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Bitter, Party of One!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
You want to know the most treacherous kinds of single people to meet on the dating scene? The ever so charming Mister/Miss Bitter. They may look like shiny happy people when you first meet, but it won’t be long before the bitterness surfaces.
I speak from experience, mind you, on both sides. I have BEEN Miss Bitter and I have dated the Mayor of Bitter City: not fun. My favorite “very smart brothas” had 3 great signs of a Bitter Guy:
You’re proudly unchivalrous. Nothing else screams “I’m bitter” louder than a grown man who’s practically excited to get the opportunity to let everyone else know all the things they’d never do for a woman
Words such as “all” and “every” always seem to find a way into their sentences when speaking negatively about the opposite sex
Denial. Me bitter? Not at all. I’m just a little more practical now, that’s all
Allow me to give the guys 3 possible signs of Miss Bitter: She exhibits extreme gold-digger behavior. The new guy literally has to pay for the sins of the last man that did her wrong.
Hostile statements about men: All men are dogs and should be stripped of their tongues and forced to live on a remote island (Did anyone ever see the film Matchstick Men?)
Incapable of accepting any compliment from the opposite sex. It doesn’t matter if it is respectable or indecent. She takes any and all compliments as a calculated attempt to get her into bed, and subsequently dog her out.
The good news is that Bitter Singles will eventually get past their anger, hurt, and disappointment. Sometimes it takes that one patient person that breaks down the walls that have been put up.
Do you think you are a bitter single? Are you working towards becoming less bitter? Have you met or dated someone who turned out to be bitter about relationships? How did you handle it?
My personal message/advice to bitter singles? GET OVER YOURSELVES! No one has the market cornered on being hurt. Remember, you chose the person that pummeled your heart. So next time be more selective, and choose better.
Permalink | Comments (204) | Post your comment | Categories: Breakups
Comments
By Lady J
August 27, 2008 8:20 AM | Link to this
Morning All Great topic!!
My personal message/advice to bitter singles? GET OVER YOURSELVES! No one has the market cornered on being hurt. Remember, you chose the person that pummeled your heart. So next time be more selective, and choose better.
so true snd there is nothing else to really add to that bc we all know from the start what is up!
Have a great day!
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this
Morning…i’m struggling on 3 hrs of sleep
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this
I have been that person and have definitely dated that person…a time or two. I remember coming to the realization that it makes no sense to keep trying to meet men when my view or opinion of them was skewed. Just made matters worse.
There’s this guy that works here that has been bitter for like two years now. Every woman here feels the blow of his anguish. If you let him say it every woman has ulterior motives.
By Dan
August 27, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this
@WD
…takes that one patient person that breaks down the walls that have been put up.
^^And woe be unto that man/woman
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
G’Morning! So I was out in Dublin, Ireland last week out on Grafton Street (bourbon street of Dublin) and this cute girl was standing outside having a cigarette. We start talking. Her b/f just left her that day and WoW was this chick Bitter! She was saying about how she just wants to go to New York and get away, etc etc. All this Drama that my 4 Guinness drinks at the time couldn’t solve! She made this comment about why Irish girls go after these Americans…then I was like “ummm ok…” She realized she kind of offended me at that point and changed subject. I said, “hope it works out” and went back to party.
I’ve met many women whether its on a plane or train or coffee shop or bar…where you make small conversation and they just treat me like Dr Phil and tell me all their damn issues! Buzz Kill…haha…at that point I’m moving on!
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
But you know Dan after you have been hurt a few times your trust in the opposite sex generally wanes. Even after your trust has been restored it usually takes a really special and patient person to win your heart.
The problem is a lot of good people get jilted while we regain the proper level of trust.
By AmazonRed
August 27, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this
Morning all.
Good advice to the bitter singles WiseDiva.
I’m definitely not a bitter dater. Life is too short to be bitter. As with any failed relationship, thank them for the life lesson and move on. No need to punish the next for sins of the last. How do you ever move forward that way?
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
Her b/f just left her that day and WoW was this chick Bitter!
Obviously so. 99% of the human race would be a bit sour the day of a breakup.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
Good Morning All
Well Atl Guy, There might be something in your spiritual being that gives off the let me be your angel. Instead of the I want you to be my angel. LOL I had to mess wit cha.
I’ve met some bitter women and one in particular very bitter guy. I love him like a brother. We worked together for years before I got laid off from that job, but to this day he’s still angry that he has relationships that always end because of what she did. He never owns up to anything and you’re not going to get a word in edgewise. Same with a few women I’ve met.
By AmazonRed
August 27, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this
Her b/f just left her that day and *WoW was this chick Bitter! She was saying about how she just wants to go to New York and get away, etc etc.
ATL Guy - Geez, she just got dumped, that day! That didn’t seem bitter, she seemed upset. A getway to NY seems healthy enough to me.
How did you expect her to react?
By Dan
August 27, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
@Raqi
Thus the woe…
The person that stays to take all that anger, all that unresolved frustration, and still stick around…kinda has to be a weak willed person. And even after the person has gotten over the “hurt”, “anger” and “bitterness” that relationship is completely unbalanced.
The person that stayed through it, loses all Hand, forever.
