Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Good Freaky Friday

Ladies, do you find that your degree (s), accomplishments, and/or careers convince potential partners that you would not be ideal for marriage? No, but i have wondered if my lack of degree(s) is a deterrent for potential partners.

What do you do to offset the stereotypes of “modern women” that a lot of men dislike so much? I don’t do anything other than be myself. I’m not Susie Homemaker but I’m not the Microwaver-Resturant-Chick either. I do cook, will cook and I also like to order out. I do clean, will clean but I have days during the week where you might find a pair of jeans at the foot of my bed on the floor. I guess my Geminian personality allows me to hover in the middle on a range of things. I like to look at that as a good thing because it allows me to be pretty much laid back but also willing to try new things.

Do you find yourself playing up your domestic side so that the guy can observe and take notice? Um, can’t say that I do. However, I do tend to put myself wholeheartedly into someone I’m dating that I really like..probably give too much of myself at times…borderline people pleaser but to the point of being a doormat, cuz believe me, I have my moments where I go inside myself and want to be left the hayo alone.

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this

Hey folks …long time no see.

Diva you asked if you “need to get domesticated to get a guy your age” and my answer to you is NO. I say this because I am OVERLY domesticated and I can’t get a guy my age… Chile, who knows what the magic formula for getting a man (any age) in this city is. It’s too large of a concept for my simple mind to grasp.

This is a BIG issue with me! I don’t understand how women who don’t cook, don’t keep their house clean, don’t know how to use an iron, or anything else they “don’t” do around the house get a man!!! It freakin’ blows my mind…

Maybe guys don’t appreciate things like that anymore. Who knows.

I’ve talked about The 5 Love Languages before - one of them is Acts of Service (which is this category right here) and I suppose some people just aren’t that into being shown love in that way.

By Sunshine

August 29, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

I love to nurture and spoil my man, not so that he can take notice but because I enjoy it and it is one of my ways of giving love. When it comes to domesticated things like cooking and cleaning I am all over it, I want my man to be happy and spoiled. But he usually spoils me in return by also eating out and taking trips. It’s a two way road. I have never been dumped, moved on is more the word. Most men know that having a woman to spoil them is a rare commodity and they love it. But ladies, I am 53, you younger ladies seem to view things differently… As far as men being intimidated by my accomplishments, I tend to date men who share similar backgrounds and they are usually confident enough to not be intimidated.

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

Hey folks …long time no see.

Diva you asked if you “need to get domesticated to get a guy your age” and my answer to you is NO. I say this because I am OVERLY domesticated and I can’t get a guy my age… Chile, who knows what the magic formula for getting a man (any age) in this city is. It’s too large of a concept for my simple mind to grasp.

This is a BIG issue with me! I don’t understand how women who don’t cook, don’t keep their house clean, don’t know how to use an iron, or anything else they “don’t” do around the house get a man!!! It freakin’ blows my mind…

Maybe guys don’t appreciate things like that anymore. Who knows.

I’ve talked about The 5 Love Languages before - one of them is Acts of Service (which is this category right here) and I suppose some people just aren’t that into being shown love in that way.

By Joe Blow

August 29, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

I can answer your question by stating that I don’t require a woman to be Donna Reed at any point in the relationship. I am fine doing it for myself, but I do appreciate a little help if we both make the mess.

Sharing the housework actually can be fun. It provides plenty of opportunities to brush against each other in the cramped spaces which help out later when you are finished.

I will, however get a not-so-good-look in my eye if you choose to sit on the couch while I do everything. Guess it is no different from when men handle the remote while their women do all of the chores.

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

Sunshine I’m like you, I love to nurture my man when I have one. lol

By Donna Reed

August 29, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

(Part One)

Speaking as a proud domestic woman, yes I am proud, there is a balance that is only fair.

In fact it was slightly revealed on yesterday. Summarized: “you hold out on the you, imma hold out on the me”. In so many words.

Let’s take away all the “mental stimulating” and “emotional support” required characteristics that we so madly talk about and get down to the nitty gritty of every day living. The physical needs of a mate.

Ms. Sagacious Goddess if I may ask you a question or two…I hope you don’t mind…what is it you would say are the physical duties of a husband, out side of the frequent dazzling dizzle? What is it that we desire or feel is mandatory? What are our duties?

While I understand Mason wants me to cook, clean and all the other “domestic” duties as a wife, I expect him to perform his domestic duties as the husband such as seeing to our living conditions staying at the level of comfort that I desire.

The are a lot of things that I can do and have done to maintain how I want to live, just like he at one time cooked and cleaned for himself. But when I met a man I put away manly duties (the things men are really expected to do) and when he…yada, yada, yada.

By Stan

August 29, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

I’ve posted here a time or two but mostly lurk on this blog.

I’m in the middle on this. I don’t really care that my wife is not a great cook, I am at least a pretty good cook and do most of the cooking and cleaning of kitchen. I’d rather her not cook. We tried the you cook, I’ll clean thing before but she is a mess in the kitchen. She uses every flipping pot and pan we own to make popcorn. Whereas I am a tidy cook and clean as I go.

I want my SWMBO to compliment me and me her. I want her to be modern in the sense that she gotta get out the house and go to work, we can’t make it on just mine. I also want her to be able to go old school from time to time and do something like canning homemade preserves.

By aqualung

August 29, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva, As people age and select a mate, they appreciate gender roles more. Will this woman be able to make Thanksgiving dinner or sort the laundry like his mother and sisters used to do? Can this guy repair doorknobs and do lawn work like her fathers and brothers can?

My guy checks my car battery and buys me pearls, so I clean the kitchen and do laundry when I’m at his condo and the mood strikes me. (Not every time. Sometimes I leave him to wallow in his own dirty kitchen and laundry.)

