Misadventures in Atlanta

By Wise Diva

August 21, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Blog is open for today. sigh

By Georgia Girl

August 21, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Since the family doesn’t seem to understand the inappropriateness, is it possible to go straight to the ex? Maybe he’ll get lucky and she’ll see his point of view. Surely she’s feeling a little awkward being around the ex-family as well.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

They are laying off all the competent pple at the ajc, are they?????

By Blanca

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Praise the heavens we are up and running! I’m off for now, but will check in as I can. Have a good day!

By LivedNLearned

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Why would the ex even want to be around his family given the circumstances of their demise. She chose to leave her then husband and infant child. Why would they “side” with her by inviting her to any family function, aside from anything that involved the child?

Maybe she has painted a different picture with your family. Perhaps you should set the record straight once and for all. I would think the simple fact that the two of you are not together would have been enough for the family to “get it” but obviously not. To add insult to injury, she, your ex just might be enjoying this preference.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone.

I find OMO incredibly selfish. That woman was his wife, and mother to his daughter, she IS family. How nice is it for her daughter to grow up with knowing HER mother was always welcome at her dad’s family functions.

There were no “big” troubles, so why the “ick?” Because she dumped OMO? Becuse it’s awkward for HIM to have to see her after the divorce? Sorry, divorce doesn’t absoble his ex from being family. She always will be.

He needs to accept that, stop being so darn selfish and realize what is best for his child.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

WOW. First, I can’t imagine someone not wanting to be a parent. I know it occurs, but it always strikes me as weird. OMO, yes I find it strange that your brother doesn’t see a problem w/this. First and foremost I would ostracize her simply for not wanting to be a parent. That in itself gets all doors slammed in her face. This is a big one, but stand tall and keep it moving for your daughter’s sake. She needs to see her parents are able to be in the same room together w/out incident. Talk to your ex about how you’re uncomfortable with her being so close to your family. Since you’re dating now, attend your family functions with your SO with a smile in your heart. If your ex isn’t making trouble when attending these outings just enjoy your family, be civil toward her and enjoy the fact that you’re now with someone else.

But, why is she so ready to attend these functions? Is she throwing salt in the wound?

By nypeach

August 21, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Sounds like the brother and his family don’t like the new girlfriend and want to stop that relationship. Or, maybe the ex called the brother and asked for help in getting her family back. Whatever the reason, it’s inappropriate. I love my cousins’ ex-wives and enjoy spending time with them…alone. they are not invited to family functions and they have no interest in coming to them.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Thanks, GG. The ex does not appear to be uncomfortable at all with the situation. She does not have family here, so she seems to appreciate and enjoy the outings. Gives her something to do.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

In addition, I find OMO, really weird for pouring out his life story to annoymous dating blogger. He should have at least taken that mess to MOMania. LOL

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this

LOL WiseDiva. A woman’s work is never done.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Kimmie thanks for handling that response by Dan. Excellent rebuttal!

By SlimOne

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Finally,…..well I agree with Georgia Girl. Personally, i find it strange that the ex would even want to be around her ex’s family. However, Odd Man for the next function, you should go and bring your current SO and see if the ex get’s the picture. Maybe it’ll take her seeing you moved on with someone else for her to get a grip. Have you definitely stressed to your bro how Uncomfy it makes you to have him extending invites to your ex? I wonder how he’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

My ex’s mom always invites me to their family events but to me it’s just weird. When she found out about me being in the process of getting laid off, she offered me to move in free of charge with her if i needed to. Thank God I haven’t hit rock bottom to where I’d need to take her up on her offer And someone sent me These Breakup Tips

By DasV

August 21, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Its strange to me that someone who does not want to be a wife and a parent is doing what a wife and parent do…. attend family functions. seems she is picking and choosing and the his family is condoning her very selfish behaviour.

but outside of my opinion, what does the child want?? is she cool with having moms around… i would venture a guess and say proly so. because having a part-time mom is better than no moms at all. so the mature thing is to suck it up. warn the current SO of whats up. and make sure the child remains comfortable with the situation…. but if ever she aint, then its ON! :)

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

In addition, I find OMO, really weird for pouring out his life story to annoymous dating blogger…pretty sure that’s not his life story, but don’t we do this just about everyday. As a matter of fact Layla did it yesterday!

By nypeach

August 21, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Or you could just go straight ghetto and threaten to cut her…sigh…sorry, old habits die hard.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Leggs - I find folks like Layla weird for it too.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

@Kimmie

Please go back and read my post. In no way did I diagnose, or attempt to diagnose anything you posted. I merely suggested a series of questions to assess your level of concern on a particular matter.

If: a conditional phrase dependent on a particular or series of variables.

I said if.

To which you responded in an emotional outburst that would suggest you only purused my post and did not actually read it.

As for the rest of your rant today. Admittedly I only skimmed it, so I can’t speak to your ramblings.

I asked questions, you overreacted with an emotional post. Let it be done.