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
The measure of bitterness IMO portrays the level of love and trust you had for the person. It is human nature to hurt after being hurt. However you have to eventually let it go and move on. But to say that you have never been resentful after a breakup says that you have never truly loved. Or maybe never even been loved for that matter.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
Of course I would expect her to be bitter the day he left her. The point was, I wasn’t expecting that reaction from her at a pub in Dublin with live music going on in the background and everyone celebrating.
It just caught me off guard. My reply was “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” If someone makes small talk with me and I have something depressing on my mind, I don’t think I’d bring it up with a stranger. Maybe sometimes people just need someone to talk to.
Regardless, I’m not blaming her for being bitter at all! I can understand. But, people who are bitter tend to drop that negative energy on others…pity parties aren’t my Style
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
I’ve been bitter before, but I tend to be bitter towards the person who’s caused me the strife. I try really hard not to let that bitterness roll over into the next dating situation. I, DO however, try to pay attention to any red flags that resemble bad behavior or habits of the previous SO. In regards to my most recent ‘breakup’, i’ve already done the ‘I’m Tipsy So Imma Cuss Yo Azz Out’ Phone call. It always feels good at the moment to just let all that pent up anger out and not have too much memory of all the bad nasty things you said by the next day. LOL! As of right now, I’m not really sure which phase I’m in…I’m not angry..not sad…but am hopeful for a better situation
I need to super glue my eyelids open.
By Dan
August 27, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
@Raqi
I don’t think that’s a fair assessment. People grieve in their own times and in their own ways.
I’ve seen that fact borne out in real situations like deaths in the family, loss of jobs, et al.
To say that becuase someone isn’t resentful means whatever, isn’t entirely accurate. Maybe that person has learned to process their emotions differently, or better than that, places that relationship in perspective.
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
But Dan it’s not always a woe. A person that is too trusting is just as bad or even worse IMO as the person who doesn’t trust at all.
Sometimes our actions are merely precaution. It doesn’t mean that the person wants to sit and cry you a river at every meeting. It just means that it may take a little longer for that person to open up to you. To fully trust you.
As I stated earlier, when the bitterness is so new and deep-seated that it clouds your judgment you shouldn’t even be dating.
By SlimDiva
August 27, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Good morning Folks!
SlimOne…that’s me MOST days…LOL!!
On topic…a few years ago, I mete a guy who had recently divorced due to his wife’s infidelity. He was extremely bitter and felt that every woman would cheat on him. I removed myself from that situation.
The new person in my life does not have to pay the consequences for what Mr. Navyman did. I realize that he’s different in a lot of ways. In the beginning I was hesitant…NOT bitter, but I eventually came around and accepted him for who he is!
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this
Dan when things started getting serious between my husband and myself, I was no longer bitter, but my heart was not freely accessible. And he knew that. However I didn’t pour my anguish out onto him. It just took time for me to fully open my heart up for him to enter. He, maybe not even being aware…I said maybe, got me to peel away that steel box around my heart on layer at a time. And we were having fun. Dating.
By AmazonRed
August 27, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this
To say that becuase someone isn’t resentful means whatever, isn’t entirely accurate. Maybe that person has learned to process their emotions differently, or better than that, places that relationship in perspective.
Dan - I agree. I think certain people will never react in certain ways because that is simply not their character. Some folks will be more sensitive, others not so much.
But I will admit I don’t think I’ve experienced core shaking love. So who knows…
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
Atl Guy What else did you do that weekend? Inquiring minds wanna know.
By Dan
August 27, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this
@Raqi
I feel you. And congrats to you and your husband.
But for every Micheal Jordan there is a “Hot Sauce”. Your story, while inspirational, is not necessarily indicative of what happens.
I’m not denouncing or advocating either position, I’m merely stating that the chances that two people can go through that process and they both come out the other side together, is not likely.
But, like your tale of romance, there are always possibilities.
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
Dan I said to say that you never feel bitter is a stretch.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
ATL Lady This past weekend was kind of low key. I helped a friend move to Midtown on Saturday, went to the gym, & pretty much relaxed. I just got back from being in Europe past 3 weeks, last week. So catching up on things back here in the “A”.
This weekend, plan to party it up FO SHO
Whats new with you!?
By Dan
August 27, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this
@Raqi
I’ve personally never been bitter about the demise of my relationships.
While I have experienced love in a number of ways, when that love is gone, for me it’s a matter of processing those initial raw emotions and then going on about my issue.
In the scheme of things to come and things unseen that person just wasn’t meant to be there for what is to come. I don’t begrudge them any emotion, I don’t even dislike them.
I understand that when a seminal event occurs in my life that will require the presence of friends, family and/or a SO, those people will be there.
I like to use the old Shakespeare “all the World’s a stage” metaphor. That is that in “my’ play the actors playing the roles will change, and I can (and have to) accept that fact, because my part is already written.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Atl Guy Work, work and more work! I blink and the weekend is gone. I’m going to party it up too this weekend since we’re going to have an extra day. I will be getting my BBQ. Trying to tie up some last minute plans, but definitely will be out and about rain or shine.
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
Dan you missed where I said I was not bitter at the time. So it is not that uncommon. There are plenty of women that are not walking around with open hearts but are actively and happily dating.
