Misadventures in Atlanta

By Gail

August 18, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

I am a 53 year old widow. I was happily married for 15 years. EVER since I knew boys were alive, I have been picky!!! IF there is not chemistry, I do not waste my time. My friends say JUST GO OUT….WHY waste his time and mine if there is nothing there? YES, I may grow old alone, but I would rather grow old alone than be with somebody JUST to be with somebody.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! How was the weekend? Did any of blogland attend Old School Saturday’s this weekend?

For me, a first date is granted if you approach me like a gentleman and the conversation is stimulating. Attraction is not all about looks for me.

By Gail

August 18, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

I am a 53 year old widow. I was happily married for 15 years. EVER since I knew boys were alive, I have been picky!!! IF there is not chemistry, I do not waste my time. My friends say JUST GO OUT….WHY waste his time and mine if there is nothing there? YES, I may grow old alone, but I would rather grow old alone than be with somebody JUST to be with somebody.

By Blanca

August 18, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Good morning All! Not sure why we had the commenting problem again today. I’m sorry for the inconvenience! Happy Monday!

By Dan

August 18, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Interesting language there ARed.

“granted?” Oookaaay..

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

do you have high standards when it comes to spending one-on-one time with someone new?

yes i do. because my time is valuable. it’s not all about me anymore. i have two young men who ask for my time all day long. going out on a date with the why not attitude … i can buy myself dinner and a movie.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

and i’m pretty sure the why not guy would appreciate me not wasting his time. isn’t this right fellas?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Good morning, I’ve always been picky and now that I’m dating again I’m even more pickier. I can’t just go on a date with a man if there is no chemisty.

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Morning I see they finally figured out we couldn’t comment. I should hope folks are not necessarily too picky but more selective in who they date as they get older. The normal idea is that we get wiser with age and learn more about ourselves…so with that, the decisions you make should reflect your level of maturity. However, if you’re a 20 something yr old person trapped in a 33+ year old body, then I’d expect you to holla at a chick merely cuz she has fake boobies, or holla at a dude just because he drives a Dodge Charger. Either you’re like a fine wine that gets better with age, or you’re still just a bottle of MD 20/20. (no matter how old it is, it’s still just bottom shelf licca).

I don’t expect to feel “spontaneous magic” before accepting a date. I guess for me to want to explore a first date with someone, there has to be a sense of humor, some sort of attraction, the basics (has a job and does not appear to be i’d be uncomfortable with) and an ability to converse without pulling teeth. I think that’s pretty basic stuff. Any sign of arrogance or cockiness is a definitely a point on the “Do not date” side.

By Binford2k

August 18, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

To my family and friends, I am known as the Picky One.

But like Jack, I have defined a range. To me, I have seen plenty of women in my range (unfortunately almost all are involved). I don’t need to have instant fireworks to go out with someone but they do need in the range and I will give it a shot - even if I’m not sure. A lot of women I have dated that I’ve had a good relationships with are ones that didn’t have an instant pop, but more of a curiosity about.

And if you can keep first dates to something inexpensive and casual - why not try?

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Wow, nitpicking before 10:30 am. Probably a record.

granted = to consent to: allow.

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

There’s always a certain degree of chemistry there. Something had to be there for you to continue conversing w/the person or to even approach the person. For me, a first date is granted if you approach me like a gentleman and the conversation is stimulating. Attraction is not all about looks for me. EXACTLY!

Sunshine, if you’re lurking, my end of the day post wasn’t a slur against you. You may already know this, but wanted to clarify.

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

at 38 years old, he knows what he’s looking for and doesn’t waste time with those who don’t fit the bill. Further, if he doesn’t feel that special instant chemistry, he knows that the pairing is not for him.

Replace that with feminine pronouns and you’ve got me. I have gotten pickier as I’ve gotten older because experience has taught me that when I have the ‘why not?’ attitude concerning dating it bombed every time. Furthermore, there has to be something about a man that makes me want to interrupt my schedule to be with him. If that isn’t there at the onset then I might be on the date thinking “I really could be home watching those episodes of Monk I taped” - LOL.

By Lady Sage aka Kym

August 18, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

Well you cant find out if there is chemistry until you actually talk and spend time with the person. Normally after the first conversation I can pretty much guess if this guy is someone I want to spend time getting to know better.

Off Topic—Big shout out to the Jamaican nation..they brought the funk in track and field this weekend. WHeeee that Bolt fellow was pure power and the young lady yesterday(forgot her name) was also outstanding..actually the Jamacian nation came in 1-2-3 so they all were wonderful.

Phelps..what can I say the guy is part fish or dolphin. He has made the Olympics just great!!!!

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

LOL @Beautiful. You see, the “why not” attitude is exactly what I did Thursday evening and look what it got me…a person w/open marriage! That’s rich!

By Foots

August 18, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

I don’t know about spontaneous magic either. I’ve gone out on dates with people I’ve met that were interesting to me and caused me to want to know more about them for whatever reason. That way, it wasn’t thought of as a waste of my time or his. I’ve gotten to know more about him, which was the goal, regardless if it was something to made me want to know even more or something that made me say “I already know enough”.

