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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > August > 14 > Entry
Not your mother’s dating scene
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In a recent NPR produced report for Youth Radio, correspondent Pendarvis Harshaw coined a trend among some young people: Unprotected sex, the new engagement ring.
When I heard the piece, my first thoughts were about young people and how scary this line of thinking could be for them. After further contemplation, I put this same idea in the context of mature people my age and older…and it is STILL scary in many ways. Do you think that making the decision to stop using protection is more meaningful than deciding to marry?
When many of us are delaying marriage, or skipping it altogether, it should not shock me that there are non-traditional ideals about commitment and intimacy in modern day romance. However, I wonder if we are developing a skewed perception about what it means to commit.
To wit: Mr. Harshaw stated that, agreeing to unprotected intimacy “shows trust, commitment, and the prospect of a shared future; an engagement more practical than spending money on a piece of jewelry for a marriage that might not pass the test of time.” What are your thoughts?
If you are dating someone, do you feel comfortable using unprotected sex as a sign of commitment? At what point are you willing to take it to this level? Is this a trust issue? Health issue? Both?
What means more commitment to you: engagement ring or unprotected intimacy?
Permalink | Comments (352) | Post your comment | Categories: Current Events
Comments
By Sugar
August 14, 2008 8:18 AM | Link to this
Let’s see, an engagement ring wont get me pregnant, or cause an STD.
Unprotected sex can get me pregnant or kill me.
I’ll that the ring thank you.
Anyone who has unprotected sex is an idiot in today’s times. Unless you have been with your partner for numerous years, it’s just plain stupid not to protect yourself.
If you don’t want the responsibility of a child, then take the necessary precautions.
This is a very stupid topic for the adults on this blog.
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 8:25 AM | Link to this
Wow. Well since you put it like that…
Commitment is an agreement between the two individuals. A ring nor a act of intimacy makes it so. You have to agree and act accordingly. And then you can’t be to sure. It’s a matter of trust.
The first man that was not my husband that I failed to use protection with was just a mere caught up in the moment stupid move. But I love my baby boy that resulted from that slip-up and wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.
The only other time I have gone without a cover was a well thought out decision made after the talk of exclusivity. I trusted him dearly.
Anyone that assumes commitment by way of unprotected intimacy is making a huge mistake. The act says absolutely nothing. You are putting your life on the line.
By aqualung
August 14, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this
Harshaw has it wrong.
When men ask to hit it raw, the unprotected sex does NOT indicate intent to share a future. It does not indicate commitment. It just shows a certain level of trust. Some couples consider it a milestone in the relationship when each trusts that the other is being monogamous and not introducing STDs. Sex without a condom indicates that the guy trusts the girl to take birth control responsibly and regularly. It does NOT indicate that he’ll propose soon or that they’ll buy real estate together next week.
Some guys just have poor impulse control. Ex: A pretty woman will admit that she’s not on BC. She’ll suggest a condom. The guy will BEG to hit it raw anyway: she looks clean, it feels better to him, baby baby please, etc…
Do women ever ask men to remove the condom in the heat of the moment? No. That ultra-ribbed Trojan feels GOOD.
By M'Karyl
August 14, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this
I can not even fathom how unprotected sex can be equated to the conveyance of a committment…Sugar, Raqi and aqualung have pretty much hit the nail on the head in their respective post…I am a product of the Free Love generation…the pre-AIDS sexual revolution…sex without protection then was not the life-threatening risk that it is today…albeit them undesirable, the STD’s of that era were not like they are today…and AIDs was not even an issue…legalized abortion and the pill curtailed the concerns of unwanted pregnancy for some ppl…consequently, unprotected sex was not an issue of major concern for many because of these things…but unprotected sex did not convey a committment then and I do not believe it does now…and in this more contemporary sexual culture it is just plain risky and ignorant to believe that is does..yeah right.
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this
Oh please, I love sex, but when we start talking unprotedted, I just get the hebiegebbies…No I don’t feel that this is an unofficial engagement at all.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this
Good morning Good People and THANK YOU Wise Diva for bringing this topic to the forefront. Even though we know not to have unprotected sex it still happens, just look at the stats on the rising numbers of HIV across the board. While some may still claim it to be a homosexual disease it’s prevelent in women, heterosexual women. This new age dating is killing off our people by the drodes, and for a man or woman to ask their partner to engage in a risky behavior that could produce a child or STD is unthinkable but it does happen. We get comfortable with a lover and condoms become extinct to us. I’ve done it, I’ll never do it again. I realise now how much danger I put myself in because we were together for years, I just knew that he wasn’t cheating but he was every chance he got.
What means more commitment to you: engagement ring or unprotected intimacy? engagement ring.
By atltwen
August 14, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this
For me, yes, unprotected sex can symbolize a level of commitment, if both parties have that understanding.
A couple of years ago, I participated in a committed friends w/benefits relationship where we engaged in unprotected sex from start to finish.
It just didn’t happen however, we discussed it and agreed - we both hated condoms also.
Because we had known each other for 13 years and had been best friends for 2 1/2 yrs up to that point, we definitely trusted each other and felt very safe.
From a health perspective, we knew risk of pregnancy and STD’s were there. So we went to the OBGYN a couple of times together, got checked, and started using the timing method. It worked beautifully.
That was the good part.
After 8 months though, she changed her mind and said she could not continue to give herself to me and risk pregnancy w/o being a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
She increased her standards.
Soon after, we fell out.
What I’m trying say is, unprotected sex can mean more to a person than engagement. It just depends on who it is and where that individual is at in their life.
For me, engagement is a precursor to marriage, which in my eyes is ‘til death due us part. Unprotected sex is a highly trusting activity, but doesn’t reach the same standard as engagement.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this
This is a very stupid topic for the adults on this blog. Sugar This topic needs to be address every chance it can get…Adults make risky moves too and it also helps for adults to pass the information to their kids or peers. What is stupid is for an adult to contract HIV?AIDS or an unwanted pregnacy.
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this
Oh please, I love sex, but when we start talking unprotedted, I just get the hebiegebbies…No I don’t feel that this is an unofficial engagement at all.
By T
August 14, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this
EEEWWWWWW. What?
So, instead of getting married you agree to get pregnant or a case of the herpasyhpagonalotia. What?
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this
dry heave I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Unprotected sex the new engagement ring? I thought growing up in the AIDS era would make our young people more informed.
Another one of my friends just announced her unplanned pregnancy. None of them are thinking that going raw deepens committment. They are still throwing caution to the wind. We are too old for this. Seriously. I’m just grateful that my friends are calling announcing pregnancies, and not HIV.
Good morning everyone.
By M'Karyl
August 14, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this
Given the fact that AA women between 25-50 make up teh fastest growing demographic to become infected with the HIV/AIDs virus…yes, we must be encouraged to publicly engage in these dialogues abut the issues…there are 11 states where AA’s make up 50% or better of the HIV/AIDs cases…the vast majority of those states are in the southeast…GA, AL, VA, NC, SC…we need to ask ourselves why.
By Mike
August 14, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this
Oh, please. Did some ladies actually buy into that line?? Some dude just wants to go bareback ‘cuz it feels better, and he convinces the girl that it means he cares? Gimme break!! We guys will say dadgum near anything to get into your knickers, and avoid all that condom stuff. Believe it at your own risk.
By rob l
August 14, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this
Are you people kidding me. Saying there are non traditional ways of making a commitment in itself is beyond ignorance. People who choose not to pursue marriage in a relationship are quiete obviously saying they dont plan on being around forever. Sex and dating protected or unprotected is based simply on how much you think of yourself and others.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
M’Karyl, good point. And AIDS is still the #1 killer of black women ages 25-34. Why doesn’t this scare the bejeesus out of us? Especially since it’s preventable!
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this
Using protection is always a good thing. Once in a serious committed relationship medical records only speak for the current, no the future of a persons health.
Sugar..there are allot of folks on this blog ADULTS who don’t care to use protection so um…yeah
Unprotected sex does not equate to committment for me.
By melo
August 14, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this
The only other time I have gone without a cover was a well thought out decision made after the talk of exclusivity the mind clouds the judgement..u may have well thoght out that decision,but u still were not protected and many of us mortals are caught in the same situation. The only pragmatic way to do this is to have a test and then do the talk after,thats the only guarantee.I do agree tho that we all get caught up in the heat of the moment and if the luv juices are flowing,there is a tendency to disregard the important steps that are necessary to guarantee real protection. But that raw hit sure sounds good,i can understand why some dont want a covered lolipop.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this
^5 M’Karyl
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
still trying to grasp this concept
Well, they say diamonds are forever, and so is HIV…so maybe that’s the rationale?
LOL. Naw, I’ve still got nothing.
By NY2GA
August 14, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
In these days and times not using a glove with someone you are dating is not only a game of Russian Roulette-it is suicide.
Know your status. Wrap it up.
By Me For Me
August 14, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
My girlfriend of 4 months now wants to make love without a condom, i am not ready for that yet. What should i do?
By abc
August 14, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
Over 71% of African American children are born to unwed mothers. That is a horrifying statistic. I would say that, without question, to speak of unprotected sex as a replacement for being engaged, certainly then as a replacement for being married, is a ridiculously irresponsible notion. That said, it is obviously one which is embraced by the African American community — maybe not in such terms, it may simply be that community has discarded marriage as a viable lifestyle.
And that’s a dayum shame.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this
Ared somebody’s doing something. Just think, for all the “who’s the baby daddy” it could be, who gave me HIV? smh
By WTH?
August 14, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this
An ex of mine told me not too long ago that he feels he’s scared of committment. BUT if i wanted a child, he’d help give that to me. WTF!
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this
Engaging in unprotected intimacy is strictly a trust issue. Married or not. My choice to put myself in that position with my marido was only because I trusted him. While in a committed unmarried relationship.
While nothing is certain, we have to make choices based on how well we feel we know the person. That’s all we can do.
An engagement ring nor a marriage certificate can safegaurd you from diseases and/or pregnancy. Only the honesty and loyalty of the person you are with.
By M'Karyl
August 14, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this
Again, this is another issue about protecting one’s own best interest…physical as well as emotional…yeah, a diamond is forever…ask the dude who been holding on to that engagement for 30 years…lol…and yes, so is AIDs…it is a life sentence…a committment of its own accord…I wathced way too many friends die in the early 90’s…something like 30 or so…and that did not even include others from past associations in passing, etc…and the numbers in our community keep increasing out of proportion to the rest of the demographics…the first committment we need to make it the one to love ourselves at all cost and to protect that committment by making judicious decisions on what that means by thought brfore our actions. See y’all in a few…out to work and will check back in then…ciao.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
i am not ready for that yet. What should i do?
Uh…tell her you’re not ready yet. Duh.
By Dan
August 14, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this
….the Hell? What in the Sam Hell?
Dan incredulously walks in to the blog room, scanning for sane women, as WD asks about unprotected sex…..
Door creaks, and Dan backs out armed with a backpack full of Magnums and two knives thinking about Resident Evil…..
By Brooklyn
August 14, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this
I think I’ve heard every excuse in the book as to why a bf did not want to use protection and I always laughed in their faces. I’ve slipped up and got caught in the heat of the moment once and I’ve mentally kicked myself. Most of my girl friends are the same age as me but have that young girl mentality. I don’t even like catching colds so the last thing I wanna do is “catch” something I sure as heck can’t get rid of. What means more commitment to you: engagement ring or unprotected intimacy?
I think I will stick with the old fashioned idea of an engagement ring meaning a sign of deep commmitment. Going raw with a guy just to prove I love and trust him means I prob have insecurity or confidence issues.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
my SO and i have known each other over three years and have lived together for two…we use protection EVERY SINGLE TIME…mainly because i don’t take the Pill or use any other kind of contraception…and i don’t plan on changing that…EVER…
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
A close friend of mine was always afraid of asking her bf to use a condom until she had the scare of her life and her test results came back inconclusive. We have to admit there are a bunch of men who refuse to wear a condom…ladies it’s up to us to either say no or deal with the aftermath.
By melo
August 14, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this
Going raw with a guy just to prove I love and trust him means I prob have insecurity or confidence issues. i cosgn,guys will put girls who are insecure or desperate, in that situation!!!
By melo
August 14, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this
SexyCool if u used the pill,wld it be any different, wld u trust each other to hit raw be4 u got married? I lived with mine for 3 yrs be4 marriage. I hit her raw 1st time i hit her…so i wanna be real about it as well..Thankfully, i married her.In fact, when i was getting ready to hit 1st time,she asked me the commitment question, and i said yes.But looking at it in retrospect, that was a stupid move………
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this
we use protection EVERY SINGLE TIME…mainly because i don’t take the Pill or use any other kind of contraception…and i don’t plan on changing that…EVER…
SexyCool, that is so admirable. I have one friend in the same scenario. Just one (and that doesn’t include me).
By Biff
August 14, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
Depends on whether we’re talking about civilized people or heathens.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Good Morning to you all…
It funny that WD brings this up today because I saw the movie “Knocked Up” for the first time last night. Who would have guessed that it would be homework for today discussion.
The movie was funny but had a couple of points. First, it exposed the consequences of their unprotected sex…the pregnancy. Second, are the people involved in the unprotected sex really ready to handle those consequences. In this movie, it ended up “happily ever after”, but in many cases it does not.
Another issue not even mentioned by the movie is disease.
BTW, abc, it is not just an african american issue. Remember the high school kids in Worcester, MA? They were consciously planning to have their babies together. Of course, it denied now. There had to be something to it for it to get out there like that.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this
melo…nothing would change…
By abc
August 14, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
Poppa, statistically, babies are born to unwed mothers that are Caucasion 28% of the time; Hispanic 50% or so; African Americans 71% or more. It’s a striking, rather horrifying bunch of numbers. 28% is crazy; 71% is off the charts insane. WTF?
By Binford2K
August 14, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this
Going skin on skin can never produce the genuine foundation of love that the heart and head can. Start with attraction and compatibility first and work up from there.
Don’t pay a huge price because it feels so good!
So many of my friends have kids before they are ready to and it puts them in the financial hole for life!
By the way… How have my blog peeps been?
By Sista Gurl
August 14, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
Now that I know better…He11 Nawh, no raw diggin’.
Both times I got pregnant me and my man was committed and supposed to be exclusive. Til I caught my twins baby daddy with that b^%#$^ next door. My daughter daddy was H when i got with him. Shtye, I took his azz from someone else, thought I was the one who he would change fo, instead he ended up leaving me for my daughters daycare teacher. WTF??
I’m trying to tone it down, TODAY, but i’m struggling to maintain my composure DAYNUM!!!
By Me For Me
August 14, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this
Come on folks lets just be smart about this. It takes what; 10 sec. to put on a condom. HIV/AIDS and kids will be with you until death due you part. Do the right thing so that you can be around a long time for those that truly loves you.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
abc - I’m with you on the statistics. But do you know how abortion rates compare? One of the reasons why whites only account for 28% of unwed births is because they more often make the choice to terminate pregnancies.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 14, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Morning all…
I am sorry, I am at a loss of words on this topic and some of the comments I am reading!
African-American women are 23 times as likely to be infected with the Aids virus as white women and account for 71.8% of new HIV cases among women in 29 US states, government research shows.
