AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > August > 25 > Entry
Which one are you?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Single people have an uncanny habit of assigning people they meet into certain categories: potential booty-call candidate, possible girlfriend/boyfriend, or use them for personal gain.
Yeah, I know. It’s not fair or even fun to be relegated to some of these. It’s frustrating to come to the realization that you have been tagged for booty, but at the very least, you know how much to invest.
At this very moment, I have 3 gentleman in hot pursuit of assigning me to each of the categories. Since I am what is considered a dating veteran (reading: inching on old maid status), I can spot the behavior of the guys and respond accordingly.
I don’t waste my good lipstick and hot shoes on Mr. New Booty. I reserve weekend nights for Mr. She Can Be My Girl, and Mr. I Need a Hookup gets put on the DNA (do not answer) list in my cell phone.
If you are dating someone new, how do you determine what their intentions are? Do you generally decide by the actions, words, money or time spent? Do you know by a hybrid of all of these? Do you think that single people should drop this bad habit, or does it serve us well?
Guys, what causes a woman’s long-term relationship potential profile to rise with you? Aside from her cup size and how she looks in those jeans, how do you identify the ones that are jumpoffs and the ones that you take home to Mom one day?
Ladies, when you meet a new guy, do you size men up for these categories? Aside from hot bodies and flashy cars, how do you figure out which guys you wear the good lipstick and hot shoes for and which one is put on the DNA list?
If you are dating someone right now, do you know which category you have been put in? Are you trying to figure it out? Feel free to ask our readers to help you. They are, after all, dating veterans too!
Permalink | Comments (185) | Post your comment | Categories: Mix & Mingle
Comments
By Wise Diva
August 25, 2008 8:13 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone! Happy Monday :)
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this
Goodie Mob Morning to ya’ll…
If you are dating someone new, how do you determine what their intentions are? Do you generally decide by the actions, words, money or time spent? Well, when i date someone new, initially i try to figure out what it is I want from them before i go trying to figure out what they want from me. I mean, if i have not yet figured out if i want to date them for the potential of a r’ship, then i could care less what their intentions are. However, once i think i’ve figured that out, you get a feel for where they are coming from through conversation, actions, time spent, effort etc. I don’t go by the amount of money spent because that really could mean jack squat. Hence the phrase, “It ain’t trickin if you got it”. So you could meet a dude who is dayum near making it rain for you. but if he ‘has it like that’ I doubt it would make you any more special than the last chick he did that for. To me, genuine effort goes a whole lot further.
As far as putting someone on the DNA list, i would have to NOT be attracted to them at all or felt he was being psychotically aggressive…you know the types that call you a million times, don’t allow any time for YOU to call Them back, or that starts off talking about wedding or baby-making plans, Or the dudes that’s professing his love for you before he knows your last name.
By QC
August 25, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this
Good Morning Bloggers.. This topic should bring some sunshine on this gloomy Monday..have a great day everyone..
QC gotta sip on this 20oz coke for a minutes, i’ll check back later
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
Good morning All Slim My brotha been calling you 999,000 times and you ain’t call him back yet LOL
If you are dating someone new, how do you determine what their intentions are? By his actions, words are sweet and yes it’s somethings I need/want to hear but when it comes to action you can never go wrong.
As for being a booty call, a girlfriend or being used for personal gain- I can say I’ve been all 3 at one time or another and heck one time I was all three rolled in one for this one guy.
Ladies, when you meet a new guy, do you size men up for these categories? All the time.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this
I usually get tagged with:
“You gotta girlfriend somewhere” or;
“You just want some arse” or;
“You just want me to fund your habits.”
In the past most of this may have been true, but lately I’ve been on some getting better ish.
but that has ended as I now realize that no matter what I try to do, I’m going to be branded.
So might as well play the dog that I’m accused of being…keep me from getting my feelings hurt anymore…
The D is back!!!!
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this
test es, test es 1..2…1…2
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
MIL LOL! I tell you another thing that irritates me is when you just meet someone and in the first conversation they dude is asking you to come over to watch a movie at their place. I’m beginning to think more often than not, chicks are actually doing this, cause i can’t see why dudes would keep asking if it’s never worked.
Dan So if a chick you just met that you invited to come over and watch a movie actually took you up on your offer, what do you think about her?
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Slim it does work TRUST, how do you think blockbusters stay in business?
By Leggs
August 25, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this
Good morning EVERYONE!!
Some have been trying to place me in “booty” catergory, but I won’t fold. There’s a gentleman interested in me, but he’s always out of town so that probably won’t work. Yes, anything is possible. Anyway, I try my best to steer clear of those booty callers.
*…how do you determine what their intentions are? Do you generally decide by the actions, words, money or time spent? I would have to pay attention to their actions more so than words. Words from sentences and sentences form paragraphs will can amount to a heap of BS! Actions are telltale signs that are more important to me.
By SlimDiva
August 25, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
SlimOne…I concur! I can’t stand a dude asking me to come over to a watch a movie shortly after meeting me. I DON’T let down like that! You’re right…there are women who are ACTUALLY doing this! Men must realize that it doesn’t work on every woman because NOT all of us are that dayuum desperate.
