By Silly Wabbit

October 3, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

lurker You gong ho over not revealing your true self. On here telling our secrets and what not. Speak for yourself. SMDH.

Not that it’s really that important but I felt the need to address your stupidity and ignorance. What the hell does secrets have to do what my statement? The inner workings of a woman honey. Please read and follow along. Oh, I forgot you can’t which is evident by the shaking of your damn head. Obviously you’re not wrapped too tight. I would concede that’s why this blog is dropping off. People like you that posts here, just slay me. What an ignoramis you are. But keep SHDH, I have the helment for you and the short bus is out front.

By Silly Wabbit

October 3, 2008 8:42 AM | Link to this

lurker You gong ho over not revealing your true self. On here telling our secrets and what not. Speak for yourself. SMDH.

Not that it’s really that important but I felt the need to address your stupidity and ignorance. What the hell does secrets have to do what my statement? The inner workings of a woman honey. Please read and follow along. Oh, I forgot you can’t which is evident by the shaking of your damn head. Obviously you’re not wrapped too tight. I would concede that’s why this blog is dropping off. People like you that posts here, just slay me. What an ignoramis you are. But keep SHDH, I have the helment for you and the short bus is out front.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this

I agree. It seems that those things that we see how parents do as we grow become the norm and the expected therefore leading us to seek such qualities in our mates and emulate them ourselves. Especially when they yielded a positive reaction between the two. When I got older I wanted to be the wife that I saw my mother be because my dad seemed to enjoy his life with her. I wanted that same interaction between my husband and myself. At the time I didn’t really know how everything it required to be that life partner and I got more than a few rude awakenings. I learned better after confiding in my mother about some things and she laid it out for me holding back nothing.

I miss her a lot and wish she was here for me to talk to now, but she is better off and in a better place.

But uh, back on topic, I don’t expect my husband to be a clone of my dad but I do appreciate having a good model to enlighten me of the attributes of a good man and a great husband. My dad and my husband are different in many ways but alike in the areas that matters the most to me.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

And yes that touch of home feeling is correct. Whether it’s good or bad. You know my husband tells me all the time to stop being a dictator over my boys because I wouldn’t want them to grow up thinking that it’s okay to be ordered around by a woman. There is a difference in teaching and dictating and I don’t want them to be henpecked so I try to watch that. I want them to have their own minds and not only know how to function as part of a team but also know how to lead rather than be led.

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

From my experience, I have run into people who either wanted mates that were similar to their parents or totally opposites of their parents.

My wife has similarities with my mom in many ways. But there definitely differences.

However, I once dated a female that wanted someone unlike her parents. She would tell me that her parents just had sex and she was just the result of one of their encounters. She stated that the parents were never there for her or each other when it mattered. As a result, she used her parents as a model for what she did NOT want.

SW

in response to you question to me from yesterday:

Of course, there are things that I don’t know about my wife. But, there are things that she doesn’t know about me.

There are things that people take to the grave no matter the gender. There are no absolutes in this world except death. Everyone will die no matter what they do; other than that, people are as different as their fingerprints, and you only know what they want you to know. It isn’t a gender specific thing, period. It is a human thing.

By Magnolia

October 3, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

Raqi, I agree there is a difference between dictating and giving instructions, and one dictating all the time can become a bother to any relationship (parents/children or wife/husband). But then, with some instances when raising children it does take dictatoralship, which still allows them to understand a role of a leader and being a part of the team. Every team has captian.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this

There were some things that didn’t understand why mother would do them, but she showed me where sometimes it takes less effort to clean up a mess that it takes to try to prevent it.

I sometimes wonder if the reason Mason “gets me” is because his mother was a piece of work herself. I wonder did his dad teach him how to handle a woman like me. LOL

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

Good morning all! This has been a good week. :-)

Blah, there is nothing I’m taking to my grave.

Anywhoo, maybe part of my problem is that I want someone like my dad. At least with his fundamental. They don’t make that type of model too frequently anymore.

Of course, my dad has flaws, but at the end of the day, he’s really great.

By m'karyl

October 3, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Interesting topic…I am an affirmed, dyed in the wool Dadddy’s Girl…while I am aware of my father’s shortcomings and limitations as a human being and as a man…these things nowhere near overshadow the more salient attributes of his most wonderful being…my father is compassionate and empathetic…he is a very humble and grateful…he is a person who believes in selflessness to others when it comes to God, family, friends and community…he is loyal and always the eternal optimist…he will make great and tremendous sacrifice without complaint…he is a giver, not a taker…and he adores and unconditionally loves his wife (and that is a piece of work), his children (warts and all…lol), grand children and his first born great-grandson …in essence, he is just a very good human being…and it is funny, whenever he would visit me in the ATL…he had this fan club awaiting his visits because ppl were curious and fascinated by this man of valor, virtue and veneration that I simply call Daddy…and yes, indeed I would want a mate who embodied the same charactertics as a man and as a human being…imagine that.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Magnolia I agree. But I do understand how I can come off as a dictator and not give them a chance to make a decision. Demanding and commanding was okay when they were much younger, but now I need to see if they know to come or go based on what I have already tried to instill in them.

And yes I do believe every entity has a head. And even more I am glad that they have a chance to see a man stepping up and taking matters on. I wouldn’t want them to marry a woman and sit back waiting for her to handle everything. I have a sorta sister-in-law whose husband lays the burden of handling all their matters on her. He cowers behind her and I don’t want my boys hiding under the skirt tail of no woman.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

mkaryl the funny thing about my situation is I was not a daddy’s girl growing up. My dad was very strict and ruled with an iron fist. When he spoke we all came together like a German army. But when I grew up and started to have many problems he was right there for me. I was the black sheep of the family. I seem to have done everything against the grain but he never held that against me. Instead he came thru for me and helped me out a lot.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 3, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

TGIF!! Morning All! I havent been able to pop in too much this week but I lurked for a while.

