By Wise Diva

August 15, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

smashing MIA blog server with a nerfball bat LOL!

TGIF everybody

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

It amazes me that as rich as the Cox family is, that for the three years I have been on this joint, the server has had more crashes than 285,75,20 and GA400 combined!

@2can You spoketh today boy, do ya thang..no comment from LL needed!

By Demi

August 15, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Naw homie…Here is is a lady like .357 magnum with “W.D.” written on the handle

Now go and do some real work on the MIA blog server.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Dayum….Finally!

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Good morning young people!

Come on in pull up a chair, sofa, love seat, crates, floor pillow or jus’ lean if you wanna. Grab you something to eat and enjoy the discussion.

Breakfast: Coffee, grits, grilled shrimp, homemade waffles, chicken wings, eggs, orange/cran juice and waters.

Enjoy a ‘Get Down’….

By QC

August 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

It’s about time 2cptg has his “BLOG DEBUT”

By Foots

August 15, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Great topic 2 Can! For the men who will have some question about what qualifies as “childish things” and “childish thought process”, can you provide some examples of childish thoughts and the behaviors which follow those thoughts?

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

LOL Yeah WiseDiva.

2CPTG I just love this topic.

I loves me a take charge man. “WOMAN…” makes my spine tingle every time. LOL

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

STANDING OVATION!!!

2can you really put it down today. Thank you. Now on to the topic. BTW, I like it when the blog doesn’t open on time - that way I’m not 100 comments behind when I finally log in ;-)

Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? Definitely his actions. I try not to judge a book by his cover, so while the uniform may give a hint to his boy/manhood I don’t make a final decision until I view the actions over time.

When I come across a man, you’re right, his stock rises. I’ve come across a few boys in men’s clothing and they make me want to put on my mother hat and try to raise them. But when I come across a man that’s taking care of his business, I can just sit back and let him lead. That was what I enjoyed most about my last relationship.

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Slim slowly walking in, in pain…Think I pulled a muscle in my back this morning closing the dryer.

Wise Diva Due to your tardiness this morning, you will be required to work all next week without pay.

Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? Sometimes it’ll come out in converstation, things they say, but more importantly by things they do.

Ex: Said MB (mama’s boy) has to pay his car insurance but chooses to buy a $300 pair of Marc Jacob shades.

By Rell (TOS)

August 15, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

YEAH FOR TOS!…and to answer your question yes i have fully accepted the things placed before me…i am big on that..and your right it is high time for men to snacth back our power….

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

standing ovation, my man…standing ovation…

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

How much do I luv this topic? LOTS! Cuz so much of the complaints I hear about us from the opposite sex just sounds like the whining of a petulant child who was pushed on the school yard years ago but carries the grudge till the 20 year reunion.

My biggest pet peeves:

By Wise Diva

August 15, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

whatever for tardy! I was here, LOL since 7:30! Pay me!!

By abc

August 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

Like a lot of things, it’s a 2 way street.

The man is to love his wife and make her genuine welfare a priority, and be discerning enough to prioritize rightly. The woman is to give her husband respect. One requires the other. Both parties can fail due to selfishness.

Men have a tendency to disregard other people’s input, though, manifesting selfishness in their woman’s eyes. Women have a tendency to offer respect very reluctantly, because it feels to them as if they’re giving up their own free will.

So, a man has to earn the respect. A woman has to recognize his efforts. 2 way street.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

On topic, I’ve put away most childish things. However, periodically me and some Ques will get together; act an azz, and try to relive our youth. Wifey, normally shakes her head and ask ”When are you all going to grow up”. Regarding Blaming females for “not respecting you,” “killing your manhood,” is garbage to me. I don’t share that view completely. When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

:)

Here’s what came up @ the Friday Wing Night after work. ..several things that make women think men are childish.

• Some can be greedy w*******.

• Sulks when getting the silent treatment.

• He doesn’t feel he has the verbal skills to joust with her so he don’t say anything.

• Gotta let most things be their idea.

By BlackIce

August 15, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Pretty Tony… I heart you! LOVE your post

By Foots

August 15, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away?

Time will tell. Usually, this is the type of man that blames everything and everyone for his situation. When faced with a problem, he can’t seem to find a way to get started solving it. He leaves everything up to the women in his life, can’t (or would rather not) make plans. Everything with him feels like he’s blowing in the wind.

I dated a man like this for a few months last year. The uncertainty cloud around him was so huge and glaring that I couldn’t see myself with him, no matter how much he “loved” me. I need someone solid who I can respect, like a stately, commanding tree, not a trembling leaf in the breeze.

Miki Howard said it best and everytime I hear it, I get chills: Ain’t nothing like a man who can take care of business… And she follows that with You know we treat each other so well. I have nothing but the best treatment for a man who can handle his business (and if need be, mine) and who treats me well.

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

oops I didn’t answer the first question.

The way I can tell is how he handles his business and how he interacts with others.

• If he has kids, is he taking care of them and doing the best he can to interact with them despite how trifling the mama may be?

• Does he have financial sense? Pay bills on time, car not worth more than his ‘home’ (renting with a benz), etc.

• What is his relationships with his family, coworkers and friends? Is he viewed as an information source, is he respected by his peers?

And of course I watch how he interacts with me. Is he comfortable correcting me and telling me when I’m wrong and can he admit when he’s wrong? Can we have intelligent conversations about world events or is he stuck on his own little world? Can he teach me something?

By Sista Gurl

August 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

I have matured and life has been kickin’ my azz. I need a REAL Man, I want a REAL Man. I ‘m so plucking tired of FAKE Azz, Wanna-b-MEN. Cause now I’m a REAL Azz Woman

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

dushawn…perhaps her arrogance is a mask for her fear…we are all imperfect…and do not always react to stress in the positive, correct or textbook manner…

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

sista gurl…for debate’s sake…and since it’s within the boundaries of today’s topic…what makes you a REAL woman?

TOS represent…lol…

By BlackIce

August 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

a boy has to loudly proclaim his manhood.

a man goes about his work as a man quietly

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

aaannd…BlackIce exhorts…Lol.

This is going to be good.

I firmly believe that every adult should have an actual wardrobe, which encompasses several aspects of life.

mytwo yea, yea, ya-yea. so why you slap me the other day when i say i wear tricks outfit? :)

By For Real

August 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

For Real now adding a new tax onto Wise’s check stub just under FICA. OTBL -$233.99

2C You on point today bruh I only have one thing to add.

MEN STOP SAYING “LET ME”!!!! MEN DO PERIOD!!! Thanks paw-paw for that one too!

By Dan

August 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

There’s a difference in a man that demands respects and one that commands it.

The process of learning and knowing the difference…is putting away childish things.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

DuShawn When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating.

I can see that happening in a situation that is getting worse by the day. I’ve been in a situation like that, where my boyfriend got laid off (he had his own place). He was continually trying to find something and if he would have run out of money, instead of crying about it and becoming further depressed, he would have bagged somebody’s groceries. Knowing that about him kept my respect for him intact. He didn’t like for me to ask about the job situation or offer to help him find something, so he basically refused my support. Something about that “input” point that abc made earlier. So once I learned that, I kept my mouth shut.

Now, if he was the type of man letting the lights get cut off around him and STILL wouldn’t take a job just to pay the bills in the meantime, yeah, I would have lost my respect for him and probably would have become that woman you describe. If there’s nothing like a man who can take care of business, there’s nothing worse than a beat down man who has found that it’s not easy to take care of business, so he stops trying.

By The Truth

August 15, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Truth, step away from the keyboard. No, you’re not posting on this topic. Let it go right now. Under no circumstances are you to post today and that’s final. Kiss my azz man. This one is to good to pass up.

2C man this is on point. High five, fist tap and forearm bash. I’m setting up a national semainar circuit and you’re the guest speaker.

Indications you may be a biatch:

1) You’ve borrowed money from your mom, sister, wife, gf, or anybody for that matter more than 3 times in the last year. And have no intentions of paying them back.

2)You’re currently living with your mom, family, or anyone else and have no intentions of leaving. And you’re over 25.

3) You’re past history is as dismal as Isaac Haye’s chances of a recovery from that stroke.

4)You’ve never enjoyed the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat. Mostly because you’ve never done anything in life.

5)The women in your life call to give you direction. REGULARLY.

6)You have frequent talks about why folks disrespect you.

7) You have plans to get something done, if you could just find someone to give you guidance.

8) Your future plans are located in a book, that’s empty.

9) Your major accomplishment in life occurred when you were in high school and had something to do with a hood rat in her moms house.

10) The number one indicator is when you look at yourself as helpless and hopeless and are comfortable with it. Then go out with your chest out like you’re the shyt.

These are just a few things that make people say “BIATCH”.

Ok, that’s it. I’m not posting anymore today UNLESS someone asks me a question directly in which case it would be impolite to not reply. LMAO

Way to bring it 2C this is the type of discussions that need to be had. When we man up things like rap music won’t rule our kids minds.

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Love your topic Nephew!

Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? First and foremost it will show in his conversation. His “uniform” is a factor in distinguishing. As I stated previously and this is very small but huge in end result—> I need to know you own a few pairs of shoes.

DuShawn…It can be emasculating. ONLY IF his woman sees him as doing nothing more than waking up, scratching his a$$ and going for the couch and remote control because he lost his job. If a woman sees that he’s trying to secure employment (we know it takes time), more than likely he’ll have her support. Yes, I realize there are some of us who will bytch for the sake of bytching, but for the most part, we will not take his “manhood” if he in turns acts like a man!

By BlackIce

August 15, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

@Cemeeli…huh?

2Can…again great job…TOS Stand Up!!!

and Diva…I see you girl!

By Sista Gurl

August 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Cool

Same daynum thang that makes most women REAL. Whateva it takes that’s what the Hay-o I am and that’s what I do for me and mines.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Let’s separate the boys from the men. Boys tear things down——>relationship, a woman, family. A man build things———->relationship, family, handles his affairs with dignity and respect.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

BlackIce I say the same thing about true leaders. A true leader doesn’t have to be a dictator, they can be as fair as they can be. People can recognize someone with a vision and make the choice to follow on their own.

The men that are like “I’m the Head, you supposed to do what I say!!” get the gas face. Men who are truly the Head wouldn’t have to 8say* it, their actions would show it, they would build the trust required for leadership quietly. People give respect to those that they have deemed worthy of it, it’s natural…all animals do it. If a man has trouble getting people to respect him, he might need to check his worthiness.

The Executive Director of our organization, people’s eyes light up when he walks into a room. You can tell that people would follow him off the side of a bridge if he said it was the thing to do. He is decent, kind, fair and a true leader. His family is very lucky.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

And you know 2CPTG while most women will say she wants that type of man not many are willing to be the “follower” of such. Because that “type” of man is going to take his place and stand his ground with or without us.

By For Real

August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

SistaGurl So what did you call yourselfhen you were dealing with those FAKE Azz, Wanna-b-MEN.”?

SexyCool perhaps her arrogance is a mask for her fear…we are all imperfect…and do not always react to stress in the positive, correct or textbook manner… So does that make her right regarding Dushawn’s post? If no, why post a defense for that behavior instead of condeming the behavior?

By Rell (TOS)

August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@cemelli

verbal skills?….why should a man have to joust with a women…why does a women have to constantly challenge a man…let me say black women…why do black women feel the need to act out…..for example lisaraye….total disrespect….who wins in the verbal joust game?

I need someone solid who I can respect, like a stately, commanding tree, not a trembling leaf in the breeze

really….i wonder how strong you are!..women are forever on what they need but dont provide anything to attract, get, or keep want they verbalize they want!

@abc …nice break down

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Foots I dated a dude who, whenever I asked him about anything pertaining to the future, he would say I don’t know I just take it one day at a time…I go with the flow..or my favorite, I’m not psychic. I also agree about the dude always looking for the chick to come up with the solution or just so used to MOM taking care of it, that he assumes You’ll end up handling whatever it is because he knows you simply can’t operate letting things fall by the wayside.

And as far as a man having respect…women arent stupid. We are good at observing what our SO’s do or dudes we date do over time. So if we are seeing slacker actions and tendencies, the respect level will reflect that. Likewise, when we see dude doing the dayum thang, making sure all is lined up…it is a definite turn on. When we have less to worry about and see our man taking good control of the reigns…in turn the BOOTY rains too. LOL!…and don’t let him be handy with his hands around the house…Hmph Hmph Hmph! We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Cause now I’m a REAL Azz Woman

You were a wh0re just yesterday or was it the day before, I can’t remember. Soooooo, you went to church on Wednesday and now you are a change woman??

Demi is calling foul on the play and sending Sista Gurl back to Charm School.

