Misadventures in Atlanta

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this

Good morning all. Boy the week is slipping by.

As mentioned before, I’m a big fan of the “pre screen.” I want to know you before I go out with you. That way, you won’t worry about me just looking for a “free meal” and I will be comfortable enough with you enough to talk about things other than the typical “interview” questions.

I do give guys with good character, or intellect a shot. I had been conversing with a guy recently over email. I wasn’t physically attracted to him, but he had a brain on him. Unfortunately, the more I got to know the less I liked. It’s good I found that out early so that we won’t be wasting each other’s time!

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 9, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

What are good ways to assess the character of a person you are dating? Talk to them. Ask them what their dreams are and ask them about their failures. I am learning that the way a person talks about their failures is a testimony to if their character has evolved or if they are still wallowing in their own muck.

How do you pre-screen before you really let someone into your life?

Hmm I thought about this and realized I don’t have a litmus test for friendships or relationships.

I mean I seek out people with the same values I have but there is no yardstick(well except height and I have even broken that “rule” a time or two).

I am learning to set boundaries. One of my favorite authors said something at a book signing this summer and it has stuck with me.

“Not everyone deserves a seat in the front row of your life.

Doesn’t mean you dont like/love/care for them, but some folks have to take a seat in the balcony. So knowing that I set boundaries on just who gets a front row seat, backstage pass, or nosebleed seats in my life/love journey.

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 9:32 AM | Link to this

“A Successful Dater”???? What is that?

You never really know a person until you deal with them. All the pre-screening can only be done while actually dating that person. The key IMO is to not let yourself get too deeply involved with that person before you are well into the “get to know you” stage.

If you don’t go out with someone, spend time with them there is no other way to get to know them.

By Undatable

October 9, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Doesn’t sound to me like you have had much success in the dating world, yet you write a blog about dating??????

So I guess those who can, do, those who can’t, write blogs…..

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

The key IMO is to not let yourself get too deeply involved with that person before you are well into the “get to know you” stage.

Raqi, that’s a good point.

And I do agree that a “successful dater” doesn’t really exist, but I think if you avoid people who are wildly inapproapriate for you (therefore saving yourself a lot of heartache) you’re better off in the dating world. And I think the whole screening process really helps that.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

I can’t believe that I’m typing this…

I’ll actually agree with ARed.

Sometimes those long “interview” conversations lead to a mental attraction that can completely shut down by the physical (or lack thereof) of physical attraction.

That’s kinda why I’m happy with becoming more and more shallow. I’d rather do the “airy” convo’s until I’m sure the attraction is there for me. I too am mentally stimulated and drawn to a person sometimes because of that. But once the mystery is gone and the insanity revealed, attractive or not, I’m done.

I think successful dating is finding out what works for you. And for me right now, physical and mental attraction combined just have to be there.

I realize that desire has dwindled my potential dating pool into a highly narrow field.

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

i tend to connect with NICE guys who i like to overanalyze…lol…

By MELO

October 9, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

We make excuses because they’re hot. We overlook behavior because the sex is great I wld never excuse a girl’s behavior coz she flungs her pelvis really good,no way!!If im in it for sexx,then thats what it is..there is a definite pre planned expiration date to the interraction. Doesn’t sound to me like you have had much success in the dating world, yet you write a blog about dating its not a mystery to us regulars…and she is sharing her experiences.. a “successful dater” doesn’t really exist a successful dater got married or is about to,for the most part,unless they have chosen to be single their entire lyfe…… I have often indicated to folks that as a male, i preferred to have have early on sexx,in my dating days.It was a selfish wish but if you are really dating to find someone for the longterm,why rush to engage in sexx with someone u hardly know.Why not fix dates and have fun over a period while observing each other’s interactions with friends, family etc, to see what the other person is like.That is a better screening method.In this day and age of the condom however, uall dont give too much stock in sexx,shove it in,wiggle,puke,puke and take it out and trash and then go about ur business.We are in the microwave age of quick hits and delights. But if u rush to get compromised and he ends up dumping ur dead body in the freezer,who is to blame for that??

By M.

October 9, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva

Good topic…I have been on this kick lately also. I think the key is Praying for discernment. I need to try to see through every script/playbook as fast as possible. I have also reverted back to talking on the phone a little bit more before we go out(which I hate to do especially if we are in the same city, I would rather just meet). Me being somewhat spontaneous, Ill meet you and say, let’s meet for drinks/dinner this weekend, and I may not have even known her last name! Now, I just want to get a better feel for them to see if they are even worth going out with or even compatiable.

By abc

October 9, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

When it comes to actually screening for character, scruples, morals, and values, a lot of us relax our standards, so to speak. We make excuses because they’re hot. We overlook behavior because the sex is great.

