Misadventures in Atlanta

By today

September 30, 2008 8:14 AM | Link to this

Good morning all, Sorry this is OFF- topic but I need some input. The guy Im involved with have stated in general conversation that he wants to be married & have kids some day. Although Im not all that gun ho about marriage I could be open with the right person, now the kids thing Im not sure about, actually I really dont want any nor do I have any already. So im wondering is this something I need to let him know right away, or when or if things get to that point. Thanks

By Dan

September 30, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Dan is noooot a big fan of debt.

Understanding that medical debt and retail debt are two different animals, requires kindness on everyone’s part.

But if you have a shopping problem that has grown beyond your means, then (like the niece) it’s past time to get help.

Accruing debt on my own is my burden to bear, and in the case of marraige it would become ours (if properly managed, divulged, etc).

But if we just dating, mating, or some combination thereof, that debt is the task of the individual.

No ring, no debt consolidation.

By Prada

September 30, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this

When you enter into a relationship and it becomes serious you must consider all things. Debt exists, for some more than others. My guy had substantial debt, mostly student loans, which I had too. He’s a surgeon and more than able to pay them which wasn’t always the case. I still can’t pull off all of my debt alone and he seems to have no problem taking care of it. I take care of him, he takes care of me.

today if you know that marriage and kids aren’t something that you want then you should at least tell this guy. You don’t want to get involved with a person and then it ends because of something you knew existed long before it even started.

By Prada

September 30, 2008 8:50 AM | Link to this

Dan I’m not married to my guy and he has no issues with handling our debt. We’ve lived together for a little more than 2 years now, and while I contribute to the household I just can’t handle all of my debt.

I imagine it just depends on your thoughts about money. I couldn’t imagine having sufficient finances and watching my significant other stress or suffer when I could help them out. Its when you don’t really have it that it becomes an issue I think.

By apple

September 30, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

GUYS-If your SO lied to you about her age is that reason enough to break it off. I never tell guys my real age, its just a habit. he’s 10 years younger than me but u cannot tell.

By MLL

September 30, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Cute topic B…bad money managing is a deal breaker unless the entering partner agrees to take financial managing class/course. Money wooes are the biggest reason for divorce and with knowing this why enter something that could be doomed from the beginning?

today you said Although Im not all that gun ho about marriage I could be open with the right person you just answered yourself…he’s the the right person for you. move on and spare the man any grief.

apple age aint nothing but a number…..repersent us cougars well…LOL

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this

It just depends on the type of debt.

Student loans are one thing.

Being addicted to retail is another.

Today

Tell him. Let him make a decision whether to stay with you based on your information. If the roles were reversed, you’d want to know this information. Why not give him the same courtesy?

Apple

Age doesn’t matter as much if we’re dating. As long as you are above 18 years old, it shouldn’t matter.

However, if it is serious and we are thinking about marriage, age does matter. There are all kinds of risks that increase with age in regards to pregnancies.

Over all, maturity matter more than age, though.

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Today

Just like MLL said, you have already said that he isn’t the right man.

By Riz

September 30, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Absolutely. As a male, when we agree to marriage, we also agree to losing half of our wealth at the drop of a hat if she feels divorce is necessary. So why shouldn’t we protect ourselves against women with horrible money management skills and no sense of responsibility.

Gentlemen - please, I beg you. If you’re thinking about marriage, run a credit report. Your ability to buy a home or a car or finance repairs or anything would be crippled by the irresponsible spending habits of your potential spouse.

If you still want to get married despite the bad credit, you can further protect yourself with a Pre-nuptual agreement. In such agreements, it can be written in that any money she gets in a divorce CANNOT go to her previous lack of discipline and spending control.

Guys - PROTECT yourselves. It’s your money and credit. Don’t let her ruin it!

By Raqi

September 30, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

IMO it is only fair to let the person you are about to marry know the state of your finances. As with any merger, you will take on each others existing situations but the key is to have a plan to work thru it and to live by thereafter. Not joining your finances and your names for that matter may be the way to go in such cases.

Credit card debts are the worst but not always avoidable. Beware of the compulsive shoppers and gamblers.

I don’t see not marrying someone because they have pre-existing debt however I will go so far as to say if the person you want to marry has a history of bad debt and poor money management and is not willing to give you full authority of managing the finances, then don’t get into it.

By today

September 30, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the input, like I said who knows if it will even get to that point, in the mean time can I have fun, lol. But what u all have said thus far is true, I would want to know, oh well.

By Dan

September 30, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

@Prada

If my SO knows she’s in debt before we met or while we’re dating she accumulates more, then her stress (or mine) should be evident to the partner.

But me being concerned about it is one thing, me taking on the responsibilty of reducing that debt is an issue in and of itself.

That’s a road to cross when we get there. But know this, I would want to know how we got there so that i would not occur again.

By Kevin

September 30, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

I think guys should really take look at a womans credit history and financial situation before they even thinking about marriage. If not, they are taking on more just debt they can may be able to handle as well as a possible long road of arguments and resentment about money that can eventually wreck a marriage really quick.

