Misadventures in Atlanta

By Leo

October 1, 2008 8:19 AM | Link to this

My man and I have attended several weddings this past summer and I agree that it always initiates the “when are you two going to get married” questions. He and I have dated for two years, have told each other we love each other and we are committed…but no marraige plans at this time. Yet,everyone EXPECTS it. My frieds and family are hinting the “what is wrong with him that you don’t want to marry him”? and I am sure his friends and family are wondering what is wrong with me… We have both beens single a long time and happy with it. I feel like two years is just getting to really know each other. Yes, it is very awkward.

By Dan

October 1, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

Common answer to the “when” question: When I’m ready.

That answer either begs more questions or, if the person knows me well enough (if they really knew they wouldn’t ask) to know the look on my face, then that’s answer enough.

No one can tell you when you’re ready to do anything, most of all marriage.

That said, you don’t take sand to a beach, water to the ocean, or a woman you’re seeing to a wedding <——Unneccesary

By C tha 1

October 1, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

^5 Dan! Why would a dude take a woman he is seeing to a wedding?! WTF? The only way this happens is if one or maybe both parties involved are participating in the wedding. I’m not simply sitting through a wedding with a woman who I haven’t popped the question to much less even considering doing such. Hell naw.

By Chelle

October 1, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Morning, no one should feel pressured into marriage just because they’re going to weddings of their friends. That’s a whole lot of BS if you’re not ready then tell your mate.

BK smooches ===> got your message i’ll be in touch :)

By tweenty

October 1, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Not every woman wants to be married, therefore would have no problem being at a wedding, geesh, some of u men-Please, its not even that serious. Like some of you GUYS dont want marriage, well some women, dont, so get over yourselves.

By Atl Lady

October 1, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Unless the guy I’m dating knows the couple in question, he’s not going with me. We can meet up afterwards or we’ll have brunch together before I go. That’s kind of like taking a guy to church with you in some regards. If you’re well known amongst some of the older folk, they’re going to ask a million in one questions when it could be as simple is he needs to hear the Word of God.

By m'karyl

October 1, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

I do not like to do weddings…or to be in them anymore either…and even as a bridesmaid, I was not trying to catch no blames bouquet (unlessen I’se needed me some dried flowers and such for potpourri…lol)…seems that most of weddings that I was in the peeps wound up in divorce court anyhoo…lol…but in all honesty, it is just a social function of sorts…and I think that ppl who need to ask those kind of questions about someone else’s bizness are just plain nosy anyhoo…I’d probably get Madea on them…lol…but I will admit that I have known women who would invite men they were seeing to weddings ( or even go as far as to be invited to a wedding just to do so…no shyte) in order to be able to put that bug of marriage out there…so I can see why some men would rather not do weddings with a chick that wasn’t not wifey material for them.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

I’m with Dan: if the person knows me well enough, they wouldn’t ask. My family and friends don’t ask me questions like that. Because they know me, the question usually is: “You haven’t dumped him yet, have you?”

The last wedding I went to, I was seeing someone, but didn’t even think to invite him. It is in extremely poor taste to invite someone to a wedding and a sit-down reception who was not on the invitation. The marrying couple have enough to worry about without wondering about whether you’ll stay together long enough to bring the flavor of the week.

Once, I was involved in a long-term relationship and one of my man’s best friends was getting married. He invited me to come (the invitation was plus 1) and I said NO. We were at a crossroads in our relationship and I didn’t want to be giving him or his friends any ideas. So he went by himself.

I’ve always gone to weddings alone. And each one I’ve been to, I have made a new friend. Or two. Works for me.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Question for the blog What restaurant has a good brunch on Saturdays??

By Dan

October 1, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

@Tweenty

It’s not about getting over, or that matter under, anything.

It’s about expectations.

The root of Blanca’s question is about expectations and the way people set them. She and her other, at the time, were attempting to battle the expectations that people had of their relationship. (But really, when you show up as a couple to multiple weddings, you’re doing it to yourselves.)

