By Dan

October 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

The whole “red hot” love is not necessarily passion, it’s drama.

When you’re younger that drama is fun and attractive. As you get older, though, you begin to realize that in getting your goals accomplished drama is a deterrent to those ends.

Once you get to know self, knowing what (or who) makes you happy and wanting to be around that person is easy.

Gramma always said “Leave well enough alone, because what looks good to you, ain’t always good for you.”

By Leggs

October 2, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Tonight should be a fun night.

Ah, the age old question, appreciate what you have or wait for the “thunderbolt?”

My grandfather took one look at my grandmother and told her she was gonna be his wife. She wasn’t so sure about that at first, but he did win her over.

I think a lot of us women hope for some instant magnetic attraction where everything falls into place. I know a few couples that had that.

But the question is, do you wait for that when it may not be in the cards for you? Do you turn down a perfectly suitable mate just because he may not have known in an instant you were the one? Maybe you had a whole lot of bitter before you got to the sweet.

I wish I had an answer. At this point, I hope I just go with the one that makes me happy, no matter if the story of our love doesn’t make the masses swoon.

Ironically, my parents had the most boring proposal and elopement in history, but they have lasted decades together.

By Raqi

October 2, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

The thing is if you don’t like each other it will not last. (FME) That burning desire comes and go. The heat between us brought us together but the like and love that we have for each other is what keeps us bonded.

So yeah there are days that our lives are just “pleasant” and there are days when we have torrid fiyah. But then we can’t leave out the days when we just don’t agree. Being in a relationship is like riding a teeter totter. It is only a strong and stable as the base that it rest on.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

I have one friend who is divorced. The man she married was a nice guy who treated her well, made decent money and took her on nice vacations.

However, he didn’t light her fire. She knew this on her wedding day. But he was a good guy, so she thought that would be enough.

Now she’s out at the bars still looking like the rest of us. She’s 34. She’s considering adopting if she’s still alone at 36.

I wonder if she thinks she’s better off…

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

When you’re younger that drama is fun and attractive. As you get older, though, you begin to realize that in getting your goals accomplished drama is a deterrent to those ends.

thats problem dan…alot of men/women dont want to grow up or cannot recongize when maturing is taking hold in there life…the hold on to those “fun years” or a time period….feel me…so i feel you on the above homey

By Dan

October 2, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

@ARed

…in the club at 34…looking?

Ooooh, she done been ran through, huh?

What she look like? Does she like tall, dark, and handsome?

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

@Ared..concerning your friend

Somewhere around the late twenties and early thirties, a woman’s body chemistry starts to change and the testosterone in her body becomes a little more potent, so to speak. That’s why women seem to become more independent, aggressive and a little hairier as they get older. It’s also quite common for them to experience a dramatic increase in their desire for other men. Unless women change sexual partners, or as you guys like to say, get some “strange,” they may lose interest in having sex with their current partner. They start getting that…you know…brothersister feeling.

also

young females are conditioned to believe that they are naturally monogamous and they carry this belief with them throughout their lifetimes. So when women experience feelings that deviate from this belief, particularly after they are married, those feelings can cause enormous internal conflict. Many women resolve the dilemma by dissolving their marriages. Some women find it easier to think they married the wrong guy than to see themselves as some sort of shameful freak of nature. Their erroneous belief in a monogamous predisposition prevents them from becoming aware of their natural sexual tendencies in the first place. This unawareness can cause a chain reaction that ultimately destroys their marriages. What I’m trying to tell you is, your wife’s body may just be wanting something different, or as you probably call it, wanting some “strange.”

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Ooooh, she done been ran through, huh?

No. And who said clubs? The point is that she’s unattached just like millions of other sisters in this city.

:-/

By MELO

October 2, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

Ooooh, she done been ran through, huh? is that equivalent to a sexxual highway? im just asking for the meaning…

Hws everybody doing??

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

Dan Why she gotta be run through?? LOL

By MLL

October 2, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

IF your relationship is good and you want it better make it better by spicing things up..what happened to making things work instead of looking for excuses for an easy way out? No relationship is foul proof as Raqi stated and I’ve expereinced myself you have your good days and your bad days…you can’t expect to be swinging from a chandelier the whole time.

Ared your friend is probably kicking herself right now knowing that she gave up a good man to sit in bars looking for an illusion she has conjured up in her head about how a relationship/marriage is supposed to be.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Morning melo, doing well, thanks.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

Ooooh, she done been ran through, huh? so going to bars means you’ve been ran thru?….jeeze

By Dan

October 2, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

@ARed

While I can agree with Rell’s dissertation, you began your post by saying that she left her husband.

So, she’s voluntarily single.

That said, if she’s out looking for new booty, she’s had some encounter’s with as Rell called “strange”. It’s almost a fact, that as she’s been looking she’s been involved in a (singles) culture that evolved during her marriage.

So why hit me with the emoticon for stating a fact?

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

so going to bars means you’ve been ran thru?….jeeze

MLL, don’t forget that he also seemed excited about that prospect.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Show of hands….

For all the single ladies (that frequent bars or clubs) that have not ran into that producer/businessman that turned out to be a married shoe salesmen or something like that…say aye (in affirmation).

Come on, quit playing. Why else would you be in the streets, and as has been stated ad naseum on this board, there is an exchange rate for company.

By Lily

October 2, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

I’ve found that as you age, your priorities change. At one point I felt I had to have the “heat” from my lover and I didn’t care if we had conversation or not. Now, I crave the good times, being laid back, and being with someone who’s easy and fun to be with. The sex is good, he’s a great guy and I believe he’ll be a great provider one day. That’s all I want at the end of the day. Good is not necessarily the enemy to Great.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Well, I know what motivated me or made me think I was emotionally attracted to/attached to a person is definitely different at 48 than it was at 18 or at 28…I think that a lot of us allow are early emotional development to be influenced by the designated rules the society or ppl say are requisite in the mating game…until after way too much drama, negative emotional outcomes and a whole laundry list of undesirable consequences we suddenly begin ato ask ourselves what is it that really would make a relationshiop work for me….the criteria that is intransient for me today was not even on the forefront of my radar screen when I was younger…but as I evolved through my life experiences, these things became more evident and salient in the relationship criteria department…but the one thing that has not changed from then to now is the fact that I will not settle, the reasons may be different…but the end game is still the same…why should I short change me…I ain’t gonna be short changing someone else.

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

@Dan

i post that info from womens infidelity…interesting read…..plus anyone that denies the above what i posted does not play out is fooling themselves…ared said he was a good man but did not light her fire…but she went ahead with the fanasty….. in the book the author states that women are happy in relationships if they can play out part of the fanasty of relationships

Most women are happiest when focused on fulfilling some part of the get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after fantasy. They are content, even in relatively unfulfilling relationships, as long some part of the fantasy is left to play out. First, women focus on getting the man, then they focus on planning the wedding, then they focus on being a good wife and buying and decorating a house, then they focus on having a baby and, finally, they focus on why they wanted all this in the first place. Contrary to popular assumption, women don’t put nearly as much effort into their relationships with their boyfriends and husbands as they put into trying to accomplish their goal of getting married and becoming a wife and mother. It’s only after they’ve accomplished these goals that they begin to evaluate the relationship itself.

By Foots

October 2, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

Raqi Being in a relationship is like riding a teeter totter.

Yeah, sounds like what I’m finding out now. I hate to admit it, but it has really taken me this long to figure out that even if a relationship is good, that it will have ups and downs, times when you just get on each other’s nerves, mixed in with togetherness, laughter and supporting each other.