Here’s a novel idea: how about getting to know them a little bit before you jump in the sack with them? It’s beyond ironic to mention screening for their character and morals and fvck1ng them in the same breath.

Sorry if that seems a bit coarse, but come on. Surely you have more self-control than that? Surely more self respect?

And all the man w******* who would claim that without quick sex they’ll walk, puh-leeze. Spare me. If these chicks aren’t smarter than that by now, they’ll never be.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

as a male, i preferred to have have early on sexx,in my dating days.

LOL melo, you and most red blooded American males. LOL

But if u rush to get compromised and he ends up dumping ur dead body in the freezer,who is to blame for that??

I laughed so hard at this. But good point! (though some crazy you just can’t see coming)

By Chink

October 9, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

Morning!

I have made a lot of mistakes in the pre screening realm. One thing I want to do is talk to someone for about 20-30 minutes before I give them my number. Needless to say it takes a lot to get my number now days ..

His Money is not a issue for me as long as he isnt asking for mine.

Character is sometimes hard to get attracted to …there has to be something physically that I like.

I can count on 1 hand the men I have admired who I know either through dating or friendship..

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Amazon A successful dater does exist.

You are considered successful when your effort materializes into your objective. Before any of us (my siblings) were allowed to date we had to endure the “you date to marry” lecture from my father. So to him a successful dater is one that finds the mate to marry. Their efforts paid off.

In today’s society people date for different reasons. Some still to find spouses. Others to find life long partners that don’t necessarily result in marriage. And many for the sole purpose of meeting and bedding as many as they can.

A hunter that snags its desired prey is deemed successful.

By MLL

October 9, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

All the interview/pre screening in the world will leave you confused and twisted. People can tell you anything they want about themselves but show you something totally different. I take a person for face value - what you show me- your actions. A person can have all the right answers but they don’t live by them. IMO some ppl are too hard on themselves looking for the what in a person instead of the who in a person. He can be a top scholar making top grade cash, but if he doesn’t possess a good heart what good is he for me?

By Chink

October 9, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Raqi

Yup thats why these legs are shut for a short/long time whenever I say I do.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

@abc

I think that you never really know a person until you know a person that knows themselves.

People get married, have kids, and then one day BOOM! the dude or the lady realizes that they’re gay; or don’t like marriage; or don’t like kids, or whatever.

People like to pretend that in relationships that you know your SO. The truth is, you know that person at that time, we all as individuals are constantly evolving, constantly learning, constantly changing and the one thing that we have direct control over (ourselves) is the last bastion.

So, blind date, semi-friend or not do you ever really know someone?

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

So to him a successful dater is one that finds the mate to marry. Their efforts paid off.

Raqi, I think that is the ultimate success. As a person who ‘dates to marry’ myself, I wouldn’t call my experiences failures though (not saying you did). There is marriage and then marriage to the right person. The dating. I think success can be measured during the “training” process (dating). You gotta dodge a few bullets and bag a few rabbits before you nab that big game. LOL

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Well said ARed!

By MLL

October 9, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

People like to pretend that in relationships that you know your SO. The truth is, you know that person at that time, we all as individuals are constantly evolving, constantly learning, constantly changing and the one thing that we have direct control over (ourselves) is the last bastion. ^^^Dan

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

Dan I am a firm believer of you never know a person until you live with them.

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Success Quote for the Day

Do not commit the terrible crime of aiming too low.

Og Mandino

By Dan

October 9, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

But even then do you know what lurks in the recesses of their minds?

You know their traits, their habits (when you’re around), you know when they’re not being completely honest with you.

These things we claim to know about people can give us false senses of security. You know what you’ve learned, based on what they’ve told you or what you’ve seen.

Maybe it’s just the D, maybe I am paranoid, but sociopaths do exist, narcissits do exist, and they walk amoungst us in greater numbers than any of us would care to believe.

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

Off Topice Snopes confirmed this to be true!

Just Passing this on…For those who normally vote “Straight Democratic”, please pay close attention!!!!! I was informed this weekend by a group of Obama volunteers that when voting for the presidential candidate this November, you have to make sure you punch Barack’s name first, then proceed to punch “Straight Democratic” or else the vote for the president won’t count. I’m not sure if any of you are aware of this, but we know they won’t tell us this at the poles. Please make sure you inform others.

By Chink

October 9, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this

I don’t see where abc said anything about really knowing someone to the core ..he was mainly talking about sleeping around.

Dan

Those Bombs you are referring to are a case by case basis. While some of those do occur but they are not the majority. Drama sells.

And I would hope that as adults we know how to deal with bombs when they occur in our lives it shouldnt deter you from moving to the next level.

Now how about some good bombs..they love their marriage..they find their soul mate..have lots of kids!