I’ve never gone out with just anybody to get a free meal or outing, so I can’t really say that I have gotten pickier. It’s just that as I have grown up some, certain things are more important than others. And likewise, some things are much less important to me than they used to be.

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Lady Sage aka Kym believe you’re referring to Kerron Stewart. Track was excellent yesterday.

By ATL P.Y.T.

August 18, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Good AM! I have taken a mixed approach to dating. I go through phases where I take the “why not” approach, which typically is prompted by a failed “sparks and butterflies” phase. The benefit of the “why not” approach is that I can practice my dating skills (convo), explore a new place, or hear a different perspective from someone new! I find that by dating, however I do it, I learn more and more about what will send sparks my way, so bring it on!

By Dan

August 18, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Allow: to grant

No notpicking, just interested in your use of language. So you actually feel as if you “grant” people dates?

That would connote the extension of an offer from an elevated [social] standing.

It’s just interesting to me, that’s all.

By MELO-the postman

August 18, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Phelps..what can I say the guy is part fish or dolphin…yeah,the drug test results are on their way but still caught up in the mail…………

By Young, Black & Gifted Woman

August 18, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

As long as the approach, even if I say a simple “Hello” from me to him, and an exchange of conversation is mutual, and our personalities seem to be in sync, I have nothing to lose. It’s not all about looks per se, definitely personality is a number one in my book for a 1st date.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

There’s picky and too picky. Being too picky judging on a person’s appearance, height, weight, etc is overboard. I’m more picky about morals and values.

By Lady Sage aka Kym

August 18, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

No it was not Kerron Stewart it was the new comer..but I think Kerron picked up the bronze..they went 1.2.3 in 100.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

No notpicking, just interested in your use of language. So you actually feel as if you “grant” people dates?

That would connote the extension of an offer from an elevated [social] standing

Dan - snore Zzzz. Lighten up please. It’s really not that serious.

By Binford2k

August 18, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

To add on what Foots said…

I think sometimes you have to go out with a person one two or three times to really get a sense of who they are. I feel (rephrase: I know) that I don’t make the greatest first impression with women, but if they give me a date or two the true me will shine through.

By LivedNLearned

August 18, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

I can truly say that I have done the “why not” dates and have met some pretty nice gentlemen as a result. I don’t know why people are so hung up on themselves these days?

You want to be with someone, or at least figure out how to be so why make this dating thing harder than it needs to be. Everybody ain’t where they’re supposed to me in life, yourself included. You may be closer that the next but don’t discount people b/c they don’t fit your preconceived idea.

When you do that you get the shorter end of the stick. I had that happen to me. This older guy I dated and was really into couldn’t, or should I say wouldn’t take me serious because my credit was not as high or good as his. Well, oh how the tables have turned. He just lost his house to foreclosure and not only do I “own” my house, I have 2 other rental properties that are thriving.

I said all that to say this, there is no rubber stamp rule to people. Be flexible, be honest, be open and the right person will come your way. Keep trying to run the “rules” and you’ll be 99 still on this blog trying to figure it all out.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

hi Binford2k! unfortunately, i know i have messed up in the past by not granting the 2nd date. i always wonder … what if.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

LivedNLearned don’t try it with the guilt trip missy! there’s a reason why the brotha didn’t make it to your future.

By Dan

August 18, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Okay, Ms. Lady.

I had a convo with some friends of mine this weekend about quantity over quality regarding dating.

Mine is the past of quality as opposed to quantity. If I remember correctly, this was attributed to age and understanding.

By TJ

August 18, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Wow, were does a NICE guy like me start ??? Well, I am not going to approach a random woman, whom I think is attractive at first sight and ask her out, NO WAY, NO HOW… Been there, done that, wont do it again!!!

Why do Nice guys like me Finish Last?? I think that women like excitement, and the guys that excite women, are the TYPICAL “dogs” that women make men out to be!! So after you women date a few of these “dogs” who EXCITE you, you begin to learn that mainly those “dogs” are only in it for themselves.

It takes you time to develop some insight as to what characteristics that you should look for in a man.

And ladies, when you do find that NICE guy, please, do not assume that he is like any of the guys you dated in the past.

By LivedNLearned

August 18, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Beautiful no guilt trip here hun. He obviously wasn’t meant to be apart of my future, but it’s just interesting how life sometimes throws those intolerable things right back at us and says, “now deal”

By MELO

August 18, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

yu can certainly reflect ur value system in the way u eat or dress or present urself mamalonglegs.Think about hw some strippers dress in general for example.Some of them wld certainly not care or are way more liberal in their dressing when not on duty/work.The way sme pple wld value food, i think wld also reflect their work ethic or lack thereof:values So yeah, i think you can categorize pple smehow by looking at them.However, it takes a discussion(s)/observations to get a deeper understanding of a person……

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

LivedNLearned Different strokes for different strokes. I’ve lived and learned and found that this dating thing is harder when I try to force something that isn’t there. I’ve lived and learned and found that when I did do that I got the shorter end of the stick. Don’t take your personal experience and ascribe to us.