We’ve accepted the roles that our parents played because we want long marriages like our parents had.

By Stookie

August 29, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Hot shoes in the kitchen…..that’s hot!

By Cemeeli

August 29, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Good Day!

Just peeping in…

…i’m reading the DNC and CNN’s site and reflecting on Obama’s speech last evening. I was very moved and cried after his speech lastnight.

brb

By MELO

August 29, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

That sound you hear right now is my dating stock falling. At least according to many males who are mid-30s and up

I luv the fact that u have such accurate introspective instincts/ talents.

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

I love to nurture and spoil my man, not so that he can take notice but because I enjoy it and it is one of my ways of giving love.

Sunshine, I second this statement.

My first (and constant) act of spoiling is exercising my ove to cook. When I meet a man I like to find out what his favorite dish is so I can prepare it for him one day. I recently met a guy who is a vegetarian. When he told me that, my very next thought was “What in the world am I going to cook for him???”

By C tha 1

August 29, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Simply put, yes domestication in a potential long term SO is important to me. As a 32 year old man who maintains a level of accountability in building a secure home life I would need a woman who would compliment my efforts. Women tend to measure a man’s worth by his ability to provide and protect…An old tried and true concept. Therefore, it stands to reason men measure a woman’s worth by her ability to maintain and nurture the environment a man is suppose to provide and protect for. Of course roles tend to get augmented or entirely reversed in today’s society.

But it seems modern women want things both ways…their independence, equal rights, and everything that comes with that. Cool. Nothing wrong with that. However, if men are expected to still be chivalrous, kind, and charming with the ability to provide and protect then a woman should at least know how to cook.

Personally, I don’t expect my woman to cook three meals a day. Our lives are simply to hectic to handle that pace. We both have our own places so whenever we visit eachother we both share certain cleaning and cooking responsibilities. I’ve been on my own enough to have acquired that particular skill.

Nevertheless, I have kicked a girl to the curb because I deemed her not domesticated enough. Its one thing to be fabulous, but don’t be extra with it … and I view alot of sistas in ATL as simply being way too extra. If you like wearing stilletos in the kitchen cool do you! You can show some leg, or put on some tight jeans too while your at it, just do your thing in the kitchen every now and then. It means alot to a man. And even for the young cats who claim that doesn’t matter … eventually they will grow older and it will become an issue. I guaruntee you that.

By Jucee

August 29, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

Morning - I love to spoil my Man also to a point where he “enjoys it” and don’t take it for granted

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Raqi..uh..I mean Donna Reed

You are correct. In my household, it seems that our duties fall along a coincidental line of inside the house (her) and outside the house (me). I change oil and tune ups (I love working on cars), landscaping (keep your tail off my grass & out of my flowers & shrubs.. that includes our dogs), etc.

She does a lot of the cleaning (mainly because my idea of a clean house isn’t quite up to her idea..I think she may have OCD..j/k), cooking (it isn’t Emeril all day cooking, but we own several cookbooks by Sandra Lee -the semi-homemade lady on the Food Network so they take less than 30 minutes to whip up - we also have 30 minute meal cookbooks by Rachael Ray), etc.

Peach

*This is a BIG issue with me! I don’t understand how women who don’t cook, don’t keep their house clean, don’t know how to use an iron, or anything else they “don’t” do around the house get a man!!! *

You need to sit back and examine why you are attracting the type of guys that don’t appreciate it.

After all, just like women, all men are not the same.

Good Luck to ya.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 29, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People TGIF!!! I’m a clean freak, I like things in order, I cook, and clean as I cook-can’t have a dirty kitchen when it’s time to eat!

do guys really judge a women’s domesticatedness by the way she keeps her car?

This is a BIG issue with me! I don’t understand how women who don’t cook, don’t keep their house clean, don’t know how to use an iron, or anything else they “don’t” do around the house get a man!!! It freakin’ blows my mind…I’m with you ImAPeach LOL

By Donna Reed

August 29, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

aqualung I wholeheartedly agree.

One thing I noted in the Diva’s entry is she compared the younger generation of men to the aged, matured generation. The younger generation is all about chasing the arse. But when those same youngster, well most of them, began to mature and settled down in their minds, they will began to appreciate other things about a woman.

The same goes for women. We were chasing the bling and the dream. We didn’t know how to appreciate a good man and what he does.

By anonymous coward

August 29, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

The views I’ve read so far are pretty alien to me. The last thing I would want is someone “domesticated”. Blech. I could care less about who cooks and cleans. I cook and clean up after myself when I have to, and I have a maid to do the rest. The notion of the man as the hunter gatherer and the woman as the nurturing child bearer is so idyllic it makes me want to gag. I’m 47 and my SO and I have been together over 15 years. We make a great team, but “sharing” things like cooking and cleaning has nothing to do with it. I have no expectations about what she should do and she has none for me. We enjoy life together as a family, are two professional people that have lots of outside interests that leave little time for things like cooking, cleaning, lawn mowing and such. Sure, I tend to do things that require more strength; I also have skills to do things like significant home repairs or even building a house. That doesn’t mean I expect her to clean my clothes; in fact I prefer to clean my own. If I became involved with someone that wanted to nurture me in the ways that I’ve read so far I would feel very claustrophobic and I’d run away in a hurry.

By Foots

August 29, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Stan She uses every flipping pot and pan we own to make popcorn. LMAO!!! That was funny!

I think that most men are like C tha 1 in that they don’t expect that 3 meals a day, but that they do expect that you know what to do when it’s your day.