New blog rule: We (save in a few instances, don’t know each other.) I.E. “you don’t me” and “I don’t know you”

Jeses

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

nypeach, you done gone and woke up Staceye (LOL).

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Any family member that wants to continue to see the ex can do so outside of family gatherings. These kinds of circumstances are awkward for everyone involved, especially the new girlfriend or wife that will come into the picture. The daughter knows the parents aren’t together and will adjust. Though, as Amazon Red said, the ex may be considered as family, the ex can call or visit on her own time, not at family gatherings.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

On Topic:

This reminds of the Deborah Cox/RL song…we can’t be friends…

I mean, if we’ve broken up, why are you still coming around my family? You’re single now, be with yours.

In the case that you may have no family in the city, or at all, by all means hang out with mine (black families will adopt you). But know this, you are now “fair game” you can never be wifey, but you can be splayed from pillar to post by any random family member, and you cannot complain to me.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Odd Man That’s a tough situation. You didn’t say, but has she made any overtures towards reconciliation with you or attempted to explain where she was coming from three years ago when she left? The timing of this is weird, unless nypeach is right and your folks don’t like your new girl. If that’s the case, they need to grow up and figure out a way to handle their dislike like adults instead of that passive aggressive mess.

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

It’s a weird situation to me. This woman can see her child at anytime she wants, so attending his family functions isn’t neccesary to do so. So why the invite? And why would his family go to extreme measures to make his ex comfortable by inviting her yet at the sake of making him (their blood relative) uncomfortable. That’s not right. She chose to end the marriage for whatever reason and allow him custody of the child, so why attend his family functions rubbing this in his face and their daughter’s face. She needs to get a life.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

What it do good people?

Ared apparently you overlooked the EX in her title. She is no longer family. Remember, she opted out of that job. BTW that must be a female thing (family to the end) because I don’t see it. I have a niece right now that I’ve disowned and if she called me from her death bed I wouldn’t go see that trick. I also have a brother that is a straight piece of shyt, and he’s a so-called preacher. I’m thinking about telling his azz not to call me with that BS anymore. Blood only goes so far. The real question is would you have them in your life if you didn’t share blood. This is a yes/no question only.

OMO tell your family that they must choose who they align with. If they choose her divorce them and move on. All we need in life is folks who keep dragging up bones from the past.

Leggs why would you be surprised to think folks wouldn’t want to be parents? Probably alot more people should have come to that conclusion BEFORE they had kids.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Gotcha *ARed.

OMO, 4 months! What’s wrong with your family?? Why are they inviting her???? Continue to raise your child as you deem fit, but I agree w/DasV, talk to your daughter.

By abc

August 21, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

First of all, such a mess transpires due to gross irresponsibility on behalf of both parties. There’s no excuse for such stupidity.

Given that’s already done, and given that it doesn’t matter how you got here once you are here, what’s the most pragmatic course of action for his family to take? I speculate that they’d not like to see this child of their family grow up emotionally crippled due to an absent mother who didn’t care about her. Certainly, the family would hope to imprint some of their own family values upon this mother, and invite her to family functions to do so.

It’s not about the father’s feelings. He gave up all that consideration when he had a baby with a woman to whom he wasn’t married, who wasn’t ready to be a mother. He led with his dyck. Now he pays the price. He should be willing to pay the price for the benefit of his child.

Time to let go of his own selfishness, that’s what got him into this situation in the first place. He should consider his daughter and in turn himself fortunate that the mother might be coming around, growing up a little bit, hopefully overcoming some of her own selfishness. Again, it doesn’t matter how he got there anymore; it only matters what’s done to achieve an optimal result from this point forward.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

My sister and brother in law have a friend that wore your same size shoes (not quite your shoes) many years ago. His wife woke up one morning after they had been married not even 2 years and told him that she didn’t want to be a wife. She left him broken and confused. Like yesterday’s topic, she married him because it was the thing to do and he married her because it was time.

Take heart though, he found the woman he was supposed to be with, married her, and now has children with her. Happier endings do happen even if you get dealt a terrible hand at first.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

I am very dedicated to my daughter, as I have stood as a man, raising my child alone. Would this be the action of a selfish man? Being your spouse for 4 months does not give you carte blanche to someone’s family outings/events. Since I am now dating, this avenue did not seem weird at all.

We all have the capacity to be selfish. Your wife certainly was. But she left 3 years ago? I guess bad decisions should be hung over our heads forever? She’s back now. For whatever reason. Maybe it is because you are dating. Maybe it’s because she wants to be part of a family unit again.

Either way, YOU made the decision to marry her and make her family. She will always be your kids mother. Always! So why are you upset? Because some of your family didn’t take your side? Because you have to look at her and see someone who dumped you? Either way, that is not your family’s problem, nor should it be. It’s also not your daughters problem.

You’re only the “odd man out” because you let yourself be. You’re just as welcome (if not more so) as your ex.