On topic: I would have to say that I would want a mate similar to my father but not just like him. Even though I love my dad, he can sometimes work a nerve! So I’m like you ARed

By m'karyl

October 3, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

Parenting techniques vary from person to person…what may appear to be a authoratative posture of parenting does not means that it is void of affection, nuturing or love…our own experiental worldview of how we parent is influenced by so many things…and then we choose how to best exemplify those behaviors and attitudes as a parent…it seems to me that your father was no doubt a product of his generation and its indfluences (family, culture, society, community, era) and this may have been what he knew as best…but is does not sound like it was a situation rife with abuse and neglect…just his way of knowing…and it also seems that he was more able to be the type of father/parent he wante dto be once you were an adult (we do not what his fears, doubts or other limitations may have been.

As far as me being a Daddy’s girl…it came more as a consequence of experiencing him as a fathe/person…it developed from how he conveyed himself rather than him intentional doting on me with random and frequent complaince to my wishes and whims…he is just a man and a father of virtue…as my brother said…just our own version of Superman.

By Lily

October 3, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

There is a correlation between my Great-Grandfather (who raised me) and the men I choose to engage with. There are core character traits that I seek and they absolutely need to have. Those are actually the things that attract me and draw me in. Once I gett over the apperance/swag there has to be something more substantive to keep me.

However, I have also met complete strangers that had qualities that I found endearing and would love for my mate to possess. I wouldn’t say I look for this per se, it’s just one of the things that attracts me. My guy has some pretty great qualities. Where he is weak, I am strong and vice versa so we’re pretty fantastic together.

By The Truth

October 3, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

On topic: My mom was a great woman and I look for some of her traits in women I date. As a matter of fact her and my ex-wife shared a few traits. Moms knew when to stand up and when to sit down. And she could do either quite well. She was also smart as a whip. As an adult I saw more of her weaknesses, as would be expected, but she was ALWAYS there for me. I always came home to warm arms, whether I was bloody from playing basketball (we played on concrete so when you fell you bled) or coming out of the rain, and my ex was the same way. Always there to greet me at the door. LOL

Off topic: Once I told you all about a great older couple that lived a few doors down from me. This was a true love story. No glitter, just real, lifelong love. Anway, they went off on their vacation to Cancun which they do twice a year and when she got back she felt ill. He took her to the hospital and found out she had lung cancer. That was 10 days ago. She died a Monday night in his arms. He called me crying and I went and spent some time with him. I thought he had told me things about her before but he let it all out. That guy had me crying and I’m pretty good at holding back, as you know. LOL Anyway, I’m going to be a pallbearer in a few minutes but this has really got me a little bummed for some reason. They were such good people apart and together they were the best. I guess the sad part is at an age when they should have been enjoying the sunsets she was taken from him. The good thing is he realizes how blessed he was to enjoy that woman for 37 years. She made him a better man just by being herself. I wish I had a moral to this story but I don’t. I can honestly say I haven’t been sad in quite the while but this has affected me. I’m hoping I can hold up during the ceremony.

Ared thanks.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

happy friday blanca!

i would love to meet someone like my dad too. my dad is funny, hard working, honest, caring, supportive, and God fearing (he’s a marriage counselor at his church. go figure, lol).

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Oh mkayrl you best believe my dad is/was a great father. It’s just that I didn’t really know to appreciate all of him until I got older. I love that man to death. I talk to him nearly every day.

What he was and still is to me is what I want for my boys. I am glad that they have a man in their lives to learn from.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

truth he’s blessed that he has you right now to talk to. i’m proud of you.

By abc

October 3, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

I can honestly say that I have never sought my mother’s traits in women as a way to gauge my interest in them.

I know it’s conventional wisdom to think that people do things like that, but I tend to think it’s not true. Frankly, if I thought a woman was measuring me against her father, I’d be creeped out.

At the same time, I take into account what her parents are like, because I figure that’s what she is going to be like, in some way, shape or form. Is her mother a great cook, supportive and postive? Stubborn, a nag? Open-minded, generous? Materialistic, judgemental? Those are likely the values her children will have.

By Sidelines

October 3, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Truth…so sorry to hear, hang in there and stay strong. My prayers go out to you, your neighbor and his family.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

I’m happy to hear the stories from the ladies that have had positive father figures growing up. I was just explaining this to nephew the other day.

As for me, in a potential mate, I look for many of the same traits that I see in my mother. If a chick has even half, that would be one h3ll of a start, because they simply don’t make strong Black women like they used to.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

ABC …I take into account what her parents are like, because I figure that’s what she is going to be like, in some way, shape or form. Is her mother a great cook, supportive and postive? Stubborn, a nag? Open-minded, generous? Materialistic, judgemental? Those are likely the values her children will have.

Yeap, it’s that old apple and the tree thing.

By m'karyl

October 3, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

No doubt…and even we as children are born with our own temperment and such…and sometimes when a parent sees him or herself in the child…oh boy…dejavu…except the child does not know that…lol…hence some confusion in processing the internal and external views…but it really speaks well of both you and your father to have that type of parent-child adult relationship today…again, I have to remember this quote from a short story that I read back in high school…these parents were ridng a train, both sets from different warring countries going to bury their respective sons who had died in the war between these to countries…and in the end, both mothers agreed that…”…children do not belong to their parents, but parents always belong to their children.”…makes a lot of sense…so yes, indeed you a a Daddy’s Girl…lol…just ask him.

By Lily

October 3, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Wow…what a love story Truth. That’s a real, till-death-do-us-part love. We should all aspire to and be that. My condolences.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

October 3, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Greetings All!!! Just dropping in on this Friday!

Ok to answer your question on this topic from my end….HELL NO!!! lol I try my best to avoid a dude with any qualities of my bio-dad! That Bipolar Slutbag! If dude even has his facial features I can’t mess wiht him…for one he may be my half brother. For two he would cause me to have flashbacks and I may choke him! LOL

Now my dad is better man than my bio-dad! He knows how to treat my mami and me. He never let my mom and I want for anything…even though I am grown now he still treats me like that. he can be a little hot headed at sometimes and we have clashed…but over all he is a good caring dad. I look for his qualities in a guy. He’s a go getter..not a settler! Bio-dad is the posterchild for birth control and what not to date! I wonder….has some scorned chick has posted his azz on Don’t Date Him Girl.