Government studies in 29 states found that black women comprised roughly half of all HIV infections acquired through heterosexual sex, in men and women, from 1999 to 2007.
With alarming stats like what I presented above, WHY WOULD YOU NOT USE CONDOMS PERIOD,POINT BLANK!
Is being in a short-term / long-term commited relationship and trusting your mate worth loosing your life? Afterall, all it takes is one time for that person ( male or female ) to step out on you and then come back and infect you!!
Trust can get you killed!
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this
My daughter daddy was H when i got with him.
Sista Girl - Welcome. What does that mean above? He was HIV+? He was ho’in? What?
By Dead Mike
August 14, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
I don’t use condoms. I just always have sex in a pool. The chlorine takes care of the rest.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
What kind of name is “Pendarvis” anyway? *blows raspberry *
By lurker
August 14, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Do women ever ask men to remove the condom in the heat of the moment? No. That ultra-ribbed Trojan feels GOOD.
Wrong. I met a man who told me that he’d met a woman and they dated (without talk of exclusivity) for a few weeks before they had sex for the first time; he said that after about the fifth time, she “told me to take off the condom” (which he did); so, from that point forward, no more condoms. He said a couple weeks later he was looking in her medicine cabinet for cotton swabs and found her anti-retroviral medication. He said when he asked her what it was she said “medicine” thinking he didn’t know what it was for. He asked her if she has herpes, and she said “yes, but I can’t infect you unless I’m having an outbreak.”
People, please be careful.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Not to say we shouldn’t be engaging in sex outside of marriage. Having sex outside of marriage bonds you with that person for life and if you’re having sex (unprotected or not) outside of marriage you are bonded to so many different ppl. Sex protected or not brings wounded emotions and diseased bodies into marriages because of prior promiscuous affairs.
By SexyLeggs
August 14, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
Leaving at noon to attend a company function = an outing playing putt putt golf (paid afternoon out of office). Haven’t read any comments but since this is a dating blog wanted to share my story.
Last night had to do a site visit @ Doubletree Hotel off LaVista. Very, very nice facility. After wrapping up tour and heading to my car, this guy approached me and asked if he could buy me a drink. I thought, WTH why not. Didn’t feel like going straight home. We go to the bar in the hotel and order. He ordered a glass of wine. Me, I ordered a Mojito (sp). His wine glass was so big, and if you hold up your middle finger, you’ll know how much wine was in his glass. We both looked at that glass and started laughing. He asked for some seltzer water so he could have the illusion of having a drink. Again, I laughed. We spoke about the area in which we lived and realized we didn’t live too far from each other. He then asked if I knew where Dugan’s on Flat Shoals was and said of course I do. We decided to leave Dbltree and head there. Told him I had to stop and pick up some cat food. At this point, all I know about him are these 4 things (1) he works from home selling computers, (2) he has a 4 year old son that he adores and “solely” (his word) takes care of, (3) he’s really cool and (4) he’s white. At Dugan’s we order our drinks and my child calls saying she’s hungry. Mind you now I cook dinner every night and she doesn’t want to eat until around 8:00. So, karma shows its head and bam my child is hungry @ 6:45. He hears me talking to her and offers to buy her some dinner. It’s a rare treat for my child to eat fast food so I go and get her a Baconator (Wendy’s). I drop that off and meet him back at Dugan’s all because I wanted to change my routine of being home doing chores and watching tv. Ok, evening going pretty well. We talk about our children and we show pics. Cute kid, but I realize he has features like me. We talk a little more about our children and I ask about his son’s mother. He tells me his mother is black. STUPID, STUPID me, I say “oh, ok” and leave that statement on the cutting room floor. I say “stupid me” because the word “mother” didn’t register at that moment. For some reason, the word “solely” crept back to the forefront of my brain. I asked why he “solely” takes care of his son. Asked if he had “sole” custody. He says his “wife” works outside the home and he’s a stay at home dad who operates a computer company from his den? Lord have mercy on my soul! Flag was him saying “his mother is black” and not “his wife is black.” He said I never asked if he was married so he didn’t volunteer. No, he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. I finished my drink, and told him thanks for the drinks and appetizer but I don’t want to get to know a married man. As you guys say….chair spin~~
Staceye, second white dude to approach me only to find out he’s married. Put a fork in me I’M DONE!!
FYI…for those of you who love shrimp you must order Dugan’s fried shrimp cocktail. Scrumptious.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this
Dead Mike eeeewwwww
By Sista Gurl
August 14, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this
AmazonRed
I mean he was “ho’in”.
I have been tested several times and “I’m clean.”
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
Commericals are glamorizing STD (HIV and Herpes) as if it’s the norm that’s why most ppl are not prone to using protection. Take a pill and you’re cured just don’t have sex when there’s an outbreak. Just SICK….I run even when I see a cold sore.
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
abc What are the abortion rates? I hear of more abortions among whites than I do blacks.
Getting rid of the evidence does not mean the crime didn’t take place.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggs* - Thanks for the story. You got my hopes up too! Boo on him.
I was just at Dugan’s on Flat Shoals on Monday. It’s far, lol. I was eying that shrimp dish. Dang, I should have gotten it. LOL
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggs the classic don’t ask don’t tell…I thought that was only for the military LOL
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
Leggs…why did mother raise a flag? how else would he referred to his child’s female parent regardless of whether they were together or not?
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggsThat’s a doggone shame. He married the White woman, but had the child by and obviously loves to fool around with Black women. Massa still loves goin down to the slave quarters at night.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
Any of ya’ll bee to Pink Pony South yet? If so, what’s it like..Ghetto, BHB (bullethole booties), pink toes, Mey-He-Canos, good Trail Mix of nationalites or what…
Friend supposed to be celebrating there this weekend and i’m trying to see if i wanna pass on it or not.
By abc
August 14, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
I think my post got eaten or something, this is a re-post.
Nationally, Caucasian women account for over 50% of abortions overall, African American women over 40%. White women outnumber black women by considerably more than that, though. There are a lot of statistical breakout by race, they’re mostly kind of confusing.
By ATL P.Y.T.
August 14, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
I do not habitually practice unprotected sex. As a spring chicken, I got caught in the heat of the moment, but as a mature adult, I’m a lot more prepared and responsible.
Once upon a time, it was unheard of for a woman to buy/carry condoms. I keep them in my nightstand/overnight bag/car just about where ever. Not because I’m “hot in the crotch” but because I don’t want to put myself at risk, and I can control it.
I would imagine that people engage in unprotected sex to prove to their partner that they trust them. I mean would you want to have sex with someone you admittedly didn’t trust…protection or not?? But notice I said “they”, “their”, “them”. When we are able to start thinking in terms of “Me”, “Myself” and “I”, we will be more comfortable asking questions, looking for proof, and stopping a situation before it gets too heated.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
@Brooklyn
Sug…I feel ya’…especially from those psuedo African cultural negroes…with they made up African customs…never have found the country in Africa where they practice that shyte…uh-huh…it ain’t natural…we didn’t use condoms when we were in Africa…well, excuse me…but when was the last time you were in Africa????…oh, you have never been…uh-huh…I see…awrighty then Akbar Mohammed Saleem…even though your birth cetificate says your name is Roger Jones…lol
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
abc percentages mean very little me. They can be skewed by sample size. I’d rather have the raw data.
For example: 20 caucasion teenage pregnancies out of which 5 get pregnant (5 is 25% of 20)
Whereas 10 african american teenage pregnancies, out of which 5 get pregnant (5 is 50% of 10).
In both cases, the number of the poplation is 5. Therefore, the numbers get skew based on who does the study. They can play with sample size to make the numbers say what they want.
Knowing that there are fewer African Americans in the US than Caucasions and Hispanics (African- americans are number three) our sample size will be smaller by virtue of there being less of us. So the above phenomenon occur
I was a psych major (science field) and had to do lab studies. I’ve seen what changes in sample size can do. I don’t trust statistics as much as raw data. The group paying for the study can play with things too much.
Anyways, my point is that it is an issue for EVERYBODY. If we use the term EVERYBODY that would include African Americans.
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All,
While we may think the idea of “uprotected sex” means exclusive dating is a bit wild…the fact is it is happening and is the benchmark many young people are using when “sealing the deal” on being boyfriend or girlfriend. I recently took my son to the doctor(he is 12) during the whole checkup proceedure the doctor says ok have you two had the talk..my son looked at me and the doctor and in typical pre-teen fashion rolled his eyes and said yeah..I know penis, vagina blah..blah. The doctor looked at me and I explain to him that we have had the sex talk before and that I have a open discussion with him on the matter(in other words you can ask me all you want about sex rather he get it from me than on the streets.)
The doctor said good..because in the last 6 months he had seen 4 cases of HIV. I said well my son is only 12..he said yes I know these were young people between the ages of 12 and 15. I was actually floored. I know how nervous I get when I take the HIV test and get the results.
The idea that a 12year old kid has to sit there and be told you have HIV was simply unbelieveable to me. The doctor didnt help matters when after he finish his exam he said oh and he(my son) will be able to father a child in say the next 6 months to a year. I looked over at my son..this goofy, 12 year old kid who’s biggest thrill is to watch Naruto on tv and thought lord..here we go. So of course on the way home we talked more about sex. But the times they are a changing folks.
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
SexyCool I’m with you. I don’t get this…“Flag was him saying “his mother is black” and not “his wife is black.””
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Sorry but this one is to important to pass up.
I’m talking with a friend of mine who’s married and knocking off 3 other chicks besides his wife, unprotected. I told him about a chick I met that said she has herpes. He asked me if I knocked her off and I said no. Anyway, he told me he has herpes and has had it for quite a few years. He’s sleeping with 4 chicks without protection and he knows he has herpes. He hasn’t told the women jack. I still don’t know what to say but this is scary. I’ve heard alot of things in my life but never had a friend tell me that kind of information. Watch your back, it’s a minefield out there.
On protected sex: There used to be 2 options. 1)Go unprotected 2) Put on a condom Now there’s a third option. Don’t do it period. If you’re going to be looking at your genitals for months after the deed it’s just not worth it. However, I know dam well for those saying they use condoms that it’s some other stuff going on. You aren’t just doing the 3 pumps and a nap thing. Someone’s licking on something.
Sex is like love. It’s a full contact sport. If you can’t go all out just stay at home.
Ok, I’m through now.
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
If you are dating someone, do you feel comfortable using unprotected sex as a sign of commitment?
that’s a qualified yes. for me it goes hand in hand with a commitment to be sexually exclusive.
“At what point are you willing to take it to this level?”
depends on how soon we decide to become exclusive. in my last relationship, it was about 3 months in and after a conversation about our sexual health and HIV results.
“Is this a trust issue? Health issue? Both?”
both. even if the initial test comes back with an all neg., you still have to trust that your S.O. is sexually responsible — either that he/she is the condom-using type if he/she is also the cheating type, or that he/she is not the cheating type in the first place.
i guess i keep things in perspective. i sure don’t want to catch HIV. but it’s a hard disease to catch, even if you have unprotected sex with someone who is infected. most other STDs are curable, treatable, and manageable. the hardest part is the ick factor and stigma of having diseased naughty bits.
By SexyLeggs
August 14, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
Wow, now that I’ve gone back and read today’s topic I must admit this is one area I’m afraid of. I have never been afflicted with any disease and would have to kill a person if I should become sick.
Sheesh, I’m just starting to date and I’m tired of the bs. The idiot at the liquor store wanting to “sex me up” just because. Guys, your rap is weak and your dyckizzle is not what you think it is. Give me a freaking break!
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this
TruthIs this the same guy that leaves the money on the table with his women?
By Wow....
August 14, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
i guess i keep things in perspective. i sure don’t want to catch HIV. but it’s a hard disease to catch, even if you have unprotected sex with someone who is infected. most other STDs are curable, treatable, and manageable. the hardest part is the ick factor and stigma of having diseased naughty bits.…PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T JUST SAY THIS AND MEAN IT????????
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
He’s sleeping with 4 chicks without protection and he knows he has herpes. He hasn’t told the women jack.
Truth - I’m not condoning this behavior in anyway, but I wonder if any of these women asked.
Because there is such a stigma to STDs, I have convinced myself that many people operate in a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of mentality with it. In my younger days, I was good with the “have you been tested” convo and the answer (still used condoms tho). Now, it’s like 20 questions folks are real cluess about the STDs that don’t kill.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Truth So what did you say to buddy after knowing he now got DEM BUMPS and is carelessly passing the baton to these other 4 chicks? Did that make you look at him any differently…like with less respect?
Slim now out looking for a FULL Body Sized Condom…reusable of course
By SexyLeggs
August 14, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
SexyCool/Raqi you have a good point there, yet I feel most married men who weren’t hiding the fact that they were married would say “my wife is…” Shyt, his son is 4. True, he could have gotten married after the birth of the child….I just feel he should have said “wife” and not “mother”. And you guys say it’s best to be upfront and honest from day one…well, I’m not seeing that!
Atl Lady, he married black!
By Sista Gurl
August 14, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
Leggs
Feel kinda funny calling another woman SEXY
Gurl you is telling the truth in that 2nd paragraph you wrote. I just say “Nikka Please” to them m/f’s. “I got real life shyte going on, aint got time fo yo tired azz. Get the pluck outta my face, mind, life.”
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
Thats why I always ask before I even ask a guy his name if hes married. Saves time and the appearance of depseration.
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
Why not just ask?????
By Brooklyn
August 14, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
m’karyl LOL. One dude I was dating for a few weeks had the nerve to say he does it with all his women raw so there must be something wrong with me since I wanted to use protection and maybe I was trying to tell him something. I was like, okay, I’ve heard it all. Another guy I was in a relationship with said that he had had three healthy kids with his ex-wife so apparently he was clean.Needless to say that relationship didn’t last long LMAO. Maybe if I havent seen first hand how bad the circumstances of having unprotected sex raw was or if I wasn’t so appalled with the facts and figures and didn’t see some of my friends and family affected by unplanned pregnancies or worse, I would be gung-ho over jumping in bed without protection, but needless to say, these things have made me just a little bit wiser…
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
leggs…i understood THAT…i just don’t get why mother was a flag…cause if a dude tells me that he takes care of his child ‘solely’…i’m going to interpret that as he is a single father…and i would expect him to refer to the female parent as the child’s mother…
perhaps something is being lost in translation here…maybe i’m just not reading you how you wrote it…it happens…
oh well to that…
By NY2GA
August 14, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
…guess i keep things in perspective. i sure don’t want to catch HIV. but it’s a hard disease to catch, even if you have unprotected sex with someone who is infected. most other STDs are curable, treatable, and manageable. the hardest part is the ick factor and stigma of having diseased naughty bits…
^^^And that is the line of thinking that keeps the infection rates on the rise.
SexyL Be careful out there. Steven Segal sure made alot of progress. A total stranger got you from the Doubletree to another location all in a matter of hours…
By Leggs (formerly known as SexyL)
August 14, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
Well, they say you learn something everyday…you’re absolutey right JazzyOne, I will say “Hi, are you married?”
By abc
August 14, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
I see your point, Poppa, but I don’t think that being in denial of specific challenges to African American culture is conducive to positive change.