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

In my opinion I would have a serious chat with my brother … apparently OddManOut’s brother has a problem respecting his wishes (or maybe his wife). At any rate if my brother violated my respectful wishes like that I’d be tempted to take it back to ‘91 and put foot to azz the old fashioned way. But even in our thirties my brother and I have the tendency to become uncivilized when a certain level of respect has been crossed … that’s just us. We haven’t threw down in years, but the right situation would set it off. Plainly put, OMO check your brother dude!

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Good morning blog

Leggs - Thanks!

Dan - Whatever. I only skimmed your post too.

On topic - Strange situation. Is the child only seeing her mother at these functions? If so, how does that make the child feel? The child is the major concern here, I feel.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

apparently you overlooked the EX in her title. She is no longer family.

Truth - I didn’t overlook it. She has his daughter, she had his last name. She’ll always be family.

That’s why folks should stop having kids AND getting married all willy nilly. There will ALWAYS be a family connection there.

If you want to be in a position to sever all ties with someone, don’t marry them and certainly don’t have kids with them!

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

I have taken my new SO to the functions, so she already knows, it doesn’t seem to bother her. I think that she actually likes “having the upper hand” in this situation. Let me point out that I have no problem with them seeing her or spending time with her whenever the choose. It just does not have to include me or be on family time. Even from my new SO’s perspective, this has to be uncomfortable to always have to see my ex.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

I certainly realize that all that give birth do not have the maternal bond, I just find it extremely amazing that they don’t. I know not all are fit to be parents. It’s just weird not to bond after giving birth or even during the pregnancy.

If my ex’s family invited me to any of their family functions sure sign there’s a hitman lurking some where nearby!!!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

It’s not about the father’s feelings. He gave up all that consideration when he had a baby with a woman to whom he wasn’t married, who wasn’t ready to be a mother. He led with his dyck. Now he pays the price. He should be willing to pay the price for the benefit of his child.

Time to let go of his own selfishness, that’s what got him into this situation in the first place. He should consider his daughter and in turn himself fortunate that the mother might be coming around, growing up a little bit, hopefully overcoming some of her own selfishness. Again, it doesn’t matter how he got there anymore; it only matters what’s done to achieve an optimal result from this point forward.

I had to bold this. Great post abc.

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

I have tosay after my divorce I cut the inlaws off quick and the feeling is mutual! I will or have NEVER kept the lil one from them however I am no longer apart of that world and don’t aspire to be…Te last time I was @ a family function with them was 3 yrs ago for Thanksgiving and my angel was 4 months old I was legally married but we were seperated and the tension from family and him and me was too much…I watched my mama play this role with her mother-in-law from hell yeah my grandma but I refused to do it! When it is over it is over and it is not make it work for the kids…The one thing I got from my parenting class is children figure out stuff over time and make their on decisions regarding situations…I will never brainwash her or put adult issues on her plate but I don’t be around folk for sake of…Life is short…I respect the folks and be cordial and that is it…ANd since then I haven’t been invited to anything and she just went to NY again to spend a week with them and it was a great trip!I refuse to be fake wwith anyone especially ex inlaws. Now my ex mother-in-law was furious 3 yrs back when I spent Christmas in the same city and lil lady and her father was there and I didn’t come over…I refuse to give her what she wanted and that was just to be noisey and see how I was coping if you don’t like folk to pretend to and this makes it easier for everyone…So when he does if he already has not involve a chick to be around family and lil lady I will be a non issue and that is the way it suppose to…It is my hopes noone is around her as we said when we get to that point we will introdce and handle it accordingly but J goes looking for nothing…..What I am suppose to know I will another lesson learned!

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog Family OMO There’s something your brother isn’t telling you. Initially, I thought it was a not-so-sly way of having her see daughter without the standardized visits thing of every other weekend and selected holidays. But to keep inviting her knowing how you feel makes me wonder. My mom was sort of like that with me and my SIL (can’t stand her a$$), but I told her that she needed to respect me on my decisions because she’s not going to stand in front of God on judgement day and tell Him I made her do it. I’ll have to deal with Him on that. Sounds like your Ex needs to get a life instead of using your daughter and family to fit her needs.

Truth I feel you on that family thing. Sometimes you have to let folks go.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

I have taken my new SO to the functions, so she already knows, it doesn’t seem to bother her. I think that she actually likes “having the upper hand” in this situation.

I’d feel the same way if I was the SO in the situation.

I am not a product of divorce, but had my parents divorced, I’d want my parent welcome at all family functions. Y’all work out your grown folks problems on your own.

My aunt and uncle divorced and everyone in my family can’t stand my uncle. We still saw him at all the family functions for YEARS. The adults throwing him icy daggars the entire time. However, my cousins wanted their dad around, trifling as he was. We all accepted the situation and got over it. Now my cousins are adults now. So the situation pretty much resolved itsself now that they’re old enough to make up their own mind about their dad.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@OMO

Why feel like that?

Do you, let her do her. As long as she’s not intervening in family affairs, let her come around without protest.

I’mma go with abc, be the bigger person.

