By Wise Diva

August 21, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Blog is open for today. sigh

By Georgia Girl

August 21, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Since the family doesn’t seem to understand the inappropriateness, is it possible to go straight to the ex? Maybe he’ll get lucky and she’ll see his point of view. Surely she’s feeling a little awkward being around the ex-family as well.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

They are laying off all the competent pple at the ajc, are they?????

By Blanca

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Praise the heavens we are up and running! I’m off for now, but will check in as I can. Have a good day!

By LivedNLearned

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Why would the ex even want to be around his family given the circumstances of their demise. She chose to leave her then husband and infant child. Why would they “side” with her by inviting her to any family function, aside from anything that involved the child?

Maybe she has painted a different picture with your family. Perhaps you should set the record straight once and for all. I would think the simple fact that the two of you are not together would have been enough for the family to “get it” but obviously not. To add insult to injury, she, your ex just might be enjoying this preference.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone.

I find OMO incredibly selfish. That woman was his wife, and mother to his daughter, she IS family. How nice is it for her daughter to grow up with knowing HER mother was always welcome at her dad’s family functions.

There were no “big” troubles, so why the “ick?” Because she dumped OMO? Becuse it’s awkward for HIM to have to see her after the divorce? Sorry, divorce doesn’t absoble his ex from being family. She always will be.

He needs to accept that, stop being so darn selfish and realize what is best for his child.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

WOW. First, I can’t imagine someone not wanting to be a parent. I know it occurs, but it always strikes me as weird. OMO, yes I find it strange that your brother doesn’t see a problem w/this. First and foremost I would ostracize her simply for not wanting to be a parent. That in itself gets all doors slammed in her face. This is a big one, but stand tall and keep it moving for your daughter’s sake. She needs to see her parents are able to be in the same room together w/out incident. Talk to your ex about how you’re uncomfortable with her being so close to your family. Since you’re dating now, attend your family functions with your SO with a smile in your heart. If your ex isn’t making trouble when attending these outings just enjoy your family, be civil toward her and enjoy the fact that you’re now with someone else.

But, why is she so ready to attend these functions? Is she throwing salt in the wound?

By nypeach

August 21, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Sounds like the brother and his family don’t like the new girlfriend and want to stop that relationship. Or, maybe the ex called the brother and asked for help in getting her family back. Whatever the reason, it’s inappropriate. I love my cousins’ ex-wives and enjoy spending time with them…alone. they are not invited to family functions and they have no interest in coming to them.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Thanks, GG. The ex does not appear to be uncomfortable at all with the situation. She does not have family here, so she seems to appreciate and enjoy the outings. Gives her something to do.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

In addition, I find OMO, really weird for pouring out his life story to annoymous dating blogger. He should have at least taken that mess to MOMania. LOL

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

LOL WiseDiva. A woman’s work is never done.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Kimmie thanks for handling that response by Dan. Excellent rebuttal!

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Finally,…..well I agree with Georgia Girl. Personally, i find it strange that the ex would even want to be around her ex’s family. However, Odd Man for the next function, you should go and bring your current SO and see if the ex get’s the picture. Maybe it’ll take her seeing you moved on with someone else for her to get a grip. Have you definitely stressed to your bro how Uncomfy it makes you to have him extending invites to your ex? I wonder how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

My ex’s mom always invites me to their family events but to me it’s just weird. When she found out about me being in the process of getting laid off, she offered me to move in free of charge with her if i needed to. Thank God I haven’t hit rock bottom to where I’d need to take her up on her offer And someone sent me These Breakup Tips

By DasV

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Its strange to me that someone who does not want to be a wife and a parent is doing what a wife and parent do…. attend family functions. seems she is picking and choosing and the his family is condoning her very selfish behaviour.

but outside of my opinion, what does the child want?? is she cool with having moms around… i would venture a guess and say proly so. because having a part-time mom is better than no moms at all. so the mature thing is to suck it up. warn the current SO of whats up. and make sure the child remains comfortable with the situation…. but if ever she aint, then its ON! :)

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

In addition, I find OMO, really weird for pouring out his life story to annoymous dating blogger…pretty sure that’s not his life story, but don’t we do this just about everyday. As a matter of fact Layla did it yesterday!

By nypeach

August 21, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Or you could just go straight ghetto and threaten to cut her…sigh…sorry, old habits die hard.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Leggs - I find folks like Layla weird for it too.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

@Kimmie

Please go back and read my post. In no way did I diagnose, or attempt to diagnose anything you posted. I merely suggested a series of questions to assess your level of concern on a particular matter.

If: a conditional phrase dependent on a particular or series of variables.

I said if.

To which you responded in an emotional outburst that would suggest you only purused my post and did not actually read it.

As for the rest of your rant today. Admittedly I only skimmed it, so I can’t speak to your ramblings.

I asked questions, you overreacted with an emotional post. Let it be done.

New blog rule: We (save in a few instances, don’t know each other.) I.E. “you don’t me” and “I don’t know you”

Jeses

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

nypeach, you done gone and woke up Staceye (LOL).

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Any family member that wants to continue to see the ex can do so outside of family gatherings. These kinds of circumstances are awkward for everyone involved, especially the new girlfriend or wife that will come into the picture. The daughter knows the parents aren’t together and will adjust. Though, as Amazon Red said, the ex may be considered as family, the ex can call or visit on her own time, not at family gatherings.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

On Topic:

This reminds of the Deborah Cox/RL song…we can’t be friends…

I mean, if we’ve broken up, why are you still coming around my family? You’re single now, be with yours.

In the case that you may have no family in the city, or at all, by all means hang out with mine (black families will adopt you). But know this, you are now “fair game” you can never be wifey, but you can be splayed from pillar to post by any random family member, and you cannot complain to me.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Odd Man That’s a tough situation. You didn’t say, but has she made any overtures towards reconciliation with you or attempted to explain where she was coming from three years ago when she left? The timing of this is weird, unless nypeach is right and your folks don’t like your new girl. If that’s the case, they need to grow up and figure out a way to handle their dislike like adults instead of that passive aggressive mess.

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

It’s a weird situation to me. This woman can see her child at anytime she wants, so attending his family functions isn’t neccesary to do so. So why the invite? And why would his family go to extreme measures to make his ex comfortable by inviting her yet at the sake of making him (their blood relative) uncomfortable. That’s not right. She chose to end the marriage for whatever reason and allow him custody of the child, so why attend his family functions rubbing this in his face and their daughter’s face. She needs to get a life.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

What it do good people?

Ared apparently you overlooked the EX in her title. She is no longer family. Remember, she opted out of that job. BTW that must be a female thing (family to the end) because I don’t see it. I have a niece right now that I’ve disowned and if she called me from her death bed I wouldn’t go see that trick. I also have a brother that is a straight piece of shyt, and he’s a so-called preacher. I’m thinking about telling his azz not to call me with that BS anymore. Blood only goes so far. The real question is would you have them in your life if you didn’t share blood. This is a yes/no question only.

OMO tell your family that they must choose who they align with. If they choose her divorce them and move on. All we need in life is folks who keep dragging up bones from the past.

Leggs why would you be surprised to think folks wouldn’t want to be parents? Probably alot more people should have come to that conclusion BEFORE they had kids.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Gotcha *ARed.

OMO, 4 months! What’s wrong with your family?? Why are they inviting her???? Continue to raise your child as you deem fit, but I agree w/DasV, talk to your daughter.

By abc

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

First of all, such a mess transpires due to gross irresponsibility on behalf of both parties. There’s no excuse for such stupidity.

Given that’s already done, and given that it doesn’t matter how you got here once you are here, what’s the most pragmatic course of action for his family to take? I speculate that they’d not like to see this child of their family grow up emotionally crippled due to an absent mother who didn’t care about her. Certainly, the family would hope to imprint some of their own family values upon this mother, and invite her to family functions to do so.

It’s not about the father’s feelings. He gave up all that consideration when he had a baby with a woman to whom he wasn’t married, who wasn’t ready to be a mother. He led with his dyck. Now he pays the price. He should be willing to pay the price for the benefit of his child.

Time to let go of his own selfishness, that’s what got him into this situation in the first place. He should consider his daughter and in turn himself fortunate that the mother might be coming around, growing up a little bit, hopefully overcoming some of her own selfishness. Again, it doesn’t matter how he got there anymore; it only matters what’s done to achieve an optimal result from this point forward.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

My sister and brother in law have a friend that wore your same size shoes (not quite your shoes) many years ago. His wife woke up one morning after they had been married not even 2 years and told him that she didn’t want to be a wife. She left him broken and confused. Like yesterday’s topic, she married him because it was the thing to do and he married her because it was time.

Take heart though, he found the woman he was supposed to be with, married her, and now has children with her. Happier endings do happen even if you get dealt a terrible hand at first.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

We all have the capacity to be selfish. Your wife certainly was. But she left 3 years ago? I guess bad decisions should be hung over our heads forever? She’s back now. For whatever reason. Maybe it is because you are dating. Maybe it’s because she wants to be part of a family unit again.

Either way, YOU made the decision to marry her and make her family. She will always be your kids mother. Always! So why are you upset? Because some of your family didn’t take your side? Because you have to look at her and see someone who dumped you? Either way, that is not your family’s problem, nor should it be. It’s also not your daughters problem.

You’re only the “odd man out” because you let yourself be. You’re just as welcome (if not more so) as your ex.

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

In my opinion I would have a serious chat with my brother … apparently OddManOut’s brother has a problem respecting his wishes (or maybe his wife). At any rate if my brother violated my respectful wishes like that I’d be tempted to take it back to ‘91 and put foot to azz the old fashioned way. But even in our thirties my brother and I have the tendency to become uncivilized when a certain level of respect has been crossed … that’s just us. We haven’t threw down in years, but the right situation would set it off. Plainly put, OMO check your brother dude!

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Good morning blog

Leggs - Thanks!

Dan - Whatever. I only skimmed your post too.

On topic - Strange situation. Is the child only seeing her mother at these functions? If so, how does that make the child feel? The child is the major concern here, I feel.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

apparently you overlooked the EX in her title. She is no longer family.

Truth - I didn’t overlook it. She has his daughter, she had his last name. She’ll always be family.

That’s why folks should stop having kids AND getting married all willy nilly. There will ALWAYS be a family connection there.

If you want to be in a position to sever all ties with someone, don’t marry them and certainly don’t have kids with them!

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

I have taken my new SO to the functions, so she already knows, it doesn’t seem to bother her. I think that she actually likes “having the upper hand” in this situation. Let me point out that I have no problem with them seeing her or spending time with her whenever the choose. It just does not have to include me or be on family time. Even from my new SO’s perspective, this has to be uncomfortable to always have to see my ex.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

I certainly realize that all that give birth do not have the maternal bond, I just find it extremely amazing that they don’t. I know not all are fit to be parents. It’s just weird not to bond after giving birth or even during the pregnancy.

If my ex’s family invited me to any of their family functions sure sign there’s a hitman lurking some where nearby!!!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

It’s not about the father’s feelings. He gave up all that consideration when he had a baby with a woman to whom he wasn’t married, who wasn’t ready to be a mother. He led with his dyck. Now he pays the price. He should be willing to pay the price for the benefit of his child.

Time to let go of his own selfishness, that’s what got him into this situation in the first place. He should consider his daughter and in turn himself fortunate that the mother might be coming around, growing up a little bit, hopefully overcoming some of her own selfishness. Again, it doesn’t matter how he got there anymore; it only matters what’s done to achieve an optimal result from this point forward.

I had to bold this. Great post abc.