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Dushawn I understand how that behavior would be emasculating to a man when he’s down. What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point. The women I’ve known like this were usually high post up front, got wifed and didn’t act up while being appeased. Life trials came and the s#itty attitude re-emerged.

Hey Sista Gurl. I bet Church Lady has lots to share on this topic too.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Truth Bruh, i gotta go with you all day on that 11.31 post. All 10 were on point.

i knew this was gonna be good.

By Wise Diva

August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

already loving the discussion so far. Thank you Mr. 2 , I apologize for the earlier technical difficulties :(

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

First off…very good topic, 2C!

This is why a male moderator would be good. Not hating on Blanca, Bella, Laney, Mia, etc., but it takes two to make a relationship work. We see things differently because we are different and have different responsibilities. Off my soapbox.

1) *Blaming females for “not respecting you,” “killing your manhood,” is garbage to me. *

Sorry DuShawn, no one can take anything from me that I don’t let them take. Yes, I’ve been down and depressed. I’ve lost jobs, had to turn in my playbook and all of that. Heck, I’ve even had the misfortune of making a visit to a loved one only to find that they were not alive and I couldn’t do anything to help them. Yet, that is when you have to dig deepest and gut it out. I am responsible for me. I am not deflecting my wellbeing on no one else.

Rudyard Kipling’s “If” keeps me sane in those times as well as other things. If you are Greek (it sounds like you may be Que) “Invictus” is very applicable in real life. (I think that every Black Greek organization learns that thing…mind you, I am not Greek. But I have taught it to a few people. If you really internalize it, it is more than words.

2) As far as putting away childish things, I really had little choice if I wanted to be successful. I sure hated running around the lake at Clayton State during the offseason (when I was in high school) especially when the friends were partying and stuff. I’ve been the same since then. You gotta put in the time.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Leggs ONLY IF his woman sees him as doing nothing more than waking up, scratching his a$$ and going for the couch and remote control because he lost his job.

We are >>HERE<<. That’s it in a nutshell. Support is there as long as some progress is being made. There is nothing shameful about taking a temporary job to continue to provide for your family until the big opportunity comes up. What women have a problem with is what you described. And who wouldn’t have a problem with that?

Truth 6)You have frequent talks about why folks disrespect you.

We are >>HERE<< also. Just posted something to that effect. Only people who don’t command respect (as Dan so rightly put it) have to either demand it, or complain about not having it.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

There’s no need for my SO to know everything that I’m doing for me, her, or us.

My job, far as I’m concerned, is to make it look easy. You shouldn’t see the panic on my face or in my head.

All you should know is that things may not be quite right, otherwise you should have no concerns.

By For Real

August 15, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

I agree with WD Wait a minute… anyway, everyone join me in giving 2C a Terrorists Fist Bump

By BlackIce

August 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

When men/women have not put away childish things they choose unwisely. If we choose our mate wisely the valleys that are experienced in relationships wouldn’t end relationships, getting your behind kicked and other SERIOUS offenses notwithstanding.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

2C Great topic! Gold star for you buddy! LOL

Dushawn there is nothing worng with getting together with your brethern and acting an azz from time to time. When I go home to NY for Christmas my girls and I always throw a slumber party like we did as teens. I Mean we even play our music from the 90’s and some of the eighties to authenticate it. Heck we even prank called some ex’s just to really take us back! LOL

When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating. I believe a woman being soft when a man is like this is not a good thing. He will get too complacent. Now, a real man will brush it off and go out and work 3 minor jobs to make sure his household never goes without. Sometimes it takes a woman to remind him to man up. I have never heard my dad tell my mom no or he does not have it. He simply made it happen. I remember times when my dad would be gone almost the whole weekend…working. he would work 7 days straight and at 2-3 jobs before he let his household lack anything, or my mom! So I know it can be done. It just depends on that type of man you have. So no I do not accept failure or weakness in a man or anybody in my circle for that matter! Most of all..I do not accept it in myself! So my man has to be as strong as me!

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

for real…it was not a defense, but a possible explanation…and it certainly does not excuse the behaviour…i was simply pointing out that we do not respond in perfect ways to imperfect situations…

additionally, if you come home with news of having lost a job or fallen of your square or are depressed, i would hope that you would be sensible enough to choose a mate whose FIRST response is not “I knew you were a sorry sonofabytch when I met you and my daddy told me you weren’t NEVA gone be shyt.”…

in the challenges that coach and i have faced, responding in that manner is simply NOT an option…i am fully prepared to be loving and supporting (not trying to be Ms. Fix It or Ms. Problem Solver) while he regains his momentum…

however…three/four months down the road, if he is still mired in his depression or stuck on square zero…we have a problem and my reaction WON’T be the same…

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

A boy whines about his problems a man fixes his problems and knows how to separate work from personal life.

Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? by his conversation and how he view his mother and females. If he has negative view about women then he has not grown up yet and he’s still the little boy who hates girls.

By str8

August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

2… u know I had to come out and show u some luv….

Great topic! Take charge, take responsibility.

Only point I have to add (for the ladies), is that you have recognize not all leaders work the same. That means different men will “take charge” if different ways. Some will verbal, some quiet, others chest thumpers. Like Tazzee implied, you gotta learn to recognize by observing their actions, coz that’s what will differentiate a man from a boy. Just coz someone is loud, doesn’t mean they are in charge or just coz someone is quiet, doesn’t mean they are walk overs or not in charge. The uniform does not ALWAYS tell the full story… The key is what they value, which is revealed by their actions…

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

verbal skills?….

Rell i don’t know WHY a women HAS to joust with a man, maybe b/c he has said/did out of line antics, who knows. This is what was discussed with a couple of married co-workers of mine. Most married 11+ years, happy and bliss. Those points i made in my 11:13 was what they say huby is when acting childish…

By Sista Gurl

August 15, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

For Real

I was who I wanted to be or needed to be. I was whoever they wanted me to be.

Now I’m ME. Like it/Love it/Deal with it or the pluck on!!

By For Real

August 15, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

2pennies What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point.

Because women tend to change on men. My paw-paw told me to chose a woman that knows how to struggle cause the sun ain’t shinnin on yo azz everyday.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Does his actions say it If we’re lost and he refuses to ask for direction.

By Binford2K

August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

I think I’m both boy and man.

The man in me: has a house, finances that are well in order, and a healthy portfolio for the future.

The boy in me: Enjoys simple things and things that women may consider boy-ish or immature. I do dress younger than my age, but I get away with it cause I look young ;P

I frankly think that when women meet me they think I am a party boy that isn’t responsible with his life. But it is just that I want to laugh and find humor in life - and only be serious when it really calls for it. Humor and laughing keeps me young! Being all stuffy and “mature” is for someone else.

Now where’s that silly string!

By Demi

August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point.

mytwocents Good question…He problely never put that woman to test…Or he has not been through any real trials in life himself. REAL recognize REAL. I can spot a woman who has been through hell and back…and survive, miles away.

Demigod has that same walk his DAYUMMUGGAFGGINSELF

By For Real

August 15, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

SexyCool however…three/four months down the road, if he is still mired in his depression or stuck on square zero…we have a problem and my reaction WON’T be the same…

Dayummmm you know this job market fugged up. Oh but does that apply to you too?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

So my man has to be as strong as me Staceye you nailed it on the head!

By Rell (TOS)

August 15, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

in turn the BOOTY rains too. LOL!…and don’t let him be handy with his hands around the house…Hmph Hmph Hmph! We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc.

LMAO……really, looking out the kitchen window and your doing what in the kitchen….lol….i cant remember the last time i seen that scene…yes i do…in a movie…in real life a brother is tending to the yard and the lady is gone shopping/getting nails done/hair/wax…etc….lol….modern women want an old school dude but keep there new school ways….come on now lets keep the convo rooted in the real and not in the make believe…..LMAO..looking out the kitchen window..in the internet age…lol

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

for real…of course, i’m speaking hypothetically…sh!t is cool at my house…

so…hypothetically speaking…in three/four months…if he hasn’t found the job that he WANTS…he d@mn show (as my grandma would say) better be working a job doing SOMETHING, even if he’s just covering the groceries…you don’t work, you don’t eat…

and yes…it goes for me too…in three/four months…i better be doing SOMETHING…cashiering, cleaning houses, nannying, washing cars, spinning around the pole (i kid, i kid), out on the stroll (more kidding)…but i better be doing SOMETHING…

By Foots

August 15, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

This has been a great conversation so far, as the majority of the men are coming from a position of responsibility and strength. That’s quite sexy.

Big Poppa Yet, that is when you have to dig deepest and gut it out. I am responsible for me. I am not deflecting my wellbeing on no one else.

Your wife is very lucky too. Some men don’t seem to operate like this anymore, taking responsibility and taking charge. Instead, you hear whining about what somebody else did or didn’t do. Whining ain’t never sexy in a man. I suppose that’s the reason for this timely topic.

For Real Dayummmm you know this job market fugged up. Oh but does that apply to you too?

Yes it would, especially if I was the head of the household with the full responsibility on my shoulders of taking care of said household, instead of the man.

Staceye My father was a hardworking man and still is. He came more into that after my parents divorced, now he’s retired and still working three jobs. I respect that about him.

One thing that I could never respect about him was that he could do anything for us simply because it needed to be done. If I told him I needed new shoes as a child, his response was “Well, what ya momma doin?” It was always about her, as if he couldn’t do anything more for his children than my mother did. He wanted to follow her lead.

It reminds me of what I hear on the blog. Each time a woman articulates what she needs or would like in a man, some dude will ask “So what you doing?” Instead of owning the request and taking responsibility as the HEAD for fulfulling it, as 2CPTG said Some men are still shirking their responsibilities, and deflecting blame on the ladies. They still want to follow when they are supposed to lead.

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Cee Didn’t u keep sayin’ I was likely to slap a… thought you’s volunteerin. I support that outfit, hi five. Jus sayin, you can and should have cheerleader, corporate, car wash, soccer mom clothes to dress the one woman. Reminds me bout Madonna…melo what did you want my thoughts on?

Staceye did not just say prank calls. I’m so done!

I understand changing, For Real, but that requires a complete chameleon.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli “He doesn’t feel he has the verbal skills to joust with her so he don’t say anything.” Silence can often be the most effective weapon in a verbal joust….with a female. I’ve learned to agree with what they say and then go do whatever the hell you want. Staceye ”Sometimes it takes a woman to remind him to man up.” I agree with that, but real men don’t have to be reminded of what they should be doing. It smacks them in the face when they wake up in the morning and haunts them in their sleep. Sometimes, just like boy, a grown man needs a hug. It’s crucial out here.

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

Dan I love that 11:44

SexyCool “you don’t work, you don’t eat” - straight from the bible…

Rell damn man, you had to mess up a good flow with your 12:04. Believe it or not, I may not cook regularly but a man makes me wanna get in the kitchen - so don’t get it twisted, that’s my real world. Your real world may have the woman at the mall while you’re working hard…and if that’s the case, I have to revert back to my fave saying you picked her

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

I think some folks are getting it twisted about what 2CAN is relaying, based on reading Binford2K last post.

All men have some boy in them and all women have some girl in them, it is just a reality of life, but what we are saying here is that when you have 90 percent BOY in you and 10 man, we have a problem!

BOYS represent to majority of cat’s in Atlanta and other cities. If you don’t understand, please re-read Truths 11:31 post. I think he hit the nail on its head.

MEN Do not lead women on, they tell them the truth upfront!

MEN handle they biz..always!

MEN have careers not jobs!

MEN don’t drop their women off, then keep their cars for the day, unless there is work that needs to be done on that car, which they pay for, not the woman!

MEN take care of any and all kids they have!

MEN are proactive instead of reactive!

MEN open doors for women and pull chairs out for women!

MEN only borrow money from women, when it is that last alternative, not the first and most of all, they pay it back with interest!

MEN don’t move into chicks crib, unless they are relocating from out of state and even with that, there should be a plan to eventually buy their own home, with marriage somewhere in the mix.

Just a few thoughts from a MAN not a BOY!

By Atl Lady

August 15, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Can The Church Say Amen!!!! This is an excellent topic today and ya’ll brought it!!Truth Can I have your autograph??? I believe you’ve found another calling and I want in now on the ground floor. LOL I’ll get with you later on how we can print this up as a newsletter and distribute it. :-) Talk about letters to a brother.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Rell ….i cant remember the last time i seen that scene…yes i do…in a movie…in real life a brother is tending to the yard and the lady is gone shopping/getting nails done/hair/wax…

Nah, that might be just YOUR life.

