog though…)
No tears here, just happy reflection. So tell me: what was your best first date ever? Did it lead to marriage? A short relationship? Or just a great night?
Permalink | Comments (246) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Fighting fair
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A friend of mine’s marriage is in a rough spot, a patch so rocky and sharp that the union may not survive after a decade.
As an outsider, I observe the ways she and her husband “work through things.” It basically amounts to him hurtling insults her way, while she says little back. It’s not that she thinks his words are true (things like “you care more about your career than me” or “I know you’re cheating on me”), it’s just that in her mind, to defend herself would be stooping to his level.
Truth is, she’s not cheating on him. And she doesn’t necessarily care more about her career than him, it’s that she’s turning to her career as a way to deal with stress at home.
I don’t believe she should fight fire with fire and insult him as a way to get back, but I do wish she would stand up for herself a bit more. Or maybe not engage him at all unless he can speak to her with respect.
All relationships go through tough times, but how you communicate can make a big difference in making or breaking them. What advice do you have for my girlfriend? How have you handled a partner who won’t fight fair? And most importantly, how do you know when it’s time to dissolve a marriage?
Permalink | Comments (136) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
“You shouldn’t look too much into that.”
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m mad as hell. I’m hurt. I’m disappointed. And luckily, I have a blog on which to share my story for therapy.
I recently had my first big party at my new house, and invited this guy I’ve been dating for six weeks or so. We haven’t had any talks of exclusivity, but have been seeing eachother a couple times a week and seemed to be having a blast.
Also at the party were two male friends from out of town and a female friend of theirs who lives in Atlanta. (Make sense?) For the sake of the story, let’s call her Laura. And let’s call my date, oh I don’t know, Jerk.
Toward the end of the night, my date (Jerk) was helping my dear out-of-town guests pick some places to go for an after party. OK, fine. But imagine my surprise when I note Jerk pull out his phone while talking to Laura. I at first thought - is he getting her number? No, no, I assured myself. He wouldn’t be so rude. I said nothing about it and went on about my way.
Things were a little odd in other ways that night, as well. I mean, Jerk made a date with me for the next week, but he left my party without saying goodbye. (However, he texted to say he couldn’t find me on his way out, but would call.)
Needless to say, Jerk didn’t call.
We hung out a couple days later and things seemed normal; Jerk was even cuddly and “sweet.” But then I got the news from my friend (the one who brought Laura to my party): my suspicion was correct. Jerk got the girl’s number and even followed up with her the next day to say something along the lines of “Hey Gorgeous; It was lovely meeting you last night. When can I see your beauty again?” (Gag. The same kind of BS he fed me in the beginning.)
I confronted him upon learning my instincts were correct, explaining to him that while we are free to pursue whomever we want, asking for a chick’s number at my house, at my party, was simply unacceptable. That it made me look like a fool when my out-of-town guest knew I was dating him.
His response? “Oooh. You shouldn’t look too much into that.”
Seriously? I don’t need to “look too much” into it, because everyone else is for me. In what world is that phone number exchange acceptable? If he’s not that into me, why was he at my party?
On one hand, I know this probably “isn’t about me” and he’s just a player, but I feel hurt that someone would have so little regard for my feelings. Why would he disrespect me in such a way instead of just ending it, and why did he ask for her number Knowing it would get back to me?
Background: this guy isn’t my average “type.” While I’m a career woman, he’s more of an artist who works in restaurants and floats from job to job. I’ve got a mortgage, he’s got bad credit. So as my girlfriend says to me - why are you sweating someone you know you won’t marry anyway?
Have at it, MIA readers. But be nice, I’ve had a rough week.
Permalink | Comments (229) | Post your comment | Categories: Breakups
The Fast & the Frisky
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Sometimes I wonder if guys (I date) understand the concept of finesse. If they could only grasp the idea that a woman who wants a relationship doesn’t want to be rushed into anything she isn’t ready for.
Two weeks after meeting Knight Ryder and after 2 dates, he invites me to his place. I had already told him that I am not in to the house dating thing at this point. I preferred to get some face time in, and see how things unfolded. In other words, I am not comfortable being at your crib yet. That didn’t go over too well.
