Misadventures in Atlanta

By Blow ME...HI HATERS!!

October 6, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

This topic is right on time.

I am the Queen of OVER Analyzing…..I have made myself sick and sometimes insecure. I have learned to stop conjuring up things and let them be. It’s less stressful and its’ funnier that way. What’s gonna be is gonna be. I have no control over it. I have to realize to let go and to enjoy myself and have fun! If all else fails use it as a learning experience.

Normally, men don’t do this. If women dated like men this would be an easier process..But lets be real our MAKE up is completely different. So that would NEVER be. Men date with the intentions of having fun…which can be good..at times not. Women ( at a certain AGE) date with the intentions of scoring and being a Misses. Men don’t date with SERIOUS intentions at first….AGAIN which is a good and bad thing. That’s how some men end up with these horrible Babymamas and trampy wives…dating for FUN can lead to other life long problems with the WRONG woman. That’s the down side.

Dating is a big game…a game of Chess. Not checkers…as I was told. Get YOUR stragety down and you’ll be okay.

By Raqi

October 6, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

Analyzing is a woman’s nature. Overanalyzing is when it becomes a problem. I went thru the painful overanalyzing stage after I had been deeply hurt. Bamboozled. Every man I met, every man that approached me, every man that looked my way had an ulterior motive, as far as I was concerned. No matter how genuine they seemed I had to find out what conniving devious trickery they had up their sleeve. And down their pants. It was horrible. I knew I ran away some good ones. However I am possible I avoided some duds also.

It takes time to really get to know someone. So rather than moving too fast, women (and men alike) should allow time to show them who that person is and what their intentions are.

We try to avoid wasting our time therefore we try to hurry the process by analyzing the person actions and words. But unfortunately that can work against us.

You know, a lot of men complain about women always wanting to identify or put a name to our interactions with a man. It’s not that we are trying to stake claim on you, we just want to call it what it is.

By C tha 1

October 6, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

I had a girl friend who swore I was cheating on her with some no name light skinned chick when I took another job that pulled me an hour away from where we stayed. She got this grand scheme from a dream she had. Seriously. To add to this she was paranoid of me cheating because of her previous relationship. Ironically, this was around the same time our relationship was in decline, sometimes I wish I fulfilled her foolish prophesy just so she could be satisfied. The thing was she wanted to be happy, but I honestly think she just wasn’t happy with me. Lesson learned … some women are plain ole damaged, you can’t make them happy until they become happy with themselves.

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 6, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Ladies, do you suffer from the man under the microscope syndrome? Is it hard for you to stop over-analyzing the men you date? Have you ever dated someone who seemed to over-analyze you? What did you do?

Yes, If Blow is the Queen then I am the Goddess of Over-analyzation. I think and then re-think. I monitor behavior and look for keys to the male code.

Of course it is hard to stop over-analyzing because like with any habit, the longer you practice it the more it becomes ingrained.

I have never dated someone who over-analyzed me but I have spent some time talking to fellows who think they have me all figured out only to have me go high and to the left when they least expected it. Odd as it seems I like being a mystery but I want to over-analyze dudes like the DaVinci code.

By Blow ME...HI HATERS!!

October 6, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

RAQI We try to avoid wasting our time therefore we try to hurry the process by analyzing the person actions and words. But unfortunately that can work against us.

So true…so true…You hit it right on the head.

KYM Of course it is hard to stop over-analyzing because like with any habit, the longer you practice it the more it becomes ingrained

Oh no I am DOOMED! I thought I got a hold of this! Also to be real honest. I do think it’s a bit of insecurity….Really thats all it is. Insecurities…some can control and let it interfer with everyday lives and relationship….others can simply control it which in turns keeps them in the lead. Learning how to deal with them can enhance your outlook and behaviors in and on relationships.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

Was that a moment of introspection….from Blow?

Really?

Wooooooooooowwwwww….j/k

By Dan

October 6, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Was that a moment of introspection….from Blow?

Really?

Wooooooooooowwwwww….j/k

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 6, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Blow naw we are not doomed..at all it just has to be unlearned..and the first step is knowing that you do over-analyze and then stopping yourself before you start. I believe there is a little Tolle in that thought process

I agree with you that there is insecurity at least in my case..and you are spot on when you let insecurity rule then it can turn the simple things upside down.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Happy Monday everyone. Hope the weekend was enjoyable!

I am always telling people “you’re thinking too much.” It can drive you crazy. My problem is probably the opposite. Not thinking enough.

I to simply be observant. And when things aren’t adding up, get answers.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

@Blow

I’m playing, but your post shows some real thought and growth.

I’m teasing becuase I’m proud of you for at least letting go of some of your anger..

Keep up the good work. Dead Serious

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 6, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Yep I have jokes today..its Monday and I had midterms all last week..so I need to keep it light.

