I've never tried Tequila.

"A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila," that is. The immensely popular MTV dating show about a bisexual hottie looking for "the one" among dozens of straight male and lesbian candidates aired approximately 27 hours a day, every day, last fall.

Craig Blankenhorn/AMC (ENLARGE)
Remember: the people who ignore you because you can't discuss 'Mad Men' with them really aren't your friends.
Jonathan Wilson/Philadelphia Inquirer (ENLARGE)
Admit you're powerless over shows like 'Law & Order,' especially the ones with Lennie Briscoe (Jerry Orbach).
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TV TURNOFF WEEK • Dates: April 21-27 • Sponsor: Center for Screen-Time Awareness, Washington • Information: 202-333-9220; www.tvturnoff.org or www.screentime.org RELATED LINK • Blog: Can you do it? • Photos: Reasons to keep the TV on ALTERNATIVES TO TELEVISION • Grab a bite • Try a new recipe • Map: Despite gas hike, love cars again • Catch a concert • On the big screen (the one not plugged into your entertainment center) • Get outdoors • Bring the kids

And still I managed to miss it. Every Tequila-soaked, hookup-happy minute of it.

A year ago, that admission might have gotten me fired. Now I've probably just made everyone's day over at the Center for Screen-Time Awareness.

The Washington-based organization exists to nag a nation of slackers and "Lost" souls about excessive TV watching, via its annual "TV Turnoff Week." For a week starting Monday, we're all supposed to let our sets fade to black in favor of doing something more meaningful — like searching YouTube for hilarious clips of people vacuuming their dogs.

Er ... that is, engaging each other in thoughtful conversation about Darfur and some newly discovered Shakespeare sonnet.

I know what you're thinking: Hasn't America already suffered enough this TV season? First came the writers' strike, then Ryan Seacrest's Super Bowl red carpet show. And now — big High Def shudders all around — we're supposed to shut it down completely?

How will we keep up with events in Iraq? And the presidential race? What if Kathie Lee Gifford, who was just taken out of mothballs so she could single-handedly save the last hour of "Today," tells an oh-so-hilarious story about Frank or Cody and no one's there to hear it?

Learning to let go

Hey, cutting the cord is tough. I should know.

For more than five years, I covered television for the AJC. That meant critiquing almost every show to come whizzing down the Hollywood Hokum Factory conveyor belt. And trying to keep up with all the doings on about 300 channels simultaneously. (So many hallway pop quizzes about Oprah's hair or the hot tub on "The Real World.")

But it also meant receiving advance episodes of "24" and "The Sopranos," and actually being paid to sit around and watch "Shark." With a 401(k) and an excellent dental plan!

So it was tough last July when my TV-writing plug was pulled as part of a newsroom reorganization. I cycled through all the familiar stages of grief: shock, anger, denial ("But I can keep expensing my subscription to the Starz! channel, right?"). The absolute low point came the night I lit some candles and weepily read my original glowing review of "Joey" over and over. "Why?" I wailed. "Why did anything so beautiful have to die?"

But it did. And eventually I made my peace with it, even occasionally walking away from the TV just because I felt like it.

That's the final stage: acceptance.

(Or as I sometimes like to think of it: "Your screaming can't hurt me any more, Lou Dobbs.")

A four-step program

So, while MTV's "A Shot at Love" was a hit, it never had a shot with me. Indeed, I've learned a great deal about severing an addictive relationship with television. Just in time for Turnoff Week, here are the key points:

• Admit you are powerless against "Law & Order": Much as a recovering alcoholic can't have "just one drink," even an hour of furtive TV-watching this week could undo all your prior good work.

I learned that the hard way early on when a (supposedly) quick nip of an old "L&O" sent me on an all-night bender that didn't end until I hit bottom horribly (watching a "Real Housewives of Orange County" marathon while devouring an entire Entenmann's coffee cake). Just say no. Unless it's a Lennie Briscoe (Jerry Orbach) episode, of course.

• Avoid negative social situations: People who invite you to parties and then try to make you feel bad because you can't discuss what happened on the latest "Grey's Anatomy" are not your real friends. And people who used to invite you to parties and now ignore you completely because you can no longer hook them up with the new season of "Dexter" or "Mad Men" are former, so-called friends (you know who you are).

But I'm not bitter. I'm just forwarding all their names and e-mail addresses to the relentless folks running the "Save Battlestar Galactica" campaign.

• Reward yourself for small victories: Maybe it's going to a Braves game because you've decided that just this once you don't need to know "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Maybe it's the bubbly I sipped the night Marie Osmond fell down on "Dancing With the Stars" and I didn't feel bad that I hadn't been watching.

The psychologists call this positive behavior reinforcement. I call it knowing I'd taped "Dancing" and could replay that moment (seven times) the next morning.

• Finally, if you slip, get right back on Mr. Ed ... uh, that horse: I can't say this too strongly: Shame and guilt are wasted emotions.

Again, I should know.

I'm the one who gave "Joey" a glowing review.