By QC

September 15, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers Have a great day everyone

By M'Karyl

September 15, 2008 8:32 AM | Link to this

Well, Sherry is in my age group…the Baby Boomers…and according to a Newsweek article from 2005(?), we have set a precedent in our generation that did not exist in our parents or grandparents generations…we have more ppl in their middle-aged years (40-60) who are single in comparison to the two previous generations…either we have never married, have not been able to sustain marriages or are pursuing more (openly) alternative relationships…yep, leave it to the Baby Boomers to set yet another trend…lol…so she is not the lone ranger…btw, happy b-day to me!!!!…see you folks after I get to work…ciao for now.

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

This is a different day/time. I’ll be 45 in November and I’m in the same situation…you have the ‘normal’ expectation that it will happen and then for some of us, it just isn’t in our cards. I remember in College that a professor, who was still under 30 and starting a young family, told me to stop buying stuff on sale, like blenders, can openers, etc. because I would get that at my wedding and my mom simply called it a hope chest for when I moved out on my own before marriage. Well, thank goodness I had stashed my own stuff and became independent when I did because the marriage thing never happened. I also am in a ‘circle’ of friends that are in the same situation…surely a sign of the times because we are attractive, well educated, have great jobs, homes, travel, etc. and have had long-term relationships but no one wants to ‘keep us’ for good (or the guy becomes so insecure that he can no longer hold it in) so you wait to have children trying to do the right thing and then the eggs get too old and then you look up, you still look fantastic physically and people are like, you are how old, would never have known and I know when 4 of us enter a room and ‘the men all pause’ and the men want to holler but obvioulsy know that we aren’t even playing games so they try to start the conversation up and may exchange numbers and they just fall off, don’t follow up, etc. and we just keep going thru it and at this stage, I know I’m tired of the whole rigmarole so you just enjoy your family and friends to be fulfilled with this journey and call it a day. You do have to come to terms with it when it just doesn’t happen and don’t blame yourself, keep doing you because there is nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to wish, hope or pray for it…be positive in all that you do and positive will come to you; just may not be in the form of a man. People are just different now and some are still playing games and know they are in need of Viagra and still playing but this society expect those men to dip back and get younger women…they know the women their age won’t fall for those lines and put up with the foolishness so they know exactly where to go find someone that will fall for the okey doke. In the mean time, keep fresh batteries!

By DasV

September 15, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

good morning good ppl

i think its wonderful that women are not settling just to have a man. that we have evidence that we can be self-sufficient, financially independent, grounded and at peace without the need to have someone by our side to complete our circle is beautiful. it speaks to our strength as the ‘weaker vessel’. men have not the same capacity to remain alone, and not settle… not even for a romp in the sheets. its not just their fear of being labelled ‘gay’; its their inability to stand alone… to be defined beyond who they with, who they shagging, what kindof car they drive, where they work, what they do, where they live or (this is for you Truth) how kind they are to their dogs. LOL

By Leggs

September 15, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. In training from 10-4. Have a great day!

By MLL

September 15, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone, on point Purpleone but about those batteries - I don’t think so LOL aint nothing like the real thing baby

Awwwww love is so beautiful, when you’re in love everything is just perfect. You have so much possiblities. I remember love, I miss it, it’s something I hope to have again. Knowing that someone, a stranger loves me unconditionally is priceless.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

Happy Monday everyone! What did you guys do this weekend??? Great topic, Blanca

How many of you singles in the MIA world are still wishing, hoping and praying for love? And how many of you are at peace with the possibility that you may always fly solo?

I fall into both categories. At 30, there is still hope, and I think I’ll always be receptive to finding someone, even if I’m not actively trying to meet someone.

However, having several fabulous never married friends who are in their mid-40s, I do understand that marriage and kids are just not in the cards for some women. I’m not silly enough to think that it can’t happen to me, especially since I have standards.

I’ve made a decision to be happy in life, no matter what is going on. My single life is pretty darn fine as is, so if I’m sentenced to live the rest of my days as is, there is nothing too terrible about it!

By SlimOne

September 15, 2008 9:08 AM | Link to this

Well, well, well….look what the hurricane drug in. They moved our jobs to Houston but due to the current conditions from Ike, they called us back in to work to help them out

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

MLL, notice I said, ‘in the mean time’…I know I miss that real thang but Dr. Oz on Oprah said you need to have 200 big “O’s” a year to stay vibrant and as to not age as much or keep you young so I’m just working on my numbers! LOL! ;-)

By Bre'

September 15, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Slim Ask for more money….

By Jo

September 15, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

I think one reason a lot of attractive, savvy women are “forever single” is because they feel because they’re good-looking, got it going on, etc, they have this entitlement attitude like “look at me, I’m hot, I deserve the best because I’m such a dime piece” blah blah blah. Men will be impressed at first till the physical wears off, then it gets old..

By Spill

September 15, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

What I have found is that a lot of these educated, independent women who don’t have men of their own will spend time with a married man. I have done the experiment, went out as a single man (by the way I am well accomplished and just focusing on my career) approach women who have the degrees, houses, money, etc. When asked am I married or attached I tell them no and they think I am lying , then I flip it and tell them I haven’t found the one just as they have not. Anyway when I go out with a wedding band on (just for show) and give the wife sob story these chicks want to resue me and will spend time. What is up with that? Do they loose self worth in the quest for independence?

By MLL

September 15, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

I don’t know about yall but I want someone to grow old with, I’m not made to be so Miss Independent. If being single is my fate then so be it but to say I don’t need a man b/c I make x amount of dollars, have a house and other material gains is in no comparison to have a living, breathing mate by my side in life to share it with. Maybe I’ve already had my time with love that was cut short by death and who knows, I may get another chance again.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

Happy Birthday M’Karyl!!!

By Dan

September 15, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Irony, huh SlimOne!!!

Good stuff!

On topic: As a single man, while I’m not looking to get married, I would like to one day settle down to a wife and some young’ens.

These days part of that equation can be solved, but for me I need the entire package for the equation to balance.

Kids without a wife, is not for me.

That said, I don’t really plan on being 40 and single, nope, can’t do it. If that means readjusting my outlook to better understand who I want in a mate, then so be it. So maybe she don’t have to be a former model, maybe she can just be cute…

But to give up on recognizing my soul’s counterpart in another is something I’m not prepared to do.

By ATLWorldwide

September 15, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Wow, too many defeatists here today. I’m in my late 30’s and I’m thankful that, every once in a while, I do come across women in their 40’s who waited until they found/were found by the RIGHT man and married for the RIGHT reasons and even had children when they were well prepared to do so, in their 40’s.

We aren’t dead, we are just on a different time schedule. I hear from many of the men I dated in the past, and I’m glad I’m not married to them (especially since they are making an effort to find and call a woman they dated 10-15 years ago…I wouldn’t want my husband doing that).

Important and wise decisions take longer to make for some because they are more cautious. Don’t give up ladies. I’m not (although I may give up on Atlanta and start looking elsewhere….)

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

MLL, I don’t think any of us were ‘meant to be alone’ but you can’t always get what you want, when you want it so if it’s meant to be, it will be.

Spill, I’m sure you are telling the truth as far as your experience but I have a lot of friends in my ‘situation’ and we don’t go after married men…we’d rather be alone. I guess it is just personal preference.

Jo, the physical always wears off and gets old, regardless of age. I quote Judge Judy “beauty fades but dumb is forever”…you can start out as cute as most of us do and it will fade but if you are stupid, you will stay stupid!

By MLL

September 15, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

@ PurlpeOne WOW 200 big O’s a year!!!! dang …There are 107 days left in the current year and I’m beind by 199 O’s….looking round to find someone to help me release thess 199 Bigs O’s on…..LOL j/k

By Lisa Lowe

September 15, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this

I’m 45 single (never married) and have no children and feel the same way. I could have marrried if I had settled for just anybody. www.truthandmyth.com

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

I am friends with a pair of sisters. The elder one is 41 and never married. Her sister is 38, married with two little boys.

The younger sister told her older sister, “I don’t care what I say to the contrary, if I’m 35 and not married, I’m not gonna be happy.”

I think she said this around 30 or so. She got married at 34. Maybe she wished it into existance! Maybe I should do the same. I don’t know if she found the love of her life or just settled for a decent “fit.” I just can’t see myself making that kind of promise to something I don’t have sole control over.

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

ATLWorldwide, one of those 45 yr old friends of mine did have a baby on her own, which she thought long and hard about because of the tick/tock and she held out for the husband that didn’t come and she had that baby at 44 last December (perfect beautiful neice)! She is with her boyfriend but it was completly planned but she didn’t want to be a new wife, step mom and new mom all at once so maybe this was out of order by some standards but they are so together in this and it works so there is no defeatest attitude in my circle…if you think defeat, it will happen. But you can’t harp on ‘I’m nothing without a man’ either, so you have to love yourself and enjoy what you have, each day. If a partner comes from it, wonderful, if not, it was still a fantastic ride!

By Raqi

September 15, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

”…men have not the same capacity to remain alone,…”

IMO women are the only ones that feel having or not having a man defines who we are. I think men just follow the natural order of things as provoked by nature itself. While you find some men that don’t want to get married they will however not fail to have female companion. I don’t think it’s because they lack the capacity to remain alone but they are infact just doing what is natural. Not natural according to society or what our ancestors feel is right, but according to nature.

The first man that ever walked this earth was given a woman has a companion. To desire to mate or couple is human nature.

Although it may not happen for everyone, some as result of their own mistakes and/or erroneous behavior or mindset, doesn’t mean that it is not just the natural thing to do. And despite popular belief there is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone.

By Dan

September 15, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

Here’s the thing about how words affect behavior:

Settling has become synonymous for accepting less than you feel you are worth.

In effect settling has become about how one values oneself.

So to be happy being single has somehow taken on the appearance of being strong and secure.

When really, are you settling on being alone?

Aren’t you settling on not finding someone to share your life with?

Aren’t you settling on being alone?

By lovelyliz

September 15, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

I always thought I would go to college, get the job, meet a decent guy (or several), get married and have 3 or 4 kids. Well, I got the education and a job, met far more frogs than princes (or any many who would come close) watched most of my friends/family get married, get miserable, get divorced and decided that if it happened it would happen, but I was not going to get desperate. Single and childess and eventually okay with that lot in life is far better that divorced and miserable.

A good marriage and a good family can’t be forced.

I am over 40 now and it just isn’t happening at all. I haven’t changed much, but most of the men in my socio-economic group either have more baggage that I am prepared or able to deal with or they are going through their mid life crisis and have decided that since they already did the married life and kids thing, they are entitled to date Barbie dolls and revert to their frat boy days.

By QC

September 15, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

That’s great Slim :-)

By MLL

September 15, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

most of the men in my socio-economic group either have more baggage that I am prepared or able to deal with or they are going through their mid life crisis and have decided that since they already did the married life and kids thing Couldn’t say it any betterlovelyliz

By NY2GA, Inc

September 15, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

It ain’t over til it’s over. Nope. I’m in my 30’s and I have not given up on love. I could’ve married in my mid 20’s, but I knew where that would’ve headed-straight to divorce court because all the red flags were there. When I get married I want to do it with a person that I truly want to share my life with until I take my last breath. Glad I didn’t jump the broom back then.

I am doing things that I want to do right now and I am happy doing it. I only want to be with a man that can add value to my life. I know men complain about women being crazy and not bringing anything to the table. But, that goes both ways. There are alot of unhappy,jaded men and men with no vision out there actively trying to date folks. WTH?! I guess misery loves company.

By Hot Mama

September 15, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Morning Yall

Purple One Me and U are ===>:)<====rite here. ^5

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

@lovelyliz, that is exactly it! Ditto.

Like I mentioned, since they can revert back and get the young ones, and if “the game” works on those that it works on, by all means, keep it moving.

By DasV

September 15, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Raqi its so natural that they link up with whateva is available…. they settle. whereas, in my opinion, women have more fortitude and are better able to remain alone though society would cast them as not following the ‘natural’ order of things. there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting companionship; but IMO there is something wrong with settling for whats available when it doesnt complement you.

according to blog bruthas, the pool of ‘choice’ women is shallow, not marrying material, but none go long without have ‘someone’ at their side come the weekend. that is what i was criticizing.

By MLL

September 15, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Purple One & lovely liz we can get the young bucks too! Cougars rule!

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

happy birthday M’Karyl!

i brought breakfast for the LADIES! who’s hungry? bacon and egg quiche, croissant with assorted jellies, yogurt, fruit, coffee, orange juice, milk. eat up and good morning!

i know it’s late.

By C tha 1

September 15, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

^5 Dan! I think women’s idea of love has become so twisted and inflated that they lose sight of what is real and relevant. Mix that up with a distorted perception of “I deserve it” and you have the perfect formula for women redefining terms like relationships, courtships, independance, happiness, etc.

I don’t know any perfect men…but I know some decent ones (I’m decent myself). Personally, I’m glad I don’t live in a world where a perfect all consuming love would make my life better. I’m glad I don’t live in a world where if I dated a dime piece my life would be complete. I’m glad I’ve reconciled faults within myself and focused on getting my affairs in order to make myself presentable. I’ve done good women wrong and paid the price for it. It is what it is. But I wonder if women would admit the time they didn’t do right by love, or ran from it because they couldn’t face their fears and simply admit that maybe they are their worst enemy in the dating game?

By Raqi

September 15, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

DasV would the “whatever that’s available” be the women that are unlike the ones that are still single and can’t snag anyone?

By Old No. 7

September 15, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Oh boy… women that can’t find a man. Sounds like a V-103 topic. Here are a few ways to keep or find a man. 1) Go on dates to date, and stop looking for love. Love will find you… 2)Stop looking for the “perfect man”; there is no such creature. Everyone has flaws, even your perfect self 3)Stop hiding behind your career and degrees and humble yourself. A man doesn’t want to hear about your job, how much money you make, how you don’t ‘need a man’, how independent you are, and who you know, all the dang time. (sorry bad flashback) 4) That brick wall surrounding you all the time is not cute; let your guard down every now and then and stop ‘looking’ for faults to give you more ammo to build your wall 10 ft higher. 5)Just stop complaining and go out there and meet some people!! Instead of waiting on a guy to come up to you and ask you out; why don’t you initiate the date? To H*LL with the worry of rejection; its not that serious. Pick your face up off the ground and try again.