My SO cooks just as well or even better than I do. Usually, when he’s at my place, I cook and when I’m at his, he cooks. If we ever have a place together, I guess we will cook. He likes to iron his own clothes (he’s particular about his creases), and while he’s at it, he can iron mine too, cause I hate it. He even bought one of those expensive Rowenta irons cause he’s IVreal with it. He doesn’t like to clean up. But that’s my thing, so that’s what I’ll do for us. He also doesn’t like yard work, and I don’t mind either being out there myself or paying someone to do it.

So no, I don’t believe that you have to be domesticated to get any man. You just have to fit with the man you get. I know what my limitations are and I’m not going to disrespect those in order to get or keep someone. If he knows what his domestic strengths and weaknesses are and we can find a way to get everything done without causing too much strife, then we’re cool.

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Stan, someone else brought up Thanksgiving… what does your family do during this time of the year. Do you do all the cooking or do you all always visit family for this holiday?

Papa I don’t think I’ve dated anyone who didn’t appreciate it. My statement was more along the lines of saying that it’s amazing to me that women who aren’t domestic can get and keep a man. And, I only feel that way b/c I’m a bit, well more than a bit, traditional in my views on relationships. My mother is very “Donna Reed” so since I was raised that way and since I inherited the same characteristics, the opposite is foreign to me.

By Dan

August 29, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

@WD (and all)

I’ve said here that I need a woman that knows how to cook.

But I will amend my previous statement.

While I would still prefer someone with a working knowledge of the kitchen, if she doesn’t have it, I can show her.

I love to cook. It’s relaxing and I’ve found it to be another medium for my creativity. I have evolved to think that teaching a woman how to cook would be fun. Getting her to know how to mix texture with taste, seasoning with technique, and even presentation.

Dan now curling in his seat at the thought of WD and Slim cooking in stilletto’s….

By kimmie

August 29, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Morning bloggers, Hooray for Friday and 3-day weekend!!

Cee - I’m with ya, he left me speechless!

On Topic - I have absolutely no problem in the domestic arena because I bake/cater on the side anyway. I love being the happy homemaker, whether I have a man or not. My SO & his kids definitely love getting the fringe benefits of this. But, it has also been my experience that the old “the way to a man’s heart is his stomach” does not always hold true. I had 2 exes for which this was the case. One was so finicky I just stopped cooking for him at all. He had a laundry list a mile long of things he “didn’t” eat. Basic stuff like anything with lettuce(so no salads), anything with tomatos(there goes Italian), most vegetables, most cassaroles. The few things he did eat he only liked the way his mom cooked them. He said it wasn’t that moms was necessarily better, he was just used to hers! I take a lot of pride in my cooking and finally I thought hey, people PAY me to cook, so I can’t take it personal. I stopped cooking at all for him!

By Chink

August 29, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Morning,

Yup I am very domesticated…I like cooking, baking …in a clean kitchen. I am not extra clean but I make it my duty to clean every weekend unless I am extremely busy and I am not home.

C tha 1 I agree with you I do look for a man to provide and protect while I am independent and have my career and degrees going on that doesnt eliminate that need for a man!

If a Grown Man can’t provide and protect due to reasons of his own irresponsiblity automatically I will lose respect for him.

By D'NLITEN1

August 29, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

I tell u what DIVA… you need to domesticate to get a guy my age and im younger than u(28 yrs. old)! i think u are very intelligent and opinionated… but hey that’s fine! If like minded people continue to learn alike… progress will never be made! 1st off… did u and ya potential summer fling know he was gonna be just dat: a summer fling? my money is placed in da “probably not” column, because ya blog implies dat with u ponderin da ideas of being more domestic! u may have alot goin for yaself. however, u may have to do a little work in da humility department! if u know dat ya lack of culinary skills may directly result in a decline in ya dating stock, WORK ON IT then! if u would at least attempt to put forth a sincere effort i would give u an A for that, B there to assist u from time to time because we could make strides together in dat area (dat could be both fun and errotic simultaneously), and C How dat little illustration can be implimented in other areas of da relationship or potential relationship for it to flourish into more.

But hey.. im jus a blogger, right? so what do i know?

By Foots

August 29, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

Speaking of Thanksgiving I sure hope that is not “required” of me. I’m 31 years old and not once has one family member cooked the whole meal for Thanksgiving. Our family members have ALWAYS brought the dishes that they do best. One of my aunts does the baked turkeys, the dressing and the cakes, my mom does the ham and the beef, my other aunt brings a casserole, rice and something like duck, another aunt doesn’t cook, so she buys cakes and pies from her friends who can, I do my collard greens and the sweet potato pies, my sister and brother-in-law bring broccoli casserole and mac and cheese, my male cousin does his greens and fries a turkey, etc.

Now, my sister is capable of throwing down a whole holiday meal, I guess we all are, even my male cousins. But my brother-in-law puts on an awesome display of chefhood for Christmas and Mother’s Day, and sometimes just cause he feels like it. That dude can burn in the kitchen.

By Shawn D.

August 29, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Well, sorry to be harsh in the only time (that I can recall) posting here, and I know your legions of fans will want to draw and quarter me, but the problem might be that you come across as a bit haughty and demanding of pampering. Who declared you “Wise” and a “Diva”? Are you above cooking your own food? Is cleaning even your own mess below you? You didn’t even give an example to bolster your (probably overblown) opinion that your last love interest expected you to be ultra-domesticated — is the problem your perception?

All that being said, I wouldn’t expect a woman to be domestically-dedicated to me, but a woman who cannot or will not do things for herself or me would be a real turn-off.

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Peach

I understand.

I was very lucky to be raised in a twp parent household and got see not only the roles, but how they interacted. Although, I was grossed out by the fact that they kissed and held hands and such, I understand it better now.

I had that role model to see and it is in me as well.

However, I am aware that there are many that not only did not get to see the tradional male roles at home, but they missed out on interaction part. Some kids from single parents households have to learn from experience instead of example.

