AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > August > 15 > Entry
When I Became a Man
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I wanted to switch things up for Friday, and per constant request, I’ve asked one of our more outspoken readers, 2 Can Play That Game, to take center stage, and give us a topic for Friday.
But when I became a Man……I “put away childish things.” Now, as I’m sure you’ll notice, there is no age requirement in this statement. It simply says “when.” Fellas, if you were anything like me, it took some time before you put away childish things. Now, I’m not talking about your X-Box, Nintendo’s, and the like. Mind you, I still want a Wii, even if it is for the “low-low”. No, when I say put away the childish things, I am referring to your thought process. Do you think as a child? Understand as a child, are you still on milk?
We’ve heard far too many times about “boys wearing men’s clothing,” “mama’s boys,” or “man-child.” However, fellas, you have to ask yourself, does the shoe fit? Are you a boy perpetrating manhood because you merely look the part? Or are you fulfilling the fiduciary charge that was given to you? Charge? Yes, because it was man who was given a direct order.
Now, I won’t give you a whole run-down of the events of the Book of Genesis, but y’all know how it went down: Eve got caught up, then Adam followed suit. However, God didn’t step in until AFTER man failed, for lack of a better word, because He held man accountable. What was the first thing out of man’s mouth? “That woman you gave me..” Imagine that!
Some men are still shirking their responsibilities, and deflecting blame on the ladies. I’m not going to use my air time (Thank you Diva), to bash my fellow brethren, but what I do want to do is put the onus back on us to “take charge”. More specifically, to take charge in our relationships.
The way I see it, and I don’t mean to sound chauvinistic, because I’m not a “Bossy Dude”, I am a “Boss Dude,” I believe the man is supposed to be the head. But with that role comes responsibilities. Blaming females for “not respecting you,” “killing your manhood,” is garbage to me. First of all, one has to allow himself to be disrespected; second, “cain’t” nobody steal my manhood!
Now, before y’all start on me, I’m not saying go out beat ya chest, and gather a harem. No. But man up, and you’d be surprised how much your stock will rise.
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away?
Fellas, have you put away childish things? Are you accepting the responsibility placed upon you?
Permalink | Comments (271) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships
Comments
By Wise Diva
August 15, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this
smashing MIA blog server with a nerfball bat LOL!
TGIF everybody
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 15, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
It amazes me that as rich as the Cox family is, that for the three years I have been on this joint, the server has had more crashes than 285,75,20 and GA400 combined!
@2can You spoketh today boy, do ya thang..no comment from LL needed!
By Demi
August 15, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Naw homie…Here is is a lady like .357 magnum with “W.D.” written on the handle
Now go and do some real work on the MIA blog server.
By DuShawn
August 15, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Dayum….Finally!
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Good morning young people!
Come on in pull up a chair, sofa, love seat, crates, floor pillow or jus’ lean if you wanna. Grab you something to eat and enjoy the discussion.
Breakfast: Coffee, grits, grilled shrimp, homemade waffles, chicken wings, eggs, orange/cran juice and waters.
Enjoy a ‘Get Down’….
By QC
August 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
It’s about time 2cptg has his “BLOG DEBUT”
By Foots
August 15, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
Great topic 2 Can! For the men who will have some question about what qualifies as “childish things” and “childish thought process”, can you provide some examples of childish thoughts and the behaviors which follow those thoughts?
By Raqi
August 15, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
LOL Yeah WiseDiva.
2CPTG I just love this topic.
I loves me a take charge man. “WOMAN…” makes my spine tingle every time. LOL
By Tazzee
August 15, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
STANDING OVATION!!!
2can you really put it down today. Thank you. Now on to the topic. BTW, I like it when the blog doesn’t open on time - that way I’m not 100 comments behind when I finally log in ;-)
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? Definitely his actions. I try not to judge a book by his cover, so while the uniform may give a hint to his boy/manhood I don’t make a final decision until I view the actions over time.
When I come across a man, you’re right, his stock rises. I’ve come across a few boys in men’s clothing and they make me want to put on my mother hat and try to raise them. But when I come across a man that’s taking care of his business, I can just sit back and let him lead. That was what I enjoyed most about my last relationship.
By SlimOne
August 15, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
Slim slowly walking in, in pain…Think I pulled a muscle in my back this morning closing the dryer.
Wise Diva Due to your tardiness this morning, you will be required to work all next week without pay.
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? Sometimes it’ll come out in converstation, things they say, but more importantly by things they do.
Ex: Said MB (mama’s boy) has to pay his car insurance but chooses to buy a $300 pair of Marc Jacob shades.
By Rell (TOS)
August 15, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
YEAH FOR TOS!…and to answer your question yes i have fully accepted the things placed before me…i am big on that..and your right it is high time for men to snacth back our power….
By SexyCool
August 15, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
standing ovation, my man…standing ovation…
By mytwocents
August 15, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
How much do I luv this topic? LOTS! Cuz so much of the complaints I hear about us from the opposite sex just sounds like the whining of a petulant child who was pushed on the school yard years ago but carries the grudge till the 20 year reunion.
My biggest pet peeves:
I am referring to your thought process…are you still on milk? Yesss, many are. I’ve been trying to lead a grassroots movement to stop nursing past infancy for some time now. You cannot re-raise a grown man.
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his … “uniform” give him away? It certainly does. I firmly believe that every adult should have an actual wardrobe, which encompasses several aspects of life. Why can’t you just have a blazer…because?
By Wise Diva
August 15, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
whatever for tardy! I was here, LOL since 7:30! Pay me!!
By abc
August 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
Like a lot of things, it’s a 2 way street.