The disintegration of the family structure within the African American community is, I believe, the reason why so many ills exist therein today. Marriage has fallen to the wayside, reasons cited as being chronic unemployment of black males, upswing of financial independence of black women such as women of any race have never experienced before, welfare, and on and on. All of it tends to feed upon itself, a snowball rolling downhill, getting ever larger and faster.
What’s to be done, heck if I know. But not recognizing that an issue such as unwed pregnancy affects African Americans so much more than everyone else is not a viable approach, seems to me. Same thing with incidence of HIV.
What makes these issues so different for African Americans? It obviously is different. I daresay nobody really knows, but that’s not to say it’s not worth discussion.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
I was good with the “have you been tested” convo and the answer (still used condoms tho).* Ared you can ask a person their status and they can still lie about it, even if you produce your results it’s still no consulation. I asked the last guyfriend and he told me he’s never been to the doctor less more take a test for something he knows he doesn’t have because he uses a condom each and every time he has sex, I asked him what happened on the days he created 3 kids? he looked very dumbfounded LOL
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this
We have had the Herpes discussion before but I guess it bares repeating..
You can have Herpes and never ever ever have a outbreak..but no outbreak does not mean you will not pass it on. I know Truth is not condoning dude’s behavior..but frankly you can stand a penis with Herpes up next to a penis without herpes and wont be able to tell. There are other STDs that you can contract that have absolute no signs at all.(no bumps, discharge etc.) Trich comes to mind. I remember in highschool health when the LPN visited our class she talked about Trich and one guy said so if there are no signs what do you do wait for it to fall off? The class thought it was funny but the LPN said if left untreated it can make you sterile. Dude’s face was broke.
By melo
August 14, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
I’m talking with a friend of mine who’s married and knocking off 3 other chicks besides his wife, unprotected. I told him about a chick I met that said she has herpes. He asked me if I knocked her off and I said no , hello and hey Truth..i was just laughing at that post coz its funny hw we passing on these diseases in a non-chalantly way……just knocking off chics left/right like that,clean up and go knock off the next one.And ur friend thoght u were together, in good company coz u cld be kncking off that herpesed chic. I bet one of those 3 chics,if not all of them are getting knocked elsewhere by countless other dudes coz they knw this guy is married.Fun and games going all round. Its a damn shame what this world is cming to!!
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
SexyLeggs Why is him marrying black that much of a concern? No you shouldn’t get involved with a married man, but your emphasis continues to be on the wife being black. Why is that?
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
@Truth
The is just dayummm selfish, self-serving and heinous…herpes is no joke either…treatment is a life sentence to meds…unfortunately, your friend is not the lone ranger…and ppl want toknow why and how come I have been non-sexually active most of the last 17 years…nothing is so good and necessary that I am willing to die for it or any other such thing…and I wonder what some ppl are thinking…just between 2003 and 2007 (while I was still living in the ATL), I had approximately 300-400 men approach me with conversations about sexual engagement (of course, multiply that by 24 years of the same bs)…did not know them, their names or barely knew of them at all…I started to count the numbers of times that was a topic because I could not believe how many ppl are willing to put themselves and others at risk without thought to the consequences…vulgar…just plain vulgar.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Slim trying out new Full-sized body condom, walking around the office singing, “Ooh baby, I like it rawwwww…Ooh baby i like it rawwwwww”
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 14, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
Hello All!
Great topic! Even though it may seem like we shouldnt be having this discussion, the numbers say otherwise. The only time I had sex w/o a condom was while I was while engaged and once I got married. Its too scary out here! Having sex W/O a condom (and no exclusive relationship) should be taboo right now.
By Leggs (formerly known as SexyL)
August 14, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
I shouldn’t have said “flag” cuz it only became a “flag” after I found out he was married.
NY2GA, thanks. Different cars, and public arena. As I always post here, keep your eyes and ears open. I’m walking the walk. However, I can’t stay in a bubble my entire life. Have to step out on a limb every now and then if I’m going to get comfortable doing things on my own. Yes, it’s scary, but I’m attempting to navigate these choppy waters of dating. Today, I’m discouraged and glad I only have to work half a day.
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
leggs You don’t have to I was just curious..before you met him in two diff places let him buy your child something to eat and all that jazz.. Hey you are old enough to know what works for you and what doesn’t.\
You run up on me and start asking me question or if I want to go in for a drink then yes my question right after the question mark goes over his head is “are you married”
If you letting me know I have toilet paper on my shes or I dropped my keys I could care less about your status.
By melo
August 14, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
A total stranger got you from the Doubletree to another location all in a matter of hours now thats funny..lol
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
This is an intellectually provocative topic because even with such a sensitive issue, we can find ourselves doing things without examining more than the basic reasons and repercussions behind it. The snippet being from a ‘youth’ perspective initially made me wanna chalk it up to young & dumb, but there’s just way too much info out there. Pendarvis, did you just infer putting on a condom is an arduous “process”? Did you just say it’s also a great way to say I Love You w/o having to say I Love You? I can come up w/ hmmm 3 steps if I must, yet no great degree of difficulty. And if you had to be in love every time you did the do… Lawd
abc it may simply be that community has discarded marriage as a viable lifestyle. KP has this up http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/07/22/single.black.women/, and it’s not the first article of its kind I’ve seen of late. But I also think the raw data needs to be the focus along with isolating certain anomalies before giving the idea much merit.
P.Y.T Even in these days, women at the ready seems to garner mixed reactions. Which could be a variance of ‘she must be real promiscuous’, ‘daamn, the ol’ I forgot em didn’t work’ or the somewhat uncomfortable ‘but those ain’t the right ones for me…
Slim1 You get detention for the mey he canos, missy!
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
MLL You said a mouthful then. I remember listening to a writer on Yolanda Adams’ show last year. She talked about how she met a man that wooed her and she married him and he faked his HIV test because he knew not only that he was HIV positive, but had full blown AIDS. He went all out to marry someone so he wouldn’t die alone. She stuck by him until he died and thank GOD she’s HIV negative to this day, but it’s scary to know the degree that he DECEIVED her.
By Dan
August 14, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
Okay, for you ARed…
I met a young lady 2 nights ago going back to my hotel…she was extremely flattering but blunt.
Hit me with the three questions: 1) are you married; 2) are you gay; 3) are you employed…
Swear to goodness..I thought of this blog…right when she said it…
Here’s the point, as we were talking last night she hit me with the fact that she was a 31 year old virgin…threw me all off for the night, possibly in life..
She had this whole idea of “perfection” and all that, and expoused some of the bs views about the male ego that I here hear…
The 33 year old virgin thing was not hot…just couldn’t imagine it happening….
Anyway, it’s a cold world, and protecting oneself is Job One…so until the topic changes…I’m lurking
Dan now exits the room backing away with the mask on to protect from the herpeghonochocosyphillitis Type II
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
Morning Folks!
Great topic WiseDiva
Whenever the sex topic comes up with a guy I ask how often they get tested. We’re not even talking about him and I hooking up, just sex in general. As far as unprotected sex being a level of commitment, I would have to say I think it can be. I don’t think it’s the new engagement ring, but I think once a couple reaches the unprotected sex stage that represents a greater form of commitment. Even if it’s the example another blogger gave where it’s just an FWB arrangement. I would think there would be a very high level of trust between the two individuals and the process of going to get tested together.
But with all the adultery going on, even after the engagement ring and the vows, you might still be at risk.
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
The Truth Shiddddd, I once had a friend tell me he was H.I.V. postive and still knockin off women left and right….I just stop hanging with that dude.
A good movie to rent: Cover…about a dude who was cheating on his wife with a dude…and the wife (and me too) thought he was cheating on her with a woman. I was depress as hell. Then it hit me, one of my road dog come out and told me he was bi and that shyt left my a$$ numb…that was back in 2004 and I told myself never again will I have a close male friend…if I ain’t got a woman, I am rolling solo.
That shyt has effect my relationship with dudes greatly…I won’t even join the men’s group at church.
Sexycool I got myself fix a few years back. My question is, once I put a ring on your finger and the trust is there…can we do the “ooh baby”?
By Leggs
August 14, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Raqi LOL…not concerned that he married black. I was answering Atl Lady’s 10:46 post
By Dan
August 14, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
For those interested…
Kayne West is opening a Fatburger in the Chi!
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
I bet one of those 3 chics,if not all of them are getting knocked elsewhere by countless other dudes coz they knw this guy is married. melo you besta believe it.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Ared you can ask a person their status and they can still lie about it
MLL - Really, guys can lie about it? Nooo…(joking).
When I return to the sex game, I’ll have to trust that the results produced are accurate and that I know a good deal about the guy and is lifestyle. But yeah, these guys can find all types of loopholes. That’s why I’m sitting on the bench right now.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
wise keeps them other girls on they sh!t…she brings it with her topics consistently…
signed…her number one fan…lol…
By Leggs
August 14, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Funny, JazzyOne, got your drift.
Melo, you have no room to laugh at ANYTHANG!!!!
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Dan - Why was that post for me exactly?
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Leggs you got a free pass on that on LOL….I’ve read you and you seem more cautious than to follow a stranger from Lavista to Flat shoals road….I understand you taking a leap outside your bubble but remember baby steps okay….
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Hey Tazzerina!
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
@Melo
Sure you right…what is it coming too…and you are probably dead on about the multiplicity of engagement amongst the partners…while I do not believe I have the right to tell someone else how to manage their sexual endeavors…I still do not understand how ppl can not or will not associate the risks factors and potential consequences with their decisions and subsequent behaviors…especially if you live in one of those 11 states where AA’s make up 50% or more of the HIV/AIDs demographic…I remember when we could jokingly say so ans so was the fugg of death…meaning it was a good hit and all…but these days it may just have a literal meaning.
By Leggs
August 14, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
The word is “espoused” or “exposed”.
By Leggs
August 14, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
I like this…Shiddddd, much better that “shyt”.
Peace out! Everyone enjoy the day!
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
LOL SexyLeggs, as usual the vultures are out there picking that post apart. Good grief, it’s a story people and at the end of the day she found out he was married and she kept it moving. Everything does not need to be overthought and picked a part to death!
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
alvin…no happs…
By Leggs
August 14, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
Thanks for the laugh MLL…yep baby steps…now
chair spin~~!!
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
Ared uhmmm…I know….well make room then, I’m back on the bench too.
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
Ya know Tazzee you have a point, these days men & women married commit adultery much more than in the past and don’t think much of it. I know a lady who has a side piece and she thinks nothing of it, I think the look on my face when she told me this said exactly what she didn’t want to hear.
Trust the herpes penis and the uninfected have the same look. Use a condom.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
abc I don’t think that being in denial of specific challenges to African American culture is conducive to positive change.
I didn’t deny anything about our specific challenges. I understand our specific challenges perfectly fine.
However, I feel that we are constantly fed negative images about ourselves as well. It can put a doom and gloom feel over people. That can lead to a “if I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die happy” mindset.
I attack data because I’ve seen data that has shown the number of cases similar among various groups. However, it is not presented that way. It is presented in a way that makes it seem that we are getting more infected than other groups.
I love the USA, but I don’t trust the government (if these stats are put out by the CDC) any further than I can throw a MARTA bus.
None of this negates personal responsibility of any person regardless of race, sex, creed or national origin. If each person looks out for themselves, this number will go down.
My feelings on this subject are extremely strong. As an athlete, we were required to do community service. I remember visiting a children’s hospital, and I met a 17 year old young lady. She was dying from AIDS. She said that she had sex ONCE in her life: HER JUNIOR PROM. She trusted her boyfriend, and got something that she never would have guessed. I call her a young lady because she understood her mistake. At point that we talked, she said that she failed to protect herself. It was her responsibility. Unfortunately, she died about three weeks after we met. At that point, I wanted to do something positive and started being a Big Brother.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
Truth another classic example of men protecting men. If you know he’s out there spreading STD what steps are you doing to prevent an innocent female from catching it?
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
herpes is no joke either…treatment is a life sentence to meds…
M’Karyl, not necessarily true. As Kym stated, some people are non reactive and others rarely get outbreaks.
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
Jazzy What’s up lady?
Kym dang - 12 year olds with HIV??? I had the talk with my nephew a few years back. I’m not sure if my sister has been reinforcing it, but it looks like Imma have to embarrass him again the next time I’m in the A. Wow!!!
Leggs I too ask if a dude is married within the first few moments of convo. Just chock this up as another learning experience. Now I don’t put it on dudes like Dan’s experience, but I always find a way to work that into a convo. “So, are you married?”
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
Same for you Alvin what are you doing to prevent him from spreading HIV? Are you choosing to stay silent about his condition?
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 14, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
unprotected sex…no way!! I think with all the diseases out there it is a crap shoot. How many married couples end up with HIV? All because one partner stepped out and got their freak on and come back home to the unsuspecting spouse and now they both are SOL! It is sd that you can’t even trust your husband/wife? There is nothing you can do after serving your spouse with a death sentence….no apology will change it! That is why I say a spouse who cheats not only does not respect the other…but can not love them truely! If you love someone you would not risk their life by stepping out! Now is skin to skin contact the best…yes! bu is it worth my life….hell no!
Sugar no it is not a stupid topic…it is a true topic! the record high numbers of STDs are proof that this is going on.
ARED they say diamonds are forever, and so is HIV… Girl that is a good one!
Me 4 me Be honest with your girl. You are not reay to risk your life with someone you have only known 4 months. If she can’t respect that..then she is not the woman for you. You only get one life…you can get another girl. Be strong on your decision! Let’s not have an Adam & Eve situation. You see what happened with that?
Binny where have you been darlin’? I missed you! LOL
Sexylegss You got a white married dude magnet on you or something? LOL
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
Asking someone if they are married when they ask you to come out of your comfort zone or ask you out isn’t an over thought its fore thought to save yourself some time and aggrivation.
It takes two to tango can’t be mad at him she took part in something that thankfully didn’t get her hurt physically or emotionally and back to her child safely……its a blog so of course there will be responses to ones post.
Being cautious and curious is something we should all practice these days.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
I attack data because I’ve seen data that has shown the number of cases similar among various groups. However, it is not presented that way. It is presented in a way that makes it seem that we are getting more infected than other groups. PG I feel what you’re saying but, numbers are numbers and truth is that we have a high number of HIV/AIDS cases in America regardless of which race has a more precentage over the other. STD AIDS/HIV is color blind.
By melo
August 14, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
unprotected sex…no way!!.. Mamba for u its,SEX,NO WAY!! lol U Tell me u dnt even lick and get ur jaws sme exercise….?…lol
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this
not necessarily true. As Kym stated, some people are non reactive and others rarely get outbreaks Ared does that mean after you get off the bench you’re willing to have sex with a guy who admits he has herpes?
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
The thing about asking a man that approach you if he is married, if he approached you with the intention of cheating on his wife his answer will probably be no.
By Foots
August 14, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this
Interesting convo. I’m trying to catch up, but uncharacteristically busy today. Chuckle!
Just wanted to comment on this:
Trust the herpes penis and the uninfected have the same look. Use a condom
Many people don’t know that you can spread HSV2 even WITH a condom. You actually don’t even have to have sex to get it, since outbreaks don’t always occur right on the genitals. If someone is shedding virus on their inner thigh or butt and you have intimate contact with those areas, you can be at risk. There’s a reason why there are so many Valtrex commercials on now. They are talking “suppression”, not “prevention”.