As far as sizing up a man…I do it in order to determine whether or not I’m interested. I’m NOT looking for a booty call or to use anyone. I’m NOT a golddigga, neither am I promiscuous. I’m looking for RELATIONSHIP status…something solid. Now that I’m older (mid 40s, but still look late 20s/early 30s), I know what I want AND what I DON’T want!
By Dan
August 25, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
@MLL
I’s think she wanted to watch a movie…until she started after Panthro, until then, popcorn and movie for me.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
Sorry that was in response to Slim’s post
By Dan
August 25, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
That was for Slim’s post.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this
Dan zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
If you are dating someone new, how do you determine what their intentions are?
It doesn’t really matter what their intentions are, I’ll only allow you in my life if they are good. You can try to put me in booty call zone, or personal gain zone. That will only happen if I allow it, and I don’t. Most guys are impatient and know there is plenty of booty out there and chicks willing to be sugar mommas to put up with someone like me that will take her sweet time trying to figure out what you want. Even if the relationship does not progress to boyfriend/girlfriend level, it doesn’t mean you got any of the other categories either. LOL
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
Feel free to ask our readers to help you. They are, after all, dating veterans too!
yes they are! i didn’t know i was a booty call back in GA dating this guy i really liked a lot.
WHO HAS THAT BOOTY AGREEMENT? POST IT PLEASE!
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this
SlimDiva I guess that request automatically makes me think back to my freshman year in college. This dude call my dorm at 3am, first of all asks me what I’m doing…..wth! I think most folks are SLEEP at that time of morn, then he asks if i want to come over to watch a movie. You must done bumped cho head! lol There is nothing wrong with it after we’ve hung out with each other and established some level of comfort. I think i’m going to start asking dudes if they want to come over and lick the toe jam out between my toes after meeting one time and see what they say. (Matter of fact, i need to pay a camera crew to follow me around while i commit all the dating no no’s men normally do and call the show “Like a Boy” lol)
By Blue_Kolla
August 25, 2008 10:03 AM | Link to this
Guys, what causes a woman’s long-term relationship potential profile to rise with you?
Every babe, woman, broad, female, dame, etc. starts off on deck with a “she can get it” on her nameplate. Men promote women to pinch runners/hitters, star shortstops, aces on the mound, etc based on what a woman shows him.
Aside from her cup size and how she looks in those jeans, how do you identify the ones that are jumpoffs and the ones that you take home to Mom one day?
I’m not about to lay it out AGAIN, because many dudes (LL, SeanJ, Rell, 2, Pop, DK, abc, me, hell… even Dan) have stated many times right here on this blog what makes a woman long-term/wifey material.
Off Topic: All I want to know is why is the Australian women’s basketball team out there looking all thick wit’it in their body-suit uniforms (that #10 and #12 can get it for real.) and the American women are out there looking like dudes with long hair, with them big azz baggy shorts, knee braces, and hardrock walks?!
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
SlimDiva I guess that request automatically makes me think back to my freshman year in college. This dude call my dorm at 3am, first of all asks me what I’m doing…..wth! I think most folks are SLEEP at that time of morn, then he asks if i want to come over to watch a movie. You must done bumped cho head! lol There is nothing wrong with it after we’ve hung out with each other and established some level of comfort. I think i’m going to start asking dudes if they want to come over and lick the toe jam out between my toes after meeting one time and see what they say. (Matter of fact, i need to pay a camera crew to follow me around while i commit all the dating no no’s men normally do and call the show “Like a Boy” lol)
By Dan
August 25, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
Really BK?
hell… even Dan?
Throwing shots early? That’s the kinda day this gone be?
j/k bnr
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this
um Beautiful I’n no dating veteran….I’m still in infancy stage LOL where’s my bib?
How are you doing?
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
rotflmbo *Slimeone the nerve of some men!
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this
THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to herein as the “Agreement”) is entered into as of the _ day
of __, 2008, by and between ____ and
____.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
No sleeping over - UNLESS IT IS VERY GOOD AND WE NEED TO REPEAT IT IN THE MORNING.
No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
No calls before 9pm - (we don’t have shyt to talk about).
None of that “lovemaking” shyt-strictly mind blowing-sex allowed.
No emotional discussions…(ex. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me - Hyll naw- so don’t ask stupid shyt.)
No plans made in advance … that is why you are called the “backup” unless you are from out of town-then its only a one time advanced arrangement.
All gifts excepted - (money and diamonds are always good)
No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
No asking for comparisons with former lovers(its really none of your dayum business)
No kissing (too intimate except to other body parts- no mouth kissing-yuck)
No calling each other “friends with benefits” (we are not friends just sex buddies)
Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK- don’t be offended
No extra clothing (I don’t want your azz leaving anything behind when you leave.)
No falling asleep right after sex-get your azz up and go home-its over dayummit.
Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it (I don’t care).
You can not borrow my car for any reason
If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, “My roommate’s girlfriend/boyfriend”
Doggie style preferred (just hit it hard and right or get the hell out.)
Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.(Don’t want to look at your azz -just want to have sex with you)
We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes - ME (so don’t keep calling dayumit)
The most important one - no condoms - no sex- carry your azz home.
Bring your own drink-I am not your liquor store.
No phone usage please-don’t want anyone calling back looking for your azz.
EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, this Agreement will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. You will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly azz understand the rules.
Participating Party Signature:
Date:____
Participating Party Signature:
Date: ___
By 2CPTG
August 25, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
‘sup……I’mma be real withcha….Ladies, y’all really have no idea which categoy you’re in; You can speculate all day long, but unless we reveal your actual status, you very well could be temporary entertainment.
By Foots
August 25, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Ladies, when you meet a new guy, do you size men up for these categories
Maybe for two out of the three categories. I’ve never been one to use a man for gain. Like Blue said, it depends on what he shows me which category he gets put in. Even with that, I get too easily exasperated with inconsistent people so the booty calls wouldn’t stay booty calls for long.
The vast majority of the men I meet have relationship potential. If we get there, wonderful. If not, I’m on to the next long-term opportunity.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this
@Slim
I’ll expect your signed copy in the mail in 2 days.
My half for the ticket will follow.
By Blue_Kolla
August 25, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this
Dan Really BK?
Yeap.
Throwing shots early? That’s the kinda day this gone be?
Nope. Get out’cha feelings. Go back and read what I said and then lay that out beside your own self-proclaimed “mack is back” stylo that you throw on the blog floor and you’ll see that yeah, even you Dan has tried to lay down some science for the female constituency.
j/k bnr
^^^ Be cool with that type of comment; tends to turn small sh!t into big sh!t.
By lurker
August 25, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
I have to agree with 2CPTG on this topic. Maybe because I’ve not had much luck lately but I’m really convinced and of the simple mind that it’s a man’s world. I’m a good girl and it seems to me that good girls lose out and the bad ones although not much use after having their backs beat out, are crowding us out and clouding the men’s judgement. JMHO
By Foots
August 25, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
Slim Well, when i date someone new, initially i try to figure out what it is I want from them before i go trying to figure out what they want from me.
I read that earlier, and I thought it needed to be highlighted. Not too long ago in my dating life, I spent so much time wondering about whether a new person liked me that I didn’t spend the time I needed to figure out whether I liked him. I realized that I may have been putting my time and energy into somebody I wasn’t too sold on. Once I figured out my error, dating became much less stressful and more fun, and I was able to put my time into people I could really be into.
By Leggs
August 25, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this
2C, that’s about as real as it gets! Thanks for posting that.
By Tazzee
August 25, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this
Morning Folks!
Since I’m only looking for a long-term relationship, I only entertain guys that show LTR potential. The only way I can determine what category a guy has put me in is to sit back and watch. But I’m sure to make my intentions known up front and in time I’ll see if his are in line with mine.
As far as the good lipstick and hot shoes - all guys that get a first date get those. But like we discussed last week - a guy doesn’t get a first date if he doesn’t display some sort of potential with his first impression. If I find out later he’s looking for a booty call then there are no more dates.
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this
Dan To be honest with you any of my CF(cutfriend) or FWB type situations have never been like the one described in the Pre-Booty Call agreement. Let me go through the list…Hmmm
If i’m good enough to screw then I’m good enough for you to spoon me that night. I’m not going home unless I got somehing in the morn to do.
I’d like to think i’m not hideous looking so we WILL go out some of the time and not only when we plan to get our groove thang on. If i’m flucking you, i’d like to think we are at least friends.
I’ll call yo azz at 8 in the morning if i feel like it. lol
There is a such thing as a ‘lovemaking fluck session’. LOL
I’m a communicator so anything is up for grabs as far as discussions go..anything from topics on men & women or why you like to lick my…
I like to make plans to do things, but not plans to give up the puddy.
If you get put yo wang in my thang thang, then you can kiss me…Unless of course I just at an onion & garlic sammich.
Well if you stop hiding my underwear i wouldn’t have to keep bringing extras with me.
If i’m the one coming to your spot then I expect at least a glass of ice water. If not, let me know foe i get there so i can BYOB.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
slim you forgot one! no seeing each other during the daytime (when the sun is out).
MLL sup girlie! you do anything you can’t tell yo momma bout/fun this w/e? lol. i was fresh meat at my sister’s church yesterday in Vallejo, CA. lol. i loved every minute of it. the men looked oh so yummy. don’t know who was married or not though.
2c you headed in the right direction this morning.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
dan BK’s comment wasn’t a jab at you. go back and reread.
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Dan To be honest with you any of my CF(cutfriend) or FWB type situations have never been like the one described in the Pre-Booty Call agreement. Let me go through the list…Hmmm
If i’m good enough to screw then I’m good enough for you to spoon me that night. I’m not going home unless I got somehing in the morn to do.
I’d like to think i’m not hideous looking so we WILL go out some of the time and not only when we plan to get our groove thang on. If i’m flucking you, i’d like to think we are at least friends.
I’ll call yo azz at 8 in the morning if i feel like it. lol
There is a such thing as a ‘lovemaking fluck session’. LOL
I’m a communicator so anything is up for grabs as far as discussions go..anything from topics on men & women or why you like to lick my…
I like to make plans to do things, but not plans to give up the puddy.
If you get put yo wang in my thang thang, then you can kiss me…Unless of course I just at an onion & garlic sammich.
Well if you stop hiding my underwear i wouldn’t have to keep bringing extras with me.
