Misadventures in Atlanta

By Raqi

September 3, 2008 8:11 AM | Link to this

Just putting it out there from previous experience, it sounds as if the guy is married. But not really, maybe just in a relationship with someone else.

Dating on a schedule just sounds kinda, uh, strange to say the least. Yeah he could very well just be busy during the week days and not have time to see or even call her. (ha) However I dated a man for 4-1/2 years that runs a successful business and he found time for me. A lot of time and he was always doing business. Even if it was just hanging out at the house with me while I took care of much needed household things we spent time together.

Although love is not based on a set amount of time you spend with each other, I just find it odd to seriously date on a schedule. Especially after two years of being together.

But that’s JMHO.

By C tha 1

September 3, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this

Quick question … How old is the dude in question? I can give a better analysis after that piece of info.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Good Morning and Happy Get Yo Dry Hump On Day!

Hmmmm….Blanca I need a little more info.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

Good Morning and Happy Get Yo Dry Hump On Day!

Hmmmm….Blanca I need a little more info.

By M'Karyl

September 3, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

What stands out for me as a salient factor is that he has been single for 12 years…and if he is over 40, then he(like many of us) may have a routinized weekly schedule that does not accommodate distractions…I say this because I dated someone who was more accessible on the weekends than during the week with his weekday schedule…and I too found as timed passed I preferred not to have my weekday schedule open to accommodate someone else…some ppl settle into comfortable routines with their lives and prefer to have that space option unadulterated…if she is looking for him to change, most likely it will not happen…and if she can not adjust accordingly to his preferred lifestlye schedule as he is available to share with himself with someone, then my she may have to make decisions about how viable the relationship is in terms of meeting her needs for more time together…sometimes we need to ask ourselves if the relationship we are pursuing or are in is really enough to satisfy our needs for a relationship…and does a compromise to accommodate another person’s accessibility mean that we will also compromise our own preferences in the relationship…that is a serious issue of deep contemplation for each individual.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this

Good Morning and Happy Get Yo Dry Hump On Day!

Hmmmm….Blanca I need a little more info.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

I promise I didn’t post that intentionally 3x’s…puter ackin cwazy.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

I promise I didn’t post that intentionally 3x’s…puter ackin cwazy.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

I promise I didn’t post that intentionally 3x’s…puter ackin cwazy.

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Good morning. I would like to think he would want to spend more time with you other than weekends. My feelings would be hurt if he took the week off (staycation) and didn’t spend some of that time w/me. I believe in having your own space, but if we are exclusive to each other I would think you would want to spend time w/me when you’re free from work responsibilities.

By Joe Blow

September 3, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Sounds to me as if there may be something else going on. This is treatment that is usually given to someone above “jump-off” status, but not quite exclusive status. Good enough to hang on the weekend, but maybe somebody else gets the week days.

Question for Sharon…..does she get to meet the family, attend family functions? Basically does he present her as his GF of 2 years? Does she het to go out on the town or do they spend time at home all of the time? These are things that will let her know where she stands or what is going on.

By AmazonRed

September 3, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone.

Well, I have a different take, and yes I’m probably being naive. Sounds like Sharon has fallen for a guy who’s simply a loner. He likes his “me” time. He sees her on all the applicable date nights, he openly expresses his love, but he just sounds like the guy that doesn’t need a woman all up under him.

I understand as I’m a loner too. I don’t have to see my guy all the time and I could in theory see my husband and I having our own separate rooms, even if we don’t use them regularly. However, since I haven’t had some core shaking love, maybe be and see you all the time thing is different when you are with your soulmate.

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Testing, testing!!!!

By Raqi

September 3, 2008 9:42 AM | Link to this

(a little mood music for ya)

When a man loves a woman

Can’t keep his mind on nothing else

He’ll trade the world

For the good thing he’s found

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

BTW, if any of you copied that Monkey Bread recipe, I forgot to note that you spread coconut and nuts before pouring the melted brown sugar and butter.

Carry on!

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

MKary what kind of woman are you!? Are you a loner type? Television keeps you company baby??

Where is ATL-LADY!?

By Dan

September 3, 2008 9:58 AM | Link to this

Well, in my job this could be me

But I’mma go with the consensus and say he may be married.

Conditions on a relationship such as these are indicative of hiding something or somebody.

Have they had sex?

If so, where?

Does he say that wants to be with her during the week?

Is just “this is the schedule get with it or get on” or has it evolved into this?

In 2 years, why has it become a problem?

And how does she look?

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

@OTAY boy aka ATL Guy

I am a grown 47 year old woman who is very clearly defined about herself…I have plenty of activities that amuse me…none of which are your concern…and I would prefer to no longer even acknowledge you on this blog…period…you are a passive-agressive, condescending ilk of waste…I do not care for ppl of your persuasion with your type of attitude…so drop of otay boy.

By Foots

September 3, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

I’m split on this. I know that I would rather spend time with someone I’m involved with mainly on the weekends. Depending on distance, sometimes it’s just not feasible to drive over during the week and go home, especially considering where your place of employment is. With my SO, in the beginning, we didn’t care too much about that. But as the months are passing, we have learned that it makes no sense for him to be in Marietta during the week when his job is in Alpharetta. He lives 15 minutes away from his job, why would he spend an hour and 15 minutes driving from my house? On the other hand, it makes sense for me to be at his place during the week because he lives 10 minutes from my job. But then I’d never get to be home and get things done there. Plus I have a pet.