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Signs of mismanagement of money usually surfaces as the relationship progresses. I am for full disclosure, but running my credit report smacks of distrust. Who’s to say that individual isn’t in the process of cleaning the mess he or she made with their credit. That can be said of the same thing of men paying child support. If I don’t want the shared responsibility of paying your baby mama child support every month, you should understand if you don’t want to pay any of my credit card debt.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Morning all.

So on Sunday, I get off the plane and decide to stop by Linen’s and Things because the store is closing and they are having a big sale. I decided to finally get some odds and ends for the house that I’d been putting off.

The fraud department called me 30 minutes after the credit card went thru. They wanted to make sure I’d actually made the purchase. I guess I need to break out the credit card from time to time. Keep the economy stimulated. LOL

In any case, debt is normal in this society. It all comes down to what kind you have and how you manage it. I have debt, most of it “good” and I have a plan to handle it. With my mate debt is okay, but it depends on the circumstances and how he would manage it.

By apple

September 30, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Thanks MLL-

By Leggs

September 30, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Hello everyone!

Today talk to him. Especially let him know you don’t want children.

I’m not taking on anyone’s debt ever again!

By Foots

September 30, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning Guess my first post got eaten.

In a nutshell, finances are extremely important to me and attitudes about money are a part of compatibility. I don’t have a problem with someone who is in debt, esp student loans, if they have a plan to conquer it. I have homes and two years left on a vehicle, so I have debt. But I live within my means, buy items sensibly, and save a good deal, so I’d want an SO with the same ideals.

By Foots

September 30, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

today So when dude said in conversation that he’d like to be married and have kids someday, what did you say? Were you just quiet?

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Ared You need to watch your statements to see if they change the credit limit or interst rate. A lot of people are going to get a rude awakening next month.

By MLL

September 30, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Who isn’t in debt. the US is in a debt hole as we type….Looking at the foreclosures and jobless rate and don’t mention the gas prices, etc…there’s a whole lot more ppl out there in debt than we could ever imagine…and entering into a marriage without a plan to get out the debt is a receipe for disater unless you’re both used to it - you’re going to have major problems….The wedding itsself is another piled on debt.

By IslandGirl

September 30, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

When a relationship grows and marriage is being discussed -it is absolutely important for a couple to plan and prepare for their financial future together. Marriage is much more than a romance.

While dating someone is another issue. If I don’t plan to have a future with you I honestly will have no concerns with what’s on your credit report. Enjoying a movie or a plate of dinner is just that. Words can’t describe how I would feel if a random date decides to pry into my credit history.

I have always handled my bills. I look forward to the day someone will say, “You can have whatever you like…on his dime”……but considering the economy I will keep my head out of the clouds. lol

Have a productive day folks.

By Binford2K8

September 30, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

I’d definitely deposit the lady on the curb if she had out of control debt.

But I think I’d be able to tell if her habits were not good to begin with. By the 3rd or 4th day, my Clark Howard-esque ways start to show through, and if lady thought coupons were hokey or cheesy - then she goes buh bye.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

You need to watch your statements to see if they change the credit limit or interst rate. A lot of people are going to get a rude awakening next month.

Thanks ATL Lady, I already got a ‘change in terms’ notice. I have to use one card for business expenses since they don’t offer a corporate card (first time that’s happened to me, still not happy about it), so I’m weighing options.

By Leggs

September 30, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

Hey everyone!

ARed, I have a dating mishap for you. You specifically asked for dating experiences since this is a dating blog.

I met this guy about 2 months ago. I went to Dugan’s this past Sunday to pick up 2 fried shrimp cocktails for my daughter and myself. He was there and greeted me. We exchanged numbers. He called me yesterday asking me to meet him at Dugan’s for a drink after work. I agreed. I arrived first. He arrives and sits next to me saying “man I’m so tired.” Anyway, I ordered a drink. He again says how tired he is. I told him, he didn’t have to call and ask me to meet him if he was so tired. We could have done this some other time. He said he wanted to see me. Well, this waitress comes up to us and talks w/him about a problem she’s having. This went on for about 15 mins. He also gets a phone call and takes time to handle that call. I finish my drink ask for the tab and pay it. I say goodnight to him and leave. He rushes behind me asking “what’s wrong?” Lawd, lawd, lawd I wanted to say so much but opted for this. I told him I came out in the hopes of getting to know him better and him getting to know me better. I did not come out to sit by and listen to him talk with another person about their problems. IMO, my mistake was coming with a “preconceived” idea of how our encounter would be. Yes, I actually thought we would sit down and converse with each other. DUH!!!!

By MLL

September 30, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Leggs Dugans is not your playing ground girl LOL didn’t you have a mishap there recently…That was really messed up on his part.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Leggs, LOL, thanks for sharing. I’m with MLL, I’d give Dugans a rest for a while.

I wouldn’t rule that guy out, but I wouldn’t see him again until we’d had some significant phone convos.

By Sugar

September 30, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

I don’t have any debt, other than my mortgage, and monthly household bills.