The man is to love his wife and make her genuine welfare a priority, and be discerning enough to prioritize rightly. The woman is to give her husband respect. One requires the other. Both parties can fail due to selfishness.
Men have a tendency to disregard other people’s input, though, manifesting selfishness in their woman’s eyes. Women have a tendency to offer respect very reluctantly, because it feels to them as if they’re giving up their own free will.
So, a man has to earn the respect. A woman has to recognize his efforts. 2 way street.
By DuShawn
August 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
On topic, I’ve put away most childish things. However, periodically me and some Ques will get together; act an azz, and try to relive our youth. Wifey, normally shakes her head and ask ”When are you all going to grow up”. Regarding Blaming females for “not respecting you,” “killing your manhood,” is garbage to me. I don’t share that view completely. When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating.
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
:)
Here’s what came up @ the Friday Wing Night after work. ..several things that make women think men are childish.
• Sulks when getting the silent treatment.
• He doesn’t feel he has the verbal skills to joust with her so he don’t say anything.
By BlackIce
August 15, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
Pretty Tony… I heart you! LOVE your post
By Foots
August 15, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away?
Time will tell. Usually, this is the type of man that blames everything and everyone for his situation. When faced with a problem, he can’t seem to find a way to get started solving it. He leaves everything up to the women in his life, can’t (or would rather not) make plans. Everything with him feels like he’s blowing in the wind.
I dated a man like this for a few months last year. The uncertainty cloud around him was so huge and glaring that I couldn’t see myself with him, no matter how much he “loved” me. I need someone solid who I can respect, like a stately, commanding tree, not a trembling leaf in the breeze.
Miki Howard said it best and everytime I hear it, I get chills: Ain’t nothing like a man who can take care of business… And she follows that with You know we treat each other so well. I have nothing but the best treatment for a man who can handle his business (and if need be, mine) and who treats me well.
By Tazzee
August 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
oops I didn’t answer the first question.
The way I can tell is how he handles his business and how he interacts with others.
If he has kids, is he taking care of them and doing the best he can to interact with them despite how trifling the mama may be?
Does he have financial sense? Pay bills on time, car not worth more than his ‘home’ (renting with a benz), etc.
What is his relationships with his family, coworkers and friends? Is he viewed as an information source, is he respected by his peers?
And of course I watch how he interacts with me. Is he comfortable correcting me and telling me when I’m wrong and can he admit when he’s wrong? Can we have intelligent conversations about world events or is he stuck on his own little world? Can he teach me something?
By Sista Gurl
August 15, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
I have matured and life has been kickin’ my azz. I need a REAL Man, I want a REAL Man. I ‘m so plucking tired of FAKE Azz, Wanna-b-MEN. Cause now I’m a REAL Azz Woman
By SexyCool
August 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
dushawn…perhaps her arrogance is a mask for her fear…we are all imperfect…and do not always react to stress in the positive, correct or textbook manner…
By SexyCool
August 15, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
sista gurl…for debate’s sake…and since it’s within the boundaries of today’s topic…what makes you a REAL woman?
TOS represent…lol…
By BlackIce
August 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this
a boy has to loudly proclaim his manhood.
a man goes about his work as a man quietly
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
aaannd…BlackIce exhorts…Lol.
This is going to be good.
I firmly believe that every adult should have an actual wardrobe, which encompasses several aspects of life.
mytwo yea, yea, ya-yea. so why you slap me the other day when i say i wear tricks outfit? :)
By For Real
August 15, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this
For Real now adding a new tax onto Wise’s check stub just under FICA. OTBL -$233.99
2C You on point today bruh I only have one thing to add.
MEN STOP SAYING “LET ME”!!!! MEN DO PERIOD!!! Thanks paw-paw for that one too!
By Dan
August 15, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
There’s a difference in a man that demands respects and one that commands it.
The process of learning and knowing the difference…is putting away childish things.
By Foots
August 15, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this
DuShawn When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating.
I can see that happening in a situation that is getting worse by the day. I’ve been in a situation like that, where my boyfriend got laid off (he had his own place). He was continually trying to find something and if he would have run out of money, instead of crying about it and becoming further depressed, he would have bagged somebody’s groceries. Knowing that about him kept my respect for him intact. He didn’t like for me to ask about the job situation or offer to help him find something, so he basically refused my support. Something about that “input” point that abc made earlier. So once I learned that, I kept my mouth shut.
Now, if he was the type of man letting the lights get cut off around him and STILL wouldn’t take a job just to pay the bills in the meantime, yeah, I would have lost my respect for him and probably would have become that woman you describe. If there’s nothing like a man who can take care of business, there’s nothing worse than a beat down man who has found that it’s not easy to take care of business, so he stops trying.
By The Truth
August 15, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Truth, step away from the keyboard. No, you’re not posting on this topic. Let it go right now. Under no circumstances are you to post today and that’s final. Kiss my azz man. This one is to good to pass up.
2C man this is on point. High five, fist tap and forearm bash. I’m setting up a national semainar circuit and you’re the guest speaker.
Indications you may be a biatch:
1) You’ve borrowed money from your mom, sister, wife, gf, or anybody for that matter more than 3 times in the last year. And have no intentions of paying them back.
2)You’re currently living with your mom, family, or anyone else and have no intentions of leaving. And you’re over 25.
3) You’re past history is as dismal as Isaac Haye’s chances of a recovery from that stroke.
4)You’ve never enjoyed the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat. Mostly because you’ve never done anything in life.
5)The women in your life call to give you direction. REGULARLY.
6)You have frequent talks about why folks disrespect you.
7) You have plans to get something done, if you could just find someone to give you guidance.
8) Your future plans are located in a book, that’s empty.