So as it works out, we usually split the latter part of the week and weekends between our places and have most weekdays to ourselves. He studies every night for a test he has coming up (soon I will be back in school myself), and I’m generally a loner who likes a quiet house.

Now, it hasn’t gotten to the point where we’ve said “No weekday love”, I know I can go there when I want to and he knows the same thing. Just logistically, it works out better for us to have some time apart.

Your friend and her man probably have the same type of arrangement, but for some reason, it has become unsatisfactory for her and she needs more of his time. Something could have set her off. Is she really wanting him to propose or something?

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

@OTAY boy aka ATL Guy

I am a grown 47 year old woman who is very clearly defined about herself…I have plenty of activities that amuse me…none of which are your concern…and I would prefer to no longer even acknowledge you on this blog…period…you are a passive-agressive, condescending ilk of waste…I do not care for ppl of your persuasion with your type of attitude…so drop of otay boy.

By Young, Black & Gifted Woman

September 3, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Can Sharon simply ask her man as to why they see either other on a limited schedule? In my opinion, just simply communicate and open the forum for discussion.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Dan I’m with you on the 2yrs thing…Seems like if this is the way it’s been for 730 days, why is it an issue now. I don’t care how busy you are, you want me to believe out of 2 yrs that you have not, at least a few times, been willing or able to see me or communicate with me during the weekdays…Hayo Naw pimpin’…So I guess he telling his main Mon-Fri chick that hes out of town on business on the weekends.

Blanca Do you know how far apart Sharon and her beau live from each other? I ask because some folks might spend the night at their bf/gf house and go to work from their during the week..so if they live far apart, that would explain that.

Even when I had a FWB, i was never pengiun held to just the weekends or just during the week..so for that to be her BF, just rings Red flags to me.

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

DAN that was my first thought too that he was Married. Seems Sketch to be single for 12 years and not be a Serial Killer in solitary confinement. Could be one of this truck drivers that have a wife on one end a a g/f on the other end of the route. Haha … play on playa

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

ARed

That was part of my point earlier…she may be dealing with someone who is a more defined loner type…and he may have a very serious comfort zone about his personal space…granted some of the other points that ppl are making may be valid too…the bottom line is that she really needs to ask some serious questions about what type of person she is dealing with…and look at how the long term committment to that type of person will affect her and her relationship need satisfaction level…it may very well not happen with him.

By Krush

September 3, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

I can totally understand dude having a set schedule that he is comfortable with and not being willing to make adjustments during the week. However, I think there should be some room for compromise. It sounds too suspicious that this routine hasn’t been challenged.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

Dan I’m with you on the 2yrs thing…Seems like if this is the way it’s been for 730 days, why is it an issue now. I don’t care how busy you are, you want me to believe out of 2 yrs that you have not, at least a few times, been willing or able to see me or communicate with me during the weekdays…Hayo Naw pimpin’…So I guess he telling his main Mon-Fri chick that hes out of town on business on the weekends.

Blanca Do you know how far apart Sharon and her beau live from each other? I ask because some folks might spend the night at their bf/gf house and go to work from their during the week..so if they live far apart, that would explain that.

Even when I had a FWB, i was never pengiun held to just the weekends or just during the week..so for that to be her BF, just rings Red flags to me.

By Krush

September 3, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

I can totally understand dude having a set schedule that he is comfortable with and not being willing to make adjustments during the week. However, I think there should be some room for compromise. It sounds too suspicious that this routine hasn’t been challenged.

By Dan

September 3, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Speaking of the unsaid:

The reason I asked how she looks it that is might be a Mooncricket situation. In that “seeing her” on the weekend only, only in certain circumstances and certain places, could be more indicative of how he views her (physically) and in the relationship.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Dan I’m with you on the 2yrs thing…Seems like if this is the way it’s been for 730 days, why is it an issue now. I don’t care how busy you are, you want me to believe out of 2 yrs that you have not, at least a few times, been willing or able to see me or communicate with me during the weekdays…Hayo Naw pimpin’…So I guess he telling his main Mon-Fri chick that hes out of town on business on the weekends.

Blanca Do you know how far apart Sharon and her beau live from each other? I ask because some folks might spend the night at their bf/gf house and go to work from their during the week..so if they live far apart, that would explain that.

Even when I had a FWB, i was never pengiun held to just the weekends or just during the week..so for that to be her BF, just rings Red flags to me.

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

I don’t think he’s married, but valid points made by Foots!

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

MKary you are grown? LoL. Try acting like it for a change instead of throwing insults at everyone. Can’t figure out why you are so outraged anyways…I’ve never attacked you nor do I have no issue with anyone in this Blog. Simmer Down

Join a Gym…you’ll feel better about yourself and can release some of that Anger you have pent up. Could be helpful

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

@Dan The reason I asked how she looks it that is might be a Mooncricket situation. In that “seeing her” on the weekend only, only in certain circumstances and certain places, could be more indicative of how he views her (physically) and in the relationship

That is a very valid point to consider…ppl have ulterior motives and hidden agendas…but I still believe his behaviors may be driven by something more innate to his personal lifestyle choices…he may have a limited need or desire to spend time with someone outside of his open weekend options.