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this
Tazzee Yeah 12 with HIV. I told a few coworkers with kids and they were also just floored. The fact is sexual activity is happening even in elementary schools because parents are not talking like they should with their kids. And while we like to focus on our young men. As the parent of a middle schooler I am here to tell you that these young ladies are off the chain!! I mean think about all the stories we heard in the past years of teen age girls messing around with teachers..while this is nothing new..I have seen young girls flirting with grown men like they were 35 instead of 13. I mean if you want a eye popper check out these websites like Bebo, myspace etc.. and look at what the kids are posting and saying. One parent I know of saw pics on her daughter’s page(14) in bra and panties. I and some little middle school football player(JV football) had a comment of yeah you know we like those lap dances after the games. All I could do was smh.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this
Back to the topic tho,if chic and i were to talk exclusive and get tested and all is good,i think i wld want to hit raw thereafter…that is a benefit exclusivity provides,right? It only makes sense…..lets not front here on the blog as if its all evil.Heck,many of us are doing it right now so give us ur true and accurate persptives.Whats the point in having a condom if we exclusive.Like Truth said,its a contact sport,so u gotta enjoy the licking and all…..hmmmm uwiiiieeee….,this thing(pudsy) is just damn good.(back of my head going numb,right nw!)..i wanna lick all over!!!
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
As long as the question is asked, do it on your own time table. It’s your time. Many of the posters on the blog come across as cautious and inquisitive, without having to get down to the nitty gritty about why the question wasn’t asked in minute 10 or minute 100.
By Dan
August 14, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
@ARed
Aren’t you the woman always asking for dating stories…
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t with you…..
By Sunshine
August 14, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this
SexyLeggs
Ok, I was just lurking today, as usual…however, when I came upon your story I discovered that I knew EXACTLY who you met yesterday. I won’t use his name, but he’s involved in an open marriage. I met him through craigslist…he’s white, has a four-year-old biracial son (thus a black wife), he sells computers from home…he was very forthcoming about his open marriage with me as well as the fact that he only “dates” black women. He’s not cheating, that’s the arrangement they have.
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this
PoppaG However, I feel that we are constantly fed negative images about ourselves as well. It can put a doom and gloom feel over people. That can lead to a “if I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die happy” mindset.
That is so true. While I was watching one of those CNN specials - Hill Harper (my future husband) stressed the importance of giving youth the hope of a future. It’s almost like folks that are deep in debt choosing to go shopping as opposed to paying a bill. The feeling is that they are so overwhelmed they might as well live for today.
Think about it - how many AA women have become resigned to the fact that they won’t get married because we keep getting that 40% statistic thrown in our faces?
I agree that we must be personally accountable and work to correct the ills of the AA community, but the stats about single parent households, men in jail, HIV cases, high school drop-out rate, etc can create a gloom and doom mentality. When you add that to the state of the economy and the unemployment rate…wait let me stop, I’m about to depress my doggone self!
This is the same mentality that causes some young folk to devalue life and take one at the drop of a hat.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
MLLI wouldn’t necessarily put all of that on Truth’s or ALvin’s back. We’re dealing with adults who are making their own decisions. It’s foul a$$ hell, but you can’t blame them. Truth going to that man’s wife might help her out, but he would have to do something drastic such as report him to the authorities to get him to stop. Poppa Is spreading HIV/AIDS a crime in Georgia like some other states?
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
MLL
*PG I feel what you’re saying but, numbers are numbers and truth is that we have a high number of HIV/AIDS cases in America regardless of which race has a more precentage over the other. STD AIDS/HIV is color blind. *
That is EXACTLY what I am saying. I don’t care about the percentages. 100,000 infected Caucasians and 100,000 african americans are still 200,000 infected people. Shoot, Sexy is getting approached by caucasians. There are enough interracial relationships that it should be brought up in such a way that everyone knows that they are at risk.
BTW, numbers aren’t totally numbers if you don’t know the background. If I sample people from NYC and sample people from Topeka, KS do you think the numbers would be the same? Maybe or maybe not. There are fewer African Americans in KS than NYC. Numbers would be skewed.
I preach personal responsibility. Even crazy azz Michael Jackson knows who matters “The man in the mirror”.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
@ARed
Well, the handful of ppl that I have known to contract it were on meds for life…I know that there are different types, etc…but to my understanding once you are assigned the meds then you have to take them continuously…not like say, antibiotics or something…I would rather not hav a partner with herpes.
By Jazzyone
August 14, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
Asking is half the battle and you’ve done your initial due dilligence..whats done in the dark will come to the day light..Yes men and women lie,..self preservation is key and keeping your eyes open will save some grief..in this case he didn’t lie he told her eventually which to me indicates if asked he would have divulged the information…if one lies or not is not the issue being cautious is.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
Ared does that mean after you get off the bench you’re willing to have sex with a guy who admits he has herpes?
Depends, but I’ve dated guys with cold sores and those are herpes. I made sure to educate myself about contraction and prevention. Hearing that nearly 1 in 2 blacks has herpes and doesn’t know it, I’d have to say that this knowledge is not necessarily a deal breaker for me. I’d rather know than not know.
By Demigod33
August 14, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
MLL YEP. That dude looked like a Fuggin God…Dem Bishes would have shot my a$$ Fuggin dead.
You don’t know these young women all too well…I could have put his test results in their faces and they would have eaten me alive.
“Igga, you ain’t nothing but a hater…you wish you could hit this p’dussy”
Demigod is crazy, not stupid.
Sorry for cussin.
MLL is now standing on top of the blog crate and piston whipping the b’Jesus out of Demi, with her .357 Magnum
MLL: Dont (BAM) You (SLAP) Ever (BAM BAM) Rise your your (SlappaSlap) Voice (POP POP) At (SOUND OF GUN SHOT) ME!!!
MLL: My baad, gun went off in error.
By Dan
August 14, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
@Tazzee
I’ll be in Houston this wkend, wes up?
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
Kym don’t forget the 35 year old teachers getting knocked up by the 13 year old boys. I constantly talk to my son about all of this. Mase talked to him about oral sex and how kids are saying that O.S. is not really sex. A total misconception among our youth.
We are doing our best to try and keep him educated everything. Kissing, touching, oral sex, intercourse, homosexuality. They need know everything.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this
one of my gf’s clued a co-worker in to that fact that she needed to be checking her 12 y/o’s myspace account…the co-worker made the child give up her password…when she checked the child’s sent messages…she found a note that the child had sent to an 18 y/o man that said that she needed some dyck in her life…
doesn’t help that this 12 y/o girl is 5’8”…weighs around 150 with a coke bottle shape…
smdh…
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady It’s still our morally duty to do what’s right. Do we not have a conscience anymore. If I had a gf who was doing the same thing you darn right I would tell everybody I know, I don’t want the thought of that on my conscience knowing and not doing anything about it.
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this
My sister-in-law had an issue with her son and O.S. and the things that happen on school buses, class trips, football games. All kids need to be informed.
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
Raqi You’d be surprised at how many men admit they’re married. I think it’s a sign of the times - apparently there are women out there that really don’t care. I’ve had men act like I was being silly when I declined further conversation.
Speaking of - I’m getting sick of men using the phrase “we’re both grown” as an excuse to do stupid stuff. “We’re both grown, we can be discreet” “We’re both grown, I won’t tell if you won’t tell”
Umm, yeah I’m grown and I’ve learned to stop doing the stupid stuff I’ve done in the past - now you need to grow up fool!
sorry for that rant - but I heard “we’re grown” one time too many at my high school reunion
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
Raqi Oh I know but there is this double standard to categorize boys as the hunters and while this is true is many cases. I was just floored by what I see young girls doing. That is why I like the public service commerical with the girl walking down the street and people calling her name and talking about her life because she has put it out there on her blog. I love blogging just like everyone else..but at the sametime these kids need to know you can’t put your whole name, age, booty pics, and location online and not expect someone to call them out on it.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
Depends, but I’ve dated guys with cold sores and those are herpes eeeeeuuuuuughhh…did u kiss them..? depeeeeeeeends…? girl u daring…after the disclosure,im gone..bye bye…..adios..sarai…zakbona,funi uhamba…gone…
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
ATL Lady
Poppa Is spreading HIV/AIDS a crime in Georgia like some other states?
In Georgia and all states, there must be mens rea (intent) for it to even be considered a crime (unless it is a strict liability thing like statutory rape)
So to answer your question…it depends. Can intent to do harm be proven? Accidents, generally, aren’t considered criminal. Then you get into mental state of another person, which is tough. If you can prove it, it would probably be something for a judge (in a bench trial) or jury.
That question of personal responsibility will still arise. What did the infected person do to protect themselves?
Now, there may be a civil action out of the deal regardless to intent. That would be a money settlement.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady Truth going to that man’s wife might help her out, but he would have to do something drastic such as report him to the authorities to get him to stop Do you seriously think the wife has NO clue at all the her hubby is sleeping around? I mean sleeping with 4 other chicks while married seems like it would take a whoooole lotta ‘working late’, ‘business trips, etc type lies to NOT at least have an inkling.
I’ve just sort of started dating and its hard enough for me to have to call more than one dude back on the phone. Its simply draining as hellz.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
Don’t get me wrong. I understand where you’re coming from. But how are you going to inform everyone that person comes into contact with in the future. Are you going to advocate having a national registry like they do for sex offenders? (Although that is a form of sex offense)
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
melo - I didn’t kiss them with active cold sores. That’s just asking to get it! And I’ve never had a cold sore nor have I have tested positive for it, either.
Knowledge is power.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
Ared aint no way in sam’s hellz I’m dating a guy with cold sores on his mouth…Did he get it after yall starting dating or when you first met him? I’m curious. I’m with melo did you kiss him?
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
Dan This is a good weekend to come, I’m planning to hang out every night this weekend. Send me an email to Tazzee@gmail.com and I’ll give you the details.
melo after the disclosure,im gone..bye bye…..adios..sarai…zakbona,funi uhamba…gone I had to laugh at that.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this
PG spreading HIV/AIDS a crime in Georgia like some other states? YES it’s a crime.
By Rell
August 14, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this
SEXYLEGGS!!!!..next time a man is simpin on you like that something is up - i hope you see now that a dude coming at you so strong without knowing you is up to something….simpin= death of real men….
ummmmmm when i was in the wild i kept the condoms on dec…but i do have a story to share
at the age of 30 i was with a girlfriend for 6yrs…now of course we became comfortable and i will say after year 2 we stopped with the condoms..we would only use for anal…but moving along…toward the end of our relationship we had some issues that came up…so for a period of time i had to rest at her spot until i found me something..i did…i moved into a town home back on the east side…so linking up was kinda of diffcult now that i moved a distance and our schedules were different..see where i am going with this…anyway she starts to stay on my head about spending time so i agree..so i pick her up say on a wednesday…we go out have fun have sex…you know all that make up stuff….so friday we try again to hook up…we do….we are at the movies the very last showing….so its late and her two goes off…so i am like who is that..she says yahoo with a travel update…yrb…so after the movie she is servicing me going down the road, but in the back of mind somethign went off..check the pager…so we get back to my tilt and she goes to take a shower…i grab the pager and yep..its a dude…with i love you where are you..etc..so i bust out laughing…like word…is she serious..so i confront her after she gets all dolled up like we about to do something….i am like we cool and done with this here..so i take her home and enjoy the rest of my weekend until sunday morning….i wake up and my plumbing is not working right…it keeps leaking a milky fluid…my mind shuts down and i go into denial on what is going on..so i go on like it will go away tommorrow…well we know where this ends up..so i work up the nerve to hit the clinic….and dreading the qtip…yep the nurse was like no problem let me just stick this here and see what it is…..that was the worst thing i have ever done is go in for an std examine..the qtip is no joke..at any rate the chick or let me say my girlfriend gave me the clap…i drank some juice and it was cleared up in a week….but i am thinking i m 30yrs old getting burned by someone i thought loved me and had my back….feel me….
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
Tazzee I don’t doubt that they do. My only thing is from experience, do not ignore the signs because they are there. I never straight out asked whitebread but thru conversation he stated that he was not married. He approached with the intent. But yeah I don’t doubt what you say.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this
Tazzee
This is the same mentality that causes some young folk to devalue life and take one at the drop of a hat.
I’ve met kids both male and female that thought they making it to their 25th birthday was out of reach, so they were gonna live it up (do drugs, have sex, etc.) Trying to convince them to have hope can be tough with so many negative images out there.
It was kinda like the Kanye West song..”the jokes on you” (First song on the College Dropout.) His was more of a joke, but the feeling is out there.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this
Aren’t you the woman always asking for dating stories…
Dan - It wasn’t clear what your purpose was, which is why I ASKED for clarification.
Damned indeed eyeroll
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
Foots I did not know that, it is so sad, reminds me of the old saying, keep your hands (and everything else) to yourself.
Yeap Demigod33 some of the finest men are the ones with a secret to tell. Everybody is not forthright about being clean or not, although they should be. Nowadays you have to ask questions and observe/investigate closely.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this
lotta ‘working late’, ‘business trips, etc type lies to NOT at least have an inkling u right..when u married or in a relatiosnship,u have a schedule and any deviation from norm,there has to be sme credible explanation.Its easy to blog with uall and mess on the computer,hard in real lyfe,unless the marriage is open or openly promiscous on both sides……
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
SlimOne I’ve just sort of started dating and its hard enough for me to have to call more than one dude back on the phone. LOL, I know how you feel. Two of the guys I recently started talking to have the same last name - so I might just start calling them Mr. XXX.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
MLL
Its not strict liability. Therefore, intent has to be proven. It cannot be due to an accident.
Which means that he/she has to know that they have it, and they intentionally plan to infect other people.
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
One of my favorite lines can’t remember where I heard it but “YOU CAN NOT LEGISLATE MORALITY” We try(lawd knows we try)but we can’t. A sex offender committed a crime they are seen as harmful and need monitoring(yes I know I know the whole registry thing is up for debate) but how is a person not telling another person they are HIV positive a sex offense..morally wrong yes but a offense? That would be really had to legislate.
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this
Foots I did not know that, it is so sad, reminds me of the old saying, keep your hands (and everything else) to yourself.
Yeap Demigod33 some of the finest men are the ones with a secret to tell. Everybody is not forthright about being clean or not, although they should be. Nowadays you have to ask questions and observe/investigate closely.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this
I didn’t kiss them with active cold sores, ared,ared that is the craziest and dumbest shyt u have ever posted on here.I wont ask u if u sexxed them when their sores were active tho. coz no u did not,u waited until they were dry right?…laugh,lol.lol…….
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
SLimoneI’m sure she knows he’s cheating, but does she know he has herpes? It’s one thing to know that your husband is cheating on you on a regular and some women don’t like it but he’s spreading a disease and probably doesn’t know who or where he got it from.
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 14, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
should be hard not had in my last post. I am still sleepy..
PoppaG got my books yesterday..and a shiny new messenger bag..I actually started reading yesterday for all 3 classes next week. Still need to get the black law dictionary.