So if I become involved with someone who has debt, I won’t be paying it. You accured it, you pay it. Don’t come running to me because you can’t handle money. I’m not your momma.

Now, if we are married, and have joint accounts, and you decide to run up the credit cards, you best get a second job and pay for all the crap you HAD to have. NOT ME…….

I live within my means and have managed to do so all my life, without credit cards, or accrued debt. CASH ONLY. At my age, 48, I have a ton of money stashed (this economic meltdown is NOT affecting me at all). And have worked very hard to save as much as I can. I’ll be damned if someone wants to come into my life and ruin my hard work and drive me to the poor house. Ain’t gonna happen.

By abc

September 30, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Why am I not surprised that chicks are talking about lying about their personal finances and lying about their ages? Don’t forget to lie about your family and educational background.

By M'Karyl

September 30, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

@ATL LADY

FYI…sug, yesterday you posted what seemed to be an apology or something for stating your very astute (and no doubt) accurate views about the economic situation and Wachovia…I have no doubt in my mind that your views are well founded and veritable…truly…there were just some diffent POV’s from different angles of relative proximity to the issue…not right or wrong…just different…Please do not ever feel that you need to make amends or whatever for how you articulate your knowledge, intelligence or expertise…you know of what you speak before you say it…no doubt…and I would not only defend your right to be able to express your views, but I also respect your views as well…you do good sug…know that…peace.

By Angie

September 30, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

morning ev1!

By Leggs

September 30, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

MLL, you got that right. I will not meet anyone there anymore. To be honest, guess subconsciously I’m playing it safe because it’s 5 mins from my house. R.I.P.—>Dugan’s!

By Raqi

September 30, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

It’s the revolving accounts that are the ones to watch for. Fixed or installments accounts go away once paid off. But those credit cards and lines of credit can land you in a huge mess.

By Prada

September 30, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

In our house, we are on a cash/debit system. The only time we use credit is when we’re making a major purchase. This has worked out well for us. We also contribute to our joint savings account bi-monthly directly from salary. So we never even miss it.

Although I did have some retail debt, the majority of it is student loans. Together our student loan debt is more than $100,000, but we’re paying it as it comes due and living well too.

Now when I want to go shopping I shop with cash. Once I’m out, I’m out. Lesson learned here folks.

By Foots

September 30, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

I was actually thinking about debt and marriage the other day. Specifically, my current SO has student loans. If we were to get married, I wouldn’t have a problem putting our resources together to pay off the debt in a short amount of time. I’d want us to live in the house I currently have (since I know I can handle these bills alone) and he can put what he used to pay in rent and the loan all on the loan. Win-win for everyone.

The main thing for me is to be in a better financial position to save for retirement and college education for kids. Since enrolling in this CFP (R) program, I have way too much insight on how much you’d have to save for retirement and college. Just astronomical. As long as time is on my side, I want to be able to take advantage of it.

By M'Karyl

September 30, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

There is a good article in this month’s Essence about couples and finances…I have read through it…not pertinent to me per se…but I do find it interesting how some ppl handle financial issues in relationships…one woman hides the fact from her husband that she has $40k stashed away in a savings account…another hides her purchases because her earning and spending power are better than her mate’s…I do not understand why full transperancy is so difficult…where is the foundation of trust?

By Angie

September 30, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

foots how are you?

i’m in a position right now to buy another home. but for some reason i’m hesitating. would it be wiser for me to wait or buy now? the reason why i ask is because i can end up anywhere in northern cali.

i think i just answered my own question.

on topic - i have no problem inheriting my husbands debt. no problem at all. when you marry a man, you marry him, his family, his kids, his debt, his friends, his job, his pets, his stuff … which includes that smelly couch he loves. lol.

By Foots

September 30, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Oh yeah, and there’s nothing wrong with having and using credit responsibly. When I can take advantage of same-as-cash, no interest options, I do. Financial leverage at work. Once a year, I get another no-interest CC for major purchases. I use one for floating purchases and online shopping, since I pay those type of charges off each month. Online bill pay makes it easy to pay off what you charge. With that, I can’t even remember the last time I paid a dime of interest on revolving credit.

Our system is jacked up in this way, but in order to have good credit, you have to show that you can get and use credit responsibly.

By Foots

September 30, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl Speaking of marital financial secrets, we’ve learned in our program what to do in cases where the husband approaches the financial planner about keeping a side payment to a child or mistress secret from his wife. Believe it or not, it happens. So sometimes full transparency will get a fella in traction! LOL!

By Prada

September 30, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Sugar are you saying that if you met a nice gentleman who you found yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with, and learned that he has substantial (relative) debt, you would pass?

I find that hard to believe and a little extreme even. Assuming that this guy isn’t some con artist. He wouldn’t be coming to you for a bail out, per se. Since you have a “ton” of money what do you have to loose?

By abc

September 30, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl, the chicks hide cash in order to have walking away money. They lie not only about hiding funds but also don’t make their unhappiness known, not to mention that most of the time, a chick will project her unhappiness upon her mate, no matter the actual cause of it. Usually, the cause lies within herself.