9) Your major accomplishment in life occurred when you were in high school and had something to do with a hood rat in her moms house.
10) The number one indicator is when you look at yourself as helpless and hopeless and are comfortable with it. Then go out with your chest out like you’re the shyt.
These are just a few things that make people say “BIATCH”.
Ok, that’s it. I’m not posting anymore today UNLESS someone asks me a question directly in which case it would be impolite to not reply. LMAO
Way to bring it 2C this is the type of discussions that need to be had. When we man up things like rap music won’t rule our kids minds.
By Leggs
August 15, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
Love your topic Nephew!
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? Does his actions say it, or does his “uniform” give him away? First and foremost it will show in his conversation. His “uniform” is a factor in distinguishing. As I stated previously and this is very small but huge in end result—> I need to know you own a few pairs of shoes.
DuShawn…It can be emasculating. ONLY IF his woman sees him as doing nothing more than waking up, scratching his a$$ and going for the couch and remote control because he lost his job. If a woman sees that he’s trying to secure employment (we know it takes time), more than likely he’ll have her support. Yes, I realize there are some of us who will bytch for the sake of bytching, but for the most part, we will not take his “manhood” if he in turns acts like a man!
By BlackIce
August 15, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
@Cemeeli…huh?
2Can…again great job…TOS Stand Up!!!
and Diva…I see you girl!
By Sista Gurl
August 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Cool
Same daynum thang that makes most women REAL. Whateva it takes that’s what the Hay-o I am and that’s what I do for me and mines.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Let’s separate the boys from the men. Boys tear things down——>relationship, a woman, family. A man build things———->relationship, family, handles his affairs with dignity and respect.
By Foots
August 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
BlackIce I say the same thing about true leaders. A true leader doesn’t have to be a dictator, they can be as fair as they can be. People can recognize someone with a vision and make the choice to follow on their own.
The men that are like “I’m the Head, you supposed to do what I say!!” get the gas face. Men who are truly the Head wouldn’t have to 8say* it, their actions would show it, they would build the trust required for leadership quietly. People give respect to those that they have deemed worthy of it, it’s natural…all animals do it. If a man has trouble getting people to respect him, he might need to check his worthiness.
The Executive Director of our organization, people’s eyes light up when he walks into a room. You can tell that people would follow him off the side of a bridge if he said it was the thing to do. He is decent, kind, fair and a true leader. His family is very lucky.
By Raqi
August 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
And you know 2CPTG while most women will say she wants that type of man not many are willing to be the “follower” of such. Because that “type” of man is going to take his place and stand his ground with or without us.
By For Real
August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
SistaGurl So what did you call yourselfhen you were dealing with those FAKE Azz, Wanna-b-MEN.”?
SexyCool perhaps her arrogance is a mask for her fear…we are all imperfect…and do not always react to stress in the positive, correct or textbook manner… So does that make her right regarding Dushawn’s post? If no, why post a defense for that behavior instead of condeming the behavior?
By Rell (TOS)
August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
@cemelli
verbal skills?….why should a man have to joust with a women…why does a women have to constantly challenge a man…let me say black women…why do black women feel the need to act out…..for example lisaraye….total disrespect….who wins in the verbal joust game?
I need someone solid who I can respect, like a stately, commanding tree, not a trembling leaf in the breeze
really….i wonder how strong you are!..women are forever on what they need but dont provide anything to attract, get, or keep want they verbalize they want!
@abc …nice break down
By SlimOne
August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Foots I dated a dude who, whenever I asked him about anything pertaining to the future, he would say I don’t know I just take it one day at a time…I go with the flow..or my favorite, I’m not psychic. I also agree about the dude always looking for the chick to come up with the solution or just so used to MOM taking care of it, that he assumes You’ll end up handling whatever it is because he knows you simply can’t operate letting things fall by the wayside.
And as far as a man having respect…women arent stupid. We are good at observing what our SO’s do or dudes we date do over time. So if we are seeing slacker actions and tendencies, the respect level will reflect that. Likewise, when we see dude doing the dayum thang, making sure all is lined up…it is a definite turn on. When we have less to worry about and see our man taking good control of the reigns…in turn the BOOTY rains too. LOL!…and don’t let him be handy with his hands around the house…Hmph Hmph Hmph! We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc.
By Demi
August 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Cause now I’m a REAL Azz Woman
You were a wh0re just yesterday or was it the day before, I can’t remember. Soooooo, you went to church on Wednesday and now you are a change woman??
Demi is calling foul on the play and sending Sista Gurl back to Charm School.
By mytwocents
August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Dushawn I understand how that behavior would be emasculating to a man when he’s down. What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point. The women I’ve known like this were usually high post up front, got wifed and didn’t act up while being appeased. Life trials came and the s#itty attitude re-emerged.
Hey Sista Gurl. I bet Church Lady has lots to share on this topic too.
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Truth Bruh, i gotta go with you all day on that 11.31 post. All 10 were on point.
i knew this was gonna be good.
By Wise Diva
August 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
already loving the discussion so far. Thank you Mr. 2 , I apologize for the earlier technical difficulties :(
By Poppa Grande
August 15, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
First off…very good topic, 2C!
This is why a male moderator would be good. Not hating on Blanca, Bella, Laney, Mia, etc., but it takes two to make a relationship work. We see things differently because we are different and have different responsibilities. Off my soapbox.
1) *Blaming females for “not respecting you,” “killing your manhood,” is garbage to me. *
Sorry DuShawn, no one can take anything from me that I don’t let them take. Yes, I’ve been down and depressed. I’ve lost jobs, had to turn in my playbook and all of that. Heck, I’ve even had the misfortune of making a visit to a loved one only to find that they were not alive and I couldn’t do anything to help them. Yet, that is when you have to dig deepest and gut it out. I am responsible for me. I am not deflecting my wellbeing on no one else.