By MLL

October 9, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Dang it Dan I need to stop agreeing with you…LOL you made another good point @ 1122

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 9, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Dan Have you been watching that show Snapped? Just kidding. I can understand where you are coming from though. Everyone of us no matter how nice or wonderful we think we are is capable of some unspeakable things if the right buttons are pushed. With that said I will agree with your 11:22.

By abc

October 9, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

If you feel you have to live with someone in order to really know them, in terms of whether they’d make a suitable or ideal mate for you, then you’re rushing things.

Certainly, you can get to know a person better than that without living with them. Chances are, you really know them better than you’re willing to admit, if there are question marks that you prefer to overlook for one reason or another. If you’ve been having a relationship with someone and you feel they don’t allow you to really know who they are, then you have to choose whether to try to get them to open up and trust you, or whether their problems in that regard are insurmountable for you. If it turns out your partner is so disingenuous as to purposely deceive you about who and what they are, it certainly will affect your trust issues.

That said, everyone has trust issues to some degree. Everyone will change over time. It’s quite common for people to start to consider that their own desires resulting from their own personal growth and evolution count more for them than their mate does. It can take 1, 5, 10 or 20 years; it happened to me. That doesn’t mean we didn’t truly know each other. That means one decided they’d be better off without the other.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@Chink

Think about it.

We like to believe that the Menedez brothers were an oddity, the kids from Columbine were strange, that in those instances “nobody saw it coming”, that the reason they had the chance to committ those crimes is because the people around them didn’t see the signs.

That’s just not true. No one knows the signs, isht sometimes just happens.

I think Reagan had it right (and wrong) when he said “trust but verify”.

Or to bring it back to dating…do you think anyone that was ever cheated on simply “didn’t see the signs”?

By Dan

October 9, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

@Chink

Think about it.

We like to believe that the Menedez brothers were an oddity, the kids from Columbine were strange, that in those instances “nobody saw it coming”, that the reason they had the chance to committ those crimes is because the people around them didn’t see the signs.

That’s just not true. No one knows the signs, isht sometimes just happens.

I think Reagan had it right (and wrong) when he said “trust but verify”.

Or to bring it back to dating…do you think anyone that was ever cheated on simply “didn’t see the signs”?

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

I don’t see where abc said anything about really knowing someone to the core ..he was mainly talking about sleeping around.

Chink, you have to realize that certain posters put 20 on 10 (far reaching conclusions) on most everything. You’ll get used to it. LOL

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Dan the closest two people will ever get is living under the same roof every single day. And there are signs the point to every thing. You live with them long enough it is only a matter of time before the signs start to show. Talking with them, interacting with them, seeing how they adjust or not to certain situations…it’s all there.

Like I said, you never know a person until you live with them. Where a person is most familiar and most comfortable is where they tend to let their guard down.

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

abc I am not saying that. What I am saying is in all that you will learn about while dating them and determine that you do indeed want to be in a relationship with them, you still don’t know them to the fullest. Once you live with some one you will see sides that most others never have and some never will. That’s all I am saying.

I guess I went much deeper with my statement than the entry was asking for.

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Personally, I don’t think you ever really know a person! EVER!

By Dan

October 9, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Instead of replying with my usual witty commentary.

How about this?

How about we let the blog flow how it does, without commentary?

I mean topics change, people really get things miscontrued, and sometime somebody just feel like saying something or expounding on a concept.

That said, I would really prefer to do without snark today. Just today, you can be the bytch tomorrow….can we try to reign it in today, for the next 5 hours or so?

Is that too difficult?

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this

living with a person lets you learn a WHOLE lot more about them…like TRUE personal hygiene habits, bathroom habits and smells, whether or not they are really a clean person, financial habits and so on…

i tell you walking into the bathroom after a perosn has LOST WEIGHT can make you look at them in a whole new light…seriously…

By DuShawn

October 9, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Contrary to prudent judgment and common sense, I’m of the opinion that too much scrutiny or pre-screening can be counter productive. The term itself implies some type of cold, analytical, clinical evaluation. I’ve always dated to have fun. ”individuals are constantly evolving, constantly learning, constantly changing” so true. The fruition of love is an uncertain journey. Ironically, the unknown is what keeps it new. That’s why I’m not a proponent of living together before marriage. Additionally, I never evaluated my personal relationships with the same due diligence I implement in business. I always followed my heart, even if it didn’t look good on paper. After the most intensive prescreening process is completed, you still never know what you got…. until you get it.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

@Du

That 11:50 was poetic, romantic and true.

Thank you for your perspective.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

That said, I would really prefer to do without snark today. Just today, you can be the bytch tomorrow….can we try to reign it in today, for the next 5 hours or so?

Okay, so we can pretend that this isn’t directed at me or that you didn’t say me by name, but I don’t play that silly game.