A chick that hides purchases, whether spending her own money or joint funds, does so because she doesn’t want to be beholden to her man. So-called ‘independence’ becomes a destructive influence in a case like that.

Transparency is difficult for women because they don’t believe they’ll be accepted as they truly are, as opposed to ways that they’d prefer to be treated.

By Raqi

September 30, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Foots saving for retirement is very important. With everything going haywire in the economy now we sat down and restructured our budget and retirement is third on the list. It’s food, house (primary residence) and then retirement. Our retirement account is separate from our savings accounts. There is no personal spending at this time. Got me burying nickels in the back yard like a squirrel. Although the food and house precedes retirement, we actually cut back on what we spend on the two but kept our contribution into the retirement account the same. And the only credit card we use now is the one that gives a return by way of earned points that can be used elsewhere.

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl Thank you. Just trying to run some damage control. They lied to us and the timing for the stock to start trading yesterday couldn’t have been at a worse time since it coincided with the Bailout bill not passing annoucement. A lot of people lost a lot of money yesterday and some senior citizens are going to have to come out of retirement to survive.

By Angie

September 30, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

where is the foundation of trust?

believe it or not, there are ppl out there who marry for reasons other than love. when shaq’s wife hid her money, it didn’t suprise me. that chick looks selfish and greedy.

By Prada

September 30, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Sugar are you saying that if you met a nice gentleman who you found yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with, and learned that he has substantial (relative) debt, you would pass?

I find that hard to believe and a little extreme even. Assuming that this guy isn’t some con artist. He wouldn’t be coming to you for a bail out, per se. Since you have a “ton” of money what do you have to loose?

By Angie

September 30, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

another slow day in blogsville. y’all have a beautiful week!

By today

September 30, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

@FOOTS, when he ask was I quite? YEA, lol. But seriously he was just talking in general like “he wants to achieve such & such for his kids one day”. I didnt see the point in saying on I dont want kids at that time. Like I said we may never even get to that point in our relationship, I was just curious when would be a good time to discuss that. Thanks

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

If you have seen The Family That Preys, it touches on the hinding money issues on a number of levels. There are a number of reasons that people hide money. I don’t agree with it because that just means that you aren’t with the right person. (Or wasn’t with, in the case of spousal support)

Everyone’s situation is different.

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

September 30, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I would think that when two people decide to “jump the broom” they jump debt free. However, if you jump knowing(he/she has debt out the ying-yang) well then “YOU KNEW THE JOB WAS DANGEROUS WHEN YOU TOOK IT.”

Now as for assuming the debt of dude or dudette you are just living with. hmmm cant get with that. Just cause we live together, doesnt mean we have to go to the poor house together.

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

another slow day in blogsville. y’all have a beautiful week!

People are outside digging holes to plant their money into the ground. Therefore, they don’t have time to blog.

I live in the ‘hood so I did my diggin at night so the neighbors couldn’t see.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

I do not understand why full transperancy is so difficult…where is the foundation of trust?

M’Karyl, that’s what I’m always trying to figure out. I guess it’s all about fear. Fear of rejection or maybe they just don’t like who they really are.

By The Truth

September 30, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Foots THE absolute worst thing a man can do is move into your home. That is a recipe for disaster. Financial full disclosure is mandatory in this day and age.

Riz you can still buy a home on your own while married. Then put it into a trust so noone can take it. Check the liens on street addresses of rich folks and you never see an owners name. It’s a trust.

Sugar this economy is affecting you. The very dollar you’ve saved is being questioned. The government itself could possibly fail and your dollar would be close to worthless. Wait, its not backed by anything so it is worthless anyway. LOL If you think thats far fetched I’ll bet you never thought we’d get to this momentous point in time. We’re teetering as we speak.

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

ABC Sometimes making your unhappiness known doesn’t do anything to change the situation or the behavior. If you’re a serial cheater and I tell you you’re hurting me, it’s on you to stop.

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

September 30, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

PoppaG

My prof talked about this last night how people are acting as if the world is coming to a end. He said if we all die you all get A’s.

Personally I am hoping to get adopted by Warren Buffet(okay I dreamed that I know-but seriously how crazy is it to have a spare 5 billion just laying around)

I am going with a coffee can in the attic myself.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

THE absolute worst thing a man can do is move into your home.

Truth, can you elaborate?

I can understant the reasons, but in my situation, I have a big home, big enough for two and a mortgage lower than most rent. If my guy were to move into my place, we could stack our chips and put us in great financial position. In a couple years we could have kids and I actually would be able to take more time off than the usual 12 weeks.

His house would be great to rent because he has a condo in the middle of the city close to everything.

I know ideally both parties should leave their homes and get one together, but it just makes sense for some couples starting out to chill for a few years, stack their chips then upgrade.

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Fear of rejection or maybe they just don’t like who they really are.

It is usually that and more. It is something that comes out capitalism. Value is placed on everything including human life. If you are already seen as a negative, there is fear that no one will give you a chance.

After all, they only filled out that cc application in college because they wanted the free t-shirt. However, one thing led to another and now they owe money and are paying for the t-shirt 1000x over.