Rudyard Kipling’s “If” keeps me sane in those times as well as other things. If you are Greek (it sounds like you may be Que) “Invictus” is very applicable in real life. (I think that every Black Greek organization learns that thing…mind you, I am not Greek. But I have taught it to a few people. If you really internalize it, it is more than words.
2) As far as putting away childish things, I really had little choice if I wanted to be successful. I sure hated running around the lake at Clayton State during the offseason (when I was in high school) especially when the friends were partying and stuff. I’ve been the same since then. You gotta put in the time.
By Foots
August 15, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
Leggs ONLY IF his woman sees him as doing nothing more than waking up, scratching his a$$ and going for the couch and remote control because he lost his job.
We are >>HERE<<. That’s it in a nutshell. Support is there as long as some progress is being made. There is nothing shameful about taking a temporary job to continue to provide for your family until the big opportunity comes up. What women have a problem with is what you described. And who wouldn’t have a problem with that?
Truth 6)You have frequent talks about why folks disrespect you.
We are >>HERE<< also. Just posted something to that effect. Only people who don’t command respect (as Dan so rightly put it) have to either demand it, or complain about not having it.
By Dan
August 15, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this
There’s no need for my SO to know everything that I’m doing for me, her, or us.
My job, far as I’m concerned, is to make it look easy. You shouldn’t see the panic on my face or in my head.
All you should know is that things may not be quite right, otherwise you should have no concerns.
By For Real
August 15, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
I agree with WD Wait a minute… anyway, everyone join me in giving 2C a Terrorists Fist Bump
By BlackIce
August 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
When men/women have not put away childish things they choose unwisely. If we choose our mate wisely the valleys that are experienced in relationships wouldn’t end relationships, getting your behind kicked and other SERIOUS offenses notwithstanding.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
2C Great topic! Gold star for you buddy! LOL
Dushawn there is nothing worng with getting together with your brethern and acting an azz from time to time. When I go home to NY for Christmas my girls and I always throw a slumber party like we did as teens. I Mean we even play our music from the 90’s and some of the eighties to authenticate it. Heck we even prank called some ex’s just to really take us back! LOL
When a man has fallen off his square, lost his job, depressed and trying to shake it off and come back up, instead of his woman being encouraging and supportive she’s arrogant and demeaning. It can be emasculating. I believe a woman being soft when a man is like this is not a good thing. He will get too complacent. Now, a real man will brush it off and go out and work 3 minor jobs to make sure his household never goes without. Sometimes it takes a woman to remind him to man up. I have never heard my dad tell my mom no or he does not have it. He simply made it happen. I remember times when my dad would be gone almost the whole weekend…working. he would work 7 days straight and at 2-3 jobs before he let his household lack anything, or my mom! So I know it can be done. It just depends on that type of man you have. So no I do not accept failure or weakness in a man or anybody in my circle for that matter! Most of all..I do not accept it in myself! So my man has to be as strong as me!
By SexyCool
August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
for real…it was not a defense, but a possible explanation…and it certainly does not excuse the behaviour…i was simply pointing out that we do not respond in perfect ways to imperfect situations…
additionally, if you come home with news of having lost a job or fallen of your square or are depressed, i would hope that you would be sensible enough to choose a mate whose FIRST response is not “I knew you were a sorry sonofabytch when I met you and my daddy told me you weren’t NEVA gone be shyt.”…
in the challenges that coach and i have faced, responding in that manner is simply NOT an option…i am fully prepared to be loving and supporting (not trying to be Ms. Fix It or Ms. Problem Solver) while he regains his momentum…
however…three/four months down the road, if he is still mired in his depression or stuck on square zero…we have a problem and my reaction WON’T be the same…
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
A boy whines about his problems a man fixes his problems and knows how to separate work from personal life.
Ladies, how can you tell if you’re meeting a boy in a man’s clothing? by his conversation and how he view his mother and females. If he has negative view about women then he has not grown up yet and he’s still the little boy who hates girls.
By str8
August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
2… u know I had to come out and show u some luv….
Great topic! Take charge, take responsibility.
Only point I have to add (for the ladies), is that you have recognize not all leaders work the same. That means different men will “take charge” if different ways. Some will verbal, some quiet, others chest thumpers. Like Tazzee implied, you gotta learn to recognize by observing their actions, coz that’s what will differentiate a man from a boy. Just coz someone is loud, doesn’t mean they are in charge or just coz someone is quiet, doesn’t mean they are walk overs or not in charge. The uniform does not ALWAYS tell the full story… The key is what they value, which is revealed by their actions…
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
verbal skills?….
Rell i don’t know WHY a women HAS to joust with a man, maybe b/c he has said/did out of line antics, who knows. This is what was discussed with a couple of married co-workers of mine. Most married 11+ years, happy and bliss. Those points i made in my 11:13 was what they say huby is when acting childish…
By Sista Gurl
August 15, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
For Real
I was who I wanted to be or needed to be. I was whoever they wanted me to be.
Now I’m ME. Like it/Love it/Deal with it or the pluck on!!
By For Real
August 15, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
2pennies What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point.
Because women tend to change on men. My paw-paw told me to chose a woman that knows how to struggle cause the sun ain’t shinnin on yo azz everyday.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
Does his actions say it If we’re lost and he refuses to ask for direction.
By Binford2K
August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
I think I’m both boy and man.
The man in me: has a house, finances that are well in order, and a healthy portfolio for the future.