These are called…………. ‘and that’s when the fight started’

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….so, I took her to a gas station…..And that is when the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that’s when the fight started.

My husband and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. My husband asked, ‘Do you know him?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ says my husband, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And thats when the fight started….

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’ So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’ And thats when the fight started…

By Leggs

October 6, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I’m analytical by nature, most women are. I seriously try not to overanalyze men. It is definitely a wasted effort. I have a girlfriend who overanalyzes ALL the men she has dated. I’ve watched her theorize what her man was doing at any given moment when he was away from this. I would literally SMDH and tell her out loud how ridiculous she sounded. Since I see what this does to a person, I truly try not to do it. I refuse to make myself sick over what another grown person is doing beyond my control.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

You know, a lot of men complain about women always wanting to identify or put a name to our interactions with a man. It’s not that we are trying to stake claim on you, we just want to call it what it is.

Raqi, excellent point. I just had a discussion with a guy friend this weekend. He was taking a lady he was interested in out to dinner and a movie. But he kept refusing to call it a date.

I mean, come on. :-/

By China Doll

October 6, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

I must admit that I can be VERY analycial about most things, especially dating. When I feel myself going too far I have learned to reign it in a bit.

As women, I think we analyze WAY too much, but it’s nature and it’s hard to overcome.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

You know, a lot of men complain about women always wanting to identify or put a name to our interactions with a man. It’s not that we are trying to stake claim on you, we just want to call it what it is.

—Raqi

He was taking a lady he was interested in out to dinner and a movie. But he kept refusing to call it a date.

—ARed

While I can’t speak for the whole of men, I can say that for me, trying to define something early (or at all) runs you the risk of being labled clingy.

I speak from experience, as I often wanna know how the woman is feeling about our interactions. Not to define, but to constrain. If we’re dating, then my since of honor compells me to constrain my otherwise wondering eyes.

If we just chilling, letting things fall where they may, then I have no obligation to “whatever it is”.

So whether we’re “dating” or “just hanging out”, that definition is something I leave to her. Not a dodge, but a chance for her to define where she is.

‘Cause for me, I’m up for whatever.

By Blow ME...HI HATERS!!

October 6, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Dan Dan ole Dan…I was never angry to begin with. Honestly..I am rather nice and innocent with a few bad dating experiences. I love to straddle the fence especially when we are talking about dating. It makes for GREAT entertainment and debate. Its two sides to every coin. I just played the BAD side on here more than the good. Believe me it was good within the Bad too. Alot of truth was told as well. Don’t Front DAN!!! And you know it! lol

By Tazzee

October 6, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

I am a former overanalyzer. Like Raqi said, I did it to avoid wasting my time. All it did was drive me crazy. Now when developing relationships I look to three little words from one of my favorite movies:

time and pressure

Time and pressure will get me the answer I seek. It may not be the result I desire but it saves me a lot of worry. The tricky part about it is, I find most men I encounter don’t want to allow time before we jump into a relationship. But I refuse to be rushed into opening my heart - so now if a guy won’t allow me time to get to know him, how he responds to pressure and develop a certain track record then I just walk away.

I’m not a patient person by any means, so this process is not easy for me. Sometimes it’s easier for me to just not date at all. I was telling a co-worker the other day at lunch that I’m tired of meeting representatives and rather than go through the filtering process, sometimes it’s just easier to be alone.

Then again, nothing ever worth having was easily gained….but then again, frustration kicks in when I realize what is revealed after the representative is gone is not worth having.

Now you see this crazy circular argument I have in my head, LOL

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

NOTE TO MEN….DINNER DATES ARE FOR AFTER SEX…..

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

So whether we’re “dating” or “just hanging out”, that definition is something I leave to her Not a dodge, but a chance for her to define where she is.

‘Cause for me, I’m up for whatever.

Well i think that is part of the problem…one we not really being honest up front with women because we dont want to fudge up our chance to throw her leggs in a V…..next we leave alot of things up to her…..knowing full well some women are frozen in thought by too many options….what men need to do in 08 is one be honest…two start leading the relationship in the direction you want….stop being afraid of telling that women she is in the friend zone or you dont see this working out…and tell her why..she may hate it but she will respect you in the long run…..Men are not down for whatever..we want something from the women…let them know…..all the smoke and mirrors is fudging up the game….i dont see what the problem is with being honest….cuts out alot of the headache and when you are honest you have more confidence in yourself as a man….

By The Truth

October 6, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Murning folks.

Ared But he kept refusing to call it a date. Thats probably why men have better experiences than women. Lets say I just met you and I wanted to go catch the latest flick or play. I simply ask you if you’d like to go. It doesn’t imply that anything else is going to happen. I want to go to a play and would like you to go with me. If something good comes out of it cool. If not I’m out your admission and whatever you ate. Still cool. LOL No pressure, no worries.