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

I have tosay after my divorce I cut the inlaws off quick and the feeling is mutual! I will or have NEVER kept the lil one from them however I am no longer apart of that world and don’t aspire to be…Te last time I was @ a family function with them was 3 yrs ago for Thanksgiving and my angel was 4 months old I was legally married but we were seperated and the tension from family and him and me was too much…I watched my mama play this role with her mother-in-law from hell yeah my grandma but I refused to do it! When it is over it is over and it is not make it work for the kids…The one thing I got from my parenting class is children figure out stuff over time and make their on decisions regarding situations…I will never brainwash her or put adult issues on her plate but I don’t be around folk for sake of…Life is short…I respect the folks and be cordial and that is it…ANd since then I haven’t been invited to anything and she just went to NY again to spend a week with them and it was a great trip!I refuse to be fake wwith anyone especially ex inlaws. Now my ex mother-in-law was furious 3 yrs back when I spent Christmas in the same city and lil lady and her father was there and I didn’t come over…I refuse to give her what she wanted and that was just to be noisey and see how I was coping if you don’t like folk to pretend to and this makes it easier for everyone…So when he does if he already has not involve a chick to be around family and lil lady I will be a non issue and that is the way it suppose to…It is my hopes noone is around her as we said when we get to that point we will introdce and handle it accordingly but J goes looking for nothing…..What I am suppose to know I will another lesson learned!

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog Family OMO There’s something your brother isn’t telling you. Initially, I thought it was a not-so-sly way of having her see daughter without the standardized visits thing of every other weekend and selected holidays. But to keep inviting her knowing how you feel makes me wonder. My mom was sort of like that with me and my SIL (can’t stand her a$$), but I told her that she needed to respect me on my decisions because she’s not going to stand in front of God on judgement day and tell Him I made her do it. I’ll have to deal with Him on that. Sounds like your Ex needs to get a life instead of using your daughter and family to fit her needs.

Truth I feel you on that family thing. Sometimes you have to let folks go.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

I have taken my new SO to the functions, so she already knows, it doesn’t seem to bother her. I think that she actually likes “having the upper hand” in this situation.

I’d feel the same way if I was the SO in the situation.

I am not a product of divorce, but had my parents divorced, I’d want my parent welcome at all family functions. Y’all work out your grown folks problems on your own.

My aunt and uncle divorced and everyone in my family can’t stand my uncle. We still saw him at all the family functions for YEARS. The adults throwing him icy daggars the entire time. However, my cousins wanted their dad around, trifling as he was. We all accepted the situation and got over it. Now my cousins are adults now. So the situation pretty much resolved itsself now that they’re old enough to make up their own mind about their dad.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@OMO

Why feel like that?

Do you, let her do her. As long as she’s not intervening in family affairs, let her come around without protest.

I’mma go with abc, be the bigger person.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

So many differing opinions today!! Wow!!

abc I found your reasoning fascinating and it made me think. Looking back, my parents divorced when I was young, but my father was always free to come to our family events. He still did my grandmother’s yard, and even kept a garden there. We all still went to the same church.

I know that my parents divorced with much acrimony, but until today, I hadn’t truly realized how much they both sacrificed (especially my mother) to make our lives as normal as could be. Although they dated other people and my mother eventually married, they made it work somehow (I can’t remember my dad bringing any of his girlfriends around my family though. One was a reporter and she may have come to church a few times, but always on “business”.) I’m grateful that they didn’t exclude him or ban him from the property even though their marriage didn’t work out. He was still our father and our family deferred to that.

By lurker

August 21, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

OMO Maybe she wants to reconcile. Maybe she’s sorry and regrets her impulsive bad decision. She is family. She’s your first and only wife. Now grant it, if it is reconciling she’s wants, she shouldn’t be priviliged enough to just stroll back as though she never left. Reconsider reconciling but be certain she sees the error of her ways and make her earn her rightful place back. No matter your feelings, that child will love her mother unconditionally and not being with/around her will never take that away. If mom want’s to reconcile but can’t get it together, in time your child will come to know and understand. Maybe the rest of the family just isn’t as hardpress with ill feelings as you, as you have that right. A little forgiveness maybe? I bet you still love her.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

@OMO

Why feel like that?

Do you, let her do her. As long as she’s not intervening in family affairs, let her come around without protest.

I’mma go with abc, be the bigger person.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@AmazonRed You seem to call this dedicated father to task for his role in the dissolved marriage as well as the daughter that resulted from the union. However, there seems to be some glaring issues regarding the ex who decided to dissolve the marriage and turn over complete custody of her daughter to him. Now she wants to attend family functions and she has the rights to do so, yet in doing this what purpose is it serving except some selfish need of hers to be at the functions. Is it for the sake of her daughter? We don’t know. Yet we can make a guess that her motivations are selfish just as we can sit here and say that him not wanting his ex there is selfish. But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

OMO, is your brother now seeing your ex???? It happens!!!!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to?

OMO - She left. Now she’s back. Happens ALL the time. Usually it’s the women who get left, in this instance it was you.

It just sounds like sour grapes to me. Not to say it’s not justified, but again, that’s the reason why you don’t want to see her. Be real.

You’ve moved on, you’re happy with someone else, so why can’t you be at a family function with her. What happens when your daughter has recitals and school plays? You’re gonna avoid her forever?

Keep acting like this and your SO is gonna realize that you’re not over it, because you’re maybe not over your ex.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not. So, what are you saying???

By ATL Guy

August 21, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

On Topic … I was dating this girl when I was 17 in High School. We dated into first year of College & was my first true love. Her family liked me and my family really liked her.

So her ex b/f was in town from Miami. My g/f’s Mom tells her right in front of me about how she should see him when he’s in town and how its a “good thing” etc etc. Came out of nowhere! This guy actually hit my g/f when they were dating and all this crazy sh*t and her mom had NO IDEA how I treated her daughter so much better than this loser.

Her mom was kinda crazy and irrational anyways…but never forget that moment hearing her say that to her daughter, in front of me, about some guy that used to treat her terribly.

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

OMO: I’m going to say this once and as nice as I possibly can: Will you please quit inviting my ex-wife and me to the same cook out?!

Brother: Maann, you gotta get over that … move on with life. She’s still our sister in Christ …

OMO: F*@# all that! I said I was gonna ask you nice the first time but you still ain’t got the good sense to realize how it makes me feel to be in the same room with her …

Brother: Look I understand that … man it wasn’t even my idea to begin with you know my old lady and your ex still tight.

OMO: That still don’t mean shyt! Blood thicker than water in case you forgot! Yo old lady making you soft. You know better than to pull some bullshyt like this on me.

Brother: My old lady?!

OMO: You heard me.

Brother: WTF?!

(Brother pushes OMO and a N166a Moment complete with table turnig and white meat head bustin’ ruins a perfect good Black American BBQ outing)

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

OMO Where’s her family and how do they feel? Why doesn’t she make the effort to spend time and share you guy’s daughter with them?

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not

Jennifer - I agree. Even still two wrongs make a right now? I doubt it.

Not only that, we have only heard HIS side, so that’s why I’m focusing on him and not on her. Trust, I have my opinion on her, but he’s also the one who made the decision to marry her too.

Consequence for every action, IMO.

By lovelyliz

August 21, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

My siser has her own version.

We live in the same city as her ex-husband, his family and as it just so happens, his shackup. When they were married, my sister observed how her husband’s family thought whoever married into were just the greatest thing since sliced bread, if sliced bread were a person. They couldn’t say enough good things about the spouse or treat them well enough.

That is until the divorce which happens to everybody in the husband’s family and I am not exaggerating. Everybody in that family is divorced at least once and in a couple of cases 3 times. There is that one cousin who has been married to a woman for 3 years and she has been divorced twice already.

Once you are out of the family, sometimes you are pushed out by the family member or you can’t run fast enough, even when you are the most civil person about the divorce, they break out the fangs. Suddenly you just weren’t good enough (looks, weight, $$$, etc). Then it progresses to what a bad parent you are. And finally the biggie: drugs and alcohol. Adultery on the part of the family member starts out as the other person’s fault to the spouse just didn’t meet their need to the ex-spouse was the adulterer.

Even though sister was the one who was the bread winner, child rearer and it was her husband who committed multiple acts of adultery. It’s her ex who was the downtrodden, overworked husband whose wife was too demanding, too fat and given that she likes to drink a couple of glasses or red wine every now and then a borderline alcoholic.

As for her ex-husband’s shacklette, the who pattern is starting to go haywire because she let him move in (she’s a welcome addition to the family), she kicks him out because he doesn’t contribute (she a witch with a capital B, she let’s him back in(that was just a thing she was goinjg through), his stay is only temporary (she’s now nuts in their opinion), he thinks they might get married so they family is re-evaluating their opinion of her.

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

It seems to me this mother/ex took the easy route. She didn’t want to be married and didn’t want to be a full-time mom, but she’ll do the next best thing and attend some family functions. Hunh?

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

I have been the bigger person, placing my daughter first in everything. I have never once prevented her from seeing her, spending as much time with as possible…, the whole nine yards.

There is no love there at this point.. We are simply co-parents at this point. No hint of reconciling on anyone’s part. The ship has left the port!

These family functions are not the only points that she can see our child. I make it a point that they see other as much as possible. She is her mother. Once she becomes an adult, she’ll form her own conclusions about the both of us. Who was there, who wasn’t….

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

This situation reminds me of that Cosby Show episode where Martin’s wife came back.

What would the Huxtables do? LOL

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 21, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

WOW! OMO I agree with abc on this one. You need to be a bigger person not only for yourself but for your daughter, your ex wife is still the mother of your child. There could be tons of reasons behind your brother inviting her to family funtions, only way to find out is to bring to his attention. See if he’s doing it for good for some other underhanded ulterior motives. You have to be proactive and find out what is going on, your brother and your ex wife are the only ones who has the answers.

Hello Everybody!

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Jennifer you have a point and that is the point I refuse to make with folk I don’t have to be round your peeps or lady to prove I am a mother to my child! Yall enjoy her I will enjoy my break and bring my child back to me and co parents we will be! It is none of my business what they do bc I know her father will not put her in harms way an dwill handle any folk that does so I am glad I learned this early on through all of the pain and drama…

By DasV

August 21, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

having a babay don’t make you family, and takin a name dont either. she aint family and i believe family really has little to do wit blood. anyone can be locked off….. but not for the frivolous… not all willy-nilly. it takes something serious…. like abandoning a child… like waking up and deciding selfishly that you want a ‘do-over’ in your life. like disrupting the life you’ve given birth to and saying ‘love ya! but i gotta do me. (aka ‘i love me more)

naw, you get no ‘always family’ from me. you wanna go… then go…. with no half-steppin, no walking, no twirling down the street… hit the road, full speed and do.not.look.back. and this is what needs to be communicated to the family, after a consultation with the daughter. it takes a village to raise a child, but you can decide who is part of the tribe. those who opt out on they own have no familial tent inna camp.

C.T.ONe continued pookie: hey wheres EX? lil man: EX? pookie: yea. OMO’s ex-lady. lil man: oh. you aint heard. last time she came around the police had to be called. now EX cross the street at BIG mama’s… she dont come ova here ta Aunties. but you know. she be around. pookie: oh cool dat. cause the lil one calling that woman mommie and i knowed that wasnt EX.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

OMO - The more you post, the more I wonder what the big deal is then. You see your ex often, because of the kid, so why is the family function part such a problem? Not even your SO has a problem with her being there.

So is the problem that you’re mad your family didn’t take your side?