My relationship is still relatively new and we had a wonderful “honeymoon” period. It was just us in a bubble, getting to know each other and establishing our baseline. But now is the time where we have to learn to fit the rest of life back in. He had studies that were being neglected while we were in that bubble and he has to get back to it or face unemployment (he’s been there and doesn’t want to go back). I just miss being at my own house, aside from the fact that I have studies now too. I know that the love is there, but things have really calmed down.

And what I realized is that this is the point where I usually cut and run. To tell you the truth, my longest relationships have been long-distance, where things are always new. Phone communication is excellent because it has to be and you never really have a chance to settle into a routine. Now just the routines are a daily challenge for me, to fight that image of what it “should be” and be grateful for what “it is”. I realize that no matter how much I said I didn’t have the idealistic view of relationships, I sure did and it’s taking some real determination to get past that to see how relationships REALLY are. Part of me still has a bad case of the “shoulds” though. I’m truly finding out that men love differently and it isn’t always easy for women to understand that.

This is the time where it helps to have married and involved friends to walk you through this part of relationship development. Single friends know a lot of getting together and breaking up, but I need reassurance from those who are in the daily line of fire…

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

On Topic: I have dated a ‘safe’ guy so to speak. He was stable had a job and the like, but he was a boring individual. He didn’t like doing anything artist or cultural. He really wasn’t into sports either. Couldn’t get into what he was into because he wasn’t passionate about anything just seemed to be existing. I think that’s what ws the root of the problem with Ared’s friend. Shw probably felt like she was existing and not living.

By Chink

October 2, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Morning! What a beautiful day!

It all boils down to maturity…and having realistic expectations.

For all the single ladies (that frequent bars or clubs) that have not ran into that producer/businessman that turned out to be a married shoe salesmen or something like that…say aye (in affirmation).

aye

Thats why I stopped going to clubs and such …I go maybe once or twice a year and I am good. Even though I aint looking I still get approached and it just gets tiresome. But I like to dance so I usually dance all night to make up for lost times…lol

Can we get a few more weeks of summer PLEASE

By Chink

October 2, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Rell

If thats most women I must be in the minority.

That reeks of UFO sighting in Nevada basically nonsense I hope you aren’t really subscribing to those conspiracy theories….

By Angie

October 2, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

If things are just “good,” do you keep searching for great?

no!

my problem WHILE IN THE A was wanting more too soon. another valuable lesson learned.

morning ladies, MLL!

By Chink

October 2, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Foots

This is the time where it helps to have married and involved friends to walk you through this part of relationship development

I think that is essential in relationships before marriage and after.

First it keeps you both accountable and then you have positive reinforcement …you just have to be able to trust that they have you yours best interest at heart.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Dan that’s why I don’t frequent bars anymore, men like you go fishing there for unsuspecting women to filled them with lies to get your rocks off…..

Ared Dan knows what the deal is..I’m pretty sure there’s a bar stool with his butt print on it..LOL

By Angie

October 2, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

What would you do if the significant other God desires for you, is unlike the person you truly desire physically, economically or professionally?

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

@Chink…we have spoken before….so you know me…come on now..i am posting for debate purposes only…the interest part is that she talked to women that really believed this or had b****** themselves into thinking they had a condition just because they wanted some outside dyck….lol….and for the record you can come out your castle you are not a martian or immune to moments of weakness…you just like any other female…try dranking some of foots kool-aid flavored reality based thinking…k

By MLL

October 2, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

What’s up Angie I have an unlimited quota of lessons learned LOL

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

I’ve found that as you age, your priorities change. At one point I felt I had to have the “heat” from my lover and I didn’t care if we had conversation or not. Now, I crave the good times, being laid back, and being with someone who’s easy and fun to be with. The sex is good, he’s a great guy and I believe he’ll be a great provider one day. That’s all I want at the end of the day. Good is not necessarily the enemy to Great.

@Lily

That it the kind a evolutionary process of relationships that I am referring to per se…the qualitative measures change as our priorities in life change and as we change…but we still want a relationship that gives our the value we desire in sharing ourselves with someone.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

@MLL

I don’t lie to anyone, about anything, specifically in any version of a “relationship”.

I’m cute. Don’t need to lie, just a wink and some reflexive touching, and it’s “ceiling fan ahoy”.

As for bars, I’m too cheap, I drink at home….and then sip water all night

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Angie Then it’s on GOD to sustain me in those areas. HE knows his chillun better than they know themselves. He knows who’s going to be faithful before you meet and everything else in between. I just would like for HIM to tell me so I can get myself together. :-)

By Lily

October 2, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Whenever a “need” is being neglected that opens the door for someone to cheat. Plain and simple. Male or female. It simply does not matter. If your needs are not being sustained there is always someone willing to step in…ALWAYS

I decided to grow up and not assume that my man would know what it takes to please me or what the “heat” translated into for me. I told him things, in a very general, informational type way. I was not telling him how or when. I left that up to his creativity and I have yet to be disappointed.

At some point you just have to grow up and stop believing and expecting all the Hollywood hype. If you want something that you’re not getting at home, and you’re in a committed relationship, you at least owe it to your SO to give them a chance to improve, otherwise you’re just a w******* in disguise. Male or Female.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

cute folks don’t lie LOL Dan please stop while you’re ahead…..

By Chink

October 2, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

Rell

My weaknesses can be contained …I am not a wild beast rubbing my privates on a tree stump.

So I will gladly stay in my castle… :)

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

So why hit me with the emoticon for stating a fact?

Because it was ignorant. And hardly a fact, but your opinion.

Voluntarily single or not, just because she decided she was not happy in her marriage does not mean that she’s out looking to get “ran thru.” It’s quite possible she’s looking for a complete package.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

I am not a wild beast rubbing my privates on a tree stump.@ Chink good lawdy….tree stump burn

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

@LILY…standing ovation to you lady on that post….felt that one all the way

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

your friend is probably kicking herself right now knowing that she gave up a good man to sit in bars looking for an illusion she has conjured up in her head about how a relationship/marriage is supposed to be

MLL, I would think she is too. However, her ex is still single too and lives in Atlanta. We ran into him one night out at Cafe Circa. LOL! His MySpace page indicates that he’s dating women that all look like her, according to his friends list. (from what she’s told me).

There is more to the story I’m sure, but she has said she was married to “the nicest guy in the world”

By Angie

October 2, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

MLL will i sale my soul for the book of life? maybe. i would like to get something right before i go. lol. j/k

atl lady my question is how will we know? we do such a good job of running from what is NOT handsome or successful …

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Why else would you be in the streets

Uh, cuz you can’t meet people sitting at home watching TIVO.

In any case, my answer is “nay”

By Dan

October 2, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

@ARed

For the sake of peace, I will restate the proposition: Aye indicates “no” in this case. Nay would indicate “yes”.

Would you care to restate?

@MLL

I’m always ahead, even when I’m down.

By Leggs

October 2, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

My heart will tell me. It’s not about looks. Never have been! Although I have to be physcially attracted to him, he doesn’t have to be fine.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Foots, I sent you an email yesterday. Did you get it? LOL

By MLL

October 2, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Ared I’m pretty sure there’s so much more to the story…too bad there will be innocent women paying for his ex wife’s sins…..That’s the number one main reason I don’t like dating divorced men…

Angie hold up! no soul selling allowed…..you got up this morning in your right mind, you got something right, right there!

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

@Foots

It just sounds like to me that the nut and bolts of life with a relationship are beginning to meld and set in…that is a good thing, no?…I think that it is more detrimental when the “honeymoon phase” lingers long after it is practical and conducive to the “reality of life phase” that all relationships must come to if they are going to sustain themselves in the long term…these things too are what a relationship is all about, no?…I hope that is continues to go well for you and that no unknown, undesired or unnecessary fears, doubts or other uncalled for forces get in the way…ohteriwse,it sounds like a normal and mature relationship progression to me.