As far as managing the expectation of yourself or others, that’s your duty. So, to your statement, I don’t know what a woman’s expectation is of me (or us) and neither do you.

So there.

By Bentley

October 1, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

Am I wrong to believe that people ask this question because they want to find another excuse to get dressed up and eat free food with free entertainment???

It seems like the people who know not to ask you that question are the ones that will be first in attendance to your ceremony, while the nosey ones are late (because they’re really there for the reception) and do the ABSOLUTE MOST once at the reception because their daily married life is a bit of a bore.

It seems like that because if they really cared when/if your partner were considering wedding bells, they’d be active enough in your life to know the answer before that moment at the wedding. Blanca, it’s kind of like what I mentioned to you a while back: if you have to ask, what’s the point? If you really cared to know, you’d be more involved in my life outside of just social settings.

By Chink

October 1, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Morning

Whenever I have gone to weddings or been in a wedding I have gone solo. By the way thankfully they are still married!

Would I go to a wedding with a guy I was dating..of course! Would I think that me and him would get married…of course NOT! I mean its just an outing almost like a party. Not that serious.

Foots

I have been to Chateau Elan for brunch a couple of times and I love it..have you tried it?

By SlimOne

October 1, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Morning…

Folks constantly asked me and my ex when we were getting married and we both attending plenty of weddings…until i stopped going. Hayo, folks even shouted out the marriage talk during the toast at my birthday party a few months ago. It just never happened.

By Dan

October 1, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

I’m thinking too that I’mma start getting like my Auntie when that question comes up.

“So, when are going to settle down, get married, and have some kids?”

Really, even when I did, you’d only know about through word of mouth, so why would I care to discuss it with you now?

Walk away with my smug look as the person stands there thinking that my response was rude, comforted by the fact that I know that it was the question that was rude.

By Leggs

October 1, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Never, ever stand in line to catch the bouquet. Those women there are vultures and you may lose a limb or an eye!

By Bentley

October 1, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Foots

I recommend Agnes & Muriels for Saturday Brunch. There are a few others I can’t recall but that is a top spot in my book. Most other restaurants that usually cater to the dinner crowd are just recycling leftover meals and old shipments to clean out the fridge.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Chink No, I haven’t been. I don’t know about going that far just to eat, but I’m sure it’s nice. Thanks for the suggestion.

By Rell - Say good night to the bad guy

October 1, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

@foots…atkins park..has a nice brunch..but my favorite is Thumbs up Diner..just get there early…long line..but they give you alot of food…also the old standby…landmark and R Thomas…hope this helps

By Bentley

October 1, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

FOOTS

I couldn’t forget: Thumbs Up Diner.

Don’t sleep on it because it has the word “diner” in it. The food: BANGIN!!!!!

By DasV -

October 1, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I don’t know how something as external as someone elses wedding could have such a powerful effect on my relationship. If the person Im in a relationship with suddenly started acting funny, or couldn’t comfortably agree to do whateva with me, then I would have to take issue with that. Our relationship isnt ‘strong’ enough to attend a wedding together??? Someone else’s expectation of ‘us’, has you trippin….. so much so that we cant attend a wedding (free food, free drink, free club-scene) together?? Seriously.

I also have no problem with someone/ good-intentioned ppl asking me my status… I know that they are coming from a well-meaning position. They wish me the happiness in Hollywood movies…. The happiness they assume consumes me in the dead-of-night alone in my bed. its all good I happily inform them of my circumstance and open their minds to a new perspective; by the time I finish they are sitting down with a look of envy at my freedom of character, my confidence and my contentment.

By Atl Lady

October 1, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Bentley I don’t know about free food and entertainment. Now I have gone to someone’s wedding just to see if both sides were going to get along at all or how long it was going to take before someone shows out at the reception. Not that I wasn’t interested in the couple’s happiness, but knew too much drama was going on before the wedding took place.