By Foots

September 3, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Dan In 2 years, why has it become a problem?

Now THAT’S the question of the day. It doesn’t sound like it WAS a problem until recently. If she was fine with it before, but now it’s an issue, the real problem is something else. Maybe somebody close to her has a new man and they spend a lot of time together and she’s telling Sharon all about it. Maybe it’s that 2-year itch.

What experts say is that at the 2-year mark, most couples are at a crossroads. That’s the point where the passion tends to fade a bit. I’m sure that abc can detail the biology on this, as it has to do with chemicals in the brain. That “madly in love” feeling dissipates because it can’t sustain itself continuously for an extended period of time. If so, they both probably sense the drifting apart, he’s content with it, she’s pulling towards him to prevent it.

Maybe she needs to do something to jumpstart the romance. Or just be honest with herself about the real reason that this is a problem now if it wasn’t in the past.

By lurker

September 3, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Sounds like there’s more than one for him. As much as it pains me to say this, cause it’s not always as easy as it sounds, take the risk and be willing face losing out, for lack of a better word. My advice would be to lay it down. What you need and how it works for the both of you. Step away if you can’t get that 100% you deserve. As the old saying goes, I can show you better than I can tell you. If he really wants to be with you he’ll step it up a few notches. I tell ya ladies, gotta accept only the best for yourself. The reality of it? More often than not, because of the endless possibilities men have as what I believe we can safely label as “options”, taking that risk of not accepting half handed, fence teetering relationships will more often than not, have an adverse effect of dude moving on to what’s convenient or a better fit for him rather than coming full circle into a thriving healthy relationship. It’s okay though. Just do you and what works for you. Set the tone of what you expect early on and what you’ll contribute. Be willing to face trying to get more from a preoccupied or not so ready dude will not fall to your favor but at least you won’t have to ask the questions posed today. Why? How come? So what do you think? Does he not? Is he? Not trying to sound harsh but it just seems easier IMHO to risk losing out so you’re not at a lose. If giving up the goods is part of the formula and you’re complacent with where things are, he’s got nothing more to ever reach for.

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

@Oty boy*

Drop dead…I just do not like you…it is you and ppl like you…so just shut up…blog with the others as they choose to not ignore you (which most here do) and leave me alone…thank you jerk.

By Dan

September 3, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

@Foots

It’s called oxytocin and it starts wearing off at 18 months;

@Blanca

While we doing all this prostelyzing, where’s ole girl to elaborate he position?

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

I don’t know enough about this guy to make that call. It is rare for someone to be single for 12 years or not see someone often unless they are a workaholic or just really shy.

Regardless, its a strange relationship to be involved in. Need to have a heart to heart with direction this is going and if he’s being completely honest. Can’t assume he’s married or cheating, but also can’t rule out the possibility.

This is vague enough where I can’t even make a judgement call regarding this guy’s situation. Too many Factors

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

@Foots

You know how most ppl with accommodate without outward complaint certain behaviors and attitudes early in a relationship…the I will be accommodating now because maybe it will change over time scenario some buy into…perhaps she thought by not being vocal or intrusive with her concerns that he would eventually change…NOT!!!!…Maya says when someone tells you (or shows you) something about them, believe it…what type of lifestyle was he living being single for 12 years before their relationship…may have a big clue there….she may have been to accommodating upfront and now on the backend there is no return for it.

By dyrtysouth

September 3, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

He wants to see her only on weekends?!?!? There’s prolly a reason he’s been single for 12 years. Maybe he was hurt 12 years ago, and doesn’t want to feel the pain of getting too close to someone again…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 3, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Duh…..does a house have to fall on her for her to know what’s up? Tell Sharon to stop being stupid..this dude has a girl(s) that he is with on the weekedays and he tells them that he travels during the weekends for his job to keep them from trying to mess up his flow! Cut this lying loser off immediately!!!!!! Oh yeah his uh..stay-cation was a week long romp with some chick(s) at his crib or theirs. Or maybe he was smart enough to go to hotyel. But because Sharon is so dingy he knew she wouldn’t have the common sense to check out his story! After all..he seems so honest! Right..GTF outta here!

The response above was for entertainment purposes only! Please use discretion in it’s heeding. Thank you! LOL

I am as big of a loner as there is…and I LOVE my me time. During the week I just like to hit the gym, shower, eat and watch TV alone..but if I am seeing someone…I can make some exception at least once during the week. Come on. Now there is a distance factor. I live by my job and I will not stay at your crib that is on the other side of town knowing that I have to work the next morning. During the week we could meet up and go eat or something. Not to mention I like to go to bed by 11 on weeknights…I like my beauty Ambien induced sleep! So he is over there messing with me and getting in the way fo that..then that could make me only go for the weekend thing too! I get aggitated very easily! The door will get shown to you in a heartbeat!

By Blanca

September 3, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Good morning These are great questions! I’ve sent them along to Sharon and hope to hear back soon, or perhaps she’ll log on and give us the skinny straight up.

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

MKary what did I ever do to you!?!? Relax!

What events are hitting Atlanta this weekend, anyone know?