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

ABC that has to be the most nonsense I’ve ever seen you post. Recap: Wife/mother breaks camp after 4 months and you say hold still and hope she comes back or take the high road. Come on fella. Who would want that back in their life. As far as his daughter, she’s fugged for having a mom that is what she is. The draw of a parent can go like that. Sometimes you crap out. Sometime you have to take stock of what you have and move forward. Waiting on yesterday or leopards to change their spots rarely pays dividends.

OMO start off by slapping the crap out of your brother and his wife. Apparently they have no regards for your feelings and thats why they do what they do. Then again ol girl up and left so maybe you want to take a quick looksy loo at yourself and see if somethings lacking. From the outside looks like NOBODY cares how you feel about jack. LOL Just saying, you may be to “understanding” to get the results you want. Who is the patriarch of that family?

Atl Lady how are you? You know, sometimes family does you worse than an enemy. Tough decisions have to be made.

Like ol boy said in Heat, “Never have anything in your life you can’t walk away from in 15 seconds”. LOL

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

I never interfer with her seeing our daughter. Infact, I encourage it. She spends whatever time that she wants to with her. I want my daughter to spend time with her. It just does not have to involve me.

As far as still being in love with her, that movie ended some time ago. In fact there are no signs of reconciling on her behalf either.

Going with the results of my behavior thing…I didnt become divorced or become a single parent by choice. It was thrust/imposed upon me. I simply “manned up” and handled my responsibility. Did I choose bad in the beginning? Obviously so, but I stood by my bad choice responsibly. No shame in that. Thump your bibles!

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Ared Reminds me of the episodes when Vanessa brought her fiance’ home and Cliff went off at the table about how she presented him to them and when she came home to tell them that they wren’t together anymore after Cliff had grew a bond with him.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

I think the difference between OMO’s situation and some that you guys are mentioning is that he was only married to this woman for around 7 months. I don’t know how long they dated before that, but this woman wasn’t part of the family THAT long. Furthermore, if he’s uncomfortable with it, that’s all that should matter.

Like he’s said - it’s not like this is the only time she can see the daughter. Family functions should be a time of joy and OMO should be able to attend without having to see his ex.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

I have been the bigger person, placing my daughter first in everything.

That includes boycotting your family’s functions?

By Dan

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

@LLiz

Shackup! HAHAHAHAHA

@OMO

I feel you, just let it pass though bruh. If your concern is for your child, let it be so. Pay no mind to the foolishness (her or here).

@Liz

I don’t know about your fam, but for mine, when there is a breakup there is no distinction made about fault or guilt, it’s just over. Once gramma likes you, you’re in. So there is really no arguing about it at that point.

I’ve seen divorces ruin families as sides are taken, lines are drawn, etc. To the detriment of the kids most of all.

I mean really, does life have to be a Springer episode? Be adults and let that that does not matter truly slide…

By abc

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

OMO, your reference to your daughter forming her own conclusions about “who was there, who wasn’t” speaks volumes.

Let go of your selfishness. Your little feelings don’t matter in this situation anymore, and you should get over yourself for your child’s sake. Don’t be the “bigger person”, you’re only comparing yourself to a woman you’ve already described in far less than flattering terms — she is now your yardstick, by which you measure yourself?

You should hope, instead, that your daughter grows up to have an open and heartfelt relationship with you and with her mother. Hope that your daughter’s feelings about her own mother aren’t about being abandoned. Be grateful that your own family is willing to be an influence, not all families would give a flip.

On the other hand, if your brother is hitting your ex, I have to shake my head… runs in the family, maybe?

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Amred - I’m a little confused now too, where’s the problem?

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

having a babay don’t make you family, and takin a name dont either. she aint family and i believe family really has little to do wit blood.

Well, there is no right or wrong answer here. So everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Anyone I’d chose to have a child with would be my family. It’s a big deal. Folks should reall think these big decisions, like marriage and children, though.

Clearly OMO’s ex didn’t think the graavity of her decision thru. And she’ll have to live with the fact that she abandoned her kid, if only briefly, FOREVER! But I do give her one ounce of credit for moving out of the way when she knew she couldn’t be the wife and mother she needed to be. I’d personally be at the mercy of my ex forever if and when I came back. Some folks are just bold with it. LOL. But it’s still her right, if she wants to be around, I guess!

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Sorry to report but both the men and women 4x100 have been disqualified. Both dropped the batton!!!

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Leggs What I’m saying is why should her desires trump his when they are his family.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

As for the brother…hmm. You can’t dictate to him who he invites into his house! Was he there, shaking his head when you knocked the girl up? When you wife her anyway? Did he ever give you any advice and you didn’t take heed of?

Maybe he’s been in a similar situation and feels for ole girls situation? Maybe he felt his brother was a dummy from the get go and he was gonna do his part, by inviting his bro and his ex and let them work it out?

I have my own opinions about my sisters and their husbands. I like em now and if they ever divorce, I can’t sit up here and act like my sisters can do no wrong. If my sister really had a problem with her ex, I’d probably not invite him to my home, however, if I felt it was in the best interest of my nephew, his parents (my sister and her ex) will always be welcome.

So I speculate. LOL

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Dealing with ex’s in situations where kids are involved is the price we pay as consequences to previous choices.

There are certain events and holidays that a child has the right to spend with both parents. That’s life.

Now why my family would be doing the inviting is what needs to be called in question. It’s not their place to do. Unless they were friends with the ex prior the relationship, they should not even be dealing with them.

In a situation like that I would tell my family they have over stepped their bounds and need to fall back. And from there if they insist on inviting the ex I would just make myself MIA.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

I gotcha after I posted J, I’m a little slow this morning.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

ABC Who was there and who wasn’t is a valid observation to be determined at a later time. As a child of divorced parents, I learned to form my own opinions of my parents when I was able to do so in a rational manner. As his daughter grows, she will make the determination of how she views her mother and father. The only thing the father can continue to do is allow the mother to be in the child’s life. The mother can’t hide who she is as a person forever. IMO we’re assuming that she’s only going to have fond memories and ties with her mother and not some sure to come teenage angst and disagreements.

OMOAgain, Where’s the ex-wife’s family?

By Just Me

August 21, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Foots

I like your share about your parents. Back in the day, people were more respectful of themselves and others. Also, people had a greater sense of what is approriate and what is not. So it worked for them. My POV.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

All wondering what is the problem: apparently you are childless, never been divorced, IE not in this situation. Dropping off the kids, picking up the kids is not a lengthy process such as sitting at a party, cookout, etc. It is completely different dynamics involved. Nor do I take my SO “along for the ride” when doing so. Different scenario folks.

By QC

August 21, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Hi everyone…i get along with my ex sis-in-law just fine..My *Future Sis-in-Law & I are like sisters..and i’m sure everything will get even better with her & my family. I hope you all have a great day!

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

And from there if they insist on inviting the ex I would just make myself MIA.

This would be best for everyone.

By Sasha Two Pistols

August 21, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

I’m guessing she must have told them some sob story to get back in good graces with the family. But how she left and decided to not only be a wife anymore but a mother also, that’s shady. And quite frankly, I’m surprised they let her back in. But family is supposed to stick with family and before they even thought about inviting her back into the fold, the right thing to do would have been to come to you, since you and your child were DIRECTLY affected by her mass exodus, and seen if it were alright with you beforehand. I mean, to me that’s just common sense. I do think its kind of wrong that she’s showing up to all these family functions, when she’s not family anymore, your child is, but she’s not. Also, she might be trying to get on your good graces to get back in good with you, relationship wise.

I tell you, women can be trifling at times, it’s sad to say.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

I agree with abc and ared,although i feel we dont know the whole truth to this story….The brother and IMO probably have a difficult relationship and he may be playing some games, or that the story IMO gave us is not entirely correct and the brother values strong families where both parents are there to raise the kids.But in truth,once u have a kid(s) with someone,u are bonded for lyfe and in order to raise well balanced kids, its important that the parents have a hand in raising the kids together,even tho they may be exes.That is what the brother may be trying to do,though this does not have IMO’s consent.Your current lady has to suck up to the situation,she was late to the party anyway and needs to develop a thick skin…..baby mama drama……

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

QC Did your SILs come across like family from the very beginning? Tell Darrell we said hello.

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Odd Man Out

You are right, they have never been divorced, etc. They always talking out the side of their necks.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

All wondering what is the problem: apparently you are childless, never been divorced, IE not in this situation.

Sure am! But YOU are the one who told your story to the moderator, who posed today’s topic. Did you really think every response would be what you wanted to hear?

And you still haven’t answered the question. You have to see her outside of family functions. So what is the problem with seeing her at family functions? So you have to see her for an extended period of time at family functions. If you were OVER it, it might not be such a problem, eh?

I’m NOT in this situation which is why I’m asking you to enlighten us.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Her family does not live in the states Atl Lady, although they have visited occasionally.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

You are right, they have never been divorced, etc. They always talking out the side of their necks.

And rightfully so! This is a dating blog. Save all that family drama for “Divorce Court.” And MOMania is two doors down. LOL!

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

O.K. what’s up with the U.S. Track Team?! Much respect the the Jamaican’s but damn. Does anyone who follows track think this is an indictment to the U.S.T.T use of banned substances? When you think about it for the last couple of years the U.S. was dominating nearly most of the athletes were juicing.

By DasV

August 21, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

everyone is entitled to a mistake, no matta how grevious it is. i just think a nuff was swallowed when she kilt the marriage and raising the child together. now its her turn to swallow and deal with his choice not to have her at family functions.

why OMO have to keep bending ova… its time her butt was in the air.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

lovelyliz hey sweetie,ur sister’s drama deserves to be a topic on its own…can u please forward that to WiseDiva….i will have to take a day off that day to give the topic justice….very juicy……..

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

And rightfully so!

Your day will come and at that time you will empathize.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

hey DasV…

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

ARED for someone who thought this didn’t even belong on this blog, you have been the most vocal of everybody. What’s your deal?

But I digress…Whoever said that I HAVE to see her at family functions? Did I miss that memo from congress?

I am doing the grown up thing by not falling into the drama hole and handling the co-parent issue responsibly, that does not, now or ever, mean that because I laid down with you (whether it was a good idea or not)that I have to see you everywhere I go.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Raqi *Dealing with ex’s in situations where kids are involved is the price we pay as consequences to previous choices.

There are certain events and holidays that a child has the right to spend with both parents. That’s life.*

Couldn’t disagree with you more on this one. If I married a woman with kids the childrens father wouldn’t be allowed in my home period. That child has no more rights than I give him. And if the father wants to spend more time with them he can have the whole clan back and pay for them. This is where that whole “we are family” thing is going haywire. A cats trying to run his home and a bunch of other dudes are coming in causing unnecssary problems. Lets draw a clear line in the sand. I don’t have any feelings for your childrens father whatsoever and he’s not welcome in my home. Nor will his input be considered in any of my decisions. If SHE has a problem with that then that’s what we need to talk about.

OMO lets bring this thing to a head. You’re not a major player in your own family. Folks could care less what you thought about anything. Maybe if you had a little more backbone and dealt with your family the way you just tried to buck up at the blog you would have satisfaction.

C tha 1 without that special juice the americans are just also runs. The domination is over in more ways than one. Now that chick Lolo just got done wrong. LOL She had blown by everyone and hit he dam hurdle. Thats gotta sting. LMAO

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Your day will come and at that time you will empathize.

I empathize now. Doesn’t mean I can’t share my opinion. And it also doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be an applicable opinion if I were in the same situation.