If i’m the one coming to your spot then I expect at least a glass of ice water. If not, let me know foe i get there so i can BYOB.
By Tazzee
August 25, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
2can good point, but sometimes even when a guy ‘reveals’ the status that might not be the true status. So I just watch and wait.
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
‘sup……I’mma be real withcha….Ladies, y’all really have no idea which categoy you’re in; You can speculate all day long, but unless we reveal your actual status, you very well could be temporary entertainment.
Soooo 2CPTG, if you refuse to engage in activities that make you “temporary entertainment” then how can you be placed in those categories?
Intentions don’t always wind up being the actual result.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
if you refuse to engage in activities that make you “temporary entertainment” then how can you be placed in those categories?
i guess i won’t be anyone’s anything anytime soon then.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
LOL Beautiful I went on my first date with a guy I met and the jury is still out on this one. Time will see what catergory applies.
By 2CPTG
August 25, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
A Red temporary entertainment ain’t necessarily about sex, so you don’t have to engage in such activities, to be labeled as such; You could be a tweener, and still qualify; meaning, I may hang out with you just to kill time!
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
MLL wanna know if he likes you? don’t call his azz. if he calls trippin’ … bingo! also, let him ask for the 2nd date. that shows interest. and if he goes outta his way for you. he can never be too busy!
fellas did i miss anything?
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
ain’t necessarily about sex,
2CPTG - Didn’t say it was tho. I’d venture that we’re all tweeners tho, until the right one comes along. That’s what dating and getting to know someone in the first place is all about.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
LOL, he asked for a second date at the first date….Beautful that’s suppose to be a good thing right? NOT- since you’ve had a couple of beers in you before the first date. smh
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
2CTPG You could be a tweener, and still qualify; meaning, I may hang out with you just to kill time!
Definitely had one of these before I met my current SO. We hung out about three months, great guy, new to the city, several years younger than me. Wasn’t really looking for him to be more than a friend, so I kept my options open. We went out to eat, watched movies, caught a few events and went out with us on my birthday. We had fun and enjoyed each other’s company.
I told him that I did want something more stable and that I’d be looking for that elsewhere so he wouldn’t be all that surprised when I had to cut him loose if I got serious with someone else. When I cut him loose, I got cussed out anyway. Oh well…
By Dan
August 25, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this
When in doubt follow the 11pm rule.
If he thinks you’re a jumpoff, he’ll call after 11pm, if not, it’s safe to say that he prolly wants to just chill.
By Leggs
August 25, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
Beautful that’s suppose to be a good thing right? NOT- since you’ve had a couple of beers in you before the first date. That’s funny!
Hell, we’re all “tweeners”,some more than others are “faking interest” until we can get to the front door to make a mad sprint, “sizing” this and that person up to determine if they warrant a ‘second’ date, “padding” our credentials, while all are trying to look through the many layers of a person trying to see the “real” preson.
By IslandGirl
August 25, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
Slim thanks for posting the agreement. Now, I need a notary to sign off on the darn thing…LoL
2CPTG LOL!!! A tweener…just to kill time! I’ve never heard of this…lol.
Ared The weekend round up> I got my LL Cool J fix on Friday…..God, he is so fine.
Happy Monday Everybody!
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
Beautiful Regarding your 11:10, men show interest to a woman that they are attracted to. He still may not decide that he doesn’t want anything long-term. A man can do all of that stuff while he’s attracted physically and then realize that he may not really like you, your way of life, your personality (mentally and emotionally) after a period of time.
To try to be careful, women will usually wait until she sees that “interest” before she puts her real energy into a man. Our mistake is that when we become “all in” and start thinking commitment (based on the fact that he’s doing everything right), it’s usually when the guy pulls back and really starts looking at what he has in us. It doesn’t even have to be that he’s playing a game, he just may have genuinely figured out that although you cute and fine, you don’t have what he’s looking for once he gets to know you. If you remember that a guy doesn’t even have to know your last name to be intimate with you, you’ll see the pattern. He’s attracted, you’re attracted. He’s consistent, you gain confidence. You sleep together. You get to know him, you like him more, you’re committed. He gets to know you, he likes you less, he starts disappearing. You’re wondering what the hell happened since he was so interested in the beginning. He meets someone else he’s attracted to…
There are no hard, fast rules about it. Only time will tell you what you have. One of the keys is to find somebody who is looking for what you are looking for at the time you’re looking for it (timing) and make sure that there is physical, emotional, and mental compatibility (chemistry). The rest is you just being you and him just being him. If it’s supposed to work out, it will.
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
I got my LL Cool J fix on Friday…..God, he is so fine.
screams - IslandGirl, oh no you didn’t! You win. LOL
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Slim I did see The Dark Knight this weekend. I thought that all the Oscar buzz around Heath Ledger was because of his death, but naw, he really tore that role up. Just an amazing performance. I was almost tired just from watching all the action, it never seemed to stop. A couple of times, I was left with my mouth hanging open.
Anybody who has a Costco membership Did y’all know that they sell movie passes in there? We got passes for $14.99 and the tickets would have cost $20 at the box office for the evening show. You just trade them in for the movie you want to see at the box office. It’s like paying for two child tickets.