By Foots

September 3, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

m’karyl what type of lifestyle was he living being single for 12 years before their relationship…may have a big clue there

Shoot, I could say the same thing about myself and why I like a quiet house. I’ve been single for 31 years and lived completely by myself for 9 years. I have gotten used to coming home from work and dealing with just me. I’ve never fit with somebody who needed to be up under me Monday-Sunday. Like Amazon said, I’d probably be the married woman who needed a room all to myself and I’d have to go there for a few hours to decompress.

I love spending time with my SO, and I love spending time with myself. It’s on a scale, some days it weighs more heavily on me to be alone and some days I want to see him more than anything.

So yeah, his solitary life probably has plenty to do with it, along with the adjustments we all have to be willing to make to be with someone else long-term.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Maybe in the beginning Sharon thought she could deal with things being so structured but over time has gotten back to who she Really is as a person, instead of what he wants her to be….which is cool with HIS setup. The representative phase has started to wear off. Now she’s left feeling like, dayum! am I getting the okie doke, am I being played, and why am I settling for a weekends-only courtship. Maybe in the beginning she felt like, if she went along with his program and being ‘cool’ with it, that eventually things would progress further and he want to start to increase their time spending to some weekdays.

Blanca I think we should institute a new blog rule…Whenever someone wants to pose a question for advice or whatever, the person MUST be able to come in on the blog and answer to any questions we have or clarifiy any confusion. All we can do is keep speculating and Maybe this, or Maybe that…What if this, what if that all day long until we decide to change the topic.lol I think this way, we’ll have more productive post in response to whatever we’ve been confronted with.

lurker A lot of what you say makes sense.

By Foots

September 3, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Hey Blanca. Does she have a key to his place?

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

@Staceye

yeah a house…a big house…lol…but her situation still is not a bad as the one with the two ppl with whom I share a house…this woman has not received any physical, emotional or intimate attention from the dude in years…zilch…nada…he does not hug her, kiss her, compliment her, he does not engage in intimate relations with…nothing…she has been trying to spend more time at home by adjusting her work schedule…and he still just blows her off…if she is not cooking or helping him around the house or in the yard…they do nothing together…he even has his schedule down pat to avoid dealing with her…22 years later.

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

@Foots

I can feel you on that a lone space…I have been on my own for 25 years mostly as a single person…I have so comfortably adapted to my lifestyle…I do not like to have anyone in my space during the week, especially in the mornings…I like my quiet me time…to have my coffee, smoke my cigarette, listen to my music, etc…and I do not want to be concerned with what someone else wants and needs during this time…just the peaceful flow of me in my space…and I too would be the married woman who had to have her own room…lol…and bathroom…and kitchen…and oh well, I guess I just need to life alone…lol

By ATL Guy

September 3, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

Real Question how has this “sharon” person been seeing this guy for 2 yrs and doesn’t know his situation!? That to me is the question to be asked…can’t know eachother THAT well at this point

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 3, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Foots I would be the married woman who needs her own room! LOL I can’t not stand seeing the same person day in and day out like that!

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

I agree with SlimOne…although there have been some valid questions asked, point stated and such bandied about…we are still speculating for the most part without more situation specific information…so many variables for such a common situation…relationsips…imagine that…lol

By Poppa Grande

September 3, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

It’s called oxytocin and it starts wearing off at 18 months;

Dan is correct. However, it is just one of the changes that happen in the “honeymoon” period.

For example, female’s natural testosterone levels rise and men’s testosterone levels drop.

The human body could take these types of changes forever.

By Blanca

September 3, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

SlimOne Blanca I think we should institute a new blog rule…Whenever someone wants to pose a question for advice or whatever, the person MUST be able to come in on the blog and answer to any questions we have or clarifiy any confusion. Works for me - in the past folks have been around and definitely makes a difference for healthy discourse. (Remember our friend whose ex comes to family events?) This one was my fault - in my work crazy I didn’t notify Sharon in time that her blog would be up today. Hopefully she can join us soon now that I’ve emailed her!

But in her absence, have any of you been in this situation? I can understand wanting time alone, but I also understanding wanting a man to desire to see me more often than weekends alone.

By iLOVEu

September 3, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

mood today feeling warm and cozy.

it’s funny how sharon is anonymous. aren’t we all! lol.

please come on out and give more info, because this doesn’t really make any sense. you lurk and post everyday just like the rest of us, so i know you know what to do in this situation. we chat about the same issues day in and day out and one of them had to help you in some way.

if you two are in this so-called committed relationship, then you have the right to just show up unannounced every blue moon, right? the answer is yes! go see what’s up with this nicca on a wednesday evening. take homeboy some dinner. surprise!!! it’s kinda silly for us to tell you what to do in this instance. you’re a grown azz women and already know in your heart what’s going down. don’t play yourself like i did knowing good and well there’s nothing there. time is valuable. call him today and tell the cheater … i mean yo man what you want. he’s either going to break down and realize how this hurts you or he’s not going to give a pluck. communication is the key here. sexy says it almost everyday.

if he loves you, he’ll never be too busy. women up … fast! the quicker you do it, the sooner you’ll have what you need and want. you’re going with your gut on this because you seeked MIA and that’s a great start. good luck.

wondering what blue, poppa and for real have to say about this.