And no one said anything about credit scores or folks being at a certain level - we just said we want there to be some sort of chemistry before we waste anyone’s time. Unless you told dude your credit score before the first date, your example doesn’t fit what we’re talking about.

By Atl Lady

August 18, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. I agree with Gail. I’ve been picky all my life as well. A lot of my friends have said that I’m too picky, but I know the kind of man that I’m looking for and he hasn’t found me yet and I haven’t found him yet. I worked with someone that friends kept telling us we would a good match. I knew better. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what you want and need in a realtionship. An older person takes time to examine themselves more. If you’re 40 and have 20 year-old expectations, you’re going to be unhappy.

By For Real

August 18, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

For Real: Man you see that fine lady over there?

Dude: Yeah, that’s the kind of woman that you lock up.

For Real: Imma go holla at her.

Dude: You better before I do.

For Real: Hello my name is For Real.

Chick: Hello my name Lucy.

For Real: Okay Lucy have a good day.

Chick: WTF

Dude: What hellz is wrong with you!!!! Why leave her like that?

For Real: Man I just couldn’t keep the convo going.

Dude: Why the Fugg Not!!!

For Real: The creases in her blouse were not even.

Dude now beating For Real across the head with a springroll.

By Pam

August 18, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

At the age of 24, I have somewhat of a why not attitude, BUT that being said standards are STILL in place. If I can’t hold a conversation with you about relevant topics because at the age of 32 you do not watch the news you must keep it MOVING. I would rather be alone than with just any ole’ body.

By MELO

August 18, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Furthermore, there has to be something about a man that makes me want to interrupt my schedule to be with him did the Dan guy make it sis Tazz??????????..hey,im just looking out for my sis………

By Heartless

August 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Foots, I co-sign on your 10:50.

And since I’ve also never been the one to date just for a meal, it’s really not all that complicated to agree to a date. My time is not so valueable that I can’t get to know someone else just because I don’t think he’ll be my husband. People can be put in your life for a myriad of reasons.

The key is to be upfront and to not lead someone on if they’re expecting romance and you feel otherwise.

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

For me an immediate interest in a person is always signaled by a “click” of sorts…it is not something that I really think about…literally something just clicks and I say “ahhh, yes”…but I would not need to have such an occurrence of inner bam just to accept a date or such…I can go out for the good time and all without looking to make any real serious connection…mainly, I think because I am not really looking to make any relationship committments, so I stay pretty open about casual and platonic social engagements..but, I do suppose that if I were more interested in a serious sort of involvement my criteria would overrule all things anyway…the list is celebrating 25 years…lol

By Foots

August 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Ladies Can we agree to stop breaking up with guys by starting off with “You’re NICE and everything, but…..” I know that it’s just a compliment meant to soften the upcoming blow, but guys really are thinking that you broke it off because they were too nice. Just tell them the real reason!!! LOL!!

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

LivedNLearned understood, BUT you need to see the blessing in that situation. he sound cocky as a mutha anyway. why bed and raise children with an azzhole!

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

I can truly say that I have done the “why not” dates and have met some pretty nice gentlemen as a result. I don’t know why people are so hung up on themselves these days?

I said all that to say this, there is no rubber stamp rule to people. Be flexible, be honest, be open and the right person will come your way. Keep trying to run the “rules” and you’ll be 99 still on this blog trying to figure it all out.

LivedNLearned - I’m with you. Initial attraction will only let you know that you’re attracted. You’ve gotta give chances and scratch more than the surface. Not to say you shouldn’t go out with someone you are completely NOT attracted to, but if there is something that piques you enough to want to know more, even if they aren’t what you usually go for, give it a shot. Most people will be okay if it’s still not working for you after date 2 or 3 and you want to move on.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

not lead someone on if they’re expecting romance and you feel otherwise.

going on the 2nd or 3rd date … is that leading a man on? hmmmm

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

I’ve always gone for the “nice” guys. Thugs and bad boys are wack.

Angie - 2nd and 3rd dates are only misleading if you KNOW that the romantic feelings are no longer there. Sometimes it takes a couple of dates to really get a grasp on the person, especially if their “reprentative” is in full force. The walls may not start coming down until the comfort level grows. There are all of walking wounded in the dating pool (too many!).

By Keep it real! From Ohio

August 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Hey Beautiful and others,

Do not 2nd guess your initial thought or gut feeling about and individual it is usually right!

I can tell right away if I can have a relationship with a woman!

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl For me an immediate interest in a person is always signaled by a “click” of sorts…it is not something that I really think about…literally something just clicks and I say “ahhh, yes”…

I have to agree here. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something about the guy that clicks. It might be his smile, it might be how he approaches me, it might be how he interacts with others. If the click isn’t there - we usually don’t even get to the part of him asking me for a date. I usually say something that lets him know I’m not really interested.