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
Foots Yeah i used to do the same thing when i was younger. Sit there and try to anaylze the guy’s behavior and/or conversation to see if i’d fit into his categories of wants in a female. But now newly back into the dating scene i’m finding it sort of crazy out here. On one hand, i was introduced to a guy who I’m, in no shape or form physically attracted to. However, enjoy talking to him. We have good conversations. The thing is i know that i don’t see him as dating potential even though i’m sure he’s seeking that. I told him i wasn’t looking for anything other than hanging out for the time being. Then on the other hand, i met this younger…way younger dude. I’m physically attracted to him but i think that’s as far as it goes. Not to mention he has a 1yr old daughter..and stated hes not sure if he and the baby mama will get their act together or not. On the 3rd hand i have a friend who i’ve messed around with on a few ocassions that i enjoy hanging out with, but just don’t see that ever turning into anything more than what it’s been. So i guess you can say I’m just floating right now.
2CPTG Guess i’m looking for a tweener with potential. lol
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
Foots He’s attracted, you’re attracted. He’s consistent, you gain confidence. You sleep together. You get to know him, you like him more, you’re committed. He gets to know you, he likes you less, he starts disappearing. You’re wondering what the hell happened since he was so interested in the beginning. He meets someone else he’s attracted to…
for me it’s like this:He’s attracted, you’re attracted. He’s consistent, you gain confidence. You don’t sleep together. He starts disappearing.
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this
Slim You got three hands?!?! LOL!
Girl, throw them in, you need to get dealt a new hand…I think I have a full deck in my purse somewhere, let me check….
You sure that you’re not attracted to good conversation guy??
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
Foots I too went to check out the Dark Knight on Saturday. Me and my buddy went and I enjoyed watching Ledger’s Joker performance. It was so disturbingly wicked. Now if i could only get my friend to put on that batman suit and utility belt. lololol!
By Poppa Grande
August 25, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
Anybody who has a Costco membership Did y’all know that they sell movie passes in there? We got passes for $14.99 and the tickets would have cost $20 at the box office for the evening show. You just trade them in for the movie you want to see at the box office. It’s like paying for two child tickets.
Hey, Foots. Not only do they sell those tickets. They even have tickets for a Chattanooga get away for 159.00 which includes tickets to the Chattanooga aquarium/Imax for two and a one night stay at the Chattanooga Choo Choo Holiday Inn. Braves Tix.
Also, we own an Entertainment book and they have Regal Theater tickets that sell movie tickets for kids price for everyone (including adults) multiple up to 5. The requirement is that the movie has to have been out at least 2 weeks. The book cost$20-$25 and have coupons to Kroger, restaraunts, just about anything. It helps us keep our budget.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this
this is the first time in my life that i don’t have any potentials … none. cell is not ringing, no e-mails, no instant messages. it’s weird and at the same time refreshing.
By Love
August 25, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
Foots: I think you totally nailed it.
I recently ended a year & half relationship with a guy. It was totally exhausting!!! No PEACE, No LOVE!
By 2CPTG
August 25, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
“Guess i’m looking for a tweener with potential”
Really, that’s what it’s all about….
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
slim my vote is for conversation guy!
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
MLL He’s attracted, you’re attracted. He’s consistent, you gain confidence. You don’t sleep together. He starts disappearing.
Same thing though really, he got to know you and decided that it wasn’t for him before he bonded. Some guys disappear before you go there because they realize that you’re about something or that you want something and they’re not where you are right now; they don’t want to waste your time. Some guys disappear because you wouldn’t sleep with them and they want sex. I think that most guys believe that some type of physical intimacy (doesn’t have to be sex) is necessary for them to move on to the next level of mental and emotional intimacy, so if they’re getting nothing (no kiss, no touch, no knowledge that you’re physically interested), they move on.
That’s why I don’t think it’s as simple as words or actions. It’s words, actions, time, timing, chemistry, and whether or not each offers what the other is looking for.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
@MLL
right there “you don’t sleep together”, you do get why t[he]y keep disappearing right?
By Leggs
August 25, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
If he thinks you’re a jumpoff, he’ll call after 11pm, if not, it’s safe to say that he prolly wants to just chill. Not true, jumpoffs occur as early as 9:00 p.m.! Hell some under the pretense as chilling as early as 7:00. My point is, really any time now can be considered a jump off. Don’t let daylight fool you!
I believe it was 2C who said (paraphrase) the key is to mask your true intentions and then you can get what she didn’t think you actually came for. Something like that!!
By Foots
August 25, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
Poppa Grande They even have tickets for a Chattanooga get away for 159.00 which includes tickets to the Chattanooga aquarium/Imax for two and a one night stay at the Chattanooga Choo Choo Holiday Inn
Thanks!! Imma have to look into that one. I’ve been wanting to go to Chattanooga to the aquarium for a minute.
I also need one of those entertainment books. I used to buy them when I was in college and only used the fast food coupons. LOL! But now, I may could do some things with it.
By Wise Diva
August 25, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this
@ Mll that Is how it goes down with me too
By QC
August 25, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
^5 2cptg
;) BK
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
Foots/Beautiful I positive I’m not feeling Mr Convo like that which is ashame because he seems to be such a good dude. I believe it was last week on the blog when we discussed “chemistry” in dating. I’m an affectionate type of person and not one time have i been around this person and want to be in his intimate space or want him in mine. Is intimate space about 2 to 3 feet here in the US?