If a man has the problems you’ve described instead of having a woman who is as dedicated to building a good life through hard work as he is, he found the wrong woman. He should have better qualifications for the women he chooses.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Some of the blame should be put on mothers who don’t allow their boys to develop into a man by calling them names like “my baby” my “boo” and other sissy names. Some mothers act as if they are their son’s woman. Words produce action and if a mother is constantly referring to her grown son as my baby there’s a problem.

I dated a guy who was a #1 mama’s boy, his mother was at his house more than I was, she cooked, cleaned, shopped for him, this woman did everything for him. I”m all for being close to mamma but somethings are just unnatural. We didn’t last long since I felt that the mom was used to doing things for him. I told him it will be hard for a woman to step into his life since he already has a woman in his life HIS MAMA!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

rell how is Lisa-Raye acting in disrespect. He was the one who cheated and did all the dirt. If anybody was disrepectful in that situation it was Mr. Missick himself. Once you do something worth losing my respect…it open season! LOL

why does a women have to constantly challenge a man if she fees he is dead wrong…she should. His way is not always right or what is best for the family. A lot of time a man makes ego driven decisions while women make the emotional ones. Sometimes neither of them are completely right..but but discussing both views..the best options maybe a combo of both. But if the woman is a mindless spinelees twit who does not say what she feels…she is not a real woman! A real woman will not allow herself to led down the wrong path when she knows in her heart and mind that it is wrong! Now a man who takes this I am man so what I say goes attitude is not a real man because he feels he has to over act his manhood. A real man knows that both partners she lead where their strength lies. My dad never sits down and pays bills, however he makes money it’s in his account and my mom has all his account info. She pays the bills. All he has to do it work, never worrying if the light bill was paid. That is not his strength. My mom is budget queen..she can make the better financial decisions. My dad is more of a man because he accepts his weakness and knows that my mom is better in that area.

I would respect a man who has a college degree that would work at McDonald’s while he searches for job in field more so than the dude who would rather do without because he “ego & Pride” is in the way! A real man…is a do-er not a dreamer! Though he may dream…he actively pursues it!

By C tha 1

August 15, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Like everyone else 2Can I’m really feeling your topic today. However, my response requires me to be transparent, as I am a flawed man. I’ve experienced victories and defeats in my professional and personal life. Have I put away childish things?Certainly. I’m I accepting the responsibility placed upon me? If you mean being a self reliant person then yes. Ultimately, I think the question that needs to be asked is as follows: What is the true measure of a man?

I’ve read a few comments about you shouldn’t be living with your moms past 25 years old… Well that’s a given. I’ve also read where women are paying attention to a man’s wardrobe … how many shoes and blazers does he have in his closet. O.K., I like to believe the Sprite commericial that says Image is nothing, Thirst is everything because in my heart I believe this to be true. However, the reality is that Image is everything … but it is also very misleading, its only skin deep or fabric deep for that matter.

For instance, I have a very accomplished lady friend who was recently engaged to an equally successful dude. He had all the trappings of success that a professional football player brings. Made enough money to the point material things were not a concern. Every person strives to get to that level. But ole girl calls the wedding off. Why you ask? Well the man who had his money right, wardrobe together, affairs in order, and all his ducks in a row was very confused about one essential quality that every person should be aware of … his sexual orientation.

Now she won’t reveal the fashion in which she found out about brotha man’s switch hitting ways, obviously its a traumatic experience. But the point I’m trying to make is that when you measure one man against another, you have to know all the facts details about each person.

We’re all on a journey, rat race, or whatever you want to call it. But everyone doesn’t run on the same track. Some men achieve sucess the straight up honest way, others achieve it by hook or crook and deal with the consequences. That’s all for now. Sorry for the long post.

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Foots

Your wife is very lucky too.

Well, thanks. I learned from my pops. I am lucky. I grew up in a 2 parent household. I saw how my dad ran things. He was no-nonsense with me. His standard lines to me were “No one cares how you feel, get it done.” or **with age comes, responsibility. I recognize the importance of simple things like chores as a kid. I ride my nephews azz like there is no tomorrow trying to teach him the same.

I hated it then, but as I’ve grown, I’ve appreciated it more each day.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

I’ve learned to agree with what they say and then go do whatever the hell you want.

That EXACLTY what the women said their hubby did. And the same reason why 99.9% of them were out with me that night…

mytwo keep coaching i know, u know i really didn’t need Imma be more ways tied when i complete all the wadrobe change. very willing Ah, can you help me get this zipped up? :)

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Foots Yes it would, especially if I was the head of the household with the full responsibility on my shoulders of taking care of said household, instead of the man.

Please clarify. Does that mean if you make a higher salary, you’d consider yourself the head? If I am not going to remain single, I am not going to be the head.

By myword

August 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

Good lord I’m glad I’m gay.

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc. i do exactly that at my house Slim and thats why,with three females in the house, i dnt tch the laundry,nor do no folding etc,the only cooking i do is take the grill out on sat or sunday while they make the fufu,rice or gravy inside, i dnt do no sweeping in da hse,nor dishes. When the grass is to be cut, i just do it,when sme breaks up in the hse, i fix it or get a techn to do it,i take out the trash and clean the yard,the brushes,the pressure washing,when the lights need to be replaced and i cant reach it,i borrow a ladder from home depot and do it, when the kids need shoes and its time to go back to school,the momney is in tha bank,uall head out to the mall(thats ur hobby anyway) and get those kids squared….. The one thing i notice tho is,if a guy lost a job etc and is still trying to figure stuff,females are hard on the men(i have personal expnce),let her lose her job thru a layoff,she will be in bed sleeping, with high blood pressure,sulking about it(i agree with Dushawn),thats a dble standard females have.But as for me,2001/02 taught me a lesson about recession etc,thats why i got me this truck..i am good with my brain as well as with handy work so i will put my truck to work,no prblem…. But once i get that big yard all cut up and clean slim,pleeeeeeeese have my plate and glass of water ready,brother needs to replace sme bodily fluids!

By Foots

August 15, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

LL Kudos for that list! You and Truth are killing with your lists today. It’s great hearing from men who see themselves as the head, not the tail.

Staceye I would respect a man who has a college degree that would work at McDonald’s while he searches for job in field more so than the dude who would rather do without because he “ego & Pride” is in the way!

You right about it! And for dudes that disagree that women actually can feel that way, they’ve learned a little about the differences between WOMEN and GIRLS.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 15, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All,

Nice topic 2C finally a topic the men can sink their teeth into. I agree with alot of the comments listed above. So I am not going to back up and go over them high fives all around. As for the subtopic why do black women “jaw” with men. Can I ask why this is thought as an exclusive habit to just black women? I know many a vocal white, hispanic, and asian women (I work with them) and they are quite vocal when the need arises.

By m'karyl

August 15, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

Well, I have been a lot of reflective thinking lately…turning 48 and all this year…and when it comes to how I view a men…it is all about how he presents his character…I go back to the same source I have always used…my father and male elders in my upbringing…these were some powerful, strong, vital and moral men…diverse, dynamic, proactive…real men, black men, in a world that persecuted them by default…I looked online at the newsletter from my home church…and there they were…the elders much older…my brother peers stepping into place…the sons and grandsons being prepared by the elders and fathers to lead…and I thought, yes this world is full of beautiful, wonderful, worthy black men…and Pilgrim Baptist Church rules in their numbers…so, for me it is all about the character of the man and how that character will mature and remain steadfast over time…a tree grows by its roots, not its leaves.

By Wise_0726aa

August 15, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

beaming with pride over our outstanding blog discussion AND trying to figure out where the deuce my red coded name went

reaching for nerfbat

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

Rell modern women want an old school dude but keep there new school ways….come on now lets keep the convo rooted in the real and not in the make believe… I can’t speak for anyone else, i can only speak for me…I love getting up on Saturday morning, blasting the radio, open up all the blinds and get my clean up on. If i’m looking out the window, i’m either washing dishes or making a nice pitcher of his favorite KOOL-AID. Be like babe, i saw you out in this heat, figured i’d bring you something to drink before I go get my eyebrows waxed. lol

By Foots

August 15, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

mytwo Please clarify. Does that mean if you make a higher salary, you’d consider yourself the head?

For Real’s question was that if women expected the Head of Household man to get up and hit the pavement looking for a job if he got laid off, would that go for women too. As the Head, you have responsiblities for the household, regarding of who makes the most money. So the point was that yes, the one with the responsibility on their shoulders for the household should break their neck to continue trying to provide that household. If my man gave me that responsibility over him, then sure I would.

The benefit of submitting to a Head is that the final responsibility is not on you, but on the Head. And it doesn’t have anything to do with finances.

By jazzyone

August 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

UMMMM 2Can I bow to thee…great post, great topic, great look!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

melo I haven’t had fufu in years.

By Just Me

August 15, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Great Topic

Take a Bow 2 Can Play That Game Bravo!!!! A topic worthy of coming out of lurking to participate

I love a man that can take care of business. A man that knows what to do, how to maintain a household.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

@Foots Thanks, but chicks need to adjust their bra straps as well!

Women allow cats to be soft, PUNKS or WHIMPS, therefore cat’s will not pull their weight, because y’all don’t require a MAN to be a MAN and truth be said, y’all really don’t want a MAN because it will cause many of y’all to look in the mirror at ya dayum selves!

Getting a BOY for the time being is the safe route, until many chicks get they act together!

Now, I am not talking directly to you, but after reading and commenting on this blog for three years, it is apparent that most of the women commenting on here are so used to dealing with BOYS that they do not honestly know what a MAN looks like, let alone being with one!

We have a sad state here today and this is the reason so many GOOD MEN are not recognized, because of the BOYS most women CHOOSE to deal with.

Throw darts at me, but many women have raised BOYS not MEN and I know a lot of it has to do with the absence of fathers,but I still don’t buy into the notion to that if a chick checked every cat she met, who was not right, BOYS would be forced to change into MEN.

I tell chicks raising sons, that they are raising someone future husband all the time, so don’t be soft on that rugrat!

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

i will flip the topic a lil and say that females have a problem in that there are always trying to measure themslves against the Jones and thereby putting pressure on the men.Some females are not grounded in who they are or their own goals,they put pressure on hubby to do this or that coz so and so is doing it.This is unnecesary in my view.It takes a strong man to make the woman focus on whats good for them as a fam and not just go with what others are doing.This is where leadership comes in.But if the woman is of a diff mentality,they are on their seperate ways henceforth.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

@ M’karyl a tree grows by its roots, not its leaves. AMEN sistha AMEN!!

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

The benefit of submitting to a Head is that the final responsibility is not on you, but on the Head. And it doesn’t have anything to do with finances.

That is exactly right. It ain’t necessarily a fun job. Finances are only one part of it.

My house is kinda organized like a business. I am the CEO and she is the CFO. She has input, but sometimes I have to make an executive decision. She isn’t always happy with it, but she trusts me.

Her being “CFO” is a sign of trust from me to her. However, as CEO, I do review all bank statements, and it is done for our protection. Two pairs of eyes are better than one. We’ve caught fraudulent charges, thanks to having two pairs of eyes review the docs.

Darn, Castleberry Inn employee getting our debit card number from an employee at Paschal’s and paying her cellphone bill with it. She is now a guest of the state..that’s another story for another day.

I had to get from “me to a we” mentality to make this thing work.

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

MLL lemme knw when u free on a weekend and ill invite u over for meal……

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

melo I can respect your 12:27…i’m glad you shared so we can get another side view of you. Even though many of us have moved and/or changed with the times, I believe the core values/ideas are still there. I grew up in a household where my mom maintained a job as well as tended to most of the household chores. At the same time, we were made to so the shyt outside too, so i know the importance of good hard work…maining the fields so-to-speak. I definitely hated it when I was young but at the same time it taught me appreciation of things. It taught me the importance of hardwork as well as not just assuming I’m owed something.

So Rell, this is a reality. May not be YOUR reality. Plus if you meet chicks on a Saturday in the parking lot going into the nail shop…you can’t fault nobody but yourself cuz that’s where you met the chick. You all are attracted to the outside but you have to also keep in mind, all the shyt the chicks have to do to look that way. Cuz last time I checked, we shole don’t wake up looking like that lol

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

LL what do you do about the illusion of being a man as someone who is into hip hop or wears certian clothing and walk and speak particular? Society as taught men that that’s a step into man hood by their appearance. Boys are teased b/c they are smart they’re labled sissy or f*. Boys get picked on if they are too nice.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

*But it is just that I want to laugh and find humor in life - and only be serious when it really calls for it. *

Binford2K Mostly immature women think that way bruh…just keep running from the weak

So my man has to be as strong as me

MLL/Ms.Eyes You will never be as strong as a real man…A man is suppose to be your strength/rock…together as strong man and woman…I am that towering oak tree and you are my roots that keep me firm in the mist of the storm…we can survive anything. Thought I am the head Captain of this ship, I still a need a Dayum good navigator/Co-Captain as I pilot our Mega Yacht…”P.S.: To The Hell With What Y’all Think!!”…Through these troubling times.