The boy in me: Enjoys simple things and things that women may consider boy-ish or immature. I do dress younger than my age, but I get away with it cause I look young ;P
I frankly think that when women meet me they think I am a party boy that isn’t responsible with his life. But it is just that I want to laugh and find humor in life - and only be serious when it really calls for it. Humor and laughing keeps me young! Being all stuffy and “mature” is for someone else.
Now where’s that silly string!
By Demi
August 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
What I don’t understand is how men in this situation can never have gotten an inkling that this would be her attitude any time before that point.
mytwocents Good question…He problely never put that woman to test…Or he has not been through any real trials in life himself. REAL recognize REAL. I can spot a woman who has been through hell and back…and survive, miles away.
Demigod has that same walk his DAYUMMUGGAFGGINSELF
By For Real
August 15, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
SexyCool however…three/four months down the road, if he is still mired in his depression or stuck on square zero…we have a problem and my reaction WON’T be the same…
Dayummmm you know this job market fugged up. Oh but does that apply to you too?
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
So my man has to be as strong as me Staceye you nailed it on the head!
By Rell (TOS)
August 15, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
in turn the BOOTY rains too. LOL!…and don’t let him be handy with his hands around the house…Hmph Hmph Hmph! We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc.
LMAO……really, looking out the kitchen window and your doing what in the kitchen….lol….i cant remember the last time i seen that scene…yes i do…in a movie…in real life a brother is tending to the yard and the lady is gone shopping/getting nails done/hair/wax…etc….lol….modern women want an old school dude but keep there new school ways….come on now lets keep the convo rooted in the real and not in the make believe…..LMAO..looking out the kitchen window..in the internet age…lol
By SexyCool
August 15, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this
for real…of course, i’m speaking hypothetically…sh!t is cool at my house…
so…hypothetically speaking…in three/four months…if he hasn’t found the job that he WANTS…he d@mn show (as my grandma would say) better be working a job doing SOMETHING, even if he’s just covering the groceries…you don’t work, you don’t eat…
and yes…it goes for me too…in three/four months…i better be doing SOMETHING…cashiering, cleaning houses, nannying, washing cars, spinning around the pole (i kid, i kid), out on the stroll (more kidding)…but i better be doing SOMETHING…
By Foots
August 15, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this
This has been a great conversation so far, as the majority of the men are coming from a position of responsibility and strength. That’s quite sexy.
Big Poppa Yet, that is when you have to dig deepest and gut it out. I am responsible for me. I am not deflecting my wellbeing on no one else.
Your wife is very lucky too. Some men don’t seem to operate like this anymore, taking responsibility and taking charge. Instead, you hear whining about what somebody else did or didn’t do. Whining ain’t never sexy in a man. I suppose that’s the reason for this timely topic.
For Real Dayummmm you know this job market fugged up. Oh but does that apply to you too?
Yes it would, especially if I was the head of the household with the full responsibility on my shoulders of taking care of said household, instead of the man.
Staceye My father was a hardworking man and still is. He came more into that after my parents divorced, now he’s retired and still working three jobs. I respect that about him.
One thing that I could never respect about him was that he could do anything for us simply because it needed to be done. If I told him I needed new shoes as a child, his response was “Well, what ya momma doin?” It was always about her, as if he couldn’t do anything more for his children than my mother did. He wanted to follow her lead.
It reminds me of what I hear on the blog. Each time a woman articulates what she needs or would like in a man, some dude will ask “So what you doing?” Instead of owning the request and taking responsibility as the HEAD for fulfulling it, as 2CPTG said Some men are still shirking their responsibilities, and deflecting blame on the ladies. They still want to follow when they are supposed to lead.
By mytwocents
August 15, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
Cee Didn’t u keep sayin’ I was likely to slap a… thought you’s volunteerin. I support that outfit, hi five. Jus sayin, you can and should have cheerleader, corporate, car wash, soccer mom clothes to dress the one woman. Reminds me bout Madonna…melo what did you want my thoughts on?
Staceye did not just say prank calls. I’m so done!
I understand changing, For Real, but that requires a complete chameleon.
By DuShawn
August 15, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli “He doesn’t feel he has the verbal skills to joust with her so he don’t say anything.” Silence can often be the most effective weapon in a verbal joust….with a female. I’ve learned to agree with what they say and then go do whatever the hell you want. Staceye ”Sometimes it takes a woman to remind him to man up.” I agree with that, but real men don’t have to be reminded of what they should be doing. It smacks them in the face when they wake up in the morning and haunts them in their sleep. Sometimes, just like boy, a grown man needs a hug. It’s crucial out here.
By Tazzee
August 15, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
Dan I love that 11:44
SexyCool “you don’t work, you don’t eat” - straight from the bible…
Rell damn man, you had to mess up a good flow with your 12:04. Believe it or not, I may not cook regularly but a man makes me wanna get in the kitchen - so don’t get it twisted, that’s my real world. Your real world may have the woman at the mall while you’re working hard…and if that’s the case, I have to revert back to my fave saying you picked her
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 15, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
I think some folks are getting it twisted about what 2CAN is relaying, based on reading Binford2K last post.
All men have some boy in them and all women have some girl in them, it is just a reality of life, but what we are saying here is that when you have 90 percent BOY in you and 10 man, we have a problem!
BOYS represent to majority of cat’s in Atlanta and other cities. If you don’t understand, please re-read Truths 11:31 post. I think he hit the nail on its head.
MEN Do not lead women on, they tell them the truth upfront!
MEN handle they biz..always!
MEN have careers not jobs!
MEN don’t drop their women off, then keep their cars for the day, unless there is work that needs to be done on that car, which they pay for, not the woman!
MEN take care of any and all kids they have!