By SlimOne

September 15, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

Dan Very ironic indeed. lol

Seems like the blog is falling off a bit to me.

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

I don’t think anyone is giving up! It just isn’t the day to day focus and end all of all. I’m just saying, have a life, period. If someone is there to share it, great, if not, great! It’s still your life so make the best of it. We all should have and probably desire companionship but does that mean we’ve failed, heck no! The pool to pick from is shallow; should not have to settle for any old pair of britches (as my mother says), just because.

By abc

September 15, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

We baby boomers are a pretty messed up lot. We resist significant relationships, are the worst parents in history, work ourselves ragged, and blow off steam by being decadent. Then we want to blame our parents. No wonder subsequent generations are even more messed up than we are. Pretty sad.

A woman who finds herself never married and childless in her 40’s simply didn’t have making a home life as a priority. Maybe you can’t have it all. It’s not that there’s a shortage of good men for you; it’s that what you consider to be a good man went for a woman who had different priorities than a career woman would have.

A man that finds himself never married and in his 40’s is probably just a troll. Not everyone is cut out to be a leader, and that’s what women want, after all the dust settles: someone reliable, trustworthy, respected and respectable, with a good job and standing in the community — and intelligence, sense of humor, even temperment, etc. etc. They married women who fit their wishes, dreams, lifestyle, and most of the time, that’s not a career woman. Career chicks get the leftovers.

By Willie Dynamite

September 15, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

At what point does a serious self introspection come into play? Raqi I co-sign that 9:39. Somewhere along the line it went from being ok to be with someone to somehow convincing yourself its ok to be alone. I admit that there are some eternal loners that will be forever alone. For the rest of you at what point do you realize that just maybe its not everyone else and make the necessary adjustments. I also think the thought of marriage and happiness is misunderstood. It does take work people. If you are not willing to put in your fair share and some OT when needed then be happy with your Single and independent status. I wont even get on the whole independent thing. Some of yall walking around like its some badge of honor. Last time I check hayo you spose to be independent. But the problem is some of yall think that you need a parade wit a grand marshall becuaz of it. Cats and Quilts. Cats and Quilts.

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning blog fam I got my yellow belt senior this weekend! We have the belt ceremony tonight! It feels GREAT!

This is a depressing topic for a Monday, or really any other day, Blanca, I have to tell you.

It will inevitably turn into one those male-bashing topics - you know - “Something must be wrong with her if she has not been chosen”.

Sometimes things just work out and sometimes they don’t. Or they work out, but not quite like we planned. I agree with Raqi’s post. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone, but I think sometimes we ladies have had it drilled in us that to admit you want marriage will scare a guy off. Of course, you don’t discuss that on the 1st date and sound desperate. But I made the mistake of letting fear and too much time go by without expressing what I was really looking for from a relationship. In 2 instances I just ended up blurting it out out of frustration because time was ticking and we were not moving forward. We women decide if dating will occur, men do the proposing. Things seem to finally be working out for me and Oct 1 will make a year for me and my SO. I approached this relationship in a totally different way and I am getting a different result - and I like it! I set out only looking at men who were family-oriented and were committed to having a marriage and kids. In the past I felt I was trying to change someones mind on that and it does not work!

Dan - You asked Aren’t you settling on not finding someone to share your life with?

Aren’t you settling on being alone?

Yeah, but what are you supposed to do, jump off a cliff? I think these ladies are saying they are going to enjoy their life, even if it does not happen for them, and hopefully, be open to the possibility if it does. Not make finding that husband & kids the central focus of their lives and feel as if somehow they are a failure if they don’t find it.

By Dan

September 15, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@C

I don’t think it’s an either/or proposition.

Both men and women have faulted, it human nature.

People like to speak about Eve being Adam’s counterpart. But let’s think about it the other way too. They were both complements to one another.

His naivete, her curiosity both combined for the fall of Man. Even in the aftermath though, they had each other.

I think in a lot of ways that men that put in the effort are increasingly encountering women that have given up - partly from dealing with the guys that haven’t yet matured.

In the end, neither is wrong or right - as stated it just is what it is

By MLL

September 15, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

I wonder if women would admit the time they didn’t do right by love, or ran from it because they couldn’t face their fears and simply admit that maybe they are their worst enemy in the dating game? right here C the 1 I was sabatoge queen at one point in my life…I was afraid to love. Looking back, I was pure awful to a few men out there…

By Leon Phelps( East POint's Own is taking a short break)

September 15, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Well I can only relate to a portion of this blog topic since I am not quite 30 yet…. But I have lived in 5 cities in the last 10 years. So I am averaging about 2 years per city at the moment, and I must say that in every place I have lived I didn’t really start to meet quality matches until about 3-6 months before my next move… so things can get frustrating as far as dating goes.

I have also learned that the farther North I go the less I like the women. I havd been in DC for 2 months now and I can say that the (American) women here have about the worst attitudes that I have seen out of the places I have lived (ATL, FL, AL, South VA, DC metro area). I hear many women up here talk about a shortage of good men, especially black men, but I don’t see it like that, I see that there is an abundance of stank attitudes therefore good men are not trying to holla at these chicks.

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

@abc, I beg to differ on not making it a priority. Maybe because of life, that woman had a child(ren) and had to work 2 jobs or so and go to school so she could only work one job in the future and her priority was making sure her family was taken care of, then that left her not ‘available’ to date until the child(ren) reached adulthood, and now is ‘her time’, when she was doing the right thing by not having a revolving door and such with a child around, now there is not much to choose from when she put her family first! So she was penalized because of that?!

Sometimes life is just that, what it is…

By Dan

September 15, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

@Kimmie

Again, it’s not either/or.

What you prioritize in life speaks volumes about the life you want to lead.

Admittedly, I have been on my grind these last few years, becuase that’s what I wanted - financial stability. While I don’t have it yet (not like I want it), somewhere along the way in the downtime you start to realize that work, money, hell, the material don’t mean -ish.

I could have every dream I want fulfilled and in the end, be hollow becuase there is no one to share the journey with.

Recognizing that deficency in my own life was not only disheartening, but mildly embarrasing.

Balance is what I strive for, in work, in life, in my everyday.

But balance, like every other goal, is something you have to want/work to achieve. JMO

By MLL

September 15, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

abc career women get married, they just know how to separate the two.

By Hotlanta

September 15, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I will be happy to be forever single because I am not married to men like Kwane Kilpatrick/Bill Campbell/John McCain/Newt Gingrich/Guiliani/Bill Clinton/John Edwards and Willie Gary

By Hotlanta

September 15, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I will be happy to be forever single because I am not married to men like Kwane Kilpatrick/Bill Campbell/John McCain/Newt Gingrich/Guiliani/Bill Clinton/John Edwards and Willie Gary

By The Truth

September 15, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MK

Raqi well said. I was kind of wondering where she got that from too but was going to let it pass. You summed up my thoughts exactly.

I guess I was lucky in meeting my soul mate at an early age(19)and experiencing that whole fantasy love thing. I think my mother prepared me for it because she loved me in a way that was so incredibly obvious that when I saw it again there was no denying it. I know a romantic love and a mothers love are different but they hold similar components. For example my mother was always able to perform under stress and looking back she was always under stress. I expect a woman that claims to love me to be able to do the same. Sure, things may be rough but you must perform. I’ve dated women that shut down in rough waters and it was a wrap. No guts. To much emotion and no performance. I guess in alot of ways I don’t identify with todays topic. I went from my mothers love to another womans love as easy as getting into my favorite jeans.

I’ve always had love when I wanted it and am so enjoying this time solo that it’s addictive. The peace I enjoy without the outside influence of a woman is cool. Even some of my female friends call with “STUFF” I just don’t want to deal with anymore. It’s just useless, mind occupying, go nowhere stuff. I used to do it just to have some azz on call but now thats not even a good reason. As I get older the only thing that matters is I enjoy everyday of my life and it’s obvious where the distractions come from.

Finally, the legal ramifications of entering into long term arrangements would give a viagra user a softy. It’s just way to much to think about and still enjoy the moment. It’s just way to easy to just date and not have to deal with the legal mumbo jumbo. I think every guy out there has seen his boy go through something and it makes you look at a chick sideways like is this really worth it.

I feel fortunate to have had love before I knew what a lawyer or divorce or child support were all about. It was just pure desire to be together. Eight years of bliss.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Thanks…Ared and Beautiful

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

@Hotlanta…like they say, you can do bad by yourself! AMEN to your statement. I can sleep soundly for sure and not be wondering, where is he, how come he won’t answer my calls, etc…

By abc

September 15, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Purple One, a woman that had children without benefit of marriage is unlikely to attract an optimally suited man, anyway.

What do you think that so-called optimal man wants in a wife? Someone irresponsible enough to have children with an equally irresponsible man? Someone who is preoccupied with her own career? Or someone who would make the home that he could provide for, that is to say, be that ideal man for?

That’s not to say that all other men aren’t worth the time and trouble, nor that the rest of womankind is unsuitable to be a wife. It is simply to say that the ideal man will marry the ideal woman. Just as a man who won’t take responsibility for himself, his b******* children, hold a job, or stay out of jail is suboptimal, so is a woman that is a baby mama, slaving away at a job or more focused on a professional career — yet she seeks the ideal man, and doesn’t want to “settle”.

As soon as I hear someone say “never settle” I presume they’ll be alone or unhappy in a relationship. Relatively few fit the ideal.

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

I’m completely at peace, and have come to terms with, the fact that I may journey through this life alone.

While that may be somewhat sad, all the people I know who are around my age getting divorced with kids involved that maybe my over-selectiveness over the years may have saved my even more heartache.

My discontent with the whole thing is how little I date. That is at least partially my fault. But I have met girls who were nice and cute and liked me - but there was always something I knew would be a problem going forward. So I guess I get the quality slow drip.

Though I think with every decade or less, our society makes it harder on ourselves to be happy because we now expect or have a sense of entitlement that undermines any possibility of a relationship. It is harder for people to be content.

By Troddentrails

September 15, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

I am just depressed after reading that. I am afraid that is where I am heading. Why is it that I have no problem atracting a man who wants to get up my skirt, but can’t attract a man who really wants me? I have no children, own my own home, owe no debts except that home….have savings, all my teeth (that is important..right?), a dual MBA and a good job. I am told by all the married and completely unavailable men that I am great catch and if they were single they would be all over me. I have tried everything to meet people…no dice. I don’t think I have a personality issue. I am outgoing and I seem to be a very nice person..at least that is what I am told. I give up. Pass the batteries.

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

I usually don’t agree with much that abc says, but I concur with most of his post. I find my thought-process is a little like his post today the older I get. It is a new day for women and while we all know exceptions, like Purple Ones 10:23, the priority for a relationship has to be made for it to happen, and that is both on the man and womans part. That is sometimes where the whole “timing” thing comes in the picture. I know quite a few women that have been able to, say, pursue a career as a dr or lawyer, AND have a husband & kids, but it took supportive and like-minded husband-material for that. A lot of times they met their future husbands in law school or med school, so they had common interests and they worked it out. But if you are busy pursuing a career and don’t make time for relationships, sometimes relationships are what fall thru the cracks. I kept meeting men like that. They were all into their careers and were not going to let some woman(me) sidetrack them, even though I did what I could to be supportive and still keep my own career on track. I realized, and close friends who could see what was going on, that I had to meet someone who would make the relationship A priority. Usually the relationship was a casualty to the pursuit of the career.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

One other thing in addition to the many points I agree with for today’s topic: In the last 1 or 2 generations it seems as if surviving a struggle has become something people want to be proud of and emulate… What I mean by this is the whole phenom. of single mothers raising kids with no help, or women who had to fight against society for some useful genuine purpose. I think all these things are great and should be recognized for what they were, people who made it through a struggle which they were dropped in the middle of, not by choice.

But what is happening is that younger generations and even the children of some of these survivors are saying hey she did it without a man so that’s what I WANT to do, or its not so bad if I have to do XYZ without a man. Some women are choosing to do things that only 1 generation ago were things women were fighting to avoid. And we all know that these things are possible, but folks need to realize that all things that are possible are not the best things to do. (This idea applies to younger generations in many ways other than just relationships. We all see many things done today that our ancestors struggled against. but since this topic is about relationships roll with it please…)

A lot of women have this mindset that they don’t need a man, so why should they inconvenience their daily routine by actually having to be considerate of someone else. Its pretty much just selfishness in its purest form. But hey if it works for you keep on keeping on. I ain’t trying to change nobody.. i was just sayin’

By Leggs

September 15, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

HAPPY B-DAY M’KARYL

PurpleOne, your post was right on target. Although I don’t necessarily believe in marriage anymore, I do not want to grow old alone. However, this just might be case. Can’t look into the future, but presently the pickings are slim! I’d like to know that there’s someone physically in my corner who has my back and I has his.

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

jmo

it’s not natural for anyone to be single/solo. a single personal will always feel that there’s something missing. when you’re going to bed alone, eating dinner alone for example, that’s when you’ll feel it the most. it’s ok to live the fabulous life as a single women temporarily, but later you trying to convince yourself you don’t need a man isn’t cute. the bottom line is both men and women has gotten selfish. until women start catering more to men and men stop feeling like it’s over after marriage, we all will still be single 10 yrs from now.

also i blame society. today we need two paychecks in the home. to have a MORE healthy marriage, home, kids, the mother should be a homemaker. no! you are not a homemaker having a full-time job and going to school full-time. i believe that if it was that way now, like leave it to beaver, 95% of us on this blog will be on lock down. it gives the man the sense of being needed, etc.

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Troddentrails

If you are not considered “attractive”, it doesn’t much matter how your life-ledger looks.

So many people I know whose life is in complete and utter SHAMBLES get someone (sometimes a LOT of someones) to care about them because they are somewhat attractive. This is the way life works and a way so many people try to deny.

It is a survival of the fittest and prettiest - and your value as a potential mate, to a large extent, is tied to this.