This is the most dumbest shyt I’ve ever posted.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Staceye when was the last time you dated a dude that worked at McDonalds. Do you realize how much pride would have to be sacrificed to make the transition from suits to fast-food uniforms? Slow money is better than no money…..but hell naw. No offense, but that contribution will do little to bring a mortgage out of default. That’s not an option for men with big bills. Most men I know that are going through what I described previously, need a lick and they need it quick. Typically at this point, the man’s self esteem has already plummeted. Now you want him to further humiliate himself by working on fries. disclaimer: I got respect for every man doing what he has to do to keep his family fed

By Foots

August 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

LL I agree with you. Goes back to the earlier comment about some mothers trying to let their sons be the man in their lives. Some men do grow up soft because of it. I had a neighbor who ran her son’s bathwater, even when dude came home from college. I don’t know what type of man he’s become, but I do know that he’s married with his own family. Hopefully, he didn’t expect his wife to step into his mama’s shoes.

As the Bible says, when you become a man, you put away childish things. Even if a man has been allowed to be a child for an extended period of time, isn’t it possible for him to reach inside himself to determine “Hey, this isn’t the type of man I desire to be” and do something to grow up?, putting away his childish things on his own? Or does he still need guidance on how to be a man at that point, going back to one of Truth’s definition of a boy: 7) You have plans to get something done, if you could just find someone to give you guidance.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

Thanks for the invite melo but my weekends won’t be free until the economy gets better….

By Wise Diva

August 15, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Demi, are you alright? still grumbling at my red-less name

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

Big Poppa My house is kinda organized like a business. I am the CEO and she is the CFO. She has input, but sometimes I have to make an executive decision. She isn’t always happy with it, but she trusts me.

That’s almost how I would describe how I want my future household to run, he’s the CEO, in charge of long-range goals and vision and final decision-making, I’m the COO and CFO, in charge of day to day operations, providing input and data so that the final decision is an informed one. It was great to hear my SO describe what he wanted for his household in exactly that way, before I had a chance to say it myself.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

calm down Alvin/Demi I can’t speak for Staceye but I wasn’t talking bout physical strength I was referring to mental and emotional.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Rell really….i wonder how strong you are!..

Hey, I think Demi just answered your question with a gem: You will never be as strong as a real man…A man is suppose to be your strength/rock…together as strong man and woman.

So, to paraphrase, I’m strong, but not as strong as he should be.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Demi You better say that! …can i cold stamp.

I am that towering oak tree and you are my roots that keep me firm in the mist of the storm…we can survive anything. Thought I am the head Captain of this ship, I still a need a Dayum good navigator/Co-Captain as I pilot our Mega Yacht.

By Beautiful

August 15, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

what’s up ladies?

MLB lookin’ good! where’s blatino?

topic smack on 2C’s booty for a job well done. the way i spot a boy in man’s clothing is watching him from across the room before we actually meet. works every single time!

By Just Me

August 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

As black women we can be loud, demanding and put a lot of neccessary and unneccessary pressure on a man. Usually that’s because we don’t feel safe and secure with you.

When a man feels like he has our respect and unconditional support he walks with certain “pep/confidence.”

Lending our unconditional support sometimes is not easy when things just don’t add up or make sense. This is when you have to “watch and pray for him/us.”

And men when we feel secure and safe we relax cause we know you got us. But until we feel that we gon’ be trying to control, be in the mix and doing all kinda antics.

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

DuShawn

Do you realize how much pride would have to be sacrificed to make the transition from suits to fast-food uniforms?

Man…I’ve been there and done it. I went from an NFL practice squad (Cincy Bengals) to a freaking Burger King manager for a short period while trying to get another gig.

So, I know it hurts like hell, but it can be done.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

@MLL Its like this…

If you are over 30, a grown azz man should dress like a grown azz man period!

I love hip-hop, but at almost 40, I have no desire to dress like I am 21!

I see cat’s over 30 going crazy over some “J’s” or Jordan tennis shoes, etc. and I saying to myself..fool invest in a nice pair of Kenneth Cole’s or a nice dress shoe vs. spending a buck fifty or two bills on some dayum tennis shoes!

In reality, many cat’s over 30 don’t own 4 suits, that is sad! If the majority of your closet is sports gear, esp. over 30, we got a problem!

We don’t speak, act, dress or conduct ourselves like grown men and wonder why other races don’t respect us!

We think it is kewl to be ignorant, make babies and not take care of them, buy some dayum $10,000 dollar wheels or an expensive car, spend money we don’t have.

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

You’re only as strong as your weakess teammate right? So, it has to be a team effort…step in to aid in the other person’s weakess areas. Just have to find your compliment..but what do i know, All i have is this weird backpack I found with a football sock, masking tape, and a shoe string in it.

By Jazzy

August 15, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this

I am dating a MOMMA’s boy. and i am not a happy camper. We caters to her and not the relationship. He is into me cating to him and don’t care how i feel. he gives her money and let me ask the dont have it.

By aqualung

August 15, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

I’m old and tired. I’ll just stick with the one I’ve got.

He’s a man. He owns real estate and a car. He’s a medical doctor. He’s old and ready to settle down. He insists on red meat at least once a week. He buys ridiculous lingerie for me. He resolves conflict without yelling or being catty. He expects my apartment and car and person to be cleaner than his — always. Babies like him.

He’s childlike. He plays video games involving Lego men. He wants to ride every roller coaster at the amusement park using the flash pass. He repeats his laundry mistakes. Babies like him.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

Poppa I commend you, but for me, I’d choose another route.

By Just Me

August 15, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

I agree with what a lot of the ladies have already said…to tell the difference between a BOY and MAN is to watch him. See how he carries himself, how he deals with the vicissitudes of life and how he deals and handles himself around others. Discern what is BOYISH and what is MAN-LIKE.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

LL and Truth(on your good days, recently you’ve been doing a good job) Are you active in your community reaching out to young boys to lead them into being productive men or are you holding all this knowledge to yourselfs? You sound good on paper but really are you guiding any young boy with your words?

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

Jazzy For you to remain with him, he must be meeting your needs in some way. Otherwise, because you’re dating and not married, you’d be gone. What are your reasons for staying?

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

@Foots You made some great points I agree with and unfortunately women are angry with BOYS that they date, when the reality is that you all are the reason that many BOYS are the way they are!

Most BOYS cannot undertand what they are doing wrong, because they have been doing it wrong they whole life!

If you grow up with women taking care of you, then you don’t see anything wrong with a woman taking care of you in your adult life!

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

Cee Yeah and you already know —I put on for the lurkers… And re the men who just hush, avoidance never equals resolution.

Foots I took it as a question about general job loss in the questionable economy, So while we’re agreed on what a HOH is and should be… just disagree that it’s a role I can ever usurp in a marriage. So was wondering on what basis could the responsibility be transferred, as you referenced. Even with stating if he gave it to you over him… like on a temporary basis? Still doesn’t compute.

C tha Ever know a woman who dressed strictly turtlenecks? Strictly hoochie? Strictly sweats? Just saying, rarely are our lives or personalities one dimensional. Neither should our closets be. (Or music collections.) And when I come across those, have found that their thinking is often closed in the same way.

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

DuShawn

That was point when I understood what my dad said “No One care how you feel, just get it done.”’ Life doesn’t stop because you are sad. World keeps spinning with or without you.

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Personally, I don’t know any men that behave like boys. The fellas in my extremely small circle are either doing well or trying their hardest to do better. My crew is a little older. We no longer have the luxury of making childish decisions.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

What up yoll…

Cee Me He doesn’t feel he has the verbal skills to joust with her so he don’t say anything.

Naah slim… not that I can’t keep up, but I’m not about to argue a point that you’ll never get b/c you’re just trying to make your point. If there is no real convo, silence while flipping the remote is what I might end up doing; and if you get to nagging, I might figure it a good time to roll out and practice my riding skills.

Foots Usually, this is the type of man that blames everything and everyone for his situation.

It would be cool with me if dudes saved this type of talk for their women but believe me, dudes get to whining when it’s just fellas sitting around shooting the breeze too. I only can take it for a few before I start telling cats to stop all’at whining and complaining and adapt to the game or get rolled da fugg up. I hate them woe-is-me type clowns…

The men that are like “I’m the Head, you supposed to do what I say!!” get the gas face. Men who are truly the Head wouldn’t have to 8say it, their actions would show it, they would build the trust required for leadership quietly. People give respect to those that they have deemed worthy of it, it’s natural…all animals do it. If a man has trouble getting people to respect him, he might need to check his worthiness.*

… Now thanking my supporters for the “Man Of The Year” nomination. LOL

And BTW, that’s called “Informal Leadership”; some have it, some don’t.

Demi You were a wh0re just yesterday or was it the day before, I can’t remember. Soooooo, you went to church on Wednesday and now you are a change woman??

I was wondering and thinking the same thing; but decided to take the high road and just say that the world doesn’t keep time by the Sista Gurl Clock.

LL Your “Men Do/Don’t… List” was on point but let me throw some hot sauce on this one right here —-> MEN don’t move into chicks crib, EVA!

Jazzy UMMMM 2Can I bow to thee…

And make sure you turn over here and give Pharoah Blue his due.

2 It’s good to know that I can sit in the dugout and rest my arm; knowing that there’s another ace on the mound throwing strikes.

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

What’s up Blog Fam?! Fantastic topic, 2Can! I am so agreeing with most of the posts. What I can’t stand is when you are discussing a topic such as this one, and some guys have to throw out the “well, women do it too…, women need to ….”, in other words, again being a BOY and not taking ownership of being a MAN, putting the blame on women! Very elementary school. Equally unattractive in reverse, when ladies do it too, though. For example I had to speak to one of my employees about something she was doing wrong. Instead of just taking ownership and correcting it, she said “okay, but other people have done it that way too”! I had to restrain myself from completely going off on this 35 year old so-called woman!

LL - I totally agree about the MAN dress code! My dad was a professional and he raised my brothers to always have at the very least 1 or 2 good suits, and a navy sport coat/blazer! I went out with this guy briefly that was 40 years old and did not own a suit. He worked in IT and wore khakis and polos to work, but when my brother got married, he did not have even a blazer to wear to the formal wedding! This might sound superficial, but it speaks to me of how you present yourself to the world as a man. It’s a time & place for everything! My SO looks good in his jeans and black T, but when it’s time to take care of business, he knows how to look the part too. What you wear can command respect, or allow others to not take you seriously.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Wise_0726aa and the Ladies forget that post…I don’t know where in the world that post came from.*

No lie…Demigod, Alvin, me are clueless about where those train of thoughts come from…Could this be a birth of a new blog personality?

I hope not, because I would look myself in the mirror sideways.

So don’t expect any intelligent thoughts from me for the rest of the day

Even the Demigod in me is getting nervous.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

LL The blame for why a man is really still a boy can go round in circles, but people can grow up if they want to. There has to be a time when the person takes responsibility for himself. When Paul was talking about putting away childish things, he did not say that his mama made him or some woman made him, he just said that when it was time, he did it. He didn’t credit anyone with galvanizing him to that action.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

A few responses to various posts:

IMO a Man will not be emasculated. He owns his spheres and no one can take them from him. No matter what situation he may find himself in.

Being a man has nothing to do with the style of clothing you wear. Nor the type of job you have. It has to do with how you handle your business. Being responsible.

It has nothing do with whether or not he likes to play video games or go to amusement parks. But a man knows when it time to play and when it’s time to come straight.

By Ricecakes

August 15, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

My husband is a “mama’s boy”. He actually admitted it years ago after coming back from a church retreat. However, he still is! Shamely enough, his mother (even today) wouldn’t have it any other way. She is lonely and miserable. If there is any lady out there that see the signs of (your man still living at home in his 20’s, every time you look around he’s at momma’s house, every time she calls he goes running, he can’t go a day without talking to her) I could go on and on. I TELL YOU NOW, RUN, RUN LIKE HELL! Do not marry this type of guy because it will only get worse and not better. Momma raised him and the wife should be number one in his life and momma should be able to accept this change. This has been a thorn in my marriage and still is to-date. It’s a miserable situation.

By For Real

August 15, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Fellas while we are talking about men being men lets not forget there are different types of men. Just because I don’t do it the way you do it doesn’t mean I’m not a man and ladies don’t confuse the way your dad took care of you as his child with the way your man will take care of you as a woman.