But thank you all the same. :-)
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
ATL-Lady What is your Scene for Nightlife??? I would ask your age, but wouldn’t expect for you to tell me! I’m 26 and will hit lounges, bars, clubs in Midtown usually. If I’m out with my boyz, probably just hit Buckhead some Dive Bars and throw some beers back and watch girls try wayyyy to hard to impress us!
Where do you Frequent?
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this
“…that person just wasn.t meant to be there for what is to come.”
Dan the problem is we usually don’t come to that conclusion until after it has ended. The ideal thing would be to refrain from loving someone “just in case” it isn’t meant to be, but that is not realistic.
My relationship with my youngest son’s father should have never been, but it was. I loved him while we were together and hated him when we parted ways. Being ignorant of his double life I treated him as I would have had he come straight. Again like stated earlier, the key to a happy prosperous life to learn to move on. Whether it takes one month or one year, we have to move on.
By M.
August 27, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this
Great topic Wise. I heard once that the key is to Not dwell on bad experiences, learn from them and move on.
I think if you are dealing with a bitter person, the problems may be deeper. They may just be unhappy about many areas of life, and relationships just set off their negative mood. I think, as Wise said, if someone is patient, then that’s a good thing, but if someone is being patient with you and you are still having your bitter pitty party, they will eventually get tired and bored with you and move on.
By abc
August 27, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I find that people most often use the word ‘bitter’ as a weapon, calling people that as namecalling. It doesn’t have much specific meaning. If one has some negative feedback that another doesn’t wish to hear, the namecalling commences.
Certainly, everyone who’s taken a chance on love has been burned, to a greater or lesser extent, with greater or lesser frequency. How you react to it is up to you, completely separate to that to which you react. You’ll either react postively, negatively, or somewhere in between, sooner or later.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
You know what Gets me… when I hear people say “my baby’s daddy”. It annoys me to no end. Instead of saying My Baby’s Daddy … might as well say “Donor” because what an insignificant title for someone who fathered your child. I hear this from people and I just feel bad for the kid. People making irrational & uneducated decisions and the child is paying the price.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 27, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
Oh yes…this topic brougth me out of hibernation!!!
Hell yeah I am Bitter and don’t care if nobody likes it. hey hopefuly it will keep guys away! LOL Maybe I need to step it up!
after you have been hurt a few times your trust in the opposite sex generally wanes. Even after your trust has been restored it usually takes a really special and patient person to win your heart.The problem is a lot of good people get jilted while we regain the proper level of trust.Raqi so very true mami!You get tired of having your heart stomped on. So that is why Ijust say screw it! You know…I am much happier now? I’m not the bitter lonely chick…I am the bitter alone chick. There is a difference.
ARED I guess ATL guy thought she should just brush it off, drink and be merry! LOL
ATL Guy sometimes its easier to talk to a complet stranger. Why do you think people spend so much money for therapy! These are not your loved ones so you could give a rat’s azz if they think you are nuts! Me…I’m a whole other breed!
Slim Pass me the glue when you’re done. I need to do mine too. D*mn slepeing pills leave a sista drowsy as hell!
ATL Guy If I’m out with my boyz, probably just hit Buckhead some Dive Bars and throw some beers back and watch girls try wayyyy to hard to impress us! I have seen these desperate women. Heck I used to have one as a friend. Its so sad. But guys do it too….only in a “I got a fly whip, crib, I’m paid…let me buy us a bottle” type way! Now I will drink what you buy (hey why spend mine when you are dying to spend yours), But I will be so not interested in a guy like that!
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
Morning Shorties…
Atl Lady like you i’ma prolly do more to it to some more family functions as much as i can.
Just heard my 17 year lil cousin? (married into the family, my uncles sisinlaw child) was riding/driving 4wheelers with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was driving the ATV and she was on the back, he tried to ‘jump tracks’ to beat the train across, the train couldn’t stop as quickly and both were killed by the train.
We just say her over the summer…good grief.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
cracking up @ Staceye, I should have dedicated the post to you, dang!
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
LOL at “bitter” just being a form of name calling. Bitter is as bitter does. Bitter, jaded, cynical…they are all clearly recognizable emotions.
This guy that works here is a trip. He lives to hear of women being jilted in relationships. Although he has not interests in the woman he feels every woman should live in misery as a result of the woman or women that wronged him.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
Atl Guy You’re right. I’m not going to tell you my age :-). Where do I frequent? That’s difficult to say because I try to stay in my lane but have been known to be the resident ‘senior citizen’ at a club like Compound. I like Endenu (sp). I hang out at Intermezzo. I go to Hairston’s, Martini Club, Sambuca’s. I like spoken word and I have been known to go to hole in the wall clubs like Ellery’s.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this
Staceye you missed my comment about me understanding why she was bitter that day. The reaction caught me off guard.
Its like when you meet someone and say “Hows it Going” they reply “I’m doing freakin Terrible” throws you off. Expecting a doing fine or great. That kind of thing.
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
On topic…especially Miss Staceye: I’ve learned bitterness is in alot of people, but under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
By Willie Dynamite
August 27, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Similac Sorry to hear about that.