It goes without saying that if you saw mom and dad fighting all of the time, it is bound to affect you as well.

It just boils down to remembering that you (not you specifically) are interacting with another person when you date. That other person was brought up in under another roof under their specific circumstances. You never know everything about a person and what makes them who they are.

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

It’s funny this cooking thing came up because just the other day, me and my cousins were discussing taking a couples cooking class. That idea sounds like it would be fun to be amongst other couples, drinking wine or whatever, while learning to cook something different and new. However, I suggested we just do an all-girls cooking outting since I’d obviously have to rent-a-date to participate in the couples deal. lol

As far as the domestic duties in my past relationships, we sort of just got in where we fitted in. Say if the guy did the meat, I’d do the sides…cuz I tell ya, some men think meat and bread is a full course meal. lol

Dan How bout some flip-flops instead? lol

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

PoppaG Exactly. Although I get out there and sweep out the garage and clean off the deck, my first dedication of duty is to the cooking and what not. I want to solar lights running along the driveway, which I do, I say “Mason I want lights along the driveway.” Just like I say Mason that door leading to the patio has started sticking. Whether he fixes it himself or gets a carpenter to fix it, I look for him to get it done.

I think one problem is we as a generation of people are becoming lazy. Don’t get me wrong, there are some things we have to call on professions to do. But this I don’t want to do this, that and the other so I expect pretty much nothing of you attitude is just mind boggling. And that’s what it is. Yeah, we eat out or order in sometimes just like we take our cars to the dealer to be service. But there is a line that crosses over into just being down right lazy.

I am familiar with the sharing of the household duties, although the shared duties in my house are 70/30 (LOL), but I also believe that a women is a women and a man is a man.

By AmazonRed

August 29, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Happy 3-day weekend everyone! Oceanaire was absolutely delish and even with the special, it hits your pocketbook!

Guys, how important is it to you to have a woman who is domesticated, and happy to be in that Donna Reed role?

WD, I’m not a guy, but I will speak for my married girlfriends who don’t do domesticity! It just depends on the guy. Insdtead of the kitchen, they spent time earning several advanced degrees at good schools. The guys they ended up marrying felt their brains were more important than their casserole recipes.

By UAllAreSad

August 29, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Yes you need to learn to cook, clean, sew and all the things women should know how to do! Guys should know how to fix things at home and in a car! …and quit giving it away until you are at least SERIOUSLY dating/engaged…maybe that’s part of the problem with relationships/marriages today!

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Damn Foots, you just made a sistah real hungry!

Very well said Papa and I completely agree with your statement.

You know, I’m a big advocate for living together before marriage. And the main reason is because you just never know how clean (or nasty) your mate is until you’ve truly lived with them. I don’t have a problem cleaning up at all and I would take on this responsibility in the relationship - but I need to know ahead of time if my man is just a bit messy or if he is absolutely disgusting. Ewww!

By The Truth

August 29, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

It’s gonna be a good day folks.

On topic: It’s very important that a woman has domestic skills to me. It’s another way a woman can make love to you with her clothes on. There’s nothing like coming in and ol girl is putting something together that is scrumdilicious. For some reason a woman that can’t cook is just kind of “unladylike”. I can cook (as we’ve discussed before) and don’t mind but just as a woman looks for me to lead in certain areas, I look for her to lead in certain areas. This would be one.

My ex wife cooked everynight. Sometimes I’d come in from cheating and she’d have a nice meal ready for me. LOL If I had more feelings I’d of felt guilty. LMAO

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Raqi

I think one problem is we as a generation of people are becoming lazy.

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE.

Obama truly won me over last night, when he stated (paraphrasing here), government can’t replace turning off the TV and being a parent and teaching responsibility. I think that we are a country (all races) have gotten lazy. That laziness creeps into relationships as well.
For me, dinner and a movie is a lazy date. The movie is just a large TV and restaraunts do all of the cooking. So basically other people have done the work for you. If all that you can do is order a meal, what makes you different from Buffie the Body?

By cooking you can put a personal touch on that thing.

By Beautiful

August 29, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Go Obama!!!

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@Shawn D. eh, don’t read too closely into the moniker Wise Diva. Long ago, I made it up on a whim when I was a commenter. I keep it/like it because I am wise about things that pertain to me. I can be a diva in the sense that I speak up and I am nobody’s doormat, sometimes it feels like as a woman, I only have those 2 options. I admit that as I mature, I am finding balance I can be wise AND a diva, but I don’t have to proclaim it like some badge of honor. As far as that guy, though. Well, let’s just say that he would be a great man for somebody else. I was interested to explore things and have fun in the summer, but I was open to more if things progressed in a good direction. That did not happen. I appreciate your comment, too, food for thought, definitely.

By 2CPTG - The Caveman

August 29, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Why do I need an SO if I’ve gotta continue to do what I’m currently doing as a single guy? Seriously, ladies, yeah somma the stuff should be shared, but as Pop’s said, my duties are mainly outside. Now, if you don’t mind getting oil, grease, and grass stains on ya, then, we can split ALL of the duties….but if you want me to cook, sometimes, then you sould be willing to sweat, sometimes.

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

SlimOne ”Say if the guy did the meat, I’d do the sides…”

I agree with that. However that is akin to Mason installing the ceiling fan and I hand him the tools as he need them. Just like on some Saturday morning when we do the chores around the house, I’ll take the top and he takes the bottom and we meet in the middle. Shared tasks.

But I think the biggest issue is we find more women stating what they are not doing or don’t feel they should do all while not relieving the man of certain expectations.