By Sharon

September 3, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the responses and questions. First of all, this has not just now become an issue to me, I have wondered about it along the way - it is just that I have recently found this blog and wanted to use it to get others perspectives on it all. We are both in our fifties and I had been married and out of the dating scene for a while and have dated two guys since my divorce, the first I dated for 6 years, he showered me with attention - phone calls, gifts and at my doorstep constantly - {we had fun and got engaged…but there were some issues and I backed out - another story}. But this guy is just the opposite. More of a loner, less attentive. Yes, I have been to his house many times and he does call me during the week but not consistently. Yes, we have hung out during the week for special things {dinner invites, etc}. No discussion of marriage. That is O.K. And yes, we travel and have a ball on the weekends. I think if is more like Amazon Red indicated - that he is a loner and like other have indicated - I will have to learn to accept it. But it seems odd to me that he does not crave more time. I was wondering if a lot of guys are like that. But for someone that went from a guy that could not leave me alone to one that is a loner - it confused me. And as far as how I look, I think I look great for my age and if I thought that was a factor I would not want him. Are there any Saggitarian males out there… I have been reading up on that - could that be a factor?

By Foots

September 3, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Slim I think we should institute a new blog rule…Whenever someone wants to pose a question for advice or whatever, the person MUST be able to come in on the blog and answer to any questions we have or clarifiy any confusion.

I second that suggestion!!

m’karyl I do not like to have anyone in my space during the week, especially in the mornings

Girl, I’m dead in the morning (unless it’s Saturday and I’m getting ready to make a Target run). I can’t even listen to the radio when I’m getting ready on weekday mornings. To my surprise, I’m dealing with someone who pops up at 6:20, takes a shower, watches GMA and cooks a full breakfast before I even get my other eye open. It was funny when he and my sister and her husband went out last weekend. My BIL was talking about how my sister is not a morning person, but he is, and how much drama they have in the morning. I’m like “That’s us in 10 years!”. LOL!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 3, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl that is a roommate situation!

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

2E’s, Foots, m’karyl I think to remedy you alls lone behavior in a marriage…get a duplex. And just like adjoining hotel rooms, have a door in the middle that can be locked on both sides…when you need time alone stay on yo side, when you’re open to be bothered, have the doors open. LOL

Blanca Well hopefully she’ll join us soon…In the meantime

Off topic My cousin and I were discussing someone she know with herpes, and also there has been a lot of talk about the McCains running mate being against sex education…ironically Alaska has ranked 1st or 2nd in STD cases. So we were talking about how would you go about disclosing that you have contracted an STD to the person you’ve recently been sleeping with.(Especially if you think they gave it to you)

Truth if you’re out there, have you ever had to tell the other party or did you have to cuss they azz out for giving it to you?

By Dan

September 3, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Sharon

Thanks for jumping in.

50 and still gittin it in? Good for you!

The question that I have is at 50, do you know that you like being in a relationship with someone that “showers” you with attention or do you prefer this arraignment as it stands?

I think, once you’re able to make that decision your options will become more clear.

If you require attention, are you willing to do without it?

If you don’t require constant attention, what the problem is?

If you’re looking to build something with this man, the preceeding are the 3 questions you must honestly ask yourself before you able to proceed in this relationship.

Dan now changing tabs to not think about “ole people sex”…

By iLOVEu

September 3, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

sharon forget what i said. next time give blanca more details. he’s not cheating, you just need to get a life. you had me thinking you two never seen each other. smh.

By Foots

September 3, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Sharon YAAYYYY!!! Glad you dropped in!

What you’re describing sounds pretty normal. Comparatively, I can see how you’d be confused, but these are two totally different men. If you had been with this loner guy first and the overly attentive guy second, then the attentive guy would seem like the anomaly.

So the question I have is: What do YOU need in terms of attention and time spent together? If you need the type of attention that the other guy was offering, you may need to go find that in another person, because just like that guy was just being himself, your boyfriend is being himself too.

Otherwise, it sounds like you have a good relationship with a man who offers you love and companionship.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

2E’s, Foots, m’karyl I think to remedy you alls lone behavior in a marriage…get a duplex. And just like adjoining hotel rooms, have a door in the middle that can be locked on both sides…when you need time alone stay on yo side, when you’re open to be bothered, have the doors open. LOL

Blanca Well hopefully she’ll join us soon…In the meantime

Off topic My cousin and I were discussing someone she know with herpes, and also there has been a lot of talk about the McCains running mate being against sex education…ironically Alaska has ranked 1st or 2nd in STD cases. So we were talking about how would you go about disclosing that you have contracted an STD to the person you’ve recently been sleeping with.(Especially if you think they gave it to you)

Truth if you’re out there, have you ever had to tell the other party or did you have to cuss they azz out for giving it to you?

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Sharon, first thanks for showing up to this crazy den of warped individuals. Ok, stop comparing what you had w/the attentive one to what you have w/the less attentive man. You know he’s a loner and has his own schedule on the weekdays. Sounds like you two do quite a bit together. It’s not odd that he doesn’t “crave” more time. If a man is going to “crave” something it will be puddy not time. I’m just saying!

Let me ask you this, have you had this conversation with him and if so what did he say! Yay, glad to know he’s not married!