Dan I’m with you on Blow posting without as much as a cuss word. Wow. Ol boy must be putting the smack down. LOL The taming of the shrews. LMAO

By Wise Diva

October 6, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Good morning blogmates! I sooo don’t like Mondays, LOL. We’re going to get through the day together though!

By Dan

October 6, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

@Rell

Well, while you have your opinion, allow me to state fact.

Some men go with the flow of the relationship can’t force a square peg into a round hole, and like women, you don’t know what you want from her a lot of times, beyond sex.

And it’s not smoke and mirrors, playboy. It’s the truth, if I don’t know…I don’t know.

And “leading the relationship” sounds to me like a leash law there buddy. You can’t make a woman do something that she’s not into.

By TheJennTaFur

October 6, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Wow…I never really thought of this. The few guys I dated I never analyzed them openly until I knew the relationship was over and I just said see ya and I never explained jack squat to them.

Primarily, they just bored me out of my freaking mind. I don’t even know why I dated them?

I just did not appreciate these guys dictating to me for they never even analyzed themselves of what they wanted out of life?! I am still going to think about this. Thank you for making me think..

By kimmie

October 6, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog, hope everyone had a good weekend

On topic - This is probably more of a woman thing, and yes too much of anything is usually not good. I personally think that a lot of woman don’t analyze enough & that gets them into situations they regret. If they would just stop and think things through, they could keep hurtful situations with men to a minimum. Or sometimes ladies overanalyze about the wrong thing. I’ve had friends worry all day that a dude is messing around, but don’t say anything about his poor money-management, misplaced priorities, deadbeat dad status, etc. Will hop right in the bed with him unprotected without questioning his health status. These are the things you should be overanalyzing or stressing about. I have a job and a life and so does my SO. I can’t be up under him 24-7, so if he’s going to mess around, there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve had a few friends that actually would sit and analyze things I’ve told them about guys I see and come to some wild conclusions. They don’t understand it that I choose not to stress over what I can’t control. I think I’m a little too laid back for them! LOL

As for men, yes I’ve dealt with the over-analyzing type there too. Ususally they come in the form of the commitment-phobe. They overanalyze every woman, every situation with a woman and every possible outcome with a woman. They are also perpetually single.LOL

By Binford2K8

October 6, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Women tend to want to force the play if you will. Men do tend to let a relationship work itself out. I find that beneficial as it gives a little “wiggle room” to actually figure out what’s going on.

I’ve been caught sometimes when a woman didn’t have the patience to let the relation take shape organically - I wasn’t up in her grill about getting together either. She was just so far ahead …probably planning the wedding or some she-it when we hadn’t even fornicated yet - CRAZY!

We talked about things after we broke up (because she pressured me and then I had had enough), and I told her had she just let us take a natural course this wouldn’t have happened. She agreed. It wasn’t like she had dudes in reserve, I was the only course on her dish.

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@dan

you don’t know what you want from her a lot of times, beyond sex.

ummm you still want something….lol….

“leading the relationship” sounds to me like a leash law there buddy. You can’t make a woman do something that she’s not into.

i could have sworn a couple of post back women stated they looked for leadership skills in there men….i dont think i implied pulling puppet strings…but at least have a back bone and some clear direction on why you want her around….i mean my time is valuable….why i need you around just to see how things go….thats what the phone and coffee shops are for…conversation.

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

luv the above statement ^^^

i’m proud to say that i’ve NEVER tried to figure out a man’s motive. what would be the point? my plan is always focusing on getting closer. learning his likes, dislikes and his heart. i wondered why so many ppl warned me to not look at every guy like he committed adultery. my question was always why would i do that? i see why now. after reading the above posts, it’s the norm for a damaged heart to build a brick wall around it. i truly understand why that happens for most folks.

after it settled down, i often found myself on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering what he is (the next SO) going to be like. similar to wondering what your baby looks like when you’re pregnant. it was exciting to me and scary all at the same time. i never thought i would find myself in that position looking for another. but here i am. when meeting someone new, i have a open mind. there are a lot of good men out there. would i want RW to place me under a microscope? i would politely dismiss myself if i found this was true.

By kimmie

October 6, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

Rell - Liked your 10:25. The thing is about all the “I’m up for whatever, let’s go with the flow” stuff, it still leaves a lot up for assumptions and that’s not a good thing. Just never good to assume, even if it’s just WHATEVER. Me being a woman, I’ve tried the “I’m just going to have fun, flow with it, no demands, just play it cool” stuff when I was in-between boyfriends. Each one was not having it, could not handle it, wanted SOMETHING more after they’ve spent their time & money! THEY wanted to put a lable on it, whatever it was or wasn’t. I’m sorry, I have not met many men who spend money and time on dinner, movies , plays, etc. with a woman but want things to be strictly platonic friends, not even expecting a kiss! I have male coworkers I hang out with, but we are not going to anything fancy at lunchtime and we don’t hang out after work.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

It doesn’t imply that anything else is going to happen.