Sorry, I don’t coddle adults. But I also don’t see how my opinion is oh so terrible. We’ve all been hurt before and we all have to deal with the consequenses of our bad decisions.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

C That 1^5 Not only the doping stuff but a lot of sponsors have steered clear of track & field because of all of the allegations. No sponsorhip deals mean fewer athletes have the financial support to it fulltime. You’ve got to eat and make a living.

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

OddMan She’s trife. Did u really have not a clue or did it just become easier to ignore the red flags than count em?

ARed Your willingness to spare her a square specidically for walking away is surprising. Dan too. Cuz y’all are pretty adamant on death doin the parting…

The other day in promoting a married couples Retreat the man said if you’re sittin there right now wondering if you really wanna be in your marriage you definitely need to come cuz you don’t even realize the time for thinking bout has already passed… Guess it was good food for thought cuz some of the Church said Amen, some just said hmmm & the rest just sat in silence…

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

I am with you Odd Man Out all the way. Your daughter sees her mom outside of family functions so why should mom also be at family functions? It’s not like it is the only way she can ever see her mom. I am best friends with my ex sister in law and we are always together - but never at family gatherings. Out of respect to her new husband and to my brothers SO, she and I can all see each other outside of holiday gatherings and cook outs.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

for someone who thought this didn’t even belong on this blog, you have been the most vocal of everybody. What’s your deal?

It still doesn’t. But alas, it’s still the topic. No more, no less.

Hey, it sucks that you laid down with the wrong woman and now you have to see her at family functions. I wouldn’t be that type of woman, neither would most of the women on this blog.

However, you’re in the situation now, you’ve brough it to a public forum and this is the result.

So, why are you having such trouble seeing her at family functions still and what are you gonna do from here on in?

By lurker

August 21, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

I empathize now

I say you’re not, and that is my opinion.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

why OMO have to keep bending ova… its time her butt was in the air

DasV I couldn’t have said it better, LOL.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

@My2

I’m not giving anyone a pass.

My thing is once divorced, let the little stuff slide regarding the kids.

• I always talk about my marriage shudder.

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

I’ll have to agree with Sasha/DasV…why should OMO be givin’ all the grief. He did what he needed to do even in the face of trying to work out what the EX didn’t want. Now that she has had this revelation all of a sudden and her family doesn’t live here, she should continue and have rights to make appearances at the her ex’s family functions? I think not…but, I also agree with folks who question the brother’s/SIL’s intent of the invites, whats with that? Unless, OMO, theres more to the story (why she left in the first place) your not telling. Jus my .02

Wow, I just flipped that didn’t I? lol…

Afternoon Bloggers….hey, Demi/Staceye (waving)!!!!

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

I understand we don’t have a monopoly on speed, but com’on now. I’m gonna fall with the stereotype here. Basketball & track should be dominated by the U.S… its what we do.

By abc

August 21, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

I don’t think that having your woman’s ex in your house on Christmas Morning opening presents and drinking eggnog is exactly what we’re talking about, Truth.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Your willingness to spare her a square specidically for walking away is surprising. Dan too. Cuz y’all are pretty adamant on death doin the parting…

mytwocents - That’s because I’m single. No kids. I don’t have any lasting ties.

Marriage and children are a HUGE deal to me and I will allow for and fight for a lot more when I’m married.

Any guy I marry, I will go into it with the expectation that I’m tied to this man for LIFE, even if we divorce. Hopefully, it won’t pose to be a problem, but I’ll prepare myself for it either way.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

‘Preciate you Truth. You may be right. I have tired this the diplomatic way and diplomacy does not seem to be working well.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

I say you’re not, and that is my opinion.

You’re certainly entitled to it. And I certainly don’t care.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

I’m going to go ahead and ask a couple of questions. I’m not trying to start any mess) Her parents don’t live in the states. Is she from where her parents live (born and raised there)? How long had she been in the states when you guys met and started a relationship? Do you know how her parents feel about her decision? Yeah, I want to know do you feel like she used you?

By QC

August 21, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

ATL Yes she did…when we all met D’s 1st wife, we all just clicked very well..Our oldest brother’s wife Karen got along with the family also…even though he’s deceased and she’s re-married we still keep in touch…D said hello :-)

By MELO

August 21, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Couldn’t disagree with you more on this one. If I married a woman with kids the childrens father wouldn’t be allowed in my home period. true maybe,but there wld be times ur wife may have to go with kids to the exe’s fam for their family functions.This is the worst mistake u can ever make Truth(i dnt see u doing it tho) coz once she is there,the exe will tap that azz.I wld. Wld never marry a wman with kids fro ma previous…just playing with her,fo sho..they are the best…….

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

The first Christmas I ever spent with my finace, his ex was not only there but was serving the punch. From that point on, I saw that she was at every holiday, every birthday, every gathering of every kind. And their kids were grown and gone. No jealousy on my part, just amazement at them all, especially the ex. Awkward at the least, disrespectful at most.The ex lived close by to the family, could they not visit outside of family functions?

By Keep it real! From Ohio

August 21, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon everybody!

To: Leggs the AMERICAN sprinters have choke big time. They let Jamica punked them!

OMO if the ex is not a good parent go and fine another good parent for your daughter. Your daughter needs to know this is not the right knd of behavoir and it will not be tolerated!

We act too soft on these issues the ex needs to go about her business and grow-up.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

U.S. was dominating nearly most of the athletes were juicing. U got ur answer bro..us africans are the only pple who can run naturally coz we used to chasing monkeys/baboons from the corn fields and running away from wild animals and we have to take a marathon to go to school…how can a bro growing up on a full stomach of weighty Big Mac etc and in cars all the time be trained hw to run faster than an african….the east germans and the americans have been fooling the whole world for a long time now…lol

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Atl Lady, she’d been here a number of years prior to the relationship. So that was not the case. Her parents weren’t happy about it, but have been silent.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

The first Christmas I ever spent with my finace, his ex was not only there but was serving the punch. From that point on, I saw that she was at every holiday, every birthday, every gathering of every kind. And their kids were grown and gone.

Sidelines - WOW! LOL

But that goes back to my point, while rare (and ODD), you have to realize that the ex may be in your life forever. I mean, some exes still keep their husbands name!

You can’t control all of that sometimes, unless you’re Truth. LOL

By lurker

August 21, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

OMO

A small portion of people who divorce are friendly to each other. If the separation ended badly, then ties should only include the children. Put your foot down! Tell your family you are not having it. It seems to me that they are the source of your issue right now. If they see how serious you are, they will realize what they have done. If it continues, you may have to think about staying home.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 21, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Hey guys! I am speed reading but I think I have read some pretty good responses.

On topic I get along fine with my ex in-laws but even if I didnt I would keep a constant relationship with them bc of Lil Mo. Now ex thinks that my family hates him but that is far from the truth. Its one of those if you dont agree with me you must not like me type deals. Now I will go by and see my inlaws but I stay away from family functions bc I dont want to get adjusted to hanging around as if Im still wifey and then have to readjust when either I or ex start dating someone else.

Okay so what happened in the Olympics now??

By lovelyliz

August 21, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

MELO I might just do that.

The irony is that my sister is now and underground hit with her ex-husband’s father and sister. They know sis is the one who is decent and dependable. She’s the one who brings over the grandchild at almost a moments notice since her ex is too busy to bother most of the time.

I say underground because if anyone else in the family is involved, my sister is persona non grata which is really bothering her.

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

Truth- Ex-blog hubby, always great to hear from you!

Whether you agree with Truth or not, he always brings it on strong! Yeah, he came up in here bucking the very DATING blog he came in here crying on. If he’s got all the answers, what is he doing asking us?

In my opinion, bottom line, he lets his ex see his daughter whenever she wants, that’s all that matters. Like Raqi said, certain functions and events she’s going to have to be invited to if they are major events in the childs life. But IMO a backyard BBQ ain’t one of those events. Birthdays, school recitals, soccer games, some holiday events like Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner, baptism, sweet 16, graduation, wedding - yeah, she gotta be there. No, he can’t tell the brother who to invite to his house, but yeah, the brother has overstepped. If after telling the brother he’d rather not have the ex at these NON-LIFE EVENTS - let’s just say the brother would have to choose - the ex or me & MY new family. I know we’re getting one side of the story, but the brother don’t sound like much of a brother to me. I had to make the unfortunate decision to let some blood out of my life for peace sake. Sometimes blood will throw you under the bus quicker than anybody.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

I think this topic belongs on this blog because it’s not exclusive to married people. Have any of you ever dated someone within a group of friends and then had to deal socializing with that person after the break up?

I know I have. One day I came home from work and my roommate had let my ex use our kitchen to cook some stuff. My situation was different than OMO’s in that the break up was still fresh - but I was ticked about that. I never asked my roommate or other friends to choose between the two of us, but I didn’t expect to see dude all up in my crib when I got home from a hard day’s work.

In the beginning I tried to be the bigger person when he was still invited to our after church potlucks, but it used to irritate me watching some of my ‘friends’ fix his plate and do the things I used to do. So, after a while I stopped attending those things.

I had to put ‘friends’ in quotes because I found out months later that a couple of my ‘friends’ wanted him before we got together, were mad at me when we got together and were trying to get him after we broke up - raggedy tricks, LOL

By MELO

August 21, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

off to function back in a few but question:what stops IMO from planning his own events at venues and times of his choosing and invite family there but not ex, u an adult, right???….why are all the family events planned by the brother???…this may be telling…..u seem to be a whinner with no strong backbone,if thats the case,u lie on ur bed!

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

ARed…that wasn’t me who said that, that was Sunshine, that is soooooo not me or my persona! Wrong one…lol!

By Opinionated One

August 21, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

My ex visited my family to find out anything about me. She had remarried as soon as we were divorced. We had four kids, I got the two, she got two. When she visited family, next time I was supposed to get the kids she had, ( she didn’t bother to get the two I had). She would say no. I would have to get a lawyer and go to court. I finally told my family. If she comes, I don’t. I also told her. That worked. I finally got all four kids. YOUR, brother is a jerk, like mine was.

By REWIND

August 21, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

I had to make the unfortunate decision to let some blood out of my life for peace sake. Sometimes blood will throw you under the bus quicker than anybody.

By m'karyl

August 21, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Well, I can understand OMO’s dilemma with the ex at family functions…I think it would have been far better for the brother to have mentioned to OMO that they were planning on iviting the ex to family gatherings…a decent heads up and BTW would have conveyed respect for how OMO feels and how comfortable he is with this arrangement…granted, yes a mature person should be able to handle being around the ex without issues…but rarely does that include family gatherings that previously did not include the ex or in instances where both exes have not reached a mutual understanding of engagement post-relationship…I think that until OMO and his ex had reached some sort of understanding that the family should have refrained from inviting the ex at the expense of OMO’s feelings…and there may come a time when it won’t matter, and right now is just not it for OMO and that should be respected by his family…not imposed upon…jut my comments on topic today…will check back l8r

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Sorry Sidelines!

By Foots

August 21, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

kimmie If he’s got all the answers, what is he doing asking us?

You have a good point…

OMO It does seem like you already believe that you are doing the right things in your situation, to the point where you’re blasting folks for NOT being in your situation. Of course we’re not, we didn’t even know anything about you or your situation until three hours ago. We actually shouldn’t have to be divorced with children to give an opinion. There have been varied opinions here, which should be respected whether or not you agree, basically because you asked for their POV. But if you want the divorced male with children POV, you’ve already met abc.

So, are you going to take any of these solicited opinions to heart or will you continue to do as you have been doing?

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Wow Tazzee I bet that was awkward.