Then he sends me a text message referring to my lovely lips and how they would make a lollipop happy. Ok, I am NO prude, at all, but this was a huge turn off. We weren’t in the dirty text message stage. Not in my opinion. I wondered what was he thinking? Why the rush to take it there when we weren’t even clear we were all that compatible? Ok, I wasn’t sure we were, clearly he had figured out that my lips were compatible to, well never mind what he thought about my lips!
Guys, do you ever think about the timing of making your move? If you are interested in someone, do you try to make the dirty talk appropriate for how things are going? Have you ever dated a woman who was sexually aggressive? Did she come on strong with the frisky behavior? Was it a turn-off or turn-on?
Ladies, how do you handle the men who are too fast and frisky for your taste? Do you ignore it? Do you ask the guy to fall back a little bit until you feel ready to reciprocate?
Permalink | Comments (294) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
First time for love…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever heard a married person say, “The first time I married for love. The next time will be for money”? Well, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one, I could afford the entire fall line of Louboutins!
Have you ever wondered what is really that awful about marrying for financial benefits only? I mean, if you aren’t religious or believe in the sanctity of matrimony, why can’t marriage and relationships be a business arrangement? Do you think that it would really be less meaningful?
Is romance and love overrated after you have experienced it all before? Would a benefits only arrangement be appealing to you? Let’s say you are in a relationship only to get your mutual needs met. There is no emotional support, no real intimacy, and no real effort in maintaining a love affair. What , if anything, is wrong about that? What do you think are the risks involved in this type of arrangement?
Permalink | Comments (419) | Post your comment | Categories: Marriage
Don’t Make Me Over
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When you are trying to end things with someone, it becomes a real challenge removing them from your life. It’s easy to return their DVDs, workout gear, or house keys, but what happens to all those emotions you felt about them? You can’t give that back. Or can you? Please, if anyone knows, hook me up!
I think the harder you loved the person, the harder it is to really say good bye. When they ask for a second chance, you almost consider it. It seems as if it would be easier to stay with them and endure the rocky times then to start all over with someone new. Someone who will have their own separate set of issues to deal with and vice versa. Is this reason enough to stay?
How do you handle breakups when the other person is asking for a second chance? Do you find ways to remember why you broke up in the first place? Do you ignore that connection you once shared? If you made the decision that it’s over, have you ever been talked out of it? What did they do or say to change your mind?
It seems that guys appear to have it easier with moving on, but I suspect that they have their moments too. Moments when they think that perhaps they should give it another try. Have you ever played the “break up to make up” game with anyone? How did you handle it?
Permalink | Comments (297) | Post your comment | Categories: Breakups
Just Too Good To Be True
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Have you ever met someone so great and wonderful that you find yourself actually wondering if this person is just too good to be true? Do you ever question why they are they are interested in you? Or, why are they still single if they are so wonderful?
What is it about single people that makes it difficult to believe the good that we see in people we date? It’s like we are always waiting for the “other shoe to drop” so to speak. I think women are especially bad about this. We are not satisfied until the guy shows a character flaw so we can say, “I knew he had issues!” I have done this exact thing, and I have to stop myself. I figure that I should just enjoy the guy’s company until I don’t anymore. Pretty simple, right?
Do you think single people use the “too good to be true” angle as a defense mechanism?
I think single people should stay realistic at all times about who they date. Let go of the expectations of what you think the person should be, and really see them for who they are.
Has anyone ever met someone that was close to the ideal match for you? Did it work out, why or why not? Take a little self-evaluation, what type of person do you think you are the perfect mate for?
Permalink | Comments (329) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
She’s on a mission!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We keep on waiting (waiting).
Waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule this population
Good news, John Mayer! The wait is OVER. I happen to know that our generation is already making moves to rule this population. I say this because I just spent a week in Mexico volunteering with a great organization, Constructores Para Cristo.