By AmazonRed
August 27, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
But guys do it too….only in a “I got a fly whip, crib, I’m paid…let me buy us a bottle” type way! Now I will drink what you buy (hey why spend mine when you are dying to spend yours), But I will be so not interested in a guy like that!
Staceye - I’m so with you on this! LOL
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this
ATL Lady Thats cool. Is Compound still open!? Thought they closed or just do event parties. I hit Opera Nightclub, Sutra, Shout, Whiskey Park, Halo Lounge, Front Page News Bar, Loca Luna, & Apres Diem for coffee. Actually, I have the best time always at Velvet Room. Seems less pretentious I guess.
The whole scene is wild to me in this city. You can go to different spots and people are totally different! I’m a young professional, drive a nice car, have a good looking entourage, & career with money behind me. Biggest turn off, the gold digger girls I keep running into. Need to find more girls that have that drive and passion, really enjoy life, but are down to earth also. Just because you look damn good in your dress…doesn’t mean you get my ATM pin number sweetheart.
I see these fake poser guys trying to work this pathetic weak game to girls, its comedy. These girls work the hustle too no doubt. People down to earth with Ambition, where are you!? Haha!
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
Thanks WillieD, my uncle was mad and sad… This was his sister inlaw’s only child. I gotta tell my lil one when i pick him up this afternoon. The family is in awe. This reminds me to speak to my other uncle about his daughters and son that have been 4wheeling since 5yrs old he buys them too early and needs too stop the 7year old from being so free will on hers. Last summer she ran over my son with her ATV! I was HOTT but he turned out ok…my family and the kids are big fans of those ATV, mopads.
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
…sorry about my runon sentences…
By mytwocents
August 27, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Not bitter. A balanced enough combo of idealist & realist that I’m still sweet. And one can only do what’s within their own power to make smart decisions bout who that sweetness is shared with so they don’t turn into Bitter Bob or Bitter Betty… Then when tryna work w/ embittered (could be a word, could be not) folk ya either gonna get drained or see a transference of the illness to you. So as ever, healing must start within.
Staceye In your heart of hearts, do you believe yourself to be truly HAPPY? When left alone w/o all the activities and off the stage and just chillin with you. Just thought about how ppl will say get a hobby or two, and I have only to realize they helped mask my depression only for as long as I was painting that d@m’n pottery or whatever. I wasn’t really happy, just less miserable than… After really dealing tho, luv that stuff.
Cee Sad reminder that tomorrow is not promised. Here’s to doin a lil more livin starting today!
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this
Cemeeli those things should only be utilized with proper supervision and in designated areas. My youngest has one but he is only allowed to ride it in an open field down near my brother-in-law. And they made a trail thru a wooded area in the back of his house. Then and only then is he allowed to ride. Never on the street.
By Page1908
August 27, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
LOL @ fake poser guys. ATL Guy lol omg.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
When I was dating Bitter Boy, he had some serious trust issues because his last girlfriend cheated on him. It became too much work reassuring him. I admit i had little patience for him after the third degree treatment.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
Atl Guy The Compound is closed. That’s just an example. I love the energy from the under 30 crowd, but I don’t go everywhere they go. The club scene changes all the time. I feel you with the posers. Trust me, that’s at all ages. One day, we’ll meet. One day.
By kimmie
August 27, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Cee - Girl, I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember growing up, our next-door neighbor got himself and his son an ATV and they used to ride all up and down the hill in the neighborhood. My mom strictly would not allow us to ride with them! I have always been scared of riding anything other than a bicycle - would NEVER get on the back of a college boyfriends motorcycle!
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this
Raqi that’s why i won’t get my son and ATV or mopad. There is no way he could utilize it were we live nor am i skilled about using those things. My kin are allover town (down south) when using there’s bikes and mopads and all.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
Great article on Living with Borderline Personalities.
By Foots
August 27, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this
ATLGuy I’m a young professional, drive a nice car, have a good looking entourage, & career with money behind me. Biggest turn off, the gold digger girls I keep running into. Need to find more girls that have that drive and passion, really enjoy life, but are down to earth also.
If you read what you wrote above, you’ll see why you are attracting gold digger types. You describe your ideal woman in terms of who she is on the inside (someone who has drive, passion, enjoys life, down to earth), but you describe yourself in terms of what you have (nice car, career, money, good looking folks around you). Not one descriptor of who you are on the inside, only what you have. See the disconnect? You’re attracting folks who want a man with a nice car, career, money, and good looking folks around him because that’s what you’re putting out there to describe yourself, whether you realize it or not. Sure you’ll get bites from women looking for that.
Now if you want women to look for what’s on the inside, start describing yourself in terms of who you are on the inside.
If you’re tired of getting the same result, try doing it a different way. Lead with your drive, passion, capacity to enjoy life, and humor instead of your job, car, money, and good looking friends.
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
The only thing worst than dating a bitter being is dating a stoic.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
What you trying to say WD? :-) Somebody on here need to read that article? j/k lolol
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
mytwo/kimmie - I don’t think they are safe for any child less than 15 years old.
Wise didn’t want to deviate off topic, really. apologize
Okay gang…circle back.
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this
Foots I’ll give you a standing hand clap for that post. ^5 lol
By Cemeeli
August 27, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
…sometimes association brings on assimilation. If we hang around bitter friends and people, chances are you will carry/harbor bitterness.