By Leon Phelps

October 3, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

reasons men cheat, other than sex

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

abc it’s not a matter of measuring someone against some one else for me. Like I stated earlier, growing up with a father that I believed to be a good man, I automatically expected certain things from other men that I believed made him (them) good men.

The same with my mother. I do things that I saw her do because we pretty had a good life under her rearing.

I don’t think anyone walks around with a list of must haves based on their parents. But we all have an idea of what is the norm for us from what we saw.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Truth, anytime. My pleasure. :-)

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Truth Seeing my dad’s reaction to my mom’s passing and my father-in-laws reaction to his wife’s passing made me a true believer when a woman he truly loves that woman.

And those two couples along with many more like you just mentioned just endorses my belief that it can last…if you are willing to work at it.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Correction: “when a man loves woman he truly loves that woman.”

By Binford2k

October 3, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

I’m pretty much looking for the opposite of my Mom. While I have a great relationship with her, a woman my age like her would have no place in my life.

By m'karyl

October 3, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

@Staceye

That Bipolar Slutbag! If dude even has his facial features I can’t mess wiht him…for one he may be my half brother. For two he would cause me to have flashbacks and I may choke him!

lmao…uh-huh…but you know the truth will set you free…and you as free as a bird doll…btw, are you Staceye J, perhaps…

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

For me there are common traits that make for a “good” man (or woman) no matter how he is associated with my life. Be it husband, father, brother, co-worker, or arch enemy there are certain general basis traits that exist in all of them if they are good men. Then you go from there to individual preferences as it pertains to personality and so on.

Having or not having a woman does not make you good or not. The same with kids, and high paying jobs and all the material things of life. All of that is secondary. It starts in the core and works its way out.

By NotMomNotDad

October 3, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

This is just plain creepy.

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

Truth, you’re doing great just being their for your neighbor.

When I get involved with a man, I don’t look for any qualities that my father had. I didn’t know him very well, so I have nothing to gauge. I think this is a good thing.

By The Truth

October 3, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Raqi you are so right. As you all know I am 100% against these new age, get what you can marriages. I think they should be banned. But these folks were different, they had each other and that was really all that mattered.

Six years ago I sold them the house they now live in and we went to dinner to celebrate after the closing. Whatever she ordered didn’t have garlic bread and after seeing his she wanted a piece. I remember him cutting his piece in half to give it to her. He could have just ordered another piece. I think they liked fussing over each other.It was a little thing but it stuck out to me. They would have GLADLY given the other whatever they wanted, no question. Soul mates to the end.

Today will be the last day I feel sad for him. From now on I’ll only think of the good that came from it.

Btw, I put in a few minutes above but the funeral is tomorrow.

By Silly Wabbit

October 3, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

When it comes to my dad and how he’s been there through it all, unwavering yes a definite in a spouse or mate. As it relates to his dependency upon my mom, not sure that would work for me or my style. While I’m not knocking that, as that’s what worked for years between my parents and they have that understanding, he cannot do anything without my mom. Well he can, but won’t. I think I want just a bit more independancy in a spouse.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

BK

Whatchu mean by: because they simply don’t make strong Black women like they used to.

Please explain!!!

By Angie

October 3, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

hi staceye! i missed you gurl. :-)

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Staceye He never let my mom and I want for anything…

Other than that ^^^, what other qualities does this dude possess, intangibly speaking?

…with any qualities of my bio-dad! That Bipolar Slutbag!

Wow. I can’t imagine feeling like that about anybody in my fam, whether they’re one of my favorite people or not.

By Dan

October 3, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

@NotMomNotDad

Here’s the thing, no one consciously looks for physical characteristics of your mom or your dad, but as these are the primary relationships in one’s life through which one experience’s the world, that is involuntary.

You find comfort in that model of a person. You find security (if that was the feeling created) in that model. Therein lies what you look for in a mate.

It’s psychology. It’s human nature. It is almost unavoidable.

By The Truth

October 3, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

China because they simply don’t make strong Black women like they used to. They still make them, just not that many. Then alot get sidetracked along the way. It’s a totally different time now. don’t take it personal, they don’t have good men falling off the conveyor belt either. LO

By Dan

October 3, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

@China

BK means:

That today’s strong Black woman has the same struggle as her predecessors - but somehow defines it a perverse badge of honor.

Today’s strong Black woman does what it takes - but takes no responsibility for her actions in the matter, her predecessor’s simply accepted their responsibility and moved forward with their lives (no lamentations).

Today’s strong Black woman doesn’t “need” a man, neither did her predecessor’s, but they recognized the value of one.

Today’s strong Black woman is almost happy to display her strength, her predecessor simply had it.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

China Whatchu mean by: because they simply don’t make strong Black women like they used to.

Women today simply don’t have that do-what-I-gotta-do-without-bytchin’- whinin’-and complaining mentality, with the high morals kickin’ on the side.*

But think about it, our (well at least mine) parents grew up in a totally different time. All of that struggle made tough minded and bodied individuals. As we’ve advanced economically, we’ve grown soft and gullible as a people - weak in mind, body and soul.

I’m sure that some women could raise the same points for some men, but I’m a dude so the state of woman is from where I post.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

@truth

because they simply don’t make strong Black women like they used to

yes they do…but you have to shift thru all the fake arse women using the STRONG black women mentality today….i know and have meet alot of strong women…not just black….i hate to hear sisters say they are strong….irks the hell out of me

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

LOL Now Truth you finna make me turn the tides. Man the one thing I hate is when we go to a function or catered event and the food portions are no bigger than the size of my palm. Do you know how many times I have found myself having just a side of veggies for my dinner because I would end up giving him my serving of protein? It nice and endearing sometimes, but others, not. LOL I tell him now to make himself a sandwich to eat on the way.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

Truth I hear yah…we (the good women) are a rare and dying breed, but so are the men.

We all get sidetracked every once and awhile, but we can never the true essence of who we are good or bad.

Dan Good points…A lot of what you said can be attributed to the way our roles are out of natural order. And we have had to play the hand we were dealt.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

ladies…what makes a good women….you good now..but are you good when ish does not go your way or you feeling taken for granted…are you still doing you according to how you love or do love based on what you get in return….are you quickly angered and quick to get foul mouth with a man….i mean what makes you so much different then the rest of the frustrated, shell shocked and confused STRONG BLACK WOMEN out here…remember most of you were one condom break away from being someones baby moms…cause thats the norm….i still want to know what makes you sofa f******* king special?!?!?!?!