Neither does calling a date a date, Truth.

By Blow ME...HI HATERS!!

October 6, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Truth Oh please….lol! Not gettin tamed over here homie….lol. That was cute though. And besides I don’t post all the time with cuss words. Cut me some slack DAMN!! Don’t get me started! Old habits die hard!

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Rell, I’m gonna let your 10:14 go because the rest of what you are speaking about is real talk.

By Raqi

October 6, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Okay, who stole my statement?. LOL

“Obey The Marriage”

By Teresa

October 6, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

party at Trapeze this weekend, who’s in?

By STAR1

October 6, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

Hey TRUTH, how you doing? how is your neighbor?

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

@kimmie…yep thats point…folks just like to BS themselves into thinking…i am ok….naw you being weak…let that women know…hell she might just be waiting for you to say something….i have alot of female friends and they all say the same thing…i will play the game he is playing..when he mans up he can have whatever he likes..until then we will play the lame game….and trust i hear it daily from various women from all walks of life….across the color line…its a man problem..we protect our ego and self image…leaders learn from losing…..because sometimes when you lose you win….

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

woman don’t analyze enough & that gets them into situations they regret. If they would just stop and think things through, they could keep hurtful situations with men to a minimum

dayumed if you do …

i would rather or i should say … my pov is women will do themselves an injustice by LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS NOT THERE. not all men are dogs! lol.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

@Rell

So you date a woman…a couple of times…and it’s “love, lust, marriage?”

How do you know, when to call it more than just…is?

I’m interested in your sage guidance on this matter.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

@Teresa

danbynight@netzero.net

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Raqi - You know who it is who stole it. LOL

By Teresa

October 6, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

party at Trapeze this weekend, who’s in?

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

Rell

I agree with your sentiment.

Once I realized that I wanted to settle down, then things went smoother. I focused more on me and left fewer areas for assumption (unfortunately, the “I’m down for whatever” leaves a lot up to her to analyze).

Of course there were some who didn’t believe me, but that just meant that they were wasting my time.

I’m a say what you mean and mean what you say kinda guy. I’ve almost always let a female know where I was coming from pretty early on. Basically, what I was looking for.

I say almost because I found out that a female that I dated did the recon thing on me. That’s when I played with her. She was looking for something on me, lets just say that she found what she was looking for and then some. Then, I let her know that I found out and I did not appreciate it. She was one of the female like Kym described she wanted to figure me out but she wanted to remain the mystery. She tried to justify it by saying “I’m a Scorpio and we are mysterious by nature”. I had to give her boot after that.

Everything in life is “quid pro quo”. Nothing is free. To get something, you’ve got to risk something. That includes work, parenthood, and most of all love.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

I’m sorry, I have not met many men who spend money and time on dinner, movies , plays, etc. with a woman but want things to be strictly platonic friends, not even expecting a kiss!

kimmie, excellent point. I might actually test out that theory. LOL!

By Tazzee

October 6, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

kimmie “Each one was not having it, could not handle it, wanted SOMETHING more after they’ve spent their time & money! THEY wanted to put a lable on it,”

same here…

By Teresa

October 6, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

party at Trapeze this weekend, who’s in?

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

I’m a say what you mean and mean what you say kinda guy. I’ve almost always let a female know where I was coming from pretty early on. Basically, what I was looking for.

PG, that’s one of the reasons why you are worthy of respect. She may not get the answer she was looking for, but at the end of the day she was gonna respect you for being straight up with her. I also bet that you attracted a good caliber of females with this attitude. No hoodrats and drama queens.

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 6, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

PoppaG Hmmmm for the record..I am not a Scorpio, and when I say I am a mystery..I mean people have a tendancy to judge me based on what they see so I let them.

By Blow ME...HI HATERS!!

October 6, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Truth I hate I missed friday…But I remember the couple you talked so fondly about. Sorry to hear that…How is he doing?

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

@dan

My stages always came about naturally…i never discussed we are here right now until after we communicated the direction we wanted to go from day one….so when i meet MW….i already knew what she want….and i wanted the same….but i fought the feeling every step of the way…lol…i dont play by assumptions or what ifs…..love goes in stages so i learned to enjoy each stage and learn from it….from the white hot..to the i love her dirty panties stage…..and lust well we all know lust is an emotions that you have to deal with through your whole life….hell dont let there be a cute checkout girl anywhere…my mind will wander….or a new cute female co-worker that gives me too much attention…or at a club…etc etc…lust is something we all experience…just some of us bs ourselves not to even say it exist

so there are no stages…just communication on a direction….say what it is…because it can look like alot of things to a women….

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

Dan

So you date a woman…a couple of times…and it’s “love, lust, marriage?”

I know that this was directed at Rell, but I decided to respond as well.