Let me give you an example: Guy I had been working with for a few years decided to do the honorable thing by marrying this girl he got pregnant. Their relationship was rocky at best and he was still seeing other women at the same time. He didn’t do anything to resolve all the mess with the other women. So most of the people there were there to see the fireworks. I knew of two women that said they were going to stop the wedding. The big day came and the church was packed. The groom’s own mother (who also performed the ceremony), got there an hour and a half late so some people would leave. I had too much company on my row and none of us were going anywhere. To my disappointment, nothing happened.

By Chink

October 1, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Dan

Funny most of the women in my family are like its ok ..you have time. No pressure at all ..and I even used to tell them it might not even happen at all!

But I kind of changed my stance on that…I plan to be married one day.

By Chink

October 1, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Uhh I would hope that going to a weddings is not akin to sport wathing or a episode of the Real World…but really there to see 2 people unite.

If you just there to gossip maybe you shouldnt go…

By abc

October 1, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

This is a ‘Dear Ann Landers’ or ‘Miss Manners’ kind of topic.

Only clods would ask such a question. All you need is a kind and gentle response, such as “when the time is right”. Or, “I already have a dog”, “What! And give up all this?”, “When you learn some manners.”, “and deprive your [husband, wife] of all that sex?”, or “When pigs are aerodynamic.”.

By AmazonRed

October 1, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Morning all. Thumbs Up is my favorite breakfast spot too. I eat there all the time. Though I wouldn’t call it a brunch spot. You gotta have mimosas and bellinis with brunch. And a buffet. LOL

Foots, I like Landon’s, Apre Diem and Copelands for brunch, but I’m not sure if they offer it on Saturdays. I’m pretty sure Apre Diem does.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Bentley/Rell You guys thought of Thumbs Up Diner at the same time, so it must be good. Thanks for all the suggestions.

By m'karyl

October 1, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

@Foots Cresent Moon in Decatur (several Deactur venues have brunch), Flying Biscuit in Candler Park and Midtown, Atkin’s Park in VA-HI…there are a few others that might come to mind in a minute…ain’t been gone a year…and I am having an oops moment…used to know like the back of my hand..

By Blue_Kolla

October 1, 2008 10:31 AM | Link to this

DasV I don’t know how something as external as someone elses wedding could have such a powerful effect on my relationship.

That’s me on all fronts.

Atl Lady I had too much company on my row and none of us were going anywhere. To my disappointment, nothing happened.

…which is why I’m down for the small family and close friends only bash. Fugg inviting a bunch of triflin’ bammaz to eat free, drink way too fuggin’ much, and start shyt.

‘Ey QC

By m'karyl

October 1, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

@ARed

Thumbs Up…I used to work with the cook/owner…well the person who was…when she cooked at Julian’s in Inman Park…Joe can slam a brunch.

By AmazonRed

October 1, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

As for the topic, doesn’t really apply as I never get a “plus one” at weddings.

However, if I’m not exclusive with anyone I wouldn’t want to bring a date anyway. I’d rather troll for single men or a groomsman or something!

By az

October 1, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t take it too seriously just because someone asks when you’re getting married. I know I’ve asked that question to people I know but its just a simple question and truth is it really doesn’t matter to me very much if they get married or not… its just a simple question. I think other people may ask that question just because they know its makes couples a little uncomfortable and they kind of enjoy doing that. So, either way, I wouldn’t stress it.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Blue which is why I’m down for the small family and close friends only bash.

That’s me too. I only want folks there that know me or him personally, not my mama’s friends from work, not my daddy’s old UPS buddies. Everybody there should be somebody who knows us and wants us to succeed. Dayum feeding a bunch of folks who just want to talk about what kind of cake I had.

So many good restaurants!! Y’all gone make me fat! LOL!

By az

October 1, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t take it too seriously just because someone asks when you’re getting married. I know I’ve asked that question to people I know but its just a simple question and truth is it really doesn’t matter to me very much if they get married or not… its just a simple question. I think other people may ask that question just because they know its makes couples a little uncomfortable and they kind of enjoy doing that. So, either way, I wouldn’t stress it.