By MELO

October 2, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

Lily ^5….felt that too!!

By Chink

October 2, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

MLL

I guess thats what you call a burning desire! LOL

Anyway its 1119 and there is only 60 comments whats up with that? Slow week?

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Angie Ask him Him in faith and He will tell you I promise you. Let me tell ya how I know. Almost two years ago, I saw a guy who I thought was attractive, but wasn’t into him at all. All of a sudden he started talking to me and we dated, but something wasn’t right. I went to God in prayer. I go to a very large church, but I always go to 7:00am service. That same day a woman I never met before or have seen since told me in the midst of praise and worship service ‘leave that man alone’. I said excuse me. She said it again like my grandma, ‘You heard me. Leave that man alone he ain’t no good.’ After service, she told me three things that came true. My boss didn’t like me and was going to try and terminate me, me and ole boy weren’t going to make it, and I was going to have a life changing experience. ALL came true. It is written the prayers of the righteous availeth much, but you can’t ask amiss. Ask HIM earnestly and he will answer you.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

It’s not about looks. Never have been!

you should see my ex. ppl/fam asked me all the time … what do you see in him? they didn’t know it, but that was very disrespectful to me and him. when he kissed me for the first time, my panties caught on fire.

before letting a ugmo go, kiss him first! lol.

By SexyCool

October 2, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

angie…god ain’t gone send you nobody that you ain’t attracted to…or that you don’t want…

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Dan, Aye, nay…I ain’t never met that kind of cat.

By spice

October 2, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

I seem to always meet the nice guys that I end up doing wrong, why cant I meet the no good ones like most of you guys on here so I dont feel bad about it.

By Lily

October 2, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

I have found that the most available man is a married one, however unavailable by default. To the married folk, why do you think this is? It appears men and women are working the “play” and “stay” tactic.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

sexycool What would you do if

answer the question. if …

By india

October 2, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

i’ve not been reading anyones comments in awhile where is wise diva, i really enjoyed reading her stories

By Foots

October 2, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Amazon No, but I haven’t checked that account. Let me see if I can get to it…

m’karyl Thanks. This is just new to me. I don’t think I’ve had a relationship really progress into and through the nuts and bolts stage. When it seems imminent, I usually just go nuts and bolt.

Atl Lady What you said is so true. I had an experience like that with a woman I didn’t know. When the man I was completely in love with broke up with me pretty much out of the blue 3.5 years ago, I was really asking God for answers and confirmation that it was what He wanted for me. The next day, I was driving into work (usually I’d take a PTO day, but I woke up feeling like I HAD to go to work), and I caught the eye of one of our new security guards staring out the window, looking dead at me, like she was waiting for me. I didn’t know then that she was.

I parked my car, came upstairs into the lobby and she called me over to her. She got 80% of it right, some of the details were wrong as I could see her trying to decode things herself, but she knew things that she couldn’t have otherwise known. She had a message for me that day, that everything would be all right and that I would get over it and that God wanted to let me know that he heard me. I completely broke down in the lobby in the arms of this woman that I didn’t even know. I was so grateful that she was obedient in allowing God to use her and even more grateful that God saw fit to reassure me in such a way, not even 24 hours after my heart got broken. He knew exactly how I felt about this one, everybody did, and almost had to come down from Heaven to give me a hug when it was over.

From that day on, I never called him, emailed, nothing. We worked in the same building, and saw each other in passing EVERY day before that day. After that day, I never saw him again until the day I left the building to move to another company location. It had been four months.

So yeah, I know A LOT about God telling you

By Angie

October 2, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Ask HIM earnestly and he will answer you.

when i speak with him, i find myself asking for a friend. i believe in the steps and the first step is friendship. when i look at RW, i don’t see a bf. i see a friend who i would like to learn more about and want to stick around. the way we laugh together … you would think we’re best buds.

By MELO

October 2, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

To the married folk, why do you think this is? coz we carry ourselves in a real dignified and mature way which attracts the ladies looking to settle down.We have figured out the code that attracts females,so to speak(we have a wman domesticated at home)Thats a big attraction.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

My weaknesses can be contained …I am not a wild beast rubbing my privates on a tree stump.

LMAO @ Chink. I mean really.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

What would you do if the significant other God desires for you, is unlike the person you truly desire physically, economically or professionally?

E.G.O…Edging GOD Out…simple put…sometimes our egos (i.e. vanity, arrogance, conceit, selfishness) can get in the way of what is really meant to be for us…I remember a sister that I grew up with…she had challenges with her weight issues…and coming from a family a slender or voluptous siblings, she had her share of self-esteem issues to battle…she is beautiful, intelligent, talented and by far the most compassionate and empathetic of all of her sisters…she met and married a man who was not the most physically attractive person one could meet…ppl at home riduculed her choice, questioned what she saw in him and such…but they are still married to this day and still madly in love, mainly because he values her as a person in her completeness…meanwhile, back in the jungle all of her other sibs have been married and divorced at least once, widowed and still alone or never married at all…ummmm.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

@The political minded:

If you’re like me, you enjoy drama, and BO’s speech’s, here’s a link to view one of his better ones.

http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/10/obamatheeconomicdespairman.php#more

I really think he has Aaron Sorkin in a headlock writing this stuff down.

Aaron Sorkin - writer of the Emmy winning West Wing….

By india

October 2, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

i’ve not been reading anyones comments in awhile where is wise diva, i really enjoyed reading her stories

By SexyCool

October 2, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

again…if there is somebody that i was not attracted to in all of the ways that you named…then i know god didn’t send him…

my bible says that he will give me the desires of my heart…

if god sent me somebody like that…then god doesn’t know me and i know that’s not true because he knows my ending from my beginning…anybody that knows the numbers of hairs on my head knows me better than i know myself because i don’t know how many hairs on are on my head…

and if THAT god sent me somebody like that…then i don’t know my heart or myself and i would have to get to know myself and do some work on myself first…because obviously i’m not ready…or he’s not through with me yet…

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Angie If Uggmo lights your fire, it’s not for anyone else to understand but ya’ll and God. A Mississippi mud cake looks ugly from the outside, but bite into it. :-)

By Foots

October 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Angie answer the question. if

I think what she’s saying is that there is no “if”. Even if other people don’t find him attractive or successful, you will see him differently. There is a certain combination of things that we each find attractive. We may think we know, but really we don’t know exactly what that is. But if there is somebody who knows, it’s God, because He put the combination together.

We think we know what we like when we see it, but we don’t really know until we feel it. Shoot, that’s why Halle Berry’s behind is single, as beautiful as she is and every man’s physical dream, once men got with her, they didn’t feel it…

By Blanca

October 2, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Lily ow, I crave the good times, being laid back, and being with someone who’s easy and fun to be with. The sex is good, he’s a great guy and I believe he’ll be a great provider one day. That’s all I want at the end of the day. Good is not necessarily the enemy to Great. That actually sounds pretty fantastic to me! =)

By SexyCool

October 2, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

and let me state exactly that the bible says…

if you delight yourself in him then he will give you the desires of your heart…

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

@Foots

Ummm…well then…now is the time…don’t you think…the flight and flee mode is a pattern of your own inner volition in conflict with the emotionally vulnerability these types of issues manifest inside of ourselves…and it is all truly internal and subjective…if you are ever to have what you desire in a relationship, then you must conquer this fear and ride out the motions…you ain’t gonna get to the otherside of the shore if you keep getting off the boat each time it docks before it reaches its destination…ya’ know…and also, you have been through enough experiences to know now what you did not then…let your wisdom and knowledge have some room too…put the fear and doubt to the back burner, them kicks been running the show long enough.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

m’karyl i’m feelin’ your story so much! yep.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Afternoon ya’ll…

My mister ‘safe dater’ was okay until he tried to kiss me. blech! lol

Foots This is the part that will determine if you and ole boy are really meant for each other. It’s easy to say you’re into someone and you think it’ll all work out, when you both have esctasy-like chemicals running through your brain.