I just let the women that I dated what I was looking for. So, they would have to spend half of the night trying figure my angle.

I just “did me”, “stayed in my lane”, or “anyother overuse cliche that you want to throw out there”, until I met someone who both a good woman and good for me. (I met plenty of good women during my single days, but most were good for me. Our interactions did not bring out the best in me.)

There is an achilles heel in this mindset: your actions must measure up with your words. If you are inconsistent between the two, it will create confusion and problems will follow.

By mqew

October 6, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Ared Don’t let that mess go even if the rest was decent. DINNER DATES ARE FOR AFTER SEX… IS BULL SHYT!!!

On topic: I have a friend that does extreme over analyzing to the extent that she doesn’t/didn’t even believe her on again/off again bf, when he told her that he thinks that he’s not good enough for her :-/ WTF

I used to believe him, but now after 1. she is now expecting his child 2. he asked her to term 3. she still sees him after he asked her to term :-/ …. now maybe he’s wrong SMMFH

By kimmie

October 6, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

Obey - First of all, I have a feeling you are Angie! LOL

my pov is women will do themselves an injustice by LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS NOT THERE. not all men are dogs! lol. If you notice my post, I did my little disclaimer at the beginning of it. I agreed that too much of anything is not good and I gave an example of how a few of my friends have looked for doglike behavior in my boyfriends and theirs when there was no real reason too. I agree that’s wrong. That’s what the whole topic today is about - always looking for something that is probably not there & potentially sabatoging a good thing. My POV to ladies is just don’t be stupid! Worry about the things that are important - if those things are in order, there is no need to stress. But when you’ve been burned that’s easier said than done, I think we can all agree on that.

No, all men are not dogs because my SO sure isn’t! If I did not have the faith that there are still some good men out there, I never would have been open to such a great guy.

By SlimOne

October 6, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Rell & PG I agree and think could go a whole lot smoother if folks were just talked straight and cut out all that hoodoo voodoo talking in circles and leaving you to decode for yourself tactics. Going with the flow has no direction at all and like PG said, leaves the chick to only try to assume what’s going on. Do yall realize how much energy that takes as opposed to you just grabbing your ballz and saying…hey i like your company and i like flucking your brains out but I don’t want to be exclusive with you…and getting it all out in the air at one time? It’s a two-way come up..she can decide if she wants to go along with your program or she can bail out…its better than her coming back stalking you, slashing your tires cuz she thought otherwise, or even going through your shyt…cuz you done already told her you doing other things, so what would be the point for her to go searching for the dirt if its on the table.

By MELO

October 6, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

Truth,plz hit me up when u check in,i need some info….takpat78@gmail Hw everyone doing…???

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Don’t let that mess go even if the rest was decent.

LOL. Yes ma’am mqew. Rell, you stink for that! LOL

PG, I’m taking Truth’s name from him and giving it to you. LOL

kimmie, of course it’s Angie.

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

yep it’s me!

I did my little disclaimer at the beginning of it. YEP I SAW IT AND APPRECIATE THAT. just wanted to put it out there that you’re dayumed if you do or don’t.

we shouldn’t start something off wrong when we know that the beginnings are so exciting and beautiful. to find out later we wasted our time and emotions. and might lose him because we held back …

By Dan

October 6, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

@PG and Rell

So, when either of you met your (wife in PG’s case and I’m assuming Rell’s as well) you were just up front and honest with “I want you”?

If that’s the case, then bravo my friends. But in my time on this here Earth, emotional paralysis and castigation have played pivotal roles in my relationships.

It’s always the motza ball in the room, that big white elephant that no one speaks to.

Granted, bad experiences are to be forgotten, but once the damage is done….those crocodile arms (regarding affection) do you in everytime.

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

@mqew..what is the most boring, unimagitive first date a man can take you one…drumroll please……DINNER…..i mean after prolly talking your head off on all your likes and dislikes..why take that route on a FIRST date…why not do something either you like or he likes other than eat and interview each other…..and how much hottier is dinner after you know the green light is on for some after dinner dessert….or hell how about a quick in home dinner followed by a hot bath cheese, wine, fruit…..i mean do folks have imaginations…i could go and on with stuff we could do other than dinner and a movie….call me crazy if you want but i have never been called boring on a date…EVER!!!

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

• I also bet that you attracted a good caliber of females with this attitude. No hoodrats and drama queens. *

I wish that I could tell you that this was true. However, some females found out that I was a professional athlete and that attracts females “like flies to isht”.

If you remember how females flocked to athletes in high school, multply that hundred times over and you can get an idea of what pro athletes deal with. I mean look at ESPN and you can find their estimated salaries on it. You’d be surprised how many women knew where to find it. (Or you probably wouldn’t be surprised).

By Dan

October 6, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

@Slim

And then what happens…?

You tell her, she stays, but ends up getting hurt.