By The Truth

October 1, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Foots the Ritz has a swinging brunch. First rate.

On topic: I took my last gf to my boys wedding and we had a good time. I really enjoyed her being there.

By Atl Lady

October 1, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

BK That was the very short version. Most that were there were very close to him. He think of me as his older sister and we’re friends to this day. The situation created a lot of inherit drama. Number one, the bride-to-be insisted on a wedding and inviting people knowing his past and current ho-story. She knew women he was sleeping with were going to come. When I said I had a lot of company on my row, I left out that someone I eventually started dating was sitting next to me and we talked a lot while we waited. Were there other people I knew on my row too? Yes. Just didn’t talk to them as much as I did him.

By Bre'

October 1, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

For some reason I feel like we sorta touched on this last week. I don’t check in enough to keep keep topics too straight. Me and ol’boy have now been together over two year. Its seems like just yesterday I had the five finger rotation going on. We have been to a few weddings this year and have one coming up this month as a matter of fact. When family ask when we are getting married my answer is, “when you start paying for it”. That usually shuts up nosey family members. Then when friends ask him or me, we both respond with, “we don’t believe in marriage right now”. The look on there face is priceless. Then we can move onto other things pretty quickly.

Life is pretty simple…..

Off Topic I’m coming to GA this weekend going to be in the Augusta area. However I was thinking of driving at least to Decatur/Conyers area to hang out on Saturday night. Are there any nice lounges or clubs around that way?

By AmazonRed

October 1, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Hey Truth, bats eyelashes.

You gonna take me to brunch at the Ritz, handsome? LOL

By The Truth

October 1, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Foots I just contacted The Ritz and they no longer offer the buffet brunch. I retract my submission. lol

By Bentley

October 1, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

ATL Lady Amazingly, that says a lot about how we all sometimes approach weddings/marriages in general. I’ve definitely gone to a few weddings where I questioned why I was there in the first place. Some people only get married because they dropped that one seed that actually managed to fertalize an egg, or they got to a certain age and it seemed like a good idea at the time. OR the couple that had more fun planning the wedding but you know has no clue that they should be planning their marriage as well. The list can go on and on and on.

That said, I think the free food and entertainment simply give people MORE of an incentive to see what could possibly go down. It allows you to be right there for the real life movie scene(s) with something better than soda and popcorn to fill your stomach. And even if nothing goes down, people at least got to dress up, consume copious (or moderate) amounts of alcohol, eat some filet mignon (or some good chicken) and call it a day—all for little money and little sacrifice.

Blue Kolla

Fugg inviting a bunch of triflin’ bammaz to eat free, drink way too fuggin’ much, and start shyt.

Go ‘head and speak that truth, homie!

By The Truth

October 1, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Ared I didn’t say (1103) that to get out of taking you to The Ritz. LMAO Their brunch now is from the menu.

MK I ate at the Crescent Moon a few weeks ago and the food was pretty good but they could at least turn on the ac.

By Dr. Panoz

October 1, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

I would sooner eat out of a garbage can like an alley cat than have “brunch” at Chateau Elan.

By Foots

October 1, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Truth I graciously refuse your retraction. They betta get their azz in that kitchen and fix me my brunch!! On Saturday!! LOL!!

By Blanca

October 1, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

(Blanca anxiously tests out the commenting feature AGAIN….)

By Ray

October 1, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

I lived with a woman for 5 years, very much in love with her, but wary of the ‘1 in 2 marriages fail’ routine. I finally asked her, she accepted, we got married in the fall and by the next summer we were divorced.

Think I was gun shy before? Never again.

By Blue_Kolla

October 1, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

zzz…

By AmazonRed

October 1, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

I didn’t say (1103) that to get out of taking you to The Ritz. LMAO Their brunch now is from the menu

Oh Truth, I know. That was an FYI for Foots. I know you were only calling the Ritz to make our reserveations anyway. Thanks sweetie. LMAO.