By Dan

September 30, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

@Kym

It’s really not that serious.

Unless someone on here has access to a $1 million +, then this really doesn’t affect you.

The “bailout” failed precisely becuase there were not enough protections in place for average people. You and I.

It was more of the “trust me” of GWB and the people that work for him.

While you 401(k) may look like hell the next statement cycle, think buy low - sell high, and ultimately the move is not all that bad for you.

What’s happened has affectively been the same people that caused the mess, now lobbying (www.wsj.com No celebration for lobbyists) to get what they want, how they want. And rightly, some people saw it for what it was.

So as for the “I’mma take my money and hide it in the back yard” theory, that’s not practicle at all.

If you want comfort, withdraw some bread, buy a couple of pistols, stock up on non perishables and wait for the end to come.

Becuase think about it, how much would your cash really be worth if it has no intrinsic value.

Dan now cleaning the shotty (at work)…..

By For Real

September 30, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

What up Blog Fam!

I don’t believe in debt.

Prada 3 questions: 1. We talking debt and your blog name is Prada? 2. How long have you been out of college? 3. You didn’t major in Massage Therapy did you?

abc You on point today.

I got a picture of Raqi bending over in her boy shorts burying nickels if anyone wants to see.

For Real now ripping up legg’s Plat-neem VIP Dugans card that gives her .005% off of the 27th purchase of Skrimp Coattails

After sitting down with Foots to discuss his financial plans for the future, For Real starts taking out life insurance policies on old sick people to pay for his retirement.

Now as for assuming the debt of dude or dudette you are just living with. hmmm cant get with that. Just cause we live together, doesnt mean we have to go to the poor house together. For Real now giving Kym the standard two hand low five on the butt 13 times for that comment.

By M'Karyl

September 30, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

@ATL Lady

You are welcome…I saw your last post and I felt so bad about it…I did not want you to think that your intentions and integrity were in question…you know your game…for sure…and yes, this whole shabang it screwed for so many ppl…personally, I do not have anything to loose…but what effects one, effects all to some degree…continue doing well…always looking to hear from you.

@Foots

Well, there comes a point when I just see the writing on the wall and I leave them to figure it out…had, and still have, my hands full with me and my own…but at least I am handling what belongs to me…and it is understood and dealt with…after a point, you just get too old to try and fit a fools game on the board…let’em stay stuck or lost…next…lol

By The Truth

September 30, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Ared Truth, can you elaborate? I personally have never seen a relationship work where the man moved in with the woman. And the end usually comes startling quick. Women, as we know, are spiteful and vindictive and emotionl and very close to insane and the list goes on, so when she gets that type of power it corrupts. Instead of getting mad and dealing with it she pulls the big joker out and blam. “Get out of MY house”. It’s not your fault, you were’nt created to deal with power. Thats why a wise man holds the cards and seduces the woman into following along nicely. A woman without good genes must be forced to submit or there is hell to pay. LOL

While now you can logically put together a sweet scenario when the stuff hits the fan its out the door. LOL My neighbor under that scenario lasted 10 months and my boy lasted 11. I know “they’re not me”. Yeah, thats what they all say.

did anyone see that zeitgist movie?

By Foots

September 30, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

today I was just curious when would be a good time to discuss that.

Yeah, that would have been a good time. I’m usually asked straight out if I want kids and how many. Shoot, a guy from my class asked me if I wanted a big family in our second conversation. So, to me, it’s not too early if it’s in the midst of a conversation. You’re not saying that you want kids with him, you’re stating your preferences, which is a part of him knowing who you are.

Amazon I know ideally both parties should leave their homes and get one together, but it just makes sense for some couples starting out to chill for a few years, stack their chips then upgrade

This is my thought pattern. Years ago, I assumed that my husband and I would get something together right away, giving up our own homes. But when I realized that the main reason I thought that would be the best idea was that the house would neither be mine nor his, but ours, I changed my mind. Everything we owned individually when we get married is ours.

I would hope that I end up with somebody mature enough to see the financial benefit of staying put for a while to clear debt and prepare for us to upgrade if necessary than to wallow in the insecurity of “But it’s YOUR house!!” With this market, it makes even better sense. What if you can’t buy another house until you sell the ones you have? You live apart until the houses sell?

I know too well the idealism involved with buying “our” house, but realism takes over that and the need to clear the debt, repair credit if needed, and establish at least emergency savings trumps the emotionally charged reasons for jumping right into more debt and another house.

By Leggs

September 30, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

While single no need to tell your debt ratio to another. I will not accrue someone else’s poor financial management. Been there done that. Thank goodness only have one tee-shirt.

By Poppa Grande

September 30, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

*I was joking about digging holes in the ground. You come in my backyard if you want to. Duke has something for you. (Duke is a huge Bull Mastiff).

Dan

No that plan failed yesterday because of politics, not the reasons that they said.

I bet that there may have been another result if their azzes weren’t up for re-election next month.