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
@NY2GA and @WOW: yes, i said it and meant it. i know an hiv+ dude who had 2 daughters with a woman the old-fashioned way and neither his baby mama or his daughters are infected.
seriously: unless you’re injecting HIV+ blood directly into your bloodstream, HIV is a hard virus to transmit.
the truth is that even if you’re having sporadic unprotected sex with someone who is HIV+, you may not become infected. (now that’s a h#ll of a lot more of a risk than i am willing to take, but i digress.)
but if your partner is negative and stays that way, and you are negative and stay that way, there is no risk of catching HIV.
why do you think monogamy is so highly touted as a prevention technique?
By Dan
August 14, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this
@ARed
My educated retort:
Deese
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this
aint no way in sam’s hellz I’m dating a guy with cold sores on his mouth…Did he get it after yall starting dating or when you first met him? I’m curious. I’m with melo did you kiss him?
MLL LOL. I think cold sores are so popular that like 70% of the population would test positive for em. Most of y’all are out there kissing and getting licked by people who have had them.
No, I’ve never kissed someone with a visible cold sore. But I ASK THE QUESTION if they’ve ever had one so that I can reduce my risk of getting one. Clearly plenty of you do not ask because it’s darn near impossible to not find someone whose had one. In the winter (for some reason) I see 3 or 4 of my coworkers with em at any given moment. And most of them are married, so I guess it’s not an issue for em.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this
up and my plumbing is not working right… yep Rell,she got u…….back in the day,the doc wld say,* u swam in some untreated waters!!!!*
By jazzyone
August 14, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
NUTS…
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Rell thanks for sharing your story. In no way do I condone a man hitting a woman, but….I would have wanted to choke the crap out of someone for that one.
Raqi Yes, you are so right. I ask and then I watch. But when it’s all said and done and if dude did lie - I don’t have to hear the ‘well you didn’t ask’ excuse. I’ve heard that before and I wanted to choke the crap out of dude.
I guess I’m in a choking mood - and not in the sexual sense…
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 14, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this
Kym who the hell are these HIV+ 12 year olds sleeping with to get this? OMG! I know you almost lost your mind when you heard that!
melo You are crazy! LOL Leave me alone!
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
Kym the problem I see is we as society have always focused in on the overly matured girls flirting it up with the staff. It happened back in our day. But tended to close our eyes to the possibility of this happening with the young boys and the female staff. Up until the last few years we saw where male teachers, coaches, counselors were getting caught engaging in inappropriate behavior with students. Then the Mary Kay Letourneau case comes to light and now many more have followed.
It’s scary but real. You know the thing is I was talking to Mason about this once and how I tell my son if any adult (in his case 16yrs plus) approach him in any way, let me know. But him being a 13yr old boy how much confidence can I put in that knowing that he could be enticed to not tell. We can only do what we can do. Teach them and pray they take heed.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
that is the craziest and dumbest shyt u have ever posted on here.I wont ask u if u sexxed them when their sores were active tho. coz no u did not,u waited until they were dry right?…laugh,lol.lol……
melo - What’s crazy is admitting you hit your wife RAW on the first night and then say in the next breath that you couldn’t date someone who got a cold sore.
You don’t know what these broads could have given you, but I guess denial is better than asking the questions.
Denial is what’s killing us, clearly.
Dan - Nice retort. Rather expected, brotha.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
@Kym
I remember when Whoopie brought up the topic about educating tweens and teens re: HIV/AIDs…she advocated providing them with information and condoms…a couple of the other moderators were saying that they did not think it was appropriate for ppl that young to have that kind of information because they felt that it would only encourage the behaviors…talk about having heads up arses…I remember the number of young girls in Junior High who were sexually active and many had been active since the age of 10 or 11…and that was in the early 70’s.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
Kym
Still need to get the black law dictionary.
You need to get that soon. It is probably one of the most important things that I have. Legalese isn’t quite like normal english. The words could look normal but the legal meaning can change the whole meaing of things and all it can take is one word.
The very first class of the very first day of law school, we got a pop quiz on the legal definition of words. I even had legal definition quizzes in paralegal school. It is pretty important.
One of my classes gave me 150 pages to read by the first day of class. So, I’ve already started.
By melo
August 14, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
these broads could have given you this broad (my wife) u mean? and remember i said after that,that was the most stupid thing to do,so yeah i admitted my own mistake there……
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this
melo - Yes, she’s your wife and you are still lucky she didn’t pass anything on to you.
Me being fully aware of what transmittable diseases my partner may or my not have is not a mistake. Educating myself on contraction and prevention is not a mistake. And neither is admitting that I could still date someone who had a cold sore.
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this
Jazzy & Dan LOL!!!!
I don’t know why I still laugh whenever I see/hear that. It’s so juvenile, but I laugh nonetheless.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this
PoppaHyperthetical. I’m sleeping with someone that I think is HIV negative and find out he’s positive and transferred it to me and I knew my status was negative in the time frame prior to me meeting him. How do I access his medical information to prove he knew? Isn’t the fact that he knew his status the key to intent?
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this
Hi Everyone!
I’m on lunch break! <—2C, see that?
Anyway, I just had to pop in and give all the law students some dap for what you all are doing. I really enjoy reading about “us” studying law. It takes a different type of mind to want to, do and be apart of law. Luv it!!
PoppaG, Kym and that undecover counsel, 2C hahaa, ya’ll do that!
blog on
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this
@amazonred: i’m cosigning your 12:43 post.
and i’ll add that between 20 and 25% of americans are infected with genital herpes. for hpv/genital warts, the rate is about 11%.
that’s what i mean by “keep it in perspective.”
what won’t kill you can usually be cured.
what can’t be cured is so dang common that there’s a good chance you’ll find someone to love your oozing, itchy, infected a## anyway.
what will kill you is far less common and far harder to catch — which is why i have such a hard time with those Just One Time stories. SFAF HIV Transmission FAQ (and yes, it’s safe for work)
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
Off topic: the new has been wild here as of late…Monday the Police in Norfolk shot and killed 17 young lady after a 7 hour hostage (mother and some other fam member)standoff…negotiations failed and when they went into the apt, she had the gun pointed at them…still being investigated…so sad and so young…she was suppose to start school next week at the community college.
By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)
August 14, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
Sup blog family! Sorry I haven’t been around to disrupt the flow of normal MIA blog topics, but I’ve been traveling for work. However, I peeped in and saw the topic and couldn’t pass up this opportunity to make one statement.
Those who use the ‘monogamous relationship’ rationale for consenting to unprotected sex are still playing Russian roulette. Just like you and your partner have the discusssion, they have probably experienced the same discussion with countless others before you. Committed relationships don’t equate to safe sexual experiences. Relationships and marriage are two totally different commitments. Wait for the marriage and testing…then focus on obtaining full sexual contact experience.
MyTwoCents Thanks for your feedback and comments.
By SAMIAM
August 14, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
what up folk?
“you gets no lovin’ with a covering.” too many STD’s and death sentences walking round lookin’ cute and clean.
TRUE STORY
my boy went downtown on his main girl and ended up with bad case of strip(sp) throat. apparently, she was either getting or had a mild yeast infection.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this
melo u married or in a relatiosnship,u have a schedule and any deviation from norm,there has to be sme credible explanation Yeah that’s what i was thinking. I just don’t see how anybody does it and more importantly WHY? How come no one is saying HE has self-esteem issues, or let me guess, that only pertains to women?
By melo
August 14, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this
And neither is admitting that I could still date someone who had a cold sore. i guess u are a risk taker more than i am,knowing what i knw now in these environs,why wld i date a person with a communicable disease if they told me upfront and not just look for one who says he does not, and then confirm it later,by way of test.Exploring the possibility of a relationship with a person infected with herpes wld not be my thing..seriously…i take it u wldnt mind,courtesy of ur education,u wld schedule ur kissing and sexxing days to comnform with the days his disease is not communicable(whatever that is)…haha,thats sme lopsided logic right there… what kind of sex calendar do u need in ur bedroom for that kind of schedule?.lol
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this
Ared bringing back memories of this guy that I knew, we didn’t date only hanged out a few times, he asked me to tasted his drink to see if I liked it, I did thinking nothing about it…fast forward, weeks later I saw him and he has this big arse sore on his lips…I was disgusted, I tell you my mirror saw more of me that week than ever before. I did some research on cold sores and found out that drinkng behind a person, sharing utensils, you run the risk of transmitting it also, sex isn’t the only way to transmit herpes.
By Rell
August 14, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
ared you have all the answers dont you….when is your book coming out..i have to read it
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
@KP: “Committed relationships don’t equate to safe sexual experiences.”
um, neither does marriage. i know at least one married person who doesn’t have a “one-and-only.”
behavior is the issue. marital status is not.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this
melo - Clearly your ignorance is bliss, so do you. You won’t get it, so I’m done responding.
MLL - You are very right. Little babies can get cold sores, many folks get them in their teens. They all go on to have healthy and productive lives and relationships. Go figure.
By Beautiful
August 14, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this
i’ll try to behave 2day. lol.
poppa checked with my employer and i get a discount with inshape too, plus a whole lotta other stuff i didn’t know about (ticketmaster, rental car, restaurants, movies, etc.). whoo hoo!
topic the next time i have unprotected sex is when i’m deeply in a committed relationship and we have had that date at the clinic. how romantic is that?
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this
On kids under 12 with H.I.V., mostly likely they were rape…
anonymousella keep in mind anal sex is one of the fastest ways of transmitting H.I.V.
I tried anal with a long time girl friend, raw with a bit of lube. For me it was a bit painful, while she enjoyed the act…after seeing a bit of blood (hers) on manhood, never again.
So ladies, be careful of guys who wants anal sex from you all the time. I feel if your vagina isn’t keeping him happy…dudes feel free to call me gay…His dyck is too small or he may fugg men all too often.
I will tell this story again. Once while working with actors in the porn industry. Two of the actors only wanted to do anal scenes only. Now the actresses we were paying were dimes, gold and plats. Did you know them fools only did anal with them actresses? N-E-Way…After dropping a well known actress after at M.I.A. (airport), I get back to the house and those two dudes were going at it in the shower. I just left the car keys, grab my clothes, equipment, called a cab and walked away from that lifestyle.
That was one lonely drive back to Atlanta
So, ladies I understand a bit of your frustration with men.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this
Demi hey. You have any of those cards on you? I need to give couple out to my new best friends = Auditors! :)…still smiling.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
behavior is the issue. marital status is not
Yes indeedy…I can not even recall the numbered of married men who were cat chasing when I was working at V’s in the 80’s…status quo…there are several wives who I would not want to be…and it has not changed…just a different venue.
By Raqi
August 14, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
KP That sounds all good. However if the level of trust is not there before the vows you best belief it will not be there afterwards. As we see everyday no one can be too sure either way. We just have to have faith in the one we choose to be with. Signing a piece of paper sure ain’t gonna make it happen. It has to be (at least for me) there while we are in a committed relationship. Or else not at all.
By Beautiful
August 14, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this
anonymousella i have to agree w/you.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
ared you have all the answers dont you….when is your book coming out..i have to read it
Rell - When it comes to ME, yes I do. Is there a problem?
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
@Alvin
I have a former acquaintance that went from working strip clubs and turning tricks to making porn flicks..found her website a few weeks ago…she has made something like 200 porn movies…and she still does high-end private sessions…but some of the info said that she was known for her specialty of anal sex…along with her humongous boobs (38F’s)…anyway, I just never understood why in this day and age a person would want to pursue a career in the porn industry…too many risks involved in my opinion.
By melo
August 14, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
ared you have all the answers dont you….when is your book coming out..i have to read it ared i never wrong….hahaha.lol
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
m’karyl matter of fact the porn industry is the safest when it comes to sex. They test, test, test and test all the time. Porn is a very lucrative business they’re not going risk losing money b/c of a disease.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Challenging New Products: Stilettos for toddlers, from Bellevue, Wash., designer Britta Bacon, selling recently in Toronto for $39.95 (Cdn) a pair. You have got to be kidding me….smh
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli I treat them folks like IRS…IDONTFUGGAROUNDONTHEMCRAZYMUTHAFUGGAMESSINGWITHTHEMBISHESWILLHAVEYOUINTHEPOORHOUSEANDASKINGYOURSELFWHYINTHEFUGGDIDTHISMUTHAFUGGINSHYTHAPPEN?
m’karyl Believe it or not, a lot of those women are just broken. Some thing inside of their mind just slapped. Also the money is good and someone filled their heads with sweet lies and great promises. But you will be amazes of the large amount of testing at is going on. Often times twice a month.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this
Herpser Hey girl,whats ur name?
ared oh hi,u look so tall,im ared.
Herpser yeah,u tall too,whats ur height..
ared 6.1’,whats that on ur lip,that maroon thang?
herpser oh this,a little herpes,it will go away,u wanna have a drink at dugans….i like u..
ared i like u too,so can u kiss with that one,is it communicable to another?..
herpser,naw babe,naw, so hw about u cme to my crib…..
ared ummm,when is the herpser going away,what ur doc say…
herpser oh,almost 70% of pple got it,so its gone in 5 days,we can kiss in 5 days time…but im feeling u…u knw,what u think(herspers coming close to and feeling ared booty)
ared im feeling u too,oh dnt tch me there,u make me tickly…so hw about i cme to ur crib in next week so we can sexx,after herpes is clear… (melo is passing by with melo junior)
melo junior..eewwww dady,look that man,he got a boo-boo on his lip,ughhghh…gross….eeehh daddy…look..(within ared and herpser earshot)
melo(in deep mandingo voice)..junior stop that!!!…that man hurt his lip..dnt say that…stooopid……
By Dan
August 14, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this
http://www.livesteez.com/news/news_detail/1016
So Funny
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this
To be without condoms may give added sensation but to be without disease and unwanted pregnancy feels pretty sensational too. Whats the point in having a condom if we exclusive. Lotta folks are allegedly exclusive, melo, but some just aren’t and others are on the cusp. I doubt it’s a strong enough word, but let’s take your habitual ‘flirting’ & posting of email addy… so much so that folk who have never used or written it down prob know it by heart!
While many have become desensitized to these antics and won’t blink twice when a flirt comes their way, there’s always the chance you’ll find a taker. Perhaps a lurker passin thru or just a poster who feels if ur willing to disregard your vows, she’s willing to help. And you’ve said stuff like you haven’t been able to make urself go thru with & ur subconscious respect has held you back, so while this may be largely fantasy, it can come to fruition if you make a decision to let it. And you’re married. Doesn’t it stand to follow that a dude in a 3-6 mo may have a lot lower threshold on his level of ‘commitment’?
Also, wondering, when you got to the U.S., did your contraceptive practices change and in what way?
By Dan
August 14, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this
@Melo
That’s not nice.
ARed may be many things a lot of which bothers me.
But stupid is not one of them.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
@Alvin & MLL
Sierra told me that when she got into it at the very beginning…I do not doubt it…but all it takes is one to slip through the SOP’s (standard operating procedures)…and yes I know that it is lucrative money…her site list her prices..but I am glad that I could (and my daughter could) pursue other means because too much sexing is too much sexing and at some point I think that it still increases risks factors…only my opinion…not an absolute by any means.