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

lol, no probs Ared!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

Well, what would Jesus do? LOL

I wouldn’t call my sibling a jerk because he adopted this attitude: “I have had a discussion with [my brother] and his response was that if a person is mature and reasonable, being around your exes shouldn’t pose a problem.”

He probably doesn’t know how much it bothers his brother. Or maybe he hopes his brother will come around. But why do you cast off family just because they don’t take your side? The brother is not to blame for all this mess, really. (Question, mainly directed at Opinionated One)

By Keep it real! From Ohio

August 21, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

You know folks we all go thru so really unbelieveable situations.

All we can do is try to be wise,thankfull,prayful and loving to all around us. We cannot let drama control oue emotions and our lives.

No matter what someone does we just need to keep it going with-out even worrying about the situation.

P.S. as long as they are trying to physically harm you let peace and love enter and hate and envy exit!

On a side note: The Jamican’s have trained in America thru-out their college years, they just went home and smoke the Jamican superweed and WORLD RECORDS ARE A FALLEN!

By wtf ever...

August 21, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this

Odd Man, man up! seems to me, if you don’t know how to tell your folks how to stay out of your buziness! You was married to ol’ gurl for 4 seconds…shhh, the ink on the license wasn’t even dry when you split. now you comming up in here crying!…if that aint some old Brady Bunch bs…man get your head out your azz!

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

ABC having her ex in your house period sends mixed messages, and they’re not good. I don’t care if it’s a family outting or not. And if it’s the children you’re looking out for then they’ve lost already anyway. Listen, it’s a tough spot to be in but since the ex couldn’t work out his own situation I’m not going to let him in on mine.

Melo thats why going into a situation with a woman and kids is such a fugg story anyway. Thankless and hopeless.

OMO diplomacy never works anyway. Governments use it to make it appear they aren’t a bunch of bullies but they always have a club in their hand. Try it one time, you’ll be hooked. Club the next family member that defies your rules. LMAO

WTF lmao.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

If he’s got all the answers, what is he doing asking us?

Sounds like he wants someone to finally take his side. Seems like the only advice that is “‘preciated” is from the ones who he agrees with.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

Raqi It was. But that was back when I really didn’t know the true definition of friend. My friend pool decreased quite a bit after that relationship.

Another example of hanging on to the ex:

What about those friends that are married or always in relationships and don’t seem to understand when you tell them it’s over between you and a guy? So they keep asking you ‘have you talked to John?’ after you’ve told them you and John are over.

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m going through a breakup, the last thing I want to do is field questions about the one I’m trying to forget. With some friends I’ve just decided I won’t tell them about another guy until I’m engaged or something.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

I don’t have all of the answers which is why I am here, and as you’ve stated, I am big enough to do my own thing, if need be.

My responses were to those who felt that they could characterize me with only a snipet of what I am about. I have not attacked everyone on the blog, only retorted where I felt necessary. If you are entitled to your opinion, then I am most certainly entitled to mine.

Anyone’s opinion on here can be challenged, at any time. Manning up ain’t a problem on this end. I am just trying to get different opinions and perspectives, not be a whipping post for anybody.

I will gladly take the advice of the comments that I can comfortably align with, without sacrificing my beliefs and what I feel is just. The others have already been forgotten, trust me.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Have any of you ever dated someone within a group of friends and then had to deal socializing with that person after the break up?

Yeah, but it’s not quite as involved as your situation. About 3.5 years ago, my boyfriend at the time had a single friend, so we introduced him to my girl. They hit it off and started dating. They actually lasted longer than me and my boyfriend did, but they were respectful enough to not put us in awkward situations.

That same friend of mine, she dated a man for two years, and she introduced his single friend to our other girl (before my situation). The new couple ended up engaged (now married with a new baby) and the old couple split. We still love that guy and he is still a member of our group. We are resigned to the fact that they won’t get back together, though we think they are right for each other. But she is the one who makes sure that he is invited to our get-togethers, he’d actually show up anyway because he’s still so close to my other friend’s husband.

So at my friend’s wedding, I met the first cousin of her husband. We dated a while, then split. He is still invited to functions involving the couple and the last time I saw him, we were quite cordial. No hard feelings at all.

So yeah, my friends and I need to stop matchmaking. But when things don’t work out, we seem to handle everything well so far.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

And by the way, Red, the only person on here that I just DON’T agree with, is you. You have been dismissed

By Foots

August 21, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m going through a breakup, the last thing I want to do is field questions about the one I’m trying to forget. With some friends I’ve just decided I won’t tell them about another guy until I’m engaged or something.

One of my friends just told me that ^^. She tells us about folks willingly, but when things blow up, she doesn’t want to talk through it. I know that different folks have different ways of handling things. But we only want to help if we can as her girls. Her last really emotional breakup, she told us not to ask her no F-ing questions. So we stopped asking her. Worked as intended.

It would be easier though, if she stopped showing up to our group events with strangers. Most of the time, all we want to know is who dude is and how he qualified to meet us when we have never heard of him before. She brought a dude to Girls’ Night Out twice. How can we not ask who the dude is eating off her plate? Probably would be easier to leave strange dude home if she didn’t really want us to ask about him. LMAO!

So, now she’s not going to tell us anything about anybody until it’s time for us to get measured for our bridesmaid dresses. LOL!

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Foots Y’all got a lot of inter-relations going on, LOL. But I don’t think the matchmaking should stop because you guys handle everything well.

Like we discussed the other day, I have no problem being cordial when I see an ex at a function - but when it’s an intimate function and the ex is always there (like OMO’s case) then I’d have to put my foot down.

BTW, in my situation I did tell my roommate how I felt and she never invited him over again. She was truly innocent in her actions.

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

This whole subject is a tender spot to me. I sympathize with Odd Man Out and understand that people really can be that wierd. My fiance’s ex finally remarried and actually brought her new husband to her ex’s family gatherings. I know it sounds unreal but all of this actually happened - I am not making this up. Then her poor husband and I were the odd man out and to me he looked like a fool and I realized that I must look like just as big a fool. I finally broke up with my fiance and now he and his ex and his family can all be one big happy family. It all got too wierd for me, especially when the subject of what church we would attend when we were married and and he expected me to attend the same church that his ex and most of his family attended. I accused him of still loving her and he said, yes, but “I love you more”, that was the last straw. I don’t want to be loved “more” I want to be loved exclusively. Maybe I should have been more jealous and less amazed. I don’t know what’s going on in your family’s mind but I do understand how you feel ! People don’t care about your feelings. I doubt what is up with your family and ex are even about your daughter.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

And by the way, Red, the only person on here that I just DON’T agree with, is you. You have been dismissed

Aww…you singled me out. Your statement doesn’t even make since then since other poeple have agreed with me.

Look, sorry your life sucks, but don’t blame me cuz you nutted in the wrong chick and now you can’t get rid of her. If you were the bigger man you’d suck it up and deal. Find someone to talk to other than Blanca seriously dude!

But best of luck to ya. LOL

By Demi

August 21, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

You share with her everything between you and I Oh yeah, oh Never shoulda told her how I do you at night Yeah, oh You can’t imagine all the things she offered me Her plan was so secure Get into her bedroom door And baby I can’t take it no more

Leggs why would you be surprised to think folks wouldn’t want to be parents? Probably alot more people should have come to that conclusion BEFORE they had kids.

Amen…some folks need to get they tubes cut’n’burned and them cats need they nut sack disconnected…I HATE sorry parents

By Beautiful

August 21, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

OMO blood means nothing to me. i will blackball a family member in a heartbeat if they show me disrespect (and i have … one cousin and his mother, my aunt). family functions are very important to me and are life events that you should take advantage of no matter how busy you are. i’ve been to three bbq’s since i’ve been home and if my dad would have invited daryl, sr., i would have told him about his self and peaced out! i’m sensitive, but not stupid. how do you suppose to move on with this person constantly in your face? a person like me would have a hard time doing so. i feel you … i really do. nevermind these bloggers. i feel sometimes that they don’t have a heart. attack, attack, attack … that’s all they know.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

Foots In my case, I think it’s because it’s very seldom that I’ll mention that I’m really into a guy. So they think that if the guy was that special the relationship has to work, right? Not necessarily. So I basically told the two offenders that I will be sure to keep them informed of any major happenings, but those two won’t be privvy to the new guys I meet or random dates I may go on because if they get a name, I’ll hear it from them until I give them a new name, LOL.

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

Dayum! Ya’ll still on topic?

By Foots

August 21, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Sunshine Would you have broken off your engagement if he would have honestly replied that he didn’t love her anymore?

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Dayum! Ya’ll still on topic?

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Hey OMO, I agree with Beautiful on the respect thing. You are being disrespected. Been there {just didn’t realize it, trying to be cool and objective}. Also, rather anyone agrees or not, your feelings are your feelings. Don’t be offended at others who attack you - it is easy for someone who has never been in your place to tell you how you should feel.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

I just love how commentary or opinions can incite personal attacks!

But let a guy do it….and my goodness…he’s Satan…

Hypocracy much?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

By Demi

August 21, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed my son’s mother is married now…Ain’t no way in Sam hill am I attending her family functions, except for lil’Demi and her birthdays.

And she bet’n (I need an Ebonics dictionary) not ask me to attend any anniversaries…seeing I didn’t make any attempt to attend her wedding…I will FedEx her gifts in advance.

Some things should be common sense…

By Demi

August 21, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night

Death is on the tip of her tongue and dangers at the tip of her fingers Streets Are On Fire To- Night

By Foots

August 21, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Beautiful how do you suppose to move on with this person constantly in your face? a person like me would have a hard time doing so.

He’s already moved on physically. He has a girlfriend. I guess the question is, has he moved on emotionally after three+ years?

Tazzee Yeah, we’ve been barred from uttering several names. LOL! We just have to act like we don’t notice now when she invites a dude to one of our functions and he doesn’t show because they broke up. We know we can’t mention that we noticed he wasn’t there, or risk getting cussed out.

What was funny was that at our last function, two of the dudes she’s dated in the last year were both there and tripping out with each other (it was at her house, so she invited them). If her new dude would have shown up, that would have been three. Out of the six of us, she’s the only one who could make a situation like that look somewhat normal.

But we STILL can’t ask no questions!! LOL!!

By Dan

August 21, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

@OMO

I’d try Truth’s tactic. State your opinion to those concerned, be forceful in those statements and prepare to live with the consequences of thier (in)actions.

But your 1:09 post does have a bit of “I’ll listen to what I wanna hear” and that, my friend, is not helpful. Hear all or listen to none.

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Dayum! Ya’ll still on topic?

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Beautiful a good friend told me “the only time blood matters is if you need a transfusion” He said this when I was struggling with an issue between a family member and a friend - I brought up that “blood is thicker than water” phrase. I love family, but the friend had been there for me in a time of need and family had pretty much ignored me.

Now, no one in my family will be in a position of need if I can help it. That’s just how I am. But when it comes to certain other things, some of my friends come before family.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 21, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

hi Demi

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Tazzee that’s about like when I broke up with the Nature Guy and every one kept talking about how nice of a man he was, blah, blah, blah. My mother really liked him.

I started telling people try dating him for a year like I did and then come back and talk to me.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

Ain’t no way in Sam hill am I attending her family functions, except for lil’Demi and her birthdays.

Demi - I agree. But that ain’t the hand ole boy’s been dealt. So since she is attending the functions, I asked why it was so bothersome, especially if you have to see her anyway. That was never answered.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Dan But your 1:09 post does have a bit of “I’ll listen to what I wanna hear” and that, my friend, is not helpful. Hear all or listen to none.