By DasV

September 15, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Raqi men settle for those of us who are not at peace with ourselves and are still ‘pie in the sky’ struck. who dress to impress on the premise that less is more…. unfortunately they never meet us who are intergrated and matured, because we live beyond the clubs and city nightlife. we arent home with cats and quilts though either. we are the beaches of camaroon and riding through the outback on safari..we are at world market purchasing cloth to cover vintage seats at our beachfront, vacation homes…etc etc.

Dan and willie its not a matter of convincing yourselves that being alone is ok… it is ok. society would have you believe that it is not ok and that you have to settle in order to fit the ‘norm’. it results in dsyfuncitional relationships, marriages, children and society. we ought to all learn to wait until 1 we are mature and well-rounded to 2 meet and procreate with a mature and well-rounded individual. you cannot say ‘i love you’ without first defining ‘I’. to do otherwise is to settle IMO

By Dan

September 15, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

@Beautiful

I don’t blame society, I blame me.

I was the one dogging and stringing along good and decent women.

I was the one so focused on my pockets that I forgot what was necessary for the rest of my life.

@Leon

^5 well said!

Why would anyone sign up for the struggle..?

By Annie

September 15, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

I’m recently single again and I’m the eternal single one in my group, the one who gets the sympathetic glances at family functions. The one who’s the last to hear about engagements & pregnancies, in case I’ll get upset.

I never wanted marriage or kids. I’d do a lot better with the pressure from my parents to “settle down”.

I’m in my early 30’s and have accepted that life won’t change much from the way it is now. I’ll do the dating thing and the relationship thing again I’m sure, but sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth the hassle, when I’m left with heartbreak after things end.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Somebody touched on this earlier, but why is it that women often refuse to believe that a guy is not dating multiple women or trying to be a “playa” ? Over the years I would say that about half of the women I have gone out with who did ask about other women, or asked what I wanted in a relationship gave off the impression that they really did not believe that they were the only person i was dating. I wonder how many women have written me or other decent dudes off because they think that we were doing more than we actually are. At the times in my life when I was seeing multiple people I would be truthful, but those times were few. I typically only date one woman at a time. Are some women thinking all guys are trying to play them, or are these women actually seeing multiple people and they assume that you are too??? hmmm… But all this ties back into just being honest… people who are not honest often have the most reason to be suspicious of others.

By The Truth

September 15, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Trodden I am told by all the married and completely unavailable men that I am great catch and if they were single they would be all over me. This is like the guy that tells a woman if she were his he’d do so and so. Then she leaves the one she’s with to go to the new guy and he does the exact same thing the old guy did. LOL Btw, that “pass the batteries” is hilarious. LMAO

Lady Kung fu congrats on your promotion. When you get your black belt I’m going to hire you to take out blog hits on some of these folks. LOL

Slim I’m glad you got called back.

By layla james

September 15, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

I will be 38 this coming Sunday. Been divorced for 15 years as of last Sunday. Spent the first 10 years after my divorce looking for a replacement daddy for my then 7 month old as my ex thought divorce meant me and the kid. Was excruciating and a big waste of my time. I could have had a V-8. Was suffering, angry and hurt and really in no shape to date, but felt I needed a man to be happy and certainly my child needed a daddy. Much of that feeling of needing to be joined was born of coming from a family of lifers (people married actually til death), and mama’s and daddy’s, my 6 aunties’ and 3 uncles’ continuous questioning of when I was going to give marriage another try. The other part of my pitiful quest was born of low self esteem and the idea that a man validated my attractiveness. I took a lot of mess I shouldn’t have and damn near ruined myself.

Now, I am happy to say that I’ve come back from the brink of disaster with most of my faculties in tact and an understanding of what a great life I have. I now ponder each relationship carefully as I realize the gift I have in my singleness. I realize that I shun all serious pursuits of relationships because frankly, I’m scared as hell of making a decision that could so alter my safe life. Plus I’m too busy being a single mom to commit to anything outside of a casual date right now.

And I do love going on a good date. There’s nothing like getting dressed up and conversing with a good smelling, articulate, well dressed, chocolate, (or vanilla) man with his stuff in order. Makes me giddy just thinking about it. However, there’s also equally nothing like curling up with a good book or a good movie, a margarita and take out from Outback while the son is out for the evening with his boys or being in absolute silence, which is a great gift when a 15 year old male is your roommate.

Unfortunately/fortunately, I’ve become as non committal and picky in my old age as most of the men I used to date. I know what I want in a mate. I have a very clear picture also of my flaws and what I have to offer. I’m not sure I want to inflict myself on anyone either.

I’m not trading in my life for less because it’s good and only destined to get better. I won’t rule out love, but I know the numbers are not on my side.

Thankfully the kid thing is done so I don’t have that to contend with. However, I question the decision to become a parent as I daily attempt to wrestle my child from the clutches of TPain, TI and all the other rappers who have taken over my household. I want to take his IPOD and smash it. I envy those of you who don’t have to get up every morning to Lil Wayne moaning about lickin somebody like a lollipop, or is is vice versa and hot behind girls leaving explicit messages on his cell phone. I am exhausted. Sorry for the long post especially being new and all, but I needed to vent. I’m looking forward to being single and living alone…sounds good to me! Damn, was I even on topic?

By Dan

September 15, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

@Das

I agree with defining the I. Right on for that ish.

But, question: while there is no I in Team, there is a “me”, and at a certain point, isn’t the team concept preferable?

And if it was “ok” to be single…why is it when ladies and men brag about their accomplishments being single is the first (and often most lamented) on the list?

If it’s “ok” why is being single not what single people most often want?

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

dan my post were geared more towards the women. did you have a good w/e in vegas?

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

@abc…I didn’t say she was never married…maybe married very young and divorced very young and was ‘left’ with said child(ren) and man was ghost and didn’t pay child support and she hadn’t gone to college trying to have a family and had to go back and get degree with family…it happens. I don’t believe your statement is true regardless…Some people make choices early on to have a child and have it totally together with family support and such and have a balance and like I mentioned, she waited to date ‘after’ her child(ren) were grown…so she was late 30’s what does that have to do with “attract an optimally suited man, anyway” at that stage? He probably has grandkids himself by then.

By Dan

September 15, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

@Leon

I thought of this answer this weekend.

When questioned about my single status by a woman that I was speaking with, (she accused me of having a relationship somewhere) “you can’t be single”

My reply: “Why can’t I just be comfortable being me?”

Here’s the difference Leon, when a person is single he finds a comfort with himself that exudes the appearance of happiness (often taken for being in a relationship). Too often, though, when a woman is single, there a visible hole missing and you can see in her visage, her posture, everything about her. Disclaimer: these are generalities..

Once one truly become content in whatsoever state they are in, it shows, brother, it shows.

By troddentrails

September 15, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Why do you automaticlly assume that i am possibly unattractive? I am fit and I am together and I get told how attractive I am all the time. I don’t think I am unattractive, but maybe i am. :-(

By Dan

September 15, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

@Beautiful

Yes ma’am…in fact, I’m still having a good weekend in Vegas….even back at work

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

I have been doing a quick perusal through the comments on topic today…one thing we all have to realize is that those of us born from 1960 forward have come of age in on of the most extreme gender and relationship paradigm shifts in the last 100 years…truly.

The value, view and viable options for both men and women have changed so drastically post-60’s in comparison to the previous era of gender/relationship expectations…so many factors have greatly influenced the choices available to us: the Vietnam war, the social rights movements, the post-divorce culture, the number of working women, as well as the fact that women can get credit in their own name (this was not so until mostly in the 70’s), out of wedlock births, the pill, name it…there are many dynamics that have impacted on how we perceive ourselves and our options…my mother nor my grandmother would have fathomed being 48 and never married, and with a child to boot…my daughter is 25, living in Chicago by herself…not married…my mother would have never imagined such an option possible without a stigma against her reputation…once upon a time the rules were explicitly written…and whether or not you agreed with them…you played by them anyway…that is what was expected…well, that has changed…and as with all changes, the law of unexpected/unintentional consequences exist…why are so many more ppl single today…because we have more options…and nothing is like it used to be.

By Raqi

September 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

So DasV you are saying that married women and men alike are flawed insignificant individuals who have settled for a less than standard life?

Marriageable = Substandard these days, huh??? smh

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

@Leggs

Thanks love…and to e’erbody else case I missed someone.

SlimOne Ain’t that some shyte…lmao…uh-huh…good to see you here today…I thought you good thoughts all weekend…peace

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

The whole single parent thing is a huge problem… it leaves little boys who don’t know how to 1. become the man that knows how to treat a woman 2. do the things a man should do for his family and it leaves little girls who don’t know how to 1. treat a man, 3. Let a man be a man and do what he is supposed to do.

Also to a certain degree it can breed the disdain that many women have towards men, probably because so many single mothers curse every man who walketh the earth (in front of their daughters). THere is soooo much more to ba said but I will leave it at this high level because we could go on about htis topic for weeks, I am sure.

Dan that’s a good point, I have heard so many people claim that they enjoy being single, but at the same time I never hear anybody say they want to be single… forever. AS in this blog folks succumb to the idea, or they get to the point where they accept the “fact” that they will be single, so it sounds to me like satisfaction with being single is a condition that one must accept, therefore its kind of like giving up hope… and we all know that once hope is lost the game is over… All you happily single folks, do you prefer to be single forever? & How much convincing of yourself would it take to give someone a chance if they appeared to be a good match? Or are you dedicated to being single until death?

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Disclaimer - I agree with most of abc’s 10:13, NOT his 10:35!

Dan - I was just answering 2 of the questions you put forth in your post. Again, I feel these ladies are just making the best of what they admit is a less-than-their-ideal situation. I say “their ideal” because if they did not want marriage & a family, there would be no point in discussing it. But life is not always fair. Even when you think you’re doing everything right, life can throw a curve in the best-laid plans.

For example, back in the day, the only careers we saw most women in were teaching and nursing. Neither career interferred much with a husband & kids. Now the whole world is open to women! How do you tell a little girl that she can be whatever she wants to be, but she’ll have to put that career 2nd in her life if she wants a husband & kids? What MLL said is true - career women get married, they know how to seperate the two. But how do you teach that?

What you prioritize in life speaks volumes about the life you want to lead. I totally agree with you on this. I had to find a man that would put a relationship & family as a priority. I also learned quite awhile ago that the career & money, while nice, don’t mean as much to me if I have to go home to an empty house the rest of my days or have no companion or kids to share them with(but that’s me, to each his own).

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Beau is 38. If I am willing to hang on a couple of years, I might be able to lock him down. Isn’t that a love story? LOL

I met another 38 year old this weekend. Divorced with two kids, 6 and 3. I don’t often meet men with kids since I tend to attract those toxic bachelors. I didn’t run for the hills, but I’m already wary.

I met a delightful young guy at this gala I attended this weekend. Charmer indeed. He invited me to “hang” after the gala. I of course thought it meant booty call since it was late. But I went against my gut and went anyway. We had a lovely time at this afterhour spot and he bought me a rose from the rose lady. Sweet. I think he has a girlfriend back home tho. Just a feeling.

There is this guy at church that I had noticed and never spoken to until yesterday. He’s also delightful and is that kind of corny square dude I go for. I think I want to get to know him better.

I don’t know why I just posted all this. I guess it’s just to illustrate what the pickens are like after a weekend out. LOL

By DasV

September 15, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Layla ok .. why am i laughing at your struggle with the TI and Tpain and yo child struggle??… its cause i am having the same struggle as well. (i barely knew that they were two different rappers… i watched the VMAs in shock. did you know that one of them has a ph.d? i know cause my son argued his case for not judging a book by its cover and why he should be allowed to sag his pants and not play into societys conventional rules for the youth, yada yada.) stick to your struggle, mommi. your hard work will pay off in the end.

Dan most definitely. when coming together with another person, the team concept is the only concept. but each of us wouldve had to put in the work and develop our skill level individually before making the attempt or its destine to fail before we even begin. thats what i mean by defining the ‘I’.

i don’t lament the fact that i am a single mother. cause i happen to know that the skills that i have learned to tweak or have had to acquire on my lonesome journey will serve my mate well in our union. any man that laments his being alone (fond memories of darrell) would not pique any interest on my part. anyone not happy wit the cards they dealt will lose the game. i dont want that type of potna.

its ok to be single if you have not settled for less than what you deserve. not talking about perfection in a mate either. being single is not ok for the person who does not know what he/she wants and/or deserves….. ultimately who he/she is. anyone who knows anything about themselves will be quick to tell you… ‘i can do bad all by myself’… or ‘id rather be alone than in some ish wit mr.feel or look good’

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Dammit, y’all are writing novels up in here. Making it hard to catch up!

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Troddentrails

My point is that a lot of people have a lot to offer, but sometimes are discounted because they don’t have the “look” some people desire.

Hey, it’s been done to me and I have done it. I’ve felt bad about doing it, but ultimately felt I could get better. But I knew the person was a good person. But the pleasure or lure of the flesh got me.

Happens to a lot of people.

By Poppa Grande

September 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Good Morning..all

Raqi

Well said.

We are meant for each other.

Willie Dynamite

At what point does a serious self introspection come into play?

I agree with that also. If you have failed relationship after failed relationship, you have to look at the common denominator at some point. Who was involved in all to the failed relationships….you? This goes for both genders.

abc

I agree with your post also.

Priorities matter. If my lady didn’t make me a priority and I didn’t make her a priority, then we’d be more like roommates than spouses.

The unhappy marriages and divorces come about because priorities aren’t in the correct order for either one or both of the people in the marriage.

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

@ m’karyl, you summed it up…period. End of discussion.

By Leggs

September 15, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

laylaj, you were very much on topic and I like your post. Welcome! We vent very well on this blog.

LeonP, single parenting is a huge problem no matter how you look at. Someone is losing on both ends. However, it is imperative that we teach our sons and daughters how to live the best life we can offer. There isn’t any negativity around my child when it comes to her father. I do not put down men in front of her. Heck, I don’t really put men down. I just know what I know and I keep it to myself.

Now going into my meeting

By Poppa Grande

September 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

Kimmie

That career should be second to her family.

The same goes for me as well, though.