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Rell What I’m trying to tell you is, your wife’s body may just be wanting something different, or as you probably call it, wanting some “strange.”

So what’chu sayin’? If your ol’ lady goes and gets some “strange”, it’s only natural and cool with you? Interesting…

i post that info from womens infidelity…interesting read…

Don’t believe everything you read. E’ry Tom, Dyck, and Harriet ain’t no expert. Also, by the time you start hitting 30, your mind should be stronger than your urge for some new new. So all’at yappin’ and book sellin’ is just a fuggin’ excuse.

By kimmie

October 2, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

What’s up Blog Fam?!

Today is me & SO’s 1 year anniversary! It has been wonderful! Hopefully we’ll have many more!

Foots - I totally feel everything you’re saying! Looks like we’ve had a lot of the same experiences in relationships. I’ve been in a few LD relationships and you’re right - it’s kind of a false honeymoon you stay in and when you do hook up you don’t want to do or say anything to mess up the precious time you have together! This is the 1st time I can say I have been in a really MATURE relationship and I love it. It is completely different - we just don’t have all the BS and drama that existed in my other relationships. We’re grown and we act like it! No need to bring stress to each others lives - life provides enough of that as it is! Yes we’ve had our ups & downs, but we worked through them and the ups totally outweigh the downs. Yes, my heart still skips when I see him or here his voice. He’s so cool - nothing gets him flustered. He just has this cool confidence about him that is so sexy. The kids can be a little wild sometimes but even they don’t get to him - he has the patience of Job, never raises his voice, just coolly says what will or won’t be - and that’s the end of it. Everyone falls into place! This is the time where it helps to have married and involved friends to walk you through this part of relationship development. One of my best, happily married friends gave me this advice years ago that she got from her aunt. She said her aunt told her to find an older good friend or close relative whose marriage you admire. Only discuss or ask questions about your relationship to this person, don’t tell all your business to your single girlfriends or people that might not have your best interests at heart. That was a great piece of advice!

By Dan

October 2, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

@SexyCool

You do realize that “your heart desires” may not be pretty?

He may be gap toothed, working at McD’s and going to law school at night?

If you’re really ready to have “your heart’s desires” fulfilled, are you prepared for that eventuality?

By az

October 2, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

if guys are new and are reading this blog that are “overly nice” guys you might want to take a closer look at what is stated earlier… The man she married was a nice guy who treated her well, made decent money and took her on nice vacations. - bottom line: she would rather sit in bars and adopt someone else’s baby than be with this guy. How much more proof do you need…

By Dan

October 2, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

@SlimOne

Hate to say “I told you so” but…

What was his reaction to your disgust?

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

sexycool you are so right! when i read this question, i wondered why it didn’t make sense. it’s an closed ended question with no real answer. but i had to put it out there.

By Chink

October 2, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

BK

I agree with your 1202

By SexyCool

October 2, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

dan…when he finishes law school, passes the bar and is billing clients hourly, we can buy him some braces…lol…

By Foots

October 2, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

m’karyl You are right. I have been Miss Keep It Moving for a while. I’d like to say that I’ve hung in there when the going got tough in my previous relationships, but I’d be lying. I bail and I’m good at it. The four serious relationships I’ve had, I’ve left them. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. And when we worked it out and got back together in some cases, I left again. It’s kinda funny looking back on my pattern, but not really. :-( Now it’s time to see what I’m made of. Fairytales are over.

What I’ve learned most is that relationships with other people, (doesn’t have to be romantic) are a major way of how we continue to learn about ourselves. There are things that were still inside me that I thought I had cleared up long ago, and being this close to another person has sort of flushed them back out to the surface, where I really have to deal with it.

I read this and it explains myself to me (if that makes sense): Love brings up our “stuff” for healing. Relationships will rub on our rough spots, to give us the opportunity to polish ourselves. What you need to see is that what is coming up is not in the relationship at all — it is in you — and the very reason it is coming up right now — if you really tell the truth — is that you want to heal it, to become more whole inside, to emerge with greater inner strength and be able to keep moving forward to greater love.

So, yeah, this is truly my own mountain to climb and I’m still in the foothills. At least now I see there IS a mountain and I have to change from my kicks from running shoes to hiking shoes.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

az ^5. i’ll take ‘em! lol.

By az

October 2, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

if guys are new and are reading this blog that are “overly nice” guys you might want to take a closer look at what is stated earlier… The man she married was a nice guy who treated her well, made decent money and took her on nice vacations. - bottom line: she would rather sit in bars and adopt someone else’s baby than be with this guy. How much more proof do you need…

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

He may be gap toothed, working at McD’s and going to law school at night… are you prepared for that eventuality?

Hey Dan, what if she had on gold nail polish and plastic shoes?

Couldn’t resist. LOL

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

she would rather sit in bars and adopt someone else’s baby than be with this guy. How much more proof do you need…

az, I don’t think she “would rather” I think it’s just the reality. I don’t think she expected to still be single this long.

You make your bed, you gotta lie in it.

By SlimOne

October 2, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Dan I started laughing..I couldn’t help myself. He kept saying What?, what? lol I was just like whoa, where did that come from? It was so awkward especially since we were playing pool. Who sneaks a kiss playing pool? lol

By abc

October 2, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Psychologically and to an extent biologically, women are ‘programmed’ to always be looking for a better deal. A better provider, a better protector, a better platform for their children’s survival and success. Similarly, men are ‘programmed’ to spread their seed and thus their influence and power.

One would hope that modern civilization could overcome such things. Bottom line, whether male or female, is you’ll stop looking when what you have is good enough, unless there’s no such thing as good enough for you, or until your idea of what is good enough changes.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

@Angie

Got another one for you…growing up, I too battle physical weight issues…my sister (light complexion with the good hair…lol)was said to look just like my mother, but not me…anyhoo, I spent years being told I was not as attractive as my sib or that I did not favor my mother…I was ridiculed for my weight as well as the associated unattractiveness that came along with it…ya’ know…well, fastforward 32 years later (after the weight loss)…funny, I am the spitting image of my mother,and my sister favors her…I am the one who does not adorn herself with make up and the hair fuss (got dreads), and I am told everyday that I am beautiful…and all of those ppl who ridiculed me for my weight are now themselves obese in their advancing years…ummmm..but he true point is I learned that beauty, real beauty comes from the inside…it grows like a seed from where pain pushed it into your heart…it smiles like a radiance through the dark, overcast clouds of suffering…it dwells in its own little space despite the fact the everything else has tried to evict it from your soul…and it shines through the window of your eyes…and when you look at a person and see that…then you know you are looking at a truly beautiful person.

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

@bk…i am cool with it…yea i am cool with it…..lol…yea she get her fluck on..it only natural…she has to fill up her c um catcher some how…lol…folks is too funny today…lol

By Foots

October 2, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

az All the proof we have is that this one woman had trouble overcoming what she thought a relationship should be and what it should feel like. Some of us are trying to get bitten by the reality bug before we get to the point of Happily Ever After, babies, bills, and wills, so that we understand that it wasn’t meant to really be a fairy tale after all.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

i’m sorry Dan but that wasn’t a good example. when i met my ex, he was just a CO. now he’s a Lt. every women can see that he’s a winner.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

i meant the guy working at McD’s is a winner. lol.