I agree with you. Pats on the back aren’t always helpful. Sometimes, you gotta hear what you’re doing right AND what you’re doing wrong.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this

nutted in the wrong chick

i will blackball a family member in a heartbeat is that like swinging at them or sme….i think u can doing it,u got sme gangsta in u….

I don’t want to be loved “more” I want to be loved exclusively okaaay,so just saying it wld settle issues with u??????…..i think this is what most women want tho,but harping on it and wanting to hear mouthings etc and being too demanding is a recipe for being cheated on…….

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

Friends are who choose; Family is who is forced upon us.

Family is just our channel into this life. I would choose a tried and true friend any day over a selfish inconsiderate family member.

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

raqi I agree!

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

Dan, you are straight. I agree with you and I am listening to all of them. It is obvious doing it “my way” hasn’t worked to this point. So I have to defer.

Still, some of the characterizations have been across the line IMO. That is what os frustrating.

It does seem as though the general concensus is to address it straight up, and go with the aftermath.

Much thanks to all!

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Well OMO. How are you feeling now? We’ve vented. You’ve vented. Do you feel you have a better perspective on what to do and how you’re going to proceed? Do you think you need a little more soul searching, praying, or whatever you do to bring peace and focus to your spirit?

By Dan

August 21, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Dan laughs as yet another convert to the aggressive diplomacy (with everyone in your life) states his desire to join)

I’m telling you, it’ll lose you friends, but the people that “remain” will be honest and upfront about everything. It eliminate a lot of fat from your life.

Dan now porposing joint Venture with Truth on a book outlining this policy titled: “I like me and not you enough to lose you”…

What’s say bruh?

By Demi

August 21, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

Sidelines Hey you!!

Lady J Sup ma!!!

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

Ok, I got thru all of those posts.

Demi, that’s my point, I hate sorry parents.

Simply put “ex’s” need to get a life and stop clinging on. I know what I’m talking about! She’s wrong for attending all these family functions. My ex is NOT my family nor am I his. He is only family to our daughter, and his side of the family is family to her, but NOT me…don’t want no more of that mess over there!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 21, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Hey Demi!! I agree with you about the family functions, even though I would love a good bowl of gumbo and a good drink or two (made for free)! But no need for the potential confusion or drama later.

Tazzee Have any of you ever dated someone within a group of friends and then had to deal socializing with that person after the break up I know you addressed this to those dating but I am having a harder time with this after being married. I think it helps that many of our mutual friends always check with us bc they want us both at certain functions but sometimes I wonder if keeping those friendships is cool. I mean it is right now (he has a girlfriend) and I have no issues but I dont know how it will be when I have someone. whole different ball game

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

To FOOTS, yes - it had all began to be too much. MELO, I did not do a lot of harping or mouthing or demanding, I think it’s only natural to expect that the man that proposed to you love you exclusively. But today’s post is about OMO, not me. I was letting OMO know that other families are as wierd {or wierder} and I got carried away expressing my own feelings. I did not mean to get off subject with my feelings. Anyway OMO, you can’t change others only yourself. And if it comes to it you can see selected family members that you want to see outside of family functions if it comes to that and let the ex be at functions if that’s what they want, But speak up to them and to her - you owe it to yourself.Then you move on since she won’t.

By For Real

August 21, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Chick: Hey Punky Azz Brother of my ex. I would like to get an ivite to all of yall’s family events.

PAB: What are you crazy?? You left my brother and yalls daughter! Getch yo crazy azz off my perch!

Chick: Okay but hear me out. If you event me I’ll suck your wang 3 times a week.

PAB: WTF!!!!

Chick: And you can grab my head.

PAB: Let me see Labor Day is coming up….

By Beautiful

August 21, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

melo i’ve only been violent one time. i don’t regret it, but won’t go that route again.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Yeah, think that I am better for it now. At least this was confirmation for some things that I have thought but not sure of where they came from, my heart or my head. Maybe I’ll chime back in and give an update on the progress.

I’ll buy a bat, just in case!

Peace!

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

Taz - Oh how I’ve been there! There was this one guy that totally broke my heart, but my mom loved him. Nothing short of me lying and telling her he beat me up would have stopped her from liking him and wishing we were back together! Only thing that stopped it was when I found a guy she liked better and told her my ex had gotten married!LOL I’ve even had friends whine to me “You be nice now” as if something had to be wrong with me because me & some dude were no longer together. Don’t matter if it was his fault or mine, bottom line it’s over, let it go and if you’re my friend you’ll respect that.

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

what it do demi

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

ForRl…Let me see Labor Day is coming up…., lmao!!!!

Hilarious…

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Ode to a polyamorous Demigod…

Yo, yo, yo baby pop yeah you, come here gimme a Kiss, better make it fast or else I’m gonna get pyssd! Can’t you feel the music pumpin hard like I wish u would, now push it…(dunt dun dun dun dunt) push it good.

Much like Spinderella, .02 continues pretending to spin the record as Mocha & Cee pelvic thrust Demi off the stage @ the blog talent show…

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

…except for lil’Demi and her birthdays. SUSPECT! Why her b-days if she’s now married to another?

By For Real

August 21, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

PAB: Looka here bruh. I’m inviting yo ex to our family Labor Day Cookout.

OMO: What!!! Holon man, why you doing that you know how I feel about that trick.

PAB: Look man I get you don’t want her back and all but she got purdy mouth.

OMO: WTF!!

PAB: I mean smile, smile, yeah and beside she still like family. Plus yo new woman’s mouth… err um smile ain’t as pretty.

OMO: Man you on some lame azz ish. Don’t invite her!!!

PAB: Too late I already took the first install… I mean I already invited her.

By Demi

August 21, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Couldn’t disagree with you more on this one. If I married a woman with kids the childrens father wouldn’t be allowed in my home period

Yep Yep…I banned myself her house once she was married…She cuss me out good though

Hello MLL hope your day goes well.

AmazonRed bey, there are just somethings you un-invite yourself out of…it is about RESPECT and not DISRESPECT. It is one thing to have been married for a long period of time, but this about as bad as keeping your one night stand around.

She just need to get a life!!!

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

I’m actually ctfu @mytwocents. That’s the song I danced w/Demi in the cage at BellBottoms.

By Beautiful

August 21, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

for real stop already. lol.

foots having a good time with family is like breathing … easy. if the ex is there, everyone is watching what they say, feeling uncomfortable, etc. i’d rather leave. plus my new so will be like wtf!!!

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN: At the Adult Learning Center

Class #1: How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays (Step by Step, with Slide Presentation) -

Class #2: The Toilet Paper Roll—Does It Change Itself? (Round Table Discussion)

Class #3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat while Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? (Group Practice)

Class #4: Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor. (Pictures and Explanatory Graphics)

Class #5: Dinner Dishes— Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? (Examples on Video).

Class #6: Health Watch—Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. (Graphics and Audio Tapes)

Class #7: Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost— (Real Life Testimonials)

Class #8: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? (Driving Simulations)

Class #9: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy— Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late. (Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.)

Class #10: The Stove/Oven—What It Is and How It Is Used. (Live Demonstration)

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

bey, there are just somethings you un-invite yourself out of…it is about RESPECT and not DISRESPECT. It is one thing to have been married for a long period of time, but this about as bad as keeping your one night stand around.

Demi - sigh Again agreed. In fact the WHOLE blog agreed. However, how does that offer a solution to the problem?

We keep venting about ole girl, but unless someone is about to forcibly remove her from the party, how is venting solving anything? So since he was on here and she’s not, I figured we could at least get to the root of why it bothered him so much.

By the way, forcibly removing her is at least a solution.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

PAB: Too late I already took the first install… I mean I already invited her. You are crazy, but that was funny!

By Demi

August 21, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

Leggs cause her birthday parties are normally at a club and off the chain…And she always hook me up with some baad chick to go home with

My2 ummmmmm…I got something for ya when I return from lunch!

Mo pray for me…this 3 level is looking too sexy, LOL.

A.Red trust, I understand your point well…I just don’t see myself dumping my wife and trying to be friend with her family years later…had OMO said thing ended on a positive note, I would have ask him what the problem was.

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Class #8: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? (Driving Simulations)

SlimOne where do I sign him up? And do they accept Cash, Check or Charge?

By Blanca

August 21, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Hey All I’m playing catchup on this blog. I warned OMO you guys could be vicious! But I’m confused AmazonRed, why isn’t this blog appropriate for MIA? Is this not a blog about relationships and working through those associated issues? To me, it’s fair game (and since I get to write it and all..;)

Besides, I’m sure OMO isn’t the first of us to have experienced this kind of awkward situation. He wanted all of your opinions because he’s been lurking for some time and likes what he reads. I’m all for it.

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

Slim - That was hilarious!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

I just don’t see myself dumping my wife and trying to be friend with her family years later

Demi - I feel the same way, trust. Unfortunately, we only have OMO’s side of the story. It’s real deep to have the woman raise up and abandon a husband and kid! There is definitely way more going on there than we know.

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

SlimOne, Class #9: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy— Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late. (Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.)…I was just having this conversation with my girls about this!

By Dan

August 21, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

@Slim

For #8: might I recommended novocaine or laughing gas before the demostration…

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

Blanca - Just my opinion. I just think he’d have more readers who better understood the “situation” in a blog like “MOMania.” (which has been broken all day).

In any case, he was still here to get what he needs. And I did find it odd that he chose this avenue in the first place. But hey, today was still a good blog day.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

Blanca You mean he actually loves us. (sniff, sniff) I’m just glad it was deep enough to bring Truth back to the family table one more time.

For Real You so special. LOL

Slimone I don’t think you’ve got a facility big enough for that class.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Blanca good luck on the job interview.

OMO my question to you would be why would you act so passively on a topic that you apparently feel so passionately about? Honestly, if my brother invited my ex to a party after I told him not to I’d punch his azz in the face. Even then it would be a wrap. SMH Btw, you can’t dismiss Ared. It’s a blog and she can only volunteer to leave. LOL

Slim/For Real lmao.

Kimmie aka blackbelt jones how is karate coming along? You break anyone’s bones yet? What belt are you now?

By For Real

August 21, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

OMO: If you invite her I will get a babysitter and bring my SO Ared.

PAB: Look man do… wait did you say will bring Ared! Awwwww hellz naw man!!!

OMO: That’s right and I will make sure that she is all licka-ed up too.

PAB: Naw man last time she was pole dancing on the pattio umbrella and you know she is close talker.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

Ok, well that answers my question. I’m swerving back into my lane!

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Raqi Yes you can send you $89.99 cash payment to:

SlimOne Inc 1234 INEEDMONEY Lane Lower Alabama, GA

Dan Is it really that hard to stomach sitting tight-lipped as she backs in, pulls out, backs in, pulls out again, then pull back up..almost hit the car in front only to be 10 feet away from the curb when she’s done? lol

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Blanca good luck on the job interview.

LMAO!

my question to you would be why would you act so passively on a topic that you apparently feel so passionately about? Honestly, if my brother invited my ex to a party after I told him not to I’d punch his azz in the face. Even then it would be a wrap.

LOL! You are missed Truth. Goodness gracious! LOL

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

kimmie please don’t get me started on the folks that say “what’d you do?” after the break-up. But that’s usually associates - not the folks that know me.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

Well at least I got a “good blog day” from A Red after her thinking that it was out of place.

Truth, I have tried to fall back for my duaghter’s sake. I don’t want her to see any of this drama, in the long run. Being in a split family already.