By For Real

August 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Dude: For Real what about that chick over there?

For Real: Ummm naw she walk funny.

Dude: Okay but check that one out right there..

For Real: Ewww she look like she just smelted her own breath.

Dude: Oh now I know you gonna dig her

For Real: Nawwww she looks like she talk too much

Dude now pushing For Real down a flight of stairs.

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Good example of being picky the creases in her blouse were not even Struck a cord w/me because I iron just about everything I put on. That was funny!

By LivedNLearned

August 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Tazzee,if my example doesn’t fit your life, chew the hay and spit the sticks. The example could clearly be applied to other aspects of dating, but I guess you don’t follow. So this time I’ll try and break it down on the child style so that you don’t miss.

If you are dating someone and all things are gel’n then one “imperfection” shouldn’t be a deal breaker. Now here are the givens that I assume we all understand.

just for you girl

By Binford2k

August 18, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

MLL You can be too picky on some things (like hair color,height, eye color). But weight can be a serious indicator of health problems to come.

I think I am a “nice guy” but I am not a meek person nor am I afraid if people like me. But I have manners and am not going to hard-sell myself.

But a funny story: a friend of a friend had gotten knocked up by MR. BadBoy a few years back and just recently married someone else. I showed the wedding pics to another friend who did not know anyone. He said exactly the same word as I had: “PROVIDER”. This dude married up (she is out of his league - you can tell) and she married him because Mr. BadBoy already left his love child (and her). Point is: I find it so funny that women want the nice guy to bat cleanup. I’m the frickin lead-off hitter - I trail no one :P

Beautiful I think most people have done that.

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

For Real You’re starting us off right this early afternoon I see. But you’d probably be surprised how many folks are walking around with OCD.

I’d like to hear how difficult it is for THEM to date. lol

Weekend Recap Went to Pink Pony South on Friday…It’s very plush/upscale but them chicks SUCK! I thought they only had skrip clubs on tv where all the dancers danced in slow motion even on a fast song. ARRggghhh! Oh and one mo thang…I finally met a skripp who said she enjoys what she does. LMAO!

Saturday got stood up = reason was the person misplaced their cell phone/ended up being left at their friends house…had no way to call me back.

Sunday did absolutely nothing but chillax & wash clothes.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

melo sometimes but not all the time. The outter core can be gleaming white but the inside is damaged goods.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

LivedNLearned i forgot to mention that you hit it on the head about bad credit. it’s temporary and most of the time there’s a good reason behind why that said person has bad credit. ^5.

good morning ohio!

By ATL P.Y.T.

August 18, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

I recently had a 2nd date with someone I took the “why not” approach with and did not click with on the 1st date. Why a 2nd date you may ask? Well the 1st date seemed friendly enough, that a 2nd wouldn’t be harmful, although I knew there was NO romance. Furthermore I THOUGHT it was pretty mutual. Well on the 2nd date, he started talking about a 3rd date! Well I didn’t find it appropriate for me to tell him there would not be a 3rd date at the time, so I just let it linger…for about 3 weeks. Finally he called for his 3rd date, and I gave him the “you’re a nice guy but…” (sorry Foots) speech and he didn’t take it to kindly. Well this could have all been avoided if I simply declined his offer the 1st time when i knew there were no sparks.
I’m not sure when, but at some point accepting an invitation to go out with him was saying that I was romantically interested in him, not just interested in seeing if something could develop without sparks on the initial meeting.

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Saturday got stood up = reason was the person misplaced their cell phone/ended up being left at their friends house…had no way to call me back.

tell the truth. did you believe that story? what was your first gut feeling after hearing that?

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

I thnk that L&L has some valid points Tazee…she seems to be relying on what her experiences have taught her to know…like most of us…and what might be a good-fit lesson for another person…birds fly…fish swim…chickens lay eggs…each groove to its own…I do find it funny that ole’ boy had a NOT list item that made her an undesirable on his list and then the script flipped and he was his own NOT…lol…I wonder who is kicking him to the curb now…lol

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Tazzee If the click isn’t there -we usually don’t even get to the part of him asking me for a date.* I rec’d my dbl negative click this weekend. Wound up at Dugan’s and while walking to restroom spotted a guy I knew. I walked over and said hello. He asked if I would buy him a drink since he bought me one the last night I saw him (not out together the other time either just in same place at same time). I buy his beer and he leans over and states “over the past few months we’ve bumped into each other so when will we have sex”. It clicked right then, no need to sit w/him if we again wind up in the same establishment anymore. Our minds are in two different places. SOME of you guys are too off da chain in your approach!!!

By For Real

August 18, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Dude: Excuse me maam would you like cheese on that?

MK: Oh why yes I would.

CLICK!!!!!!!!

MK: Did you hear that?

Dude: Yeah it’s my retainer. It clicks against my gums everytime I cheese. Click!!!!! See?

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

LNL let me explain it further so you don’t miss. The question - and I quote - from Blanca’s initial post was:

What does it take for you to explore a first date with someone?