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

Additionally, it takes a good woman/man to raise a good woman/man.

Rell I agree with you 100%. Most men just don’t wanna do the due diligence to find a good black woman. They favor the easy booty cause it is so plentiful and no extra effort is required.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Truth/Dan Thanks for the assist fellas.

China Hope that clears things up.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

blue, dan, truth good job! i unfort agree.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

NRO ladies…what makes a good women….you good now..but are you good when ish does not go your way or you feeling taken for granted…are you still doing you according to how you love or do love based on what you get in return….are you quickly angered and quick to get foul mouth with a man….i mean what makes you so much different then the rest of the frustrated, shell shocked and confused STRONG BLACK WOMEN out here…remember most of you were one condom break away from being someones baby moms…cause thats the norm….i still want to know what makes you sofa f* king special?!?!?!?!

Dayuuummm… You keep that ^^^ up, and I’m gon’ have to start callin’ you Left Hook as in To The Female Reality.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

@CD

They favor the easy booty cause it is so plentiful and no extra effort is required.

True statement!!!

By Dan

October 3, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

@China Doll

That’s not it, that’s not it at all.

For men and women our journey’s for partners begin with the ideal (the good man/woman) what we usually find instead are people that are nowhere near, not trying to close, and that becomes our version of reality.

The image, the ideal, is always there. Due diligence is done and that’s when you find that the presentation of a person is not the real person.

Then you go through the stages of grief, and finally…when you’re at your wits end dealing with the reality. Your ideal arrives, not in the shape, fashion, or form that you have imagined but he/she is there.

What you do with it (run thinking that this could not be real, or stay and do the due dilligence) is up to you.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this

@bk….left hook?

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Rell

I consider myself a good woman. Cause I was raised by a good woman my mother.

From her I learned how to handle myself and my man(when I get one).LOL

How to build him up instead of tearing him down. How to be supportive of his dreams and aspirations no matter how crazy they seem. How to stroke his ego when needed, to pray for him more than I pray for myself. To love him unconditionally. How to give more than I take. How to follow his lead. How to make him smile and make him feel like he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Disclaimer: Not every Tom, Don and Harry is worthy of such treatment. It takes time and investment.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 12:27 PM | Link to this

rell i have never stated that i’m super women or better than any other female. i might have stated that i’m strong, cause at that moment i felt like i took on the world when it was against me. but everyday i wake up and do what i have to do to get it done. and when a man comes into my life, you better believe that i’ll be the women he wants and more.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

@China Doll

I learned how to handle myself and my man

-how often have you practice that good PR release you just posted..looks good in text but i have yet meet a black women who rides like that for her man…you guys talk a good game but s hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii t…just empty promises and lip service

quick jokey joke

how do you know when a STRONG BLACK WOMEN is lying

when her lips start moving

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

NRO @bk….left hook?

Yeah, ‘cause you just beat the sh!t out of some chick’s ego.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

Dan I get that.

Rell/Dan/BK So do you consider yourself a “good man?” And how do you know that you are?

By SexyCool

October 3, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

rell…bwoi…if i didn’t know you…that 1230p statement would have caused me to invite you outside…yes, i will fight a man…lol…i kid, i kid, i REALLY kid…but i will SHOOT a man…

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 3, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

Wow Rell you came out swinging on that one for real!! LOL! Im dodging all those bullets. Now let me answer your post if I may:

ladies…what makes a good women….you good now..but are you good when ish does not go your way or you feeling taken for granted Yes, b/c I know that it isnt always about me or getting what I want but doing what is best at the time for the relationship. In short, Im no stranger to sacrifice but I wont be a fool either.

are you still doing you according to how you love or do love based on what you get in return….are you quickly angered and quick to get foul mouth with a man I do me at all times, loving hard and at my best. My expectation of my man is to love me the way only he can and be honest about it. Am I quickly angered and foul-mouthed, nah. I say what I need to say and leave it at that. If Im right it will come to pass without all the drama. I can get my point across without getting my pressure up!

i mean what makes you so much different then the rest of the frustrated, shell shocked and confused STRONG BLACK WOMEN out here I dont expect a badge of honor for being what I am, nor do I beat anyone over the head with it. My actions and demeanor should speak for itself. But mainly, I dont feel that I am frustrated, shell-shocked or confused!

That is just my answer, my opinion only. Im sure you will get many different, yet great answers to that.

By Dan

October 3, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

@China Doll

Truthfully,

I ain’t isht.

I’ll readily admit that fact to anyone that asks.

The other thing I’ll say too though, is that I’m working on it. So until the day that I get call Home, I’ll be working on it.

And it’s that statement (at least for me) that places me apart from my contemporaries.

Other than that, I really ain’t isht.

By BeBe KID

October 3, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Just call me “BIG DADDY” and scream my name!

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

Being a good person has nothing to do with the person you are with. Good has all to do with how you stand alone. How responsible and reliable you are as a person. How you handle your business all by yourself. If you are immature, irresponsible, trifling or a deadbeat from the jump, you will definitely run or buckle under pressure when confronted with the trials of a relationship.

The biggest mistake some adults make is thinking they can reraise or makeover someone’s grown negligent child.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

China So do you consider yourself a “good man?” And how do you know that you are?

You’d have to ask any chick that knows me.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

but i will SHOOT a man LOL.

china great question, BUT do you see how they just threw it back atchu? smh

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

BlueK Imma help you out on that one.

You’d have to ask any chick that knows me and knows how to appreciates a good man when they come in contact with one.

And I add that because so many people I hear complaining do not realize how good they have until it’s gone. And some never come to realize it.

Some people, if you are not catering to them at all cost and letting them have their way, you are not a good mate. But we all, or some of us, know that is not the case.