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

Leggs ESP told me that was his kinda serenade… But didn’t mean to thrust myself into trouble…

I parallel & back in beautifully. <—Hush. Maybe cuz was told those were the toughest. Goin straight in takes more outta me.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

Well at least I got a “good blog day” from A Red after her thinking that it was out of place. Can’t judge a book…

Truth, I have tried to fall back for my duaghter’s sake. I don’t want her to see any of this drama, in the long run. Being in a split family already.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Truth If Blanca jump ship, are you going to become a new blog master? Have you thought about it? (Don’t know if blog master is the correct term)

By Dan

August 21, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

@Slim

It is hard to watch your $16,000 (owed), $8,000 (valued) car back into and pull up on one if not two BMW’s

It wakes you up in the morning

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

Well at least I got a “good blog day” from A Red after her thinking that it was out of place. Can’t judge a book…

Odd Man - My bark is always worse than my bite. My posts always read abrasive. Been posting on websites for years and that’s just how it comes across.

It’s never any bad blood, at least on my end. I just like to get down to the bottom of things. That’s all. I want folks to be happy at the end of the day. Happiness makes the world go round!

By For Real

August 21, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

Class #1: How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays (Step by Step, with Slide Presentation) - Whatfur I’m finished drinking now…

Class #2: The Toilet Paper Roll—Does It Change Itself? (Round Table Discussion) - Who use it the most? I only ish twice a week and half of get on my hand!

Class #3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat while Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? (Group Practice) - Yes it is but why you keep putting the seat down when you know Imma pee on it?

Class #4: Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor. (Pictures and Explanatory Graphics) - Semantics

Class #5: Dinner Dishes— Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? (Examples on Video).- Let’s see I bought the food that was cooked, I bought the dishes that was used to prepare and eat the food, I paid for the gas/electwicity use to run the stove, and you telling me you can’t wash the friggin dishes?

Class #6: Health Watch—Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. (Graphics and Audio Tapes) - What is the logic behind paying for something you know is going to die and smell funny aftewards?

Class #7: Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost— (Real Life Testimonials) - Real Men already know where they are going they just taking the scenic route for yo benefit.

Class #8: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? (Driving Simulations) - Now you know what it feels like when you want to talk to me while I’m watching the dayummm game!

Class #9: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy— Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late. (Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.) - How many people do you know that look forward to listening to someone bytch about you WORKING and spending a large amount of money on a person and in return you get TIE that you can’t even wear.

Class #10: The Stove/Oven—What It Is and How It Is Used. (Live Demonstration) - When you start grillin then I’ll start cookin.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

Tazzee please don’t get me started on the folks that say “what’d you do?” after the break-up. But that’s usually associates - not the folks that know me.

My friends never assume it was me. For my 30th birthday, one of my girls (same one in above stories) bought me a “Men Ain’t $h!t” journal and a wine glass with all kind of anti-men sentiments to state her default position on my breakups. It’s been a year and a half and that stuff still hasn’t made it out of the bag under my bed. And I’ve had two breakups and I moved in that time. Shoot, two exes helped me move, so you know I had to keep that kind of stuff hidden. It’s the thought that counts yeah, but I’m not that jaded yet. LOL!!

Staceye If you’re lurking girl, I have a wine glass and a journal that I think you might like! Hit me up!

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Virtual hug for A Red. It’s good. I have a tougher skin than most. Think I have been drawn in from the fringes….

By Demi

August 21, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

My.02 you meant to say polygamous?

leggs yeah I caught that too…

N-E-WAY

Well woman the way the time cold I wanna be keepin’ you warm I got the right temperature to shelter you from the storm Oh lord, gal I got the right tactics to turn you on, and girl I… Wanna be the Papa…You can be the Mom….oh oh!

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

mytwo I couldn’t help it but your 3:11 sounds like something a chick would say in the Pre-fluck interview on one of dem flicks….

Old dirty Man: So, sexy lady. What do they call you?

my2:Speaking all sexy-like…they call me my2mipples.ooohhhh

ODM: oh really?..yeah i like when you rub em like that. so is this your first film?

my2: ohhh…no…mmmmm…this is maybe my 3rd or 4th movie now.

ODM: I heard they call you PP. what does that stand for?

my2…seductively scary laugh…oohhh…mmmm you really wanna know?

ODM: oh yeah baby.

my2: Mmmm, thought you’d never ask. Well, PP stands for Parallel Pddy.

ODM: Sounds interesting…oh yeah, keep doing that baby girl. So how did that name come about?

my2: well, after doing my second movie, i found that…mmmmm…I parallel & back in beautifully. Goin straight in took so much more outta me to be able to prepare for anotha scene.

ODM: dayum baby girl! I think you got DemiDeez ready for you. Let’s put that PP to the test.

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

“Who use it the most? I only ish twice a week and half of get on my hand!”

For Real You’ve got me in tears over here.

“It is hard to watch your $16,000 (owed), $8,000 (valued) car”

Dan I think you could have ended that comment right there. I would cry every time I looked at that dern car, and be tempted to hit myself over the head with the stupid stick for making that bad investment.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Dan It is hard to watch your $16,000 (owed), $8,000 (valued) car back into and pull up on one if not two BMW’s

Yeah, but, dayum…. I imagine it would be hard just knowing that you owe $16,000 on something that was valued at $8,000. Whoo Lawd!! Gap insurance to the rescue!!! Chuckle!

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

mytwo I couldn’t help it but your 3:11 sounds like something a chick would say in the Pre-fluck interview on one of dem flicks….

Old dirty Man: So, sexy lady. What do they call you?

my2:Speaking all sexy-like…they call me my2mipples.ooohhhh

ODM: oh really?..yeah i like when you rub em like that. so is this your first film?

my2: ohhh…no…mmmmm…this is maybe my 3rd or 4th movie now.

ODM: I heard they call you PP. what does that stand for?

my2…seductively scary laugh…oohhh…mmmm you really wanna know?

ODM: oh yeah baby.

my2: Mmmm, thought you’d never ask. Well, PP stands for Parallel Pddy.

ODM: Sounds interesting…oh yeah, keep doing that baby girl. So how did that name come about?

my2: well, after doing my second movie, i found that…mmmmm…I parallel & back in beautifully. Goin straight in took so much more outta me to be able to prepare for anotha scene.

ODM: dayum baby girl! I think you got DemiDeez ready for you. Let’s put that PP to the test.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Class #9: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy—

That is just a waste of time..i dont understand why the date on which we married is that important..im glad its past,over and done with thats whay i dont have that date in my head….im thinking about the future…

By For Real

August 21, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

“Men Ain’t $h!t” journal and a wine glass with all kind of anti-men sentiments to state her default position on my breakups.

WOMEN ARE SOME CRAZY AZZ CREATURES!!! SHAKING MY DAYUMMM HEAD!!!

By lurker

August 21, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

SlimOne that was funny. Ya’ll know lurker are different people posting right?

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

OMO Here’s the painful truth. You can’t shield your daughter from the piece of crap that is her mother. It’s unfortunate but true. However, you can regulate when that chick comes around you.

I think back to a buddy of mine who’s english wife did that to him, left unexpectedly and without the kid, and she was a piece of work. We were in the army and that chick started slinging azz like hashbrowns at waffle house ( I really should have knocked her off but he was a friend). Anyway, there was always something unmotherly about her anyway. My point is she bailed on you and now she’s throwing it back in your face. Next step she’ll be bringing her new bf who’s hung like Mr Ed and wears tight pants. LMAO Put an end to that mess. Time to put foot to azz and get some results. Don’t hide it from the kid, she’ll see it too in a few years. Full contact, no holds barred. GO GO GO

Atl Lady 2C would be a better moderator. His topic last week was so on point I got misty eyed. LOL I’m to far to the left and all my topics would involve police and possible prison terms. LOL

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

AAWWWW For Real You know you love us just the same. :-) *(Atl Lady sending For Real a special type of dessert.)

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 21, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Okay Tony hands off the key board…LOL

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

No he didn’t say police and prison terms. LMAO @ Truth

By lurker

August 21, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Okay Tony hands off the key board…LOL

LOL!!!

By DasV

August 21, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

4Real slim had me chucklin… you gots me chokin…LOL u stoopid

theTruth what a way to lay it down for the brutha. glad you put it out there that the current behaviour is gonna lead to more scandalous antics if he doesnt end it now.

By Tony

August 21, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that “family will teach you how to live without them”. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to “choose sides”. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget.

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

Truth - Hey there Babe! I am a yellow belt, testing for yellow senior in 2 weeks! I’m having fun. It’s getting harder, but I have a mean side-kick! Have not had to use my skills for evil instead of good yet:)LOL!

By heather

August 21, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

I’m a child of divorce, and my mother’s family was guilty of the very same thing, so far as inviting my father to my cousin’s wedding, which happened 15 years after my parents divorced. They said at the time it was because he was my family, and it was a family function, but the truth is, they wanted him back in the family, and were trying to get my parents to reconcile. Out of the three of us, not ONE of us was comfortable with that, and my mother and I both found it beyond bad taste to have invited him for that purpose. I love my parents, both of them, and because of that, I respect that they made the choice to divorce. They are both happier people for it, and as such, so am I. I’m glad that my extended family has finally come to terms with their divorce, even if it took almost 25 years year. The only family function I feel they should both attend is MY wedding in October, at which point they will happily both walk me down the aisle, and will be in all of my family portraits. THAT is the extent that they are still family to each other.

By Tony

August 21, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

I have gone through this same thing with family in the last 40 days. My family invited an ex to a function even after I told them I did not want her around. She ended our relationship so naturally I was not in the mood to look at her. I did not attend the function because she was there. I was given a fitting proverb that family will teach you how to live without them. Sadly its true allot of times. People are delusional if they think they don’t have to choose sides. I know personally how much it hurts when it feels that family sides with a non-family member. I know you have to get over things but it’s human not to forget

By MELO

August 21, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

Tony got a virus in his brains…..

By Demi

August 21, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

Slim I think you and I need to get together and do the “helicopter”…You do remember the “helicopter”…right?

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

heather Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations on your pending nuptials.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Heather congratulations…im inviting myself to ur wedding in Oct……next friday is pay day and im heading st8 to B-Brothers to get my suit….

By Tony

August 21, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

My bad. I was getting an error. Had no idea it was posting. My hands are off the keyboard. Thanks for watching out for me.

By Tony

August 21, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

My bad. I was getting an error. Had no idea it was posting. My hands are off the keyboard. Thanks for watching out for me.

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Demi helicopter?..Is that when you take the used rubber and swing it around in the air over your head to make sure no ‘soldiers’ escaped? (18 years, she gotchu locked in fo 18yrs..) LOL!

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

Slim SHUT the EFF UP! Girl, I’m dyin laughin over here…not old dude w/ the 80s mustache! It would take a completely innocent comment to blow the lid off my budding career. But seriously, that’s 4 minutes we can’t get back and it doesn’t exactly raise the cinematic cedibility… from what I had heard

Demi kinda sorts the same…either way gotta get off that floor when the reggae - reggaeton hits. Nobody move, nobody get hurt

By MELO

August 21, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

if u reeeeeeeaaaally like to knw who Obama has picked,call me….ill let u knw at a small price…(heck the ecnmy is bad outa there,i gota take care of me too)…… Obama is my uncle actually,his dad and mine were good buddies at college takpat78

By Demi

August 21, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Slim you know my ‘rifle’ only shoots blanks…*they only provide extra lubricate.