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

Chink I agree with your 1202

Yeah slim, I’m with you too, ‘cause Rell is killin’ me. I really hope that he gets some of that Ared poosey soon, ‘cause he’s going to great lengths on this blog to get it. Dayum.

AZ …bottom line: she would rather sit in bars and adopt someone else’s baby than be with this guy. How much more proof do you need…

mouthful ^^^

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

women are ‘programmed’ to always be looking for a better deal

wrong!!!

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

@Foots

You have already acknowledged the most salient part of the process…and that is a good thing…it really does not matter why you did these things in previous relationships…for whatever reason you had to learn yourself and grow with that inner knowledge…maybe it wa the necessary path to your own self-actualiztion…and now it is time for it to manifest at another level…funny how it works like that sometimes…ain’t it…OXOOXO!

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

@AZ…yea i have said many times women dont like nice guys period dot…but let the martians on here tell you they do…they are different then all the rest…lol

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

I really hope that he gets some of that Ared poosey soon. ‘cause he’s going to great lengths on this blog to get it. Dayum.

Wow, BK, was that necessary? LOL.

Maybe we should just make a list of who needs to get some from me so that everyone can stop attributing ‘sexual tension’ to me and half the dudes on this board.

I can just start picking them off one by one, in the interest of blog harmony. :-/

By SlimOne

October 2, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Yall can’t trip on folks working at McD’s or any other place like that nowadays. So don’t be surprised if you see me wearing the rat suit at Chuckee Cheese…be like Slim is that you?…I recognize that Ct anywhere…

Or spraying yo azz down at the perfume counter at the mall. I will follow you all the way to the food court if you try to slip past me. I gotta quota to meet.

Or scraping the chewed up bubblegum off the Burger King drive-thru menu board…

Or picking up used condoms in the parking lot of Trapeze…

Or wearing an orange jump suit picking up trash off the side of the highway…

By Dan

October 2, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

@ARed

I think what we’re stating is that your friend created a reality of her own design, when the reality of her life didn’t suit the “image” she had in her mind of what life would be.

And I’m not knocking it…I’ve done it too.

But part of being an adult is accepting responsibility and living with the consequences of your (in)actions.

You haven’t said, but has she done that?

@Sexycool

Why can’t you get him braces? Promissory note and all.

Funny, women will work on a project (if he’s good looking), take all manner of shullbit, but the ugly dude gotta have it at the intial meeting…..funny

Dan now thanking God for genetics…

Ugly people have it hard, no wonder they mad, y’all treat ‘em like -ish.

@Angie

He ain’t got no cuter likely, it’s just that paycheck done got a lil nicer…

@Az

That’s why I don’t mind being the “azzhole”….

@Slim

Really? You laughed at the dude….

Who was driving? Why didn’t he leave you (see how funny I am now)?

The hellz?

Details, woman. Finish the story.

By Foots

October 2, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

Amazon I can just start picking them off one by one, in the interest of blog harmony. :-/

LOLOLOL!!! I almost wet myself!! Chuckle!

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

@bk….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww now i see you made it f uck with Rell day and i was not aware…..let me pull your coat to something player…i am not motivated by any chicks hoe cave….played that game already..feel me…i was posting to see what everyone else thought of something i read….but if you must continue with your holiday go on head brah….lol…..

By Leggs

October 2, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

Hey you guys take care today. Hopefully no blog fights. Just had to sign a DNR Order (Do Not Resuscitate) for my father. I’m not good to anyone today..Peace!

By SlimOne

October 2, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Or tearing up your ac unit looking for copper…

Or selling stolen newborns on ebay…

Or picking up aluminum cans with my Food Depot shopping cart…

Dan He drove..told you he’s a nice guy. lololol don’t hate

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

I think what we’re stating is that your friend created a reality of her own design, when the reality of her life didn’t suit the “image” she had in her mind of what life would be.

Dan, I mean DUH. That’s exactly the point of me posting the story in the first place.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

m’karyl i appreciate your post! i have always supported others who thought they were better than me (not saying your sis did this). cause i knew that my time will come … and it did. i get compliments EVERYDAY and mainly from women. usually my hair gets their attention. thanks grandma. and i wholeheartedly appreciate them telling me this and coming to me in a positive way. i believe it’s HIM paying me back for not bring the hate in the past. i do get the hefas who talk about me. and the sad part about that is, i know who they are. my co-worker tells me everythang! thanks gurl lol. i feel for them. their life must be miserable.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

leggs take care!

dan when he lit me up, i didn’t know about his paycheck. you can be a dingdong some times.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this

i believe it’s HIM paying me back for not bring the hate in the past.

Indeed, indeed…I am so grateful that along the way God endowed me with compassion and empathy…amen…it is truly a blessing…especially from inside looking out…lol

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

NRO Aight Big Time, I’m the clown today. Bottom line is that physiological changes in the human body does not excuse selfish behavior; and few persons authoring books for monetary purposes are SME’s.

NOTE: SME = Subject Matter Expert

By Lily

October 2, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Melo I get what you’re saying but it has been the experience of my close female friends that married men tend to feel entitled to continue to acquire women as long as they “keep their woman”. That is, supplying her with what she feels she deserves/desires sans a committed mate. Just an observation. Thanks for commenting back.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

beauty, real beauty comes from the inside…it grows like a seed from where pain pushed it into your heart…it smiles like a radiance through the dark, overcast clouds of suffering…it dwells in its own little space despite the fact the everything else has tried to evict it from your soul…and it shines through the window of your eyes…and when you look at a person and see that…then you know you are looking at a truly beautiful person. that is sooo beautiful…well said M’K

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Slim Or tearing up your ac unit looking for copper…

Hold up now… that ain’t funny. I’m always peepin’ into my backyard when I get home to see if my joint is still out there.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

you can be a dingdong some times.

Angie, this killed me so softly. LMAO.

Bottom line is that physiological changes in the human body does not excuse selfish behavior

BK, I am in agreement with you too. I don’t think my friend had any valid reasons for getting divorced (based on what she’s told me).

You’re bored? Your bad. LOL

By Ted

October 2, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Mayne, Blue jus the other day you talking about her dressing up as Blue’s women and shiit! Watch yoself bruhh.

By The Truth

October 2, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Ok, whats happening in here?

On topic: That red hot love is great for a minute, but it was never supposed to last forever. It’s to be replaced by the contentment that comes from sharing your life with someone you love and respect, and that has fiya booty. However you live your life when you are solo is exactly how you’ll live after the fire is gone, only someone will be there to smell it when you poot.

Some of you are just high junkies. Going from one high to another hoping it will make you happier than you normally are. You don’t need a partner, you need an entertainment director. And to think some of you are over 20. Wow

Fellas, line up behind me, there’s a party at Blanca’s. LOL Blanca you reek of easy azz. why don’t you just stamp a price sheet on it and make it legit? You’re the kind of chick that spends the first 6 months of a reltionship trying to convince a guy that the last 6 years of your life never happened.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

did somebody say something?

By Angie

October 2, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

eyeroll

By Chink

October 2, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

RFLAMO

Who is Ted? I wonder…This is hilarious

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this

Ted Mayne, Blue jus the other day you talking about her dressing up as Blue’s women and shiit! Watch yoself bruhh.

If you recall she was talking about costumes, and the giddup that I described was one that Blue’s Girl would fall out in, and in actuality had nothing to do with Ared.

If you gon’ call the game, keep ya eyes on the field bruhh, or get up under the hood, and review the instant replay.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Who is Ted? I wonder…This is hilarious

It really is tho. LMAO!