I’ll tell you all day that it ain’t my fault, but it is too in a way, yeah?

By Binford2K8

October 6, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

You ever notice the amount of sh!t you’ll take from someone is almost directly proportional to how attractive they are?

Think about it. Discuss.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

I wish that I could tell you that this was true. However, some females found out that I was a professional athlete and that attracts females “like flies to isht”.

PG, I mean that you actually dated. Even I can accounter the gold tooth, jheri curl dude at the club from time to time. Doesn’t mean I go out with him. LOL

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

Rell, you’ve gotta eat, whether it’s the first date or last. I happen to LOVE going out to eat and would find it strange if I had to eat beforehand or something.

I find the most boring dates are the movie ones. Restaurants can be real fun.

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

So, when either of you met your (wife in PG’s case and I’m assuming Rell’s as well) you were just up front and honest with “I want you”?

I let her know on the first date that I was looking to settle down. What I brought to the table.

I know that it sounded like an interview but it got the job done.

But the end of date three, I let her know that she was the “prototype” that I was looking for. She then said I had a 2 year statute of limitations on marriage (or at least engaged) or she would dip. PG proposed within 7 mos. and we were married one week shy of the 2 year Statute of Limitations.

It may sound like it was negotiations but it was.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

accounter

Whoa, what was I smokin? Encounter

By Leggs

October 6, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

New Rell Order I wholeheartedly agree with your 11:35! ^5!

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

PG proposed within 7 mos.

I love it! I have some friends, the guy proposed after 10. They spent like everyday together after their initial meeting. It just clicked.

They’ve been married for 3 years now. And you wonder if it can work when it all happens that fast. Glad to see you and the wife (with a little more longevity) have lasted.

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

PG proposed within 7 mos IF YOU’RE STILL WAITING FOR A PROPOSAL AFTER TWO YEARS …

By Dan

October 6, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

@PG

Thanks. And again, congrats.

But you have to admit that your story is a statistical anamoly.

It ain’t that easy….least ways, not for me. I like too many women, for too many reasons, and if’n I found that one that encapsulated the “prototype”, I’d have to hope that I had the mettle to keep her.

But alas, big homie, she’s as elusive as the American Dream these days.

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

PG, I mean that you actually dated. Even I can accounter the gold tooth, jheri curl dude at the club from time to time. Doesn’t mean I go out with him. LOL

Oh Hellz yeah!! Its easy to spot those chicks that are outward with it. However, most females were not that open with it. As a matter of fact, I think some of them had talked themselves into believing that they were not gold-digging. They talked long enough to reveal their angle then they began acting in accordance with those words. Asking for bills to be paid and bullstuff like that. It may sound like abc “women lie” theory, but some women are good putting on a persona. (I’m sure that dude do it, too.)

So, I actually appreciated the open gold-digger better for letting me know up front so I didn’t waste my time.

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

hold your head up high and cut your loses. a man knows in a very short period of time if he wants you as his wife. i know this to be true. it’s not easy to walk away from someone you adore, but you have to think about your needs as well. i want marriage, not another roommate playing house. six months is my limit. what’s yours?

By SlimOne

October 6, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

Dan mail call

By WHAT in de HEYELL!

October 6, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this

hell how about a quick in home dinner followed by a hot bath cheese, wine, fruit*

Heelllyell no! You will not be in my tub…and eating my cheese…Sounds like a broke man to me. Unclassy as fool

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

PG’s first dates were always something where you have fun.

Dave and Busters, Malibu Grand Prix (go cart racing), Bowling, Mini Golf (putt-putt), gun range, skeet shooting, etc.

I know that these things sound like things that you would see on that show “Blind Date”, but they were fun (shoot if I’m paying, I’m gonna have to enjoy it as well)

You could see them in action. I found out that the future Mrs. PG was as competitive as I was.

Of course, food was after.

By The Truth

October 6, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

For those that asked, I hung out with my neighbor for a little this morning and he’s in great spirits. I’m sure when his family leaves it’ll hit him but he’ll be ok.

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

@ared…did not say we would not eat..but say you love to bowl…that means you like bowl alley fare…like wings pizza maybe even a beer..so we go bowling buy some wings..bowl some frames…you enjoy yourself because its something you LIKE to do..and i get to see how good you are in bowling…plus the competition will lite those attraction triggers…etc etc…i could break it down further…my point is the intial let me pick you up take you over to this restuarent…lets eat talk etc…boring…..but if after we all in lust or whatever we calling it at that point…then lets try out a new spot to eat or slow it down to a simmer for a date or two…thats all i am saying….but your right you have to eat….