By Rell (TOS)

August 15, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

LOL..TYPICAL RESPONSES…I never knew so many outstanding flawless women were here on this blog

i understand that women are

-emotional and moody….thats not going to change..but according to some of you…thats does not happen

-women are weaker than men….according to some of you the reverse is happening when you meet men…you are the stronger one..word

i am happy to know that there does exist that creature called the perfect women - thanks ladies (foots/slim)

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

@MLL If you have been reading me from any period of time, you know my story!

Long story short..ex-drug dealer,etc. from Bankhead all before I was 18. Should have been dead by 18.

Had a mentor who believed in me and got me into GA Tech at 21, with a lot of resistance from me. Went on to graduate with a IT degree, Masters and Ph.D by the time I was in my early 30’s, now I am a VP of IT for a major company.

I have been a mentor to at risk kids for 10 plus years and I also have two boys who are not my biological kids that I financially support.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

Kim she said “okay, but other people have done it that way too”! I had to restrain myself from completely going off on this 35 year old so-called woman!

What Miss Jenkins said was, “Ok Ms. Kim Kim, I’ve got that handled. But before you come fuggin’ with me on this same issue the next time, make sure you walk over to the White Boy’s/Girl’s desk, and tell them too!”

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

thanks for the kudos…..been outta pocket all morning….so lemme catch up….

By Beautiful

August 15, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

mama’s boy their the WORST!

my co-worker is married with a new 1 yr old baby and i saw her give her cell number away yesterday. i just don’t get it! i don’t understand why ppl continue to ruin lives and homes. it sadden me to see that. :-(

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

mytwo So was wondering on what basis could the responsibility be transferred, as you referenced. Even with stating if he gave it to you over him…like on a temporary basis? Still doesn’t compute.

If I was dealing with a sorry azz man who didn’t want to take responsibility for our household, since somebody would have to take responsibility, the HOH would be me.

The original thought wasn’t as simple as general job loss in an uncertain economy, it was since you expect a man to bust his azz looking for a job, you better do it too. And my response was basically, as the HOH, he better be doing what he could to make ends meet because of his responsibility for the household and I would support that. There is a different standard for the follower than there is for the leader. If I was the leader, then yes, I would have to abide by leader/HOH standards.

BlueK I hate them woe-is-me type clowns…

Me too dude! Always somewhere talking about how somebody don’t respect them, what somebody did to them, how terrible they have it. It’s tedious, to say the least.

kimmie My SO looks good in his jeans and black T

What is it about those black athletic shirts?!? I flip the hellz out when I see my SOs shoulders and chest in a black wife beater. Dayum!

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

The blame for why a man is really still a boy…

I would say because he chooses to be. There are two many successful men in this world that grew up without good parenting that saw there was a better way and took advantage of it.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

clapping hands for you LL Although I haven’t been reading you but for a short time, I’m not familiar with your background, it’s good to hear that you’re not only about words but action. Keep it up!

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Blue - Gotta be careful on this blog at work, but race was DEFINITELY not the issue here! I NEVER treat any of my employees different because of race, I could lose my job and I don’t roll that way anyway! Just own up to yours, that’s all I ask of anyone! And the “others” she referred to didn’t work for me and they had to go back & make corrections too.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Rell i am happy to know that there does exist that creature called the perfect women - thanks ladies (foots/slim)

Your sarcasm is duly noted. It goes without saying that no person is perfect, but there is definitely a class of women out there who would not leave her man slaving and sweating while she went to get her nails and hair done or ate bon-bons in front of the TV. All men didn’t choose that kind of “helpmeet”. Some men chose women who fit them and their needs.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

Foots And my response was basically, as the HOH, he better be doing what he could to make ends meet because of his responsibility for the household and I would support that. There is a different standard for the follower than there is for the leader. If I was the leader, then yes, I would have to abide by leader/HOH standards.

I was right there with you on Part 1, but that “If” and “different standards” thing didn’t sound right to me. I personally believe that both parties should be/will be, held to the same standard, regardless of who is carrying the CEO badge. Otherwise I’ll have to fire your COO/CFO a* and give your replacement a new badge.

By "Longtime Lurker"

August 15, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

@MLL Thanks, been a long hard road!

By Just Me

August 15, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

Rell

I was engaged to this guy. He lost his job of 5 years, at first (Week 1 & 2) I was understanding and supportive. Week 3: I went off, “what you mean, you can’t find a job, Mikey D’s and BK always hiring, is this how you are going to be when we get married, UNEMPLOYED all the time, etc.” the whole nine yards, it was BAD.

Mind you we were not living together, he got a nice severance package, he had money saved, he was not asking me $$$. He said he had time to find a job, he was going to be OK, actually he got a new job in about 2 months. But I still continued my tyraid EVERYDAY.

Why? Cause I was YOUNG, CRAZY and DUMD, did not know better. I learned a lesson keep my mouth shut. He knew what he was doing.

Did we get married? No, my irrational ranting, always second guessing him about that and other stuff killed what we had or thought we had.

By Jamoca

August 15, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All!….

2Can

…awww naww, heyal naw…mayne…you went up n’ dun’it!… you’ve truly outdone ya’ self with this one! Looks to me like your demo had already proven itself worthy, just with your “random thoughts” (via today’s topic of discussion)alone. Hopefully this will be taken into consideration in the near future, you’ve definitely got my nomination..talk about thoroughly choppin’ it up!…

Wow!…this topic is definitely right on time…an overall great discussion and fascinating post!!… so speecless, as there’s really nothing to add to what has already been addressed (yet)…lol!

ya’ll please keep it comin’!!!…

Snap-baicka now finds herself a floor pillow to rest on…

Cee/Mytwo…sup, chics?!…so, I’ve been beckoned?…

Hey there…Demi and MLL!!

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

To flip the script a little bit. What about them grown women that behave like adolescents when they suspect infidelity; checking cell phone bills, hiding a man’s keys so he can’t leave or riding around at night searching the places he might be. Yall could be childish too. I’ve seen professional, grown women exhibit this type of behavior. Their finances and careers are straight, but they loose their mind about a man.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Blue but that “If” and “different standards” thing didn’t sound right to me. I personally believe that both parties should be/will be, held to the same standard, regardless of who is carrying the CEO badge

Yes, there is a different standard for the one who has final accountability. If I make a mistake on a report and my boss approves it, though it was my mistake, they are going to look to him to say “Why didn’t YOU catch it?”

In businesses now, the CEO has to sign off on financial statements. No more of that “Well, I left it up to them and it’s their fault that we went under because they lied”. The CEO has to take final responsibility for the reporting. Because of that, even if the standards of the people he leads isn’t up to par, his have to be greater.

In the same way, God expects the HOH to have the final accountability for the household. Look back at the way 2CPTG told the Adam and Eve story. Eve made the mistake, but God didn’t step in until Adam made the mistake after she did. God didn’t go to the woman and ask her what was up. He went straight to the HEAD, because the HEAD was responsible for what happened, regardless of what somebody else did.

That’s what I mean.

By Just Me

August 15, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

DuShawn

Yeah you right, been there looonnnggg time ago. LOL

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

LL, thank you for your 1:11.

Yes, a lot of women have been dealing w/boys for so long that when a man comes into the picture, please believe he won’t be hard to recognize.

Areas of concern: (1) are you a DL Brother, (2) do you live w/Mama (or does Mama live in the basement of YOUR house, (3) Are you trying to “keep up w/the jones” (= financial irresponsibility) and (4), how many baby daddy’s are you (another financial irresponsibiltiy) just to name a few.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Look like one of my home girl’s husband has gotten her I.M. account and sent a long message to all the peeps on her account…Far as I know she isn’t the type to cheat, but judging from the message he has sent me, I can tell he is an unfaithful dude.

Hey Jam how are ya?

By Ladylike

August 15, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

2Can excellent topic! Truth what do you do for a living again? You need an office there are many men who are in much need of teaching counseling. Thanks

I agree with much of what has been said by both the men and the women. It’s tough, you don’t to tell a man that he’s a Mamma’s boy but sometimes you have to just tell him.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

Kim Kim Gotta be careful on this blog at work, but race was DEFINITELY not the issue here!

Not even about race. Just used that as an example. The point was that there are some peeps on the job, that Boss, for whatever reason, won’t fugg wit’.

Had to check this sistah one time. Convo went just like this, “Look here slim. I’ve got the cleanest system in the network. Don’t call up here just cuz you ain’t got shi!t else to do. Go fugg wit’ dude in Houston. He’s the one with the problems; matter of fact, why AIN’T you callin’ dude?!”

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

Foots I wasn’t even going to acknowledge Rell’s sarcastic post. As far as I can recall, I don’t remember us spewing perfectionism in our posts regarding the man in the yard and us in the house. If something that simple is regarded as perfect then something ain’t right. alls i’m saying

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

Foots Not what I meant. Sayin I took his question back to you as WWFD? Foots, Follower. Your response to it was as Foots, Head of Household. Led me to ponder under what circumstance you believe a married woman could indeed hold that title. Intrigued b/c we seem to share ideas on deferral & submission so I cain’t see a power shift as a viable option. But I think I now understand the essence of where you’re coming from —> Under Duress!

Is there anyone in a successful marriage being led by a true Mama’s Boy? Thinking it’s not possible.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

I remember the day we were discussing men keeping their women in check and so many females stated they will not be checked by no man.

A Man will check his woman.

Demi what you just posted about your homegirl’s husband is a very non-man move. I know without a doubt if my marido ever suspected my of being unfaithful or even caught be doing so, he would deal strictly with me and the man in question.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 15, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Hey Jamoca TGIF!!!!

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

Just Me Mind you we were not living together, he got a nice severance package, he had money saved, he was not asking me $$$. He said he had time to find a job, he was going to be OK, actually he got a new job in about 2 months. But I still continued my tyraid EVERYDAY.

Why? Cause I was YOUNG, CRAZY and DUMD, did not know better. I learned a lesson keep my mouth shut. He knew what he was doing.

Did we get married? No, my irrational ranting, always second guessing him about that and other stuff killed what we had or thought we had.

Naah you did that right if you ask me. The only way that I can understand taking a “break” after a layoff is if you get the boot on Thursday; then yeah you might as well hang out, blow off some steam, and sleep in on Friday. Other than that, you need to be at your new job, which is finding another job… the very next day. You don’t know how long it’s going to take so all that banking on “I’ll live on the severance, and then get a job,” is risky irresponsible gambling.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

Proudly:

I am a Mama’s Boy.

A grandmama’s boy too.

Now what?

So becuase I love my mother and treat her and my grandmother with the respect they taught me show every woman, suddenly that’s a bad thing?

And if you have to wait so my mom can get something done that she needs done…tough. I knew her, before I knew you and she will have her place before your everytime. That’s something you gone have to respect, or follow them rocks down the street.

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

The point was that there are some peeps on the job, that Boss, for whatever reason, won’t fugg wit’.

Blue - I get you there and that’s true, but that is so NOT what my post was about, hon! It was about TAKING RESPONSIBILITY AND OWING UP TO YOURS! My SO has a 6 and an 8 year old. When we get after one about something, the other is forever saying, “but he/she did it too!” This is to be expected - they are 6 & 7 year old siblings. When I step to you as your manager to respectfully and professionally correct you on something and you gotta bring up how Joe/Jane Blow over in ANOTHER area, under ANOTHER manager did it too, I lose patience. Same thing with LIFE, if you’re suppose to be a grown MAN/WOMAN then own up to your responsibilities/mistakes/etc and quit playing the BLAME game! Per today’s topic, any dude I come across that constantly does this is a BOY, not a MAN!

By DuShawn

August 15, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

This is my favorite poem about manhood. Some brothers handle it more gracefully than others, but its not easy. I’m out.

*If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master, If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!*

—Rudyard Kipling

By Binford2K

August 15, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Demi I see so many “grown up people looking tired and broken with all the joy sucked out of their lives that I’ve vowed never to be like that.

I’m serious at work. I’m serious at home when it is called for (and that is a fair amount). The rest of the time I want to smile and enjoy life on the most basics of levels. I don’t want the accountability of life to be greater than the joy of living it.

FOOTS I just couldn’t disagree with you more on what I see as an archaic mentality.

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

I DID NOT SAY THAT,BUT AGREE Their finances and careers are straight, but they loose their mind about a man

No, my irrational ranting, always second guessing him about that and other stuff killed what we had or thought we had.

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Women when you’re with a Mama’s boy, do you feel when you have a child with him that he’ll finally MAN UP, or do you just HOPE he does, or did having the child just put you in a situation to now have to take of 2 kids?