By Atl Lady

August 29, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All!!! Thank you Jesus today is Friday!!! (OH yeah it’s been a long a$$ week). I’ll admit it. I’m fully domesticated!!! I didn’t have a problem it ever. Has it ever made a man like/love me more? NO. Do I know a lot of men that like it? YES!! However, I have two brothers that married women that don’t do either. And they wonder why I don’t like coming over. Have I ever made Thansgiving dinner for my entire family? YES for 7 years in a row. Why?? Because I’m clean and I can cook my a$$ off. I’m very old fashioned. I like a man that takes care of the outside stuff like Poppa stated and he has to know how to BBQ. I’m sorry that’s just a requirement. I’ve met and dated men that aren’t into to all that, but I didn’t totally discount them for it. I just had to adjust. We tended to focus more on what we needed emotionally and spiritually from each other.

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Truth I am rolling my eyes at you because I can’t do anything else but agree with your post.

By Foots

August 29, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Big Poppa However, I am aware that there are many that not only did not get to see the tradional male roles at home, but they missed out on interaction part.

My parents divorced when I was 7, but I remember seeing dad out in the yard and washing cars and mom cooking most of the meals. My sister and I were expected to clean, and many a Saturday we vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the bathroom, even the baseboards.

But when they divorced, what I saw was that it was possible, though tiring, for a woman to get done everything that needed to be done. We cooked, we cleaned, we washed cars, we mowed the grass, we put things together, we did the hedges, we painted, we fixed the fence, we made sure the cars had oil, gas, and were maintained.

When I had a roommate in college, we didn’t have specific roles of who cleaned and who cooked, we both just knew to do what needed to be done. If somebody got home before the other, she cooked. If one cooked, the other would wash the dishes. If one took out the trash, the other would vacuum. If there was no milk or bread, the first person to notice went to the store. So I’m quite used to dealing with folks who are able and willing to do what needs to be done.

That’s what I need in a mate, I don’t believe in firm lines being drawn about who does what. I just need to know that the man I choose can handle whatever it is, because I already know that I can. We will have different proficiencies, but hopefully, it will all add up to a well-run household. I’m willing to put in the sweat and tears to make it so.

By shirley

August 29, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

But I think the biggest issue is we find more women stating what they are not doing or don’t feel they should do all while not relieving the man of certain expectations.

I know women who are this way, who ask if i work all day too, why can’t he eat fast food for dinner?

And these same women wonder why, even with babies and tongue piercings (acquired in an effort to keep her man at home) he cheats.

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

On cooking: The fact from my experiences is men like good food. Men like women who can provide them with good food. No matter how we women view ourselves (beauty, accomplishments, degrees) men like what they like and want what they want.

Just like we women do. We want what we want from a man. And I don’t care how many men state that men today don’t this, that and the other any more we still look for the man that can offer what we want…as a woman.

By Beautiful

August 29, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

truth when i got with you know who, he was maybe around 180lb. as a single guy, he never cooked and ate alot of top romen noodles. lol. by the time i left, he was 220lb. i fed his behind every night. his mom would call me and say “what you feedin’ him?”. lol.

2c if you/he teach me, i’ll get dirty with ya’ll. i don’t mind yard work, etc. and cooking dinner and sharing the dishes is fun!

By ImAPeach404

August 29, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

You know, Raqi you are so right regarding that lazy statement. To me, there is nothing lazier than hiring a maid. If yo @ss is so messy and nasty that you don’t even want to clean up after yourself, I don’t even want to deal with you.

I could maybe see hiring a maid if you have like 5 kids, live in a 6000 sqft house and you’re about to host a lavish party for your husbands company… maybe. But other than that, stop being lazy and clean up. Hell, if you clean as you go - or at least dedicate one single hour on Sunday to doing so - you’ll be straight.

But then again, who am I

By Blue Moon Poster

August 29, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

I’m a 40 year old guy and very well accomplished(at least on paper). Domestication is not high on my list of desires. I want an accomplished ambitious educated woman who desires to better herself and perhaps even the world; who also is cute, slim, and has a nice azz.

Cooking for me does not earn a woman a spot nearer my heart. I want to know that she cares about herself, however that may manifest itself, she cares about me, however that may manifest itself, and that she cares about others, however that may manifest itself.

Whether she can cook a slamming pot of gumbo, or flawlessly wash my clothes, or spotlessly clean my home just doesn’t rank very highly.

Those may be traits my mother and grandmother possess, but I ain’t trying to date them.

By Leggs

August 29, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

Raqi..uh..I mean Donna Reed I too laughed when she typed Mason’s name.

I haven’t read all these posts, but cleaning and cooking is a must for me. It’s just something I do. I don’t waste money on going to restaurants often although I do like to go every so often. Cooking is therapy for me. I clean as I cook and my kitchen is never dirty. I will cook in high heels only if a man is watching me. Seriously, why eat out 3-4x a week. I have never understood this waste of $$. Even if you don’t know how to cook (and I believe ALL women should know how to cook), instead of giving your $$ to a restaurant take some cooking classes and learn.

SlimOne, don’t worry about your lack of degrees. Hell, a lot of those w/degrees are dumb as hell. Charm, personality and overall knowledge of current events, along with the eagerness to learn will land you a mate in due time.

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

D’NLITEN1, see that’s the thing, I think I could (and probably will) work on it to a certain point, but would I attract the kind of man that is right for me or right for the domestic goddess that I am striving to be. When I meet a guy, and he doesn’t have all the “wish list” qualities, I think I can work with him, and he could work with me, but maybe that is my dating utopia and me being naive.

By kimmie

August 29, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

ATLady - You sound just like me! And yes, my SO does a mean BBQ - can’t wait until this weekend!

I love a nice clean house, and while I have no problem getting in the yard because I love a great lawn/garden, it’s nice to have a guy to help out in that arena!