So again, unless you walked up to dude and said “My name is LNL and my credit score is 450” we are talking about two different things. You are talking about imperfections found when you are already dating and no one here has said they are looking for the perfect person. We are just saying that unless something makes us want to know more about a person - we let it go.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

SlimOne - You and that daggone strip club. LOL

Weekend round up: Friday - Drinks with the girls, then a house party

Saturday - Dinner and Old School Saturdays

Sunday - Braves game and ice cream afterwards.

By Demi

August 18, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

TJ most nice dudes I know are punks. I tell you what, spent a year h0e’n and just straight dogging them women folks out. Once you get bored with that lifestyle, just mellow out at bit and then you just become cool as hellz dude…‘cause you ain’t trippin on these Bishes LOL

Like…why do I feel red dots on me?

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

Well this could have all been avoided if I simply declined his offer the 1st time when i knew there were no sparks.

Pretty much!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

@ Ared THE KEY IS TO BE UPFRONT AND TO NOT LEAD SOMEONE ON IF THEY’RE EXPECTING ROMANCE AND YOU FEEL OTHERWISE I felt that need to be said again in bold and caps.

By Foots

August 18, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Amazon How was the weekend? Did any of blogland attend Old School Saturday’s this weekend?

Oh shoot! That was this weekend? I must have missed their email. I’m going to try to get Blue Room on my schedule for this weekend. I need to go get my groove on somewhere.

We watched The Original Kings of Comedy Friday night. We laughed like it was the first time we saw it. I still can’t believe Bernie Mac is gone…

Saturday night, we went to go visit with his friends and Sunday, we finally went to get my grill. The doggone summer is bout over, but at least I was able to get it on clearance, three Home Depots later. Now I just have to get a tank and figure out how to use it without burning my house down…

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

I do not know if picky is the descriptive I would use to define my list of criteria…it is not a pickiness but rather a clearly defined construct of what is a good-fit and what is not…for example, at this stage in my life a man with minor children would not be a good-fit, but a man with adult children would not be a problem…a man with a prison/criminal history would not be a good-fit…a man without a degree would not be a problem…these are not issues of pickiness…I have found that the older I get the less inclined I am to question what ain’t cutting the mustard and making my baby kick…so to speak.

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

Beautiful Um, to be honest with you, on any other ocassion I would’ve chucked it up to BS…for some reason I just don’t think this guy would use this excuse. However, it really didn’t matter to me anyway because I wasn’t that hellbent on going out. He did call the following day and left a message saying that If I’m still talking to him to PLEASE call him back. BUT had I been looking forward to hanging out or cancelled some other plans, I would’ve been bothered, especially since it was He who initiated a ‘date’.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Leggs what kind of establishment is Dugans? Is it one of your favorite spot, btw did leave any teeth in dudes mouth for stepping to you that way?

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 18, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

I know I am Ms. Picky. Hey even Bad Girls Club called me that! LOL But if more people were more picky they would save themselves more drama. Although I love a tall man…I have recently come to the conclusion that ATL is full of shorties.UGH! But for some reason they tend to be cuter in the face. So you are left wiht the dilema of dating the cute in the face short guy or the tall ugmo just because he’s tall. I am leaning towards the shorties. But he had better be gorgeous. So in that aspect I have lowered one of my standards. Now of course physical attraction is numero uno! I may be friends with the not so cute guy because his approach was good. Who knows maybe after spending time with him his personality and how he treats me will outweigh his “not so hot” stautus. Now because I do not want kids this is ok. Let’s face it….you can love that ugly man…but his genes may not be fit to pass on so why would I condem a child to life of ugliness! My late grandfather told his kids and grandkids do not bring ugly SO’s in his family because he does not want ugly grandkids! Heck I agree. Becareful who you have kids with…not only the physical, but what about the mental state of that person…supposed there is a history of mental illness or certain illnesses. This is what you shold know before creating a child. But of course the horndogs do not think of that just in case a baby is made would they make a good parent, are they in possession of good genes, are they or any family members crazy? So I will continue to be picky…settling will make you miserable.

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

@For Real

Naw…more like this…

Dude: Hey Ma!

MK: Hey…what’s up (click)?

Dude: You Ma…ya’ know.

MK: Uh-huh (click).

Dude: Ma, what be them clicks?

MK: Oh, that’s my inner geiger meter saying you setting off the south pole, sugah.

Dude: Oh yeah Ma…well awrighty…let’s see if we can adjust that click…got the tool right here.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

I’m going to try to get Blue Room on my schedule for this weekend. I need to go get my groove on somewhere.

Foots - I still haven’t been. I had dinner reservations for 7 and my party was running late I knew they wouldn’t show up til close to 9. I had serious thoughts of running to the Blue Room while it was still no cover. LOL

OSS has grown since I last went. That place was packed to the brim!

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Now I just have to get a tank and figure out how to use it without burning my house down…

lol. my mom caught her patio on fire last week. i scolded her like a 5 yr old.