Demi is now wondering what his protein count is per load…

Hey pretty girl…Say me love it see you walk… You no habla ingles but just listen me when me a talk This ya one yeah from me heart, woman you got me caught You ever inna me thoughts and no left me inna the dark, inna the… First place gal that’s where you belong, so just let me flip the switch woman I can turn it on and… Gimme the passion from dusk till dawn…Tell me if you want it fi gwaan…my girl..

By Foots

August 21, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

For Real WOMEN ARE SOME CRAZY AZZ CREATURES!!! SHAKING MY DAYUMMM HEAD!!

Drinking from a cup and journalling are quite harmless and tame as opposed to the “One girl hurt me, so I’m going to run through and dog out about 50 broads who did nothing to me until I feel better” approach that some dudes take. That’s what I SMH at. Care to join me? LOL

By Dan

August 21, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

@Foots

journalizing: the act of writing in a journal.

But wait, having “nikka’s ain’t ish” cups, journal, or even the attitude is somehow not comparable to “dog[ing] out 50 broads”?

What happpened to 2 wrongs not making it right?

By Dan

August 21, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Before we have another blowup? I was asking a nebulous question…no personal bomb

By Sylvia

August 21, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

OMO, I think you should grow up and not worry about your ex being invited to family functions. She is the mother of your child, and although she doesn’t want to raise the child, doesn’t not mean she doesn’t want to be a mother to her. And who’s to say your one side story is all true. If your new girlfriend is not threatened by your ex wife, you shouldn’t be either unless your new girlfriend will know that you still have feelings for your ex when she look at how you are looking at your ex. This could only be the reason why you are concerned about your ex being at family functions.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

Dan What’s wrong with venting your feelings in a journal or having some expressive mugs? No one is hurt in that process and the woman is actually able to go through a healing process.

I have male bashing sessions with some of my friend girls. It’s very liberating for the married/involved ones and it helps them to direct their anger away from their mate.

By heather

August 21, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

I’m a child of divorce, and my mother’s family was guilty of the very same thing, so far as inviting my father to my cousin’s wedding, which happened 15 years after my parents divorced. They said at the time it was because he was my family, and it was a family function, but the truth is, they wanted him back in the family, and were trying to get my parents to reconcile. Out of the three of us, not ONE of us was comfortable with that, and my mother and I both found it beyond bad taste to have invited him for that purpose. I love my parents, both of them, and because of that, I respect that they made the choice to divorce. They are both happier people for it, and as such, so am I. I’m glad that my extended family has finally come to terms with their divorce, even if it took almost 25 years year. The only family function I feel they should both attend is MY wedding in October, at which point they will happily both walk me down the aisle, and will be in all of my family portraits. THAT is the extent that they are still family to each other.

By Poppa Grande

August 21, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Good afternoon to you all…

On topic: Odd Man Out… You are way too passive in this matter. What are you really showing your child?

There is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. You must not be asserting your position effectively.

There is nothing wrong with being assertive in making your feelings known. It can be done without being aggressive. There is a way to say anything.

The only person ultimately responsible for your happiness is you. Not your family. not your friends, but you.

I have cut family off. Actually, I have been labeled the “Uppity Negro” of the family because of it. (I have a t-shirt that I wear proudly to all family reunions as a reminder.) Now, most know that I will help them if they are about something, but don’t approach me about some stupid stuff. Sometimes family with bring you down faster than an enemy could every dream of doing.

By Demi

August 21, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Demi kinda sorts the same

My.02 your wording sounded like a pretty boy in prison, LOL…Lawd No!!!

But I only date one woman at a time…I am not trying to make head lines:

*Wannabe Player SHOT by Angry Lover…Who Wanted a Refund *

But before you ladies go, sing it for us:

Ah, push it - push it good Ah, push it - push it real good Ah, push it - push it good Ah, push it - p-push it real good

Hey! Ow! *Push it good!

Oooh, baby, baby Baby, baby Oooh, baby, baby Baby, baby

Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

…it helps them to direct their anger away from their mate.

Sistah Therapy. A much needed process.

You all have a good one.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

@Taz

Venting in sessions like that is:

+destructive: as there are no resolutions only gripes placed into the pshyce’s of those involved;

+habit forming: meaning that “new” criticsm’s are likely to carry forward to any participants new or existing relationships;

+toxic: as they then infect the next group of women via contact thus spreading the infection in a very localized fashion (see epidemology);

+dumb: and then what?

+the very case in point why men are “able to move on” whereas women are not;

+Self fulfilling prophecy rituals

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

@Dan As a woman who could go from Buckhead to Bankhead in attitude in .0005 seconds, it’s okay to have a men ain’t crap moment. Usually, it’s not directed at all men just the MF who hurt you right then. Some women would rather write than try that get on top of the next man to get over him mess. The pen is mightier than the sword.

By Poppa Grande

August 21, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Dan

I agree with Tazzee. Writing out frustrations is actually better because innocent people aren’t forced to pay for someone else’s problems/issue/etc..

President Abraham Lincoln followed the practice of writing letters bashing his Civil War generals whenever he heard that they lost a battle. However, he would throw the letter into the fireplace after period of time. That way he got his frustrations out and it didn’t get to his intented objects. Of course, some were found after his death (since his death was kinda sudden).

By Demi

August 21, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Foots that cause man are about action…we do not write that mess down…

Foots is now placing her foot on Demi’s throat

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

Dan so untrue.

• there doesn’t need to be a resolution. I know you men say you don’t need to read a book to know how women operate, but we work through our issues by talking about our feelings.

• writing out or vocalizing your feelings instead of holding them inside or voicing them to your mate is a good habit to have. You would not believe how many relationships have survived because of this.

• that is why you vent with the right people. you don’t just vent with any person. My friends that vent with me know that I will go along with them but at the end of the session I will gently remind them of the wonderful qualities of their mate. The same is true when I vent.

• dumb only in your eyes but it works for us females

• the women that aren’t able to move on are the ones that don’t get it out of their system. And a man’s moving on by dogging other women (the first example used) is not a good way to move on.

• Not the case, again read the information above.

Just because you don’t understand it, don’t mean it don’t work for those of us that do.

By ron

August 21, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

I left the family,lock,stock, and barrel.They can have the ex.I haven’t seen them for years.I’m happy.They’re happy.No problem.

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 5:13 PM | Link to this

Demi Sometimes I forget - you are reformed. Slim should not cast u in that new flick. Even if it was as Warden of the Women’s prison?

By Foots

August 21, 2008 5:14 PM | Link to this

Dan But wait, having “nikka’s ain’t ish” cups, journal, or even the attitude is somehow not comparable to “dog[ing] out 50 broads”?

It’s not even remotely close. That’s the point. One is a way of drowning your OWN sorrows in a funny way, the other could potentially destroy about 51 lives in the process.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 5:15 PM | Link to this

@Taz

You’re right I don’t understand the FBBBP (forever bitter babes bytching parties)

By Foots

August 21, 2008 5:20 PM | Link to this

Dan You’re right I don’t understand the FBBBP (forever bitter babes bytching parties)

I guess not. Guys just do the “let’s go to the strip club and spend all our hard-earned money on some o’s we don’t know”. Y’all all understand that one though.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 5:22 PM | Link to this

Dan What do you do to get over a woman who has wronged you in your opinion? Not everyone does the same thing to get over someone they loved.

By Demi

August 21, 2008 5:41 PM | Link to this

mytwocents sweetie, knowing Slim…that woman would cast me into the lake of fire..Yelling,”BURN DEMI BURN!!”

You know that girl has wicked ways..I have a feeling Slim is going to make me pay.

Its all in fun for me….no biggie.

By Sarah

August 21, 2008 9:00 PM | Link to this

I don’t understand why someone mentioned that it was HIS fault she got pregnant. Isn’t the ex a responsible woman who knows how to keep that from happening? She didn’t want the kid so she left. She made her decision and should not be invited to family gatherings. I don’t think it has anything to do with ex looking out for the child. She’s obviously up to something. I think your family should respect your wishes that she not be around. But family can sometimes be the worst to deal with. So talk with her and the family and let her understand she has to go. Bringing the new girl in will only make her feel uncomfortable and she shouldn’t be made to feel that way. If all else fails then leave the family alone. We are born into family…that doesn’t mean we have to agree with them or even like them. They’ll finally see what she’s up to and understand your feelings. And if not, then do they even really care about You?

By EJ

August 21, 2008 9:14 PM | Link to this

My ex-girlfriend was invited to all of her ex-husband’s family event for the four years that we were together. While they were married for five years and a couple for nine, they did not share any kids. She was invited to all the family reunions, weddings, Thanksgiving… everything. At some point they even began inviting me! It was strange. Her ex-husband began avoiding family events because his new girlfriend did not feel well with the ex around. My ex would refer to his family has her in-laws even when they had been divorced for years. I thought it was the strangest thing, but evidentaly it happens to other people too.

By EJ

August 21, 2008 9:18 PM | Link to this

My ex-girlfriend was invited to all of her ex-husband’s family event for the four years that we were together. While they were married for five years and a couple for nine, they did not share any kids. She was invited to all the family reunions, weddings, Thanksgiving… everything. At some point they even began inviting me! It was strange. Her ex-husband began avoiding family events because his new girlfriend did not feel well with the ex around. My ex would refer to his family has her in-laws even when they had been divorced for years. I thought it was the strangest thing, but evidentaly it happens to other people too.

By Fired With No Pension

August 22, 2008 12:15 AM | Link to this

After 20 years together, my ex decided he had found the love of his life and chose to pursue that life. His mom and I decided just because he fired me from the family, didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends. We stay in touch by phone and see each other for lunch on occasion. However, I have to draw the line at family functions. No matter how long I’ve been a part of that family, and the one who has encouraged, nourished and maintained a relationship between us and MIL in particular, they are not my family any more. Divorce is about the loudest and clearest way of saying, I don’t want you to be a part of my lfe any more, which one would assume, attending family functions. If I was OMO’s ex, I would be too ashamed to even grace their door! I don’t care if I realized my mistake and wanted him back. As you say, Amazone Red, make your bed, lie in it. Other than that, Amazon Red, I find your views endearing, if a little unrealistic. I hope they stand you in good stead throughout your life.

By DB

August 22, 2008 6:41 AM | Link to this

I think that Brother & Family are showing some real signs of being completely bonkers! Where is family loyalty? Where is support for the OMO? If I were OMO, I’d be furious, because it would seem that my family was siding with the ex against me, especially if they continue to invite her against my wishes. She was completely at fault, and to shashay back into your lives after three years and expect a warm welcome may sound a bit romantic, on the surface, but it’s really a very passive-aggressive “in your face” move on the brother’s part, not to mention pretty damn rude.

I think it’s time to tell the brother that if they want to invite her to non-family-only events, then they are welcome to, but out of consideration for OMO, they need to BACK OFF of inviting her to purely family functions — it’s his family, too!

By Ricecakes

August 22, 2008 8:30 AM | Link to this

WOW! and I thought I was the only one going through this type of situation. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law wanted my husband to marry his ex. My M-I-L went so far as to move the ex in to her house when we got engaged in hopes of that breaking us up. The ex is always at my S-I-L functions. My advice to the you is to stand up for what is right. I would have a heart-to-heart take with my immediate family one last time and if they don’t stop inviting your ex then I would not attend the family functions. Your brother and whomever else is wrong for what they are doing. I bet you his wife wouldn’t like it. You need to continue to respect your girlfriend and not subject her to the hostile (ex) environment. I still going through my situation where the ex buys my stepdaughter gifts and not my husband’s and my biological children. The “Exes” are enjoying what they are doing. Please feel free to email me to talk.