MEN are proactive instead of reactive!
MEN open doors for women and pull chairs out for women!
MEN only borrow money from women, when it is that last alternative, not the first and most of all, they pay it back with interest!
MEN don’t move into chicks crib, unless they are relocating from out of state and even with that, there should be a plan to eventually buy their own home, with marriage somewhere in the mix.
Just a few thoughts from a MAN not a BOY!
By Atl Lady
August 15, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
Can The Church Say Amen!!!! This is an excellent topic today and ya’ll brought it!!Truth Can I have your autograph??? I believe you’ve found another calling and I want in now on the ground floor. LOL I’ll get with you later on how we can print this up as a newsletter and distribute it. :-) Talk about letters to a brother.
By Foots
August 15, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
Rell ….i cant remember the last time i seen that scene…yes i do…in a movie…in real life a brother is tending to the yard and the lady is gone shopping/getting nails done/hair/wax…
Nah, that might be just YOUR life.
If a man has the problems you’ve described instead of having a woman who is as dedicated to building a good life through hard work as he is, he found the wrong woman. He should have better qualifications for the women he chooses.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
Some of the blame should be put on mothers who don’t allow their boys to develop into a man by calling them names like “my baby” my “boo” and other sissy names. Some mothers act as if they are their son’s woman. Words produce action and if a mother is constantly referring to her grown son as my baby there’s a problem.
I dated a guy who was a #1 mama’s boy, his mother was at his house more than I was, she cooked, cleaned, shopped for him, this woman did everything for him. I”m all for being close to mamma but somethings are just unnatural. We didn’t last long since I felt that the mom was used to doing things for him. I told him it will be hard for a woman to step into his life since he already has a woman in his life HIS MAMA!
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
rell how is Lisa-Raye acting in disrespect. He was the one who cheated and did all the dirt. If anybody was disrepectful in that situation it was Mr. Missick himself. Once you do something worth losing my respect…it open season! LOL
why does a women have to constantly challenge a man if she fees he is dead wrong…she should. His way is not always right or what is best for the family. A lot of time a man makes ego driven decisions while women make the emotional ones. Sometimes neither of them are completely right..but but discussing both views..the best options maybe a combo of both. But if the woman is a mindless spinelees twit who does not say what she feels…she is not a real woman! A real woman will not allow herself to led down the wrong path when she knows in her heart and mind that it is wrong! Now a man who takes this I am man so what I say goes attitude is not a real man because he feels he has to over act his manhood. A real man knows that both partners she lead where their strength lies. My dad never sits down and pays bills, however he makes money it’s in his account and my mom has all his account info. She pays the bills. All he has to do it work, never worrying if the light bill was paid. That is not his strength. My mom is budget queen..she can make the better financial decisions. My dad is more of a man because he accepts his weakness and knows that my mom is better in that area.
I would respect a man who has a college degree that would work at McDonald’s while he searches for job in field more so than the dude who would rather do without because he “ego & Pride” is in the way! A real man…is a do-er not a dreamer! Though he may dream…he actively pursues it!
By C tha 1
August 15, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
Like everyone else 2Can I’m really feeling your topic today. However, my response requires me to be transparent, as I am a flawed man. I’ve experienced victories and defeats in my professional and personal life. Have I put away childish things?Certainly. I’m I accepting the responsibility placed upon me? If you mean being a self reliant person then yes. Ultimately, I think the question that needs to be asked is as follows: What is the true measure of a man?
I’ve read a few comments about you shouldn’t be living with your moms past 25 years old… Well that’s a given. I’ve also read where women are paying attention to a man’s wardrobe … how many shoes and blazers does he have in his closet. O.K., I like to believe the Sprite commericial that says Image is nothing, Thirst is everything because in my heart I believe this to be true. However, the reality is that Image is everything … but it is also very misleading, its only skin deep or fabric deep for that matter.
For instance, I have a very accomplished lady friend who was recently engaged to an equally successful dude. He had all the trappings of success that a professional football player brings. Made enough money to the point material things were not a concern. Every person strives to get to that level. But ole girl calls the wedding off. Why you ask? Well the man who had his money right, wardrobe together, affairs in order, and all his ducks in a row was very confused about one essential quality that every person should be aware of … his sexual orientation.
Now she won’t reveal the fashion in which she found out about brotha man’s switch hitting ways, obviously its a traumatic experience. But the point I’m trying to make is that when you measure one man against another, you have to know all the facts details about each person.
We’re all on a journey, rat race, or whatever you want to call it. But everyone doesn’t run on the same track. Some men achieve sucess the straight up honest way, others achieve it by hook or crook and deal with the consequences. That’s all for now. Sorry for the long post.
By Poppa Grande
August 15, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
Foots
Your wife is very lucky too.
Well, thanks. I learned from my pops. I am lucky. I grew up in a 2 parent household. I saw how my dad ran things. He was no-nonsense with me. His standard lines to me were “No one cares how you feel, get it done.” or **with age comes, responsibility. I recognize the importance of simple things like chores as a kid. I ride my nephews azz like there is no tomorrow trying to teach him the same.
I hated it then, but as I’ve grown, I’ve appreciated it more each day.
By Cemeeli
August 15, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
I’ve learned to agree with what they say and then go do whatever the hell you want.
That EXACLTY what the women said their hubby did. And the same reason why 99.9% of them were out with me that night…
mytwo keep coaching i know, u know i really didn’t need Imma be more ways tied when i complete all the wadrobe change. very willing Ah, can you help me get this zipped up? :)
By mytwocents
August 15, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
Foots Yes it would, especially if I was the head of the household with the full responsibility on my shoulders of taking care of said household, instead of the man.