This is not your blog Dan. So if you aren’t prepared to deal with certain comments or certain commentators, then I suggest you find another place to play today and you can come and be the bytch azz tomorrow.

Is that too difficult? I’m sorry your panties are in a wad today for whatever reason, but it is not the blogs job to censor themselves just because your period started!

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

i tell you walking into the bathroom after a perosn has LOST WEIGHT can make you look at them in a whole new light…seriously…

LOL It’s too close to lunch for this SexyCool. But good analogy!

By Dan

October 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

And the winner for the “hit dog will holler” award goes too…

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Goodness gracious, but thanks for the laugh today ARed! I certainly needed more than a mere chuckle today. That truly tickled me!

By Chink

October 9, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Dan

If someone can manipulate you to the point where they are a killer and you dont know it …what really can you do about it? Except defend yourself and pray when they snap.

So now I am supposed to be afraid to live? Sorry I put my faith in a higher power not a human being. We have all probably been this —> <—close to meeting your maker just driving on the highway let alone dating.

Someone cheating on me is not the end of the world. I would like for it not to happen ..but if it does I have no choice but to deal with it and move on.

By Wise Diva

October 9, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

LOL @ undatable (i guess you were going for undateable?), well I’ve had success in the dating world in the sense that I have taken risks, dated great men, been romanced and romanced them. With a disappearing act, one restraining order/stalker in my dating past, I have at least dated enough to know that I successfully maintained my sanity, and that’s good enough for me. LOL

on topic: I think pre-screening mostly includes just paying attention! If you notice how a person handles things, you get some insight on their outlook. I certainly don’t think an interrogation is needed for pre-screening.

DuShawn, you made really excellent points in your 11:50 comment, something to think about.

By Chink

October 9, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Yes that was funny ARED…great follow up

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Leggs, no problem girly! But yeah, the blog is supposed to be stupid, it’s that bytch azz game I tells ya. ;-)

By Tazzee

October 9, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

time and pressure that’s all Imma say about this topic, LOL.

I think Imma watch that movie tonight.

By MLL

October 9, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

the disappearing act…OMG Wise please don’t make me remember that one - and to think I thought I knew that guy lol

By Dan

October 9, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

You know what?

I had this whole, long, drawn out thing to say…

but you just don’t matter that much.

So I’ll let you have your fun (since apparently you aren’t having any in Real Life) and go on about my business.

And bytchazz Deese

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

sometimes, coach will come out of the bathroom and use that john whitherspoon line from friday….don’t nobody go in the bathroom for ‘bout thuty-five-fuhty-five minutes….

i have learned to take him seriously….

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

“…you learn a WHOLE lot more…”

Exactly. I was reading about deal breakers this morning. There are some things that we sometimes don’t even know is a deal breaker until we see it in action. Like those things that you just don’t talk about in casual conversation.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

So I’ll let you have your fun (since apparently you aren’t having any in Real Life)

You know, Dan, you say stuff like this to make yourself feel better. That’s not the truth, and you know it. But you say things and call folks “the bytch” (doesn’t matter if it was directed at me or not, it was directed at someone) to soothe your fragile ego. And all it does is prove how weak you can be as a person.

That’s not anyone’s fault on here but you are. Adjust accordingly.

By Beautiful

October 9, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

my quote for today …

it took one minute to like you. a day to love you. and it would take a lifetime to forget you.

where’s twocan?

MLL you got mail!

y’all have a good one.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this

Whoops meant “thatn’s not anyone’s fault on here but your own”

;-)

By Wise Diva

October 9, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

@MLL, LOL, didn’t mean to send you to flashbacks! It’s ok, we can be thankful for the disappearing acts because I would rather know early on if you are going to be bailing on me.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Wait. Wait.

I’m weak as a person?

You come on here, commenting on my comment, I respond innocously (sp?) without directing my animous to you, but I’m weak?

Listen, this is an entertainment forum, but you in your sadness of soul have for some reason chosen to make this personal.

It’s not.

Never has been.

Violating my own self-imposed rule You don’t know me and I don’t know you…

Why not argue the point, and not make isht personal?

Have you been watching too much political coverage, ARed McCain?

Regardless.

Don’t read my posts, I will continue to not read yours (unless directed at me) and let’s just go with that.

Is that enough drama for you? Freaking child…

By Tazzee

October 9, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this

There are some things that we sometimes don’t even know is a deal breaker until we see it in action.