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

@Foots

Girl, I’m dead in the morning (unless it’s Saturday and I’m getting ready to make a Target run)…see it is about what motivates you to move…lol…I always in good spirits when I wake up in the morning…it is just that I have been by myself for so long that I enjoy ny unadulterated morning routine…just a slow roll into my day…peacefully…if a person can not hit the floor in the morning sans me being engaged with them..oh well.

@Sharon

Thanks for the additional information…I thought that he may have been an older person…settled lifestyle patterns are more quite common in older individuals, especially if they are single in those years or have been single most of them…he seems comfortable with the lifestyle that he has and he seems to want a relationship that fits into that lifestyle…does that work for you in the long run???

By AmazonRed

September 3, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Hello Sharon! Yes, if he’s in his 50s, he’s an old dog! Those ways are set! LOL.

He is probably looking for a companion, and you fill that void. But he’s enjoying a life of routine. Change up the routine if you must, but I doubt things will last.

I don’t think things will change at all from where they are. He’s treating you with decency and respect. If you can’t deal with things in it’s current model, you should probably move on as I see him set in this routine.

Just my opinion!

By mytwocents

September 3, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

So what if the current parameters of the ‘relationship’ work for * HIM * - - they DO NOT work for * THEM *. Sharon, is there an age gap or does age factor into this complacency? Are you accepting this simply b/c you’re afraid of being alone?

Don’t you believe you deserve to be treated less like an option, like more than a convenience, and no longer like a nuisance?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

September 3, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

Good day Good People, this seems to be a relationship of convenience. How can you form a relationship without communication, avaliability, and accountibility? You CANNOT….the 21/2 days you’re together, well we know what that consist of. Sharon take it as face value, you maybe in a semi relationship with him but he’s not in one with you.

Ared are you serious?? you would sleep in separate rooms from your husband, girl please tell me you’re being sarcastic…loner and marriage don’t make a bit a sense JMO

By Sharon

September 3, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

Sorry I could not come onto the blog sooner, I have been covered up at work this morning. For those on this blog who say they like their space, could someone special come along and change that or do you think it is something that is just “you”? Like iLOVEu has said, if he really loves me is he too busy? Or if he really loves me is the need for having his space more prevalent than his need to have me by his side?

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

2E’s, Foots, m’karyl I think to remedy you alls lone behavior in a marriage…get a duplex. And just like adjoining hotel rooms, have a door in the middle that can be locked on both sides…when you need time alone stay on yo side, when you’re open to be bothered, have the doors open. LOL

Blanca Well hopefully she’ll join us soon…In the meantime

Off topic My cousin and I were discussing someone she know with herpes, and also there has been a lot of talk about the McCains running mate being against sex education…ironically Alaska has ranked 1st or 2nd in STD cases. So we were talking about how would you go about disclosing that you have contracted an STD to the person you’ve recently been sleeping with.(Especially if you think they gave it to you)

Truth if you’re out there, have you ever had to tell the other party or did you have to cuss they azz out for giving it to you?

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@SlimOne

LOL…I had a good friend with whom I shared a special relationship…he was 12 years older than me…we used to laugh about how if we did decide to get into a committed relationshiop that we would need a house with an East and West wing for our own personal space and a commonly shared area in the middle…I thought that was a grand idea…seriously.

By abc

September 3, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

The guy’s behavior is not normal. It seems almost obvious that your friend is a very long-term booty call, albeit a weekends-only booty call. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if he’s in a relationship with someone else, or even multiple others.

Why does she stand for it?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

September 3, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Sharon well now that you’ve laid it out it seems to me that he’s not providing the desires you have for the two of you. Have you sit down and express what your feelings are for him and what you desire from him for your relationship to fully blossom. This is something that the two of you have to discuss, and the fact of being a loner, if you’re a loner why in the world would you want to be in a relationship? Stop giving excuses for his actions to make yourself feel better, you’re fighting your own self with him while he’s doing him.

By Foots

September 3, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Y’all see how details can make bloggers’ opinions converge?? LOL! I think that everyone that read Sharon’s details believe that:

• Boyfriend is a loner and/or set in his ways due to age and time spent alone, but he does spend time with Sharon on a regular basis and communicates with her during the week.

• Sharon is comparing this man’s behavior to that of her more attentive ex and needs to cut that out.

• Sharon needs to figure out how much attention she needs in a relationship.

• If Sharon needs more than what this man can give, she should move on to find what she needs.

Any other salient talking points??

By Shine

September 3, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Thats my kind of guy. I only wnat to see my(SO) on the weekends, thats why I prefer long distance realtionships. I was involved with guy who work close to where i live & he wanted to see me thru the week. That did not go too well with me, nonetheless, it didnt last long. I dont think theres anything wrong with him only wanting to see u on the weekend, lucky girl. lol

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 3, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Slim I am going to need you to take care of your computer blog tourettes! LOL You got a stuttering problem!

Sharon See he is so set in his old ways. I do not think I can ever date a older man. If he is 40 he had better not look it or act it! LOL The only thing an old man can do fro me is show me to a young one! I can see me at 50 with the 30 year old BF! Heyyyyyyy!