I put my wife before more job. How loyal are jobs/careers? Look at the unemployment rates? Employers aren’t looking out for you.

For example, Do you know what Congress did last week? A BIPARTISAN bill was introduced to create nearly 500 million new work visas. We have many American citizens looking for a job, but they are trying to allow more non citizens to get jobs here.

Most men aren’t gonna stand for being second fiddle to some job that doesn’t really care about you in the long run. If you make it clear that your priority is such then most men will keep it moving at some point. Either before a marriage or during the marriage.

By spill

September 15, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

well said Leon about the single parent phenomenon. I am not blaming anyone. But we as adults have to learn how to stay together after baby comes.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@ARed

Chirl…best get your speed read on honey…lol.

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

some women need to rethink what brings them true happiness

i just read this from friday. ms. thang, just cause my definition of happiness doesn’t sit close to yours does not make it wrong. what you need to do is be realistic with yours. wait … aren’t you single like i am?

By Star1

September 15, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

How wonderful. Glad I have no desires to be married or have crumb-snatchers. This isnt every womans dream.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

A woman who finds herself never married and childless in her 40’s simply didn’t have making a home life as a priority

abc, how can you make it a priority w/out appearing desperate though? Personally, I do have a career, but I’d walk away from it to raise a family.

I was watching the that preview for “Real Housewives of Atlanta” and I wondered to myself how those ladies positioned themselves to find rich men. I think they went the ho route, though, cuz they are skanky!

I’m not willing to do just anything, but I’m not afraid to admit I’d love a solid marriage!

By troddentrails

September 15, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

Binford-

That is the problem…I dont have a problem with men wanting my flesh…they just don’t want anything else. I am tired of men who can’t thing outside of their pants. If NOT jumping into bed with every person that desires my flesh, does that make me unattractive? I need a man that desires me for me…not that I am great in bed…which for the record I could get references if necessary. I just can’t understand why men think dating doesn’t require more effort than “hey you wanna meet me at the bar and watch the game”…then proceed to hit on me and can’t understand why I am not interested. I don’t need a man, but I would love to meet a really nice fellow, get married and have a child before my biological clock springs. I would settle for a man that likes the look of me, enjoys my company, would liek to accompany me to functions, have fun together and goes to a movie every now and then. It isn’t like I am ralling for marriage…just companionship. Oh well.

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

m’karyl - I once dated this guy whose mother had a problem with me being unmarried and living on my own. She was super-old school!! She thought that it was not proper for a single female to be living on her own and not living with her parents until she was married! Her son was a real mama’s boy too and she used to call him all times of day & night when he was over at my apartment. We were both late 20s-early 30’s! I had never come across anything like that before! We broke up and he found a lady that would take care of him. His younger sister is late 30’s now, with CPA & good job and STILL LIVES AT HOME!

By DasV

September 15, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

raqi where did i say that?? sMh IMO people too often do not define themselves… they enlist someone else to do that for them. i think that is flawed… granted we all mature at varying rates and degrees, so there are those of us that could pull it off at an early age. we live in a different world than what it once was. our mothers arent at home with milk and cookies and they dont have us in the kitchen as they prepare a hot meal for dinner at six. and they arent home donning socks and ironing daddies shirts all day either. their home responsibilities have drastically changed and we’ve been left (albeit a good option) to forge for ourselves our own identities… because we are no longer defined by the crust we bake. but that has left us with a void …. a black hole, an empty definition of what to look for in a man. we no longer need him to change our oil or bring home the bacon…. and likewise, they are confused on what to look for in us… BettyCrocker Easy Bake and Serve has taken our places. i think it all goes back to us defining ourselves and becoming self-sufficient and individually defined. because none are perfect there will be some omissions to our cipher…. and we will see who best we fit to ‘join’. hope that makes more sense

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

kimmie career women get married, they know how to seperate the two. But how do you teach that? I don’t think you have to teach that, you have to lead by example for your own kids, and if possible reach out and expose yourself to other young ladies in the community. Kids learn more by example than anything… you can teach children till you are blue in the face, but its that one time they catch you slipping and all that you taught them goes out the window. Just like successful men are encouraged to reach out to young men, women have to be involved as well (not saying that women don’t mentor kids, but I think from what I see there is a bigger push for men to do so).

But on another level family should always come first, we do have to pay the bills but there is always a way to keep the lights on and have a strong family unit, just takes some thinking and creativity. And I do not think its all on the women, men can and from what I can tell have been getting more involved in the raising of children. But in many cases women feel like its their job and they don’t feel comfortable letting the man be more involved in the day to day business of taking care of the kids.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

I am told by all the married and completely unavailable men that I am great catch and if they were single they would be all over me.

Trodden, you should ask those unavailable men to fix you up with one of their single friends. Like minded individuals tend to run in the same circles.

By layla james

September 15, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

@DasV—No sagging allowed. Cant stand it. I cannot understand how a child who is an honor roll student, speaks french, lives in a safe suburban neighborhood, blows standardized tests off the charts and was raised in the church could be so enthralled by these people! We gotta keep up the good fight.

On topic…or somewhere thereabout…I think single people are not settling for their singleness. I think we just realize that life does not begin at I do. Those of us who are divorced and have gotten help thru the process probably realize this moreso than others. Life begins when we say so. I see so many of my friends who are so sad because they are waiting for a wedding day that may not ever come. They live a fragmented existence, framing every hope around finding that person. Their every conversation is laced with hopes and dreams of being married. Ive seen so many of them throw themselves under the relationship bus for the sake of having “a pair of britches” as someone called it earlier, only to end up right alongside me later on as I steadily trod along. I feel for that group…those who especially want kids and want to wait for Mr. Right to have them. There’s no easy answer for that and again, I say “Glory” that that part of my life is nearing its end. Hallelujah!

But for those of us who have been thru the fire, we know the beauty of what we’ve been given. I feel I have a chance to get to know myself and make myself worthy and ready for God’s best. I am thankful for this time and I’m going to be very selfish and diligent with getting my dreams accomplished and loving the Lord and myself.

However, I also am cool with rooting my friends on who are lucky and blessed to find love, hold their babies that they are having later in life, and happily kiss said babies and give them back as my 15 year old and i hop in the car and discuss what we are going to do for the evening while I teach him how to drive.

By tom

September 15, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

One thing is when I lived in Buckhead in the 90’s you had these girls who were hot but were looking for a rich dude. Well it never happened and now they are pushing 40 and single. They are getting what they deserve. Girls get ugly as they age unlike guys. Most guys who keep themselves in shape would pick a younger girl any day of the week. So let this be a lesson to the younger girls, if there is a dude only making $50k, give hime a chance, you never know what might happen.

By Poppa Grande

September 15, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

AR

Those reality shows aren’t good comparisons to real life. They have writers and such.

With that said, I do know one of those ladies and I have to agree that she went the h*e route. It just so happens that her baby daddies are pro athletes…hmmm.

She is sweet as honey, but more than a little crazy.

One more thing: how can you make it a priority w/out appearing desperate though?

That answer will vary depending on the guy that you are dealing with. However, I noticed my wife’s craftiness. She sewed, she cook some darn good blueberry pancakes from scratch, her apartment was spotless, and knitted almost anytime we were just sitting around shooting the shyt. She was being herself, and I could see that she had the survival skills of a homemaker if need be. I don’t ask to be one, but she still does that stuff. She learned from her parents and grandparents the stuff that a degree at any college won’t give ya. (She has 3 degrees and currently working on a 4th). So it can be done. I am a witness.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

I was the one dogging and stringing along good and decent women

Dan brings up a point. What is a decent woman to do in situations like these? Cuz any woman with a good dose of self-esteem can only tolerate this for so long. But on the flip side, eventually these guys get it together to be great husbands and fathers.

So what is a girl to do?

By Dan

September 15, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

@Trodden

Married men deal with mostly other married men, it’s likely that they wouldn’t know anyone for you.

@Leon

Again ^5! If a man can work and raise his kids (abc & Demi) where has the world gone wrong if women are asking for guidance on this subject.

Where are the Big Mama’s? that’s right back in the club at 49 trying to get it….

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

*troddentrails * Just a friendly FYI…. your screen name does not exactly impart images of a good looking woman… frankly trodden trails causes me to have other thoughts.. but I am just saying…. we still cool right???

But some dudes don’t know anything or can’t afford anything other than hanging out at a bar… I mean I know dudes who don’t go anywhere where they can’t go in jeans and a t-shirt or whatever. They are comfortable at a sportsbar so that’s where they go, that’s where they date, that’s where they hang out with friends…

Some dudes just don’t put much effort into dating so bars are perfect.. if you don’t work out they just swivel the stool around and holla at the chick to the right… LoL

But I am different I pretty much will invite a woman to go anywhere I feel like going, if we go out on a Sunday or Monday during football season, it will probably be a bar… LoL ( and Sat too if GA or Ga. Tech are on the tube) BUt other than that I go a variety of places, and with me either you will love it or hate it. when I lived in FL I used to go fishing, some chicks loved it, some hated it, when I was in Va. Beach I went hiking and to the beach, some chick loved it, some hated everything outdoors, Up here in DC I go to museums and art galleries, most chicks hate it so far… but oh well. If you can’t enjoy doing what I do we don’t need to see each other during daylight hours… holla at me after 9pm(but before 1am, unless you plan on driving over)

By Hotlanta

September 15, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Beautiful there are alot of married people who feel lonely. Why is it that when people say they are happy being single, folks act like they are lying when you have a lot of people who say they are happily married and everybody goes AWWWWW. But this same person who told you they are happily married is miserable inside and told you that to keep up apperances. Then the minute they are divorced or having problems they are the first one’s to say “I thought she/they was happy”. I am happy/single and like Fantasia from that song Color Purple, I’M HERE.

By Hotlanta

September 15, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Beautiful there are alot of married people who feel lonely. Why is it that when people say they are happy being single, folks act like they are lying when you have a lot of people who say they are happily married and everybody goes AWWWWW. But this same person who told you they are happily married is miserable inside and told you that to keep up apperances. Then the minute they are divorced or having problems they are the first one’s to say “I thought she/they was happy”. I am happy/single and like Fantasia from that song Color Purple, I’M HERE.

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Troddentrails

Well, guys that are willing to jump in the sack right away - well, I won’t bag on ‘em, but a lot of guys don’t roll that way.

To my point, I knew a girl with a wandering eye and she could never get a date because it creeped people out. Seriously. I know it’s such a trivial thing - but that’s how easily she was discounted.

That’s the kind of thing I was saying - focusing on flaws instead of the good.

If you are a good looking person who has it all together then it is baffling why you can’t stir up interest.

Take lessons from AR, she is a shameless self-promoter ;p KIDDING AR!

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Rev. Run’s Daily word today fits this topic *Good morning. 5 enemies of perseverance are… #1… A lifestyle of giving up

#4… A lack of Resiliency #5… A lack of vision —From the book: Talent Is Never Enough by John C. Maxwell

God is Love Rev Run*

By The Truth

September 15, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

tom that 1152 post sounded so much like you were trying to get revenge for not getting the girls in the 90’s. Question? Is a girl that wants a guy for money any worse than a man that wants a woman because she’s young and pretty?

By Dan

September 15, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

@ARed

I wish I could tell ya.

At the point that I was at ‘em, one of my best friends was a good and decent and single man. It took a woman that actively pursued him for him to get married.

He was the male version of the oft quoted female line: too hurt to trust.

His wife, babysis, is fantastic. She was always in orbit but got to the point where she had to crash into my boy for him to see her.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m afraid if that dude was single for so long…it kinda scares me about my status.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

All you happily single folks, do you prefer to be single forever?

Leon, I’d prefer to be married, but I understand I don’t have sole control over that decision.

The last two folks I know who got married did it because the girl got knocked up. I also won’t be doing the proposing either. There are only certain lengths you should go thru to get a husband.

Poppa Grande, as always, thanks so much for your advice. It’s appreciated! I do admit when at home I “do me.” And that doesn’t always mean I’m suzy homemaker. There is this bookshelf that I bought months ago that still needs assembly. Any guy who is over my house regularly will probably feel some kind of way about that, but of course he can always offer to put it together!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Take lessons from AR, she is a shameless self-promoter ;p KIDDING AR!

binford, get with the times. I stopped all that long ago. :o)

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

no one really should comment on this topic, because every1 is an individual and individuals tend to think diff. but one can’t deny what God put in them. and that’s the desire to have a life long mate.

and to respond to your post, hotlanta. that person doesn’t know me. if she did, she would know that it doesn’t take much for me to be happy, smile, satisfied. i should change my moniker to plain jane.

By abc

September 15, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

AR, give up the defensiveness incumbent with the notion that one needs to avoid ‘appearing to be desperate’. That ‘desperate’ thing is a phenomenon of modern attitudes, it’s mostly contrived.

If you want something, make it known. If what you want runs a man off, that was the wrong man. Otherwise, you’re fishing with a bare hook.

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

saying i’m happy being single and i don’t mind living my life alone is someone who is trying to stay positive and strong, but really isn’t.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Good morning blog fam!

I’ve been lurking this morning. Quick question for the group…

Somewhat on topic…

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

I don’t agree with the following, but many guys have expressed these points… - Sex is freely distributed so there is no need to purchase a license (ring) for it. - If a man marries then cheating is considered adultery. If not, it’s just the nature of a man! - Marriage can result in giving up half of everything if it doesn’t work out, but remaining in a non-marital relationship is not as impactful.

Hmmmm…

On topic…

You cannot achieve fulfillment within a relationship until you achieve fulfillment individually. Otherwise, you are seeking to be made whole by another human being which is impossible. Relationships are successfully made by two individuals who have a sense of wholeness independently. Otherwise, we will continue to see a trend of marriages resulting in divorces.

There is no need for anyone desiring marriage to settle for a mate. We’ve already seen the results of that in our society. However, your expectations have to be realistic in your search or else you’ll continue searching for someone who doesn’t exist.

By arkansas1

September 15, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Hello beautiful people!

I have a question for the career woman!

Do you put as much effort and hard work in qualifing and quantifing a man when it comes to dating?

My guess is probably not, a many of you get swept off their feet and thus comes the singleness!