By Foots
August 27, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
That’s terrible news Cee. I’ll send up a prayer for your family.
I don’t know that I’ve been bitter because of the end of a relationship, per se. I get to the point of realizing that it’s over for a reason much faster now, and that each failed interaction gets me closer to the one that will succeed. When things end, I’m still sad and I mourn the loss of the person, the relationship, the plans, the feelings, etc, but I can still see that it was probably for the best.
It takes a while for the sadness to subside, and until then, I try not to date. In the past, I’d date when I thought I was over it, but I could never really connect with the guy because my heart was still with the ex. So indirectly, he’d be paying the price because my heart would be closed to him. Those rebound relationships, I broke off when I realized that I may be doing more harm than good in trying to date while still hurt.
The important thing for me is to give myself enough time to heal and to retrieve my heart from the past person, then proceed into the next relationship like I’d never been sad about the last one.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
LOL @ Atl Lady, ummm, yup. I ain’t sayin, but I’m just sayin
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this
A teacher was reading the story of the ‘Three Little Pigs’ to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read, ‘and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’ One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly …’I think the man would have said - ‘Well, I’ll be dayumned!! A talking pig!’
The teacher had to leave the room
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
Foots thats a really good analysis. I think you’re on point for the most part. I mentioned those things because those are what the girls see about me right away. Reality, I’m very down to earth…not arrogant at all…talk to anyone…and try to do community service to give back. I have an Atlanta running Group and they are awesome people.
The people I roll with or parties I go to…they are successful, educated, and probably into how they look. Went to this party and probably 80% of the girls there had some kind of Procedure done. When we go to clubs, we go VIP. I am around this crowd. Great People to Party with…wrong people to date!
Its hard to meet girl next door kind of people unless you are at a coffee shop or grocery store. My nightlife scene is excessive and I meet excessive people. That is no Surprise…
By MELO
August 27, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
I’m a young professional, drive a nice car, have a good looking entourage, & career with money behind me hw much money u got boy…hw can we verify that,my sis is looking for a boy like u,dripping with them bills$$$$$…….
By MELO
August 27, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this
Just because you look damn good in your dress…doesn’t mean you get my ATM pin number sweetheart. lurking is fun…….lol
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this
AtlGuy Its hard to meet girl next door kind of people unless you are at a coffee shop or grocery store. My nightlife scene is excessive and I meet excessive people. Sounds like you just dissected your own problem.
By Page1908
August 27, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this
ATL Guy, why in the world do you party and club so much? Well, you did say you were 26, so maybe that is why shrugs. I mean, come on. It sounds to me like that is really all you care about and therefore, you are meeting women who are just like you. If you want something different, I’ll go out with you! Sheesh, the club scene is sooo tired, IMO.
By MELO
August 27, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this
AtlGuy are u the guy who owns those condos on Atlantic station..or is it ur Dad????????…maybe im confusing u with another blogger…..
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this
Melo I’m just saying man, didn’t know you need me to show you proof. Do you not believe me??
Doubt your Sis is looking for a guy like me anyways, just a hunch
By Foots
August 27, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
ATLGuy At least you know that it’s hard to meet the kind of genuine woman you seek when you choose to hang around plastic folks, living a life filled with excessive nightlife. You go to the VIP section, women who want to be in the VIP will follow you. If you popping bottles, you’ll attract women who are interested in drinking champagne off your dime. You actually solved your own problem. You’re not going to meet the kind of woman you seek in those places. But even if you meet a nice woman while being your day to day authentic self, be aware that when she sees that materialistic, party animal, VIP version of yourself, a woman who isn’t into that kind of partying and focus on material things won’t stay in that atmosphere for long.
By Pimp name Demi
August 27, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
I’ve met many women whether it’s on a plane or train or coffee shop or bar…where you make small conversation and they just treat me like Dr Phil…
From my experiences, they just want/need some sex from the first attractive dude that crosses their past. Use their vulnerability to your advantage.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this
Melo condo in Atlantic Station…wrong person.
Page going to a club or lounge on the weekends is normal I would think. I’m not clubbin every night of the week! Just going out with friends etc. No, thats not all I do, I do work a lot. I’m just not the type to sit at home and watch television. You want to come out with me!?
By MELO
August 27, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
i believe u now….u look monied, even in ur typing and font..have u met the blog’s resident thousandnaire yet? lemme me know so i get u guys acquainted,so u can talk about real estate,wine and the braves…..
By Demi
August 27, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this
But you know Dan after you have been hurt a few times your trust in the opposite sex generally wanes. Even after your trust has been restored it usually takes a really special and patient person to win your heart.
Nah, folks just need to work on their problems on their own, before jumping back into the dating field.
By Page1908
August 27, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
ATL Guy, ok, so you are not clubbing every night of the week, but it seems to be a lot of clubbing anyway. If you are into trying different experiences and places, sure, I’d go, why not. Send me your email.
By Demi
August 27, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
The person that stayed through it loses all Hand, forever.
I don’t think the person who you help through the situation really respect you for sticking with them through the storm.
That shyt only happens in movies, lol
By Dan
August 27, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this
@Demi
That’s just it.
Some people don’t realize that their still processing that pain.