Nancy Pelosi didn’t help matters with her blame game speech just an hour before the plan was defeated.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

I would hope that I end up with somebody mature enough to see the financial benefit of staying put for a while to clear debt and prepare for us to upgrade if necessary than to wallow in the insecurity of “But it’s YOUR house!!”

Foots, that’s my hope as well.

Truth, there has to be some folks it’s worked for. Besides, I don’t see why any woman would put a guy out of her house (or their house) unless he was doing something worthy of being put out.

In addition, if he has the bigger house, I’d be willing to move into HIS crib. That’s not the case in my dating life right now.

If he’d absolutely refused to move into my crib, I’d move into his then. And we’d live on top of each other but at least we’d be better off finacially. LOL

By Foots

September 30, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Truth And speaking of debt and risk management, I did buy that Umbrella (Personal Liability) insurance policy a few weeks ago. I didn’t even realize how much of a relief that would be until I signed my application. I’d hate to get this far, then lose everything AND owe cause some idiot sued me. Now I just have to get my will done so my sister knows what to do with my death benefit policies and I’ll be set.

By Raqi

September 30, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Those of us that are on the trickled down line of corporate America are not yet feeling the pressure, but a lot of business owners are. As the wife of a business owner I feel it. And tomorrow we are going to bury our dimes so For Real get you camera ready.

By Sugar

September 30, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

Prada To answer your question, no I wouldn’t pass on the man, but I certainly WOULD NOT pay HIS debt. He incurred it, he pays it, NOT ME.

And if a man is that bad with money, I don’t want him in my life anyway. Like I said, I’ve worked way to hard to get where I am today, and will not allow some idiot to come and take it all away. IT’S MINE, ALL MINE…..

By Joseph

September 30, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Angie - Where in California do you live? I visit there often.

By Dan

September 30, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

@PG

No it was a bad bill - straight out.

The Treasury Sec would’ve had powers that did not have oversight (such as picking the assets managers, that would have been among the very people in the mess to being with. That would be incestous.) The bill was still a version of what Bush wanted. And after these last 8 years, I’m worried about giving him any more responsibility.

That said, election politics did play a role in it. If you’re up for re-election, your constituents don’t really know anything but that you voted to give Bush $700Billon…would you vote for it?

Come on, PG. They gotta teach you a little politicking in school.

By Lissa

September 30, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

My husband came along with a mortgage and a home equity line of credit. The HELOC was derived from credit card debt he racked up while he was underemployed for a number of years. He also had poor money management habits and didn’t pay attention to his credit cards.

I came into the marriage with no real debt to speak of, and very detailed money management skills. Before we ever said “I do”, I convinced him to let me handle the finances. He didn’t want to, but after he saw how well I handled my own finances, he changed his mind. With our combined incomes, we’re now slowly paying everything off and saving too.

I will admit that when I first started taking on the finances, I was overwhelmed with how much debt he brought to the table. I couldn’t believe it and didn’t know where to start. I’d find myself getting angry with him over his spending while we were dating (and at the time, I didn’t know about his finances). The fact that I had the larger income (and was paying on his debt) just fueled the fire at times.

It took some time, but things are better now since we’ve made some progress. We have a better understanding of what’s important - digging ourselves out of debt and saving for our future together.

By BeBe KID

September 30, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

If you have an excessive debt load based on lack of discipline, self-indulgence complete with champagne taste on a beer budget, then you need to pay things off or pay them down before coming to a potential husband or wife manipulating, bargaining and extorting money from them to better your own financial situation. When a person burdens another with debt that they created the result usually is now two people with excessive debt which leads to bankruptcy, repossesion, foreclosure and finally divorce. When you step to a potential mate come correct or don’t come at all! If want to get paid for your services then just be a straight out prostitute or gigolo. Save the drama!

By Foots

September 30, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Completely off topic Why the heck does Jennifer Hudson look like a size 4 on her CD cover?

By SexyCool

September 30, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

funny how everybody on this blog is financially responsible and has GREAT CREDIT…

i really should run my credit reports to see what my scores are…but….i don’t wanna pay for my scores…

i do know that my credit is much improved in the past three years as i finally learned the lessons of the follies of my youth…

it is true that you spend all of your 30’s fixing what you screwed up in your 20’s…

my score should be much improved over what it was at this time in 2005 when i had to sell my home under duress to an investor because it was almost foreclosed on…(yes, i was an un-money-savvy first time buyer that should not have signed that loan for THAT highway robbery interest rate…)

i no longer carry large amounts of consumer debt…my vehicle is paid for and i will be driving it until it puts me out on the side of the road and drives itself off into the sunset…my credit card balance is less than $400…i do have some negative things on my credit report that i should be working to clear up (but i’m not worried about right now because i have no plans to make any major purchases for the next year or so….)i have a balance on a personal loan that i was supposed to pay off last month (but didn’t)…i have some money put away for emergencies…my 401k contribution + employer match is starting to build nicely…

said all that to say that i’ve screwed up royally in the past…but…i learned some tough money management lessons and i’m feeling positive about my personal finances despite the current economic situation…

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

PG & Dan It was proposed that the Dems create a bill that has everything they want in it to a certain degree and get it passed. Clayburn has said that the entire Black Caucus would vote if they added the revamped bankruptcy clause. What do you think?