A good partner does what’s right by and for the relationship first and then caters to the happiness of their mate second. IMO

By SlimOne

October 3, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

HOUSE PASSES BAILOUT BILL

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 1:31 PM | Link to this

@Sexycool….ya know me i am in one of my aggressive moods so i am on right now…lol…ya know what i meant when i said it…

@Mo….great answers thank you for breaking down for me….and again it was not meant in malice just like lets cut the ish and say what it is

@raqi….lady that is what i believe as well…your 12:36…you said better than i ever could…..

@china doll….i am a work in progress on the “good man” deal…i dont even mention stuff like when i talk to folks..for those that have talked to me offline know that i struggle with alot of my emotions..both good and bad…and trust i am the most understanding/forgiving person you will meet…my online and offline are much different..here i am just clowing and having fun…in life i do the same but with more tact…

@raqi…i pop my collar to your husband…he got himself one…any women that can post this

**Some people, if you are not catering to them at all cost and letting them have their way, you are not a good mate. But we all, or some of us, know that is not the case.

A good partner does what’s right by and for the relationship first and then caters to the happiness of their mate second. IMO**

JUST FLAT OUT GETS IT…PERIOD DOT

By For Real

October 3, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

CD Good for what?

By Dan

October 3, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

@Raqi

I’d add to that:

A good partner does what’s right by and for the relationship first and then caters to the happiness [understanding and health] of their mate second.

If you consider information as part of happiness, then that’s relevant too.

By For Real

October 3, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Raqi I’ll said it before and I will say it again. You probably two handfulls to deal with but you know how to keep your husband. Tell Mase to puff out his chest and grin. He got one that gets it.

By STAR1

October 3, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

@TRUTH-sorry to hear about your neighbor, anything I can do? :]

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

are you still doing you according to how you love or do love based on what you get in return….

Rell, you make a good point. I have been hurt before. And though I get knocked down, I get right back up and love like I want to be loved, even though most folks shouldn’t.

A female friend of mine had words a few weeks back. We both decided to squash it and move on. However, I went back to business as usual, like nothing changed. She, on the other hand, was still being “cool” on me. How trust has to be rebuilt. How are you gonna trust if you’re constantly questioning and looking sideways? Her reactions are not indicitive as true forgiveness. I apologized for my part and said I wouldn’t do it again.

That same thing happens in relationships. You say you forgive but then you go off talking about “you don’t see men the same.” That’s not me.

In any case, it’s no secret I’m seeing someone I’ve seen before. He’s been extra special and attentive lately. The peanut gallery would like me to believe he’s “up to something.” Maybe he is. But it will all be revealed in time. I’m going to enjoy the moment and treatment because I feel I’m worth it. And if it comes back to bite me in the arse. So be it. I’ll live, I’ll move on.

In addition, that fool at the last of my chicken last night and I let him. He had his own, and I still wanted mine, but I made the sacrifice. Truth’s story brought it back to memory. LOL

By Chelle

October 3, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

Have a great weekend everyone

BK ;)

There are some Strong Black Women out here, i’m one of them….HOLLA

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Menfolk, me speaking as a learning wife:

A marriage is an entity that has its own set of rules and regulations. And it is by those that system that both partners should govern themselves. The laws of marriage are not selfish, we as people are. Marriage is not biased. That’s us again.

I had this situation once and I spoke very little to my dad about it. He told “obey the marriage”. Not obey or give in to Mase or that Mase should give in to me. He said “obey the marriage” and then he hung up the phone. He did not give his opinion as to who he felt was right or wrong.

While it is definitely not always an easy thing to do…sigh…it is necessary. And no I don’t always do it. And sometimes don’t even try to do.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

IV Real

Do you think that you are “best man” you could be, right now? If not, why?

Rell/BK/IV Real/Dan *What is a good man? What is a bad man? What keeps you from being all that you could be?

BK Come betta than; “Ask the chick that knows me BS” K

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

A good partner does what’s right by and for the relationship first and then caters to the happiness of their mate second.

Deserved repeating.

I call it replacing the “Me” mentality with the “We” mentality.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Both men and women aren’t made like they used to be back in the day. If you want it to be that way, do your part on a consistant basis and not when it’s just “convenient”

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

DAN Thanks for your honesty.
In your present state, you would be able to recognize a “good woman”?

Would you fight to be a betta man for her or would you fly away?

By Dan

October 3, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

@China

The process of evolution takes millions of years as cells change, new limbs are formed to perform new functions, existing organs are shifted as they become useless and outdated.

As a human being, I have but a limited time on this earth in which to evolve.

As a human doing (so Deepak Chopra), I have to create the time to evolve.

What keeps me from becoming the best that I can be? Time.

But it’s a constant process, one that will last until my dying day.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

Go get em China Doll. :o)

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

If you want it to be that way, do your part on a consistant basis and not when it’s just “convenient”

dayum ared….you get it too…..period dot

@china….i am still learning love…i am still learning….only thing stopping me is time….

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

Amazon It seems that back when our parents were getting married, their mindsets were geared more toward what they needed to do to keep the marriage going and intact. But today you hear more of what folks feel they don’t have to do or endure. Our priorities are in a different place. Like Poppa stated, the “me” (now) versus the “we” (then). I like being a part of a “we”.

By Dan

October 3, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

@China

Would I be able to recognize a “good woman”, probably not. Hopefully, she’d have the prescence of mind to tell me before I walked away Dan admits to being clueless in matters of love. Lust, he has down pat, but love, no.

As far as being a better man, or fighting for it, it’s kinda like a good bowel movement - it’s better that you don’t force anything to happen, lest you tear something.

Seriously, to be a better me is the process of self-actualization, it does not, can not, and is not affected by/for anyone but me. My journey is my own to take (or not).

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

October 3, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

ARed cosigning your 2:13 chica! Had that conversation many times with the ex.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

It seems that back when our parents were getting married, their mindsets were geared more toward what they needed to do to keep the marriage going and intact. But today you hear more of what folks feel they don’t have to do or endure. Our priorities are in a different place. Like Poppa stated, the “me” (now) versus the “we” (then). I like being a part of a “we”.

Raqi, you are so right. I like you being part of a “we” too. It shows.