In that litany of questions asked one of mine is about that last relationship: what, when, et al.
It’s not direct interrogation, but I wanna know, because where a person is in that process, gives me a lot of info.
Like this one chick…moonwalked (literally) right out that conversation…
By Dan
August 27, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
@Demi
How could you be respected for putting up with the shyt that you will inevitably take?
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Page1908 Whats your background…where do you and your girls go? You into lounges or bars instead of clubs? You are early 20’s right? If I remember right
derekatl@hotmail.com
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 27, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
Wise you can always dedicate it to me girl!! LOL
ATL Guy Its like when you meet someone and say “Hows it Going” they reply “I’m doing freakin Terrible” throws you off. Expecting a doing fine or great. That kind of thing. See…that is what you get fro assuming! LOL
Cemeeli I used to want that…again, now I says crew it. I’ve done this far without it….keep it movin’! LOL
Mytwocents I am happier with the drama of a relationship. I am always so busy and as tired as may be…it keeps me happy. Performing is like crack to me. I get high on it..and I am fine.
Raqi I am stoic for sure! I will never let you see me cry or let you know that you got to me. If I cry it will be done alone in my own crib!
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
Dan & Demi How could you be respected for putting up with the shyt that you will inevitably take?
I don’t think the person who you help through the situation really respect you for sticking with them through the storm
So how in the world do you all ask for a ride or die chick if you aren’t going to respect her for being there for the dayum rides?
I swear folks know they have two mouths…one on each side of their neck.
By Alvin
August 27, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this
How could you be respected for putting up with the shyt that you will inevitably take?
Dan LOL, dude I was 21 and still on that, “My love will change this woman”, trip. I didn’t know any better then…Soon as I turned 22, I was a bitter dude with zero love or respect for women…they where just a living toy.
It wasn’t until I turned 26, (when lil’Demi was born) before I killed the poison out of my system.
You live and learn.
If I can over come those feels and my own personal hang-ups, I am sure any one can.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this
Foots appreciate your insight. Good Stuff. When we go VIP in the clubs, the Grey Goose is free…girls aren’t drinking off my dime for that reason. Also, I’m really not materialistic. Nice things are great, but if I’m flying coach…I’m not complaining about it. Best dates I’ve been on are relaxed and usually don’t cost much. I go out on the weekends for sure because I work so much during the week. People I hang with do live it up…but why have it any other way. I’m just not looking to meet serious dates at these locations. I’d rather meet them at house parties instead where its more casual.
MELO are you being a Hater!? Haha
By Page1908
August 27, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this
ATL Guy, mail call.
By Dan
August 27, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
@Slim
Ride or die is going through things together…
The babes I’m talking about want someone to take their frustrations out on. A disposable dude (or rebound, if you prefer).
Two women, two very different mental states.
By Foots
August 27, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this
So how in the world do you all ask for a ride or die chick if you aren’t going to respect her for being there for the dayum rides?
Now THAT is a good question!!
I do hear that men want women who will stick with them through thick and thin, the woman who was there before his money was right and he was pushing Tom and Jerry down the street. The woman who loved him even though he had some growing up left to do. That’s ride or die.
Think of that song by Lenny Williams “Cause I Love You”. He loves that girl that much BECAUSE she helped him through a rough time after his woman cheated on him. She put him back together emotionally, taught him to love again. That’s ride or die.
So now, being a Ride or Die chick means that the man won’t respect you when he’s come through on the other side, even though that chick may have pushed him through to the other side??
I may need Blue of 2C to come break down this train of thought.
By Dan
August 27, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this
@Demi
An analogy:
You work in a factory, you watch cars being assembled, so you know what the process is at each stage.
When you get the the showroom, you’re looking, not at the car, but at the defects (screw loose here, nut not tightened), not that you mean to, but you just “see” them.
By MELO
August 27, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
are you being a Hater!? Haha yeah,my sis lost on the jackpot but thats cool………..
By NY2GA, Inc.
August 27, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
My personal message/advice to bitter singles? GET OVER YOURSELVES!
Wise Can we put that statement on a billboard and hang it over in the place where the SoSo Def Records billboard is on 85? Welcome to Atlanta, baby. lol.
^5 to Page 1908 for putting it out there and trying something new.
By mytwocents
August 27, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this
I figured I must’ve blacked out and missed how that feat is accomplished, Slim. But it’s a win-win. We don’t stand by—> they have reason to curse us and label us trife. We do stand by—> they have reason to question our rationale and label us weak. Is the moral having fortitude shows lack of? Bartender…
By Foots
August 27, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this
ATLGuy When we go VIP in the clubs, the Grey Goose is free…girls aren’t drinking off my dime for that reason.
TO-MAY-TO, TO-MA-TO. Either way, unless you are famous, people pay extra to get into VIP, often a great deal, and women know that, so they hang around VIP, since they assume that people there have money to blow. By the way, nothing is free. If the liquor seems to be free, it’s because you paid for it with admission to VIP. It’s still your dime. TANSTAAFL.
Nothing inherently wrong with living it up. I guess I’m out of my “living it up” stage (if I ever had one) and into my “just being grateful for being alive” stage. For me, there was a point in time where the celebration isn’t just something that happened on the weekend, the celebration was in rejoicing every day that I was able to work, I had a car, I had a job and I was healthy. I can’t just live for the weekend, I have to live for every day, especially since they seem to pass by so fast now. It’s almost September, can y’all believe that?!?