It is true we must now ourselves first and what makes each person happy before someone else can add to your happiness!

Because when you have found you,someone will also find you!

By Blanca

September 15, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

kimmie I once dated this guy whose mother had a problem with me being unmarried and living on my own. She was super-old school!! She thought that it was not proper for a single female to be living on her own and not living with her parents until she was married! You’re 11:41 post has me cracking up! If I still lived at home I would never have been able to move and pursue my career, or learn who I am and what I really like. I’m pretty sure my parents would’ve pushed me out the door by 21 anyway! Fly baby bird, fly! ;)

By Willie Dynamite

September 15, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

Layla I cannot understand how a child who is an honor roll student, speaks french, lives in a safe suburban neighborhood, blows standardized tests off the charts and was raised in the church could be so enthralled by these people Come on, some of THESE PEOPLE happen to do and be all of the above along with being able to rhyme. Dont be naive. Sounds a little elitist to me. I understand but jus saying!!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

abc, well alrighty then. LOL.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed I have been reading and researching spritiaul and metaphysical topics lately and there seems to be a general consensus in those circles that your thoughts, will, desires, etc. play a 100% role in how your life turns out. Meaning if you believe you will be single, or you believe men are bad, or you believe that you will never find “the one” then those things will be true in your life… Is there hard evidence to support this belief system… maybe, maybe not.. but I can definitely say that my experiments with changing the way I think have worked wonders.
This also ties into what I am going to say to Beautiful and I don’t want to argue about religion today, but I can’t believe that God would put sexual creatures on Earth with the intent to be single, all the creatures meant to be single were created with both sets of sexual organs and they can pro-create alone, or they have no sexual organs and they multiply by division. Humans fall into neither category. I don’t think God can be blamed on our personality traits that develop due to experiences we have on Earth, there is somebody for everybody but you just may be overlooking them due to the packaging, preconceptions, or stubbornness (or some other factor). Discalimer this was not a personal attack on you, Like Justice Scalia said on 60 minutes last night ” I don’t attack people I attack Ideas, and some very good people just have some bad ideas.”

By Chink

September 15, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

Afternoon guys…

Funny I was on Marta this morning thinking if something were to happen to me who would get my daughter…I was stricken with fear than the thought occured to me I dont want to be alone forever..I want a companion. I want to share my life with a man. I dont think that makes ne weak but I do understand I can’t do it all by myself.

All of my relationships have ended because I took the step to leave…I dont regret it but I realize that I am a runner..when it gets too hard. In the same token I have been more stronger than the men I dated now its time for me to step it up a notch.

My journey now is looking for balance. I think I am more sure of what I want ..I know it wont be easy. I also know I dont want to subscribe to single forever not just yet …by the way you can find love at 60 so anything is possible..if you are open to it!

I am in love everyday with me <—it starts there…I just want to share it my family

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

Poppa - You are so right, these jobs don’t give a flip about you. If you die tomorrow, they’ll send flowers to your funeral & have someone else in your seat the next day. Or, they just won’t replace you at all - downsize! My mom actually used to talk about how you need to find other sources of joy in your life than a job. She told me about an uncle who worked for years at one of the big auto makers in Detroit. He was cheap and treated his wife & kids like dirt and never enjoyed his money. He pulled a big fat retirement and died a few months later. She told me many stories just like that. Family always needs to come before that career!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

KP, yes this is another attitude us women encounter. Those toxic bachelors. Though I can’t say the question is NOT valid though.

Brad and Angelina appear to be healthier in unwedded bliss than they ever were with their spouses. Go figure.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 15, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Good day Blogville! This topic is so me…except moving to Africa…or being in my fourties. But have stuck a fork in it a while ago. I have come to love being single and alone too much to add a relationship to mess that up. I LOVE being independent!

Das V * think its wonderful that women are not settling just to have a man. that we have evidence that we can be self-sufficient, financially independent, grounded and at peace without the need to have someone by our side to complete our circle is beautiful.* I co-sign! There are still some weak women out there who feel they must have a man instead of loving what is thier most prized possesion…themselves!

MLL Awwwww love is so beautiful, when you’re in love everything is just perfect. Yeah then comes the debilitating crash when it’s over! No thanks! That waiting for the other shoe to drop causes panic attacks and anxiety for me. No need for it. I don’t need somebody to grow old with…I will get there wiht or wihtout someone if God so chooses to leave me here that long. Heck…born alone and will die alone!

Slim Did you charge them double for your paiin and suffereing? See God don’t like Ugly! LOL Speaking of…I feel sorry for the State of TX…even though the worst theing ever came from it….the Bush family! LOL But I do not have sympathy for those who stayed when they evacuated people! Did you NOT learn from Katrina just 3 mere years ago? I don’t care how broke I am …if 10 of us got to share a room and ride 6 to a car to get out of town I am out! Staying is only going to strand me or kill me! Duh!

Old No. 7 The reason I can’t find a man is because I am not looking and and don’t want them looking for me!

Hotlanta I will be happy to be forever single because I am not married to men like Kwane Kilpatrick/Bill Campbell/John McCain/Newt Gingrich/Guiliani/Bill Clinton/John Edwards and Willie Gary Girl I will throw you a party for that one! LOL

Troddentrials Why is it that I have no problem atracting a man who wants to get up my skirt, but can’t attract a man who really wants me? Story of my life sista!

Annie I never wanted marriage or kids. I’d do a lot better with the pressure from my parents to “settle down”. I am glad that I have never been the one to cave to pressure. I rfuse to get hotched or pop out brats just because people think I am supposed too. There is nothing wrong with me because I am not longing to be a wife and mom. I have things that I think are more important to me.

Layla Welcome back girl! LOL I agree..dates are fun. I just do not want any comittal attachments! Heck I can pay for myself..that way the dude does not think he is deserving of the goods. No, you go back to your crib and I will go back to mine. You want to continue the convo..call me or we can continue tomorrow in a public place! LOL

Star1 Are you my sista from another Mista? LOL We think alike.

By layla james

September 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

@willie I understand that THOSE PEOPLE clearly live a whole lot better than my son and I do. Kids go to woodward etc…because they dont even live what they sing about but make their living spewing filth that our children soak up like Bounty paper towels. I’m simply saying that they do not espouse the values that I have tried to teach him over the years. His life looks nothing like the things that they glorify in their ‘rhymes’…Not naive about the intelligence and clear business saavy of some of these people. im very clear about the erosion that occurs in the minds of our young people everytime they plug into that filth. Not all of it’s bad…but most of what I hear is terrible. There has to be a better use of a gift or talent.

By lovelyliz

September 15, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Our course there are less than perfect but still good guys out there, but when they are in hiding…………….

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

I have been reading and researching spritiaul and metaphysical topics lately and there seems to be a general consensus in those circles that your thoughts, will, desires, etc. play a 100% role in how your life turns out

Leon, I don’t doubt this. However, I will say that I have been “ready” to marry since college. I grew up in households with lasting marriages. I don’t shy away from that fact.

I do, however, believe that not everyone is lucky enough to find the one they are meant for at 22 or whatever age you chose to settle down. I’m 30, and I’m not worried but I’m definitely aware.

I guess I gotta find a guy who’s mean as me, but with a good heart at the end of it all. LOL

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

KP You cannot achieve fulfillment within a relationship until you achieve fulfillment individually. Otherwise, you are seeking to be made whole by another human being which is impossible. Relationships are successfully made by two individuals who have a sense of wholeness independently.

Well the first line is the root of the problem, you should not seek fulfillment within a relationship…ever, as you say later you should be fulfilled individually, period. Even when you are fulfilled as an individual you still should not seek it in a relationship. Further, if having sex with one person forever is an issue then this person should not get married or they should marry someone cool with this idea.

arkansas1 I agree with you.. folks often jump into relationships far too soon. Now I am one who believes in sex as soon as both parties are comfortable, but at the same time in my mind having sex with someone you date does not immediately boot them up to the level of being in a committed relationship automatically. But lately I have found that women seem to think I am not interested or that I don’t like them as much as the like me since I have not tried to sleep with them during the first week or so. They never make a move per se but they are confused or offended that I did not make a move either…Its hard to find a woman who wants me for more than just my body… LoL Leggs, are you available? I like you, can you be my internet girlfrield??? LoL

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Old No. 7 ^5 for ur 10.10post…. abc u too bro…10.13 C the 1 u too mayne….10.08!!

i dnt knw what sme of u are writing but if u arent married by 38 to 40 u are a failure..there is no sugar coating!!!..in a world of so many billion pple,hw can somebody surely say they want to get married but cannot find anybody to get married to…i cld be married 10 times over right now if the law allowed it..i mean here in the states. Hot mess, i hate to be on ur case but for all those philandering men u cite,they are equally good men the wrld over,if not more that those u cite ..u just have to go out there and ull find them..,expand ur wrld view..and ull find there are good euros,africam,japanse,etc not just american blacks or whites.Misery luvs company and miserable wmen with no boyfriends or SO will always want to cite a failed marriage from smebody they know as a comforter and say men cheat thats why i dnt have any…a lame excuse indeed. And ladies..ALL MEN CHEAT…but u can have comfort in the illusion that ur man does not…ill give that to yu if that is what makes u happy!! Now go out there and find ur uncheating man..if eventually u find he does or did,keep that to urself,ur friends are not that interested in ur relationship anyway.Ur moma will tell u its the same with her marriage if u ask her.So plz,stop the whining.

Happy Birthday M’Karyl!!! Anybody lady a temporary O,lemme know….wl last a week, at least.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

i dnt knw what sme of u are writing but if u arent married by 38 to 40 u are a failure..there is no sugar coating!!!

LOL, well good thing this is not 30 years ago. Now I’ve got a good 8-10 more years to go before I’m a failure at marraige. LOL

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Staceye

Have I become your invisible man - really?

AR

You can’t even pull Brangelina in to anything - that’s about as far removed from reality as you can get. Both parties make millions and considered amongst the prettiest people on the planet. And, it’s so early in their game you can base anything on them. Millions of couples have a great couple of years.

Many men want to have a relationship where the goal is marriage. Most of us that do don’t going around like the salesman you women tend to want. There’s a lot of bravado and bullsh!t on this blog on both sides on this topic.

By Dan

September 15, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

@Leon

I’m trying to tell you…I’ll field test it sommore though, just to guage the reactions..

“Why can’t I just be happy with me?” Killin ‘em

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed I am not saying we should all be married by age 25.. Just that our attitude and what we surrender to does affect our outcome. Positive thoughts (and some effort on our part )about what you want will get you to where you want to be. You really can’t even have a place in your mind or heart to doubt that you will achieve the status that you want to have.

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

one they are meant for at 22 or whatever age you chose to settle down. u bring up a good point..for most wmen,its not up to u,its up to the competition.This thing has to be manage carefully and if u dnt,thats why u end up chasing men.Its harder for me to go to college at 45,it can happen but at that age,my chances of getting into the career that i luv starts to diminish because of family etc.The same way with marriage when u are a female.The problem is many of u were hoes in ur prime age and now at 30 u are deciding u wanna be married.u wont be forgiven so easily coz the guys have the numbers in their favor so they shop around.The moral is,if u wanna be married,target ur mate whislt still in high school,college..that kind of age and time…At 35,when u have sampled ur pudsy around the whole of ATlanta or whatever city and most guys know u,noone will want to be by u for the long term.Move to another twn,that may help but not a guarantee…..

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

Positive thoughts (and some effort on our part )about what you want will get you to where you want to be.

Leon - Again, I don’t disagree with you. I with this all day everyday. Heck, I got my dream job at 23.

So if the positive thoughts are present, I guess at the end of the day it’s all about timing.

By NY2GA, Inc.

September 15, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

i dnt knw what sme of u are writing but if u arent married by 38 to 40 u are a failure

I thought that this above^^^ was stupidest shyte I heard today. LOL. Then you followed up with-And ladies..ALL MEN CHEAT…but u can have comfort in the illusion that ur man does not…ill give that to yu if that is what makes u happy!!

Melo You’ve outdone yourself once again.SMH. Brothas need to call you to the carpet for that “all men cheat” comment. If a woman said the same thing they’d be all over her on this blog.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

At 35,when u have sampled ur pudsy around the whole of ATlanta or whatever city and most guys know u,noone will want to be by u for the long term.Move to another twn,that may help but not a guarantee

Hmm, melo, I guess it’s good that I won’t do more than 2 dycks per city then, huh? Does that improve my chances?

By abc

September 15, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

“All Men Cheat” is a line used pretty much exclusively by men who are cheaters. Certainly, not all men cheat. I would even go so far as to say that men who do cheat are proving a lack of maturity. They may be 40 and suffering from arrested development, and immature in that way — maturity has not necessarily to do with age. A mature person will realize the stupidity in straying from the one to which they’re they’re committed, and realize that the one that will participate with them isn’t worth the time and trouble.

Chicks that knowingly accomodate such BS deserve what they get. They should refuse to accept it, just as any man would (or should) refuse to accept it.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

Blog ladies…

Please excuse the previous outburst by Melo.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by Melo are not necessarily those of the blog men of MIA or men seeking successful marriages or men in general. Melo got a hold of some funny ‘stuff’ over the weekend and hasn’t recovered.

Please accept my apology on Melo’s behalf and keep the faith!

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

NY2GA, Inc that statement u quote is accurate for the most part,the older u are(38 +) the less likely u are to get married….by that age,its a wrap. On the cheating thing,i dnt have to argue with any wman or man who is married or anything,they just have to examine their marriage and get their own truth,in time..it wont be revealed to me or to u..which is what happens in most marriages….,u wont know the shenanigans unless u really close/tight.And evry marriage has shenanigans,trust me.Dont beleieve the hype about bliss blah blah blah….And i wanted to add that any marriage that divorces coz of issues,the parties are a failure too.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Well melo made me think about another discussion I have had recently. Why is it tat now days women in college have this idea that they are not “in college to find a man/husband” That is exactly what you are supposed to do in college. In college we have 4 years to play around, experiment, and before those 4 years are up shouldn’t we know what we want from a mate? I think some of us had too much fun and never got to the realization that the party has to end.. and we get stuck as the person left without a chair when the music stops playing. and next thing you know you’re 40 and single. I am not saying that we should focus more on dating than education, but finding a mate is still (or at least should be a major accomplishment of the college years).