By TJ

August 18, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

woah, Maybe you ladies have NICE guys confused with CREEPY guys ?? Believe me, I do things for people because in the end, I really believe they need my help or assistance (man or woman)… That makes me insecure??? How so ?? I own my house, I own my car, and I have the kind of Job that you would BRAG about to all of your friends!!! So how am I INSECURE ???

I think you women just want someone that you can COMPLAIN about.. You do not want the guy who will remember your birthday, who will be considerate of your friends and family… NO, you want the guy that will cheat on you with your friends.. who your mom and dad will want nothing to do with.. You like DRAMA !!!!

I have noticed during my dating life, that you can measure a womans attitude by her appearance.. If a woman is very attractive, then, she has a very UGLY attitude, thinks she is all this and that, because not by her fault, she has gone through life having many men ask her out, which in return has inflated her EGO!!! Go for the UGLY women, they will treat us NICE guys much better !!!!!

By Blanca

August 18, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed Sometimes it takes a couple of dates to really get a grasp on the person, especially if their “reprentative” is in full force. The walls may not start coming down until the comfort level grows.

I’m glad you said this. I’ve been debating a second date with two nice guys I’ve recently met. With one, the date was fun and really comfortable, but no magnetic chemistry. However, our rapport is enough to make me want to explore it a little further.

I’m slightly less inclined to see the second guy. We had an OK first date, but I noticed he talked about himself an awful lot. He could be self-absorbed, or perhaps was just really nervous. And again, no crazy chemistry, but still seems to be a sweetheart and we have a lot in common.

Only one way to find out, I suppose, but shouldn’t I feel excited to see someone a second time? Because I’m kind of neutral on both.

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

M’Karyl I don’t doubt she has some good points and I wouldn’t have even commented on her post if she didn’t roll up in here stating that folks that won’t go on ‘why not’ dates are hung up on themselves.

Going out on dates with folks all willy nilly just to see what happens isn’t my cup of tea. Like I said - different strokes for different folks, but I’m not going to say that a person that goes out on ‘why not’ dates is desperate. Do what’s best for you without insulting those that think otherwise.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

binford hair color/weight you can change but height, well you can’t go crazy gluing heals to the bottom of your foot LOL as for eye color that can change too with some colored eye contacts.

By Demi

August 18, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

Ccccaaaaaaaat Fiiiiiiiggth!!!

Tazzee aka Ms.A*******whoopa V.S. LivedNLearned aka HotWire

Ladies please remove all clothing except bra and panties…And step right in to our new mud pool

*Ding Ding Diinnngg!!!

By LivedNLearned

August 18, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Tazzee have you been silently nominated to speak on behalf of the blog? Or did you elect yourself? What’s with all the “we” statements?

ps. goodluck on being original next time……kick rocks

Blog what does chemistry amount to really? Lets say that you have this instant attraction/interest in this new person. You’re thinking, “I got a winner!!”. The guy/girl invites you back to their spot for a night cap, and b/c you feel comfortable with this perfect stranger and you’re throwing caution to the wind you decide to go. You take all other precautionary measures (i.e call someone and let them know whats up, take down tag #, whatever) and so you’re following behind them. You get to their spot to find it completely unkept, definitely not “company ready”. He/She apologizes profusely for their place and took a chance that you wouldn’t trip b/c they’ve been traveling on business all week and just didn’t have a chance to clean up. You tell yourself it doesn’t look horribly bad and go on with chatting and drinking into the night. What has this situation done to your chemistry notion?

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

slim gotcha! the reason why i asked is because one of my new rules is don’t believe any excuse unless it’s supported by something.

He did call the following day and left a message saying that If I’m still talking to him to PLEASE call him back.

this i would accept as an apology.

cee, mytwo where y’all at?

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

I buy his beer and he leans over and states “over the past few months we’ve bumped into each other so when will we have sex”.

Leggs - Well, I can appreciate his honesty. I would have had a nice zing for his azz tho. LOL

I think we might have to adjust your radar, tho. You’ve been encountering some real clowns lately!

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

@Tazee

I feel little sister…but I think it was more the semantics of how it was stated in a short-short than the intent of what was said…I thought the conveyance was to be a little less uptight on the why not and a little less restrictive…for some it works and for others it does not…I can do a why not when I know why not…lol

By Demi

August 18, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Leggs you should have hit that ‘igga over the head with a bottle…

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

you can love that ugly man…but his genes may not be fit to pass on so why would I condem a child to life of ugliness!

stac you are crackin’ me the h3ll up over here!!! lmao.

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

MLL, Dugan’s is a semi-sports bar who’s famous for their wings. It’s a neighboring waterhole. After I got home from work Friday, I looked around. Daughter playing outside w/friends and another parent, I decide to go have a drink. Didn’t want to go into details but DID I LEAVE MY TEETH IN HIM. How can I say this? I cussed him up and down where ony he heard me. He got up and left the establishment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a neck moving finger swaying type of person. Hell when the dance “the snake” came out I was horrible at it. Suffice it to say he left with his horny, deflated dyck and ego tucked between his legs. A lady from another table came over to me and asked what did I tell that dude. Said it wasn’t important but he won’ be stepping to me again. She laughed and said “I hear ya!”