By Foots

August 21, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

So many differing opinions today!! Wow!!

abc I found your reasoning fascinating and it made me think. Looking back, my parents divorced when I was young, but my father was always free to come to our family events. He still did my grandmother’s yard, and even kept a garden there. We all still went to the same church.

I know that my parents divorced with much acrimony, but until today, I hadn’t truly realized how much they both sacrificed (especially my mother) to make our lives as normal as could be. Although they dated other people and my mother eventually married, they made it work somehow (I can’t remember my dad bringing any of his girlfriends around my family though. One was a reporter and she may have come to church a few times, but always on “business”.) I’m grateful that they didn’t exclude him or ban him from the property even though their marriage didn’t work out. He was still our father and our family deferred to that.

By lurker

August 21, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

OMO Maybe she wants to reconcile. Maybe she’s sorry and regrets her impulsive bad decision. She is family. She’s your first and only wife. Now grant it, if it is reconciling she’s wants, she shouldn’t be priviliged enough to just stroll back as though she never left. Reconsider reconciling but be certain she sees the error of her ways and make her earn her rightful place back. No matter your feelings, that child will love her mother unconditionally and not being with/around her will never take that away. If mom want’s to reconcile but can’t get it together, in time your child will come to know and understand. Maybe the rest of the family just isn’t as hardpress with ill feelings as you, as you have that right. A little forgiveness maybe? I bet you still love her.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Dan

August 21, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

@OMO

Why feel like that?

Do you, let her do her. As long as she’s not intervening in family affairs, let her come around without protest.

I’mma go with abc, be the bigger person.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

ARED I have been wearing my big boy drawers since the beginning of this mess, and have no problem doing so. It has nothing to do with me feeling as though I have been dumped. You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to? I don’t interfer with her seeing our daughter whenever she wants to, but Sly Stone was wrong…It ain’t no family affair

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@AmazonRed You seem to call this dedicated father to task for his role in the dissolved marriage as well as the daughter that resulted from the union. However, there seems to be some glaring issues regarding the ex who decided to dissolve the marriage and turn over complete custody of her daughter to him. Now she wants to attend family functions and she has the rights to do so, yet in doing this what purpose is it serving except some selfish need of hers to be at the functions. Is it for the sake of her daughter? We don’t know. Yet we can make a guess that her motivations are selfish just as we can sit here and say that him not wanting his ex there is selfish. But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

OMO, is your brother now seeing your ex???? It happens!!!!

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

You left, so why should I be subjected to seeing you at every gathering when I don’t want to?

OMO - She left. Now she’s back. Happens ALL the time. Usually it’s the women who get left, in this instance it was you.

It just sounds like sour grapes to me. Not to say it’s not justified, but again, that’s the reason why you don’t want to see her. Be real.

You’ve moved on, you’re happy with someone else, so why can’t you be at a family function with her. What happens when your daughter has recitals and school plays? You’re gonna avoid her forever?

Keep acting like this and your SO is gonna realize that you’re not over it, because you’re maybe not over your ex.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not. So, what are you saying???

By ATL Guy

August 21, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

On Topic … I was dating this girl when I was 17 in High School. We dated into first year of College & was my first true love. Her family liked me and my family really liked her.

So her ex b/f was in town from Miami. My g/f’s Mom tells her right in front of me about how she should see him when he’s in town and how its a “good thing” etc etc. Came out of nowhere! This guy actually hit my g/f when they were dating and all this crazy sh*t and her mom had NO IDEA how I treated her daughter so much better than this loser.

Her mom was kinda crazy and irrational anyways…but never forget that moment hearing her say that to her daughter, in front of me, about some guy that used to treat her terribly.

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

OMO: I’m going to say this once and as nice as I possibly can: Will you please quit inviting my ex-wife and me to the same cook out?!

Brother: Maann, you gotta get over that … move on with life. She’s still our sister in Christ …

OMO: F*@# all that! I said I was gonna ask you nice the first time but you still ain’t got the good sense to realize how it makes me feel to be in the same room with her …

Brother: Look I understand that … man it wasn’t even my idea to begin with you know my old lady and your ex still tight.

OMO: That still don’t mean shyt! Blood thicker than water in case you forgot! Yo old lady making you soft. You know better than to pull some bullshyt like this on me.

Brother: My old lady?!

OMO: You heard me.

Brother: WTF?!

(Brother pushes OMO and a N166a Moment complete with table turnig and white meat head bustin’ ruins a perfect good Black American BBQ outing)

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

OMO Where’s her family and how do they feel? Why doesn’t she make the effort to spend time and share you guy’s daughter with them?

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

But her selfish desires trumps his? I think not

Jennifer - I agree. Even still two wrongs make a right now? I doubt it.

Not only that, we have only heard HIS side, so that’s why I’m focusing on him and not on her. Trust, I have my opinion on her, but he’s also the one who made the decision to marry her too.

Consequence for every action, IMO.

By lovelyliz

August 21, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

My siser has her own version.