I’m trying to get there. LOL

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Dan I agree. Desiring to be a better me, is what makes it possible to being a better wife, mother and friend. Better to those in my circle. I can’t not care to be the best person I can be but then try to aspire to be a good wife or mother.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

Would I be able to recognize a “good woman”, probably not. Hopefully, she’d have the prescence of mind to tell me before I walked away

Or before she walked away. Lust isn’t keeping her around.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

Dan You are right…it takes time and time is all we have to get it right. We are all works in progress, hopefully we are growing,learning and changing for the betta everyday.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

And you know what’s funny, people are willing to endure hell and high water for anything else except and wedded union (relationship).

By mqew

October 3, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Blogville :-)

This topic hits home as I do believe people are products of their home environment…. for the most part. I’ve def seen some traits in men like my dad, and unlike my mom, I kept it the he11 moving!!!

For me my parents helped me with the who not to become… I believe with some success. Just the other day my mother was hollering at me cause I forgot to close her bedroom door, again, as I was cooking with onions and garlic and she didn’t want the smell in her room… Anyway, it’s just like her to get worked up over something simple. Long ago ->H.S.<- I swore off that type of behavior… I used to tell her in H.S. after I did somethin stupid you shouldn’t holler like that you’re going to have a heartattack… of course that didn’t go over well either. ;-)

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this

To The Guys

Thanks for being so candid. I appreciate your honesty.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this

Raqi Imma help you out on that one. … You’d have to ask any chick that knows me and knows how to appreciates a good man when they come in contact with one.

Thanks for that.

China Come betta than; “Ask the chick that knows me BS” K

I’m not about to sit up and write my personal manifesto for the blog. I might be accused of arrogance and conceit.

‘Sup QC

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

mqew, you live with your mama? ;-)

By Dan

October 3, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Of all the one’s that walked away, it was a shared loss.

A lose-lose proposition for both of us. Me, losing out on getting to know them, and them getting to know me.

Ah, but cest la vie’ no?

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

A lose-lose proposition for both of us. Me, losing out on getting to know them, and them getting to know me.

Sounds win-lose to me. I don’t ever think I’ve “lost” in not getting to know a guy who “isn’t isht”

By mqew

October 3, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

Hey Ared Whatchu got goin this w/e?

Don’t live with mommy dearest she hates when we call her that ;-) Just cooking for her, my visiting aunt, SO, father in-law… She came to live here after visiting me alot.

She’s so high strung, even now I’m like MA you don’t have to yell, I’m right here!

I love what you’ve written RAQI

By For Real

October 3, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

China Doll

Do you think that you are “best man” you could be, right now? If not, why?

*What is a good man?

What is a bad man?

What keeps you from being all that you could be?

No you didn’t answer my question. Good for what?

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

BK Man, you kill me…you always poppin’ off bout this and that in regards to other folk but now when it comes to yo shyte you got the hush mouth. WHATEVA MAN!!!

Ain’t noboby askin’ for yo sorry azz biography.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

He’s been extra special and attentive lately. The peanut gallery would like me to believe he’s “up to something.” Maybe he is. But it will all be revealed in time. I’m going to enjoy the moment and treatment because I feel I’m worth it. And if it comes back to bite me in the arse. So be it. I’ll live, I’ll move on.

whats the usual treatment ared…..

By Dan

October 3, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

Dan to third party camera like Bugs “Her don’t know me very well, do her?”

@ARed

Would you rather have a man that knows that he “isn’t isht” and is working on it, or a man that “isn’t isht” and doesn’t know or care.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

whats the usual treatment ared…..

Rell, usually it’s special and attentive rather than extra special and attentive.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this

mqew from all that I posted today you would be surprised to know that he broke my heart Monday and I still love him.

I had saved for two years to buy him this really nice gift for his birthday. I knew he would like. I sat there anxiously waiting for him to open it so I could see the excitement in his eyes. Instead he asked me to return it and put the money into our savings. That. Broke. My. Heart.

While I forced myself to be okay with his reasoning, out of spite I returned it and only deposited some of the money. I bought myself something nice with the rest. Didn’t mend my heart but that jacket showl looks good on me.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Would you rather have a man that knows that he “isn’t isht” and is working on it, or a man that “isn’t isht” and doesn’t know or care.

Dan, neither. And I don’t have to worry about it since water usually seeks it’s own level.

By abc

October 3, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

What was the birthday gift item that was returned, Raqi?

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

IV Real

I mean “good” as in the proverbial “good man.” Good for a woman, good to a woman.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

@ared….if ish has been fair to good in you ship…then he is showing you how happy he is to be with you and the fact you prolly dont mind seeing his O face often…nothing to see here…feel me…he just feeling good about you, life is money and his nuts are lite….feel me…be happy….middle fanga to the haters…and continue to support and highlight the fact that he simpin the right way…..lol…had to get you

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

China Ain’t noboby askin’ for yo sorry azz biography.

Great. Ain’t like I’ve lost anything.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

I had saved for two years to buy him this really nice gift for his birthday.

Dang Raqi, that had to take real discipline. Especially since I know you love your stores!

LOL @ how you handled it in the end.

mqew, you know I was messing with ya. Thanks for being a good sport. Our mamas are the same!

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Your guy was putting the “We” mentality to work.

It isn’t always easy.

It probably wasn’t easy for him to say that, but at least it shows that he values being part of a “we” also.

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

I love you Raqi, you are definitely one of the good reads on here!

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this

Rell, LMAO @ “simpin the right way. Well all in all, I think that was a compliment, so thanks. And you’re right. All I see is him stepping HIS game up, which has caused me to respond in return. Life is to be enjoyed, so it will be.

By Dan

October 3, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

@ARed

That’s fine too.

I’m good floating along as I am.

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

abc a watch. A very nice watch. A watch that I wouldn’t just buy on any given day. sniff He broke my heart.

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Dang Raqi, that had to take real discipline. Not really, that’s another benefit of being in love. Things like that are easy to do simply because your goal is make your SO happy!

By Dan

October 3, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Sometimes even the best assets can be overvalued (esp by the holder of those assets), that’s why mark-to-market is such a valuable accounting tool.

The market will determine the value of an asset, as I currently have offers on the table, my rating is okay.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Raqi Pleeeze believe, that I would ndeed understand how he could break your heart, while trying to relay the overall environment of a marriage to the blog. It is what it is….