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Chink Who is Ted? I wonder…This is hilarious

LMAO I was thinking the exact same thing. hahahaha

By chakra7

October 2, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

the slow burn can be exciting…builds up the anticipation. As I’ve matured, I tend toward that now rather than the guy who gets me going from the beginning-those men spell trouble for me in the long run. Although I can’t resist a handsome face, BUT what I have discovered is that sometimes really, really fine handsome men who are genuinely nice guys are not on the scene as much as it appears they would be…usually because it’s assumed they’re either in a relationship or have a steady rotation going when really they’re not dating much at all because it’s assumed they must be arrogant or extremely picky. These can be some of the sweetest guys sometimes…

I remember watching a documentary on Dorothy Dandridge and one of the speakers said she was alone a lot because most men assumed she always had a man and wouldn’t approach her…

By Daddy K

October 2, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

BK, there’s a big gap between a man who took time to read women’s infidelity and one who deliberately bash the book without knowing the content. The book is not about expertise, the first part is about a real man who does not get it (clueless like you). The second part is about a real woman in state of cognitive dissonance.

By Ted

October 2, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Watever Mayne, you look like a foo right now bruhh!

By Barb

October 2, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

I know Ted. He’s legit.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

@MLL Thanks lady…what can I say…48 done mellowed a whole lot of things…struggles still manifest, issues still arise…but the peace of mind, peace of presence and the peace of God is truly a blessing…I would like to believe that for all that life has given me in its deck of cards, that I played a fair hand and game…and that whatever seasoned reasoning I have acquired, then someone will heed the voice of judicious experience and compassion to know that this too shall pass…like Bette Midler’s song “The Rose.

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

You’re the kind of chick that spends the first 6 months of a reltionship trying to convince a guy that the last 6 years of your life never happened.

^^straight comedy

@slim….yousa nut….so buddy tried to kiss you and you laughed in his face….maybe he should have stuck another shot or two of that pa tron in you arse…then you would have been good….lol

@bk….whats up mayne do you need my attention today????…..again i posted a view point to go along with a situation…does not means i believe it 100 percent..but i have been with enough women to know that some of it is true….whats the message we give women on THERE sexuality…it takes a lifetime for some to get over the shame of having sex or performing certain acts on there mate…key being two people..one gets the shame the other a pat on the back…we need to really stop bs ourselves on the delicate nature of women….because they are far from delicate and have stronger sexual drives then we do….but i see you still dranking that SIMP kool aid on dealing with some of these women…is this enough attention for you or do i need to continue to up the blog post count….and also add to the enjoyment of the females present…your call brah

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Father K the first part is about a real man who does not get it

That whole idea ^^^ is subjective.

Ted Beat it.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

I would like to believe that for all that life has given me in its deck of cards, that I played a fair hand and game…

wow! i can see us girlies sitting around a table eating at a fab restaurant chatting away about life.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

MLL you got mail!

By MELO

October 2, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Bottom line, whether male or female, is you’ll stop looking when what you have is good enough, unless there’s no such thing as good enough for you

By Chink

October 2, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Daddy K

Excuse me if I interject

Are you saying the book is for “entertainment purposes”?

The excerpts that have been posted are pretty broad and dont seem to be regarding 1 woman and 1 man.

Anyway I would think if someone is reading up on infidelity thats a issue that they need enlightment on …by the way the whole reasoning behind putting it on the blog was to debate it per the source..now you want us to read the whole book???

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Rell My last comment to you was about 50 minutes ago when I said ===> NRO Aight Big Time, I’m the clown today. Bottom line is that physiological changes in the human body does not excuse selfish behavior; and few persons authoring books for monetary purposes are SME’s.

I’m disagreeing with your apparent stance why some women cheat, your acceptance of a theory, and your cited reference as proof, as if it were some scientific study.

Now I’m blown away with this ===> whats the message we give women on THERE sexuality…it takes a lifetime for some to get over the shame of having sex or performing certain acts on there mate…key being two people..one gets the shame the other a pat on the back… when it’s followed up with this ===> we need to really stop bs ourselves on the delicate nature of women….because they are far from delicate and have stronger sexual drives then we do….

By kimmie

October 2, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Leggs - I know you may be gone, but if you see this post, know my prayers are with you! I had to sign a DNR for my dad too- I do know how you feel. Take care!

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

@Angie

Uh-huh..nothing like good eats, good drinks and being merry in life…it is my joy and pleasure…the one thing no amount of stuggle will force me to sacrifice…a good time is an essential ingredient in the qualitative existence of a good life…ya’ know.

Bottom line, whether male or female, is you’ll stop looking when what you have is good enough,

@Melo

Uh-huh…basically, that it for reals, reals…what did the late Paul Newman say…”“Why should I go out and get hamburger when I have steak at home?**

By MELO

October 2, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Although I can’t resist a handsome face, Dnt worry,Leggs is organizing a meet and greet soon and urs truly will be there…

he kissed me for the first time, my panties caught on fire. that man’s penetration desrtoyed ur nethers i can tell…

By MLL

October 2, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

RellI’d rant about how you were being biased and that women are overly s3xed, but BEING A WOMAN MYSELF I must congratulate you on your introspection — although I believe your perception is INFECTED with many flaws. But what observation is perfect, anyway?

By MLL

October 2, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

…”“Why should I go out and get hamburger when I have steak at home? said by a man who could’ve had just about any woman he wanted, now Hugh Heffner I don’t even think his lips can even curve to say those words….

By Angie

October 2, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

m’karyl just wondering … how is your roommates wife? is she the same?

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

I’m kinda wondering where the cheating thing even came from, in regards to my friend. She didn’t even cheat on her husband. She just figured the grass was greener. Only time will tell if she made the right decison and got the fairy tale or not.

By Blanca

October 2, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

The Truth Fellas, line up behind me, there’s a party at Blanca’s. LOL Blanca you reek of easy azz. why don’t you just stamp a price sheet on it and make it legit? You’re the kind of chick that spends the first 6 months of a reltionship trying to convince a guy that the last 6 years of your life never happened. You seriously have no idea how hard I laugh when I read your jabs at me. I share this stuff with my friends and mother so they can chuckle too!

By New Rell Order

October 2, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

@BK….i will go back to clowin since we just cant talk about topics when it pertains to women or dating….we have to come with proof on an emotional setup….lol…whats your point mister long winded…you worse than a female sometime dawg…really!!!!

and on the book…it is written from a convo between the author and her friend or so she says…i am only giving you bits and pieces of the convo…just like in real life you would have to see the whole convo to see what her direction is..my bad for all those process oriented folks….

By Angie

October 2, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

melo sex with my ex was the mf bomb! lol. it was amazing. no one has topped him yet. i love being told what to do in the bedroom. kissing my neck and shoulders. i’m screaming over here. lmao. tossing me …

let me stop! lol.

one mo thing. he would groom me down there which drove me insane! i miss that and will introduce this foreplay to the next guy.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this

Blanca, Truth, just wants your attention. And he likes the shock value.

Truth, let me have a word with you backstage… lol

By Daddy K

October 2, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Chink,Infidelity in human is the difference that makes the difference. Infidelity exposes human behaviors and intents in relationships. Women’s infidelity exposes women behaviors and intents in relationships than anything I know. BTY, I don’t care if you read the book or not, that’s your call.