Men, did having a child become the ultimate catalyst that got the fiya up under your azzed to grow from a boy to a man?…or did you just become another child for the chick to take care of?

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 2:31 PM | Link to this

Foots God didn’t go to the woman and ask her what was up. He went straight to the HEAD, because the HEAD was responsible for what happened, regardless of what somebody else did.

And what does that have to do with me holding you to the same standard at which I operate. Just because I’m the HOH and would be on fries if it came to that… don’t think that I’d let you sit at the crib playing hausfrau, b/c you somehow see yourself as operating at a different standard.

Raqi …and so many females stated they will not be checked by no man.

A Man will check his woman.

Tell’em again. And we ain’t even gotta be married to you yet…

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

“…you need to be at your new job…”

I was thinking the same thing. After one week of just seeing him sitting around the house I would be in a major funk. And will soon start questioning his intentions. Just like he can get comfortable living off his severance, he can become comfortable living off your pay after marriage.

And yes there is a double standard there. Plenty of women are stay at home wives.

Bandwagoning 2CTPG’s Genesis reference…”A Man shall earn his living by the sweat of his brow.”

By THE DIABOLICAL DK

August 15, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

2Can Do ya thug thizzle then.. I can dig that..

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

So becuase I love my mother and treat her and my grandmother with the respect they taught me show every woman, suddenly that’s a bad thing? Not one person on this blog said that’s the definition of a mama’s boy.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Yes, a lot of women have been dealing w/boys for so long that when a man comes into the picture, please believe he won’t be hard to recognize.

They sure can…but unless she has dealt with her past issues with men, she will not be in position to accept that blessing. This goes both ways.

Raqi Baby girl is filing for divorce at this time…She is a fine german woman with a good head on her shoulder. She just needed him for her and her daughter’s VISA…

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

many females stated they will not be checked by no man.,yeah,*MAMBA * coz she got none and aint looking either…

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

Dan

That works if you aren’t married.

In my eyes, if she accepts being second (or even third or fourth), then there is something wrong with her.

I treat my mom and treated my grandmoms with much respected too.

But how can you ask a woman to share your life and ask her to come in second?

In my eyes there is a difference, though. No child asks to come into this world. Therefore the parents have a duty to that child.

A man asks a woman to become his wife. Since he asks for it, then he has the responsibilty that comes along with it.

My mom knows I that I love her. I show her by being the real man that I am. I show her that her work and her sacrifices were not in vain. I stay clean. I respect her AND my wife.

I took a vow before GOD (and a bunch of other people) to love this chick.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

Okay then,

Define a “Mama’s boy”

By Dan

August 15, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

Okay then,

Define a “Mama’s boy”

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

Kimmie As for the kids, you initial and instant response should be, “I don’t want to hear jack about what somebody else is doing. YOU do, what you’re supposed to do. And don’t even tell me about what somebody else is doing again… or there’s going to be trouble!”

But I got your point. Just threw in an audible on that one.

…must be football season. LOL

JamoCA What up slim.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

still in topic right?

Hey Kimmie, Jamoca and Blue.

mytwo I a meek chic.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

@PG

I guess my view is slanted becuase my folks is old.

In the time they got left, it’s my job to ensure their happiness since I can’t help the health.

So yeah, gramma need some milk, we turning ‘round to get it.

Married or not, if the woman I’m with can’t respect those moments when someone else may come before her, then hey….

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Poppa in reference to your 2:38 a Man will care for his mother and never fail to put her in her place when she tries to come between him and his wife.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

yeah, that was my whole point - time for us men to reclaim our position as the Head!

the actual quote I wanted to say was, “I ain’t no bossy niqqa, but I am a Boss Niqqa”…..know what I’m tombout!!! It ain’t gotta be my idea, to be my decision…..

By Demi

August 15, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

Binford2K trust, I am the same way, so I know. It’s a big turn off for most women when you are too relax all the time…never mind your son is sick, medical bills are piling, folks want you dead, folks testing you and wanting to see you break…But I am keeping a lid on the pressure and a positive attitude on deck.

Just keep doing you bruh!!!

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

DK Thug thizzle? okay new word.

By jazzyone

August 15, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

I can honestly say that my guy is a momas boy. His mother passed back in 92, she was the love of his life. His love for his mother beleive it or not helps him to appreciate me more, his love for me, his understanding of me being able to handle me when necessary and the warmness of his heart he learned from his mother. He told me today he missed laying his head in my lap while hes away, that it gives him the comfort and nurturing feeling that he got from his moms tha the misses so much. I believe that a man can be a ma’s boy but still be that strong, madingo black man that I love so much…neither of us are perfect and thats what we appreciate about each other…Yinging and Yangin all the way thru.

THIS made me love him more that I already did…

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

Blue LOL!! You took the words right out of my mouth that I wanted to say to that lady, but I could’nt cause it wasn’t professional! The 6 & 8 year old were the first things that popped in my mind that day when I spoke to her!!

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Everybody has their own definition. Point blank:

A mama’s boy is someone who won’t and can’t make major decisions without the advice of his mama (despite what his SO has to say).

A mama’s boy is someone who lets his mother berate his SO/wife constantly and never stands in her defense.

I’m not saying anything about not loving and respecting your mama. Nor am I saying anything about fixing things around the house for her (even if pops is there). I expect this from any son - but:

A mama’s boy is someone who lets his mama take over things in his own home over the desire of his wife.

A mama’s boy is a PUNK!

By Foots

August 15, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Dan And if you have to wait so my mom can get something done that she needs done…tough. I knew her, before I knew you and she will have her place before your everytime.

Does that pertain to your wife too?

Binford I just couldn’t disagree with you more on what I see as an archaic mentality.

Yes, the Head of Household idea is archaic, no doubt about it. All the way back to Adam and Eve. I think people today are used to the “we are both the leader” mentality.

The type of business that fails more often than others is the “Equal Partnership”. 70% of them fail. Why? Because they fail to determine a structure for the partnership; just saying “we’re equal” doesn’t make it so. Somebody has to have final accountability so that when there’s a disagreement about what to do, there will be an answer.

What is your mindset about that?

Blue I will always be on my grind, but because the responsibility for the family will fall on my husband, he will be doubly on his grind. Anyone who is the leader should have the capacity to perform at a higher level than his followers. That’s just my opinion though.

By jazzyone

August 15, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

Leggs um say what you really mean then..ctfu.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

Dan And if you have to wait so my mom can get something done that she needs done…tough. I knew her, before I knew you and she will have her place before your everytime. That’s something you gone have to respect, or follow them rocks down the street.

Man, I was kind of waiting on these blog women to tear you a new azz. LOL No matter how much you love your moms there are parts of your life that she’ll never share or even have knowledge of. For that reason, your wifey should always be the one person on earth closest to you.

Pop I took a vow before GOD (and a bunch of other people) to love this chick.

If I ain’t know better, I’d swear that your ol lady doesn’t know, that you know, that she monitors this blog. Keep up that good work.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

JazzyOne that would be something I could not get with. If my husband stated that my affection reminded him of his mother I would be creeped out. The last thing I won’t is for my man to see me as his mother. Or even compare my intimate affections to those motherly affections he shared with her. No way. And this would go for any man.

I know my husband loved his mother. She was a good mother to them. But him saying something like that wouldn’t set well with me.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

JazzyOne that would be something I could not get with. If my husband stated that my affection reminded him of his mother I would be creeped out. The last thing I won’t is for my man to see me as his mother. Or even compare my intimate affections to those motherly affections he shared with her. No way. And this would go for any man.

I know my husband loved his mother. She was a good mother to them. But him saying something like that wouldn’t set well with me.

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

PoppaG thank you for your 2:38.

Leggs Make it plain! LOL

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

He asked what I thought a mama’s boy was? Unless I missed a post somewhere I don’t recall anyone saying loving and respecting your mother/grandmother constituted you being a mama’s boy. There are many more examples out there. Have I stepped on someone’s toes???

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

*in reference to your 2:38 a Man will care for his mother and never fail to put her in her place when she tries to come between him and his wife.

I’ve seen it with my own eyes.*

Luckily, I haven’t had to do it.

Her first words to me at the church after the ceremony is “Be good to her”. * There wasn’t a congrats or any of that. She was plain and to the point. *Message received Then, after that came the crying that mom’s do.

Now, do I spend time with my mom. Yes. I talk to her at least twice a week. That’s something for me

Nothing more needed to be said. She understood that I was making a life of my own and this was part of that journey. She would never want to be part of slowing down my maturation.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Yep.

I’ve been the man in mom’s house since, well since forever.

What needs getting done, gets done. And since my granpa passed, gotta check in with gramma too.

And while they don’t call for minor stuff, when they do call it usually requires my attention. That said, I would expect to do no less for her parents, should the need arise.

Another clue to being a man, sometimes having to carry a burden that isn’t yours….

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

A mama’s boy is someone who lets his mama take over things in his own home over the desire of his wife tyhats a classic definition…..i luv my mama too much but she stands aside when its me and queen……

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon all. I came in this morning, checked on the topic and figured this would be a good day to lurk and let the men speak.

2CPTG, excellent topic today.

It’s refreshing to see some insightful posts from the guys today. The real men are rising to the top on this topic. There are some of you who are on their way, much success to you. And of course there are the usual disappointments.

By THE MELO

August 15, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

And if you have to wait so my mom can get something done that she needs done…tough i sure hope u are not seriously looking for a wife coz u will have major drama in a marriage set-up.

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Dan - The milk example you gave is not an example of the negative definition of Mama’s Boy. Jazzyone’s example is not either. There is a verse in the Bible that states a man is to cleave to his wife.

Make no mistake, nobody loved her Mama more than me. I have nothing but love for those that feel the same about theirs. There is nothing in this world I would not have done for her.

But I have dated 2 bad Mama’s Boys and I have a cousin whose wife left him because my aunt(his mother) kept interferring. The only thing she did not do for him is you-know-what. He had a good woman who would do all the traditional wifely things, but it was never good enough for his Mama. He would take his clothes over for her to wash and eat at her house, leaving his wife alone. One of the Mama’s boys I dated - his mom used to call over to my apartment all the time when he was over, for this and that, when she was perfectly healthy, could drive AND had a perfectly able-bodied husband and daughter there at the house to help her with anything that came up. And she would call at all times of night about BS! There is no way to be in a romantic relationship with a man and his mother running interference. No way.

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

And if you have to wait so my mom can get something done that she needs done…tough. I knew her, before I knew you and she will have her place before your everytime.

Dan A good woman would never ask you to not do for your mother. In fact your good woman will probably be the one remembering her birthday and special days and buying the gifts.

However a good son will not let his mother come between he and his wife. It’s not a matter of one coming before the other. It’s a matter of things being done properly and at the appropriate time.

A mother wouldn’t call you away from your wife in the midnight hours when it’s something that can be done the next day. And a good wife would not refuse you going to the aid of your mother in the midnight hours when it is something that can’t wait. Dire emergencies.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

Raqi in reference to your 2:38 a Man will care for his mother and never fail to put her in her place when she tries to come between him and his wife.

I score 2 points for that 1, 2 combination.

Leggs I was just about to define Mama’s Boy, but you laid that out there so nice and neat, that there’s nothing for me to do but sit back and smile on that one. :)

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

BK

If I ain’t know better, I’d swear that your ol lady doesn’t know, that you know, that she monitors this blog. Keep up that good work.

I dunno if she does. If so, I guess that I’m covered…lol.

But shoot, that’s that kinda stuff that makes me gut it through.

On the same token, she has to handle her business as well.

By SexyCool

August 15, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

oddly enough…shortly after we became a couple…coach told me that i reminded him of his mother…

as it happens…i do resemble his mother somewhat…same color brown, similiar hairstyles…

in fact, that once i finally met her some months later at a family event, coach and i were standing in a corner and someone approached us and said that theydid not realize until they got close enough to distinguish my features that i was not her…

doesn’t bother me or creep me out any…it just is what it is…

By jazzyone

August 15, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

Raqi He meant it as a comfort not feeling like I was his mother. The comfort feeling and security of being with someone he loves and loves him unconditionally, a no worries type of feeling thats all…not me being his mother and all that seriously..LOL…at a very basic level of love from one person to the next.

I didn’t say my affections towards him thats weird but twirl it like you need to..

By Dan

August 15, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

@Melo

Reciprocity works in every direction homie. Does it mean that I wanna do everything my SO wants to do? Nope.

Do I do it? Yep.