By Angie

October 1, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

What would you do if God sat you down today and told you that He desires for you to remain unmarried for the rest of your life?

By AmazonRed

October 1, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

What would you do if God sat you down today and told you that He desires for you to remain unmarried for the rest of your life?

I’d thank him for letting a sista know. I just want to know if it’s gonna happen for me or not. If the answer is “not” then I can plan accordingly. LOL. You know, stop waxing and stuff. LOL (j/k)

By a daily lurker

October 1, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Angie I’m sure you would keep living. What else would you do? Will yourself to die. As much as well all want the package, I mean that man it just might not happen. Remember the blog posting a few days/week ago the best words you can ever learn or learn to live by? LIFE GOES ON Maybe not the fairytale or what she has but living nontheless. We feel you though.

By Tazzee

October 1, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

Angie I would thank Him for letting me know now and get on with His business.

But I might ask Him if I can get a waiver on that ‘flee fornication’ part, LOL

By i'm swiss

October 1, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

@Ray — Interesting. What changed when you got married? — i.e. were you already living together before you got married, etc.? Do you think the problems that led to the divorce would have come up if you hadn’t gotten married?

I had a similar story with my ex — we dated for almost 8 years before we were married, but the marriage only lasted about 3 years (and most of that was misery). In my case, though, the problems were already in place before we got married. I was just too stupid to walk away from it — we had been together for so long, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that we’d get married, blah, blah, blah. I never should have gone through with it, but in my case the relationship was doomed, marriage or not.

By m'karyl

October 1, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

What would you do if God sat you down today and told you that He desires for you to remain unmarried for the rest of your life?

Uh…musta been what I finally heard when I was 26…made up my mind then and there…it was like whateve was lurking in the back of my subconscious mind emerged to the forefront…and I have not thought about it since then…in fact, I wish other ppl would just get it and get over it…I have spent 22 years saying the same thing…marriage it just not for me…period.

By Raqi

October 1, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

But I might ask Him if I can get a waiver on that ‘flee fornication’ part

LMBO

By Chink

October 1, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Angie

I would wonder if I should become a nun since the latter was not for me.

By Prada

October 1, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Footz I really nice spot is Sweet Melissa’s in City of Decatur. They even have live music. You’d love it.

By Alvin

October 1, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Cause bish I’m amazin Look what I’m blazin Eyes so low Yea I look like an asian Forever Thuggin Forever Thuggin Haters run they mouth They ain’t talkin bout nothin Cause Bish I’m amazin Look what I’m blazin Eyes so low Yea I look like an asian Forever Thuggin Forever Thuggin Haters run they mouth They ain’t talkin bout nothin Cause Bish I’m amazin

By Alvin

October 1, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

Gotta feed my hood So I’m up and down the interstate The streets need a ‘igga So I’m in and out that vocal booth H0es love a ‘igga Cause I’m in and out they yellow coupe But nuttin but banana split Say that I’m her favorite If you can take alot of dyck I can talk alot of shyt Go on baby swag it up Show them haters who your with Bring you want that gangsta shyt Who you n**** f/kin with

By Classics

October 1, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

I don’t know how something as external as someone elses wedding could have such a powerful effect on a relationship.

Great post.

By Alvin

October 1, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

My ambitions as a hustla (I won’t deny it I’m a straight hustla. I won’t deny it)

My ambitions as a hustla (I won’t deny it I’m a straight hustla. I won’t deny it)

My ambitions as a hustla (I won’t deny it I’m a straight hustla. I won’t deny it)

My ambitions as a hustla (I won’t deny it I’m a straight hustla. I won’t deny it)

By The Truth

October 1, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Swiss I dated my ex for 6 years and it lasted for 2. At a certain point you either drop anchor or sail off. Marraige does change the dynamics of a relationship. Not for the faint of heart.

Ray lmao

Tazz funny. In GODS booming voice, WAIVER GRANTED. LOL