80-20 Rule in Dating?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Over lunch recently, BFFs: Grandeur Girl and Princess C. asked me about a recent date. When I said that there wasn’t a real connection, as far as I could tell, they asked me why. I admitted that it was probably me.
Full disclosure: I was not really excited about going out with him. When I first met him at a friend’s birthday dinner, I could have sworn I felt a spark. However, in the conversations leading up to our date, the sparks went M.I.A. No pun intended, really.
Then I had a horrifying thought: Was I becoming the bitter and jaded single chick? Oh, you know who she is, don’t you? She nitpicks and complains about every single thing about men, ruling them out for no good reason. Did I just up and relocate to Bitter City unknowingly?! Man diet ring any bells?
In his book, Your Girlfriends Only Know So Much, Atlanta’s own, Finesse Mitchell talked about the 80-20 rule. Mr. Mitchell, the oh so fine comic, says that if a guy is not 100% of what you want, but has 80% of what’s most important, you don’t toss him out all willy nilly over the 20%!
What are your thoughts about the 80-20 dating rule? If you met someone that embodied 80% of the important traits, could you make it work in a relationship?
Let’s also consider this: some women have a bad habit of dating men based on potential (read: her idea of potential for him). To wit: my friend Panama muses: “It’s like a man is every woman’s potential playdough. Add just the right amount of TLC, throw in a little common sense, help him mature and then wham.. he could go from Morris Chestnut in Boyz In The Hood to Morris Chestnut in The Best Man”
From your experiences do you think singles break the 80/20 rule a lot? Conversely, are you guilty of dating someone’s potential instead of accepting them as they are?
Happy Mother’s Day to all our Misadventures in Atlanta Mothers!
TGIF!
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Coming attractions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As I was sitting through about 98 movie previews last week, something occurred to me. In the “coming attractions”, the trailer shows the best parts of the film -without fully revealing how it will end. The intent is to entice you to the point where you must see it, right?
When you meet someone new, you probably see them all shiny and smelling good. They are most likely in a great mood because they are in a social setting or some event that they enjoy. You meet the so called “representative” of who they are. Can you see where this is headed?
Dating people is like watching the previews for a movie. The “coming attraction” is the preview, meant to entice you to buy a ticket. Unfortunately, we all know how movies can turn out. They can totally bore you, disappoint you, or even irritate you!
Perhaps the worst is when the coming attraction turns into a cruel tease. You could even feel manipulated. I know many people who confuse flirting and teasing and they can cross the line into deceit.
Have you ever met/dated someone who was a tease? Did they somehow convince you that there would be some payoff that never came? Is it their fault for being manipulative or does the responsibility rest on your own shoulders for falling for it?
How can you spot the “tease” and how do you handle them?
I am sure the discussion will undoubtedly take this turn anyway, so let me just go ahead and ask it! Who is more guilty of being a tease: men or women?
Have a Terrific Thursday!
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Girlfriend Trainer
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Some single men are reluctant about seeking out relationships because they have bad memories of past experiences. Perhaps they were involved with women who used and abused them (not in a good way), which left them feeling apprehensive about investing time, effort, and even money into a potential romance.
To be honest, I don’t blame them for this. Men are expected to give a lot in a relationship, especially in the beginning. If they find a woman who is totally worth the risk, it’s great when things work out. That’s when it’s time for the woman in their lives to step up and show appreciation for her man.
It may surprise you how much women are clueless about being in a relationship with a man. If they are used to being doted on and put on a pedestal, chances are she will not know how to reciprocate that.
Guys, if you were to open a Girlfriend School, what type of classes would you teach? Imagine the ways you would want to be catered to, treated, or shown appreciation - what would you want your woman to know?
Ladies, when you are dating someone new, do you show the man that you would appreciate him? How do you do this and when? Forget about wifey material, do you think you are good girlfriend material?
Let’s keep it light and fun, and more importantly informative!
Thanks to reader, Dreams Materialize for this topic idea
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5 Signs He’s Not Interested
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We have a guest blogger today, the infamous Fly Guy of Fly Guy Chronicles! You may have noticed that he joined in yesterday. Today, he gives the ladies helpful signs when a man’s not interested.
Guys, feel free to respond to his list, do you agree with them? Have you ever shown this kind of behavior? Do you think you could provide more signs? Ladies, read over the list and offer feedback. If some of this behavior sounds familiar. How did you handle it? What signs do you have for the men? How can a guy know when a woman is not interested?
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Approach Anxiety!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So I ended my man diet (lasted about a week!) and I am ready to mingle. So far so good; I hit up a rooftop party, selected my favorite places to watch sports, and found the best patios to do brunch.
I have noticed that we have all this eye candy on the dating scene - but it’s like the pollen in Atlanta. Eventually you just get used to it. The ones that cause you to pause become few and far between. So, word to the wise (diva!), when you see someone with uber dating potential, you simply have to be prepared.
If you don’t, more than likely, your window of opportunity will close! I know this because it just happened to me recently. I noticed someone intriguing and what did I do? I walked behind him and never made eye contact!
Of course, as soon as he left, I came up with 800 witty, fascinating, and engaging things I could have said to him. I like to think that I have a healthy dose of self-confidence, but I think this happens to all of us at one time or another, uh doesn’t it?!
Have you ever experienced approach anxiety? How did you handle it?
Is there someone you had the chance to ask out, but decided not to? What held you back? If you could do a “do over”, what do you think you would do differently?
Ladies, what compels you to approach a man? Is it how he carries himself? His body language? How do you deal with the approach anxiety and make your way over to him? What signals do you send to let him know to approach you?
Guys, I bet you deal with this ALL the time! I know, what do I have to complain about, right? Seriously, how do you guys DO it? Does it get easier with age, experience, and/or more confidence? Have you ever met a woman that completely threw your approach/game off? How did you handle it?
What makes you go from the approach to pursuing/seeing someone who enamors you?
Happy Cinco De Mayo Everyone!! Where will you be celebrating?
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