Raqi that is so true. About a year ago, a friend and I made a list of all the things we liked and disliked in our past relationships. The idea was to use this as a guide for future relationships. My friend met a guy that had all the likes and none of the dislikes, but there was one thing, a big thing that she wasn’t sure if she could deal with. One day we were talking and she was like ‘but Tazzee, he has everything on my likes list and nothing on my dislikes list’ and my response was ‘maybe you need to add that to your dislikes list’

By Mr. Aware a.k.a Daddy K

October 9, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

If you pay close attention to your feelings, her facial expression and her body language when you ask for her number; you will know if a woman will

1- Help you to be responsible of your own emotional well being

2- Act as a nuclear ecstasy pill that boost your emotional high or

3- Becomes an emotional drag that destroy ambitions and drive you to insanity

Every man should have clear goals and a clear perspective of where he wants to lead his life and should automatically disqualify any interaction with the type of woman who is not on his path.

A woman should date to find a man with goals that side with her own; unfortunately many women date with a single goal in mind: to marry. I wonder what come next after their dating goal is accomplished……misery or babies or both?

By Attention W*******

October 9, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Ared sounds like somebodies MAD and FRUSTRATED because they couldn’t get no play…

By Beautiful

October 9, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

had to comment …

A woman should date to find a man with goals that side with her own

i had actually done this, AND LOVED IT! it didn’t work out between us, but it let me feel something that i’ve never felt before. i wasn’t looking to marry or have babies … having a goal to share with someone else is a beautiful thing. i’m currently … we’re currently on this path now. yay!

By Chink

October 9, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

Daddy K

The mutual goal should be to marry “for me”

I can date forever…but I would like to be intimate and that will take marriage…I would like to share a home that woould take a larger commitment than dating.

I am unsure what you beliefs are but mine include marriage and that is a goal…and not the only goal.

Daddy K - Is it possible to “date” a guy for a long time (years) and not be intimate and still be togther and loyal?

By Wise Diva

October 9, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Mr. Aware aka Daddy K. Wow, very interesting, have you met many women who have only 1 single goal in mind? If so, how did you know this was the case?

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

Ok, Tazzee, I’ll bite. If you don’t mind stating, what was that one thing?

By lurker

October 9, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

You didnt know this is AmazonReds blog. With all her little followers trailing behind. Yes massa, ^5 massa. SMMFH.

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

Tazzee Exactamente.

If my husband had told me to write down every important detail, good and bad, about myself that I feel he should know before marrying me, my list would not have covered half of it. However it would more than likely have listed things he care less about.

That would be because there are things about us that not only we but our mates also may think are unimportant but when in action can be a nuisance. And there are things that we can find very charming about our mates that we would never have imagined.

One example of a simple irritation that I actually thought I liked, he does not leave his clothes scattered over the floor. He rolls them into a nice tight bundle. I found that endearing when we were dating. But when we were dating I did not have to wash those clothes. Now it bugs me to have to stand there and shake that bundle loose.

Toothpaste spittle on the shower floor…sigh.

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

What an extremely interesting question Chink, can’t wait to read the responses.

By Tazzee

October 9, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

Leggs I was hoping no one would ask. Too many of my friends read this blog so I’ll have to keep that one to myself.

Daddy K A woman should date to find a man with goals that side with her own; unfortunately many women date with a single goal in mind: to marry.

My goal is to marry a man with goals that complement mine. See - two goals wrapped up in one. If all I wanted to do was date, then I would date to find a man that was fine as heyall and didn’t talk too much, LOL

By Tazzee

October 9, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

Raqi In my younger days, I never thought I would have to put that a man be single/not married on my list.

And I would love to put that a man not snore on the list, but I have yet to meet one, LOL. I’m still searching for that…

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 1:27 PM | Link to this

I have to honor that!

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

raqi…coach throws his clothes right BESIDE the hamper…wth?

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva this topic keeps bringing to mind the guy that one of my friends set me up with that asked if he could lick my face to see it tasted like chocolate.

The blind date that wanted to taste.

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

SexyCool I would punch him in the throat. LOL

By The Truth

October 9, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Chink * Is it possible to “date” a guy for a long time (years) and not be intimate and still be togther and loyal?* I had a long answer but can summarize by saying no. You don’t even want a cat that would go for that deal.

What if he said he doesn’t take out women he hasn’t slept with? Would that be cool with you? You may abstain but he won’t.

Dan/Ared you two should patch up your relationship. Kiss and make up or slap each other and make up. Either way, make up. LOL

By Chink

October 9, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Interesting

I didnt think just because you agree with someone you are automatically considered a follower.

It seems like you are the follower since you seem to know everything about the particular blogger ..almost seems a little stalkerish ..like lets see what “soandso” doing today and who commented …

By MLL

October 9, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

I think I’ll set up shop on Memory Lane…Raqi at least he asked you - one guy actually licked my face to see if I tasted like chocolate

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

You know Chink, I was thinking the same thing. I posted something along the lines of what you said but deleted it. I ^5 a lot, give kudos to a lot, even state “couldn’t have said it better” a lot. AND I’M PROUD TO SAY I DO!