I could not wait until we got a little more serious so I could clean out his fridge! He’s a widower raising 2 kids on his own, so that’s not high on the priority list. I took the entire fridge apart shelf by shelf and had it sparkling. It took 4 hours to do, but mom taught me well. Needless to say, he much appreciated it:)!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 29, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Happy Friday!! And co-signing with whomever mentioned the 3-day weekend!

On topic: where do I begin. I wont profess to be the most domesticated but I can cook/clean/etc. Personally I dont like to cook but I will do it w/o complaining.(I have this issue where once I cook something I no longer want to eat it, hence why Im not big on cooking, I know that sounds strange but what can I say.) Now my thing is more cleaning. I do have my messy moments but otherwise my home is clean. I do appreciate a man that can do yard work (cause I am *horrble with that) and car issues (though Dad taught me how to handle those too). Now growing up my mother didnt allow us (as her daughters) to cook a lot, she preferred to do it herself. So when I started to cook, I had to ask or go by the recipe and go from there. Having been married & divorced I dont start anything that I cant finish later. So I dont put my domestic representative out there on to disappoint later!

Anybody got big plans for the weekend??

By MELO

August 29, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Sometimes I’d come in from cheating and she’d have a nice meal ready for me. LOL If I had more feelings I’d of felt guilty

well im busy today with these dept. reports but mayne,u blasted off..like the last space shuttle..that was good LMAO….the ladies wl be mad but hey,its a friday….back to lurking..

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

I love the different perspectives that we all have, it reminds me that it really is all about finding someone on the right page as you are on the big issues. Keep it coming folks!

Welcome to our first time commenters!!

By Chink

August 29, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

For some reason a man with a big plate of food to me is very sexy…but not a big belly thought..lol

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Well McCain is going after the upset Hillary supporters, he selected a female as his running mate. Alaska’s governor.

By Tazzee

August 29, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

One thing I’ve discovered is that while I don’t cook regularly now, I do cook when needed. Right now it’s just me and I spend very few waking moments in my house. Most nights I don’t even eat a real dinner. But when I had my nephew I was Suzy Homemaker. I loved cooking for him and he loved my cooking. Nothing warmed my heart more than hearing “Auntie, this is g-o-o-d!”

Similarly I enjoy cooking for my men when they appreciate it. One guy didn’t get into cooking. I would tell him what I wanted to cook for him and his reply was always “Tazz I eat to live, I don’t live to eat” That was his way of telling it didn’t matter so after a while I just stopped cooking for him. Another guy loved my cooking but he wasn’t doing much on his end to make me wanna cook for him.

I said all that to say, just because you aren’t domesticated now doesn’t mean you won’t be. But some of us need to release the notion that cooking for a man is a bad thing. When the right one comes along, the food network might become your favorite channel. or it might not

By The Truth

August 29, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva let me introduce you to Blue Moon. (Sparks start flying) LMAO

Growing up we woke every saturday morning to house cleaning. All of us had jobs to do. Since I was the youngest I’d get the trash and then was promoted to dishes, which i did standing in a chair with my mom. I still remember glass first, then plates, then silverware, then pots/pans. Then we dried. Afterward she’d give me a buck (if she had it) and me and my buddies would go to kung fu theatre where we could watch 3 movies for that dollar. When we got home there was always a kiss and some good food waiting for us. In my mind I just associate food and cleanliness with love and caring.

On a practical note if a chick can’t cook it’s gonna cost a minimum of $60 a week cause she ain’t cooking but she’s still eating, and you’re going to wind up eating out alot more.

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

let me add my disclaimer, my mother is EXTREMELY domesticated, and she also has multiple degrees. So in my head/heart I believe I can get on her level one day, LOL. She teaches me by example, for sure. I am just way into science, technology, and geeky stuff more than domestic things. It’s cool though, I am under construction!

By arkansas1

August 29, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Hello fellow intelligent bloggers!

These are great topics in the world of dating!

I inregards to cooking or cleaning I believe both parties ( Male and Female) need to show some skills while dating. You cannot go out to dinner all the time, so a man needs to see that you can whip something so when you have kids everyone is not growing up on fast foods.

I think a degree only matters if you make it matter! If all you are talking about is your degrees and that is what makes you a person then it will turn-off anyone!

We all learn that degree is just one part of our make-up if you can’t cook,clean,repair your home,balance a budget and throw down in the bedroon!

Then what good is talking about accomplishing a lot of degrees?

By Beautiful

August 29, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Chink but not a big belly though you’re referring to teddy bears. l love ‘em! i miss my bear hugs.

i got a jokey joke:

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said,

“Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent!”

We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he’ll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You’ll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her every need.

You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.

The salary is $200,000 a year.”

The guy, wide-eyed, said, “You’re lying!!!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well … you started it.

By Atl Lady

August 29, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Poppa They dropped that tea leaf this morning on the today show. She flew in on her private plane this morning. She’s only been in office for 2 years.

By m'karyl

August 29, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

I grew up in a gender neutral experience when it came to “traditional” male/female roles…the women worked just liked the men worked, so every brought it to the table…I grew up with men doing “nontraditional” endeavors…cooking, cleaning, child care…I grew up with women doing the same…so I have never been able to fit into traditional gender roles…this was a very salient influence in how I articulate and express my gender identity…I love to cook (and I am very good at it), but I do it to please me as I so choose…not on demand for someone else…and if he doesn’t like…then eat elsewhere…I sew, knit, bead, make candles and soaps,etc…but I see all of this as an expression of my creative thinking process…not domesticated thinking process…but I can also handle the butch business too as needed…I think like a human being, not a gender…and I really do not think that it makes any difference to whether you can get a man or not…but I will say that I do find Southern men to be a little more gender role dominated with regard to traditional roles, so it may be more prevalent in this regional culture, and therefore more significant than not.