You want to know who was leading the groups, and assisting with coordinating this wonderful short-term mission trip? Our generation! There were young and many single people deeply involved and showing that we do care about changing the world. CPC’s founder, Dianne Davis has positioned a new generation of leaders to continue her mission’s work Shout out to Ashlee and John (He is from Dunwoody!)
This is the driving force behind CPC, Dianne Davis, receiving the Mother Teresa award. She is such an amazing woman! Fortunately, she granted me an opportunity to interview her. Pic Source
Our group included wonderful people from all walks of life, varying ages, professions and from many states. We came to make a difference in the community of Piedras Negras, Mexico through building homes and providing medical care. I was on the medical team with my mother who is a pediatric nurse practitioner. We had outstanding doctors on our medical staff: Dr. John Buttler, Medical Director and pediatrician, Dr. Sarah Hays, opthamologist/surgeon, and Dr. Jan Mathison, a pediatric neurologist. We all worked in this medical clinic:
I was assigned to work in the pharmacy, and I assisted in shoe distribution to children who needed them. I can not believe how amazing it felt to give away shoes that I didn’t even buy!
Sweet and happy recipients of a brand new pair of shoes!
One of the (many?) perks of being single is having the freedom to go globetrotting around the world without dragging an unwilling participant along the way. Have you ever dated someone who was a missionary? What about someone with serious wanderlust? Did you pack a bag and join them on their adventures? Where did you go? How was it traveling and exploring the world together?
It would help a lot if the person you are dating shared these interests. When I mentioned my trip to a former guy of interest, he basically scoffed at the idea. Clearly, we had different outlooks about the world!
How do you handle dating someone who has vastly different ideals about world traveling, volunteering, etc.? Do you think that means you are not a good match? Is it possible that you will clash on bigger things too?
If you could have one all expense-paid date to anyplace in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you take!
By the way, I really missed you guys! I appreciate the warm welcome that you gave Blanca. She had a great first week! Happy Monday!
Permalink | Comments (280) | Post your comment | Categories: About Wise Diva
Grab a mirror: What’s your biggest dating flaw?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m feeling introspective, maybe because I’ve dated no less than half a dozen guys this year with no real luck. Still, I don’t regret ending those brief relationships, because I knew they weren’t going anywhere. I was turned off by varying qualities; one was clingy while another was flaky. One was disrespectful and another was downright insane.
I could spot their bad qualities, but I’ve also learned to recognize some of my own:
I over-think things. This may make me a better writer, but I don’t think it helps in the dating world. I need to learn to take things at face value.
I immediately evaluate my suitor for his longterm potential. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but some friends have said I take it too seriously. (This also ties into over-thinking.)
I get overly excited in the beginning. If said evaluation goes well, I let my mind and heart think a little too often about the person, which possibly sets me up for disappointment and frustration. (Luckily, I know better than to call or text or be “too available.” We can chat about silly dating rules in another blog, though.)
I see the end before the real beginning. Despite my excitement for new relationships, I can’t help but see them as having an expiration date. (After all, I’m single. Obviously things haven’t worked in the past; why should this be different?)
I’ve bared my negatives; now it’s your turn. What’s your greatest flaw? And when applicable, how did you overcome it?
Permalink | Comments (259) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Uh-oh: My date is a jerk…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I knew my date with “Joe” was over in the first 10 minutes.
We were on a blind date, set up by a mutual acquaintance. I had been warned I might find “Joe” a little anal-retentive, but my friend encouraged me to see him because he is a very educated, successful and otherwise great guy.
As the waiter greeted us and asked to take our order, “Joe” gave him a very precise, detailed request which included the following: “Do not interrupt us when we are speaking.”
What?!
As a former server, I wanted to smack him. As a woman, I wanted to smack him. And as a human being, I wanted to smack him. I was embarrassed and incredulous. Certainly, I have no interest in being with someone who could come off as so pretentious and downright rude.
During his bathroom break, I apologized to the waiter and explained I was on a blind date with an apparent a-hole. Maybe I should have made my escape, but I didn’t have the nerve.