By Satoria Lynn

October 9, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

SexyCool

What about …

When he forgets to flush the toilet and leaves a lovely surprise for you.

When he leaves the door unlocked after coming in.

When he walks over whatever is lying on the floor that should not be lying on the floor a million times and you count to see how many times it takes for him to actually pick it up!!!

When he cooks dinner and thinks he is doing you a favor.

When he mows the grass and does not empty the mower bag. Then you find yourself trying to figure out the stinky smell in the garage.

When he takes your idea and make it seem like he thought of it first.

When he cleans his ears with Q-tips and throws them or so call puts them in the trash, but you find them in the bed, etc.

When he gets out the shower and lays on the bed wet.

When he is sitting on the toilet and wants you to come and conversate with him.

When it is just you two at home, he walks around nekkid and sits his nasty behind in all the chairs, bar stools and couches.

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Truth was really waiting for your answer cuz I knew what it would be. Again, I agree w/you!

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

satoria…are we dating the same person? lmAo…

let me add one…when he drags his house shoes/bedroom slippers across the carpet…at six in the morning…it is the loudest sound in the world…lol..

By Chink

October 9, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

pun intended..^5 Leggs

I hope I am not over my quota!

Truth

Nope he would have to be loyal. No loopholes…lol. By the way uh I am not abstaining because I want to but because we not married.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Dan, who said it was personal? How do you figure? Sadness of soul? I guess you are talking about yourself.

Sweetheart, what is personal? Nothing has changed about my posting style from a month ago, a day ago or today?

You’re the one who is having the issue, name calling and being downright bytchly. Ask yourself WHAT brought this side out of YOU today, cuz ain’t nothing new today coming out of AmazonRed’s keyboard.

But yes, you are weak. Stooping to the level you did just proved it. Don’t be mad because I didn’t stand for it. Do better.

Ared sounds like somebodies MAD and FRUSTRATED because they couldn’t get no play…

Sounds like.

By DasVenus

October 9, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

DAN come on ova here and sit down and lets expound on whats suppose to be the topic for the day: should we or shouldnt we ‘pre-screen’ a potential SO? i think its really the whole ‘we are visual creatures’ topic reincarnate. we ‘pre-screen’ at a glance and then when they pass that level of screening, we forge further…. can they carry a conversation, and when that level of testing is passed, still further: are they fun? not an addict? gainfully employed? financially stable? disease-free? et cetera, et cetera.

What sometimes throws all this off is the fact that they are engaged in the same critique of us. we take our eyes off the ball ensuring that we pass their examination of us. and then we’re so pleased with ourselves for having successfully passed, that we fail to go back and make up ground…. get back to ensuring they meet our self-defined standards.

too often, things are too far gone before we realize its all wrong and too late to back-pedal.

By MLL

October 9, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Hey Satoria Lynn are you talking about a man, a dog or a kid…somewhere in the mix it appears that way LOL

Thankfully my late husband never gave me any problems when it came to cleaniness/house chores - he was neat as a bug. The man didn’t even snore….:(

By Raqi

October 9, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

LOL Satora Lynn

Let’s keep the list going:

When he doesn’t close the door while sitting on the toilet bucket nekkid.

When he has 3 opened juice bottles in the fridge all the same flavor and has drank out of all of them.

When he sinuses are acting up and there is an entire box of used Kleenex in the bed, on the floor and every where else.

When he wakes you up to ask you if you are asleep.

When he does NOT cook dinner and act like he is doing you a favor.

When you ask him what he wants for dinner and he says it doesn’t matter and then after the fact tells you what he wish you would have made.

When he drives pass 3 gas stations just to get home and ask if you wouldn’t mind putting gas in his car…Oh wait I am the one that does that.

By DuShawn

October 9, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Satoria Lynn dayum…lol. From that list, it sounds like buddy is getting on your last nerve. I’m willing to bet he has a similar list about you. That’s part of the journey.

By Satoria Lynn

October 9, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Chink

I read the blog a couple of times a week when it slows down here in the office. No matter what day I log on, its the same shiiit! This is Amazon’s blog whether you agree or disagree. She runs the show and the regulars allow it. What I wonder is how every time I refresh my screen, I see her name. I want her job! Or is it that she doesnt have a life outside of this blog? Hmmm.

She does have followers. Bloggers are scared to say what they want to say. They wait until Queen B says it then agree. The bashing is notorious! Just plain wrong IMO. The people who co-sign the bashing, that is sad to me.

By The Truth

October 9, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

chink what brings you to this point that now, all of a sudden, you need to abstain until you’re married? We know there are only a few good reasons, what is yours? Also, do you really think you’d want a man that “could” wait for you for years?

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

I want her job! Or is it that she doesnt have a life outside of this blog?

The blog closes at 5 so yeah, it’s quite possible that I have a life outside the blog. But no, I don’t have a life from 9-6 cuz I’m at work!