We live in the same city as her ex-husband, his family and as it just so happens, his shackup. When they were married, my sister observed how her husband’s family thought whoever married into were just the greatest thing since sliced bread, if sliced bread were a person. They couldn’t say enough good things about the spouse or treat them well enough.

That is until the divorce which happens to everybody in the husband’s family and I am not exaggerating. Everybody in that family is divorced at least once and in a couple of cases 3 times. There is that one cousin who has been married to a woman for 3 years and she has been divorced twice already.

Once you are out of the family, sometimes you are pushed out by the family member or you can’t run fast enough, even when you are the most civil person about the divorce, they break out the fangs. Suddenly you just weren’t good enough (looks, weight, $$$, etc). Then it progresses to what a bad parent you are. And finally the biggie: drugs and alcohol. Adultery on the part of the family member starts out as the other person’s fault to the spouse just didn’t meet their need to the ex-spouse was the adulterer.

Even though sister was the one who was the bread winner, child rearer and it was her husband who committed multiple acts of adultery. It’s her ex who was the downtrodden, overworked husband whose wife was too demanding, too fat and given that she likes to drink a couple of glasses or red wine every now and then a borderline alcoholic.

As for her ex-husband’s shacklette, the who pattern is starting to go haywire because she let him move in (she’s a welcome addition to the family), she kicks him out because he doesn’t contribute (she a witch with a capital B, she let’s him back in(that was just a thing she was goinjg through), his stay is only temporary (she’s now nuts in their opinion), he thinks they might get married so they family is re-evaluating their opinion of her.

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

It seems to me this mother/ex took the easy route. She didn’t want to be married and didn’t want to be a full-time mom, but she’ll do the next best thing and attend some family functions. Hunh?

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

I have been the bigger person, placing my daughter first in everything. I have never once prevented her from seeing her, spending as much time with as possible…, the whole nine yards.

There is no love there at this point.. We are simply co-parents at this point. No hint of reconciling on anyone’s part. The ship has left the port!

These family functions are not the only points that she can see our child. I make it a point that they see other as much as possible. She is her mother. Once she becomes an adult, she’ll form her own conclusions about the both of us. Who was there, who wasn’t….

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

This situation reminds me of that Cosby Show episode where Martin’s wife came back.

What would the Huxtables do? LOL

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 21, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

WOW! OMO I agree with abc on this one. You need to be a bigger person not only for yourself but for your daughter, your ex wife is still the mother of your child. There could be tons of reasons behind your brother inviting her to family funtions, only way to find out is to bring to his attention. See if he’s doing it for good for some other underhanded ulterior motives. You have to be proactive and find out what is going on, your brother and your ex wife are the only ones who has the answers.

Hello Everybody!

By Lady J

August 21, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Jennifer you have a point and that is the point I refuse to make with folk I don’t have to be round your peeps or lady to prove I am a mother to my child! Yall enjoy her I will enjoy my break and bring my child back to me and co parents we will be! It is none of my business what they do bc I know her father will not put her in harms way an dwill handle any folk that does so I am glad I learned this early on through all of the pain and drama…

By DasV

August 21, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

having a babay don’t make you family, and takin a name dont either. she aint family and i believe family really has little to do wit blood. anyone can be locked off….. but not for the frivolous… not all willy-nilly. it takes something serious…. like abandoning a child… like waking up and deciding selfishly that you want a ‘do-over’ in your life. like disrupting the life you’ve given birth to and saying ‘love ya! but i gotta do me. (aka ‘i love me more)

naw, you get no ‘always family’ from me. you wanna go… then go…. with no half-steppin, no walking, no twirling down the street… hit the road, full speed and do.not.look.back. and this is what needs to be communicated to the family, after a consultation with the daughter. it takes a village to raise a child, but you can decide who is part of the tribe. those who opt out on they own have no familial tent inna camp.

C.T.ONe continued pookie: hey wheres EX? lil man: EX? pookie: yea. OMO’s ex-lady. lil man: oh. you aint heard. last time she came around the police had to be called. now EX cross the street at BIG mama’s… she dont come ova here ta Aunties. but you know. she be around. pookie: oh cool dat. cause the lil one calling that woman mommie and i knowed that wasnt EX.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

OMO - The more you post, the more I wonder what the big deal is then. You see your ex often, because of the kid, so why is the family function part such a problem? Not even your SO has a problem with her being there.

So is the problem that you’re mad your family didn’t take your side?

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

ABC that has to be the most nonsense I’ve ever seen you post. Recap: Wife/mother breaks camp after 4 months and you say hold still and hope she comes back or take the high road. Come on fella. Who would want that back in their life. As far as his daughter, she’s fugged for having a mom that is what she is. The draw of a parent can go like that. Sometimes you crap out. Sometime you have to take stock of what you have and move forward. Waiting on yesterday or leopards to change their spots rarely pays dividends.

OMO start off by slapping the crap out of your brother and his wife. Apparently they have no regards for your feelings and thats why they do what they do. Then again ol girl up and left so maybe you want to take a quick looksy loo at yourself and see if somethings lacking. From the outside looks like NOBODY cares how you feel about jack. LOL Just saying, you may be to “understanding” to get the results you want. Who is the patriarch of that family?