What would you have done on a date such as this? Scolded your suitor? Left the table? Laughed it off? Am I wrong for thinking this speaks to how he treats others?
“Joe” invited me for a second date, but needless to say, there wasn’t one. He may be wealthy, but he’s poor in manners.
Permalink | Comments (346) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Facebook faux pas: Friending ex lover?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A friend called me today with an all-too-familiar quandary: Her ex from more than two decades ago “friended” her on Facebook, and she didn’t know what to do.
In my opinion, it’s easy. Are you actually friends? No? Then ignore, ignore, ignore.
I’m a Facebook purist. If we haven’t talked in the last several months, or in some cases ever, then we’re not friends. If you’re my ex, chances are I don’t want to know what’s going on in your life, and more importantly, I don’t want you to know mine.
(Full disclosure: I have one exception to this personal rule: I’ve kept in touch with just one ex-lover. Our friendship was simply more important than the failed relationship attempt.)
I realize I draw a harsher line than most on this, but that’s my guideline for Facebook survival. I’ve got many more rules, including:
- Don’t friend request me just because we’ve gone out on a date or two. We’re just not cool like that, especially if we get even colder.
- Don’t friend request your subordinates at work. How awkward would it be to deny virtual friendship with your boss? He or she shouldn’t put you in that position.
- Don’t friend request people you don’t actually know. Who does this and why?
Can you think of other Facebook no-nos? And how did you save face?
Permalink | Comments (375) | Post your comment | Categories: Pop Culture
Coming back for more…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Day 1 of “Misadventures” blog-dom down. I’m hoping this doesn’t develop into bad boy syndrome: “Treat me like trash and I’ll keep coming back.” (Luckily, that’s never been my style…yet.)
My peers didn’t lie: you all definitely keep it real. Luckily, I respect that in a person, or in this case, a group.
Couple lessons learned from first day:
- Foots: Agreed; I should Never, EVER leave the office while the blog is bumping. Unfortunately, I was called out on an assignment beyond my control. Will be better!
- To MyTwoCents: I’ve got 10 years before I should be jaded? You’re either right or I’ve done a lot of living…perhaps over time this blog will explain why.
- To The Truth: Sorry about the bowl; not sorry you didn’t get your “dude” moderator. You’ll have to settle for me and my ruminations about the male species instead! That said, I agree that having a male or gay perspective would be interesting. (Should we come up with male names that end in “a”?)
- Amazon Red: Do you think you’ve missed the boat on some possibly good relationships for cutting them off too soon?
- To Beautiful: Not sure of my “favorites” quite yet; it will be from whom I learn the most!
Some of you noted that you’re tired of the same topics, but don’t all of us experience many of the same things? Don’t you think that while we each have our own personalities, dating habits are fairly common among us?
And to my blog title, what keeps you coming back for more with the wrong person? Is it just hot sex? A feeling you’ve “won” something each time you get them back? Or an addiction to drama?
We’re just getting to know eachother; consider this week’s blogs foreplay.
Permalink | Comments (308) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Introducing Blanca: Red-flag warning system?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m channeling Charlotte York for my first “Misadventures” blog: “I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted! Where is he?”
That’s how I come you; a tired, weary, yet hopeful 20-something woman still looking for “The One.”
I was at first hesitant to blog about my dating experiences, which have run the gamut from wonderful to hilarious to heart-breaking to downright bizarre. (Sorry, Mom, about that one time…) But then I realized: if I haven’t gotten a real relationship out of most of these experiences, I should at least get some advice.
It seems the more I date, the less I know, and that’s where you all come in. I’m hoping you can give me the wisdom I’ll surely need as I continue on the quest for the proverbial true love. And when all else fails, perhaps you can share a laugh with me over some of my foibles.
Like this one…
My fourth date with “Jeremy” ended with the 31-year-old man in fetal position on my living room floor, wailing at the top of his lungs. And for better or worse, he wasn’t even crying because I told him it wasn’t working out.
I should’ve acknowledged the red flag he threw my way the date prior: “My parents are terrible people.”
Yikes.