Please clarify. Does that mean if you make a higher salary, you’d consider yourself the head? If I am not going to remain single, I am not going to be the head.
By myword
August 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
Good lord I’m glad I’m gay.
By THE MELO
August 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
We love looking out the kitchen window peeking at you sweating in the sun cutting the grass, edging the yard, or fixing the a/c unit..etc. i do exactly that at my house Slim and thats why,with three females in the house, i dnt tch the laundry,nor do no folding etc,the only cooking i do is take the grill out on sat or sunday while they make the fufu,rice or gravy inside, i dnt do no sweeping in da hse,nor dishes. When the grass is to be cut, i just do it,when sme breaks up in the hse, i fix it or get a techn to do it,i take out the trash and clean the yard,the brushes,the pressure washing,when the lights need to be replaced and i cant reach it,i borrow a ladder from home depot and do it, when the kids need shoes and its time to go back to school,the momney is in tha bank,uall head out to the mall(thats ur hobby anyway) and get those kids squared….. The one thing i notice tho is,if a guy lost a job etc and is still trying to figure stuff,females are hard on the men(i have personal expnce),let her lose her job thru a layoff,she will be in bed sleeping, with high blood pressure,sulking about it(i agree with Dushawn),thats a dble standard females have.But as for me,2001/02 taught me a lesson about recession etc,thats why i got me this truck..i am good with my brain as well as with handy work so i will put my truck to work,no prblem…. But once i get that big yard all cut up and clean slim,pleeeeeeeese have my plate and glass of water ready,brother needs to replace sme bodily fluids!
By Foots
August 15, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this
LL Kudos for that list! You and Truth are killing with your lists today. It’s great hearing from men who see themselves as the head, not the tail.
Staceye I would respect a man who has a college degree that would work at McDonald’s while he searches for job in field more so than the dude who would rather do without because he “ego & Pride” is in the way!
You right about it! And for dudes that disagree that women actually can feel that way, they’ve learned a little about the differences between WOMEN and GIRLS.
By Kym aka Lady Sage
August 15, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this
Good Afternoon All,
Nice topic 2C finally a topic the men can sink their teeth into. I agree with alot of the comments listed above. So I am not going to back up and go over them high fives all around. As for the subtopic why do black women “jaw” with men. Can I ask why this is thought as an exclusive habit to just black women? I know many a vocal white, hispanic, and asian women (I work with them) and they are quite vocal when the need arises.
By m'karyl
August 15, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
Well, I have been a lot of reflective thinking lately…turning 48 and all this year…and when it comes to how I view a men…it is all about how he presents his character…I go back to the same source I have always used…my father and male elders in my upbringing…these were some powerful, strong, vital and moral men…diverse, dynamic, proactive…real men, black men, in a world that persecuted them by default…I looked online at the newsletter from my home church…and there they were…the elders much older…my brother peers stepping into place…the sons and grandsons being prepared by the elders and fathers to lead…and I thought, yes this world is full of beautiful, wonderful, worthy black men…and Pilgrim Baptist Church rules in their numbers…so, for me it is all about the character of the man and how that character will mature and remain steadfast over time…a tree grows by its roots, not its leaves.
By Wise_0726aa
August 15, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
beaming with pride over our outstanding blog discussion AND trying to figure out where the deuce my red coded name went
reaching for nerfbat
By SlimOne
August 15, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
Rell modern women want an old school dude but keep there new school ways….come on now lets keep the convo rooted in the real and not in the make believe… I can’t speak for anyone else, i can only speak for me…I love getting up on Saturday morning, blasting the radio, open up all the blinds and get my clean up on. If i’m looking out the window, i’m either washing dishes or making a nice pitcher of his favorite KOOL-AID. Be like babe, i saw you out in this heat, figured i’d bring you something to drink before I go get my eyebrows waxed. lol
By Foots
August 15, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this
mytwo Please clarify. Does that mean if you make a higher salary, you’d consider yourself the head?
For Real’s question was that if women expected the Head of Household man to get up and hit the pavement looking for a job if he got laid off, would that go for women too. As the Head, you have responsiblities for the household, regarding of who makes the most money. So the point was that yes, the one with the responsibility on their shoulders for the household should break their neck to continue trying to provide that household. If my man gave me that responsibility over him, then sure I would.
The benefit of submitting to a Head is that the final responsibility is not on you, but on the Head. And it doesn’t have anything to do with finances.
By jazzyone
August 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
UMMMM 2Can I bow to thee…great post, great topic, great look!
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
melo I haven’t had fufu in years.
By Just Me
August 15, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Great Topic
Take a Bow 2 Can Play That Game Bravo!!!! A topic worthy of coming out of lurking to participate
I love a man that can take care of business. A man that knows what to do, how to maintain a household.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 15, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
@Foots Thanks, but chicks need to adjust their bra straps as well!
Women allow cats to be soft, PUNKS or WHIMPS, therefore cat’s will not pull their weight, because y’all don’t require a MAN to be a MAN and truth be said, y’all really don’t want a MAN because it will cause many of y’all to look in the mirror at ya dayum selves!
Getting a BOY for the time being is the safe route, until many chicks get they act together!
Now, I am not talking directly to you, but after reading and commenting on this blog for three years, it is apparent that most of the women commenting on here are so used to dealing with BOYS that they do not honestly know what a MAN looks like, let alone being with one!
We have a sad state here today and this is the reason so many GOOD MEN are not recognized, because of the BOYS most women CHOOSE to deal with.
Throw darts at me, but many women have raised BOYS not MEN and I know a lot of it has to do with the absence of fathers,but I still don’t buy into the notion to that if a chick checked every cat she met, who was not right, BOYS would be forced to change into MEN.