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Go Blanca!. Your first instinct is probably correct, but I wouldn’t necessarily write either guy off just yet. I’d say you should go out with both of em again, but maybe go dutch or do something very inexpensive.

In addition, do you talk to either of these guys on the phone? If I don’t have some solid converstations upfront, a date is likely not happening in the first place.

As for the excitement thing, I do think it should be present. However, how many love stories do we women swoon at that start off “I hated him when I first met him but…” LOL

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Weekend Recap:

Friday night - Earthquake at the improv. He was hilarious as usual.

Saturday - dinner with a friend and then PlayDate Houston. It was cool - they had it in a restaurant, not a hotel like they do in ATL, so folks were sitting at game tables eating. My friend and I ended up playing Taboo for two hours.

Sunday - dinner with same friend (restaurant week here in H-town) then to a local lounge. That was an experience! It was VERY old school, but we had fun people watching.

ARed I haven’t been to OSS since it stopped being free before 10pm. I was in town one weekend they had it and was ready to get my old school on for free - NOPE, LOL.

By Foots

August 18, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Midtown Atlanta Restaurant Week

Don’t forget y’all, Midtown Atlanta Restaurant Week starts this weekend. $25 per person at some wonderful restaurants!! Perfect for dates and Girl’s Night Out! We’re trying Straits for the first time, and two other favorites.

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

MLL - Dugan’s is a sports bar. Leggs goes because it’s close to her house, but having met her and having been to Dugan’s I’d rule it out as a place to meet someone that is right for Leggs. At least not the regulars. LOL

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

TJ Maybe we could answer your questions better if you sent us a pic to check out this “Nice Guy”.

a. most of the time b. some of the time c. hardly ever

By 10kwatts

August 18, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

ARED, where is “Old School Saturday” held?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

I see, thanks for the info….I’ve been hearing about this Dugans and was curious as to what’s so special about it. As for The Blueroom, when is there not a time they don’t charge. I usually go on Friday nites, the buffet is always delis….15 bucks ain’t bad for live entertainment and a meal.

By Foots

August 18, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

TJ NO, you want the guy that will cheat on you with your friends.. who your mom and dad will want nothing to do with..

Not really. If you’re going for the mentally unstable types, then yeah, those women want men to mistreat them. But sane women enjoy the company of a kind, considerate man.

The ONLY times that I didn’t continue to go out with a guy, nice or not, was if I decided I didn’t like HIM. And the same for me, I’m nice, but guys have decided not to continue to go out with me because they didn’t like ME. I never once thought it was because I was too nice, I knew that it was that he must didn’t like me or that I wasn’t the one for him.

The older you get, the more you know that it’s okay that you don’t like everybody and not everybody likes you. No other excuses needed.

Blanca Only one way to find out, I suppose, but shouldn’t I feel excited to see someone a second time?

Yes, you should.

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

L&L

Well, if they ain’t no rodents, roaches and other crittesrs crawling…and the bathroom does not smell like days old urine…and the dishes in the kitchen do not look like they have been sitting since the last millenium…lol…seriously though…I would not invite someone to my space if it was not hospitable if for no other reason than I would not feel comfortable entertaining someone I just met under those conditions…it might not kill the chemistry but it would make me slow my roll to activate the spark of it.

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Beautiful, I too would accept that!

ARed, that’s funny. I was thinking something along those lines as well. I need an adjustment. Is there such a thing as being too friendly when out. (JK)

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

Tazzee, ARed i remember when i had weekends like that. i partied from thurs to sunday. i got prego at 25. i’m happy to say that i don’t miss those days. but i had a blast. i was all over the bay (oakland, sf, san jose, sac). when i got home, i would look at all the numbers i received, smile and toss them. it was a game back then. i wonder how michelle and tiny are doing? memories

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

10kwatts - The location rotates each month, but they are held in hotel ballrooms around the city. This month it was the Westin Peachtree Plaza. It will be held at the Sheraton next month (Sept. 13)

Tazzee - There were so many people there that I can see why they stopped free admission. They get there early too!

By Sxzscorpia

August 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

Gail- I agree completely!!!! I am picky, I know this, I accept this. I can’t see going out with someone just to “go out” and have something to do. If I’m not feeling U, there’s no reason to be on a date- U could spend that time and money with someone U may click with. I would hope a man that doesn’t feel that spark with me would do the same and not waste my time as well.

By Blanca

August 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed In addition, do you talk to either of these guys on the phone? Is it bad that I don’t like talking on the phone? That probably says something, doesn’t it! I haven’t really talked to either on the phone that much, just a few minutes here and there. Frankly, I’ve been pretty bad about calling them back. I think I have my answer!