Had we not already scheduled the fourth date, I probably wouldn’t have seen him again. Sure, some people do indeed have awful parents, but I was weirded out by his blanket statement. (And other factors, like his claim about his altered brain chemistry.) Fast forward to the final date, when he wanted to talk about his childhood…ending in WailFest 2008. (I’m sure my neighbors thought I was engaging in some twisted ritual.)
I believe we all have “red-flag warning systems,” but I didn’t heed mine. Prior to the terrible parents comment, he was hilarious, smart, engaging and kept me on my toes. Even though I had a bad feeling about the family situation, I kept the date. Luckily, he left my house transgressing on nothing more than my tear-soaked rug.
What do you think about my “red flag” theory? Are there times you had a gut feeling you ignored, and later regretted?
Permalink | Comments (311) | Post your comment | Categories: Dating
Breaking up with a psycho
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It seems to be an all too familiar tragedy we see in the news. Woman leaves man, man attacks, kills, or disfigures the woman. The saying, hell has no fury like a woman scorned, certainly rings true when an ex-girlfriend or betrayed woman goes on a rampage to exact revenge. What causes people to detach from reality like this?
What do you think is the best way to break up with someone who has shown to be “unstable” or aggressive? Have you ever dated someone who didn’t handle your break up too well?
Breakups should be handled with extreme care when you aren’t sure how they are going to react. What would you put in a breakup guide to minimize the trauma?
Permalink | Comments (212) | Categories: Breakups
The Future Freaks Me Out
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I was watching the band Motion City Soundtrack perform a show live on the internet recently.
One of my favorite songs is The Future Freaks Me Out:
From an era we hate to admit we embrace
We fail to represent
We fail to be content
We fail at everything we ever even try to attempt
And so the story goes
As only Betty knows
It’s time to take control
Every time another birthday rolls around, I get all contemplative and introspective about my life. This year, I was in the midst of clashing with a certain gentleman who turned out to NOT be a good match for me. As we were mid-argument, I thought to myself, “Why do I bother with this?” I mean at that moment, I had no idea why I was expending energy on dating!
Earlier that day, I was wondering what my next move should be in life. Husband and children are still in the optional category. Happiness and personal fulfillment? Still considered mandatory! I won’t trade it in to have a marriage and children because I don’t think I should have to!
Do you guys ever get freaked out about your future? Does it ever affect how you handle relationships? Do you think that responsibility, expectations, and obligations prevent a lot of us from attempting to grow up? Do you think we fail at being content, as the song says?
I think it is time to draft a single girl manifesto to remind me about my personal goals, intentions and principles. What do you think you would put in your own manifesto?
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The Little Black(Berry) Book
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Recently, I was talking to friends about former playboys who finally marry after years of playing the field and breaking hearts. I started to think about the men that I know who used to enjoy their bachelorhood so much. When they decided to settle down and turn in their little black book, I wonder how they handled the “sacrifice” of other women.
I think women probably have similar adjustments to make when they decide to forsake all others too. I know it seems that all women are ready to dash down the aisle, but even if that were true, we still have to come to terms with letting go of the single life.
So how do you know that the time is right to retire your little black book? Maybe it would be easier to outline when it is NOT the right time:
If you have unfinished business with an ex, perhaps you should get that out of your system before you retire your LBB. It’s not fair to get into a committed relationship if one random instant message/text message from the past could result in a rendezvous involving a cheap motel and chocolate syrup.
If you don’t think your mate is the total package, a 10 (not just physically), then you probably aren’t a good candidate to give up your LBB. Don’t pretend to be into someone in hopes of using them until something better comes along. It’s not fair and can put your most prized possession in danger. Your iphone/car/pet monkey should not have to pay because you don’t know when to hold on to your LBB.
When do you think is a clear sign that you are ready to retire your little black book? When is it obvious that you should hold on to it?
If you have retired your LBB, was it hard for you to suddenly focus on one special person after you spent so much time on the dating scene? How did you manage it? What adjustments were the hardest for you? What advice can you give single people who are in the process of closing their LBB’s for good?
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