By aqualung
August 25, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
I use the same criteria for all men.
1) educated with an advanced degree 2) salary of $100k+ 3) product of a 2 parent home (no b*******, no children of divorce)
I will be engaged by December 31st, but I’ll retain my prettiest boy toy and my German…indefinitely.
By MELO
August 25, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this
Foots and all ladies,why is that most ladies start becoming more attached once we sleep together.Im thinking if uall ladies acted the same way after the sleeping together as u did before,things wld be way too simpler for the guy and for ladies.There wld be no need for the guy to run away after the pudsy coz he dosnt feel the strangulation from ur emotions and that way,he has a better way of assessing u coz he is not hurried,which might actually turn out good in the lady’s favor…And u have more time to assess him as well coz he hasnt run away,so u all enjoying each other(sex wise,and companionship) but u got him in yr corner 4 longer…win>win,if u ask me…..
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
Beautiful take advantage of the downtime, before you know it the phones will be ringing, your text will be chirping and you will have an overflow of emails.
Wise Diva & Foots I let him know up front so that we won’t waste each other’s time.
Hey Leggs you got that right 11 pm isn’t the only time for a booty call, Unk used to have his as early as 7 in the morning LOL
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
Foots/Beautiful I positive I’m not feeling Mr Convo like that which is ashame because he seems to be such a good dude. I believe it was last week on the blog when we discussed “chemistry” in dating. I’m an affectionate type of person and not one time have i been around this person and want to be in his intimate space or want him in mine. Is intimate space about 2 to 3 feet here in the US?
By Dan
August 25, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
@MLL and WD
Let’s be clear about this…
You’re dating men with whom you share no physical intimacy? Then are you celibate?
Because from a male perspective, if I’m dating a woman that won’t get intimate with me, I have to presume that she is getting intimate with someone…
It feels like a “damned if you do,..” situation, but in the end how are you explaining this to guys?
“I’m celibate for the 2 weeks, and I just want to take things slowly with you.”
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
I believe it was 2C who said (paraphrase) the key is to mask your true intentions and then you can get what she didn’t think you actually came for. Something like that!!
The key to stupidity maybe. So the fact that you come over and act like you don’t want means I’m gonna give you because you weren’t overt about it?
Maybe in ‘dating for dummies.’ I’d hope as we reach 30+ we’d be a tad over the “reverse psychology” bit in dating.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
It’s all good Dan I’d rather have a man in my corner who respects my wishes over a quick roll in the bed anytime.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
aqualung your life just flashed in front on my eyes. in two years you are one miserible, lonely, depressed broad. not once did you mention anything about love, etc.
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
My 12:11 had a couple of underscores there that didn’t make it thru the system.
Im thinking if uall ladies acted the same way after the sleeping together as u did before,things wld be way too simpler for the guy and for ladies
melo - That sentiment was actually expressed in a relationship book I read.
By DasV
August 25, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this
good morning good ppl
Foots good-lookin out on the Costco movie tickets…. neva knew that. (and thanks Poppa on the Chatty hookup) what you stumble up on customer service and asked them what they do?? LOL
SlimOne lol@ looking for a ‘tweener with potential’….. aint we all? and what Foots intimated earlier might be true…. sounds like you need to toss that deck you working with and just go sit down for minute. (i would pat the seat next to me… but i dont roll that way) LOL
2 i wouldnt think that your logical side would necessitate a tweener with potential. if you know what want, your uncanny ability to size ppl up wouldnt have you wit no tweener….. unless you hopin they up they game. but ‘trust’ or ‘hope’ dont exist in math.
on topic cataloging people is essential for women especially bec too quick, too soon our hearts/emotions take over and we into something we ought not be with worse someone we should be in it with. but for it to work for real, our standard or catalog key better be set in stone.
hey waving BK….
By Foots
August 25, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
melo Things would be a lot simpler if we truly liked each other for who we were before sleeping together. No need to cling because you know you already have something. No need to run because you actually know, like, and want to be with this person.
What would be really helpful is if women internalize the fact that most dudes can sleep with a woman if he likes the shape of her booty (or other parts), no knowledge of personality or potential necessary, and if men internalize the fact that most women bond during sex because it is an emotional experience, sometimes even more than a physical one. We gotta know each other and handle ourselves accordingly.
By MELO
August 25, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
have u consiered that in your dating experience ared,since reading the book..i mean do u think that has sme validity??
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 25, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
Melo if I sleep with every man I date I’d be garden tool(d) out.
Dan Do you sleep with every woman you date?
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
Oldie -from a gentleman on Black Voices
Bottom line—if I sleep with a woman I don’t know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he’s through. He ain’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He’s moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don’t matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.
Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we’re having a “relationship” when it’s NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y’all know I’m telling the truth.
By AmazonRed
August 25, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this
have u consiered that in your dating experience ared,since reading the book..i mean do u think that has sme validity??
Yes. I think it is quite valid. And I think if I stay true to my own personal beliefs and views on sex, I won’t have to worry about acting or being different just because we did the horizontal tango.