@dan….NO i did not just meet her and say..hey lady you the one…actually when she first meet me on my bday i was an arse..i was drunk…and somethings went down on my bday that caused me to be that way…but in a funny good way…at any rate we meet up again a month later and i as sober and spitting good game….and she stated to me…i wish i could just find a man to take me out….just to a movie with out all the sex talk….i said hell is that all..when would you like to go….we agreed upon a time and the rest is history..notice i did something she liked..was not my first choice but it made her comfortable…i then introduced her to things i liked…..apache, funkjazz, sol fusion, choclatae soul…things like that…different lil sets…different spots to eat…..but we never had that formal dinner date until months later….it was always a party, house party, club….or some activity other than dinner…but when i knew it was real when her actions backed up her words then i gave it a lil further thought on this women….but again communication was done on the direction…

By Poppa Grande

October 6, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

But you have to admit that your story is a statistical anamoly.

You don’t how many chicks that I dated before I met my wife. I met her at a speed dating event. My boys told me that they were going but decided at the last minute not to go. However, that registration cost me $28.00 and I wasn’t just giving away money. I went if just to eat and drink my money’s worth. I really didn’t care if I met anyone there.

However, I dated many females and half way through I was going with the flow, and decided to weed through some of the female by having some standards for myself and what I was looking for.

Many a female got the boot. I learned to do it nicely. (It is how I learned tact. Uncompatible mates are still people..lol). but the focus was on me and what I wanted. If Mrs. PG did not like what she saw , I guess that she would not be Mrs. PG.

By mqew

October 6, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Rell 1. I’m a foodie, so uuuuhhh yeah that’s what exactly I would want to do. 2. Say what you mean mayne. If we’re talking First date then sure, other activities on a First are cool…. but that’s not what you said. Your comment was about sex not first dates ;-) and i repeat DINNER DATES ARE FOR AFTER SEX BOOOOOOOOO hissssssss

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Rell, thanks for the clarification. I’m down for all that. Beau and I keep dates light and casual. We did have a really nice dinner date last week, where dinner was all it was. It was really nice to be able to sit down and talk without distractions other than the waiter. And it ended up being really fun because we discovered this new drink that just came out a few months ago. When we met up a couple days later to watch the game and debate, I had a bottle of the drink all ready for him.

I guess each couple needs to find out which dating style works best for them.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

@PG and Rell

Both of you are talking about confident women.

Women that knew what they wanted and were willing to state it succinctly.

No beating around the bush about it, no clues, no hints.

And I’m telling you fellas, it ain’t like that out here. You either meet them and they feeling you out and holding back (the emotional and physical attraction that you know is there) or it ends and then it’s all about what could have been.

But in the moment, on a “date” interaction whatever, that honesty and openness of spirit does not exist.

So, me being blunt, being honest is only appreciated in the aftermath. All after the next dude lies, cheats, etc.

Y’all snagged some good ones, straight up enough to make your jobs easy(ier). But please don’t believe that the game is like that out here now, it ain’t.

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

@mqew…thanks for joining the club…you can have a seat next to the rest of em…i keep forgetting i have to S.P.E.L.L it out for you….look at my last post to ared for a lil more clarity..since you are unable without my assistance…

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

i’m not the type to hold back. i’m always doing me … laughing, showing my sensitive side, supportive, honest, hard headed, relaxed. he’ll never have to worry about when the real Angie will appear. lol. but one thing i won’t do. and that is tell all the details of my past. why? i’m headed this way >>>>

By The Truth

October 6, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Melo mail call.

Ared how you going to give my name to PG? Here, I have some old socks you can give him. You might want to wear rubber gloves.

Some don’t know the power of words. If the word date gets you up in arms with expectations then use get together or something else. Problems are hard to overcome but challenges are more manageable. Reduce your risk/stress initially, you’ll have plenty of time to be stressed later. LOl

By Leggs

October 6, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Disclaimer: I was ^5ing the dinner and movie first date thingy (LOL)!

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

And I’m telling you fellas, it ain’t like that out here. You either meet them and they feeling you out and holding back

No Dan, it’s the women YOU meet. If you have a go with the flow type attitude, that’s the type of women you’ll meet.

The game is most certainly like that out there now, for the ones who have their head on straight. Do you know what you want. Are you ready to settle down now and hang up the casual relationshps you have now? Or is the thought of a good woman what you want, but you will keep “playing” til she reveals herself?

You can’t have it both ways.

Funny how you tell the women to get “trained” but you have two married men giving you the real deal and you’d rather chalk it up to them just being “lucky” rather than realize if you want to change your situation, it’s gonna have to start with you.

By mqew

October 6, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

WTF are you talking bout dude… I only responded to wth you wrote I didn’t agree wit the bs soooo I said so. What’s wit the tude. When was the last thing you spelled any thing out to me? Say wth you mean, then ;-)

AND, I actually agreed to what you said about first dates… so again why the bytchazzyness hunh?

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

@DAN

But please don’t believe that the game is like that out here now, it ain’t.