But yeah, you’d want my job. I just got a bonus too for my hard work! :-D

By MLL

October 9, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this

Satoria Lynn say it ain’t so..Ared a blog bully LOL…

By Leggs

October 9, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

That Q-tip one was funny.

Or he places his dirty dish on the kitchen counter w/o placing it in the sink

Or he walks right by the garbage can to get to the sofa and places his dirty napkin on the coffee table. WTF, you just passed the garbage can.

By Dan

October 9, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

@DasV

Exactly.

There are checkpoints. Visual, check. Personality, check. (All those you named), check. Then there is the relationship.

What kills even the most cautious person, is the one thing we didn’t see coming. It huants you all after the fact: why didn’t I know? How could I not have seen?

My contention is that one will never know. That person may not know until after the decision is made. And even as adults, who among us can make a decision and then when asked “why?” genuinely reply “I don’t know”.

It doesn’t make either party bad, or good, for that matter. It just is.

@Truth/Chink

I want to know that too. I mean, aren’t you setting yourself up for failure already.

While I know that women don’t have the need to express the sexual drive that both sexes share, would you, could you, really believe that you could be with a man that wasn’t getting it from you, and think that he’s not getting it at all?

By Dan

October 9, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

@DasV

Exactly.

There are checkpoints. Visual, check. Personality, check. (All those you named), check. Then there is the relationship.

What kills even the most cautious person, is the one thing we didn’t see coming. It huants you all after the fact: why didn’t I know? How could I not have seen?

My contention is that one will never know. That person may not know until after the decision is made. And even as adults, who among us can make a decision and then when asked “why?” genuinely reply “I don’t know”.

It doesn’t make either party bad, or good, for that matter. It just is.

@Truth/Chink

I want to know that too. I mean, aren’t you setting yourself up for failure already.

While I know that women don’t have the need to express the sexual drive that both sexes share, would you, could you, really believe that you could be with a man that wasn’t getting it from you, and think that he’s not getting it at all?

By Satoria Lynn

October 9, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

When he farts in bed and then mashes my head under the covers.

When he flicks his toe nails at me.

When he scraps the yucky stuff on me from his pedicure.

When he makes me smell his arm pits.

When he asks me to pick at his ingrown hairs on his face/beard.

When he drives like a mad man. Trying to be cool and shiit.

When he is talking to his friends on the phone and being so loud! Its not that funny.

LMAO. Have a nice weekend.

By Daddy K

October 9, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

chink

Wanna know if Is it possible to “date” a guy for a long time (years) and not be intimate and still be togther and loyal?

Yes but only if the decision not to be intimate support the path and purpose that both of you took in life.

By Chink

October 9, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

Truth

I have been saying that..for the past few months. I have been heavily involved in my church. My beliefs are taking me to a new path..a new beginning you can say…a new life.

I got out of a relationship early part of this year that left me relieved that it was over..but yet destroyed from all I been through. We tried to abstain …because to me and him it was the right thing to do..but it couldnt work..marriage plans I couldnt even go through with.

Anyway but my response was to Daddy K and his comment on goals. That was my rebuttal.

I am not saying I am a virgin or what not (yes my past is freaky) but I have made a pact with myself to do it another way.

By For Real

October 9, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

Ared/Dan I agree with Truth yall should make up. So, I suggest Ared have makeup sex with me to squash this conflict between the two of you.

By SexyCool

October 9, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this

sartoria…now you’re scaring me…lol…i get the ingrown hairs thing too…

oddly enough…the other day…he told me that when i help him with his beard…he thinks it’s one of the most caring things that i do for him…

By For Real

October 9, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

Chink You tried to be a lesbian??? Oh, wait you wrote abstain dayumm that’s what I get for reading too fast.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

this topic keeps bringing to mind the guy that one of my friends set me up with that asked if he could lick my face to see it tasted like chocolate

LOL. This reminds me of a scene in Miracle at St. Anna. If you guys haven’t seen it already, please support!

By For Real

October 9, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Zipppppppppp!!! Can one of yall help me with this ingrown…

By The Truth

October 9, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

chink a dudes allegiance to his johnson always overrrides his allegiance to his god. He’ll either get with you or some other chick, or dude. That’s the only reason I’d think a dude would even entertain that nonsense, because he really liked dudes and is using you to mask it. As for a chick, most make that decision after slinging azz all over atlanta and then realizing that didn’t work. From one extreme to the other.

Btw, everyone else in the church is fuggin including the preacher. This is bigger than you and I. This is what keeps this world spinning.

On another note, lets discuss this freaky side of you and maybe we can get to the root of the problem. LMAO

Truth: I have something to say Ared. I demand to be heard. Stop being a bully.