By MELO
August 25, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
MLL, yes..but im thinking,sleep with only those who are deserving in ur book..u want to do it with them,u think they deserve it or u want to take it to the next level and dnt mind giving them a treat….not evry tom,dick and harry who says hello at publix,lets go have a drink….
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this
part 2…
Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this s but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”.
Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn’t change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long
Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. All of us BM do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don’t buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it
By Foots
August 25, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this
Slim I feel you. I was introduced to a guy last fall (he and my co-worker’s husband were friends) and he was alright in terms of having his head on straight, but we didn’t click according to me. Nor was I attracted to him. He was all in though. We hung out for about two months before I knew FOR SURE it wasn’t going anywhere and put an end to things. That one goes into the file where the timing was right, but the chemistry wasn’t there.
And you good, cause I don’t think I let him get within 5 feet of me. We even watched movies on different couches. LOL!!
By Brooklyn
August 25, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this
If you are dating someone new, how do you determine what their intentions are? Do you generally decide by the actions, words, money or time spent?
It’s pretty easy to determine someone’s intentions by simply reading between the line. I am by no means a dating veteran but I’ve dated enough losers, er, I mean, guys to know what they are truly seeking in spite of the beautiful words that may spill out of their mouth. I put every single guy under the radar and give them little test just to get an idea of whether they are really serious on dating or just looking for a booty call. So in the end when their actions match their words regardless of how much money they dole out, that’s when I may start thinking that they may be the real deal. Sometimes I just wish men will come out and say “hey, all I want from you is a**” Who know? That may just be all I want from him!
By Brian
August 25, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
Whats up Guys. Dan your morning 9:08 AM post,, Hits it right on the head.. I get tired of explaining why Im still single, no kids.. Its like u got to defend yourself or something.. Im going to start answering that question with,, there are alot of Oes out there, and its tough weeding through them to find a decent one..
By Leggs
August 25, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
“hey, all I want from you is a” Who know? That may just be all I want from him! EXACTLY. Had to tell the guy at the liquor this past Saturday that I thanked him for his honesty, but we’re both looking for different things. He then said sure wished I had phrased that differently, had to laugh and say, but you didn’t! We both laughed. Hell, gotta respect the honesty!
By Wise Diva
August 25, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
um Dan, some dudes dip out because you won’t give it up FAST enough. I don’t even get a chance to tell them if I am celibate or not. However, no, I don’t do random dizzle.
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this
horizontal tango, random dizzle y’all funny! lol.
slim i’m surprised you’re single. you’re very pretty. there’s a male blogger who just adores you. you’re still young, don’t worry to much about it, k.
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this
part 3…
Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those e ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don’t be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.
Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he’s married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, “I’m not lookin’ for nothing right now” — DON’T tell yourself, “Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind..” NO YOU CAN’T. He said exactly what the hell he meant. BM don’t have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF
Show our azz the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don’t be afraid to be alone. After you give our azz some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we’ll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That’s not how it works, baby
By Rell (TOS)
August 25, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this
why do the guys have to b itch all the time when the topics come up…..if you talking to a chick and she starts asking why you dont have kids..then you know her mental state is warped..why explain yourself….stop trying to fit a circle in a square hole…move on….date outside ya race…travel…give your time to a cause…hell i hear the feed the hungry event every year is stock with women…and any women that will give her time during those time should at least get a look…stop treating ho ‘s like ladies and ladies like ho ‘s…thats the problem all you belly achin weenies should stop chasing these lil bust downs on your job and improve your inner man so the confidence will come thru….when that happens you will not have to explain yourself because the women will be trying to keep up…..dayum is it that hard….
By Dan
August 25, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
@WD
that’s my point. You don’t do “random’ dizzle, you do who you know. But then you would ask a guy to simply accept that usually hidden fact in an effort to get to know “him” better.
Cards on the table, if I meet a woman, I generally assume she’d getting sexed by somebody. Generally, I’m geniunely interested in exploring something with her or trying to get into the rotation.
Either way, I presume that she gittin from somewhere (same as women do). My thing is to be upfront about it. If I’m currently sexing a lady that is not the one in front of me, then she has a right to know - and I will tell her.
I just hate that grown people can’t handle situations as adults, present the options available and the situation as it t-i-is and let the person make the choice.
@MLL
No, I don’t sleep with every woman I date. That would make me a man wh0re. I sleep with those I deem worth the effort of pursuing more.
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
Beautiful I am as of lately. So who’s this male blogger that’s smitten by me? said while batting my left eye. lol
By Dan
August 25, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this
@Rell
While I’mma assume that comment wasn’t related to me…
When 85% of the women that one would meet assumes the worst of him out of the gate then at some point you have start looking for the cause.
The other 15% are in it for a man period, regardless of who/what/ how he is.
Not everybody is in the game looking to just get laid…
By Beautiful
August 25, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this
slim sorry mami. one thing about me … i can keep a secret. kinda.
what’s the deal with men buying ONE ROLL OF TP?!? i just came from save-mart and this fool was in front of me in line. i don’t get it.
By Rell (TOS)
August 25, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this
When 85% of the women that one would meet assumes the worst of him out of the gate then at some point you have start looking for the cause.