I AGREE!!!…thats why it is important for men to be more vocal on what they want..if she cant keep up…then cut that bench off..period…..we as men have to upgrade our standards if we expect the women to step theres up….but trust i still hang out and see whats out there for just the junk food dater…but i also see quality…you just have to look in different places….but its harder then it was a couple years ago…

By Dan

October 6, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Believe me, I been ready.

Call it what you will, but when the boo-boo goes to flying, most “good” women run, just like the rest.

Being “good” whether man or woman, ain’t after the fact….it’s in that moment.

I’ll admit that recognizing those moments is something I need to work on (there won’t be a choir of angels, I know that), but this whole thing is a two way street. Even in both of our respective lanes “hit and runs” do occur.

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

LOL. Dan, last week “you weren’t isht” and this week “you’re ready”

Okay. LMAO.

By MELO

October 6, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

mail call Truth,preciate it…. Leggs so sorry for ur loss,hope ur okay…

By Obey the Marriage

October 6, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

but its harder then it was a couple years ago…

i feel ppl believe it’s harder because their looking. going about your normal day or routine … they pretty much fall in your lap.

By Dan

October 6, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Those two statements aren’t as opposed as one might think.

I’m ready to walk in a relationship, but I still ain’t isht.

Knowing that about myself, all the more enforces the fact that I must be vigilant in my “aint ish-ness”

By SexyCool

October 6, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

i tend to overanalyze things…but that’s just me buying into my own psychosis…it only becomes a problem when i project it onto the relationship…in other words…i keep my extra crazy thoughts to myself…

i find that the biggest in issue in my relationship presently is that fact that we communicate in different ways…what i say and what he hears can be two totally different statements…that is the ultimately most frustrating issue that i have going on right now…all of which is occurring in the midst of what could (or possibly should be) be at a relationship ending juncture….

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

I’m ready to walk in a relationship, but I still ain’t isht.

I’m sorry, I still don’t find how this would make any good woman attracted to a guy like that. But I guess you’ve got a plan, so godspeed.

By The Truth

October 6, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

Melo hit www.bigcanoe.com . No problem.

Fellas, lets keep it real. As mugged up as it is out there we can still find some qualiy if thats what you want. The thing is when you get it you have to be ready. It’s some nice chicks out there, but don’t tell the female bloggers. LOL

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

all of which is occurring in the midst of what could (or possibly should be) be at a relationship ending juncture….*

LMAO LMAO…

By SexyCool

October 6, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

rell…sticking tongue out at you…

By New Rell Order

October 6, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

@SC…i was wondering after the bat signal went up there was no response…lol

ooooo and you do know someone bdays is coming up soon right….lol…

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

i keep my extra crazy thoughts to myself…

SexyCool - Amen to that. I find that I’m not naturally suspicious, but that certain observations can start the “crazy” thoughts turning.

Good luck to you and Coach. I know you’ll work thru it.

By Chink

October 6, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Afternoon

I analyze everything its only healthy! The only time I find myself over analyzing is when I am deep in love and my man is doing some weird stuff…I have learned thats my warning sign.

ARED Your rebuttals have been on point today..^5

Sexycool Say it aint soo???

By Leggs

October 6, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

Dan, with attitude like that you won’t get a good woman.

Thank you Melo. Hope all is well with your crazy self.

By MLL

October 6, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

OMG Truth says there’s some nice females out there!?!

By mqew

October 6, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

what i say and what he hears can be two totally different statements

Can happen often :-/ SexyC

By Chink

October 6, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Afternoon

I analyze everything its only healthy! The only time I find myself over analyzing is when I am deep in love and my man is doing some weird stuff…I have learned thats my warning sign.

ARED Your rebuttals have been on point today..^5

Sexycool Say it aint soo???

By AmazonRed

October 6, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

The only time I find myself over analyzing is when I am deep in love and my man is doing some weird stuff…I have learned thats my warning sign.

Chink, good point. I’ve dialed down my crazy in most relationships but have noticed I’ve definitely fallen more victim to it with the guy I’m currently seeing. And the weird stuff is exactly what sets me off.

You need to check in much earlier so that I’m not up in here “rebutting” by myself! LOL

By For Real

October 6, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

What up blog fam! Women keep too much silly non-important things in their heads. That why you substitute analyzing with overanalyzing because analyzing requires rational thought. Which we all know yall are only capable of rational thought at work.

Dan Imma first date let em know up front what I want and what I don’t want. The female usually returned with a “Who the Fugg Does this Hero think he is” look but hey she can’t say I didn’t tell her up front.

Ared I know you asked PG but it got me to thinking. I have never met a hoodrats or drama queens. Now there are times I wished I could meet a hoodrat but they just stare at me and say i’m stuck up. Now that i think about most women no matter what their level is think I’m stuck up, full of myself or non-approachable.

MLB How did yall feel about the Kimbo moment? I felt like Halle Berry was giving me a hand job and then she whispered in my ear “Give me five minutes and then come to the bed