I actually had to do the same to my hubby. He bought me some earrings while shopping at SAMS… well they have decent jewelry, but I’m not a jewelry person…. I don’t even where a wedding ring!!! WTH would you buy me some jewelry. Diamonds and sapphire… really… I’m trying to start my own biz and you’re buying jewelry? Anyway, he was he11 bent, “I wanted to buy it for you so i did, take the $$$ and buy what you want”… Needless to say I returned it the next day, and the $$$ is in my drawer…

Don’t know if I hurt his feelings, don’t really care…

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

Too funny the two different positions of Raqi and mqew.

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

Don’t know if I hurt his feelings, don’t really care…

mqew Ouch!

Dan, whatevs.

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

a watch. A very nice watch. A watch that I wouldn’t just buy on any given day. sniff He broke my heart.

We had the same scenario. She got me a Raymond Weil.

I gave her a hug and then asked her to return it.

In my case, I have a Bulova, Swiss Army, and a white faced Movado (my favorite). So, I wasn’t hurting for a time-piece & I felt that saving the money was smart.

I think that she realizes that it was the right decision now. We inherited some property in Martha Vineyard, this week. That money will help go to paying the taxes (which is the requirement from her grandpa’s will).

Sometimes there are bigger blessing ahead.

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

All I see is him stepping HIS game up

BASICALLY..he knows what awaits him if he lets you go…..the scurvy bust downs….and the headaches that come along with trying to engage or conversate..lol…the hood rats!!!!!

By The Truth

October 3, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

What is a good man? What is a bad man? What keeps you from being all that you could be?

A good man handles his business. Period. Most of the dudes I would consider good men don’t have alot of demands. They live simple lives and get the most joy from taking care of their families, business, and themselves. Seems the more stuff we want the more polluted we become.

As for me,I have a good soul with some bad ways. I like me, but you may not. LOL

Star anything I can do? :] Lets get on our knees and serve, let me help you down there. Ahhh, there you go. LOL

Dan I’m with you, I ain’t ish. LOL

By Raqi

October 3, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Poppa don’t take up for him. He is a meany. He told me my selection of meals are better since his father came to live with us. And I am a darn good cook.

His father don’t eat all that fancy smancy food so I have been taking it back to the good ole days. Heck all he had to do was say something. You know, oxtails versus rack of pork loin. It’s all the same to me.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Leggs Ared I could only imagine how Raqi felt as she planned the purchased… for two years. His purchase was an impulse buy… No, he don’t get no luv for that…. Although, it was a true jest of the heart… doesn’t matter, I got the jest, now let’s get our $$$ back ;-)

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

BASICALLY..he knows what awaits him if he lets you go..the scurvy bust downs……the hood rats!!!!!

Rell, unfortunately, I’ve seen the chicks he’s pulled, and even met a couple of em (in the process of running them off). Those chicks are together, at least on the outside (looks wise) and on paper.

The thing that sets me apart is that I am seemingly less maintenance than most of those chicks, in addition to understanding understanding who he is at the core.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this

I gave her a hug and then asked her to return it. Poppa I feel ya, and I gave him more than that ;-)

Back to the store it goes….

SAVE, SAVE, SAVE

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

His purchase was an impulse buy… No, he don’t get no luv for that

mqew, LMAO. That’s a good point.

PG, where on the Vineyard? My good friend (soror) owns on Oak Bluffs.

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Poppa don’t take up for him. He is a meany.

I’m just understand the mentality. Everyone has their own methods of carrying out that mentality.

However, I know that my wife has called me the Big Meaney (to my face as opposed to behind my back) that is on more than one occasion & I’ve responded with “Thank you very much”…lol

Papi is what she calls me the majority of the time. Big Meaney probably comes in second. While my government name only seems to come into play if something is wrong.

Dan

Pres has already signed that Bailout package. He didn’t waste anytime.

I just think that these Washington guys were playing politics. Their azzes are on the line next month, while Bush’s political career is pretty much over. They had to make a point to their constituents that they didn’t move at his (Pres. Bush) whim. House voted “no” on Monday and “yes” on Friday.

I don’t think that many changes were really made to it. Tuesday was a Jewish High Holy day and they didn’t even meet.

By SexyCool

October 3, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

raqi…i really would like to meet you…seriously…

perhaps we can meet for lunch or drinks after dinner or something soon…

cscfromajc@yahoo.com

By New Rell Order

October 3, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

red

Those chicks are together, at least on the outside (looks wise) and on paper.

in the words of Sam “i scream when i talk muth phukin” jackson

just because you pour syrup on s hit dont make it pancakes - Jackie brown

lol

By Poppa Grande

October 3, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this

*PG, where on the Vineyard? My good friend (soror) owns on Oak Bluffs. *

Funny thing is that I don’t really know. I’ve never been there.

My mother-in-law is retired and she lives in upstate NY. She will go over and see it. This was the wife’s paternal granddad’s property. Her parents have been divorced for years. Her mom just re-married.

Apparently, he was what you would call “land-poor”. He willed land on the North Carolina Coast to my Brother In Law and his family.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

Papi is what she calls me the majority of the time. Big Meaney probably comes in second. While my government name only seems to come into play if something is wrong. Poppa
I feel you, if it’s about biz which is alot it’s Sir Other times it’s Booooo Although I don’t think he likes that one as it usually involves him doin somethin LOL Then it’s KENNETH if there’s issue.

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

I too would like to meet you Raqi = sharmynk@bellsouth.net

By Dan

October 3, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

@PG

As with most things before the end of a Presidency, the items in this bill and all agencies agenda’s will move at an alarming rate.

There are to do lists, goals to accomplish prior to leaving power, and in this case, I do believe everyone in Washington sees the writing on the wall (Bradley effect notwithstanding, or be damned) and moves need to be made to ensure that post-White House careers are ensured.

But it’s all in the game.

The story goes, once Clinton was President -elect he started making decisions on Nov. 5th. GWB waited until the 21st or 22nd to get in and do anything (Cheney did not). BO I think will be on it at 12:01am, the moment the annoucement is made.