The sole purpose of Ivy League schools was to create an environment where rich boy could meet rich girls without common people getting a chance to grab a mate with old money. That’s a huge part of why these Ivy League schools today have enough Endowment money saved up to have 100% free admission for every student for the next 100 years, but they still charge $50K per year just to keep the common folks(read middle class to poor) out of the Old Money gene pool.

By Chink

September 15, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

I agree with you 1:18 abc

You can only cheat if you have the opportunity to…guys kill me when they act like they dont know what self control is….

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

MELO-The realist, why is the assumption that everyone has been so sexual as they age? I’m almost 45 and never married and can say I’ve not been with more than 8 people over my lifetime (and I can say I did start in high school so I’ve been busy on and off for about 30 years)…I had a female friend mention because they’ve been married 20 years, with guy 22 yrs, that they can imagine all the dyck I’ve had and I’m like, hello, I’ve been in about 4 or 5 long term relationships that lasted at a minimum 2.5 years and longest 4 years and in between, I just dated without opening my legs! Hello, can we say abstinence? So, during that time right in or after college, I was not throwing the pudsy around the ATL. I went to an HBCU right here, school on ‘the yard’ and was at ‘the house’ often and met tons of fellows and simply did not give up the goods…that is a terrible assumption but maybe this comes from a younger generation?! And please know, I gots mad skills (cause I ain’t scurred and I’m grown and sexy) and loves that thang like the next woman but I have always valued my ‘thang’ in a way where it just wasn’t easy to get it, even if it was throbbing! But I guess keeping the numbers down didn’t help me get a husband huh?! LOL!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Please accept my apology on Melo’s behalf and keep the faith!

LOL. Thanks KP, and what really sucks is that he’s actually married.

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

abc

Spot on.

I’ve never cheated and really never found it difficult to do so. Have I broken up with a girlfriend knowing I was going to hook up with someone else that night - I have. But I did the right thing first and just said we’re done and that’s that.

These are the things as an adult that you do. You want to play like a child? Then go get you some Garanimals and play in the park.

Here’s a link: http://www.garanimals.com/

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Chicks that knowingly accomodate such BS deserve what they get. for a man to say that,thats very naive….no marriage wld survive if cheating was so open….. what i meant by that * all men cheat* statement is men and wmen, given a simiar opporunity to cheat,in a completely safe and discrete environment, wld approach the same situation in 2 completely different ways..a man is most likey to cheat if he knows none is looking and a woman will not.That has to be tested over a lifetime or the duration of the marriage tho.It is a general statement but for the most part,very true.You just have to be adult enough and knw tha nature of men as compared to wmen, to know and understand that!

By The Truth

September 15, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

KP you’ll never get an answer to your question on this blog. I’ve already asked.

Melo you’ve got me rolling on the floor again.

NY2GA why call him out on the floor. He’s right. Rating a guy on his faithfulness is like being mad at a bird for flying. Even if a dude is trying to be faithful when you put the pressure cooker on he’s going to start looking. I say it’s easier being faithful while single than when married. It’s just something about marriage that makes you want to find relief. Like past civilizations knew, we werent made to live in such close quarters. LOL For a guy to be faithful he has to really “WORK” at it.

By Chink

September 15, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

Melo

Your claims of being a realist I guess only pertains to your “life”. Moreover I think you are saying all this for shock and drama appeal.

Its sad what people say to get attention ..it has a little boy quality to it.

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

You can only cheat if you have the opportunity to… i answered this subsequent..u right… Purple One, i am not about to diagnize ur problem but maybe uneed to look at urself and see if anything u may have done etc or the vibe u projected has contributed to ur situation..it cld be anything but i was giving a general overview….U knw urself better… sucks is that he’s actually married...i enetered marriage with all my eyes open ared and nothing will surprsise me….i knw whats possible and if my marriage fails,i knw things happen but iam determined to make it work…..now comaprare that to most of u who are waiting for the perfect marriage with the perfect mate…..

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

Its sad what people say to get attention ..it has a little boy quality to it. there u go again,resorting to snides..ill let u occupy the high hoisted chair u crave…….

By SlimOne

September 15, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Truth & m’karyl Yeah we were actually obligated to work until today, 09/15. However, we just got an email stating that they may need us to come in the rest of the week, voluntarily of course. I need more details regarding $$, severance, etc before I commit to anything. Cuz if they not paying us extra in addition to our regular severance, it makes no dayum sense for me to waste gas to come in for something i’m already getting paid to stay at home for. I have to put premium in my car and hell if i’m bout to use my gas just to be nice. Corp should’ve thought about all this when they cut us. Now if they extend the sev or pay us for this week, then hey i’m here. Otherwise, I’m blowing in the wind. lol

By C tha 1

September 15, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Truth I gotta agree with your 1:30 post, the ladies on this blog don’t really answer straight forward questions consistently.

By NY2GA, Inc.

September 15, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Truth That sentiment (1:30PM) is based on your experience and life choices. From my view, if you want to talk about a “good man”-a cheating man doesn’t fall into that category. Cheating men are a part. Not the whole. I wanted to hear other MEN stand up and say “that may be YOU bruh, but it ain’t ALL of us.” And that’s what a few have said in so many words.

You can’t talk about character and goodness in one breath and then talking about your “cheatin’ ways” on the other end of the spectrum. It doesn’t match up.

And that’s my last comment of the day. lol.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

So melo, Since all men cheat and you are being so real and all, how often do you cheat on your wife? Is it when you get bored? Is it random or do you have a go to girl/mistress?

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

Melo, my main point is that everyone doesn’t hasn’t done something wrong or have a problem because they aren’t married by a certain time…could be as simple as not at right place at right time and that is not a ‘problem’. You can simply do the best you can and under normal circumstances that could be a great thing and that marriage thing just may ellude you when a persons stars aligne a certain way in the universe and personally I believe you can know and NOT be with your soulmate because of life choices…too many stories of people living full lives until they were widowed and they reconnect when they are 80! Doesn’t mean their first marriages didn’t count or they didn’t love that person or anything but that life was planned accordingly and it was lived and somehow they the moon and stars rearranged and they got back together as part of the master plan. Same could be true for the ‘never married’…just may not be their time to actually be married until they are 50, 60, 70 or 80! It happens everyday. They didn’t miss anything by not finding that person in college or in their 20’s…God had other work for them to do…

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

i knw whats possible and if my marriage fails,i knw things happen but iam determined to make it work

By the way melo, this statement contridicts the one you said previously about being gone if your wife cheats on you. You didn’t seem “determined to make it work” in that scenario.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Just got back from lunch…trying to do a speed read…lol

@Melo

Thanks…

@Kimmie

That situation is what I am talking about in terms of the generational changes in gender/relationship paradigm…but, that woman sounds like she was born in the 19th Century, way Victorian…OMG!!!!

SlimOne*

Uh-huh…what it the sense of loyalty…for what job security…lol…they can go fugg

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Melo, my main point is that everyone doesn’t hasn’t done something wrong or have a problem because they aren’t married by a certain time…could be as simple as not at right place at right time and that is not a ‘problem’. You can simply do the best you can and under normal circumstances that could be a great thing and that marriage thing just may ellude you when a persons stars aligne a certain way in the universe and personally I believe you can know and NOT be with your soulmate because of life choices…too many stories of people living full lives until they were widowed and they reconnect when they are 80! Doesn’t mean their first marriages didn’t count or they didn’t love that person or anything but that life was planned accordingly and it was lived and somehow they the moon and stars rearranged and they got back together as part of the master plan. Same could be true for the ‘never married’…just may not be their time to actually be married until they are 50, 60, 70 or 80! It happens everyday. They didn’t miss anything by not finding that person in college or in their 20’s…God had other work for them to do…

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

Melo, my main point is that everyone doesn’t hasn’t done something wrong or have a problem because they aren’t married by a certain time…could be as simple as not at right place at right time and that is not a ‘problem’. You can simply do the best you can and under normal circumstances that could be a great thing and that marriage thing just may ellude you when a persons stars aligne a certain way in the universe and personally I believe you can know and NOT be with your soulmate because of life choices…too many stories of people living full lives until they were widowed and they reconnect when they are 80! Doesn’t mean their first marriages didn’t count or they didn’t love that person or anything but that life was planned accordingly and it was lived and somehow they the moon and stars rearranged and they got back together as part of the master plan. Same could be true for the ‘never married’…just may not be their time to actually be married until they are 50, 60, 70 or 80! It happens everyday. They didn’t miss anything by not finding that person in college or in their 20’s…God had other work for them to do…

By Purple One

September 15, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

Melo, my main point is that everyone doesn’t hasn’t done something wrong or have a problem because they aren’t married by a certain time…could be as simple as not at right place at right time and that is not a ‘problem’. You can simply do the best you can and under normal circumstances that could be a great thing and that marriage thing just may ellude you when a persons stars aligne a certain way in the universe and personally I believe you can know and NOT be with your soulmate because of life choices…too many stories of people living full lives until they were widowed and they reconnect when they are 80! Doesn’t mean their first marriages didn’t count or they didn’t love that person or anything but that life was planned accordingly and it was lived and somehow they the moon and stars rearranged and they got back together as part of the master plan. Same could be true for the ‘never married’…just may not be their time to actually be married until they are 50, 60, 70 or 80! It happens everyday. They didn’t miss anything by not finding that person in college or in their 20’s…God had other work for them to do…

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

Since all men cheat and you are being so real and all, how often do you cheat on your wife? i answered that in my 1.29….i will have to be judged thru out the duration of my marriage….the jury is still out.To be honest,havent dne it since i reformed lol….but alwayz thinking of banging the hot chic that crosses my path eve nw and then…shw me which man does not think the same way,if they were to be truthful..i may be contra to abc and kp on this but trust me,if that does not ever cross their minds,they got no dyycks..!!!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

Truth and C tha 1, I’ll answer. But I think the question is valid and after I answer I suspect it will be refuted by someone who says that you can do all this not married or that a golden retreiver could provide. LOL

I’m not speaking for every woman, but for me, as a wife. The incentive is that loyalty and that team player, knowing that I’m with you to the end. Meaning a dibilitating illness or simply old faithful not working anymore. Yeah, sure you can hire someone to change your adult diapers I guess. The one that supports your endeavors even if I don’t agree or see a monumental failure waiting to happen. Yeah, I guess you can hire a personal assitant for that. A chance to not just build a family but a life together. Including kids, that will not come unless we are in a married union.

In addition, to all the household duties, I guess you can hire a maid for that, someone just to have fun with and appreciate the milestones and thresholds of life together. Someone to laugh with during the good, but hold your hand through the bad.

Call me a dreamer. LOL

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

Purple One i made a general statement and if it does not apply to u for the most part and ur hope is still high and alive,then do ur thang…..being the realist that iam,im not optimistic.Most folks(wmen) arent as strong as u at that age..they are now busy dishing it out to young ones at random…..fwbenefits baby…!!

By kimmie

September 15, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Blanca & m’karyl - When I think about it, I still can’t believe it! I ran into the younger sister about 6 mths ago - yeah she’s still at home! I personally had a hard time dating & having privacy before I moved out of my parents home. That might be why she has trouble keeping a guy around!

Leon - I’ve said before that a lady will never be among as many single, educated, straight men as in college. Having said that, sometimes finding a husband there is still not that easy. I went to UGA & I can literally count on 1 hand the number of AA men that met their wives there. We outnumbered the men about 8 to 1 so it was like a kid in a candy store to them. They were not thinking about settling down - they were young & having fun! It was different with the majority women - a lot of them would have a ring when they came back from Christmas vacation their jr or sr yr at the latest! It can be a challenge even at an HBCU too. I used to work summers at Morehouse & CAU in financial aid. Parents would be 2nd mortgaging their homes, crying & doing whatever they could to send their kid to school. A lot were 1st generation to go to college. I would here them telling the kids to do concentrate on getting that degree & graduating and making something of themselves. They were not thinking about marriage then.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

i answered that in my 1.29

melo, not really but I’ll let it go. It’s your business. But when did you get reformed tho? LOL

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

kimmie

Yep…that is a little too much parental closeness…but if she is the product of her mother’s POV’s, then that too is a contributing factor…I reada short-story once that said parents belong to their children…but children never belong to their parents…and there is some real truth in that statement…sad part is that she will grow older living her mother’s lifestyle and views…and no matter how accomplished she…she will never be a whole person of her own volition and accord…tragic

By MLL

September 15, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

AR dream on girl nothing, wrong rith it….you have a positive out look on marriage and I hope your dreams come true.

Staceye when did I say anything about dying…I said grow old with…

melo You say ALL MEN CHEAT - at some point and time ome do stop though….

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon Blog Family It’s been a busy a$$ day at work so I’m just popping in for as long as I can.

I’ve read most of people has said and I really can’t add too much to the equation that hasn’t already been said. What’s the question that hasn’t been answered? I’ll give it a shot.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

NY2GA

Was that you I saw posted on CNN with comments on the “Black in America” series a minute back…the name rang a bell???

@Purple One

Sure you right…I have never married and I have no regrets…and that is not because there is something wrong with me or that I did not do something right…I choose my emotional happiness and well-being over a compromise of it…and if that means not committing to a relationship that does not support it…then so be it…my happiness is the most important thing that I have…and it is not up for compromise…no way, no how.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Kimmie Good point, yeah I think its a case of parents who did not attend college not really understanding what to tell their kids to expect, I think that a many parents especially those who never went away from home to school, or those who never went to college try to discourage their kids from getting too serious until after they graduate… which is bass ackwards in my opinion. And when you are in college if you have not been told that this is prime time to settle down, you might miss that point somewhere between wild parties and final exams. Most of my friends who are married or who are engaged met their wives in high school, college, or at their first job out of college I don’t think anybody I know has married someone they met 2, 3, 4 years after graduating from their last school, be it high school or college.

By For Real

September 15, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!!!

If you want to be married and you are not married it is your fault period. Choices people…. Be accountable for the ones you make.