Ared: slap

Truth: Nevermind. I agree with Ared.

By Chink

October 9, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

daddy K

Thanks. That was the answer I was looking for! And I agree.

The decision not to be intimate support the path and purpose that both of you took in life.

Those who question the motive don’t understand the end result I seek…and its not marriage!

By MELO

October 9, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

tell you walking into the bathroom after a perosn has LOST WEIGHT can make you look at them in a whole new light…seriously… oh,she just gave birth?!!!!

but it is not the blogs job to censor themselves just because your period started! im late,do we have a peace treaty at this stage????

* and they walk amoungst us in greater numbers than any of us would care to believe.* that makes me believe u are a more careful dater than DuShawn who saystoo much scrutiny or pre-screening can be counter productive So why is his entry,which is contra to ur opinions sopoetic, romantic and true smdh….

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

a dudes allegiance to his johnson always overrrides his allegiance to his god.

Chink, it’s important for you to note that Truth is rather agnostic. Just FYI before you respond. LOL

Truth, you know you keep me tamed! :-P

By Blue_Kolla

October 9, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

What up Peepo?

Dan :/ Come on bruh. The Head shall be held at a higher standard than the tail. <=== DasV ;) Put your word down to that broad and KIM. You’re ‘sposed to be already at the next corner.

Chink There’s probably 1% of all dudes that will remain celibate for 2 years, waiting on getting married to move the bird into the love nest. So not impossible but highly unrealistic.

But I have a feeling that, if you are really feeling this improbable dude, and want to marry him, you will be the one to initiate the dyckdown way before your first dress fitting.

By For Real

October 9, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Arriving at Chicks house for first date…..

Doorbell rings…..

Chick: OMG Tangarey, he at the doh wit his fine azz.. Gotta go bye… Huh yeah I’ll call you. Bye. One moment Lamont… That’s right bytch Lamont. BYE! Hey Lamont you look nice.

Lamont: Hey Corrola you look beautiful said while reaching to shake her hand Oh shoot! I dropped my scalpel.

Corrola: Scalpel????

Lamont: Yeah, I forgot in was in my shirt sleeve.

Corrola: What do you do for a living?

Lamont: IT, come on lets get this date started.

Corrola: Thinking to herself IT??? Oh okay let me get my pursue…

Lamont: Let me get the door for you.

Corrola: Why thank you. You are such a gentleman.

Lamont: That’s how I was raised. Here you go… Wait hold on let me move my hatchet first. I wouldn’t want you hurting yourself.

Corrola: Hatchet???

Lamont: Yeah, here hold on to my arm, I don’t want you to fall

Corrola: Thinking to herself after feeling his muskle Dayummmm feels I got hand full of wangs in my hands…

Lamont: Are you okay?

Corrola: Huh, um, yeah I just making sure I didn’t leave the iron on.

Lamont: Oh okay. Do you want to go back and check?

Corrola: No I’m sure I turned it off. Why are you wiping down the window and door.

Lamont: Fingerprints, I’m wiping away the fingerprints.

Corrola: Fingerprints???

Lamont: Yeah let me help you with your seatbelt.

Corrola: Thinking to herself Dayummmm he smell gooder than a Thanksgiving Dinner. But it’s kinda scrange that a dude walks around with a scalpel and he ain’t no doctor and who keeps a hatchet….

Lamont: There you go.

Corrola: Still thinking to herself on dey front seat. Awww dayummm I feel his muskel rub against my breast.. Dayummm all that other ish gurl you deserve to have a good time tonight

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

what brings you to this point that now, all of a sudden, you need to abstain until you’re married? We know there are only a few good reasons, what is yours?

By the way Truth, what are the good reasons (according to you)

By Chink

October 9, 2008 3:04 PM | Link to this

Truth

What everybody else doing is the least of my concerns! That doesnt change my relationship with my creator…

And by the way if his allegiance is to his johnson over God there is a Bigger problem in the works. Thats almost scary.

yes yes I see you have a positive view of the church …lol.

By the way I dont have a problem never been more happier that I am now. Oh yeah I might need to write some of those moves down..don’t want to forget em!

By The Blogger formerly known as Kym

October 9, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

For Real you are stupid.ROTFL!!

Truth has a point..Ministers are freaks too dont ask me how I know.

By AmazonRed

October 9, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

For Real, that killed me so softly. LMAO!

Kym, I wanna ask you how you know! LOL.

By MELO

October 9, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

When he cooks dinner and thinks he is doing you a favor he needs to do that,at most,once a week.Thats ur job!!

By DuShawn

October 9, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

On the topic of abstinence, under certain circumstances, I think it can truly enhance and strengthen a relationship. For instance, you’ve been with your lady awhile, yall have gotten it down a thousand times, and you both make a conscious decision to abstain to alter the direction of the relatio