Watch…you won’t see him for about an hour after and later reports will state that he was on the phone with his potential cabinet and the joint chiefs.

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Raqi Instead he asked me to return it and put the money into our savings. That. Broke. My. Heart.

That’s a man problem. Sometimes we don’t think that in our simplicity, we’re robbing someone of the joy of seeing us happy. I remember when I graduated, all I wanted was my diploma and Cum Laude ropes, so I told them to just mail my stuff.

What I did in fact was cheat my Moms out of the opportunity to sit proud and watch her son walk across that stage and receive a college diploma; something that she never had the opportunity to do. And every time that I think about it, I feel like sh!t.

By Dan

October 3, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

@mqew

Know that dude hates for you to pronounce his entire first name.

It always rings (whether intended or not) of a “motherly tone” that is never good for a relationship.

Last babe that used to pull that mess with me got ignored until she understood that I wouldn’t respond to it.

By SexyCool

October 3, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

um…yeah…i meant…drinks after work…

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this

HE11 I 2 Raqi simplynd@gmail.com

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

Rell, whatevs. Some guys don’t have to settle for hoodrats, cuz they can and do better.

By Angie

October 3, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

how do you know when a STRONG BLACK WOMEN is lying? when her lips start moving

SHUT UP! lol.

I’m not about to sit up and write my personal manifesto for the blog. I might be accused of arrogance and conceit. THIS BLOG DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?!?

one thing i can count on, and that is raqi posting positive, straight and to the point comments on this blog every day.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Dan Yeah, that happens… Iggs can happen when I call him in every name except SIR cause I’m responding to a “directive”….

By Dan

October 3, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

@The Blog Ladies

Do ya boy a favor and someone, anyone takes some pictures….

And one more thing, @Raqi, help train these ladies, because as has been stated..you do get it

By Blue_Kolla

October 3, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

mqew Don’t know if I hurt his feelings, don’t really care…

I hope that you were just runnin’ off with the mouth with that statement. Many chicks actually mean sh!t like that, and wonder why dudes stop givin’ a fugg. Dudes ain’t stupid and will act accordingly.

Angie THIS BLOG DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?!?

It’s obvious that you don’t know me. LOL

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Raqi, help train these ladies, because as has been stated..you do get it

Uh, I’d argue the ladies meeting Raqi get it to seeing how one is married and the other in a long term relationship.

Dan, I’m sure you’ve got enough to focus on other than the ladies training. We’ve got this.

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Dan

Pictures of what? Whatchu talk bout?

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

BlueK He got a heartfelt response to his gift… After that, that shyt had to go back, so yeah a lil runnin off, bnr…

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Which ladies should she train, the ones you come in contact with? How else do you know training is needed?

By abc

October 3, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

Raqi, while I have to acknowledge that robbing your joy really sucks, I also have to admit that if my sweetie brought me home a really expensive watch, I’d probably do the same thing your husband did. It’d certainly hurt her feelings, too. But, I actually have an issue with expensive watches; I insist on wearing a Timex — the band breaks, I throw the watch away and get another. It’s cheap, keeps great time, and is quite durable. It’s practical, to me, whereas an expensive watch is conspicuous consumerism, a needless waste of money. ‘Course now, she wears a Rolex, but I didn’t buy it for her. That thing doesn’t keep time worth a darn either — $35K jewelry that resembles a watch, is all it is.

Take heart. Maybe it’s just a practical streak. Perhaps there’s something else he’d genuinely like to have?

By Dan

October 3, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

@ARed and China

Pictures of the meeting. Pictures of you ladies having fun, it’s a rarity these days to find people mentally compatible enough (and online at that) that you’d wanna kick it with.

As far as what I’m focusing on….

Some of us can see the diaspora and the minuta…ma’am

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

We sure do!

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Pictures of you ladies having fun

Uh, pictures of Raqi, mqew and SexyCool meeting. Cuz yeah all THREE are in relationships and therefore probably don’t need whatever training your single azz thinks they need.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

ABC practicallity indeed, and he’s the one that got me here…. so I’ve put it in practice, perhaps at his expenses…

By China Doll

October 3, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

My thing is this…why is that we (the ladies) always need to be trained, advised, need tips, etc.

Who’s gonna train you’ll? Some of “YALL” should sign up for a remedial(sp) class or two, as well.

BK You get the discounted rate + the DVD/online class/pamphlet, cause we really want you to get some training. LOL

By abc

October 3, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Speaking of pictures, was there a rule that only women with fugly legs could enter that contest on the front page? Those are some nasty gams.

By mqew

October 3, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

gams teheheheee

Some were a little rough LOL

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

Apparently, cuz at least 3 of them shouldn’t be in the top 10. Am I a sore loser —-> Yep considering what beat me out (LOL).

By Dan

October 3, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

@Ladies

Speaking as a man….disclaimer: my opinion only..

There are so few women that “get it” especially, single women. That quite often sage advice or just sound reasoning from one of your own gender is warranted.

The ladies in relationships can quite often offer advice that, as a single woman, your single friends have no authority to offer.

As a man, I speak regularly with married and almost married friends, for those same reasons.

So, training, as I put it is useful. Becuase a woman that has a man can quite often tell you firsthand what it takes to keep a man.

But you all doing fine without right? None of you need learn anything?

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

Dan, maybe that would be applicable if it was some big ladies not gathering going on. However, it’s just you putting 20 on 10. Again. None of the women meeting are even single!

And the lack of single women who “get it” according to you, means nothing to most of us. “Getting it” is not one size fits all. So maybe the women who want a man like you, will take heed. The others will keep it moving.

If we are doing fine with or without is really none of your concern. So mind yours.

And that’s my opinion. :-)

By The Truth

October 3, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Dan

By AmazonRed

October 3, 2008 5:13 PM | Link to this

The ladies in relationships can quite often offer advice that, as a single woman, your single friends have no authority to offer. Becuase a woman that has a man can quite often tell you firsthand what it takes to keep a man.

In addition, LMAO at Dan thinking women don’t already know this.

You make a good girlfriend, Dan. Join us for pedicures.

Just rich. LOL

By Leggs

October 3, 2008 5:15 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

Enjoy life!!!