For Real now gently kissing Ared on forehead and then screams WAKE UP!!!!!

By DasV

September 15, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

UNANSWERED QUESTION

you know that waking up hungry, wondering whats for breakfast forget about it…> im here and have on hand your favorite

you know that ‘dayum, shouldve done the laundry, steada watching the game’ forget about it…> im here wit a clean pair of underwear monday morning

you know that ‘i know im the man, whats wrong wit these sick folks at work?’ forget about it …> im here to let you know you are and echo ‘yea they sick’

you know that ‘i want to laugh, but aint nothing good on TV’ forget about it…> i can make you laugh, out loud

you know that six to eight months savings plan ‘fore you get a bike, or plasma tv forget about it….> and push it up by four months or out the way: your call

you know that business plan you didnt have a chance to take a look at forget about it…> i did, and heres the cliffnotes

you know the finesse the company is looking for at the end of the year forget about it…> i done already sent out thank you cards to clients and well wishes to business partners

you know that cold you got playin touch football in the rain (tole you not to) forget about it…> i already spoke with the local pharmacist and know whats going around and here >> take this

you know how you used to worry about bringing home the boys unannounced forget about it…> i always keep a light on for family (and the house is clean and ingedients on hand for a quick dip with chips)

you know that hankering you get for a steak on a rainy wednesday night forget about it…> steaks stay stocked in the garage fridge with our favorite brews and i knew the grill umbrella i caught on sale would come in handy

you know that hug you need or wanna give when you get that call forget about it…> i already got you you know that spot behind your ears that inexplicably needs to be touched forget about it… its always in my sights

i am yours, built for the purpose of pleasing if you allow me to be……..> but forget about it….. you hardly pass the prerequisite: ‘what do you need?’

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

Truth…sup bruh? You were right about not getting an answer to my question. I’m going to try to post it again and see if any woman on this blog desires to respond.

Somewhat on topic…

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

I don’t agree with the following, but many guys have expressed these points… - Sex is freely distributed so there is no need to purchase a license (ring) for it. - If a man marries then cheating is considered adultery. If not, it’s just the nature of a man! - Marriage can result in giving up half of everything if it doesn’t work out, but remaining in a non-marital relationship is not as impactful.

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

MLL,yes..actually for me, i have stopped..most men wont admit it and most wmen arent strong enough to face the truth,but as a man, i knw what we marrieds and non marrieds talk about when its just us hanging,women and sports..so go figure………

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

melo, this statement contridicts the one you said previously about being gone if your wife cheats on you. im selfish and im sure she is too on sme issues.On this one, i will admit to failure,no discussion or 2nd chance untill wmen are more than men and there is a shortage of them……..

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

You were right about not getting an answer to my question. I’m going to try to post it again and see if any woman on this blog desires to respond.

Um, KP, see my 2:07. Also, you intially didnt make the question “lady” specific.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

By the way KP, Truth has already admitted that he’ll never do the marriage thing again, so he will never need to answer the incentive question.

You haven’t said you rule out marriage, but if you haven’t, what is YOUR incentive to get married? (assuming you desire to be)

By DasV

September 15, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

kp i posted a response already, but i have to address the word you chose to use ‘incentive’.. it implies that you are being rewarded for something, and that is not how i see myself. i see me complementing your already individual and whole being… not rewarding you. i see me taking what you have deeper, connecting on a level you are in a position to experience but partnering with me makes it happen.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

ARed…your response didn’t go unnoticed :). You are one who usually addresses controversial topics head-on, so I thought you may have left the floor open for another to respond. You’re right though…I didn’t make the question lady-specific.

By MLL

September 15, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

KPIt depends on what a man is looking for in a wife. Some men may want a wife to bare children, keep the home and do wifely duties where you may have some men who want a wife for finanacial support and the list goes on and on.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

You are one who usually addresses controversial topics head-on

KP that brings me to another incentive, someone to challenge you and make you strive to get to the next level!

though I guess one could hire a personal trainer for that LOL

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

*Granma M’ sittin’ backs in her rockin’ chair…smirkin’ at dese heah younguns trying ta battle out dem differences wid dey sexes…relationships and sech…now taking a pinch of snuff between her teeth, pulling up her shawl…shaking her little ole gray head…saying…mercy…mercy…ain’t a bit changed and such…uh-huh…dese here youngun sho is summin’ else…still dey same…dey one wid de pole want dey one wid de hole.

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

KP I’m going to try and answer from my perspective. The incentive depends on who the man is as a person. If the man wants a loving enduring relationship with one person, that can be achieved without marriage. The only incentive is do you think the woman you love is worth spending the rest of your life and sharing your last name and life experiences. Do you have a desire to have children with your last name and legacy from which to stem and be the in-house father to them? It’s been stated that the a$$ is pretty much a low-market commodity that can be had without much effort, but I would hope that the marriage relationship is much deeper than that. Most people that I know that are married tell me it’s something more of a spiritual decision. If you’re looking for a worldly answer, you’re right. I can’t answer that. Anything else is on the more intangible plane.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

*crickets *

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Ared I thought something was wrong with my computer.

By For Real

September 15, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

YOU CAN’T ANSWER A QUESTION WITH A QUESTION!!!

QUESTION REPEATED AGAIN:

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION WITHOUT ALL OF THE “IT DEPENDS” CRAP. HERE IS THE QUESTION IN LAYMAN’S TERM WHY WOULD A MAN WANT TO MARRY YOU? YES YOU TOO MK.

By Chink

September 15, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

KP

What incentives are there for a man to wanna marry a woman in today’s society?

Define what kind of incentive you are referring to…its way to broad are you talking about economics/morals/personal???

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

Um For Real, sweetie, I answered the question. So if you are gonna yell, get your facts straight. LOL

By SlimOne

September 15, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

For Real Because the CT is for purchase only, not for lease. LOL!!! Btw, what did you do with my purple training bra?

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 15, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Is a girl that wants a guy for money any worse than a man that wants a woman because she’s young and pretty? Wow Truth..I a, proud of you for that one! LOL

saying i’m happy being single and i don’t mind living my life alone is someone who is trying to stay positive and strong, but really isn’t. Now that is funny to me. Everyone thinks that it is because THEY have to have somebody in their lives to be happy that if someone is diferent then they are trying to cover up or fake the front. Contrary to popular beliefs…we are all not the same. What makes person A happy does not mean that is will do the same for person B. I personlly like coming home to MY crib and nobody is there to get on my nerves. If I want to just come home and chill..I have nobody trying to talk, have sex or looking in my face for anything! It’s just me and my thoughts….my TV..my brain and creativity. Now this past Saturday I went to workshop and danced for 6 hours. When I got home all i wnated to do was shower and chill. Guess what…I was able to do that! No I did not want a man to give me a massage (please he would only be trying to get azz anyway)! I am happy alone! Somebody needs to try to understand that!

Leon *all the creatures meant to be single were created with both sets of sexual organs and they can pro-create!

Oh Binny are you missing me? LOL

MLL Staceye when did I say anything about dying…I said grow old with Um…as long as you grown old…you will die! So….LOL

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

why will i answer that question when you’ll just turn around and say i’m wrong. truth when i was in GA, i asked my male co-worker to answer and he did. you obviously skipped it and went about your day! now if you want the truth, take it when it’s presented.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

For Real

I am a compassionate, empathic, open-minded individual…I am emotionally healthy and well-balanced…I have a wicked sense of humor and I am a very astute intellectual…I am creative, thoughtful and sincere…I have no hidden agendas…I am highly evolved spiritually…I enjoy the qualitative measures of life over the quantitative…I am not codependent…I am honest, straightforward…I am an excellent cook…I am self-actualized…and, at 48 I still rock my 38-28-38 bod…incentives?????…nuff said

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

For Real Because the CT is for purchase only, not for lease.

SlimOne, you summed that up so nicely! LOL

By Dan

September 15, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

Good answers so far

And surprisingly coming from ARed and Das….am I in the Matrix?

By For Real

September 15, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Ared Didn’t I wake you from your dream. For Real now spooning with Ared mixed in with some hard hunching.

Slim I put it on my head so I can do my Prince impersonation. For Real now singing Do Me Baby to Slim.

For Real now slapping the ish out of Chink for medicinal purposes. Answer the question!!!

By Chink

September 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

For Real

WHY WOULD A MAN WANT TO MARRY YOU?

Thats simple because I am one of a kind and there is no other…Why am I not married yet? Because I said no a couple of times.

I mean really I can list all my qualifications down …what would that mean essentially? For ya’ll to try to minimize my traits and abilities - - then ya’ll proclaim that we think we all that and all men cheat… anyway spare me.

Show me your qualifications as a expert in human behavior and then maybe I might listen to what you have to blog about.

By Beautiful

September 15, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

staceye if what had happened in your past that hurt you never happened … see what i’m sayin’?

hello by the way.

By Leon Phelps

September 15, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

Staceye AKA Black Mamba Leon *all the creatures meant to be single were created with both sets of sexual organs and they can pro-create! Ain’t that what i said@12:30?

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

And surprisingly coming from ARed and Das

Dan, grow up. I’ve never been one to bash men or marraige. I’ve been a strong supporter of both. Get your head out the Matrix.

By Dan

September 15, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Good answers so far

And surprisingly coming from ARed and Das….am I in the Matrix?

By For Real

September 15, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

MK Everything in your post was on point but you left off two things:

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Ared Didn’t I wake you from your dream. For Real now spooning with Ared mixed in with some hard hunching.

Oh yeah baby For Real, lol. I do have a question for you. If you do desire to be married one day, what would be your incentive?

By SlimOne

September 15, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

For Real You might want to take that off your head. I used it to clean the back of the toilet. You sure do have some bad aim, ewwwww!

By For Real

September 15, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

For Real now pooting in Chink’s general direction for not answering the question AGAIN!!!!

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Hey ya’ll,

My work PC is trippin’.

ARed, My incentive for marriage is to create a healthy family environment and to produce God-fearing children who are productive and influential with their lives.

DasV, I agree with you. I am a fan of marriage, but wonder if people sometimes under the overall value of it.

MLL, point duly noted.

ARed pt. II, Your personal trainer can only assist you in a limited manner. Hopefully, they don’t know all of your business…LOL.

ATL Lady, Amen! Amen! Amen!

Chink, The topic is supposed to be somewhat broad. The question is presented to make sure women who desire marriage understands their worth and what they contribute to a relationship. The question can also be reversed and asked to men. Everyone needs to personally evaluate themselves in the following areas: spiritual, emotional, social, physical and financial.

By dc2NY

September 15, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Melo is more right than you ladies know. It is easy to dismiss what he is saying because you don’t like it. But at the end of the day, disease, punitive divorce or child support laws has kept men from cheating. You can noy dispute that!

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

m’karyl

You may be all of those things and more …but are you considered attractive? Be honest!

Sorry, I am on a looks kick lately. I’ve witnessed things in the last weeks that have proven my theory on attraction.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

@For Real

Got the first one, but the second???? QUITE…and I know dayuummmm well you did not me QUIET…hey-ale no…lmao

By BLOW ME u BIZZIES

September 15, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

Leon Phelps Your 1:24 was funny..but true.

Hello everyone….just working my a$$ off…But great topic!

By dc2NY

September 15, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Melo is more right than you ladies know.It is easy to dismiss what he is saying because you don’t like it. But at the end of the day, disease, punitive divorce nor child support laws has kept men from cheating. You can not dispute that!

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

@Binford

Ask Dan

By MLL

September 15, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

Oh Staceye breath girl, it’ll be okay…as for dying I would love to have my husband holding my hand - right there and vice versa. I’ve done it before……

By abc

September 15, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

For Real, my motivations for marrying would be:

And a lot of other stuff, but you get my drift: it has absolutely nothing to do with her vocation/avocation or lack of the same, educational level, earning ability, ability to cook or clean house, or anything that chicks tend to think makes them worth pursuing. The ‘ride or die’ colloquialism may seem to apply, but I recoil from that term.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

My incentive for marriage is to create a healthy family environment and to produce God-fearing children who are productive and influential with their lives

KP, I was afraid you may answer this way. Would you still want marriage if you and the wife could not bear children? I know that adoption is always an option, but many people do prefer at least one natural born child.

I’d hope that marriage would still be a desirable option without the kids.

And the personal trainer part is just an acknowledgement to any naysayers. LOL

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

m’karyl

You may be all of those things and more …but are you considered attractive? Be honest!

Sorry, I am on a looks kick lately. I’ve witnessed things in the last weeks that have proven my theory on attraction.

By BLOW ME u BIZZIES

September 15, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

Leon Phelps Your 1:24 was funny..but true.

Hello everyone….just working my a$$ off…But great topic!

For Real Sit it down! And why do men think the BALL is totally in their court? Ask yourself this…or you WORTH being married to? Stop thinking you run the show. I am tired of the MALE egotistical society. It’s disgusted and PLAYED out! damn! Next man run up talking that egotistical crap is gettin B-slapped. SERIOUSLY!!

By Dan

September 15, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

I can’t even damn you with faint praise girl….;)

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

I am a virtuous woman. I have vision, spiritual roots, loving, kind, not easily swayed by material things, but have material goals, nuturing, family oriented, street sense as well as common sense, and well-read. I have other traits, but I’m trying to keep up with other tasks. Does that answerd your question For Real? I thought it was incentives in general not directly a one -on-one answer.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

But at the end of the day, disease, punitive divorce or child support laws has kept men from cheating. You can noy dispute that!

dc2NY, that can be said for anything we think is morally wrong. Lying, stealing, etc. More of us would do it, both men AND women, if the treat of the consequence weren’t a deterrant.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

Blah, I forgot the “h” in threat above. I didn’t mean “treat!”

By C tha 1

September 15, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

It is not my place to judge, (but we all judge each other in one form or another). But I find it rather strange to read that so many women would rather not be single, yet turned down multiple men’s proposal for marraige. If a woman finds herself over 30 and has been proposed to two or more times then it is her fault she is not married. Why let a relationship get that deep if you know deep inside you won’t tell a man Yes, I’ll marry you.

Conversely, fellas if you’re 30 and over and have proposed to two or more women and been turned down each time, then its your fault. Why can’t you discern the the true character of a woman who you’re obviously considering making your wife? Read actions not words, if they don’t add up then she’s not worthy.