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

SexyCool I’ll admit my credit isn’t stellar, but several rounds of unemployment due to layoffs and job closures will do that to anyone. That’s why I say it depends on the circumstances. I feel you wholeheartedly. I’ve seen too much in the last 5 years which is why I cut a lot of slack.

By chakra7

September 30, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

well this is also completely off topic, around the corner and down the street BUT can anyone suggest some nice drink choices for someone who doesn’t drink?…have an after-work appointment and don’t want to look like a complete dud.

By M'Karyl

September 30, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

@Chakra

There are several non-alcoholic versions of many drinks…juice mixes are good too…cran, oj, pine…like a madras without the vodka…but why fret…I am a party drinker…love my cocktails…but I do not disrespect non-drinkers either…mainly, be yourself when you order (confidently) or ask the bartender/server for a recommendation…it is just not your bag.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

funny how everybody on this blog is financially responsible and has GREAT CREDIT

SexyCool Stop being dramatic, everyone on this board has hardly indicated such.

By Raqi

September 30, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

I am having leftover baked chicken and green beans from last night for lunch. I can’t afford to eat out anymore.

By The Truth

September 30, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

Good news/Bad news

Good News: I pulled up to the gas pump on the corner with absolutely no line. Just drove up to the pump like pre-shortage days.

Bad News: I paid $35.00 to fill up, and I was 3/4 full already.

If anyone knows someone that would like to steal a pickup truck please send them my contact info.

Foots now you need to start working on turning each property into its own legal entity. Do some research and find out what fits your situation best but if something happens an attorney will pull up all your assets. Get that stuff out of your name. Btw, if your game you can run me over, I’ll sue your policy and split it 80/20. 90/10 if you’re going over 40 mph. LOL

Ared I’ve NEVER seen it work. Maybe one of the bloggers has. I’d pass on that because you could belch wrong and find yourself homeless. LOL

By Sugar

September 30, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Pay yourself first. Since I started working, at the age of 14, my father always told me to pay myself first, and put at least 10% of my paycheck into some type of savings. While I was living at home, I stashed close to 75% of each paycheck. 25 years later, I’m still doing it.

I’ve always been frugal. To this day, I still pay myself first. Sometimes it’s only 10%, but other times, I’ve managed to do 25%. It’s the first thing I do when I get paid. Then the household bills. Then the budget. If anything is left over, it goes into savings.

I splurge once a year, on one big purchase, that I pay for with my tax refund. This year, I’m thinking of getting rid of all my televisions, and buying one REALLY big TV for the living room.

By Sugar

September 30, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

Make that 34 years later, not 25……

By Foots

September 30, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this

SexyCool funny how everybody on this blog is financially responsible and has GREAT CREDIT

I don’t know about everybody on the blog, but I don’t have great credit, I have EXCELLENT CREDIT. LOL!

Chakra Amaretto Sour is a good drink for non-drinkers. It’s sweet enough that you don’t taste the alcohol. And Shirley Temples are good. They look like real drinks, but don’t have any alcohol in them.

By Rell - Say good night to the bad guy

September 30, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

@sister….lady you know the rules…we all stick on our happy face for the masses

@ared…dramatic….lol…honey i stuck your name on the academy and oscar ballot for the coming year

what it do boo’s…..why is everyone in a panic over some rich folks losing money….lol….its simple “street” economics….if this was the “streets”…the supply of black dresses would be low feel me…..i am bugging on the head line yesterday dow drops 700 points…..and i am thinking yea but its going to go back up once the “little” people start re-buying the stock those scary folks are dumping…..lol….the media!!!!!….and i blame them for this “gas” crisis…..note - during this time of year gas is usually low or scarce…..

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Foots, no one takes you seriously if you order a Shirley Temple! LOL

chakra7, I’d go with a water or a seltzer water. Seltzer water makes it seem like you might be in recovery. LOL Or that you have an early morning and need to be alert.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

dramatic….lol…honey i stuck your name on the academy and oscar ballot for the coming year

Rell, did you snap and smack your booty when you called me honey? LOL. You’re not one to talk either buddy.

By The Truth

September 30, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Sugar you’re aggressively frugal. My plan was to save for the long term (max out the 401k) and short term ($100 month into a savings account) and spend the rest. LOL

By MLL

September 30, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Rell & Ared would yall get a room already!?! yall got some love hate going on here…snap and smack your booty when you called me honey too funny

By Rell - Say good night to the bad guy

September 30, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

@ared..lol…good one..

@mll….youainknow….i have a secret kindergarden crush on the entity calling itself ared….it wont come out of hiding to let me see what it’s working with….lol

By Foots

September 30, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Amazon Well, yeah, but at least it looks like a drink. She’ll just need to order it on the sly. LOL

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

it wont come out of hiding to let me see what it’s working with….lol

LOL. What would be the point of that?

And I’m convince guys just like to be tortured.

By MLL

September 30, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Ared show em what ya working with girl…LOL

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Chakra7 If you don’t drink, don’t pretend. You can get a virgin Marguerita frozen.