By Rell
August 14, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
ared there is no problem…but you need some direction an guidance…you reckless
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
@alvin: yep. anal is the riskiest form of sex with regards to HIV transmission. giving oral is the least risky.
again: san francisco aids foundation facts on HIV transmission
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
Doesn’t it stand to follow that a dude in a 3-6 mo may have a lot lower threshold on his level of ‘commitment’? i dint get that,dnt understand..
Also, wondering, when you got to the U.S., did your contraceptive practices change and in what way i was exclusive be4 we left,so nothing changed,been with same girl to wife ever since…..
* habitual ‘flirting’ & posting of email addy* the ones i talk to or have talked to from the blog,remain friends,never elevated nothing with them,cute sisters allround but that marriage thing.. mayyyyyne..mytwo…
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
What do you use when ur allergic to condoms?
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this
They test, test, test and test all the time.
MLL and a lot time those dudes wang is the only thing they have going for themshelves…so you know they aren’t trying to catch something.
And that fool a few years back was busted getting some on the side…not during filming.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this
I read ya M’karly It’s just not worth it.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this
@Dan
No, I do not think that the statement printed on the shirt is appropriate…and yes, it is indeed inflammatory, derogatory, and in bad taste…but to have been assaulted for wearing or selling the shirt is a little bit much…obviously the Jew boy is very opinionated…oh well…and he is truly ignorant if he believes Obama is a muslim…just finished reading “Audacity of Hope”…read his autobiography years ago…funny hw his religious affiliation is such an issue and according to him, he was reared without any specific religous influences from his mother…she was more of a humanitarian believer…and his more committed sense of faith came many years later as an adult seeking more spiritual community and connectedness…America…where unfounded opinions and ignorance abound as a first amendment right.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this
Off topic: Okay, i have a bad habit of not really paying attention to lyrics of a song, especially if it sounds good. Anyone ever paid attention to TI’s new song “Whatever you like”??
That pretty much sensationalizes Gold Diggin & H0’in..ya’ll don’t agree? (then you wonder why little girls flucking at an early age. They looking for acceptance. flucking = value/importance…
I said you can have whatever you like (you like). Yeah
Late night sex so wet and so tight I’ll gas up the jet for you tonight. Baby you can go where ever you like (you like)
Shawty you da hottest, love the way you drop it. Brain so good (good) coulda swore you went to college. Hundred K deposits, vacations hit the tropics. Cause errbody know it ain’t trickin if ya got it. Ya need to never ever gotta go to yo wallet.
I’m talkin’ big boy rides and big boy ice. Let me put this big boy in yo life. Thang get so wet, ya hit so right. Let me put this big boy in yo life . That’s right Yeah I want’cho body, I need yo body Long as you got me you won’t need nobody You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
By Critter Fritter
August 14, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this
nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh shes just acting her age mate.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this
ared there is no problem…but you need some direction an guidance…you reckless
BWA HA HA HA HA!!! Rell, that was a funny joke. Get real.
Dan - Thanks. I guess. LOL
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this
ATL
Isn’t the fact that he knew his status the key to intent?
You have to prove that he had knowledge and had the intent to do harm. There are 2 parts.
Getting his records will take a subpoena due to HIPAA (health pricacy law) being so strict.
Intent would be proven more along the lines that he knew, you asked, and he lied about it. First thing that I would do if I was his attorney would ask you did you ask? After all, you are responsible for yourself. All depends on the situation. If the infected guy and uninfected female were in the heat of the moment, the question might not come up. There would be no intent in that kind of situation IMO. Where is the malice in that situation? Now, if it could be proven that dude knew and was upset about getting the disease and wanted to get back at all women for one woman giving it to him, then you’d have more of an argument for intent.
Simply knowing that he knew probably wouldn’t be enough.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this
What do you use when ur allergic to condoms?
MLL - If it’s an allergy to latex you can use another form of condoms like lambskin or polyurethane (sp?).
Lambskin has slightly higher transmission rates than latex because they are more porous.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this
But stupid is not one of them. she knows what she gets and gets what she knows…….educated…u can say……Dan..
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli them AJC folks cut my post again.
m’karyl I feel you…I just couldn’t go through fliming cause I know I am to good for that…But damn I would have made some very good money, LOL
anonymousella girl you know we much educate our peeps, LOL.
By Dan
August 14, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this
I understand the logical argument.
But it’s visceral, for him to equate any Black person to slavery, modern or otherwise, is offensive. For him to think that because BO is a public figure (and a Black Man running for office) that you could invoke that kind of language and NOT get the sh!t kicked out of you…in New York? Man please.
It’s the same argument Tim Wise and others raise…white privilegde. Watch he gone be on CNN like “Why?”
I just hope BO don’t come out condeming or apologizing for sh!t!
F*ck yo T-Shirt! “Owwwww, my balls…..”
And he’d have been missing in Atlanta…that I promise.
By abc
August 14, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this
Kym, I’m just guessing, but I would think that if one could prove their partner knew they were HIV positive and infectious and kept it a secret while having sex with them, then a solid case for Reckless Endangerment could be brought.
By Rell
August 14, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
@slim one…i was cool with it until i actually got into the lyrics…rell does not cosign..trickin/simpin/cupcakin/weenism….i hate that song now….he can do better..but that is the new thing…you have to trick on these YAPS…and the young cats brag on investing in bs to keep these bust downs around….all i can is smh….because i see the play and they dont…WHAT IS WORSE…is now the “mature” women are singing along to the pied piper….sanging tunes to men about branging that money to them or tricking out on food/dranks…etc for some convo/phone number or date….i cringe when i see a dude taking a chicks number like he won something…..i am thinking fool its not the quanity but the quality of the women you around….i mean to see these “larry holmes” bodied chicks getting air play is killing me….brothers have to step up there game!!!!!
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this
SlimOne nope…I blame the weak parenting system we have today…white folks listen to a lot of crazy shyt…but a lot of have a decent parenting system in place…I know there are a lot of sorry daddies out there, but a lot of these mothers aren’t shyt.
Thank God there are some great mothers out there doing the damn thing!!
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this
Demi these auditors are the same ones we have usually 2/yr, they are our internal auditors. If he IRS showed a badge up in here tax & treasury dept. must give up the ghost. How’s lil man?
mytwo…said in my SWATS voice. What’s up shawty? …uh-oh naw that’s, upstate accent 4 u What’s up shorty?
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this
PoppaThank you. Part of the reason I was asking is that so few cases actually make it to court. Remember the case where the hospital worker was arrested for soliciting a minor then it came out that he was HIV positive and another minor came forward and said he had sex with him and he never revealed his status? Then that other case a few weeks ago where the woman was sentenced to 3 years for spitting on someone and she was HIV positive? I makes me wonder.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this
I guess if melo’s wife picked up a cold sore from a drinking glass or something, he’d be filing for divorce. Pity. LOL
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this
@Poppa G
What about the med student from Emory or the other med professional from Decatur back in 06…I thunk to remember that both of them were charged with some type of criminal offense b/c both had pre-exising knowledge of their statuses but did not inform their respective partners or something to that effect…so just knowing and not conveying it to someone else is not classified as “intent”…do not know…just want a better understanding.
By abc
August 14, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this
“A person commits the crime of reckless endangerment if the person recklessly engages in conduct which creates a substantial risk of serious physical injury to another person. “Reckless” conduct is conduct that exhibits a culpable disregard of foreseeable consequences to others from the act or omission involved. The accused need not intentionally cause a resulting harm or know that his conduct is substantially certain to cause that result. The ultimate question is whether, under all the circumstances, the accused’s conduct was of that heedless nature that made it actually or imminently dangerous to the rights or safety of others.”
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady
That ws one of the instances I was referring to…about the med professional and the minor…his mom peeped that out or something…but the man knew and a minor to boot…the other case involved adult age partners…stil cold and wrong…almost as bad as the phelbotomist (sp?) who infected his infant son with the AIDs virus so he would not have to pay child support.
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
melo You asked the point of using protection when exclusive. If a married man, who’s pledged the highest level of commitment can dabble & test the waters, not necessarily cheat, a dude who has only a short term commitment & is out there dabbling may be more likely to slip up and bring something back to her.
Okay, was thinking you two met here. But b4, when you were single and ready to mingle at home, were you cavalier about protection? How is the STD awareness over there?
That marriage thang, indeed… Jus sayin one w/ little regard would help u waver if you allowed yourself to do so. Tho my belief is you mostly just like to entertain the thoughts. Don’t disabuse me of this notion, either!
Alvin Fallen Angel (not .02) was in the video store once and her friend liked a certain performer. Ask the cashier & dude is like u want him in guy on girl or guy on guy…WTF??? He said lotta the men in flix will do the guy-guy cuz it pays better startin out. Is nothing sacred?
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
wife picked up a cold sore from a drinking glass or something, i wld want to know hw innocent the something was/is 1st,be4 we go anywhere with that….get educated like u…….
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
abc
Health records probably are the only way to prove that an infected person knows.
It boils down to who knew what and when.
Reckless endangerment is a maybe. Solid case yes, but still a major question of why the victim didn’t protect themselves. It is a non-violent crime (unless it a rape). No one puts a gun to the victim’s head. Date rape victims have to deal with this argument quite regularly and often lose if they are acquainted with the person. Juries tend to put some of the blame on the victim. I can’t see why they wouldn’t do the same here. If you insist that protection is used everytime, and you slip and not use it once. Juries tend to see the victim as a contributor to the incident. It is scary to read case after case that follows this pattern. But, that tends to happen in cases where the people (defendant and victim) know each other.
This is something that would go to the tryer of fact..Judge (in case of Bench trial) or Jury. That is why I am taking the stand that I am. Case law seems to show time after time jury looks at the victim’s contributing behavior. So, you’ve gotta have strong evidence.
By anonymousella
August 14, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this
@mll: you use polyurethane condoms
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this
mkary’l Was not the Emory student case dismissed in court? i thought it was.
By jazzyone
August 14, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this
David Banner post beard removal could get it…just straight get IT! back to reg sched progm’in’ …
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
abc
so just knowing and not conveying it to someone else is not classified as “intent”…do not know…just want a better understanding.
Under the Model Penal Code (statute), knowing is just that knowing. It can help establish the intent, but it doesn’t get you all the way there.
I’d have to know that statute in it entirety to give a full answer. If the statute stops and knowingly then you win, but most say something about being malicious or harmful or dangerous. It is a way to connect the harm with the intent.
Just knowing something without having any desire to do anything with it may not be malicious.
abc
The problem with reckless endangerment to me is that all sex can be considered reckless. Harm can happen from sex unintentionally for anyone. Believe it or not people get phyiscial injuries from sexual act all of the time. It is always from wild acts. Where do you draw the line? Making a person where a condom is now considered common and to some extent when you don’t there is an assumption of risk element to it.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
@Cemeeli
I thought the dude got some time and was expelled from med school…maybe not…but it still was a cruel act of conscious intent to deceive…if not time here, then in Hades for his immortal soul.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
Rell I know you and 2CPTG or others have debated the whole ‘trickin ain’t trickin’ if you got it..Buullllshiddd. The song didn’t say anything about I want your mind…but repeats want your body, and need your body..anything you want as long as you give me what i need, i’ll getchu whatchu want…Careless.
By the game
August 14, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this
I was wondering about that Ared and anonymousella thanks!
HOT NEWS Deputy charged with killing wife and day laborer I knew it, his story was too far fetch. Why kill the wife and not just divorce her though….sad, very sad - 2 innocent ppl are dead.
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady no, this is a different partner. First friend always uses condoms.
Slim honestly I didn’t know what to say. He and I had talked a few times about enjoying “raw flesh” and he had explained the whole layout with the other chicks. Then he just came out with that jewel. And it was the way he said it. Just matter of fact.
Follow up: One of the chicks lives with a dude. One lives close to both of us. The other he just mentions now and then. His wife must have it because she always looks unhappy. He’s mentioned a few times that he’s put her through alot.
MLL I can’t do what 20+ years of upbringing failed to do. Those are all grown adults doing grown things they see fit. What it did for me is make it apparent how close the loophole can close up on you. There is actually one detail that I must leave out but it is riskier and more deadly than all the other stuff combined. To throw it into the loop would make the whole thing seem like a plot.
Poppa Grand Fella, you’re sitting in the best seat in the house. When you get home kiss your wife on the forehead for the blog. LOL This stuff is worse than a soap opera out here. And alot riskier.
This is a great time to be single but more importantly it is a great time to abstain. The risk is just not worth the reward anymore. (The Truth slaps the mess out of himself for uttering those words)
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this
out there dabbling may be more likely to slip up and bring something back to her i dnt knw about other folks and cultures to comment on it widely but to me when u say u exclusive ,u are as good as married,not that marrieds dnt cheat but then it means u got have more contrl over whats urs than pple who just dating..but i take ur point tho that in the greater scheme of things,the word exclusive to most dnt mean a thing as far as protection from these aillments…
ready to mingle at home, were you cavalier about protection? How is the STD awareness over there? in my growing-up days,u cld pop a pill or pills and go do ur thang, raw,those days are long gone.The stats are as bad there as over here,i can tell u that black folks and their ways are kinda the same in america and where i was born and bred,lots of common characteristics/ways/behaviors etc.The only big diff is that info and education on certain things starts here and gets there slower..but nowadays with internet,it can be istantaneous,esp in urban areas.In country/rural areas where there is less technology but more pple(surprisingly) the impact of slower info,less education etc is devastating..more hiv and aids prevalence.And the attitudes on sexx are so old school in the rural areas hence the spike,cpled with lack of health clinics and hospitals and health personnel(coz of lack of money) u can see hw the aids/hiv pandemic will affect africa more than it does western/richer cntries.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this
what can’t be cured is so dang common that there’s a good chance you’ll find someone to love your oozing, itchy, infected a## anyway.
ella - I meant to LMAO! At this earlier. And that genital herpes stat jumps to 45% for the black community. That’s a whole lot of tainted folks in our dating pool.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 14, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this
I question any guy who wants to do anal! He all of a sudden becomes highly suspect.
MLL What do you use when ur allergic to condoms? Lambskin condoms are latex free. That is what the allergy is usually to in condoms. Just be careful..they are not as sturdy as latex. So keep checking.
Slim You are right…the videos and the hip hop songs along with lame azz parents is whay girls are having sex so soon. They want the boys to like them because daddy’s lame azz is no where to be found. Mami chose a boy instead of a man to have a baby by!
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this
It is NOT always from wild acts.
I meant to say that it is not always from wild sexual acts.
You’d be surprise how often sex comes in our cases. Contracts had child support contracts (that was a GA case) Torts (Personal Injury) has many.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this
Mkaryl he was expelled. Case was dismissed for plagiarism, lying to his professors, and engaging in other unprofessional, dishonest, and unethical conduct. he was close to gettin that degree i remember
By lurker
August 14, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this
Critter Fritter is Amazonred! Everytime someone says something negitive about her a fake poster comes up behind and supports her. Stop it!
All of you, stop with the fake names!
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this
This is a great time to be single but more importantly it is a great time to abstain.
worth repeating…
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady giving Truth a hug. He’s mellowing out a smidge.
By IslandGirl
August 14, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
Good day everyone
m’karyl The guy at Emory was an actual practicing physician (not student). So he knew better, but seemed to not give a dayum. It was such a shock and shame for the Emory community.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
Quote of the day goes to:
“This is a great time to be single but more importantly it is a great time to abstain. The risk is just not worth the reward anymore.”