By MELO

October 2, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Why should I go out and get hamburger when I have steak at home that was a good line by the way m’karyl,however a lot of times,it will take having a hamburger 1st b4 u can realize that what u have is steak,in comparison.A lot of men are wired that way.Its not smething that one can admit to readily coz if u married,the consequenses will be/can be dire… U all think therer is greed on Wall street??,there is greed in men/wmen relationships too.As a single wmen,plz dont be blind to it,recognize that as a possibility in ur own relationship and try to put sme safegurds.Thats not to say it will happen or wont but a heart that is prepared will handle that stuff better than a naive soul. I wonder if they’re together because they’re madly in love or have fallen into a pattern to answer u honey, when u mature to the level when u want to be with smebody longterm,nobody will tell u, u just mentally transition into that mode.U will not define luv the way u do as a happy single,delighting in long romps of sexx and passion possibly with some kush to spice it up,u delight in the company and in what u building together as a happy cpple.That becomes ur new love.

U’all watching the clueless GOP clone/vice P candidate tonite????? She is giving sme of us foreign accented black folks some Big hope…who knew that America can be so trash right…….(listen to her anser to KCuric on the bail out qs)ull luv it….

By MELO

October 2, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

will introduce this foreplay to the next guy. thinking of renting u unless somebody here thinks they can beat u.The offer stands and will close at 5.00 pm this evening….Meanwhile prep u azz 4,14 mandingo…thats my wang’s name!

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

NRO …whats your point mister long winded…you worse than a female sometime dawg…really!!!!

hahaha… Get real mayne. I laid it out there real nice and neat for you. Do you, or do you not buy that line of reasoning about why a woman cheats? And if so, is it a valid excuse?

and on the book… come on man dayum. It’s a non-scientific work of subjective opinion - for money. Yeah this is the testimony of some broads but not all, and I would guess not even half. So my point remains, don’t believe e’rything you read.

By MLL

October 2, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Angie would you tell the next man that your ex was the mf bomb? I’m curious…

By Angie

October 2, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

infidelity, infismelity. why do we have to dissect it so much? man cheat, women cheat! selfish move. period!

By Angie

October 2, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

melo lol. you want me don’t you?

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

U’all watching the clueless GOP clone/vice P candidate tonite?????

melo, I’ll be flipping between the debate and college football tonight. I love the Thursday night games.

By SexyCool

October 2, 2008 2:15 PM | Link to this

melo…quit playin’…you know your wang’s name is norman…lol…

By Blue_Kolla

October 2, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

K Infidelity in human is the difference that makes the difference. Infidelity exposes human behaviors and intents in relationships. Women’s infidelity exposes women behaviors and intents in relationships than anything I know.

Look here. I can read through ebonics, typos, and plain old bad grammar. But what the fugg is that BS that you just posted? ^^^ At least express your ideas clearly.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

@Angie

funny you should ask…it is not his wife per se…it is a live in something or another…he and I were having a convo last weekend…he is still married to his second wife (also a black woman)…and they are in the process of making some decisions to separate their financial business and such…but anyhoo, based upon his comments I asked him if he was still physically and emotionally attracted to/attached to his estranged wife…he quite emphatically said “Yes, I love her to death” (this from a man who does not use the words love loosely)…and then I said something to him about not having any physical or emotional attraction/attachment for the lady he has been living with for the last 22 years…and he said no,again quite emphatically, “No, I do not, so yes you are correct”…I said ok then…this may be judgemental, but there is no way under the sun that I would be so clueless as to not know how little desire a man I have lived with that long did not have for me…nor would I be able to remain with him knowing that he was still in love with his estranged wife and not me…talk about settling…and not too long ago (when she tried to impy that I may have taken some things from the upstairs bedroom…NOT!), he let her know that if there was going to be any type of shenigans (false accusations, etc) that she could pack her bags and go as well as I if he so deemed that I was untrustworthy…and I am a tenant at will, so no biggy…but after 22 years, he basically told her she could leave too if need be…huh!!!…and it is so humiliating to see her cater to his cooking and shopping needs/desires or try to get some sort of affectionate attention from him…and he just blows her off…I believe that he has not been near her in more than 5 years or better…again, HUH!!!

By For Real

October 2, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

What up Blog fam. Let’s see what up:

By Angie

October 2, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

MLL nope! never! that would be so unfair to him. but i’m kinda scared that if he doesn’t take me there, that i won’t be happy. i’ve had the best. what comes after best? lol. i’ll deal with that when the time comes.

then there’s love …

By MELO

October 2, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

melo lol. you want me don’t you? when are u visiting Georgia sweetie,ur weekend retreat on me…hit me up…

By The Truth

October 2, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Whats up Ared? LMAO

Blanca glad I could make your family laugh.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Back from lunch…

@Angie

Really?

Deese

@ARed

Really?

Deese too

By MELO

October 2, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

SexyCool i aint wishing u bad luck but if u and coach terminate that contract, iam not shedding no tears, for selfish reasons ofcrse.Ill be the 1st to cme over and give u sme emotioanal support…

By Angie

October 2, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

melo if i wanted my back busted out, i would have stayed with J. i don’t get down just to get down. ya feel me?

as corny as it sounds, i’m saving my puddy for my husband. ;-)

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

i’ve had the best.

Angie, you don’t know this. But keep selling yourself short and you’ll never experience anything better than what you already have.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

@Melo

Yes, the genders are wired differently…or so it seems…maybe…there was an article in this month’s Essence on “Why Black Men Stay or Stray”…and there was one story from a brother who was a die-hard player before he met the woman that he is married to…he worked on a cruise ship where single women were a dime a dozen…he and his buds used to put a $10 kitty together and make a bet on who would be the first to bed a particular female…well, long/short…after several cases of std’s, a few friends contracting AID’s(and his own fear that he too may have done so)…he turned a new leaf and left that life alone when he committed…and now he appreciates what his mate has to offer as a person, a woman and a wife…life lessons from the field of experience.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

Angie, you don’t know this AND THAT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING!

By chakra7

October 2, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

ok For Real burning flesh - not a good visual

After putting a match in between chakra7’s left baby toe, For Real begins to drip lighter fluid on her leg

By Daddy K

October 2, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Genders are wired differently……………..…….. Women tend to hide, suppress, lie and deny their sexuality, in the same way that men tend to hide, suppress, lie and deny their feelings. Females are constantly monitoring their behavior so as not to be labeled as a slut or a w*******; while males are constantly monitoring their behavior so as not to be labeled a puddy.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

m’karyl she needs her fam! someone, anyone! life is happening now and she should live. poor thing.

for real will you marry me? lol. i want a funny hubby.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

@BK

Now let me see if the POS I call a computer will let me post…

If I called it compassion and empathy, then I would be void of any on a daily basis…lol…you ain’t right and they ain’t ready…youse a mess chile.

@Daddy K

@your 3;35 post…uh-huh…it is like that…how we are perceived by our gender identities with regard to our explicit sexual behaviors motivates a lot of the stereotypes in both men and women.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

@Angie

Yes, she has her fam…she still takes care of her mother, her daughter (whose cancer may now be terminal) and her granddaughter (6 months)…and her man…I have just decided that the shame and humilation of leaving him now would be a hard blow for her (first marriage faield after 7 years because her husband was cheating on her)…but something tells me she is about to blow…she needs his attention, time and affection and it will never happen…go figure…how much is too much and when is enough, enough???

By Chink

October 2, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

daddy k

I know is that does not apply to me.

Truthfully these theories just don’t do it for me. Feels like someone playing darts in a dark room…missing the mark.

So what about sluts and whores I guess they dont *monitor their behavior???

By Silly Wabbit

October 2, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

Angie your posts scream I ain’t had non in eons quiet down chile.