By Dan

September 30, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

@ATL Lady

I’m of two minds:

The first is the need for some of these bad deals to be renegotiated and interestingly enough, new studes show that Black folks were “targeted” by these ALT -A, and ARM loans, not by banks but unregulated mortgage brokers. That said, their need to have the contracts renegoiated is like any other negotiation, one side needs to convince the other of the ultimate benefit of renegotiation.

The second mind says that such a ability would damage the cash flow analysis for that loan in particular and all loans in general. If you can’t count on the value of cash flows then accrual accounting will be thrown into a tail spin and then the banks will have to raise rates as the potential renegotiation will make these loans risky.

My solution (like everyone else’s) is: unknown. No bank is going to voluntarily write down the value of an asset, but they can’t afford in this market the OREO. And the consumer signed the loan, so there is some culpability there as well.

Arbitration may be needed, but who will pay/provide for it.

By atllaw191

September 30, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Married/divorced twice. I initiated it both times. First marriage was to a sociopath, who lied, spent, lied again, and I waited until he was incarcerated so I could file for separation/divorce so he could not come after me and kill me/children. Second time was again a mess - I thought it was for good, until he decided to go to FL on work duty and took another female as his companion while there, ran the credit cards (not in my name) to $40,000 and I could not work enough jobs to pay that off, ended up losing what I’d put into the home we both shared (it went to foreclosure) to pay off the debt, and I still tried for 2 years to make it work, to no avail. Finally presented him with papers and he signed (as he got to keep anything he wanted by that time)…and I started over. I have not had a credit card since then (1992) and don’t want one. I live within my means. I would never marry anyone without full disclosure - and this means not only speaking with former wives, but parents, others who know him…and this is probably why I’m still single and celibate. Marriage is a contract I’m probably not willing to sign again!

By M'Karyl

September 30, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Uh-huh…personally, I do not recall saying that I had good credit…but I did say that I am responsible for my own debts…and I also recall saying that I prefer to manage my own financial concerns…that is something totally different.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Ared show em what ya working with girl…LOL

MLL, 5 or 6 bloggers seen me. Half of them guys. I think I’ve done my duty. LOL

By Atl Lady

September 30, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

Truth My boss told us that consider yourself on empty if you have a 1/2 tank. He’s not about to let us telecommute and we can’t use his gas card either.

By Rell - Say good night to the bad guy

September 30, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

@ared…torture….lady, you keep me entertained all day..thank you very much….a lil self-centered are we….lol

By Rell - Say good night to the bad guy

September 30, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

5 or 6 bloggers seen me. Half of them guys. I think I’ve done my duty. LOL

not me!

By Tip

September 30, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

“funny how everybody on this blog is financially responsible and has GREAT CREDIT”

To; sexycool you said it right. With the economy the way it is all the “COOKIE CUTTER LANE” talk will not be such a boast come real soon. Sooner than we think. But let’s just give those living in Candy Lane with Jim and Jane a COOKIE for their Betty Crocker journey in life. Like most young adults, women and men that didn’t always have good standing credit hopefully they are more responsible about money and finances as you stated in your comment about your personal setback in the past. GREAT comeback!

I’m throwing the lurkers Peace flag over for that one. Thanks, and i’m back to other forums.

By AmazonRed

September 30, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Rell, you’re so vain you think every post is about you.

I wasn’t just talking about you, kiddo. I don’t make statements unless I have evidence to back them up. eyeroll

By For Real

September 30, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

PSA: Ummm I do not, I repeat I do not have a picture of Raqi burying nickels in the backyard. Unfortunately those were not boy shorts and that apparently was Mase.

190 Octane is the perfect non-drinker’s drink.

If anyone would like to see a nekked picture of Sugar rolling around on all the nickels and dimes she saved. Hit me up. Wow, that’s impressive. I didn’t know you could do that with a fifty cent piece.

Foots The best way to secure all of assets and your money is to put in a trust fund. You can even leave your trust fund your life insurance policy.

Solution to the economic problems:

PUT EVERYONE BACK INTO THEIR FORECLOSED HOME AND THEN RESTRUCTURE THE LOANS TO FIX. PACKAGE THE INTEREST ACQUIRED WHEN SAVING THESE INSTITUTION INTO A FEDERAL BOND AND SELL THEM. GET RID OF EVERYONE THAT HAS BEEN IN CONGRESS FOR MORE THAN EIGHT YEARS.

Finally a quote from Sarah Palin when asked about the poll numbers:

“I’m not looking at poll numbers. What I think Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who’s more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who’s actually done it?”

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

September 30, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

Afternon All

Just popped in to see what was poppin and had to comment on the whole man moving in with is girl topic. As someone who has experienced this, I would say ladies DONT DO IT! A man will most times NEVER see that as a place that you all share but simply your home. I had the same ideals as most have mentioned: saving money, space, etc. However there were many occasions where it was mentioned that it was my house even though I never uttered those words. It may seem childish but I agree with Truth on this one. I have yet to see it work, even with couples with th