Atl Lady how are you? You know, sometimes family does you worse than an enemy. Tough decisions have to be made.

Like ol boy said in Heat, “Never have anything in your life you can’t walk away from in 15 seconds”. LOL

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

I never interfer with her seeing our daughter. Infact, I encourage it. She spends whatever time that she wants to with her. I want my daughter to spend time with her. It just does not have to involve me.

As far as still being in love with her, that movie ended some time ago. In fact there are no signs of reconciling on her behalf either.

Going with the results of my behavior thing…I didnt become divorced or become a single parent by choice. It was thrust/imposed upon me. I simply “manned up” and handled my responsibility. Did I choose bad in the beginning? Obviously so, but I stood by my bad choice responsibly. No shame in that. Thump your bibles!

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Ared Reminds me of the episodes when Vanessa brought her fiance’ home and Cliff went off at the table about how she presented him to them and when she came home to tell them that they wren’t together anymore after Cliff had grew a bond with him.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

I think the difference between OMO’s situation and some that you guys are mentioning is that he was only married to this woman for around 7 months. I don’t know how long they dated before that, but this woman wasn’t part of the family THAT long. Furthermore, if he’s uncomfortable with it, that’s all that should matter.

Like he’s said - it’s not like this is the only time she can see the daughter. Family functions should be a time of joy and OMO should be able to attend without having to see his ex.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

I have been the bigger person, placing my daughter first in everything.

That includes boycotting your family’s functions?

By Dan

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

@LLiz

Shackup! HAHAHAHAHA

@OMO

I feel you, just let it pass though bruh. If your concern is for your child, let it be so. Pay no mind to the foolishness (her or here).

@Liz

I don’t know about your fam, but for mine, when there is a breakup there is no distinction made about fault or guilt, it’s just over. Once gramma likes you, you’re in. So there is really no arguing about it at that point.

I’ve seen divorces ruin families as sides are taken, lines are drawn, etc. To the detriment of the kids most of all.

I mean really, does life have to be a Springer episode? Be adults and let that that does not matter truly slide…

By abc

August 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

OMO, your reference to your daughter forming her own conclusions about “who was there, who wasn’t” speaks volumes.

Let go of your selfishness. Your little feelings don’t matter in this situation anymore, and you should get over yourself for your child’s sake. Don’t be the “bigger person”, you’re only comparing yourself to a woman you’ve already described in far less than flattering terms — she is now your yardstick, by which you measure yourself?

You should hope, instead, that your daughter grows up to have an open and heartfelt relationship with you and with her mother. Hope that your daughter’s feelings about her own mother aren’t about being abandoned. Be grateful that your own family is willing to be an influence, not all families would give a flip.

On the other hand, if your brother is hitting your ex, I have to shake my head… runs in the family, maybe?

By kimmie

August 21, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Amred - I’m a little confused now too, where’s the problem?

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

having a babay don’t make you family, and takin a name dont either. she aint family and i believe family really has little to do wit blood.

Well, there is no right or wrong answer here. So everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Anyone I’d chose to have a child with would be my family. It’s a big deal. Folks should reall think these big decisions, like marriage and children, though.

Clearly OMO’s ex didn’t think the graavity of her decision thru. And she’ll have to live with the fact that she abandoned her kid, if only briefly, FOREVER! But I do give her one ounce of credit for moving out of the way when she knew she couldn’t be the wife and mother she needed to be. I’d personally be at the mercy of my ex forever if and when I came back. Some folks are just bold with it. LOL. But it’s still her right, if she wants to be around, I guess!

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Sorry to report but both the men and women 4x100 have been disqualified. Both dropped the batton!!!

By Jennifer

August 21, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Leggs What I’m saying is why should her desires trump his when they are his family.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

As for the brother…hmm. You can’t dictate to him who he invites into his house! Was he there, shaking his head when you knocked the girl up? When you wife her anyway? Did he ever give you any advice and you didn’t take heed of?

Maybe he’s been in a similar situation and feels for ole girls situation? Maybe he felt his brother was a dummy from the get go and he was gonna do his part, by inviting his bro and his ex and let them work it out?

I have my own opinions about my sisters and their husbands. I like em now and if they ever divorce, I can’t sit up here and act like my sisters can do no wrong. If my sister really had a problem with her ex, I’d probably not invite him to my home, however, if I felt it was in the best interest of my nephew, his parents (my sister and her ex) will always be welcome.

So I speculate. LOL

By Raqi

August 21, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Dealing with ex’s in situations where kids are involved is the price we pay as consequences to previous choices.

There are certain events and holidays that a child has the right to spend with both parents. That’s life.

Now why my family would be doing the inviting is what needs to be called in question. It’s not their place to do. Unless they were friends with the ex prior the relationship, they should not even be dealing with them.

In a situation like that I would tell my family they have over stepped their bounds and need to fall back. And from there if they insist on inviting the ex I would just make myself MIA.