By Bentley

August 29, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Whether we call them “gender roles” or “domestic activities,” they all fall under the category of “Things that NEED to be Done.”

It’s been my experience that things go wrong when we men force roles or responsibilities on women that have never demonstrated a willingness in the first place. But, that said, people have to eat, clothes need to be washed, things need to be fixed, and bills need to be monitored.

After 18 years of having to swallow often inedible dishes from my mother, I was determined to eat good food on a daily basis to offset my past experiences. In relationships, I’m almost always the better cook and it’s something I’m willing to do on a day-to-day basis. To expect that from a woman who grew up learning other essential life skills is unrealisitc and certainly demonstrates a disconnect with her.

I’m not going to try and understand what makes a man want the “domesticated” woman beyond the conveniences it offers. But men should first pay attention, THEN ask questions, and figure out an answer that EVERYONE can live with.

…HOLLA!

By 2CPTG - The Caveman

August 29, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Ladies, how would y’all feel if a man told you he didn’t know how to mow the lawn, do simple repairs, or anything else you deem a manly quality? Ain’t a good look, is it?

By 2CPTG - The Caveman

August 29, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Pop’s, I think McCain showed his back is against the ropes, with that pick!!!! She ain’t been on nobody’s radar, let alone out in the forefront…..

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Leggs I definitely know that. I have a relative that is now working on her PHD and she has NO common sense whatsoever! It’s really a sight to see the type of shyt she does. lol

But I think the biggest issue is we find more women stating what they are not doing or don’t feel they should do all while not relieving the man of certain expectations. Well this goes both ways…I recently met a guy and I was telling him how myself and my roommate were looking for a house to rent but were concerned with lawn maintenance being included in the rent. Before I could even finish my sentence he went off on a tangent about how he ain’t gonna cut no grass! First of all, I wasn’t even going to propose that request to him but I got to thinking dayum dude is it really that serious. So it’s NOT all about what a WOMEN won’t do, ya’ll men got some issues too. I can understand a dude not being particularly handy on things…but a lady i know told me how, even if she hired a plumber or electrician to do work at the house, her dude would lay up in the bed and not even come down to talk to the guy under no circumstances. He sat back or either would find a reason to leave.

Only thing I can think of that i probably wouldnt do is clip some dudes funky toenails. If he got some decent feet I lotion em up for him or even massage em. But toenail clippin’…..NAW. lol

By AmazonRed

August 29, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Ladies, how would y’all feel if a man told you he didn’t know how to mow the lawn, do simple repairs, or anything else you deem a manly quality? Ain’t a good look, is it?

2C, as long as he knows which professional to call, he’s good with me.

By Tazzee

August 29, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva you can cook and clean you just choose not to. There’s a difference between that and can’t. Personally I have better things to do with my time.

I’d rather travel on the weekends and hire a maid. That doesn’t make me lazy or unable, it just means that I can have my cake and eat it too. But when I have a reason to spend more time at home, I do it and I do the home things. Past performance does not guarantee future results.

can you believe I’m doing this from my iPhone while getting my hair done?

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Okay a person with a few degrees may be able to talk to you in depth about a few more subject matters than a person without one. Example: Biological proteasomes decomposition (degreed) versus Sheer human nature (undegreed). But at the end of the day in all leads to the same avenue Fulfillment, Food and For nication.

And don’t get me wrong, degrees are good. I should have gotten me one. But I’m just saying when you take away all of the supercalifragilistic overkill we all share common grounds that have to be met the same way.

By Beautiful

August 29, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

2c no it isn’t! but i wouldn’t mind hiring people to do those jobs. whatever his strengths are, those will be his chores.

yes, i said chores. i’m hoping i’m not the only one who gives chores to their SO! things would never get done if i didn’t.

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Bentley, giving you the Jeweler award, you’re dropping GEMS! Love it!

@Tazzee that is so true, thank you for clarifying that. I don’t think I stressed that point in my post, esp regarding the maid: I said I WANTED one, didn’t say I had one,(yet?) LOL.

By The Truth

August 29, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Poppa McCain is a bout as mentally quick as Bush. I can’t take another four years of sheer embarassment everytime the prez speaks. With that said, whoever wins is inheriting a big mess. I don’t think either have the answers to these problems. The economists sure don’t. Whoever wins will most historically be looked at as the cause of this mess. Folks will be able to say “As soon as a bruh gets in the country goes to hell”.

By Blue_Kolla

August 29, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

@ Diva & Other Can’t/Won’t-Do Chicks What dude needs some broad running around talking about how they are NOT domestic; and worse, not even willing to try?

That’s not my, or most other dudes’ idea of a team player. What happens if I get sick and actually need some food cooked, and not some BS salad?

So yeah Diva, that dude was right to get on down the line. Keep tellin’ yoll, your sex and good looks ain’t gon’ go but so far. …and going by some of the things that you say on this blog, he probably wasn’t even gettin’ da p@ssy. Girl pleez. GTFOH

By abc

August 29, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

I went through a couple of marriages where they weren’t at all good with housecleaning (or even cleaning up after themselves much), certainly not very good cooks, all that. My mother taught me to do those things for myself as I was growing up, and I expanded upon them through adulthood. I didn’t consider it to be a big deal. No way would I clean up after them, though, whether in the kitchen or elsewhere, they created disaster areas. I wouldn’t let them do my laundry or ironing, they’d ruin my clothes. Besides, I didn’t consider them maids, they weren’t required to do those things.

It makes me appreciate one who does keep a beautiful house, is an excellent cook, etc. She’s better at household repairs and at wielding a chainsaw than I am, by a long shot. She enjoys doing and providing those things. It’s really nice. She is not the maid, either, and she knows those kinds of things aren’t expected or required of her. She does them anyway, and enjoys it. These days, I figure before, I just didn’t know what I was missing.