I tell chicks raising sons, that they are raising someone future husband all the time, so don’t be soft on that rugrat!
By THE MELO
August 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
i will flip the topic a lil and say that females have a problem in that there are always trying to measure themslves against the Jones and thereby putting pressure on the men.Some females are not grounded in who they are or their own goals,they put pressure on hubby to do this or that coz so and so is doing it.This is unnecesary in my view.It takes a strong man to make the woman focus on whats good for them as a fam and not just go with what others are doing.This is where leadership comes in.But if the woman is of a diff mentality,they are on their seperate ways henceforth.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
@ M’karyl a tree grows by its roots, not its leaves. AMEN sistha AMEN!!
By Poppa Grande
August 15, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this
The benefit of submitting to a Head is that the final responsibility is not on you, but on the Head. And it doesn’t have anything to do with finances.
That is exactly right. It ain’t necessarily a fun job. Finances are only one part of it.
My house is kinda organized like a business. I am the CEO and she is the CFO. She has input, but sometimes I have to make an executive decision. She isn’t always happy with it, but she trusts me.
Her being “CFO” is a sign of trust from me to her. However, as CEO, I do review all bank statements, and it is done for our protection. Two pairs of eyes are better than one. We’ve caught fraudulent charges, thanks to having two pairs of eyes review the docs.
Darn, Castleberry Inn employee getting our debit card number from an employee at Paschal’s and paying her cellphone bill with it. She is now a guest of the state..that’s another story for another day.
I had to get from “me to a we” mentality to make this thing work.
By THE MELO
August 15, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this
MLL lemme knw when u free on a weekend and ill invite u over for meal……
By SlimOne
August 15, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this
melo I can respect your 12:27…i’m glad you shared so we can get another side view of you. Even though many of us have moved and/or changed with the times, I believe the core values/ideas are still there. I grew up in a household where my mom maintained a job as well as tended to most of the household chores. At the same time, we were made to so the shyt outside too, so i know the importance of good hard work…maining the fields so-to-speak. I definitely hated it when I was young but at the same time it taught me appreciation of things. It taught me the importance of hardwork as well as not just assuming I’m owed something.
So Rell, this is a reality. May not be YOUR reality. Plus if you meet chicks on a Saturday in the parking lot going into the nail shop…you can’t fault nobody but yourself cuz that’s where you met the chick. You all are attracted to the outside but you have to also keep in mind, all the shyt the chicks have to do to look that way. Cuz last time I checked, we shole don’t wake up looking like that lol
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
LL what do you do about the illusion of being a man as someone who is into hip hop or wears certian clothing and walk and speak particular? Society as taught men that that’s a step into man hood by their appearance. Boys are teased b/c they are smart they’re labled sissy or f*. Boys get picked on if they are too nice.
By Demi
August 15, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
*But it is just that I want to laugh and find humor in life - and only be serious when it really calls for it. *
Binford2K Mostly immature women think that way bruh…just keep running from the weak
So my man has to be as strong as me
MLL/Ms.Eyes You will never be as strong as a real man…A man is suppose to be your strength/rock…together as strong man and woman…I am that towering oak tree and you are my roots that keep me firm in the mist of the storm…we can survive anything. Thought I am the head Captain of this ship, I still a need a Dayum good navigator/Co-Captain as I pilot our Mega Yacht…”P.S.: To The Hell With What Y’all Think!!”…Through these troubling times.
This is the most dumbest shyt I’ve ever posted.
By DuShawn
August 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this
Staceye when was the last time you dated a dude that worked at McDonalds. Do you realize how much pride would have to be sacrificed to make the transition from suits to fast-food uniforms? Slow money is better than no money…..but hell naw. No offense, but that contribution will do little to bring a mortgage out of default. That’s not an option for men with big bills. Most men I know that are going through what I described previously, need a lick and they need it quick. Typically at this point, the man’s self esteem has already plummeted. Now you want him to further humiliate himself by working on fries. disclaimer: I got respect for every man doing what he has to do to keep his family fed
By Foots
August 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this
LL I agree with you. Goes back to the earlier comment about some mothers trying to let their sons be the man in their lives. Some men do grow up soft because of it. I had a neighbor who ran her son’s bathwater, even when dude came home from college. I don’t know what type of man he’s become, but I do know that he’s married with his own family. Hopefully, he didn’t expect his wife to step into his mama’s shoes.
As the Bible says, when you become a man, you put away childish things. Even if a man has been allowed to be a child for an extended period of time, isn’t it possible for him to reach inside himself to determine “Hey, this isn’t the type of man I desire to be” and do something to grow up?, putting away his childish things on his own? Or does he still need guidance on how to be a man at that point, going back to one of Truth’s definition of a boy: 7) You have plans to get something done, if you could just find someone to give you guidance.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the invite melo but my weekends won’t be free until the economy gets better….
By Wise Diva
August 15, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this
Demi, are you alright? still grumbling at my red-less name
By Foots
August 15, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this
Big Poppa My house is kinda organized like a business. I am the CEO and she is the CFO. She has input, but sometimes I have to make an executive decision. She isn’t always happy with it, but she trusts me.
That’s almost how I would describe how I want my future household to run, he’s the CEO, in charge of long-range goals and vision and final decision-making, I’m the COO and CFO, in charge of day to day operations, providing input and data so that the final decision is an informed one. It was great to hear my SO describe what he wanted for his household in exactly that way, before I had a chance to say it myself.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 15, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
calm down Alvin/Demi I can’t speak for Staceye but I wasn’t talking bout physical strength I was referring to mental and emotional.
By Foots
August 15, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this
Rell really….i wonder how strong you are!..
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