By Dan
August 27, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this
@Foots and Slim
When you meet, court, and be with RoD, y’all meet on equal emotional footing. Both heads are in the right space at the same time.
When you meet the bitter babe (or dude, taste specific), you and she are not on equal footing. One has work to still do, the other has done it.
That dynamic creates the inherently unequal relationship. It is movie lore that “she’ll see that he was the one there for her” in the end.
In real life, it don’t work that way. The transfer of anger is done and the person recieving it goes on to infect others in the same manner.
I refer to epidemiology for a reason, a broken heart, hurt feelings, and all that is not a simple personal experience. It is a disease that infects various people at various times.
Ever met someone’s disposable boy/girl friend? They can’t believe that you fell for it, or won’t believe the person has changed. And definitely don’t want to accept that the tranferrance has taken place and that they were the vessel.
By 2CPTG
August 27, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this
Foots, I hear ya, gal…I was just gon’ sit back and peep today….lotta y’all had me trippin’…..but ummm, you’re right; I want that chic who was there thru it all!! Them chics who only show up when you’re shining, nah, I cain’t do nothin’ for ‘em, ‘cept what they’re good for; But that one….real ride or die……she’s the one that called the po-po on ya azz….but she’s also the one who bailed you out! She’s the one who put you on…..She’s the one who co-signed for yo bad credit havin azz!…..The one who let you use her ride, and drop her off at work, while you go job huntin…..We know ride or die chics when we see ‘em……
By Alvin
August 27, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
SlimOne Those are to different class of women…one is just ain’t Bish out to use you and the other is a real woman…there when you are on top, rock bottom, and when you are back on top again
That situation only work when you have two equally yoke individuals…A real give and take relationship…not you doing all of the giving and receiving nothing in return. If you with a dude and you are doing all of the giving and getting nothing in return. Just cut your losses and bankhead’s bounce on their a$$!!
Dan well stated!!!
By 2CPTG
August 27, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this
Soror….ummm, you know the rules to blog dating, right…..you put it out there, you puttin’ it open for questions, later…..just lettin’ ya know, cause I shole wanna know how this turns out……..
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this
Foots you aren’t getting it. I have connections…I don’t pay any kind of VIP admission or whatever you’re thinking. Just want to make that clear, you seem confused by it.
Also, its not just living for the weekends, but I’m so busy during the week, if I’m doing anything with friends, its a dinner maybe or going out running with people. I’m living during the week, its a different kind of living, my weekends I try to have those stress free and fun times. Yeah, hard to believe going into Sept! College Football time baby! Also, go Falcons!
NY2GA lovin the idea to put welcome to Atlanta over SoSo Def board! Shirley Franklin has that digital message coming out of the airport “welcome to Atlanta” haha LUDA!
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this
Foots ^5 Just grateful to be alive stage.
Atl Guy What are your hobbies? Do you have any other than the social scene? That could be another avenue to finding that school teacher persona. I admire that you do donate some of your time to the community. Hey, she maybe wearing a toolbelt at the next habitat for humanity project. Can she throw you ontop of her workbench?
By Tazzee
August 27, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this
Afternoon Folks!
I was bitter for about 3 weeks after my last break up.
Nah, folks just need to work on their problems on their own, before jumping back into the dating field
Demi that is so true but a lot of folks don’t even know they have relationship issues until they get in another relationship. They may think they are ready but then when it’s time to get serious with the relationship they realize that they aren’t. This goes for men and women because I’ve experienced my fair share of bitter dudes.
But I’m no longer in the ‘let me the woman to show him all women aren’t (fill in the blank)’ business, so if I see a dude is projecting his issues from a past relationship on me, then I’m trying to get out of there.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this
Is anyone else digging Jazmine Sullivan right now? Her vid - nice. I think she is supposed to be performing at For Sisters Only.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
ATL-Lady Yeah I mean on weekends try to get out to Piedmont Park, play some ultimate frisbee or football with friends. I have an Atlanta running club, & involved with import custom cars. In reality, I’ve met my ex’s through maybe parties or going out in groups for the most part. Other girls, just fun to party with. I definitely recognize the nightlife scene for what it is
By MELO
August 27, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
Just want to make that clear, you seem confused by it. Foots, i had to laugh at that…….hahaha lol
By Raqi
August 27, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
“…equal emotional footing.”
Dan Really?
By Tazzee
August 27, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this
Dan/Demi why blame the bitter person? The person that tried to save them, chose them…
This is the way I see it, unless you’re totally clueless you know when you’re messing with a bitter woman. But because of the man’s thrill of the chase - a dude will try to be the one that breaks through the fortress she’s built. This is especially true if the female is very attractive. Dudes say things like they like a woman with some spunk about her or with a little mouth on her.
They see a woman (attractive) cursing some other dude out and make comments like ‘she just ain’t had a man like me in her life’ - I’ve witnessed this many a times. Watched dudes all approach the same female after they’ve seen her rudely decline other dude’s request for a dance. Because in their male ego - they feel they will be the one to get her to say yes.