Disclaimer: When i come off the ‘Singles Perch’ imma have myself a BALL!
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this
Critter Fritter is Amazonred!
No, he or she is not. I have no problem posting whatever I have to say under my only moniker.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this
Slim
Have you listened to Bust it Baby by Plies? What is 50 Cents’ Candy Shop? There are songs all over the radio & don’t get started on the videos that accompany them.
When I have my nephew and/or nieces we listen to WCLK. (Clark Atlanta University’s radio station 91.9) They are jazz/gospel/caribbean all of the time.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this
MLL For some reason I’m allergic to Trojans but don’t seem to have a reaction with Magnums who are made by Trojan..so i’m not sure if they use different chemicals on those two products or what. Anybody else ever had that experience? (and lifestyles never gave me any problems either but folks ack like you said you have a bomb in your pocket if you pul one of them out)
Alvin but how do we as a community regain or get back on track with purposeful & effective pareting when most folks these days still don’t know who they are to be in a position to teach a child….
mytwodialatedpupils lotta the men in flix will do the guy-guy cuz it pays better startin out. MTV had a segment on the (p)orn industry on that show True Life, and one of the stories was of a dude who does the guy on guy but claims he isn’t gay. I just really cannot understand that phenom. Cuz i’m thinking no matter how much $$ you getting, if your slong don’t care for ding dong, then how are they able to even perform?
jazzysnazzy Mayne, I thought i was the only one who that that was the biggest mistake David Banner could’ve made. Now he got that booty face look going on. Look like someone put Magic Cream Shave on his whole face. Ewwwwww.
Truth that has got to be one of the most unimaginable postions to be in, as far as the wife goes. Hubby gave her a package and still flucking around, but you don’t leave him cuz you know your playing field is going to be slim to none if you tell a brotha you got what you got.
Be like, just an FYI i got Herpes. Is that going to be okay with you?..Dude do a roadrunner on yo arse. *ZOOOOMMMMMMM!
By Rell
August 14, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this
dayum lurker you need a job…or a hobby…we dont care about the internet space ared waste…hell she the one losing money…with all the free marketing she does on her looks, assets…etc…she should be an online millionaire by now…but what ever you are do like the rest of us and just use her silly arse for daily entertainment!!!
By the game
August 14, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this
Truth what happened to accountibilty? Some how some where we lost it.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this
My feet are freezing..it must be 62 degrees in here. I feel like i need some Thorlos on my feet.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this
PoppaLOL I thought I was the only one who ride around with the young ones in the car listening to jazz and gospel!!!
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli You tryna breach my office hour? Heavy Sigh Gonna edit this mess cuz it’s only 1/3 right but now you owe shrimp n grits.
What’s—>What
up (good job)
Shorty—>Ma
Deepen voice, throw on Tims & try again.
Flashback…Shorty I’m there for you anytime you need me. For real, girl, it’s me in your world, believe me. Nuthin make a man feel better than a woman..
Miz Mocha You gon jus wait till after Happy Hour again? Jus wanna pay a cover to get in for no reason?
By Dan
August 14, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this
As one that grew up on:
the Chi-lites, the Whispers, Lenny, the Isley Brothers, Luther, BBD, New Edition, the Gap Band, George Clinton..
The songs out today are just bad musically, not anymore oversexed than those of days gone by.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this
This is a great time to be single but more importantly it is a great time to abstain. The risk is just not worth the reward anymore.”
Well, we’ve all got get out there eventually, (if we are looking for a mate). All these issues and STDs don’t seem to be going anywhere so just be smart about it.
By the game
August 14, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this
Magnums are thrown around lightly in here. I don’t like a well endowed man. Too big is too big, I want pleasure and not having my inside streched out! There is no pleasure with well endowed men, they can’t move it around like a normal reg size man. NO MAGNUMS for me.
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this
with all the free marketing she does on her looks, assets…etc…she should be an online millionaire by now
Well Rell, if you haven’t noticed I don’t free market at all anymore since you’re always around to do it for me. Seems to be one of your daily blog concerns.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
@Cemeeli and Island Girl
Thanks, I remembered some of the details because like IG stated…he was a medical professional and he knew better…just did not care.
I knewed sumthin’ was ‘spicious bout that deputy’s story…jes did not add up when I read it…mmmm.
@SlimOne
I have a mild latex allergy myself…only seems to be a problem with bandaids and condoms…it is not severe, but it causes a reaction just the same…one doc put me on some type of meds for it…took them for a while…but since I do not have a regular need for the latex products I stopped taking the script…and yes, some brands are not as bad or are no problem at all…may be the different product content, etc…Magnums ain’t never been a problem…imagine that…lol.
By jazzyone
August 14, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this
SLIM that BOI is the hotness right now..all clean shaven and looks his age. I love it…see him in prof pics and just like DAYUM he could get it everyday and 5 times on SUNDAY!!
So dayum fine!!!
I also had that problem with the condoms allergic to mostly all of them with the exception of Magnums..maybe i was just allergic back then to little itty bitty dyks…Magnums are whats up! Then dayum Trojans will have ya a* pregnant ..they burst way too fast!!!
By IslandGirl
August 14, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this
Slim you will be surprised how much a person is willing to accept now a days. I have a close friend with the herpes and she has had some ups and downs with dating, but overall most dudes she told were not freighted. Today she has a great boyfriend. She is a good person, but got hurt/deceived by a boyfriend she dated for 5+ years in college.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
Dan You do have a point. There are a lot of kids running around behind In Between The Sheets!!! Then again there are videos now making everything so visual. You don’t have to use your imagination.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
mytwo I still go it wrong? I tried my best…now channeling west philly. Yea, you called it, cuz say —> Whad up ma?
you owe shrimp n grits.
Blog funds on low. Got’s some chips.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
i bet you think this song is about you…don’t you?
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 14, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this
I just had to share this story with you all since we are talking also about kids and this wole sex thing.
I have a friend that teaches in metro ATL, 3rd grade. A couple of years ago she had a lil girl in her class (mind you 3rd grade is about 7-8yrs old) that was getting paid by little boys to perform oral sex on them. They found out b/c said girl went home with some money asking her mom to go to the mall. Mom questions where girl gets the money and the girl wont say why she has the money. Long story short, after going to the school, they find out she is offering to perfom BJ on boys and they were paying her. These kids know and see waaaay more than we think. Mom was upset to say the least……
True story and I know there are some far worse. But sometimes its kids doing this stuff to other kids and not just adults doing this to kids.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this
I have a close friend with the herpes and she has had some ups and downs with dating, but overall most dudes she told were not freighted. thanx to this blog,Island, it teaches me stuff everyday,even when i lurk…..
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this
Cee What cha need? I got Sour cream and onion Lays and Doritos? I got some popcorn and chex mix too if you’re in the mood for something salty.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this
PoppaLOL I thought I was the only one who ride around with the young ones in the car listening to jazz and gospel!!!
No. I grew up in a time where there was grown folk business and family business. When they put on their Richard Pryor comedy albums, I had to go to bed or go outside. It wasn’t meant for me.
Kids really didn’t have any rights..lol. Privacy!!…my mom took my door of the hinges one time (really) for asking for privacy. My room had no door for one month because I told my mom that she was invading my privacy. She didn’t spank me, raise her voice or anything. She got my dad toolbox and started taking off the door. I learned then that there were differences for sure.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this
Mo nooooo…say it ain’t so! Even though i know it is! Dang! Additionaly those boys should be not only be giving a slap on the wrist for that. Whatever happen with her?
By IslandGirl
August 14, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
Mo yes, just today one of the psychiatrists told me about an investigation that is going on involving six graders having oral sex at a school in ATL. That is just crazy… what are these kids exposed too???
By i'm swiss
August 14, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this
“For some reason I’m allergic to Trojans but don’t seem to have a reaction with Magnums” — SlimOne — Um, I’m guessing that’s just a case of “mind over matter” — if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. A magnum irritating your kitty is probably a lot more palatable than, say, a little wee-wee. ;-) LOL
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this
Island Girl I am happy for your friend, everybody shld have someone to share life, love & laughter with. I just dont get why so many people still lie. Sometimes the truth makes you more comfortable than you realize. We need to keep talking about this because at some point it has to become a comfortable subject.
Tazzee To Abstain is not a bad choice.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this
Dan
*the Chi-lites, the Whispers, Lenny, the Isley Brothers, Luther, BBD, New Edition, the Gap Band, George Clinton..
The songs out today are just bad musically, not anymore oversexed than those of days gone by.*
No doubt. BBD’s song “Do Me Baby” was one of my favorites but I know what they are talking about. But they also did “When will I see you smile again?”. As New Edition they did songs like “Can you stand the Rain?” which kinda balances it it. There really needs to be more of a balance.
Freddie Jackson has Let love you tonight for Old times sake. It has always been around.
Not much balance is geting airplay.
Like I mentioned last week, Michael Baisden has a kid topic on Mondays and last week it was about the song Lollipop. 5 year olds knew what it was about.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this
PoppaG I haven’t really sat there and listened to Buss it Baby because everytime it comes on the radio i either change the station or turn the volume all the way down. For some reason it just urks the shyt outta me…but if you turned on some old Kilo, i’d be droppin it like its hot. LOLOLOLOL! I guess because i’m getting older I just tired of hearing about sex all the time, or seeing the same videos, just with different booties on them in more revealing skin suits.(bathing suits..minus well call them after sex napkins cuz you can’t too much else with that lil piece of material than to wipe up the wet spot with it) Anyhoo, I heard Plies was a real McNasty. A friend played me one of his songs and it was basically a song to his girl…I guess they were about to break up or something and he talking bout lets just fluck one mo time. lol
Dan The songs out today are just bad musically, not anymore oversexed than those of days gone by. I guess we are just more out with it and more blatant in today’s music. Music back in the day seem to have at least a little teaspoon of romance…today its Blood Raw
Past: Turn out the lights, and light a candle.
Today: Face down azz up, dats the way we like to fugg
Slim now selling NO MAGNUMS..FREE WILLY t-shirts at the discount mall
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this
Did anyone hear about aa’s not being able to order food in restaurants in china? Any truth to it?
Game was there ever really any accountibilty? Really, we’ve been off the chain for quite some time now. I think now it’s just coming to a head as th consequences get more severe.
Mo a mother finds out her daughter has been giving bj’s for cash and she’s just upset? My mother would have been kicking azz in front of everyone. I think that’s a part of the problem, we’ve all got so civilized. Days gone by you got straight bumrushed and beat down, then you got a talking to after. LOL
Slim never though of that. She has 3 kids too so thats not going to help. It’s rough out there. Did I hear you say you’re allergic to small penises but not magnums? LOL
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 14, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli the girl’s mom withdrew her daughter from that school, dont know where she is now. I can remember whe my sister was in middle school and a girl she knew got caught giving oral sex to some boy. I have mentioned b4 that my sister is a kindergarten teacher. Well she had a lil boy last year that kept telling her he had sex with some of the girls in the class. He didnt realize what he was saying (she foud out) but just the fact that he thought it was okay to say speaks volumes!
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this
mytwo the Biggie flashback got me looking for my earplugs in this joint.
Atl lady can i have all that? A sister got the munches!
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this
Ladylike trust me, I know.
SlimOne
*Past: Turn out the lights, and light a candle.
Today: Face down azz up, dats the way we like to fugg*
Ain’t that the truth. Now that I’m older, when I listen to some songs of old I’m like “ooh, they tombout doin it!”
One that really got me when I listened to the words is Here We Go by Minnie Riperton. Talk about a sexy song…
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
you owe shrimp n grits. now I know what I’m having for dinner tonight
By Rell
August 14, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
plies is killing rap…period…thats why i stay listening to my rare grooves or old school hip hop
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
I just dont get why so many people still lie.
Ladylike - I do. Do you see all the ignorance and those running scared on here? Some of these people have no problem talking about their wild sexual exploits and the stripper that gave em head at the bachelor party (or that sweet looking college coed who you met the day before). You can get all kinds of heebie jeebies doing dumb stuff like that.
But low and behold you have the conversation upfront, before engaging in sexual activity and folks wanna run away because you had a cold sore back in 1988. LOL.
It’s that stigma and the fear of rejection. That’s why they lie and that’s why we’re infecting and killing ourselves when we can prevent it.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this
ladylike&Islandgirl dnt u think that pple who are told the truth and accept it have medical issues of their own and if they dnt reciprocate in disclosing are themsleves hiding stuff….coz i just dnt understand hw a disease- free person wld willingly accept dating a person with a communicable disease simply becoz 1)they think they can protect themslevs,2) they like their honesty 3) they think most pple have it too or 4) for sme other reason i cant understand..teach me plz. I dnt for the lyfe of me see hw a disease free person will choose a diseased person over a non-diseased one.I wld take my chances and keep looking if it were me. But like my fav blog girl wld say,to each their own
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this
Sadly, it’s not the first story I’ve heard w/ the children and oral. Those in the know bout these thangs… I think I’ve heard they are able to get, maybe not maintain a real erec… but are lil boys generally able to produce secretions at that age?
Cee - Thank you, no. I’m patient. Will wait for piggy bank to be replenished.
You silly, Sexy Cool.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this
Slim
I know the difference between grown folks and songs suitable for family, though.
I listen to lyrics all of the time.
My wife didn’t realize that Lionel Richie’s “Hello” reads like a stalker song. She doesn’t know him.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this
Mooooo i’m over here trippin’. Wow. Your sisters investigation and that little guy saying that: What’s really going on?
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this
truth…the link that i read last week said that AA’s couldn’t order alcohol in beijing…if i find the link i’ll send it to you…
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this
Mo (aka Moeisha) i think its the homes these kids are cming outa of….adults do stuff at home and pay their kids no attn,the kids practice what the see and hear at school…..unlimited tv,radio and the adults drugging each other and amking and sexxing and cursing badly with kids in pain view..the kids reap u what u sowed in them…..mytwo!
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
The old schools jams talked about sexing and loving and all…semantics conveys volumes…it was more romantic…it was more appealing…less vulgar and explicit…it did not sound cheap and tawdry…well, okay…Little Richard was a bit off the chain…lol..Tooty Fruity, good booty was changed to Tooty Fruity, something Rudy…lol…but that ain’t jack compared to some of hte lyrics I here today.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
IG smh
what’s up with some men not wanting their wife to perform oral on them b/c they couldn’t imagine their wife kissing the kids with the same lips she uses on his d*zicle? I’ve heard about this one time too many.
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
Truth I’ve never heard of that. Joyce Latell (radio dj) said the only thing that was pointed out to her was beware that a lot of restaurants don’t always have running water. You ask where’s the ladies room and they don’t have one.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this
twocents…you caught that…lol…
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this
What’s wild Ared is that we all seem to know somebody who is infected with something or has been infected and many of us have these stories about meeting people who we later found out were infected, a cold sore is the least of my problem.