If I got married I woudld need a very big crib where if i do ot wnat to see you then I do not have to.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

September 3, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

which is it? first you only spend time together on the weekend and now the story change and you do things on the weekday and the weekend - travel, dinner and all - what really gives here? Sharon either you can do one of two things - find you someone/thing to occupy your free time on the weekdays and continue with the plan to see him on the weekends or move on. the choice is YOURS.

By iLOVEu

September 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

abc i was thinking booty call too, but no … not in this case. he’s a older man set in his ways. personally, if i loved him, i would take him as he is and make the best of it. if i didn’t have a hobby, i’d get one. and while we’re together, i wouldn’t take advantage of that time. i would make sure we had a great visit together and get my snuggle on. ;-)

i don’t need my own room, but i’m going to make sure he gets his. men need their space. and they’ll appreciate you for allowing them to have it. he can have it as dirty and nasty as he wants. that will be his santuary.

By Raqi

September 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

The guy’s behavior is not normal.

Exactly abc.

How can you form a relationship around “I like you a lot but our relationship will be limited to less than two days a week”?

By Foots

September 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

Sharon For those on this blog who say they like their space, could someone special come along and change that or do you think it is something that is just “you”?

I don’t think anybody could make me want to spend 24/7 staring in their face. Seems like every living thing needs some time alone. Even my cat, who loves to be so close up in my face that I can’t breathe at times, will get up and go lay down upstairs to get away from me for no reason at all. If you are together at every available opportunity, what is there to miss? I like spending time with friends and family, then coming back together with him. I like going up to read or watch my favorite show, then going downstairs to sit with him for a while. It’s just me, I need to be alone every now and then.

MLL if you’re a loner why in the world would you want to be in a relationship

People are different. Some folks are really outgoing, some folks are more introverted, some folks are in-between. It’s just the personality they were born with. I don’t think that either does any better than the others in a relationship. If you find a person who you can work with and work around, a good relationship is possible. Introverts need love too.

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Sharon either you can do one of two things - find you someone/thing to occupy your free time on the weekdays and continue with the plan to see him on the weekends or move on. the choice is YOURS.

Awrighty MLL…church is dismissed…well stated and to the point…50 is too old to be palying the I do not know game…not just in this case but for anyone that mature in chronological age…some things are knowns, givens, and intransient.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 3, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Shine We think a lot a like. I prefer the the weekends as well. But I may make an exception every blue moon.

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

For those on this blog who say they like their space, could someone special come along and change that or do you think it is something that is just “you”? I like being alone, my own routine, my own schedule. However, if I had someone special I would find a way to immerse our time to the benefit of both parties.

abc, it’s obvious she has deep feelings for this man. Be kind!

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Sharon What’s the distance between you and your SO’s residence? And I’ll co-sign everyone who suggested she decide what she needs in a relationship and go from there. After getting more details, it doesn’t necessarily constitute cheating, (doesn’t rule it out either). However, sounds like it’s an issue for you, being with a guy who really isn’t that attentive.

2e’s Its not me, it’s this puter. I apologize, just walk over my multiple posts please.

I personally enjoy an attentive mate, not stalkerish attentive, but a nice balance…because I tend to hibernate a few days out of the month myself.

By iLOVEu

September 3, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Sharon is comparing this man’s behavior to that of her more attentive ex and needs to cut that out.

girl, this right here … you better stop it right now. you’re only hurting yourself and passing up quality men. i catch myself doing it all the time. i did it yesterday. when i realize it, i stopped and now i have a date saturday. that i hope i won’t regret.

By Sharon

September 3, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Hey Dan and others, believe it or not it is better between lovers in your fifties than any other time, {though not as pretty}. You will see someday. But the relationship issues never change I see, everyone seems to see things differently. But I am getting a lot of different views and that is what I wanted. As far as knowing what I really want, a blend between the last one and this one would be nice but I guess we all would like to special order what we want. I just want to make sure that I am not, as abc said, a long term booty call. He speaks and demonstrates love to me but you don’t get to be my age without the realization that you can be fooled….

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

@Staceye

Well it is less about the roommate situation as it is about unfullfilling relationships…the idea that a person would settle for a empty and void relationship is sad…and I would think more lonely than being single…granted, relationships change focus and such as ppl age together…but when there is zero exchange value…I could not imagine staying with someone who did not even want to touch me…oh, and to boot there are several body pillows down the middle of the bed to create a barrier of physical and intimate contact…huh!!!…she is changing her schedule…I figure once she has made it a point to be home more with him and he continues to avoid contact with her…ummmm…I think she is beginning to realize taht no matter what she does…he still has a very clearly defined need for her presence and that’s it…shop for groceries…cook…and leave him alone.

By SlimOne

September 3, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Sharon What’s the distance between you and your SO’s residence? And I’ll co-sign everyone who suggested she decide what she needs in a relationship and go from there. After getting more details, it doesn’t necessarily constitute cheating, (doesn’t rule it out either). However, sounds like it’s an issue for you, being with a guy who really isn’t that attentive.

2e’s Its not me, it’s this puter. I apologize, just walk over my multiple posts please.

I personally enjoy an attentive mate, not stalkerish attentive, but a nice balance…because I tend to hibernate a few days out of the month myself.

By Raqi

September 3, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

But Sharon why so long? Two full years to come to this dilemma?