Rell you do post so matter-of-fact on women, what we do, why we do what we do, how we do what we do. People cheat and lie because they want to and can. No book needed to explain that. It’s about greed and wanting more than your fair share. Seeing that you’re not a woman though, how is it that you can assess and be on point about us anyway? Oodles of experience is never the same as being one. A woman can wear one face for as long as needed and you wouldn’t have a clue. Only when she reveals would you even know.

By Poppa Grande

October 2, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

AR

I will watch the VP debate just to see Gwen keep them within the time provisions. Both of them can talk on forever. She may only need one question. It could take Palin 45 minutes to talk and Biden 45 minutes to rebutt….lol

I’ve been to a Biden lecture and boy he can go…lol I wonder if how he does it without stopping for air.

Both of them can ramble.

I do feel for him though. I vaguely remember George HW Bush (Reagan’s VP) debating Ferraro. It really wasn’t pretty for him.

Also

It sounds like your friend suffers from what we called in college The Cinderella Syndrome. (It is not a real syndrome, it something that we come up with) I sounds like she is looking for that Happily Ever After, and is going all out for it. I don’t know many who have found it. Relationships are not for the faint at heart. There are too many ebbs and flows to this thing that we call life.

On Topic

Everybody has good sides and bad side. I made evalutions based on that. There are gonna be things that you don’t like about a person as well as things that you do like. What’s the tradeoff worth to ya?

By Angie

October 2, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

silly make me!

all tongue & cheek folks. lol.

By MELO

October 2, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

i don’t get down just to get down. ya feel me? i feel u,i want u to get an experience,for old time sake….

By Raqi

October 2, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

“Only when she reveals would you even know.”

^5 SW

By The Truth

October 2, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Wabbitt so not true. You don’t have to be a woman to understand her logic. You just have to study them. People wear their experiences for all to see, if we just open our eyes. I bet I could figure you out in hot minute and would be 95% accurate. Here’s a great rule to follow: Never listen to her words but watch her actions. Human nature will always be served. Murderers murder, cheaters cheat, and on and on.

If you spend a moment watching your prey you can learn more than 5 hours of convo, especially with a woman who will lie (Thanks ABC) more times than one cares to admit. Even if a dude doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, he’ll know for sure that somethings not right.

By Chink

October 2, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Truth

Thats called intuition..I agree with you but thats hard for a dude to do since they are more prone to ego and pride…not really into how do I feel about this.

But you bring a good point nonetheless

By lurker

October 2, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

The double standards on this message board needs to cease. That girl has not said anything different from the regulars who post on here every week. I am really starting to believe what she is saying now.

By m'karyl

October 2, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Manana peeps…ciao for now

By Silly Wabbit

October 2, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Truth I beg to differ. Observations and understanding a woman’s logic is never the same as being a woman. While I can agree that a man can study a woman to understand and know what makes her tick per se, I’ll bet you all the money in America that you couldn’t peg her at 100%. Your theory of actions over words is not exclusive to the inner workings of a woman, that goes without saying for anyone nor will it give you you 100% insight. You can pretty much know what you’re dealing with and how to navigate but if a woman never gives or reveals 100%, you’ll never know. Even as good as you may what makes her tick not the same as knowing.

By Atl Lady

October 2, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

I’m back now that the market is closed. Good Lawd!!! Ya’ll make me laugh, angry, and look sideways. I’m out the door to the house. Peace, love, and hair grease.

By The Truth

October 2, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Wabbitt most women hope that dudes will get caught up in her ___ so he won’t see the real chick. Young cats do. Seasoned vets look at the whole picture and thats why, as women are finding in droves, they take a pass. Btw, just the fact that a woman can’t give 100% tells you she’s damaged. Do you need to know more than that?

with experience comes wisdom.

By Charmine

October 2, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

MELO

Been reading you awhile and I likes yo style. How bout tossing some my way. See I got that good and plenty just fo u. Wifey, I don’t mind. She getting hers too.

By Angie

October 2, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

lurker no double standards, just another troll hatin’ again. that’s all.

read y’all 2mrro!

By MELO

October 2, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

takpat78@gmail.com

By Poppa Grande

October 2, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Wabbit

That goes for anyone, though, regardless of gender.

There are people who don’t even know 100% of themselves. (Those are the people who constantly talk about “finding themselves”)

You never fully knows what goes on in another person’s mind.

I kinda agree with truth. If I can ascertain that I woman couldn’t give 100%, I know that there is a reason. I don’t need to know why.

Maybe that is the fundamental difference in our mindframes, we don’t really have to know why someone behaves the way that they do. I can’t control that. I don’t waste my energy on things that I can’t control.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

NBF

No hate

But have got to love the law of averages at work.

Git ‘er done Melo.

By Silly Wabbitt

October 2, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

Truth I never said a woman shouldn’t give 100%. I was stating a point and fact that while some of you cats may be in tune and quite intuitive the fact remains, a man cannot tell a woman what a woman is or what it means to be one. I think too much experience has adversely effected your view and outlook. You gravitate to a woman being damaged instantaenously when she mentions her state of being is not what you’ve experienced women to be or behave. That has nothing to do with a woman keeping a small percentage of who she is for herself. Correct me if I’m wrong but you’re speaking in terms of giving 100%, as in effort, into a relationship, that’s only what she puts in. What she puts in can very well be for your sake along. STILL, not the same as knowing what it is to be a woman. Why are men shocked then when their woman cheat or lie? Because you thought you knew. You thought because she was putting 100% effort into pleasing and keeping you and your relationship you had her pegged. If your statment/theory is true, from this day on, no man should ever be shocked or taken aback from the things women reveal.

By AmazonRed

October 2, 2008 5:12 PM | Link to this

Shut up, Dan

By SillyWabbit

October 2, 2008 5:28 PM | Link to this

PG I agree that men and women alike should give 100% when talking relationships, love and marriage. I initially posted my thoughts because of someone’s post citing what women do, why we do what we do, how we function and tick. I got tickled and posted because I thought, ha if he only knew. You see what you see because that’s what revealed. I agree that most of us as humans don’t quite know the 100% of what lies beneath. I’ve read your posts and pretty like your style but tell me this, being that you seem to have a pretty stable marriage, you don’t think there’s a small bit of her you don’t know and vice versa? Or do you really believe you both have seen it all. I don’t mean from the perspective of hiding things, just in general. You think you know her 100% and vice versa? If you can and and support, I’ll retract my statement. Not really, I’m a woman.

By lurker

October 2, 2008 5:47 PM | Link to this

SillyOne

You gong ho over not revealing your true self. On here telling our secrets and what not. Speak for yourself. SMDH.

By Dan

October 2, 2008 5:47 PM | Link to this

@Silly

Why wouldn’t you expose 100% of who you are to the person that you marry?

Dating, I understand, hold back that which doesn’t require utter intimacy. But in a marriage til death parts us, in sickness and health why would you not share all of you with your partner?

By Angie

October 2, 2008 5:57 PM | Link to this

i’m suppose to be working … i know, but

dan bravo!

By Shannon

October 2, 2008 10:18 PM | Link to this

I ended a long relationship that was “comfortable”, that I was “content” in, when I met someone whom I just couldn’t stop thinking about and who seemed to be my perfect match. My ex went on to find a girl that is better for him, and I ended up with the “perfect match” guy. I took some risks and it was hard to step out and end that relationship, and it wasn’t a decision that I made lightly. But I don’t regret it for a minute- the relationship that I’m in now is so much more intimate, so much more stable, and makes so much more sense because we are much better suited for each other. That said, we have our ups and downs and we have settled into a routine together, and are at a deep comfort level, which can seem to take away from the love or passion, but in this case, it really seems to just add to it, deepen it- the closer we get, the more better we know each other, our love for each other grows.