By Leggs

August 21, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

I gotcha after I posted J, I’m a little slow this morning.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

ABC Who was there and who wasn’t is a valid observation to be determined at a later time. As a child of divorced parents, I learned to form my own opinions of my parents when I was able to do so in a rational manner. As his daughter grows, she will make the determination of how she views her mother and father. The only thing the father can continue to do is allow the mother to be in the child’s life. The mother can’t hide who she is as a person forever. IMO we’re assuming that she’s only going to have fond memories and ties with her mother and not some sure to come teenage angst and disagreements.

OMOAgain, Where’s the ex-wife’s family?

By Just Me

August 21, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Foots

I like your share about your parents. Back in the day, people were more respectful of themselves and others. Also, people had a greater sense of what is approriate and what is not. So it worked for them. My POV.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

All wondering what is the problem: apparently you are childless, never been divorced, IE not in this situation. Dropping off the kids, picking up the kids is not a lengthy process such as sitting at a party, cookout, etc. It is completely different dynamics involved. Nor do I take my SO “along for the ride” when doing so. Different scenario folks.

By QC

August 21, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Hi everyone…i get along with my ex sis-in-law just fine..My *Future Sis-in-Law & I are like sisters..and i’m sure everything will get even better with her & my family. I hope you all have a great day!

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

And from there if they insist on inviting the ex I would just make myself MIA.

This would be best for everyone.

By Sasha Two Pistols

August 21, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

I’m guessing she must have told them some sob story to get back in good graces with the family. But how she left and decided to not only be a wife anymore but a mother also, that’s shady. And quite frankly, I’m surprised they let her back in. But family is supposed to stick with family and before they even thought about inviting her back into the fold, the right thing to do would have been to come to you, since you and your child were DIRECTLY affected by her mass exodus, and seen if it were alright with you beforehand. I mean, to me that’s just common sense. I do think its kind of wrong that she’s showing up to all these family functions, when she’s not family anymore, your child is, but she’s not. Also, she might be trying to get on your good graces to get back in good with you, relationship wise.

I tell you, women can be trifling at times, it’s sad to say.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

I agree with abc and ared,although i feel we dont know the whole truth to this story….The brother and IMO probably have a difficult relationship and he may be playing some games, or that the story IMO gave us is not entirely correct and the brother values strong families where both parents are there to raise the kids.But in truth,once u have a kid(s) with someone,u are bonded for lyfe and in order to raise well balanced kids, its important that the parents have a hand in raising the kids together,even tho they may be exes.That is what the brother may be trying to do,though this does not have IMO’s consent.Your current lady has to suck up to the situation,she was late to the party anyway and needs to develop a thick skin…..baby mama drama……

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

QC Did your SILs come across like family from the very beginning? Tell Darrell we said hello.

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Odd Man Out

You are right, they have never been divorced, etc. They always talking out the side of their necks.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

All wondering what is the problem: apparently you are childless, never been divorced, IE not in this situation.

Sure am! But YOU are the one who told your story to the moderator, who posed today’s topic. Did you really think every response would be what you wanted to hear?

And you still haven’t answered the question. You have to see her outside of family functions. So what is the problem with seeing her at family functions? So you have to see her for an extended period of time at family functions. If you were OVER it, it might not be such a problem, eh?

I’m NOT in this situation which is why I’m asking you to enlighten us.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Her family does not live in the states Atl Lady, although they have visited occasionally.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

You are right, they have never been divorced, etc. They always talking out the side of their necks.

And rightfully so! This is a dating blog. Save all that family drama for “Divorce Court.” And MOMania is two doors down. LOL!

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

O.K. what’s up with the U.S. Track Team?! Much respect the the Jamaican’s but damn. Does anyone who follows track think this is an indictment to the U.S.T.T use of banned substances? When you think about it for the last couple of years the U.S. was dominating nearly most of the athletes were juicing.

By DasV

August 21, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

everyone is entitled to a mistake, no matta how grevious it is. i just think a nuff was swallowed when she kilt the marriage and raising the child together. now its her turn to swallow and deal with his choice not to have her at family functions.

why OMO have to keep bending ova… its time her butt was in the air.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

lovelyliz hey sweetie,ur sister’s drama deserves to be a topic on its own…can u please forward that to WiseDiva….i will have to take a day off that day to give the topic justice….very juicy……..

By lurker

August 21, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

And rightfully so!

Your day will come and at that time you will empathize.

By MELO

August 21, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

hey DasV…

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

ARED for someone who thought this didn’t even belong on this blog, you have been the most vocal of everybody. What’s your deal?

But I digress…Whoever said that I HAVE to see her at family functions? Did I miss that memo from congress?

I am doing the grown up thing by not falling into the drama hole and handling the co-parent issue responsibly, that does not, now or ever, mean that because I laid down with you (whether it was a good idea or not)that I have to see you everywhere I go.

By The Truth

August 21, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Raqi *Dealing with ex’s in situations where kids are involved is the price we pay as consequences to previous choices.