In my opinion, popping the big question only happens so many times in one’s life, therefore make it count.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

ARed, Adoption is an option for my overall vision. However, best believe that I won’t stop practicing with my wife :).

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

@Dan LOL

@Binford

Yeah…I am fine…got pix on classmates.com, facebook.com and jango.com

By HOOVER

September 15, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

I suck balls better than the hoover vacuum cleaner! That’s my reasons for marriage…Suck em off then suck em completely dry…The bank account that is!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

If a woman finds herself over 30 and has been proposed to two or more times then it is her fault she is not married.

C tha 1, I know this girl that flaunts the fact that she’s been engaged like a badge of honor. I don’t get it why she’s so amped about that. She didn’t even keep the ring. LOL

I have never been close to being married. I’m always a bit fascinated by women who have been married, cuz I wonder how they did that. LOL

By DasV

September 15, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

M’K lovin that 342. you go, sista-gurl.

Dan shut up. :)

kp in my experience, men are the only ones who tend to cheapen marriage. its a beautiful, most intimate, often annoyingly-so great relationship you will ever have …. or experience. which is how i tend to look at it now… as an experience, a trip to be taken far-far away from what i’ve known up till now, a trip you cant pack for, or plan, schedule, or dress for…. you just have to show up and know how to work with what you got, and be determined to make it work. (reminds me of a sign i used to have in my kitchen: if you cant find it, ask me and i will tell what else you can use instead) LOL

anywhoo, back to my bashing: LOL…. men want results (hence your word incentive)… in marriage the payoffs are intangible, and yet ‘mo’ real. ya dig??

By For Real

September 15, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Ared I don’t desire to be married but if I did Slim is already taking care of one my incentives to get married. Do you want to hear the others?

Slim Who said I was aiming? Oh and would you consider doing a lease purchase for the CT?

By For Real

September 15, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

For Real now kicking Blow in the ballz for not answering the question.

By Binford2K8

September 15, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

m’karyl I’d have to know a name to see. But I’ll take your word.

But, by your written resume, there is NO WAY some outstanding man shouldn’t sweep you up from the free agent market!

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Ared I’m fascinated with it as well, but I know how a few women did it and it was not that appealing. They bascially trapped their man and brag about doing so. They knew they were good men and knew they were going to eventually lose them with their foolishness. They did the honorable thing and married the tramps and have been unhappily married ever since.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

For Real, you don’t desire to be married either. So now the ladies gotta deal with convicts, gays and eternal bachelors now too!

Let’s hear the others, just for kicks, since it’s irrelevant!

How come you don’t wanna be married tho? :-(

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

@Dasv

Hey sug…as Will Brennan would say…no brag, just fact…lol

By Chink

September 15, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

KP For Real

spiritual - I have a belief system, I am active in it such as volunteering, reading faith based literature, and making it a priority in my life.

emotional - I can check my emotions, I know what emotions to emit at the right times, I do sometimes hold stuff in and in that I am a work in progress. I have a child and I am setting an example on how a woman needs to act.

social - I am laid back, I like meeting new people, I dont complain to others, I am very happy and it shows

physical - I am into organic foods, I take notice of foods I eat, I dig herbs/probiotics, I have a healthy weight athletic build, I go to the doctor annually and I am in good health.

financial - I got a good paying job (thanks to 2 degrees) - I have a retirement plan - I have mulitple accounts that bear interest - and I my credit score is in the mid 700’s

By The Truth

September 15, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

We have turned marriage into a moneymaking scam. In my eyes the only reason to get married is to have children or for business purposes. You can shack with a chick and get the same benefits or just keep knocking off booty, its much cheaper. All that “I have your back” stuff is laughable. Why would I want someone to have my back when they don’t even have their own back? Come on folks, get your head out your azzes.

A husband in court is viewed as a hostile witness. Most are guilty before they reach a verdict. It’s a fugg story from the jump.

My solution: Quit allowing folks to sue because their dam feelings are hurt. You got married, you knew it was a tough job when you took it. Do away with alimony altogether. Nobody should have to pay for azz they can’t get. Child support should be half of the childs monthly needs. Period. so what your mom makes $25,000, thats the luck of the draw. If it cost $600 to feed, clothe, educate a child then I do $300 and she can too. If she didn’t have that child she’d still have to find somewhere to live and pay her own bills. If a chick isn’t married when she gets pegnant then the father shouldn’t be legally responsible to give a dime. Hold on, that loud clapping sound you hear is women closing their legs. LOL

Under the current system the man is on the hook for everything, even if his mate is garbage. And there are alot of women out there that are pure garbage.

I apologize to the good women that just want someone to hold them at night. Call me, my number is 777-9311. LOL

And we don’t even want to bring in that fuggin useless church who are there to collect the money up front “in the name of the lord” and then hand the couple off to their new divorce lawyer.

No thanks. I have less liabilty with 2 protection trained dogs. Thats a shame.

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Binford

I am mkaryl where ever I am on the net…yahoo, facebook, jango, classmates…mkaryl is my user name…always…just me

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

@Binford

I do not want to be swept up…I like being single…made my mind up about the 22 years ago…been done with that issue.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

They bascially trapped their man and brag about doing so. They knew they were good men and knew they were going to eventually lose them with their foolishness.

Atl Lady, this is so true. Like I said, most recently my friends who have married have gotten pregnant first. A good number of them have also put the hammer down.

I have little doubt that if I truly pressured the guy I’m seeing (or got pregnant), he’d give in, but I don’t want any guy that had to be convinced. Men are perfectly fine at making this decision on their own. I think.

Of course, I do have plenty of friends that got married because the guy simply found the woman of his dreams and did the damn thing. That’s what I’m hoping for!

By Blow Me

September 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

For Real I am not in a Mrs. America Pageant….kiss a$$…Damn that. I am tired of women having to OVER prove themselves…And it’s only in OUR community. Look around to your LIGHTER and whiter counterparts…They have their women on a pedestal. But no blk women have to beg and plead to get a ring and show and tap dance like a fool to CONVINCE a man she is worthy. THIS is completely for the birds. Not only that alot of men are coming up short! Blk men you need us and we need you…STOP this stupid a$$ song and dance. And lets build the community and strengthen our race..instead of insisting that the women are NOT worthy of being you beautiful black QUEEN and a strong WIFE for you!

For Real That was for you and the rest of the blog men that can get it too! lol!

By m'karyl

September 15, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

Well, I am out for today…manana peeps!!!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

All that “I have your back” stuff is laughable. Why would I want someone to have my back when they don’t even have their own back?

Shut your mouth Truth, I posted the “have your back” stuff and I certainly have my own!

And you got answers to the damn question and now you want to refute everything. In the future this is why us ladies will ignore your damn questions!

And not the 777-9311 number again. groan

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

September 15, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

Truth, You are hilarious, but I want to kick you in the shins with the ol’ school white baby shoes because you always attribute grown folks’ issues to the church.

2 9mm caps will be rid of your 2 protection trained dogs…then what? Just kidding!

By Chink

September 15, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

C tha 1

For me I noticed a behavior that I could not deal with …I dont consider it a badge that I have been proposed to but more like if I was desperate to marry I could of been there already.

And I had to work on me some more..I wasnt’t ready my darn self

By Teresa

September 15, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

KUDOS HOOVER

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

We have turned marriage into a moneymaking scam Import one from russia,thailand or cambodia buddie.all they want is a green card and they wont pester u if u decide to walk…they are afraid of guns anyway so they wont even try,that will fix these afr-amercan ladies so we the marrieds can have side pudsy…..lol..

By Dan

September 15, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

@Blow

At McDonald’s it may be that Black people need each other in relationships, but in the larger world or a corporate environment, good meat is good meat.

From black women, white women, foeigners and mexican ladies, in demand is in demand.

While my preference is a sister, please believe that the options are not that limited.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

But no blk women have to beg and plead to get a ring and show and tap dance like a fool to CONVINCE a man she is worthy. THIS is completely for the birds. Not only that alot of men are coming up short! Blk men you need us and we need you…STOP this stupid a$$ song and dance. And lets build the community and strengthen our race..instead of insisting that the women are NOT worthy of being you beautiful black QUEEN and a strong WIFE for you!

Blow Me, this is beautiful. We need to call Jesse and get another Million Man March going. LOL

By Poppa Grande

September 15, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

But at the end of the day, disease, punitive divorce or child support laws has kept men from cheating. You can noy dispute that!

That is that same as saying that the death penalty or life imprisonment has kept people from killing.

Both Adultery and Murder are addressed in the 10 commandments.

Penalties has stopped some people.

yet, people still commit both.

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Look around to your LIGHTER and whiter counterparts the white wmen are content with being housewife,but we know the men are hoing around time…its wrking coz the kids are being raised fine.Last week on Momamia blog,the wmen were saying if the man cheats once or twice,they are prepared to wrk it out.U afri-american ladies are losing ground to ur white counterparts and u broke and lonely as hell too….its time to re-evaluate…

By For Real

September 15, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Ared This is why don’t want to get married. Under the current system the man is on the hook for everything, even if his mate is garbage.

For Real now letting Blow smell his finger to see if she will answer the dayummmm question.

By abc

September 15, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Well now, most chicks won’t “have your back” if serious hardship comes to pass. Shoot, many will bail when their tastes change. I suppose all that could apply to males, too.

I had one wife bail because she didn’t like it that I was in the military, and one bail because she thought she’d be better able to concentrate on her career without a husband and children; and a fiancee that chickened out because she thought she’d have to sacrifice her individuality or some such BS, based upon her past experiences, not anything to do with me. “Reliable woman” is something of an oxymoron.

By Blow Me

September 15, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

Melo & Dan Are the reasons I wrote that…After all the educated and well written things the women had to say…All they can say is ….

Well the white women is better and more color options out there.

But yet and still %100 percent of ALL the women on this blog 1ST and sometimes choice is a BLACK MAN!!

That’s the bull$hit I am talking about. No song and dance…After you tap dance they come back with B.S. like that.

Blk women are going to be instinct and they can not hold a match to the lighter counterparts….

But keep tap dancing ladies..You will be doing that song and dance to you are gray and old. If the men don’t get their priorities straight!

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

I told u all men cheat now u say this..“Reliable woman” is something of an oxymoron now tell me who has been played…..if u were a realist like me,u wld have had ur cake and ate it……..

By Dan

September 15, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

First off, Shorty

Mine was a tounge-in-cheek reference to the truth, that our options are not limited.

As I stated, I want nothing more than a sister, but get the game straight, it’s a two way street.

As much as I hate to write these words, both parties have to show and prove in a relationship, be they Black, white, chinese, or Haitian.

If you want a man “tapping” for you, you better get those shoes on, PATNA!!

By MELO-The realist

September 15, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande if i took most of these married african american guys to South africa today,their wmen wldnt want to hear what went down…

By Poppa Grande

September 15, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Blow me

Both men and women have a part in that situation.

Honestly, the independent woman mantra doesn’t do you all any justice.

When you tell a man that you don’t need him, he will go somewhere else.

So, its not just a simple as black men want to look at other choices. Heck, when you hear that you aren’t needed, then you go in looking for that out instead of that point that makes him say that she is important.

It is even gotten to the point that we hear it on the radio from dudes:

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T (and its spelled through out the chorus of the song.)

It just says that she doesn’t need you for jack.

So don’t act like its a one sided deal. Y’all throw it out there like you want to be alone.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

September 15, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Beautiful If had never experied those heartbreaks…then I guess I would be blissfully stupid! LOL

Leon did you read the rest of my post..all I did was repeat what you said…and then I said not all creatures WANT to procreate!

Sorry, I am on a looks kick lately. I’ve witnessed things in the last weeks that have proven my theory on attraction. Binny what would that be?

MLL as for dying I would love to have my husband holding my hand Why…he can’t go with you? LOL

Truth If a chick isn’t married when she gets pegnant then the father shouldn’t be legally responsible to give a dime. Its funny how you say when a woman gets prgenant. Unless she is a asexual being…she did not make that baby herself. That dude all up in her with equally responsible. If an unmarried dude would stop running up in everything that was born female and that still has a pulse…then all these unwanted babies would not be made. You don’t want to cough of money or time for YOUR kid then you should keep your joint in your pants! Plain and simple! No birth control is 100%….hear that…that is the sound of a REAL MAN zipping his zipper back up to make sure he does not make any babies that he is NOT ready for!

By abc

September 15, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

I’d venture to say that a woman’s relative reliability and your opinions are strictly mutually exclusive, melo. I’m quite happy to be different from you.

By For Real

September 15, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

So Blow you don’t think you should prove yourself to a man? If that’s the case, why should a man prove himself to a woman? Or as you like to call it “Tap dancing”. If you ain’t willing to dance neither am I. Now wipe that spit off your computer screen.

By Atl Lady

September 15, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Poppa ^5 that post. It’s a catch 22.

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Reliable woman” is something of an oxymoron.

abc, you may be right. And when guys ask ‘what sets you apart’ from other women, this is one aspect where I shine.

Most people I know (not even in the dating arena) state I’m one of the most responsible and reliable people they’ve met.

By Blow Me

September 15, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

Puhleeze For Real I can see the quality for myself…That’s where men go wrong. Men never have to explain to a women what he has to offer. Because we are watching and assesing….Men are gung ho on not trying to get married…If they do you have to tap dance and sing a song and dance to make them REALIZE what a good catch you are. How many MEN on this blog have stories of have they LOST a good girl. I rest my case!! lol!

By AmazonRed

September 15, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

If had never experied those heartbreaks…then I guess I would be blissfully stupid! LOL

Staceye, that rock hit me! holler LOL

By TheJennTaFur

September 17, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

Bianca..

I am at peace that at 34, single, no children, and happy that I may never marry or have a family of my own.

For me, if I continue to create a community of like minded individuals then that thought of being lonely will not burden me.

I tend to think something is wrong with me only when I am around other individuals who feel as though they are missing out because they do not have a man or children.

Though I am not searching for a miracle, I am content how God wants my life to develop. I just try to allow every day of my life to be a happy one!