The club example is the surface of it, but I watch shows like Bridezilla and wonder what fool would go through with it and marry such a witch. It’s the same fool that will be lamenting that all women are evil in a few years.
I’m not saying this is either of you - but in the end what I’m saying is that anyone that got hurt by the bitter babe/dude…you picked them.
By SlimOne
August 27, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this
2C You got me laughing on your def of a ROD chick. lol It’s so true. I had a homeboy who is now married to his lady. Mind you, this chick has hit his azz over the head with a Heineken bottle before and buddy had to get stitches…but she took his butt to the hospital tho. LMAO!
I don’t fight, I don’t argue. I just hit dat bish wit a bottle.
But some dudes who you’ve been there through thick-n-thin for lose their way…after you’ve help make them a better person when they were at their low, they ready to leave yo azz for the ‘shiny penny’. That happened to a friend of mine. She should’ve sent his butt an invoice for her Consulting services. lol j/k
Alvin If you with a dude and you are doing all of the giving and getting nothing in return. Just cut your losses and bankhead’s bounce on their a$$!! Mayne! I haven’t done that in ages. I think I’ll bankhead bounce in the car on my way home today.
By Foots
August 27, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this
ATLGuy Just want to make that clear, you seem confused by it.
LOL!! Not confused by anything sweetie. Go ‘head with your connections, Grey Goose, VIP and the gold diggers all of that attracts. When you’re ready for a change, you’ll change.
By the way, TANSTAAFL always applies.
Demi That situation only work when you have two equally yoke individuals…A real give and take relationship…not you doing all of the giving and receiving nothing in return.
I’ve seen plenty of situations that work although both people were not completely emotionally healed at the time they met. At some point in time, somebody will give more and it may be at another point in time that the other will give more. And there are times when somebody will have to carry the other person through.
I don’t think anybody is talking about the “dog them out” types, man or woman. No woman in her right mind would stay with a man who is currently dogging out women right and left trying to deal with hurt from a past relationship.
But she may work with him if he needs a little time to trust her completely because of his past experiences. Most people who understand hurt and have been there themselves make allowances for the possibility that their mates past hasn’t been all roses either and that they may need time to fully commit. That’s ride or die to me.
By Wise Diva
August 27, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this
LOL @ NY2GA! That is a brilliant idea. I need to call some people!
By Tazzee
August 27, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
after you’ve help make them a better person when they were at their low, they ready to leave yo azz for the ‘shiny penny’
Been there.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Foots if that lifestyle attracts gold-diggers…then thats on them. There’s a reason I’m not spending more time with these females. Simmer down Babe. How do you spend your Saturday Nights? Comcast Dating on Demand perhaps!?
By Foots
August 27, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this
Tazzee I watch shows like Bridezilla and wonder what fool would go through with it and marry such a witch. It’s the same fool that will be lamenting that all women are evil in a few years.
GIRL!! I watched several of those shows back to back on Sunday and I just SMH the whole time. I can’t figure out if they are really like that or if that’s just for the camera. If they are really like that, I wonder why those guys marry them. But most of the guys don’t seem to really have their stuff together either, so that may be why.
On Sunday, they had the one on where the groom was like 37 and was marrying a woman 15 years younger, and was like his friends were jealous that he had a pretty young thing. He also admitted that his money is what got her. She quit her job without discussing it with him, saying she couldn’t plan the wedding and work at the same time. He couldn’t get that mad because he KNEW that he got her with his pockets and that she’d stay in his pockets. SMH…
By mytwocents
August 27, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this
2C There’s a world of difference in what came off your keyboard and theirs on that one. You sound like she’d be cherished, theirs sounded like she’d be disposed of…
Tazzee I marvel @ the grooms too. The young ones from the cornfields in Nebraska, hey… But the others must just be the ‘she’s so sexy when she’s mad’ types. Not my calling
By 2CPTG
August 27, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
Slim, and .02, can’t speak for the next man……spoke on that when I had the mic, but that’s what I was talkin bout, bout them dudes who wearin the uniform, and ain’t recognizin…..me…..I know what it is….
By MELO
August 27, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
they dismissed some finance operative at my job last friday.The person really had no clue,had been on the job cpple of mnths,loud mouthed,supposedly christian, adult in 30s(bodywise) but had the mind of a 20smthing or str8 outa colege kid…came across like they knew stuff…but they were clueless and …im seeing shades of same here.
By Foots
August 27, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
ATLGuy How do you spend your Saturday Nights? Comcast Dating on Demand perhaps!?
Actually, I’m in a relationship with a down-to-earth, attractive, witty person with drive and passion. Sounds like you’re still looking for the female version of that. So, you really want to know what we do on Saturday nights???????? Give you 1 guess…and it’s NOT spending time in a loud establishment surrounded by materialistic plastic people week after week. That’s YOUR Saturday night.
By ATL Guy
August 27, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this
MELO learn how to type English then I could take your seriously. If they hired this fool and also hired you at your job…possible you both are in the same boat. You talk like you know everything in this Blog yet you’re always proven wrong.
By Atl Lady
August 27, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this
Foots & Atl Guy Alright! Alright! Let’s not resort to this!!! We started out doing good. (Boxing bell rings in the background Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!)