There are certain events and holidays that a child has the right to spend with both parents. That’s life.*

Couldn’t disagree with you more on this one. If I married a woman with kids the childrens father wouldn’t be allowed in my home period. That child has no more rights than I give him. And if the father wants to spend more time with them he can have the whole clan back and pay for them. This is where that whole “we are family” thing is going haywire. A cats trying to run his home and a bunch of other dudes are coming in causing unnecssary problems. Lets draw a clear line in the sand. I don’t have any feelings for your childrens father whatsoever and he’s not welcome in my home. Nor will his input be considered in any of my decisions. If SHE has a problem with that then that’s what we need to talk about.

OMO lets bring this thing to a head. You’re not a major player in your own family. Folks could care less what you thought about anything. Maybe if you had a little more backbone and dealt with your family the way you just tried to buck up at the blog you would have satisfaction.

C tha 1 without that special juice the americans are just also runs. The domination is over in more ways than one. Now that chick Lolo just got done wrong. LOL She had blown by everyone and hit he dam hurdle. Thats gotta sting. LMAO

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Your day will come and at that time you will empathize.

I empathize now. Doesn’t mean I can’t share my opinion. And it also doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be an applicable opinion if I were in the same situation.

Sorry, I don’t coddle adults. But I also don’t see how my opinion is oh so terrible. We’ve all been hurt before and we all have to deal with the consequenses of our bad decisions.

By Atl Lady

August 21, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

C That 1^5 Not only the doping stuff but a lot of sponsors have steered clear of track & field because of all of the allegations. No sponsorhip deals mean fewer athletes have the financial support to it fulltime. You’ve got to eat and make a living.

By mytwocents

August 21, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

OddMan She’s trife. Did u really have not a clue or did it just become easier to ignore the red flags than count em?

ARed Your willingness to spare her a square specidically for walking away is surprising. Dan too. Cuz y’all are pretty adamant on death doin the parting…

The other day in promoting a married couples Retreat the man said if you’re sittin there right now wondering if you really wanna be in your marriage you definitely need to come cuz you don’t even realize the time for thinking bout has already passed… Guess it was good food for thought cuz some of the Church said Amen, some just said hmmm & the rest just sat in silence…

By Sunshine

August 21, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

I am with you Odd Man Out all the way. Your daughter sees her mom outside of family functions so why should mom also be at family functions? It’s not like it is the only way she can ever see her mom. I am best friends with my ex sister in law and we are always together - but never at family gatherings. Out of respect to her new husband and to my brothers SO, she and I can all see each other outside of holiday gatherings and cook outs.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

for someone who thought this didn’t even belong on this blog, you have been the most vocal of everybody. What’s your deal?

It still doesn’t. But alas, it’s still the topic. No more, no less.

Hey, it sucks that you laid down with the wrong woman and now you have to see her at family functions. I wouldn’t be that type of woman, neither would most of the women on this blog.

However, you’re in the situation now, you’ve brough it to a public forum and this is the result.

So, why are you having such trouble seeing her at family functions still and what are you gonna do from here on in?

By lurker

August 21, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

I empathize now

I say you’re not, and that is my opinion.

By Tazzee

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

why OMO have to keep bending ova… its time her butt was in the air

DasV I couldn’t have said it better, LOL.

By Dan

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

@My2

I’m not giving anyone a pass.

My thing is once divorced, let the little stuff slide regarding the kids.

• I always talk about my marriage shudder.

By Sidelines

August 21, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

I’ll have to agree with Sasha/DasV…why should OMO be givin’ all the grief. He did what he needed to do even in the face of trying to work out what the EX didn’t want. Now that she has had this revelation all of a sudden and her family doesn’t live here, she should continue and have rights to make appearances at the her ex’s family functions? I think not…but, I also agree with folks who question the brother’s/SIL’s intent of the invites, whats with that? Unless, OMO, theres more to the story (why she left in the first place) your not telling. Jus my .02

Wow, I just flipped that didn’t I? lol…

Afternoon Bloggers….hey, Demi/Staceye (waving)!!!!

By C tha 1

August 21, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

I understand we don’t have a monopoly on speed, but com’on now. I’m gonna fall with the stereotype here. Basketball & track should be dominated by the U.S… its what we do.

By abc

August 21, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

I don’t think that having your woman’s ex in your house on Christmas Morning opening presents and drinking eggnog is exactly what we’re talking about, Truth.

By AmazonRed

August 21, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Your willingness to spare her a square specidically for walking away is surprising. Dan too. Cuz y’all are pretty adamant on death doin the parting…

mytwocents - That’s because I’m single. No kids. I don’t have any lasting ties.

Marriage and children are a HUGE deal to me and I will allow for and fight for a lot more when I’m married.

Any guy I marry, I will go into it with the expectation that I’m tied to this man for LIFE, even if we divorce. Hopefully, it won’t pose to be a problem, but I’ll prepare myself for it either way.

By Odd Man Out

August 21, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

‘Preciate you Truth<