A desire this important would have been an issue after the first 3 months for me.

But we are all different.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

September 3, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Foots I know we are our own individuals with some common traits BUT to be a loner is just what it means being ALONE, you don’t want to mix and mingle with anyone for whatever reasons. They are secluded into their own little world outside of working and them you see them still alone.

LOL m’karyl I didn’t mean to come off churchy…it is what it is and Sharon is old/young enuff to know what she can stand and what she won’t tolerate. We make things hard for ourselves by not seeing things for what it is. Walking around with black out shades bumping into things hoping we wont stomp our toes…or something like that.

By Cemeeli

September 3, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Good Day!

you would sleep in separate rooms from your husband, girl please tell me you’re being sarcastic…loner and marriage don’t make a bit a sense.

MML ^ That is what’s up! If imma go into marriage with this separate rooms idea, hmmmph (only exception is we use 2 seperate personal offices). Otherwise, why even join together in marriage?

MammaL as you stated @ 11:48: Is this realtionship what Sharon wants? At the end of the hour/day/week/month/2years she’s the one comprimising wether it’s for more or less time with her SO. I feel this topic circling back to “settling” before the end of the day? hhhmmmm

m’karyl You are not a loner, are you?? Social butterfly <—-i thought this was you.

Not East Point’s Mayor Okay, I counted your south of 75/85 not as the swats.

By Shine

September 3, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

@AMAZON Girl this is me all the way, matter of fact we can have seperate homes lol.. (I don’t have to see my guy all the time and I could in theory see my husband and I having our own separate rooms, even if we don’t use them regularly. However, since I haven’t had some core shaking love, maybe be and see you all the time thing is different when you are with your soulmate.)

By abc

September 3, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

she obviously has deep feelings for this man.

Tell you a story.

A friend of mine had very deep feelings for the man she’d been seeing for 18 months or more. He was often out of town, on fishing trips, whatever… it would keep him away for several days at a time. Come to find out, he was actually staying with his wife during those times. He was supposedly separated and awaiting divorce. When he was with my friend, his wife got the same kinds of stories that my friend got: working, out of town, fishing or out with friends, etc.

His stuff made a nice bonfire in her driveway. Then after awhile, she took him back. Deep feelings, for sure; serious foolishness on her part, absolutely for sure.

Just sayin!

By Raqi

September 3, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Otherwise, why even join together in marriage?

Cemeeli my sentiments exactly.

By Sharon

September 3, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

We only live about 12 miles apart. And you are right, I should not compare {but that is easier said than done}. Some of you younger people sound like you can write a book on relationships {I really am enjoying you guys}. I have had quality relationships with quality men but I can count on one hand how many relationships {not dates - relationships} I have had in 30 years. I am a person who stays in a relationship for a while when I find somebody I care for, that is just me. I am loving this guy and he is hard to read. I really appreciate all of your good thoughts and advice.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

September 3, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Cee it appears to be going that way settling

WOW @ Shine I can’t for the life of me see me having my own room while married. even if we are at odds If you want separatness then stay SINGLE…some people have a warp way of togetherness. smh

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

iLOVEu, pls. post on Monday how your date went! It would be quite refreshing to hear some dating stories.

…I personally enjoy an attentive mate, not stalkerish attentive, but a nice balance… Me too!

By iLOVEu

September 3, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

isn’t it frustrating when you know the answer and give it away to someone who you think needs it and they use it all willy nilly? not directing this towards sharon, i’m just sayin’.

i’m at home blogging on my bed. chewy, my dog, was sleeping with his legs in the air on the edge of the bed. all of a sudden i hear a thump. he fell off the bed. hilarious! lol.

anyhoo …

By Cemeeli

September 3, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Raqi I agree A desire this important would have been an issue after the first 3 months for me. I cain’t see not bringing it up earlier then after 2years later.

Sharon i’m so not being sarcastic when i say. Did you not read the day we had Settling verses Compromise topic?

By m'karyl

September 3, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

@MML

No sistah girl…you were not being churchy…that is just my way of saying that the truth has been spoken…lol

@Cemeeli

Socially in impersonal exchanges with ppl I am quite the butterfly because it does not require penetrating my personal space to interact with ppl…it is only in my me space emotionally that I tend to bel more of a recluse and less open.

By Dan

September 3, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

We obviously Staceye is not ready for…anything.

But ARed, you surprise me. Seperate bedrooms, really? Why even accept (or offer in ‘08) the proposal?

And shine, really? seperate houses? So you’re a fan on the Tap then I take it? He can live his life compeletly seperate of yours and just “be” married? Woooow?!?!

I’m finding it strange that when I said I’d like a little down time after work - fireworks erupted. Yet some ladies are like “leave me be for a couple of days” aaannnddd…nothing.

By Leggs

September 3, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

You guys talking marriage and living separetly reminds me of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen!

I gotcha abc. Most definitely foolishness on her part. Yeah, puting deep feelings on the side Sharon he may be a hard read, but you better start dissecting vowel by vowel if you aren’t content with things as is!

By Cemeeli

September 3, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

…even if we are at odds If you want separatness then stay SINGLE!!!*

Right, if you don’t want your sweetie crowding your space be a loner = single….Ah, if he’s living in another wing of the house whe