When you have a life full of love, someone is going to always feel left out nature of the beast, in the end you have to give enough of yourself to please everyone, me included…

By Foots

August 15, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Dan All the married men, a few single ones, have said that putting your mother before your wife doesn’t work in marriage. Even melo is of the “Leave the mother and father and cleave to the wife mindset: a classic definition…..i luv my mama too much but she stands aside when its me and queen……

But yeah, every man is different and you all have to blaze your own path. Your second wife will have to be very understanding as your defer to your first wife, Moms.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 15, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Dushawn Sometimes, just like boy, a grown man needs a hug. It’s crucial out here I’ll hug you…but at the same time tell you to man up! I see single moms doing whatever it takes to make sure her child does not do without…and nobody ever gives her a hug. Buts she does it because she knows she has no other option!

2c I tell chicks raising sons, that they are raising someone future husband all the time, so don’t be soft on that rugrat! I ha d friend who has a little boy and that brat is a cry baby and she babies him. I told her that she is raising a soft azz boy that will be no good to himself or any woman. I use to tell him to stopp all that crying and man up, I have seen girls toughr that you. Kids are going to pick on you in school and call you sissy if you keep this up! He’d stop. Because he knew mommy would baby him and I wouldn’t. I can’t not stand a crying whinning kid…but more so a boy! I have seen moms be tough on the girls and baby the boys and then wonder why they grow up to trife boys disguised as men!

Dushawn I don’t go to McDonalds so how would meet them. But a man who feels that no money is better than lil’ money is trife! He loses my respect. It has nothing to do with the size of the bills. But the fact that he is really trying and at least making something is desreving of respct. Now you want him to further humiliate himself by working on fries He should be humiliated if he does nothing! That is an excuse. god wants none and neither do I.

Blue A Man will check his woman. He can check me…but best believe he would get checked back if he deserved it. No one sidedness going on here!

melo yeah,MAMBA * coz she got none and aint looking either* You know me so well!

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Dan

Doing stuff for your mom and grandma does not make you a Mama’s boy.

Putting her before your woman does. No self-respecting woman would stand for it. Period point blank.

Most would want you to help them, but she is supposed to be your queen. Any other way will lead to a divided house. A divided house will fall…

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

do everything my SO wants to do? Nope can i school u smething about SO and wives if u dnt mind?..ill take that as affirmed.

Females(so,wives),when in the presence of other females do not want to be regarded as 2nd class to u..they want to be 1st, all the time.In a household set-up, u got be sensitive to those nuances, otherwise u put ur relationship at risk.Ur mother is important and so is ur wife and unless ur mom has a lyfe threatening request,if she asks u smething and u are having time with wife,no matter hw trivial ur moment is but is important for the nourishment of ur relationship with wife,i wld rather u stick with ur wife and fulfil ur mom request at a later time. That is hw u play mother/wife politics in the home. Man wld not behave that way, but females do…they behave like kids smetimes..u knw how kids fight for daddy/mom affirmation.Its easy to wreck ur marriage with simple stuff like that coz females are very sensitive…….

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

“MIA bringing back thoughts of being breatfed since 1903.”

LOL I am just kidding.

I stole that quoting from another site.

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Miz Mocha I suspected that all this manliness would lure you outta that lounge.

Demi Did Alvin kick you in the head? I rebuke you havin this much sense all in one day.

JazzyO Sounds like that works for you b/c he’s not tryna hold you to a standard she set, rather saying some of your qualities are reminiscent, warms his soul…

Simply lovin mama nem is not what makes one a mama’s boy. It’s mostly what’s been said plus the my mama used to do it this way, she seasons with that, she wouldn’t like you treating me the way you do…

If only bigamy was an option for me. If only PG was a bigamist*. If only his wife liked the show *Big Love…

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

Leggs no, you didn’t step on anyone’s toes - we’re giving you kudos on that definition.

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

meant 2nd class to another female.

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Don’t be too hard on the self admitted mama’s boys and grandmama’s boys, especially one’s raised with no father in the homes. You kinda have to blaze your own pathway on how a man is supposed to be.

They’ll have to find love first then have experience knock them down a peg or two. None of them will actually want to grow old with their mama, so hopefully they’ll get it before it’s too late. LOL

By Raqi

August 15, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Once when I was married to my first husband I was cooking some Mac ‘n Cheese. I was already mad at him and he gone have the audacity to tell me “that’s not how my mama cook Mac and Cheese.” I put the entire pan in the sink and told him to go have her cook it for him.

Not only was his mother out of town, but that was all we had to eat that day. We were dirt po’. LOL

And yes he did scrape it out of the sink.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

@PG

Call it what you want there, All-Star.

You act as if there is a division, but if something goes on in the family I expect my SO to be understanding, and she can expect the same from me….

In that, there is no 1st, 2nd, 3rd…there only a flat level us.

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

melo I like it when the real you speaks up.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

Mytwo

how you gonna rebuke Wilderman from man-ing up?

You read the topic?

that ‘buck-it’ has been in me all day too.

Lol

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

Staceye I can’t not stand a crying whinning kid…but more so a boy!

Do me a favor and call 678-777-9311 and leave that on my voicemail. I know some females that need to hear that. Maybe they’d be more receptive to the sentiment when coming from another woman.

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

“but that was all we had to eat that day.”

see, I’dda had to pull an Ike Turner on yo azz for that one! You’da been scrapin shyt outta the sink….

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Raqi - I absolutely loved your stories. Nothing like hearing it from someone whose experienced it.

Dan are you taking anything away from the very wise words flung your way today? Doesn’t seem like you are…

By Demi

August 15, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

Blue A Man will check his woman. He can check me…but best believe he would get checked back if he deserved it. No one sidedness going on here!

Ms.Eyes, the last woman I’ve heard make your above statement…some how found herself in a very abusive relationship…Be careful bey.

mytwocents LOL…I spend this afternoon trying to figure out why I am posting from the heart…

@Jam your boy is fine, old bullet wound pains has me over here acting teddy bearish and Ish…LOL.

By Chink

August 15, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon all…

Dan

Classic example of one of the many reasons I broke it off with my ex…there is no way in hayo everyone going to be on the same plateau. Someone is going to be left out and if you still caught up in your family and being the HOH there you gonna be slacking over here brotha. Not only was it his mama but he happen to have a a little sister who was crying for help every other day.

He claimed he was running things but he was out of control and was under tremendous pressure on trying (not accomplishing) to run 3 households.

So I advise you to rethink your stance ..yes in the perfect world you can help everyone but once you make a commitment to your future wife someone has to come first and I promise u she aint playing to come in 2nd or 3rd.

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

melo I like it when the real you speaks up. thnx babe…damn that marriage……mytwo i told u….lol

By Foots

August 15, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

Blue Maybe they’d be more receptive to the sentiment when coming from another woman.

I might need to tell my sister’s sister in law then. Her 6-year old son is extremely whiny. I can tell that his daddy (her husband) doesn’t wrestle with him or anything. I know the boy has asthma, but please… I can say to that boy “Look there’s a spider!!” and he will scream, jump and run like my nieces will.

Constrast that with my 6-year old cousin. If I say “Look there’s a spider!!”, the next sound you hear is SPLAT!!. He’s all boy and will be all man when he grows up. His daddy has made sure of it.

By Foots

August 15, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

Chink Not only was it his mama but he happen to have a a little sister who was crying for help every other day.

Reminds me of one of my cousins who was engaged to a man whose family was in their business like that. He was so busy running to their every beck and call that she was left out. When she called him on it, he basically said what Dan said.

Needless to say, she burnt tracks like RoadRunner. She knew she couldn’t deal with that type of interference for the rest of her life.

By Jamoca

August 15, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

SupBlue…

Mytwo

Hurshhhh…you jus’tellin’…besides how could one resist this type of atmosphere, as it permeates and penetrates (the mental and feeling of a man’s spiritual leadership)…hmph,hmph,hmph…

…b/c like me, I know you recognize how some of us still manage to sing a new song, while doin’ “the two step”, but can not distinguish our right(s) from our left(s)…now which one is it?…LOL!

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 15, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

I see they have cranked you up Miss Staceye..now I have to disagree with you on the hug man up thang. I learned that when men are down they react differently to the situation than women. And frankly sometimes all they want is a hug and for you to listen. Not ask questions or offer advice(just a hug) from their support system. But support system is different than garbage dump and I think for some mama boy kind of guys they are the ones who come and bring the garbage..”Lost my job what is I going to do, my wife left and my dog died I sure miss that dog” that sort of thing pity party behavior is rather a weak look in men folks.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Okay, here’s my thinking:

For all this talk of helpmeet, sounds a lot like that’s a one way street.

If I have obligations coming into it, or once we’re in it together things happen, then all of sudden life outside the relationship doesn’t exist or doesn’t maintain priority.

Allow me to pose the question then this way. Single woman with kids, kids having problems, don’t matter ‘cuz new hubby comes first. Right?

An obligation is an obligation to my mind, and you can say whatever you want to, but I don’t need a woman asking for “her place” when all else around me is going wrong. I just can’t. If she can’t stand ground and hold down her dude knowing that in the end she’s gonna be no 1 then I take Staceye’s position: I can do bad by myself.

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

“His daddy has made sure of it.”

Bigg Gip from Goodie Mob, said some’n like that…..“I was raised by a man, so a man you see…”

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

I’ve told you guys this before, but the guy I considered marrying had me burning tracks like RoadRunner.

With him it wasn’t even his family, it was the church. To recap: For a while I felt he was consumed with ‘busy work’ at the church - we had just discussed signing up for pre-marital counseling that morning. That day our pastor made a statement to the church along the lines of “y’all now I love you but I must keep things in the right order and my priorities are this order: God, my wife, the kids, then churchfolk”

I asked dude if he thought he could make that same hierarchy concerning us (no kids though) and his reply was “no, and I don’t think that’s the way the order should be”

and that was all she wrote…

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Dan u dnt even have to wait until marriage to test the tolerance of wmen on this issue:next time u take a lady to the resteaurant,when u getting ready to sit dwn and have a meal,rather than pull the chair ur girl is gonna sit on and help her as she sits,help the lady next to ur table and leave ur lady to pull her own chair. Tell me about that date later on the blog….

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Raqi bless your crazy little heart…2can, how about an Ike Turner followed by a sore puddy

Ceemenot and dot one cent while I do have a Co-Captain in waiting…I don’t mine the two of you riding my ship through this Bish called “LYFE” with me any of the weeeeeeeek…

Demi is now getting the ISH choke outta him by his Co-Captain in waiting

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Dan

Here is an excerpt from your own post:

I knew her, before I knew you and she will have her place before your everytime.

Mom BEFORE the wife, mean that wife isn’t 1st. There is no way to have a before without an AFTER. They go hand in hand.

You post spoke NOTHING of understanding. That is a whole another argument. You switched the argument. Or you didn’t know how to explain it.

There will be a division. At some point every woman will want to be first. She sacrifices for everyone else. She gives to her children, job, etc. Most won’t stand for being second in their own home. Best believe at some point, it will come up.

It took me a long time to get to this point. Believe me.

You can call me names all you want. I’ve been called everything, but a child of God to my face. So, words on screen mean little to me.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

@Melo

????

How is that even the same thing I’m talking about?

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

…since that “buck-it” is in me today.

Perfect example: If you say you’ll get Ike Turner with it if she only gave you mac and cheese, ah Boss how we? Bossy or Boss? jus sayin’.

as i get in this & put on a Tina Turner mini

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 15, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Blue it is so true…I can’t little kids that cry for everything. But to see a boy as a crybaby….make me want to put a sign him that says future sissy of America. From when they are infants you have to raise them they way you want them to be a man. Don’t baby them and then go hardcore on them that would screw me up too! LOL It’s ok to cry if somebody dies…heck if some girl breaks you heart it’s ok. But this kid would cry if he fell…but he was be ruffhousing and falling everywhere but as soon as he fell he just did it for attention to be babied by mommy and just because that is what he is used to doing! Raise a boy to be a man…not a softy! Life will give that kid a rude awakening.

Demi I have way to much pride and self esteem to allow some man to hit me. I had one try and something in my snapped…I told you about him…he is the one who probably can’t makes babies because he caught a sharp pencil in the jewels. While he was on the floor I had to stop myself I was about to pick up this heavy sculpture and take it to his head. The nerve of this dude thinking he could put his hands on me.

Foots girl I was the biggest tomboy when I was not in my ballet tu-tu or my pageant gowns. I actually still like spiders until this day. I will kill abug in a heartbeat..now rats/mice…oh helllllll no! LOL That is when I became a girl again! LOL That boy’s father had better introduce him to sports before he ends up batting for the other team! I know you do not want that!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 15, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Afternoon All! I have been lurkin and enjoying the discussion going on! Kudos to 2CPTG for the topic!!