DUDE there you go again with the dayum wounded bird ish…you like king of the dayum “why cant she see i am a nice guy” crowd..they see you but dayum you smell of getting duped/f’d over/and overall cupcake syndrome…my dude where are you getting this 85 percent from…again you making the choice….you going for a look and not the style of women that fits you…i mean you single and you kicking it on a board where the ladies get there marketing on…you mean to say you not trying to meet no of them…bottom line dude you get it how you live…you stick that “woo is me” ish out there….and ooo on the being laid comment…player maybe you need to let one off…it might make you feel better….i have numbers to some treatment centers or let me say home visit if you need them
By Wise Diva
August 25, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
I don’t care much about whether a guy is assuming somebody else is knockin me off or not. HE is gonna think whatever he wants to, it’s not my job to convince him anything. He checks my character and then he behaves how he is going to be have, regardless of what I do/say or don’t do/say. When I say I don’t do random dizzle, I determine when he stops being random dizzle, just like he determines when I ain’t random broad, like Blue says.
By Single Student
August 25, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
I am single and have a small child so my time dating has to be considered wisely. I haven’t been serious with anyone since my divorce and that’s been over a year. I’ve been seeing someone recently and though I realize he is not boyfriend material, part of me is enjoying the “no strings” aspect of the relationship. I’ve never done this kind of thing before and I think we have a mutual, unspoken understanding about what it is. Of course, he’d be over the side in a minute if I met someone who I think has potential for a real relationship.
As for how do you know when they are worth your “best effort” (the lipstick and the manolos), well I think you can tell by are they someone you really “click” with? This other guy I’ve been seeing doesn’t seem mature enough and our conversations are not all that engaging but the chemistry is there. So for me, someone who is intelligent, mature, manly, has nice manners, is well-educated, well-spoken, treats you like a lady and is not intimidated by me…that’s him. Yep. I know he is out there some where!
By lurker
August 25, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
Dan presumptions can be quite damaging to potential relationships. Could it be that you equate your assumptions to your own behavior? Just because a potential SO does not engage in sex early on is by no means a sign that she’s getting it from someone else. Contrary to what appears to be your belief, we are not animals and can control the urges. Better yet, risking getting used and tossed is motivation to move things along slowy, in and of itself. I can attest to what the other ladies have stated in not sleeping with a potential nor any other. I too, refuse to jump into any type of physical relationship early on and trust me (and them) when we say, most brothers, that really aren’t interested in pursuring a relationship will show you their backsides with the quickness. I believe the pendulum swings both ways more often than stated. We are in a catch 22. Give the booty up too early and it’s wrap. Try having a relationship with a mature man with no physical and shortly thereafter, it’s a wrap.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this
So,
I’m a wounded bird. But you’re married right or wrong?
If you’re not married then you’re the guy I was 5-10 years ago, chasing azz trying to prove something to….I don’t know who.
Right now, as an adult, I’ve had my misadventures, I slain my fair share, and yes my boy it is hard out here on these streets for men and women.
But if we can’t come together and talk about the misconceptions and misunderstandings that keep good people apart and bad people taking the rest down, then what’s the use?
To your line of thinking: buck up and do you, don’t feel bad for how it affects [her, them]. And to my thinking that’s how we got here.
Don’t get it twisted, I don’t lament my singleness, it is afterall self inflicted, but what I do lament is cats and kittens on the sidelines throwing bombs making ish worse and not trying to make it better.
So get on me, call me whatever you so choose, I’m big enough to take it. But never let it slip your mind for one minute that there are men and women in this world trying to make it a better place for all. And we realize that doing so is a thankless job and it allows do-nothings to come along for the ride. And that is what it is.
@WD
Can’t disagree with your statement, but didn’t you post about poseurs? Why would you think that’s a one way street? Men and women do it just the same.
As enumerated on here a 1000 times we after the sex, and most women are after what comes after the sex.
Not that it’s a new phenomenon, but let just play the game upfront. And you don’t have to convince him of anything, why would he have to convince you of his intentions?
At that point, isn’t chicken/egg?
By SlimOne
August 25, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this
Beautiful Okay? So you can keep a secret sort of?….why bring it up if you not gonna call em out. as far as a dude buying only one roll of TP..maybe he’s one of those dudes who only uses one square per shyt. Were his fanga nails dirty?
Blog Men Is it you??? Come out come out wherever you are and show yourself.
By Dan
August 25, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this
@Lurker
As I have stated, there are men and women that believe that sex does not end a relationship, that it is a beginning. I personally equate it with “getting to know you”. Because to my mind there could evolve a circumstance where I’m dating a woman that is perfect in everyway, but the sex. Then where am I?
Stuck in a passionless relationship with a wandering eye for something better.
And I feel you on the Catch 22, but isn’t that what dating is? You lose a lot to win one.
By Rell (TOS)
August 25, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this
@single student…thanks for being honest….
@dan….why do you care if she fuggin someone else….again you present yourself has the ho haven then thats what you get friends…you come in like the dude that will push in her rosebud nightly and thats what you get….single just showed you what i am talkin about…dude she laying with is her lil f post…thats it…he came that way and she was game….whats so hard about it dude
By Wise Diva
August 25, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this
no, I don’t think it IS one way. In my opinion, in the getting to know each other phase, you are gather