By 2CPTG

August 29, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

A Red, I was kinda expecting such and answer…not from you, per se, but such an answer……what the hell has happened to society????

women ain’t cooking, dudes ain’t doing their thing….Is it all about making money, nowadays…career this, career that?

By Chink

August 29, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Poppa

Why does that sound like a gimmick to me? (Mccain’s VP) I mean come on..

By Robin Caldwell

August 29, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

My sister from another mother. NEVER, lil’ wise sister, let anyone make you feel bad about not being domesticated. Domesticated is relative. You have other “gifts.” Work them. LOL

By shirley

August 29, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

I believe the key is to, as I’m sure has been stated before, stay in your lane— get with someone who appreciates/accepts what you do bring to the table, and stop trying to fit square pegs into round holes.

By Wise Diva

August 29, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

way to elevate the discussion Blue Kolla, LOL!! wow

By 2CPTG

August 29, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

somma these comments are like, WOW!!!! First off, I ain’t calling nobody to come fix shyt, not initially, anyway….I got me one of those Big Home Improvement Books from Home Depot, and a gang of tools……say what you want, but that says alot about some of y’all dudes who admittedly aren’t mechanically inclined…and do’t expect your girl to be somewhat domestically inclined……

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

One of the sexiest things I’ve ever experienced was a dude cooking a whole meal for me and it was ready when I got home. I couldn’t eat for smiling.

By Atl Lady

August 29, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Ared That reminds me of a joke the comedienne Somore told. He’s either got to be the handy man or the man that can pay the handy man. lolol

By m'karyl

August 29, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

@Slim

Well, who was asking him??? You were just stating some of the things that are associated with house vs. apt living…that is one reason why I do not like to rent houses…lawn maintainence issues…when I lived in Decatur on Park Drive, my roommate and I were responsible for cutting the grass…I paid someone to do it when it was my turn to have it done…she cut it herself…got plenty mad too…say I should pay her, fine I told her…cut it when it is my turn and I will pay you too…lol…cause I ain’t cutting no grass…lol

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Chink

It is definitely an attack angle on the Dems. McCain can tout change now as well. He can even go as far as to say that it is change that the Dems were not willing to do. (Reference to Hillary)

I don’t know much about her to knock the choice. I so know that she is a shark. She is pretty tough. But she does seem to have those runaway bride crazy eyes IMO

Raqi

I see people that have a ton of book smarts everyday in law school, and many of the same people seem to lack common sense.

By AmazonRed

August 29, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

I was kinda expecting such and answer…not from you, per se, but such an answer……what the hell has happened to society????

2CPTG - The reason I gave that answer is because at the end of the day, that doesn’t matter if you are a sincere and genuine person that treats me with respect.

So this is my “bigger picture” answer.

Also, my dad was never one to do manly things around the house. And he had no sons to teach them anyway. But he brought so much more to our household then fixing broken lamps.

By Chink

August 29, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Ladies, how would y’all feel if a man told you he didn’t know how to mow the lawn, do simple repairs, or anything else you deem a manly quality? Ain’t a good look, is it?

No its not! Shoot being single I have to fix up alot of stuff solo but thats because I am single…

That is a manly quality …man who too cute to dirty their hands almost have a gay look to them …and I aint interested!

By 2CPTG

August 29, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

Blue, don’t pay Diva no ‘tention….you told the truth! I’m surprised, but not really, at this new breed of folks…male, and female alike.

By C tha 1

August 29, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

Personally I’m not mechanically inclined, but neither was my dad although he was a carpenter he freely admitts he knows nothing about cars except how to drive one and change a tire. I do want to learn how to change my own oil though. But brothas don’t freely teach other grown dudes how to do certain things unless you tight with him. At any rate I do cut my own grass and do home improvements within my own ability range. As far as things I don’t know how to do I’ll simply ask another dude I know who has the tools to show me. Paying for the service is my last option.

I think what separates people from handling certain responsibilities is their willingness to learn.

By Foots

August 29, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Bentley Whether we call them “gender roles” or “domestic activities,” they all fall under the category of “Things that NEED to be Done.”

Now that’s my type of thinking right there. Shoot, I taught my cooking azz brother-in-law how to do simple wiring and hang light fixtures.

The only thing I can’t and won’t do is get up the remains of the little dead animals that my cat brings to the house. I don’t care if ET the Extra-Terrestrial comes back to get it up, I’m not even going in the garage if something dead is in there.

By SlimOne

August 29, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

m’karyl My thoughts exactly. Matter of fact, I like cutting the grass as long as it’s a self-propelled lawn mower and as long as the yard don’t look like mount everest or the grand canyon.Cuz I’m only a buck 12 and I can’t be chasing no vigilante lawn mower down a hill. lol

By Leggs

August 29, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

C tha 1 it’s very easy to change your own oil. 2C, in my book that is an ugly look…

By Poppa Grande

August 29, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

* I think what separates people from handling certain responsibilities is their willingness to learn.*

And this is what saying what you won’t so speak about.

I’ve learned to do so many things. We can’t pay for everything to get done. So, we (she learns new things too like quilting, crocheting, and etc).

It exhibits an open mind, somewhere other than in the bedroom.

By Raqi

August 29, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

Seriously IMO being domesticated is more than cooking and cleaning. It’s about taking care of home. Point blank. If the nature to do so is not ingrained you won’t be able to conjure it up at the drop of a hat nor without some resentment.

2CPTG It is amazing to see how far we have come from “Home Life”. While I like the traveling that we do and the occasional eating out and getting with friends, I enjoy the home life. I like going home everyday. He