I’m trying to find out were I can get a medical background check on folks. LOL
Slim, Tazzee the music is done, some of these rappers are awful.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
Just thinking about the song by Jefferson Starship/Airplane…Miracles…I gotta taste of the real world (just a drop of it) when I went down on you…it was many years later before I knew what they were saying…then I said…oh yeah…sho’ nuff…lol
By mytwocents
August 14, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this
BIGGIE? BIGGIE????????? OMG it’s Tical bka Method Man. Say ten Hail Marys, transcribe every Wu-Tang member’s solo records and then try to repair the rift between us.
By IslandGirl
August 14, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this
Melo that is a good point. I don’t know the answer to that question. Everyone has their own standards in regards to what they are willing to accept, tolerate, or embrace. I’ve been guilty of accepting bull in previous relationships. It is easy to say what we would or would not do until faced with a particular situation.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this
m’karyl and rell, old school for life w/ Cee. I was listening to some Chaka Khan lastnight and thought i was at old girl’s concert.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
jazzy maybe i was just allergic back then to little itty bitty dyks Gurl you made me choke when i read that..ROTFLMAO!!!!!
Island I’m sure there are mostly good folks who just got caught up with some terrible incurable disease. I’m sorry to hear that about your friend. I too have someone i know who has a package. It’s just a dayum shame.
Mo I can attest to young girls doing grown folks thangs. It was around the same age group. The girl had a sign-up sheet for BJ for $1. When she got caught there were at least 7 boys names on the sheet. Imagine getting that call at work from the school. Tombout an arse whooping! But what is crazy is, where do they get the idea to do that unless it was in the home, right?
i’m swiss Um..LOL..I really didn’t mean for it to come off like that. I’m really not into donkey dizzicks. I haven’t had any kids yet so i’m a long way from a sex-induced hysterectomy. It’s like that old school yard story, The Three Little Bears. You don’t want the ‘chair’ that too small…you don’t want the ‘chair’ that is too big..but you want the one that is juuuuuuuussttt right.
Truth I recall the last azz whooping or should i say BEATIN i ever got. I was 16 and had the nerve to come home with a hickey on my neck. Now i swear on my life that I got that thing playing around with one of my homeboys. We were outside play fighting and next thing you know he bite/sucks on my neck as i’m in a head lock…Granted my mom didn’t believe my story no matter how much i pleaded. All i know is when i got home the next day from school my dad was there. He drove all the way from Birmingham to whoop my azz. I will never forget losing the feeling in my legs and arms. I can even say I think I went through a deep feeling of depression after that went down. But even as an adult, if you gonna do all the vampire shyt, it needs to be below the neckline and not visible to the naked eye. LOL! I hard lesson learned.
Tazz Ain’t that the truth. Now that I’m older, when I listen to some songs of old I’m like “ooh, they tombout doin it!” Girl me too…I guess the melody be sounding so smooth that you get wrapped up in how relaxed it makes you feel before you realize he tombout waxing dat azz. Barry White is a prime example.
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
truth…the story was in the atlanta voice…
(it’s the 10th story on the page….)
http://www.theatlantavoice.com/AV_news.htm#olympics
By Mo (aka Moeisha)
August 14, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this
melo-For real assistant some of the horror stories I hear from my friends that teach and my mom (who is retired now) left me appalled! Its hard to believe that people would allow their kids to be exposed to such. I mean I know you cannot protect your kids from everything outside your home, but inside the home should be a different story!
By Rell
August 14, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this
@tazze….inside my love gets me going…this right here is the ish
Two people, just meeting Barely touching each other Two spirits greeting Trying to carry it further You are one and I am another We should be one inside each other
You can see inside me Will you come inside me? Do you wanna ride inside my love? You can see inside me Will you come inside me? Do you wanna ride inside my love?
Two strangers, not strangers only lacking the knowing So willing, feeling, infinite growing
While we’re here the whole world is turning We should be one Fulfilling our yearning
You can see inside me Will you come inside me? Do you wanna ride inside my love? You can see inside me Will you come inside me? Do you wanna ride inside my love?
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this
I’m trying to find out were I can get a medical background check on folks. LOL
Ladylike, you and me both! Medical records, background check, heck with all these DL brothas I might have to get Magnum PI to tail his azz for a few months. LOL
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this
Melo I’m not saying people are going to choose, not dating someone infected wld be my choice also. But who is to say what other may choose! Don’t you think honesty opens up options on both sides, infected as well as uninfected. And wld’nt knowing and talking openly about knowing make more ppl comfortable with getting tested regularly?
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this
MLL
what’s up with some men not wanting their wife to perform oral on them b/c they couldn’t imagine their wife kissing the kids with the same lips she uses on his dzicle? I’ve heard about this one time too many.*
Its psychological phenomenon known as “Madonna-Wh**re complex”. It is more common than you think.
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this
while getting up off the floor ‘cuase mytwo has ‘slapped a trick”
mytwo i sowwy…cut a sis some slack as get up and look at the pc screen in shock…i’m tryna get the po-pos off my back.
See my Chaka Khan’s post, all kind of artists and music in my head rght now.
The Meth was cool.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this
Little Richard was a bit off the chain…lol..Tooty Fruity, good booty M’karyl was he talking bout a man or a woman’s booty? LOL
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this
Atl Lady hit that link that Cool just sent me. It says it all. WOW Thanks Cool
Slim lmao @ hard lesson. I guess the lesson wasn’t that you maybe shouldn’t be doing that at all. NAW, just hide it. LOL
By SexyCool
August 14, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
forgot to add that there are some questions surrounding the validity of these claims…if you google blacks banned from bars you will get a lot of links…
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this
Don’t you think honesty opens up options on both sides, honesty is always desirable,heck we all need info,what we do with it is our bizzness..Infected pple need niceness too…….
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this
Rell gotta hit up iTunes for that one tonight! I forgot about that one when I was getting my Minnie on - thanks for the reminder.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this
@Poppa G Its psychological phenomenon known as “Madonna-Whre complex”. It is more common than you think.
Yeah, is it…I remember when Phil Donahue did a show on that years ago…I also remember something about how the it was why in the Victorian era it was considered acceptable for a man to have a wife and a mistress…for just that reason.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this
Gothca PG so if a man asks for oral you’re not even considered wife material?
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this
I’m trying to find out were I can get a medical background check on folks. LOL
I know y’all are kidding but messing with folk medical records w/o their permission will have get you in serious, serious trouble. HIPAA is some serious stuff with strict penalties. The legal field paralegals tend to get authorization forms before getting this type of information.
Once again, I know that y’all were kidding, but it was worth getting out there.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this
“Madonna-Whre complex** expand on it Poppe….. is the dizzle that nice,mytwo can help me on this too if u dnt mind,(dnt say ask my wife) i need ur 2nd opine…coz smtimes i look at her, im like…whats up with that seriousness..and all..
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
@MLL
Hard to say with Little Richard…probably both…lol…but for song purposes, it was a woman…lol…but not for long…Whewwwww!!!
By Ladylike
August 14, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
I’m out, great conversation today.
Have a Great Evening
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this
Where is snap backa? That makes me laugh everytime i say it.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this
Gothca PG so if a man asks for oral you’re not even considered wife material?
Not necessarily true.
I personally think that it has more to do with the kids than it does the wife. Wanting the kids to think out their mother as non-sexual. (Even though, kids wouldn’t be there without sex.)
But different people have different reason that lead to it.
By SlimOne
August 14, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this
Truth LOL…doesn’t the saying go..don’t play harder, play smarter? lol Even though I’d be considered an adult, i still wouldn’t go to my moms house sporting a hickey or even a mesquito bite that may be mistaken as a hickey. It just causes me post-traumatic stress. ha ha ha
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this
melo
It can be found on wikipedia. There it would be on more layman’s terms and less medical terminology. It is some from the Freudian school of though mostly.
By m'karyl
August 14, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this
@Poppa G
Good girls don’t…bad girls do…sexual engagement with wife was strictly for procreation…not pleasure…sex with mistress was for pleasure…and far more kinky…etc…one dude on the show was totally repulsed by the idea of doign withhis wife what he die with prostitutes, etc…and he was a good christian man…lol
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this
Poppa Grand does that Madonna w******* thing have anything to do with cats going in with the woman to deliver a child, then never wanting to sleep with her again? LOL folks back in the day had this thing figured out. Women go and do womens work and dudes do dudes work. Now where all up in each others business. This isn’t working.
New blog rule. Women can only post AFTER a man has posted. Let it be written, let it be law. ( We gotta get some order back in this place)
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this
The guys with the Madonna Wh0re complex are the scary ones. Those are the married guys who get caught picking up prostitues on the other side of town. LOL
By Cemeeli
August 14, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this
M’karyl..you wrong! and right at the same time. Lol
melo & PoppaG - leave that subject alone. Just say it’s for THAT type of man to think so.
mytwo i know you laughing. zulu say share .02.
Enjoy your evening.
spin
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this
Cee I will tell you later…where is my wife who dump me 15 years ago at the “Play Ground”, Ms.Jam?
GA: Comin from the playground take it straight back to the bricks Yo Chris, tell em where it is
Chris: Chillin, cooler den a squeak, kickin dirt on my sneakers Suckers on the corner lookin down at their beepers They couldn’t get a job or a nice home So they wanna stay and wait for the pay-phone Take JoJo he’s the youngest Girls jock him cuz he’s reverse dressed ?? strollin through the neighborhood Sweatin their brother tryin to see why he’s doin good (sounds of sirens) Rollin through the park tryin to make another hit Little do they know that soldiers’ legit I’m not sayin this to put nobody down This is what I see at the playground .. ya know!
GA: Awww yeah! Another ABC smash.. gonna make ya mad! Uh come on come on everybody And guess who’s up next..kick it!
Dave: L-I-L D-A-V-E 4 feet shorty of the crew Just let me get on the mic and show u what i can do When im all alone..cold rockin on the microphone At home .. ?playin under the phone ? dis time little holme
Group: Kick it D kick it D kick it Pump it D pump it D pump it Swing it D swing it D swing it
GA: I swing my beats .. at the playground..ya know! (everybody!) Come on ya’ll! good assualt is in effect Put your hands in the air Put your hands in the air I dont wanna see nobody sittin in their chair True dat! True dat! Yo Ro you are next!
Ro: Well Im RoRo comin in third Now its about that time that I get heard And none of my rhymes will never ever be swerved Word to her play tricks on your nerves Everywhere I serve is real superb And Ill be right back with part two of this funky rhyme G
haha yeah boy!
Ro: Yo Red I dont wanna flow no more man Yall go ahead, Im just gonna sit back and listen to this ghetto swing Cuz this is what I do, at the playground..ya know what im sayin!?
Awww yeah, ABC’s gonna sing! Added to this missle.. fusion hip hop with a little ghetto swing Yo Red kick the ballistics G
Its the R to the E to the D and what u get is what you seein Straight up B boy word to Miss Kickin and flippin the rhymes for the kids man for the kids Chillin in the park, nice and smooth JoJo Mark tried to bust my groove Ahh I hate that Had a big fanny not like Annie Gave her the 24 letter and some candy..ah ah
Ay yo Red where’d you meet her? At the playground! ya know!
Ok..I guess you know by now Big smash moves Pants inside out
Mark: Into the Mizzark chillin in the pizzark I got a break cuz my mother said be home by dizzark But before I go Im gonna flow for you in time see So listen to the rhyme G The East Coast Family, Boyz To Men, ABC, BBD Now flip the tracks D My mother is mad and my brother is Red Mario Brothers .. bed Last but not least I wanna say PEACE and we outta here From the playground..ya know
By Atl Lady
August 14, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
That’s wild. Still getting discriminated against on the other side of the world. Now with Kobe’s recent past, I could understand. He don’t need to be anywhere near any bait!!! lolololol.
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
mytwocents WOW…I’ll sell my a$$ to Alicia Keys in a heartbeat…but to a dude!!
LAWD
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 14, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this
Ared I was thinking the same thing. LOL
PG yep, to each it’s own.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this
m’karyl
I know. Its just my opinion is that that it revolves around the kid more than they say. How can you say the mother of your seed is “bad girl” kind of thing.
Either way….it is a little crazy…well actually a lot crazy. But it doesn’t really register on the scale of abnormal psychology.
There are some really messed up folks out there. Thinking back to my psych class days in college and think …whoa!
By The Truth
August 14, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
Ared The guys with the Madonna Wh0re complex are the scary ones. They’re just like the chick out skinning up all the guys but when she gets married it becomes a job. They’re all scary.
Great topic WD. Be safe and get reinforced zippers folks. I’ll check back in next week.
Slim lmao @ post traumatic stress. A good azz wuppin lasts a lifetime. LOL
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this
SlimOne you got me beat about these sorry parent…I didn’t step into little Demi’s life until I was 26 and dang near turning from my old whys. Too many people just don’t give a DAYUM.
By Poppa Grande
August 14, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
Since SexyL isn’t here.
The thought of the day:
A good azz wuppin lasts a lifetime. LOL
In the words of SexyL Stay alert..Keep your eyes and ears open!!(and all that other stuff).
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
Wise Diva has abandoned us. :-(
By Tazzee
August 14, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Have a good night all!
ARed this is a busy time of the year for WiseDiva at her real job. Be patient with my girl.
By Alvin
August 14, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this
jazzy/Slim y’all try out them Magnum’s Twisters…I am tell you ladies…put one on your bullet or call me. You will be smiling
By AmazonRed
August 14, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this
I heart James Blake. Yum.
By melo-For real assistant
August 14, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this
has abandoned us. :-( She may have gone to the clinic……
By Beautiful
August 14, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this
This is a great time to be single but more importantly it is a great time to abstain
yes it is!
By NYer In GA
August 14, 2008 10:33 PM | Link to this
Knowing how deceptive and selfish people are in this society nowadays, unprotected sex is so NOT a sign of engagement or commitment.
A woman may use “I’m on the pill” as a gimmick to trick a guy into unprotected sex. As a result she may give him an STD, or have his baby, never marry him, and have him in court milking every cent out of his pockets for that child support when she is probably going to use most of the money for herself.
As for men, they might want it raw just for kicks or to make a woman have his baby and say “Yeah you’re stuck with me now.” He might say, “I won’t feel anything if I use a condom” or “I’ll pull out.” A guy tried the whole “pull out” line on me once. I told him, “Hell no. If you don’t have protection, nothing is happening.” Most guys get so caught up in the moment and don’t pull out in time! Plus, pre-cum does contain some sperm in it!
As for youngsters, they do it just to “see how it feels”. Then they goof up and here comes an unplanned pregnancy. Oops…can’t finish 9th grade like we wanted to!
I’d say don’t have unprotected sex unless you and your partner have known each other for a long time and are willing to accept the responsibilities of the results that come along with it. Plus, get yourselves checked before you do it!
I’ll take the engagement ring, thanks! If my fiance cheats on me, I can easily pawn the ring and never have to face him again. I won’t be stuck with an STD and/or his baby nor will I have to battle him in court.
By DuShawn
August 15, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
testing
By Wise Diva
August 15, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
screaming like a 3 year old with a broken toy
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November 17, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this
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By rvewdlkzy wnkfvdxz
November 17, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this
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November 17, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this
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March 27, 2009 4:26 AM | Link to this
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By qazhxn qekzod
March 27, 2009 4:27 AM | Link to this
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By qazhxn qekzod
March 27, 2009 4:28 AM | Link to this
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