Staceye/BlueKolla Staceye I can’t not stand a crying whinning kid…but more so a boy! I am co-signing this one!! My family swears out tht I am hard on Lil Mo, but I dont want a whiny, punkish man-child! His father stays on him as well and I always let my father, brother and best friend (he’s a guy) get with my son when necessary.

Dan you wanting a woman to understand your position with your mom/grandmom is okay as long as you can put the shoe on the other foot and be just as understanding. Now I agree with most that your wife becomes first priority, but if your woman is cool with it, so be it.

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

“how about an Ike Turner followed by a sore puddy”

OK!!! ain’t nuttin like beatin’ it up when she done pyssed you off…don’t know who likes it more, me or her…

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Uhhh…777-9311 came out in the early 80s! Why are folks still posting this number like it’s clever? LOL

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

been looking around all day for my barbeque snap-backas?

By Dan

August 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

@PG

Don’t take it that way,

All-Star was for the props you been getting…

I can hear you, but can you feel me? I have uncles, I have cousins, but in the end, I’mma get a call.

And while that my test in life, to me it’s no different than being down for me when the D is broke, cause in the end this too shall pass.

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Dan,no other wman comes before ur wife,PERIOD….

By Atl Lady

August 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Dan I’m not trying to add fuel to the fire, but I guess the question is where do you draw the line? I’m going to help XYZ to this point right here then they’re on their own Is there ever going to be a time that you’re going to take your wife’s side against your family if she’s right. Hyperthetical, if your mom needs x amount of dollars, but what you have was ear-marked for something else wifey needed to do, are you going to give your mom the money or tell her you don’t have it? Those are the types of situations that I know some couples argue about. The mother is so used to coming to the son for money that she doesn’t care he has other responsibilites other than her. The man is supposed to leave home and cleave to his wife.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Dan don’t have kids dude…You will be amaze at how your thought process will change…Only truly single folks can make your claim.

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

You know what I don’t get Dan is why you think or feel you fit in the “mama’s boy” category. Of course not your priorities before DECIDING to take on a SO or even wife don’t disappear they’re simply shifted around. It is up to you to make all parties comfortable, BUT IT’S EQUALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOUR MAMA TO MAKE THINGS COMFORTABLE FOR YOU TO CONTINUE TO BE THE MAN!

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

twotatas

If only bigamy was an option for me. If only PG was a bigamist. If only his wife liked the show Big Love…*

My wife LOVES that show. I am the one that finds it unimaginable. I’ve sat through two show. Why would a man REALLY want that? It comes up like a syntax error…does not compute…

I refer to my post from yesterday…I know the crazy with which I live. I wouldn’t want to add more crazy!!

*disclaimer: not calling you personally crazy. *

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

“while I do have a Co-Captain in waiting…I don’t mine the two of you riding my ship through this Bish called “LYFE”

Demi-son Do yourself a favor, and let her know how you REALLY feel.

Keep the “buck-it” going on in ya’ LYFE!

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Melo…How is that even the same thing I’m talking about?

Dan if you keep following your current train of thoughts…All you will be doing is disrespecting your wife.

Ms.Eyes all I can do is laugh at that post…You are still my home girl.

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Dan,no other wman comes before ur wife,PERIOD….

Thank you melo. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp for some? Heck, it’s in the vows.

Dan, your mama raised you to eventually leave the nest and create your OWN family. Once you take those vows with your wife, you guys are the team. Nothing comes before each other.

And yes, it goes for single moms and their kids. You marry a woman with kids, she should put you first and you should put her first.

By kimmie

August 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Chink/Foots - Yep, one of those mama boys I dealt with had a needy sister too. The girl had graduated from college, attractive & had a good job & working on her CPA. Still living at home with the parents. Mama boy took a job in DC. Everytime I wanted to come up to visit, it always conflicted with a time his sister was coming to visit. Sometimes mom and the sister were coming. Instead of his mama staying home taking care of hubby & sister trying to get a life & man of her own, they were both all up in our Kool Aid. I ran for the hills.

Dan - NOBODY on this blog is saying when your mother/grandmother/child/etc needs something important, you kick them to the curb for your woman! And I think you realize this. You’re acting like you just don’t get it, but I believe you do. If you don’t you better get a clue, cause you will be by yourself unless the woman you get is just desperate. These women & men are dropping some real jewels on you. Take note.

By Dan

August 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

@Atl

Then I go without….but each get’s what they need.

That said, I must be bad off if I getting marriage advice from Melo…

j/k, bnr

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

Ared Uhhh…777-9311 came out in the early 80s! Why are folks still posting this number like it’s clever?

Morris Day, to be exact… and I only used it b/c I like the song, and it went well with my metaphor.

But more importantly, it’s Friday and we’re about to shut this joint down for the week, you just had to say some smart sh!t didn’t you? I know you noticed how everyone was being cool. :/

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Ephesians 5:21-33 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Dan Don’t take it that way,

OK, my bad. I was anticipating a “Deese” coming on.

My apologies.

I’m trying to let you know that at some point, a woman is gonna get tired of being second. At that point, she will put her foot down. Then, there will be a divided home. Both of you can take a stand in different directions and there not be a division. That is if she accepts being second at all

My wife understands that she is my Queen.

However, I still do stuff for my mom. Keep in mind, my mom has breast cancer and is currently undergoing weekly Chemo. So, my wife understands that I have to help my pops (I know that its hard on him to see her with her hair out and all that.) Even through all of that, my mom will send me away and tell me to take care of my wife.

So best believe that I understand what you are sayin’. I am the FIRST college grad in my family (that includes cousins other than those that married into the family). So, I get calls all of the time.

My wife comes first.

By Tazzee

August 15, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Have an awesome weekend folks!

Dan hope to see you this weekend.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

2CPTG when it is done in the right way…meaning a non-abusive working relationship…I think it goes both ways:

with her thinking: Dayum my ‘igga done up and out put me in my place again…I did handle that situation wrong on my part though

Me (feeling like I’ve just ran the 100M sprint): Co-Captain better realize she has a REAL CAPTAIN on this ship and not that fake from the Titanic, who jump ship soon as trouble arrive.

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

B_K, everyone is still cool. Only you can be sensitive about jokes it you allow yourself to be. Laugh, it was a joke.

~chair spin~

By melo-For real assistant

August 15, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

and actually,that is what makes navigating marriage, hard for both man and wmen coz u grew up luving ur sisters bros,cousins etc but once u married u throw that asunder for smebody u have knwn for few yrs.In real lyfe, its hard to navigate..but the abilitiy to transition is what distinguishes the MAN from the boys..see hw the boys wl refuse to grow up.

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande for President.

OK, my bad. I was anticipating a “Deese” coming on.

^ This killed me softly. LMAO!

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

speaking of Titanic it’s coming to Ga. Aquarium August 22.

wonder how many tourist are gonna get caught trying and DOING the dang thang in that exihibit.

buck-it

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this

Dan

I’m sorry but,

That said, I must be bad off if I getting marriage advice from Melo…

made me laugh.

I know that I was lucky. I had a father to tell me all of this stuff.

Its one of the reason that I try to pass it on to kids that don’t have that father in their home.

By Popppa Grande

August 15, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

AR

Poppa Grande for President.

Why are you trying to kill me? Everybody that takes that job seems to age quickly. Look at Clinton before and after. Now look at Dubya before and after…..

I am black man, we already have a short life span.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Ared I’m as cool as a fan. But when I hear snide, I’m probably going to address it. Have a nice weekend. ;)

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

Cee she is well aware…timing is off…If it’s meant to be, Amen. If not, it good to know I have a friend for life.

Look woman, I am tired of thinking staight. Now turn around and lets…

Doin’ the butt. Hey pretty, pretty When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion, hey Doin’ the butt. Hey sexy, sexy Ain’t nothing wrong, if you wanna do the butt all night long

Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah) I’m gonna drop you lines, before we set up We’re screamin’ at girls with the big ol’ butt, sing it (Yeah-ee yeah. Yeah-ee) Ow! (Yeah-ee, Yeah-ee Yeah) I want your butt. That butt. That big ol’ big ol’ butt. Ow!

By Dan

August 15, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

@PG

No, no nothing like that.

Like I said, I hear you but in my case their isn’t a Dad to help out, no brother, my uncles is old too, so it’s just me.

I dig what you getting at, but in those times when the rubber meet the road, it’s a team thang. Sometime the reciever run the wrong route, but the ball still coming no stopping it and either it’s caught or dropped.

But no —, I know it’s advice, not judgement.

By 2CPTG

August 15, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Hey y’all, I appreciate all the kudos!!! AJC, even though we cain’t stand one another, it’s still bin-ness, so I ‘preciate y’all too….

Blanca, I’ll be on yo nerves Monday; til then, Fellas, walk down and catch you a few!!!!!!

By SlimOne

August 15, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Weekend Plans???

I’ll be getting some dranks tonight…not sure about tomorrow…and relaxing on Sunday.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 15, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Kym Girl, I will hug him. I know sometimes just doing that says I got your back. But if he is not putting all his efforts and exhausting all his resources to handle business….that hug will quickly turn into tough love from me. Told you…I don’t accept weakness and nor will I display it to him. He had better match me or surpass me.

*Good for you Mo! Lil Mo needs to have the men around that don;t let him be soft!

Demi I laugh at it too…the look of him on that floor screaming lik he was dying and cursing me out but any moment made it hurt worse was too hillarious! I am not completetly heartless..I called the EMT after waiting only 10 minutes. I had to calm my laughter! He couldn’t really press charges because my face had a bruise so we both would have gone down! LOL

Poppa I am sorry about your mami? Did you buy her pretty scarves to wear indoors and lace front wigs for outside? They look very real…especially the human hair ones. They are not cheap…but there is no price on helping mami out.

By Wise_0726aa

August 15, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Many thanks to My Guest, Mr. 2!

GREAT JOB

Even though we argue and fight like 8th graders sometimes, I have much love for you, muah

Have a wonderful and safe weekend, Diva OUT (and I am probably still missing my red, but I am still hot anyway, LOL)

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

PG - How bout Supreme Court Justice then. LOL

B_K - Again, it’s only snide if you take it that way, since it wasn’t intended that way. shrugs

By Demi

August 15, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Leggs you found that bible verse pretty quick.

By Blue_Kolla

August 15, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Peace out ‘choll…

…said as my chair spins like a top.

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

it’s still bin-ness

2C got some “buck-it” too!?!

You like that don’t cha?

Enjoy your weekend young people and get off my coach! been chillin’ but ya feet and all up in it. Get up!…

:) Keep livin’.

By Poppa Grande

August 15, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Staceye

Thanks. My dad took care of the wigs for mom. He knows what she likes a little better than I.

I do treat her to Spa Sydell and Elements (spa owned by the chick that played Peaches in the movie Thin Line Between Love & Hate…she is a Spelman classmate of my wife.)

AR

Now, I’ll take that lifetime job in the SC. Shiiddd. Sign me Up….LOL

By mytwocents

August 15, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

melo I tricked you & Demi into drinkin that truth serum for a reason. Have always thought your sneaky self must’ve taught your Madonna to tap her inner Wh**e or else you would be misbehavin for real.

Demi so you sayin real Co-Cap is Lt. Uheura, me & Cee can play the role of aliens on the asteroid Exotica you gon forget about on the next planet? PG’s right. But since I’m only a lil cuckoo, gonna pass on being 2nd or 3rd in line.

Cee You silly. But not silly nuff to catch the chicken, clean the chicken, season the chicken, cut it up and thennn act a fool. Go ahead & start cooking it then tell him you wanna get plucked next.

Have a lovely weekend y’all!

By Cemeeli

August 15, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

ARed on day you gonna shrugs you way into a cult. wth? gurl STOP IT!

By AmazonRed

August 15, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this

ARed on day you gonna shrugs you way into a cult. wth? gurl STOP IT!

Uhh..I’m good thanks. Breathe easy, Cemeeli.

Nite all.

By Demi

August 15, 2008 5:20 PM | Link to this

mytwocents LOL..that caool with me…you have a great weekend bey.

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 5:22 PM | Link to this

Second time posting that bible verse. Blog machine ate it.

Good night everyone.

EYES WIDE OPEN!

By Leggs

August 15, 2008 5:27 PM | Link to this

Wow Sunshine, guess I didn’t give him a chance to tell me he was in an “open” marriage. WTF’ever!

By John

August 15, 2008 5:52 PM | Link to this

Just saw this topic and a great one it is! It ties in with the “dating older people” topic recently.

Many women here seem to be tired of boyz and want “real men”. Do you then prefer dating older men (as long as they are “real men”) or do you still want to date younger guys hoping to find one who is adult enough?

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

BOOTLEGG BLOGGIN AGAIN Let’s get it together folks.