By Tazzee

August 18, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

LNL as I’m kicking rocks chemistry is simply anything that makes me want to know more about that person - which usually leads to me giving that person my number and learning more about the person on the phone - which will then lead to a date.

In your example - I would think that if the person didn’t leave when seeing the nasty place, then it didn’t affect the chemistry…

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Live there is absolutly NO excuse to have a nasty house. That’s a number 3 deal breaker. If you don’t keep you house clean then you don’t keep your main house clean -YOUR BODY…..

By Atl Lady

August 18, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

TJA lot of men usually don’t remember those things in general unless it’s their b-day. I don’t know about other women, but most that I know do like and cherish when a guy remembers and does nice things for us. If I’m having a bad day and you send me flowers or make it a point to take me out for dinner and drinks after work, I can’t be displeased with that at all. What I don’t like is women who have that and Still complain. Those are the ones I usually cutoff in mid stream and tell them to be happy.

By Foots

August 18, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

MLL As for The Blueroom, when is there not a time they don’t charge

They don’t charge before 8, and when they do the live remote, it’s free before 9 for the Platinum Card holders. It’s basically free for the after-work crowd. If you’re in the club-crowd, stop by the ATM on the way. LOL!

10kwatts Check out their website for the location of the next one: [Old School Saturday}(http://www.oldschoolsaturday.com/)

By Demi

August 18, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

Leggs I am thikning of going “HOOD” this week…I may hit up Bigalow…may hang with them fake folks a Encore or act the fool in Mid Town…slappin the ISH outta any non-straight dude giving me the “Look”.

Some of thses muggs are getting too bold and need to learn some respect

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

Blanca what other means of communication do you have if you’re not prone to talking on the phone. Communication is the key to producing results, lack of communication leads to a febble mind. Not calling back is a sure sign of no interest.

By Foots

August 18, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Trying it again… Old School Saturday

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

MLL - Blue Room starts charging at 8! That’s probably why I haven’t been. Who goes out that early? LOL

Blanca - I can tell you didn’t talk to those guys! Communication is key!

Angie - Since I have no kids, I live my life to the fullest. My weekends are spent living. Sometimes it’s parties, most often it’s social events around the city with a really great group of women, or with Beau. I’m loving each moment of “these days.”

By Beautiful

August 18, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Leggs i’m lovin’ your new moniker!

do you golf? if no, good. try going one day. the men there seem nice and mature. and you might find one who will help you out and teach you a thing or two … or three. lol.

By SlimOne

August 18, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

LnL Your synopsis was….not sure what to call it. I mean you could very well have slight chemisty and/or attraction to someone, date them for a month before you visit their home, finally do it and still find it unkept. So in that scenario, chemistry or strong attraction has nothing to do with how a person keeps their home. Would it be a turn off? YES. But even if it was just a friends place i was visiting and found it in disarray every time i came over, i’d just know that I would’t feel comfy eating anything fixed at their spot nor would i feel comfy coming over.

Tazz & Dan Did you all not get the chance to hang out this weekend?

Foots When you go to Straits, depending on when you go, be prepared for the stares from the bar when you walk in. LOL! The last time I went, i felt like they were waiting for me to walk in like i was on the runway or something. lol

By Leggs

August 18, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Thanks ARed. However, I was invited to sit at a table of abt 15 women, but had to decline…too many women! Even though I wasn’t there to pick up anyone or be picked up, I definitely didn’t go there to hear the cackle of a bunch of women on varying topics.

By M'Karyl

August 18, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

@L&L

Funny thing about chemistry…I met this guy…he was funny, a great well-rounded conversationalist, attractive…we had a blast talking…finally, after several requests I decided to go out with him…thought the chemistry was compatible…we had a good time…but after a few weeks, I noticed that he behaved on a level indicative of psychological and emotional baggage issues from previous relationships…we did not have an emotionally based relationship…yet, I watched him express anger, poutiness, approach/avoidance, etc…just a list of emotionally based behaviors that were unrelated to me…now that killed whatever spark of interest I may have had in him…dead…I finally told him so…and he was why not type of date…well now I know why not…lol

By 10kwatts

August 18, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

ARED, where is “OLD School Saturday`s” held and when ?

By AmazonRed

August 18, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

However, I was invited to sit at a table of abt 15 women, but had to decline…too many women! Even though I wasn’t there to pick up anyone or be picked up, I definitely didn’t go there to hear the cackle of a bunch of women on varying topics.

Leggs - I’m taking some cool points away from you for this. Why do women say this type of stuff about each other? The fact they even invited you into their circle when they saw you alone speaks volumes. You could have made some nice friends to kick it with so you don’t have to go bar hopping alone!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 18, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

Foots hmmmm something must’ve gone wrong that night cuz me and my guess was charged and we were there b4 8, oh well…

Ared I prefer to go early, esp on Friday’s since I’m already up and out. Now back in the days 11:00 pm was too darn early! LOL

Has anyone been to the Velvet room on Chamblee-Tucker? if so what kind of crowd do they cater too?

By AmazonRed